Episode 11 | Let’s Get Real: The Awkward, Messy Magic of Being Vulnerable

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Vulnerability feels risky. It feels awkward. Sometimes, it feels impossible. But it’s also where the magic happens.

In this episode, I share a deeply personal story about one Christmas where fear of vulnerability left me trapped between wanting to protect my peace and not wanting to disappoint my family. We dive into:

💔 Why being vulnerable with family is often the hardest
💡 How avoiding vulnerability creates more pain than the truth ever could
📊 What research (and real life) says about vulnerability in relationships and the workplace
✨ How to set boundaries without drowning in guilt
❤️ The “Plus One” approach to embracing vulnerability in small, manageable steps

If you’ve ever bailed on family plans out of fear, dodged hard conversations, or felt stuck between pleasing others and protecting your peace—this one’s for you.

💡 And don’t forget—next week’s episode features special guest Charles Coulter, a faith-based marriage counselor, who will share his insights on communication, healing, and how vulnerability strengthens relationships.

#ThePlusOneTheory #Vulnerability #BreneBrown #FamilyDynamics #SettingBoundaries #EmotionalGrowth #PodcastEpisode #BeReal #CharlesCoulter

Be a Guest on The Plus One Theory Podcast!

Are you someone who believes in the power of kindness, resilience, and intentional growth? Do you have a story about how small, meaningful steps have made a difference in your life or career?

I’d love to invite you to share your journey on The Plus One Theory Podcast!

This podcast is all about exploring how we can apply the Plus One Theory to create ripples of positivity and purpose in our personal and professional lives. I’m especially excited to feature guests who work in heart-centered careers—nurses, teachers, counselors, nonprofit leaders, caregivers, or anyone who dedicates their energy to helping others.

Your story could inspire listeners who are navigating their own challenges and looking for ways to take that next small step forward. Whether you’ve used kindness to overcome adversity, found strength in vulnerability, or applied intentional action to make an impact in your community, I want to hear from you!

Interested? Here’s How to Reach Out:

• Email me with a brief introduction about yourself and your story.
• Let me know how the Plus One Theory has played a role in your life or career.

Let’s work together to inspire others and create a ripple effect of kindness and resilience. I can’t wait to hear your story!

Share this with someone who inspires you...

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hey, it's Pam.
I'm so glad you're here todaywith me, so stay tuned.
We have a great show for you.
Welcome to the Plus One Theorypodcast, the show where we dive
deep into how the smallestintentional actions can lead to
the biggest transformations inyour life.

(00:28):
So what exactly is the plus onetheory?
It's simple.
It's about doing your very bestand then adding just one more
intentional step.
It's not about working harderor piling more onto your already
full plate.
It's about shifting yourmindset, being a little more
intentional, a little more kind,a little more present,

(00:52):
especially when it feelsimpossible.
That tiny plus one is whatmoves the needle in your life,
whether you're navigatingrelationships, work, health or
just your own inner battles.
Think of it this way whenyou're about to quit, the plus
one theory asks what's one morething you can do when life feels

(01:15):
heavy, it asks what's one smallact of kindness you can give or
receive.
And when you feel stuck, it'sthe gentle push that says take
one more step forward.
This podcast is all abouthelping you find that next step
through real stories, expertinsights and honest

(01:36):
conversations about the messy,beautiful and challenging
moments in life, because realgrowth doesn't happen all at
once.
It happens, one intentionalchoice at a time.
So if you're ready to stopliving on autopilot and start
building a life filled withpurpose, kindness and resilience
, you're in the right place.

(02:00):
Welcome back to the Plus OneTheory podcast.
I'm your host, pam Dwyer, andtoday we're going to talk about
the awkward, messy magic ofbeing vulnerable.
Let's talk about something thatmakes us squirm a little
Vulnerability.
Yeah, I know, it's that wordthat instantly makes you want to
look at your phone or pretendyou're super busy.

(02:22):
But here's the thing at yourphone, or pretend you're super
busy, but here's the thing.
Vulnerability isn't some deepphilosophical concept meant only
for TED Talks and self-helpbooks.
It's what happens when yourbrain says this could get weird
and your heart says but it couldbe amazing too.
We're diving into the awkward,messy, sometimes cringy but

(02:46):
totally life-changing world ofvulnerability.
Spoiler alert it's not aboutcrying in public, though, if you
do, no shame.
It's about being real, takingrisks and sometimes accidentally
oversharing in a Zoom meeting.
So why does vulnerability freakus out?
Because it feels like standingnaked in a room full of

(03:09):
strangers and yelling please,like me.
But according to Dr Brene Brown, the queen of all things,
vulnerability, it's actually thefoundation of connection,
creativity and joy.
She says vulnerability is thebirthplace of love, belonging,
joy, courage, empathy andcreativity.

(03:31):
So basically all the good stuff.
Here's a fun fact Studies from2025 show that companies that
encourage vulnerability inleadership see a 34% boost in
employee engagement and a 22%drop in burnout.
Vulnerability isn't always aboutgrand gestures or life-changing

(03:54):
confessions.
Sometimes it's about the littlemoments, the decisions we make
out of fear, shame or the deepdesire to protect ourselves.
And let me tell you there was atime when I learned this lesson
the hard way, right aroundChristmas, the most wonderful
time of the year, or so they say.
It was Christmas and I was asingle mom, completely broke,

(04:18):
mentally drained and, honestly,still shattered from my divorce,
my self-esteem Non-existent.
I was running on fumes, tryingto hold everything together for
my son, who was my only light atthe time.
I wanted him to have the bestmemories, even if I was falling
apart behind the scenes.

(04:39):
Then came the family Christmasdilemma, the one that always
left me anxious and emotionallywrecked.
You see, the family I grew upwith, let's just say it was
complicated.
We're talking alcoholics withunpredictable moods, chain
smokers who didn't care ifsecondhand smoke was bothering
anyone, and people who,knowingly or unknowingly, played

(05:02):
big roles in my trauma growingup.
Being around them brought outthe absolute worst in me.
I wasn't myself.
I'd morph into this emotionallyguarded version of me,
constantly tense, walking oneggshells and masking every bit
of pain just to survive the day.
But here's the thing.
Every year I'd tell myself thistime will be different.

(05:25):
I'd plan to go to show up forthe family, to give my son that
big family Christmas memory.
And then the day would come andI would freeze the thought of
walking into that house exposingmy son to the same toxic
dynamics.
That broke me, made mephysically sick.
But instead of being upfrontabout how I felt, instead of

(05:47):
setting boundaries or even justsaying I'm not coming this year,
I'd bail out at the last second.
I'd call up with some excusecar trouble, my son wasn't
feeling well, you name it and ofcourse this only made things
worse.
I gained this reputation in myfamily as the one who never
followed through.
Pam says she'll come, but shewon't show.

(06:10):
And honestly, they weren'twrong.
But here's what I didn'tunderstand back then.
It wasn't about flakiness, itwas about fear.
I was terrified of beingvulnerable enough to tell the
truth.
I can't do this.
It's too much for me.
It hurts.
I was scared of their judgment,their disappointment and, most

(06:32):
of all, the conflict it wouldbring.
Because my family well, theydidn't do vulnerability, they
did guilt, blame and get over it.
So I avoided it, I avoided themand in doing so I avoided my
own healing.
So family brings out a uniquekind of vulnerability right.
It's layered with years ofhistory, expectations and

(06:56):
unspoken rules.
And the hardest part we oftenfear being vulnerable with the
people who caused our pain themost.
It's this weird twisted thingwe want their love and approval,
but we also know they're theones who've hurt us the deepest.
Dr Brene Brown talks about thisa lot in her book Daring
Greatly.
She says vulnerability soundslike truth and feels like

(07:24):
courage.
There is a ripple effect thatI'm always talking about of
avoiding vulnerability.
Here's the thing Avoidingvulnerability doesn't just hurt
you, it impacts everyone aroundyou.
In my case, it left my familyfeeling rejected and confused
and it created distance wherethere could have been
understanding.
And, most importantly, itrobbed me of my own peace.

(07:45):
Every Christmas felt like thisemotional battlefield.
I was trying to avoid, avoid,but never truly escaped, and it
wasn't until years later, aftera lot of therapy and a lot of
journaling, that I realized Iwasn't the villain in my
family's story.
I was just someone trying tosurvive.

(08:05):
But here's the plot twist youcan't heal what you refuse to
face.
Let me say that one more timeyou can't heal what you refuse
to face.
And the only way I could starthealing from all of that
brokenness was by finally beinghonest, not just with my family,
but with myself.
So this is how I finally brokethe cycle.

(08:27):
It didn't happen overnight, buteventually I stopped making
excuses.
I stopped the last minutecancellations and started
setting clear, honest boundaries.
Sometimes that meant saying,hey, we're doing our own
Christmas this year, but I hopeyou all have a great time.
Other times it meant going, buton my terms Shorter visits,

(08:52):
staying in a hotel instead ofsomeone's house, making sure I
had an exit plan if things gotmessy.
Was it uncomfortable?
Oh yeah, did it feel like abetrayal at times?
Definitely, but slowly, theanxiety faded, the guilt faded
and I realized that beingvulnerable truly vulnerable

(09:13):
wasn't about making otherscomfortable.
It was about protecting mypeace while still showing up in
a way that felt authentic.
So let's take the plus oneapproach small steps towards big
change.
Vulnerability doesn't have to bea grand declaration.
It can be a text message saying, hey, I'm feeling overwhelmed

(09:35):
today and can't make it.
It can be sitting across fromsomeone and saying that hurt me,
even when your voice shakes.
It's about choosing honesty onetiny moment at a time.
In the end, vulnerability isn'tabout winning people over.
It's about getting real withyourself first, and when you do

(09:56):
that, you give others permissionto do the same.
So how to be vulnerable withoutoversharing or making it weird?
Let's be clear Vulnerabilityisn't about dumping your deepest
secrets on your Uber driver.
It's about small, intentionalmoments where you let people in,
even if it feels uncomfortable.

(10:18):
You start small.
Share something slightlypersonal in safe spaces.
An example would be I totallybombed that presentation, but I
learned from it.
Ask what you need.
If you're having a bad day, sayit.
I'm struggling today.
Mind if we circle back tomorrow.
Normalize honest feedback.

(10:38):
Leaders.
This is for you.
If you don't know the answer,say it.
It builds trust faster thanpretending you do.
Here's a pro tip Vulnerabilityis a two-way street.
The more open you are, the morepeople feel safe being real
with you, and I have experiencedthis firsthand.
But post-2024, people wantrealness.

(11:01):
Vulnerability in the workplaceit's not just for group therapy.
Workplaces used to be all aboutbuttoned-up professionalism
Suit up, smile, don't showemotion.
But post-2024, people wantrealness.
Employees and companies thatfoster open communication and
vulnerability report that 25%higher job satisfaction and

(11:26):
stronger team cohesion.
The best leaders aren't theones who pretend they have it
all figured out.
They're the ones who say Idon't have all the answers, but
let's figure it out together.
That's where loyalty and trusthappen.
All right, I'm going to sharefour quick tips to get
comfortable being uncomfortable.
Number one embrace the awkwardpause, that moment of silence

(11:52):
after you say somethingvulnerable, totally normal,
people are just processing.
Number two laugh at yourself.
Vulnerability gets easier whenyou don't take yourself so
seriously.
Number three use humor as abridge, not a shield.
Humor can connect, but don'tuse it to hide your real
feelings.

(12:12):
And number four ask deeperquestions Instead of how are you
?
Try what's been the highlightof your week.
It invites more meaningfulconversation.
Vulnerability isn't about beingsoft or fragile.
It's about being bold enough toshow the real you,
imperfections and all.
It's what takes relationshipsfrom surface level to soul deep.

(12:36):
And yeah, it feels weirdsometimes.
But you know what feels evenweirder Living your whole life
behind a mask.
So go on out there, take asmall risk, share something real
and if it gets awkward, laughit off, because that's just life
.
And if you've ever foundyourself avoiding family events,
ghosting friends or making upexcuses because you just can't

(13:00):
deal, you're not alone.
But here's your permission slipyou don't owe anyone your peace
of mind.
You can choose your mentalhealth over the holiday
expectations.
You can be honest even if itruffles feathers, and you can
walk away from situations thatsteal your energy without
drowning in guilt.
Vulnerability isn't aboutpleasing others.

(13:22):
It's about being brave enoughto please yourself.
I am beyond excited for our nextepisode because we'll be joined
by Charles Coulter, a marriagecounselor, relationship expert
and faith-based advisor.
We'll dive into the power ofhealthy communication, the role
of faith in healing and howvulnerability plays a crucial

(13:45):
part in building strong, lastingrelationships.
It's going to be an incredibleconversation with so many
takeaways for couples, familiesand anyone working on themselves
.
So make sure you're subscribedand tune in next week.
You don't want to miss this one.
If you've enjoyed today'sepisode, hit that subscribe
button, leave a review or shareit with someone who could use a

(14:08):
little nudge to let their guarddown.
Want to dive deeper into thistopic.
Grab Daring Greatly by Dr BreneBrown, because she's basically
the Oprah of vulnerability.
Sign up for updates, events andbeyond the scenes podcast
moments at pamedwirespeakercom.
And remember your past doesn'tdefine you, it prepares you.