October 28, 2025 • 56 mins
In this episode of the New Ashla Podcast, Justin Gates and Michael Perry discuss the concept of 'half measures' and how they impact various aspects of life, including personal goals, relationships, and professional commitments. They explore the costs associated with half-hearted efforts, the importance of clarity, responsibility, and courage, and the need for patience and decisiveness. The conversation emphasizes the significance of integrity and truth in fostering genuine connections and achieving personal growth. The hosts also highlight the dangers of inflexibility and the value of guidance in navigating life's challenges. The episode concludes with affirmations and actionable steps for listeners to move from half measures to full commitment in their lives.
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Takeaways
Don't settle for half measures in life.
Half measures can hold us back from true fulfillment.
Clarity and discipline are essential for growth.
Responsibility requires courage and commitment.
Truth is vital for authentic relationships.
Integrity is the antidote to half measures.
Patience is an investment in long-term success.
Decisiveness is key to overcoming hesitation.
Flexibility allows for growth and adaptation.
Guidance from others can illuminate our path.
Keywords
half measures, commitment, responsibility, clarity, courage, truth, integrity, patience, decisiveness, guidance
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
How often do we settle for just halfway halfway committed,
halfway honest, halfway alive even, and then wonder, why
doesn't anything satisfy me? These are the questions we're
going to answer today. I'm Justin Gates, your host, and
my Co host today, as always, is Michael.
Hey, guys. You're listening to the new
(00:21):
Ashley podcast. We have a good show today.
They're all good. We have a great show today.
It's a topic I've been wanting to touch upon.
I do wanted to do it a while back, but all these other things
(00:42):
kept kind of we just kept kind of putting these other things
that were kind of coming at us right and we were keep up with
things. But but this is a show probably
of of all, like most of my pet peeves rolled into one.
So it might be interesting, Michael.
Well, I'm already bracing for it.
There's a lot of gold just goingthrough these notes.
(01:03):
Well, you know, it's it, it's something that that I always do
with, with not just my students,but people in my life.
When I when they come half stepping, I like to say don't,
don't come half stepping this way.
You turn your ass around and youcome back with a do or do not
right. I've told you before, don't
(01:25):
don't have Michael, you either do it and you're like, well, I'm
trying. Well, that whole do or do not.
There is no try. What that's saying is don't,
don't don't bring half measures,right?
Doesn't mean don't try because we all try and we fail and we
get back up and we try again. That's not, you know, it's
probably bad wording, but what what he was saying there was
(01:47):
don't, don't half step. Yeah, don't half step.
So we see these half measures everywhere and we all do them.
I do them. About a year ago, I had like 13
half written books in my Remember, remember I was talking
to you about this. Well, maybe not a year ago, but
towards the towards the end of last year and at the beginning
(02:08):
of this year, I, I, I went through and I literally just
where I had like 13 files of everything and I had all these
half written books and stuff. And I was half, I was half
asking it really bad, really bad.
And I said, So what I do, I remember I went through and I
cleaned everything out and I, I would read each file and say yes
(02:32):
or no. If it was a yes, then I finished
it. If it was a no when right in the
trash can, yeah. Well, I think when it comes to
this thing, I mean, we are so driven for efficiency
psychologically, we want to findthe easiest path we can go with
things. And so often it's like we start
building something because we have that dopamine, we have that
(02:52):
that drive kicking. And whenever we start something
new and as soon as that starts to tuck her out, it's really
hard for us to meet ourselves halfway because now, because now
we actually have to try. Now we have to motivate
ourselves and we can't rely on the excitement of something to
help us pursue forward. I know I was guilty of this for
most of my life is I would have all these things.
I would halfway start and then Iwould just talk around.
(03:15):
It's like I'm not going to do that.
Yeah, but half measures, these half measures hold us down.
And when we hold back, that holds us down.
So, you know, my question is to everyone today, how often do you
move through life only doing things half committed or, and
this could be committed to your dreams or committed to your,
(03:36):
your relationships are committedto your, to your work or
committed to a goal, right? And I would wager that probably
most of us, this is something wetalked about.
We talked about this before we when you, you were talking about
New Year's resolutions, you know, just like, you know, it,
there were, there was a really, a really bad stat that was like
(04:00):
literally within weeks, just a couple of weeks.
Like what was it like just a bigchunk of people just fall off of
those? Yeah, I think it's by the first
month, 90% of people fail on their New Year's resolution.
That's crazy. But you know, when we do half
measures and when you start to look at this in your life,
you'll start to see you're doingeverything half like half
(04:21):
truths, you know, just not just not showing up completely.
And that's what we're going to get into today.
And we're going to touch upon different areas.
We're going to touch, touch uponour spiritual practices,
relationships, goal setting and,and seeing those through.
So I would say that that for a lot of us, these half measures
come from a place of fear, like fear of failure or fear of
(04:45):
rejection or fear of not just failure, but fear of success
too, which is ironic, right? Fear of taking full
responsibility for ourselves andfor and for the things that we
say we're going to do. And these half measures, they do
feel safe. It's an illusion, but they they
chain us to being mediocre, yeah.
(05:06):
Well, it's, it's like the comfort zone, right?
All these things, especially like relationships.
I think back to when I was goingthrough my rough relationship
and I slowly started canceling on friends who would make plans
to the point I stopped making plans because it'd be these half
commitments. I wouldn't follow through on
what I was saying I was going todo.
And not only does that impact the relationship, but it impacts
(05:28):
our self esteem. Yeah.
And it's just like there's so many areas in our life we don't
even realize because, again, we crave efficiency.
So I mean, it's like how many ofyou guys listening go to work
and you might have been driven, ready to go, wanting to learn
everything you could when you got there.
And then after six months, a year, you start sort of just
(05:48):
doing the bare minimum, getting by because, you know, you feel
like you're not going to actually accomplish anything or
raise the ranks. Can you just sort of get
complacent? Yeah, you start to muddle, which
brings me to the axiom that's going to anchor this this
episode today. Those who muddle through life
will never understand it. Knowledge, wisdom and
(06:08):
enlightenment come only from a disciplined and contemplative
mind. This axiom is a mirror, and
let's hold this mirror up to these, this modern tendency
toward distraction and half hearted effort.
I think that's part of it, beingdistracted.
I get distracted a lot and I really have to turn up the
discipline sometimes. You know, to muddle through life
means to live reactively. Also though, because if we're
(06:32):
not responding and we're just reacting, every little thing
that floats in every little problem that happens, you and I
were talking about some fun things that are happening in our
personal lives and in the personal lives of some of our
loved ones. And it's just like everything
was fine and then this thing blew in.
So but we can't react to that. We have to respond because when
(06:54):
we react to everything, we live when we're just muddling.
Think of it like just drifting without a paddle, without any
kind of any kind of direction. You're just something catches
your attention for a minute, butthen it's gone because there's
the next thing and the next thing and the next thing.
And every time we move without intention, we chase things
(07:16):
without clarity, without purpose.
We speak without being present. We, we, we listening.
We hear, but we don't listen. We're just creating dissonance
and noise instead of harmony. So this axiom tells us that the
disciplined and contemplative mind represents a full measure
(07:37):
of our being, integrity, wholeness, right?
It doesn't mean perfection, as Ialways like to say.
It means presence. Presence over perfection, say it
with presidents over perfection,right?
It means slowing down long enough to breathe, to think, to
feel wisely and choose deliberately make that
(07:58):
deliberate choice. What's the next what's the next
course of action? And I won't get into this, but
you and I just had a had a conversation before we sort of
sat down and record. And that's kind of what we
talked about, you and I both. We need to make sure that we're
pausing and we're calibrating and we're choosing.
We're making our choices deliberately based on the things
(08:20):
we can control. So this is where wisdom grows.
This axiom tells us this is where, this is where wisdom
grows, not in haste, not in fear, but in full awareness.
And it reminds us that living halfway robs us of true
understanding. So we have to be fully devoted
to the things we set our mind to. 1st 100%.
(08:41):
To the moment, our presence, to integrity, to our purpose, these
things, these things unlock enlightenment.
When I think one of the things that's really so sad about the
truth to this is, and I know I've dealt with this myself, as
so many people, when they get tothe stage of muddling along,
letting life take them where it goes, things compound.
(09:01):
You know, you start neglecting here, you start neglecting here.
And the next thing you know, you're alone.
You got things burning around you, and you don't even know
where to start putting out the fires.
And you knew that fire was starting.
But yeah, it's it's a dangerous game to play when you allow life
to dictate the terms of when youhave to act.
Yeah. So let's talk about the
(09:22):
agreements that are going to anchor this episode.
We have the action. Let's talk about the agreements.
Responsibility is the first one.Responsibility.
This is the responsibility to our lives, to our authenticity,
to our nobility, is the word that comes to mind.
But that's not what I'm looking for.
Our values. It is up to us to show up for
ourselves and for those around us, consistently and
(09:43):
effectively. Half measures are a form of
avoidance, aren't they? And we can't be responsible for
avoiding everything, or we're trying to avoid everything,
because if we commit only partially to something, we do
our best to avoid the full responsibility of not just our
(10:03):
power, but of our influence. And this agreement calls us, of
course, responsibility, calls usto meet life head on, call it
out, face it, right? To own our choices, to own our
energy, to gracefully and graciously accept the
consequences of the things we do.
So this is how we honor our power as Co creators to this
(10:27):
existence. What about courage?
I think courage is one of the most important ones for this
because again, as you muddle through life, as you muddle
through different things in yourlife, your comfort zone shrinks.
And it takes courage. It do let that shrink too much.
It takes courage and dedication to break free, to start taking
the action you have been refusing to up until this point
(10:47):
and to show up consistently. You know, there are days where
we do this podcast and it's likewe are, we've had a rough day
going on, but you know what? We have the courage to show up
and do our best and give our best selves to the show.
And that, that is courage. Yeah, and to each other.
Yeah, to each other. Like, you know, we, we always
spend, you know, 1520 thirty minutes talking.
(11:08):
How how have you been the last couple days?
Because. Because we generally meet up to
do the show. And no matter how bad of a day
I'm having, I got to show up foryou.
And no matter how bad of a day you're having, you got to show
up for me too. And yeah, that, that that is
responsibility and courage. Where does truth fit into this?
Let's talk about our ethos before we move on to the
episode. Talk about the things that are
(11:29):
anchoring us today. Truth is also very important
because you got to be honest with yourself.
I, I see so many people strugglewith this, where they are in
this lull in life where they're muddling along and they're just
blinding themselves to why they're where they're at and the
steps they need to take to take control of their lives.
And if you can't be honest with yourself, if you can't be honest
(11:50):
with others about where you're at, what's going on?
I mean, we were talked in the beginning of the episode of Half
Truths. Yeah, yeah, this, this comes
from self deception. These half truths, these these
half steps, these half, I like to say half stepping because a
(12:11):
lot of times we'll, and this goes back to something you said
a minute ago, but pretending that we're giving our all when
we know we're holding back. It's the whole fake it till you
make it, which is absolute horsecrap.
I, I, I, I I would never, ever, ever tell you.
Oh man, don't worry. Just fake it till you make it.
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
Probably the second dumbest thing I've ever heard.
(12:32):
I'm sure there's something more dumb than that, but.
It's definitely up there. It's up there.
It's up there, but truth cuts through the fog, It cuts through
the illusion, it wipes it away. And it helps us ask ourselves
questions like, what am I avoiding?
What would, how, how awesome would my life be if I stopped
hesitating all the time? Coming from a place of truth in
(12:55):
in pursuit of the truth. That requires courage.
But we have to learn to see ourselves without distortion.
Of course there's love. Love in half measures is what
Not love at all. I've said this before.
You either love somebody or you don't.
Truly, if you can't accept a person that you love without
condition, then do you actually love them?
That's a bold question and I askit all the time.
(13:17):
But I truly, if I tell, look, ifif I tell you that I love you,
you better, you better believe with all your heart that I
actually mean it because I don'tplace any kind of conditions on
that I don't love. I don't love perfect people
because there are no perfect people.
So if I love someone, it's, it'sfully, it's it's never in 1/2
(13:38):
measure. And we and if you have to put
expectations, especially those unspoken ones and conditions on
somebody, do you really love them?
Do you? I mean, you know, that's kind of
an asshole thing to say, Justin.Ah, well, it's true, and
sometimes I sometimes I can't say things without being a
little spiky about it, you know?Yeah, one, one thing I got to
(13:58):
add to this, and it kind of tiesinto the ethos, is people
beginning in relationships. I see a lot of people who have
these insecurities that pop up when they first start dating,
and there's this refusal to be vulnerable or to push beyond
their comfort zones. And they wonder why they can't
find someone, why they're constantly hitting the same wall
they've always hit without stopping and realizing that wall
(14:19):
is there. You know, is it a fear of
commitment? Is it a fear of vulnerability?
Is it a fear? Is of intimacy.
Is it attachment disguised as care?
Yeah. True love asks for wholeness,
never for protection or for for perfection.
When we love people fully, and that is including ourselves, we
dissolve that illusion of separation.
(14:40):
So we have to do, we have to do it fully.
Integrity, of course, is literally the the antidote to
this show today. Half measures because we can't
be half a person, we can't be segregated, we can't be
disconnected. We have to be whole.
We have to have integrity, right?
And no kind of power on earth, whether it's spiritual, mental,
(15:01):
physical, none of those can flowthrough cracked and fractured
and separated channels. They can't.
They can't. So the teaching here today is
clear. Half measures are a thief of
your growth, a thief of your connection, a thief of your
integrity. They cost us clarity.
They cost us connection. They cost us power.
(15:22):
And you know, the light cannot fill a vessel that's only
halfway open, Michael. Right.
So let's move on to our first segment today.
The first thing we're going to talk about is, is a trap.
The segment's not a trap, but we're going to talk about a
trap. The trap of the trap of haste
and impatience. Boy, Now this is something that
everyone, every single one of us, when we start something new,
(15:45):
when we start a new path, when we start a new job, when we
start a new relationship, man, we want to get to the good
stuff. We want to get there.
We want to feel good because it's awesome to feel good, to
get that dopamine and all that hidden and all those synapses
firing and everything your nervous system feels, you know,
(16:05):
invincible. You know.
Right when it's. Such a trap too, because I mean,
you look, in society today, we live in an age of instant
gratification, which is exactly what breeds this type of
behavior. You know, it's like I can either
work really hard for a long period of time and feel good
about the work I'm doing, or I can feel good right now by
(16:26):
putting on a television show or having that drink.
And, and it's just, it's such aneasy trap because again, our
minds are constantly looking forefficiency and the efficiency to
feel good. It's easy to fall into that trap
and become a slave to it. Yeah, because that's the world
we live in. We live in a world that's
addicted to shortcuts. The the the magic pills, the
(16:48):
instant gratification, the quickfixes, the shortcuts, Right.
You're played, you ever played Mario Kart and you know, you
want to get ahead, everybody. So you take the shortcuts every
time if you know where they're at.
But you don't tell anybody wherethey're at.
You just do them. Right.
Deal. We all want that.
I mean, we all, when we start something new and we want to do
it because, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's all this. This stuff is all slow.
(17:08):
It's all kind of mundane and boring.
I want to get to the good stuff.You know, we want to start a job
and and then we want to hurry upand get promoted to be the boss.
Just things don't work that way.Because when we move in haste
like this, when we hurry the process, we try to force the
process. We try to try to block the flow
and redirect it into what we think is best.
(17:30):
We skip out in depth. We don't actually get deep.
We start cutting corners, we start avoiding discipline and we
settle, yes, we settle for kind of this surface level
gratification. And it's a trap because it feels
like we're moving, right? We're still moving.
It feels like we're, it feels like movement, but really it's
(17:51):
shallow. And what happens to trees with
shallow roots, Michael? They don't grow.
They don't grow very well. And they fall at the, at the
slightest wind First, the first hard thing that comes at you,
it's going to knock you over. So we, we have, we have to learn
to want things without trying toskip the important stuff.
Even if we don't think it's important.
We have to have trust. We have to have faith, because
(18:12):
when we want results without process transformation, without
discipline or wisdom, without contemplation and retrospection,
none of that stuff lasts. You're building a temple on
shifting sands, Yeah. When you see it so often, I
mean, it's like, it's why purpose is so important, but no
one has purpose. And the reason for that is, is
none of them have spent enough time with themselves to find
(18:35):
that to start building that momentum, we need to live for
more than ourselves. And often we're usually
motivated by off. I start this business, I'll make
a lot of money, let me get into a relationship so I can feel
love, and it's missing everything.
All the important stuff that really makes that a foundational
thing in life. Yeah, yeah.
(18:55):
And our path, Path of Ashla is not about speed.
I've said this many times and I will continue to say it because
people will arrive when they arrive in their own time, in
their due time. It's not a race, right?
Our path is about alignment, period, presence, alignment.
It's about moving with clarity. It's about moving with intention
(19:18):
and balance. And we talk about patience a lot
and it's important to kind of remind everyone that patience is
never wasted time. It feels like it, but it's not
wasted. You're flexing a muscle, you're
strengthening that very important system in your path.
Think of them. Think of them as instead of
(19:40):
wasted time, think of it as an investment right in something
that will last once you get there.
So you know, we can want speed. We can want instant answers and
instant healing and instant success.
And we can want all that all we want to.
But impatience blinds us to the truth that all growth unfolds in
(20:02):
its own time. Every spiritual path, not just
ours. Every theological path, every
relationship, every transformation, every every bit
of alchemy that we try to perform.
Will unfold in its own time. Well, that's so well said.
What's like, what's that Stoic quote?
Which one about the fig? If you ask for a fig, you must.
(20:24):
You must first let it grow, thenyou must let it bear fruit, then
you must let it ripen. Yeah, yeah.
I feel like, Jesus, you just cursed the damn tree because
you're like, I'm hungry and you shouldn't do that.
But so when we feel that urgencyto fix it, now what?
What are we going to do, Michael?
We're going to. Pause.
(20:46):
Yeah. Pause and we're going to, OK, we
do that. I got to do that another 20
times because this is really this is just all over me, right?
And sometimes it takes that. Sometimes it takes that right
and ask yourself, am I moving from fear or from faith?
All these F words, there's some good F words and some bad
(21:07):
efforts. Faith is a good one.
So and the difference between this question, am I moving from
fear or am I moving because of fear or my moving because of
faith, the difference in that that answer will determine
whether you're building something that's lasting or
something that is fleeting, another F word fleeting.
So the axiom that that kind of ties us into this segment, what
(21:30):
what is done in haste, we'll perish.
What is done with patients will endure.
The demand for immediate progress will slow, will produce
slow results, and it's spot on. I don't even need to explain
that one. Spot on.
You know, it's we have to. This is kind of a lesson in
spiritual physics. I don't even know if that's a
thing, but I'm making it up as we go.
(21:51):
Here we go. You ready?
It means. Collapse is potential and all
things work in cycles. Talk about this a lot.
Everything's in a cycle, right? Even the bad stuff, that
rumination could be bad cycle planting and nurturing and
harvesting. These cycles that we're in, when
(22:12):
we try to force things by being impatient and being hasty, that
interrupts those cycles and replaces that natural ebb and
flow with friction. And what happens when things
start banging into each other? Then it creates more problems,
(22:34):
right? So again, true progress is not
measured by at which the speed we do them, but in our
intention, in our. Presence in our consistency.
In our consistency, again, patience is not passive, it is
trust in divine timing. So when you find yourself
forcing outcomes or or wanting to them or demanding quick
(22:54):
results, magic pills, remember this.
What goes grows slowly last long.
What grows, you know, think of atree, the biggest trees you can
think of. They take some forever.
There are trees that have that have been around for, you know,
10 years that are barely taller than me and it's going to take
(23:14):
them another 100 years to be really big and strong.
So just because it takes you a long time to do something, that
doesn't mean you're failing. It doesn't mean that you're
falling behind. You are just unfolding at the
pace you were meant to so that things in front of you can be
moved out of your way so that you can continue growing.
(23:35):
That's like I mentioned the neurochemistry earlier.
Have patients with yourself as you cultivate patients.
I know when we first started my training, patience was one of
the areas that I struggled with most.
I just wanted to be healed. I wanted to be done with all the
pain, all the bull crap going oninside of me.
And you had to constantly remindme that patience is what I
needed to work through this, because without that, anything I
(23:58):
did was just going to be built on sand.
Yes, yes. And sand tilts and it moves and
it shifts. That's why we don't build things
on sand. At least we don't build things
that we that are meant to last alifetime.
You know, I would never build a house on sand.
You shouldn't either. So another type of half, half
(24:18):
stepping is indecision, another pet peeve.
I make decisions. I don't always make the right
decision, but I will make a decision because I have to do
can't just half step right. Well, I think this ties into
self trust. Again, this is something I see a
lot of people struggle with. I I struggled with it a bunch in
my past, and it came down to doubting our choices and
(24:40):
worrying we'll make the wrong choice.
Yeah, but we need to be able to be decisive, even if it's the
wrong answer. We need to trust in our own
judgments so that we can act instinctively intuitive.
Yeah, because we're always trying to be cautious.
We're always trying to think it over.
And we tell ourselves that waiting is just waiting.
Just a little longer will give us clarity.
(25:01):
And that's different than havingpatience and trust.
This is again a form of forcing.Now we're trying to force
ourselves to wait for an outcomethat we wanted and or that we
are expecting. And this is where we don't make
decisions because that thing never happens.
It never comes because we cannotforce everything.
(25:23):
So and agonizing about somethingand not acting it doesn't.
I might feel safer and we say, well, I'll take the middle Rd.
You know that that's not balance.
When we talk about balance and harmony, we're not actually
talking about sitting on the fence about things.
We have to choose. We have to choose our, our path,
(25:44):
our side. Sometimes this traps us and it's
a really costly half measure, right?
It's a really costly one becauseit actually consumes time and
energy. And because let me ask you this,
have you ever, have you ever putoff making a decision only to
think about that decision you haven't made over and over and
(26:04):
over again, right. And, and, and what's worse is
you'll start rehearsing scenarios, you'll replay it and
then you'll try a new thing and,and, and you'll cycle, you'll
cycle through these what ifs andyou burn the mental fuel, but
you never go anywhere. You don't go anywhere like that.
And then you fall into some rumination and now you're second
guessing the fact that you didn't decide.
(26:28):
So wasn't it? It's not like, you know,
ruminating about a, a decision you made, right?
That's making a decision and notstanding by it despite the
consequences. But this is even worse.
You're you're ruminating about adecision you actually didn't
make, right? Well, I think you brought up a
really important point with this.
I mean, it is, it is the lack there of action.
(26:48):
And I see so many people I've worked with personally where
it's they know what they want, whether that's connection,
whether that's a better job, whether that's a better
relationship or a relationship. And it's like you're not going
to find any of those things sitting on your couch wondering
when will be the right time to act.
I tell all of them the right time to act is right now.
(27:11):
Yeah. And even if it doesn't workout,
at least you got the momentum going.
At least you know that job that didn't you didn't get was not
the job for you. Right.
But you can't keep idealizing what you want and not take any
action to get it. Because I was one of those
people too. I was, I'd have all these great
ideas and I wouldn't act on any of them.
Like, ah, you know what? Like let me wait till my
(27:31):
finances are in a better spot. Let me wait till I don't have
this drama going on in my life. And I'd always have some excuse
on why I couldn't act on my visions or my dreams.
And often it's exactly that. It is just excuses we tell
ourselves to avoid the discomfort of action.
Because the magic you're lookingfor is in the work you are
avoiding. That's right, That's right.
(27:51):
That's a Michael ISM. And because while you're
hesitating, you do lose out on opportunities, you do weaken
your relationships and that moment to act fades away.
A knight knows when to act and when to step away.
That's the goal is to get yourself to a point where it's
effortless to make a decision. Yes, no, here, there.
(28:11):
But you're always choosing. You're always choosing and
you're graciously and gratefullyaccepting the consequences
because you have trust in yourself and you have trust that
you made the best decision you can.
And this is not about making theperfect decision.
It's about making the decision. And now when we agonize
(28:31):
endlessly over and over but never decide, we go from that
field of potentiality, like I like, I'm fond of saying, into
that void. We've become prisoners of that
every door, you know, like, like, and and this you get what
you you get what you give, right.
So if you're always half and everything, all, all your, all
(28:52):
your doors of opportunities willbe half open.
You might be able to see throughthem.
That'd be really cool. But you can't walk through
because they're not all the way open, because you're not gonna.
Make one exchange. Right.
Equivalent exchange. Exactly.
So the axiom that ties into thissegment is agonizing over
situation to resolution provideslimited gain and comfort.
(29:14):
The price you pay long term for not letting go can be great.
This endless mental circling over and over and over and over
again does not lead you to peace, does it?
You know, it's so self-destructive.
I mean, again, a lot of this hasto do again with the comfort
zone. And the smaller our comfort zone
is, the louder our inner critic is.
(29:34):
And it's just like when we let life cave in around us, we feel
helpless and trapped and it becomes harder and harder to
take those actions. Yeah, the path of Bachelor calls
us to clarity and courage here. Decisions will never guarantee
perfection because we don't evenknow what that is, because we
don't. We've never seen a perfect
(29:54):
person. We've never seen a perfect
choice or perfect decision. And it doesn't matter.
But they will guarantee progress.
Action begets progress, right? So think about every unmade
decision and how much weight that carries.
Think about every time you avoided a choice.
What was the cost of that? You know, we're we're called to
(30:15):
courage here, not in absence of fear, but the willingness to
move through it with grace. When in doubt, just remember
this. The light cannot guide what
refuses to move. Let go, decide, make a choice,
and then let the let let the light of creation carry you
where where you will be based onwhatever it is and based on the
(30:37):
consequences of that. But remember, nothing is bad if
we consider it a teacher. Right.
Well, I think an important thingfor anyone listening is is like
if you or someone who is struggling with this, someone
who is stuck in that comfort zone trap, don't go for
elaborate big actions. Don't make your goal to start a
business. If you've been stuck in your
(30:58):
stuck in your comfort zone for so long, make it small steps.
Make it. I'm going to go out there and
try to talk to people about the business I'm interested in.
I'm going to go to an event thatis geared towards what I am what
what I'm interested in building.You got to take manageable steps
that can help you build that self trust because self trust
(31:19):
erodes over time the more we do this.
So we have to take consistent small steps to slowly rebuild.
Now I threw, I threw a little bonus in here that you didn't
spend on your notes. I don't think.
I don't think. Anyway, let's talk about
Justin's biggest pet peeve. Can you guess?
My biggest pet peeve is have I ever said it to you before?
I don't think you have. Passive aggressiveness.
(31:42):
I can't stand passive aggressiveness because what that
says when someone's being passive aggressive to me, that's
a half measure. And what they're saying to me is
I don't trust you enough to believe that you're going to
react properly to what I'm goingto do or say or to something I
need to say, right? Passive aggressiveness is the
language of these half measures.It is the language that half
(32:03):
measure speaks, right? Because you're not.
You're speaking without speaking.
You're not owning your actions and instead of just directly
expressing truth, you're trying to navigate it in such a bizarre
way where you're sidestepping it.
You're dropping your little hints.
Or you know, you could, it couldbe and in a relationship and be
(32:25):
withdrawing affection. We talked about this on the
narcissist show that just hit today.
But you, you are driving people crazy with this stop.
And why do we do this? Because of course, it makes us
feel safe, right? It's well, because I don't want
conflict. I don't want confrontation.
Because when I'm confronted or when I'm in conflict, I may be
(32:46):
rejected or they're not going torespect me or whatever.
And we do risk comfort when we are honest, right?
So instead of leaning into that with courage and with integrity,
we settle for this kind of form of communication because we
think it avoids risk, but it does not.
(33:09):
And it's certainly when you do that it does avoid resolution.
Doesn't. It very much so.
And it accumulates that people know when you're being passive
aggressive and they won't call you out on it because obviously
you don't want to talk about it and slowly it.
I will every time, yeah. The resentments bill.
(33:30):
Well, no, I I just be like, I'llbe like look time out and you
guys could ask Heather, ask Heather.
Heather is, is it very passive aggressive at times?
And I will say hold on time out.Can you say that to me again?
But not passive aggressively because I want to know where you
are actually coming from. Because if I did something
wrong, which is totally within the realm of possibility, right?
(33:54):
Right. 100%. I want to know exactly.
I got big shoulders. You know you can, you can put
this on me and you'll feel better afterwards.
But so, so yes, I will call it out every damn time not and not
only because it not only becauseit annoys me and it's kind of
disrespectful to be passive, at least I believe so.
(34:17):
If, if you're being passive progressive to someone, then
you're half stepping, man. And if you're half stepping
here, if you're half stepping ina, you know, in, in a
confrontation or argument or whatever, if you're half
stepping there, then that means you only half trust me.
And if you only half trust me, then you really don't love me
fully. And I want you to know that I
(34:39):
love you fully and I want to know that you love me too.
And that comes with trusting me 100% that I'm not going to flip
out, which I normally don't. Have I ever flipped out?
Yes I have, yes I have because sometimes I, I sometimes I get
my feelers hurt too. But but passive aggressiveness
(35:02):
is 1/2 step and we must live full measure.
This includes how we communicate.
If we can't be sincere, we can'tbe authentic with what's going
on, then there can be no resolution because we need that,
that level of vulnerability. And I think for a lot of people,
that is what it is. I think people are afraid to put
(35:22):
themselves out there because they're afraid of being rejected
or they're afraid of what's bugging them being rejected and
it caused them to lock down. And some people will react that
way. But that's why you need to
choose your circle closely because I know with the close
people in my life, I can be blunt.
I can be honest about things that upset me, and when that
happens, we create resolution, understanding or compromise.
(35:44):
Yeah. So let's talk about the dangers
of being inflexible, because half measures don't always look
like hesitation. Sometimes they go the opposite
way, to the other end of the spectrum, and they become
rigidity. We cling in too tightly to one
way of doing things. When we refuse to adapt or to
move from a different perspective, or when we don't
(36:06):
allow ourselves to let go of control here, then we get really
hard and rigid and now we're inflexible.
And that's that's kind of the other side of this, of these
half measures because, well, youknow what?
I'm going to take my ball and gohome.
To hell with you. I'm not listening to you.
You're not doing it my way. So we're not going to, we're not
(36:27):
going to finish this, right. Get home.
Michael, you didn't follow my notes to the letter.
Show's over. I'm get out of here, right?
Yeah, no. And I know a handful of people
like this and it's it's, it's a.Lot of people like this, Yeah.
And including ourselves, yeah. Yeah, at times it's, that's one
thing I've tried to be cautious about because I've noticed the
(36:50):
more rigid I hold on to my own beliefs, feelings, people,
whatever it is, the more inflexible I become, the more I
fail to see the full picture or the solutions outside of what
I'm currently seeing. Yeah, yeah.
And you're right, it is resolve around control.
So many people crave that control.
(37:10):
I need it my way. I need it right now.
And through that, it pushes people away.
It creates no opening for betteroptions or compromise.
Yeah, yeah. And and it certainly masquerades
as strength. I'm strong because I hold strong
to my beliefs into my my truths with an iron fist, right?
(37:34):
And these, these kind of half measures are aren't born of
being lazy or being afraid or maybe, you know, having a having
a bag of squirrels for a brain like me sometimes where I see
something float by and I want torun after it.
This comes from clinging too tightly to a single way of
thinking, a single way of doing or a fixed identity or refusing
(37:58):
to let go. This and this.
I'm going to call everybody out on this one, including me
holding on to some old plan thathasn't served you from the
beginning. Yeah, but you still you still
won't let. It's going to work.
Dang it, it will. Work.
I can fix. Fix this, I can change it.
(38:23):
Look ultimate. All too often we confuse
stubbornness for discipline. There's another key point here.
Discipline isn't discipline and stubbornness are two different
things. And we're confusing control for
stability. But again, what are we doing?
We're ignoring and not trusting in that natural evolution, in
that natural flow. Danger is everywhere.
(38:43):
Axiom of light. Danger is everywhere.
Manifesting an inflexible attitude leads a lends a hand to
destruction. Life is movement, Life is
action. Life is in cycles.
But they're always moving. And this axiom teaches us that
safety is not found in that rigidity.
It's found in that adaptability,the wisdom of knowing when to
(39:04):
bend and when to sway right. Yeah, it's like, I mean, one of
the greatest weaknesses I see within people, so many people
and myself included, it's all about being aware and figuring
out where these are in our lives.
When we define ourselves, we decide to say we are a certain
way. You know, so many people become
so rigid and trying to rewrite that narrative.
(39:28):
It's that whole restoring, right?
I mean, it's again, I see it in the dating scene a lot where
there's a lot of guys who struggle with putting themselves
out there and being assertive inin dating.
And it's like they they just, I have trauma.
I have and security. I'm not going to put myself out
there. I'm just going to be rejecting.
It's like, stop telling yourselfthat yes, you probably will be
rejected more times than not, but the more you do it, the more
(39:52):
you're going to learn how to go about it.
You can't keep trying to be the same person and expect different
results. Yeah, growth requires
flexibility. Period.
It does. Healing requires you to be
flexible with all the things that you're going to have to
face with your shadow. And if you're brittle, you will
break. So we have to learn to develop
this ability to pivot, to move without losing our center, to
(40:17):
bend without breaking, to changeform, to perform that alchemy
while remaining true to, to our essence, true to our authentic
essence, Right. And this one, this one hits a
lot of people because the the antidote to this is humility and
openness and surrender, surrendering control of
(40:39):
everything. That's what makes it difficult.
So when to trust the unknown? Yes, we have to learn to not be
afraid of the unknown first. You got to stop being afraid of
the dark, right? You got to be afraid.
You got to stop being afraid of the things you can't actually
see. If you want to see them, you
have to learn not to be afraid of them.
Ask yourself, where am I clinging?
(41:00):
Where am I clinging because of fear?
What beliefs, identities or or or old plans that we all think
are going to work someday? Am I all I want to so tightly
that I've stopped growing and evolving?
A lot of people will say flexibility is is a weakness.
It's not. It is wisdom.
It is wisdom. I'll never forget asking you
about and I was. I forget what the topic we were
(41:20):
talking about was, but you started going into why being
grass is more important than being a tree because when you're
a tree, if storms come, they'll you'll bend, you'll break.
But if you're grass, you can flow this way and that you can
adapt with the seasons, the times, and there's.
It's so true about life because the more you allow yourself to
be flexible, to grow, to be adventurous, the more you can
(41:44):
experience, the more you can learn not just about life, but
about yourself. And sometimes it's important to
be a tree when we're standing for something, when we're
standing in front of someone whois in harm's way.
But there are times where we must be reeds.
We must bend. Yeah, trees can withstand
storms, but grass messes around forever.
Even when it dies, it is still endures, right?
(42:09):
So let's circle back to responsibility and integrity
real quick, just to kind of start to come back full circle
here. Because we are responsible for
others. We have a sphere of influence.
People look up to us. I don't care who you are,
somebody watches you and emulates you.
Doesn't matter how big or small that that sphere of influence
(42:32):
is, we all have it. So these, these half steps,
these half measures don't just affect us personally, especially
when we, when we have the responsibility of being
influential to people as leadersor parents, as teachers or
friends or brothers and sisters,right?
The impact of our choices alwaysextend outside of ourselves too.
(42:55):
So when those who look to us forguidance receive only kind of
half our effort or half of our attention and we're not, we're
not really being, we're not being.
So what I'm looking for, we're not being whole and we don't
have any integrity that harm multiplies beyond us and then
maybe to somebody that they havean influence over and so on and
(43:19):
so forth, right? Good stuff multiplies, but so
does so does bad stuffs. So leadership requires full
engagement. It does no half measures there.
Parenting requires your presence, not allowing yourself
to be distracted all the time. Teaching demands clarity.
Michael, how many times did you say man could?
I don't, I don't, I don't get what you're saying.
(43:41):
Don't get what you mean. And it's like, OK, how about
this? And if that didn't take, how
about this? And then, and there were times
where I just couldn't figure outa way to help you see.
So then I would say to you, Michael, if you were teaching
this to me, tell me what you would say to me.
And in that, I then find a way to deliver the lesson back to
(44:03):
you, right. But you have to be present,
wholly present. You have to be not distracted.
Not I feel cool because I'm yourteacher.
So that sounds, that feels cool,you know.
Well, it is cool because Michael's a cool student to
have, but it's not cool being a teacher.
Or at least that can't be your motivation.
I mean, when it comes to showingup, we have to be able to.
(44:25):
Because I think another key point to this is, is it's not
just being able to be there to sit there, to have to be able to
give your full, your full self in this conversation, but it's
to speak from a place of experience.
And I think so many people get so wrapped up in their own
understandings, their own readings, their own knowledge,
(44:46):
without having any actual wisdomto give.
Because the true way to change people's lives is to be an
example, not just a sounding board that's constantly trying
to give solutions without any experience.
Right. It's also important that you
understand that no matter what level of influence you have over
somebody or how many you do haveinfluence over, it is a sacred
(45:11):
thing. You have sacred trust.
When you hold power, you must also hold responsibility.
Period. Because it's a double edged
sword here too. Half measures in these roles
don't just limit our growth or theirs, but ours too.
These things ripple out and thenback again.
That's just a way of things. Because of this, this is this
(45:34):
influence isn't about authority or control.
It's about stewardship sometimes, because sometimes we
have to tend tend to those who've been placed in front of
us, who've been placed in our care, who've been placed in our
trust. And if we do this, if we do this
half heartedly, if we're not teaching without passion,
listen, listening without focus or leading without compassion
(45:56):
and all these other beautiful poetic things, I can say we
actually start to create harm through neglect.
Must not be neglectful in our duties.
If we can't, if we can't do thisfully and bring our bring our
best every time, which again will look different.
Sometimes I can't bring you 80%,Michael.
(46:19):
Sometimes I bring you 120 and you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa. But other times I'm like
Michael, I only got like 40%, bro.
So this is my best today, right?We have to be honest.
We have to be compassionate, we have to be truthful.
A position of a position of influence is a position of
responsibility. Axiom of Light.
(46:40):
Good one too, because it's the truth.
So often people in a position ofinfluence don't care about
anything but the control they have with that influence.
But with the power of with you're in a position of
influence, you can truly create the most amazing change, not
just for yourself, but for others.
You can empower them. Yeah, right.
We can. We definitely can.
(47:01):
So this leads us into our last segment before I close things
off today, the need for guidanceand discernment.
We all need guidance sometimes because these half measures
thrive in confusion, do they Notmost.
Definitely. Yeah.
And when our mind is clouded, we, we will grab at whatever we
can, whatever we can get our hands on.
And usually that's just fragments of truth.
(47:22):
Usually that's just fragments of, of things.
And we're not not wholeness. And in our rush to to act on
something or to fix something, we forget the wisdom of
stillness, that sacred pause. Discernment is not hesitation,
just like caution is not fear. But anything taken to the
extreme could be a problem, right?
(47:43):
Right one impulsivity in itself can be such an issue when it
comes down to this. I mean, This is why connection
is so vital to our happiness andour success.
We need people to help bounce ideas off of, to help us get out
of our heads and get an outside perspective because more often
than not, we're the only person we talked to about these ideas.
We are tunnel vision at the end goal without seeing the
(48:06):
potential pitfalls, not only in pursuing this goal, but within
ourselves. And it doesn't mean go to your
friends, like, hey, tell me all the things that are bad about
me. But it doesn't mean, hey, I'm
thinking about pursuing this. What?
What would you recommend? What are your thoughts on?
This. Yeah, probably not.
Do that. You won't like what they hear.
It's like that whole roasting. Challenge, right, If they'll
(48:26):
even tell you if they're not passive aggressive, right?
Discernment is not hesitation. It's, it's more like conscious
awareness, awareness, right? It's the, it's that ability to
feel the difference between, as you said, impulse, but also
intuition, fear and faith and ego and guidance.
You know, where are you? Where are you being guided from
(48:48):
ego or for something higher, from truth or illusion.
Look, when you slow down to seekwisdom, you're inviting truth.
You're inviting that light of creation in to help guide you
toward that. You get what you asked for,
right? You get what you put into, but
you also get what you ask for. Every great healer, every great
(49:10):
teacher, every great warrior or Mystic or whoever, whatever has
needed counsel, Everyone, even the strong, require mirrors and
reminders and anchors. And this guidance can come from
from anywhere, whether that's through mentors or prayer or
that small little voice that whispers funny little things in
(49:32):
your head. Yeah.
Well, one thing I got to add to the mentor thing is it's just
like I, I listened to for when Ifirst got into entrepreneurship,
I listened to a lot of entrepreneur podcasts.
And one of the things they always talked about is the
importance of a mentor. And I have learned this working
with you. But it's like if there's an area
you're passionate about, if there's somewhere you're
struggling, find someone who hasachieved the goals you want and
(49:54):
learn from them. Humble yourself.
There is no greater benefit you could add to your life than
having someone by your side who has walked the path you are now
trudging upon. Yeah.
Do you have any closing? Anything closing you want to
share? Yeah, I brought this up earlier,
but you know, again, just like any of this resonated with you,
if you feel that you struggle with some of these things, most
(50:16):
people do. Give.
Yourself grace and be patient with yourself as you learn to
cultivate better behaviors better, showing up more
efficiently and effectively. It's not something that's going
to happen overnight, but it's about showing up consistently.
It's about trusting yourself andtaking the steps you need to to
take charge of your life. And that is that is not an over
the night process. Rome was not built in a day.
(50:37):
So give yourself the same grace you would give anyone else
you're giving advice to. It's good advice, our
affirmations for today. I choose full measure over half
measures. I give myself fully to what
matters. Patience and discipline anchor
me. What I build with care will
endure. I release indecision and
avoidance. Clarity and action guide my
(50:59):
path. I honor my responsibility.
My influence serves the light with integrity.
I am not here to muddle through life.
I'm here to live it with courage, wisdom and purpose.
Beautiful. And for exercise today, I've
been kind of sprinkling in thosejournal prompts throughout the
whole show. So, you know, it was an Easter
egg hunt for you. But we're going to go on to the
(51:19):
exercise. And that exercise today is from
half measure to full measure. What's the first thing we got to
do? Identify it.
Identify the half measure. Take a few minutes of quiet
reflection and when you're ready, write down 1 area of your
life where you've been kind of half stepping, when you've been
holding back, being passive aggressive.
(51:40):
It could be a relationship whereyou're avoided honesty, or a
personal goal you've only kind of half pursued, or a habit you
keep promising to change someday.
Name it clearly. Call it out.
Ask yourself, write this down. Where in your where in my life
am I giving only part of myself?What does that hesitation cost
me in energy, peace or purpose? Once we have identified that
(52:03):
half measure, now it's time to clarify the full measure.
Now write down what full measurewould look like in that same
area, that same spot of opportunity.
Be honest, as always, be honest.Even if it feels uncomfortable.
Especially if it feels uncomfortable, then you know
you're on the right track, right?
So if you were to step fully into truth and commitment
(52:27):
responsibility here, what would it look like?
And here's your prompt for that.If I acted with clarity and
courage, what would I do differently in relation to your
half measure? What is 1 action I've avoided
that I know would move me forward?
Step three, we're going to commit.
What a dirty word for some of us, huh?
Commitment. We're going to commit to 1
(52:47):
action. Choose one concrete step, just
one that you can take this week and the next and the next until
you get it to move you from the half measure to full measure.
It should stretch. It should stretch you a little
bit. You really should kind of feel
the stretch on this one, right? But not overwhelm you.
(53:10):
Don't let it. Don't go all super hardcore how
you do a few of these and trust me, if you're anything like me,
I had a few of these half measures I had to kind of go
through and turn into full measures.
So it should you should feel a burn in a little bit of a
stretch, but not but not be overwhelmed by this something in
(53:30):
that stretch zone rather than like a panic zone, right?
Stay in this, stay in that, in that hot spot there.
So for, for example, having one honest conversation you've been
avoiding, Michael shared a storyof that several episodes ago
that even I felt kind of uneasy when you know, like, damn, I'm
(53:52):
glad it wasn't me that had to have that conversation.
Taking one concrete step toward a long delayed project or saying
no to something that just sucks the life out of you, sucks the
marrow out of your bones. Those are just some examples,
but write it down and set a specific day and time when you
will do it and hold yourself accountable to that.
(54:13):
And Step 4, we're going to anchor this work with
affirmation. I release half measures.
I walk in clarity, encourage andenlight.
What I begin, I commit to fully.I say that a billion times if
you need to. Well, this is such a powerful
exercise because it really does highlight.
Again, it's like if you want to start a business, don't make
your goal to go run out LLC and go get your first customer all
(54:36):
right. What is one small actionable
step within that's just slightlyoutside of your comfort zone?
What is that one thing that'll stretch you a little bit to show
up differently? So we've talked about today half
measures, we've talked about thecost of half measures where they
show up in haste and decision rigidity avoidance and even in
the way we misuse patients or neglect.
(54:58):
So to live fully means to commitfully, and that doesn't mean
whatever that is to anything, toall things, to everything, to
truth, to growth, whatever it is.
Because if we don't, if anythingless than that, we're going to
feel divided. And divided is to be
disconnected and disconnection as hell, right?
The way of Ashley calls us to walk in wholeness and integrity,
to give ourselves wholly to the work that is before us, that's
(55:21):
in front of us, to the people entrusted in our care and
entrusted to our service. So full measures doesn't mean
perfection. Again, it means sincerity, it
means integrity. It means that your discipline is
rooted in love and responsibility is rooted in
humility. So when we choose full measures,
we choose full life. You can't swim in the sea and
(55:44):
not expect to swallow some water, right?
So that doesn't mean we don't like swimming in the sea because
we swallow a bunch of nasty saltwater.
That's happened. That's life.
So thank you so much for joiningus today.
If you have, if you have a chance, check out our website,
check out our TikTok, check out our Instagram, our Facebook.
(56:05):
Where else are we? Of course.
YouTube. YouTube.
You're already on Spotify because you're listening to
this, or over at Apple or. Maybe you are on YouTube?
Maybe you are on YouTube listening to this.
So wherever you are listening tothis, thank you so much.
We love you, and with love and gratitude, ad Luchum.
Ad luchum.
How often do we settle for just halfway halfway committed,
halfway honest, halfway alive even, and then wonder, why
doesn't anything satisfy me? These are the questions we're
going to answer today. I'm Justin Gates, your host, and
my Co host today, as always, is Michael.
Hey, guys. You're listening to the new
(00:21):
Ashley podcast. We have a good show today.
They're all good. We have a great show today.
It's a topic I've been wanting to touch upon.
I do wanted to do it a while back, but all these other things
(00:42):
kept kind of we just kept kind of putting these other things
that were kind of coming at us right and we were keep up with
things. But but this is a show probably
of of all, like most of my pet peeves rolled into one.
So it might be interesting, Michael.
Well, I'm already bracing for it.
There's a lot of gold just goingthrough these notes.
(01:03):
Well, you know, it's it, it's something that that I always do
with, with not just my students,but people in my life.
When I when they come half stepping, I like to say don't,
don't come half stepping this way.
You turn your ass around and youcome back with a do or do not
right. I've told you before, don't
(01:25):
don't have Michael, you either do it and you're like, well, I'm
trying. Well, that whole do or do not.
There is no try. What that's saying is don't,
don't don't bring half measures,right?
Doesn't mean don't try because we all try and we fail and we
get back up and we try again. That's not, you know, it's
probably bad wording, but what what he was saying there was
(01:47):
don't, don't half step. Yeah, don't half step.
So we see these half measures everywhere and we all do them.
I do them. About a year ago, I had like 13
half written books in my Remember, remember I was talking
to you about this. Well, maybe not a year ago, but
towards the towards the end of last year and at the beginning
(02:08):
of this year, I, I, I went through and I literally just
where I had like 13 files of everything and I had all these
half written books and stuff. And I was half, I was half
asking it really bad, really bad.
And I said, So what I do, I remember I went through and I
cleaned everything out and I, I would read each file and say yes
(02:32):
or no. If it was a yes, then I finished
it. If it was a no when right in the
trash can, yeah. Well, I think when it comes to
this thing, I mean, we are so driven for efficiency
psychologically, we want to findthe easiest path we can go with
things. And so often it's like we start
building something because we have that dopamine, we have that
(02:52):
that drive kicking. And whenever we start something
new and as soon as that starts to tuck her out, it's really
hard for us to meet ourselves halfway because now, because now
we actually have to try. Now we have to motivate
ourselves and we can't rely on the excitement of something to
help us pursue forward. I know I was guilty of this for
most of my life is I would have all these things.
I would halfway start and then Iwould just talk around.
(03:15):
It's like I'm not going to do that.
Yeah, but half measures, these half measures hold us down.
And when we hold back, that holds us down.
So, you know, my question is to everyone today, how often do you
move through life only doing things half committed or, and
this could be committed to your dreams or committed to your,
(03:36):
your relationships are committedto your, to your work or
committed to a goal, right? And I would wager that probably
most of us, this is something wetalked about.
We talked about this before we when you, you were talking about
New Year's resolutions, you know, just like, you know, it,
there were, there was a really, a really bad stat that was like
(04:00):
literally within weeks, just a couple of weeks.
Like what was it like just a bigchunk of people just fall off of
those? Yeah, I think it's by the first
month, 90% of people fail on their New Year's resolution.
That's crazy. But you know, when we do half
measures and when you start to look at this in your life,
you'll start to see you're doingeverything half like half
(04:21):
truths, you know, just not just not showing up completely.
And that's what we're going to get into today.
And we're going to touch upon different areas.
We're going to touch, touch uponour spiritual practices,
relationships, goal setting and,and seeing those through.
So I would say that that for a lot of us, these half measures
come from a place of fear, like fear of failure or fear of
(04:45):
rejection or fear of not just failure, but fear of success
too, which is ironic, right? Fear of taking full
responsibility for ourselves andfor and for the things that we
say we're going to do. And these half measures, they do
feel safe. It's an illusion, but they they
chain us to being mediocre, yeah.
(05:06):
Well, it's, it's like the comfort zone, right?
All these things, especially like relationships.
I think back to when I was goingthrough my rough relationship
and I slowly started canceling on friends who would make plans
to the point I stopped making plans because it'd be these half
commitments. I wouldn't follow through on
what I was saying I was going todo.
And not only does that impact the relationship, but it impacts
(05:28):
our self esteem. Yeah.
And it's just like there's so many areas in our life we don't
even realize because, again, we crave efficiency.
So I mean, it's like how many ofyou guys listening go to work
and you might have been driven, ready to go, wanting to learn
everything you could when you got there.
And then after six months, a year, you start sort of just
(05:48):
doing the bare minimum, getting by because, you know, you feel
like you're not going to actually accomplish anything or
raise the ranks. Can you just sort of get
complacent? Yeah, you start to muddle, which
brings me to the axiom that's going to anchor this this
episode today. Those who muddle through life
will never understand it. Knowledge, wisdom and
(06:08):
enlightenment come only from a disciplined and contemplative
mind. This axiom is a mirror, and
let's hold this mirror up to these, this modern tendency
toward distraction and half hearted effort.
I think that's part of it, beingdistracted.
I get distracted a lot and I really have to turn up the
discipline sometimes. You know, to muddle through life
means to live reactively. Also though, because if we're
(06:32):
not responding and we're just reacting, every little thing
that floats in every little problem that happens, you and I
were talking about some fun things that are happening in our
personal lives and in the personal lives of some of our
loved ones. And it's just like everything
was fine and then this thing blew in.
So but we can't react to that. We have to respond because when
(06:54):
we react to everything, we live when we're just muddling.
Think of it like just drifting without a paddle, without any
kind of any kind of direction. You're just something catches
your attention for a minute, butthen it's gone because there's
the next thing and the next thing and the next thing.
And every time we move without intention, we chase things
(07:16):
without clarity, without purpose.
We speak without being present. We, we, we listening.
We hear, but we don't listen. We're just creating dissonance
and noise instead of harmony. So this axiom tells us that the
disciplined and contemplative mind represents a full measure
(07:37):
of our being, integrity, wholeness, right?
It doesn't mean perfection, as Ialways like to say.
It means presence. Presence over perfection, say it
with presidents over perfection,right?
It means slowing down long enough to breathe, to think, to
feel wisely and choose deliberately make that
(07:58):
deliberate choice. What's the next what's the next
course of action? And I won't get into this, but
you and I just had a had a conversation before we sort of
sat down and record. And that's kind of what we
talked about, you and I both. We need to make sure that we're
pausing and we're calibrating and we're choosing.
We're making our choices deliberately based on the things
(08:20):
we can control. So this is where wisdom grows.
This axiom tells us this is where, this is where wisdom
grows, not in haste, not in fear, but in full awareness.
And it reminds us that living halfway robs us of true
understanding. So we have to be fully devoted
to the things we set our mind to. 1st 100%.
(08:41):
To the moment, our presence, to integrity, to our purpose, these
things, these things unlock enlightenment.
When I think one of the things that's really so sad about the
truth to this is, and I know I've dealt with this myself, as
so many people, when they get tothe stage of muddling along,
letting life take them where it goes, things compound.
(09:01):
You know, you start neglecting here, you start neglecting here.
And the next thing you know, you're alone.
You got things burning around you, and you don't even know
where to start putting out the fires.
And you knew that fire was starting.
But yeah, it's it's a dangerous game to play when you allow life
to dictate the terms of when youhave to act.
Yeah. So let's talk about the
(09:22):
agreements that are going to anchor this episode.
We have the action. Let's talk about the agreements.
Responsibility is the first one.Responsibility.
This is the responsibility to our lives, to our authenticity,
to our nobility, is the word that comes to mind.
But that's not what I'm looking for.
Our values. It is up to us to show up for
ourselves and for those around us, consistently and
(09:43):
effectively. Half measures are a form of
avoidance, aren't they? And we can't be responsible for
avoiding everything, or we're trying to avoid everything,
because if we commit only partially to something, we do
our best to avoid the full responsibility of not just our
(10:03):
power, but of our influence. And this agreement calls us, of
course, responsibility, calls usto meet life head on, call it
out, face it, right? To own our choices, to own our
energy, to gracefully and graciously accept the
consequences of the things we do.
So this is how we honor our power as Co creators to this
(10:27):
existence. What about courage?
I think courage is one of the most important ones for this
because again, as you muddle through life, as you muddle
through different things in yourlife, your comfort zone shrinks.
And it takes courage. It do let that shrink too much.
It takes courage and dedication to break free, to start taking
the action you have been refusing to up until this point
(10:47):
and to show up consistently. You know, there are days where
we do this podcast and it's likewe are, we've had a rough day
going on, but you know what? We have the courage to show up
and do our best and give our best selves to the show.
And that, that is courage. Yeah, and to each other.
Yeah, to each other. Like, you know, we, we always
spend, you know, 1520 thirty minutes talking.
(11:08):
How how have you been the last couple days?
Because. Because we generally meet up to
do the show. And no matter how bad of a day
I'm having, I got to show up foryou.
And no matter how bad of a day you're having, you got to show
up for me too. And yeah, that, that that is
responsibility and courage. Where does truth fit into this?
Let's talk about our ethos before we move on to the
episode. Talk about the things that are
(11:29):
anchoring us today. Truth is also very important
because you got to be honest with yourself.
I, I see so many people strugglewith this, where they are in
this lull in life where they're muddling along and they're just
blinding themselves to why they're where they're at and the
steps they need to take to take control of their lives.
And if you can't be honest with yourself, if you can't be honest
(11:50):
with others about where you're at, what's going on?
I mean, we were talked in the beginning of the episode of Half
Truths. Yeah, yeah, this, this comes
from self deception. These half truths, these these
half steps, these half, I like to say half stepping because a
(12:11):
lot of times we'll, and this goes back to something you said
a minute ago, but pretending that we're giving our all when
we know we're holding back. It's the whole fake it till you
make it, which is absolute horsecrap.
I, I, I, I I would never, ever, ever tell you.
Oh man, don't worry. Just fake it till you make it.
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
Probably the second dumbest thing I've ever heard.
(12:32):
I'm sure there's something more dumb than that, but.
It's definitely up there. It's up there.
It's up there, but truth cuts through the fog, It cuts through
the illusion, it wipes it away. And it helps us ask ourselves
questions like, what am I avoiding?
What would, how, how awesome would my life be if I stopped
hesitating all the time? Coming from a place of truth in
(12:55):
in pursuit of the truth. That requires courage.
But we have to learn to see ourselves without distortion.
Of course there's love. Love in half measures is what
Not love at all. I've said this before.
You either love somebody or you don't.
Truly, if you can't accept a person that you love without
condition, then do you actually love them?
That's a bold question and I askit all the time.
(13:17):
But I truly, if I tell, look, ifif I tell you that I love you,
you better, you better believe with all your heart that I
actually mean it because I don'tplace any kind of conditions on
that I don't love. I don't love perfect people
because there are no perfect people.
So if I love someone, it's, it'sfully, it's it's never in 1/2
(13:38):
measure. And we and if you have to put
expectations, especially those unspoken ones and conditions on
somebody, do you really love them?
Do you? I mean, you know, that's kind of
an asshole thing to say, Justin.Ah, well, it's true, and
sometimes I sometimes I can't say things without being a
little spiky about it, you know?Yeah, one, one thing I got to
(13:58):
add to this, and it kind of tiesinto the ethos, is people
beginning in relationships. I see a lot of people who have
these insecurities that pop up when they first start dating,
and there's this refusal to be vulnerable or to push beyond
their comfort zones. And they wonder why they can't
find someone, why they're constantly hitting the same wall
they've always hit without stopping and realizing that wall
(14:19):
is there. You know, is it a fear of
commitment? Is it a fear of vulnerability?
Is it a fear? Is of intimacy.
Is it attachment disguised as care?
Yeah. True love asks for wholeness,
never for protection or for for perfection.
When we love people fully, and that is including ourselves, we
dissolve that illusion of separation.
(14:40):
So we have to do, we have to do it fully.
Integrity, of course, is literally the the antidote to
this show today. Half measures because we can't
be half a person, we can't be segregated, we can't be
disconnected. We have to be whole.
We have to have integrity, right?
And no kind of power on earth, whether it's spiritual, mental,
(15:01):
physical, none of those can flowthrough cracked and fractured
and separated channels. They can't.
They can't. So the teaching here today is
clear. Half measures are a thief of
your growth, a thief of your connection, a thief of your
integrity. They cost us clarity.
They cost us connection. They cost us power.
(15:22):
And you know, the light cannot fill a vessel that's only
halfway open, Michael. Right.
So let's move on to our first segment today.
The first thing we're going to talk about is, is a trap.
The segment's not a trap, but we're going to talk about a
trap. The trap of the trap of haste
and impatience. Boy, Now this is something that
everyone, every single one of us, when we start something new,
(15:45):
when we start a new path, when we start a new job, when we
start a new relationship, man, we want to get to the good
stuff. We want to get there.
We want to feel good because it's awesome to feel good, to
get that dopamine and all that hidden and all those synapses
firing and everything your nervous system feels, you know,
(16:05):
invincible. You know.
Right when it's. Such a trap too, because I mean,
you look, in society today, we live in an age of instant
gratification, which is exactly what breeds this type of
behavior. You know, it's like I can either
work really hard for a long period of time and feel good
about the work I'm doing, or I can feel good right now by
(16:26):
putting on a television show or having that drink.
And, and it's just, it's such aneasy trap because again, our
minds are constantly looking forefficiency and the efficiency to
feel good. It's easy to fall into that trap
and become a slave to it. Yeah, because that's the world
we live in. We live in a world that's
addicted to shortcuts. The the the magic pills, the
(16:48):
instant gratification, the quickfixes, the shortcuts, Right.
You're played, you ever played Mario Kart and you know, you
want to get ahead, everybody. So you take the shortcuts every
time if you know where they're at.
But you don't tell anybody wherethey're at.
You just do them. Right.
Deal. We all want that.
I mean, we all, when we start something new and we want to do
it because, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's all this. This stuff is all slow.
(17:08):
It's all kind of mundane and boring.
I want to get to the good stuff.You know, we want to start a job
and and then we want to hurry upand get promoted to be the boss.
Just things don't work that way.Because when we move in haste
like this, when we hurry the process, we try to force the
process. We try to try to block the flow
and redirect it into what we think is best.
(17:30):
We skip out in depth. We don't actually get deep.
We start cutting corners, we start avoiding discipline and we
settle, yes, we settle for kind of this surface level
gratification. And it's a trap because it feels
like we're moving, right? We're still moving.
It feels like we're, it feels like movement, but really it's
(17:51):
shallow. And what happens to trees with
shallow roots, Michael? They don't grow.
They don't grow very well. And they fall at the, at the
slightest wind First, the first hard thing that comes at you,
it's going to knock you over. So we, we have, we have to learn
to want things without trying toskip the important stuff.
Even if we don't think it's important.
We have to have trust. We have to have faith, because
(18:12):
when we want results without process transformation, without
discipline or wisdom, without contemplation and retrospection,
none of that stuff lasts. You're building a temple on
shifting sands, Yeah. When you see it so often, I
mean, it's like, it's why purpose is so important, but no
one has purpose. And the reason for that is, is
none of them have spent enough time with themselves to find
(18:35):
that to start building that momentum, we need to live for
more than ourselves. And often we're usually
motivated by off. I start this business, I'll make
a lot of money, let me get into a relationship so I can feel
love, and it's missing everything.
All the important stuff that really makes that a foundational
thing in life. Yeah, yeah.
(18:55):
And our path, Path of Ashla is not about speed.
I've said this many times and I will continue to say it because
people will arrive when they arrive in their own time, in
their due time. It's not a race, right?
Our path is about alignment, period, presence, alignment.
It's about moving with clarity. It's about moving with intention
(19:18):
and balance. And we talk about patience a lot
and it's important to kind of remind everyone that patience is
never wasted time. It feels like it, but it's not
wasted. You're flexing a muscle, you're
strengthening that very important system in your path.
Think of them. Think of them as instead of
(19:40):
wasted time, think of it as an investment right in something
that will last once you get there.
So you know, we can want speed. We can want instant answers and
instant healing and instant success.
And we can want all that all we want to.
But impatience blinds us to the truth that all growth unfolds in
(20:02):
its own time. Every spiritual path, not just
ours. Every theological path, every
relationship, every transformation, every every bit
of alchemy that we try to perform.
Will unfold in its own time. Well, that's so well said.
What's like, what's that Stoic quote?
Which one about the fig? If you ask for a fig, you must.
(20:24):
You must first let it grow, thenyou must let it bear fruit, then
you must let it ripen. Yeah, yeah.
I feel like, Jesus, you just cursed the damn tree because
you're like, I'm hungry and you shouldn't do that.
But so when we feel that urgencyto fix it, now what?
What are we going to do, Michael?
We're going to. Pause.
(20:46):
Yeah. Pause and we're going to, OK, we
do that. I got to do that another 20
times because this is really this is just all over me, right?
And sometimes it takes that. Sometimes it takes that right
and ask yourself, am I moving from fear or from faith?
All these F words, there's some good F words and some bad
(21:07):
efforts. Faith is a good one.
So and the difference between this question, am I moving from
fear or am I moving because of fear or my moving because of
faith, the difference in that that answer will determine
whether you're building something that's lasting or
something that is fleeting, another F word fleeting.
So the axiom that that kind of ties us into this segment, what
(21:30):
what is done in haste, we'll perish.
What is done with patients will endure.
The demand for immediate progress will slow, will produce
slow results, and it's spot on. I don't even need to explain
that one. Spot on.
You know, it's we have to. This is kind of a lesson in
spiritual physics. I don't even know if that's a
thing, but I'm making it up as we go.
(21:51):
Here we go. You ready?
It means. Collapse is potential and all
things work in cycles. Talk about this a lot.
Everything's in a cycle, right? Even the bad stuff, that
rumination could be bad cycle planting and nurturing and
harvesting. These cycles that we're in, when
(22:12):
we try to force things by being impatient and being hasty, that
interrupts those cycles and replaces that natural ebb and
flow with friction. And what happens when things
start banging into each other? Then it creates more problems,
(22:34):
right? So again, true progress is not
measured by at which the speed we do them, but in our
intention, in our. Presence in our consistency.
In our consistency, again, patience is not passive, it is
trust in divine timing. So when you find yourself
forcing outcomes or or wanting to them or demanding quick
(22:54):
results, magic pills, remember this.
What goes grows slowly last long.
What grows, you know, think of atree, the biggest trees you can
think of. They take some forever.
There are trees that have that have been around for, you know,
10 years that are barely taller than me and it's going to take
(23:14):
them another 100 years to be really big and strong.
So just because it takes you a long time to do something, that
doesn't mean you're failing. It doesn't mean that you're
falling behind. You are just unfolding at the
pace you were meant to so that things in front of you can be
moved out of your way so that you can continue growing.
(23:35):
That's like I mentioned the neurochemistry earlier.
Have patients with yourself as you cultivate patients.
I know when we first started my training, patience was one of
the areas that I struggled with most.
I just wanted to be healed. I wanted to be done with all the
pain, all the bull crap going oninside of me.
And you had to constantly remindme that patience is what I
needed to work through this, because without that, anything I
(23:58):
did was just going to be built on sand.
Yes, yes. And sand tilts and it moves and
it shifts. That's why we don't build things
on sand. At least we don't build things
that we that are meant to last alifetime.
You know, I would never build a house on sand.
You shouldn't either. So another type of half, half
(24:18):
stepping is indecision, another pet peeve.
I make decisions. I don't always make the right
decision, but I will make a decision because I have to do
can't just half step right. Well, I think this ties into
self trust. Again, this is something I see a
lot of people struggle with. I I struggled with it a bunch in
my past, and it came down to doubting our choices and
(24:40):
worrying we'll make the wrong choice.
Yeah, but we need to be able to be decisive, even if it's the
wrong answer. We need to trust in our own
judgments so that we can act instinctively intuitive.
Yeah, because we're always trying to be cautious.
We're always trying to think it over.
And we tell ourselves that waiting is just waiting.
Just a little longer will give us clarity.
(25:01):
And that's different than havingpatience and trust.
This is again a form of forcing.Now we're trying to force
ourselves to wait for an outcomethat we wanted and or that we
are expecting. And this is where we don't make
decisions because that thing never happens.
It never comes because we cannotforce everything.
(25:23):
So and agonizing about somethingand not acting it doesn't.
I might feel safer and we say, well, I'll take the middle Rd.
You know that that's not balance.
When we talk about balance and harmony, we're not actually
talking about sitting on the fence about things.
We have to choose. We have to choose our, our path,
(25:44):
our side. Sometimes this traps us and it's
a really costly half measure, right?
It's a really costly one becauseit actually consumes time and
energy. And because let me ask you this,
have you ever, have you ever putoff making a decision only to
think about that decision you haven't made over and over and
(26:04):
over again, right. And, and, and what's worse is
you'll start rehearsing scenarios, you'll replay it and
then you'll try a new thing and,and, and you'll cycle, you'll
cycle through these what ifs andyou burn the mental fuel, but
you never go anywhere. You don't go anywhere like that.
And then you fall into some rumination and now you're second
guessing the fact that you didn't decide.
(26:28):
So wasn't it? It's not like, you know,
ruminating about a, a decision you made, right?
That's making a decision and notstanding by it despite the
consequences. But this is even worse.
You're you're ruminating about adecision you actually didn't
make, right? Well, I think you brought up a
really important point with this.
I mean, it is, it is the lack there of action.
(26:48):
And I see so many people I've worked with personally where
it's they know what they want, whether that's connection,
whether that's a better job, whether that's a better
relationship or a relationship. And it's like you're not going
to find any of those things sitting on your couch wondering
when will be the right time to act.
I tell all of them the right time to act is right now.
(27:11):
Yeah. And even if it doesn't workout,
at least you got the momentum going.
At least you know that job that didn't you didn't get was not
the job for you. Right.
But you can't keep idealizing what you want and not take any
action to get it. Because I was one of those
people too. I was, I'd have all these great
ideas and I wouldn't act on any of them.
Like, ah, you know what? Like let me wait till my
(27:31):
finances are in a better spot. Let me wait till I don't have
this drama going on in my life. And I'd always have some excuse
on why I couldn't act on my visions or my dreams.
And often it's exactly that. It is just excuses we tell
ourselves to avoid the discomfort of action.
Because the magic you're lookingfor is in the work you are
avoiding. That's right, That's right.
(27:51):
That's a Michael ISM. And because while you're
hesitating, you do lose out on opportunities, you do weaken
your relationships and that moment to act fades away.
A knight knows when to act and when to step away.
That's the goal is to get yourself to a point where it's
effortless to make a decision. Yes, no, here, there.
(28:11):
But you're always choosing. You're always choosing and
you're graciously and gratefullyaccepting the consequences
because you have trust in yourself and you have trust that
you made the best decision you can.
And this is not about making theperfect decision.
It's about making the decision. And now when we agonize
(28:31):
endlessly over and over but never decide, we go from that
field of potentiality, like I like, I'm fond of saying, into
that void. We've become prisoners of that
every door, you know, like, like, and and this you get what
you you get what you give, right.
So if you're always half and everything, all, all your, all
(28:52):
your doors of opportunities willbe half open.
You might be able to see throughthem.
That'd be really cool. But you can't walk through
because they're not all the way open, because you're not gonna.
Make one exchange. Right.
Equivalent exchange. Exactly.
So the axiom that ties into thissegment is agonizing over
situation to resolution provideslimited gain and comfort.
(29:14):
The price you pay long term for not letting go can be great.
This endless mental circling over and over and over and over
again does not lead you to peace, does it?
You know, it's so self-destructive.
I mean, again, a lot of this hasto do again with the comfort
zone. And the smaller our comfort zone
is, the louder our inner critic is.
(29:34):
And it's just like when we let life cave in around us, we feel
helpless and trapped and it becomes harder and harder to
take those actions. Yeah, the path of Bachelor calls
us to clarity and courage here. Decisions will never guarantee
perfection because we don't evenknow what that is, because we
don't. We've never seen a perfect
(29:54):
person. We've never seen a perfect
choice or perfect decision. And it doesn't matter.
But they will guarantee progress.
Action begets progress, right? So think about every unmade
decision and how much weight that carries.
Think about every time you avoided a choice.
What was the cost of that? You know, we're we're called to
(30:15):
courage here, not in absence of fear, but the willingness to
move through it with grace. When in doubt, just remember
this. The light cannot guide what
refuses to move. Let go, decide, make a choice,
and then let the let let the light of creation carry you
where where you will be based onwhatever it is and based on the
(30:37):
consequences of that. But remember, nothing is bad if
we consider it a teacher. Right.
Well, I think an important thingfor anyone listening is is like
if you or someone who is struggling with this, someone
who is stuck in that comfort zone trap, don't go for
elaborate big actions. Don't make your goal to start a
business. If you've been stuck in your
(30:58):
stuck in your comfort zone for so long, make it small steps.
Make it. I'm going to go out there and
try to talk to people about the business I'm interested in.
I'm going to go to an event thatis geared towards what I am what
what I'm interested in building.You got to take manageable steps
that can help you build that self trust because self trust
(31:19):
erodes over time the more we do this.
So we have to take consistent small steps to slowly rebuild.
Now I threw, I threw a little bonus in here that you didn't
spend on your notes. I don't think.
I don't think. Anyway, let's talk about
Justin's biggest pet peeve. Can you guess?
My biggest pet peeve is have I ever said it to you before?
I don't think you have. Passive aggressiveness.
(31:42):
I can't stand passive aggressiveness because what that
says when someone's being passive aggressive to me, that's
a half measure. And what they're saying to me is
I don't trust you enough to believe that you're going to
react properly to what I'm goingto do or say or to something I
need to say, right? Passive aggressiveness is the
language of these half measures.It is the language that half
(32:03):
measure speaks, right? Because you're not.
You're speaking without speaking.
You're not owning your actions and instead of just directly
expressing truth, you're trying to navigate it in such a bizarre
way where you're sidestepping it.
You're dropping your little hints.
Or you know, you could, it couldbe and in a relationship and be
(32:25):
withdrawing affection. We talked about this on the
narcissist show that just hit today.
But you, you are driving people crazy with this stop.
And why do we do this? Because of course, it makes us
feel safe, right? It's well, because I don't want
conflict. I don't want confrontation.
Because when I'm confronted or when I'm in conflict, I may be
(32:46):
rejected or they're not going torespect me or whatever.
And we do risk comfort when we are honest, right?
So instead of leaning into that with courage and with integrity,
we settle for this kind of form of communication because we
think it avoids risk, but it does not.
(33:09):
And it's certainly when you do that it does avoid resolution.
Doesn't. It very much so.
And it accumulates that people know when you're being passive
aggressive and they won't call you out on it because obviously
you don't want to talk about it and slowly it.
I will every time, yeah. The resentments bill.
(33:30):
Well, no, I I just be like, I'llbe like look time out and you
guys could ask Heather, ask Heather.
Heather is, is it very passive aggressive at times?
And I will say hold on time out.Can you say that to me again?
But not passive aggressively because I want to know where you
are actually coming from. Because if I did something
wrong, which is totally within the realm of possibility, right?
(33:54):
Right. 100%. I want to know exactly.
I got big shoulders. You know you can, you can put
this on me and you'll feel better afterwards.
But so, so yes, I will call it out every damn time not and not
only because it not only becauseit annoys me and it's kind of
disrespectful to be passive, at least I believe so.
(34:17):
If, if you're being passive progressive to someone, then
you're half stepping, man. And if you're half stepping
here, if you're half stepping ina, you know, in, in a
confrontation or argument or whatever, if you're half
stepping there, then that means you only half trust me.
And if you only half trust me, then you really don't love me
fully. And I want you to know that I
(34:39):
love you fully and I want to know that you love me too.
And that comes with trusting me 100% that I'm not going to flip
out, which I normally don't. Have I ever flipped out?
Yes I have, yes I have because sometimes I, I sometimes I get
my feelers hurt too. But but passive aggressiveness
(35:02):
is 1/2 step and we must live full measure.
This includes how we communicate.
If we can't be sincere, we can'tbe authentic with what's going
on, then there can be no resolution because we need that,
that level of vulnerability. And I think for a lot of people,
that is what it is. I think people are afraid to put
(35:22):
themselves out there because they're afraid of being rejected
or they're afraid of what's bugging them being rejected and
it caused them to lock down. And some people will react that
way. But that's why you need to
choose your circle closely because I know with the close
people in my life, I can be blunt.
I can be honest about things that upset me, and when that
happens, we create resolution, understanding or compromise.
(35:44):
Yeah. So let's talk about the dangers
of being inflexible, because half measures don't always look
like hesitation. Sometimes they go the opposite
way, to the other end of the spectrum, and they become
rigidity. We cling in too tightly to one
way of doing things. When we refuse to adapt or to
move from a different perspective, or when we don't
(36:06):
allow ourselves to let go of control here, then we get really
hard and rigid and now we're inflexible.
And that's that's kind of the other side of this, of these
half measures because, well, youknow what?
I'm going to take my ball and gohome.
To hell with you. I'm not listening to you.
You're not doing it my way. So we're not going to, we're not
(36:27):
going to finish this, right. Get home.
Michael, you didn't follow my notes to the letter.
Show's over. I'm get out of here, right?
Yeah, no. And I know a handful of people
like this and it's it's, it's a.Lot of people like this, Yeah.
And including ourselves, yeah. Yeah, at times it's, that's one
thing I've tried to be cautious about because I've noticed the
(36:50):
more rigid I hold on to my own beliefs, feelings, people,
whatever it is, the more inflexible I become, the more I
fail to see the full picture or the solutions outside of what
I'm currently seeing. Yeah, yeah.
And you're right, it is resolve around control.
So many people crave that control.
(37:10):
I need it my way. I need it right now.
And through that, it pushes people away.
It creates no opening for betteroptions or compromise.
Yeah, yeah. And and it certainly masquerades
as strength. I'm strong because I hold strong
to my beliefs into my my truths with an iron fist, right?
(37:34):
And these, these kind of half measures are aren't born of
being lazy or being afraid or maybe, you know, having a having
a bag of squirrels for a brain like me sometimes where I see
something float by and I want torun after it.
This comes from clinging too tightly to a single way of
thinking, a single way of doing or a fixed identity or refusing
(37:58):
to let go. This and this.
I'm going to call everybody out on this one, including me
holding on to some old plan thathasn't served you from the
beginning. Yeah, but you still you still
won't let. It's going to work.
Dang it, it will. Work.
I can fix. Fix this, I can change it.
(38:23):
Look ultimate. All too often we confuse
stubbornness for discipline. There's another key point here.
Discipline isn't discipline and stubbornness are two different
things. And we're confusing control for
stability. But again, what are we doing?
We're ignoring and not trusting in that natural evolution, in
that natural flow. Danger is everywhere.
(38:43):
Axiom of light. Danger is everywhere.
Manifesting an inflexible attitude leads a lends a hand to
destruction. Life is movement, Life is
action. Life is in cycles.
But they're always moving. And this axiom teaches us that
safety is not found in that rigidity.
It's found in that adaptability,the wisdom of knowing when to
(39:04):
bend and when to sway right. Yeah, it's like, I mean, one of
the greatest weaknesses I see within people, so many people
and myself included, it's all about being aware and figuring
out where these are in our lives.
When we define ourselves, we decide to say we are a certain
way. You know, so many people become
so rigid and trying to rewrite that narrative.
(39:28):
It's that whole restoring, right?
I mean, it's again, I see it in the dating scene a lot where
there's a lot of guys who struggle with putting themselves
out there and being assertive inin dating.
And it's like they they just, I have trauma.
I have and security. I'm not going to put myself out
there. I'm just going to be rejecting.
It's like, stop telling yourselfthat yes, you probably will be
rejected more times than not, but the more you do it, the more
(39:52):
you're going to learn how to go about it.
You can't keep trying to be the same person and expect different
results. Yeah, growth requires
flexibility. Period.
It does. Healing requires you to be
flexible with all the things that you're going to have to
face with your shadow. And if you're brittle, you will
break. So we have to learn to develop
this ability to pivot, to move without losing our center, to
(40:17):
bend without breaking, to changeform, to perform that alchemy
while remaining true to, to our essence, true to our authentic
essence, Right. And this one, this one hits a
lot of people because the the antidote to this is humility and
openness and surrender, surrendering control of
(40:39):
everything. That's what makes it difficult.
So when to trust the unknown? Yes, we have to learn to not be
afraid of the unknown first. You got to stop being afraid of
the dark, right? You got to be afraid.
You got to stop being afraid of the things you can't actually
see. If you want to see them, you
have to learn not to be afraid of them.
Ask yourself, where am I clinging?
(41:00):
Where am I clinging because of fear?
What beliefs, identities or or or old plans that we all think
are going to work someday? Am I all I want to so tightly
that I've stopped growing and evolving?
A lot of people will say flexibility is is a weakness.
It's not. It is wisdom.
It is wisdom. I'll never forget asking you
about and I was. I forget what the topic we were
(41:20):
talking about was, but you started going into why being
grass is more important than being a tree because when you're
a tree, if storms come, they'll you'll bend, you'll break.
But if you're grass, you can flow this way and that you can
adapt with the seasons, the times, and there's.
It's so true about life because the more you allow yourself to
be flexible, to grow, to be adventurous, the more you can
(41:44):
experience, the more you can learn not just about life, but
about yourself. And sometimes it's important to
be a tree when we're standing for something, when we're
standing in front of someone whois in harm's way.
But there are times where we must be reeds.
We must bend. Yeah, trees can withstand
storms, but grass messes around forever.
Even when it dies, it is still endures, right?
(42:09):
So let's circle back to responsibility and integrity
real quick, just to kind of start to come back full circle
here. Because we are responsible for
others. We have a sphere of influence.
People look up to us. I don't care who you are,
somebody watches you and emulates you.
Doesn't matter how big or small that that sphere of influence
(42:32):
is, we all have it. So these, these half steps,
these half measures don't just affect us personally, especially
when we, when we have the responsibility of being
influential to people as leadersor parents, as teachers or
friends or brothers and sisters,right?
The impact of our choices alwaysextend outside of ourselves too.
(42:55):
So when those who look to us forguidance receive only kind of
half our effort or half of our attention and we're not, we're
not really being, we're not being.
So what I'm looking for, we're not being whole and we don't
have any integrity that harm multiplies beyond us and then
maybe to somebody that they havean influence over and so on and
(43:19):
so forth, right? Good stuff multiplies, but so
does so does bad stuffs. So leadership requires full
engagement. It does no half measures there.
Parenting requires your presence, not allowing yourself
to be distracted all the time. Teaching demands clarity.
Michael, how many times did you say man could?
I don't, I don't, I don't get what you're saying.
(43:41):
Don't get what you mean. And it's like, OK, how about
this? And if that didn't take, how
about this? And then, and there were times
where I just couldn't figure outa way to help you see.
So then I would say to you, Michael, if you were teaching
this to me, tell me what you would say to me.
And in that, I then find a way to deliver the lesson back to
(44:03):
you, right. But you have to be present,
wholly present. You have to be not distracted.
Not I feel cool because I'm yourteacher.
So that sounds, that feels cool,you know.
Well, it is cool because Michael's a cool student to
have, but it's not cool being a teacher.
Or at least that can't be your motivation.
I mean, when it comes to showingup, we have to be able to.
(44:25):
Because I think another key point to this is, is it's not
just being able to be there to sit there, to have to be able to
give your full, your full self in this conversation, but it's
to speak from a place of experience.
And I think so many people get so wrapped up in their own
understandings, their own readings, their own knowledge,
(44:46):
without having any actual wisdomto give.
Because the true way to change people's lives is to be an
example, not just a sounding board that's constantly trying
to give solutions without any experience.
Right. It's also important that you
understand that no matter what level of influence you have over
somebody or how many you do haveinfluence over, it is a sacred
(45:11):
thing. You have sacred trust.
When you hold power, you must also hold responsibility.
Period. Because it's a double edged
sword here too. Half measures in these roles
don't just limit our growth or theirs, but ours too.
These things ripple out and thenback again.
That's just a way of things. Because of this, this is this
(45:34):
influence isn't about authority or control.
It's about stewardship sometimes, because sometimes we
have to tend tend to those who've been placed in front of
us, who've been placed in our care, who've been placed in our
trust. And if we do this, if we do this
half heartedly, if we're not teaching without passion,
listen, listening without focus or leading without compassion
(45:56):
and all these other beautiful poetic things, I can say we
actually start to create harm through neglect.
Must not be neglectful in our duties.
If we can't, if we can't do thisfully and bring our bring our
best every time, which again will look different.
Sometimes I can't bring you 80%,Michael.
(46:19):
Sometimes I bring you 120 and you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa. But other times I'm like
Michael, I only got like 40%, bro.
So this is my best today, right?We have to be honest.
We have to be compassionate, we have to be truthful.
A position of a position of influence is a position of
responsibility. Axiom of Light.
(46:40):
Good one too, because it's the truth.
So often people in a position ofinfluence don't care about
anything but the control they have with that influence.
But with the power of with you're in a position of
influence, you can truly create the most amazing change, not
just for yourself, but for others.
You can empower them. Yeah, right.
We can. We definitely can.
(47:01):
So this leads us into our last segment before I close things
off today, the need for guidanceand discernment.
We all need guidance sometimes because these half measures
thrive in confusion, do they Notmost.
Definitely. Yeah.
And when our mind is clouded, we, we will grab at whatever we
can, whatever we can get our hands on.
And usually that's just fragments of truth.
(47:22):
Usually that's just fragments of, of things.
And we're not not wholeness. And in our rush to to act on
something or to fix something, we forget the wisdom of
stillness, that sacred pause. Discernment is not hesitation,
just like caution is not fear. But anything taken to the
extreme could be a problem, right?
(47:43):
Right one impulsivity in itself can be such an issue when it
comes down to this. I mean, This is why connection
is so vital to our happiness andour success.
We need people to help bounce ideas off of, to help us get out
of our heads and get an outside perspective because more often
than not, we're the only person we talked to about these ideas.
We are tunnel vision at the end goal without seeing the
(48:06):
potential pitfalls, not only in pursuing this goal, but within
ourselves. And it doesn't mean go to your
friends, like, hey, tell me all the things that are bad about
me. But it doesn't mean, hey, I'm
thinking about pursuing this. What?
What would you recommend? What are your thoughts on?
This. Yeah, probably not.
Do that. You won't like what they hear.
It's like that whole roasting. Challenge, right, If they'll
(48:26):
even tell you if they're not passive aggressive, right?
Discernment is not hesitation. It's, it's more like conscious
awareness, awareness, right? It's the, it's that ability to
feel the difference between, as you said, impulse, but also
intuition, fear and faith and ego and guidance.
You know, where are you? Where are you being guided from
(48:48):
ego or for something higher, from truth or illusion.
Look, when you slow down to seekwisdom, you're inviting truth.
You're inviting that light of creation in to help guide you
toward that. You get what you asked for,
right? You get what you put into, but
you also get what you ask for. Every great healer, every great
(49:10):
teacher, every great warrior or Mystic or whoever, whatever has
needed counsel, Everyone, even the strong, require mirrors and
reminders and anchors. And this guidance can come from
from anywhere, whether that's through mentors or prayer or
that small little voice that whispers funny little things in
(49:32):
your head. Yeah.
Well, one thing I got to add to the mentor thing is it's just
like I, I listened to for when Ifirst got into entrepreneurship,
I listened to a lot of entrepreneur podcasts.
And one of the things they always talked about is the
importance of a mentor. And I have learned this working
with you. But it's like if there's an area
you're passionate about, if there's somewhere you're
struggling, find someone who hasachieved the goals you want and
(49:54):
learn from them. Humble yourself.
There is no greater benefit you could add to your life than
having someone by your side who has walked the path you are now
trudging upon. Yeah.
Do you have any closing? Anything closing you want to
share? Yeah, I brought this up earlier,
but you know, again, just like any of this resonated with you,
if you feel that you struggle with some of these things, most
(50:16):
people do. Give.
Yourself grace and be patient with yourself as you learn to
cultivate better behaviors better, showing up more
efficiently and effectively. It's not something that's going
to happen overnight, but it's about showing up consistently.
It's about trusting yourself andtaking the steps you need to to
take charge of your life. And that is that is not an over
the night process. Rome was not built in a day.
(50:37):
So give yourself the same grace you would give anyone else
you're giving advice to. It's good advice, our
affirmations for today. I choose full measure over half
measures. I give myself fully to what
matters. Patience and discipline anchor
me. What I build with care will
endure. I release indecision and
avoidance. Clarity and action guide my
(50:59):
path. I honor my responsibility.
My influence serves the light with integrity.
I am not here to muddle through life.
I'm here to live it with courage, wisdom and purpose.
Beautiful. And for exercise today, I've
been kind of sprinkling in thosejournal prompts throughout the
whole show. So, you know, it was an Easter
egg hunt for you. But we're going to go on to the
(51:19):
exercise. And that exercise today is from
half measure to full measure. What's the first thing we got to
do? Identify it.
Identify the half measure. Take a few minutes of quiet
reflection and when you're ready, write down 1 area of your
life where you've been kind of half stepping, when you've been
holding back, being passive aggressive.
(51:40):
It could be a relationship whereyou're avoided honesty, or a
personal goal you've only kind of half pursued, or a habit you
keep promising to change someday.
Name it clearly. Call it out.
Ask yourself, write this down. Where in your where in my life
am I giving only part of myself?What does that hesitation cost
me in energy, peace or purpose? Once we have identified that
(52:03):
half measure, now it's time to clarify the full measure.
Now write down what full measurewould look like in that same
area, that same spot of opportunity.
Be honest, as always, be honest.Even if it feels uncomfortable.
Especially if it feels uncomfortable, then you know
you're on the right track, right?
So if you were to step fully into truth and commitment
(52:27):
responsibility here, what would it look like?
And here's your prompt for that.If I acted with clarity and
courage, what would I do differently in relation to your
half measure? What is 1 action I've avoided
that I know would move me forward?
Step three, we're going to commit.
What a dirty word for some of us, huh?
Commitment. We're going to commit to 1
(52:47):
action. Choose one concrete step, just
one that you can take this week and the next and the next until
you get it to move you from the half measure to full measure.
It should stretch. It should stretch you a little
bit. You really should kind of feel
the stretch on this one, right? But not overwhelm you.
(53:10):
Don't let it. Don't go all super hardcore how
you do a few of these and trust me, if you're anything like me,
I had a few of these half measures I had to kind of go
through and turn into full measures.
So it should you should feel a burn in a little bit of a
stretch, but not but not be overwhelmed by this something in
(53:30):
that stretch zone rather than like a panic zone, right?
Stay in this, stay in that, in that hot spot there.
So for, for example, having one honest conversation you've been
avoiding, Michael shared a storyof that several episodes ago
that even I felt kind of uneasy when you know, like, damn, I'm
(53:52):
glad it wasn't me that had to have that conversation.
Taking one concrete step toward a long delayed project or saying
no to something that just sucks the life out of you, sucks the
marrow out of your bones. Those are just some examples,
but write it down and set a specific day and time when you
will do it and hold yourself accountable to that.
(54:13):
And Step 4, we're going to anchor this work with
affirmation. I release half measures.
I walk in clarity, encourage andenlight.
What I begin, I commit to fully.I say that a billion times if
you need to. Well, this is such a powerful
exercise because it really does highlight.
Again, it's like if you want to start a business, don't make
your goal to go run out LLC and go get your first customer all
(54:36):
right. What is one small actionable
step within that's just slightlyoutside of your comfort zone?
What is that one thing that'll stretch you a little bit to show
up differently? So we've talked about today half
measures, we've talked about thecost of half measures where they
show up in haste and decision rigidity avoidance and even in
the way we misuse patients or neglect.
(54:58):
So to live fully means to commitfully, and that doesn't mean
whatever that is to anything, toall things, to everything, to
truth, to growth, whatever it is.
Because if we don't, if anythingless than that, we're going to
feel divided. And divided is to be
disconnected and disconnection as hell, right?
The way of Ashley calls us to walk in wholeness and integrity,
to give ourselves wholly to the work that is before us, that's
(55:21):
in front of us, to the people entrusted in our care and
entrusted to our service. So full measures doesn't mean
perfection. Again, it means sincerity, it
means integrity. It means that your discipline is
rooted in love and responsibility is rooted in
humility. So when we choose full measures,
we choose full life. You can't swim in the sea and
(55:44):
not expect to swallow some water, right?
So that doesn't mean we don't like swimming in the sea because
we swallow a bunch of nasty saltwater.
That's happened. That's life.
So thank you so much for joiningus today.
If you have, if you have a chance, check out our website,
check out our TikTok, check out our Instagram, our Facebook.
(56:05):
Where else are we? Of course.
YouTube. YouTube.
You're already on Spotify because you're listening to
this, or over at Apple or. Maybe you are on YouTube?
Maybe you are on YouTube listening to this.
So wherever you are listening tothis, thank you so much.
We love you, and with love and gratitude, ad Luchum.
Ad luchum.
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