The Psychology of Us

What we wear is more than just fabric—it’s psychology in motion. In this episode ofThe Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr explores the powerful relationship between clothing and the mind. How does attire influence confidence, cognition, and self-perception? Why has society shifted toward over-casualization, and what are the psychological consequences? Drawing from psychological theories like enclothed cognition and symbolic inter...

Why does disapproval feel dangerous, even when we know better? In this episode, Professor RJ Starr unpacks the psychological roots of our need to be liked—from evolutionary survival patterns to social rejection and identity formation. You’ll learn how approval-seeking sneaks into your tone, posture, and choices, and what it means to start telling the truth, even when it costs you connection. This isn’t about becoming indifferent. I...

Have you ever found yourself lost in the past, replaying decisions and wondering how life might have turned out if you'd chosen differently? Regret is a universal human experience, but why does it linger? Why do our minds fixate on missed opportunities, unspoken words, and paths not taken?

In this episode, our warm and wise psychology professor emeritus unpacks the science of regret—exploring the psychology behind counterfactual thi...

Why do we feel so certain about our moral beliefs while others seem misguided—even dangerous? In this thought-provoking episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr explores the deep psychological forces that shape our sense of right and wrong. From moral development and cognitive biases to the rigid nature of dogma, we examine how ethics are formed, why people cling to unwavering belief systems, and how we can cultivate int...

Why do intelligent, high-functioning people so often make emotionally reckless or baffling decisions? In this episode, Professor RJ Starr unpacks the psychological gap between intellectual intelligence (IQ) and emotional maturity (EQ), exploring why insight alone isn’t enough to navigate relationships, conflict, or inner life.

Drawing on foundational psychological theories—including Daniel Goleman’s emotional intelligence framework,...

Why do so many older adults seem angrier, more impatient, and less socially graceful than previous generations? What happened to the dignity, composure, and manners that once defined aging?

In this episode, we explore the psychological, cultural, and social factors that have contributed to the rise of hostility among some Baby Boomers and older adults. Through the lens of cognitive science, social psychology, and generational shifts...

Why does a compliment feel like oxygen—and silence feel like a threat? Why do we keep checking for reactions, even when we tell ourselves we don’t care? In this episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr unpacks the hidden layers behind our need for validation, exploring how the craving for approval shapes our identity, our relationships, and even our mental health.

Drawing from attachment theory, social comparison research...

Why We Love Violence: The Dark Psychology Behind Our Social Urge to Win, Control, and PunishWhy are we so drawn to violence—not just in movies and media, but in everyday life? From binge-watching brutal TV shows to shouting matches on highways and social media, this episode explores the unsettling truth about our emotional appetite for conflict. Professor RJ Starr takes us deep into the psychology behind our cultural obsession with...

Why do we fixate on one negative comment even after receiving dozens of compliments? Why does one bad day feel heavier than a week of good ones? In this episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr unpacks the powerful concept of negativity bias—our brain’s natural tendency to focus more on the bad than the good.

You’ll explore the evolutionary roots of this bias, how it shows up in daily life, what neuroscience reveals about...

In this emotionally rich episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr explores the powerful concept of the memory home—a place that holds your story, your safety, and your sense of self—even if it’s no longer there.

Inspired by a quiet, poignant scene from Gilmore Girls (Season 2, Episode 8), where Lorelai Gilmore describes the Independence Inn as “more of a home than my parents’ house ever was,” this episode unpacks the psyc...

In this thought-provoking episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr unpacks a deceptively simple statement by spiritual teacher Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj: “In my world, nothing ever goes wrong.”

Blending timeless philosophy with cutting-edge cognitive psychology, Professor Starr explores how our perception—not the event itself—shapes emotional experience.

Drawing from cognitive appraisal theory, learned helplessness, mindfu...

Why do we fear being left out? What makes rejection feel so deeply personal? The Psychology of Us dives into the emotional terrain we all navigate—unpacking the unseen forces that shape how we think, feel, and connect. In this episode, Professor RJ Starr, a leading voice in human behavior and emotional insight, explores the complex world of Rejection Sensitivity and the Fear of Being Left Out. Blending psychological theory, lived e...

Why do some people take pleasure in mocking others when they’re in distress? Why is public ridicule so normalized in sports, politics, and online spaces? In this episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr explores the deep psychological forces behind mockery, from cognitive biases and emotional deficiencies to social reinforcement and the illusion of superiority.

Mockery is often mistaken for strength, but beneath the surfa...

When All You Can Do Is Bear Witness: The Quiet Power of Staying Present in a Hurting World

In a world obsessed with action, results, and performance, what happens when all you can do is feel? What if you’re not the one who rushes in—but the one who stands quietly, allowing yourself to be moved?

This episode explores the sacred emotional power of bearing witness—a psychological and deeply human act of presence. Whether it’s grief,...

In this transformative episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr dismantles one of the most deeply ingrained myths in modern culture—the idea that you must "find yourself" to live authentically. Through the lens of developmental psychology and existential thought, Starr reveals why the search for a preexisting self often leaves us stuck, disillusioned, and passive. Instead, he offers a powerful alternative: self...

Why does waiting feel so unbearable? What’s happening in our minds when we’re stuck in traffic, refreshing an email inbox, or counting down the days to a big event? In this episode, Professor RJ Starr explores the psychology of patience and impatience, diving into the neuroscience of dopamine and delayed gratification, the role of time perception and cognitive biases, and how modern society has reshaped our expectations for instant...

Anywhere But Here: Longing, Escape, and the Myth of Arrival is a deeply reflective episode exploring the psychological and emotional complexity behind our desire to be somewhere else—somewhere quieter, freer, better aligned with who we imagine ourselves to be. Drawing from personal insight and psychological theory, this episode unpacks the real meaning behind the phrase “anywhere but here,” and why it continues to echo through so m...

This is a spoken narration of my essay titled You Can’t Light the Fire and Then Complain About the Heat: The Psychology of Regret, Denial, and Self-Inflicted Harm. If you’d like to read along: https://medium.com/@ProfRJStarr/the-psychology-of-denial-in-a-crumbling-america-25f593bb285b.

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In this episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr examines a widespread and deeply unsettling psychological pattern: th...

The Psychology of Self-Preservation: Understanding Silence in Leadership and Everyday Life

What makes a person look the other way when truth is being trampled? Why do institutions, especially those tasked with protecting the public good, so often go quiet when their voices are needed most? And more importantly—what does that have to do with the rest of us?

In this compelling episode of The Psychology of Us with Professor RJ Starr, we...