The Psychology of Us

It began as a light moment in class on Halloween morning.
Students were chatting about their plans—costumes, haunted houses, parties—when one young woman casually said she always puts up her Christmas tree that night. She doesn’t do anything for Halloween, so every October 31st, she decorates for Christmas instead.

Her classmates immediately reacted. “Too early.” “Way too soon.” “That’s weird.” Laughter filled the room, followed ...

We live in a time when being “authentic” has become its own kind of performance. In this lecture, Professor RJ Starr explores how the modern self is shaped by imitation, validation, and attention — and what psychology reveals about the struggle to feel real in a performative age. Drawing on theories of individuation, emotional development, and identity formation, Starr examines how we confuse visibility with worth, and why recoveri...

In a world that rewards immediacy, restraint has become an endangered virtue. Every platform encourages reaction, every moment invites commentary, and silence has started to feel like weakness. But what if the real measure of strength isn’t in how quickly we express ourselves, but in how deliberately we hold back?

In The Psychology of Restraint: The Quiet Strength Within, Professor RJ Starr explores what happens when emotional intel...

Self-righteousness is one of those habits of mind that can feel powerful in the moment but quietly corrodes everything around it. The conviction that one’s own perspective is morally superior doesn’t just close doors to dialogue, it hardens people against growth and turns everyday disagreements into battles for dominance. This episode takes a close psychological look at what happens when certainty becomes a performance rather than ...

Mean world syndrome is the belief that the world is more dangerous than it is, shaped by fear-saturated media. In this episode, Professor RJ Starr explains the psychology behind this distortion: cultivation theory, availability bias, negativity bias, and the slide into hypervigilance and mistrust. Professor RJ Starr traces the path from television to algorithm-driven feeds that reward outrage and doomscrolling, showing how these fo...

Interruptions might seem like small conversational slip-ups, but they reveal far more than we think. In this episode, Professor RJ Starr unpacks the psychology of interruptions: how they function as power moves, how they arise from anxiety, and how cultural and relational contexts shape their meaning. From political debates to family dinners, cutting someone off is never neutral—it reflects status, insecurity, or hidden social cont...

Why do ordinary people justify cruelty they would otherwise condemn? In this episode, Professor RJ Starr examines the psychology of dehumanization and moral disengagement—the processes that strip others of empathy and silence our conscience. Drawing on social psychology, history, and modern life, Starr explores how propaganda, language, humor, and group identity make it easier to rationalize harm. From euphemistic labels like “coll...

In this special edition of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr steps outside the usual episode format to respond to the turbulence of our cultural moment. The constant noise, outrage, and division in public life have left many people feeling powerless, angry, or lost. This episode is not another commentary on the headlines—it is an existential psychologist’s reflection on how to live where your feet are when the world feels fr...

Why do some people act as if the rules should bend for them? In this episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr explores entitlement as more than arrogance—it’s a worldview that blurs desire and deserving. From childhood overindulgence or neglect to cultural messages that promise constant reward, entitlement takes root when limits are never fully learned. Consumer culture and social media reinforce it by telling us that at...

Empathy is one of those words we hear constantly—be more empathetic, teach children empathy, demand it from leaders. Yet for all the talk, very few people can actually explain what empathy really is. Most confuse it with being nice, polite, or sympathetic. But sympathy says, “I feel bad for you.” Empathy goes further. It’s the ability to step into another person’s experience without losing track of your own. That difference might s...

Why does it feel like people are constantly on the hunt for something to be offended by? A passing remark, a careless joke, even the tone of a post can ignite outrage that spreads like wildfire. In this episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr examines the psychology behind outrage culture and the human need to be offended.

Drawing on social identity theory, moral foundations research, and the cultural conditioning of Ame...

We don’t like to talk about envy.
It’s one of those emotions that feels petty, even shameful — something we’d rather deny than admit. Most people will tell you they’re “happy” for someone else, maybe even “inspired” by their success. But behind those polite words, there can be something sharper: a quiet mental inventory of what we don’t have, what we haven’t done, and where we think we’re falling behind.

In this episode of The Psycho...

What does it actually mean to live by your values?

Not to write them down. Not to say them out loud. But to live them—especially when no one’s watching. Especially when you’re tempted to do otherwise.

In this episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr explores one of the most powerful forms of agency we rarely talk about: restraint. The kind that sounds like, “I could, but I’m not going to.”

That one sentence carries enormous...

Why does being second feel so uncomfortable?

You’re already going fast. The car in front of you is, too. But something in your chest tightens. You feel the pressure to pass, to get ahead—even if it changes nothing about your arrival time. This episode explores that exact moment: the psychological discomfort of not being first.

In this episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr unpacks the deeper emotional layers behind one o...

We think of sarcasm as funny. Harmless. Witty.
But what if sarcasm is doing more than making people laugh?

In this episode of The Psychology of Us, we take a deeper look at sarcasm—not as a personality trait or comedic style, but as a psychological strategy. Why do people use sarcasm in the first place? What are they protecting? And what’s the emotional cost of being on the receiving end of a joke that wasn’t really a joke?

Sarcas...

You’ve done everything right. You’ve shown up. You’ve taken care of people. You’ve made it through the day. And now, finally, it’s quiet. There’s no immediate crisis pulling at you, no emergency to fix, no one urgently needing your attention. But instead of peace, you feel… off. Not panicked. Not depressed. Just… unmoored. Restless. Like something’s missing, but you can’t quite name what.

That feeling? It might be existential anxiet...

Jealousy isn't just about insecurity—and it's definitely not just about trust. In this episode, Professor RJ Starr explores the deeper psychology behind romantic jealousy: where it comes from, why it shows up even in healthy relationships, and what it’s really trying to reveal. Drawing from evolutionary biology, attachment theory, and emotional development, we unpack why jealousy hurts the way it does—and how to respond without sha...

In this intimate episode, Professor RJ Starr explores the deep emotional and psychological importance of storytelling in old age. Why do the elderly revisit and revise their memories? Why do we feel the urge to correct them? And what do we miss when we interrupt someone who’s trying to make meaning of their life? This is an invitation to pause, to listen, and to understand that when an aging loved one tells a story—especially one t...

Why is it that the person we see in the mirror so rarely matches the one we feel ourselves to be on the inside? Why does aging feel like a betrayal of the image we’ve carried for decades? And why do we often hold onto outdated or distorted visions of ourselves, even long after we’ve grown?

In this powerful and emotionally resonant episode of The Psychology of Us with Professor RJ Starr, we explore the hidden forces that shape how we...