August 1, 2025 • 18 mins
Birth work involves witnessing both beautiful and difficult moments, creating an emotional weight that doulas carry alongside their clients. After 23 years as a birth doula, I've learned that acknowledging the challenging aspects of birth is essential for processing and growth.
• Difficult births create emotional weight even when outcomes are positive
• Recent challenging experiences include a four-hour medical emergency with a newborn who ultimately thrived
• VBACs that end in repeat cesareans can be particularly heartbreaking
• Birth can be traumatic even when there's a healthy outcome
• Medical providers often dismiss emotional trauma with statements like "at least you have a healthy baby"
• Doulas experience a unique emotional load due to their continuous relationship with clients
• Processing difficult experiences might involve talking with fellow doulas, writing, or sitting in silence
• Rituals like lighting candles can help process difficult birth experiences
• Hard moments become threads in a tapestry that shape us rather than shatter us
• Finding resilience means adapting to both triumphs and difficulties
Reach out to someone you know who has experienced a difficult time. Make a human connection - you'll both be better for it.
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Show Credits
Host: Angie Rosier
Music: Michael Hicks
Photographer: Toni Walker
Episode Artwork: Nick Greenwood
Producer: Gillian Rosier Frampton
Voiceover: Ryan Parker
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to the Ordinary Doula Podcast with
Angie Rozier, hosted by BirthLearning, where we help prepare
folks for labor and birth withexpertise coming from 20 years
of experience in a busy doulapractice Helping thousands of
people prepare for labor,providing essential knowledge
(00:38):
and tools for positive andempowering birth experiences.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Hi, my name is Angie Rozier and this is the Ordinary
Doula podcast.
With this podcast, we like totalk about a lot of things
regarding birth, postpartum,breastfeeding, preparing for
birth, what labor's like.
I've been a birth doula forgosh 22, 23 years now and just
(01:08):
like to kind of pull together alot of experiences and hopefully
share them in a way that willbe helpful.
Over the last few months I'vebeen thinking about it yeah,
probably this whole year justkind of putting these hard
pieces on a shelf and saying,gosh, that was tough, that was
(01:31):
hard.
There are parts of birth thatare challenging.
I think you know a lot of timeswhen people envision a doula,
they're like, oh, this isawesome, birth is great and it's
all pretty amazing and happy.
You get to see babies bornregularly and, while that's true
, you also get to see a lot ofdifficult and hard things and
(01:51):
the capacity of human spirit,human heart, human body, which
takes you to some pretty heavyplaces.
So I want to talk a little bitabout that, the stuff that's
difficult and hard, and doulaswitness a lot of amazing things
and a lot of hard things.
So kind of like holding theheavy is what we're going to
talk about and what that's like,as I've been kind of putting
(02:14):
these hard things on a shelf.
These are kind of things thatjust make you want to weep.
They're the tough stuff, um, asyou witness.
A lot of it is just in thewitnessing right, being with and
being with people while theyexperience grief or trauma.
Um, that can be reallydifficult and and can be a heavy
load to carry.
So I've been thinking over thispast several months some
(02:35):
amazing births, for sure, but,um, also some really tough ones,
some some things that areheartbreaking for me to watch
and for other people, of course,to experience, because it is
their birth and their life andtheir experience, and they do
just make you want to weep.
There was a difficult probablyone of the most difficult
situations I was in a few monthsago where it was a four hour
(02:59):
long situation and we were justkind of watching to see if this
baby was going to live for fourlong hours and the work was so
urgent that it was being doneright in the room with the mom
and dad.
So it was me, mom, dad, allsitting there just feet away,
where they're working on thisbaby for a long time Happy to
(03:20):
report right off the bat thatthat baby, miraculously and
remarkably, is doing amazing.
But for quite a while there itwas really touch and go to know
one if she was going to make it,and then two what kind of a
life she might have if she didmake it.
And she's the sweetest little,spunky little thing at this
point.
But it was hard waiting forthat.
(03:42):
Another difficult one recentlyv-backs.
I love v-backs.
I've supported dozens anddozens of v-backs over my career
and usually I call them the vand v-back is for victorious,
because I love it when we have avictorious v-back, when that
client gets um what she washoping for and dreaming for,
which, which is usually the case.
(04:03):
But there are someheartbreaking VBACs too and
recently a VBAC that was prettytough, that became a repeat
C-section and then thatC-section went really difficult
and challenging, which made therecovery difficult and
challenging physically, which ofcourse leads to the emotionally
, and so, yeah, that was toughstuff too.
There's also recently a birththat was um urgent, like it was
(04:29):
the first time baby and heartrate wasn't doing well, and
they're looking at doing aC-section and this baby was just
so close.
But you know, with first timebabies.
You don't know how long themom's going to need to push it.
It's going to be one hour, twohours, three hours, which is
common.
This baby wasn't going to dowell with any kind of length of
pushing, but it was the firsttime baby, um.
So got the mom totally readyfor a C-section and stopped the
(04:53):
contractions with tributyline,dosed the epidural for a
cesarean, which is a reallyheavy dose.
But the baby was so, so, so,very close and the heart rate
was doing well enough to kind oftry pushing, and so they just
told the mom to push with allher might.
We were in the OR and she did,but she couldn't feel anything
and she didn't have anycontractions.
So it's kind of put her in atricky spot.
But the roller coaster of thisright the ups and the downs,
(05:16):
like, and when your expectationsshift from one moment to the
next like, oh, this is awesome,we're having a baby soon to oh,
we might be having a crashsection, to oh, maybe not to.
And thankfully that baby wasborn vaginally in the OR, which
was pretty wild, it was prettycool.
But there's all these amazingstories and there's the hard
(05:37):
parts to them, even if it's agood outcome and a good ending.
There are hard parts, so that'skind of what I want to talk
about a little bit.
A lot of times, doulas are justholding a hand, whispering
encouragement, you know,celebrating life's beautiful
beginning, which is that'snormally what we like to do,
right.
But there's a heavier side, aquiet side.
That definitely is a piece ofthis work and that's kind of
(06:00):
what I want to talk about it.
We're not just there for thegood outcomes.
We're also present andwitnessing when things are
falling apart, when things shiftsuddenly, when there's silence,
when there's heartbreak, youknow, and a lot of times, of
course, this leads to physicaland emotional trauma and we get
to witness that and thatactually, gosh, builds a lot of
(06:22):
who I am over the years and andI feel grateful, somberly
grateful, for those difficultexperiences as well.
So let's just say it like birthcan be traumatic, for sure.
Even when a baby is bornhealthy and everything's fine, a
birth can be difficult.
Even when no one did anythingwrong, when nothing terrible
(06:44):
happened, it can still be verydifficult, even if it was
everything somebody wanted.
Even when there's joy, therecan still be sorrow, right,
there can still be harm done insome way, even with a good
outcome, and a lot of times Ithink our hospital staff negates
that.
They're like well, at least youhave a healthy baby, or at
least you know, at least you're,you're both here.
We have healthy baby, healthymom and, yes, well, that's the
(07:05):
premier goal.
Um, there's a lot of mourningwhen other goals are discarded
along the way.
So maybe you know we've even.
This is difficult to watch too.
Seeing somebody be completelyignored, like a birthing person
is absolutely ignored, or theirdesires or their wishes are
ignored, or they're mocked orthey're discarded.
(07:25):
That is incredibly frustrating.
And to be the person to standup and advocate for that, that's
work, that's a lot of work.
Or there's loss.
There's some kinds of loss thatjust leave no words.
There's nothing you can say ordo that's going to make anything
better, and a lot of times insituations like that, silence
(07:46):
presence, but silence is kind ofkey.
So if you've been there, youknow, you know what it's like is
kind of key.
So if you've been there, youknow, you know what it's like.
There's an interesting kind ofgrief in just being a quiet
witness to the heart of humanity, and definitely childbirth
encompasses a lot of that.
So sometimes you are holdingback your own tears, your own
(08:06):
fears, your own feelings.
Sometimes I want to crySometimes, you know, I'm amazed
sometimes at how my clientshandle things when I'm feel like
, wow, are you falling apartLike I feel like I want to fall
apart for you, and sometimesthey are falling apart, right,
and you have to be there to kindof hold and pick up the pieces.
(08:27):
So I want to talk about acouple of things that we can do
with that and some, maybe somehelps that can then help us
along the way.
And sometimes it's just talkingabout it, right, just
addressing it as it is, givingpermission to address things.
As I visited recently, my VBACmom who did not get a VBAC had a
(08:48):
repeat C-section.
That went pretty rough.
I did her postpartum visit andwe just acknowledged, like man,
that was hard.
We'd had a phone conversationabout it as well, but I let her
explore first how she felt aboutit, right, and that had changed
over time, like the day ithappened was a little bit
(09:09):
different and so much was goingon.
That's a lot to process.
A couple of days later she wasin a different place and talking
about it differently.
A couple weeks later, when wemet again, a little more time to
process and that will continueto go.
So sometimes like, yeah, justacknowledging that that was
tough or that was not okay, Ididn't like how your provider
(09:31):
addressed this or approachedthat part, but not and obviously
being very careful not toimpose increased challenge on
anyone.
But but I can feel grief andsorrow, even if it's not my baby
or my body or my family, justbeing there, getting a front row
seat to that.
That can be difficult.
(09:51):
So, yeah, naming naming is thefirst act kind of cracks, puts a
crack in the armor that, um,that we so often are wearing.
And, and sometimes for me,after a difficult birth, um, I
like to process it with someone.
A lot of times it's anotherdoula, because they just get it.
So I'll have colleagues,comrades in the work that I can
(10:12):
talk to and say, man, this issuper tough and they get it.
If I were to process that witha nurse or a doctor or a midwife
, it'll be a little bitdifferent.
I do process things withproviders and other caregivers
that were there, but theirperspective is just a little bit
different.
A lot of times they're notgoing to be in that person's
home sitting on their couch nextweek, you know, discussing this
(10:35):
with them, watching them cryabout it.
They weren't in their homeprenatally for several hours,
hearing how badly they wantedwhatever kind of birth it was
that they wanted and then didn'tget.
So that load, that emotionalload, is something that's pretty
specific to a doula.
There are some amazing nurses,providers, but their touch
points are quite different.
They're more clinical.
(10:55):
A nurse right is never going tosee that patient again.
Probably A provider may.
A lot of water crosses underthe bridge before they do and
the visits are very short.
They don't have time usuallyfor processing, so that a lot of
times that's where you hold theheavy with them.
So that a lot of times that'swhere you hold the heavy with
them.
So this isn't really, you know,about solving anything.
It's just about how to dealwith what we have, sometimes
(11:19):
with that processing, which Ifind to be very helpful,
sometimes writing things downright or just sitting in silence
.
Sometimes I'll sit in my carjust a few minutes after a
difficult birth, even if I'm soexhausted I've been up all night
or two nights I'll come homeand just kind of sit in it and
let myself feel those thingsright and also just honoring,
(11:42):
honoring everything, thatsomething has happened,
something difficult, somethingsacred, something is triumphant.
You know there's lots ofdifferent emotions.
We can roll into that, even ifit's messy, even if it hurts,
something happened and otherthings you can do.
Yeah, as we talked about,speaking with somebody who knows
and gets it realize that you'renot alone.
(12:02):
There's other people who dounderstand what it is you're
going through, whether you'rethe person that had a
challenging birth or you're adoula who was a part of the
challenging birth.
But we're not meant to do thisabsolutely by ourselves.
We that's not possible.
We need to kind of lean on eachother.
So, speaking about resilience,right, like there's some births
that make me want to retire.
I'm like I can't do thisanymore.
(12:24):
I don't want to do this anymore, but the finding a piece of
strength to go on, knowing it'simportant to do this hard work,
knowing that there's plenty ofamazing along the way, right, I
feel so fortunate to have thisrole as a doula and IBCLC
lactation consultant, postpartumdoula to impact people, and
(12:48):
hopefully in positive ways, atthis very pivotal time in their
life.
It's such an incredible honor.
So this is about adaptingadapting the good with the hard,
adapting the triumphs with theheavy and carrying what you've
seen, what you've felt, whatyou've heard, what you've
witnessed, with tenderness foryou and tenderness for others.
And as you do so, that willbenefit others as you move
(13:11):
forward.
So allowing these birthexperiences to shape you, not to
shatter you, not to crush youSometimes they do but let them
just help you to grow and learnand experience in ways you may
not otherwise be able to.
So every hard moment can justkind of and I feel this, like I
feel this building Everydifficult moment can come become
(13:33):
a tapestry sorry, a thread anda tapestry of who you are, as a
doula or as a person you know,as somebody has an experience
with a difficult birth in theirlife.
Speaking, I'm kind of thinkingof the client where we were
watching the baby for four hoursto see if this little baby was
going to make it man that solid,that solidified some mom and
(13:53):
dad roles in a unique way there,that they probably learned a
lot from right.
This doesn't agonisticallydefine us, but reminding
ourselves that as we show up andkeep showing up, then that's
going to be what's important.
So, to those of you who arelistening, they're holding
something hard, holdingsomething heavy.
(14:13):
Maybe it's a story, a silence,kind of a moment that just won't
leave you, or those momentsthat build over time.
Just know you're not alone.
You're allowed to feel that,you're allowed to hurt, you're
allowed to heal.
You're not alone.
So hopefully you can find somekind of ritual.
Sometimes rituals help, whetherthat's doing some deep breathing
, right.
(14:33):
Some rituals that we use withour clients all the time can be
applied to us as well, or anyone, as they're dealing with
difficult things.
Some people will.
You know, fire, I think, isamazing, whether it's a candle
or a campfire.
Lighting a candle and justspending a little time looking
at that, just kind of processingit.
Your brain watching somethingactive, something that's has a
(14:57):
little life of its own, and howit jumps and changes.
That could be watching a streamor watching a camp or watching
a baby, you know, very kind offocuses and watches babies too.
That can be healing.
It can also, you know, touch onsome trauma for sure.
So I just want you to kind ofrealize that.
I want to acknowledge thatthere is hard stuff, right,
(15:19):
there are difficult things, andto kind of know that.
So being a doula means touchingon both life and loss, triumph
and tragedy.
It all is wrapped up togetherand it means not just showing up
and being there wheneverything's amazing, but also
when it's silent and when it'shard, and there's a certain kind
(15:39):
of love that comes into, thatkind of a love of humanity which
I feel so absolutely honored tobe a part of.
I know, you know, as I havekids who are now growing up and
entering the workforce andchoosing professions.
One of them said to me theother day she's like mom.
I thought that everyone waspassionate about what they did
in life and that adults had jobsthat they absolutely loved.
(16:02):
But now, as I'm entering theworkforce and I'm an adult
myself, I'm finding that that isso, um, it's kind of rare and
it's such a gift to have a jobthat you're actually that you
are absolutely passionate aboutand absolutely love.
So, while this is hard, I cansay I am very passionate about
it and absolutely love it.
The hard thing has taught me alot about the good things.
(16:23):
The tragedies taught me a lotabout triumph, and I'm so
grateful as I look back on myexperiences, grateful for the
clients who have shared thosehard things with me.
I hold them in my heart really,really deeply and in a place of
precious honor and I rememberthem.
I think back often on clientsthat have had difficult things
(16:45):
and I ponder on them, I worryabout them, I think how they're
doing, and I'm grateful and Ikeep in touch with a lot of them
as well.
So it kind of formed thesepretty awesome bonds which I'm
grateful to be able toexperience.
So hopefully this isn't tooheavy of an episode.
But, yeah, I just wanted tokind of address some of the hard
, as I've pulled out some ofthose points throughout the year
(17:08):
and just acknowledge it that,yeah, this can be hard work,
whether you're the person havinga baby or somebody helping
someone have a baby.
Partners too right Partners canhave that difficult and that
hard.
So I think it's important toknow that, to know, just
acknowledge it, let it be thereand let it be the teacher that
it can be.
Hopefully you have someopportunities to learn from the
(17:29):
good and the bad, the heavy andthe light as you go through your
work and your experiences inlife.
Thanks so much for being herewith us today on the Ordinary
Doula podcast.
This is Angie Rozier signingoff and, as always, I want you
to just encourage you to reachout.
Maybe reach out to somebody whoyou know has had a hard or
difficult time.
(17:50):
Check in on them, make a humanconnection.
I know that you will be betterfor it, and so will they.
Hope you have a great one andwe'll see you next time.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Thank you for listening to the Ordinary Doula
Podcast with Angie Rozier,hosted by Birth Learning.
Episode credits will be in theshow notes Tune in next time as
we continue to explore the manyaspects of giving birth.
Thank you.
Welcome to the Ordinary Doula Podcast with
Angie Rozier, hosted by BirthLearning, where we help prepare
folks for labor and birth withexpertise coming from 20 years
of experience in a busy doulapractice Helping thousands of
people prepare for labor,providing essential knowledge
(00:38):
and tools for positive andempowering birth experiences.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Hi, my name is Angie Rozier and this is the Ordinary
Doula podcast.
With this podcast, we like totalk about a lot of things
regarding birth, postpartum,breastfeeding, preparing for
birth, what labor's like.
I've been a birth doula forgosh 22, 23 years now and just
(01:08):
like to kind of pull together alot of experiences and hopefully
share them in a way that willbe helpful.
Over the last few months I'vebeen thinking about it yeah,
probably this whole year justkind of putting these hard
pieces on a shelf and saying,gosh, that was tough, that was
(01:31):
hard.
There are parts of birth thatare challenging.
I think you know a lot of timeswhen people envision a doula,
they're like, oh, this isawesome, birth is great and it's
all pretty amazing and happy.
You get to see babies bornregularly and, while that's true
, you also get to see a lot ofdifficult and hard things and
(01:51):
the capacity of human spirit,human heart, human body, which
takes you to some pretty heavyplaces.
So I want to talk a little bitabout that, the stuff that's
difficult and hard, and doulaswitness a lot of amazing things
and a lot of hard things.
So kind of like holding theheavy is what we're going to
talk about and what that's like,as I've been kind of putting
(02:14):
these hard things on a shelf.
These are kind of things thatjust make you want to weep.
They're the tough stuff, um, asyou witness.
A lot of it is just in thewitnessing right, being with and
being with people while theyexperience grief or trauma.
Um, that can be reallydifficult and and can be a heavy
load to carry.
So I've been thinking over thispast several months some
(02:35):
amazing births, for sure, but,um, also some really tough ones,
some some things that areheartbreaking for me to watch
and for other people, of course,to experience, because it is
their birth and their life andtheir experience, and they do
just make you want to weep.
There was a difficult probablyone of the most difficult
situations I was in a few monthsago where it was a four hour
(02:59):
long situation and we were justkind of watching to see if this
baby was going to live for fourlong hours and the work was so
urgent that it was being doneright in the room with the mom
and dad.
So it was me, mom, dad, allsitting there just feet away,
where they're working on thisbaby for a long time Happy to
(03:20):
report right off the bat thatthat baby, miraculously and
remarkably, is doing amazing.
But for quite a while there itwas really touch and go to know
one if she was going to make it,and then two what kind of a
life she might have if she didmake it.
And she's the sweetest little,spunky little thing at this
point.
But it was hard waiting forthat.
(03:42):
Another difficult one recentlyv-backs.
I love v-backs.
I've supported dozens anddozens of v-backs over my career
and usually I call them the vand v-back is for victorious,
because I love it when we have avictorious v-back, when that
client gets um what she washoping for and dreaming for,
which, which is usually the case.
(04:03):
But there are someheartbreaking VBACs too and
recently a VBAC that was prettytough, that became a repeat
C-section and then thatC-section went really difficult
and challenging, which made therecovery difficult and
challenging physically, which ofcourse leads to the emotionally
, and so, yeah, that was toughstuff too.
There's also recently a birththat was um urgent, like it was
(04:29):
the first time baby and heartrate wasn't doing well, and
they're looking at doing aC-section and this baby was just
so close.
But you know, with first timebabies.
You don't know how long themom's going to need to push it.
It's going to be one hour, twohours, three hours, which is
common.
This baby wasn't going to dowell with any kind of length of
pushing, but it was the firsttime baby, um.
So got the mom totally readyfor a C-section and stopped the
(04:53):
contractions with tributyline,dosed the epidural for a
cesarean, which is a reallyheavy dose.
But the baby was so, so, so,very close and the heart rate
was doing well enough to kind oftry pushing, and so they just
told the mom to push with allher might.
We were in the OR and she did,but she couldn't feel anything
and she didn't have anycontractions.
So it's kind of put her in atricky spot.
But the roller coaster of thisright the ups and the downs,
(05:16):
like, and when your expectationsshift from one moment to the
next like, oh, this is awesome,we're having a baby soon to oh,
we might be having a crashsection, to oh, maybe not to.
And thankfully that baby wasborn vaginally in the OR, which
was pretty wild, it was prettycool.
But there's all these amazingstories and there's the hard
(05:37):
parts to them, even if it's agood outcome and a good ending.
There are hard parts, so that'skind of what I want to talk
about a little bit.
A lot of times, doulas are justholding a hand, whispering
encouragement, you know,celebrating life's beautiful
beginning, which is that'snormally what we like to do,
right.
But there's a heavier side, aquiet side.
That definitely is a piece ofthis work and that's kind of
(06:00):
what I want to talk about it.
We're not just there for thegood outcomes.
We're also present andwitnessing when things are
falling apart, when things shiftsuddenly, when there's silence,
when there's heartbreak, youknow, and a lot of times, of
course, this leads to physicaland emotional trauma and we get
to witness that and thatactually, gosh, builds a lot of
(06:22):
who I am over the years and andI feel grateful, somberly
grateful, for those difficultexperiences as well.
So let's just say it like birthcan be traumatic, for sure.
Even when a baby is bornhealthy and everything's fine, a
birth can be difficult.
Even when no one did anythingwrong, when nothing terrible
(06:44):
happened, it can still be verydifficult, even if it was
everything somebody wanted.
Even when there's joy, therecan still be sorrow, right,
there can still be harm done insome way, even with a good
outcome, and a lot of times Ithink our hospital staff negates
that.
They're like well, at least youhave a healthy baby, or at
least you know, at least you're,you're both here.
We have healthy baby, healthymom and, yes, well, that's the
(07:05):
premier goal.
Um, there's a lot of mourningwhen other goals are discarded
along the way.
So maybe you know we've even.
This is difficult to watch too.
Seeing somebody be completelyignored, like a birthing person
is absolutely ignored, or theirdesires or their wishes are
ignored, or they're mocked orthey're discarded.
(07:25):
That is incredibly frustrating.
And to be the person to standup and advocate for that, that's
work, that's a lot of work.
Or there's loss.
There's some kinds of loss thatjust leave no words.
There's nothing you can say ordo that's going to make anything
better, and a lot of times insituations like that, silence
(07:46):
presence, but silence is kind ofkey.
So if you've been there, youknow, you know what it's like is
kind of key.
So if you've been there, youknow, you know what it's like.
There's an interesting kind ofgrief in just being a quiet
witness to the heart of humanity, and definitely childbirth
encompasses a lot of that.
So sometimes you are holdingback your own tears, your own
(08:06):
fears, your own feelings.
Sometimes I want to crySometimes, you know, I'm amazed
sometimes at how my clientshandle things when I'm feel like
, wow, are you falling apartLike I feel like I want to fall
apart for you, and sometimesthey are falling apart, right,
and you have to be there to kindof hold and pick up the pieces.
(08:27):
So I want to talk about acouple of things that we can do
with that and some, maybe somehelps that can then help us
along the way.
And sometimes it's just talkingabout it, right, just
addressing it as it is, givingpermission to address things.
As I visited recently, my VBACmom who did not get a VBAC had a
(08:48):
repeat C-section.
That went pretty rough.
I did her postpartum visit andwe just acknowledged, like man,
that was hard.
We'd had a phone conversationabout it as well, but I let her
explore first how she felt aboutit, right, and that had changed
over time, like the day ithappened was a little bit
(09:09):
different and so much was goingon.
That's a lot to process.
A couple of days later she wasin a different place and talking
about it differently.
A couple weeks later, when wemet again, a little more time to
process and that will continueto go.
So sometimes like, yeah, justacknowledging that that was
tough or that was not okay, Ididn't like how your provider
(09:31):
addressed this or approachedthat part, but not and obviously
being very careful not toimpose increased challenge on
anyone.
But but I can feel grief andsorrow, even if it's not my baby
or my body or my family, justbeing there, getting a front row
seat to that.
That can be difficult.
(09:51):
So, yeah, naming naming is thefirst act kind of cracks, puts a
crack in the armor that, um,that we so often are wearing.
And, and sometimes for me,after a difficult birth, um, I
like to process it with someone.
A lot of times it's anotherdoula, because they just get it.
So I'll have colleagues,comrades in the work that I can
(10:12):
talk to and say, man, this issuper tough and they get it.
If I were to process that witha nurse or a doctor or a midwife
, it'll be a little bitdifferent.
I do process things withproviders and other caregivers
that were there, but theirperspective is just a little bit
different.
A lot of times they're notgoing to be in that person's
home sitting on their couch nextweek, you know, discussing this
(10:35):
with them, watching them cryabout it.
They weren't in their homeprenatally for several hours,
hearing how badly they wantedwhatever kind of birth it was
that they wanted and then didn'tget.
So that load, that emotionalload, is something that's pretty
specific to a doula.
There are some amazing nurses,providers, but their touch
points are quite different.
They're more clinical.
(10:55):
A nurse right is never going tosee that patient again.
Probably A provider may.
A lot of water crosses underthe bridge before they do and
the visits are very short.
They don't have time usuallyfor processing, so that a lot of
times that's where you hold theheavy with them.
So that a lot of times that'swhere you hold the heavy with
them.
So this isn't really, you know,about solving anything.
It's just about how to dealwith what we have, sometimes
(11:19):
with that processing, which Ifind to be very helpful,
sometimes writing things downright or just sitting in silence
.
Sometimes I'll sit in my carjust a few minutes after a
difficult birth, even if I'm soexhausted I've been up all night
or two nights I'll come homeand just kind of sit in it and
let myself feel those thingsright and also just honoring,
(11:42):
honoring everything, thatsomething has happened,
something difficult, somethingsacred, something is triumphant.
You know there's lots ofdifferent emotions.
We can roll into that, even ifit's messy, even if it hurts,
something happened and otherthings you can do.
Yeah, as we talked about,speaking with somebody who knows
and gets it realize that you'renot alone.
(12:02):
There's other people who dounderstand what it is you're
going through, whether you'rethe person that had a
challenging birth or you're adoula who was a part of the
challenging birth.
But we're not meant to do thisabsolutely by ourselves.
We that's not possible.
We need to kind of lean on eachother.
So, speaking about resilience,right, like there's some births
that make me want to retire.
I'm like I can't do thisanymore.
(12:24):
I don't want to do this anymore, but the finding a piece of
strength to go on, knowing it'simportant to do this hard work,
knowing that there's plenty ofamazing along the way, right, I
feel so fortunate to have thisrole as a doula and IBCLC
lactation consultant, postpartumdoula to impact people, and
(12:48):
hopefully in positive ways, atthis very pivotal time in their
life.
It's such an incredible honor.
So this is about adaptingadapting the good with the hard,
adapting the triumphs with theheavy and carrying what you've
seen, what you've felt, whatyou've heard, what you've
witnessed, with tenderness foryou and tenderness for others.
And as you do so, that willbenefit others as you move
(13:11):
forward.
So allowing these birthexperiences to shape you, not to
shatter you, not to crush youSometimes they do but let them
just help you to grow and learnand experience in ways you may
not otherwise be able to.
So every hard moment can justkind of and I feel this, like I
feel this building Everydifficult moment can come become
(13:33):
a tapestry sorry, a thread anda tapestry of who you are, as a
doula or as a person you know,as somebody has an experience
with a difficult birth in theirlife.
Speaking, I'm kind of thinkingof the client where we were
watching the baby for four hoursto see if this little baby was
going to make it man that solid,that solidified some mom and
(13:53):
dad roles in a unique way there,that they probably learned a
lot from right.
This doesn't agonisticallydefine us, but reminding
ourselves that as we show up andkeep showing up, then that's
going to be what's important.
So, to those of you who arelistening, they're holding
something hard, holdingsomething heavy.
(14:13):
Maybe it's a story, a silence,kind of a moment that just won't
leave you, or those momentsthat build over time.
Just know you're not alone.
You're allowed to feel that,you're allowed to hurt, you're
allowed to heal.
You're not alone.
So hopefully you can find somekind of ritual.
Sometimes rituals help, whetherthat's doing some deep breathing
, right.
(14:33):
Some rituals that we use withour clients all the time can be
applied to us as well, or anyone, as they're dealing with
difficult things.
Some people will.
You know, fire, I think, isamazing, whether it's a candle
or a campfire.
Lighting a candle and justspending a little time looking
at that, just kind of processingit.
Your brain watching somethingactive, something that's has a
(14:57):
little life of its own, and howit jumps and changes.
That could be watching a streamor watching a camp or watching
a baby, you know, very kind offocuses and watches babies too.
That can be healing.
It can also, you know, touch onsome trauma for sure.
So I just want you to kind ofrealize that.
I want to acknowledge thatthere is hard stuff, right,
(15:19):
there are difficult things, andto kind of know that.
So being a doula means touchingon both life and loss, triumph
and tragedy.
It all is wrapped up togetherand it means not just showing up
and being there wheneverything's amazing, but also
when it's silent and when it'shard, and there's a certain kind
(15:39):
of love that comes into, thatkind of a love of humanity which
I feel so absolutely honored tobe a part of.
I know, you know, as I havekids who are now growing up and
entering the workforce andchoosing professions.
One of them said to me theother day she's like mom.
I thought that everyone waspassionate about what they did
in life and that adults had jobsthat they absolutely loved.
(16:02):
But now, as I'm entering theworkforce and I'm an adult
myself, I'm finding that that isso, um, it's kind of rare and
it's such a gift to have a jobthat you're actually that you
are absolutely passionate aboutand absolutely love.
So, while this is hard, I cansay I am very passionate about
it and absolutely love it.
The hard thing has taught me alot about the good things.
(16:23):
The tragedies taught me a lotabout triumph, and I'm so
grateful as I look back on myexperiences, grateful for the
clients who have shared thosehard things with me.
I hold them in my heart really,really deeply and in a place of
precious honor and I rememberthem.
I think back often on clientsthat have had difficult things
(16:45):
and I ponder on them, I worryabout them, I think how they're
doing, and I'm grateful and Ikeep in touch with a lot of them
as well.
So it kind of formed thesepretty awesome bonds which I'm
grateful to be able toexperience.
So hopefully this isn't tooheavy of an episode.
But, yeah, I just wanted tokind of address some of the hard
, as I've pulled out some ofthose points throughout the year
(17:08):
and just acknowledge it that,yeah, this can be hard work,
whether you're the person havinga baby or somebody helping
someone have a baby.
Partners too right Partners canhave that difficult and that
hard.
So I think it's important toknow that, to know, just
acknowledge it, let it be thereand let it be the teacher that
it can be.
Hopefully you have someopportunities to learn from the
(17:29):
good and the bad, the heavy andthe light as you go through your
work and your experiences inlife.
Thanks so much for being herewith us today on the Ordinary
Doula podcast.
This is Angie Rozier signingoff and, as always, I want you
to just encourage you to reachout.
Maybe reach out to somebody whoyou know has had a hard or
difficult time.
(17:50):
Check in on them, make a humanconnection.
I know that you will be betterfor it, and so will they.
Hope you have a great one andwe'll see you next time.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Thank you for listening to the Ordinary Doula
Podcast with Angie Rozier,hosted by Birth Learning.
Episode credits will be in theshow notes Tune in next time as
we continue to explore the manyaspects of giving birth.
Thank you.
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