July 29, 2024 • 33 mins
Have you ever wondered how childhood experiences shape your quest for validation as an adult? Join me, Erin Anderson, as we journey through the intricate landscape of healing from betrayal trauma and the essential role validation plays in this process. We unravel Kalissa's poignant story to reveal how growing up with a narcissistic parent can condition one to seek approval from damaging sources, leading to a loss of joy and identity. We'll face the harsh reality of gaslighting and its impact, empowering you to trust your own perceptions and break free from the shackles of self-doubt.
In our pursuit of self-belief, we'll explore the transformative power of trusting oneself and aligning with a higher truth. Through the real-life struggles of clients like Felicia and Stacy, discover how external validations can hinder your true potential and why prioritizing connections with God and self is crucial for a life of purpose and confidence. Plus, find out how you can become part of a supportive community by joining my free Facebook group and following me on Instagram, where I share invaluable resources and insights to aid in your journey to healing.
If you would like to book a free coaching call click on this link to schedule a time:
https://calendly.com/stephaniewheeldonbetrayaltraumacoaching/privateclient
Get your free "Creating and Clarifying Boundaries" PDF here!
https://www.erinandersonthetraumacoach.com/ClarifyandCreateBoundaries
Don't forget! You can come join us at:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/theothersideofthestruggle
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hey everyone, it's Erin Anderson with the Erin
Anderson Betrayal TraumaCoaching.
I am super excited that youhave tuned in.
Today.
Let's get talking about how toheal from betrayal trauma.
Welcome to the other side ofthe struggle trauma, how to heal
it and then how to take it anduse it to unlock your mission
(00:27):
and your potential and to use itto live your very best dream
(00:52):
life.
When you're dealing withbetrayal trauma, it can be hard
to know how to heal it, how tostop the pain and to know what
your next steps are to take inyour own life, and these are the
questions that we try to answerhere.
Trauma has the ability to rob usof our joy and identity, which
(01:15):
is why it's so miserable toexperience.
But with the right tools andwith the right mindset, we can
totally reclaim that joy andeven use this trauma to
strengthen ourselves.
So that way, trauma does notknock us off of our joy again.
(01:36):
Living your dream life shouldbe a non-negotiable, but trauma
tends to try to negotiate thatwith you.
And even though trauma is notsomething that we will
completely ever be free of inour life, the pain is negotiable
(01:56):
.
This is why I created ErinAnderson Betrayal Trauma
Coaching and this podcast isbecause I want my listeners, I
want my clients, to live trulylive free from the prison that
trauma can put you in.
I want you to live on the otherside of the struggle.
(02:35):
Hey, my loves, welcome back toanother episode of the other
side of the struggle.
So today we are chatting aboutvalidation.
Now, you know, let me just saythat I do think that there is
some merit to validation.
We do want our beliefs to bevalidated and we don't want to
(03:01):
just go about the world thinkingthat whatever we think is the
final say absolutely perfect andthat we don't need any external
validation for that.
We do want to know how ourbehavior and our thoughts and
(03:22):
our feelings are going to, youknow, be received in this world,
and this is one of the thingsthat we wish more people would
do with us.
I mean, if you're listening tothis podcast, most likely you do
have some type of struggle witha relationship and that
(03:43):
struggle has led you to kind ofmaybe feel like you need to pull
your hair out a little bit.
Right, maybe it's with ahusband who is deeply into
pornography Definitely can makeyou want to feel like you really
need to rip your hair outbecause that's a damaging action
.
What would happen if yourhusband actually came to you and
(04:05):
was like, hey, how do you feelabout this?
What if he came to you andtalked about his thoughts?
How do you feel about thesethoughts?
Right, we do look forvalidation from others, because
how we respond or how we show updoes affect other people, and
(04:30):
it'd be nice if more peoplewould ask how their perceptions,
their behaviors and the waythey're showing up in life
actually does affect us.
Showing up in life actuallydoes affect us.
But there is a danger invalidation and this is a danger
that I find a lot of my clientsfalling into and that is that we
(04:57):
validate the wrong things.
Let me explain this, okay.
A lot of times, women come tome and they're like I feel so
stupid or I feel so dumb or I'mso foolish, and the reason why
they're saying these things isbecause they're being gaslit
(05:22):
right.
They have someone in their lifethat are telling them to
disbelieve their own eyes, theirown experience, their own
feelings, and that's not a goodthing, because if we can't
believe ourselves, we are soeasily manipulated, and it's
(05:48):
through that manipulation thatwe feel that foolishness, that
dumb, that shame, that guilt,that remorse for something that
we didn't even do.
This is where the shame comesin, and it's all because our
insecurity is being validated bysomeone else, someone in a
(06:17):
position of trust.
For us, let me say if this isis you, it's not your fault.
It is absolutely not your faultthat you're feeling crazy.
It's not your fault that you'refeeling dumb.
It's not your fault.
You're feeling nuts and likewhat do I even believe?
(06:39):
It's not your fault.
Most likely, you are someonewho has been taught to
disbelieve, like I said, yourexperience and your beliefs for
a very long time and thereforeyou choose, you're going to look
for relationships that bringthat to the table, because
(07:07):
that's what you know or you seeas normal.
It's not even in ourconsciousness oftentimes how our
beliefs actually create ourrelationships or how our
experience have created therelationships we have.
(07:29):
So let me give you an exampleof what I'm saying here.
Kalissa and I changed the name,by the way, to protect clients,
but Kalissa was a client of mineand this was something I heard
her say a lot.
I feel so dumb.
I feel so dumb, I feel sofoolish.
(07:50):
I fell for it again and as Ilistened to her, I could tell
that she was trusting otherpeople before she would ever
trust herself.
She would ask them down to thedetail what she thought she
should do, what they thought sheshould do, what they thought
(08:11):
she should think, how theythought she should act, respond.
And so she was doing theirbidding and never once gave any
thought or consideration to whather reality was.
It was always living forsomeone else, and yet she felt
(08:34):
all this resentment and couldn'tfigure out why.
As I got looking back into herhistory, she had a narcissistic
father who would tell her tobelieve something or tell her to
(08:56):
think something, and it wasdefinitely about herself.
If she ever brought to hear herfather oh my gosh, I can't
believe.
I just made this mistake.
I'm so dumb.
He validated that she was dumb.
If she brought to him that shefelt foolish, he would validate
(09:25):
yeah, you're foolish.
He would validate yeah, you'refoolish.
And so the validation becomes aproof of a belief, and once
something is validated so manytimes, eventually what ends up
(09:48):
happening is it becomes a rocksolid belief, a truth that we
don't question anymore, and wedon't move beyond the bounds of
our truth.
Remember, people don't behaveabove their self-belief.
They just don't, and theirself-beliefs have often been
validated to a detrimental point.
(10:10):
So what do we do about this?
Well, this is why one of thereasons I say one of the
greatest things you can do is totrust yourself first.
If you remember the relationaltears again and if you don't go
back and check out the podcastentitled the Relational Tiers,
(10:34):
but we talk about our God tierand our self tier being the top
two tiers, but everybody ingeneral tends to live out of the
others tier and the abundancetier.
We're always worried about howeverybody else thinks or how
(10:57):
everybody else feels.
We're always worried aboutmoney.
Is something going to show upfor me?
But never are we wondering.
I shouldn't say never, but it'snot very often.
It's not as often as it shouldbe do we consider what does god
think and how can I adopt hisbelief?
(11:23):
Let me give you another examplehere.
Um, another one of my clients,again changing the name for
privacy and safety, felicia.
She really was struggling withmoney and her beliefs around
(11:43):
money, and she didn't feel likemoney was going to show up for
her.
And so I talked to her aboutwhether or not she felt like
other people showed up well forher, and immediately there was a
no.
She had been so busy thinkingabout how everybody else viewed
(12:04):
her, validating that throughthem, and had a belief that she
didn't deserve anything.
Very interesting how her moneystory showed up to reflect that
belief.
So instead we start talkingabout well, what do you think
(12:24):
God wants?
Does he see in you?
She believed very deeply thatshe was a child of God, which is
a good thing.
I definitely want that beliefin my clients and in my
listeners.
Or if you don't believe in God,okay, at least believe that your
highest form of love didsomething, a great work inside
(12:49):
of you.
And it is that great work thatwe need to understand.
Because if we understandourselves as a work of
perfection, a work of art, awork of greatness, we are now
validating a truth, a truth thatwe can act upon.
(13:13):
Once we start validating thattype of a truth, we start to
look for the good that we can do, how we can actually serve the
world, do how we can actuallyserve the world.
We start detecting our gifts,our talents, our passions, our
(13:47):
purposes and through that wetend to also trust ourselves.
We trust ourselves to takeaction.
See, someone who doesn't trustthemselves has actually had
something validated to them anegative belief validated that
does not need to be validated,it's not a truth.
They do not actually believethemselves as a child of God or
(14:12):
as a marvelous creation.
Again, people don't behaveabove their self-belief, right?
See what happens when somebodyhas this belief, this
understanding that they arefirst and foremost a child of
(14:32):
God or a child of love or achild of greatness, that we were
put here to do a marvelous work, and that is validated by a
previous belief of either I am achild of God or that the
universe actually does show upto support me.
(14:54):
If we already have thatfoundational belief, then every
belief that we have, therefore,should build upon that
foundational belief.
If, however, you're waiting foreverybody else to tell you to
move forward because your planis good, that is not.
(15:19):
That is not believing that youare an instrument of good.
That is still wondering if youhave what it takes.
And so we seek for validationand before we even often get
(15:43):
very far into a good thing, weallow it to die because it has
been validated in a negative,and our self-confidence takes a
hit because we haven't evershown ourselves to rise above a
(16:05):
negative validation.
Now it is important, as I saidearlier and previously, to make
sure that what it is you'redoing is going to bless the
lives of others.
Sometimes our missions and ourpurposes do require a lot from
(16:29):
our hands, and sometimes thatdoes require a lot from other
people, because we do have a lotof responsibilities on us as
adults, especially asentrepreneur women and, by the
way, moms, if you're astay-at-home home mom, you're
(16:50):
still an entrepreneur in my book, because you were building
something beautiful.
You're still building somethingincredible.
You're still building somethingvaluable.
You don't necessarily have toown a business to be an
entrepreneur in my book, Ishould say, but it is important,
(17:15):
therefore, if we are going tobuild something fantastic, that
we do seek, first and foremost,validation from god, and what
that looks like is does it,would God approve of what I'm
doing?
Does it match what he createdin me?
What would he really thinkabout what I'm doing?
(17:40):
Does it match a loving God?
Does it feel like love what I'mdoing or what I think about
doing?
And all of the sudden, wevalidate ourselves this way,
(18:07):
because we check what we want todo or what we want to believe,
based upon an already rootedtruth, and then we can take this
to other people and get theirfeedback as well, not to stop us
, but simply to glean more truth.
(18:31):
So one more example Stacy, shewas an entrepreneur.
She had a multi-million dollarbusiness and she could see a way
that she could build somethingelse with this business that
(18:54):
would create healing, a place ofhealing, a place for families,
a place for families to heal,individuals to heal, and a place
of refuge and peace from hermulti-million dollar business
that she had already built.
(19:15):
She wanted it so badly, but shehad never taken action on it
because she had someone in herlife that had validated for her
that it would be stupid for herto do that.
(19:36):
That she should already.
So she should just focus onwhat was already working.
And, yes, she continued tobuild that under company, but
her heart kept telling her thatshe wanted to build this place.
(19:57):
So, after some coaching, one ofthe things we did is we started
talking about her gifts and hertalents.
Who did God create her to be?
What did she see?
What did she see?
And we, we, I, I had her stopfor a little bit and start
envisioning that she had alreadybuilt this place, this place of
(20:17):
glory, this place of beauty,this place of healing for
families and individuals, thisplace that could get people back
on their feet.
And she was running it and Iasked her how she felt about
herself as she was envisioningthis process, and the first word
(20:46):
she said was whole, and youcould see her break down in
tears Because she had beensearching for this wholeness for
a while now.
Do you feel like God is ashamedof you?
Not at all.
He's so proud of me.
I have people that are finallyfinding the answers to the
(21:11):
things that they have beenlooking for.
I'm creating a glorious work onthis earth.
All of a sudden, she startedvalidating that this was what
she could do and what she shoulddo.
Then she took it to her family,because that did mean that she
(21:31):
was going to have to put somemore time into this business,
which meant a little less timewith her family, but that also
meant that she was going to needto be more intentional with the
time that she did put towardsher family.
She also took it to her team inher other company.
She had somebody there thatcould absolutely take over and
(21:54):
run things for her and keep incontact with her and run ideas
back and forth, but they couldtake over her position there and
all of a sudden she started torestructure things.
She had people trying tovalidate for her that this was
(22:22):
still a bad idea and she hadprevious voices, but voices from
the past.
That was also validating to herthat this was a bad idea.
That was also validating to herthat this was a bad idea.
But every time that little seedof doubt continued to creep into
her mind she would bring backup this image of her running
(22:43):
this business, running thiscompany and seeing people
finally heal.
And she would validate what wasactually true inside of her.
And she would realize that ifshe didn't do this, it was
denying that piece of wholenessinside of her.
And as she continued tovalidate this vision, this dream
(23:10):
, and she continued to validatethis vision, this dream, and she
continued to build on it shedid completely restructure
things Her family, she builtthis healing place.
She was able to healrelationships between her and
her kids that had been fracturedBecause she was coming from a
(23:33):
place of wholeness.
She realized what she could do.
She was receiving the gratitudefor building such a place from
those that were benefiting fromher labors and the validation
(23:54):
continued to the point where shestarted giving back even more
glory to the people that sheserved, and both companies ran
at an almost 300% profitincrease.
(24:18):
But what would have happenedhad she listened to the
validation of the nay?
That never would have happenedand she would have consistently
felt fractured.
So what does this have to dowith you?
(24:39):
If you are somebody dealingwith betrayal trauma?
Betrayal trauma is legitimatelya validation of the negative.
Betrayal trauma is legitimatelya validation of the negative
and it feels like a betrayal andfeels like you have to betray
yourself just to make somebodyelse happy.
(25:00):
You have to put aside who youare just to keep something
intact that may or may not evenbe working anymore, and it
fractures you.
This is why a lot of women cometo me and they say I feel
(25:23):
Detached, I feel separated frommyself.
The truth of the matter isBetrayal trauma is a validation
of the negative and this is whytrauma, especially betrayal
(25:45):
trauma, tends to heal when webecome dedicated and focused on
the truth and we decide to seekout truth and we know it's truth
, because it will build ourconfidence in ourselves and in
our God.
So, my loves, pay attention towhat type of validation you are
(26:07):
listening to.
This week, my hope is is youstart to shift to the validation
of love, validation of goodnessand a validation of finding
your mission and your purpose,because I promise you in that
(26:28):
you will find yourself a betterversion than you ever thought
possible.
All right, my loves Again.
If you would love some helpwith this, if you'd love some
help finding out what type ofboundaries you can set around
yourself to receive the propertype of validation around
(26:50):
yourself, to receive the propertype of validation, if you would
love some help in healing yourtrauma, I do have spaces open
right now for clients.
I am taking them on.
Feel free to click on the linkbelow to schedule a free call
with me.
Let's chat back and forth andsee if there's something I can
do to help you heal your traumaand find your mission and
(27:15):
purpose as well, to help youbuild the life that you've
always dreamed of.
And until then, my loves, I'llsee you on the other side.
Bye, okay.
(27:36):
So I've got a question for you.
Have you joined my freeFacebook group or Instagram page
yet?
If you haven't, go and do that.
That, and this is the reasonwhy I always post my freebies,
updated information and allkinds of goodies for my
(27:57):
community in that page I'm alsoreally active.
I post videos, I answerquestions.
So if you guys really reallywant to get in and interact with
me, go like me on Facebook.
Go join my group the Other Sideof the Struggle Healing from
Betrayal Trauma.
Come find me on Instagram, erinAnderson, betrayal Trauma Coach
(28:20):
, and come follow me, because Ialways have something good there
just for you, my audience, andI love connecting with you there
.
I also post anytime that I havegroups going on.
I talk sometimes about myprograms.
So if you guys are interestedin working with me or even just
(28:43):
following me and getting as muchfree content as you possibly
can, getting as much freecontent as you possibly can, go
hang out in my group.
Go connect with the ladies thatare there.
Also, come and join Immune andUnashamed for those married
couples that are following me,because in that group, me and my
(29:04):
business partner, kyson Kidd,are also talking and offering
some great content.
Hey everyone, it's Erin Anderson with the Erin
Anderson Betrayal TraumaCoaching.
I am super excited that youhave tuned in.
Today.
Let's get talking about how toheal from betrayal trauma.
Welcome to the other side ofthe struggle trauma, how to heal
it and then how to take it anduse it to unlock your mission
(00:27):
and your potential and to use itto live your very best dream
(00:52):
life.
When you're dealing withbetrayal trauma, it can be hard
to know how to heal it, how tostop the pain and to know what
your next steps are to take inyour own life, and these are the
questions that we try to answerhere.
Trauma has the ability to rob usof our joy and identity, which
(01:15):
is why it's so miserable toexperience.
But with the right tools andwith the right mindset, we can
totally reclaim that joy andeven use this trauma to
strengthen ourselves.
So that way, trauma does notknock us off of our joy again.
(01:36):
Living your dream life shouldbe a non-negotiable, but trauma
tends to try to negotiate thatwith you.
And even though trauma is notsomething that we will
completely ever be free of inour life, the pain is negotiable
(01:56):
.
This is why I created ErinAnderson Betrayal Trauma
Coaching and this podcast isbecause I want my listeners, I
want my clients, to live trulylive free from the prison that
trauma can put you in.
I want you to live on the otherside of the struggle.
(02:35):
Hey, my loves, welcome back toanother episode of the other
side of the struggle.
So today we are chatting aboutvalidation.
Now, you know, let me just saythat I do think that there is
some merit to validation.
We do want our beliefs to bevalidated and we don't want to
(03:01):
just go about the world thinkingthat whatever we think is the
final say absolutely perfect andthat we don't need any external
validation for that.
We do want to know how ourbehavior and our thoughts and
(03:22):
our feelings are going to, youknow, be received in this world,
and this is one of the thingsthat we wish more people would
do with us.
I mean, if you're listening tothis podcast, most likely you do
have some type of struggle witha relationship and that
(03:43):
struggle has led you to kind ofmaybe feel like you need to pull
your hair out a little bit.
Right, maybe it's with ahusband who is deeply into
pornography Definitely can makeyou want to feel like you really
need to rip your hair outbecause that's a damaging action
.
What would happen if yourhusband actually came to you and
(04:05):
was like, hey, how do you feelabout this?
What if he came to you andtalked about his thoughts?
How do you feel about thesethoughts?
Right, we do look forvalidation from others, because
how we respond or how we show updoes affect other people, and
(04:30):
it'd be nice if more peoplewould ask how their perceptions,
their behaviors and the waythey're showing up in life
actually does affect us.
Showing up in life actuallydoes affect us.
But there is a danger invalidation and this is a danger
that I find a lot of my clientsfalling into and that is that we
(04:57):
validate the wrong things.
Let me explain this, okay.
A lot of times, women come tome and they're like I feel so
stupid or I feel so dumb or I'mso foolish, and the reason why
they're saying these things isbecause they're being gaslit
(05:22):
right.
They have someone in their lifethat are telling them to
disbelieve their own eyes, theirown experience, their own
feelings, and that's not a goodthing, because if we can't
believe ourselves, we are soeasily manipulated, and it's
(05:48):
through that manipulation thatwe feel that foolishness, that
dumb, that shame, that guilt,that remorse for something that
we didn't even do.
This is where the shame comesin, and it's all because our
insecurity is being validated bysomeone else, someone in a
(06:17):
position of trust.
For us, let me say if this isis you, it's not your fault.
It is absolutely not your faultthat you're feeling crazy.
It's not your fault that you'refeeling dumb.
It's not your fault.
You're feeling nuts and likewhat do I even believe?
(06:39):
It's not your fault.
Most likely, you are someonewho has been taught to
disbelieve, like I said, yourexperience and your beliefs for
a very long time and thereforeyou choose, you're going to look
for relationships that bringthat to the table, because
(07:07):
that's what you know or you seeas normal.
It's not even in ourconsciousness oftentimes how our
beliefs actually create ourrelationships or how our
experience have created therelationships we have.
(07:29):
So let me give you an exampleof what I'm saying here.
Kalissa and I changed the name,by the way, to protect clients,
but Kalissa was a client of mineand this was something I heard
her say a lot.
I feel so dumb.
I feel so dumb, I feel sofoolish.
(07:50):
I fell for it again and as Ilistened to her, I could tell
that she was trusting otherpeople before she would ever
trust herself.
She would ask them down to thedetail what she thought she
should do, what they thought sheshould do, what they thought
(08:11):
she should think, how theythought she should act, respond.
And so she was doing theirbidding and never once gave any
thought or consideration to whather reality was.
It was always living forsomeone else, and yet she felt
(08:34):
all this resentment and couldn'tfigure out why.
As I got looking back into herhistory, she had a narcissistic
father who would tell her tobelieve something or tell her to
(08:56):
think something, and it wasdefinitely about herself.
If she ever brought to hear herfather oh my gosh, I can't
believe.
I just made this mistake.
I'm so dumb.
He validated that she was dumb.
If she brought to him that shefelt foolish, he would validate
(09:25):
yeah, you're foolish.
He would validate yeah, you'refoolish.
And so the validation becomes aproof of a belief, and once
something is validated so manytimes, eventually what ends up
(09:48):
happening is it becomes a rocksolid belief, a truth that we
don't question anymore, and wedon't move beyond the bounds of
our truth.
Remember, people don't behaveabove their self-belief.
They just don't, and theirself-beliefs have often been
validated to a detrimental point.
(10:10):
So what do we do about this?
Well, this is why one of thereasons I say one of the
greatest things you can do is totrust yourself first.
If you remember the relationaltears again and if you don't go
back and check out the podcastentitled the Relational Tiers,
(10:34):
but we talk about our God tierand our self tier being the top
two tiers, but everybody ingeneral tends to live out of the
others tier and the abundancetier.
We're always worried about howeverybody else thinks or how
(10:57):
everybody else feels.
We're always worried aboutmoney.
Is something going to show upfor me?
But never are we wondering.
I shouldn't say never, but it'snot very often.
It's not as often as it shouldbe do we consider what does god
think and how can I adopt hisbelief?
(11:23):
Let me give you another examplehere.
Um, another one of my clients,again changing the name for
privacy and safety, felicia.
She really was struggling withmoney and her beliefs around
(11:43):
money, and she didn't feel likemoney was going to show up for
her.
And so I talked to her aboutwhether or not she felt like
other people showed up well forher, and immediately there was a
no.
She had been so busy thinkingabout how everybody else viewed
(12:04):
her, validating that throughthem, and had a belief that she
didn't deserve anything.
Very interesting how her moneystory showed up to reflect that
belief.
So instead we start talkingabout well, what do you think
(12:24):
God wants?
Does he see in you?
She believed very deeply thatshe was a child of God, which is
a good thing.
I definitely want that beliefin my clients and in my
listeners.
Or if you don't believe in God,okay, at least believe that your
highest form of love didsomething, a great work inside
(12:49):
of you.
And it is that great work thatwe need to understand.
Because if we understandourselves as a work of
perfection, a work of art, awork of greatness, we are now
validating a truth, a truth thatwe can act upon.
(13:13):
Once we start validating thattype of a truth, we start to
look for the good that we can do, how we can actually serve the
world, do how we can actuallyserve the world.
We start detecting our gifts,our talents, our passions, our
(13:47):
purposes and through that wetend to also trust ourselves.
We trust ourselves to takeaction.
See, someone who doesn't trustthemselves has actually had
something validated to them anegative belief validated that
does not need to be validated,it's not a truth.
They do not actually believethemselves as a child of God or
(14:12):
as a marvelous creation.
Again, people don't behaveabove their self-belief, right?
See what happens when somebodyhas this belief, this
understanding that they arefirst and foremost a child of
(14:32):
God or a child of love or achild of greatness, that we were
put here to do a marvelous work, and that is validated by a
previous belief of either I am achild of God or that the
universe actually does show upto support me.
(14:54):
If we already have thatfoundational belief, then every
belief that we have, therefore,should build upon that
foundational belief.
If, however, you're waiting foreverybody else to tell you to
move forward because your planis good, that is not.
(15:19):
That is not believing that youare an instrument of good.
That is still wondering if youhave what it takes.
And so we seek for validationand before we even often get
(15:43):
very far into a good thing, weallow it to die because it has
been validated in a negative,and our self-confidence takes a
hit because we haven't evershown ourselves to rise above a
(16:05):
negative validation.
Now it is important, as I saidearlier and previously, to make
sure that what it is you'redoing is going to bless the
lives of others.
Sometimes our missions and ourpurposes do require a lot from
(16:29):
our hands, and sometimes thatdoes require a lot from other
people, because we do have a lotof responsibilities on us as
adults, especially asentrepreneur women and, by the
way, moms, if you're astay-at-home home mom, you're
(16:50):
still an entrepreneur in my book, because you were building
something beautiful.
You're still building somethingincredible.
You're still building somethingvaluable.
You don't necessarily have toown a business to be an
entrepreneur in my book, Ishould say, but it is important,
(17:15):
therefore, if we are going tobuild something fantastic, that
we do seek, first and foremost,validation from god, and what
that looks like is does it,would God approve of what I'm
doing?
Does it match what he createdin me?
What would he really thinkabout what I'm doing?
(17:40):
Does it match a loving God?
Does it feel like love what I'mdoing or what I think about
doing?
And all of the sudden, wevalidate ourselves this way,
(18:07):
because we check what we want todo or what we want to believe,
based upon an already rootedtruth, and then we can take this
to other people and get theirfeedback as well, not to stop us
, but simply to glean more truth.
(18:31):
So one more example Stacy, shewas an entrepreneur.
She had a multi-million dollarbusiness and she could see a way
that she could build somethingelse with this business that
(18:54):
would create healing, a place ofhealing, a place for families,
a place for families to heal,individuals to heal, and a place
of refuge and peace from hermulti-million dollar business
that she had already built.
(19:15):
She wanted it so badly, but shehad never taken action on it
because she had someone in herlife that had validated for her
that it would be stupid for herto do that.
(19:36):
That she should already.
So she should just focus onwhat was already working.
And, yes, she continued tobuild that under company, but
her heart kept telling her thatshe wanted to build this place.
(19:57):
So, after some coaching, one ofthe things we did is we started
talking about her gifts and hertalents.
Who did God create her to be?
What did she see?
What did she see?
And we, we, I, I had her stopfor a little bit and start
envisioning that she had alreadybuilt this place, this place of
(20:17):
glory, this place of beauty,this place of healing for
families and individuals, thisplace that could get people back
on their feet.
And she was running it and Iasked her how she felt about
herself as she was envisioningthis process, and the first word
(20:46):
she said was whole, and youcould see her break down in
tears Because she had beensearching for this wholeness for
a while now.
Do you feel like God is ashamedof you?
Not at all.
He's so proud of me.
I have people that are finallyfinding the answers to the
(21:11):
things that they have beenlooking for.
I'm creating a glorious work onthis earth.
All of a sudden, she startedvalidating that this was what
she could do and what she shoulddo.
Then she took it to her family,because that did mean that she
(21:31):
was going to have to put somemore time into this business,
which meant a little less timewith her family, but that also
meant that she was going to needto be more intentional with the
time that she did put towardsher family.
She also took it to her team inher other company.
She had somebody there thatcould absolutely take over and
(21:54):
run things for her and keep incontact with her and run ideas
back and forth, but they couldtake over her position there and
all of a sudden she started torestructure things.
She had people trying tovalidate for her that this was
(22:22):
still a bad idea and she hadprevious voices, but voices from
the past.
That was also validating to herthat this was a bad idea.
That was also validating to herthat this was a bad idea.
But every time that little seedof doubt continued to creep into
her mind she would bring backup this image of her running
(22:43):
this business, running thiscompany and seeing people
finally heal.
And she would validate what wasactually true inside of her.
And she would realize that ifshe didn't do this, it was
denying that piece of wholenessinside of her.
And as she continued tovalidate this vision, this dream
(23:10):
, and she continued to validatethis vision, this dream, and she
continued to build on it shedid completely restructure
things Her family, she builtthis healing place.
She was able to healrelationships between her and
her kids that had been fracturedBecause she was coming from a
(23:33):
place of wholeness.
She realized what she could do.
She was receiving the gratitudefor building such a place from
those that were benefiting fromher labors and the validation
(23:54):
continued to the point where shestarted giving back even more
glory to the people that sheserved, and both companies ran
at an almost 300% profitincrease.
(24:18):
But what would have happenedhad she listened to the
validation of the nay?
That never would have happenedand she would have consistently
felt fractured.
So what does this have to dowith you?
(24:39):
If you are somebody dealingwith betrayal trauma?
Betrayal trauma is legitimatelya validation of the negative.
Betrayal trauma is legitimatelya validation of the negative
and it feels like a betrayal andfeels like you have to betray
yourself just to make somebodyelse happy.
(25:00):
You have to put aside who youare just to keep something
intact that may or may not evenbe working anymore, and it
fractures you.
This is why a lot of women cometo me and they say I feel
(25:23):
Detached, I feel separated frommyself.
The truth of the matter isBetrayal trauma is a validation
of the negative and this is whytrauma, especially betrayal
(25:45):
trauma, tends to heal when webecome dedicated and focused on
the truth and we decide to seekout truth and we know it's truth
, because it will build ourconfidence in ourselves and in
our God.
So, my loves, pay attention towhat type of validation you are
(26:07):
listening to.
This week, my hope is is youstart to shift to the validation
of love, validation of goodnessand a validation of finding
your mission and your purpose,because I promise you in that
(26:28):
you will find yourself a betterversion than you ever thought
possible.
All right, my loves Again.
If you would love some helpwith this, if you'd love some
help finding out what type ofboundaries you can set around
yourself to receive the propertype of validation around
(26:50):
yourself, to receive the propertype of validation, if you would
love some help in healing yourtrauma, I do have spaces open
right now for clients.
I am taking them on.
Feel free to click on the linkbelow to schedule a free call
with me.
Let's chat back and forth andsee if there's something I can
do to help you heal your traumaand find your mission and
(27:15):
purpose as well, to help youbuild the life that you've
always dreamed of.
And until then, my loves, I'llsee you on the other side.
Bye, okay.
(27:36):
So I've got a question for you.
Have you joined my freeFacebook group or Instagram page
yet?
If you haven't, go and do that.
That, and this is the reasonwhy I always post my freebies,
updated information and allkinds of goodies for my
(27:57):
community in that page I'm alsoreally active.
I post videos, I answerquestions.
So if you guys really reallywant to get in and interact with
me, go like me on Facebook.
Go join my group the Other Sideof the Struggle Healing from
Betrayal Trauma.
Come find me on Instagram, erinAnderson, betrayal Trauma Coach
(28:20):
, and come follow me, because Ialways have something good there
just for you, my audience, andI love connecting with you there
.
I also post anytime that I havegroups going on.
I talk sometimes about myprograms.
So if you guys are interestedin working with me or even just
(28:43):
following me and getting as muchfree content as you possibly
can, getting as much freecontent as you possibly can, go
hang out in my group.
Go connect with the ladies thatare there.
Also, come and join Immune andUnashamed for those married
couples that are following me,because in that group, me and my
(29:04):
business partner, kyson Kidd,are also talking and offering
some great content.
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