January 17, 2025 • 53 mins
Key Takeaways:
- The importance of completing our stress response cycles and it's relevance to the ways in which we hold and store stress, until the energy eventually manifests as illness or diseases.
- Sometimes, in the process of trying to numb the bad things, we end up forgetting the good things.
- The power in BEING still.
Dominiece Clifton and Kertia Jené explore the themes of self-worth, healing, and holistic wellness, through diving into a personal journey of spiritual guidance; highlighting the impact of trauma on the mind and body, and the importance of somatic practices in healing. They discuss the challenges of reconnecting with the body, the ongoing nature of the healing journey, and the significance of addressing unresolved trauma to achieve personal growth and self-discovery. In emphasizing the impact of fear on one's growth, they conclude on the importance of nurturing the mind, body, and spirit through intentional practices. Dominiece also shares the development of her 4% formula, and insights from her book 'Hold Space to Heal', which offers somatic practices for healing.
Instagram @dominiecerclifton
Find Dominiece at Move and Still for Wellness Solutions.
Take the Entrepreneurial Clarity Assessment to Gain Awareness & Grow Your Business!
Books mentioned:
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, Emily Nagoski
The Burnout Workbook: Advice and Exercises to Help You Unlock the Stress Cycle, Amelia and Emily Nagoski
Connect with us!!!
Instagram @discovertheothersideoffear
Youtube The Other Side of Fear Podcast
Kertia's Email: discovertheothersidepodcast@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kertia (00:00):
Happy New Year everyone.
I am so excited to get backinto this season.
I had some of the most amazingconversations with amazing
people doing phenomenal thingsin the world.
And speaking about the world,does anyone else feel like 2025
came in real hot, Like, oh mygoodness, there is just so much
(00:22):
happening right now?
But you do get to decide howyou want to contribute.
You do get to decide how youshow up in the world, how you
show up for yourselves, how youshow up in your lives, how you
show up for your loved ones, foryour community and in society.
And, speaking of which, I had aconversation with an amazing
(00:46):
human being, Dominiece Clifton.
She is a business strategistand founder and owner of Move
and Still located in the US, inMaryland.
She provides stress reductionand mindfulness services to
organizations and shefacilitates a lot of healing
practices such as yoga, breathwork, sound bath healing and a
(01:11):
plethora of somatic practices,all while working to empower
women to transform theirbusinesses and their lives.
And one thing that I reallyappreciated about this
conversation with Dominiece ishow she spoke about some of what
happens with the sympatheticnervous system and highlighted
what a fight, flight, freeze andfawn response might look like
(01:34):
in a modern context, andparticularly when she suggested
observing ourselves, so that wecan begin to recognize which of
these responses we lean moreheavily into.
Like think about what state offear you lean more heavily into,
and in recognizing that we canbetter learn and develop the
(01:55):
tools and practices that worksmore effectively to help us move
through a lot of the stressorsand difficulties that we
experience.
Now, With that being said,let's get into it.
Tell me about what your journeywas like.
Getting into that.
What was it?
That was that first initiationfor you?
(02:16):
Getting into healing, gettinginto the wellness space,
becoming a spiritual guide.
How was that for you?
Dominiece (02:23):
Yeah, thank you for asking that question and thank
you for having me on your showtoday.
So my entry into wellnessreally came after just going
through my own healing journeyand transformation.
I today am a somaticpractitioner and so I'm
certified in yoga, meditation,breath work, and recently I
added sound bath healing as anadditional healing modality, and
(02:51):
I weave all of these parts ofmyself into my work as a
spiritual business coach.
But I really just got myintroduction into wellness by
recognizing that I had a lot ofunresolved childhood trauma and
getting to a space where Ididn't want to carry those
stories, those limiting beliefs,those things that were holding
me back any longer, after havinglived most of my childhood and
adult life holding on to thingsfrom a very young age.
And so I started exploringvarious types of healing
(03:15):
modalities outside of just talktherapy, and so I started
learning about the ways that thebody holds and stores stress
and trauma and recognizing howyou know, in order for us to
release that stress, thosestressful and traumatic
situations, that we really haveto work on healing the body.
And that was really myintroduction into the work, and
it was like the more that Ilearned and understood, the more
(03:37):
that I wanted to share out withothers, which was my
inspiration for starting my B2Bbusiness, moving Still.
So, outside of being a coach, Ialso have a business that works
with businesses, schools andorganizations and offers stress
management, mindfulness andhealing practices, and for me,
starting that business wasreally taking everything that
I'd learned on my own journeyand then sharing it out with the
(03:59):
world in a way to help andempower other people to go
through their own healingjourneys, and so that was my
introduction into the healingspace and the coaching work,
which I have come back to out ofobedience because I was a coach
.
I started out as a coach almostfive years ago, back in 2020.
And I stepped away from itbecause I kept burning out, and
(04:20):
I came back to coaching recently, just feeling guided and led
back to it and just allowingmyself to, after resisting for a
bit, follow that guidance andthose whispers, and so that is a
little bit about how I got intothis space.
Kertia (04:33):
That's beautiful.
That's an amazing journey,thank you.
You mentioned somatic work andhow trauma affects the body, how
a lot of that energeticallygets trapped in the body.
Dominiece (04:43):
Let's talk about that for a bit.
Kertia (04:45):
I'd love for you to kind of like flesh it out and tell
us how does trauma, how doesstress like childhood trauma or
whatever it is that it may havebeen that has impacted you
emotionally, right, how doesthat get stuck in the body?
Where does it get stuck and howdo we get it out?
(05:05):
Like, how do we get unstuck,how do we move it out of the
body?
Dominiece (05:10):
So I started learning about stress and trauma almost
by accident.
I was a nutrition and wellnesscoach at the time and at that
time this was back in 2020, Iwas working with women who were,
you know, women professionals.
They were very busy.
They were business owners,working women nine to fives.
I had a couple of clients whowere in school in the midst of
(05:31):
you know, working, and they weremoms, and so they were holding
a lot of things personally andprofessionally.
And then COVID had just kickedoff that same year, and so
everyone was really stressed outand overwhelmed, trying to just
find a new normal in the midstof COVID and juggling all of
their roles.
And so they were coming to mefor help with weight loss,
weight management, just to livehealthier, and I was trying
(05:53):
practices, more of thetraditional things, giving them
meal plans and keto and helpingthem with workouts, and they
weren't seeing.
We weren't seeing because, as acoach, I wasn't seeing the
results that I wanted to seewith them either, but we weren't
seeing the results we wanted tosee with their bodies and it
was, um, it was stressful for meas a coach because it's like
you know, these people arecoming to me and expecting
(06:15):
results and they're not gettingthem.
And so at the time, myex-husband, um we were still
together and he's a personaltrainer and he shared um a and
he's a personal trainer and heshared a few books with me.
But I started reading aboutstress and you know the body and
blood sugar and just all theways that the body responds to
stress and the ways that ourbodies hold stress as a result,
and you know where that, wherethat manifests, like when we are
(06:37):
stressed.
A lot of times as women, wehold it in our stomachs and so
that shows up, as you know,having a hard time losing weight
, that turns into diabetes andother illnesses and disease.
And so it was like the morethat I learned for my clients.
I kept going down this rabbithole and just learning more.
(06:59):
I read this book a few years agocalled Burnout, and it's by
Emily and Amelia Nagoski, twosisters, and it talks about how
again, just, you know, justsharing how we hold stress in
our bodies, and it startedtalking about how we have to
just sharing how we hold stressin our bodies, and it started
talking about how we have tocomplete our stress response
cycles.
And so what that means is thatwhen we incur stress.
Stress is intended to have abeginning, a middle and an end,
and so in the beginning yourbody is in a state of balance or
homeostasis, right, and thenyou go into the middle.
(07:20):
That's the alarm phase.
So something triggers your bodyto begin releasing stress
hormones, adrenaline, cortisol.
When that stressor is over,you're actually supposed to
complete that cycle, and theproblem is that a lot of us
don't complete that cycle and sowe just have a stressful
situation and then we go aboutour lives.
We've kind of forgotten about itmentally, but our bodies are
still holding it and that in ourmodern society, think about how
(07:43):
many times a day or how manytimes a week we're incurring
stressful situations and we'rejust holding and storing all of
those stressful situations.
You know, depending on what thesituation is, it could be
traumatic.
And so over time that stressstarts to manifest.
That energetic, you know, theenergy of that starts to
manifest physically as diseases,illnesses.
(08:04):
Sometimes you get sick and youhave a hard time recovering
because your immune system isconstantly in a state of fight
or flight, and so it becomesweakened.
But it starts to manifest in alot of ways.
It can also impact our mentalhealth and turn into mental
health challenges.
There's a lot of ways that itshows up, even if you look at
some of the challenges that wesee in our communities.
(08:24):
It shows up even if you look atsome of the challenges that we
see in our communities, rightLike violence and, just you know
, a lot of disruption.
At the root of all of thesethings, it's really unresolved
stress and trauma, and so theway for us to work through
releasing that stress and traumais by one completing our cycles
, making sure that we aresignaling to our bodies that
they are safe so that they canbegin to go into that rest and
(08:46):
relax place and not be in thestress response or fight or
flight space.
And some of the ways that we dothat the first way that's the
most efficient is physicalmovement.
So any sort of physicalmovement that allows you to move
your body, whether that'sworking out, running, jogging,
swimming, dancing, like anyphysical movement is going to be
(09:07):
helpful for you, and that's thenumber one way to do it.
And then, outside of that, youcan do mindfulness practices to
help the body, you can do deepbreathing.
The goal is for you to reallydo somatic or body-based
practices to allow your body torelease.
Kertia (09:22):
Yeah, and it's so true.
We store so much in our bodiesunknowingly and I think a part
of that issue where we keep somuch in that it becomes to have
a physiological effect, is thata lot of us are really
disconnected from our bodies.
A lot of us, like, do not livein our bodies like half the time
, and so a lot of times, evenwhen we experience things, there
(09:45):
are some of us, or a lot of us,who may even disassociate right
from the entire thing, and soknowing how to come back and get
centered, to kind of like evenfeel into how you're feeling and
like sit with your emotions andthen be able to kind of
complete the cycle, as you said,do something physical, whether
it be dancing or an exercise orwhatever it may be for you that
(10:12):
resonates with you.
I think that starting point ofbeing in your body.
It's so tricky.
So how can we then encouragepeople to be more in their
bodies or to know how to comeback to their bodies, or to even
recognize that they're reallydisconnected right now?
Dominiece (10:32):
I love this question and I resonate so much with this
question because that was myexperience for most of my life.
So my I have a like a traumaticconception story.
I've never met my biologicalfather like not so much to see
the picture and so as a child itwasn't something that my mom
and I ever talked about.
When I got older we talked thefirst time we had like a real
(10:54):
conversation, I was 30 years oldand it was just like listen,
like we've gone my entire lifewithout talking about this big
elephant in the room and like Ineed some answers.
And I learned as an adult, as a30 year old woman, that we
never talked about it because mymom still had so much
unresolved trauma about thesituation right, she was a teen
mom when it happened and sothere was a lot that went into
that situation.
But as a child I knew somethingwas off, but I couldn't name it
(11:18):
, and so it was just likefeeling this void and not really
being able to process, nothaving resources, and so I
started overeating at a veryyoung age.
Seven years old I was a normalweight.
By eight years old I had gaineda significant amount of weight
and I struggled with my weightfor two and a half decades.
I went on my first diet inmiddle school.
That was just my life and myexistence yo-yo dieting.
(11:40):
And it was this internal battlethat I hid really well by
achieving and you know academicsI overachieved and excelled in
academics because that wassomething that I could control,
even though I couldn't controlthe eating.
And what I realized was that Iwas so disconnected from my body
I had, like just turned off myhunger and fullness cues and I
(12:01):
would just eat if I was sad orbored or happy.
Eating was the way that I dealtwith all of my emotions and I
would overeat and not reallyfeel that, and so I was very
disconnected from my body.
I was also disconnected from myemotions as a result of being
disconnected from my body, andso I didn't start feeling
emotions again until I was anadult, like I just kind of had
(12:24):
existed on, like you know, justautopilot, kind of just numb and
almost like an underlyingdepression my entire life.
And that was how I was.
And once I started healing, likeall of these emotions started
coming up, all of these memoriesstarted coming up.
It was like as soon as Istarted doing these somatic
practices.
It was as if, like my body wasjust like finally right, like
(12:45):
finally I can release, and youcan feel this and process
through this.
And that wasn't easy to haveemotions come up that I tried to
bury for most of my life, but Ihad to allow that to happen in
order to release.
And so connecting with the bodyreally comes back to those
somatic practices that I talkedabout, and so the word soma is
(13:05):
Greek for body, and so when I,when we talk about somatic
practices, we are literallytalking about any sort of body
centered practice that helps thebody to heal and release, and
so I wrote a book about a yearand a half ago called Hold Space
to Heal, and in that book Italk about seven somatic
approaches that you can use tohelp the body heal, and really
(13:27):
the body is so smart that youdon't have to do a lot.
The reason why the book iscalled Hold Space to Heal is
because when you just give yourbody time nine times out of 10,
the body will know what to do.
Oftentimes we distract, right,we numb, we overeat, we
overspend, we shop, we have sex,we drink, like we do all of
these other things, but it'slike the moment you just be
(13:48):
still, your body will release,it'll process, you know, and you
can work through it.
And so coming back into thebody can look like taking deep
breaths and just doing, you know, breathing practices, breath
work.
It can look like yoga.
Yoga has been such a helpfulpart of my healing practice,
just the practice of reallyuniting the mind and body.
(14:09):
And so when I'm doing yoga I'min my body, but I'm also with my
thoughts and I'm present, andso yoga is really helpful.
Restorative yoga is a form ofyoga, but it's different because
you aren't really doing asanaor poses Right.
So with traditional yogathere's a lot of movement,
there's a lot of poses, there'sstretching.
Restorative yoga is reallyallowing yourself to be still
(14:32):
and be supported by props and sohaving blankets and pillows and
mats and all sorts of thingsthat you really like place
around your body as cushion tohold your body.
But in that relaxation yourbody goes into the
parasympathetic state, so itbegins to relax and rest and
that's when it's able to releaseall the tightness and tension
(14:55):
that it holds.
And so, even though you aren'tphysically doing a lot, your
body is still working in thatprocess.
Another practice that doesn'tinvolve a lot of movement.
But that's really helpful isyoga, nidra, and so, again,
that's a different form of yoga,where it's like a guided
practice You're being guided bysomeone else, almost like a
guided meditative practice, butit allows you to sink into a
(15:16):
very relaxable and relaxed stateand in that state, when your
body is able to relax, it beginsto heal, it begins to release,
and so it can be hard right,because you will begin to, as
your body settles, you'll beginto have memories come up and
things that you probably havetried to suppress come up, but
we try to ignore those thingsand feel like if we bury them
(15:38):
and not think about them, thenwe're fine, when the reality is
that your body, your spirit,remembers those things, and it
is not until you allow yourselfto feel it, process and release
it that you really find thefreedom that you're seeking.
Kertia (16:17):
And yoga and I love that you mentioned restorative yoga,
because I know most people whenthey think about yoga, for
example.
I didn't just get up one dayand I'm like, oh, I have this
issue, I need to figure it out,I need to heal it.
It didn't just happen for melike that.
It was a process Like I wentthrough a really bad depression.
(16:38):
I was in a dark space for a longtime so it took me a while to
kind of like begin to unravel myexperience, the traumas that
I've experienced childhoodtrauma, generational trauma,
Like it took me time to kind ofunravel that and peel back the
(16:59):
layers of that before I couldeven figure out what it was that
worked with me or would besuitable for me to practice.
Definitely, start out withmeditation.
It was one of the easiest onesfor me, just like sitting there
and being still.
I know it's not the easiest foreveryone else, but I love that
(17:21):
you mentioned the somaticpractice because it's something
that's so easy and so accessibleand it takes you out of your
head right Out of your headspace.
Because, you know, as I said,meditation is not easy for
everyone, because so many of usare so used to just living in
our headspace a lot of the time.
So when you can get your bodymoving, whether it's through
(17:43):
dancing or exercising or cyclingor whatever it may be, getting
you out of your S-base andcompletely in the present moment
with yourself, that's reallypowerful.
But I wanted to know what wasthat turning point for you, when
you were like, okay, there issomething here that needs to be
observed, there's something herethat needs to be worked through
(18:04):
, because I know, like yousaying, that you spoke to your
mom when you were 30 years old.
Right, was that the point?
Or did it kind of like slowly,kind of reveal itself gradually
over time?
What was that like for you?
Yeah, I don't.
Dominiece (18:20):
I feel like most of my life I uh, I was numb and I
didn't realize I was numb untilI started to like ask questions
and try to find answers.
And so Brene Brown has thisquote that talks about how we
cannot selectively numb.
And so when we try to forgetabout the hard memories or the
(18:40):
negative memories, the painfulmemories, we also numb the joy
and the positive memories.
And so most of my life, when Ithought about my childhood, I
didn't remember the beautifulthings, the joyful moments, the
moments of being a child andhaving joy.
I just remember pain and thatwas how I had associated my
childhood.
And so for me it was getting toa point and having joy.
I just remember pain and thatwas like how I had associated my
childhood.
And so for me it was getting toa point where I said like it
(19:04):
was almost like realizing that Ihad just shut off my emotions,
I didn't, I hadn't reallyallowed myself to feel I had
grown up and not really allowedmyself to have joy, and I had
been masking that for so longand just getting to a space
where I didn't want to existthat way anymore.
I was never when I was.
(19:25):
I've dealt with depression as anadult, but I was never
diagnosed with depression.
But because of my work and allof the research and learning
that I've done around trauma, Irealized that most of my life
there was like this underlyingkind of depression that had
existed.
And I just learned to exist andbe that way.
And so for me, I just got to apoint where I was tired of
existing that way.
I talked about, like my yo-yo,dieting with food and not being
(19:48):
able to conquer that.
And what I realized once Istarted to heal was that the
challenges that I was havingwith food I was approaching it
just from the physical aspect,and so that was the challenge
with my clients as well.
It was like what meal plan do Ineed to have, or what workouts
do I need to do?
And I could do those things andI was holding subconsciously it
(20:09):
wasn't until I started, youknow, doing the spiritual work
and allowing myself to unpackand again allow myself to
release those things that thephysical begin to shift.
And so for me it was justgetting to a space of feeling
(20:33):
like there was more for my life,but feeling a disconnect from
that part of myself, like itwasn't possible because of all
that I was holding and justmaking a decision that I was
ready to let it go.
Now, similar to what you said,it's been over the last seven
years.
I've been on this like healingand personal development journey
.
It has been like peeling back alayer of the onion and then
(20:55):
finding something else thatneeds to be worked on, and then
kind of working on that and thenfinding something else.
And I remember talking to mytherapist and being like, oh my
God, I'm exhausted.
Like when does this end?
Like when?
Kertia (21:05):
am I done.
Dominiece (21:05):
You know what I mean.
Like every time I work throughsomething, it's like now there's
a new layer, a new thing, andshe's like, girl, the healing
journey is never, it's ongoing.
She's like it's like a spiralstaircase where there's just,
you know, level after level, andI was just like, oh, I'm so
exhausted.
But it was just saying yes tothe journey and each, even now.
(21:27):
You know, I've come a long way,but there's still things that I
find about myself that have tobe worked through.
But it was a combination ofmodalities, so I've been very
open to exploring differentmodalities.
So I have done talk therapy,more traditional cognitive
therapy, but I've done that inconjunction with the somatic
practices.
And so when we're thinkingabout healing, we have to think
(21:50):
about it as a both and whereit's not just talk therapy,
right, it's talk therapy andthese healing modalities.
And that, I would say, has beenwhat has been a game changer
for me.
And once I started to do thework and to see, like, how
physically I started to change,to see how, like, mentally, I
started to come out of that fog,like, have more clarity, have a
(22:10):
greater sense of who I am, Ijust had a desire to continue
and I would say that that iswhat really keeps me committed
to the journey, even now,sometimes when I feel like it's
tiring to, you know, to be onthe healing journey.
Kertia (22:23):
Yeah, yeah, it does get.
It does get tiring.
It's not all rainbows andbutterflies.
Sometimes I'd be gettingtriggered.
Dominiece (22:33):
Yeah.
Kertia (22:36):
Sometimes I'd be getting triggered.
Dominiece (22:38):
No, yeah, for real, and I'm just like what is this?
This, I thought I was okay andthen there's something else,
right yeah?
Kertia (22:45):
yeah, and then there's something else and I'm just like
, okay, I see where this iscoming from, I know where this
is coming from, and then I canwork, work through that, but it
takes, it takes you get intothat, um, being aware of that,
being aware of what your traumasare, how that impacted you, and
it just comes back to gettingback in your body right, so that
(23:09):
you can get in touch withyourself, get in touch with your
emotions and allow yourself tofeel those emotions, because now
there's a lot of times when youcan get triggered and you might
not even know why you'retriggered, what's triggering you
, because you haven't yetrecognized those patterns.
But it does take a while, itdoes take some practice, it does
(23:31):
take a lot of self-observationand introspection, but yeah Can.
I add one thing there too.
Dominiece (23:40):
Yeah, yeah.
When you asked me the questionabout like kind of you know what
was the thing or the tippingpoint for the healing journey
For me, it was like the past washolding me back so I wanted to
do more.
Like you know, before I reallyfully stepped into
entrepreneurship, I always hadthis kind of, this knowingness.
I would say in my heart that Iwas destined to be more, but I
(24:02):
would hold myself back.
And I couldn't figure out why Iwas holding myself back.
But subconsciously, there wereso many unresolved traumas that
I had held on to, so muchunworthiness about my place in
the world, and I had to startkind of unpacking those things
and allowing myself to explorethose stories, to move from that
place.
Right, like, what fears am Iholding on to?
(24:22):
What stories am I holding on tothat I need to let go of?
And so that was a part of it.
And then, as a mother, it'sseeing myself like versions of
myself that I don't feel goodabout, right, being triggered,
like you talked about, and beinglike, oh, okay, so now that's
something else that I have towork on.
So I feel like once I gotthrough the childhood stuff,
(24:42):
some of it, I think it startedshowing up in parenting and I
would overreact to something andbe like.
That response didn't reallymatch the situation.
So now I have to do work there.
So for me, I think a lot of myhealing journey has been seeing
the ways that my unresolvedtrauma has been holding me back
right or stopping me from beingthe most authentic version of
(25:05):
myself and then committing toallowing myself to release, to
return to a more whole versionof myself.
Kertia (25:12):
Yeah, I love that you mentioned that a lot of our
traumas, a lot of the thingsthat we've experienced, they are
actually reflected in therelationships around us, whether
it be our intimaterelationships with our partners,
our kids, even still with ourparents, and the dynamics there,
because there's also thegenerational trauma.
(25:32):
So a lot of that is mirrored ina lot of the relationships that
surround us and so we gettriggered of things that
sometimes we do not readilyidentify where it's coming from.
But when you kind of, as yousaid, peel the layers back of
that, why am I feeling this way?
Right For us to even recognizethat you're upset, right, or
(25:55):
you're angry or frustrated, oryou're hurt, why is this hurting
me?
It shouldn't be that serious,right, but it is.
It feels that serious in themoment and peeling back the
layers of that onion to figureout where this is truly coming
from.
100% this situation.
(26:15):
But there is something there,it is a residual of something
that you've already experiencedthat now this situation is
mirroring for you.
So, being able to do that thereare so many aspects and ways
that we can talk about it from,but I love that you mentioned
that.
When it comes to parenting, Ithink that's one area where a
(26:37):
lot of us can agree.
Listen, and I think that's onearea where a lot of us can agree
the triggers are real.
And you know you see a lot of usalso see parts of ourselves in
our children even parts ofourselves that we do not readily
(26:59):
own or acknowledge, or parts ofourselves that we've tried to
tuck away.
And then when we see that inour kids, then we have that
really strong emotional reactionto that Right when truly the
child is being the child, butthey're mirroring something to
us, something that we need tolearn.
(27:20):
It's a lesson, it's pointing usin a direction that we truly
need to look at.
So definitely, definitely lovethat you mentioned that.
You also spoke about ouraffairs.
I think a lot of us that hasexperienced trauma we do take
(27:42):
part in holding ourselves back alot in our lives right and it
might look differently foreveryone, whether it be holding
yourself back in your love lifeor in other personal
relationships, in your career oranything that you want to do
for yourself, because there'saffairs, there's limiting
beliefs, there is self-worthissues.
I've struggled hugely withself-worth issues and so a lot
(28:06):
of my decision-making werefear-based and based on am I
good enough to show up in thisspace?
Am I worthy?
Is my voice important?
So I've also had to workthrough a lot of that and a lot
of the ways that I've helped outmyself was a huge self-worth
thing.
It was a huge, um fear ofshowing up for myself because I
(28:30):
was afraid of the people and thesociety and what people would
think and all those things.
And my experience my experiencetaught me that I wasn't worthy.
That was the messaging that Igot Right, and so I took that
with me and I just vomited allof that all over my life.
So you know like when I was inthat state of being unaware of
(28:54):
my trauma and my triggers andall those things, you can't
imagine what my life looked like.
It was a mess.
It was a mess.
So my decision making was amess.
The way that I perceived myselfwas a mess.
The way that I perceivesituation was not the best as
well, and so my choices in a lotof situations were not the best
(29:17):
, even though I was trying mybest.
It's the best that I could havedone at the moment with the
information that I had.
So, um, yeah, definitelyresonates with everything that
you just said.
You know what would you saybecause you spoke about
meditation, yoga.
We talked about the somatic umpractices.
You know like different thingswork for different people.
(29:39):
What is your mainstay right now?
Dominiece (29:43):
For just healing in general.
Kertia (29:46):
Yeah, healing or any work that you're, just because,
of course, healing is, you know,continuous, it doesn't end.
So like what does your routinelook like?
So like what is your routine?
Okay?
Dominiece (29:58):
Yeah, okay, got you.
So I have for the last four anda half years, in 20, it started
at the end of 2019.
So I had my second daughter inSeptember 2019.
And at that time, I was workinga nine full-time, nine to five
job and I have been constantlyadvocating for better pay,
better benefits, you know all ofall of the things, and that had
(30:20):
been really the entire timethat I was at this job and I
took a maternity leave.
They weren't trying to pay mewhat I was asking for.
I had brought in at this pointso much because I was in grant
writing and fundraising.
I had fundraised millions ofdollars at this point.
Kertia (30:34):
And.
Dominiece (30:34):
I was frustrated because I wasn't asking for a
lot, and so, on my maternityleave, I decided to step away
(30:58):
from that job and my goal at thetime was a brick and mortar
natural hair salon in my city.
And then COVID happened andthat got shut down.
So financially I was out ofmoney from that Unemployed.
My marriage was on the rocks atthat time and I had a newborn
and I had a three-year-old and Ihad no plan.
It was just like okay, this islike too much for me.
Like okay, this is like toomuch for me.
So I started praying andmeditating because really that
(31:24):
was the only thing I knew atthat point to do was to
surrender and hope that spiritwould throw me a lifeline right,
like throw me some answers.
And one day when I wasmeditating, I got a whisper that
guided me to focus on my mind,body and spirit every day for
the next 90 days.
And I came out of thatmeditation, I wrote it down, I
was really excited about it andI jumped in right away.
It was either that same day orthe next day and I started doing
(31:44):
these daily practices ofnourishing my mind, my body and
my spirit.
And, kersha, I did thatstraight for 90 days.
Now, the first couple of weeksI'm not even going to front
because at that point I wassuper inconsistent.
So it was.
It was a struggle like to to beconsistent with these things,
but I kept pushing through, likeI was really forcing and
challenging myself to do it and,of course, like we were all on
you know, quarantine and therewas nothing else to do, and so
(32:06):
it was a great time for me.
So, fast forward to the end ofthat 90 day period, and I was
really like I came out.
I came out of it feeling soalive and awakened and it was
like coming out of this fog thatI've talked to you about, that
I had been in my whole life andI didn't even realize that I was
in this fog until after thispoint and I really was
transformed.
(32:26):
It was the beginning of mytransformation.
I felt so good that I wanted toshare that with everyone, and
so I started sharing on socialmedia and inviting family
members and friends to be a partof it, and that was actually
really the start of my coaching,because I wanted other women to
experience the same thing.
So I continued this dailypractice since then and after
(32:48):
that 90 days, I had lost about15 pounds and the weight really
just like melted off, like itwasn't hard, I wasn't doing a
ton, but I was healing and, as aresult, the physical weight
that I was holding as a resultof those internal things started
to shift and fall away.
I felt like I had more mentalclarity, I had a greater sense
(33:08):
of who I was.
I was now becoming aware of thelimiting beliefs and the
unworthiness that I was holding,and all of this was as a result
of that daily practice, and soI've been doing that since March
of 2020.
Now, when I started to steppedback into entrepreneurship
full-time a few months ago so Igot separated and I'm working
(33:29):
through a divorce, and so I tooka while, I stepped away to
really focus on my own mentalhealth and I started working
full-time.
And when I came back toentrepreneurship a few months
ago, spirit was now leading meto share out this daily practice
, this daily routine that I wasdoing.
So I was thinking, well, howcan I explain this to people in
a way that makes sense, feelspractical, feels easy for them
(33:51):
to do in the midst of a busyschedule?
And I was, like I do, about 15minutes of daily mindset work,
and so that's listening topodcasts like this, motivational
videos on YouTube, audiblebooks.
I do that for at least 15minutes.
I do 15 minutes of a spiritualpractice, meditation, journaling
, getting out of nature.
That looks different from day today, just based on what I need.
(34:12):
Sometimes it's a guidedmeditation, breath work, like it
shifts, and then I do 30minutes of physical movement.
So when I added all that up, itcomes to one hour and I was
like, okay, one hour, how muchis one hour out of a 24 hour day
?
And it comes up to 4%.
So I named this process the 4%formula, because I'm really only
(34:33):
asking you to give yourself 4%of your entire day.
And so my routine, right, myongoing routine, is nourishing
my mind, body and spirit everysingle day, recognizing that we
are all encompassing beings.
We are not just these physicalbodies.
There's a mental, emotionalpart of us, there's a spiritual
part of us, and sometimes we cando really well with focusing on
(34:55):
one part, but then we neglectthe other parts.
But there's something reallybeautiful that happens you come
into cohesion with your fullself when you focus on feeding
all of these parts of yourself,and so that's the practice that
I do.
It's the foundation for mycoaching program, and now I'm
beginning to share it out withother people, hoping that you
know people listen and begin topractice this practice for
(35:16):
themselves as well.
Kertia (35:18):
That's amazing.
I love that, thank you.
The 4% formula yeah, I lovethat and, you know, I love the
way that you broke it down intodifferent things and people can
arrange this, however, which wayit works for them, whatever it
is that you're interested in.
Yeah, it makes it seem simpler,you know, because I know
(35:41):
sometimes when, before I startedworking out, I used to think,
do I have to do this for a wholehour, started working out, I
used to think, do I have to dothis for a whole hour, you know,
like I don't want to work outfor a whole hour, but these are
things that you've heard before,like you work out for 45
minutes to an hour, and I usedto hear that a lot.
And I'm just like I'm notinterested in working out for a
(36:02):
whole hour, so like breaking itdown into little chunks, like
that.
And, as you said, said when youwork on all four areas, it's
like a detox, like you losingweight during the highs of covid
when you were doing that for 90days.
You know, just having thisroutine for 90 days it's
literally a detox, yeah, and youwere just losing the weight,
(36:23):
naturally.
Nothing, crazy, nothing,nothing, you know invasive, yeah
, right, so it's literally adetox for your system.
And when you can nourish allareas because the mind, the body
, the heart, everything isreally important.
(36:43):
So I love, love that you, youlike you really have that
structured into the work thatyou do.
I think that's really, reallybeautiful because it's it brings
in like such a balance right,because there's a lot of
personal trainers and like, yes,working out is great, there's
nothing wrong with personaltraining, but I love, I love
(37:03):
when there's just like thiswholesome holisticness to
wellness where, like you'rereally focusing on the entire
person, entire being, the beingin its entirety, rather than
like yeah, we're gonna get youin shape, we're gonna get you an
amazing physical shape and thenthat can come with a lot of
(37:24):
things.
Right, that can come.
Dominiece (37:26):
You be in physical shape, but then you're feeling
spiritually void or strugglingmentally and emotionally you
know all of those sorts ofthings and so we typically, as
humans, are just like okay, thebody, this is the piece I can
touch, I can see, like I canresonate with that, but it's
like, but you have a mind andyou have a heart, and those
parts of yourself also need tobe fed.
Kertia (37:47):
Exactly, Exactly I love that.
So I'd love for you to talk abit more about your book um
whole space to heal.
What can cause?
I haven't.
I haven't seen it, I haven'tread it.
So what can we expect fromwhole space to heal?
Dominiece (38:03):
Yeah, um, so thank you for letting me talk about
the book.
One thing that I'm feeling onmy heart that I just want to
share before we transition isand I feel like it's important
to share is that the 4% formuladoesn't have to be done in one
consecutive hour.
So some people might hear that,like you said, and they're like
, oh, I don't have an hour or Idon't want to do this for an
hour, but you can break that upthroughout your day, and so the
(38:24):
15 minutes of spiritual practiceis maybe 15 minutes in the
morning, and that's how youstart your day, and maybe that
15 minutes of mindset work is inthe shower, getting dressed,
loading the dishwasher, goingfor a walk and listening to the
mindset piece, and so it doesn'thave to all be done at once.
It's a very practical way to goabout life, even with a busy
schedule, and so I just wantedto note that for folks that are
(38:46):
listening, that might beinterested in giving it a shot
as far as the book goes.
So the book is called HoldSpace to Heal, and I wrote the
book about a year and a half ago, coming out of so much
transition it separated at thattime and just going through so
much of my own healing journeyand again doing the practices
(39:08):
that we've talked about.
So I let me step back a littlebit.
In the fall of 2021, I wentthrough my first yoga teacher
training and I had no idea howmuch transformation was about to
happen as I was doing dailyyoga, daily meditation, daily
breath work and I have had thisconversation with other yoga
instructors and it's like no oneprepares you for the amount of
(39:28):
healing and transformation thatyou go through as you are
working to become a yoga teacherfor other people.
So there was a lot that wascoming up during this time.
Right Like I was, I rememberdoing restorative yoga practices
and it would just be like mybody was like, oh, finally,
she's still, like now we canbring up this memory for her to
process, and I would just becrying and releasing and, you
(39:49):
know, thinking about all ofthese thoughts and beliefs that
I was holding, and so I wentthrough that process and then I
jumped right into a second yogateacher training, which I would
not suggest, and so within amatter of a six month time span,
I had just kind of just gonethrough this like very deep
healing process with those twocertifications.
And that was me coming out ofthat, realizing again how much I
(40:14):
had been holding on to andwanting to now share my story.
Because I resonated with whatyou said about like not feeling
good enough, holding myself back, having all of these internal
thoughts about my place in theworld and what I was worthy of
and what I deserved, and thatwas like how I existed and I did
really good with covering thatup.
So I masked it right Like Iappeared on the surface to be
(40:37):
confident and to achieve and youknow, be a high achiever.
But when the curtains closed,the internal thoughts and
dialogue was so dark, right Likeit was so negative, and I
didn't realize how much I hadbeen masking until I started to
peel that mask off when I wasgoing through that process.
And so the book is really mebeing very vulnerable and
(41:00):
sharing a lot of what I havebeen holding in hopes that one
other people realize that stuffthat we go through, like other
people are experiencing the samethings.
Because that was the thing whenI was in that space of feeling
so unworthiness, I just thoughtit was me Right, and I just I
was so afraid of putting myselfout there because I felt like
people would be on to me and seethrough me and that held me
(41:24):
back.
And so once I began to freemyself of those stories I was
like, oh, I have to share thethings that are helpful.
And so in the book I go throughseven somatic practices and
we've talked heavily about thosepractices today, but I talk
about the practices that werehelpful for me healing myself,
right like healing the traumathat my body was storing.
Restoring, so physical movement,yoga, restorative yoga, yoga,
(41:47):
nidra, breathwork, meditation,ecotherapy, which is technically
not a body-centered practicebut you get your body outside,
so getting out in nature is sucha healing practice.
And I go deeper into how, thescience behind why all of those
practices are helpful.
And then I have other people,other women, who shared their
own stories of how thesepractices have been helpful for
(42:09):
them.
And so you get to see thatyou're not alone.
You get to see you get toexplore all of these different
practices and to maybe justexplore what could be helpful
for you.
And so the idea with sevenpractices is kind of just allow
yourself to be curious, to seewhat resonates with you, what
you might want to explore youdon't have to do all of them and
(42:30):
then to maybe find one or twothat you can commit to
consistently to support yourhealing process.
Kertia (42:36):
Amazing.
I love that, thank you.
Yeah, I definitely experiencedthat, whereby people would look
at me and they're like wow,kersha, like you always get
everything you want, you're so.
So this you're so that, um,look at this amazing thing that
you're doing.
Dominiece (42:50):
I'm just like if y'all only no idea right, only
new the struggle yeah, let'sstruggle.
Kertia (42:58):
I'm just like.
You have no idea the way that Ihave to like push myself or
talk myself through thingssometimes just to get through it
.
Yeah, so there are many timeswhen I've told people that I
struggle with confidence andyou're like no way, you're, like
, one of the most confidentpeople I know, just like and I
(43:20):
laugh, I'm just like.
This is something that I'mstill working on, actually, but
thank you right, because you,you know how to mask it.
You know how to mask it, youknow how to kind of push through
, and some of us don't.
Actually, um, not all of us aregreat at masking and pushing
through.
Some of us literally hide rightand yeah, get stuck and try as
(43:45):
much not to like surface, comeup for air or just go outside.
There are some of us that trulyget stuck inside.
You know, internally andphysically as well.
Right, it shows up differentlyfor everyone.
So I wanted to ask you withthat in mind, what would you say
?
What words do you have foranyone who's experiencing that,
(44:08):
like the self-worth issues, theself-esteem issues, the lack of
confidence, or when you knowyou're holding yourself back,
when you know that you are meantfor something else, you're
meant for more, but you don'tkind of know how to get there
(44:30):
there, yeah.
Dominiece (44:30):
So one of the greatest things that going
through this healing journey andreally becoming a somatic
practitioner has done for me isthat it has helped me to
understand the body and themind-body connection.
And so, when it comes to fearwhich is a lot of why we hold
ourselves back, don't haveconfidence because we're afraid
of what people are going tothink when it comes to fear,
(44:54):
it's not about not having fear.
It's about having tools andresources and modalities that
can help you to move throughthat fear, because the reality
is that a part of the humanexperience is fear.
No matter how successful peopleare, they are still
experiencing fear.
They just have gotten to aspace where they don't get held
back by it or they have toolsthat allow them to move through.
And so we have to understandfear and then have practices
that we can do to move throughthat fear, because it's going to
(45:15):
come up.
And if you aren't feeling fear,I always say that you aren't
working hard, not working hardenough, but you aren't dreaming
big enough, right?
If you're, there's no fear.
You're playing it too safe,right?
So we have to recognize howfear shows up.
So there's four fear responsesthat we all have as humans and
they look very different in ourmodern society.
(45:36):
So you have fight, flight,freeze and then fawn, which is a
more recent one that we'relearning about, which is all
about people pleasing and reallyworking to appease other people
.
People pleasing and really, youknow, working to appease other
people.
So fight.
I've fallen a lot.
You've fallen a lot.
Me too, in my old relationship.
I've fallen a lot.
Fight is not just, like youknow, throwing bows and fighting
(45:59):
.
Fighting is really living in astate of sympathetic dominance.
When you are constantly in astate of anxiety about life,
fear, that body is in a constantstate of threat.
What happens when you're inthat space is that you find
yourself burning out a lotbecause your immune system, your
nervous system, is overworkingitself because of the perceived
(46:20):
threat that you're constantly in.
So that's the first one.
You have flight, which shows upas really like numbing and
shutting down, depression,feeling overwhelmed and
overstimulated by the world.
And this was really how Iexisted for most of my life.
I was in a state of flight andI was kind of just numb and I
was shutting out everything.
It was too much.
(46:40):
And then you have freeze, andthat one is tricky because it
can show up as procrastination,inaction, holding yourself back,
having a fear of success or afear of failure.
Sometimes freeze can also.
I struggled with this one.
It can be like getting stuck ina learning cycle where you're
consuming information and, oh, Igot to learn more, but you're
(47:02):
not really taking any action andyou're trying to tell yourself,
oh, I'm busy, I'm doing thething, but really you are
holding yourself back byconstantly feeling like you need
to learn more, to be more andto be worthy.
And then, of course, again, fonis people pleasing and just
kind of doing whatever you needto do, sacrificing yourself or
your work or your career, yourpartner, your children, in a way
(47:26):
that's harmful to yourwellbeing.
So first we have to recognizewhat state of fear we typically
lean heavier into right.
We might see ourselves in allof them, but we kind of have one
or two that are our dominantspaces.
And then you have to have toolsand resources to begin to work
through that.
So regulating your nervoussystem becomes really important,
right?
So when you begin to workthrough that, so regulating your
(47:47):
nervous system becomes reallyimportant, right?
So when you begin to calm thebody down, the mind and body are
connected.
The mind is going to calm downas well.
It's going to get out of thatstate of survival and fear that
you're living in.
So all of these somaticpractices that we've been
talking about today, doing thosepractices is a way to regulate
the nervous system, and this isnot just something you do once a
(48:09):
week or once a month.
It's not just going to the yogaclass once a week.
You are undergoing stress Formost of us, I feel confident in
saying, every single day, and soyou have to be doing things to
regulate the nervous systemevery day.
That's the first way to combatfear.
The second thing we've talkedabout this one also is mindset
work.
Right, so our minds impact ourreality.
(48:32):
What we feel internally, wejust mirror that in the world,
and so the beautiful thing isthat our brains are plastic and
so they can stretch and change.
When you begin to do mindsetwork, this daily mindset
practice, you begin to form newneural pathways in your brain,
you begin to unlearn some thingsand allow yourself to learn new
(48:52):
things, and so we both talkedabout all of the unworthiness
and the fear and the lowconfidence.
By feeding your mind withpositive things, you begin to
become aware of thosesubconscious beliefs, with
mindset work and you canquestion, right, does this serve
me, is this true, or is it timeto release that?
Talk therapy can also be areally helpful part of
(49:13):
processing.
And then the last thing is andyou might be able to relate to
this too Again, it's recognizingthat fear is a natural part of
being human and you have to justdo it to get receipts that it's
not true.
So for me, when my mind wouldsay, oh, you're not good enough,
right, I would still do it toget receipts that it's not true.
So for me, when my mind wouldsay, oh, you're not good enough,
right, I would still do it, andthen be like, oh, that wasn't
so bad.
So now I have evidence that Iam good enough, right, and that
(49:36):
begins to quiet the internalvoice that tells me that I'm not
good enough.
And so those are all ways thathave been really helpful for me
over the last few years, andthese are like ongoing things
that I have to do but to helpquiet the fear that I typically,
you know, feel and would lethold me back in the past.
Kertia (49:53):
I love that.
That was amazing.
Dominiece (49:55):
Thank you.
Kertia (49:56):
And I love how you touched on all four points of
how we react to perceivedthreats.
You know, in this modernsociety and I think of I think
we all somehow experience all ofit, but we do lean heavier into
certain ones, Right?
(50:16):
So I love that you pointed thatout, like knowing which one you
lean heavily into and thenknowing how to work through that
, and that's, that's a good,good starting point.
Dominiece (50:27):
So thank you so much for mentioning that and knowing
your triggers, because that'simportant too.
So for me.
I used to burn out all the timelike becoming aware of the
signs and the triggers ofwherever you typically lean,
letting yourself be aware,because you start to notice
those patterns and those habitsand you catch yourself before
you necessarily go to that darkspace.
Kertia (50:48):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is so true.
Learning your triggers is ahuge one, it's a huge, huge one.
Yeah, because now, like evenwith me, as I said earlier, when
something triggers me, I can,you know, even though I might
have the reaction, sometimes Imight kind of lose myself for a
(51:09):
bit and have the reaction, butthen I'm able to kind of bring
it back a bit and there aretimes when I can catch myself
before I have the reaction.
But you know, regardless, I canidentify where the trigger is
coming from, just like okay,there is more to work on here.
You know like we still got workto do here.
So, yeah, it's really importantto know your triggers.
(51:31):
Thank you so much.
This was an amazingconversation.
Can we find your work?
Where can we get your book?
Tell us all the good stuff.
Dominiece (51:38):
Yeah, so we've talked about so many things today, so
the book is on Amazon.
It's called Hold Space to HealSeven Somatic Practices to Help
you Release, reconnect andRemember.
And then as far as the 4%formula, so you asked me about
my daily routine, if anyonelistening or if you are
interested in learning more, Ihave a 30-day challenge where
(52:00):
each week we build this practice.
So it's not just like tomorrow.
You jump into all the things.
It's almost like a trickle.
We start with week one and it'sjust mindset.
Week two we add on thespiritual practice and then week
three we add on the body.
And so if you're interested inthat practice and just seeing
how you feel after a month oftrying something that might be
completely different for you andjust allowing yourself to
(52:20):
really nourish all the parts ofyourself, you can go to
4percentformulacom and four isspelled out F-O-U-R, so
4%formulacom and get thatchallenge, get you know
accountability sheets and all ofthe practices, examples of
practices that can be helpfulfor just allowing yourself to
(52:41):
really nourish yourself fullyBeautiful.
Kertia (52:43):
Thank you so much.
Dominiece (52:44):
Yeah, thank you for having me.
I've enjoyed this conversationtoday.
It's been such an honor to chatwith you.
Kertia (52:51):
I enjoyed this conversation so much.
Dominiece does phenomenal workand I definitely respect the
journey that she's currently on.
Let me know what you thinkabout this episode.
Just follow the link to 'TextOur Show' in whichever app you
use to listen to your podcasts.
You'll see that link rightabove the show notes of each
episode.
Love to hear what you all haveto say and, continue to share
(53:13):
this podcast with your friendsand family.
Thank you so much for being apart of this community.
Love to you all.
Until next time.
Happy New Year everyone.
I am so excited to get backinto this season.
I had some of the most amazingconversations with amazing
people doing phenomenal thingsin the world.
And speaking about the world,does anyone else feel like 2025
came in real hot, Like, oh mygoodness, there is just so much
(00:22):
happening right now?
But you do get to decide howyou want to contribute.
You do get to decide how youshow up in the world, how you
show up for yourselves, how youshow up in your lives, how you
show up for your loved ones, foryour community and in society.
And, speaking of which, I had aconversation with an amazing
(00:46):
human being, Dominiece Clifton.
She is a business strategistand founder and owner of Move
and Still located in the US, inMaryland.
She provides stress reductionand mindfulness services to
organizations and shefacilitates a lot of healing
practices such as yoga, breathwork, sound bath healing and a
(01:11):
plethora of somatic practices,all while working to empower
women to transform theirbusinesses and their lives.
And one thing that I reallyappreciated about this
conversation with Dominiece ishow she spoke about some of what
happens with the sympatheticnervous system and highlighted
what a fight, flight, freeze andfawn response might look like
(01:34):
in a modern context, andparticularly when she suggested
observing ourselves, so that wecan begin to recognize which of
these responses we lean moreheavily into.
Like think about what state offear you lean more heavily into,
and in recognizing that we canbetter learn and develop the
(01:55):
tools and practices that worksmore effectively to help us move
through a lot of the stressorsand difficulties that we
experience.
Now, With that being said,let's get into it.
Tell me about what your journeywas like.
Getting into that.
What was it?
That was that first initiationfor you?
(02:16):
Getting into healing, gettinginto the wellness space,
becoming a spiritual guide.
How was that for you?
Dominiece (02:23):
Yeah, thank you for asking that question and thank
you for having me on your showtoday.
So my entry into wellnessreally came after just going
through my own healing journeyand transformation.
I today am a somaticpractitioner and so I'm
certified in yoga, meditation,breath work, and recently I
added sound bath healing as anadditional healing modality, and
(02:51):
I weave all of these parts ofmyself into my work as a
spiritual business coach.
But I really just got myintroduction into wellness by
recognizing that I had a lot ofunresolved childhood trauma and
getting to a space where Ididn't want to carry those
stories, those limiting beliefs,those things that were holding
me back any longer, after havinglived most of my childhood and
adult life holding on to thingsfrom a very young age.
And so I started exploringvarious types of healing
(03:15):
modalities outside of just talktherapy, and so I started
learning about the ways that thebody holds and stores stress
and trauma and recognizing howyou know, in order for us to
release that stress, thosestressful and traumatic
situations, that we really haveto work on healing the body.
And that was really myintroduction into the work, and
it was like the more that Ilearned and understood, the more
(03:37):
that I wanted to share out withothers, which was my
inspiration for starting my B2Bbusiness, moving Still.
So, outside of being a coach, Ialso have a business that works
with businesses, schools andorganizations and offers stress
management, mindfulness andhealing practices, and for me,
starting that business wasreally taking everything that
I'd learned on my own journeyand then sharing it out with the
(03:59):
world in a way to help andempower other people to go
through their own healingjourneys, and so that was my
introduction into the healingspace and the coaching work,
which I have come back to out ofobedience because I was a coach
.
I started out as a coach almostfive years ago, back in 2020.
And I stepped away from itbecause I kept burning out, and
(04:20):
I came back to coaching recently, just feeling guided and led
back to it and just allowingmyself to, after resisting for a
bit, follow that guidance andthose whispers, and so that is a
little bit about how I got intothis space.
Kertia (04:33):
That's beautiful.
That's an amazing journey,thank you.
You mentioned somatic work andhow trauma affects the body, how
a lot of that energeticallygets trapped in the body.
Dominiece (04:43):
Let's talk about that for a bit.
Kertia (04:45):
I'd love for you to kind of like flesh it out and tell
us how does trauma, how doesstress like childhood trauma or
whatever it is that it may havebeen that has impacted you
emotionally, right, how doesthat get stuck in the body?
Where does it get stuck and howdo we get it out?
(05:05):
Like, how do we get unstuck,how do we move it out of the
body?
Dominiece (05:10):
So I started learning about stress and trauma almost
by accident.
I was a nutrition and wellnesscoach at the time and at that
time this was back in 2020, Iwas working with women who were,
you know, women professionals.
They were very busy.
They were business owners,working women nine to fives.
I had a couple of clients whowere in school in the midst of
(05:31):
you know, working, and they weremoms, and so they were holding
a lot of things personally andprofessionally.
And then COVID had just kickedoff that same year, and so
everyone was really stressed outand overwhelmed, trying to just
find a new normal in the midstof COVID and juggling all of
their roles.
And so they were coming to mefor help with weight loss,
weight management, just to livehealthier, and I was trying
(05:53):
practices, more of thetraditional things, giving them
meal plans and keto and helpingthem with workouts, and they
weren't seeing.
We weren't seeing because, as acoach, I wasn't seeing the
results that I wanted to seewith them either, but we weren't
seeing the results we wanted tosee with their bodies and it
was, um, it was stressful for meas a coach because it's like
you know, these people arecoming to me and expecting
(06:15):
results and they're not gettingthem.
And so at the time, myex-husband, um we were still
together and he's a personaltrainer and he shared um a and
he's a personal trainer and heshared a few books with me.
But I started reading aboutstress and you know the body and
blood sugar and just all theways that the body responds to
stress and the ways that ourbodies hold stress as a result,
and you know where that, wherethat manifests, like when we are
(06:37):
stressed.
A lot of times as women, wehold it in our stomachs and so
that shows up, as you know,having a hard time losing weight
, that turns into diabetes andother illnesses and disease.
And so it was like the morethat I learned for my clients.
I kept going down this rabbithole and just learning more.
(06:59):
I read this book a few years agocalled Burnout, and it's by
Emily and Amelia Nagoski, twosisters, and it talks about how
again, just, you know, justsharing how we hold stress in
our bodies, and it startedtalking about how we have to
just sharing how we hold stressin our bodies, and it started
talking about how we have tocomplete our stress response
cycles.
And so what that means is thatwhen we incur stress.
Stress is intended to have abeginning, a middle and an end,
and so in the beginning yourbody is in a state of balance or
homeostasis, right, and thenyou go into the middle.
(07:20):
That's the alarm phase.
So something triggers your bodyto begin releasing stress
hormones, adrenaline, cortisol.
When that stressor is over,you're actually supposed to
complete that cycle, and theproblem is that a lot of us
don't complete that cycle and sowe just have a stressful
situation and then we go aboutour lives.
We've kind of forgotten about itmentally, but our bodies are
still holding it and that in ourmodern society, think about how
(07:43):
many times a day or how manytimes a week we're incurring
stressful situations and we'rejust holding and storing all of
those stressful situations.
You know, depending on what thesituation is, it could be
traumatic.
And so over time that stressstarts to manifest.
That energetic, you know, theenergy of that starts to
manifest physically as diseases,illnesses.
(08:04):
Sometimes you get sick and youhave a hard time recovering
because your immune system isconstantly in a state of fight
or flight, and so it becomesweakened.
But it starts to manifest in alot of ways.
It can also impact our mentalhealth and turn into mental
health challenges.
There's a lot of ways that itshows up, even if you look at
some of the challenges that wesee in our communities.
(08:24):
It shows up even if you look atsome of the challenges that we
see in our communities, rightLike violence and, just you know
, a lot of disruption.
At the root of all of thesethings, it's really unresolved
stress and trauma, and so theway for us to work through
releasing that stress and traumais by one completing our cycles
, making sure that we aresignaling to our bodies that
they are safe so that they canbegin to go into that rest and
(08:46):
relax place and not be in thestress response or fight or
flight space.
And some of the ways that we dothat the first way that's the
most efficient is physicalmovement.
So any sort of physicalmovement that allows you to move
your body, whether that'sworking out, running, jogging,
swimming, dancing, like anyphysical movement is going to be
(09:07):
helpful for you, and that's thenumber one way to do it.
And then, outside of that, youcan do mindfulness practices to
help the body, you can do deepbreathing.
The goal is for you to reallydo somatic or body-based
practices to allow your body torelease.
Kertia (09:22):
Yeah, and it's so true.
We store so much in our bodiesunknowingly and I think a part
of that issue where we keep somuch in that it becomes to have
a physiological effect, is thata lot of us are really
disconnected from our bodies.
A lot of us, like, do not livein our bodies like half the time
, and so a lot of times, evenwhen we experience things, there
(09:45):
are some of us, or a lot of us,who may even disassociate right
from the entire thing, and soknowing how to come back and get
centered, to kind of like evenfeel into how you're feeling and
like sit with your emotions andthen be able to kind of
complete the cycle, as you said,do something physical, whether
it be dancing or an exercise orwhatever it may be for you that
(10:12):
resonates with you.
I think that starting point ofbeing in your body.
It's so tricky.
So how can we then encouragepeople to be more in their
bodies or to know how to comeback to their bodies, or to even
recognize that they're reallydisconnected right now?
Dominiece (10:32):
I love this question and I resonate so much with this
question because that was myexperience for most of my life.
So my I have a like a traumaticconception story.
I've never met my biologicalfather like not so much to see
the picture and so as a child itwasn't something that my mom
and I ever talked about.
When I got older we talked thefirst time we had like a real
(10:54):
conversation, I was 30 years oldand it was just like listen,
like we've gone my entire lifewithout talking about this big
elephant in the room and like Ineed some answers.
And I learned as an adult, as a30 year old woman, that we
never talked about it because mymom still had so much
unresolved trauma about thesituation right, she was a teen
mom when it happened and sothere was a lot that went into
that situation.
But as a child I knew somethingwas off, but I couldn't name it
(11:18):
, and so it was just likefeeling this void and not really
being able to process, nothaving resources, and so I
started overeating at a veryyoung age.
Seven years old I was a normalweight.
By eight years old I had gaineda significant amount of weight
and I struggled with my weightfor two and a half decades.
I went on my first diet inmiddle school.
That was just my life and myexistence yo-yo dieting.
(11:40):
And it was this internal battlethat I hid really well by
achieving and you know academicsI overachieved and excelled in
academics because that wassomething that I could control,
even though I couldn't controlthe eating.
And what I realized was that Iwas so disconnected from my body
I had, like just turned off myhunger and fullness cues and I
(12:01):
would just eat if I was sad orbored or happy.
Eating was the way that I dealtwith all of my emotions and I
would overeat and not reallyfeel that, and so I was very
disconnected from my body.
I was also disconnected from myemotions as a result of being
disconnected from my body, andso I didn't start feeling
emotions again until I was anadult, like I just kind of had
(12:24):
existed on, like you know, justautopilot, kind of just numb and
almost like an underlyingdepression my entire life.
And that was how I was.
And once I started healing, likeall of these emotions started
coming up, all of these memoriesstarted coming up.
It was like as soon as Istarted doing these somatic
practices.
It was as if, like my body wasjust like finally right, like
(12:45):
finally I can release, and youcan feel this and process
through this.
And that wasn't easy to haveemotions come up that I tried to
bury for most of my life, but Ihad to allow that to happen in
order to release.
And so connecting with the bodyreally comes back to those
somatic practices that I talkedabout, and so the word soma is
(13:05):
Greek for body, and so when I,when we talk about somatic
practices, we are literallytalking about any sort of body
centered practice that helps thebody to heal and release, and
so I wrote a book about a yearand a half ago called Hold Space
to Heal, and in that book Italk about seven somatic
approaches that you can use tohelp the body heal, and really
(13:27):
the body is so smart that youdon't have to do a lot.
The reason why the book iscalled Hold Space to Heal is
because when you just give yourbody time nine times out of 10,
the body will know what to do.
Oftentimes we distract, right,we numb, we overeat, we
overspend, we shop, we have sex,we drink, like we do all of
these other things, but it'slike the moment you just be
(13:48):
still, your body will release,it'll process, you know, and you
can work through it.
And so coming back into thebody can look like taking deep
breaths and just doing, you know, breathing practices, breath
work.
It can look like yoga.
Yoga has been such a helpfulpart of my healing practice,
just the practice of reallyuniting the mind and body.
(14:09):
And so when I'm doing yoga I'min my body, but I'm also with my
thoughts and I'm present, andso yoga is really helpful.
Restorative yoga is a form ofyoga, but it's different because
you aren't really doing asanaor poses Right.
So with traditional yogathere's a lot of movement,
there's a lot of poses, there'sstretching.
Restorative yoga is reallyallowing yourself to be still
(14:32):
and be supported by props and sohaving blankets and pillows and
mats and all sorts of thingsthat you really like place
around your body as cushion tohold your body.
But in that relaxation yourbody goes into the
parasympathetic state, so itbegins to relax and rest and
that's when it's able to releaseall the tightness and tension
(14:55):
that it holds.
And so, even though you aren'tphysically doing a lot, your
body is still working in thatprocess.
Another practice that doesn'tinvolve a lot of movement.
But that's really helpful isyoga, nidra, and so, again,
that's a different form of yoga,where it's like a guided
practice You're being guided bysomeone else, almost like a
guided meditative practice, butit allows you to sink into a
(15:16):
very relaxable and relaxed stateand in that state, when your
body is able to relax, it beginsto heal, it begins to release,
and so it can be hard right,because you will begin to, as
your body settles, you'll beginto have memories come up and
things that you probably havetried to suppress come up, but
we try to ignore those thingsand feel like if we bury them
(15:38):
and not think about them, thenwe're fine, when the reality is
that your body, your spirit,remembers those things, and it
is not until you allow yourselfto feel it, process and release
it that you really find thefreedom that you're seeking.
Kertia (16:17):
And yoga and I love that you mentioned restorative yoga,
because I know most people whenthey think about yoga, for
example.
I didn't just get up one dayand I'm like, oh, I have this
issue, I need to figure it out,I need to heal it.
It didn't just happen for melike that.
It was a process Like I wentthrough a really bad depression.
(16:38):
I was in a dark space for a longtime so it took me a while to
kind of like begin to unravel myexperience, the traumas that
I've experienced childhoodtrauma, generational trauma,
Like it took me time to kind ofunravel that and peel back the
(16:59):
layers of that before I couldeven figure out what it was that
worked with me or would besuitable for me to practice.
Definitely, start out withmeditation.
It was one of the easiest onesfor me, just like sitting there
and being still.
I know it's not the easiest foreveryone else, but I love that
(17:21):
you mentioned the somaticpractice because it's something
that's so easy and so accessibleand it takes you out of your
head right Out of your headspace.
Because, you know, as I said,meditation is not easy for
everyone, because so many of usare so used to just living in
our headspace a lot of the time.
So when you can get your bodymoving, whether it's through
(17:43):
dancing or exercising or cyclingor whatever it may be, getting
you out of your S-base andcompletely in the present moment
with yourself, that's reallypowerful.
But I wanted to know what wasthat turning point for you, when
you were like, okay, there issomething here that needs to be
observed, there's something herethat needs to be worked through
(18:04):
, because I know, like yousaying, that you spoke to your
mom when you were 30 years old.
Right, was that the point?
Or did it kind of like slowly,kind of reveal itself gradually
over time?
What was that like for you?
Yeah, I don't.
Dominiece (18:20):
I feel like most of my life I uh, I was numb and I
didn't realize I was numb untilI started to like ask questions
and try to find answers.
And so Brene Brown has thisquote that talks about how we
cannot selectively numb.
And so when we try to forgetabout the hard memories or the
(18:40):
negative memories, the painfulmemories, we also numb the joy
and the positive memories.
And so most of my life, when Ithought about my childhood, I
didn't remember the beautifulthings, the joyful moments, the
moments of being a child andhaving joy.
I just remember pain and thatwas how I had associated my
childhood.
And so for me it was getting toa point and having joy.
I just remember pain and thatwas like how I had associated my
childhood.
And so for me it was getting toa point where I said like it
(19:04):
was almost like realizing that Ihad just shut off my emotions,
I didn't, I hadn't reallyallowed myself to feel I had
grown up and not really allowedmyself to have joy, and I had
been masking that for so longand just getting to a space
where I didn't want to existthat way anymore.
I was never when I was.
(19:25):
I've dealt with depression as anadult, but I was never
diagnosed with depression.
But because of my work and allof the research and learning
that I've done around trauma, Irealized that most of my life
there was like this underlyingkind of depression that had
existed.
And I just learned to exist andbe that way.
And so for me, I just got to apoint where I was tired of
existing that way.
I talked about, like my yo-yo,dieting with food and not being
(19:48):
able to conquer that.
And what I realized once Istarted to heal was that the
challenges that I was havingwith food I was approaching it
just from the physical aspect,and so that was the challenge
with my clients as well.
It was like what meal plan do Ineed to have, or what workouts
do I need to do?
And I could do those things andI was holding subconsciously it
(20:09):
wasn't until I started, youknow, doing the spiritual work
and allowing myself to unpackand again allow myself to
release those things that thephysical begin to shift.
And so for me it was justgetting to a space of feeling
(20:33):
like there was more for my life,but feeling a disconnect from
that part of myself, like itwasn't possible because of all
that I was holding and justmaking a decision that I was
ready to let it go.
Now, similar to what you said,it's been over the last seven
years.
I've been on this like healingand personal development journey
.
It has been like peeling back alayer of the onion and then
(20:55):
finding something else thatneeds to be worked on, and then
kind of working on that and thenfinding something else.
And I remember talking to mytherapist and being like, oh my
God, I'm exhausted.
Like when does this end?
Like when?
Kertia (21:05):
am I done.
Dominiece (21:05):
You know what I mean.
Like every time I work throughsomething, it's like now there's
a new layer, a new thing, andshe's like, girl, the healing
journey is never, it's ongoing.
She's like it's like a spiralstaircase where there's just,
you know, level after level, andI was just like, oh, I'm so
exhausted.
But it was just saying yes tothe journey and each, even now.
(21:27):
You know, I've come a long way,but there's still things that I
find about myself that have tobe worked through.
But it was a combination ofmodalities, so I've been very
open to exploring differentmodalities.
So I have done talk therapy,more traditional cognitive
therapy, but I've done that inconjunction with the somatic
practices.
And so when we're thinkingabout healing, we have to think
(21:50):
about it as a both and whereit's not just talk therapy,
right, it's talk therapy andthese healing modalities.
And that, I would say, has beenwhat has been a game changer
for me.
And once I started to do thework and to see, like, how
physically I started to change,to see how, like, mentally, I
started to come out of that fog,like, have more clarity, have a
(22:10):
greater sense of who I am, Ijust had a desire to continue
and I would say that that iswhat really keeps me committed
to the journey, even now,sometimes when I feel like it's
tiring to, you know, to be onthe healing journey.
Kertia (22:23):
Yeah, yeah, it does get.
It does get tiring.
It's not all rainbows andbutterflies.
Sometimes I'd be gettingtriggered.
Dominiece (22:33):
Yeah.
Kertia (22:36):
Sometimes I'd be getting triggered.
Dominiece (22:38):
No, yeah, for real, and I'm just like what is this?
This, I thought I was okay andthen there's something else,
right yeah?
Kertia (22:45):
yeah, and then there's something else and I'm just like
, okay, I see where this iscoming from, I know where this
is coming from, and then I canwork, work through that, but it
takes, it takes you get intothat, um, being aware of that,
being aware of what your traumasare, how that impacted you, and
it just comes back to gettingback in your body right, so that
(23:09):
you can get in touch withyourself, get in touch with your
emotions and allow yourself tofeel those emotions, because now
there's a lot of times when youcan get triggered and you might
not even know why you'retriggered, what's triggering you
, because you haven't yetrecognized those patterns.
But it does take a while, itdoes take some practice, it does
(23:31):
take a lot of self-observationand introspection, but yeah Can.
I add one thing there too.
Dominiece (23:40):
Yeah, yeah.
When you asked me the questionabout like kind of you know what
was the thing or the tippingpoint for the healing journey
For me, it was like the past washolding me back so I wanted to
do more.
Like you know, before I reallyfully stepped into
entrepreneurship, I always hadthis kind of, this knowingness.
I would say in my heart that Iwas destined to be more, but I
(24:02):
would hold myself back.
And I couldn't figure out why Iwas holding myself back.
But subconsciously, there wereso many unresolved traumas that
I had held on to, so muchunworthiness about my place in
the world, and I had to startkind of unpacking those things
and allowing myself to explorethose stories, to move from that
place.
Right, like, what fears am Iholding on to?
(24:22):
What stories am I holding on tothat I need to let go of?
And so that was a part of it.
And then, as a mother, it'sseeing myself like versions of
myself that I don't feel goodabout, right, being triggered,
like you talked about, and beinglike, oh, okay, so now that's
something else that I have towork on.
So I feel like once I gotthrough the childhood stuff,
(24:42):
some of it, I think it startedshowing up in parenting and I
would overreact to something andbe like.
That response didn't reallymatch the situation.
So now I have to do work there.
So for me, I think a lot of myhealing journey has been seeing
the ways that my unresolvedtrauma has been holding me back
right or stopping me from beingthe most authentic version of
(25:05):
myself and then committing toallowing myself to release, to
return to a more whole versionof myself.
Kertia (25:12):
Yeah, I love that you mentioned that a lot of our
traumas, a lot of the thingsthat we've experienced, they are
actually reflected in therelationships around us, whether
it be our intimaterelationships with our partners,
our kids, even still with ourparents, and the dynamics there,
because there's also thegenerational trauma.
(25:32):
So a lot of that is mirrored ina lot of the relationships that
surround us and so we gettriggered of things that
sometimes we do not readilyidentify where it's coming from.
But when you kind of, as yousaid, peel the layers back of
that, why am I feeling this way?
Right For us to even recognizethat you're upset, right, or
(25:55):
you're angry or frustrated, oryou're hurt, why is this hurting
me?
It shouldn't be that serious,right, but it is.
It feels that serious in themoment and peeling back the
layers of that onion to figureout where this is truly coming
from.
100% this situation.
(26:15):
But there is something there,it is a residual of something
that you've already experiencedthat now this situation is
mirroring for you.
So, being able to do that thereare so many aspects and ways
that we can talk about it from,but I love that you mentioned
that.
When it comes to parenting, Ithink that's one area where a
(26:37):
lot of us can agree.
Listen, and I think that's onearea where a lot of us can agree
the triggers are real.
And you know you see a lot of usalso see parts of ourselves in
our children even parts ofourselves that we do not readily
(26:59):
own or acknowledge, or parts ofourselves that we've tried to
tuck away.
And then when we see that inour kids, then we have that
really strong emotional reactionto that Right when truly the
child is being the child, butthey're mirroring something to
us, something that we need tolearn.
(27:20):
It's a lesson, it's pointing usin a direction that we truly
need to look at.
So definitely, definitely lovethat you mentioned that.
You also spoke about ouraffairs.
I think a lot of us that hasexperienced trauma we do take
(27:42):
part in holding ourselves back alot in our lives right and it
might look differently foreveryone, whether it be holding
yourself back in your love lifeor in other personal
relationships, in your career oranything that you want to do
for yourself, because there'saffairs, there's limiting
beliefs, there is self-worthissues.
I've struggled hugely withself-worth issues and so a lot
(28:06):
of my decision-making werefear-based and based on am I
good enough to show up in thisspace?
Am I worthy?
Is my voice important?
So I've also had to workthrough a lot of that and a lot
of the ways that I've helped outmyself was a huge self-worth
thing.
It was a huge, um fear ofshowing up for myself because I
(28:30):
was afraid of the people and thesociety and what people would
think and all those things.
And my experience my experiencetaught me that I wasn't worthy.
That was the messaging that Igot Right, and so I took that
with me and I just vomited allof that all over my life.
So you know like when I was inthat state of being unaware of
(28:54):
my trauma and my triggers andall those things, you can't
imagine what my life looked like.
It was a mess.
It was a mess.
So my decision making was amess.
The way that I perceived myselfwas a mess.
The way that I perceivesituation was not the best as
well, and so my choices in a lotof situations were not the best
(29:17):
, even though I was trying mybest.
It's the best that I could havedone at the moment with the
information that I had.
So, um, yeah, definitelyresonates with everything that
you just said.
You know what would you saybecause you spoke about
meditation, yoga.
We talked about the somatic umpractices.
You know like different thingswork for different people.
(29:39):
What is your mainstay right now?
Dominiece (29:43):
For just healing in general.
Kertia (29:46):
Yeah, healing or any work that you're, just because,
of course, healing is, you know,continuous, it doesn't end.
So like what does your routinelook like?
So like what is your routine?
Okay?
Dominiece (29:58):
Yeah, okay, got you.
So I have for the last four anda half years, in 20, it started
at the end of 2019.
So I had my second daughter inSeptember 2019.
And at that time, I was workinga nine full-time, nine to five
job and I have been constantlyadvocating for better pay,
better benefits, you know all ofall of the things, and that had
(30:20):
been really the entire timethat I was at this job and I
took a maternity leave.
They weren't trying to pay mewhat I was asking for.
I had brought in at this pointso much because I was in grant
writing and fundraising.
I had fundraised millions ofdollars at this point.
Kertia (30:34):
And.
Dominiece (30:34):
I was frustrated because I wasn't asking for a
lot, and so, on my maternityleave, I decided to step away
(30:58):
from that job and my goal at thetime was a brick and mortar
natural hair salon in my city.
And then COVID happened andthat got shut down.
So financially I was out ofmoney from that Unemployed.
My marriage was on the rocks atthat time and I had a newborn
and I had a three-year-old and Ihad no plan.
It was just like okay, this islike too much for me.
Like okay, this is like toomuch for me.
So I started praying andmeditating because really that
(31:24):
was the only thing I knew atthat point to do was to
surrender and hope that spiritwould throw me a lifeline right,
like throw me some answers.
And one day when I wasmeditating, I got a whisper that
guided me to focus on my mind,body and spirit every day for
the next 90 days.
And I came out of thatmeditation, I wrote it down, I
was really excited about it andI jumped in right away.
It was either that same day orthe next day and I started doing
(31:44):
these daily practices ofnourishing my mind, my body and
my spirit.
And, kersha, I did thatstraight for 90 days.
Now, the first couple of weeksI'm not even going to front
because at that point I wassuper inconsistent.
So it was.
It was a struggle like to to beconsistent with these things,
but I kept pushing through, likeI was really forcing and
challenging myself to do it and,of course, like we were all on
you know, quarantine and therewas nothing else to do, and so
(32:06):
it was a great time for me.
So, fast forward to the end ofthat 90 day period, and I was
really like I came out.
I came out of it feeling soalive and awakened and it was
like coming out of this fog thatI've talked to you about, that
I had been in my whole life andI didn't even realize that I was
in this fog until after thispoint and I really was
transformed.
(32:26):
It was the beginning of mytransformation.
I felt so good that I wanted toshare that with everyone, and
so I started sharing on socialmedia and inviting family
members and friends to be a partof it, and that was actually
really the start of my coaching,because I wanted other women to
experience the same thing.
So I continued this dailypractice since then and after
(32:48):
that 90 days, I had lost about15 pounds and the weight really
just like melted off, like itwasn't hard, I wasn't doing a
ton, but I was healing and, as aresult, the physical weight
that I was holding as a resultof those internal things started
to shift and fall away.
I felt like I had more mentalclarity, I had a greater sense
(33:08):
of who I was.
I was now becoming aware of thelimiting beliefs and the
unworthiness that I was holding,and all of this was as a result
of that daily practice, and soI've been doing that since March
of 2020.
Now, when I started to steppedback into entrepreneurship
full-time a few months ago so Igot separated and I'm working
(33:29):
through a divorce, and so I tooka while, I stepped away to
really focus on my own mentalhealth and I started working
full-time.
And when I came back toentrepreneurship a few months
ago, spirit was now leading meto share out this daily practice
, this daily routine that I wasdoing.
So I was thinking, well, howcan I explain this to people in
a way that makes sense, feelspractical, feels easy for them
(33:51):
to do in the midst of a busyschedule?
And I was, like I do, about 15minutes of daily mindset work,
and so that's listening topodcasts like this, motivational
videos on YouTube, audiblebooks.
I do that for at least 15minutes.
I do 15 minutes of a spiritualpractice, meditation, journaling
, getting out of nature.
That looks different from day today, just based on what I need.
(34:12):
Sometimes it's a guidedmeditation, breath work, like it
shifts, and then I do 30minutes of physical movement.
So when I added all that up, itcomes to one hour and I was
like, okay, one hour, how muchis one hour out of a 24 hour day
?
And it comes up to 4%.
So I named this process the 4%formula, because I'm really only
(34:33):
asking you to give yourself 4%of your entire day.
And so my routine, right, myongoing routine, is nourishing
my mind, body and spirit everysingle day, recognizing that we
are all encompassing beings.
We are not just these physicalbodies.
There's a mental, emotionalpart of us, there's a spiritual
part of us, and sometimes we cando really well with focusing on
(34:55):
one part, but then we neglectthe other parts.
But there's something reallybeautiful that happens you come
into cohesion with your fullself when you focus on feeding
all of these parts of yourself,and so that's the practice that
I do.
It's the foundation for mycoaching program, and now I'm
beginning to share it out withother people, hoping that you
know people listen and begin topractice this practice for
(35:16):
themselves as well.
Kertia (35:18):
That's amazing.
I love that, thank you.
The 4% formula yeah, I lovethat and, you know, I love the
way that you broke it down intodifferent things and people can
arrange this, however, which wayit works for them, whatever it
is that you're interested in.
Yeah, it makes it seem simpler,you know, because I know
(35:41):
sometimes when, before I startedworking out, I used to think,
do I have to do this for a wholehour, started working out, I
used to think, do I have to dothis for a whole hour, you know,
like I don't want to work outfor a whole hour, but these are
things that you've heard before,like you work out for 45
minutes to an hour, and I usedto hear that a lot.
And I'm just like I'm notinterested in working out for a
(36:02):
whole hour, so like breaking itdown into little chunks, like
that.
And, as you said, said when youwork on all four areas, it's
like a detox, like you losingweight during the highs of covid
when you were doing that for 90days.
You know, just having thisroutine for 90 days it's
literally a detox, yeah, and youwere just losing the weight,
(36:23):
naturally.
Nothing, crazy, nothing,nothing, you know invasive, yeah
, right, so it's literally adetox for your system.
And when you can nourish allareas because the mind, the body
, the heart, everything isreally important.
(36:43):
So I love, love that you, youlike you really have that
structured into the work thatyou do.
I think that's really, reallybeautiful because it's it brings
in like such a balance right,because there's a lot of
personal trainers and like, yes,working out is great, there's
nothing wrong with personaltraining, but I love, I love
(37:03):
when there's just like thiswholesome holisticness to
wellness where, like you'rereally focusing on the entire
person, entire being, the beingin its entirety, rather than
like yeah, we're gonna get youin shape, we're gonna get you an
amazing physical shape and thenthat can come with a lot of
(37:24):
things.
Right, that can come.
Dominiece (37:26):
You be in physical shape, but then you're feeling
spiritually void or strugglingmentally and emotionally you
know all of those sorts ofthings and so we typically, as
humans, are just like okay, thebody, this is the piece I can
touch, I can see, like I canresonate with that, but it's
like, but you have a mind andyou have a heart, and those
parts of yourself also need tobe fed.
Kertia (37:47):
Exactly, Exactly I love that.
So I'd love for you to talk abit more about your book um
whole space to heal.
What can cause?
I haven't.
I haven't seen it, I haven'tread it.
So what can we expect fromwhole space to heal?
Dominiece (38:03):
Yeah, um, so thank you for letting me talk about
the book.
One thing that I'm feeling onmy heart that I just want to
share before we transition isand I feel like it's important
to share is that the 4% formuladoesn't have to be done in one
consecutive hour.
So some people might hear that,like you said, and they're like
, oh, I don't have an hour or Idon't want to do this for an
hour, but you can break that upthroughout your day, and so the
(38:24):
15 minutes of spiritual practiceis maybe 15 minutes in the
morning, and that's how youstart your day, and maybe that
15 minutes of mindset work is inthe shower, getting dressed,
loading the dishwasher, goingfor a walk and listening to the
mindset piece, and so it doesn'thave to all be done at once.
It's a very practical way to goabout life, even with a busy
schedule, and so I just wantedto note that for folks that are
(38:46):
listening, that might beinterested in giving it a shot
as far as the book goes.
So the book is called HoldSpace to Heal, and I wrote the
book about a year and a half ago, coming out of so much
transition it separated at thattime and just going through so
much of my own healing journeyand again doing the practices
(39:08):
that we've talked about.
So I let me step back a littlebit.
In the fall of 2021, I wentthrough my first yoga teacher
training and I had no idea howmuch transformation was about to
happen as I was doing dailyyoga, daily meditation, daily
breath work and I have had thisconversation with other yoga
instructors and it's like no oneprepares you for the amount of
(39:28):
healing and transformation thatyou go through as you are
working to become a yoga teacherfor other people.
So there was a lot that wascoming up during this time.
Right Like I was, I rememberdoing restorative yoga practices
and it would just be like mybody was like, oh, finally,
she's still, like now we canbring up this memory for her to
process, and I would just becrying and releasing and, you
(39:49):
know, thinking about all ofthese thoughts and beliefs that
I was holding, and so I wentthrough that process and then I
jumped right into a second yogateacher training, which I would
not suggest, and so within amatter of a six month time span,
I had just kind of just gonethrough this like very deep
healing process with those twocertifications.
And that was me coming out ofthat, realizing again how much I
(40:14):
had been holding on to andwanting to now share my story.
Because I resonated with whatyou said about like not feeling
good enough, holding myself back, having all of these internal
thoughts about my place in theworld and what I was worthy of
and what I deserved, and thatwas like how I existed and I did
really good with covering thatup.
So I masked it right Like Iappeared on the surface to be
(40:37):
confident and to achieve and youknow, be a high achiever.
But when the curtains closed,the internal thoughts and
dialogue was so dark, right Likeit was so negative, and I
didn't realize how much I hadbeen masking until I started to
peel that mask off when I wasgoing through that process.
And so the book is really mebeing very vulnerable and
(41:00):
sharing a lot of what I havebeen holding in hopes that one
other people realize that stuffthat we go through, like other
people are experiencing the samethings.
Because that was the thing whenI was in that space of feeling
so unworthiness, I just thoughtit was me Right, and I just I
was so afraid of putting myselfout there because I felt like
people would be on to me and seethrough me and that held me
(41:24):
back.
And so once I began to freemyself of those stories I was
like, oh, I have to share thethings that are helpful.
And so in the book I go throughseven somatic practices and
we've talked heavily about thosepractices today, but I talk
about the practices that werehelpful for me healing myself,
right like healing the traumathat my body was storing.
Restoring, so physical movement,yoga, restorative yoga, yoga,
(41:47):
nidra, breathwork, meditation,ecotherapy, which is technically
not a body-centered practicebut you get your body outside,
so getting out in nature is sucha healing practice.
And I go deeper into how, thescience behind why all of those
practices are helpful.
And then I have other people,other women, who shared their
own stories of how thesepractices have been helpful for
(42:09):
them.
And so you get to see thatyou're not alone.
You get to see you get toexplore all of these different
practices and to maybe justexplore what could be helpful
for you.
And so the idea with sevenpractices is kind of just allow
yourself to be curious, to seewhat resonates with you, what
you might want to explore youdon't have to do all of them and
(42:30):
then to maybe find one or twothat you can commit to
consistently to support yourhealing process.
Kertia (42:36):
Amazing.
I love that, thank you.
Yeah, I definitely experiencedthat, whereby people would look
at me and they're like wow,kersha, like you always get
everything you want, you're so.
So this you're so that, um,look at this amazing thing that
you're doing.
Dominiece (42:50):
I'm just like if y'all only no idea right, only
new the struggle yeah, let'sstruggle.
Kertia (42:58):
I'm just like.
You have no idea the way that Ihave to like push myself or
talk myself through thingssometimes just to get through it
.
Yeah, so there are many timeswhen I've told people that I
struggle with confidence andyou're like no way, you're, like
, one of the most confidentpeople I know, just like and I
(43:20):
laugh, I'm just like.
This is something that I'mstill working on, actually, but
thank you right, because you,you know how to mask it.
You know how to mask it, youknow how to kind of push through
, and some of us don't.
Actually, um, not all of us aregreat at masking and pushing
through.
Some of us literally hide rightand yeah, get stuck and try as
(43:45):
much not to like surface, comeup for air or just go outside.
There are some of us that trulyget stuck inside.
You know, internally andphysically as well.
Right, it shows up differentlyfor everyone.
So I wanted to ask you withthat in mind, what would you say
?
What words do you have foranyone who's experiencing that,
(44:08):
like the self-worth issues, theself-esteem issues, the lack of
confidence, or when you knowyou're holding yourself back,
when you know that you are meantfor something else, you're
meant for more, but you don'tkind of know how to get there
(44:30):
there, yeah.
Dominiece (44:30):
So one of the greatest things that going
through this healing journey andreally becoming a somatic
practitioner has done for me isthat it has helped me to
understand the body and themind-body connection.
And so, when it comes to fearwhich is a lot of why we hold
ourselves back, don't haveconfidence because we're afraid
of what people are going tothink when it comes to fear,
(44:54):
it's not about not having fear.
It's about having tools andresources and modalities that
can help you to move throughthat fear, because the reality
is that a part of the humanexperience is fear.
No matter how successful peopleare, they are still
experiencing fear.
They just have gotten to aspace where they don't get held
back by it or they have toolsthat allow them to move through.
And so we have to understandfear and then have practices
that we can do to move throughthat fear, because it's going to
(45:15):
come up.
And if you aren't feeling fear,I always say that you aren't
working hard, not working hardenough, but you aren't dreaming
big enough, right?
If you're, there's no fear.
You're playing it too safe,right?
So we have to recognize howfear shows up.
So there's four fear responsesthat we all have as humans and
they look very different in ourmodern society.
(45:36):
So you have fight, flight,freeze and then fawn, which is a
more recent one that we'relearning about, which is all
about people pleasing and reallyworking to appease other people
.
People pleasing and really, youknow, working to appease other
people.
So fight.
I've fallen a lot.
You've fallen a lot.
Me too, in my old relationship.
I've fallen a lot.
Fight is not just, like youknow, throwing bows and fighting
(45:59):
.
Fighting is really living in astate of sympathetic dominance.
When you are constantly in astate of anxiety about life,
fear, that body is in a constantstate of threat.
What happens when you're inthat space is that you find
yourself burning out a lotbecause your immune system, your
nervous system, is overworkingitself because of the perceived
(46:20):
threat that you're constantly in.
So that's the first one.
You have flight, which shows upas really like numbing and
shutting down, depression,feeling overwhelmed and
overstimulated by the world.
And this was really how Iexisted for most of my life.
I was in a state of flight andI was kind of just numb and I
was shutting out everything.
It was too much.
(46:40):
And then you have freeze, andthat one is tricky because it
can show up as procrastination,inaction, holding yourself back,
having a fear of success or afear of failure.
Sometimes freeze can also.
I struggled with this one.
It can be like getting stuck ina learning cycle where you're
consuming information and, oh, Igot to learn more, but you're
(47:02):
not really taking any action andyou're trying to tell yourself,
oh, I'm busy, I'm doing thething, but really you are
holding yourself back byconstantly feeling like you need
to learn more, to be more andto be worthy.
And then, of course, again, fonis people pleasing and just
kind of doing whatever you needto do, sacrificing yourself or
your work or your career, yourpartner, your children, in a way
(47:26):
that's harmful to yourwellbeing.
So first we have to recognizewhat state of fear we typically
lean heavier into right.
We might see ourselves in allof them, but we kind of have one
or two that are our dominantspaces.
And then you have to have toolsand resources to begin to work
through that.
So regulating your nervoussystem becomes really important,
right?
So when you begin to workthrough that, so regulating your
(47:47):
nervous system becomes reallyimportant, right?
So when you begin to calm thebody down, the mind and body are
connected.
The mind is going to calm downas well.
It's going to get out of thatstate of survival and fear that
you're living in.
So all of these somaticpractices that we've been
talking about today, doing thosepractices is a way to regulate
the nervous system, and this isnot just something you do once a
(48:09):
week or once a month.
It's not just going to the yogaclass once a week.
You are undergoing stress Formost of us, I feel confident in
saying, every single day, and soyou have to be doing things to
regulate the nervous systemevery day.
That's the first way to combatfear.
The second thing we've talkedabout this one also is mindset
work.
Right, so our minds impact ourreality.
(48:32):
What we feel internally, wejust mirror that in the world,
and so the beautiful thing isthat our brains are plastic and
so they can stretch and change.
When you begin to do mindsetwork, this daily mindset
practice, you begin to form newneural pathways in your brain,
you begin to unlearn some thingsand allow yourself to learn new
(48:52):
things, and so we both talkedabout all of the unworthiness
and the fear and the lowconfidence.
By feeding your mind withpositive things, you begin to
become aware of thosesubconscious beliefs, with
mindset work and you canquestion, right, does this serve
me, is this true, or is it timeto release that?
Talk therapy can also be areally helpful part of
(49:13):
processing.
And then the last thing is andyou might be able to relate to
this too Again, it's recognizingthat fear is a natural part of
being human and you have to justdo it to get receipts that it's
not true.
So for me, when my mind wouldsay, oh, you're not good enough,
right, I would still do it toget receipts that it's not true.
So for me, when my mind wouldsay, oh, you're not good enough,
right, I would still do it, andthen be like, oh, that wasn't
so bad.
So now I have evidence that Iam good enough, right, and that
(49:36):
begins to quiet the internalvoice that tells me that I'm not
good enough.
And so those are all ways thathave been really helpful for me
over the last few years, andthese are like ongoing things
that I have to do but to helpquiet the fear that I typically,
you know, feel and would lethold me back in the past.
Kertia (49:53):
I love that.
That was amazing.
Dominiece (49:55):
Thank you.
Kertia (49:56):
And I love how you touched on all four points of
how we react to perceivedthreats.
You know, in this modernsociety and I think of I think
we all somehow experience all ofit, but we do lean heavier into
certain ones, Right?
(50:16):
So I love that you pointed thatout, like knowing which one you
lean heavily into and thenknowing how to work through that
, and that's, that's a good,good starting point.
Dominiece (50:27):
So thank you so much for mentioning that and knowing
your triggers, because that'simportant too.
So for me.
I used to burn out all the timelike becoming aware of the
signs and the triggers ofwherever you typically lean,
letting yourself be aware,because you start to notice
those patterns and those habitsand you catch yourself before
you necessarily go to that darkspace.
Kertia (50:48):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is so true.
Learning your triggers is ahuge one, it's a huge, huge one.
Yeah, because now, like evenwith me, as I said earlier, when
something triggers me, I can,you know, even though I might
have the reaction, sometimes Imight kind of lose myself for a
(51:09):
bit and have the reaction, butthen I'm able to kind of bring
it back a bit and there aretimes when I can catch myself
before I have the reaction.
But you know, regardless, I canidentify where the trigger is
coming from, just like okay,there is more to work on here.
You know like we still got workto do here.
So, yeah, it's really importantto know your triggers.
(51:31):
Thank you so much.
This was an amazingconversation.
Can we find your work?
Where can we get your book?
Tell us all the good stuff.
Dominiece (51:38):
Yeah, so we've talked about so many things today, so
the book is on Amazon.
It's called Hold Space to HealSeven Somatic Practices to Help
you Release, reconnect andRemember.
And then as far as the 4%formula, so you asked me about
my daily routine, if anyonelistening or if you are
interested in learning more, Ihave a 30-day challenge where
(52:00):
each week we build this practice.
So it's not just like tomorrow.
You jump into all the things.
It's almost like a trickle.
We start with week one and it'sjust mindset.
Week two we add on thespiritual practice and then week
three we add on the body.
And so if you're interested inthat practice and just seeing
how you feel after a month oftrying something that might be
completely different for you andjust allowing yourself to
(52:20):
really nourish all the parts ofyourself, you can go to
4percentformulacom and four isspelled out F-O-U-R, so
4%formulacom and get thatchallenge, get you know
accountability sheets and all ofthe practices, examples of
practices that can be helpfulfor just allowing yourself to
(52:41):
really nourish yourself fullyBeautiful.
Kertia (52:43):
Thank you so much.
Dominiece (52:44):
Yeah, thank you for having me.
I've enjoyed this conversationtoday.
It's been such an honor to chatwith you.
Kertia (52:51):
I enjoyed this conversation so much.
Dominiece does phenomenal workand I definitely respect the
journey that she's currently on.
Let me know what you thinkabout this episode.
Just follow the link to 'TextOur Show' in whichever app you
use to listen to your podcasts.
You'll see that link rightabove the show notes of each
episode.
Love to hear what you all haveto say and, continue to share
(53:13):
this podcast with your friendsand family.
Thank you so much for being apart of this community.
Love to you all.
Until next time.
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