June 30, 2025 • 11 mins
If you're feeling overwhelmed, burned out, or like there’s never enough time, I’ve got something just for you! Head to https://selfcareisntselfish.com to grab your FREE copy of my book, Self-Care Isn’t Selfish: The Compassionate Nurse’s Step-by-Step Guide to Personalized Stress Relief. It’s packed with simple, effective strategies to help you prioritize your needs—without guilt—so you can feel energized, focused, and ready to take on the day. Go to https://selfcareisntselfish.com
Looking for connection with people who get the stress and self-care struggles of nurses and caregivers? Check out https://thenursesbreakroom.com
Connect on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennylytlern/
More ways to connect here: https://linktr.ee/jennylytle
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome back to another episode of the
nurse's break room with JennyLytle RN, and today we are going
to talk about boundaries,because boundaries are something
that are so important to have.
But a lot of times we can havethese misconceptions that
boundaries mean that we don'tcare about other people, or
(00:22):
boundaries mean that we justwant to push things away,
whether that be people or thingsto do.
Calling something a boundarycan sometimes be seen as a way
of not wanting to deal with hardthings.
So let's just go briefly as towhy boundaries are important and
(00:49):
as caregivers, we are peoplewho are wired to help others,
and that can lead to us sayingyes a lot and wanting to be able
to be there for everyone whenthere are only so many hours in
a day can mean that we end upsaying no to ourselves and no to
our own needs, and that'ssomething that eventually can
(01:12):
lead to burnout.
And boundaries they can be seenas selfish, like self-care can
be seen that way, but reallythey're a way of respecting
ourselves and being able to dothe things that we want to do,
love to do or called to do andneed to do long term.
So you can be kind while beingclear and you don't have to give
(01:37):
and give without sometimesneeding to say no.
I know I am a recovering peoplepleaser myself.
I want to be able to helpeverybody.
I want people to like me.
I want to be able to use mygifts and talents and knowledge
(02:00):
and compassion to make lifeeasier for other people, and I
don't want people to think thatI'm not a team player or think
that I'm self centered.
But what I found is that when Idon't take time to take care of
(02:21):
myself, then I don't show upnearly as well for other people
and eventually I end up gettingsick or something happens where
I'm just put on the sidelinesfor a little bit.
Anyway, and what I'vediscovered is that when I
intentionally take time to takecare of myself time to take care
(02:48):
of myself, to relax, to havesome downtime, to do the things
that I know replenish me thenI'm able to show up so much
better for other people.
I can do it with a betterspirit, with more energy, with
more love and compassion andexcitement, and it also allows
for other people to be able touse their gifts and talents.
(03:09):
And that was something that washard for me to grasp in the
beginning.
But I had somebody tell meseveral years ago now you know,
when you are doing something,when you're jumping in to fill
every hole, then maybe theperson who wasn't as eager to or
(03:33):
wasn't as confident in theirown ability to take care of
something maybe they would havestepped up to help with that
particular situation.
But you beat them to it andmaybe that's something that they
really needed to do on theirgrowth journey and that's
(03:55):
something that they would havefelt empowered by, and by me
always wanting to jump in andtake care of things, fix things.
Then I could be stealing thatblessing that was maybe meant
for somebody else.
Now, I don't know if you agreewith that or not, but I do think
it's an interesting perspectiveand something to consider, and
(04:21):
sometimes we don't want to sayno.
We don't want to set boundariesbecause we don't want to say no
.
We don't want to set boundariesbecause we don't want to be
seen as someone who doesn't helpout the team.
We don't want to be seen assomeone who's mean or uncaring
or selfish.
But I recently saw thatboundaries aren't walls, they're
(04:44):
doors, with doorknobs on yourside, right, and I think that's
an interesting picture.
So ways that I like to keepmyself from over committing,
because, while I've come a longway in terms of boundaries and
(05:07):
being able to say no, whennecessary, to things that I know
don't fit into my schedule, oneof the things that I do
struggle with still is beingable to say no to things that I
know are good, things, that Ican fit into my schedule, things
that maybe would help to showcommunity support or help me get
(05:32):
out in front of other peopleand meet them and be able to
support them in some way, whichalso, in turn, helps me, because
I become more well known in thecommunity and people are able
to see me and see what I can do.
But what I'm having to learnnow is to say no to myself
(06:05):
because I want to do everythingand I want to do it all right
now, and that's just notrealistic.
And so I look at my calendarfor the week and sometimes
there's not a whole lot ofbreathing room.
So what I've started to do isto really scale that back and
(06:25):
really think before I justautomatically say yes to the
things that sound like they'd besomething great, to the things
that sound like they'd besomething great, sometimes in a
lot of different ways.
So one way I do that is bysaying you know what, let me
(06:46):
check my schedule and get backto you on that, because in the
moment I'm excited, it soundsgreat and I just want to say yes
.
And if I look at my calendarand I don't have something set
specifically for that time, thenI'm very likely to say yes.
But just because I don't haveanything scheduled right then
doesn't mean that I really havethe capacity that day or that
week or even that month to addin something else.
(07:09):
And when I take a step backfrom the excitement, from the
urgency because everything feelsurgent in the moment, doesn't
it?
When I take a step back fromthat, then I'm able to really
look at the big picture andfigure out is this the best?
Yes for me.
(07:29):
And oftentimes the answer is no, but sometimes it is yes.
So if I look at something and Iknow, hey, this isn't something
that's going to work for me,it's fine to say, hey, I'm sorry
, this just isn't going to workfor me, but sometimes there is
(07:50):
this particular thing won't work, but I could offer XYZ and have
that as an option.
And I'm sure you've heard metalk about another thing I
encourage my clients to do inthe beginning, if they really
struggle with the whole conceptof saying no and having time for
themselves, is to schedulethings on your calendar Schedule
(08:12):
blocks of time that are justblocked, or me time or creative
time however you want to labelthat but basically it's a way
that you can honestly say, hey,I've already got something
scheduled then.
And then the key with that isnot just to say that, but to
really have that be time thatyou protect and treat that like
(08:36):
you would an appointment withsomeone else, because that time
that you have for yourselfwhether it be to rest and relax
and do things that you enjoydoing or maybe it's to do some
of the things that you know needto get done, but they aren't
things that have a particulardue date, so maybe it's cleaning
(08:56):
the house or going through andorganizing some particular area.
We all have those things thatwe're going to get to someday,
and then you realize that it'sbeen on your someday list for
two or three years sometimes.
So just being a little morecognizant of those things so
that you can figure out when andhow are those going to be able
(09:19):
to get done and all of thatstarts with learning to say no,
even in small ways, sometimeseven in ways that are just to
yourself.
But being able to have thoselittle boundaries.
The more you put those intoplace, the easier it becomes.
(09:40):
It's like workouts the more youbuild those muscles, then the
easier things become to lift andto carry out certain activities
.
And it's that way withboundaries as well.
At first it's going to feeluncomfortable, but start slow,
start small and build up fromthere and I have a feeling that
you're going to end up realizingthat boundaries are something
(10:03):
that really help to protect yourpeace, and it's not about
blocking out other people.
Until next time, remember selfcare isn't selfish.
It's the only way that we cancontinue to care for others and
live our best lives.
Have a great week.
Hello and welcome back to another episode of the
nurse's break room with JennyLytle RN, and today we are going
to talk about boundaries,because boundaries are something
that are so important to have.
But a lot of times we can havethese misconceptions that
boundaries mean that we don'tcare about other people, or
(00:22):
boundaries mean that we justwant to push things away,
whether that be people or thingsto do.
Calling something a boundarycan sometimes be seen as a way
of not wanting to deal with hardthings.
So let's just go briefly as towhy boundaries are important and
(00:49):
as caregivers, we are peoplewho are wired to help others,
and that can lead to us sayingyes a lot and wanting to be able
to be there for everyone whenthere are only so many hours in
a day can mean that we end upsaying no to ourselves and no to
our own needs, and that'ssomething that eventually can
(01:12):
lead to burnout.
And boundaries they can be seenas selfish, like self-care can
be seen that way, but reallythey're a way of respecting
ourselves and being able to dothe things that we want to do,
love to do or called to do andneed to do long term.
So you can be kind while beingclear and you don't have to give
(01:37):
and give without sometimesneeding to say no.
I know I am a recovering peoplepleaser myself.
I want to be able to helpeverybody.
I want people to like me.
I want to be able to use mygifts and talents and knowledge
(02:00):
and compassion to make lifeeasier for other people, and I
don't want people to think thatI'm not a team player or think
that I'm self centered.
But what I found is that when Idon't take time to take care of
(02:21):
myself, then I don't show upnearly as well for other people
and eventually I end up gettingsick or something happens where
I'm just put on the sidelinesfor a little bit.
Anyway, and what I'vediscovered is that when I
intentionally take time to takecare of myself time to take care
(02:48):
of myself, to relax, to havesome downtime, to do the things
that I know replenish me thenI'm able to show up so much
better for other people.
I can do it with a betterspirit, with more energy, with
more love and compassion andexcitement, and it also allows
for other people to be able touse their gifts and talents.
(03:09):
And that was something that washard for me to grasp in the
beginning.
But I had somebody tell meseveral years ago now you know,
when you are doing something,when you're jumping in to fill
every hole, then maybe theperson who wasn't as eager to or
(03:33):
wasn't as confident in theirown ability to take care of
something maybe they would havestepped up to help with that
particular situation.
But you beat them to it andmaybe that's something that they
really needed to do on theirgrowth journey and that's
(03:55):
something that they would havefelt empowered by, and by me
always wanting to jump in andtake care of things, fix things.
Then I could be stealing thatblessing that was maybe meant
for somebody else.
Now, I don't know if you agreewith that or not, but I do think
it's an interesting perspectiveand something to consider, and
(04:21):
sometimes we don't want to sayno.
We don't want to set boundariesbecause we don't want to say no
.
We don't want to set boundariesbecause we don't want to be
seen as someone who doesn't helpout the team.
We don't want to be seen assomeone who's mean or uncaring
or selfish.
But I recently saw thatboundaries aren't walls, they're
(04:44):
doors, with doorknobs on yourside, right, and I think that's
an interesting picture.
So ways that I like to keepmyself from over committing,
because, while I've come a longway in terms of boundaries and
(05:07):
being able to say no, whennecessary, to things that I know
don't fit into my schedule, oneof the things that I do
struggle with still is beingable to say no to things that I
know are good, things, that Ican fit into my schedule, things
that maybe would help to showcommunity support or help me get
(05:32):
out in front of other peopleand meet them and be able to
support them in some way, whichalso, in turn, helps me, because
I become more well known in thecommunity and people are able
to see me and see what I can do.
But what I'm having to learnnow is to say no to myself
(06:05):
because I want to do everythingand I want to do it all right
now, and that's just notrealistic.
And so I look at my calendarfor the week and sometimes
there's not a whole lot ofbreathing room.
So what I've started to do isto really scale that back and
(06:25):
really think before I justautomatically say yes to the
things that sound like they'd besomething great, to the things
that sound like they'd besomething great, sometimes in a
lot of different ways.
So one way I do that is bysaying you know what, let me
(06:46):
check my schedule and get backto you on that, because in the
moment I'm excited, it soundsgreat and I just want to say yes
.
And if I look at my calendarand I don't have something set
specifically for that time, thenI'm very likely to say yes.
But just because I don't haveanything scheduled right then
doesn't mean that I really havethe capacity that day or that
week or even that month to addin something else.
(07:09):
And when I take a step backfrom the excitement, from the
urgency because everything feelsurgent in the moment, doesn't
it?
When I take a step back fromthat, then I'm able to really
look at the big picture andfigure out is this the best?
Yes for me.
(07:29):
And oftentimes the answer is no, but sometimes it is yes.
So if I look at something and Iknow, hey, this isn't something
that's going to work for me,it's fine to say, hey, I'm sorry
, this just isn't going to workfor me, but sometimes there is
(07:50):
this particular thing won't work, but I could offer XYZ and have
that as an option.
And I'm sure you've heard metalk about another thing I
encourage my clients to do inthe beginning, if they really
struggle with the whole conceptof saying no and having time for
themselves, is to schedulethings on your calendar Schedule
(08:12):
blocks of time that are justblocked, or me time or creative
time however you want to labelthat but basically it's a way
that you can honestly say, hey,I've already got something
scheduled then.
And then the key with that isnot just to say that, but to
really have that be time thatyou protect and treat that like
(08:36):
you would an appointment withsomeone else, because that time
that you have for yourselfwhether it be to rest and relax
and do things that you enjoydoing or maybe it's to do some
of the things that you know needto get done, but they aren't
things that have a particulardue date, so maybe it's cleaning
(08:56):
the house or going through andorganizing some particular area.
We all have those things thatwe're going to get to someday,
and then you realize that it'sbeen on your someday list for
two or three years sometimes.
So just being a little morecognizant of those things so
that you can figure out when andhow are those going to be able
(09:19):
to get done and all of thatstarts with learning to say no,
even in small ways, sometimeseven in ways that are just to
yourself.
But being able to have thoselittle boundaries.
The more you put those intoplace, the easier it becomes.
(09:40):
It's like workouts the more youbuild those muscles, then the
easier things become to lift andto carry out certain activities
.
And it's that way withboundaries as well.
At first it's going to feeluncomfortable, but start slow,
start small and build up fromthere and I have a feeling that
you're going to end up realizingthat boundaries are something
(10:03):
that really help to protect yourpeace, and it's not about
blocking out other people.
Until next time, remember selfcare isn't selfish.
It's the only way that we cancontinue to care for others and
live our best lives.
Have a great week.
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