E75: Fertility Journeys: Supporting Those Who've Faced Challenges

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The emotional journey of those who have experienced fertility challenges requires special care and understanding during pregnancy and birth, with many carrying deep anxiety, fear, and complex emotions throughout their experience.

• Growing number of people facing fertility challenges in our society
• Emotional sensitivity acknowledging the difficult journey to pregnancy
• Validating fears that come from past losses and struggles
• Creating space for both celebration and grief simultaneously
• Importance of continuity of care and building trust with providers
• Heightened anxiety and potential PTSD from past experiences
• Feelings of guilt for not experiencing pure joy
• Need for compassionate support extending into the postpartum period
• Importance of community support from those with similar experiences
• Approaching each situation gently without assuming we know everything

Please make a human connection, go out and make a difference in someone's day, be a positive impact for someone nearby or far away, so that we can all connect a little better as humans on this planet that we share together.

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Show Credits

Host: Angie Rosier
Music: Michael Hicks
Photographer: Toni Walker
Episode Artwork: Nick Greenwood
Producer: Gillian Rosier Frampton
Voiceover: Ryan Parker

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome to the Ordinary Doula Podcast with
Angie Rozier, hosted by BirthLearning, where we help prepare
folks for labor and birth withexpertise coming from 20 years
of experience in a busy doulapractice, helping thousands of
people prepare for labor,providing essential knowledge
and tools for positive andempowering birth experiences.

Speaker 2 (00:50):
Hello and welcome to the Ordinary Doula podcast.
In this episode, we will betalking about the needs of those
who have experienced somefertility challenges.
This is growing in our society.
There's a lot of people dealingwith fertility challenges for a
variety of reasons and in ourpractice, we have helped dozens,

(01:11):
if not hundreds, of people overthe years who have dealt with
fertility challenges, and thishas a unique factor in it when
we're talking about the birth,labor and birth experience and
the pregnancy experience,obviously as well.
Right, so there are somespecific needs of people and and
some specific priorities whenthey have struggled with

(01:33):
infertility.
I remember when I was a youngerdoula gosh, let me do the math,
maybe not, I won't do the math,but, um, I don't remember how
old I was, but this couple thatI was helping have a baby it was
their first baby and they hadbeen trying for 18 years 18
years to have this baby.
So I remember I was 13 whenthey started trying.

(01:56):
So 13 plus 18, however old thatis, that's how old I guess I
was in my early 30s, so early inmy doula career.
And while the birth of everysingle baby is pretty amazing,
this one had a different feel toit, as we knew this had been a

(02:16):
long, long, long time coming.
We've helped people that havebeen through IVF multiple times.
I had someone just this year ormaybe it was late last year who
had had six or seven felled IVFattempts.
So that's a lot of loss, a lotof effort, a lot of investment

(02:37):
in every single way.
Emotionally, financially,that's tough.
So some specific needs andpriorities.
Those who struggle withinfertility and this may
resonate with you, um, but anemotional sensitivity, so
acknowledging this, the journeyit took to get here right,
there's a lot of questions,there's a lot of unknowns,

(02:57):
there's a lot of risk, there's alot of um, uh, you know,
dealing with losses and dealingwith challenges.
So not just assuming, woohoo,you're pregnant now.
You're, you know, far into thispregnancy, everything's great
now you can just be happy now.
That doesn't always exist.
One of the people I helped aswe were getting closer to her
delivery and I was her doulashe's like I don't trust any of

(03:21):
this Meaning her body, thepregnancy goes.
I don't think I don't know thatof this meaning her body, the
pregnancy goes.
I don't think I don't know thatmy body will know what to do.
It hasn't ever known what to doin the past.
Getting pregnant was sodifficult I don't know if this
baby's going to make it.
We've had so many losses.
So her connection to the babyshe felt um was was challenged
by her past experience as well.
Um, so going into this was anincredible emotional sensitivity

(03:45):
, being very gentle to theemotions that these people are
facing.
Also, validating fears right,there's some extra layer of
fears here.
Many carry anxiety about howlabor delivery is going to go.
Some people it's not a highpercentage, but some people are
afraid that they're going to dieor their baby's going to die

(04:07):
throughout the labor process.
But this validation of fear canbe quite meaningful for people
who have had losses or struggledwith infertility.
So they might carry this feardeep into pregnancy or even into
labor.
Even past that, once they seethe baby and the baby's here,
they may need more frequentreassurance until they know this

(04:30):
is real, this is going to stick, this is going to be okay, and
it's tragic in the times that itis not right.
Um, I have had in the lastcouple months a couple really
tough um client experiences thatjust made me weep.
You know I've been doing thisfor well over 20 years and have
had some experiences lately thatare just terrifying, that

(04:52):
absolutely grip you with fearand, um gosh, they hit you.
They hit you pretty hard for awhile, and so I've I've, uh,
gotten to weep over a fewexperiences as of late, um, also
creating a space forcelebration and grief and then
knowing that those two thingscan exist at the same time.
Together.
These are mixed feelings, rightJoy and sorrow.

(05:16):
Sorrow for past losses, sorrowfor what they've gone through,
and then feeling great joy forwhat lies ahead.
Or whatever successes you knowin fertility we may have
achieved aren't always justovershadowed.
They don't always overshadowthe losses or the grief that is
felt.
There's one couple I worked witha few years ago and they had

(05:39):
they didn't have a fertilitychallenge, but they did have a
loss of a child who was, youknow, a little older.
That was an older baby loss andthey were coming into a new
pregnancy with a new baby andincredible emotional needs for
that couple as they workedthrough that, especially for the

(06:01):
dad, and you know he had seenhis baby not make it like and
this baby had, you know, nohealth problems, no history, and
died suddenly at an older age,older than a year.
Even so, knowing that that kindof loss was possible made this

(06:22):
very difficult and difficult toexperience all the joy that they
could have.
So they were very proactive andwe kind of so that at the
hospital they would be treatedappropriately.
We put a sign on their doorthat said please be gentle with
us as we are celebrating thearrival of this baby and
mourning the loss of our otherbaby.

(06:43):
And so they explained it alittle bit to their staff,
because even without knowingthings, staff at the hospital
your nurses, your doctorssometimes can say things that
would seem a little insensitiveif they don't understand the
whole situation.
So, allowing space for griefand celebration, grief and joy.
Also, continuity of care.
So building trustingrelationships with providers

(07:07):
matters a lot.
Sometimes you become attachedto providers that you have an
experience with or that you gothrough a lot with, like
fertility treatments.
They may not just want to beanother patient, right, they may
want that specialized care alot with like fertility
treatments.
They may not just want to beanother patient, right, they may
want that specialized care.
Again, plug for doulas A doulacan provide continuity of care
throughout a pregnancy, a labor,a birth and beyond in many

(07:27):
cases.
So sometimes that doula becomeskind of key to the experience
and the journey.
Some unique challenges thatthose face that have had
fertility problems areheightened anxiety, right Of
course, and PTSD from pastexperience.
That might be cycles of IVF, itmight be miscarriage, it might
be loss, it might be late termloss and these situations are

(07:52):
going to need support far beyondthe end of a pregnancy and far
beyond even, you know, say, theyhave a baby and they go home
and everything seems fine.
There's also that sense of lossor potential of loss that they
feel that needs to be followedinto that postpartum time.
So seeking some good postpartumsupport, a lot of time that

(08:13):
comes in community, so communityof others who have experienced
similar losses.
This could be community andfamily and friends who hopefully
are approaching the situationappropriately.
And sometimes there's peoplefeel guilt for not feeling
grateful enough.
Right, if labor isn't easy.
Joyful.

(08:33):
One of my another recent clientI had about a year ago she had,
you know she felt that exactthing.
She's like I just feel bad thatI'm not so happy about this,
where other people are over themoon about it and understanding
there's different ways to feelabout the exact same thing.
I'm with a client recently whohas had fertility challenges for

(08:56):
well over 11 years, so much sothat they've adopted two
children and, with some shift intheir approach to treatments,
she's been able to becomepregnant, and so navigating a
whole new journey to gettingtheir third child has been
interesting for them as well,and there's no right or wrong

(09:18):
way to do it.
Everyone's going to do it intheir own unique way, but they
do have some specific needs anddesires and priorities, of
course, based on the experiencethat they have had in their past
.
So hopefully, those of us whodeal with um you know we work
with in that population ofpregnant and expecting people,

(09:40):
um can approach each situationgently.
Um don't march in knowing thatwe know, thinking that we know
everything, um, because everysituation is a little bit
different and those that havestruggled with a history of
infertility, it's going to bekind of a tender time for them,
of course.
So allow space for that andapproach gently as you offer

(10:00):
compassionate care for that andthose of you who have had that
experience, hopefully you canseek that compassionate support
that you need compassionatesupport that you need and have
your needs met and fulfilled asyou shift in your journey to
whatever needs your currentsituation may be providing for
you.
Thanks for being here.

(10:23):
My heart aches for those whoexperience these challenges.
I had my own unique journey ofabout 11 years, with some
challenges that way too, and themany emotions, the roller
coaster of emotions you can feelsurrounding that, as you see
those around you having babiesand getting pregnant and,
despite your best efforts,that's not working out for you.

(10:45):
So that's tough, that can be along, hard road, and my heart
goes out to you and hopefullyyou get that love and support
that you need surrounding yourexperience.
So be kind, be gentle to eachother and to yourselves.
So I want to wrap up tonight orsorry, it's daytime wherever
you are, whenever you'relistening to this, I just want
to wrap up with my usual chargeto please make a human

(11:08):
connection, go out and make adifference in someone's day, be
a positive impact for someonenearby or far away, so that we
can all connect a little betteras humans on this planet that we
share together.
Thanks for being with me on theOrdinary Doula podcast.
This is Angie Rozier and I hopeto see you again next time.

Speaker 1 (11:39):
Thank you for listening to the Ordinary Doula
podcast with Angie Rozier,hosted by Birth Learning.
Episode credits will be in theshow notes Tune in next time as
we continue to explore the manyaspects of giving birth.