May 23, 2025 • 13 mins
We explore the contrasting needs and expectations of first-time parents versus experienced parents during the birth process, highlighting how support needs evolve with each birth experience.
• First-time parents have unique needs including education, emotional support, agency, and validation
• First-time parents often feel overwhelmed and need clear, compassionate explanations about the birth process
• Medical settings can make it difficult for first-time parents to advocate for themselves
• Experienced parents (multiparous) want their previous birth experiences acknowledged and respected
• Multiparous parents often have more decisive preferences based on past experiences
• Childcare logistics become a major consideration for parents having second or subsequent babies
• Statistics show 52% of Birth Learning doula clients are first-time parents, with numbers decreasing with each subsequent birth
• By third or fourth births, many parents have developed skills to advocate for themselves
• Experienced parents may face fear of known complications rather than fear of the unknown
• Continuous compassionate support benefits all birthing people regardless of how many births they've had
Please seek out a great doula in your area. It's a great team member to have on your side for a positive and empowering birth experience, whether it's your first or eleventh baby.
Visit our website, here: https://birthlearning.com/
Follow us on Facebook at Birth Learning
Follow us on Instagram at @birthlearning
Show Credits
Host: Angie Rosier
Music: Michael Hicks
Photographer: Toni Walker
Episode Artwork: Nick Greenwood
Producer: Gillian Rosier Frampton
Voiceover: Ryan Parker
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to the Ordinary Doula Podcast with
Angie Rozier, hosted by BirthLearning, where we help prepare
folks for labor and birth withexpertise coming from 20 years
of experience in a busy doulapractice, helping thousands of
people prepare for labor,providing essential knowledge
and tools for positive andempowering birth experiences.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hello and welcome to the Ordinary Deal podcast once
again.
Glad to have you here.
My name is Angie Rozier andtoday we are going to be talking
about what it is that peoplewant from their birth experience
.
But we're going to narrow itdown to two different groups.
We're going to talk aboutfirst-time parents and then what
we call multiparous, or parentshaving second, third, fourth,
(01:13):
tenth children and kind of whatit is they're looking for.
So first-time parents are goingto look at this through a
little bit different lens, ofcourse, than those who have been
around the block before.
First-time parents have uniqueneeds and priorities.
A lot of times they desireinformation right, they're kind
of a blank slate and they needthat education.
They want clear, compassionateexplanation of what is happening
(01:35):
leading up to the birth process.
Maybe in those prenatal visitswith their provider they're
going to want to kind of knowwhat's going on.
They will have questions.
A lot of those questions,because they're a first timer,
may seem to the provider mundane, ridiculous and kind of get
brushed off.
I hear that all the time frompeople like, ah, they didn't
(01:56):
really care, they said, yep,that's just part of pregnancy.
But they do want validation ofwhat they're feeling for this
first time, whether emotional orphysical.
They do also want emotionalsupport.
They want reassurance and acontinuous presence, kind of
somebody they can turn to andtalk to and ask questions to and
get positive encouragement from.
That's kind of key to have themhaving a good experience.
(02:18):
They're kind of entering theunknown right.
This is uncharted territory.
They don't know what to expect.
Some of them go into it full offear and terror.
Others go into it andcompletely naive and excited.
There's no wrong way to go intoit.
But going into it educated isgoing to be helpful.
But calm guidance can matter alot.
They want to kind of knowwhat's normal as they're going
(02:39):
through the process.
They also want informed consentand a sense of autonomy or
agency.
They may be afraid of notknowing enough or of speaking up
, having the voice to speak upIf they're in a new setting.
I don't know about you, butwhen I go to I don't know a
doctor's appointment or adentist appointment.
I don't advocate for myself.
I don't ask a ton of questionslike hey, what are you doing and
(03:01):
why are you doing it?
Is this going to be good for me?
Is there something else wecould do for me?
So in medical settings.
A lot of times like thatdoesn't apply to all medical
settings, but in the space oflabor and birth it does apply.
Understand, make sure youunderstand what's going on and
be able to speak up and kind ofhave a voice.
(03:22):
They do appreciate first time.
Parents appreciate when writerspause, just take a pause when
they explain things, when theylisten intently and sincerely to
questions and take the time toanswer questions, and then when
consent is sought right,whenever anything is done, that
they seek out consent from thepatient.
(03:42):
And then again that validationthey want to feel heard.
It might be validation aboutpain, might be validation about
fear, it might be validationabout excitement, and sincere
validation is, of course, mostimportant.
A lot of first time parents aregoing to feel overwhelmed with
this new information or whensomething unexpected happens,
they think you know, they justconsider things are going to go
a certain way, it's going to begreat.
(04:03):
And when there's a twist in theplot like wait, wait, what's
what's going on?
We hadn't anticipated this.
Some first time parents feelpressure from family, from
friends, from their family orcommunity culture about how
birth should go and it's hardlike for anyone to force birth
to go, how it should go right.
There's a lot of factorsinvolved, so it's nice to be
(04:27):
informed, yet flexible, abouthow things should go.
So those are again some needsof first time parents.
Just to recap, real quickeducation, information,
emotional support andreassurance agency or autonomy
and informed consent.
And then validation assuranceagency or autonomy and informed
consent, and then validation.
Now, in my mind because thisyou know, as from my doula
(04:49):
perspective I'm like boom, adoula can help meet all of those
expectations and desires offirst time parents.
Great team member to have onyour team is having that
continuous compassionate support.
Okay, let's move on to what wecall multiparous, or people
having second, third, fourth.
Multiparity is just more thanone.
Primiparous is having firstbaby and then multiparous is
(05:12):
having any baby after that.
So these people have beenaround the block before, right,
like they know a little bit ofwhat to expect.
Maybe they had a greatexperience last time.
Maybe they had a toughexperience.
Usually it was maybe a longerexperience than they're going to
have with a second or third orfourth baby.
Not always, but these peoplekind of know more what to expect
(05:32):
.
They don't go into this with ablank slate.
They do have some experiencehere.
So their needs and prioritiesare a little bit different.
What they would like from thosesurrounding them is respect for
their experience, their one,two, three, eight, whatever,
however many birth experiencesthey've had.
They often want their previousbirths to be acknowledged.
They may want things done alittle bit differently.
(05:55):
A lot of times people make asmall adjustment or a slight
tweak in what they liked andwhat they wanted based on what
they learned last time, andsometimes these learnings layer
upon each other.
They also want autonomy.
They may be more decisive thistime, but I definitely want this
.
I don't want that.
They want some kind ofefficiency as well, so which
(06:17):
meaning they might review fewerinterventions unless necessary.
Maybe they had great experiencewith interventions last time,
maybe they didn't, but theymight want something a little
bit different the second time orthird time or fourth time.
They also another factor thatwe're looking at here,
inevitably for most in thissituation, is child care
logistics.
(06:37):
So often, you know, on second,third, fourth babies, we have
these other factors calledchildren, other babies, toddlers
, whatever that might be.
So when labor begins or wheninductions happen, where are
those other kids?
When they're away from thoseother children for whatever
period of time for care, whetherthat's their hospital time.
(07:00):
Some people I was just at thehospital this last week and I
think it was this couple's fifthbaby and they just hung out at
the hospital.
So it was the mom, the dad andthe brand new baby.
They did not have their otherfour children come meet that
baby at the hospital.
They maximized their stay atthe hospital because they said
(07:20):
we know as soon as we, thoseother kids come into this
experience, they'll be hereforever.
So they were kind of guardingand protecting their time just
with one newborn rather thanwith all of their children.
And that's how they chose to doit.
Where I have other people whoyou know, hour two, hour one
they're going to bring in, theywant to bring it as soon as they
(07:41):
can.
They want to involve otherchildren and bring them all into
the hospital in a hospitalsetting.
Some of them will have thoseother children as well come to
the birth.
So people just kind of approachthis a little bit differently
with their other children.
So this you know, when you'rein a long labor, who's taking
care of these other kids for along hospital stay few days ago
(08:07):
and we had a patient who I thinkit was her seventh baby and she
was super eager to get home.
She's like I got to get home tomy kids and her provider's like
I think you I know what you'regoing home to.
I think you should hang out alittle longer, get yourself
taken care of.
Let us kind of pamper you alittle bit.
Take care of you before it isyou know, you go back to the
(08:27):
responsibilities of all the kids, so could go a couple different
ways.
There are some uniquechallenges that experienced
parents may face is having pasttrauma from previous births or
past negative experiences.
So that can bring a whole newkind of fear, not fear of the
unknown but fear of the known,which is sometimes scarier.
(08:48):
So they might be nervous aboutwhat had happened in their last
birth and it's wonderful whenthe staff and those supporting
them can again respect theirexperiences.
They want those otherexperiences to be acknowledged.
And also another thing is beingdismissed Sometimes like ah,
you've done this before, youdon't need da-da-da whether
(09:09):
that's the education, thesupport, but perhaps they do,
they need that care.
We'll find a lot of times busyparents.
Who cares for busy parents?
Who takes care of them?
Who checks in on them?
Hardly anyone, right.
So this might be a little kindof a little place where they can
be taking care of both the momand the dad during this new, new
experience.
(09:30):
So that's you know, just alittle bit to highlight the
differences and needs anddesires of people having their
first baby versus people havingsecond, third, fourth, you know,
multiple deliveries.
It's always an important event.
It's an exciting experience formost, not for all, but it is
(09:50):
one we want to approach uniquely, if we can, respectfully and
providing a lot of support.
Again, I'm going to, you know,go for that.
Doula support Could be veryhelpful in both situations.
In our research we have foundthat most of our clients are
first-time parents and then itkind of drops pretty good
(10:12):
percentage.
Actually, let me see if I canfind the percentage of those.
I just had them up.
Um, the vast majority of ourclients are first time parents
52%.
Um 28% of our clients arehaving their second baby.
12% of our clients are havingtheir third baby, 12% of our
clients are having their thirdbaby.
Then it kind of just it cuts inhalf, actually almost in half,
(10:35):
by every first, second, third,fourth, fifth.
So 7% of our clients are havingtheir fourth baby, 1% of
clients having their fifth babyand less than one are having
their sixth baby.
So we have helped a few peoplewith six deliveries.
That's kind of rare and itdoesn't show having their sixth
baby.
So we have helped a few peoplewith six deliveries.
That's kind of rare and itdoesn't show up statistically
very strong.
But most of our clients arehaving their first baby and 52%
(10:59):
then half that again at almostat 28 are having their second.
Some people in our research wefound that after a first and
second baby, if they wentcontinued on to have other
children, they were pretty solidin what they wanted and what
they knew and the skills theyhad acquired by using doula
support so they could advocatepretty well.
They knew how to talk to thestaff.
(11:21):
They knew what comfort measuresworked for them and what they
liked.
So that was part of the dropoff, and a part of the drop off
obviously is not.
A lot of people have a lot ofchildren, right.
So a part of the drop-offobviously is not.
A lot of people have a lot ofchildren, right.
So a lot of people don't have athird or fourth, fifth or sixth
baby.
We have helped people with their11th baby, not all 10 before
that, but we have helped peoplewith 11th babies and a few
(11:42):
seventh and eighths and thingslike that, but by and large we
are helping those primiparousparents, which is, in our minds,
a great place to start, startat the beginning, right.
So people get that positive andempowering birth experience
before you know, right at theonset, before they ever get into
having multiple pregnanciesafter that, and hopefully that
(12:04):
can set their journey on apositive path, because we know
when a pregnancy, labor andbirth and postpartum goes well,
that's going to impact thehealth outcomes physically and
emotionally and cost outcomestoo for the health of the entire
family.
So that's always our goal isthat people have positive and
encouraging, empowering birthexperiences, whether it's their
(12:25):
first or their 11th baby.
They need to be supported inthat and doulas help to provide
that care.
So seek out a great doula inyour area.
See what you can find and whatsupport is available to you.
It's a great team member of theteam to have on your side.
This wraps it up for today.
Thanks so much for being herewith us on the Ordinary Doula
Podcast.
This is Angie Rozier, your host, and please reach out to
(12:47):
someone today.
Make a good connection.
Tell someone you love them,tell someone.
You appreciate them.
Let them know that you care.
It'll make a difference in yourday and in theirs.
Hope to see you next time.
Have a great day.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Thank you for listening to the Ordinary Doula
podcast with Angie Rozier,hosted by Birth Learning.
Episode credits will be in theshow notes Tune in next time as
we continue to explore the manyaspects of giving birth.
Welcome to the Ordinary Doula Podcast with
Angie Rozier, hosted by BirthLearning, where we help prepare
folks for labor and birth withexpertise coming from 20 years
of experience in a busy doulapractice, helping thousands of
people prepare for labor,providing essential knowledge
and tools for positive andempowering birth experiences.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hello and welcome to the Ordinary Deal podcast once
again.
Glad to have you here.
My name is Angie Rozier andtoday we are going to be talking
about what it is that peoplewant from their birth experience
.
But we're going to narrow itdown to two different groups.
We're going to talk aboutfirst-time parents and then what
we call multiparous, or parentshaving second, third, fourth,
(01:13):
tenth children and kind of whatit is they're looking for.
So first-time parents are goingto look at this through a
little bit different lens, ofcourse, than those who have been
around the block before.
First-time parents have uniqueneeds and priorities.
A lot of times they desireinformation right, they're kind
of a blank slate and they needthat education.
They want clear, compassionateexplanation of what is happening
(01:35):
leading up to the birth process.
Maybe in those prenatal visitswith their provider they're
going to want to kind of knowwhat's going on.
They will have questions.
A lot of those questions,because they're a first timer,
may seem to the provider mundane, ridiculous and kind of get
brushed off.
I hear that all the time frompeople like, ah, they didn't
(01:56):
really care, they said, yep,that's just part of pregnancy.
But they do want validation ofwhat they're feeling for this
first time, whether emotional orphysical.
They do also want emotionalsupport.
They want reassurance and acontinuous presence, kind of
somebody they can turn to andtalk to and ask questions to and
get positive encouragement from.
That's kind of key to have themhaving a good experience.
(02:18):
They're kind of entering theunknown right.
This is uncharted territory.
They don't know what to expect.
Some of them go into it full offear and terror.
Others go into it andcompletely naive and excited.
There's no wrong way to go intoit.
But going into it educated isgoing to be helpful.
But calm guidance can matter alot.
They want to kind of knowwhat's normal as they're going
(02:39):
through the process.
They also want informed consentand a sense of autonomy or
agency.
They may be afraid of notknowing enough or of speaking up
, having the voice to speak upIf they're in a new setting.
I don't know about you, butwhen I go to I don't know a
doctor's appointment or adentist appointment.
I don't advocate for myself.
I don't ask a ton of questionslike hey, what are you doing and
(03:01):
why are you doing it?
Is this going to be good for me?
Is there something else wecould do for me?
So in medical settings.
A lot of times like thatdoesn't apply to all medical
settings, but in the space oflabor and birth it does apply.
Understand, make sure youunderstand what's going on and
be able to speak up and kind ofhave a voice.
(03:22):
They do appreciate first time.
Parents appreciate when writerspause, just take a pause when
they explain things, when theylisten intently and sincerely to
questions and take the time toanswer questions, and then when
consent is sought right,whenever anything is done, that
they seek out consent from thepatient.
(03:42):
And then again that validationthey want to feel heard.
It might be validation aboutpain, might be validation about
fear, it might be validationabout excitement, and sincere
validation is, of course, mostimportant.
A lot of first time parents aregoing to feel overwhelmed with
this new information or whensomething unexpected happens,
they think you know, they justconsider things are going to go
a certain way, it's going to begreat.
(04:03):
And when there's a twist in theplot like wait, wait, what's
what's going on?
We hadn't anticipated this.
Some first time parents feelpressure from family, from
friends, from their family orcommunity culture about how
birth should go and it's hardlike for anyone to force birth
to go, how it should go right.
There's a lot of factorsinvolved, so it's nice to be
(04:27):
informed, yet flexible, abouthow things should go.
So those are again some needsof first time parents.
Just to recap, real quickeducation, information,
emotional support andreassurance agency or autonomy
and informed consent.
And then validation assuranceagency or autonomy and informed
consent, and then validation.
Now, in my mind because thisyou know, as from my doula
(04:49):
perspective I'm like boom, adoula can help meet all of those
expectations and desires offirst time parents.
Great team member to have onyour team is having that
continuous compassionate support.
Okay, let's move on to what wecall multiparous, or people
having second, third, fourth.
Multiparity is just more thanone.
Primiparous is having firstbaby and then multiparous is
(05:12):
having any baby after that.
So these people have beenaround the block before, right,
like they know a little bit ofwhat to expect.
Maybe they had a greatexperience last time.
Maybe they had a toughexperience.
Usually it was maybe a longerexperience than they're going to
have with a second or third orfourth baby.
Not always, but these peoplekind of know more what to expect
(05:32):
.
They don't go into this with ablank slate.
They do have some experiencehere.
So their needs and prioritiesare a little bit different.
What they would like from thosesurrounding them is respect for
their experience, their one,two, three, eight, whatever,
however many birth experiencesthey've had.
They often want their previousbirths to be acknowledged.
They may want things done alittle bit differently.
(05:55):
A lot of times people make asmall adjustment or a slight
tweak in what they liked andwhat they wanted based on what
they learned last time, andsometimes these learnings layer
upon each other.
They also want autonomy.
They may be more decisive thistime, but I definitely want this
.
I don't want that.
They want some kind ofefficiency as well, so which
(06:17):
meaning they might review fewerinterventions unless necessary.
Maybe they had great experiencewith interventions last time,
maybe they didn't, but theymight want something a little
bit different the second time orthird time or fourth time.
They also another factor thatwe're looking at here,
inevitably for most in thissituation, is child care
logistics.
(06:37):
So often, you know, on second,third, fourth babies, we have
these other factors calledchildren, other babies, toddlers
, whatever that might be.
So when labor begins or wheninductions happen, where are
those other kids?
When they're away from thoseother children for whatever
period of time for care, whetherthat's their hospital time.
(07:00):
Some people I was just at thehospital this last week and I
think it was this couple's fifthbaby and they just hung out at
the hospital.
So it was the mom, the dad andthe brand new baby.
They did not have their otherfour children come meet that
baby at the hospital.
They maximized their stay atthe hospital because they said
(07:20):
we know as soon as we, thoseother kids come into this
experience, they'll be hereforever.
So they were kind of guardingand protecting their time just
with one newborn rather thanwith all of their children.
And that's how they chose to doit.
Where I have other people whoyou know, hour two, hour one
they're going to bring in, theywant to bring it as soon as they
(07:41):
can.
They want to involve otherchildren and bring them all into
the hospital in a hospitalsetting.
Some of them will have thoseother children as well come to
the birth.
So people just kind of approachthis a little bit differently
with their other children.
So this you know, when you'rein a long labor, who's taking
care of these other kids for along hospital stay few days ago
(08:07):
and we had a patient who I thinkit was her seventh baby and she
was super eager to get home.
She's like I got to get home tomy kids and her provider's like
I think you I know what you'regoing home to.
I think you should hang out alittle longer, get yourself
taken care of.
Let us kind of pamper you alittle bit.
Take care of you before it isyou know, you go back to the
(08:27):
responsibilities of all the kids, so could go a couple different
ways.
There are some uniquechallenges that experienced
parents may face is having pasttrauma from previous births or
past negative experiences.
So that can bring a whole newkind of fear, not fear of the
unknown but fear of the known,which is sometimes scarier.
(08:48):
So they might be nervous aboutwhat had happened in their last
birth and it's wonderful whenthe staff and those supporting
them can again respect theirexperiences.
They want those otherexperiences to be acknowledged.
And also another thing is beingdismissed Sometimes like ah,
you've done this before, youdon't need da-da-da whether
(09:09):
that's the education, thesupport, but perhaps they do,
they need that care.
We'll find a lot of times busyparents.
Who cares for busy parents?
Who takes care of them?
Who checks in on them?
Hardly anyone, right.
So this might be a little kindof a little place where they can
be taking care of both the momand the dad during this new, new
experience.
(09:30):
So that's you know, just alittle bit to highlight the
differences and needs anddesires of people having their
first baby versus people havingsecond, third, fourth, you know,
multiple deliveries.
It's always an important event.
It's an exciting experience formost, not for all, but it is
(09:50):
one we want to approach uniquely, if we can, respectfully and
providing a lot of support.
Again, I'm going to, you know,go for that.
Doula support Could be veryhelpful in both situations.
In our research we have foundthat most of our clients are
first-time parents and then itkind of drops pretty good
(10:12):
percentage.
Actually, let me see if I canfind the percentage of those.
I just had them up.
Um, the vast majority of ourclients are first time parents
52%.
Um 28% of our clients arehaving their second baby.
12% of our clients are havingtheir third baby, 12% of our
clients are having their thirdbaby.
Then it kind of just it cuts inhalf, actually almost in half,
(10:35):
by every first, second, third,fourth, fifth.
So 7% of our clients are havingtheir fourth baby, 1% of
clients having their fifth babyand less than one are having
their sixth baby.
So we have helped a few peoplewith six deliveries.
That's kind of rare and itdoesn't show having their sixth
baby.
So we have helped a few peoplewith six deliveries.
That's kind of rare and itdoesn't show up statistically
very strong.
But most of our clients arehaving their first baby and 52%
(10:59):
then half that again at almostat 28 are having their second.
Some people in our research wefound that after a first and
second baby, if they wentcontinued on to have other
children, they were pretty solidin what they wanted and what
they knew and the skills theyhad acquired by using doula
support so they could advocatepretty well.
They knew how to talk to thestaff.
(11:21):
They knew what comfort measuresworked for them and what they
liked.
So that was part of the dropoff, and a part of the drop off
obviously is not.
A lot of people have a lot ofchildren, right.
So a part of the drop-offobviously is not.
A lot of people have a lot ofchildren, right.
So a lot of people don't have athird or fourth, fifth or sixth
baby.
We have helped people with their11th baby, not all 10 before
that, but we have helped peoplewith 11th babies and a few
(11:42):
seventh and eighths and thingslike that, but by and large we
are helping those primiparousparents, which is, in our minds,
a great place to start, startat the beginning, right.
So people get that positive andempowering birth experience
before you know, right at theonset, before they ever get into
having multiple pregnanciesafter that, and hopefully that
(12:04):
can set their journey on apositive path, because we know
when a pregnancy, labor andbirth and postpartum goes well,
that's going to impact thehealth outcomes physically and
emotionally and cost outcomestoo for the health of the entire
family.
So that's always our goal isthat people have positive and
encouraging, empowering birthexperiences, whether it's their
(12:25):
first or their 11th baby.
They need to be supported inthat and doulas help to provide
that care.
So seek out a great doula inyour area.
See what you can find and whatsupport is available to you.
It's a great team member of theteam to have on your side.
This wraps it up for today.
Thanks so much for being herewith us on the Ordinary Doula
Podcast.
This is Angie Rozier, your host, and please reach out to
(12:47):
someone today.
Make a good connection.
Tell someone you love them,tell someone.
You appreciate them.
Let them know that you care.
It'll make a difference in yourday and in theirs.
Hope to see you next time.
Have a great day.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Thank you for listening to the Ordinary Doula
podcast with Angie Rozier,hosted by Birth Learning.
Episode credits will be in theshow notes Tune in next time as
we continue to explore the manyaspects of giving birth.
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