The Psychology of Us

You’ve done everything right. You’ve shown up. You’ve taken care of people. You’ve made it through the day. And now, finally, it’s quiet. There’s no immediate crisis pulling at you, no emergency to fix, no one urgently needing your attention. But instead of peace, you feel… off. Not panicked. Not depressed. Just… unmoored. Restless. Like something’s missing, but you can’t quite name what.

That feeling? It might be existential anxiet...

Jealousy isn't just about insecurity—and it's definitely not just about trust. In this episode, Professor RJ Starr explores the deeper psychology behind romantic jealousy: where it comes from, why it shows up even in healthy relationships, and what it’s really trying to reveal. Drawing from evolutionary biology, attachment theory, and emotional development, we unpack why jealousy hurts the way it does—and how to respond without sha...

In this intimate episode, Professor RJ Starr explores the deep emotional and psychological importance of storytelling in old age. Why do the elderly revisit and revise their memories? Why do we feel the urge to correct them? And what do we miss when we interrupt someone who’s trying to make meaning of their life? This is an invitation to pause, to listen, and to understand that when an aging loved one tells a story—especially one t...

Why is it that the person we see in the mirror so rarely matches the one we feel ourselves to be on the inside? Why does aging feel like a betrayal of the image we’ve carried for decades? And why do we often hold onto outdated or distorted visions of ourselves, even long after we’ve grown?

In this powerful and emotionally resonant episode of The Psychology of Us with Professor RJ Starr, we explore the hidden forces that shape how we...

Have you ever woken up from a dream that felt too loud to sleep through—full of noise, emotion, or urgency that clung to you long after morning came? In this episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr answers a listener’s question about dreams that feel overwhelming, vivid, even audibly intense. Drawing from neuroscience, emotional regulation theory, and real-world examples, RJ unpacks why some dreams arrive like a whisper...

What happens when we stop thinking—but still feel sure of ourselves? In this episode, RJ Starr breaks down the psychology of confident ignorance: why we mistake familiarity for understanding, how modern distraction and mental shortcuts make us overconfident, and what it costs us when life demands real clarity. From gist-level processing to the Dunning-Kruger effect, this is a deep, urgent conversation about attention, emotional dis...

What we wear is more than just fabric—it’s psychology in motion. In this episode ofThe Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr explores the powerful relationship between clothing and the mind. How does attire influence confidence, cognition, and self-perception? Why has society shifted toward over-casualization, and what are the psychological consequences? Drawing from psychological theories like enclothed cognition and symbolic inter...

Why does disapproval feel dangerous, even when we know better? In this episode, Professor RJ Starr unpacks the psychological roots of our need to be liked—from evolutionary survival patterns to social rejection and identity formation. You’ll learn how approval-seeking sneaks into your tone, posture, and choices, and what it means to start telling the truth, even when it costs you connection. This isn’t about becoming indifferent. I...

Have you ever found yourself lost in the past, replaying decisions and wondering how life might have turned out if you'd chosen differently? Regret is a universal human experience, but why does it linger? Why do our minds fixate on missed opportunities, unspoken words, and paths not taken?

In this episode, our warm and wise psychology professor emeritus unpacks the science of regret—exploring the psychology behind counterfactual thi...

Why do we feel so certain about our moral beliefs while others seem misguided—even dangerous? In this thought-provoking episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr explores the deep psychological forces that shape our sense of right and wrong. From moral development and cognitive biases to the rigid nature of dogma, we examine how ethics are formed, why people cling to unwavering belief systems, and how we can cultivate int...

Why do intelligent, high-functioning people so often make emotionally reckless or baffling decisions? In this episode, Professor RJ Starr unpacks the psychological gap between intellectual intelligence (IQ) and emotional maturity (EQ), exploring why insight alone isn’t enough to navigate relationships, conflict, or inner life.

Drawing on foundational psychological theories—including Daniel Goleman’s emotional intelligence framework,...

Why do so many older adults seem angrier, more impatient, and less socially graceful than previous generations? What happened to the dignity, composure, and manners that once defined aging?

In this episode, we explore the psychological, cultural, and social factors that have contributed to the rise of hostility among some Baby Boomers and older adults. Through the lens of cognitive science, social psychology, and generational shifts...

Why does a compliment feel like oxygen—and silence feel like a threat? Why do we keep checking for reactions, even when we tell ourselves we don’t care? In this episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr unpacks the hidden layers behind our need for validation, exploring how the craving for approval shapes our identity, our relationships, and even our mental health.

Drawing from attachment theory, social comparison research...

Why We Love Violence: The Dark Psychology Behind Our Social Urge to Win, Control, and PunishWhy are we so drawn to violence—not just in movies and media, but in everyday life? From binge-watching brutal TV shows to shouting matches on highways and social media, this episode explores the unsettling truth about our emotional appetite for conflict. Professor RJ Starr takes us deep into the psychology behind our cultural obsession with...

Why do we fixate on one negative comment even after receiving dozens of compliments? Why does one bad day feel heavier than a week of good ones? In this episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr unpacks the powerful concept of negativity bias—our brain’s natural tendency to focus more on the bad than the good.

You’ll explore the evolutionary roots of this bias, how it shows up in daily life, what neuroscience reveals about...

In this emotionally rich episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr explores the powerful concept of the memory home—a place that holds your story, your safety, and your sense of self—even if it’s no longer there.

Inspired by a quiet, poignant scene from Gilmore Girls (Season 2, Episode 8), where Lorelai Gilmore describes the Independence Inn as “more of a home than my parents’ house ever was,” this episode unpacks the psyc...

In this thought-provoking episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr unpacks a deceptively simple statement by spiritual teacher Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj: “In my world, nothing ever goes wrong.”

Blending timeless philosophy with cutting-edge cognitive psychology, Professor Starr explores how our perception—not the event itself—shapes emotional experience.

Drawing from cognitive appraisal theory, learned helplessness, mindfu...

Why do we fear being left out? What makes rejection feel so deeply personal? The Psychology of Us dives into the emotional terrain we all navigate—unpacking the unseen forces that shape how we think, feel, and connect. In this episode, Professor RJ Starr, a leading voice in human behavior and emotional insight, explores the complex world of Rejection Sensitivity and the Fear of Being Left Out. Blending psychological theory, lived e...

Why do some people take pleasure in mocking others when they’re in distress? Why is public ridicule so normalized in sports, politics, and online spaces? In this episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr explores the deep psychological forces behind mockery, from cognitive biases and emotional deficiencies to social reinforcement and the illusion of superiority.

Mockery is often mistaken for strength, but beneath the surfa...