The Psychology of Us

In this special edition of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr steps outside the usual episode format to respond to the turbulence of our cultural moment. The constant noise, outrage, and division in public life have left many people feeling powerless, angry, or lost. This episode is not another commentary on the headlines—it is an existential psychologist’s reflection on how to live where your feet are when the world feels fr...

Why do some people act as if the rules should bend for them? In this episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr explores entitlement as more than arrogance—it’s a worldview that blurs desire and deserving. From childhood overindulgence or neglect to cultural messages that promise constant reward, entitlement takes root when limits are never fully learned. Consumer culture and social media reinforce it by telling us that at...

Empathy is one of those words we hear constantly—be more empathetic, teach children empathy, demand it from leaders. Yet for all the talk, very few people can actually explain what empathy really is. Most confuse it with being nice, polite, or sympathetic. But sympathy says, “I feel bad for you.” Empathy goes further. It’s the ability to step into another person’s experience without losing track of your own. That difference might s...

Why does it feel like people are constantly on the hunt for something to be offended by? A passing remark, a careless joke, even the tone of a post can ignite outrage that spreads like wildfire. In this episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr examines the psychology behind outrage culture and the human need to be offended.

Drawing on social identity theory, moral foundations research, and the cultural conditioning of Ame...

We don’t like to talk about envy.
It’s one of those emotions that feels petty, even shameful — something we’d rather deny than admit. Most people will tell you they’re “happy” for someone else, maybe even “inspired” by their success. But behind those polite words, there can be something sharper: a quiet mental inventory of what we don’t have, what we haven’t done, and where we think we’re falling behind.

In this episode of The Psycho...

What does it actually mean to live by your values?

Not to write them down. Not to say them out loud. But to live them—especially when no one’s watching. Especially when you’re tempted to do otherwise.

In this episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr explores one of the most powerful forms of agency we rarely talk about: restraint. The kind that sounds like, “I could, but I’m not going to.”

That one sentence carries enormous...

Why does being second feel so uncomfortable?

You’re already going fast. The car in front of you is, too. But something in your chest tightens. You feel the pressure to pass, to get ahead—even if it changes nothing about your arrival time. This episode explores that exact moment: the psychological discomfort of not being first.

In this episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr unpacks the deeper emotional layers behind one o...

We think of sarcasm as funny. Harmless. Witty.
But what if sarcasm is doing more than making people laugh?

In this episode of The Psychology of Us, we take a deeper look at sarcasm—not as a personality trait or comedic style, but as a psychological strategy. Why do people use sarcasm in the first place? What are they protecting? And what’s the emotional cost of being on the receiving end of a joke that wasn’t really a joke?

Sarcas...

You’ve done everything right. You’ve shown up. You’ve taken care of people. You’ve made it through the day. And now, finally, it’s quiet. There’s no immediate crisis pulling at you, no emergency to fix, no one urgently needing your attention. But instead of peace, you feel… off. Not panicked. Not depressed. Just… unmoored. Restless. Like something’s missing, but you can’t quite name what.

That feeling? It might be existential anxiet...

Jealousy isn't just about insecurity—and it's definitely not just about trust. In this episode, Professor RJ Starr explores the deeper psychology behind romantic jealousy: where it comes from, why it shows up even in healthy relationships, and what it’s really trying to reveal. Drawing from evolutionary biology, attachment theory, and emotional development, we unpack why jealousy hurts the way it does—and how to respond without sha...

In this intimate episode, Professor RJ Starr explores the deep emotional and psychological importance of storytelling in old age. Why do the elderly revisit and revise their memories? Why do we feel the urge to correct them? And what do we miss when we interrupt someone who’s trying to make meaning of their life? This is an invitation to pause, to listen, and to understand that when an aging loved one tells a story—especially one t...

Why is it that the person we see in the mirror so rarely matches the one we feel ourselves to be on the inside? Why does aging feel like a betrayal of the image we’ve carried for decades? And why do we often hold onto outdated or distorted visions of ourselves, even long after we’ve grown?

In this powerful and emotionally resonant episode of The Psychology of Us with Professor RJ Starr, we explore the hidden forces that shape how we...

Have you ever woken up from a dream that felt too loud to sleep through—full of noise, emotion, or urgency that clung to you long after morning came? In this episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr answers a listener’s question about dreams that feel overwhelming, vivid, even audibly intense. Drawing from neuroscience, emotional regulation theory, and real-world examples, RJ unpacks why some dreams arrive like a whisper...

What happens when we stop thinking—but still feel sure of ourselves? In this episode, RJ Starr breaks down the psychology of confident ignorance: why we mistake familiarity for understanding, how modern distraction and mental shortcuts make us overconfident, and what it costs us when life demands real clarity. From gist-level processing to the Dunning-Kruger effect, this is a deep, urgent conversation about attention, emotional dis...

What we wear is more than just fabric—it’s psychology in motion. In this episode ofThe Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr explores the powerful relationship between clothing and the mind. How does attire influence confidence, cognition, and self-perception? Why has society shifted toward over-casualization, and what are the psychological consequences? Drawing from psychological theories like enclothed cognition and symbolic inter...

Why does disapproval feel dangerous, even when we know better? In this episode, Professor RJ Starr unpacks the psychological roots of our need to be liked—from evolutionary survival patterns to social rejection and identity formation. You’ll learn how approval-seeking sneaks into your tone, posture, and choices, and what it means to start telling the truth, even when it costs you connection. This isn’t about becoming indifferent. I...

Have you ever found yourself lost in the past, replaying decisions and wondering how life might have turned out if you'd chosen differently? Regret is a universal human experience, but why does it linger? Why do our minds fixate on missed opportunities, unspoken words, and paths not taken?

In this episode, our warm and wise psychology professor emeritus unpacks the science of regret—exploring the psychology behind counterfactual thi...

Why do we feel so certain about our moral beliefs while others seem misguided—even dangerous? In this thought-provoking episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr explores the deep psychological forces that shape our sense of right and wrong. From moral development and cognitive biases to the rigid nature of dogma, we examine how ethics are formed, why people cling to unwavering belief systems, and how we can cultivate int...

Why do intelligent, high-functioning people so often make emotionally reckless or baffling decisions? In this episode, Professor RJ Starr unpacks the psychological gap between intellectual intelligence (IQ) and emotional maturity (EQ), exploring why insight alone isn’t enough to navigate relationships, conflict, or inner life.

Drawing on foundational psychological theories—including Daniel Goleman’s emotional intelligence framework,...