IN WHICH —
0:04:15: ARTICLE from the TERRIFIC REGISTER, Page 14:
- The prince of Saxony, we are told, asked a student of magic to raise the spirit of his rich deceased uncle so he could ask him where he hid his treasure. It did not go quite as the prince had hoped ...
0:14:00: THE BLACK BAND, Ch. 15:
- We see Lolota Vizzini, the Star of the Ballet, relaxing at her Arlington Street house, being sad because Lord Lionel (who, you remember, became an accessory to his brother's murder to inherit his estate) didn’t come to the opera that night. She has clearly developed a bad case for him. Then Lord Lionel races up to her house in a cabriolet! He has a proposal for her … come run away with me to some foreign land and we will pose as husband and wife! Will she say yes to this scandalous proposal? But soft: whose step is that outside the chamber door? Is that Colonel Mephistopholes?
0:34:30: ROSE MORTIMER; or, THE BALLET-GIRL'S REVENGE, Ch. 4 :
- In this chapter, we see Count Lerno in his drawing-room preparing for a fancy party. He’s steaming open packs of playing-cards and marking them. Then we cut to the party. We meet a man named Captain Roper, who seems to be working with Count Lerno; and a baronet named Sir Harold King, who just inherited a fortune, and he seems to be the mark. But he’s not as dumb as he seems, and he’s looking hard at Captain Roper … does he suspect him? Will he catch on to the swindle? What will happen if he does?
PLUS —
- Learn the meaning of "owlers," "out-and-outers," "rattling gloaks," "dub the jigger," "on the cross," and a few other words of highway-robber slang, and ...
- A thieves' song (so we are told) about the "New Dancing Academy," the treadmill installed at Brixton Prison in 1818.
Join host Finn J.D. John. for a one-hour-long spree through the scandal-sheets and story papers of old London! Grab a flicker of blue ruin, unload your stumps, and let's go!
SPONSORED BY Baron Ruggum's Cryptocurrency Rentals! Do you need to pose as a baller for the night? For a fee of just 80 guineas, two tanners and a mag, Baron Ruggum will launch an ICO for your very own rental memecoin and pump the market cap up over $1 billion, so that you can present yourself as a billionaire for the night. Just think of the doors that will open for you, the connections you can make, the marks you can fleece with your YouTube videos!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:10):
A tip top evening to all you owlers out and outers and nights
of the brush and the moon. I'm your host, Finn JD John,
welcoming you back to the chafing crib.
It's Sunday night, that means it's time once again for the
Penny Dreadful Variety hour. So unload your stumps, yam a bit
of grub, ship the dropper to a daffy and prick up your lugs
(00:32):
because another rare noggin of prattery in the form of the
Penny Dreadful Variety Hour is upon us.
Like Lady Edith Vandalur on a life changing bad idea, The
Penny Dreadful Variety Hour is the show that carries you back
to the sooty, foggy streets of early Victorian London when the
latest patch of one of the storypapers hits the streets.
But the fancy ones that cost a whole shilling and bring you the
(00:56):
works of Baz or Charles Dickens,But the cheap scrappy ones that
cost a penny. And then the pigeons and the
rattling gloaks call Penny Bloods or Penny Dreadfuls.
That's right, the good stuff that, like a Tumblr full of
straight kill Devil, may be a little rough, but does the
Here's what we've got in store for tonight.
First up, it's chapter 15 of TheBlack Band or The Companions of
(01:19):
Midnight by Mary Elizabeth Bradden, which first started
publication in 1861. In tonight's chapter we open on
the load of Itzini, the star of the ballet, relaxing at her
Arlington Street house, being sad because Lord Lionel,
Brothers Bane didn't come to theopera that night.
She has clearly developed a bad case for him, which is really
(01:41):
unfortunate for her. Then Lord Lionel races up to her
house in a cabriolet. He has a rather indecent
proposal for her. He says come run away with me to
some foreign land and we will pose as husband and wife.
Will she say? Yes to this scandalous proposal,
but soft. Whose step is that outside the
chamber door? Is that Colonel Mephistopheles?
(02:04):
What will he? Think of this plan.
Will he be willing to allow his wealthy vassal to do such a
thing? We'll see.
Next up comes Chapter 4 of Rose Mortimer, or the Ballet Girl's
Revenge, by an anonymous author,which first started publication
in 1866. In it, we see Count Lerno in his
drawing room preparing for a fancy party.
(02:26):
He's preparing for it by steaming open packs of playing
cards and marking their backs. Clearly he's a blackleg.
And then we cut to the party. We meet a man named Captain
Roper, who seems to be working with Count Lerno, and a baronet
named Sir Harold King, who just inherited a fortune, and he
looks to be the mark. But he's not as dumb as he
(02:47):
seems, and he's looking hard at Captain Roper.
Does he suspect him? Will he catch?
On to the swindle. What?
Will happen. If he does, we shall soon find
out. But first, a word from our
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(04:12):
By listening to this disclaimer,you agree to settle any disputes
between us via binding arbitration on Judge Judy Show.
A special thanks to Baron Ruggum's Cryptocurrency Rentals
for sponsoring today's episode. And now back to our show.
Before we get into our first dreadful, let's have an
appetizer from the terrific Register, that truly dreadful
(04:33):
publication that may actually have been the world's first true
crime magazine, although liberally spiced with ghost
stories and other high drama tales, and not probably very
much true so much as just crime.This nugget was first published
in the early 1820s. Apparition of Marshall Sacsay, a
(05:00):
man of the name of Schrepfer, who originally resided at
Leipzig, of which city he was a native, where he kept a coffee
house, pretended to study magic,and to have acquired many
secrets connected with imaginaryscience.
He boldly asserted that he had intercourse with and control
over spirits, whom he could summon, command, and cause to
disappear, if not all together at his pleasure, yet by the
(05:24):
force of his invocations. Pretensions so extraordinary,
sustained by some exhibitions which impressed the spectators
with astonishment, soon secured him no little reputation.
Schrepfer, about this time, while he still resided at
Leipzig, had offended Prince Charles of Saxony, who ordered
an officer belonging to his household to repair to Leipzig,
(05:44):
and there to give Schrepfer, in his name, personal chastisement.
But while the gentleman inflicted it, Schrepfer threw
himself on his knees, and loudlyinvoked his invisible allies to
come to his assistance. And the officer was so much
alarmed at the invocation and its possible consequences, as to
quit the chamber with precipitation.
A circumstance so degrading to Schrepfer induced him to leave
(06:06):
Leipzig. After an absence of some time,
he appeared at Dresden, where his pretenses to skillet magic
attracting many followers, his reputation speedily reached
Prince Charles, and induced thatPrince to make every exertion
for obliterating the recollection of the indignity
lately offered him. He did not hesitate to go in
person to the inn where Schrepfer lodged, solicited his
(06:28):
pardon, and offered every amends.
Shrep for having accepted the apologies.
The Prince then requested to seesome proofs of his supernatural
art. It is said that he exhibited
many. But the most difficult operation
of magic in all ages has been toraise departed spirits from the
tomb. A prodigy, which Shrep for made
no secret of his ability to perform, Prince Charles
(06:50):
earnestly besought it obtained at length a reluctant promise to
present before his eyes and apparition.
It only remained, therefore, to fix the Spirit.
To be summoned. After long consideration, the
Chevalier de Sacsay was named, and Schrepfer undertook to
produce his ghost before a select company.
The place selected for this experiment was Prince Charles
(07:12):
Palace in Dresden, and the strictest secrecy was observed
previous to the affair. The Chevalier de Sacsay died
only a few years ago at his place, which his nephew, Prince
Charles, who was his principal heir, occupied after his
decease. As he left no issue, he was
supposed to have amassed great sums.
Reports had circulated that money was concealed in the
(07:35):
palace, and if his spirit could be compelled to appear, that
interesting secret might be extorted from him.
This motive prompted Prince Charles to name his uncle as the
object of the experiment. On the appointed night the
company assembled. There were 19 in number, persons
of consideration, character, andrespectability.
The first object of all present was to secure the windows and
(07:58):
doors. They did so, and were satisfied
that nothing except violence could procure access or
entrance. Shrepfer then acquainted them
that the ACT he was about to perform would demand all of
their firmness, and advise them to fortify their nerves by
partaking of a bowl of punch which was placed upon the table.
Several of them readily followedit, but one gentleman declined
(08:19):
the advice. I am come here, said he to
Shrepfer, to be present at raising an apparition.
Either I will see all or nothing.
My resolution is taken, and no inducement can make me put
anything within my lips. Another of the company placed
himself close to the principal door, in order to watch if
anyone attempted to open or force it.
(08:39):
These preparatory steps being taken, the great work began with
the utmost solemnity. Shrepfer commenced it by
retiring into a corner of the gallery who are kneeling down,
and with many mysterious ceremonies he invoked the
spirits to come to his aid. A very considerable time elapsed
before they obeyed, during whichinterval he labored, apparently
(09:00):
under the great agitation of body and mind, being covered
with a violent sweat, and almostin convulsions.
At length a loud clatter was heard at all the windows on the
outside, which was soon followedby another, resembling the
effect produced by a number of wet fingers drawn over the edges
of glasses, than anything else to which it could be compared.
The sound announced, as he said,the arrival of his good or
(09:23):
protecting spirits, and seemed to encourage him to proceed.
A short time afterward a yellingwas heard of a frightful and
unusual nature, which came, he declared, from the malignant
spirits, whose presence was necessary and indispensable to
the completion of the catastrophe.
The company were now petrified with horror, and Shrek for
continuing his invocations. The door suddenly opened with
(09:45):
violence and something that resembled a.
Black ball or globe rolled? Into the middle of the room it
was invested with smoke or cloud, and in the midst of which
appeared to be a human face likethe countenance of the Chevalier
de Sacsay. From this form issued a loud and
angry voice, which exclaimed in German.
Carl Vos Volta Dumit may Why dost thou disturb me?
(10:11):
Language, as may be disposed, can ill describe the
consternation produced among thespectators at such a site.
The Prince whose impious curiosity had summoned his
uncles ghost, and to whom the specter principally addressed
itself, far from manifesting coolness or attempting reply,
betrayed the strongest marks of horror and contrition.
(10:31):
Throwing himself on his knees, he called on God for mercy,
while others of the terrified party earnestly besought the
magician to give the only remaining proof of his art, for
which they were now anxious, by dismissing the apparition.
But near an hour elapsed before,by the force of his invocations,
the spectre could be compelled to disappear.
Nay, when at length Shrepfer hadsucceeded in dismissing it, the
(10:53):
moment that the company began toresume a degree of serenity, the
door which had been closed burstopen again, and the same hedges
form presented itself anew to their eyes.
The most resolute and collected among them were not proof to its
second appearance, and a scene of universal terror ensued.
Shrepfer, however, by reiteratedexorcisms or exertions, finally
(11:16):
dismissed the apparition. The terrified spectators soon
dispersed, overcome with amazement, and fully satisfied
of Shrepfer's supernatural powers.
Shrepfer did not long enjoy his celebrity, and his death is not
the least extraordinary part of his history.
These gentlemen, whom he had in some measure initiated in his
mysteries, for he professed to instruct in the science of
(11:38):
magic, were promised by him an exhibition more wonderful than
any at which they had yet assisted.
For this purpose they attended him into the wood of Rosenthal,
which is at some distance from the gates of Leipzig.
It was in summer before the sun rose between 3:00 and 4:00 in
the morning. When they came to a certain part
of the Grove, he desired them tostay a little while.
(11:58):
He went to one side to make the requisite invocations.
After waiting a few minutes, they heard the report of a
pistol running to the spot. They found that he had shot
himself, and was already withoutsense.
He soon expired. And now it is time for Chapter
15 of The Black Band. Tonight's first Flash Academy
(12:22):
vocabulary word is dub the Jigger.
Be sure and dub the jigger when you go out.
Some of my neighbors thereaboutsare on the cross.
Give it a guess. After the story, we'll find out
if you were right. Now.
Last week in Chapter 14 of the Black Band, we saw Lord Lionel
Brothers Bane coming on to Low Load of Itzini.
Clearly he'd marked her out as his rebound girl.
(12:45):
Then we cut to Lady Edith Mertonin her boudoir at her rich
husband's Park Lane house. She's sitting there feeling
sorry for herself when who should show up but Colonel
Mephistopheles? He said he was there on Lord
Lionel's behalf. And then, as if casually
changing the subject to a whollyunrelated topic, he asked her if
(13:05):
Robert had gotten around to making a will, leaving all his
money to her. She said he had.
She asked her if she would take one audacious step to become
Marchioness of Willoughby, and she said she would.
And then he told her she must dissolve this odious marriage
and the only divorce from which he said is death.
(13:25):
We'll talk. More at the ball tonight, he
added. At the ball he once more
obtained her word that she was willing to do and dare much to
get out of her marriage and backtogether with Lord Lionel
Brothers Bane. Then he gave her a small, fancy
bottle of liquid that he assuredher was a deadly poison of
Oriental origin, a drop of whichwould induce untraceable heart
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failure. Take it, Madam, it is a pretty
trinket for a ladies toilette, he added, thereby demonstrating
his bad taste in items for ladies toilettes.
Think she'll do it? Well, we'll be finding out.
Not just yet, though. Not today, because we're going
to change scenes and follow LordLionel brothers Bane himself a
little bit more first. So hey, let's get to that.
(14:12):
Chapter 15. The Spaniards.
Love. A little before midnight upon
that evening, on which Lady Edith Merton and Colonel
Bertrand had held the secret conversation above described,
the load of Itzini returned fromthe Opera to her house in
Arlington Street. She looked pale and jaded, and
(14:34):
as she entered the exquisite little drawing room, followed by
her maid, who was loaded with the bouquets that had been
thrown at her mistress at the close of the ballet, she glanced
eagerly at the vase of pari and marble and gold, in which lay a
heap of cards and notes of invitation.
Had there no other letters than these, Joseph?
(14:54):
She asked of her footman, who was busy lighting the wax
candles upon the mantelpiece andpiano.
No, Madam, none but those. She sighed impatiently and,
throwing herself into an easy chair, took off her sable lined
mantle and gave it to her maid. You may go, Joseph, she said.
And you too, Jeanette. The man obeyed immediately, but
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the girl lingered for a few moments, looking anxiously at
her mistress. You'll not, Madame, take any
refreshment? None, Jeanette, leave me.
The girl quitted the room slowlyand reluctantly, and the lovely
Spaniard took a gorgeously boundvolume from the table near her
and tried to read, but it was invain.
(15:36):
The book dropped from her hand, and she sank into gloomy
thought. How cruel he is, she murmured.
He was not at the opera tonight.How sadly I missed him from his
accustomed seat. What were to me the plaudits of
the heartless crowd, their smiles, their bouquets, their
cries of admiration. He was not there, and the vast
(15:59):
theatre was empty to me. And then, on my return, to find
no letter, no message. Oh, it is too bitter.
Her head sank on the damas cushions and she sobbed aloud in
her simple robes of pure white with her heavy plates of Raven
hair twisted about her head so as to form a regal diadem worthy
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of that queen like brow. She looked even more beautiful
than when bounding onto the brilliantly lighted stage in her
most dazzling and fairy like costume.
Presently she raised her head from the cushions and, dashing
the tears from her almond shapedeyes, cried impatiently.
Oh, where? Where is my pride?
Where is the spirit of that haughty Spanish race whose
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purple blood runs swiftly in these veins?
Is this love? Does Lolotovitzini bow down at
last to that cruel passion whichcrushes the proud and the
haughty into the very dust? Is it I who suffered thus?
And it may be for one who does not give me love for love, truth
for truth, heartthrob for heartthrob.
(17:03):
Then, after a long pause, she murmured.
A week ago I felt as sure of hislove as the light in the skies,
the sun at noontide. But for this last few days a
change has come over him. He has been cold and reserved.
When I have spoken, his thoughtshave wandered and he has replied
with I'll concealed embarrassment.
Can it be that he loves another?No, no, that cannot be.
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Evan Grant that that may never be.
It would make me a. Murderous.
A shudder convulsed her superblymoulded frame as she uttered
these last words with her teeth clenched and a somber flame
burning in her great black eyes.At this moment a cabriolet
dashed into the quiet St. and aninstant after a double knock
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resounded upon the door below. It is he, It is he, cried
Lolita. I thought he would come at last.
She looked anxiously into the glass at her disordered hair,
and smoothing it hastily, snatched a wax like scarlet
camellia from a vase of hothouseflowers, and placed it amidst
the massive and velvet like plates that encircled her head.
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I would not have him seize it. I have been weeping, she
murmured. The door opened.
And the Marquess of Willoughby entered the room.
He wore the evening costume which he had assumed for the
ball at Lady Edith's. He looked pale and care worn,
and dark circles surrounded his hollow eyes.
Forgive the lateness of the hour, dearest Lolota He.
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Said as the impetuous Spanish girl bounded forward to meet
him. I should have been here long of
this. I should have been in the box at
the Opera, but I was forced to attend a ball in Park Lane.
Will you forgive me? Forgive mew, she exclaimed.
Do I not see you, clasp you by the hand, hear the low tones of
your dear voice? And is that not enough for me?
(18:55):
Come, she added, leading him to a chair.
Tell me all that has passed since we met a Lionel.
It says only three days, and yetwhat an age it seems to me and
to you. Does it seem long to you,
Truant? Yes, Lolota, yes.
He said with considerable embarrassment.
But tell me, whose was this tiresome ball which kept you
(19:18):
away from your Lolota? It was given by Mr. Robert
Merton, the millionaire. Said the young man, a Crimson
flushover spreading his face. Mr. Merton, I remember, I have
seen him at the opera with his handsome wife, the daughter of
the Earl of Horton. Lord Willoughby did not answer,
but, resting his head upon his hand, averted his face from the
(19:40):
Spanish girl. Some moments she watched him
intently in profound silence. Then, entwining one of her
rounded arms around his neck, she said with tender gentleness.
Lionel, Lionel, what is this? I see that you are unhappy.
He dropped his hands from his face and turning round, looked
full at the loving girl. Lulota, he cried.
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Lulota, I am indeed the most miserable of men.
Lionel. Dearest Lionel.
Yes. He repeated in accents of
unmingled despair. The most miserable Lolota.
Heaven knows I have tried to love you truly.
Try to love me, she. Exclaimed, lifting her proud
head from its drooping attitude.Yes, Lolota, forgive me, Forgive
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me if you ever can. When first I saw you, I was
suffering from a terrible blow which had been struck at my
peace by the treachery of a woman I adored, a woman who in
my presence publicly gave the hand which should have been mine
to another man, a man whom she despised.
On that day of anguish and madness I swore to forget her,
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and Heaven knows that I have endeavoured to do so.
I saw you, Lolota, and dazzled by your beauty and your grace,
your genius, the witchery of your manner, the sweet magnetism
of your melodious voice. I said to myself, purely blessed
by the love of such a being, thewoman who betrayed me can be
forgotten. We became acquaintances,
(21:09):
friends, and though by the tie that binds you, we could not be
more than friends, friendship melted into love.
And I did love you, Lolota. I thought you did.
Alas, alas, how truly I believedyou did.
She murmured in a voice broken by her passionate sobs.
Lolotta Vitzini 3 days ago I metthe woman who has been and who
(21:33):
is yet the evil genius of my life.
In a breath all the old madness returned.
Once more I was her abject slave, scarcely holding my own
soul save at her behest. Lolotta, you alone can save me
from this fiend in Angel form. Save you, she said, with
passionate vehemence. How, Lionel?
(21:55):
How? Fly with me to some far distant
land, Amidst the fountains of Granada, by the flowers of the
quad Al Quiver amid the orange Groves of Seville, the dark
shades of Alumbrosa. Fly with me, Lalotta.
Forget the tie which binds you to a villain, and be mine
forever in your presence. I can forget my evil genius.
(22:16):
I am wealthy beyond calculation.I will anticipate every wish of
your true heart, every dream, every fancy.
We will form for ourselves a paradise on earth, and you,
Lolota, shall be its queen. Say that you will come, he
cried. Sinking on his knees at her
feet. Lionel, Lionel, she murmured.
For. Pity's sake do not tempt me.
(22:39):
Lolota, lolota, will you refuse to save me?
She did not answer, but the tears fell from her lovely eyes
upon the uplifted face of the young man.
Lolota, can you refuse? I cannot, Lionel, she cried
passionately. Beloved, I would save you at the
cost of my life. My own mamota.
(22:59):
He rose from his knees and was about to clasper to his breast,
when the door was softly opened and Colonel Oscar Bertrand
walked into the room. So he exclaimed with a laugh
that had the mocking bitterness of some triumphant fiend in its
very note. So my.
Lord, you were summoned this evening to attend a meeting at
(23:20):
the central office of the company to which you belong, but
you were better engaged. I guessed where you would be
found, and came myself to seek you, Sir, cried the Spaniard
haughtily. This is my house, and I do not
know by what right you entered it, or why my servants were so
imprudent as to admit you. Your servants, Madam, exclaimed
(23:44):
the Colonel. Oscar Bertrand does not wait to
ask admission from servants. When I am interested in the
inhabitants of a house, I take care to provide myself with the
means of access to its innermostchambers.
He held up a tiny key of glittering steel as he spoke,
and Lolota saw that it was attached to a bunch of other
(24:04):
keys of the same kind. Who are you?
Demanded Lolo to angrily. Ask that question of the
Marquess, Madam. Answered Colonel Bertrand.
Oscar Bertrand said. Lord Willoughby, boy, what right
do you intrude upon this lady? By the right which I hold over
you, replied the Colonel. In every place and at every time
(24:26):
you would fly to a foreign climb, would you?
Do you forget that you are mine,body and soul?
That is, so long as I please to command you, you must do my
bidding. Demon.
Exclaimed the young nobleman, ghastly pale and trembling with
passion. I cannot spare you yet, my dear.
Lionel, said the Colonel, layinghis hand lightly upon the
(24:49):
shoulder of the Marquess. Lionel cried.
Lolota what does this? Mean, ask me not my beloved, he
answered. I have told you that I am the
most miserable of men. Come, my Lord, said Colonel
Bertrand, pointing to the door. Lionel clasped Lulota in his
arms, pressed his lips once to her pale forehead, and then,
(25:11):
snatching up his hat, rushed outof the house, followed by the
Austrian, who turned on the threshold of the door to say to
Madame Vizzini with his mocking smile.
I am sorry, Madam, to rob you ofyour midnight visitor.
Well, I have to say I'm a littledisappointed in Lulota Vizzini.
(25:33):
For her to have fallen so completely for a man as
fundamentally contemptible as Lionel Brothers Bane, Not a good
look. And I do hope, speaking now,
particularly to my lady listeners, that if a man came to
you and went. I'm in love with another woman,
but I feel like if you and me went far away and pretended we
were married White, you could help me.
(25:54):
You could help me, Rhonda. You get her out of my heart.
That you would give him a good slap and tell him to get lost.
Come to think of it, speaking now to my gentleman listeners,
the same applies to you guys. Except for the slapping part, of
course. And then along comes
Mephistopheles, who certainly does seem to have some
remarkable skills. You know, when I read this, I
(26:16):
thought my theory that Laloda Vitzini's missing Italian
husband was none other than Colonel Bertrand was dashed.
Surely she would recognize him, right?
But I forgot the Colonel habitually wore a disguise and
his real hair is black. And if his?
Domestic habits with Lolota, if indeed he was married to her,
were similar to those with EllenClavering.
(26:37):
I'm going to continue calling her Ellen Clavering because I
believe her marriage to be void.Lolota wouldn't have much chance
to memorize his face and voice and such like that.
So, you know, maybe he is in thenext chapter.
It's the next day. And millionaire Robert Merton is
very excited. He finally gets to have a quiet
dinner alone with his wife, the lovely Lady Edith.
(26:59):
Sheila was very pale and seems real nervous.
It looks like she's really goingto use that little file of
poison that Colonel Bertrand gave her at the ball the night
before. Will she come to her senses in
time to avoid a horrible mistake?
Will Robert Merton die if she does not?
Will she get away with it if he does?
We shall see. Finally, though, let's get
(27:20):
Professor Flash's official definition for our first
vocabulary word, which was dub the jigger.
Like Joe Run dub the jigger Whenyou go out.
Some of the Ibis hereabouts are on the cross.
It means to lock the door. A jigger is a cross or latch.
Generally, by the way, on the cross means criminal.
It's the opposite of On the Square.
(27:42):
Before we move on to our next dreadful, let's pause to
appreciate one of the bits of poetical fervor that we've been
handed down from the early Victorian era via one of the
great old informal evening songbooks.
This song lyric comes from The True History of Tom and Jerry,
or the Day and night Scenes of Life in London from the Start to
(28:05):
the Finish by Charles Hindley. Published for the first time
sometime between 1865 and 1870, this particular excerpt starts
on page 112. It's got a little bit of
introduction, which reads as follows.
In the year 1817, Mr. AfterwardsSir William Cubit, of Ipswich,
erected A treadmill at Brixton jail, and soon afterward in
(28:29):
other large prisons, as a species of preventive
punishment, which excited much attention and terror to evil
doers, and proved eminently useful in decreasing the number
of commitments. The strict discipline had a most
salutary effect upon the prisoners, not easily to be
forgotten, yet the inventor's name gave rise to many jokes.
On the subject. Among such of the prisoners, who
(28:50):
could laugh at their own crimes,who said that they were now
being punished by the cubit in nearly all the new and favorite
comic songs of the day, Illusionwas made to the treadmill of
Brixton as the Everlasting Stairs, the Stepping Mill, the
new Dancing Academy, etcetera. A street ballad on the subject
was issued from the Cat Knack Press, and had a most
(29:10):
unprecedented sale, keeping the pressman and boys busy working
for weeks. The following punning ditty was
very popular at the period. The treadmill.
This Brixton Mills a fearful ill, and he who brought the bill
in is threatening by the cribbing coves that he shall
have a milling. They say he showed a simple Pate
to think of felons mending as every step, which here they take
(29:34):
their still in crime ascending and when released and in the
streets their former snares they're spreading.
They swear tis Parliament which wills they must their old ways
tread in. The radicals begin to think to a
touch the Constitution, for as the wheel moves round and round
it brings a revolution. But though these snarlers show
their teeth and try to vex the nation, their actions sooner
(29:56):
tried and judged, and grinding is their station.
The gambling swells who near Saint James have played their
double dealings say tis not fairthat Bow Street should thus work
upon their feelings. Tom Jerry logic three prime
springs find here they cannot come it, for though their fancy
sores aloft, they near will reach the summit.
(30:16):
Corinthian Kate and Boujon Sue must change their warm
direction, For if they make one false step more they'll have
cold bath. Correction.
The moonstruck youths who haunt the stage and spend their
masters siller must here play toanother tune.
Tis called the dusty Miller, Youbits of blood, the watchmen's
dread, who love to floor a Charlie As you delight to strip
(30:38):
and fight, Come forth and mill the barley.
John Barley corns a stout old blade, As every man puts trust
in, And you will make no meal ofhim, But he'll give you a dust
in. But here we'll stay for puns
they say are bad as stealing purses, And I to Brixton may be
sent to grind some flowery verses.
(31:01):
Finally it's time for our next dreadful of the evening, Rose
Mortimer, or the Ballet Girl's Revenge for this story.
Good old Professor Flash is going to furnish us with the
definitions of all the Flash Can't words in the intro, which
you will probably remember. I wished a tip top evening to
all owlers out and outers and nights of the brush and moon by
(31:23):
inviting you to unload your stumps and yam a bit of grub,
ship a dropper to a daffy and prick up your lungs.
I mentioned that the pigeons andthe rattling gloaks call our
stories penny bloods or penny Dreadfuls and that remarks that
they do the job as well as a Tumblr full of straight kill.
Devil you know most if not all of these, but just in case, I'll
(31:43):
unpack the lot at the end of thestory.
Speaking of the story, last timein chapter 3 of Rose Mortimer,
Rose went back to the theater totry a game to talk her way into
a showbiz job, and just as she was being repulsed, Jack
Halliday appeared and squired her to the manager's door.
Past the screeners. She was conveyed into the
manager's presence. The manager was there with
(32:06):
another man in the room. He told her to get lost, but
just then the other man turned around and it was Count Lerno.
Count Lerno, of course, urged the manager to take Rose on, and
the manager complied. Back home, Rose saw Abel Booth
leaving her apartment. Entering, she asked her father,
Hugh Mortimer, what Abel was doing, and Hugh realized Abel
(32:26):
had been spying on him. Hugh clearly knew some kind of
showdown was coming, and he blamed Rose for it.
It is your namby namby modesty that his breath is evil down on
me. Apparently she was supposed to
have allowed Abel Booth to ravish her on the previous day,
and he's now angry because she did not.
Now looking out the window, she saw Abel Booth and two other men
(32:48):
on the sidewalk looking up at them.
Hugh knew this meant the hour had come, so he ordered Rose up
into her room and locked her in and got an old fashioned pistol
out of the hidden cubby in the floor.
Rose shivered. Upstairs.
She smelled smoke and feared thehouse was on fire, but it went
away and she realized it was just Hugh burning some evidence.
And a good thing too, because she was locked in her room and
(33:09):
could not get out. She was imprisoned.
Then someone started pounding onthe downstairs door and being
unanswered. They forced it open and came in.
There was a pistol shot, a shriek of pain and terror,
scuffling and fighting, and thensilence.
Rose used a fire iron to pry up some of the flooring to peep
through into the room below, butlost her balance and fell
(33:29):
through, landing in a heap in the room below.
The room was covered in blood and great pools.
And then she heard someone chuckle.
It was Abel Booth. He was in her room upstairs,
having let himself in, apparently with a key, obviously
hoping to find her there alone and defenseless.
As he dropped down into the room, she ran for the door and
(33:50):
out of the house, and ran, she knew not with her till she
dropped, fainting from exhaustion against a doorpost
someplace. Has she fallen into the hands of
friends or foes? Will she live to report for her
first day of work? We'll soon learn right after
this short. Break.
(34:26):
Welcome back to the Penny Dreadful Variety hour.
Now where were we? Ah yes, queuing up Chapter 4 of
Rose Mortimer. Here it comes, Chapter 4.
Glittering Vice. The Swindler at home, Preparing
(34:47):
for Conquest. The Blackleg.
The Duel. The.
Cowards act, Retribution, Horse whipped discovery disgrace the
profligates thou. Count Lerno had been a resident
in England for more than two years when he first appeared in
the fashionable world. No one knew whence he came, nor,
(35:11):
in fact, anything respecting him.
He appeared suddenly, and shone brilliantly like a comet, and
speedily obtained admission to the best society.
He was handsome and well bred, besides which he had at his
command an apparently inexhaustible supply of money,
but a dark mystery hungover his earlier years.
(35:33):
He had travelled a great deal, and was supposed to be a
foreigner by birth, though what land owned him none but himself
knew, and on this subject he wasever silent.
Now and then he gave charming little bachelor parties at his
chambers in Piccadilly, and invitations to them were eagerly
sought by those who admired the man who had the best wine and
(35:54):
rode the best horses in London. There were not wanting those who
declared that the Count made a good profit out of those little
parties, and that after a night at cards he invariably rose a
winner to a large amount. Be that as it may, he had many
friends and those of unquestionable character who
were prepared on every occasion to defend him against the
(36:16):
attacks of enemies. It was nearly 10:00, one cold,
wet, foggy December evening, when the Count sat alone in his
luxuriously furnished apartments.
He was in evening dress. In the front of his embroidered
shirt he wore diamond studs, which must alone have cost a
small fortune. His face was handsome as ever,
(36:37):
and bore not a trace of care or anxiety.
Yet he must have desired much not to be intruded upon, for
before he had taken his seat he had carefully locked the door,
and even taken the trouble to hang a cloth over the locks, so
that no spying eye at the keyhole could note his
movements. A silver urn, from which the
(36:58):
steam spurted and hissed, stood near to where he sat, and
beneath it a spirit lamp burned.To keep the water constantly
boiling over the steam he held an unopened pack of cards till
the gum which held the covering gave way, and the pack lay open
before him. Carefully he selected certain
cards, and with a small needle made some microscopic scratches
(37:21):
on the back of those he had chosen.
This done, he returned the cardsto their proper covering and
refastened it so that no one, even with the closest
observation, could tell that it had been opened.
Having served several packs in asimilar way, he put them
carefully aside, unlocked the door, and by a bell summoned his
(37:42):
servant into the room. Francois.
Said he in French, which language he spoke to perfection.
Francois, clear away those things and let me know directly
any of my guests arrive. The Valley bowed and silently
set to work. The Count was drawing into an
inner chamber. The reception room was a
(38:03):
beautifully furnished and admirably well arranged
apartment. Everything was in perfect taste.
In each of the small recesses stood a lovely white marble
statuette, relieved by dark Crimson curtain, and each
statuette was lighted by a smallglobe shaped lamp suspended
before it. A few choice paintings hung
(38:24):
around the room, while one end was devoted entirely to a
collection of arms arranged in fanciful devices against the
wall. There were swords and pistols of
every age and every nation. There were Indian bows and
arrows. There were formidable Tomahawks,
and down low, within easy reach,a brace of handsome revolvers,
the stalks curiously inlaid withsilver, and the barrels
(38:47):
beautifully wrought. When the Count returned from the
inner room, he found the first of his guests intently regarding
his small armoury. He was a short, thick set man,
and rejoiced in the name of Captain Roper.
He was well known on the turf, though not particularly
favorably. Indeed, there had been a strong
(39:08):
suspicion of foul play respecting a horse of his which
had not won a race. But nothing could be proved and
he was a well known fire eater, so he was still welcomed in such
society as he had previously admission to.
Well captain. Said the Count gaily.
Glad to see you here again. What's the latest news from
(39:28):
Melton? The Captain grasped as hosts
outstretched hand warmly. I've been studying your
collection of arms. You have some curious ones here.
Mere trifles. My hobby lies rather that way.
These revolvers are handsome weapons.
Ah yes, they are the only arms Ikeep for use.
(39:49):
The others are only for show, but they.
Well. 01 never knows what may happen.
I always keep them loaded and ready for any emergency.
That's a strange fancy I should think you.
It's a held King, said Francois,throwing open the door and
announcing another guest. The count stepped forward and
(40:10):
welcomed him, and his conversation with Captain Roper
seized. Sir Harold King was a young,
cheery, lighthearted baronet whohad just succeeded to the title
and the largest state, which latter he was doing his best to
squander in dissipation. The remainder of the guests came
in quick succession. They were mostly men of sporting
(40:30):
propensities. Piroton, the owner of the Derby
favorite, the Marquess of Brighton, Admiral Grouse, and
other turf celebrities were soonassembled, and in and out
amongst them went the Count, with congratulations for one and
compliments for another, and a cordial greeting for all.
Choice. Wines were brought up and placed
upon a side table, cigars were lighted, and two whist tables
(40:54):
were speedily formed. Two or three rubbers were played
quietly enough, the count and his partner losing considerably,
But at the end of that time the guests cried aloud for something
more exciting, and Rouge, a noir, was proposed and agreed to
unanimously. The count threw aside the cards
with which they had been playingwhist, and sport commenced in
(41:14):
earnest. Gold stood in heaps upon the
table. The wine circulated freely.
Banknotes changed hands with marvelous rapidity.
Captain Roper and Sir Harold King were the chief losers.
Luck seemed to be dead against them.
Every stake they made was a loss.
I tell you what, Sir Harold. Said the captain.
(41:34):
My purse can't stand this any longer.
Suppose you and I withdraw and have a little quiet game of a
carte at the other table. By all means.
I'm so deuced unfortunate tonight.
It's no good backing. I'll luck.
Almost without notice from the others, they were suffered to
leave the larger table and take their seats at a smaller one.
(41:55):
There was no dearth of cards, and these two men were soon
immersed in their game. Yet, although the avowed object
in leaving the other table was to avoid high play, the stakes
for which they played were considerable.
The gold at Captain Roper's sidewas steadily increasing.
He won every game. All the good cards were in his
hand at every deal. In spite of his opponent's
(42:17):
entreaties, Sir Harold ceased todrink, and bent his energies to
the cards. Yet as he played, his eyes were
ever fixed upon the captain's hands.
Did he suspect foul play? There was an ominous contraction
of his brow now and then, when his opponent with a smile laid
down the winning card. But yet he said nothing.
He spoke not a word. He watched.
(42:40):
The Captain's luck was so extraordinary as to be almost
incomprehensible, and yet he associated with good and
honorable men. It was hard to suspect him of
unfair play. Meanwhile, at the other table,
the play was high and exciting. The majority of those who were
gathered rounded were seasoned players who could bear their
losses with calmness and receivetheir winnings with apparent
(43:01):
unconcern, and the count, as well seen usual with him, was a
large winner. Still, everything was too all
outward appearance, so fair and above board with him, his
conversation so pleasant and amusing, and his manner so well
bred, that no one questioned thefairness of his play.
He has the devil's own luck. That was the general opinion
(43:21):
openly expressed. The count showed his white teeth
beneath his jetty mustache and appeared to consider it as a
compliment. He played.
On and one. While the more eager of the
gamblers were waiting with outward calmness, but with
inward anxiety, to see the fate of a larger stake than usual, a
cry arose from the side table. Damn you, Sir.
(43:44):
Leave. Go.
How dare you seize my hand? The words were spoken in a
fierce, angry tone, and the speaker was Captain Roper.
So loud and ferocious was the tone that everyone turned on the
instant the pile of gold on the Rouge Noir table was left, and
the players all flocked to the farther side of the room.
A small table was overturned on the floor.
(44:07):
Cards, sovereigns, and broken champagne glasses lay scattered
about. Captain Roper was held firmly in
his chair by Sir Harold King, his face Crimson with passion.
The baronet's grip was on his collar, while his other hand
clutched tightly the wrist of his opponent.
What is the meaning of this Sir Harold?
Asked the count, his clear ringing voice sounding above the
(44:27):
tumult. The.
Meaning is this count we have amongst us A.
Swindler and a. Rogue Sir Harold spoke with
perfect calmness, and showed no unwanted excitement, was plain
to all that he was acting from conviction.
The captain, as he heard these words, struggled vainly to free
himself from his opponent's grasp.
(44:48):
It is a grave charge you bring, Sir, Harold said The count, and
one which you must prove or takethe consequences.
Listen to me, gentlemen. Said Sir Harold.
Oh, you've been playing a carte with this man?
I suspected him and watched. At last.
I caught him in the act of concealing a card in the hand
which I now grasp. If in that hand you do not find
(45:09):
a card hidden, I can only say I regret my violence.
Regret your violence. Do you think that will suffice?
I will have full revenge for this insult.
Unhand me and I will convince you of my innocence.
Watch, gentlemen, for a proof ofhis.
Roguery. As he spoke, the young baronet
loosed his hold. The captain turned an empty palm
(45:33):
to them all. There was no card concealed.
Sir Harold King staggered back, aghast.
He was positive he had not been mistaken, and he could only
attribute the failure of the proof to some jugglery on the
part of his opponent. Sir.
Harold said the count. Gravely, there appears to be no
foundation for your accusation. You must answer for this strange
(45:55):
disturbance. Answer by heaven he shall answer
cried. Captain Roper starting to his
feet. Iron on the spot.
With a hasty hand he snatched a couple of rapiers from the
collection of small arms hangingagainst the wall.
With a curse he threw one of them toward the young baronet,
and almost before Sir Harold hadpicked it up, had made a rapid
(46:16):
pass at him which threatened to put an end to his existence.
In an instant swords were crossed, and in a few seconds
Captain Roper's weapon was struck from his hand by Sir
Harold and went whirling across the room.
The baronet lowered his point. Curse it, that can be no
deception in these, yelled the infuriated, disarmed man.
(46:37):
So saying, he seized one of the revolvers about which he had
been conversing with the count before and before anyone could
guess his intention, aimed and fired at the baronet.
The hammer fell with a faint click.
No report followed. The pistol had missed fire.
With a groan of disgust, all present rushed upon him.
(46:57):
The count was first. He seized him roughly, and in so
doing tore open his Westcott. As he did, a crumpled card fell
to the floor. The.
Card he concealed. Cried Sir Harold King.
So it was. Captain Roper was but a blackleg
in a swindler, and worse than being either of those in the
eyes of the world, he was detected.
(47:19):
He could no longer. Brazen it out.
He turned ashy, pale. His limbs shook beneath him.
Mercy, Mercy. He found breath to gasp.
What has to be done with him? Drop him out the window.
Horse whip him within an inch ofhis life.
Make him eat a pack of cards. Hang him up on the 1st lamppost
and pop at him with the revolver.
(47:40):
These were. Some of the suggestions made by
the count's visitors, Captain Roper said.
The count You stand here a convicted swindler, blackleg and
a rogue. These gentlemen will, I am
assured, agree with me when I say if one of us catches sight
of you on any racecourse in England, he will consider it his
duty to horse whip you off of it.
(48:01):
Now be off. And remember, the detected
swindler, cowed and exposed, cringed before the count when he
heard the light verdict and felthis late host's hold removed
from his collar. He rose and slunk away to the
door like a beaten puppy. Arrived at the door, he turned
and cast a look of hate around. Curse you all, he cried.
(48:23):
I'll be even with you yet if I go to The World's End for it, I
will have my revenge for this night's work.
You, Count Lerno, may recollect what I say one day when your
tricks are brought to light. Scoundrel yelled the count, his
white teeth showing like those of a savage beast.
With one bound he was upon him. With one twist of his muscular
(48:45):
arm he hurled him back into the room and taking a heavy hunting
whip from the wall, administereda very severe beating to the
detected one, who by neither sign nor word showed that he
felt the pain nor the degradation of which he was
forced to submit. Released from the other's hands,
however, he crawled away, scowling evilly at the assembled
company, turning only once to look back with deadly white
(49:08):
face, quivering lips and heavy, bloodshot eyes full of hellish
passion. As he turned, his mouth moved
slightly as though he was breathing curses or muttering
threats against his late antagonists, but no word escaped
him and he passed away from the sight of the assembled company
in a death like silence. For some moments after the
(49:29):
swindlers departure, the Count'sguests stood silent and
motionless, and then there was ageneral movement made in the
direction of the door. Gentlemen, gentlemen, he said
with a forced smile. EE will not leave me thus.
I don't feel inclined for more play tonight, said Sir Harold,
very evidently wishing to avoid meeting his host's eye and
(49:50):
moving away as he spoke. Nor, aye, nor aye, muttered the
remainder of the company. And while we're on the point of
departure, when the Count flung himself between them and the
door. Ere you depart, gentleman, he
said, you will, I trust, give mean assurance of your belief that
I was until now totally ignorantof the character of the man whom
I had for a guest. Yes, yes, said one of the
(50:13):
gentleman nearest to him, thoughin a hesitating tone.
Your hand upon it, Sir. His guest tendered his hand and
the example was followed by the rest.
Then after an awkward silence, all departed, leaving the Count
slowly pacing to and fro in his deserted drawing room.
A fearful sight was it to see his handsome face distorted by
(50:35):
passion as he raised his. Clenched fists and poured forth
a terrible curse upon the head of the luckless swindler.
Captain. This night's work, he muttered,
can never be undone. No, the first brick of the house
has fallen. The secret of my life is no
longer safe. But not yet.
I swear before heaven, not yet, if I have life and strength left
(50:59):
to me, will I shrink from the course I have determined upon?
No, no, a long and glorious career of profligacy and
dissipation is still in store for me.
Lovely women will yet be found whom my gold shell purchase.
Lovely women Ruby wine. What care I for more?
As he spoke he filled and drank a goblet of sparkling champagne,
(51:21):
then laughed a low, noiseless laugh which was peculiar to him,
and in which his cruel eyes tookno part.
Sweet Rose, he muttered, You at least shall not escape me.
No. If ruin and disgrace stared me
in the face, if instant death threatened me, I would not turn
away from the course I have laiddown.
(51:42):
No, Rose, nothing in heaven or earth can save thee.
Thou shalt be mine. Thou shalt be mine.
Well. So much is happening in this
chapter. This really is my favorite
dreadful from our lineup right now.
So melodramatic, so gratuitouslyeventful.
(52:05):
The bad guys are so bad. And the Anyway, we're only on
chapter 4 and already we've had two attempted kidnappings, at
least one murder, a duel with swords, an attempted murder,
counterfeit money, blackleg gamblers, a horse whipping and
shoot. What am I forgetting?
Tell you what, you can't call this great literature, of
course, but you certainly also can't call it boring.
(52:27):
One thing to point out is whoever wrote this story seems
to have a tolerable familiarity with high society gambling
behavior. You'll remember in the Black
Band there was a gambling hill scene, but Mary E Bradden
obviously didn't know much aboutwhat goes on in those or even
what card suits are called King of Trump's.
That was to be expected. Of course, ladies were not
(52:48):
expected to know about gambling and saloon culture, and I rather
think she would have been judgedfor it if she had shown a
familiarity with that sort of stuff.
I'm kind of puzzled by the Captain Roper thing though.
These two, the Captain and the kid, the Count, were obviously
working together, yet the Captain wasn't familiar with
Lerno's wall of weapons, and when he was caught and released
(53:10):
with nothing more than a stern warning, why would he not have
just slunk away rather than lashing out as he did?
Maybe they're not working together, but it you know, it
sure looks that way. Anyway, let's not get too picky.
This chapter was a wonderful ride, ending in the most
villainous mustache twirler in three counties, swearing by all
(53:30):
the devils in hell that he will yet have that bewitching Rose
Mortimer. In the next chapter we'll see
Rose Mortimer as a rising star in the ballet.
Her great triumph is as Goddess of mourning in a Christmas show,
after which Count Lerno approaches her, telling her he
has a message from her father and offering to take her to him.
(53:52):
She hesitates, distrusting him, and then Jack Halliday comes
into view. So the Count seizes her, bundles
her into the carriage, and gallops away with her into the
night. Is he really taking her to her
father or has he something more sinister in mind?
What will happen to her? Will she escape the fate worse
than death at the hands of this cruel villain?
(54:13):
We shall soon hear. Finally, let's unpack our flash
tant lesson. Owlers are smugglers, usually
smugglers of wool. But you know owls are night
birds and smugglers generally are too out and outers are lads
or lassies. This one works for both sexes,
who are good at everything and just generally great.
Stumps are legs, so unload your stumps means have a seat.
(54:37):
Yam. A bit of grub means to eat a bit
of food. Ship a drop or 2A Daffy means
drink a drop or two of gin to ship something as a nautical
slang, as in he's a falling sila.
But when we were in port he always ships enough rum to float
a 74. A 74, by the way, was a 74 Gun
Ship of the Line, the tip top battleship of the Age of Sail.
(54:59):
Pigeons was a reference to Easy Stupid Fellows and rattling
Gloaks mean the exact same thing.
And of course, straight kill devil course, unaged alcohol
fresh from the still. Well that concludes this episode
of the weekly Penny Dreadful Radio Hour.
But never fear, your next dose of crammers and moonshine is
only a few days away. This coming Tuesday night, we'll
(55:21):
have queued up for your enjoyment at Tuesday Tupany
Terrible Mini Sewed. It'll be 1/2 hour show since
Tuesday is a work night. I hope you will join me then
Same spring healed time, same spring healed channel for the
show. Speaking of spring healed stuff,
on the Tupany Terrible Tuesday show, Chapter 15 of Spring
(55:41):
Healed Jack, The Terror of London by Alfred Coates will be
coming your way, along with somemore from the Terrific Register
and some songs in Spring Heeled Jack.
At the small boat, the two roughsailors take Ellen folder from
Jack and invite him to climb theboard after them and join them
in a glass of grog instead. Jack swims back to the barge to
retrieve his cloak. There's no sign of the barge
(56:03):
guard. Jack hopes he has not drowned.
Well then. He is hailed by a trio of river
police. They, of course, are eager to
arrest him. Will they succeed?
There are three of them, and he's been swimming around all
night. All that plus more flash.
Can't words some more. Barely safe for work.
Victorian frolicking songs are coming your way in two nights at
(56:23):
Dick Turpin's scragging hour, 5:37 PM or 1737 military time.
That's coming this Tuesday evening.
A quick announcement. You may already have figured
this out, but I am splitting theshow into two each week.
The main reason for this is if you're following one particular
dreadful, it's not right to makeyou wait three weeks for each
(56:44):
new episode. I've also added some new
elements in to make this a true variety show and not just an
audiobook feed. But do let me know what you
think. Finn.
At pulp-lit.com, our theme musicis a version of Golden Slippers,
A minstrel show song written by James A Bland in 1879.
This version is by Seattle Old Time Band $4.00 Shoe.
(57:07):
For more of their music, see $4.00 shoe.com.
That's the number for the word dollar and the word shoe all
crammed together into one word, all lowercase.
The Penny Dreadful Variety Hour is a creation of pulp lit
productions. For more details, see
pulp-lit.com. To get in touch with me, hit me
up at finn@pulp-lit.com. Thanks again for joining me,
(57:28):
Pippins. It's time for us to Moor us off
like we just drew the King's ownwiper for the Penny Dreadful
Variety Hour. I'm Finn, JD, John signing off
and now fair forth and fill up the rest of the week with Tip
top stuff. Bye now.
A tip top evening to all you owlers out and outers and nights
of the brush and the moon. I'm your host, Finn JD John,
welcoming you back to the chafing crib.
It's Sunday night, that means it's time once again for the
Penny Dreadful Variety hour. So unload your stumps, yam a bit
of grub, ship the dropper to a daffy and prick up your lugs
(00:32):
because another rare noggin of prattery in the form of the
Penny Dreadful Variety Hour is upon us.
Like Lady Edith Vandalur on a life changing bad idea, The
Penny Dreadful Variety Hour is the show that carries you back
to the sooty, foggy streets of early Victorian London when the
latest patch of one of the storypapers hits the streets.
But the fancy ones that cost a whole shilling and bring you the
(00:56):
works of Baz or Charles Dickens,But the cheap scrappy ones that
cost a penny. And then the pigeons and the
rattling gloaks call Penny Bloods or Penny Dreadfuls.
That's right, the good stuff that, like a Tumblr full of
straight kill Devil, may be a little rough, but does the
Here's what we've got in store for tonight.
First up, it's chapter 15 of TheBlack Band or The Companions of
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Midnight by Mary Elizabeth Bradden, which first started
publication in 1861. In tonight's chapter we open on
the load of Itzini, the star of the ballet, relaxing at her
Arlington Street house, being sad because Lord Lionel,
Brothers Bane didn't come to theopera that night.
She has clearly developed a bad case for him, which is really
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unfortunate for her. Then Lord Lionel races up to her
house in a cabriolet. He has a rather indecent
proposal for her. He says come run away with me to
some foreign land and we will pose as husband and wife.
Will she say? Yes to this scandalous proposal,
but soft. Whose step is that outside the
chamber door? Is that Colonel Mephistopheles?
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What will he? Think of this plan.
Will he be willing to allow his wealthy vassal to do such a
thing? We'll see.
Next up comes Chapter 4 of Rose Mortimer, or the Ballet Girl's
Revenge, by an anonymous author,which first started publication
in 1866. In it, we see Count Lerno in his
drawing room preparing for a fancy party.
(02:26):
He's preparing for it by steaming open packs of playing
cards and marking their backs. Clearly he's a blackleg.
And then we cut to the party. We meet a man named Captain
Roper, who seems to be working with Count Lerno, and a baronet
named Sir Harold King, who just inherited a fortune, and he
looks to be the mark. But he's not as dumb as he
(02:47):
seems, and he's looking hard at Captain Roper.
Does he suspect him? Will he catch?
On to the swindle. What?
Will happen. If he does, we shall soon find
out. But first, a word from our
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Offer especially not available to Coffee Zilla.
If an election lasts more than four years, discontinue use.
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By listening to this disclaimer,you agree to settle any disputes
between us via binding arbitration on Judge Judy Show.
A special thanks to Baron Ruggum's Cryptocurrency Rentals
for sponsoring today's episode. And now back to our show.
Before we get into our first dreadful, let's have an
appetizer from the terrific Register, that truly dreadful
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publication that may actually have been the world's first true
crime magazine, although liberally spiced with ghost
stories and other high drama tales, and not probably very
much true so much as just crime.This nugget was first published
in the early 1820s. Apparition of Marshall Sacsay, a
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man of the name of Schrepfer, who originally resided at
Leipzig, of which city he was a native, where he kept a coffee
house, pretended to study magic,and to have acquired many
secrets connected with imaginaryscience.
He boldly asserted that he had intercourse with and control
over spirits, whom he could summon, command, and cause to
disappear, if not all together at his pleasure, yet by the
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force of his invocations. Pretensions so extraordinary,
sustained by some exhibitions which impressed the spectators
with astonishment, soon secured him no little reputation.
Schrepfer, about this time, while he still resided at
Leipzig, had offended Prince Charles of Saxony, who ordered
an officer belonging to his household to repair to Leipzig,
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and there to give Schrepfer, in his name, personal chastisement.
But while the gentleman inflicted it, Schrepfer threw
himself on his knees, and loudlyinvoked his invisible allies to
come to his assistance. And the officer was so much
alarmed at the invocation and its possible consequences, as to
quit the chamber with precipitation.
A circumstance so degrading to Schrepfer induced him to leave
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Leipzig. After an absence of some time,
he appeared at Dresden, where his pretenses to skillet magic
attracting many followers, his reputation speedily reached
Prince Charles, and induced thatPrince to make every exertion
for obliterating the recollection of the indignity
lately offered him. He did not hesitate to go in
person to the inn where Schrepfer lodged, solicited his
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pardon, and offered every amends.
Shrep for having accepted the apologies.
The Prince then requested to seesome proofs of his supernatural
art. It is said that he exhibited
many. But the most difficult operation
of magic in all ages has been toraise departed spirits from the
tomb. A prodigy, which Shrep for made
no secret of his ability to perform, Prince Charles
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earnestly besought it obtained at length a reluctant promise to
present before his eyes and apparition.
It only remained, therefore, to fix the Spirit.
To be summoned. After long consideration, the
Chevalier de Sacsay was named, and Schrepfer undertook to
produce his ghost before a select company.
The place selected for this experiment was Prince Charles
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Palace in Dresden, and the strictest secrecy was observed
previous to the affair. The Chevalier de Sacsay died
only a few years ago at his place, which his nephew, Prince
Charles, who was his principal heir, occupied after his
decease. As he left no issue, he was
supposed to have amassed great sums.
Reports had circulated that money was concealed in the
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palace, and if his spirit could be compelled to appear, that
interesting secret might be extorted from him.
This motive prompted Prince Charles to name his uncle as the
object of the experiment. On the appointed night the
company assembled. There were 19 in number, persons
of consideration, character, andrespectability.
The first object of all present was to secure the windows and
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doors. They did so, and were satisfied
that nothing except violence could procure access or
entrance. Shrepfer then acquainted them
that the ACT he was about to perform would demand all of
their firmness, and advise them to fortify their nerves by
partaking of a bowl of punch which was placed upon the table.
Several of them readily followedit, but one gentleman declined
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the advice. I am come here, said he to
Shrepfer, to be present at raising an apparition.
Either I will see all or nothing.
My resolution is taken, and no inducement can make me put
anything within my lips. Another of the company placed
himself close to the principal door, in order to watch if
anyone attempted to open or force it.
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These preparatory steps being taken, the great work began with
the utmost solemnity. Shrepfer commenced it by
retiring into a corner of the gallery who are kneeling down,
and with many mysterious ceremonies he invoked the
spirits to come to his aid. A very considerable time elapsed
before they obeyed, during whichinterval he labored, apparently
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under the great agitation of body and mind, being covered
with a violent sweat, and almostin convulsions.
At length a loud clatter was heard at all the windows on the
outside, which was soon followedby another, resembling the
effect produced by a number of wet fingers drawn over the edges
of glasses, than anything else to which it could be compared.
The sound announced, as he said,the arrival of his good or
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protecting spirits, and seemed to encourage him to proceed.
A short time afterward a yellingwas heard of a frightful and
unusual nature, which came, he declared, from the malignant
spirits, whose presence was necessary and indispensable to
the completion of the catastrophe.
The company were now petrified with horror, and Shrek for
continuing his invocations. The door suddenly opened with
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violence and something that resembled a.
Black ball or globe rolled? Into the middle of the room it
was invested with smoke or cloud, and in the midst of which
appeared to be a human face likethe countenance of the Chevalier
de Sacsay. From this form issued a loud and
angry voice, which exclaimed in German.
Carl Vos Volta Dumit may Why dost thou disturb me?
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Language, as may be disposed, can ill describe the
consternation produced among thespectators at such a site.
The Prince whose impious curiosity had summoned his
uncles ghost, and to whom the specter principally addressed
itself, far from manifesting coolness or attempting reply,
betrayed the strongest marks of horror and contrition.
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Throwing himself on his knees, he called on God for mercy,
while others of the terrified party earnestly besought the
magician to give the only remaining proof of his art, for
which they were now anxious, by dismissing the apparition.
But near an hour elapsed before,by the force of his invocations,
the spectre could be compelled to disappear.
Nay, when at length Shrepfer hadsucceeded in dismissing it, the
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moment that the company began toresume a degree of serenity, the
door which had been closed burstopen again, and the same hedges
form presented itself anew to their eyes.
The most resolute and collected among them were not proof to its
second appearance, and a scene of universal terror ensued.
Shrepfer, however, by reiteratedexorcisms or exertions, finally
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dismissed the apparition. The terrified spectators soon
dispersed, overcome with amazement, and fully satisfied
of Shrepfer's supernatural powers.
Shrepfer did not long enjoy his celebrity, and his death is not
the least extraordinary part of his history.
These gentlemen, whom he had in some measure initiated in his
mysteries, for he professed to instruct in the science of
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magic, were promised by him an exhibition more wonderful than
any at which they had yet assisted.
For this purpose they attended him into the wood of Rosenthal,
which is at some distance from the gates of Leipzig.
It was in summer before the sun rose between 3:00 and 4:00 in
the morning. When they came to a certain part
of the Grove, he desired them tostay a little while.
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He went to one side to make the requisite invocations.
After waiting a few minutes, they heard the report of a
pistol running to the spot. They found that he had shot
himself, and was already withoutsense.
He soon expired. And now it is time for Chapter
15 of The Black Band. Tonight's first Flash Academy
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vocabulary word is dub the Jigger.
Be sure and dub the jigger when you go out.
Some of my neighbors thereaboutsare on the cross.
Give it a guess. After the story, we'll find out
if you were right. Now.
Last week in Chapter 14 of the Black Band, we saw Lord Lionel
Brothers Bane coming on to Low Load of Itzini.
Clearly he'd marked her out as his rebound girl.
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Then we cut to Lady Edith Mertonin her boudoir at her rich
husband's Park Lane house. She's sitting there feeling
sorry for herself when who should show up but Colonel
Mephistopheles? He said he was there on Lord
Lionel's behalf. And then, as if casually
changing the subject to a whollyunrelated topic, he asked her if
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Robert had gotten around to making a will, leaving all his
money to her. She said he had.
She asked her if she would take one audacious step to become
Marchioness of Willoughby, and she said she would.
And then he told her she must dissolve this odious marriage
and the only divorce from which he said is death.
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We'll talk. More at the ball tonight, he
added. At the ball he once more
obtained her word that she was willing to do and dare much to
get out of her marriage and backtogether with Lord Lionel
Brothers Bane. Then he gave her a small, fancy
bottle of liquid that he assuredher was a deadly poison of
Oriental origin, a drop of whichwould induce untraceable heart
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failure. Take it, Madam, it is a pretty
trinket for a ladies toilette, he added, thereby demonstrating
his bad taste in items for ladies toilettes.
Think she'll do it? Well, we'll be finding out.
Not just yet, though. Not today, because we're going
to change scenes and follow LordLionel brothers Bane himself a
little bit more first. So hey, let's get to that.
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Chapter 15. The Spaniards.
Love. A little before midnight upon
that evening, on which Lady Edith Merton and Colonel
Bertrand had held the secret conversation above described,
the load of Itzini returned fromthe Opera to her house in
Arlington Street. She looked pale and jaded, and
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as she entered the exquisite little drawing room, followed by
her maid, who was loaded with the bouquets that had been
thrown at her mistress at the close of the ballet, she glanced
eagerly at the vase of pari and marble and gold, in which lay a
heap of cards and notes of invitation.
Had there no other letters than these, Joseph?
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She asked of her footman, who was busy lighting the wax
candles upon the mantelpiece andpiano.
No, Madam, none but those. She sighed impatiently and,
throwing herself into an easy chair, took off her sable lined
mantle and gave it to her maid. You may go, Joseph, she said.
And you too, Jeanette. The man obeyed immediately, but
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the girl lingered for a few moments, looking anxiously at
her mistress. You'll not, Madame, take any
refreshment? None, Jeanette, leave me.
The girl quitted the room slowlyand reluctantly, and the lovely
Spaniard took a gorgeously boundvolume from the table near her
and tried to read, but it was invain.
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The book dropped from her hand, and she sank into gloomy
thought. How cruel he is, she murmured.
He was not at the opera tonight.How sadly I missed him from his
accustomed seat. What were to me the plaudits of
the heartless crowd, their smiles, their bouquets, their
cries of admiration. He was not there, and the vast
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theatre was empty to me. And then, on my return, to find
no letter, no message. Oh, it is too bitter.
Her head sank on the damas cushions and she sobbed aloud in
her simple robes of pure white with her heavy plates of Raven
hair twisted about her head so as to form a regal diadem worthy
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of that queen like brow. She looked even more beautiful
than when bounding onto the brilliantly lighted stage in her
most dazzling and fairy like costume.
Presently she raised her head from the cushions and, dashing
the tears from her almond shapedeyes, cried impatiently.
Oh, where? Where is my pride?
Where is the spirit of that haughty Spanish race whose
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purple blood runs swiftly in these veins?
Is this love? Does Lolotovitzini bow down at
last to that cruel passion whichcrushes the proud and the
haughty into the very dust? Is it I who suffered thus?
And it may be for one who does not give me love for love, truth
for truth, heartthrob for heartthrob.
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Then, after a long pause, she murmured.
A week ago I felt as sure of hislove as the light in the skies,
the sun at noontide. But for this last few days a
change has come over him. He has been cold and reserved.
When I have spoken, his thoughtshave wandered and he has replied
with I'll concealed embarrassment.
Can it be that he loves another?No, no, that cannot be.
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Evan Grant that that may never be.
It would make me a. Murderous.
A shudder convulsed her superblymoulded frame as she uttered
these last words with her teeth clenched and a somber flame
burning in her great black eyes.At this moment a cabriolet
dashed into the quiet St. and aninstant after a double knock
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resounded upon the door below. It is he, It is he, cried
Lolita. I thought he would come at last.
She looked anxiously into the glass at her disordered hair,
and smoothing it hastily, snatched a wax like scarlet
camellia from a vase of hothouseflowers, and placed it amidst
the massive and velvet like plates that encircled her head.
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I would not have him seize it. I have been weeping, she
murmured. The door opened.
And the Marquess of Willoughby entered the room.
He wore the evening costume which he had assumed for the
ball at Lady Edith's. He looked pale and care worn,
and dark circles surrounded his hollow eyes.
Forgive the lateness of the hour, dearest Lolota He.
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Said as the impetuous Spanish girl bounded forward to meet
him. I should have been here long of
this. I should have been in the box at
the Opera, but I was forced to attend a ball in Park Lane.
Will you forgive me? Forgive mew, she exclaimed.
Do I not see you, clasp you by the hand, hear the low tones of
your dear voice? And is that not enough for me?
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Come, she added, leading him to a chair.
Tell me all that has passed since we met a Lionel.
It says only three days, and yetwhat an age it seems to me and
to you. Does it seem long to you,
Truant? Yes, Lolota, yes.
He said with considerable embarrassment.
But tell me, whose was this tiresome ball which kept you
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away from your Lolota? It was given by Mr. Robert
Merton, the millionaire. Said the young man, a Crimson
flushover spreading his face. Mr. Merton, I remember, I have
seen him at the opera with his handsome wife, the daughter of
the Earl of Horton. Lord Willoughby did not answer,
but, resting his head upon his hand, averted his face from the
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Spanish girl. Some moments she watched him
intently in profound silence. Then, entwining one of her
rounded arms around his neck, she said with tender gentleness.
Lionel, Lionel, what is this? I see that you are unhappy.
He dropped his hands from his face and turning round, looked
full at the loving girl. Lulota, he cried.
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Lulota, I am indeed the most miserable of men.
Lionel. Dearest Lionel.
Yes. He repeated in accents of
unmingled despair. The most miserable Lolota.
Heaven knows I have tried to love you truly.
Try to love me, she. Exclaimed, lifting her proud
head from its drooping attitude.Yes, Lolota, forgive me, Forgive
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me if you ever can. When first I saw you, I was
suffering from a terrible blow which had been struck at my
peace by the treachery of a woman I adored, a woman who in
my presence publicly gave the hand which should have been mine
to another man, a man whom she despised.
On that day of anguish and madness I swore to forget her,
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and Heaven knows that I have endeavoured to do so.
I saw you, Lolota, and dazzled by your beauty and your grace,
your genius, the witchery of your manner, the sweet magnetism
of your melodious voice. I said to myself, purely blessed
by the love of such a being, thewoman who betrayed me can be
forgotten. We became acquaintances,
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friends, and though by the tie that binds you, we could not be
more than friends, friendship melted into love.
And I did love you, Lolota. I thought you did.
Alas, alas, how truly I believedyou did.
She murmured in a voice broken by her passionate sobs.
Lolotta Vitzini 3 days ago I metthe woman who has been and who
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is yet the evil genius of my life.
In a breath all the old madness returned.
Once more I was her abject slave, scarcely holding my own
soul save at her behest. Lolotta, you alone can save me
from this fiend in Angel form. Save you, she said, with
passionate vehemence. How, Lionel?
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How? Fly with me to some far distant
land, Amidst the fountains of Granada, by the flowers of the
quad Al Quiver amid the orange Groves of Seville, the dark
shades of Alumbrosa. Fly with me, Lalotta.
Forget the tie which binds you to a villain, and be mine
forever in your presence. I can forget my evil genius.
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I am wealthy beyond calculation.I will anticipate every wish of
your true heart, every dream, every fancy.
We will form for ourselves a paradise on earth, and you,
Lolota, shall be its queen. Say that you will come, he
cried. Sinking on his knees at her
feet. Lionel, Lionel, she murmured.
For. Pity's sake do not tempt me.
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Lolota, lolota, will you refuse to save me?
She did not answer, but the tears fell from her lovely eyes
upon the uplifted face of the young man.
Lolota, can you refuse? I cannot, Lionel, she cried
passionately. Beloved, I would save you at the
cost of my life. My own mamota.
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He rose from his knees and was about to clasper to his breast,
when the door was softly opened and Colonel Oscar Bertrand
walked into the room. So he exclaimed with a laugh
that had the mocking bitterness of some triumphant fiend in its
very note. So my.
Lord, you were summoned this evening to attend a meeting at
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the central office of the company to which you belong, but
you were better engaged. I guessed where you would be
found, and came myself to seek you, Sir, cried the Spaniard
haughtily. This is my house, and I do not
know by what right you entered it, or why my servants were so
imprudent as to admit you. Your servants, Madam, exclaimed
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the Colonel. Oscar Bertrand does not wait to
ask admission from servants. When I am interested in the
inhabitants of a house, I take care to provide myself with the
means of access to its innermostchambers.
He held up a tiny key of glittering steel as he spoke,
and Lolota saw that it was attached to a bunch of other
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keys of the same kind. Who are you?
Demanded Lolo to angrily. Ask that question of the
Marquess, Madam. Answered Colonel Bertrand.
Oscar Bertrand said. Lord Willoughby, boy, what right
do you intrude upon this lady? By the right which I hold over
you, replied the Colonel. In every place and at every time
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you would fly to a foreign climb, would you?
Do you forget that you are mine,body and soul?
That is, so long as I please to command you, you must do my
bidding. Demon.
Exclaimed the young nobleman, ghastly pale and trembling with
passion. I cannot spare you yet, my dear.
Lionel, said the Colonel, layinghis hand lightly upon the
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shoulder of the Marquess. Lionel cried.
Lolota what does this? Mean, ask me not my beloved, he
answered. I have told you that I am the
most miserable of men. Come, my Lord, said Colonel
Bertrand, pointing to the door. Lionel clasped Lulota in his
arms, pressed his lips once to her pale forehead, and then,
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snatching up his hat, rushed outof the house, followed by the
Austrian, who turned on the threshold of the door to say to
Madame Vizzini with his mocking smile.
I am sorry, Madam, to rob you ofyour midnight visitor.
Well, I have to say I'm a littledisappointed in Lulota Vizzini.
(25:33):
For her to have fallen so completely for a man as
fundamentally contemptible as Lionel Brothers Bane, Not a good
look. And I do hope, speaking now,
particularly to my lady listeners, that if a man came to
you and went. I'm in love with another woman,
but I feel like if you and me went far away and pretended we
were married White, you could help me.
(25:54):
You could help me, Rhonda. You get her out of my heart.
That you would give him a good slap and tell him to get lost.
Come to think of it, speaking now to my gentleman listeners,
the same applies to you guys. Except for the slapping part, of
course. And then along comes
Mephistopheles, who certainly does seem to have some
remarkable skills. You know, when I read this, I
(26:16):
thought my theory that Laloda Vitzini's missing Italian
husband was none other than Colonel Bertrand was dashed.
Surely she would recognize him, right?
But I forgot the Colonel habitually wore a disguise and
his real hair is black. And if his?
Domestic habits with Lolota, if indeed he was married to her,
were similar to those with EllenClavering.
(26:37):
I'm going to continue calling her Ellen Clavering because I
believe her marriage to be void.Lolota wouldn't have much chance
to memorize his face and voice and such like that.
So, you know, maybe he is in thenext chapter.
It's the next day. And millionaire Robert Merton is
very excited. He finally gets to have a quiet
dinner alone with his wife, the lovely Lady Edith.
(26:59):
Sheila was very pale and seems real nervous.
It looks like she's really goingto use that little file of
poison that Colonel Bertrand gave her at the ball the night
before. Will she come to her senses in
time to avoid a horrible mistake?
Will Robert Merton die if she does not?
Will she get away with it if he does?
We shall see. Finally, though, let's get
(27:20):
Professor Flash's official definition for our first
vocabulary word, which was dub the jigger.
Like Joe Run dub the jigger Whenyou go out.
Some of the Ibis hereabouts are on the cross.
It means to lock the door. A jigger is a cross or latch.
Generally, by the way, on the cross means criminal.
It's the opposite of On the Square.
(27:42):
Before we move on to our next dreadful, let's pause to
appreciate one of the bits of poetical fervor that we've been
handed down from the early Victorian era via one of the
great old informal evening songbooks.
This song lyric comes from The True History of Tom and Jerry,
or the Day and night Scenes of Life in London from the Start to
(28:05):
the Finish by Charles Hindley. Published for the first time
sometime between 1865 and 1870, this particular excerpt starts
on page 112. It's got a little bit of
introduction, which reads as follows.
In the year 1817, Mr. AfterwardsSir William Cubit, of Ipswich,
erected A treadmill at Brixton jail, and soon afterward in
(28:29):
other large prisons, as a species of preventive
punishment, which excited much attention and terror to evil
doers, and proved eminently useful in decreasing the number
of commitments. The strict discipline had a most
salutary effect upon the prisoners, not easily to be
forgotten, yet the inventor's name gave rise to many jokes.
On the subject. Among such of the prisoners, who
(28:50):
could laugh at their own crimes,who said that they were now
being punished by the cubit in nearly all the new and favorite
comic songs of the day, Illusionwas made to the treadmill of
Brixton as the Everlasting Stairs, the Stepping Mill, the
new Dancing Academy, etcetera. A street ballad on the subject
was issued from the Cat Knack Press, and had a most
(29:10):
unprecedented sale, keeping the pressman and boys busy working
for weeks. The following punning ditty was
very popular at the period. The treadmill.
This Brixton Mills a fearful ill, and he who brought the bill
in is threatening by the cribbing coves that he shall
have a milling. They say he showed a simple Pate
to think of felons mending as every step, which here they take
(29:34):
their still in crime ascending and when released and in the
streets their former snares they're spreading.
They swear tis Parliament which wills they must their old ways
tread in. The radicals begin to think to a
touch the Constitution, for as the wheel moves round and round
it brings a revolution. But though these snarlers show
their teeth and try to vex the nation, their actions sooner
(29:56):
tried and judged, and grinding is their station.
The gambling swells who near Saint James have played their
double dealings say tis not fairthat Bow Street should thus work
upon their feelings. Tom Jerry logic three prime
springs find here they cannot come it, for though their fancy
sores aloft, they near will reach the summit.
(30:16):
Corinthian Kate and Boujon Sue must change their warm
direction, For if they make one false step more they'll have
cold bath. Correction.
The moonstruck youths who haunt the stage and spend their
masters siller must here play toanother tune.
Tis called the dusty Miller, Youbits of blood, the watchmen's
dread, who love to floor a Charlie As you delight to strip
(30:38):
and fight, Come forth and mill the barley.
John Barley corns a stout old blade, As every man puts trust
in, And you will make no meal ofhim, But he'll give you a dust
in. But here we'll stay for puns
they say are bad as stealing purses, And I to Brixton may be
sent to grind some flowery verses.
(31:01):
Finally it's time for our next dreadful of the evening, Rose
Mortimer, or the Ballet Girl's Revenge for this story.
Good old Professor Flash is going to furnish us with the
definitions of all the Flash Can't words in the intro, which
you will probably remember. I wished a tip top evening to
all owlers out and outers and nights of the brush and moon by
(31:23):
inviting you to unload your stumps and yam a bit of grub,
ship a dropper to a daffy and prick up your lungs.
I mentioned that the pigeons andthe rattling gloaks call our
stories penny bloods or penny Dreadfuls and that remarks that
they do the job as well as a Tumblr full of straight kill.
Devil you know most if not all of these, but just in case, I'll
(31:43):
unpack the lot at the end of thestory.
Speaking of the story, last timein chapter 3 of Rose Mortimer,
Rose went back to the theater totry a game to talk her way into
a showbiz job, and just as she was being repulsed, Jack
Halliday appeared and squired her to the manager's door.
Past the screeners. She was conveyed into the
manager's presence. The manager was there with
(32:06):
another man in the room. He told her to get lost, but
just then the other man turned around and it was Count Lerno.
Count Lerno, of course, urged the manager to take Rose on, and
the manager complied. Back home, Rose saw Abel Booth
leaving her apartment. Entering, she asked her father,
Hugh Mortimer, what Abel was doing, and Hugh realized Abel
(32:26):
had been spying on him. Hugh clearly knew some kind of
showdown was coming, and he blamed Rose for it.
It is your namby namby modesty that his breath is evil down on
me. Apparently she was supposed to
have allowed Abel Booth to ravish her on the previous day,
and he's now angry because she did not.
Now looking out the window, she saw Abel Booth and two other men
(32:48):
on the sidewalk looking up at them.
Hugh knew this meant the hour had come, so he ordered Rose up
into her room and locked her in and got an old fashioned pistol
out of the hidden cubby in the floor.
Rose shivered. Upstairs.
She smelled smoke and feared thehouse was on fire, but it went
away and she realized it was just Hugh burning some evidence.
And a good thing too, because she was locked in her room and
(33:09):
could not get out. She was imprisoned.
Then someone started pounding onthe downstairs door and being
unanswered. They forced it open and came in.
There was a pistol shot, a shriek of pain and terror,
scuffling and fighting, and thensilence.
Rose used a fire iron to pry up some of the flooring to peep
through into the room below, butlost her balance and fell
(33:29):
through, landing in a heap in the room below.
The room was covered in blood and great pools.
And then she heard someone chuckle.
It was Abel Booth. He was in her room upstairs,
having let himself in, apparently with a key, obviously
hoping to find her there alone and defenseless.
As he dropped down into the room, she ran for the door and
(33:50):
out of the house, and ran, she knew not with her till she
dropped, fainting from exhaustion against a doorpost
someplace. Has she fallen into the hands of
friends or foes? Will she live to report for her
first day of work? We'll soon learn right after
this short. Break.
(34:26):
Welcome back to the Penny Dreadful Variety hour.
Now where were we? Ah yes, queuing up Chapter 4 of
Rose Mortimer. Here it comes, Chapter 4.
Glittering Vice. The Swindler at home, Preparing
(34:47):
for Conquest. The Blackleg.
The Duel. The.
Cowards act, Retribution, Horse whipped discovery disgrace the
profligates thou. Count Lerno had been a resident
in England for more than two years when he first appeared in
the fashionable world. No one knew whence he came, nor,
(35:11):
in fact, anything respecting him.
He appeared suddenly, and shone brilliantly like a comet, and
speedily obtained admission to the best society.
He was handsome and well bred, besides which he had at his
command an apparently inexhaustible supply of money,
but a dark mystery hungover his earlier years.
(35:33):
He had travelled a great deal, and was supposed to be a
foreigner by birth, though what land owned him none but himself
knew, and on this subject he wasever silent.
Now and then he gave charming little bachelor parties at his
chambers in Piccadilly, and invitations to them were eagerly
sought by those who admired the man who had the best wine and
(35:54):
rode the best horses in London. There were not wanting those who
declared that the Count made a good profit out of those little
parties, and that after a night at cards he invariably rose a
winner to a large amount. Be that as it may, he had many
friends and those of unquestionable character who
were prepared on every occasion to defend him against the
(36:16):
attacks of enemies. It was nearly 10:00, one cold,
wet, foggy December evening, when the Count sat alone in his
luxuriously furnished apartments.
He was in evening dress. In the front of his embroidered
shirt he wore diamond studs, which must alone have cost a
small fortune. His face was handsome as ever,
(36:37):
and bore not a trace of care or anxiety.
Yet he must have desired much not to be intruded upon, for
before he had taken his seat he had carefully locked the door,
and even taken the trouble to hang a cloth over the locks, so
that no spying eye at the keyhole could note his
movements. A silver urn, from which the
(36:58):
steam spurted and hissed, stood near to where he sat, and
beneath it a spirit lamp burned.To keep the water constantly
boiling over the steam he held an unopened pack of cards till
the gum which held the covering gave way, and the pack lay open
before him. Carefully he selected certain
cards, and with a small needle made some microscopic scratches
(37:21):
on the back of those he had chosen.
This done, he returned the cardsto their proper covering and
refastened it so that no one, even with the closest
observation, could tell that it had been opened.
Having served several packs in asimilar way, he put them
carefully aside, unlocked the door, and by a bell summoned his
(37:42):
servant into the room. Francois.
Said he in French, which language he spoke to perfection.
Francois, clear away those things and let me know directly
any of my guests arrive. The Valley bowed and silently
set to work. The Count was drawing into an
inner chamber. The reception room was a
(38:03):
beautifully furnished and admirably well arranged
apartment. Everything was in perfect taste.
In each of the small recesses stood a lovely white marble
statuette, relieved by dark Crimson curtain, and each
statuette was lighted by a smallglobe shaped lamp suspended
before it. A few choice paintings hung
(38:24):
around the room, while one end was devoted entirely to a
collection of arms arranged in fanciful devices against the
wall. There were swords and pistols of
every age and every nation. There were Indian bows and
arrows. There were formidable Tomahawks,
and down low, within easy reach,a brace of handsome revolvers,
the stalks curiously inlaid withsilver, and the barrels
(38:47):
beautifully wrought. When the Count returned from the
inner room, he found the first of his guests intently regarding
his small armoury. He was a short, thick set man,
and rejoiced in the name of Captain Roper.
He was well known on the turf, though not particularly
favorably. Indeed, there had been a strong
(39:08):
suspicion of foul play respecting a horse of his which
had not won a race. But nothing could be proved and
he was a well known fire eater, so he was still welcomed in such
society as he had previously admission to.
Well captain. Said the Count gaily.
Glad to see you here again. What's the latest news from
(39:28):
Melton? The Captain grasped as hosts
outstretched hand warmly. I've been studying your
collection of arms. You have some curious ones here.
Mere trifles. My hobby lies rather that way.
These revolvers are handsome weapons.
Ah yes, they are the only arms Ikeep for use.
(39:49):
The others are only for show, but they.
Well. 01 never knows what may happen.
I always keep them loaded and ready for any emergency.
That's a strange fancy I should think you.
It's a held King, said Francois,throwing open the door and
announcing another guest. The count stepped forward and
(40:10):
welcomed him, and his conversation with Captain Roper
seized. Sir Harold King was a young,
cheery, lighthearted baronet whohad just succeeded to the title
and the largest state, which latter he was doing his best to
squander in dissipation. The remainder of the guests came
in quick succession. They were mostly men of sporting
(40:30):
propensities. Piroton, the owner of the Derby
favorite, the Marquess of Brighton, Admiral Grouse, and
other turf celebrities were soonassembled, and in and out
amongst them went the Count, with congratulations for one and
compliments for another, and a cordial greeting for all.
Choice. Wines were brought up and placed
upon a side table, cigars were lighted, and two whist tables
(40:54):
were speedily formed. Two or three rubbers were played
quietly enough, the count and his partner losing considerably,
But at the end of that time the guests cried aloud for something
more exciting, and Rouge, a noir, was proposed and agreed to
unanimously. The count threw aside the cards
with which they had been playingwhist, and sport commenced in
(41:14):
earnest. Gold stood in heaps upon the
table. The wine circulated freely.
Banknotes changed hands with marvelous rapidity.
Captain Roper and Sir Harold King were the chief losers.
Luck seemed to be dead against them.
Every stake they made was a loss.
I tell you what, Sir Harold. Said the captain.
(41:34):
My purse can't stand this any longer.
Suppose you and I withdraw and have a little quiet game of a
carte at the other table. By all means.
I'm so deuced unfortunate tonight.
It's no good backing. I'll luck.
Almost without notice from the others, they were suffered to
leave the larger table and take their seats at a smaller one.
(41:55):
There was no dearth of cards, and these two men were soon
immersed in their game. Yet, although the avowed object
in leaving the other table was to avoid high play, the stakes
for which they played were considerable.
The gold at Captain Roper's sidewas steadily increasing.
He won every game. All the good cards were in his
hand at every deal. In spite of his opponent's
(42:17):
entreaties, Sir Harold ceased todrink, and bent his energies to
the cards. Yet as he played, his eyes were
ever fixed upon the captain's hands.
Did he suspect foul play? There was an ominous contraction
of his brow now and then, when his opponent with a smile laid
down the winning card. But yet he said nothing.
He spoke not a word. He watched.
(42:40):
The Captain's luck was so extraordinary as to be almost
incomprehensible, and yet he associated with good and
honorable men. It was hard to suspect him of
unfair play. Meanwhile, at the other table,
the play was high and exciting. The majority of those who were
gathered rounded were seasoned players who could bear their
losses with calmness and receivetheir winnings with apparent
(43:01):
unconcern, and the count, as well seen usual with him, was a
large winner. Still, everything was too all
outward appearance, so fair and above board with him, his
conversation so pleasant and amusing, and his manner so well
bred, that no one questioned thefairness of his play.
He has the devil's own luck. That was the general opinion
(43:21):
openly expressed. The count showed his white teeth
beneath his jetty mustache and appeared to consider it as a
compliment. He played.
On and one. While the more eager of the
gamblers were waiting with outward calmness, but with
inward anxiety, to see the fate of a larger stake than usual, a
cry arose from the side table. Damn you, Sir.
(43:44):
Leave. Go.
How dare you seize my hand? The words were spoken in a
fierce, angry tone, and the speaker was Captain Roper.
So loud and ferocious was the tone that everyone turned on the
instant the pile of gold on the Rouge Noir table was left, and
the players all flocked to the farther side of the room.
A small table was overturned on the floor.
(44:07):
Cards, sovereigns, and broken champagne glasses lay scattered
about. Captain Roper was held firmly in
his chair by Sir Harold King, his face Crimson with passion.
The baronet's grip was on his collar, while his other hand
clutched tightly the wrist of his opponent.
What is the meaning of this Sir Harold?
Asked the count, his clear ringing voice sounding above the
(44:27):
tumult. The.
Meaning is this count we have amongst us A.
Swindler and a. Rogue Sir Harold spoke with
perfect calmness, and showed no unwanted excitement, was plain
to all that he was acting from conviction.
The captain, as he heard these words, struggled vainly to free
himself from his opponent's grasp.
(44:48):
It is a grave charge you bring, Sir, Harold said The count, and
one which you must prove or takethe consequences.
Listen to me, gentlemen. Said Sir Harold.
Oh, you've been playing a carte with this man?
I suspected him and watched. At last.
I caught him in the act of concealing a card in the hand
which I now grasp. If in that hand you do not find
(45:09):
a card hidden, I can only say I regret my violence.
Regret your violence. Do you think that will suffice?
I will have full revenge for this insult.
Unhand me and I will convince you of my innocence.
Watch, gentlemen, for a proof ofhis.
Roguery. As he spoke, the young baronet
loosed his hold. The captain turned an empty palm
(45:33):
to them all. There was no card concealed.
Sir Harold King staggered back, aghast.
He was positive he had not been mistaken, and he could only
attribute the failure of the proof to some jugglery on the
part of his opponent. Sir.
Harold said the count. Gravely, there appears to be no
foundation for your accusation. You must answer for this strange
(45:55):
disturbance. Answer by heaven he shall answer
cried. Captain Roper starting to his
feet. Iron on the spot.
With a hasty hand he snatched a couple of rapiers from the
collection of small arms hangingagainst the wall.
With a curse he threw one of them toward the young baronet,
and almost before Sir Harold hadpicked it up, had made a rapid
(46:16):
pass at him which threatened to put an end to his existence.
In an instant swords were crossed, and in a few seconds
Captain Roper's weapon was struck from his hand by Sir
Harold and went whirling across the room.
The baronet lowered his point. Curse it, that can be no
deception in these, yelled the infuriated, disarmed man.
(46:37):
So saying, he seized one of the revolvers about which he had
been conversing with the count before and before anyone could
guess his intention, aimed and fired at the baronet.
The hammer fell with a faint click.
No report followed. The pistol had missed fire.
With a groan of disgust, all present rushed upon him.
(46:57):
The count was first. He seized him roughly, and in so
doing tore open his Westcott. As he did, a crumpled card fell
to the floor. The.
Card he concealed. Cried Sir Harold King.
So it was. Captain Roper was but a blackleg
in a swindler, and worse than being either of those in the
eyes of the world, he was detected.
(47:19):
He could no longer. Brazen it out.
He turned ashy, pale. His limbs shook beneath him.
Mercy, Mercy. He found breath to gasp.
What has to be done with him? Drop him out the window.
Horse whip him within an inch ofhis life.
Make him eat a pack of cards. Hang him up on the 1st lamppost
and pop at him with the revolver.
(47:40):
These were. Some of the suggestions made by
the count's visitors, Captain Roper said.
The count You stand here a convicted swindler, blackleg and
a rogue. These gentlemen will, I am
assured, agree with me when I say if one of us catches sight
of you on any racecourse in England, he will consider it his
duty to horse whip you off of it.
(48:01):
Now be off. And remember, the detected
swindler, cowed and exposed, cringed before the count when he
heard the light verdict and felthis late host's hold removed
from his collar. He rose and slunk away to the
door like a beaten puppy. Arrived at the door, he turned
and cast a look of hate around. Curse you all, he cried.
(48:23):
I'll be even with you yet if I go to The World's End for it, I
will have my revenge for this night's work.
You, Count Lerno, may recollect what I say one day when your
tricks are brought to light. Scoundrel yelled the count, his
white teeth showing like those of a savage beast.
With one bound he was upon him. With one twist of his muscular
(48:45):
arm he hurled him back into the room and taking a heavy hunting
whip from the wall, administereda very severe beating to the
detected one, who by neither sign nor word showed that he
felt the pain nor the degradation of which he was
forced to submit. Released from the other's hands,
however, he crawled away, scowling evilly at the assembled
company, turning only once to look back with deadly white
(49:08):
face, quivering lips and heavy, bloodshot eyes full of hellish
passion. As he turned, his mouth moved
slightly as though he was breathing curses or muttering
threats against his late antagonists, but no word escaped
him and he passed away from the sight of the assembled company
in a death like silence. For some moments after the
(49:29):
swindlers departure, the Count'sguests stood silent and
motionless, and then there was ageneral movement made in the
direction of the door. Gentlemen, gentlemen, he said
with a forced smile. EE will not leave me thus.
I don't feel inclined for more play tonight, said Sir Harold,
very evidently wishing to avoid meeting his host's eye and
(49:50):
moving away as he spoke. Nor, aye, nor aye, muttered the
remainder of the company. And while we're on the point of
departure, when the Count flung himself between them and the
door. Ere you depart, gentleman, he
said, you will, I trust, give mean assurance of your belief that
I was until now totally ignorantof the character of the man whom
I had for a guest. Yes, yes, said one of the
(50:13):
gentleman nearest to him, thoughin a hesitating tone.
Your hand upon it, Sir. His guest tendered his hand and
the example was followed by the rest.
Then after an awkward silence, all departed, leaving the Count
slowly pacing to and fro in his deserted drawing room.
A fearful sight was it to see his handsome face distorted by
(50:35):
passion as he raised his. Clenched fists and poured forth
a terrible curse upon the head of the luckless swindler.
Captain. This night's work, he muttered,
can never be undone. No, the first brick of the house
has fallen. The secret of my life is no
longer safe. But not yet.
I swear before heaven, not yet, if I have life and strength left
(50:59):
to me, will I shrink from the course I have determined upon?
No, no, a long and glorious career of profligacy and
dissipation is still in store for me.
Lovely women will yet be found whom my gold shell purchase.
Lovely women Ruby wine. What care I for more?
As he spoke he filled and drank a goblet of sparkling champagne,
(51:21):
then laughed a low, noiseless laugh which was peculiar to him,
and in which his cruel eyes tookno part.
Sweet Rose, he muttered, You at least shall not escape me.
No. If ruin and disgrace stared me
in the face, if instant death threatened me, I would not turn
away from the course I have laiddown.
(51:42):
No, Rose, nothing in heaven or earth can save thee.
Thou shalt be mine. Thou shalt be mine.
Well. So much is happening in this
chapter. This really is my favorite
dreadful from our lineup right now.
So melodramatic, so gratuitouslyeventful.
(52:05):
The bad guys are so bad. And the Anyway, we're only on
chapter 4 and already we've had two attempted kidnappings, at
least one murder, a duel with swords, an attempted murder,
counterfeit money, blackleg gamblers, a horse whipping and
shoot. What am I forgetting?
Tell you what, you can't call this great literature, of
course, but you certainly also can't call it boring.
(52:27):
One thing to point out is whoever wrote this story seems
to have a tolerable familiarity with high society gambling
behavior. You'll remember in the Black
Band there was a gambling hill scene, but Mary E Bradden
obviously didn't know much aboutwhat goes on in those or even
what card suits are called King of Trump's.
That was to be expected. Of course, ladies were not
(52:48):
expected to know about gambling and saloon culture, and I rather
think she would have been judgedfor it if she had shown a
familiarity with that sort of stuff.
I'm kind of puzzled by the Captain Roper thing though.
These two, the Captain and the kid, the Count, were obviously
working together, yet the Captain wasn't familiar with
Lerno's wall of weapons, and when he was caught and released
(53:10):
with nothing more than a stern warning, why would he not have
just slunk away rather than lashing out as he did?
Maybe they're not working together, but it you know, it
sure looks that way. Anyway, let's not get too picky.
This chapter was a wonderful ride, ending in the most
villainous mustache twirler in three counties, swearing by all
(53:30):
the devils in hell that he will yet have that bewitching Rose
Mortimer. In the next chapter we'll see
Rose Mortimer as a rising star in the ballet.
Her great triumph is as Goddess of mourning in a Christmas show,
after which Count Lerno approaches her, telling her he
has a message from her father and offering to take her to him.
(53:52):
She hesitates, distrusting him, and then Jack Halliday comes
into view. So the Count seizes her, bundles
her into the carriage, and gallops away with her into the
night. Is he really taking her to her
father or has he something more sinister in mind?
What will happen to her? Will she escape the fate worse
than death at the hands of this cruel villain?
(54:13):
We shall soon hear. Finally, let's unpack our flash
tant lesson. Owlers are smugglers, usually
smugglers of wool. But you know owls are night
birds and smugglers generally are too out and outers are lads
or lassies. This one works for both sexes,
who are good at everything and just generally great.
Stumps are legs, so unload your stumps means have a seat.
(54:37):
Yam. A bit of grub means to eat a bit
of food. Ship a drop or 2A Daffy means
drink a drop or two of gin to ship something as a nautical
slang, as in he's a falling sila.
But when we were in port he always ships enough rum to float
a 74. A 74, by the way, was a 74 Gun
Ship of the Line, the tip top battleship of the Age of Sail.
(54:59):
Pigeons was a reference to Easy Stupid Fellows and rattling
Gloaks mean the exact same thing.
And of course, straight kill devil course, unaged alcohol
fresh from the still. Well that concludes this episode
of the weekly Penny Dreadful Radio Hour.
But never fear, your next dose of crammers and moonshine is
only a few days away. This coming Tuesday night, we'll
(55:21):
have queued up for your enjoyment at Tuesday Tupany
Terrible Mini Sewed. It'll be 1/2 hour show since
Tuesday is a work night. I hope you will join me then
Same spring healed time, same spring healed channel for the
show. Speaking of spring healed stuff,
on the Tupany Terrible Tuesday show, Chapter 15 of Spring
(55:41):
Healed Jack, The Terror of London by Alfred Coates will be
coming your way, along with somemore from the Terrific Register
and some songs in Spring Heeled Jack.
At the small boat, the two roughsailors take Ellen folder from
Jack and invite him to climb theboard after them and join them
in a glass of grog instead. Jack swims back to the barge to
retrieve his cloak. There's no sign of the barge
(56:03):
guard. Jack hopes he has not drowned.
Well then. He is hailed by a trio of river
police. They, of course, are eager to
arrest him. Will they succeed?
There are three of them, and he's been swimming around all
night. All that plus more flash.
Can't words some more. Barely safe for work.
Victorian frolicking songs are coming your way in two nights at
(56:23):
Dick Turpin's scragging hour, 5:37 PM or 1737 military time.
That's coming this Tuesday evening.
A quick announcement. You may already have figured
this out, but I am splitting theshow into two each week.
The main reason for this is if you're following one particular
dreadful, it's not right to makeyou wait three weeks for each
(56:44):
new episode. I've also added some new
elements in to make this a true variety show and not just an
audiobook feed. But do let me know what you
think. Finn.
At pulp-lit.com, our theme musicis a version of Golden Slippers,
A minstrel show song written by James A Bland in 1879.
This version is by Seattle Old Time Band $4.00 Shoe.
(57:07):
For more of their music, see $4.00 shoe.com.
That's the number for the word dollar and the word shoe all
crammed together into one word, all lowercase.
The Penny Dreadful Variety Hour is a creation of pulp lit
productions. For more details, see
pulp-lit.com. To get in touch with me, hit me
up at finn@pulp-lit.com. Thanks again for joining me,
(57:28):
Pippins. It's time for us to Moor us off
like we just drew the King's ownwiper for the Penny Dreadful
Variety Hour. I'm Finn, JD, John signing off
and now fair forth and fill up the rest of the week with Tip
top stuff. Bye now.
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