January 9, 2023 • 48 mins
TRIGGER WARNING: This episode contains material that may be harmful or traumatizing to some audiences.
In 1986, my guest dreamed of becoming a professional dancer. She had everything planned out until she began to dating this one person. In Part 1, she shares some of the red flags she noticed, the reason why she refused to marry him, and details about the day that changed her life forever.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional profession. Hey,
(00:35):
Professional home Girls is the kid of a name from
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enlighten and expand on taboo topics. Now, if you hear
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(01:19):
To support, please visit www dot patreon dot com. Forward
slash the PSG podcast now. Please keep in mind that
all of my guests are Annes, so let's again this
week's episode. I am super excited to have my guests
on the show today She is a motivational speaker and author,
(01:40):
and an advocate for domestic balance awareness. She has been
on numerous TV shows spoke all around the world sharing
her story and it's the epitome of how your storyline
could be someone else's lifeline. To my guests, Happy New Year,
How are you doing, how are you feeling? I'm good, happy,
thank you, thank you. I am good. I feel really grateful.
(02:04):
I'm excited for what the new year has to come,
what has to offer, shot say, and I've been chilling.
This has been a really peaceful new year. Hopefully estates
like that. So as we are only only on day
to child and one of my favorite um, one of
my favorite rappers, passed away yesterday against the Boot. I
(02:25):
know she was such a such an important pinnacle in
my life growing up singing her songs and I was
a child. But so I fired a story on Lifetime
and I was falling asleep and your story broke me up,
and I was like, wait, what's happened? Because the first
year was like smiling. I remember when I was sleeping,
(02:48):
I heard you like smiling, laughing and stuff. And then
when they got to a certain part which we're talking
about later, I was like, wait, what. So when I
woke up, you know, I had to watch it from
the beginning and I was just so speechless. So were
you nervous about share your story on such like big platforms? No,
because I had been signed up for so long. M
(03:08):
It's basically like having something bottled up. And then once
I really started sharing it first and foremost, of course,
I did it because I want to tell others. But
the first thing that happened was it gave me a
different type of feeling mm hmm. And it's a type
(03:29):
of release, like right, tell somebody and I feel like
it's important. But so I wasn't really nervous. Good. Now,
I know your story has helped so many women like
I can only imagine the amount of love and support
you receive on a daily basis. Yes, I had so
(03:51):
appreciative of all of it. So let's start from the beginning.
Before we started started our conversation, I didn't know that
she was from Brooklyn, y'all, So why did your mom
want you to move to Virginia? She's dancing right now, y'all. Um,
So my mother is from Virginia. Okay, So she wasn't
(04:15):
so much that she wanted me to me. It just
happened that way. And I always had like such a
strong love for my grandparents and just wanting to see
a different type of education. So it worked out that
I ended up going to Virginia. But then my plan was,
(04:38):
I gotta get back to New York, right, So I
already knew that, Okay, I only I was only in
Virginia for two years, last two years of high school,
and then it was like, okay, I gotta get back
to New York. And so that was my playing was
I'm leaving. M hmm, Now tell us about your passion
(05:01):
and dreams for dancing. Yes, so it started, Oh my goodness.
I I was in elementary oh wow, elementary school and
always just had a love of dance. Always was that
kid that was in the living room dancing too. But
(05:23):
I always loved all types of dance, and I started
studying ballet and African dance at the community center. M hm, yes, yes, yes, yes,
shout out to such a newie. She was amazing. This
community center was right in the right in the middle
(05:45):
of the two buildings that I lived in, invert building,
working and our community center. It offered so much to
our community. So to be there and take the is
it just drew my passion even more. And when I
came when I moved to Virginia, I ended up like
(06:11):
my audition was just like a breeze because I did
for so long. So I started dancing in high school.
They actually had a dance true. I took dance in
high school. First it's shot mm hmm. So I took
dancing in high school. And then when I got to Virginia,
(06:31):
I took dance and they had a dance true, and
then ended up where they had a company. The dance
teacher at school also had a company outside of school
m and so I joined that. Then I ended up
with auditioned for gifted and talented. And this was just
(06:52):
I e slept and drink dance. So that's that's I
love dance. I still do to this day trying. Let
me talk about dance. You know what's so funny because
I used to be in dance when I was a kid,
Like I used to love dance, Like I learned ballet,
I was learned a little bit of tap. I used
(07:14):
to be in a dance um, a dance group when
I was in school. So like I definitely understand like
it wasn't my passion, but I really did enjoy it. Now,
tell us how did you meet Kevin Dance? Oh? You
man gonna dance? I was performing at this festival that
(07:35):
they had outside. Yeah, and so we performed that day
at the festival, and then as believing the festival while
me as some of my friends who were walking, stop, Okay,
(07:55):
I saw you performing. That's how it's started. M mhm. Now,
I feel like a lot of people always ask you
this question, because you know, I did my research, But
from watching your story, I feel like the only red
flag I noticed was that throughout the story he was
just controlling it was developing. Looking back, did you notice
any other red flags? No? And my story and of course,
(08:22):
after all of my training with domestic Vince teendated violence
and things like that, my situation was totally different, right
because his controlling had not really gotten out if he had,
compared to like some stories and some circumstances, he was
(08:43):
really smooth with it. Um, he was more helpful then
it was controlled, right, and it was like he knew
that he could not control it, but so much so
he can come in as an aggressive controller again just successible,
(09:05):
just so dependable. So what he would do was, do
you need a ride to dance class? Mm hmm. Oh,
I can take the time you have to be mm hmm.
He made sure that he he arrived and then a
time to get me there, so I wouldn't go with
(09:27):
someone else who get a different mode of transportation. He
always was like, do you need to ride home? I
think you're riding mm hmm. And whether he came and
stayed or he came enough time to be there until
the end, that he made sure that he was always
(09:50):
right there, right, so you know, I couldn't be like,
it's five o'clock and he's not here, let me go
ahead and catch round with somebody else. No, he might
get there like four already, you know what. Like he
was always just jotting on the spot, right, And that's
how he needs to to to be able to control
(10:11):
me without control right here, and I have to see
everything's going on. Mm hmmm. I kind of know where
you are, So I didn't go on our places, and
surely I needed to go. I could call him or
I did call him. Head, Oh yeah, I'm on my
(10:31):
life right, I was at I'm on my lane right,
you go to church every Sunday and it wasn't far away,
but it was a good not a good walk. And
so you know, as from New York walking nothing, right,
(10:52):
that's it. I got this maybe walking around the globe
and that's nothing. That's nothing. So that's how I was
in church, you know, in church clothes and everything, you know,
and heels did everything, y'all. Let me get them walked in.
And so he would sometimes he would take you to church,
(11:12):
but a lot of times he would be, oh, do
you need to do you need a ride afterwards? Because
you know when you get out it's a little hotter,
you know, summer and everything, so oh you need a ride,
you know, I'll keep you a ride. And so he
that's just what he would do with So what happened
(11:33):
leading up to I don't want to rush the story,
so you can stop me. But let me just tell
you it was the sun dack mm hmm. Well, actually,
let me tell he was calling the Saturday and him
calling like all day into the nighttime until up until
like eleven clock. That was unusual that I was not.
(11:58):
I wasn't I wasn't excessive. Mm hmmm. No, take my age, right,
now there was no cell phones. There were no cell
phones as amount of fact, there were no pages yet,
but there was no way to get in contact with
people beside the house phone. Right that I wasn't there
(12:24):
was like for him was like red flag pin with
could she be? But did your grandparents? But you know
what I'll be feeling like grandparents they be old, so
they don't really paying attentions to too much things. But
do they Was the age ever a red flag for them? No?
But my grandparents were, Um, they were that type that
(12:46):
they were on it. They weren't that old who didn't
know what I mean? The grand parents like okay, So
with the age, I think that they knew that he
was older, but didn't know how much of a big
cat it was. You know, A lot every a lot
of people had cars over car car, so that was
(13:08):
it wasn't like I was probably like fourteen and for
tuly like we're gone driving. But a lot of people
had cars at sixteen seventeen, So that didn't really make
them have a red flag about that. Um I was
always so sure. So that was another thing. So yeah, no,
(13:29):
I don't I don't recall them ever asking about an
age also to them, it didn't seem as serious. M hmm,
just like for me it was not. It wasn't like
we have been together for a long period of time.
(13:50):
And even though I had known him by this time
for a year and dating, it still was like an
often of one type of dating. I had not to
have been a relationship, so it was a lot of
I don't know. I just felt like it wasn't as
many questions, right, And I think I think that that's
(14:12):
right now. I teach team data minds because a lot
of times parents don't recognize the signs and teenagers don't
know the signs because most of the time it's like
this is their first second relationship, right, I have that
type of experience. Right, So, when did you notice that
things were moving too fast near our relationship? I would
(14:36):
say maybe like a month before mm hmm. When he okay,
so I didn't notice anything serious that it was moving.
Two times he asked um, Kevin asked me what I
thought about now? Mm hmm. Base, it was very basic.
(15:01):
But this is where the age yet comes in, because
to me it seemed to basically in his mind it
was already calculate. Right in his mind, he didn't really
express it, but clearly this was in his mind. So
he said, oh, you know, would you ever want to
get married? Yes? Oh what kind of post would you like? Um?
(15:24):
I think I would like a tune? Right? Okay, um
kind of crow with your life? Do you think you
would ever want to have children? I have actually to
keep it And all of these are basic questions that
you might talk to someone about. But I definitely didn't
(15:44):
think that this was something that we were kind of
be moving towards right away. I was just seventh seen
when I think I was like seventeen when we had
this conversation. And by the time, like right after that
turned eighteen, right, he was so young. It looks like
boybody to get married? You thinking about it, You're like,
(16:04):
oh yeah one day because my Bobby, you know, just
played with market dolls. So yeah, in my mind, I'm
gonna go dancing like I'm trying to let me the
next Debbie Alan boy could not tell me. He so yeah,
me me thinking it was like, oh, you mean tim
(16:25):
twenty years from now, right, That's what I was thinking, right.
He wasn't thinking like tomorrow, definitely not Smark. So that
was um, so the real red flag. When I was like,
wait a minute, was when he said, went out on
a date and stopped by his house and when I
(16:48):
walked in, I noticed boxes and like like, who's moving?
And he saw my face like and he said, oh, yeah,
you know I told you that we were there as
a movie and the house is almost so soon you're
(17:09):
gonna have to start packing yourself too, and that right there,
I was like, um, I felt like like then I
felt like something to do. Really, that's what was going
on in my mind. And I was just like speechless,
and I didn't seem I think I was just processing
(17:34):
all of this, like because it's a lot of process. Wait,
we talked about this couple a month ago, but never
to think that you did right now? Right? So I
just like I always have been the mind soo type
of person to not hurt someone's feelings or trying not to.
(17:56):
So I think that's what I was also thinking, like, oh,
I figured out, let know, like this is not happening moves.
First of all, who is even gonna explain this to
my family? That's what? Like what? And it was only
like two months. Yes, I'm saying okay, now two months
(18:20):
a but this is three months. Uh, the understanding that
would not wait for mm hm. Oh that's very weird
because if y'all wasn't even together like that, if y'all
was just dating, then that's like crazy. So what happened
(18:42):
was once I graduated from high school, Now mind you
to give before I knew him a whole almost two
years or whatever, but never you would never like, oh
we were from girlfriend or anybody. Yeah, okay. So in
June mhm, I guess like into I had explained to him,
(19:09):
I'm leave. I am leaving. I know that I'm baby right.
I'm taking dance at Norfolk State for the summer, but
I'm leading. The plan is I'm leaping, right, Do you
want to go back home? I want to go back
to New York. So my plan at first was I
(19:29):
thought I was gonna be gone once I didn't in September,
I say, okay, I know, like after Christmas, like I'm done, right,
And so we weren't like there was no talk about
(19:50):
long this is reach. It was basically like, look, don't
get too comfortable because I'm gonna be gone, right. That
was bas the conversation we had. I'm not looking for
a serious relationship. I'm looking to date about my pains,
and I really want to date several people. What happened
(20:14):
was living with my grandfriends. That was right, it's not
gonna be having all of the two different people. Then
it understand thinking that it could just be we're going
to the movies, recoming back to becoming back. They did
not understanding that. So that worked in his favor that
he was done right. It kind of worked out like that.
(20:38):
But little did he know as soon as he went
to Norfolk State, Yes, or really that's what I was
just like, like, that's what you think, buddy, he could
be here with my grandparents if you want to exactly
exactly so yes, So that's why it was so awkward
when we talked about us. You gotta give any d Yeah. Yeah,
(21:06):
so tell us about the day when he showed up
to your grandmother's houses with boxes. No no, no, so
the boxing g oh it was his house and he
was saying like, okay, soon I got to start packing. Okay,
so I've seen maybe a week or two goes by,
maybe the longer. I can't really call the time for you,
(21:28):
hm fair now it's just he called all day Saturday also,
so Saturday night. Okay, Now Sunday comes, he's still calling.
So finally I he gets going from on Sunday, he goes,
where were you? Where were you yesterday? Last night? Scooby
(21:49):
Doo moment, a game, nothing about do nothing bad, it's
just you what right, just ask me where was? And
so that to me, um was the red flag in
(22:10):
the boundary of you asking me where I was, because
I knew that the tone and everything was that was
a control right, that was a tact of someone trying
to control where were you at? Tell me what you
were doing? And it's like, wait a minute, even if
we were a boyfriend girlfriends like the right to ask
(22:34):
me where I was? I don't know, I guess because
um one thing that played there. I didn't have the
experience of ever having this with someone else, but I
did have grandparents of my parents were very s mm hm.
So to me that felt uncomfortable and made me think like, no,
(22:59):
I'm not ready for marriage if this is where it
would be like I've already had the control of you
gotta tell me where you're going, what you're doing, Ask
me can you go, Yes you can go, No you
can't go. And so that right there was already a
turn off. I guess if nothing else, even if it
wasn't red black, a turn off. And I said to
(23:20):
him myself, well, you know, maybe we need to talk now.
Here's another red flag that I kind of dismissed. He said, okay,
if I'm coming over right, you didn't ask, You didn't
do typic And this was this was not his normal.
His normal was hey, can you have come right? And
(23:42):
I would say, well, let me go ask me, But
this time he told me he didn't ask. And I
immediately said okay, because I was like, oh, we need
to meet this but right now, and let me explain
to him that right, but you a minute one and
the way I was calling me all night and then
(24:03):
another red flag for me was and it wasn't hard
to so no, but he said, you didn't go to
church to one guy got to do with it because
you didn't call him on a ride. Yeah, he probably
went by. He probably either went he didn't go before
(24:24):
it started. He probably went lite that out mm hmm.
He didn't see you me, wow. So it's like you
needn't got church Tom not knowing more for me? Right?
So that tells me though that you're tracking my habits
as well. That's scary, as I was like it, you know,
(24:48):
so you get to see what it's like when someone
stopping someone right. And and that's how people stopped because
they they learned how you do everything every day right,
Like okay, we might some day she goes to church.
We know that she was. So that was all of
these things. Was throwing up red flex to him like,
(25:09):
oh wait a minute, she's not at the she's not
at a performance. What are you doing? That's what he
was thinking. Where is she? Who was she with? What
is she doing? Right? She didn't go to church, so
that's another now, and so I said, you know you
need to come. Yeah, I didn't even think anything of
it that he didn't ask could he come over? Oh?
(25:31):
I did, and I dismissed it it. He came over,
And the first thing that I did was I made
sure to be attention to his body mm hmm. I
wanted to see his body than which I wanted to
see his spacial expression. I wanted to see if there
was any sign uh him being in right and and
(25:53):
then I would have my gardener. So no, like okay, man,
where he's angry And he didn't h he came arrested.
Nothing happened, nothing that that made me put my guard right, okay,
(26:15):
community from collective, that's his usual demeanor. And he came in,
he said old, he spoke to my brother was outside.
He came in, he spoke to my money with us,
and then we were in the mound and just started talking.
And full time I'm watching him, I'm like, oh boy,
And I started explaining to him, look moving to guys
(26:40):
like we haven't been and the committed relationship where we've
established that it's just you and I did we're moving
towards something, towards the future or anything like that. Already
you're talking about marriage and now you're talking about then
(27:01):
and are explained to me that my good is the
moves I'm going back to York. I don't see me
coming back here even to established oh you'll be back
every three months or something. That just wasn't in my place,
right that was that wasn't even like I didn't even
(27:25):
think of that. So as I was explaining all of
this text, he was just like, okay, But but I
before he even came over, all of this was on
my months already. I basically had my whole list without
even having to write it down anything. And I was like, Okay,
(27:46):
I just turned it to I had to have my
own partner. I don't have a car, I don't have
a job, I don't have anything from my own self,
and I I have never lived alone even though, but
I like it, just like letting on to the summer. Yeah,
(28:07):
you were just becoming a woman, like you just gotta
high school, just gotta just gotta the cabin gown still
right here? Yeah, like come on right now? So yeah,
I was like, I just jump up and moving with me. Now,
this is another dynamic he was saying. So he basically
(28:30):
was saying for me not to believe me, stay in Virginia,
go to school, who take care of But it's basically
telling me forging about my tree. Right. So I explained
to him that that I didn't want to do that.
(28:51):
Another dynamic that stadium was that his parents would also
helped to me from my school. Wow, because they you
come from money. Yes, I didn't want that dynamics, right.
I was like, what if it doesn't work out and
then they want their money back? What if they do? Right?
You know, we're from New York. People be liking my
(29:13):
money guy down to the finny broun me that money
they really do really to really to family or not right.
So I was like, but if they changed your man,
they don't like me. Oh no, they're not like that.
So then another dynamics. He talked about west that even
(29:36):
though he was saying the house would be be I'm
still talking about us living. It's yeah, yes, so they
were building a house and he stated that the house
would have been East and west Wood, so we will
be on on the side. But I was like, well,
(29:57):
what if we get into a kind of argument anything
quite naturally, don't take care of signs. What was he thinking?
Like do you think he because I'm assuming his parents
are together or they were together during that time, right,
so maybe I don't know, like because I know sometimes
people have the idea like they want what their parents
have or what their grandma's had, So is that what
he wanted or like, I mean, we obviously know that
(30:19):
something was wrong with him, but like for him to
be that like and like he was imposing their own
us And he was only seventeen, eighteen years old, but
he was young too, yes, to be one than that
and moving in and I was like, I'm not pregnant, Like,
what's this rush? Yeah, what's the rush? And that's you
(30:39):
know now, like it's studying everything. That's one of the
main signs. That's the first black. But I was never
taught that the red slack is when someone tries to
rust the relationship when they get with you, and in
three months and six months they want to be engaged,
You want to be married, want to like the rush.
(31:02):
That's a major flag. That's a major But can that
be confused for being in love? Yeah? Because you love
that fast? Who said what you wouldn't fall in love that?
You know? I don't know. Some people be in loving
two days now. I know. Usually typically it may be
(31:27):
a lust and it may be and I'm not saying
that you can't meet someone and everything like this seems like,
oh my goodness, everything sinks and blows and we have
to say lights in the same, having the same and everything.
But this, like, I guess I do a thing with
(31:49):
healthy relationships. And in two days and three days have
you seen that person angry? Do you really know that person?
And in two three days that you already run a
financial apart? Do you know the financial habits Are they
the type of people that they save? Are they? Penny
(32:10):
Pictures are right? They they don't know about the budget,
they displurged, they get it and it's gone. You know,
you don't know a person enough, it may feel like
it may feel like that. Mm hmm. They are Um,
(32:32):
It's just a lot of dynamics, you know, Like I said,
right to figure out that fast and with me having
no experience, right and even as a young woman, like
just to be able to experience and just to find
out what you like in men, you know what I'm saying,
Just to explore in that realm when it comes to
(32:53):
like relationships, you know, sexuality, Like come on now, I
always talk about this with me being so weak young
because you know, I know a lot of young ladies
out there right now that may even be listening. And
at seventeen and eighteen and nineteen and twenty, it's like, no,
(33:13):
I don't like this, and I know what I like,
and it's like, but you really don't, because typically teenagers
and young adults change your mind, right, you change your mind.
It's the day it could be. You could be so
strong and adamant about it and then you need somebody else.
Did you'd be like, oh, I know, I said, I
(33:34):
never wanted a guy like that. It's that ship. And
so when I was trying to have that conversation with
him that day, that was the one thing that I
told I said, getting like I think she right now.
(33:55):
I knew he needed to leave because I need my currcy.
It was time, and I said, well, I guess we'll
talk tomorrow. And it not even in the same breath,
do you know what I said? So what, Well, maybe not,
maybe we should talk tomorrow. Well maybe we shouldn't. I
(34:16):
don't know, because I'm gonna be saying one thing I'm
gonna be talking about like a slowing down, and you're
gonna be talking marriage right now on two different pages.
So it's just that one one subject of the conversation.
I was back and forth. Mm hmm. It wasn't don't
(34:36):
call me tomorrow, don't call me any more. It was like,
I don't need ma. You was unsure, and so can
you imagine trying to get married back? Yeah, that would
have been oh a mess. Yeah, I mess. I wanted
to go, but I really wanted to come back. Kind
(34:58):
of miss that all night. Wow. So you know when
you think about us being young and dating. You can
go through that, right, And he was his first girlfriend, right? No? No, no, wow,
I don't think I was the first? Vic Wow? Really?
(35:21):
I mean because we I know you wasn't the last.
We'll get to that later, because I was like, na,
I don't think I was the Firston the reason that
I say that, it's because, um, once his parents found
out that he had attacked to me, they moved quickly
mm hmm, knowing what to do. The first thing you're
(35:43):
gonna do with You're gonna check yourself into a mental hospital. Oh,
this is what the parents told him. Yes, and then
you stay there for a certain amount of time. Now, well,
I was it important that he checked himself in the
mental hospital because he's acknowledging the fact that he has
an issue something wrong. Yes, not that. And if you
(36:06):
check yourself in, you can check yourself right as opposed
to like, see if someone else did it, it's not
against his will. Well, it is against his will, yes, wow,
you know, and someone else could use that for a
different type of defense and everything. Um. And if if
(36:27):
the state was the check you in, then you would
have to stay his on this day sick, right, until
they feel like you're the sounding what is it able
and sounded mind and something like that. Yeah, yes, mine,
And so they told him to do that, and then
they made sure he had a lawyer and then so
(36:50):
when he did check himself out, then the lawyer was
right there. And you know, lawyers know it's the strategic
time to go in front of the magistrate so that
you won't be overnight. Right. Wow, And this is the
first time it's star on record and showing up with
annoy yet so he never spent a day in jail
(37:15):
that day, tend himself in and got out, like you know,
just went prop for king process. But wait, wait, we
were speeding up. Were speeding up now? Is it hard
for you to share the part of the story of
what he did to you? Oh? No, not at all.
But the only reason why I asked because I have
interviewed like a lot of survivors and stuff, and I'm
always mindful of like asking certain things when it comes
(37:38):
to like triggering situations that happened in one's life. Sotyle,
I was like the acts just to make sure, but
I'd like to give people context and living them know,
like hey, like this can happen to any one of us,
any one of us, no one, no. Um. So yeah,
so he went home with the and it was really
(37:59):
went back home m hm. And so um, so do
you want do you want to go back to that
day now? Yeah? But how have I will say, they
hear your story is not the same as watching it
on TV because you know, on TV they like to
chop it up and stuff. Yes, and I hate that
(38:20):
because I feel like hearing it now like I'm like, okay,
now it makes sense that I can actually see it.
But you know on TV it can be a little choppy. Yes, yes, yes,
that's why I hope a lot of people, um are
tuning in like they've already seen it, or they'll go
back and see it. And oh yeah, people gonna definitely
go back and see after this episode. So at this point,
(38:42):
hopefully just to throw it out there to all your
listeners that um, this is a trigger alert and that
um it's a lot of violence. So it's does disturb you.
This maybe the point of this interview that you might
want to to now and maybe come later, but this
(39:07):
can be very disturbing. So on that day, once we
went over and we continued to talk back and for
back and forth. He didn't stated, oh it got late,
and I said it was time for the leave and
maclynina curfew. Yes, and that's when I was the back
(39:28):
and forth, maybe we share maybe Sharn called tomorrow whatever,
and he said, okay, And mind you, I'm still watching
the boding thing and nothing that I could see had shifted.
But at the same time, where we were sitting kind
of shifted, so I'm not looking head on at him.
(39:50):
I'm kind of looking to the side. I'm more so
looking down because I feel awkward that I'm sure he
feels awkward because as I'm basically saying that we won't
continue how we were, which is clearly me giving off
signs to him that we were moving more forward, then
(40:13):
maybe he felt like, Okay, well, because we've spent so
much time with just the two of us, maybe by
now she's ready to be with me forever and make
it more permanent. Yeah, And that that was not I
had not changed my mind at all, and so I
felt bad. I felt awkward, and I just was like
(40:34):
like here, I am like, oh poor God. Right, So
my guard is down and I hear him get ready
to get out, and as I hear him get up,
I'm like, okay, I gotta get up, you know, walking
to the door. So I get up to go and walk.
(40:54):
I'm closer to the door, and just as I'm walcome die.
So many times be dismiss things I had beside my
turn around, but it says how I was thinking, turn
around to make sure he's not handy, and then he's
(41:14):
not still sick. Right, So just as I go to turn,
before I can fully turn him ound to look at him,
just almost like at the corner of my act. So
I turned around, I see his heir like this, and
I'm thinking like he's about to strike, like punch means
(41:37):
like in a fist, but in the fist, it's a
pair of seasons. And before I can even have time
to act or anything. It only takes a second that
because he was already in stride, right, and he's just
sort of striking and I definitely different. Yes, yeah, so
(42:05):
I know that he's stabbed me. And I just started like,
like for the second, I'm not saying anything because I'm
just like shocked and shocked. And then I started screaming,
I'm married. I'm married. And as I'm screaming it, he's
(42:26):
just still coming for me, and it's almost like so
I was like I was off balance because I'm kind
of like I'm halfway turned and like to my feet
are not playing its solid. And then of course with
him just overpowering me kind of sward launching towards me,
(42:48):
I'm just like on the ground and I'm just trying
to get away from me. And as I'm trying to
get away from him, basically like almost scooting and crawling
at the same time, gonna get away while you're stabbing
And nobody heard job. So the only person that's in
the house mm hmm, she's on the phone, so she
(43:12):
hears me saying I'm married out care but she don't
know why you're saying it. So she's thinking, she said
that the first her first instinct. But they must be playing,
I mean, and they must be like play fighting or whatever,
you know, like if somebody's sticking it, you're like, you
have you know, And then she has some stuff not
(43:36):
not gonna and she's like, so you know, it's you know,
just like anybody if you're on the phone and you
have the TV on and wearing the bag, so you're
hearing it. But you're like, what's going on back there?
But I'd say time somebody else is talking to you.
So that's what was happening, Like she got all the
(43:58):
other distractions is you don't know if they plan, you
don't know what going on. And then she said that
by I think it was like the something in my
voice made her like, great, maybe they're not late, right,
So she said that to my she was on the phone.
(44:18):
He said, she said, I better go because I think
they might fight. And just as she went, she hung up,
runs to the bag. Now she's a handy thing. She
listened it round, she's seeing it. She see no body
(44:40):
after the wrong. Just as she's about to go out
the door again, she hears me faintly common m hmm.
By this time he's pinned the over on top of
me and now he's struggling so many times. So it's
just like it's like almost like a whisper that I called.
(45:02):
And so that's when she realized they are in this room,
like where they are. So when she went back in
and she stood over, it was like against the wall,
but in the f m hmm, in the corner, and
she came and she just looked in the room over there,
(45:23):
and so he had me there was like a bar
and he had me paved potween the bar in the wall.
That's where I was. I don't know, you know, if
I was just get away now even just let me
get in this corner right, So that's where we were,
and all she could see was his back and my
(45:48):
necks mm hmm. She could seem because that's how weird
she had. And so by this time she ran over.
She screaming at him, but he didn't hear. So she
screaming his name, not turning around, He's not nothing. She
grabs him to pull him off, and by and she
(46:12):
all she could see was his hand like striking motion.
So she's thinking he's punching. So when she pulled him off,
then that's when she saw the blood. That's where she
saw the seasons. Wow. And she had said to him,
what are you doing? What are you doing? What are
you doing? Get off her, get over her and muss
how she raped and and she saw it. Then her
(46:36):
shots said it and she started backing up and she
said that he just did at her. He stopped for
a second and just there, but he never said it work,
And so she thought, okay, I need to go and
grab a vamping. Yeah, right, and just so she was
(46:59):
back in, but she said she she had to make
it out of the phone. So she started back and
now once she got simple the words and about of
the room, he's staring at her. And once he sees
her to be about of the mom he goes back
to staff. Oh he is a demon. So she thoughts herself,
(47:24):
you know what, let me not get something to overpower
to try and because he's still young, you know, he's young, yeah,
and she's a little bit older. So and there's one
thing survival tactics, and there's another way. It's just you
(47:48):
haven't to victimize some and it's two different things. It's
one thing to trying to survive, but it's another thing
we've been trying to really kill. Right, And so she
ran to the phone instead and she died. And once
(48:09):
she started giving his dish and he heard it set.
This concludes part one of this week's episode. Please stay
tuned for part two, dropping next Tuesday. Until next time,
Everyone Later,
Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional profession. Hey,
(00:35):
Professional home Girls is the kid of a name from
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(00:57):
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(01:19):
To support, please visit www dot patreon dot com. Forward
slash the PSG podcast now. Please keep in mind that
all of my guests are Annes, so let's again this
week's episode. I am super excited to have my guests
on the show today She is a motivational speaker and author,
(01:40):
and an advocate for domestic balance awareness. She has been
on numerous TV shows spoke all around the world sharing
her story and it's the epitome of how your storyline
could be someone else's lifeline. To my guests, Happy New Year,
How are you doing, how are you feeling? I'm good, happy,
thank you, thank you. I am good. I feel really grateful.
(02:04):
I'm excited for what the new year has to come,
what has to offer, shot say, and I've been chilling.
This has been a really peaceful new year. Hopefully estates
like that. So as we are only only on day
to child and one of my favorite um, one of
my favorite rappers, passed away yesterday against the Boot. I
(02:25):
know she was such a such an important pinnacle in
my life growing up singing her songs and I was
a child. But so I fired a story on Lifetime
and I was falling asleep and your story broke me up,
and I was like, wait, what's happened? Because the first
year was like smiling. I remember when I was sleeping,
(02:48):
I heard you like smiling, laughing and stuff. And then
when they got to a certain part which we're talking
about later, I was like, wait, what. So when I
woke up, you know, I had to watch it from
the beginning and I was just so speechless. So were
you nervous about share your story on such like big platforms? No,
because I had been signed up for so long. M
(03:08):
It's basically like having something bottled up. And then once
I really started sharing it first and foremost, of course,
I did it because I want to tell others. But
the first thing that happened was it gave me a
different type of feeling mm hmm. And it's a type
(03:29):
of release, like right, tell somebody and I feel like
it's important. But so I wasn't really nervous. Good. Now,
I know your story has helped so many women like
I can only imagine the amount of love and support
you receive on a daily basis. Yes, I had so
(03:51):
appreciative of all of it. So let's start from the beginning.
Before we started started our conversation, I didn't know that
she was from Brooklyn, y'all, So why did your mom
want you to move to Virginia? She's dancing right now, y'all. Um,
So my mother is from Virginia. Okay, So she wasn't
(04:15):
so much that she wanted me to me. It just
happened that way. And I always had like such a
strong love for my grandparents and just wanting to see
a different type of education. So it worked out that
I ended up going to Virginia. But then my plan was,
(04:38):
I gotta get back to New York, right, So I
already knew that, Okay, I only I was only in
Virginia for two years, last two years of high school,
and then it was like, okay, I gotta get back
to New York. And so that was my playing was
I'm leaving. M hmm, Now tell us about your passion
(05:01):
and dreams for dancing. Yes, so it started, Oh my goodness.
I I was in elementary oh wow, elementary school and
always just had a love of dance. Always was that
kid that was in the living room dancing too. But
(05:23):
I always loved all types of dance, and I started
studying ballet and African dance at the community center. M hm, yes, yes, yes, yes,
shout out to such a newie. She was amazing. This
community center was right in the right in the middle
(05:45):
of the two buildings that I lived in, invert building,
working and our community center. It offered so much to
our community. So to be there and take the is
it just drew my passion even more. And when I
came when I moved to Virginia, I ended up like
(06:11):
my audition was just like a breeze because I did
for so long. So I started dancing in high school.
They actually had a dance true. I took dance in
high school. First it's shot mm hmm. So I took
dancing in high school. And then when I got to Virginia,
(06:31):
I took dance and they had a dance true, and
then ended up where they had a company. The dance
teacher at school also had a company outside of school
m and so I joined that. Then I ended up
with auditioned for gifted and talented. And this was just
(06:52):
I e slept and drink dance. So that's that's I
love dance. I still do to this day trying. Let
me talk about dance. You know what's so funny because
I used to be in dance when I was a kid,
Like I used to love dance, Like I learned ballet,
I was learned a little bit of tap. I used
(07:14):
to be in a dance um, a dance group when
I was in school. So like I definitely understand like
it wasn't my passion, but I really did enjoy it. Now,
tell us how did you meet Kevin Dance? Oh? You
man gonna dance? I was performing at this festival that
(07:35):
they had outside. Yeah, and so we performed that day
at the festival, and then as believing the festival while
me as some of my friends who were walking, stop, Okay,
(07:55):
I saw you performing. That's how it's started. M mhm. Now,
I feel like a lot of people always ask you
this question, because you know, I did my research, But
from watching your story, I feel like the only red
flag I noticed was that throughout the story he was
just controlling it was developing. Looking back, did you notice
any other red flags? No? And my story and of course,
(08:22):
after all of my training with domestic Vince teendated violence
and things like that, my situation was totally different, right
because his controlling had not really gotten out if he had,
compared to like some stories and some circumstances, he was
(08:43):
really smooth with it. Um, he was more helpful then
it was controlled, right, and it was like he knew
that he could not control it, but so much so
he can come in as an aggressive controller again just successible,
(09:05):
just so dependable. So what he would do was, do
you need a ride to dance class? Mm hmm. Oh,
I can take the time you have to be mm hmm.
He made sure that he he arrived and then a
time to get me there, so I wouldn't go with
(09:27):
someone else who get a different mode of transportation. He
always was like, do you need to ride home? I
think you're riding mm hmm. And whether he came and
stayed or he came enough time to be there until
the end, that he made sure that he was always
(09:50):
right there, right, so you know, I couldn't be like,
it's five o'clock and he's not here, let me go
ahead and catch round with somebody else. No, he might
get there like four already, you know what. Like he
was always just jotting on the spot, right, And that's
how he needs to to to be able to control
(10:11):
me without control right here, and I have to see
everything's going on. Mm hmmm. I kind of know where
you are, So I didn't go on our places, and
surely I needed to go. I could call him or
I did call him. Head, Oh yeah, I'm on my
(10:31):
life right, I was at I'm on my lane right,
you go to church every Sunday and it wasn't far away,
but it was a good not a good walk. And
so you know, as from New York walking nothing, right,
(10:52):
that's it. I got this maybe walking around the globe
and that's nothing. That's nothing. So that's how I was
in church, you know, in church clothes and everything, you know,
and heels did everything, y'all. Let me get them walked in.
And so he would sometimes he would take you to church,
(11:12):
but a lot of times he would be, oh, do
you need to do you need a ride afterwards? Because
you know when you get out it's a little hotter,
you know, summer and everything, so oh you need a ride,
you know, I'll keep you a ride. And so he
that's just what he would do with So what happened
(11:33):
leading up to I don't want to rush the story,
so you can stop me. But let me just tell
you it was the sun dack mm hmm. Well, actually,
let me tell he was calling the Saturday and him
calling like all day into the nighttime until up until
like eleven clock. That was unusual that I was not.
(11:58):
I wasn't I wasn't excessive. Mm hmmm. No, take my age, right,
now there was no cell phones. There were no cell
phones as amount of fact, there were no pages yet,
but there was no way to get in contact with
people beside the house phone. Right that I wasn't there
(12:24):
was like for him was like red flag pin with
could she be? But did your grandparents? But you know
what I'll be feeling like grandparents they be old, so
they don't really paying attentions to too much things. But
do they Was the age ever a red flag for them? No?
But my grandparents were, Um, they were that type that
(12:46):
they were on it. They weren't that old who didn't
know what I mean? The grand parents like okay, So
with the age, I think that they knew that he
was older, but didn't know how much of a big
cat it was. You know, A lot every a lot
of people had cars over car car, so that was
(13:08):
it wasn't like I was probably like fourteen and for
tuly like we're gone driving. But a lot of people
had cars at sixteen seventeen, So that didn't really make
them have a red flag about that. Um I was
always so sure. So that was another thing. So yeah, no,
(13:29):
I don't I don't recall them ever asking about an
age also to them, it didn't seem as serious. M hmm,
just like for me it was not. It wasn't like
we have been together for a long period of time.
(13:50):
And even though I had known him by this time
for a year and dating, it still was like an
often of one type of dating. I had not to
have been a relationship, so it was a lot of
I don't know. I just felt like it wasn't as
many questions, right, And I think I think that that's
(14:12):
right now. I teach team data minds because a lot
of times parents don't recognize the signs and teenagers don't
know the signs because most of the time it's like
this is their first second relationship, right, I have that
type of experience. Right, So, when did you notice that
things were moving too fast near our relationship? I would
(14:36):
say maybe like a month before mm hmm. When he okay,
so I didn't notice anything serious that it was moving.
Two times he asked um, Kevin asked me what I
thought about now? Mm hmm. Base, it was very basic.
(15:01):
But this is where the age yet comes in, because
to me it seemed to basically in his mind it
was already calculate. Right in his mind, he didn't really
express it, but clearly this was in his mind. So
he said, oh, you know, would you ever want to
get married? Yes? Oh what kind of post would you like? Um?
(15:24):
I think I would like a tune? Right? Okay, um
kind of crow with your life? Do you think you
would ever want to have children? I have actually to
keep it And all of these are basic questions that
you might talk to someone about. But I definitely didn't
(15:44):
think that this was something that we were kind of
be moving towards right away. I was just seventh seen
when I think I was like seventeen when we had
this conversation. And by the time, like right after that
turned eighteen, right, he was so young. It looks like
boybody to get married? You thinking about it, You're like,
(16:04):
oh yeah one day because my Bobby, you know, just
played with market dolls. So yeah, in my mind, I'm
gonna go dancing like I'm trying to let me the
next Debbie Alan boy could not tell me. He so yeah,
me me thinking it was like, oh, you mean tim
(16:25):
twenty years from now, right, That's what I was thinking, right.
He wasn't thinking like tomorrow, definitely not Smark. So that
was um, so the real red flag. When I was like,
wait a minute, was when he said, went out on
a date and stopped by his house and when I
(16:48):
walked in, I noticed boxes and like like, who's moving?
And he saw my face like and he said, oh, yeah,
you know I told you that we were there as
a movie and the house is almost so soon you're
(17:09):
gonna have to start packing yourself too, and that right there,
I was like, um, I felt like like then I
felt like something to do. Really, that's what was going
on in my mind. And I was just like speechless,
and I didn't seem I think I was just processing
(17:34):
all of this, like because it's a lot of process. Wait,
we talked about this couple a month ago, but never
to think that you did right now? Right? So I
just like I always have been the mind soo type
of person to not hurt someone's feelings or trying not to.
(17:56):
So I think that's what I was also thinking, like, oh,
I figured out, let know, like this is not happening moves.
First of all, who is even gonna explain this to
my family? That's what? Like what? And it was only
like two months. Yes, I'm saying okay, now two months
(18:20):
a but this is three months. Uh, the understanding that
would not wait for mm hm. Oh that's very weird
because if y'all wasn't even together like that, if y'all
was just dating, then that's like crazy. So what happened
(18:42):
was once I graduated from high school, Now mind you
to give before I knew him a whole almost two
years or whatever, but never you would never like, oh
we were from girlfriend or anybody. Yeah, okay. So in
June mhm, I guess like into I had explained to him,
(19:09):
I'm leave. I am leaving. I know that I'm baby right.
I'm taking dance at Norfolk State for the summer, but
I'm leading. The plan is I'm leaping, right, Do you
want to go back home? I want to go back
to New York. So my plan at first was I
(19:29):
thought I was gonna be gone once I didn't in September,
I say, okay, I know, like after Christmas, like I'm done, right,
And so we weren't like there was no talk about
(19:50):
long this is reach. It was basically like, look, don't
get too comfortable because I'm gonna be gone, right. That
was bas the conversation we had. I'm not looking for
a serious relationship. I'm looking to date about my pains,
and I really want to date several people. What happened
(20:14):
was living with my grandfriends. That was right, it's not
gonna be having all of the two different people. Then
it understand thinking that it could just be we're going
to the movies, recoming back to becoming back. They did
not understanding that. So that worked in his favor that
he was done right. It kind of worked out like that.
(20:38):
But little did he know as soon as he went
to Norfolk State, Yes, or really that's what I was
just like, like, that's what you think, buddy, he could
be here with my grandparents if you want to exactly
exactly so yes, So that's why it was so awkward
when we talked about us. You gotta give any d Yeah. Yeah,
(21:06):
so tell us about the day when he showed up
to your grandmother's houses with boxes. No no, no, so
the boxing g oh it was his house and he
was saying like, okay, soon I got to start packing. Okay,
so I've seen maybe a week or two goes by,
maybe the longer. I can't really call the time for you,
(21:28):
hm fair now it's just he called all day Saturday also,
so Saturday night. Okay, Now Sunday comes, he's still calling.
So finally I he gets going from on Sunday, he goes,
where were you? Where were you yesterday? Last night? Scooby
(21:49):
Doo moment, a game, nothing about do nothing bad, it's
just you what right, just ask me where was? And
so that to me, um was the red flag in
(22:10):
the boundary of you asking me where I was, because
I knew that the tone and everything was that was
a control right, that was a tact of someone trying
to control where were you at? Tell me what you
were doing? And it's like, wait a minute, even if
we were a boyfriend girlfriends like the right to ask
(22:34):
me where I was? I don't know, I guess because
um one thing that played there. I didn't have the
experience of ever having this with someone else, but I
did have grandparents of my parents were very s mm hm.
So to me that felt uncomfortable and made me think like, no,
(22:59):
I'm not ready for marriage if this is where it
would be like I've already had the control of you
gotta tell me where you're going, what you're doing, Ask
me can you go, Yes you can go, No you
can't go. And so that right there was already a
turn off. I guess if nothing else, even if it
wasn't red black, a turn off. And I said to
(23:20):
him myself, well, you know, maybe we need to talk now.
Here's another red flag that I kind of dismissed. He said, okay,
if I'm coming over right, you didn't ask, You didn't
do typic And this was this was not his normal.
His normal was hey, can you have come right? And
(23:42):
I would say, well, let me go ask me, But
this time he told me he didn't ask. And I
immediately said okay, because I was like, oh, we need
to meet this but right now, and let me explain
to him that right, but you a minute one and
the way I was calling me all night and then
(24:03):
another red flag for me was and it wasn't hard
to so no, but he said, you didn't go to
church to one guy got to do with it because
you didn't call him on a ride. Yeah, he probably
went by. He probably either went he didn't go before
(24:24):
it started. He probably went lite that out mm hmm.
He didn't see you me, wow. So it's like you
needn't got church Tom not knowing more for me? Right?
So that tells me though that you're tracking my habits
as well. That's scary, as I was like it, you know,
(24:48):
so you get to see what it's like when someone
stopping someone right. And and that's how people stopped because
they they learned how you do everything every day right,
Like okay, we might some day she goes to church.
We know that she was. So that was all of
these things. Was throwing up red flex to him like,
(25:09):
oh wait a minute, she's not at the she's not
at a performance. What are you doing? That's what he
was thinking. Where is she? Who was she with? What
is she doing? Right? She didn't go to church, so
that's another now, and so I said, you know you
need to come. Yeah, I didn't even think anything of
it that he didn't ask could he come over? Oh?
(25:31):
I did, and I dismissed it it. He came over,
And the first thing that I did was I made
sure to be attention to his body mm hmm. I
wanted to see his body than which I wanted to
see his spacial expression. I wanted to see if there
was any sign uh him being in right and and
(25:53):
then I would have my gardener. So no, like okay, man,
where he's angry And he didn't h he came arrested.
Nothing happened, nothing that that made me put my guard right, okay,
(26:15):
community from collective, that's his usual demeanor. And he came in,
he said old, he spoke to my brother was outside.
He came in, he spoke to my money with us,
and then we were in the mound and just started talking.
And full time I'm watching him, I'm like, oh boy,
And I started explaining to him, look moving to guys
(26:40):
like we haven't been and the committed relationship where we've
established that it's just you and I did we're moving
towards something, towards the future or anything like that. Already
you're talking about marriage and now you're talking about then
(27:01):
and are explained to me that my good is the
moves I'm going back to York. I don't see me
coming back here even to established oh you'll be back
every three months or something. That just wasn't in my place,
right that was that wasn't even like I didn't even
(27:25):
think of that. So as I was explaining all of
this text, he was just like, okay, But but I
before he even came over, all of this was on
my months already. I basically had my whole list without
even having to write it down anything. And I was like, Okay,
(27:46):
I just turned it to I had to have my
own partner. I don't have a car, I don't have
a job, I don't have anything from my own self,
and I I have never lived alone even though, but
I like it, just like letting on to the summer. Yeah,
(28:07):
you were just becoming a woman, like you just gotta
high school, just gotta just gotta the cabin gown still
right here? Yeah, like come on right now? So yeah,
I was like, I just jump up and moving with me. Now,
this is another dynamic he was saying. So he basically
(28:30):
was saying for me not to believe me, stay in Virginia,
go to school, who take care of But it's basically
telling me forging about my tree. Right. So I explained
to him that that I didn't want to do that.
(28:51):
Another dynamic that stadium was that his parents would also
helped to me from my school. Wow, because they you
come from money. Yes, I didn't want that dynamics, right.
I was like, what if it doesn't work out and
then they want their money back? What if they do? Right?
You know, we're from New York. People be liking my
(29:13):
money guy down to the finny broun me that money
they really do really to really to family or not right.
So I was like, but if they changed your man,
they don't like me. Oh no, they're not like that.
So then another dynamics. He talked about west that even
(29:36):
though he was saying the house would be be I'm
still talking about us living. It's yeah, yes, so they
were building a house and he stated that the house
would have been East and west Wood, so we will
be on on the side. But I was like, well,
(29:57):
what if we get into a kind of argument anything
quite naturally, don't take care of signs. What was he thinking?
Like do you think he because I'm assuming his parents
are together or they were together during that time, right,
so maybe I don't know, like because I know sometimes
people have the idea like they want what their parents
have or what their grandma's had, So is that what
he wanted or like, I mean, we obviously know that
(30:19):
something was wrong with him, but like for him to
be that like and like he was imposing their own
us And he was only seventeen, eighteen years old, but
he was young too, yes, to be one than that
and moving in and I was like, I'm not pregnant, Like,
what's this rush? Yeah, what's the rush? And that's you
(30:39):
know now, like it's studying everything. That's one of the
main signs. That's the first black. But I was never
taught that the red slack is when someone tries to
rust the relationship when they get with you, and in
three months and six months they want to be engaged,
You want to be married, want to like the rush.
(31:02):
That's a major flag. That's a major But can that
be confused for being in love? Yeah? Because you love
that fast? Who said what you wouldn't fall in love that?
You know? I don't know. Some people be in loving
two days now. I know. Usually typically it may be
(31:27):
a lust and it may be and I'm not saying
that you can't meet someone and everything like this seems like,
oh my goodness, everything sinks and blows and we have
to say lights in the same, having the same and everything.
But this, like, I guess I do a thing with
(31:49):
healthy relationships. And in two days and three days have
you seen that person angry? Do you really know that person?
And in two three days that you already run a
financial apart? Do you know the financial habits Are they
the type of people that they save? Are they? Penny
(32:10):
Pictures are right? They they don't know about the budget,
they displurged, they get it and it's gone. You know,
you don't know a person enough, it may feel like
it may feel like that. Mm hmm. They are Um,
(32:32):
It's just a lot of dynamics, you know, Like I said,
right to figure out that fast and with me having
no experience, right and even as a young woman, like
just to be able to experience and just to find
out what you like in men, you know what I'm saying,
Just to explore in that realm when it comes to
(32:53):
like relationships, you know, sexuality, Like come on now, I
always talk about this with me being so weak young
because you know, I know a lot of young ladies
out there right now that may even be listening. And
at seventeen and eighteen and nineteen and twenty, it's like, no,
(33:13):
I don't like this, and I know what I like,
and it's like, but you really don't, because typically teenagers
and young adults change your mind, right, you change your mind.
It's the day it could be. You could be so
strong and adamant about it and then you need somebody else.
Did you'd be like, oh, I know, I said, I
(33:34):
never wanted a guy like that. It's that ship. And
so when I was trying to have that conversation with
him that day, that was the one thing that I
told I said, getting like I think she right now.
(33:55):
I knew he needed to leave because I need my currcy.
It was time, and I said, well, I guess we'll
talk tomorrow. And it not even in the same breath,
do you know what I said? So what, Well, maybe not,
maybe we should talk tomorrow. Well maybe we shouldn't. I
(34:16):
don't know, because I'm gonna be saying one thing I'm
gonna be talking about like a slowing down, and you're
gonna be talking marriage right now on two different pages.
So it's just that one one subject of the conversation.
I was back and forth. Mm hmm. It wasn't don't
(34:36):
call me tomorrow, don't call me any more. It was like,
I don't need ma. You was unsure, and so can
you imagine trying to get married back? Yeah, that would
have been oh a mess. Yeah, I mess. I wanted
to go, but I really wanted to come back. Kind
(34:58):
of miss that all night. Wow. So you know when
you think about us being young and dating. You can
go through that, right, And he was his first girlfriend, right? No? No, no, wow,
I don't think I was the first? Vic Wow? Really?
(35:21):
I mean because we I know you wasn't the last.
We'll get to that later, because I was like, na,
I don't think I was the Firston the reason that
I say that, it's because, um, once his parents found
out that he had attacked to me, they moved quickly
mm hmm, knowing what to do. The first thing you're
(35:43):
gonna do with You're gonna check yourself into a mental hospital. Oh,
this is what the parents told him. Yes, and then
you stay there for a certain amount of time. Now, well,
I was it important that he checked himself in the
mental hospital because he's acknowledging the fact that he has
an issue something wrong. Yes, not that. And if you
(36:06):
check yourself in, you can check yourself right as opposed
to like, see if someone else did it, it's not
against his will. Well, it is against his will, yes, wow,
you know, and someone else could use that for a
different type of defense and everything. Um. And if if
(36:27):
the state was the check you in, then you would
have to stay his on this day sick, right, until
they feel like you're the sounding what is it able
and sounded mind and something like that. Yeah, yes, mine,
And so they told him to do that, and then
they made sure he had a lawyer and then so
(36:50):
when he did check himself out, then the lawyer was
right there. And you know, lawyers know it's the strategic
time to go in front of the magistrate so that
you won't be overnight. Right. Wow, And this is the
first time it's star on record and showing up with
annoy yet so he never spent a day in jail
(37:15):
that day, tend himself in and got out, like you know,
just went prop for king process. But wait, wait, we
were speeding up. Were speeding up now? Is it hard
for you to share the part of the story of
what he did to you? Oh? No, not at all.
But the only reason why I asked because I have
interviewed like a lot of survivors and stuff, and I'm
always mindful of like asking certain things when it comes
(37:38):
to like triggering situations that happened in one's life. Sotyle,
I was like the acts just to make sure, but
I'd like to give people context and living them know,
like hey, like this can happen to any one of us,
any one of us, no one, no. Um. So yeah,
so he went home with the and it was really
(37:59):
went back home m hm. And so um, so do
you want do you want to go back to that
day now? Yeah? But how have I will say, they
hear your story is not the same as watching it
on TV because you know, on TV they like to
chop it up and stuff. Yes, and I hate that
(38:20):
because I feel like hearing it now like I'm like, okay,
now it makes sense that I can actually see it.
But you know on TV it can be a little choppy. Yes, yes, yes,
that's why I hope a lot of people, um are
tuning in like they've already seen it, or they'll go
back and see it. And oh yeah, people gonna definitely
go back and see after this episode. So at this point,
(38:42):
hopefully just to throw it out there to all your
listeners that um, this is a trigger alert and that
um it's a lot of violence. So it's does disturb you.
This maybe the point of this interview that you might
want to to now and maybe come later, but this
(39:07):
can be very disturbing. So on that day, once we
went over and we continued to talk back and for
back and forth. He didn't stated, oh it got late,
and I said it was time for the leave and
maclynina curfew. Yes, and that's when I was the back
(39:28):
and forth, maybe we share maybe Sharn called tomorrow whatever,
and he said, okay, And mind you, I'm still watching
the boding thing and nothing that I could see had shifted.
But at the same time, where we were sitting kind
of shifted, so I'm not looking head on at him.
(39:50):
I'm kind of looking to the side. I'm more so
looking down because I feel awkward that I'm sure he
feels awkward because as I'm basically saying that we won't
continue how we were, which is clearly me giving off
signs to him that we were moving more forward, then
(40:13):
maybe he felt like, Okay, well, because we've spent so
much time with just the two of us, maybe by
now she's ready to be with me forever and make
it more permanent. Yeah, And that that was not I
had not changed my mind at all, and so I
felt bad. I felt awkward, and I just was like
(40:34):
like here, I am like, oh poor God. Right, So
my guard is down and I hear him get ready
to get out, and as I hear him get up,
I'm like, okay, I gotta get up, you know, walking
to the door. So I get up to go and walk.
(40:54):
I'm closer to the door, and just as I'm walcome die.
So many times be dismiss things I had beside my
turn around, but it says how I was thinking, turn
around to make sure he's not handy, and then he's
(41:14):
not still sick. Right, So just as I go to turn,
before I can fully turn him ound to look at him,
just almost like at the corner of my act. So
I turned around, I see his heir like this, and
I'm thinking like he's about to strike, like punch means
(41:37):
like in a fist, but in the fist, it's a
pair of seasons. And before I can even have time
to act or anything. It only takes a second that
because he was already in stride, right, and he's just
sort of striking and I definitely different. Yes, yeah, so
(42:05):
I know that he's stabbed me. And I just started like,
like for the second, I'm not saying anything because I'm
just like shocked and shocked. And then I started screaming,
I'm married. I'm married. And as I'm screaming it, he's
(42:26):
just still coming for me, and it's almost like so
I was like I was off balance because I'm kind
of like I'm halfway turned and like to my feet
are not playing its solid. And then of course with
him just overpowering me kind of sward launching towards me,
(42:48):
I'm just like on the ground and I'm just trying
to get away from me. And as I'm trying to
get away from him, basically like almost scooting and crawling
at the same time, gonna get away while you're stabbing
And nobody heard job. So the only person that's in
the house mm hmm, she's on the phone, so she
(43:12):
hears me saying I'm married out care but she don't
know why you're saying it. So she's thinking, she said
that the first her first instinct. But they must be playing,
I mean, and they must be like play fighting or whatever,
you know, like if somebody's sticking it, you're like, you
have you know, And then she has some stuff not
(43:36):
not gonna and she's like, so you know, it's you know,
just like anybody if you're on the phone and you
have the TV on and wearing the bag, so you're
hearing it. But you're like, what's going on back there?
But I'd say time somebody else is talking to you.
So that's what was happening, Like she got all the
(43:58):
other distractions is you don't know if they plan, you
don't know what going on. And then she said that
by I think it was like the something in my
voice made her like, great, maybe they're not late, right,
So she said that to my she was on the phone.
(44:18):
He said, she said, I better go because I think
they might fight. And just as she went, she hung up,
runs to the bag. Now she's a handy thing. She
listened it round, she's seeing it. She see no body
(44:40):
after the wrong. Just as she's about to go out
the door again, she hears me faintly common m hmm.
By this time he's pinned the over on top of
me and now he's struggling so many times. So it's
just like it's like almost like a whisper that I called.
(45:02):
And so that's when she realized they are in this room,
like where they are. So when she went back in
and she stood over, it was like against the wall,
but in the f m hmm, in the corner, and
she came and she just looked in the room over there,
(45:23):
and so he had me there was like a bar
and he had me paved potween the bar in the wall.
That's where I was. I don't know, you know, if
I was just get away now even just let me
get in this corner right, So that's where we were,
and all she could see was his back and my
(45:48):
necks mm hmm. She could seem because that's how weird
she had. And so by this time she ran over.
She screaming at him, but he didn't hear. So she
screaming his name, not turning around, He's not nothing. She
grabs him to pull him off, and by and she
(46:12):
all she could see was his hand like striking motion.
So she's thinking he's punching. So when she pulled him off,
then that's when she saw the blood. That's where she
saw the seasons. Wow. And she had said to him,
what are you doing? What are you doing? What are
you doing? Get off her, get over her and muss
how she raped and and she saw it. Then her
(46:36):
shots said it and she started backing up and she
said that he just did at her. He stopped for
a second and just there, but he never said it work,
And so she thought, okay, I need to go and
grab a vamping. Yeah, right, and just so she was
(46:59):
back in, but she said she she had to make
it out of the phone. So she started back and
now once she got simple the words and about of
the room, he's staring at her. And once he sees
her to be about of the mom he goes back
to staff. Oh he is a demon. So she thoughts herself,
(47:24):
you know what, let me not get something to overpower
to try and because he's still young, you know, he's young, yeah,
and she's a little bit older. So and there's one
thing survival tactics, and there's another way. It's just you
(47:48):
haven't to victimize some and it's two different things. It's
one thing to trying to survive, but it's another thing
we've been trying to really kill. Right, And so she
ran to the phone instead and she died. And once
(48:09):
she started giving his dish and he heard it set.
This concludes part one of this week's episode. Please stay
tuned for part two, dropping next Tuesday. Until next time,
Everyone Later,
Host
Eboné Almon
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