November 26, 2021 • 45 mins
You can’t scroll for half a hot second and not see some pithy plea to practice gratitude. Usually, this type of thing makes us a bit nuts but this is perhaps the only exception to that rule.
Gratitude IS the bomb-diggity. It is the shizzle. The juice. And it's because it works.
Grateful to, grateful for, grateful because, grateful in spite of, whatever you choose, it doesn’t matter. Because as soon as you think it, say it or write it, your life—including your health and your relationships—instantly gets better.
Whether it's your life, your kids, your spouse, your pets, your time, your home, your family, your whatever, developing the skill to think of those things—especially in those moments when they might not be at their best—is one of the best mental habits you can create.
So, sit back, grab a glass of something yummy, and soak in a conversation about all the wonderful whys and ways to up your gratitude game.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Stasha Boyd (00:01):
Hi there, I'm Stasha.
Cheryl Stuller (00:03):
I'm Cheryl.
Stasha Boyd (00:05):
And between us we
Cheryl Stuller (00:05):
have four kids,
Stasha Boyd (00:07):
three businesses,
Cheryl Stuller (00:08):
two husbands and one goal:
Stasha Boyd (00:10):
To get to The Point of the Matter:
Cheryl Stuller (00:12):
Especially when you're going through something
hard, it's really sometimes,it's easy to get into that
negative mindset, and hard toget out of it. And and trying
that grateful, gratitude thingis one way to get you out of
that.
Stasha Boyd (00:33):
It always doesn't have to be grateful for
something positive, you can say,I am so grateful that I did not
lose my temper on that womanthat I was on the phone with
from the insurance company. I amso grateful that I held it
together today. You know, lookat me, look at me adulting up in
this bitch. Look at me.
(00:53):
Hello, hello, Cheryl.
Cheryl Stuller (00:56):
Hey, Chica, how are you?
Stasha Boyd (00:59):
I'm going it's going pretty good. It's going
pretty good overall. I will tellyou this, we had again, another
fantastic, wonderful weekend. Afriend of ours had his 50th
birthday. And he had had thisbig plan to do like this whole
cruise thing. And then that fellapart. And so we ended up having
like a blowout at his house. Andholy cow was it a blow out. And
(01:20):
then that was like, from like,one to five. And then the party
was still going at 6 (01:23):
30. So we invited ourselves to join some
other friends with them. Webasically crashed their dinner
reservation. And then fromthere, the next day was Football
Sunday in America. So I think Ijust scratched myself bloody
again. Dammit, dammit. Honestly,Cheryl, at some point, I'm going
(01:46):
to solve this problem. I'm sosorry, dear listeners. Let me
give you guys a quick heads up,I got into some kind of poison
ivy-ish thing. And I'm tryingvery hard not to scratch. I'm on
the tail end of it. But everyonce in a while I just scratch
something. And next thing I knowI'm bleeding. So alright.
Cheryl Stuller (02:01):
You have been dealing with that for a while.
Stasha Boyd (02:03):
A month, honey, it's bullshit is what it is. How
about you? How was your weekend?
Cheryl Stuller (02:08):
I just today had a lovely conversation with
Jennifer who is one of ourlisteners, a very good friend of
mine that I hadn't talked to ina while. And she just encouraged
me to, she said she loves thepodcast. She learns from it, She
researches some of what we talkabout that she didn't know
(02:30):
about. And she wants us to keepdoing it. And she's going to
help, you know, promote us onher Facebook page. So we just
had and we caught up on eachother's lives and everything. So
it was so good to talk to hertoday. And it was like an hour
long conversation which I don'tnormally sit still for that. So
(02:52):
that was really cool. I can doit in a car when I'm driving.
But not normally when I'm in youknow doing something else.
Stasha Boyd (03:00):
Well, that is nice.
I mean, it's like the thatfeeling of encouragement that,
you know, that somebody ishearing something that things
are getting done. And you know,and I've had friends tell me
that they've listened to it aswell. But I think every once in
a while I'll just get that kindof thing. Like it's because it
is a lot of work and we're gonnado a we're gonna do a podcast
coming up here in a couple ofweeks or next week maybe on like
lessons learned and things thatwe've learned over the years.
(03:23):
And I tell you, I got some noteson the amount of work this is,
it's a lot of work.
Cheryl Stuller (03:31):
It's a lot of work for you and Olivia.
Stasha Boyd (03:34):
For a lot of learning and it's a lot of
learning. So anyway, that'sthat's where we are with that.
But because of that I'm justhaving I'm kind of catching up
on my kombucha beverages. SoI've got a ginger blueberry
kombucha here, and I kind ofjust like mix it in with a
little bit of the ginger beer.
So to get a little bit of morezing. That's my beverage this
(03:54):
evening.
Cheryl Stuller (03:58):
And I was drinking this weekend too. So
I'm not drinking today.
Stasha Boyd (04:02):
Yeah, that's the thing cause we, to let the
listeners know, we record thison Monday nights. So it's like,
okay, every Monday we've justcome off of a weekend of
hopefully having fun. Now thatthings are really reopening. And
for us down here in Florida, theweather is just turning
glorious. So the reason we livein Florida is to have this
(04:24):
weather in the winter. But it'sjust, it's it's just every now
and then you got to calm down.
Every Monday, got to calm down.
Cheryl Stuller (04:33):
So we are talking about gratitude today.
And I well, let me give you themeaning of that. First, I always
love to research the meaning ofthings. It's the quality of
being thankful and being willingto show appreciation and
kindness, which is what we needthese days I think. I think
(04:55):
everybody is so amped up andquick to anger. You see it a lot
on the media. And it's just agood reminder, I think, for all
of us, including myself to begrateful for the small things.
And the connections that we haveand the things that we are able
to do. Like, I'm so thankfulthat I get to, that my body
(05:20):
moves well, and I'm able to moveit well, just little things like
that, that we can be gratefulfor.
Stasha Boyd (05:25):
Yeah. And I think, you know, I always like to kick
it off with like, you know, whydo why do we think this is
important to our listeners? Andthen why is it important to me
personally, and for me, I thinkthe idea of talking about
gratitude is important to womenin their 50s, especially, is
because we're at a point in timewhere there is so much to be
grateful for. But there's also alot of things that are becoming
(05:46):
either old hat, old habits, it'sgood to be reminded about
certain things, some thingswe're taking for granted. Other
things, you know, there arethese little things that are
just going away, and it's likefor some folks, they're gonna go
away, you still have to findways to be grateful about it.
And I had, for me personally,it's like, again, one of those,
like, really life changingunderstandings is, I have, I
(06:11):
come from a long line of verycomplaining cranky people. Um,
and you know, and it's one ofthose things where years years
ago, I made the decision that Idid not want to be that way. And
I didn't know what thedifference needed to be. But I
had to learn. And it really was,I think, the idea of gratitude.
And I'd found books and ofcourse, gratitude journals and,
(06:34):
and things like that. And I havekept a I have like, actually
have a little app on my phone.
That's called Gratitude Rock.
And every morning at 9am, I heara little ding. And it means it's
time to like write something inthat little app. And it might
just be something as you know,man, I'm glad we replaced the
cushions on these chairs. Or I'mglad I can afford to replace the
cushions on these chairs, or theweather's great today or just
(06:55):
something small. And it's almostalways very small, to to just
write it down. It's a wonderfullittle attitude adjustment
sometimes.
Cheryl Stuller (07:06):
Well, that's what Jennifer was saying today,
she actually keeps a gratitudejournal, which was one of the
things they recommended doing.
And she said, when I can't thinkof anything grateful to put down
and have gratitude about I willlook in my journal, and just
look at any given day that she'swritten something down, and
she'll go, Oh, yeah, as areminder, I have all of these
(07:28):
things that I can be gratefulfor, even when I'm feeling low,
or having a bad day. And, and itpicks her up immediately. And it
reminds her of all the, like yousaid little things that we have,
that we should be grateful for,that we forget about and that we
take for granted.
Stasha Boyd (07:48):
Other side of that though, it's almost like there's
this the the flip side, becausea lot of people are almost
fetishizing gratitude now. And,and journaling and all of this
kind of stuff to the point wherethey're, they're shaming people
who aren't grateful. It's like,well, you just need to be more
grateful, if you were moregrateful this would happen. And
some days you're not feeling allthat grateful, and some days
there really is something shittygoing on, or some days, you
(08:10):
know, just mentally you're justnot there or something. Do I
think that as a thepreponderance of my week, I
should have something to focuson to be grateful about?
Absolutely. But I don't feellike a failure if I don't do it
every day.
Cheryl Stuller (08:25):
Absolutely not.
And I've always said this, Ihave said this to our listeners
all the time. You have to haveyour feelings and the feelings
that you have right out of thegate. Are your true feelings.
And then you get to processthrough that, have those feels
and then you can reflect backand go okay, now wait a minute,
that was shitty. What thatperson did was shitty, what that
(08:48):
situation was was shitty. Buthere's the silver lining in
that, and I am so not thatperson. I can hang on to a
grudge like nobody's business. Ican kick people out of my life
very quickly, if if there's beena situation with them. So I for
me today, you know, just doingthe research on this, it kind of
(09:15):
brings it back to the forefrontthat, you know, we all have
something to be grateful for,and how gratitude for. I think
I'm really good at doing thatwith people. But for myself, I
think I tend to look at thingsand hold on to things negatively
longer than I should. So todayreally helped me remind myself
(09:37):
that, you know, you've got tolook past the bad shit that's
going on. And find something youcan hang on to that's positive.
Stasha Boyd (09:50):
Well, and that goes to the hedonic adaption thing
that we'll be talking about in aminute. But it is that idea that
because you're like you alwayssay like that first feeling you
have is your true feeling. Andmy philosophy is that first
feeling that you have is yourhabitual feeling. That's the
habit you've gotten into. Thisthing occurs or something that's
similar. Somebody says somethingthat just sets you off or
whatever it is. And your brain,your mind is going to go right
(10:14):
to the same place that it alwaysgoes. Now, if your habit is for
if somebody says something youdon't like, and you're like, Oh
my God, they're disrespectingme. If that's the habit where
your brain goes, anytime youhear that, that's how you're
gonna feel you'll feel anger,you'll feel irritation, or
whatever that is, until youbreak the habit and say, Okay,
well, maybe they weredisrespecting me, or maybe they
(10:35):
weren't thinking of me at all.
And maybe they just saidsomething. And maybe I don't
have to be mad about it, untilyou can change the habit of
where your mind goes. And Ithink that's part of what that
gratitude journaling does andwhat doing it every day, is
because it breaks the habit, andit gives you a new one. So when
you're first reaching out for athought, or something happens,
(10:55):
your first thought your earlierin the line thought is something
positive. And good.
Cheryl Stuller (11:03):
You are absolutely right, I had a
conversation with someone that,that your he, I think he was
trying to say somethingdifferent than how it actually
came out. But because we have ahistory and your brain goes
right to that initial hurt.
That's what your brain picks upon first. And that's exactly
(11:27):
what happened. And, but I had tofeel all of that and get through
that and say, Well, maybe that'snot how that person meant to say
that. And, and I had to do thatfor myself, I had to think
through that. And really analyzeit and say, Is that really what
(11:49):
that person meant to make youfeel, you know, not that
somebody can make you feelsomething but you know, some
sometimes people can say thingsto you that trigger you and
bring you back to that space.
Stasha Boyd (12:06):
Well, and sometimes somebody is trying to push your
buttons too, you know, somebodyis trying to push a button, or
they're doing something theyknow is gonna push a button, and
they truly don't care. It'slike, that's, it's like, okay,
I'm just I just got to speak mymind here. And I don't care how
they take it. And I find that tobe an extremely unkind position.
And that's going back to likethat thing about the people that
(12:27):
I know who have this tendency.
They're like, well, I just gottahave a say, and I'm just gonna
speak my mind. And I'm mythought is is like, I don't
think that everybody everywhereneeds to hear a negative opinion
that you have all the time. Yoknow, maybe something did go
rong. Maybe you did get bad serice, maybe this, maybe your fo
d was overcooked or undercoked. But do you have to bring i
up? You know, because it justinjects negativity, anythin
(12:50):
. And again, you're not there'sno gratitude there. Like you wer
saying, it's like, let's sy cuz we I was out to lunch w
th some people last week. Ad one of the people in this bi
ger party, just, it doesn'tmatter where we go, it's either
onna be slow service, bad serice, the food's not gonna b
right, they didn't leave of something they should have le
t off, they didn't put somethig on that they should have put o
(13:10):
, you know, whatever it is, i's always going to be som
thing. And my response is thayou told them that you did
't want this particular spie on your sandwich. Send it bac
. Well, it took so long to getthe food y'all be finished eat
ng before I get mine. I'm lik, Okay, then. Take it off you
self. You know, so I'm outthere throwing out idea after id
a after idea. And of coursethat's futile. That's stup
(13:32):
d on my part, I was I should hae known better. But, um, but
because they were really commtted to the this negative ex
erience they were having. Anthat's something else too.
I think sometimes, you know,hen you are around people,
because again, they couldn't berateful for the fact that we wer
having lunch, they couldn't berateful for the fact that we
ere all together. They coudn't be grateful for the fact
(13:52):
that we had just, you know, goten some some information back
hat was really good and positiveabout a medical issue we were wa
ting to find out about. Noneof that could overcome the f
ct that there was, you know,ot sa
Cheryl Stuller (14:09):
Well, and in you know, and I find this with
people, it's so easy for peopleto be negative, and so hard for
people to be positive.
Stasha Boyd (14:20):
Why do you think that is?
Cheryl Stuller (14:21):
And well, because I think once that train
gets going, it's those negativethoughts that run down the hill.
And, you know, and it's, it'sthat type of like you said, we
action that you go back to, andand it's with gratitude, you
(14:41):
actually have to train yourbrain differently. If you're not
that person. And it has tobecome a habit and you have to
work at it. It's like arelationship. You have to work
at being grateful and havinggratitude. But when you do that,
it's a game changer for all theway down to your body, how your
body reacts to things. If youare, if you're feeling
(15:06):
gratitude, you start to feelrelaxed. I mean, it affects your
blood pressure, it affects yourmood and your affect. It's it's
a all encompassing thing. Andit's one of the most powerful
tools that we have to changebehaviors if we know how to
practice it.
Stasha Boyd (15:25):
Yeah, and I think that is that, it's that mental
interrupter. So it's like whenyou kind of come up with an idea
about gratitude. And especiallywhen you're in the midst of a
negative thought process, itinterrupts it, interrupts the
cycle. So now you're likeputting a positive thought in
there. I wonder sometimes, ifpeople are just so addicted to
(15:45):
feeling like shit all the time,that they just kind of keep
putting themselves back there.
Everything is outrageous.
Everything is angering.
Everything is triggering.
Everything is awful. And sosuddenly, they find themselves
feeling somewhat happy andgrateful, that just becomes
uncomfortable for them, becausethey're not used to it.
Cheryl Stuller (16:03):
Mm hmm. Yeah.
Your thoughts and feelings canbe a habit. Absolutely. That's
why changing that is somethingthat you really have to work at,
and recommended to work at on adaily basis, even if it's just
waking up in the morning, andsaying one thing that you're
grateful for before you startyour day and starting off in
(16:24):
that kind of positive mode,before you even let your feet
hit the floor.
Stasha Boyd (16:32):
And I think I mentioned this to you at one
point. One point in my life,when I was like, it was actually
like a like a year ago,especially during COVID. When
everything just felt so bad allthe time. One of the habits I
had developed was you know, Iroll over in the morning, and I
reach over and I grab thatphone. And before I've even
gotten out of bed, it's all thebad news in the world, all the
(16:52):
bullshit right into my eyes, asI'm still barely conscious. So
um, I don't know if I saw, Idon't know if somebody
recommended I do this, or if Isaw it written somewhere. But
they suggested keeping a littlepad of sticky notes next to your
bed. And before you go to bed,when you go to bed at night,
think of one thing you did thatyou're proud of yourself for.
And it can also be a gratitude,it could be like, I'm grateful
for this, or you got threethings done today, or you helped
(17:17):
somebody whatever it is thatthat positive thing, write that
on a sticky note and put it onthe front of your phone. So that
if you are in that habit ofreaching over and picking up
that phone, the first thing youread, read in the morning is
something positive aboutyourself something you're
grateful for something to justbreak that cycle of negative
waves first thing when you wakeup.
Cheryl Stuller (17:40):
That's a great idea. Actually, I like that
idea. And it's good if you writeit down, too, because it's that
flow through of not justthinking it but you're putting
it into words and you're writingit down. It's something you can
look at later and reaffirm.
Stasha Boyd (17:57):
And it literally takes 15 seconds. You know,
because that's what a lot offolks will say is like, Oh, I
don't have time to journal. If Ihad time to journal, I wouldn't
be this, that and the other andit's sort of like, okay, I think
you're not writing a novel, youcan write three bullet points
that counts as journaling. Itcould be one sentence that
(18:18):
counts, it could be a mark inthe corner of your, of your data
they brought or it could be ifyou keep notes on your phone,
you can just have a note on yourphone, just just put a sentence.
That's another one of the thingsI highly recommend people have a
tendency to overcomplicatethings. It's like okay, what's
the easiest way I can do this?
What is the easiest way I couldwrite something positive down
(18:39):
twice a day?
Cheryl Stuller (18:42):
Mm hmm.
Absolutely.
Stasha Boyd (18:45):
And if you're, if you're like middle aged, like
me, and you like pencil andpaper, and you like sticky
notes, get you a pack of stickynotes down there at you know,
Best Buy or wherever it is. Andjust keep it by the bed.
Cheryl Stuller (18:57):
Yeah, because that's easily accessible. I
think sometimes when we putstuff on our phone, it's easy to
ignore it because you have toget to it. You know, seeing it
in the mirror, or seeing it onyour dresser when you wake up is
cool, because it's right there.
And you can see it.
Stasha Boyd (19:13):
Yeah, cuz that that is one thing, I have to be
careful of with my littlereminder, because sometimes I'll
hear it go off. And this willhappen to me like a week or two
on end, I'll hear it go off andI'll just go, oh, it's nine
o'clock. And I won't stop and domy little gratitude typing.
Because one more thing toignore. And so you have to be
careful. It's like if you'regetting like oversaturated with
(19:34):
the bells and whistles and thedings and the notifications that
don't do that then because thenit doesn't help. It just makes
things harder. But ifssomething's helping let it help.
Cheryl Stuller (19:44):
So here's something I ran across as I was
researching this topic, and it'scalled hedonic adaptation. And
it's something I had never everheard of. I was like, What is
are we is this S&M stuff thatwe're mixing in with gratitude?
What is going on? But it'sdefined as a tendency to return
(20:07):
to a relatively stable level ofemotion. Whether you are having
a positive event or a negativeevent, you come back to that
level that you've gottenyourself to that you're
comfortable with, like you weresaying before, where people tend
to play that negative wheel alot, unless you're a really
(20:29):
positive person, you know, and Iand I don't, I don't gravitate
towards the really positivepeople, either. I don't think we
should be so positive and happyall the time. Because I don't
think that's real. I think it'sgreat to have that attitude most
of the time. You know, I thinkyou should have a range of
(20:49):
emotions. I don't think youshould be any one way all the
time.
Stasha Boyd (20:53):
Yeah. I mean, I know some people that I do
believe they're, they're justnaturally happy, positive
people, you know that. Andagain, maybe that's because I,
my experience is in Up withPeople. Because I know vast
numbers of them who are justlike that. And they're just
curious and enthusiastic. And,you know, it's just kind of
their jam. It's what they do.
And I love it. Because when I'maround them, I get right back
(21:13):
into that same, that samefeeling. And it does kind of
like raise the level a littlebit. But if you're a person like
me, who's not quite that highall the time, I'm a little bit
lower than that like that as mykind of middle of the road
place. It can be exhausting. Andthen, yeah, for people who are
much more much lower on that,that scale, they can find it
(21:34):
actually physicallyuncomfortable to be around
somebody who's just thatenthusiastic all the time,
because it feels like pressure.
Cheryl Stuller (21:42):
Right? It feels like pressure. I'm like you I'm
about where you are. I'm notalways I'm not really high
level, you know, positivity allthe time. And I'm not low. But I
like to I like to have your truefeelings. And I appreciate in
other people, when you get tohave that with somebody, because
(22:05):
I think that's more real. Idon't like fake, fake anything.
So if it's fake, I don't likeit. I want to know who you are,
you know, most of the time.
Stasha Boyd (22:16):
Yeah. And I think it's, I think, for me, it's
sometimes I I don't think it'seasy to tell when things are
fake, or when somebody is beingfake. I think it's easy to
assume, but we don't alwaysknow. And so if I'm like, Look
at the benefit of the doubt, I'mgonna give them the positive
benefit of the doubt if I don'tknow that person very well. I'm
just gonna say okay, because howis it any of my business if they
(22:37):
if they're faking it or not? Idon't know them that well, they
don't know me, they're doing mea favor right now, maybe by not
being in a bad mood, who knows.
But when it comes to people thatI know better, it's more like I
can see the change. It's likethey're not themselves, they're
not acting like they normallydo, which goes back to that
hedonic adaption adaptationthing, where most people are at
a certain level, and they kindof stay there. And you can tell
(22:59):
if they're either really high,or really low. And so if I have
a friend that I've known for along time, and suddenly they're
just not themselves, they're nottheir normal, I would have
probably asked them, somethinggoing on, something wrong?
Cheryl Stuller (23:15):
Right, especially if it's a low.
Stasha Boyd (23:17):
And if they were like, suddenly
uncharacteristically giddy,over, over an extended period of
time, it's one thing to be like,super happy one day and they
say, Oh, I just, you know, foundout this wonderful thing. That's
the spike. That's the happinessspike. But if I see them four or
five days in a row, and they'relike that, and they're never
like that, then I'll be like,Are you dating someone new? Did
(23:38):
you get a raise?
Cheryl Stuller (23:40):
Are you smoking something?
Stasha Boyd (23:41):
And give me some?
Cheryl Stuller (23:45):
Share that!
Stasha Boyd (23:50):
And I had heard the concept before, but I had heard
it called happiness set point.
Which is that most people canhave a certain happiness set
point, and they might win thelottery, and be extremely happy
for like a week or two. And thenover time, they come right back
down to about the same amount ofhappiness or unhappiness they
felt before, or people whoexperience an extremely large
(24:10):
setback, you know, somethingterrible happens to them,
they'll get a cancer diagnosis.
And after that initial shockwears off, they drift right back
up to where they pretty muchwhere they normally are, and
approach it the same way theyapproach the rest of their life.
Um, I wonder sometimes if wemake the mistake when we look at
(24:31):
it as happiness, and not assatisfaction. I think people
have always spent a lot of timetrying to make themselves happy
and trying to pursue happiness,when what they really need to be
asking themselves is, Am Isatisfied?
Cheryl Stuller (24:44):
Do I have people in my life that love and support
me? Do I have good health? Youknow, do I have a good job?
That's where that gratitudecomes in. So, let's talk about
what you just said. Becausehedonic adaptation can be bad
when you use it to, it's kind oflike getting a high feeling. You
(25:08):
know, it's kind of like chasingthe high. So if you are going
after that high feeling, it canbe a relationship killer, it can
be a job killer. It's that thingabout being satisfied and being
grateful with what you have andwho you're with and not chasing
(25:29):
that greener garden, that's notactually greener, it can get you
into trouble too. So that'ssomething to look at and look
for.
Stasha Boyd (25:37):
We call that the, the bigger, better deal
syndrome, always looking for thebigger, better deal, you know,
is it that whether it's the nextperson, whether it's the next
job, whether it's the nexthobby, whatever it is, this this
fundamental idea that somehow,whatever is going to give you
that happiness feeling thatyou're looking for that spark,
is, this is some new thingthat's coming up. And sometimes
(26:00):
I think that again, peopleconfuse that. It is there's
something that we call like newrelationship energy. And if
you're dating, if you're in thedating scene, it's like you
might meet a new person, andsuddenly, man, everything is
brighter, and things feelbetter. And that person just
seems a little shinier and youjust feel a little better. But
it's it's new relationshipenergy, you're learning about a
(26:20):
person they're learning aboutyou, you know, as time goes on,
and you have a fewdisappointments, or you realize
that they're not evendisappointments, it just becomes
what you expect, then the samehigh's not there anymore, and
then you get disappointed withthe fact that they're just a
normal person. As, as opposed togoing back to our gratitude
(26:40):
thing, which is when you remindyourself every day, that, you
know, I'm grateful that thisnice person is part of my life,
I'm grateful that this is afriend of mine, I'm grateful
that we enjoy our time together,whatever that thing is.
Cheryl Stuller (26:54):
What attracted you to that person or that job?
Initially, you know, that thingin your life? What attracted you
to that? And what, what, youknow, kept you with that person,
that's a good thing to remindyourself of, and, and think
about and share with the otherperson. One thing I am good at,
(27:15):
because I've told you about thebad things. You know-
Stasha Boyd (27:18):
Yeah! Talk about the good things, Cheryl, damn
it.
Cheryl Stuller (27:21):
Exactly. One of the things I am really good at
is keeping up with people andletting them know how I feel
about them. And telling them howmuch I appreciate them. And, you
know, when they've donesomething that has sparked
something in me, or taught mesomething, I make sure that I
tell people that. I am good atthat.
Stasha Boyd (27:44):
And I think that's its own kind of gratitude.
Because gratitude isn't alwaysan internal conversation. And
you don't even have to go to theperson and say, oh, my gosh, I'm
so grateful that you're in mylife, even though that might be
the feeling. But it might besaying, You know what, when I'm,
when you and I hang out, I justfeel like a smarter person when
I'm around you. Or, you know,when you and I get together,
(28:04):
it's like, I just I really enjoythe fact that, you know, we
laugh all the time. Because Iwonder sometimes if people kind
of, going back to the whole ideaof the gratitude shaming, they
feel like if they're not beinggrateful all the time, because
you see it on all the Pinterestposts, and all the Facebook
things, you know, you got to begrateful for this and grateful
for that, to the point that itbecomes trite. That it that you
(28:26):
feel like if you're not doingit, that, okay, you're not,
you're not doing what you'resupposed to be doing. Or if you
are doing it, and you don't feelsincere, it just becomes a rote
thing to do.
Cheryl Stuller (28:37):
Well, it goes back to that, you know, being
fake thing. You know, we're notalways happy, we're not always
sad. We're not always grateful.
We're not always, or weshouldn't be always anything, we
should have real emotions andreal reactions. But at the same
time, at the end of the day,there, there needs to be
something that you say thatyou're grateful for about that
(28:57):
day, even if it was a shittyday, there's got to be
something. And I've got to workon that. That's something I need
to work on. Especially whenyou're going through something
hard. It's really sometimes it'seasy to get into that negative
mindset. And hard to get out ofit and and trying that grateful
gratitude thing is one way toget you out of that.
Stasha Boyd (29:24):
Well, and also, I mean, for something positive,
you can say I am so gratefulthat I did not lose my temper on
that woman that I was on thephone with from the insurance
company. I am so grateful that Iheld it together today. You
know, look at me look at meadulting up in this bitch. Look
at me. I think there is I thinkthere is that also to be silly
(29:47):
about it. Everything doesn'thave to be so serious. It's a
question again. It's like, youknow, How can I make this
easier? Um, is it really so bad.
That was like one of the greatErma Bombeck and this is like
really aging us now. You know, Iloved Erma Bombeck. Um, well,
one of the things that she saidabout marriage one time was she
said, You know, back in, back inher day when people got married
(30:08):
back in the late 50s orsomething. She's like, you know,
men and women got married, andthey said, for better or for
worse, and then ask themselves,Well, gee, how bad could it get?
And I think that's kind of thatthat little bit of innocence
question. Where you're like, Wasit really that bad today? You
know, yeah, there was a fewthings. But at the end of the
day, I'm here dealt witheverything. You know, to quote
my girl, Corinne Crabtree, it'slike, you know, I didn't die.
(30:30):
And I didn't get pregnant. SoOkay. Good day, good day, nobody
died. Nobody got pregnant. Goodday.
Cheryl Stuller (30:40):
Oh, my gosh.
Stasha Boyd (30:43):
That is the thing.
And this episode is dropping, Ithink on Thanksgiving weekend.
That's the timeline it comesout. And I think that's the time
too as we start getting to theholidays, that family pressure,
you get to spend a lot of timewith people that can drive you
nuts also gets very busy. Also,it gets very, you know, oh, I
have this obligation and thatobligation. And we kind of
(31:03):
forget that, you know, one ofthe most privileged things of
all is having obligations. Thereare people who have no friends,
there are people who are lonely,there are people who are elderly
and shut in, there are people inthe world who for no reason that
they can solve. They don't havethe opportunity to experience
(31:24):
the challenges that we have withour friends and family.
Cheryl Stuller (31:32):
That's a really good point. Yes, absolutely. The
fact that we have relationshipsthat we have in our life, even
if we're having to deal withthose relationships, sometimes
is even a privilege. I agreewith you.
Stasha Boyd (31:47):
And I know that you know, there are some folks that
kind of like bristle a littlebit at the the idea of the term
privilege of something. But Ithink it's a useful term, I
think that it is useful toremember that there are a lot of
things in this world that arenot a given. And they're not a
right. It's like it is not agiven that you're going to have
a home, you think it is, butit's not. I have a friend of
(32:11):
ours who he runs our localhomeless, group shelter, not
shelter, but program. And youknow, he's like, You would be
surprised at how many peoplethis Christmas people with
children who just suddenly foundthemselves in a situation where
they could not keep their, theirhousing. And, and then he'll
hear the people or see thepeople on Facebook, well,
(32:32):
there's jobs open, they need toget a job. He's like, this is a
single mother with a four yearold and a six year old. And
their rent just went up $200 amonth. And she ain't got it.
How, how was going on getting a$10 an hour job supposed to
solve this problem for her.
Again, going that idea of likelife is complicated. When you
(32:53):
see other people in differentsituations, it's not just a
matter of being grateful. Look,I'm not in that situation. But
it's also a matter of beingacknowledging that their
situation might not be acharacter flaw. It might not be
that they made bad choices. Itmight be that life, overtook
(33:14):
them and overcame them.
Cheryl Stuller (33:19):
It is so easy too, a lot of families are one
paycheck away from not having ahome. And if something happens
like your, I mean, I rememberwhen my husband and I were first
married, and we would have totake out these payday loans.
Because I had four kids, therewas no way I could afford
daycare. And there was no way Icould afford daycare on you're
(33:42):
right a $10 an hour job. It wasbetter for me to stay home and
he was new to the Navy anddidn't make any money. You know,
and we needed new tires on thevan, we didn't have a savings at
that point. We didn't have anymoney to put in savings. So and
a lot of families are like that.
So another way to be grateful isto share what you have with
(34:06):
somebody else. Even if it's aHow can I help you today? You
know, being gracious to somebodyelse.
Stasha Boyd (34:16):
And that's a huge one to me. I was like, you know,
if I can't help somebody, I canat least not hurt them. I can at
least at least not be the personthat made their day a little
shittier by either being rude tothe to the waitstaff, okay,
maybe they were slow on theservice. Did it really ruin my
day? Was it really that bad? Youknow, that that I needed to get
(34:39):
up and make a scene about it? Orsome other thing if I'm if I'm
out, if I go to Walmart or ifI'm down at Target, you know, me
complaining to the people whoare actually behind the counters
working or ringing things up,saying, well, you need to open
up more lanes here. I promiseyou the person behind the
counter does not make thatdecision. Keeping negative
(35:02):
comments to yourself, becausethat's, I think that's the other
thing too about, like showinggratitude, you can show
gratitude by just kind of makingunderstanding that your presence
and how you interact in theworld affects other people.
Cheryl Stuller (35:15):
Right? Right.
Stasha Boyd (35:18):
And also, the other thing, too, that that does is
when you are in a situationwhere like, okay, something does
have to be done now, somethinghas occurred that needs a
correction needs somebody to saysomething, then it becomes a
decisive thing, not a defaultposition of bitching and
whining,
Cheryl Stuller (35:33):
Right, and there's a way to get, there's a
way to talk to people in arespectful way, and still get
across what you need and whatyou want in a situation.
Stasha Boyd (35:44):
And here's just like a little public service for
folks who might be hearing thisone. Here's how you handle bad
service at a restaurant. If youreally are experiencing bad
service, and it's not the faultof the kitchen. It's not It's
something's going on and you cantell it's bad service. You get
up and you go over to thehostess station, and you quietly
ask for the manager, orwhoever's the manager on duty.
(36:06):
And then you tell that personyou say, I just want you to
know, you know, we've beenwaiting on food this long, this
has been happening that long. Idon't know if there's anything
going on. But right now, this isthis is our dining experience.
And I would like you to know,don't embarrass the person
that's trying that's servingyou. Even if they are giving
crappy service. Don't, don't bethat crappy person that makes
(36:28):
their life worse. Let themanager handle it. Because
again, going back to that thingabout, like, the habits of some
people that I know, it's almostlike, you know, them saying, and
I told them, I let them know,and I'm like, great, just did it
solve anything? Did it make itbetter? Or did you just feel
(36:52):
self satisfied? Because youknow, you got to get something
off your chest in a snarky way.
And so ask yourself, like, ifthere is a problem? Are you
actually solving the problem?
Are you just making an ass ofyourself?
Cheryl Stuller (37:05):
Mm hmm. Yep.
Yep, not good. No, it's goodreminder for all of us to be
more gracious and patient witheach other. Be patient.
Stasha Boyd (37:19):
Well, and again, patience can look different to
everybody, my my view ofpatience is, and I'm an
impatient person, just, that'smy default position. I want what
I want when I want it, and Iwant it now. And I want
everybody to know what I wantand to anticipate that whim and
then just make sure that I havehave it without ever having to
say anything. That is magicalunicorn thinking. I know that I
(37:43):
have to counteract that that'smy responsibility, not everybody
else's responsibility. And Ithink that's something else
having some self awareness aboutwho you are and how you are in
the world. But go ahead you weregonna say something?
Cheryl Stuller (37:57):
No, I got it. I think we can wrap this up with
what do we want the listeners totake away from this subject?
Stasha Boyd (38:05):
Yes. And I think we're gonna keep this one tight,
short and tight, because it isthe Thanksgiving weekend, and
people have things to do. Forme, the thing about gratitude is
to make it the default positionto make not just the the the
absence of negative thoughts andfeelings and words part of your
life, but the presence ofpositive words and thoughts and
(38:25):
feelings, to also make thosepart of your life. Like you
said, a little note in themorning, little note at night,
the habit you have a lettingpeople know how much they mean
to you. It's the little tinythings done consistently, that
make a huge difference in howyou feel. Like I said, it's, it
will, it will help you relax, ithelps you feel better, it just
(38:47):
makes your quality of lifebetter. And then to just do them
regularly, it becomes who youare and what you do. What about
you?
Cheryl Stuller (38:57):
I think it makes you a better person to be around
to because nobody wants to bearound a stressed out person all
the time, you know, or thatdoesn't handle things well. So I
think it makes us have strongerbonds with people too. If we
show them gratitude, and we letthem know we appreciate them.
(39:19):
And I think it lowers ourstress, it can help us bounce
back from stress better. If weif we default to that positive
gratitude mode after you haveyour feelings. I'm really strong
on that. Because I think weshouldn't push emotions down
necessarily unless they'reharmful to somebody. But I think
(39:43):
it's a good way to remindourselves of what we actually do
have that's going well for us inour life, even if it's something
small, like wow, I reallyhandled that conversation with
that person who was really beingmean to me, you know, I didn't I
didn't give that person my powerand react in a negative way, I
(40:03):
was gracious to that person.
Stasha Boyd (40:05):
Exactly. And all of it counts every little positive
thing counts, there is nopositive thing that doesn't
count. I don't care how littleit is, you know, I held the door
for somebody I, I pushed, I tookthe cart back at the grocery
store. I said something nice tothe person at Publix, whatever
it is, there is no small thingthat doesn't count towards
(40:27):
making the world a little bitbetter of a place. And like you
were saying right now. I mean,all sorts of craziness is
breaking out in the world, andpolitics and tensions and all
sorts of things. So anyopportunity that we have to
remind ourselves and our friendsand our loved ones, that we do
still all love each other. Andwe do still believe in the
goodness of the world is anopportunity to take.
Cheryl Stuller (40:52):
Something I like to do a lot is when I see
somebody who has a new haircut,or I went up to somebody at
CrossFit the other day, and Isaid woman to women supporting
women, I just want you to knowhow beautiful I think you are.
And then I turned around andwalked away. You know, just I
didn't need anything back. Ijust wanted her to know that I
(41:16):
just she's the cutest littlething. And so good at CrossFit.
Yeah, I just wanted her to knowthat. And so just giving people
somebody, that little bit ofpraise or encouragement can
change somebody's day, you don'tknow what's going on in people's
lives. So just to say somethinga little bit positive, and show
(41:39):
some graciousness, andappreciativeness, to somebody
that changed somebody's wholeday.
Stasha Boyd (41:44):
And that's a lot of what gratitude is, is giving
into your better angels givinginto your better nature, you
know, to do the positive thingand not the negative thing to do
to to think well of somebody andnot think ill of them, to say
something nice about yourselfnice about others, and to not
think ill of yourself or others.
I mean, it makes a difference.
And I think that's one of thethings when people feel good
around you, you will find yourcircle of friends growing, you
(42:07):
will find the people that youinteract with, you know, more
satisfying. People feel good inyour presence. That's it. That's
the tic
Cheryl Stuller (42:17):
I think when we are kind to ourselves, and
because I can be hard on myselfwhen I am competitive, I can be
too competitive with myself. Andso it's a good reminder for me
to say, Well, you didn't quiteget that PR today, but this is
what you did do. And be able towalk away from that. And and I
(42:38):
think that builds confidence,especially when you're going
through something hard and thatcan affect how you feel about
yourself. When you when you'rekind to yourself and show
yourself gratitude that buildsconfidence. You know, that
builds, again, relationshipsbecause you're happier you're
presenting to the world insteadof being a negative, you know,
(43:02):
person I think that helps aswell.
Stasha Boyd (43:04):
And I would say the one thing that I always need to
work on is reminding myself thatI should be grateful for the
things that people can do and dodo and are willing to do rather
than being critical of what theycan't do, didn't do and haven't
done. I think that's like if Ihave my harsh things because I'm
a I'm a taskmaster I'm I get itdone. Why are we all standing
here? Let's get something done.
Um, that sometimes I forget thatpeople are doing the best they
(43:26):
can.
Cheryl Stuller (43:29):
That's a big one for me. I am the same way I am
my daddy's girl. You know, Igrew up with those high
expectations. And when peopledon't meet my expectations, I
can often remind them how theydidn't do that.
Stasha Boyd (43:47):
So we both have some homework. That's lovely.
Cheryl Stuller (43:49):
We have some homework.
Stasha Boyd (43:51):
Everyone. Ladies, thank you all once again for
joining us. We really appreciateit. As always, I have come to
the end of my kombucha andginger beer, it's really quite
tasty. And we've got to get togot to get to Publix.
Cheryl Stuller (44:07):
Happy Thanksgiving everybody.
Stasha Boyd (44:09):
Happy Thanksgiving y'all talk to y'all later. Bye.
Hi there, I'm Stasha.
Cheryl Stuller (00:03):
I'm Cheryl.
Stasha Boyd (00:05):
And between us we
Cheryl Stuller (00:05):
have four kids,
Stasha Boyd (00:07):
three businesses,
Cheryl Stuller (00:08):
two husbands and one goal:
Stasha Boyd (00:10):
To get to The Point of the Matter:
Cheryl Stuller (00:12):
Especially when you're going through something
hard, it's really sometimes,it's easy to get into that
negative mindset, and hard toget out of it. And and trying
that grateful, gratitude thingis one way to get you out of
that.
Stasha Boyd (00:33):
It always doesn't have to be grateful for
something positive, you can say,I am so grateful that I did not
lose my temper on that womanthat I was on the phone with
from the insurance company. I amso grateful that I held it
together today. You know, lookat me, look at me adulting up in
this bitch. Look at me.
(00:53):
Hello, hello, Cheryl.
Cheryl Stuller (00:56):
Hey, Chica, how are you?
Stasha Boyd (00:59):
I'm going it's going pretty good. It's going
pretty good overall. I will tellyou this, we had again, another
fantastic, wonderful weekend. Afriend of ours had his 50th
birthday. And he had had thisbig plan to do like this whole
cruise thing. And then that fellapart. And so we ended up having
like a blowout at his house. Andholy cow was it a blow out. And
(01:20):
then that was like, from like,one to five. And then the party
was still going at 6 (01:23):
30. So we invited ourselves to join some
other friends with them. Webasically crashed their dinner
reservation. And then fromthere, the next day was Football
Sunday in America. So I think Ijust scratched myself bloody
again. Dammit, dammit. Honestly,Cheryl, at some point, I'm going
(01:46):
to solve this problem. I'm sosorry, dear listeners. Let me
give you guys a quick heads up,I got into some kind of poison
ivy-ish thing. And I'm tryingvery hard not to scratch. I'm on
the tail end of it. But everyonce in a while I just scratch
something. And next thing I knowI'm bleeding. So alright.
Cheryl Stuller (02:01):
You have been dealing with that for a while.
Stasha Boyd (02:03):
A month, honey, it's bullshit is what it is. How
about you? How was your weekend?
Cheryl Stuller (02:08):
I just today had a lovely conversation with
Jennifer who is one of ourlisteners, a very good friend of
mine that I hadn't talked to ina while. And she just encouraged
me to, she said she loves thepodcast. She learns from it, She
researches some of what we talkabout that she didn't know
(02:30):
about. And she wants us to keepdoing it. And she's going to
help, you know, promote us onher Facebook page. So we just
had and we caught up on eachother's lives and everything. So
it was so good to talk to hertoday. And it was like an hour
long conversation which I don'tnormally sit still for that. So
(02:52):
that was really cool. I can doit in a car when I'm driving.
But not normally when I'm in youknow doing something else.
Stasha Boyd (03:00):
Well, that is nice.
I mean, it's like the thatfeeling of encouragement that,
you know, that somebody ishearing something that things
are getting done. And you know,and I've had friends tell me
that they've listened to it aswell. But I think every once in
a while I'll just get that kindof thing. Like it's because it
is a lot of work and we're gonnado a we're gonna do a podcast
coming up here in a couple ofweeks or next week maybe on like
lessons learned and things thatwe've learned over the years.
(03:23):
And I tell you, I got some noteson the amount of work this is,
it's a lot of work.
Cheryl Stuller (03:31):
It's a lot of work for you and Olivia.
Stasha Boyd (03:34):
For a lot of learning and it's a lot of
learning. So anyway, that'sthat's where we are with that.
But because of that I'm justhaving I'm kind of catching up
on my kombucha beverages. SoI've got a ginger blueberry
kombucha here, and I kind ofjust like mix it in with a
little bit of the ginger beer.
So to get a little bit of morezing. That's my beverage this
(03:54):
evening.
Cheryl Stuller (03:58):
And I was drinking this weekend too. So
I'm not drinking today.
Stasha Boyd (04:02):
Yeah, that's the thing cause we, to let the
listeners know, we record thison Monday nights. So it's like,
okay, every Monday we've justcome off of a weekend of
hopefully having fun. Now thatthings are really reopening. And
for us down here in Florida, theweather is just turning
glorious. So the reason we livein Florida is to have this
(04:24):
weather in the winter. But it'sjust, it's it's just every now
and then you got to calm down.
Every Monday, got to calm down.
Cheryl Stuller (04:33):
So we are talking about gratitude today.
And I well, let me give you themeaning of that. First, I always
love to research the meaning ofthings. It's the quality of
being thankful and being willingto show appreciation and
kindness, which is what we needthese days I think. I think
(04:55):
everybody is so amped up andquick to anger. You see it a lot
on the media. And it's just agood reminder, I think, for all
of us, including myself to begrateful for the small things.
And the connections that we haveand the things that we are able
to do. Like, I'm so thankfulthat I get to, that my body
(05:20):
moves well, and I'm able to moveit well, just little things like
that, that we can be gratefulfor.
Stasha Boyd (05:25):
Yeah. And I think, you know, I always like to kick
it off with like, you know, whydo why do we think this is
important to our listeners? Andthen why is it important to me
personally, and for me, I thinkthe idea of talking about
gratitude is important to womenin their 50s, especially, is
because we're at a point in timewhere there is so much to be
grateful for. But there's also alot of things that are becoming
(05:46):
either old hat, old habits, it'sgood to be reminded about
certain things, some thingswe're taking for granted. Other
things, you know, there arethese little things that are
just going away, and it's likefor some folks, they're gonna go
away, you still have to findways to be grateful about it.
And I had, for me personally,it's like, again, one of those,
like, really life changingunderstandings is, I have, I
(06:11):
come from a long line of verycomplaining cranky people. Um,
and you know, and it's one ofthose things where years years
ago, I made the decision that Idid not want to be that way. And
I didn't know what thedifference needed to be. But I
had to learn. And it really was,I think, the idea of gratitude.
And I'd found books and ofcourse, gratitude journals and,
(06:34):
and things like that. And I havekept a I have like, actually
have a little app on my phone.
That's called Gratitude Rock.
And every morning at 9am, I heara little ding. And it means it's
time to like write something inthat little app. And it might
just be something as you know,man, I'm glad we replaced the
cushions on these chairs. Or I'mglad I can afford to replace the
cushions on these chairs, or theweather's great today or just
(06:55):
something small. And it's almostalways very small, to to just
write it down. It's a wonderfullittle attitude adjustment
sometimes.
Cheryl Stuller (07:06):
Well, that's what Jennifer was saying today,
she actually keeps a gratitudejournal, which was one of the
things they recommended doing.
And she said, when I can't thinkof anything grateful to put down
and have gratitude about I willlook in my journal, and just
look at any given day that she'swritten something down, and
she'll go, Oh, yeah, as areminder, I have all of these
(07:28):
things that I can be gratefulfor, even when I'm feeling low,
or having a bad day. And, and itpicks her up immediately. And it
reminds her of all the, like yousaid little things that we have,
that we should be grateful for,that we forget about and that we
take for granted.
Stasha Boyd (07:48):
Other side of that though, it's almost like there's
this the the flip side, becausea lot of people are almost
fetishizing gratitude now. And,and journaling and all of this
kind of stuff to the point wherethey're, they're shaming people
who aren't grateful. It's like,well, you just need to be more
grateful, if you were moregrateful this would happen. And
some days you're not feeling allthat grateful, and some days
there really is something shittygoing on, or some days, you
(08:10):
know, just mentally you're justnot there or something. Do I
think that as a thepreponderance of my week, I
should have something to focuson to be grateful about?
Absolutely. But I don't feellike a failure if I don't do it
every day.
Cheryl Stuller (08:25):
Absolutely not.
And I've always said this, Ihave said this to our listeners
all the time. You have to haveyour feelings and the feelings
that you have right out of thegate. Are your true feelings.
And then you get to processthrough that, have those feels
and then you can reflect backand go okay, now wait a minute,
that was shitty. What thatperson did was shitty, what that
(08:48):
situation was was shitty. Buthere's the silver lining in
that, and I am so not thatperson. I can hang on to a
grudge like nobody's business. Ican kick people out of my life
very quickly, if if there's beena situation with them. So I for
me today, you know, just doingthe research on this, it kind of
(09:15):
brings it back to the forefrontthat, you know, we all have
something to be grateful for,and how gratitude for. I think
I'm really good at doing thatwith people. But for myself, I
think I tend to look at thingsand hold on to things negatively
longer than I should. So todayreally helped me remind myself
(09:37):
that, you know, you've got tolook past the bad shit that's
going on. And find something youcan hang on to that's positive.
Stasha Boyd (09:50):
Well, and that goes to the hedonic adaption thing
that we'll be talking about in aminute. But it is that idea that
because you're like you alwayssay like that first feeling you
have is your true feeling. Andmy philosophy is that first
feeling that you have is yourhabitual feeling. That's the
habit you've gotten into. Thisthing occurs or something that's
similar. Somebody says somethingthat just sets you off or
whatever it is. And your brain,your mind is going to go right
(10:14):
to the same place that it alwaysgoes. Now, if your habit is for
if somebody says something youdon't like, and you're like, Oh
my God, they're disrespectingme. If that's the habit where
your brain goes, anytime youhear that, that's how you're
gonna feel you'll feel anger,you'll feel irritation, or
whatever that is, until youbreak the habit and say, Okay,
well, maybe they weredisrespecting me, or maybe they
(10:35):
weren't thinking of me at all.
And maybe they just saidsomething. And maybe I don't
have to be mad about it, untilyou can change the habit of
where your mind goes. And Ithink that's part of what that
gratitude journaling does andwhat doing it every day, is
because it breaks the habit, andit gives you a new one. So when
you're first reaching out for athought, or something happens,
(10:55):
your first thought your earlierin the line thought is something
positive. And good.
Cheryl Stuller (11:03):
You are absolutely right, I had a
conversation with someone that,that your he, I think he was
trying to say somethingdifferent than how it actually
came out. But because we have ahistory and your brain goes
right to that initial hurt.
That's what your brain picks upon first. And that's exactly
(11:27):
what happened. And, but I had tofeel all of that and get through
that and say, Well, maybe that'snot how that person meant to say
that. And, and I had to do thatfor myself, I had to think
through that. And really analyzeit and say, Is that really what
(11:49):
that person meant to make youfeel, you know, not that
somebody can make you feelsomething but you know, some
sometimes people can say thingsto you that trigger you and
bring you back to that space.
Stasha Boyd (12:06):
Well, and sometimes somebody is trying to push your
buttons too, you know, somebodyis trying to push a button, or
they're doing something theyknow is gonna push a button, and
they truly don't care. It'slike, that's, it's like, okay,
I'm just I just got to speak mymind here. And I don't care how
they take it. And I find that tobe an extremely unkind position.
And that's going back to likethat thing about the people that
(12:27):
I know who have this tendency.
They're like, well, I just gottahave a say, and I'm just gonna
speak my mind. And I'm mythought is is like, I don't
think that everybody everywhereneeds to hear a negative opinion
that you have all the time. Yoknow, maybe something did go
rong. Maybe you did get bad serice, maybe this, maybe your fo
d was overcooked or undercoked. But do you have to bring i
up? You know, because it justinjects negativity, anythin
(12:50):
. And again, you're not there'sno gratitude there. Like you wer
saying, it's like, let's sy cuz we I was out to lunch w
th some people last week. Ad one of the people in this bi
ger party, just, it doesn'tmatter where we go, it's either
onna be slow service, bad serice, the food's not gonna b
right, they didn't leave of something they should have le
t off, they didn't put somethig on that they should have put o
(13:10):
, you know, whatever it is, i's always going to be som
thing. And my response is thayou told them that you did
't want this particular spie on your sandwich. Send it bac
. Well, it took so long to getthe food y'all be finished eat
ng before I get mine. I'm lik, Okay, then. Take it off you
self. You know, so I'm outthere throwing out idea after id
a after idea. And of coursethat's futile. That's stup
(13:32):
d on my part, I was I should hae known better. But, um, but
because they were really commtted to the this negative ex
erience they were having. Anthat's something else too.
I think sometimes, you know,hen you are around people,
because again, they couldn't berateful for the fact that we wer
having lunch, they couldn't berateful for the fact that we
ere all together. They coudn't be grateful for the fact
(13:52):
that we had just, you know, goten some some information back
hat was really good and positiveabout a medical issue we were wa
ting to find out about. Noneof that could overcome the f
ct that there was, you know,ot sa
Cheryl Stuller (14:09):
Well, and in you know, and I find this with
people, it's so easy for peopleto be negative, and so hard for
people to be positive.
Stasha Boyd (14:20):
Why do you think that is?
Cheryl Stuller (14:21):
And well, because I think once that train
gets going, it's those negativethoughts that run down the hill.
And, you know, and it's, it'sthat type of like you said, we
action that you go back to, andand it's with gratitude, you
(14:41):
actually have to train yourbrain differently. If you're not
that person. And it has tobecome a habit and you have to
work at it. It's like arelationship. You have to work
at being grateful and havinggratitude. But when you do that,
it's a game changer for all theway down to your body, how your
body reacts to things. If youare, if you're feeling
(15:06):
gratitude, you start to feelrelaxed. I mean, it affects your
blood pressure, it affects yourmood and your affect. It's it's
a all encompassing thing. Andit's one of the most powerful
tools that we have to changebehaviors if we know how to
practice it.
Stasha Boyd (15:25):
Yeah, and I think that is that, it's that mental
interrupter. So it's like whenyou kind of come up with an idea
about gratitude. And especiallywhen you're in the midst of a
negative thought process, itinterrupts it, interrupts the
cycle. So now you're likeputting a positive thought in
there. I wonder sometimes, ifpeople are just so addicted to
(15:45):
feeling like shit all the time,that they just kind of keep
putting themselves back there.
Everything is outrageous.
Everything is angering.
Everything is triggering.
Everything is awful. And sosuddenly, they find themselves
feeling somewhat happy andgrateful, that just becomes
uncomfortable for them, becausethey're not used to it.
Cheryl Stuller (16:03):
Mm hmm. Yeah.
Your thoughts and feelings canbe a habit. Absolutely. That's
why changing that is somethingthat you really have to work at,
and recommended to work at on adaily basis, even if it's just
waking up in the morning, andsaying one thing that you're
grateful for before you startyour day and starting off in
(16:24):
that kind of positive mode,before you even let your feet
hit the floor.
Stasha Boyd (16:32):
And I think I mentioned this to you at one
point. One point in my life,when I was like, it was actually
like a like a year ago,especially during COVID. When
everything just felt so bad allthe time. One of the habits I
had developed was you know, Iroll over in the morning, and I
reach over and I grab thatphone. And before I've even
gotten out of bed, it's all thebad news in the world, all the
(16:52):
bullshit right into my eyes, asI'm still barely conscious. So
um, I don't know if I saw, Idon't know if somebody
recommended I do this, or if Isaw it written somewhere. But
they suggested keeping a littlepad of sticky notes next to your
bed. And before you go to bed,when you go to bed at night,
think of one thing you did thatyou're proud of yourself for.
And it can also be a gratitude,it could be like, I'm grateful
for this, or you got threethings done today, or you helped
(17:17):
somebody whatever it is thatthat positive thing, write that
on a sticky note and put it onthe front of your phone. So that
if you are in that habit ofreaching over and picking up
that phone, the first thing youread, read in the morning is
something positive aboutyourself something you're
grateful for something to justbreak that cycle of negative
waves first thing when you wakeup.
Cheryl Stuller (17:40):
That's a great idea. Actually, I like that
idea. And it's good if you writeit down, too, because it's that
flow through of not justthinking it but you're putting
it into words and you're writingit down. It's something you can
look at later and reaffirm.
Stasha Boyd (17:57):
And it literally takes 15 seconds. You know,
because that's what a lot offolks will say is like, Oh, I
don't have time to journal. If Ihad time to journal, I wouldn't
be this, that and the other andit's sort of like, okay, I think
you're not writing a novel, youcan write three bullet points
that counts as journaling. Itcould be one sentence that
(18:18):
counts, it could be a mark inthe corner of your, of your data
they brought or it could be ifyou keep notes on your phone,
you can just have a note on yourphone, just just put a sentence.
That's another one of the thingsI highly recommend people have a
tendency to overcomplicatethings. It's like okay, what's
the easiest way I can do this?
What is the easiest way I couldwrite something positive down
(18:39):
twice a day?
Cheryl Stuller (18:42):
Mm hmm.
Absolutely.
Stasha Boyd (18:45):
And if you're, if you're like middle aged, like
me, and you like pencil andpaper, and you like sticky
notes, get you a pack of stickynotes down there at you know,
Best Buy or wherever it is. Andjust keep it by the bed.
Cheryl Stuller (18:57):
Yeah, because that's easily accessible. I
think sometimes when we putstuff on our phone, it's easy to
ignore it because you have toget to it. You know, seeing it
in the mirror, or seeing it onyour dresser when you wake up is
cool, because it's right there.
And you can see it.
Stasha Boyd (19:13):
Yeah, cuz that that is one thing, I have to be
careful of with my littlereminder, because sometimes I'll
hear it go off. And this willhappen to me like a week or two
on end, I'll hear it go off andI'll just go, oh, it's nine
o'clock. And I won't stop and domy little gratitude typing.
Because one more thing toignore. And so you have to be
careful. It's like if you'regetting like oversaturated with
(19:34):
the bells and whistles and thedings and the notifications that
don't do that then because thenit doesn't help. It just makes
things harder. But ifssomething's helping let it help.
Cheryl Stuller (19:44):
So here's something I ran across as I was
researching this topic, and it'scalled hedonic adaptation. And
it's something I had never everheard of. I was like, What is
are we is this S&M stuff thatwe're mixing in with gratitude?
What is going on? But it'sdefined as a tendency to return
(20:07):
to a relatively stable level ofemotion. Whether you are having
a positive event or a negativeevent, you come back to that
level that you've gottenyourself to that you're
comfortable with, like you weresaying before, where people tend
to play that negative wheel alot, unless you're a really
(20:29):
positive person, you know, and Iand I don't, I don't gravitate
towards the really positivepeople, either. I don't think we
should be so positive and happyall the time. Because I don't
think that's real. I think it'sgreat to have that attitude most
of the time. You know, I thinkyou should have a range of
(20:49):
emotions. I don't think youshould be any one way all the
time.
Stasha Boyd (20:53):
Yeah. I mean, I know some people that I do
believe they're, they're justnaturally happy, positive
people, you know that. Andagain, maybe that's because I,
my experience is in Up withPeople. Because I know vast
numbers of them who are justlike that. And they're just
curious and enthusiastic. And,you know, it's just kind of
their jam. It's what they do.
And I love it. Because when I'maround them, I get right back
(21:13):
into that same, that samefeeling. And it does kind of
like raise the level a littlebit. But if you're a person like
me, who's not quite that highall the time, I'm a little bit
lower than that like that as mykind of middle of the road
place. It can be exhausting. Andthen, yeah, for people who are
much more much lower on that,that scale, they can find it
(21:34):
actually physicallyuncomfortable to be around
somebody who's just thatenthusiastic all the time,
because it feels like pressure.
Cheryl Stuller (21:42):
Right? It feels like pressure. I'm like you I'm
about where you are. I'm notalways I'm not really high
level, you know, positivity allthe time. And I'm not low. But I
like to I like to have your truefeelings. And I appreciate in
other people, when you get tohave that with somebody, because
(22:05):
I think that's more real. Idon't like fake, fake anything.
So if it's fake, I don't likeit. I want to know who you are,
you know, most of the time.
Stasha Boyd (22:16):
Yeah. And I think it's, I think, for me, it's
sometimes I I don't think it'seasy to tell when things are
fake, or when somebody is beingfake. I think it's easy to
assume, but we don't alwaysknow. And so if I'm like, Look
at the benefit of the doubt, I'mgonna give them the positive
benefit of the doubt if I don'tknow that person very well. I'm
just gonna say okay, because howis it any of my business if they
(22:37):
if they're faking it or not? Idon't know them that well, they
don't know me, they're doing mea favor right now, maybe by not
being in a bad mood, who knows.
But when it comes to people thatI know better, it's more like I
can see the change. It's likethey're not themselves, they're
not acting like they normallydo, which goes back to that
hedonic adaption adaptationthing, where most people are at
a certain level, and they kindof stay there. And you can tell
(22:59):
if they're either really high,or really low. And so if I have
a friend that I've known for along time, and suddenly they're
just not themselves, they're nottheir normal, I would have
probably asked them, somethinggoing on, something wrong?
Cheryl Stuller (23:15):
Right, especially if it's a low.
Stasha Boyd (23:17):
And if they were like, suddenly
uncharacteristically giddy,over, over an extended period of
time, it's one thing to be like,super happy one day and they
say, Oh, I just, you know, foundout this wonderful thing. That's
the spike. That's the happinessspike. But if I see them four or
five days in a row, and they'relike that, and they're never
like that, then I'll be like,Are you dating someone new? Did
(23:38):
you get a raise?
Cheryl Stuller (23:40):
Are you smoking something?
Stasha Boyd (23:41):
And give me some?
Cheryl Stuller (23:45):
Share that!
Stasha Boyd (23:50):
And I had heard the concept before, but I had heard
it called happiness set point.
Which is that most people canhave a certain happiness set
point, and they might win thelottery, and be extremely happy
for like a week or two. And thenover time, they come right back
down to about the same amount ofhappiness or unhappiness they
felt before, or people whoexperience an extremely large
(24:10):
setback, you know, somethingterrible happens to them,
they'll get a cancer diagnosis.
And after that initial shockwears off, they drift right back
up to where they pretty muchwhere they normally are, and
approach it the same way theyapproach the rest of their life.
Um, I wonder sometimes if wemake the mistake when we look at
(24:31):
it as happiness, and not assatisfaction. I think people
have always spent a lot of timetrying to make themselves happy
and trying to pursue happiness,when what they really need to be
asking themselves is, Am Isatisfied?
Cheryl Stuller (24:44):
Do I have people in my life that love and support
me? Do I have good health? Youknow, do I have a good job?
That's where that gratitudecomes in. So, let's talk about
what you just said. Becausehedonic adaptation can be bad
when you use it to, it's kind oflike getting a high feeling. You
(25:08):
know, it's kind of like chasingthe high. So if you are going
after that high feeling, it canbe a relationship killer, it can
be a job killer. It's that thingabout being satisfied and being
grateful with what you have andwho you're with and not chasing
(25:29):
that greener garden, that's notactually greener, it can get you
into trouble too. So that'ssomething to look at and look
for.
Stasha Boyd (25:37):
We call that the, the bigger, better deal
syndrome, always looking for thebigger, better deal, you know,
is it that whether it's the nextperson, whether it's the next
job, whether it's the nexthobby, whatever it is, this this
fundamental idea that somehow,whatever is going to give you
that happiness feeling thatyou're looking for that spark,
is, this is some new thingthat's coming up. And sometimes
(26:00):
I think that again, peopleconfuse that. It is there's
something that we call like newrelationship energy. And if
you're dating, if you're in thedating scene, it's like you
might meet a new person, andsuddenly, man, everything is
brighter, and things feelbetter. And that person just
seems a little shinier and youjust feel a little better. But
it's it's new relationshipenergy, you're learning about a
(26:20):
person they're learning aboutyou, you know, as time goes on,
and you have a fewdisappointments, or you realize
that they're not evendisappointments, it just becomes
what you expect, then the samehigh's not there anymore, and
then you get disappointed withthe fact that they're just a
normal person. As, as opposed togoing back to our gratitude
(26:40):
thing, which is when you remindyourself every day, that, you
know, I'm grateful that thisnice person is part of my life,
I'm grateful that this is afriend of mine, I'm grateful
that we enjoy our time together,whatever that thing is.
Cheryl Stuller (26:54):
What attracted you to that person or that job?
Initially, you know, that thingin your life? What attracted you
to that? And what, what, youknow, kept you with that person,
that's a good thing to remindyourself of, and, and think
about and share with the otherperson. One thing I am good at,
(27:15):
because I've told you about thebad things. You know-
Stasha Boyd (27:18):
Yeah! Talk about the good things, Cheryl, damn
it.
Cheryl Stuller (27:21):
Exactly. One of the things I am really good at
is keeping up with people andletting them know how I feel
about them. And telling them howmuch I appreciate them. And, you
know, when they've donesomething that has sparked
something in me, or taught mesomething, I make sure that I
tell people that. I am good atthat.
Stasha Boyd (27:44):
And I think that's its own kind of gratitude.
Because gratitude isn't alwaysan internal conversation. And
you don't even have to go to theperson and say, oh, my gosh, I'm
so grateful that you're in mylife, even though that might be
the feeling. But it might besaying, You know what, when I'm,
when you and I hang out, I justfeel like a smarter person when
I'm around you. Or, you know,when you and I get together,
(28:04):
it's like, I just I really enjoythe fact that, you know, we
laugh all the time. Because Iwonder sometimes if people kind
of, going back to the whole ideaof the gratitude shaming, they
feel like if they're not beinggrateful all the time, because
you see it on all the Pinterestposts, and all the Facebook
things, you know, you got to begrateful for this and grateful
for that, to the point that itbecomes trite. That it that you
(28:26):
feel like if you're not doingit, that, okay, you're not,
you're not doing what you'resupposed to be doing. Or if you
are doing it, and you don't feelsincere, it just becomes a rote
thing to do.
Cheryl Stuller (28:37):
Well, it goes back to that, you know, being
fake thing. You know, we're notalways happy, we're not always
sad. We're not always grateful.
We're not always, or weshouldn't be always anything, we
should have real emotions andreal reactions. But at the same
time, at the end of the day,there, there needs to be
something that you say thatyou're grateful for about that
(28:57):
day, even if it was a shittyday, there's got to be
something. And I've got to workon that. That's something I need
to work on. Especially whenyou're going through something
hard. It's really sometimes it'seasy to get into that negative
mindset. And hard to get out ofit and and trying that grateful
gratitude thing is one way toget you out of that.
Stasha Boyd (29:24):
Well, and also, I mean, for something positive,
you can say I am so gratefulthat I did not lose my temper on
that woman that I was on thephone with from the insurance
company. I am so grateful that Iheld it together today. You
know, look at me look at meadulting up in this bitch. Look
at me. I think there is I thinkthere is that also to be silly
(29:47):
about it. Everything doesn'thave to be so serious. It's a
question again. It's like, youknow, How can I make this
easier? Um, is it really so bad.
That was like one of the greatErma Bombeck and this is like
really aging us now. You know, Iloved Erma Bombeck. Um, well,
one of the things that she saidabout marriage one time was she
said, You know, back in, back inher day when people got married
(30:08):
back in the late 50s orsomething. She's like, you know,
men and women got married, andthey said, for better or for
worse, and then ask themselves,Well, gee, how bad could it get?
And I think that's kind of thatthat little bit of innocence
question. Where you're like, Wasit really that bad today? You
know, yeah, there was a fewthings. But at the end of the
day, I'm here dealt witheverything. You know, to quote
my girl, Corinne Crabtree, it'slike, you know, I didn't die.
(30:30):
And I didn't get pregnant. SoOkay. Good day, good day, nobody
died. Nobody got pregnant. Goodday.
Cheryl Stuller (30:40):
Oh, my gosh.
Stasha Boyd (30:43):
That is the thing.
And this episode is dropping, Ithink on Thanksgiving weekend.
That's the timeline it comesout. And I think that's the time
too as we start getting to theholidays, that family pressure,
you get to spend a lot of timewith people that can drive you
nuts also gets very busy. Also,it gets very, you know, oh, I
have this obligation and thatobligation. And we kind of
(31:03):
forget that, you know, one ofthe most privileged things of
all is having obligations. Thereare people who have no friends,
there are people who are lonely,there are people who are elderly
and shut in, there are people inthe world who for no reason that
they can solve. They don't havethe opportunity to experience
(31:24):
the challenges that we have withour friends and family.
Cheryl Stuller (31:32):
That's a really good point. Yes, absolutely. The
fact that we have relationshipsthat we have in our life, even
if we're having to deal withthose relationships, sometimes
is even a privilege. I agreewith you.
Stasha Boyd (31:47):
And I know that you know, there are some folks that
kind of like bristle a littlebit at the the idea of the term
privilege of something. But Ithink it's a useful term, I
think that it is useful toremember that there are a lot of
things in this world that arenot a given. And they're not a
right. It's like it is not agiven that you're going to have
a home, you think it is, butit's not. I have a friend of
(32:11):
ours who he runs our localhomeless, group shelter, not
shelter, but program. And youknow, he's like, You would be
surprised at how many peoplethis Christmas people with
children who just suddenly foundthemselves in a situation where
they could not keep their, theirhousing. And, and then he'll
hear the people or see thepeople on Facebook, well,
(32:32):
there's jobs open, they need toget a job. He's like, this is a
single mother with a four yearold and a six year old. And
their rent just went up $200 amonth. And she ain't got it.
How, how was going on getting a$10 an hour job supposed to
solve this problem for her.
Again, going that idea of likelife is complicated. When you
(32:53):
see other people in differentsituations, it's not just a
matter of being grateful. Look,I'm not in that situation. But
it's also a matter of beingacknowledging that their
situation might not be acharacter flaw. It might not be
that they made bad choices. Itmight be that life, overtook
(33:14):
them and overcame them.
Cheryl Stuller (33:19):
It is so easy too, a lot of families are one
paycheck away from not having ahome. And if something happens
like your, I mean, I rememberwhen my husband and I were first
married, and we would have totake out these payday loans.
Because I had four kids, therewas no way I could afford
daycare. And there was no way Icould afford daycare on you're
(33:42):
right a $10 an hour job. It wasbetter for me to stay home and
he was new to the Navy anddidn't make any money. You know,
and we needed new tires on thevan, we didn't have a savings at
that point. We didn't have anymoney to put in savings. So and
a lot of families are like that.
So another way to be grateful isto share what you have with
(34:06):
somebody else. Even if it's aHow can I help you today? You
know, being gracious to somebodyelse.
Stasha Boyd (34:16):
And that's a huge one to me. I was like, you know,
if I can't help somebody, I canat least not hurt them. I can at
least at least not be the personthat made their day a little
shittier by either being rude tothe to the waitstaff, okay,
maybe they were slow on theservice. Did it really ruin my
day? Was it really that bad? Youknow, that that I needed to get
(34:39):
up and make a scene about it? Orsome other thing if I'm if I'm
out, if I go to Walmart or ifI'm down at Target, you know, me
complaining to the people whoare actually behind the counters
working or ringing things up,saying, well, you need to open
up more lanes here. I promiseyou the person behind the
counter does not make thatdecision. Keeping negative
(35:02):
comments to yourself, becausethat's, I think that's the other
thing too about, like showinggratitude, you can show
gratitude by just kind of makingunderstanding that your presence
and how you interact in theworld affects other people.
Cheryl Stuller (35:15):
Right? Right.
Stasha Boyd (35:18):
And also, the other thing, too, that that does is
when you are in a situationwhere like, okay, something does
have to be done now, somethinghas occurred that needs a
correction needs somebody to saysomething, then it becomes a
decisive thing, not a defaultposition of bitching and
whining,
Cheryl Stuller (35:33):
Right, and there's a way to get, there's a
way to talk to people in arespectful way, and still get
across what you need and whatyou want in a situation.
Stasha Boyd (35:44):
And here's just like a little public service for
folks who might be hearing thisone. Here's how you handle bad
service at a restaurant. If youreally are experiencing bad
service, and it's not the faultof the kitchen. It's not It's
something's going on and you cantell it's bad service. You get
up and you go over to thehostess station, and you quietly
ask for the manager, orwhoever's the manager on duty.
(36:06):
And then you tell that personyou say, I just want you to
know, you know, we've beenwaiting on food this long, this
has been happening that long. Idon't know if there's anything
going on. But right now, this isthis is our dining experience.
And I would like you to know,don't embarrass the person
that's trying that's servingyou. Even if they are giving
crappy service. Don't, don't bethat crappy person that makes
(36:28):
their life worse. Let themanager handle it. Because
again, going back to that thingabout, like, the habits of some
people that I know, it's almostlike, you know, them saying, and
I told them, I let them know,and I'm like, great, just did it
solve anything? Did it make itbetter? Or did you just feel
(36:52):
self satisfied? Because youknow, you got to get something
off your chest in a snarky way.
And so ask yourself, like, ifthere is a problem? Are you
actually solving the problem?
Are you just making an ass ofyourself?
Cheryl Stuller (37:05):
Mm hmm. Yep.
Yep, not good. No, it's goodreminder for all of us to be
more gracious and patient witheach other. Be patient.
Stasha Boyd (37:19):
Well, and again, patience can look different to
everybody, my my view ofpatience is, and I'm an
impatient person, just, that'smy default position. I want what
I want when I want it, and Iwant it now. And I want
everybody to know what I wantand to anticipate that whim and
then just make sure that I havehave it without ever having to
say anything. That is magicalunicorn thinking. I know that I
(37:43):
have to counteract that that'smy responsibility, not everybody
else's responsibility. And Ithink that's something else
having some self awareness aboutwho you are and how you are in
the world. But go ahead you weregonna say something?
Cheryl Stuller (37:57):
No, I got it. I think we can wrap this up with
what do we want the listeners totake away from this subject?
Stasha Boyd (38:05):
Yes. And I think we're gonna keep this one tight,
short and tight, because it isthe Thanksgiving weekend, and
people have things to do. Forme, the thing about gratitude is
to make it the default positionto make not just the the the
absence of negative thoughts andfeelings and words part of your
life, but the presence ofpositive words and thoughts and
(38:25):
feelings, to also make thosepart of your life. Like you
said, a little note in themorning, little note at night,
the habit you have a lettingpeople know how much they mean
to you. It's the little tinythings done consistently, that
make a huge difference in howyou feel. Like I said, it's, it
will, it will help you relax, ithelps you feel better, it just
(38:47):
makes your quality of lifebetter. And then to just do them
regularly, it becomes who youare and what you do. What about
you?
Cheryl Stuller (38:57):
I think it makes you a better person to be around
to because nobody wants to bearound a stressed out person all
the time, you know, or thatdoesn't handle things well. So I
think it makes us have strongerbonds with people too. If we
show them gratitude, and we letthem know we appreciate them.
(39:19):
And I think it lowers ourstress, it can help us bounce
back from stress better. If weif we default to that positive
gratitude mode after you haveyour feelings. I'm really strong
on that. Because I think weshouldn't push emotions down
necessarily unless they'reharmful to somebody. But I think
(39:43):
it's a good way to remindourselves of what we actually do
have that's going well for us inour life, even if it's something
small, like wow, I reallyhandled that conversation with
that person who was really beingmean to me, you know, I didn't I
didn't give that person my powerand react in a negative way, I
(40:03):
was gracious to that person.
Stasha Boyd (40:05):
Exactly. And all of it counts every little positive
thing counts, there is nopositive thing that doesn't
count. I don't care how littleit is, you know, I held the door
for somebody I, I pushed, I tookthe cart back at the grocery
store. I said something nice tothe person at Publix, whatever
it is, there is no small thingthat doesn't count towards
(40:27):
making the world a little bitbetter of a place. And like you
were saying right now. I mean,all sorts of craziness is
breaking out in the world, andpolitics and tensions and all
sorts of things. So anyopportunity that we have to
remind ourselves and our friendsand our loved ones, that we do
still all love each other. Andwe do still believe in the
goodness of the world is anopportunity to take.
Cheryl Stuller (40:52):
Something I like to do a lot is when I see
somebody who has a new haircut,or I went up to somebody at
CrossFit the other day, and Isaid woman to women supporting
women, I just want you to knowhow beautiful I think you are.
And then I turned around andwalked away. You know, just I
didn't need anything back. Ijust wanted her to know that I
(41:16):
just she's the cutest littlething. And so good at CrossFit.
Yeah, I just wanted her to knowthat. And so just giving people
somebody, that little bit ofpraise or encouragement can
change somebody's day, you don'tknow what's going on in people's
lives. So just to say somethinga little bit positive, and show
(41:39):
some graciousness, andappreciativeness, to somebody
that changed somebody's wholeday.
Stasha Boyd (41:44):
And that's a lot of what gratitude is, is giving
into your better angels givinginto your better nature, you
know, to do the positive thingand not the negative thing to do
to to think well of somebody andnot think ill of them, to say
something nice about yourselfnice about others, and to not
think ill of yourself or others.
I mean, it makes a difference.
And I think that's one of thethings when people feel good
around you, you will find yourcircle of friends growing, you
(42:07):
will find the people that youinteract with, you know, more
satisfying. People feel good inyour presence. That's it. That's
the tic
Cheryl Stuller (42:17):
I think when we are kind to ourselves, and
because I can be hard on myselfwhen I am competitive, I can be
too competitive with myself. Andso it's a good reminder for me
to say, Well, you didn't quiteget that PR today, but this is
what you did do. And be able towalk away from that. And and I
(42:38):
think that builds confidence,especially when you're going
through something hard and thatcan affect how you feel about
yourself. When you when you'rekind to yourself and show
yourself gratitude that buildsconfidence. You know, that
builds, again, relationshipsbecause you're happier you're
presenting to the world insteadof being a negative, you know,
(43:02):
person I think that helps aswell.
Stasha Boyd (43:04):
And I would say the one thing that I always need to
work on is reminding myself thatI should be grateful for the
things that people can do and dodo and are willing to do rather
than being critical of what theycan't do, didn't do and haven't
done. I think that's like if Ihave my harsh things because I'm
a I'm a taskmaster I'm I get itdone. Why are we all standing
here? Let's get something done.
Um, that sometimes I forget thatpeople are doing the best they
(43:26):
can.
Cheryl Stuller (43:29):
That's a big one for me. I am the same way I am
my daddy's girl. You know, Igrew up with those high
expectations. And when peopledon't meet my expectations, I
can often remind them how theydidn't do that.
Stasha Boyd (43:47):
So we both have some homework. That's lovely.
Cheryl Stuller (43:49):
We have some homework.
Stasha Boyd (43:51):
Everyone. Ladies, thank you all once again for
joining us. We really appreciateit. As always, I have come to
the end of my kombucha andginger beer, it's really quite
tasty. And we've got to get togot to get to Publix.
Cheryl Stuller (44:07):
Happy Thanksgiving everybody.
Stasha Boyd (44:09):
Happy Thanksgiving y'all talk to y'all later. Bye.
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