2.03: Escape from the murder-house? — A pious predator unmasked. — The Admiral vs. the Vampire! - The Penny Dreadful Variety Hour: An Early Victorian Feast of Crammers and Moonshine!

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:10):
A tip top evening to all you ladybirds, lumber coves and
nights of the brush and moon. I'm your host, Finn JD John,
welcoming you back to the chafing crib.
It's Sunday night and that meansit's time once again for the
Penny Dreadful Radio Hour. So put up your pins and attend
to your viddling office. Top off your tumblers with

(00:31):
something hot and strong, sluiceyour tombstones like a
resurrection man, and swivel your Jenny my way.
Because another rare noggin of praddlery in the form of the
Penny Dreadful Radio Hour is upon us.
Like Count Lerno on a pretty bitof muslin, the Penny Dreadful
Radio Hour is the show that carries you back to the sooty,

(00:51):
foggy streets of early VictorianLondon when the latest batch of
the story papers hit the streets.
Not the fancy ones that cost a whole shilling, but the cheap
scrappy ones that cost a penny and the upper crust oaks and
roses call penny bloods or pennydreadfuls.
That's right, the good stuff that, like a nipperkin or two of
juniper juice, may be a little rough, but does the job.

(01:15):
Here's what we've got in store for tonight.
First U. It's The Mysteries of London,
Stories of Life and the Modern Babylon by George WM Reynolds,
which started its run in 1844. We've got chapter 3 for you
today. It's a short chapter, alas, but
it is an eventful one. In it, this interesting youth
has determined on a desperate attempt to flee the house.

(01:38):
But then one of the ruffians spots him.
As you'll recall from the last chapter, the youth knows he must
flee for his life. But can he?
What will be his fate next? We've got Chapter 15 of Varney
the Vampire or The Feast of Blood by James Malcolm Rhymer,
which started publication in 1845.
In it, 2 new characters enter our story by checking into the

(02:01):
Nelson's Arms Inn. These are Admiral Bell, a
retired Navy officer of about 70, and Jack Pringle, an able
bodied seaman of the classic Jack Tarr type.
Admiral Bell is Charles Holland's uncle, and he has been
summoned to Oxalter by a letter warning him that his beloved
nephew is about to enter into a relationship with a highly

(02:22):
objectionable girl from a highlyobjectionable family a member
of. Which is a vampire.
And marrying into a vampire family would be a real disaster
for everyone, wouldn't it? The letter urges Admiral Bell to
come to Oxalter and collect his wandering nephew and save him
from the dreadful fate of becoming a blood donor to his

(02:42):
own brood of little blood drinking babies.
So will it work? Well, we shall see.
You may have noticed that Varneyhas been dragging a bit of late
and despite all the Pearl clutching and pistol cracking,
it's kind of in a bit of a rut. I am pleased to have the honor
of informing you that such will henceforth no longer be the case

(03:02):
with this dreadful. This episode is sponsored by
Duke Fitzpumping of Dumpington'scryptocurrency rental exchange.
Why spend years sucking up to some tech bro nerd to become a
Bitcoin billionaire to impress the ladies when you can rent
what you need to look like a baller from His Grace Duke Pumpy
Dumpy. By the way, if you're a YouTube,

(03:24):
you should also know that His Grace rents Lamborghinis by the
hour. Click the link in the
description below to get an extra 500 billion FTX tokens at
no extra charge. A special thanks to Duke
Fitzpumping of Dumpington's cryptocurrency rental exchange
for sponsoring today's video. And now back to the show.

(03:46):
And now tis time for Chapter 3 of The Mysteries of London.
Tonight's first Flash Academy vocabulary word is leg Bale.
Swayne a Todd will be a new gatebond now.
But he gave leg Bale the tomato and got clean off.
Give it a guess after the story.You will find out if you were
right last week in chapter 2 of the Mysteries of London.

(04:08):
This youth, afraid to face the newcomers to the house, ran to
the room at the end of the hall and entered it and closed the
door and tried to hide. Luckily, actually rather
unluckily, but the youth thoughtit was lucky at the time.
The newcomers entered the other room and lit a candle, and the
youth could see through the window between the rooms.
The newcomers were clearly thieves.

(04:30):
They produced some swag, which they hid in the fireplace behind
the grate. They opened a secret compartment
and produced some good food and drink.
And then they started talking about a job they had scheduled
the next day, burgling the home of, quote, a swell named Malcolm
up Islington Way in company witha third member of their little
party named Cranky Gem. They started talking about the

(04:51):
house, which we learned was built above the underground
Fleet River and boasted a coupletrap doors down which we also
learned that more than a few murder victims bodies have been
tossed over the years. The house used to be a lodging
house in which folks checked in but never checked out.
Well, at that point, the youth had heard too much.
He knew that he was caught. He was as good as dead.

(05:13):
But how can he escape? He would have to walk right past
the open door to the other room to get to the front door of the
house. Then one of the burglars caught
a glimpse of his face through the window.
Is it all up with him now? Will he be murdered and joined
the legions whose bones bleach in the subterranean fleet ditch
below? We shall see.

(05:38):
Chapter 3. The trapdoor.
The youthful stranger had listened with ineffable surprise
and horror to the conversation of the two ruffians.
His nerves had been worked up byall the circumstances of the
evening to atone bordering upon madness to that pitch.
Indeed, when it appeared as if there were no alternative left

(06:01):
safe to fall on the floor and yield to the delirium tremens of
violent emotions, He had restrained his feelings while he
heard the burglary at Mr. Markham's dwelling, coolly
planned and settled. But when the discourse of these
two monsters in human shape developed to his imagination all
the horrors of the fearful placein which he had sought an

(06:21):
asylum. When he heard that he was
actually standing upon the very verge of that staircase down
which innumerable victims had been hurled to the depths of the
slimy ditch beneath. When he now thought how probable
it was that his bones were doomed to whiten in the dark and
hidden caverns below, along withthe remains of other human
beings who had been barbarously murdered in cold blood, reason

(06:44):
appeared to forsake him. A cold sweat broke forth all
over him, and he seemed about tofaint under the impression of a
hideous nightmare. He threw his hat upon the floor,
for he felt the want of air. That proud forehead, that
beautiful countenance, were distorted with indescribable
horror, and an ashy pallor spread itself over his features.

(07:07):
Death, in all its most hideous forms, appeared to follow, to
surround, to hem him in. There was no escape.
A trap door here, a well communicating with the ditch
there, or else the dagger, no matter in what shape.
Still, death was before him, behind him, above him, below
him, on every side of him. It was horrible, most horrible.

(07:29):
Then it was that a sudden thought flashed across his
brain. He resolved to attempt a
desperate effort to escape. He summoned all his courage to
his aid, and opened the door so cautiously that though the
hinges were old and rusted, theydid not creak.
The crisis was now at hand. If he could clear the landing
unperceived, he was safe. It was true that, seen or

(07:51):
unseen, he might succeed in escaping the house by means of
his superior agility and nimbleness.
But he reflected that these men would capture him again in a few
minutes, in the midst of a labyrinth of streets with which
he was utterly unacquainted, butwhich they knew so well.
He remembered that he had overheard their secrets, and
witnessed their mysterious modesof concealment, and that should

(08:13):
he fall into their power, death must inevitably await him.
These ideas crossed his brain ina moment, and convinced him of
the necessity of prudence and extreme caution.
He must leave the house unperceived, and dare the
pitiless storm and pelting rain,for The Tempest still raged
without. He once more approached the
window to ascertain if there were any chance of stealing

(08:35):
across the landing place unseen.Unfortunately, he drew too near
the window. The light of the candle fell
full upon his countenance, whichhorror and alarm had rendered
deadly pale and fearfully convulsed.
It was at this moment that the ruffian, in the midst of his
unholy vaunts, had caught sight of that human face, white as a
sheet, and with eyes fixed upon him with a glare which his

(08:58):
imagination rendered Stony and unearthly.
The youth saw that he was discovered in a full sense of
the desperate peril which hungover him.
Rushed to his mind, he turned and endeavored to fly away from
the fatal spot. But as imagination frequently
fetters the limbs in a nightmare, and involves the
sleeper in danger, from which hevainly attempts to run, so did

(09:18):
his legs now refuse to perform their office.
His brain whirled, his eyes grewdim, he grasped at the wall to
save himself from falling, but his senses were deserting him,
and he sank fainting upon the floor.
He awoke from the trance into which he had fallen, and became
aware that he was being moved along.
Almost at the same instant his eyes fell upon the sinister

(09:40):
countenance of Dick, who was carrying him by the feet.
The other ruffian was supportinghis head.
They were lifting him down the staircase, upon the top step of
which the candle was standing. All the incidents of the evening
immediately returned to the memory of the wretched boy, who
now only too well comprehended the desperate perils that
surrounded him. The bottom of the staircase was

(10:02):
reached. The villains deposited their
burden for a moment in the passage, while Dick retraced his
steps to fetch down the candle, and then a horrible conflict of
feelings and inclinations took place in the bosom of the
unhappy youth. He shut his eyes, and for an
instant debating within himself whether he should remain silent
or cry out. He dreamed of immediate,

(10:22):
instantaneous death, and yet he thought that he was young to die
so young, and the men could not be such Barbarians.
But when the two ruffians stooped down to take him up
again, fear surmounted all othersentiments, feelings, and
inclinations, and his deep, his profound, his heartfelt agony
was expressed in one long, loud,and piercing shriek.

(10:45):
And then a fearful scene took place, and the two ruffians
carried the youth into the frontroom upon the ground floor and
laid him down for a moment. It was the same room to which he
had first found his way upon entering the house.
It was the room in which, by theglare of the evanescent
lightning, he had seen that black square upon The Dirty
floor. For a few instants all was dark.

(11:08):
At length the candle was broughtby the man in the Faustian coat.
The youth glanced wildly round him and speedily recognized the
room. He remembered how deep a
sensation of horror seized him when that black square upon the
floor first caught his eyes. He raised himself upon his left
arm and looked around once more.Good God, was it possible that

(11:29):
harmonious blackness, that sinister square, was the mouth
of a yawning gulf, the trap doorof which was raised?
A. Fetid smell rose from the depths
below, and the gurgling of a current was faintly heard.
The dread truth was in a moment made apparent to that unhappy
boy. Much more quickly than it
occupies to relate or read, he started from his supine posture

(11:52):
and fell upon his knees at the feet of those merciless villains
who had borne him thither. Mercy, mercy, I implore you.
Oh, oh, do not devote me to so horrible to death.
Do not, do not murder me. Oh, you know, it's a tongue, you
fool. Ejaculated Bill brutally.
You have hadn't seen too much. For all safety, we can't do
otherwise. No, certainly not, added Dick.

(12:15):
You are now as Floyd of the fakement as any one of us.
Spare me, spare me. I will never betray you.
Oh, do not send me out of this world so young, so very young.
I have money, I have wealth. I am rich.
I will give you, Ollie. Possess.
Ejaculate the agonized youth as countenance, wearing an
expression of horrible despair. Call me as enough, Bill.

(12:36):
When the hand said Dick, and Dick seized the boy by one arm,
while his companion took a firm hold on the other.
Mercy, mercy, shriek the youth, struggling violently but
struggling vainly. You will repent when you know.
I am not what I. He said no more.
His last words were uttered overthe mouth of the chasmere.
The ruffians loosened their hold, and then he fell.

(12:58):
The trap door was closed violently over the aperture, and
drowned the scream of agony which bursts from his lips.
The two murderers then retrace their steps to the apartment on
the 1st floor. On the following day, about
1:00, Mr. Markham, a gentleman of fortune, residing in the
northern environs of London, received the following letter.

(13:20):
The inscrutable decrees of Providence have enabled the
undesigned to warn you that thisnight a burglarious attempt will
be made upon your dwelling. The wretches who contemplate
this infamy are capable of a crime of much blacker dye.
Beware an unknown friend. This letter was written in a
beautiful feminine hand. Due precaution was adopted at

(13:41):
Mr. Markham's mansion, but the attempt alluded to in the
warning epistle was, for some reason or other, not.
Made Well, that escalated cryptically.
It looks like our theory that the youth was a woman in drag is

(14:01):
all but confirmed, doesn't it? And apparently she somehow must
have survived being pitched downthe trap into the underground
river as fainty and diffident asshe was behaving above ground.
Something amazing must have happened to put some steel into
that spine for her to rise up tothat occasion.
Somebody whose response to a fight or flight stimulus is to
faint. That's not someone I can

(14:23):
envision pulling an Andy Dufresne in a Shawshank
Redemption type escape plan. But I guess she must have,
because otherwise how would thatletter have been sent?
Put a PIN in that last line. Though its presence is a strong
subtextual message. Authors don't stick details like
that in unless they're important.
Somehow the Markham household was alerted, but no burglary was

(14:45):
attempted. I wonder why not?
I can think of a reason, but that's mostly because I'm a
chapter ahead of you. And there's another detail that
we'll get later on, and I'll tell you all about that when we
discuss the next chapter. Speaking of which, in the next
chapter we're going to cut away.Does the interesting youth live
or die? Is he man or woman?
Who is he? We will learn someday, but that

(15:07):
day is not next week. Instead, we're carried away to
the Markham estate, the crib that Bill and Dick and Cranky
Gem were planning to crack when their plans were overheard by
the youth. In Smithfield.
We'll meet the 2 Markham brothers, Science of the family,
Eugene, a 19 year old and Richard, his 15 year old younger
brother. Eugene is saying goodbye.

(15:30):
He has quarreled with the boy's father.
Things were said that cannot be unsaid, and he is determined to
cut ties. Can Richard change his mind?
He's sure going to try, and an old family servant will lend a
hand. We'll see what kind of success
they have. Well, let's get Professor
Flash's official definition for our first vocabulary word of the

(15:50):
episode, and that is Leg Bale. Sweeney Todd will be a new Gate
bar now, but he gave Leg Bale A Tomatu and got clean.
Off. Giving or posting leg bail means
avoiding arrest by running away from the cops.
The idea, of course, is that your bail that you pay to be
free from jail is paid with yourlegs rather than with your
purse. The term still exists today.

(16:12):
In modern slang, when someone says they're going to bail,
they're mostly thinking of the act of bailing out of a burning
airplane. But that term probably came from
leg bail too. Before we move on to our next
reading, here's an interesting tidbit from a fascinating and,
to be blunt, somewhat awful little book that I have run
across in my research. It's titled The Terrific

(16:34):
Register and was published in 1825 by Sherwood Jones and
Company of London. It's basically a little handbook
of true crime horror tales. The one that I have selected
appears on page 9 under the headline Hypocrisy Detected, and
actually, it bears some resemblance to the situation we
saw Dick Turpin rescue poor Ellen from at the hands of the

(16:57):
mean cat maker lady. Its primary subject also, I
think you'll agree, is super reminiscent of Sweeney Todd.
Maybe a little better looking, but otherwise kind of the same
guy. Here we go.
Hypocrisy detected in the parishof Severin in Paris, there lived

(17:22):
an individual who exteriorly wasof the most regular conduct, and
enjoyed the reputation of lovingvirtue and delighting in good
assiduous to. Every exercise of religion he
seemed to follow its maxims withexemplary fervor.
The clergy and the inhabitants of the parish were edified by
his behavior. He was looked up to as a paragon

(17:43):
of piety, and named the holy man.
He was. Far from being what he appeared
under the veil of devotion, he concealed the most atrocious and
depraved soul. When out of church, his sole
occupation was to inveigle poor young girls into his house and
promised to put them apprenticeswith honest people.
But far from fulfilling such respectable engagements, the

(18:06):
Wretch sold the unhappy victims and delivered them up to the
most shameful prostitution. One of the unhappy girls, who
for three days was struggling for her virtue, had courage
enough not only to resist, but to form the praiseworthy
resolution of making the Saborner known to the police.
She found a piece of paper in her place of confinement, and
with her own blood traced the detail of her misfortunes upon

(18:30):
it, and then threw it out of thewindow, after having directed it
to the rector of the parish. Luckily it was found by a
gentleman, who brought it to thepriest and told him where he had
picked it up. The priest went to the attorney
General and made him acquainted with the subject of the note he
had received. The attorney general said he had
for a long time been searching, but in vain, for a Wretch.

(18:52):
In that predicament. He assured the ecclesiastic he
would, without loss of time, bring the villain to condign
punishment. He accordingly wrote a note to
him in the following terms. Being informed that your charity
has become proverbial in the parish you live in, I wish you
would grant me 1/2 hour's conversation at my hotel.
I have something important to communicate to you and that you

(19:15):
may favour me sooner with your company.
I do not hesitate to tell you that it has.
References to some pious designs.
The man, full of confidence, flies to the Attorney General,
who received him with the most apparent cordiality, and told
him that he had some thoughts ofproposing to His Majesty the
creation of a new office, and that he designed him.
For it that the title of Father of the Poor would perfectly

(19:38):
agree with his virtuous conduct.In the meantime, A commissary
and four agents of the police were rummaging his house.
They found 12 young girls in thegreatest misery, most of whom
had already sacrificed their virtue.
They reported the whole. Affair to the Attorney General,
who had the hypocritical villainarrested and conducted to
prison, where he was destined topass the remainder of his days.

(20:01):
The young girls were taken care of by the parish.
Well, that's it. A short account and a pretty
dreadful 1. The terrific Register was kind
of like a bathroom reader for Regency folks.
I've acquired a copy, and I'll be drawing from it from time to
time when one of our regulars gives us an unexpectedly short

(20:23):
chapter. Finally, it's time for our last
dreadful of the evening, Varney the Vampire.
For this story, good old Professor Flash is going to
furnish us with the definitions of all the Flash Can't words in
the intro. Remember those I wished?
As you'll recall, a tip top evening to all ladybirds, lumber
coves and nights of the brush and moon urged you to put up

(20:45):
your pins and attend to your veiling office.
Top off your tumblers with something hot and strong, sluice
your tombstones like a resurrection man, and swivel
your jemmy my way as the Penny Dreadful Radio Hour was upon us
like Count Lerno on a pretty bitof muslin.
I mentioned it's upper crust oaks and roses that slag our
stories as penny bloods, and I mentioned a nipurkin or two of

(21:08):
juniper juice, which sounds pretty good right?
Now you know most if not all of these, but just in case, I'm
going to unpack the whole lot atthe end of the story along.
With a little. Story about resurrection men
last week in Chapter 14 of Varney the Vampire at the home
of his neighbor Sir Francis Varney.
Henry was too distracted to takerefreshment, but he did notice

(21:31):
that Varney would neither eat nor drink anything in his
understanding of how vampires behave indicated that that was
one of their characteristics, only blood on a strict diet.
He also noticed a distinctive mark or secret trees on Varney's
forehead, just like the subject of that sinister portrait in
Bannerworth Hall. Henry stammered out that he

(21:52):
would think about the offer for the house, but added that he
probably was going to consent toit on the condition that Varney
keep away from the family as he so much resembled the midnight
visitor who had terrorized Flora.
Then they came away. On the way home, Henry was deep
in distracted thought. He had become convinced that
Varney was the vampire and was wondering if he had a duty to

(22:13):
humanity to destroy him. Mr. Marchdale helpfully reminded
him that Flora was might now be a vampire too.
Marchdale also took the opportunity to advise Henry that
his vast experience as a man of the world told him that that
Charles Holland guy was not to be trusted and was not what he
appeared. Then they proceeded home,
talking of the best way to dispose of a vampire, where

(22:35):
they're staking it to the groundor burning it with fire.
And what happened when they arrived back home?
Well, we'll see, but not today. Instead, we're cutting away to
an entirely different scene, andI'll have the details right
after this short break. Welcome back to the Penny

(23:03):
Dreadful Radio Hour. Now where were we when we were
so rudely interrupted by the demands of?
Commerce. Ah yes, queuing up chapter 15 of
Varney the Vampire. Let's go.
Chapter 15. The old Admiral and his servant.
The communication from the landlord of the Nelsons Arms,

(23:28):
while those matters of most grave and serious import were
going on at the Hall, while eachday, and almost each hour and
each day, was producing more andmore conclusive evidence upon a
matter which at first had seemedtoo monstrous to be at all
credited. It may well.
Be supposed what a wonderful sensation was produced among the

(23:48):
gossip mongers of the neighborhood by the exaggerated
reports that had reached them. The servants who had left the
hall on no other account, as they declare but sheer fright at
the awful visits of the vampire,spread the news far and wide, so
that in the adjoining villages and market towns, the vampire of
Bannerworth Hall became quite a staple of conversation.

(24:10):
Such a positive godsend for the lovers of the marvelous had not
appeared in the countryside within the memory of that
sapient individual, the oldest inhabitants.
And moreover, there was one thing which staggered some
people of better education and maturer judgements, and that was
that the more they took pains toinquire into the matter, in

(24:31):
order, if possible, to put an end to what they considered a
gross lie from the commencement,the more evidence they found to
stagger their own senses upon the subject.
Everywhere, then, in every house, public as well as
private, something was being continually said of the vampire
nursery. Maids began to think a vampire

(24:52):
vastly superior to Old Scratch and Old Bogey, as a means of
terrifying their infant charges into quietness, if not to sleep,
until they themselves became toomuch afraid upon the subject to
mention it. But nowhere was gossiping
carried on upon the subject withmore systematic fervor than at
an inn called the Nelson's Arms,which was in the High Street of

(25:16):
the nearest market town to the Hall.
There it seemed as if the loversof the horrible had made a point
of holding their headquarters, and so thirsty did the numerous
discussions make the guests, that the landlord was heard to
declare that he, from his heart,really considered the vampire as
very nearly equal to a contestedelection.

(25:37):
It was toward evening on the same day that Marchdale and
Henry made their visit to Sir Francis Varney, that a post
chase drew up at the inn we havementioned.
In the vehicle were two persons of exceedingly dissimilar
appearance and general aspect. One of these people was a man
who seemed fast verging upon 70 years of age, although from his

(25:58):
still Ruddy and dumb browned complexion and stentorian voice,
it was quite evident that he intended yet to keep time at
arm's length for many years to come.
He was attired in ample and expensive clothing, but every
article had a naval animus aboutit, if we may be allowed such an
expression with regard to clothing.
On his buttons was an anchor, and the general assortment and

(26:21):
color of the clothing as nearly assimilated as possible to the
undress naval uniform of an officer of high rank some 50 or
60 years ago. His companion was a younger man,
and about his appearance there was no secret at all.
He was a genuine sailor, and he wore the shore costume of 1.
He was hearty looking and well dressed, and evidently well fed.

(26:44):
As the chase drove up to the door of the inn, this man made
an observation to the other to the following effect.
Well, you lover, what now? Cried the other.
They call this the Nelson's arms, and you know shiver me
that for the best half of his life he had but won.
Damn you was the only rejoinder he got for his observation.

(27:06):
But with that he seemed well satisfied.
Eve, too. He then shouted to the
postilion, who is about to drivethe chase into the yard.
Eve too, you lovely son of a gun.
We don't want to go into the dock.
Said the old man. Let's get out, Jack.
This is the port and do you hereand be cursed to you.

(27:26):
Let's have no swearing. Damn you.
No bad language, you lazy swab. Aye, aye.
I've not been ashore now a matter of 10 years and not let a
little. Shore going politeness, Admiral.
All right then, your Wally to sham.
Without learning a little about land reckonings, nobody would
take me for a silent hour. I'm thinking Admiral.

(27:48):
Hold your noise. Boy, I say, Jack, as he was
called, bundled out of the chase, when the door was opened
with a movement so closely resembling what would have
ensued had he been dragged out by the collar, that one was
tempted almost to believe that such a feat must have been
accomplished by some invisible agency.
He then assisted the old gentleman to a light, and the

(28:09):
landlord of the inn commenced the usual profusion of bows,
with which a passenger by a postchase is usually welcomed in
preference to 1 by a Stagecoach.Be.
Quiet, will you, Shouted the Admiral, for indeed he was.
Be quiet. Best accommodation, Sir.
Good wine, well aired bed, good attendance.
Fine air boy there, said Jack, and he gave the landlord what he

(28:32):
considered a gentle admonition, but which consisted of such a
dig in the ribs that he made as many evolutions as the clown in
a pantomime when he vociferated hot coddlings.
Now, Jack, where's the sailing instructions?
Said his master. Yes Sir, in the.
Walker said Jack as he took fromhis pocket a letter which he
handed to the Admiral. Won't you step in, Sir?

(28:55):
Said the landlord, who had now begun to recover a little from
the dig in the ribs. What's the use of coming in to
port and paying Arbor dues and all that sort of thing till we
know Fitzroy, you lover, I. No, no.
Oh dear me, Sir, of course, God bless me.
What can the old gentleman mean?The Admiral opened the letter

(29:17):
and read, If you stop at the Nelson's arms at Uxatter, you
will hear of me and I can be sent for, and I will tell you
more yours very obediently and humbly.
Josiah Crinkles Overdose. Is a This is Oxatter, Sir, said
the landlord. And here you are, Sir, at the

(29:37):
Nelson's Arms. Good beds, good wine, good
silence. Yes, Sir.
Oh, of course. Who the devil is Josiah
Crinkles? Ha, ha.
Makes me laugh, Sir. Who the devil, indeed, they do
say the devil and lawyer, Sir, know something of each other and
makes me smile. Oh, make you smile out of the
other side of that damned great hatchway of a mouth of yours.

(29:59):
In a minute. Who is Crinkles?
Oh, Mr. Crinkles, Sir. Everybody knows.
A most respectable attorney, Sir.
Indeed. A highly respectable man, Sir.
A lawyer? Yes, Sir.
A lawyer? Well, I'm damned.
Jack gave a long whistle, and both master and man looked at
each other aghast. Now hang me, cried the Admiral.

(30:21):
If ever I was so taken in all mylife.
Oy oy Sir. Said Jack to come 170 miles to
see a damned swab of a rascally lawyer.
Oy oy, Sir, I'll. Smash him, Jack, Your Honor.
Get into the chase again. Whoa.
But where's Master Charles? Lawyers in course, Sir.

(30:42):
Resolved, Blessed rogues. But how?
Some devour he may for once in his life.
This year one of them have told us a right channel.
And if so he has. Don't be the Yankee to leave him
among the pirates. I'm ashamed of you, you infernal
scoundrel. How dare you preach to me in
such a way? You lovely Rascal.
Cosio deserves it. Mutiny.

(31:04):
Mutiny, boy. Jove, I'll have you put in
irons. You're a scoundrel.
And no semen. No semen, no semen.
Not a bit of 1. Very well it's time then, as I
was off the Percer's books. Good boy to you.
I only hopes as you might get a better semen to stick to you and
be your Wally the Sham nor Jack Pringle.

(31:27):
That's all the harm. I wish you you didn't Call me
now, Seaman in the Bay of Corfewwhen the bullets were scuttling
our knobs. Jack, you Rascal.
Give us your fin. Come here, you damned villain.
You'd leave me, would you? Not if I know it.
Come in then don't tell me I'm now Seaman.
Call me a Wagga bone if you like, but don't hurt my feelings

(31:49):
there. I'm as tender as a baby.
I am. Don't do it.
Confound you who is doing it. The devil who is.
Don't. Then, Thus wrangling, they
entered the inn, to the great amusement of several bystanders
who had collected to hear the altercation between them.
Would you like a private room, Sir?

(32:09):
Said the landlord. What's that to you?
Said Jack. Hold your noise, will you?
Cried his master. Yes, I should like a private
room and some grog. Strong as a devil?
Put in Jack. Yes, Sir.
Yes, Sir. Good wines, good.
Beds good. You said all that before you.
Know, remarked Jack as he bestowed upon the landlord

(32:31):
another terrific dig in the ribs.
Hello. Cried the Admiral.
You can send for that infernal lawyer, Mr. Landlord, Mr.
Crinkles. Sir.
Yes, yes. Who may I have the honour to
say, Sir, wants to see him? Admiral Bell.
Certainly, Admiral, certainly you'll find him a very
conversable, nice, gentlemanly little man, Sir.

(32:53):
And tell him Jack Pringle is here too, cried the seaman.
Oh, yes, yes, of course, said the landlord, who was in such a
state of confusion from the digsand the ribs he had received,
and from the noise his guests had already made in his house,
that had he been suddenly put upon his oath, he would scarcely
have liked to say which was master and which was the man.

(33:14):
The idea now, Jack, said the Admiral, of coming all this way
to see a lawyer. Why, I, Sir, if he'd said he was
a lawyer, he would have known what to do.
But it's a take in Jack. So I think how some devil, we'll
serve him out when we catch him,you know?
Good. So we.
Will And then again he might know something about Master

(33:36):
Charles. Sir, you know Lord love him.
Don't you remember when he came aboard to see you once at
Portsmouth? I do indeed.
And now he said he hated the French, and quite a baby too.
What perseverance and sense. Uncle says, hey to you, when I'm
a big man, I'll go in a ship andfight all the French in a heap,

(33:57):
says he, and beat him. My boy too, says yo, because you
thought he forgot that. And then he says, what's the use
of saying that stupid? Don't we always beat him?
The Admiral laughed and rubbed his hands as he cried aloud.
I remember Jack, I remember him.I was stupid to make such a
remark. Oh, I know you was a damned old

(34:19):
fool. I fought you.
Come, come. Hello there.
Well then, what you call me a noseemum for?
Why, Jack, you bam Alice like a Marine?
There you go again. Good boy.
Do you remember when we were yard armed a yard armed with
those 2Y frigates and took them both?

(34:39):
You didn't call me a Marine van when the scuppers was running
with blood was IA Seaman van. You were, Jack, You were.
And you saved my life. Oh, I didn't.
You did. Or say I didn't, it was a Marlin
spy. But I say you did, you rascally
scoundrel. I say you did, and I won't be
contradicted in my own ship. Coal vest your ship.

(35:04):
No, damn it, I. Mr. Crinkles said the landlord,
flinging the door wide open and so at once putting an end to the
discussion which always apparently had a tendency to wax
exceedingly warm. The shark by God, said Jack a
little. Neatly dressed man made his
appearance and advanced rather timidly into the room.

(35:25):
Perhaps he had heard from the landlord that the parties who
had sent for him were rather of a violent sort.
So you are crinkles, are you? Cried the Admiral.
Sit down though, you are a lawyer.
Thank you, Sir. I am an attorney, certainly, and
my name is certainly Crinkles. Look at that.
The Admiral placed the letter inthe little lawyer's hands, who

(35:47):
said. Am I to read it?
Yes, to be sure. Aloud.
Read it to the devil if you like, in a pig's whisper or in a
W India hurricane. Oh.
Very good Sir, I I am willing tobe agreeable, so I'll read it.
Aloud if it's all the same to you.
He opened the letter and read asfollows.

(36:08):
To Admiral Bell, Admiral, being from various circumstances aware
that you take a warm and praiseworthy interest in your
nephew, Charles Hall, and I venture to write to you
concerning a matter which your immediate and active cooperation
with others may rescue him from,a condition which will prove, if
allowed to continue, very much to his detriment and ultimate

(36:29):
unhappiness. You are then hereby informed
that he, Charles Holland, has, much earlier than he ought to
have done, returned to England, and that the object of his
return is to contract a marriageinto a family in every way
objectionable, and with a girl who is highly objectionable.
You, Admiral, are his nearest and almost his only relative in

(36:50):
the world. You are the guardian of his
property, and therefore it becomes a duty on your part to
interfere, to save him from the ruinous consequences of a
marriage which is sure to bring ruin and distress upon himself
and all who take an interest in his welfare.
The family he wishes to marry into is called Bannerworth, and
the young lady's name is Flora Bannerworth.

(37:11):
When, however, I inform you thata vampire is in that family, and
that if he marries into it, he marries a vampire, and will have
vampires for children, I trust that I have said enough to warn
you upon the subject, and to induce you to lose no time in
repairing to the spot. If you stop at the Nelson's Arms
in Naxatre, you will hear of me.I can be sent for, and I will

(37:33):
tell you more yours very obediently and humbly.
Josiah Crinkles PSI. Enclose to you Doctor Johnson's
definition of a vampire, which is as follows.
Vampire, a German blood sucker by which you perceive how many
vampires from time immemorial must have been well entertained
at the expense of John Bull at the Court of Saint James, where

(37:56):
nothing is hardly to be met withbut German blood suckers.
The lawyer ceased to read, and the amazed look with which he
glanced at the face of Admiral Bellwood under any other
circumstances, have much amused him.
His mind, however, was by far too much engrossed with the
consideration of the danger of Charles Holland, his nephew, to
be amused at anything. So when he found that the little

(38:18):
lawyer said nothing, he bellowedout.
Well, Sir, well, said the attorney.
I've sent for you and here you are.
And here I am, and here's Jack Pringle.
What have you got to say? Just this much.
Said Mr. Crinkles, recovering himself a little.
Just this much, Sir, that I never saw that letter before in

(38:38):
all my life. You never saw it?
Never didn't. Didn't write it on my solemn
word of honour, Sir, I did not. Jack Pringle whistled, and the
Admiral looked puzzled. Like the Admiral in the song,
too, he grew paler. And then, Mr. Crinkles added.

(38:59):
Who has forged my name to such aletter as this?
I cannot imagine. As for writing to you, Sir, I
never heard of your existence, except publicly, as one of those
gallant officers who have spent a long life in nobly fighting
their country's battles, and whoare entitled to the admiration
and the applause of every Englishman.
Jack and the Admiral looked at each other in amazement, and

(39:20):
then the latter exclaimed this from a lawyer.
A lawyer, Sir said Crinkles may know how to appreciate the deeds
of gallant men, although he may not be able to imitate.
Them. But that letter, Sir, is a
forgery. And now I leave you only much
gratified at the incident which has procured me the honor of an
interview with a gentleman whosename will live in the history of

(39:41):
his country. A good day, Sir, Good day.
No, I'm damned if you go like that.
Said Jack, as he sprang to the door and put his back against
it. You shall take a glass with me
in honor of the wooden walls of old England, damn ya.
If you was 20 lawyers, that's right, Jack, said the Admiral.

(40:03):
Come, Mr. Crinkles, I'll think for your sake that there be two
decent lawyers in the world, andyou one of them.
We must have a bottle of the best wine.
The ship, I mean, the house can afford together if it is your
command had Merrill. I obey with pleasure, said the
attorney. And although I assure you on my
honour that I did not write thatletter yet, some of the matters

(40:26):
mentioned in it are so generallynotorious here that I can afford
you some information concerning them.
Can you? I regret to say I can, for I
respect the parties. Sit down then.
Sit down, Jack, run to the stewards room and get the wine.
We will go into it now. Starboard and Labard.

(40:46):
Who the deuce could have writtenthat letter?
I have not the least idea, Sir. Well, never mind, never mind.
It has brought me here. That's something, and I won't
grumble much at it. I didn't know my nephew was in
England, and I dare say he didn't know I was.
But here we both are and I won'trest till I've seen him and

(41:07):
ascertained how the what's its name?
The vampire. Ah, the vampire.
Shiver me Timbers. Said Jack Pringle, who now
brought in some wine much against the remonstrances of the
waiters of the establishment, who considered that he was
treading upon their vested interests by so.
Doing shiver me Timbers if all Iknow is what a vampire is,

(41:30):
unless he's some distant relation to Davy Jones.
Hold your ignorant tongue, said the Admiral.
Nobody wants you to make a remark, you great lover.
Very good, said. Jack and he sat down the wine on
the table, and then retired to the other end of the rumour,
mocking to himself that he was not called a great lover on a

(41:50):
certain occasion when bullets were scuttling their knobs, and
when they were yardarm to yardarm with God knows who.
Now, Mr. Lawyer, said Admiral Bell, who had about him a.
Large share of the habits of a rough sailor.
No, Mr. Lawyer, here is a glass.1st to our better acquaintance.
For damn you if I don't like you, You are very good, Sir.

(42:11):
Not at all. There was a time when I'd just
as soon have thought of asking ayoung shark to supper with me in
my own cabin as a lawyer. But I begin to see that there
may be such a thing as a decent,good sort of fellow seen in the
law. So here's good luck to you, and
you shall never want a friend ora bottle while Admiral Bell has
a shot in the locker. Come on, said Jack.

(42:35):
Damn you, what do you mean by that?
Roared the Admiral in a furious tone.
I wasn't speaking to you. Shouted Jack about two octaves
higher. There's two boys in the straight
as is pretending they're going to fight, and I know damn well
they won't hold your noise. Oh, I'm going.
I wasn't told the old. War noise when our knobs were

(42:56):
being scuttled off by Root. Never mind him, Mr. Lawyer.
Added the Admiral. He don't know what he's talking
about. Never mind him.
You go ahead and tell me all about the the the vampire.
Oh yes, I always forget the names of strange fish.
I suppose, after all, it's something of the mermaid.
Order that I cannot say, Sir, but certainly the story, in all

(43:21):
its painful particulars, has made a great sensation all over
the country. Indeed.
Yes, Sir, you shall hear how it occurred.
It appears that one night Miss Flora Bannerworth, a young lady
of great beauty, and respected and admired by all who knew her,
was visited by a strange being who came in at the window.

(43:43):
My eye, said Jack. If it weren't me, all I wish it
had of been. So petrified by fear was she
that she had only time to creep half out of the bed into utter
one cry of alarm when the strange visitor seized her in
his grasp. Damn my pigtail, said Jack.
What a squaw there must have been, to be sure.

(44:05):
Do you see this bottle? Roared the Admiral to be sure.
Roy does. I think it's time I seed
another. You scoundrel, I'll make you
feel it against that damn stupidhead of yours if you enter up
this gentleman again. Doubt.
Be violent. Well, as I was saying, continued
the attorney, she did, by great good fortune, managed to scream,

(44:28):
which had the effect of alarmingthe whole house.
The door of her chamber, which was fast, was broken open.
Yes, yes, awe, cried Jack. You may imagine the horror and
the consternation of those who entered the room to find her in
the grasp of a fiend like figure, whose teeth were
fastened on her neck, and who was actually draining her veins

(44:51):
of blood. The devil.
Before anyone could lay hands sufficiently upon the figure to
detain it, it had fled precipitately from its dreadful
repast. Shots were fired after it in
vain. Whom they let it go?
They followed it, I understand, as well as they were able, and
saw it scaled the garden wall ofthe premises.

(45:13):
There it escaped, leaving, as you may well imagine, on all
their minds a sensation of horror difficult to describe.
Well, I never did hear anything the equal of that Jack.
What do you think of it? Oh, I haven't begun to think
yet, said Jack. But what about my nephew?
Charles added. The Admiral.
Of him I know nothing. Nothing, not a weird Admiral.

(45:36):
I was not aware you had a nephew, or that any gentleman
bearing that or any other relationship to you had any sort
of connection with these mysterious and most
unaccountable circumstances. I tell you all I have gathered
from common report about this vampire business.
Further, I know not, I assure you.
Well, a man can't tell me what he don't know.

(45:57):
It puzzles me to think who couldpossibly have written me this
letter that I am completely at aloss to imagine, said Crankles.
I assure you, my gallant Sir, that I am much hurt at the
circumstances of anyone using myname in such a way.
But nevertheless, as you are here, permit me to say that it
will be my pride, my pleasure, and the boast of the remainder

(46:19):
of my existence, to be of some service to so gallant a defender
of my country, and one whose name, along with the memory of
his deeds, is engraved upon the heart of every Briton.
Poor I go to a book, he talks, said Jack.
Or I never could read 1 myself on account and not knowing how,
but I've heard them read and that's just a sort of

(46:41):
incomprehensible. Garment, we don't want any of
your ignorant remarks. Said the Admiral.
So you be quiet? Aye, aye, Sir.
No, Mr. Lawyer, you are an honest fellow, and an honest
fellow generally is a sensible. Fellow Sir, I thank you.
If so, be what? This letter says is true.
My nephew Charles has got a liking for this girl who has had

(47:04):
her neck bitten by a vampire. You see, I perceive, Sir, No.
What would you do? One of the most difficult as
well perhaps says one of the most ungracious of tasks, said
the attorney, is to interfere with family affairs.
The cold and steady eye of reason generally sees things in
such very different lights to what they appear to those whose

(47:27):
feelings and whose affections are much compromised in their
results. Very true.
Go on. Taking, my dear Sir, what, in my
humble judgement appears a reasonable view of this subject,
I should say it would be a dreadful thing for your nephew
to marry into a family any member of which was liable to
the visitations of a vampire. It wouldn't be pleasant.

(47:49):
The young lady might have children.
Oh, loss, cried Jack. Hold your noise.
Jack. Aye, aye, Sir.
And she might herself, actually,when after death she became a
vampire, come and feed upon her own children, become a vampire.
What is she going to be a vampire to?

(48:12):
My dear Sir, don't you know thatit is a remarkable fact as
regards the Physiology of vampires, that whoever is bitten
by one of these dreadful things becomes a vampire?
The devil. It is a fact, Sir.
Whoo. Whistled Jack Sure might buy us
all, and we should all be all ship's crew of Wham poiters.

(48:34):
There would be a confounded go. It's not.
Pleasant, said the Admiral as herose from his chair in pace to
and fro in the room. It's not pleasant.
Hang me up at my own yardarm if it.
Is, oh, said it was, cried Jack.Who?
Asked you, you brute. Well, Sir, added Mr. Crinkles, I

(48:55):
have given you all the information I can, and I can
only repeat what I before had the honour of saying more at
large, namely, that I am your humble servant to command, and
that I shall be happy to attend upon you at any time.
Thank you, Thank you, Mr. Crinkles.
Crinkles. You shall hear from me again,

(49:16):
Sir, shortly. Now that I am down here, I will
see to the very bottom of this affair, were it deeper than
fathom ever sounded. Charles Holland was my poor
sister's son. He's the only.
Relative I'd have in the whole wide world, and his happiness is
dearer to my heart than my own. Crinkles turned aside, and by
the twinkle of his eyes one might premise that the honest

(49:37):
little lawyer was much affected.God bless you, Sir, he said.
Farewell. Good day to you.
Goodbye, lawyer. Cried Jack.
Mind how you go damn me if you don't.
Same like a decent sort of fellow.
And after all, you might give the devil a clear berth and get
into heaven's strikes with a flowing sheet, provided you

(50:00):
don't. Toward the end of the voyage,
make any lovely blunders, the old Admiral threw himself into a
chair. With a deep sigh.
Jack. Said he.
Aye, aye, Sir. What's to be done now?
Jack opened the window to discharge the superfluous
moisture from an enormous quid he had indulged himself with

(50:21):
while the lawyer was talking about the vampire.
And then again. Turning his face toward his
master, he said, doe, what shallwe doe?
Why go at once and find out? Trolls or never.
You'd ask him about it Unsafe a young lady too, and lie older
the lamp piker If we can and go at the whole affair broadside to

(50:42):
broadside. We make a prize of all the
particulars. ROH, we can turn it out then and
once again and say what's to be done.
Jack, you were right. Come along or now who's who I
am? Do you now watch?
Why Astaire? Of course not, I never was in
this latitude before and the channel looks intricate.

(51:03):
We will hail a pilot, Jack, and then we shall be all right.
If we strike, it will be his fault.
Which is a mighty great consolation, said Jack.
Come along. Well, excellent.
We've brought some new characters into the scene.
Bringing a Navy Admiral and a Jack Tar sailor into the story

(51:25):
was a really grand idea. Varney the Vampire is a pretty
solid story, but the first few chapters really move ponderously
slowly. It's clear that they've modeled
on some of the more turgid earlyGothic novels from a century
before. Now that we've got a couple of
spicy talking Navy guys involved, these readings are
going to get a lot more fun. As I think you've gathered from

(51:46):
today's dose, there are some weird things here.
I know the answers to some of them and can't share them
without spoilers, so I'll hold my peace on those.
But others I'm really clueless about.
I have not been able to figure out what Mr. Rhymer was up to,
and it may be that they were threads that he left there to be
teased out later by developmentsthat didn't develop.

(52:07):
It's hard to say. Writing a serial story can be
challenging. The weird things are mostly
related to the letter that brought Admiral Bell to Oxalter.
It was apparently forged with the name of an actual local
attorney and that and finishes with an invitation to call on
him when they arrive. Clearly the letter was sent by
someone who wants Charles Holland gone.

(52:28):
We know two people who have a reason to not want Charles
around. Neighbor Varney, who expressed
the hope to get to know Flora better, and for whom any such
hopes would require the removal of Charles, and Mr. Marchdale,
who for some reason or for no reason just hated Charles on
site. It seems odd that either of them
would go to this length, though,to try to get rid of him.

(52:49):
But whoever wrote that letter would have known the first thing
the Admiral would do upon arriving in Uxhotter.
It would be to send for the lawyer and find out that he
hadn't sent that letter, that itwas a forgery.
I mean, I suppose this could be to ensure that the Admiral got a
suitably unfriendly account of the Vampire of Bannerworth Hall,
but the Admiral wouldn't be likely to go away without
learning about it anyway. Why not an anonymous letter?

(53:12):
Why introduced suspicion so early in the program?
Well, maybe we'll figure that out later.
Also, are we supposed to wonder who among our dramatist personae
might have known Charles Holland's uncle was Admiral
Bell? Maybe that's the sort of thing
that could be easily looked up, but it's interesting that
someone knew exactly who to sendthat forged letter to.

(53:34):
I guess that's enough for now. In the next chapter, Charles and
Flora will meet for a little heart to heart in the garden
summer house. Flora still wants Charles to
leave her so that the curse which has fallen upon her will
spare him. He refuses.
Will they come to an understanding?
Will Charles agree to leave her?And whose footstep is that

(53:55):
padding around the side of the summer house while they're
meeting? Well finally let's unpack our
flash can't lesson and this willtake some time.
I wish to tip top evening to allthe Ladybirds and lumber coves
and Knights of the brush and Moon.
Ladybird meant basically sweetheart, but with a strong
implication that the reference was to ones own special share.

(54:16):
A me. Basically sweetheart is to
Ladybird what Babe is to Bay, and a lumber Cove is a thieves
landlord, someone who keeps a Rookery.
And hopefully by now you know what a night of the brush and
moon is. A drunken fellow wandering amok
by moonlight and hedge field andditch trying to stagger home.
I urged you to put up your pins and attend to your vittling

(54:38):
office. Basically that's put up your
feet and have a snack pins or legs and your vittling office is
your stomach. I suggested topping off your
tumblers with something hot and strong.
Hot waters were spirits but folks really like to drink their
spirits hot and sugared like a hot toddy.
So it's a bit of a double entendre.
When someone mentions a Brandy and water in one of these

(55:00):
dreadfuls. It's understood that the water
is boiling hot and there is sugar mixed in.
Next we sluiced our tombstones like a resurrection man.
This is a word play on tombstones, which are a flash
can't word for teeth because of their shape for resurrection.
Man, of course, is one of those coves who used to sneak into
cemeteries and dig up corpses and sell them as dissection

(55:20):
specimens to the nearest MedicalCollege.
So there's a solid link between resurrection men and tombstones,
and making a living in that way would probably induce A fella to
drink more than would be strictly good for him.
I mean, in the case of William Burke, the resurrection man who
in 1828 ganged up with William Hare to murder 16 people to cash

(55:41):
in their corpses at the Medical College, that was definitely the
case. After he was arrested, Burke
said he and Hare were usually braced with plenty of Dutch
courage when murdering someone, and said that he could not sleep
at night without a bottle of Scotch by his bedside.
Burke was Scottish, no Londoner would have been caught dead
drinking Scotch at home in 1828.And a twopenny candle to burn

(56:03):
all night beside him. He said he'd wake up, take a big
drink straight from the neck of the bottle, sometimes half the
bottle in one gulp to get back to sleep.
But of course, most resurrectionmen weren't killing their own
lambs. They were just stealing the
mortal remains of folks who had come by their ticket to eternity
in a more commonplace and natural sort of way.

(56:24):
So. So maybe they didn't have as
much need for a good tombstone sluicing as their more murderous
colleagues like Burke and Hare. To continue, I suggested to
swivel your jemmies my way as the Penny Dreadful Radio Hour is
upon us. Like Count Lerno on a pretty bit
of muslin, Jemmie is one of the words for head, along with Knob,
Mazzard, Block, Pipkin, Canister, Knowledge Box, and a

(56:47):
few others I can't think of justnow.
And a bit of muslin is a reference to a pretty girl.
In this case, of course, it's a reference to Rose Mortimer
specifically. That's the pretty girl that
Count Lerno is swearing by. All the devils in hell shall yet
be mine. Seems to be a pretty popular
response to rose. Finally, I mentioned that it's
upper crust oaks and roses that slag our stories as penny bloods

(57:11):
or penny dreadfuls. And I mentioned a nipperkin or
two of juniper juice. A nipperkin is 1/2 a pint.
Two nippens of juniper juice would probably kill anyone of
us. You can figure out the juniper
juice thing I'm sure from context.
Oaks, by the way, are rich men of credit and substance, and
roses are members of the nobility, but usually female
ones. Well, that concludes this

(57:34):
episode of the weekly Penny Dreadful Radio Hour.
I hope you will join me again next week, same Spring Hill
time, same Spring Hill channel for our next show.
Next up on the program we've gotChapter 53 of The String of
Pearls or the Barber of Fleet St. starring of course Sweeney
Todd by James Malcolm Rhymer. And chapter 15 of Black Bess are

(57:55):
The Night of the Road starring of course highwayman Dick Turpin
by Edward Viles. We've got crime coming your way.
In chapter 53 of Sweeney Todd wesee Johanna growing maudlin and
overwrought and wallowing in self pity and nearly unbearable
even for her best friend Arabella, who suggests maybe

(58:16):
they get out of the house and gofor a walk and her spirits might
come up. But Johanna insists that they
have going to walk to Fleet Street and go back and forth
past Sweeney Todd's shop door asmany times as possible until
that big shaggy ugly head sticksout and he tells them to go away
or worse. What's going to happen?
Well, we'll see. In Dick Turpin.

(58:36):
We're going to have a large party of policemen burst into
the room, going straight to Turpin and seizing him.
They're obviously mostly interested in him.
They don't care about all the other crooks.
A wild scuffle ensues, in the course of which Turpin manages
to get to the door. Seeing the front door guarded by
4 cops, he dashes up the stairs to the bedrooms.
Will he be able to get away ontothe rooftops again, or will he

(58:58):
be trapped upstairs in this house like a rat?
TuneIn next time and we'll find out all of that plus more.
Flash Can't. Words are coming your way in.
Three nights at Dick Turpin, scragging hour 5371737.
Military time this coming Sunday.
Eve. Well, that'll do it for this

(59:19):
week. Our theme music is a version of
Golden Slippers, A minstrel showsong written by James A Bland in
1879. This version is by Seattle old
time band $4.00 Shoe. For more of their music, see
$4.00 shoe.com. That's the number for the word
dollar and the word shoe all crammed together into one word
and all lowercase except for the#4 obviously.

(59:42):
Penny Dreadful Radio Hour is a creation of pulp lit
productions. For more details, see
pulp-lit.com. To get in touch with me, hit me
up at finn@pulp-lit.com. Thanks again for joining me in
ABS. It is time for us to Morris off
like Dick Turpin after seeing a red Wesket for the Penny
Dreadful Radio Hour. I'm Finn, JD, John signing off

(01:00:04):
and now fair 4th and fill up therest of the week with all that
is the Tippy Bye now.

All Episodes

2.03: Escape from the murder-house? — A pious predator unmasked. — The Admiral vs. the Vampire!

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know

24/7 News: The Latest

Crime Junkie

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}2.03: Escape from the murder-house? — A pious predator unmasked. — The Admiral vs. the Vampire!