022: Beefeater Ben's revenge — Dick Turpin Escapes — Pistol-packin' Flora gives the vampire a lively reception — Spring-Heel'd Jack impersonates Satan — The old man's secret. - The Penny Dreadful Story Show: A Late Regency/Early Victorian Weekly Feast of Crammers and Moonshine

Episode Transcript
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(00:06):
A. Tip top evening to all you
oyster mots, high tobers and nights of the brush and the
moon. I'm your host, Finn JD John,
known among the Moabites and Philistines of Old Bailey as

(00:26):
Professor Flash, welcoming you back to the chafing crib.
It's another Saturday night, andthat means it's time to Shuck
your Flyers and put up your pins, top off your tumblers with
holy water, sluice your chaffersand prick up your lugs.
Because another rare noggin of prattery in the form of the
Penny Dreadful Story Hours upon us.

(00:47):
Like young Dick Turpin on that rascally scoundrel Black Dennis,
The Penny Dreadful Story Hour isthe podcast that carries you
back to the sooty, foggy streetsof early Victorian London when
the latest batch of the story papers hits the streets.
Not the fancy ones that cost a whole shilling, but the cheap,
unruly ones that the roses and the pinks and the tulips of the

(01:10):
goes all call penny dreadfuls. That's right, the good stuff
that like a quarter or two of good old Tom may be a little
rough, but does the job well. Here's what we've got in store
for tonight. First up comes Chapter 47 of The
String of Pearls, or the Barber of Fleet.
St. Johanna Oakley's mother is on a

(01:30):
rampage trying to persuade her to finally consent to marry
Pastor Lupin. Luckily, Big Ben the Beefeater
stops by with some vittles. And remember, last time that
happened, Misses Oakley put somekind of savage purgative in the
beer. Is Ben plotting some kind of
revenge? You shall hear in Chapter 9 of

(01:51):
Black Bess or The Night of the Road.
Dick Turpin needs to get away from Drury Lane and take Ellen
with him, but the neighborhood is alarmed.
Not to worry, he has a plan. With Ellen's help, he thinks it
will be all right. And next week, we'll find out if
he's right about that in Chapter9 of Varney the Vampire or The
Feast of Blood. We return to Flora, waiting for

(02:13):
the men to get back from their midnight visit to the crypt to
see if Grandpa Bannerworth is a vampire or not.
But she keeps hearing little scratching noises outside the
window. Is the vampire coming back for
her? She shrinks away from the
pillow, burrowing into the bedclothes for safety and coming
up with a pistol in each hand. Come get some vampy.

(02:37):
In Chapter 9 of Spring Heal Jack, the terror of London
drunken brute Bill Jackson is atpoor Ellen Folder's door,
demanding the rent and threatening to get it by seizing
her employer's property. If he does, she will be ruined
financially and maybe even criminally.
The workhouse if she's lucky. Prison if she's not.

(02:57):
Can Spring Heal Jack, save her from a fate that really would be
worse than death? For so the workhouse would
probably be well, we shall see. Chapter 9 of The Black Band or
The Companions of Midnight. We're going to meet a whole new
cast of characters, a very old man and his niece and grand
nephew, Antony. He has called them to his

(03:18):
bedside to unburden his conscience of a great evil that
he says he has done, but he clearly does not trust Antony.
What could it be? And is Antony to be trusted with
such a secret? Well, let's get it started.
But first, a word from our sponsor, Professor Flash's Flash
Academy. All good little London St.

(03:38):
Urchins need to be able to patter the flash like an out and
outer right? Well, Professor Flash's Flash
Academy can help you amaze friends and fool others with
your command of the Flash. Can't.
Which, of course, is the slang that is most in vogue with the
highest haberdashers and the sharpest stargazers and the
slickest owlers in the Old Metrop.
As a special courtesy from the Academy, a useful flash can't

(04:01):
word or phrase will appear at the beginning and ending of each
of our penny dreadful stories today, starting with this one
autumn. Baller, the Autumn baller wanted
us to bow our heads, but I fancied it was so his divers
could drive your wiper in the house.
Do you know this one? If not, take a guess.
We'll get the full story at the end of our reading from Sweeney
Todd. And Speaking of which, here it

(04:24):
comes Chapter 47 of The Barber of Fleet Street or The String of
Pearls by James Malcolm Reimer. Chapter 47.
Johanna's new situation. Johanna attended me.
Said Missus Oakley upon the morning after these.

(04:46):
Events. Well, Mother.
Your father is an idiot. Mother.
Mother, I dissent from the opinion, and if it were true, it
comes with the worst possible grace from you.
But I am sick at heart. I pray you to spare me
reproaches or angry words, Mother.
Haiti, Tate. One must not speak next.
I suppose some people fancy thatother people know nothing, but

(05:08):
there is such a thing as overhearing what some people say
to other people. Johanna had not the remotest
notion of what her mother meant,but Misses Oakley's tongue was,
like many pieces of machinery that, when once set in motion,
are not without considerable trouble, brought to a standstill
again. And so on she went.
Of course, I now know quite wellwhy the godly man who would have

(05:30):
made you a chosen vessel was refused.
It was all owing to that scamp mark in gesture.
Mother Mary, come up. You need not look at me in such
a way. We don't all of us see with the
same eyes. A scamp he is, and a scamp he
will be. Mother, he whom you so name is
with his God, Mention him no more.
The wild ocean rolls over his body.

(05:51):
His soul is in heaven. Speak not irreverently of one
whose sole crime was that he loved me.
Oh, mother, Mother, you. Johanna could say no more, but
she burst into tears. Well said Missus Oakley.
If he is dead to pray, what hinders you from listening to
the chosen vessel, I should liketo know.
Do not, oh, do not, mother, say any more to me.

(06:12):
I cannot, dare not trust myself to speak to you upon such a
subject. What is this?
Said Mr. Oakley, stepping into the room, Johanna in tears.
What has happened? Father, dear Father, and Mr. O,
cried Oakley, what business is it of yours I should like to
know? Be so good, Sir, as to attend to
your spectacles and such like rubbish, and not to interfere

(06:34):
with my daughter. Dear me, ain't she my daughter?
Likewise. Oh yes, Mr. O, go on with your
base wretched, vile, contemptible, unmanly
insinuations. Do go on, pray I like it.
Oh, you odious Wretch, you spectacle making monster.
Do not, cried Johanna, who saw the heightened color of her

(06:55):
father's cheek. Oh, do not.
Let me be the unhappy cause of any quarreling.
Father. Father, hush, my dear, don't you
say another word. Cousin Ben is coming to take a
bit of lunch with us today. I knew it.
Cried Missus Oakley, clapping her hands together with a
vengeance that made Oakley jump again.
I knew it. Oh, you Wretch.
You couldn't have put on such air as if your bully had not

(07:16):
been coming. I thought the last time he came
here was good enough for him. I am for you too, Mr. O.
It was nearly too much, said thespectacle maker, shaking his
head. To row row row row.
Cried Big Ben, popping his head into the parlor.
What do you all bring it in now?Wilful murder with the chill off
or what? Oh, Mother Oakley, whilst the

(07:38):
price of vinegar now wholesale pluck does it.
Yeah, you is. Ha, ha, ain't we?
Are you naughty and family couldn't stay away from you,
Mother Oakley, no more could I stay away from that air
laughing. Ayen, are we as in the tower
Wretch? Sit down then, said Mr. Oakley,
I am glad to see you, and I am quite sure Johanna is.

(08:00):
Oh yes, yes, that's it, said Ben.
It's on Johanna's account. Why?
Come now little one, just tell me.
Johanna had just time to place her finger upon her lips,
unobserved by anyone, and shake her head at Ben.
How are you? I?
He said, turning the conversation.
Come, Mother, O stir you old stumps and be alive, will you?

(08:22):
I've come to lunch with you, Lord and Master.
So bustle, bustle. Misses Oakley arose, and placing
her hands upon her hips, she looked at Ben as she said.
You great horrid man, mountain of a Wretch.
I only wonder you ain't afraid after the proper punishment you
had on the occasion of your lastvisit, to show your horrid face
here again. You deludes to the physic king,

(08:42):
I suppose, Mum, Lord bless you, it did US no end of good.
But how some of her we provide again wice and animals when we
nose at a forehand, you see. Oh, there you is, a boy howled
out from the shop. Did a gentleman order 2 gallons
of half and half here please? All's right, said Ben.
Now, mother, how the only thing I'll trouble you for was a knife

(09:05):
and fork. As for the rest of the
comestibles, Ereve is. Ben took from 1 capacious pocket
a huge parcel containing about 6lbs of boiled beef, and from the
other he took as much ham. Old odd, he cried to the boy who
brought the beer tight This halfground me lad, and get free
quarten loaves. Footnote Half a crown was a coin

(09:27):
worth 2 shillings, sixpence 1/8 of a pound sterling 1/4 loaf was
an enormous loaf of bread weighing 4 lbs and a footnote.
But Ben said, old Mr. Oakley, I really had no intention when I
asked you to come to lunch this morning, of making you provided
yourself. We have, or we ought to have,
plenty of everything in the house.

(09:48):
Old birds, said Ben. Is it to be caught twice?
A feller artery has burnt his fingers?
His affair to play in with fire.No missus O, you gave us a
benefit last time and I ain't going to try my luck again.
All's right. Pitch into the grub.
How was the chosen vessel? Mother O All right A.
Missus Oakley waited until Ben had made an immense sandwich of

(10:11):
ham and beef, and then in an instant, before he was aware of
what she was about, she caught it up and slapped it in his face
with a vengeance that was quite staggering.
Easy does it, said Ben. Take that, you great fat
elephant. Go it, go it, missus.
Oakley bounced out of the room. Johanna looked at her with
sorrow, and Mr. Oakley arose from his chair, but Ben made him

(10:33):
sit down again, saying Easy doesit, Easy does it?
Never mind her cousin Oakley, she must have her way sometimes.
Let her kick and be off. There's no harm done.
Not a bit. Lord bless you.
I'm used to all sorts of cantankerous animals.
Mr. Oakley shook his head. Forget it, father, said Johanna.
I only wish, my dear, that I could forget many things and yet

(10:55):
there are so many others that I want to remember mixed up with
them and I don't know how I should manage to separate them
one from the other. You.
Couldn't do it, said Ben. Is luck in a?
Bag, shake it out what you want.This sentiment was uttered while
Ben's head was deep in the recesses of the two gallon can
of beer, so that it had a peculiar solemn and sonorous

(11:16):
effect with it. After drinking about a quart,
Ben withdrew the can and drew a long breath.
As he brought yours he said, what?
Who? Why've you offered 2 gallons for
you and Johanna? A good gracious, Ben.
You don't mean that, Don't Ivo. Oh, here he is.
All's right now, me lad, Get thelittle pint jug with a silver

(11:36):
top to it, and if we don't Mull a drop I'm a Sinner.
And now we'll see if Misses Ow don't come round quite handsome.
Ben, by the aid of some sugar, succeeded in making a very
palatable drink. And just as the steam began to
salute the nostrils of old Oakley and himself, the door of
the parlor was opened, and who should heedlessly step into the
room but the pious Mr. Lupin himself?

(11:59):
Mr. Lupin was so transfixed by finding Ben there that for a
moment or two he could not gather the strength to retreat.
And during that brief period, Ben had shifted his chair until
he had got quite behind the reverend gentleman, who, when he
did step back in consequence, fell into Ben's lap.
What do you mean? Cried Ben in a voice of Thunder.
Oh murder, murder, have mercy upon me.

(12:22):
I only looked in as I was passing to to ask how old the
family was. Yes, said Mr. Oakley.
Because you no doubt heard I wasgoing to Tottenham to judge
Mirville's to fit him with a pair of spectacles.
Oh dear, Oh dear. Let me go, Sir.
I don't want you, said Ben, but as you are here, let's make an
end of all differences and have a pint together.

(12:42):
A pint he has to be sure. By the looks of your nose, I
should say it knows pretty well what a pie is.
Oh, dear, a man is sinful, always a bear.
No malice if the truly righteousand I bear no malice.
And if the truly right minded and pious Missus Oakley was only
here, we might drink down all differences.
Mr. Ben. Mr. Ben.

(13:06):
Thank you, Sir. Oh, Mr. Lupin cried Missus
Oakley, at this moment bursting into the parlour.
Is it possible that you can giveyour mind in this way to the
Philistines? Is this not backsliding?
Let us hope for the best, sister.
Said Mr. Lupin with an evangelical twang.
Let us hope for the best. If people will drink, they had
much better drink with the Saints, who may take some

(13:28):
favorable opportunity of converting them, than with the
sinners. Sit down, mom, said Ben A let's
bury all animosities in the can.Easy does it don't you go,
Johanna. Yes, but Ben, I no, don't.
Ben saw by the direction of Johanna's eyes that the reverend
gentleman was resting one of hisred, raw looking hands upon her

(13:48):
arm, and situated as she was, she could not get out of his way
but by rising. Set still, said Ben.
Easy does it. Lifting up the can, then he
pretended to drink out of it. Then he brought it with such a
thundering crack upon Mr. Lupin's head that it quite
staggered him. Pause off, said Ben.
Just attend a fat air, gent oint, old friend.

(14:10):
Mr. Lupin sat down with a groan.Now, mom, said Ben, who at all
the time had held fast the stonemug of mulled Porter.
Now mom is some hot, but don't suit me so well as the cold.
Perhaps you and Mr. Lupin will take that.
Well, I caught SUS a few more sandwiches.
He placed the jug before Mr. Lupin, who thereupon left off
rubbing. His head and said, I'm sure it

(14:32):
would be highly unchristian of me to bear any malice.
So with the Lord's leave, I willeven partake of some of this
worldly liquor called mulled Porter.
No, While Mr. Lupin drank the savory stream from the jug, it
assailed the senses of Missus Oakley, and when the Porter was
placed before her, she raised itto her lips, saying, If folks
are civil to me, I'm civil to them.

(14:53):
Only I don't like my godly friends to be ill treated.
I'm sure nobody knows what I have gone through for my family,
and nobody knows what a mother and wife I have been.
What should have become of Oakley if it hadn't been for me,
is a question I often ask myselfin the middle of the night.
She's a wonderful woman, sighed Lupin.
Oh, uncommon, said Ben. Let me go, whispered Johanna to

(15:15):
Ben. No, no, wait for the fun.
What fun? Oh, you'll see.
You don't know what a trouble ithas cost me to be sure.
Only wait a bit. There's a duck do.
Johanna did not like to say she would not, so she shrunk back in
her chair in no small curiosity to know what was about to
happen. Misses Oakley lifted the jug to
her lips and drank deep. The aroma of the liquor must

(15:38):
have been particularly grateful to the palate of Missus Oakley,
for she certainly kept the jug at her mouth for a length of
time, that, to judge by the lookof impatience upon the
countenance of Mr. Lupin, was something outrageous.
Sister, he said, mind your breath.
Down came the jug, and Missus Oakley, when she could draw
breath, gasped. Very good indeed.
A dash of allspice would make itdelicious.

(16:01):
Oh, sister, cried Lupin as he grasped the jug that was gently
pushed toward him by Ben after Missus Oakley had set it down.
Oh, sister, don't give your mindto carnal things, I beg of you.
Why she's drunk at all? Mr. Lupin peered into the jug.
He shut the right eye and lookedin with the left, and then he
shut the left eye and looked in with the right, and then he

(16:21):
moved the jug about until the silver lid came down with the
clap that nearly snapped his nose off.
What's the matter? Said Ben.
I I don't exactly. Mr. Lupin raised the lid again
and again, and appeared in the jug in something of the fashion
which popular belief supposes a crow to look into a marrow bone.
At length he turned the jug upside down and struck the
bottom of it with his pious knuckles.

(16:43):
A huge toad fell sprawling upon the table.
Missus Oakley gave a shriek and rushed into the yard.
Mr. Lupin gave a groan and flew out into the street, and the
party in the parlor could hear them in a state of horrible
sickness. Easy does it, said Ben.
It's only a piece of wood shapedlike a toad and painted, that's
all. Now I'm easy.

(17:04):
I owed him one. That's it for today's chapter of
Sweeney Todd. And now it's time to learn what
an autumn baller is and flash can't.
The autumn baller wanted us to bow our heads, but I fancied it
was so as divers could draw every wipe in the house.
Autumn, not autumn. But autumn AUTEM was a

(17:27):
disrespectful reference to church.
So an autumn baller was a Co whobawled the pews full of flats
every Saturday morning. That is a preacher.
Flats are basically means suckers.
There were lots of other great words for preachers too.
In the flash can't. There was Hum, who was the
fellow who dispenses humbug out upon the flats.

(17:50):
Humbug is still with us, of course, but we've forgotten Hum.
A swaddler was a street preacherwho employed a staff of
pickpockets to work the crowd while he bawled at them.
Those pickpockets were called autumn divers or autumn dippers,
although autumn dipper could also mean a preacher for one of
the denominations that was superserious about baptism.
I guess you had to figure that out from context.

(18:11):
There was also groaners, which could mean either crooked
preachers or thieves who worked in church pretending to be
distracted by the quest for holiness.
Well, actually, on a quest for something else, any one of these
could work pretty well as a title for our lascivious holy
friend Pastor Lupin, who we willget to know much better later.
He is more interesting, let's say, than he seems.

(18:36):
I don't really think I can get more specific than that without
dropping a spoiler on you, by the way, to draw a wiper meant
to pickpocket a handkerchief. All right, let's turn our
attention now to London's favorite highwayman, Dick Turpin
in Black Bess, or the Knight of the Road by Edward Viles.

(18:56):
The Flash can't word for Black Bess is Cat's meat shop.
Let's. Step into that cat's meat shop
for a bit of Peck and booze before we nizzle.
You may be able to figure that one out, but we'll have our
story and we'll find out for sure at the end of it.
So here we go, Chapter 9 of Black Bess or the Knight of the
Road. By Edward Viles starring of

(19:17):
course, highwayman Dick Turpin Chapter 9 Dick finds a place of
refuge for the poor orphan apprentice.
Stop, said Dick, as the young girl put her hand on the lock of
the front door, preparatory to opening it.

(19:37):
What for? Why?
Although you said you did not believe it, it is nevertheless
true that I have seriously transgressed the laws, and it
was to elude the pursuit of the officers who were after me that
I dropped through the door in your roof, intending to make my
way out at the front door. But I heard your screams, and I
forgot all about myself. And remembering that a female
was in trouble. And so, said Ellen in a grave

(20:00):
voice, you have, perhaps by saving me, giving your enemies
an opportunity of ascertaining your whereabouts and time to
take fresh measures for your capture.
I hope not, but I fear so. Oh, I understand now why you
said you could not take me with you.
I should be an encumbrance to you, and you would have to look
after me when you ought to be looking after yourself.
I did not know of this. Indeed I did not, or I would

(20:22):
never have been so selfish as toask you to take me away with
you. Farewell.
I will remain and leave you at least the prospect of making
your escape. She held out her hand and
repeated the word farewell. How you run on, to be sure, Of
course I am all that you say, and a great deal more, perhaps.
But I am quite resolved now to take you with me and chance the

(20:42):
danger. It is probable enough the
officers are thrown quite off the scent and have relinquished
pursuit of me. If so, we shall get off without
any trouble. Ellen shook her head.
No, no, she said. I cannot be so ungenerous.
Fly, fly at once and leave me tomake my own escape.
And where are you going? To my poor girl.
Do not think of that. But render me a service.

(21:04):
Render you a service. Oh, what can I do?
Tell me. Tell me.
Well, you understand, of course,that these enemies of mine are
police officers. Yes, Yes.
Do you know one when you see him?
To be sure, because of their large red weskits.
Just so, it is very possible some of them may be waiting
outside the door here to pounce upon me as soon as I get into

(21:25):
the street. What can I do?
Why, I want you to open the front door and go out as if upon
some ordinary business. Leaving me here in the passage.
Yes, yes. Well, when you're out a little,
go a little way up Drury Lane, looking carefully all around
you, yet not seeming to do so. And then come back and tell me
whether you see any lurking about.
Yes, I shall not be long. Be cautious, Ellen.

(21:49):
If you see no one, then I can regain my mare, which is close
by, and take you to a place of safety.
The young girl took his hand again, and, pressing it
affectionately, opened the door and went out.
Dick stood quite still in the passage, patiently awaiting her
return. He took a couple of pistols from
his coat pocket and examined thepriming, so that they might be
in readiness for immediate use. A hum of voices came up from the

(22:13):
kitchen where he had left Mr. and Missus Brattle.
The couple were no doubt in highdisputation.
Several minutes passed, but Ellen did not return.
Dick began to be uneasy. He took a watch from his pocket,
and, holding it close to the fanlight, looked at the time.
It was close upon 12. His impatience rose to an

(22:34):
unbearable extent. He did not for a moment think
the girl had played him false, but dreaded she had fallen into
some fresh trouble. He was just about to open the
door and Sally out for confirmation or dispersion of
his fears, when someone tapped lightly at it.
He flung the door open. In a moment it was Ellen.
Did you not think me a long time?
She asked. I thought you would, but I have

(22:56):
been all around and cannot see an officer anywhere.
That is Well, then we may get off in perfect safety.
We will not delay another moment.
Dick, as he spoke, passed out ofthe house with his companion,
and closed the door after him. All was still in the street, or
rather courts, into which he emerged.
A dozen or so steps brought theminto Drury Lane.

(23:18):
Most of the shops were shut, buthere and there an open one cast
a beam of light on the pavement.The miserable oil lamps that
were stuck here and there flickered feebly and scarcely
dispelled the darkness for a foot around them.
I think, said Dick, you had better go in at the front door
of the White House while I go round into the court by the
stables, walk straight up to thebar and ask for Matthew Gale,

(23:40):
the landlord, and then tell him I am around the corner waiting
for the Mayor. With the alacrity of genuine
gratitude the young girl did hisbidding.
The old inn was full of rude, noisy people, and she shrank
back a little. For herself she would never have
dared to enter, but for her preserver she felt she could do
anything. So she walked up to the bar and
asked for Matthew Gale. That's me, miss, said the person

(24:04):
she addressed, leaning over the window sill.
What do you want? A man was standing at the bar
drinking a glass of gin, and thehasty glance which Ellen flung
upon him did not prepossess her in his favor.
I want to speak to you, Sir, if you please.
I have a message to deliver. The man with the gin assumed an
indifferent air and raised his glass to his lips, but his sense

(24:25):
of hearing the while was stretched to its fullest extent.
Come in, come in here, said Matthew Gayle, in those jovial
tones which were really a pleasure to hear, and opening
the half glass door that led into the bar.
Come in here and tell me what you have to say.
It is a secret, she said in a whisper.
A friend of yours who has his mare here is waiting for it in

(24:46):
the court, and wants you to bring it out to him.
Old Matthew looked at her distrustfully for a moment, but
her ingenuous countenance bore upon it no traces of treachery
or deceit. Very well, he said in a whisper.
Go back and tell him his mare will be ready in a moment.
Thank you, Sir. She rose from her seat and left
the bar, and as she passed the man in the window she saw him

(25:07):
empty his glass, and, after saying a word or two to the
landlord, follow her to the front door.
Her position was rather embarrassing.
The man might be, and probably was, a police officer whose
suspicions were aroused, and whohad determined to follow her.
She knew not how to act. If she hesitated, she would
convert the man's suspicions into certainties.

(25:28):
A confectioner's shop was just on the opposite side of the way,
and the idea for a moment crossed her brain that she would
go in there and make some trifling purchase.
Then she recollected with a pangthat she had no money.
She availed herself of the only resource that was open to her,
and she turned back and went again to the bar window.
Old Matthew had vanished. She looked up the passage.

(25:50):
The man had evidently gone into the street, but whether he had
turned to the left or to the right, of course, she could form
no sort of conjecture. Time was speeding on.
The mare was doubtless ready, and her preserver anxiously
waiting for her to make her appearance, and every moment he
stayed she knew to be a full of danger to him.
Without saying a word to a soul,she made her way again to the

(26:12):
door. A tipsy woman on the other side
of the way, and who was endeavouring to keep on her feet
by clutching the window shutters, was the only person
insight. She darted round the corner of
the court in a moment. Ellen, Ellen, she heard a voice
say in suppressed words. Ellen, Ellen, I'm here, she
said, hastening forward. At the corner of Stanhope St.

(26:34):
was a man on horseback. She recognized her preserver
instantly. You must mount and ride before
me, said Dick, as she reached his side.
I have no other means of conveying you.
She held out her hands to him, and he swung her into the saddle
before him. Just at that moment a shrill
whistle sounded through the court, and the man whom Ellen
had seen drinking gin at the barsprang out of the shadow of a

(26:56):
gateway and grasped Bess by the bridle.
It was no time for compunctious hesitation, for Dick knew that
the signal he had given would quickly bring others to the
spot. So, seizing one of the holster
pistols by the barrel, he struckthe man a terrible blow on the
head. Down he went like a shot, off
and away, said Dick, giving his mare the rein.
On mess on, with a loud shout, adesultory throng of persons came

(27:21):
rushing down the court from the direction of Drury Lane Stop.
Him. Stop.
Him, they cried. £1000 reward. Stop.
Him stop him, Dick Turpin, the Highway Man £1000 reward A cry
of terror came from Ellen's lipsas she heard the sounds and she
clung yet tighter to him. All right, my girl, said Dick.
They are on foot. We shall soon be safe.

(27:43):
Don't be frightened. Bess went round the corner of
Duke Street and into Lincoln's in Fields with a rush, and then
the loud report of several pistols arose upon the air.
Are you hurt, Ellen? Said Dick.
No, no, I'm quite safe and unhurt.
And you without a scratch. The young girl gave a sigh of
relief. The danger is over now, said
Dick, as he trotted quietly across Holburn, and saw no signs

(28:06):
of his pursuers. Your troubles will be over now,
I hope. I have just recollected an old
friend of mine who keeps an inn near Hornsey Wood, and who will,
I know, only be too happy to find a shelter for a friend of
mine. Oh, thanks, thanks, said the
girl. How shall I be able to repay you
for all that you have done tonight on my behalf?
Well, I forget all about it and never mention the subject.

(28:26):
You will be. Wise if you banish all thoughts
of Missus Brettel and her cruelties from your
recollection. The poor girl shuddered.
I will try to do so, she said. But I feel I shall never be able
to be sufficiently grateful to you.
Oh, nonsense. Say no more on that subject, I
beg you. Let us talk about something
else. Look, there's a nice level piece
of Rd. before us. I will show you what speed

(28:49):
Bonnie Black Best can make. Well, now it's time to say
goodbye to Mr. Turpin. Our author really lays the
brave, noble hero bit on thick. Here, but I do love the line
where he says he loves crying out stand and deliver to
travelers on the highway. It's it's as if the author has

(29:11):
gone. You know what?
Let's just pretend there's no conflict here at all.
And this wanted criminal who hasliterally just second degree
murdered or at the very least manslaughtered or negligent
homicided a cop on the rooftop of the White Horse Rookery is,
with apologies to all my cookie selling listeners for the slight
misquote, a friend to all and a brother to every other Girl

(29:32):
Scout. But by now we know the score.
Dick Turpin is designed to be adventuresome fun with a little
bit of moral instruction for theyouth mixed in.
And everybody knows moral instruction goes down best when
it's not really obvious Preaching.
What better way to not appear tobe obviously preaching than to
make your preacher your Cantor Gloak, I might say a wanted

(29:53):
criminal. So yeah, let's move on to our
next noggin of St. Giles Greek.
What's a cat's meat shop? Let's step into that cat's meat
shop for a bit of Peck and boozeof all we nizzle.
It is an eating house. There were a bunch of options in
the early Victorian from Inns and Taverns to chop houses and
soup houses, but restaurant was a concept from later on, so we

(30:14):
can't really call them that. Cat's meat, by the way, didn't
mean meat from cats. It meant meat that was not fit
for human consumption, but that you could feed to your cat.
Most of the time it was sold by cat's meat men, basically coster
mongers who pushed carts heaped with horse meat through the
streets calling out cat's meat, and cat owners would flag him

(30:35):
down, pay him, and wait while hepulled a big hunk of horse leg
out of his wagon. And heck, some delicious bloody
Nuggets off for Little Miss Kitty Cat to enjoy.
Even before Sweeney Todd, and actually Sweeney Todd is a
product of this, there was already considerable concern
about what was going into the foods such as pies served by St.
vendors and Chop House owners. So jokingly calling such foods

(30:59):
cats meat was a way to use dark humor to cope and hopefully
inoculate oneself against the danger of ending up accidentally
ingesting cats meat or horse meat, depending on how you want
to look at it. Peck and boos, of course, meant
food and drink, and to Mizzle meant to leave or run away, as
I'm sure you know by now. So it is now time for a chapter

(31:20):
of Varney the Vampire. Or the Feast of Blood.
And of course for another flash can't word Bulldogs.
Flora's well provided fur. All left are a pair of me best
and loudest Bulldogs. If that vampire comes to Wezza,
he can expect to be barked. At a time or two.
Don't take a guess, At the end of the reading we'll find out if

(31:41):
you were right. Speaking of reading, here it
comes Chapter 9 of Varney the Vampire or The Feast of Blood by
James Malcolm Reimer again. Chapter 9 The occurrences of the
Night at the hall, The second appearance of the vampire, and

(32:03):
the pistol shot. Despite the full and free
consent which Flora had given toher brothers to entrust her
solely to the care of her motherand to her own courage at the
hall, she felt greater fear creep over her after they were
gone than she chose to acknowledge.
A sort of presentiment appeared to come over her that some evil

(32:24):
was about to occur, and more than once she caught herself
almost in the act of saying, I wish they had not gone.
Missus Bannerworth, too, could not be supposed to be entirely
destitute of uncomfortable feelings when she came to
consider how poor a guard she was over her beautiful child,
and how much terror might even deprive of the little power she

(32:46):
had, should the dreadful visitoragain make his appearance.
But it is but for two hours, thought Flora, and two hours
will soon pass away. There was, too, another feeling
which gave her some degree of confidence, although it rose
from a bad source, inasmuch as it was one which showed
powerfully how much her mind wasdwelling on the particulars of

(33:08):
the horrible belief in the classof supernatural beings, one of
whom she believed, had visited her.
That consideration was this. The two hours of absence from
the hall of its male inhabitantswould be from 9:00 until 11, and
those were not the two hours during which she felt that she
would be most timid on account of the vampire.

(33:30):
It was before midnight before, she thought, when it came.
And perhaps it may not be able to come earlier.
It may not have the power until that time to make its hideous
visits. And therefore I will believe
myself safe. She had made-up her mind not to
go to bed until the return of her brothers, and she and her
mother sat in a small room that was used as a breakfast room,

(33:52):
and which had a latticed window that opened on to the lawn.
This window had in the inside strong oaken shutters, which had
been fastened as securely as their construction would admit
of some time before the departure of the brothers and
Mr. Marchdale on that melancholyexpedition, the object of which,

(34:12):
had it been known to her, would have added so much to the
terrors of poor Flora. It was not even guessed at,
however remotely so, that she had not the additional
affliction of thinking that while she was sitting there, a
prey to all sorts of imaginativeterrors.
They were perhaps gathering fresh evidence, as indeed they

(34:33):
were, of the dreadful reality ofthe appearance which, but for
the collateral circumstances attendant upon its coming and
its going, she would fain have persuaded herself was but the
vision of a dream. It was before 9 that the
brothers started, but in her ownmind Flora gave them to 11, and
when she heard 10:00 sound from a clock which stood in the hall,

(34:56):
she felt pleased to think that in another hour they would
surely be home. My dear, said her mother, you
look more like yourself. Now do, my mother.
Yes, you are well again. Ah, if I could forget.
Time, dear Flora, will enable you to do so, and all the rest
of what made you so unwell will pass away.

(35:17):
You will soon forget it all. I will hope to do so.
Be assured that someday or another something will occur, as
Henry says, to explain all that has happened in some way,
consistent with reason and the ordinary nature of things, my
dear Flora. Oh, I will.
Cling to such a belief I will get Henry, upon whose judgement
I know I can rely to tell me so.And each time that I hear such

(35:40):
words from his lips, I will contrive to dismiss some portion
of the terror which now. I cannot but confess clings to
my heart. Flora laid her hand upon her
mother's arm, and in a low, anxious tone of voice said.
Listen, mother. Missus Bannerworth turned pale
as she said. Listen to what, dear.

(36:01):
Within these last 10 minutes, said Flora, I have thought 3 or
4 times that I heard a slight noise without.
Nay, mother, do not tremble, it may only be fancy.
Flora herself trembled and was of a death like paleness.
Once or twice she passed her hand across her brow, and all
together she presented a pictureof much mental suffering.

(36:23):
They now conversed in anxious whispers, and almost all they
said consisted in anxious wishesfor the return of the brothers
and Mr. Marchdale. You will be happier and more
assured my dear, with some company.
Said Missus Bannerworth. Shall I ring for the servants
and let them remain in the room with us until they, who are our
best safeguards next to Heaven, return?

(36:44):
Hush, hush, hush. Mother, what do you hear?
I thought I heard a faint sound.I heard nothing, dear.
Listen again, mother. Surely I could not be deceived
so often. I have now at least six times
heard a sound as if someone was outside by the windows.
No, no, my darling, I do not think your imagination is active

(37:06):
and in a state of excitement. It is.
And yet, believe me, it deceivesyou.
I hope to heaven it does. There was a pause of some
minutes duration, and then Missus Bannerworth again urged
slightly the calling of some of the servants, for she thought
that their presence might have the effect of giving a different
direction to her child's thoughts.

(37:28):
But Flora saw her place a hand upon the bell, and she said.
Oh, mother. No, not yet.
Not yet. Perhaps I am deceived.
Missus Bannerworth upon this satdown, but no sooner had she done
so than she heartily regretted she had not rung the bell, for
before another word could be spoken, there came too
perceptibly upon their ears for there to be any mistake about

(37:50):
it, a strange scratching noise upon the window outside.
A faint cry came from Flora's lips as she exclaimed in a voice
of great agony. God, oh God, it has come again.
Missus Bannerworth became faint and unable to move or speak at
all. She could only sit like 1,
paralyzed and unable to do more than listen and see what was

(38:12):
going on. The scratching noise continued
for a few seconds, and then altogether ceased.
Perhaps under ordinary circumstances, such a sound
outside the window would have scarcely afforded food for
comment at all, or if it had, itwould have been attributed to
some natural effect, or to the exertions of some bird or animal

(38:32):
to obtain admittance to the house.
But there had. Occurred now enough in that
family to make any little sound of wonderful importance, and
these things, which before wouldhave passed completely unheeded,
at all events without creating much alarm, were now invested
with a fearful interest. When the scratching noise
ceased, Flora spoke in a low, anxious whisper.

(38:54):
She said. Mother, you heard it then.
Missus Bannerworth tried to speak, but she.
Could not, and then suddenly, with a loud clash, the bar,
which on the inside appeared to fasten the shutter strongly,
fell as if by some invisible agency, and the.
Shutters now, but for the intervention of the window,
could be easily pushed open fromwithout.

(39:15):
Missus Bannerworth covered her face with her hands, and after
rocking to and fro for a moment,she fell off her chair, having
fainted with the excess of terror that came over her.
For about the. Space of time in which a fast
speaker could count. 12 Flora thought her reason was leaving
her, but it did not. She found herself recovering,

(39:36):
and there she sat with her eyes fixed upon the window, looking
more like some exquisitely chiseled statue of despair than
a being of flesh and blood, expecting each moment to have
its eyes blasted by some horrible appearance such as
might be supposed to drive her to madness.
And now again came the strange knocking or scratching against

(39:57):
the pane of glass at the window.This continued for some minutes,
during which it appeared likewise to Flora that some
confusion was going on at another part of the house, for
she fancied she heard voices in the banging of doors.
It seemed to her as if she must have sat looking at the shutters
of that window a long time before she saw them shake, and

(40:20):
then one wide, hinged portion ofthem slowly opened.
Once again horror appeared to beon the point of producing
madness in her brain, and then, as before, a feeling of calmness
rapidly ensued. She was able to see plainly that
something was by the window, butwhat it was she could not

(40:41):
plainly discern, in consequence of the lights she had in the
room. The few moments, however,
suffice to settle that mystery, for the window was opened and
the figure stood before her. One glance, one terrified glance
in which her whole soul was concentrated, suffice to show
her who and what the figure was.There was a gaunt, tall form,

(41:05):
there was the faded ancient apparel, the lustrous metallic
looking eyes, its half opened mouth exhibiting Tusk like
teeth. It was, yes, it was the vampire.
It stood for a moment gazing at her, and then, in the hideous
way it had attempted before to speak, it apparently endeavoured

(41:26):
to utter some words which it could not make articulate to
human ears. The pistols lay before Flora.
Mechanically she raised 1 and pointed it at the figure.
It advanced a step, and then shepulled the trigger.
A stunning report followed. There was a loud cry of pain,
and the vampire fled. The smoke and confusion that was

(41:48):
incidental to the spot preventedher from seeing if the figure
walked or ran away. She thought she heard a crashing
sound among the plants outside the window, as if it had fallen,
but she did not feel quite sure.It was no effort of any
reflection, but a purely mechanical movement that made
her raise the other pistol and discharge that likewise in the

(42:09):
direction the vampire had taken.Then, casting the weapon away,
she rose and made a frantic rushfrom the room.
She opened the door and was dashing out when she found
herself caught in the encirclingarms of someone who either had
been there waiting, or who had just at that moment got there.
The thought that it was the vampire who by some mysterious

(42:31):
means had got there and was about to make her his prey now
overcame her completely, and shesunk into a state of utter
insensibility on the moment. That's it for today's Feast of
Blood from Varney the Vampire. What are the more interesting

(42:51):
things about Varney the Vampire?Is there are times when our
author is really obviously filling space.
Because of course, if you're writing A6000 word episode on
deadline and you've got 3000 words worth of action, you got
to do something to fill it out. And if you haven't got time to
come up with something good, youhave to fill it with something
not so good. You will sometimes hear people

(43:12):
accuse Charles Dickens of padding his stories in this way
because he was paid for them by the word.
That's the line. I'm not actually sure if he was
paid by the word or not. Later pulp authors definitely
were. But even if he was, I can almost
guarantee you that it's not truethat he padded his prose to make
more money to, you know, increase the word count.

(43:33):
But you can catch him padding itto make word count sometimes,
although he does it much more smoothly than James Malcolm
Reimer does in Varney the Vampire.
There's a couple. Of spots where this is
unmistakable this this pattern there's there's like a whole
gothic novel plot tucked in at one point where he clearly
needed to pad things out so thathe could start fresh in the next

(43:55):
episode. But the reason I'm bringing it
up here long before that gothic novel episode, which I'll I'll
try and remember to point out toyou when it comes up, is that
there's this interesting thing we see in this story where
sometimes subplots are introduced that seem to go
absolutely nowhere and are seem like really obvious padding, but
sometimes they're not. Sometimes there's subplots

(44:17):
introduced which you think are padding out the story, but are
actually, a couple dozen chapters later, going to turn
out to platform something reallyimportant.
Rhymer wrote everything in a dreadful hurry, and he never
really considered that his stories were good enough to
waste an extra draft on. You know, Vani the vampire's
basically a rough draft or maybea second draft.
So it's pretty impressive that he's thinking, you know, two

(44:39):
dozen chapters ahead as he's writing this.
Or maybe he's not. Maybe he just happened to stick
some padding in that he was ableto work with later.
Either way, it's very interesting and keep it in mind
as we're going along. Sometimes it's simple story
stretching madness, other times there is method in it.
Yes, I'm thinking of a specific example right now, but I can't

(45:00):
share it with you because a couple dozen chapters from now
it's going to turn out to be really important.
And if I tell you what it is, itwill constitute a king size
spoiler. So Putzienza.
So it's a bulldog. Flower is well provided for.
All left are a pyramid best the loudest Bulldogs.
If that vampire comes to visit, he can expect to be barked at a

(45:22):
time or two. Bulldog is one of several great
old words for a pistol, the single shot horse pistols of the
type travellers might end up looking into the end of while
Dick Turpin cries out. Stand and deliver.
Or, of course, the type that Henry left for Flora while they
went to investigate the crypt. Other great words for pistols
include barking irons. That one's my personal favorite

(45:45):
poppers and sticks. Of course, we have a ton of
slang words for pistols from the1920s and 1930s, stuff like gats
and heaters and rods, but that'sall way down the line from here.
This is we're talking about pirate pistols, the single shot
flute lock, or maybe percussion pistols.
Well, that means it's time to turn our attention now to our

(46:07):
next penny dreadful, which wouldbe Spring Heeled Jack the Terror
O London by Alfred Coats. The flash can't turn for spring
heeled Jack is cross crib. The pigeon fly is looks like a
respectable boozing Ken, but it's really a cross crib.
So keep a good grip on your bong.
All right, give that a guess. After the story, we'll find out

(46:27):
if you were right. Speaking of the story, here we
go. Chapter 9.
The workgirl stratagem. The strange appearance the bully
cowed, the agreement and disappearance, the heavy
footfall of the drunken man as he staggered up the stairs,

(46:50):
rolling from handrail to wall, and vice versa, sank into the
poor girl's heart with terrible force, and seemed to paralyze
her every energy. She did not fear for herself so
much As for the safety of the goods entrusted to her to make
up, and the loss of which she felt would not only deprive her
of the few pence she could earn,but bring down upon her all the

(47:11):
wrath of Mr. Abraham Levy, the great clothier of Whitechapel.
She strove to think what course was best for her to pursue, but
all to no avail, and she stood there in the center of the
little dark room, a picture of most abject misery and despair,
till she was roused from the painful attitude by the sound of
Bill Jackson's burly body rolling against the panels of

(47:33):
her room door. Open the door, you swindling
Warman. He roared out in drunken accents
as he rattled the loosened handle of the half worn out
lock. Open the door or I'll break it
down. But so far from complying with
this request, Ellen stretched forth her hands and pushed
against it with all her might. Thump, thump came furiously

(47:55):
against the panels, each blow causing them to jar against the
palms of the poor seamstress. Who?
Heaven, what shall I do? She mentally ejaculated.
To appeal to the feelings of this brute would be vain, and
his wife dare not aid me, lest he beat her, as he has often
done before. Oh, the window.
I will tie the work in a bundle and hang it outside.

(48:16):
He may not think to look for it there.
Yes, yes, that may save it from his clutches.
She sprang lightly across the room and tore down the old
skirt, which served as a blind, and thereby let into her
apartment light sufficient from the gas and the pigeon Flyers to
enable her quickly to gather together her work, which lay
strewed over a rickety deal table in the center of the room.

(48:38):
Tying the shirts made and unmadewith nervous hands in the old
skirt, she opened the lower halfof the window, and lowering the
bundle out over the sill, softlyas possible, shut it down on the
ends of the bows, there being nothing by which she could
suspend it. Having done so, she returned to
the door, on which Bill was thumping with all his might, and
threatening every moment to burst it open.

(49:01):
A moment she hesitated, and thenseizing the key, she turned it
quickly and sprang back to the center of the apartment.
Hearing the key turn, Bill triedthe handle and thrust the door
open with a violent jerk. A little scream escaped Allen's
lips as Bill staggered into the room.
Now where's my rent? He said.
Oh, I don't want none of your palaver.

(49:21):
I want money, and oh, I will have it either in coin or in
goods. As I told you before, I I have
no money, replied the girl. And your foolishness will
prevent my obtaining it for you as early as I could have done.
A fool am I said Bill? Well, I think I am to let you
keep this room and not make you pay your rent.

(49:43):
But I won't be a fool any longer.
I'll have it now or it's worth and out you go.
But you can have neither tonight.
Well say. He went to the table and
searched for the work entrusted to her to make up.
Of course he found it. Not turning to the trembling
girl, he inquired where it was. What is that to you?

(50:04):
She replied by an effort making a show of some spirit.
A want it. You will not have it, won't I?
No. So bring the light up here, will
you? He called out to his wife.
There was no reply. Oh, I have a light, he cried
furiously. If I have a house down to get
it, go and borrow a candle next door or over at the pigeons,

(50:28):
Jay. Yeah, come down, Bill, come
down, Called his wife from the bottom of the stairs.
You'll get yourself into trouble.
I'll say about that I'll have some money tonight, or if a
devil might saves me if I don't.Bill, who had gone to the door
of the room for the purpose of making his demand on his wife,

(50:48):
happened to glance his bleared eyes up at the little trap
before mentioned, and what he saw there called forth from his
lips an exclamation of horror ashe shrank back into the room
occupied by the poor seamstress.In an instant there was a
wonderful change in the appearance and manner of the
drunken bully. The fumes of the drink seem to
have disappeared as if by magic,and he was seized with a violent

(51:10):
trembling. He clutched frantically at the
door, and slammed it close to, and held it shut with both his
hands. The.
The the, the, the, the, the devil, he gasped.
The Devil. Ellen Folder became terribly
alarmed at the change, and believing that he was seized
with a fit of delirium tremens, and fearful that he might offer
her some personal violence, she shrieked aloud.

(51:32):
Help help. For God's sake, don't.
Cried the man, all the cowardiceof his brutal nature at once
revealing itself. There's the devil, there's the
devil. Oh dear, cried Ellen, shrinking
towards the window. He's mad, he's mad.
No, no, I'm not mad, exclaimed Bill, and he turned towards her.

(51:53):
By the light of the gas lamp shecould perceive his usually red
face had become of a pallid hue.There's a strange look, too, in
his eyes, and his limbs shook aswith the palsy.
Back close to the window shrank the girl in terror, as if for
protection. Bill sprang to her side, but the
fears of violence at his hands increased, and Ellen uttered

(52:13):
another shriek. Don't.
Oh don't. He'll hear you and come in here.
Cried Bill, catching at her arm and grasping it as if in a vice.
Help. Murder, Cried Ellen, making an
effort and freeing herself from his grasp.
Help Missus Jackson, help with the speed of terror.
She crossed the little room and flung open the door.
For God's sake, don't leave me here.

(52:36):
Roared Bill, rushing after her, but alarmed beyond measure,
Ellen pulled the door too, afterher, and speed quickly down the
rickety stairs, screaming all the way.
The frightened ruffian, in his abject terror, could not
immediately find the handle to open the door, and when he did
so, his hand shook so violently that he was unable for some
moments to accomplish his object.

(52:57):
Oh, bring a light, bring a light, he yelled.
Here's the doubt. Murder.
Murder. As the last words rang from his
lips, Bill Jackson recoiled in horror back to the center of the
room, where he clasped his handsover his eyes and sank upon his
knees. On the threshold of the doorway
stood an object that might have appalled A stouter heart than
Bill's, a form that would have shaken more powerful nerves than

(53:21):
those which should already been weakened by drink, as were the
now trembling and affrighted bullies.
It was that of a tall form whosehead and body glowed with a blue
phosphorescent fire, from the back of which hung in graceful
folds a long striped cloak like a tiger skin.
It stood with its arms extended,thus throwing the cloak open in

(53:42):
front and revealing the four part of the figure over which
the blue flames played and thereappeared to curl up over the
crown of the head. Mercy, Mr. Devil.
Cried the kneeling man, still keeping his hands pressed over
his eyes to shut out the horrible form which now have the
effect of completely sobering him.
The figure took a step towards him, extending its arms still

(54:04):
wider, and then paused. Mortal, it said, Mere mere
silence. Yes, yes, you did not expect to
see me. No, no, do go wise Sarah, do not
call on her, said the horrible shape in a deep guttural tone.
She can aid you. Not you are mine.

(54:28):
Have mercy, cried Bill. I ain't fit to die.
That's the first time you ever spoke the truth, said the
apparent demon. You are not fit to die.
No, no, not yet. Gasped Bill, slightly removing
his hand from before his eyes, but replacing it with a cry as
he perceived the terrible form that was bending over him.

(54:49):
Why should I suffer you to live?Asked the demon.
Answer me that but. Because I'm a Sinner, cried
Bill. A great Sinner.
A liar. Bill was silent.
Answer me Yes. Yes, a rogue.
Yes. A callous hearted scoundrel who

(55:10):
beats his wife and starves his children and insults defenseless
and unprotected women? Answer or.
Yes, yes, yes, exclaimed. Bill, fearful that if he did not
reply quickly, the demon would bear him away to the place he so
often consigned his own eyes andlimbs.
You are all these I am, and yet you would ask mercy of me, said

(55:34):
the demon. And for what?
For am I repent? Repent.
Yes, Take your hands from your eyes and look upon me.
Bill tremblingly obeyed. Now answer me.
Oh well, truly so help my holdermention that name and mercy,

(55:56):
yelled Bill, shrinking even lower as the form stretched
forth its flaming hand towards him.
Beware how you tempt me to consign you to a place that
should be nameless, said the demon.
A well upon my soul. I well enough.
What do you in this room? A come from my rent.
Do you pay your own? Sometimes, Not always, no.

(56:22):
How much is owing you? 4 of wakes 7 and sixpence,
answered Bill. And how much do you owe?
Bill again trembled. Speak and speak truly.
You cannot deceive me, said the figure again, raising its hand.
Seven months, said Bill in a lowvoice.

(56:43):
Can you pay it? No.
Do you ever intend to pay it? Yes.
The truth or tremble? No.
And yet you would take goods entrusted to your lodger for the
paltry sum she is unable to pay.You would deprive her of her
livelihood, and perhaps her liberty to obtain a few

(57:04):
shillings to squander and debauchery, while your wife and
children ask for bread. Are you a man?
No, you are but a foul blot uponthe title, a disgrace to this
world, a thing unworthy even a place in my regions.
But in consideration of the benefit it will confer upon your
wife and family in particular, and on society in general, I

(57:28):
will rid them of your presence and bear you to a place where.
Murder. Help Siren, Miss Fulder.
Everybody help me out. Don't out for mercy's sake.
Do have pity on me, shrieked. Jackson flinging himself flat on
the floor and rolling about in an agony of terror.
Come, said the horrible form, stooping down and laying one

(57:49):
hand on Bill's shoulder. It burns, it burns, shrieked
Bill. Mercy, Oh, have mercy on me.
I will be a good man. I will.
I mean it. At this moment the door which
the figure had partially closed behind him was pushed wide open,
and Missus Jackson and Ellen stood on the threshold.
The supposed demon turned, and revealing to their gaze his

(58:11):
phosphorus covered face and chest, they uttered a low cry
and hurried down the stairs to the passage where Missus Jackson
fairly fainted away and the poorseamstress had to cling for
support to the hand rails of thebanisters.
Silence, said the demon, quicklyturning to Bill.
And if you would have me spare you for a time, swear to do as I
bid you. I.

(58:32):
Will upon my soul, I will. Then forgive this poor woman
every Farthing of the rent she owes you.
I will and never more molest, insult or annoy her, either by
act or deed. I won't forget it.
I won't. Never more strike your wife.
Never work for her livelihood like an honest, upright man, and

(58:55):
devote the wages of your laborers to your wife and
children. Forsake drink and seek to make
your wife not only comfortable, but happy.
Oh well, said Jackson. I assure you I will swear it.
I'll do so help. Hush enough.
Remember your promise. I won't forget.
Upon my soul, I won't. And remember also that to break

(59:18):
it will summon me to your side, where no appeal can save you
from my clutches. Remember, beware, beware.
As the demon spoke, he held his arms wide apart and backed from
the room. As he crossed the threshold, he
dropped his arms, gave a quick and sudden bound and
disappeared. With a shriek of relief, Bill

(59:38):
sprang to his feet, out of the room and down the stairs.
As spring healed, Jack emerged from the pigeon dormer on the
roof and looked with a smiling face on the star spangled sky.
Now it's time to bring Jack in for a landing.
We really get a good stiff dose of song with a message from this

(01:00:01):
chapter, don't we? Old Bill Jackson is getting his
catechism from Old Scratchy himself.
Who'd A thunk that His Satanic Majesty was such a stickler for
paying the rent on time and not being a drunken wife beater?
I mean, I always thought he was all in favor of that kind of
thing. Let's have a quick explanation
about that Rush light that EllenFolder is supposedly using to do

(01:00:25):
her work all night. Also, the gas jet from the
Pigeon Flyers across the street.You'll probably recall that this
is our latest dreadful the most recently published.
That was in 1867. Now that was the era of
gaslight, and gaslights generally took the form of jets
of gas that burned with open flame.

(01:00:45):
The mantle system hadn't been invented yet, so this was coal
gas, a byproduct of coal production.
It was not like modern gas, which is odorless until that
distinctive but not entirely unpleasant garlic smell is mixed
in. Coal gas.
Stunk. It smelled really, really bad,
but most of the time folks weren't smelling it.

(01:01:06):
It burned very clean, unlike basically every other form of
artificial light around at the time.
Gas jets were the latest and fairly expensive to install, so
houses typically did not have them.
What they did have was so much better than the options just a
few decades earlier that there was a lot of variety, and you
could say an awful lot just by describing artificial lighting.

(01:01:28):
Everyone would understand implicitly.
Let's start with a rush light. By 1867, a rush light was an
unpleasant memory from 1020 years earlier.
I don't think you could probablyeven buy one anymore in 1867,
but everybody remembered them. They were basically a miniature
torch, the pith out of a rush stem soaked in beef or mutton

(01:01:49):
tallow, and you lit it on fire and it spluttered and smoked and
provided you with a little bit of light.
Probably nobody remembered them well enough in 1867 to know why
no seamstress would ever have risked using one to light her
work as Ellen Folder does. The risk of a splutter, throwing
hot grease on the work and burning a hole in it would just

(01:02:09):
be too great. Plus, they didn't put out very
much light, so you'd have to getreal close to it to be able to
see what you were doing. Also, rush lights burned down
real fast. They burned at a rate of like 2
feet an hour. This little bit of rush light
that Ellen had was probably onlygood for about 10-15 minutes,
nowhere near long enough to finish her work.
But everybody did know darn goodand well that rush lights were

(01:02:32):
the cheapest, crappiest, most poverty stricken source of
artificial light. So adding one into your story
really drove home the poverty ofthe character.
Or the stinginess in the case ofMisses Lovett, who we also see
using a rush light despite beingwell able to afford better.
In 1800 or so, rush lights were just about all there was for a
poor person. Wax candles were made of beeswax

(01:02:55):
and were really expensive. Oil lamps were a thing, but
unless you could afford whale oil and frankly you couldn't.
It was super expensive. They burned lard or tallow and
it smoked and it stank. And they hadn't invented good
lanterns yet anyway, with chimneys and whatnot like you
see in some old Frontier movies.By 1867, tallow as a light

(01:03:17):
source was just about gone, though, as the invention of
paraffin wax had made wax candles cheap enough for just
about anyone. And if you had gas piped in, gas
was cheaper still. But the fact that Ellen Folder
couldn't even afford a candle todo her work by would have been a
meaningful detail for the readers at the time.
They would have recognized the Tavern light, too.
This was a thing that commercialestablishments did regularly,

(01:03:39):
which was to run a very large gas jet, blasting a column of
fire out over the door to, you know, shed lots of light and
hopefully attract lots of customers.
Personally, I think it would be very cool and lots of fun to do
something like this today. But the idea would probably
fetch up with a sickening thud on the bulwark of the landlord's
insurance policy. And that would be that.

(01:04:01):
Kind of like how every hipster was like, They should bring back
the penny Farthing bicycles. Let's go into business
manufacturing penny Farthing ordinary bicycles for hipsters
to peddle around Portland in, only to make a phone call to
their insurance company and havethem say, are you kidding me?
Penny Farthing bicycles were lethal.
What would happen is that you would try to stop too quickly

(01:04:23):
and you would rotate over the wheel and land on your head in
the street in front, falling from a height of about six to
seven feet. It was not good, was frequently
fatal. But back to our story.
It's time to turn to the last Penny dreadful on our lineup.
But first, what the Hell's a cross crib?
The pigeonfly is looks like a respectable boozing Ken, but

(01:04:44):
it's really a. Cross crib so keep a good.
Grip on your bung. It's an Ian Republic house that
works as a hangout or meeting place for thieves.
Cross was a very useful word by the way.
It basically meant crooked. The opposite was square, which
basically meant what it means today.
You're on the square. It means you're honest.
A square crib would be a public house where everyone was super

(01:05:04):
honest and straightforward as you know as the day is long or
whatever. But there are lots of terms that
use cross to modify other flash.Can't words that can be super
useful. Crossfight was a mixed fight,
probably also known as a cross mill.
A cross beak was a crooked magistrate, cross coves were
criminals of any degree, and a cross bite meant to cheat a

(01:05:25):
friend. And living on the cross meant
living by dishonest means. There may also have been some
ironic intent there, as on the cross could also refer to the
cross on which Jesus Christ was crucified.
By the way, bung was a term for purse, and boozing can just
meant drinking establishment. Well, all right, now it's time
for our next chapter of The Black Band or The Mysteries of

(01:05:47):
Midnight by Mary E Bradden for Professor Flash's contribution
to this story. Let's go through the intro to
this episode and explain all theFlash that I pattered there.
Here's a refresher. We had Hoyster mots, we had high
tobers, we had nights of the brush and moon.
I'm sure you know that one by now.
I also mentioned Moabites and Philistines and told you to

(01:06:08):
shock your Flyers and put up your pins.
Well, I bet you know those two by this time, but it occurs to
me I haven't defined them yet, so let's throw them in as well.
But first, returning to our dreadful Chapter 9.
Uncle and nephew near a Wharf situated upon the banks of the

(01:06:32):
River Thames, a little distance below London Bridge, there
stood, in the year of 51, a tumble down old house that had
once no doubt belonged to a citymerchant.
Of some standing. Long rows of high narrow windows
looked towards the water, and a handsome doorway with a flight
of stone steps also faced the riverbank.

(01:06:53):
But the windows, with the exception of one or two of the
higher ones, were all walled up.The stone steps were green with
Moss and damp, and the heavy oaken door was rotting slowly
away. On the morning succeeding the
night in which the events described in the preceding
chapter had taken place, a youngman, dressed in the suit of

(01:07:13):
shabby black, might have been seen entering the old Riverside
house by means of a key which heinserted in the rusty lock,
looking cautiously round as he did so, to see whether he was
observed. He was pale and thin, and looked
care worn, but his features wereregular and his face handsome,
though at this moment there was a look of severity and

(01:07:34):
determination about his firmly compressed lips that gave an air
of unwanted sternness to his countenance.
The street door opened into a large hall, paved with black and
white marble and leading to a broad staircase, the heavy oak
and banisters of which were crumbling with age and white
with the dust which had perhaps accumulated for years.

(01:07:56):
The young man ascended the stairs, raising a cloud of dust
with each footstep. What a vault.
For any human creature to live in, he muttered as he glanced
round him. He continued steadily mounting
till he reached the upper floor,when he stopped at the door of a
room situated at the back of thehouse and listened.
The door was slightly ajar, but not a sound issued from the

(01:08:19):
chamber within. He is asleep, no doubt, muttered
the young man. I had better enter.
He opened the door as he spoke and walked softly into the
apartment. It was a large oak panelled
room, the furniture dark, heavy and gloomy looking, but still
handsome. At the end of the chamber,
nearest to the door, there was agreat oaken bookcase, well

(01:08:41):
stocked with heavy volumes. Near this there was a table
covered with a cloth of green velvet, and scattered with
papers and parchments. And opposite this table stood A
ponderous bed of black oak, hungwith green velvet curtains, and
occupied by a very old man who lay fast asleep upon the
pillows. He was so old that his face was

(01:09:04):
almost disfigured by the wrinkles which lined his
parchment like skin. His attenuated hand clutched
nervously at the air every now and then while he slept, as
though he was agitated by some terrible dream, and ever ending
on a low moan or some broken word, escaped from his pale and
shrivelled lips. Seated by the side of the bed

(01:09:25):
with her eyes fixed anxiously upon the sleeper, was a woman of
middle age, dressed in shabby black, and whom it was not
difficult to recognize as the mother of the young man.
How has he been all night, mother?
Asked the newcomer, looking at the invalid.
Pretty much the same, answered the woman, restless and
feverish, talking in his sleep and wandering his mind when

(01:09:46):
awake. What did he talk about?
Always the same, a secret that has been trusted to him and that
he has been paid for keeping. A secret that weighs upon his
mind and he wants to reveal before he dies.
As she spoke, the old man suddenly opened his eyes and,
starting from the pillow, lookedabout him with a wild stare.

(01:10:07):
Who talked about a secret? He cried hoarsely.
Who wasn't dared to talk about the secret?
Haven't I've been paid to keep it all these long years?
And paid handsomely too? No stint, no pinching money down
and lots of it. 20 years, 5 and 20 years, 30 years, 30 years.

(01:10:28):
I've kept the secret, taking thepay.
Who says I want to sell it? Who says I am such a fool as to
want to sell it? Nobody said anything, uncle,
said the woman soothingly. It is only Antony who has come
to ask After your health. Oh, it's only Antony.
Cried the old man with a mockinglaugh.
It's only Antony, is it, niece? Antony who has come to ask after

(01:10:53):
my health. Shall I tell you what he has
come for, niece? He has come to smell out my
gold, to find out where my moneyis hidden.
If I had any. If I had any, which I haven't.
For I'm a poor old man. A very poor old man, nephew.
He has come to try and wring my secret from me.
But he never shall. He never shall.

(01:11:14):
I've kept it 30 long years and I'll keep it till I die.
It shall rot with me in my coffin.
Dear uncle, said the woman gently.
Last night, when you were very ill and uneasy in your mind, you
said you could not die happy with some terrible guilt upon
your soul. Has that guilt anything to do
with the secret? It has.

(01:11:35):
It has. Answered the old man with wild
vehemence. It is a guilty secret, but it's
not mine. It's not mine.
It's a secret that keeps rightful heirs out of a princely
fortune. It's a secret that does wrong to
many for the advantage of 1. It's a bad secret, but mine.

(01:11:56):
The guilt is no guilt of mine. I've kept the secret.
That's all. I've been paid for that and
nothing else. Antony.
Werner, for that was the name ofthe old man's nephew, drew
nearer to the bedside, and taking his uncle's attenuated
hand in his, said solemnly, Dearuncle, for pity's sake, do not
die with this sin upon your soul.

(01:12:17):
It may not yet be too late to doreparation and restore the
innocent to their rights. It is too late.
It is too late. Muttered the old man.
No, no, uncle, surely not. Let us hope not.
Only confide in me. Tell me whom the secret
concerns. That is the secret of a rich and
powerful man who is strong enough to crush his enemies,

(01:12:39):
answered the invalid. His mind seemed to be a little
more collected. But.
But those whom this rich man haswronged, asked Antony Werner.
They are those who should have been nearest and dearest to him.
But he loved nothing but himself.
Selfishness was the root of. All, murmured the invalid,
relapsing into delirium. Only tell me the name, urged his

(01:13:01):
nephew. Never, never.
They were brothers. Brothers.
Heaven help them. One so proud and noble, the
other so violent base. How could they be brothers?
Strange, strange. But, uncle, if you should die,
have you left no record of your secret, no written testimony
which might be used to restore the wronged man to his

(01:13:21):
inheritance? The old man looked at his nephew
for some moments with a wild andangry stare.
Then, bursting into a fierce laugh, he cried.
All alike, all alike, all for themselves.
I know what you want Anthony, you pale faced hypocrite.
You want to ring my secret from me and to sell it, to sell it to
the highest bidder. That's what you want.

(01:13:43):
But you shall not. You may try and ring it out of
me when I'm dead, but you never shall while I'm alive.
Exhausted by the violence of hisemotions, he fell back upon the
pillow, gasping for breath. Antony Werner watched quietly by
the bedside of the sick man, whosoon sank into a fitful doze
which lasted for hours with untiring patients.

(01:14:05):
The mother and son kept their post by the side of the churlish
old man, Misses Werner carefullypreparing and administering his
medicines. As the appointed hours came
round, Antony and his mother scarcely once spoke to each
other. The young man was grave and
silent. The woman sighed heavily now and
then as she looked from her son to the sleeping man.

(01:14:26):
They sat so long in their silentwatch that hour after hour
struck from the eight day clock in an adjoining room, and still
the old man slept a disturbed and fitful slumber, only waking
to a state of half consciousnesswhen Missus Werner administered
his medicines. The shades of the spring evening
were darkening in when the invalid suddenly raised himself

(01:14:48):
from the pillows and, grasping his nephew violently by the arm,
gasped into the ear of the terrified young man.
And to me, I can't die with the guilt upon my soul.
I've tried hard to do it. I've fought hard with my guilty
conscience, but I can't. I can't speak.
Dear Uncle, I am attending to you.
Listen, then, to every syllable as you value your own soul and

(01:15:08):
as you hope to save mine. I am listening uncle speak, I
implore. Behind one of those books.
Whispered the old man. You.
Will find my keys. One of them unlocks the door of
There, there, that's where the secret is kept.
Written, written every word of it and signed by me, remember.
But Uncle, cried Antony, What door?

(01:15:31):
What door? You have not told me that.
The old man stared at him with awild and Stony gaze, pointing
with his Bony finger to his lips.
And then, with a terrible effort, he shrieked rather than
said. Yes, yes, the door is.
The door is. But he never finished the
sentence, for a stream of blood rushed from his lips and dyed

(01:15:51):
the bedclothes with its sanguinehue.
He had broken a blood vessel. He never spoke again, and three
hours afterward he died in his nephew's arms.
Death set his seal upon the old man's secret, that great
mystery. The grave swallowed up also the
moment its own black obscurity. Well, that's it for the Black

(01:16:18):
Band. This is a cryptic chapter, and
it kind of gives me a little bitof hope.
I keep waiting for a hero, or atleast a character that I can
relate to a little bit to show up.
And maybe Anthony Verner is it, But it sets us to wondering
about the brothers that his uncle speaks of.
Lionel and Angus, maybe? Could that be them?

(01:16:38):
But that can't be them. He's been keeping the secret for
30 years. So we have to wonder if it's
something else, someone else, maybe the brother's parent.
Also interesting that there's somuch green velvet around.
A pro temperance writer like Mary Bradden might have mistaken
the green felt so commonly used in gambling.
Hells for velvet. She's already made a pretty

(01:16:59):
serious error demonstrating a lack of knowledge of gambling in
mentioning that the King of Trump's was hidden in Colonel
Bertrand's sleeve. Of course, King of Trump's not a
thing. So I wonder if that green velvet
is supposed to be a hint that something of the old man's
secret involves gambling. And that kind of gets us to
another strange spot. Ellen Clavering's father had

(01:17:22):
some kind of special skill for which Colonel Mephistophiles
for. So I'm going to go ahead and
call Oscar Bertrand from now on.One fake name being as good as
any other is willing to pay generously.
Is that skill some sort of gambling wheeze?
And did he use it, perhaps to get Angus to challenge him to
that fatal duel? I don't suppose the old man is

(01:17:42):
Lucas Clavering, is it? Couldn't be, but I do wonder how
Lucas is getting on now that Mephistopheles has stolen and
fake married the daughter that Lucas reordered his whole life
for. There sure are a lot of
unresolved threads in this storyand more are coming, but we're
in good hands. I just wish our author would
give us a character that we don't have to loathe right now.

(01:18:04):
As a reader, this story makes mefeel like I'm homeless in a
foreign country populated by people I don't understand, can't
relate to, and don't like. Will that change soon?
I sure hope so. For what it's worth, dear
listener, I am only 1 chapter ahead in my reading of this
story, so I'm taking the same ride you're taking.
Well, that wraps up our readingsfor this week.
I hope you enjoyed them as much as I did.

(01:18:26):
Before we mizzle off though. Oyster Moths and high Tobers and
Knights of the brush and the moon.
Also the Moabites and the Philistines and shucking your
Flyers and putting up your pins.What does it all mean?
Well, oyster moths were bad girls living on the cross,
specifically shoplifter ettes. A high tober was a highway man

(01:18:50):
like Dick Turpin. Moabites meant bailiffs and bow
street runners and new model policemen and other low level
law enforcement functionaries, and philistines meant basically
the exact same thing. They were basically synonyms, as
I'm sure you'll remember. A night of the brush and moon
was a tipsy fellow, very tipsy, wandering drunkenly around

(01:19:11):
through the fields and ditches of the countryside.
And finally, Flyers was a reference to shoes, also
sometimes called crab shells. And when they're on your feet
with your feet inside of them, stampers pins were legs.
Legs also were known as gams, toddlers, trotters, stumps, and
chalks. So basically the reference is to

(01:19:32):
take your shoes off and put yourfeet up on the desk and relax.
Well, that concludes this episode of the weekly Penny
dreadful Story hour. I hope you will join me again
next week, same Spring Hill time, same Spring Hill channel.
And we'll have chapter 48 of Sweeney Todd and chapter 10 of
all the rest. And I'm going to try and squeeze
another Hape Me Dreadful mini sewed in because I have

(01:19:55):
discovered a really fun little book.
It's called Hints for the Man about Town and it's by someone
who pseudonymously writes as theold medical student and it's.
Basically it's advice for Corinthian Roysterers about how
not to get too drunk and what todo if you do get too drunk and
how to box a Charlie and stuff like that.

(01:20:17):
So I'm going to read a little bit from that next Tuesday.
So you've got that to get. You through to the.
Long dry week before we can get to chapters 4810101010 and 10 in
which guess what happens in Sweeney Todd.
We're going to see poor Tobias Ragg's dingbat mother having
made things considerably worse instead of better by getting up

(01:20:39):
to his bedside and trying to call him out of his delirium by
saying. Remember your father, who's
dead? Yeah.
Good job. But then the Colonel learns that
Tobias has a sweetheart named Mina Grey, and so he asks old
Misses Ragg to bring her. Will she be able to restore
Tobias sanity? We'll see in Black Bess, Dick

(01:21:00):
Turpin and his pretty rescuee make it out of the neighborhood
as Dick racks his brain for a place he can bring her.
Then he thinks of his portly oldpal Tom Davis, landlord of the
Hand and Keys in near Hornsey Wood.
Thither he turns his footsteps, or rather Black Bess's
footsteps, in Varney the Vampire.
The tomb raiding party has just arrived back to the house when

(01:21:24):
the sound of Flora's pistol shotsmites upon their ears and then
another one. They rush to the house and find
a scene of much confusion and the new character joins our
dramatis personae. Flora's intended Charles Holland
has just arrived from the continent, but can she allow him
to share her destiny now that she has fallen victim to a

(01:21:46):
vampire? Can she ask him to take a
vampire for his bride? No, no.
Well, we'll see. In spring, Heeled Jack two of
the drunks from the bar next to the Pigeon House, see Ellen
Folder's bundle of work hanging from the window, and work out a
plan to steal. It.
Will they succeed? What will happen to Ellen if

(01:22:08):
they do? In the black band, Robert
Merton, the self-made millionaire who has fallen for
Lady Edith Vandalor and is soon to marry her, is having some
second thoughts. Will they enable him to avoid
the terrible matrimonial mistakehe is about to embark upon?
All that plus another bunch of fives in flash.
Can't. Words are coming your way next

(01:22:30):
Saturday Eve. Our theme music is a track by
Maxim Cornishev called Night Ragents.
You can find more of his work onSpotify, Apple Music, Band Camp
and other places on that glorious Internet thing.
The Penny Dreadful Story Hour isa production of Pulp Lit
Studios. For all the gory details look to

(01:22:50):
pulp-lit.com or to get in touch with me hit me up at
finn@pulp-lit.com. Thanks again for joining me
Pippins. It is time for us to Sherry off
for the Penny Dreadful Story. Our I'm Finn JD John AKA
Professor Flash signing off now.Fair forth and fill up the rest

(01:23:12):
of the week with all that is thetime O day.
Bye now.

All Episodes

022: Beefeater Ben's revenge — Dick Turpin Escapes — Pistol-packin' Flora gives the vampire a lively reception — Spring-Heel'd Jack impersonates Satan — The old man's secret.

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