This is a spoken narration of my essay titled You Can’t Light the Fire and Then Complain About the Heat: The Psychology of Regret, Denial, and Self-Inflicted Harm. If you’d like to read along: https://medium.com/@ProfRJStarr/the-psychology-of-denial-in-a-crumbling-america-25f593bb285b.
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In this episode of The Psychology of Us, Professor RJ Starr examines a widespread and deeply unsettling psychological pattern: the phenomenon of individuals who demand harm, endorse cruelty, or celebrate destruction—then act shocked when the consequences reach their own lives.
With governments cutting social programs, silencing institutions, and targeting public workers and educators, many Americans are waking up to the impact of policies they once supported. But instead of ownership, they express confusion. Instead of accountability, they demand compassion. This episode explores the psychological reasons behind that disconnect.
Drawing on theories like motivated reasoning, social identity theory, moral disengagement, and psychological reactance, this essay dissects how people rationalize voting against their own interests—and how they shift into performative victimhood when those interests are finally damaged. It also looks at the emotional toll on those witnessing this unraveling—people experiencing moral injury as they watch fellow citizens deny, deflect, and grieve the results they once applauded.
This is not a political takedown. It’s a psychological reckoning. One that calls for a renewed cultural commitment to honesty, responsibility, and integrity in the face of uncomfortable truths. Whether you're a student of psychology, a disillusioned observer of modern politics, or someone wrestling with the emotional fallout of living in a fractured society, this episode offers a lens for making sense of the moment.
Narrated by existential psychologist and educator RJ Starr, The Psychology of Us continues to deliver clear, challenging, and timely reflections on what it means to live with awareness in a rapidly changing world.
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Are You A Charlotte?
In 1997, actress Kristin Davis’ life was forever changed when she took on the role of Charlotte York in Sex and the City. As we watched Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte navigate relationships in NYC, the show helped push once unacceptable conversation topics out of the shadows and altered the narrative around women and sex. We all saw ourselves in them as they searched for fulfillment in life, sex and friendships. Now, Kristin Davis wants to connect with you, the fans, and share untold stories and all the behind the scenes. Together, with Kristin and special guests, what will begin with Sex and the City will evolve into talks about themes that are still so relevant today. "Are you a Charlotte?" is much more than just rewatching this beloved show, it brings the past and the present together as we talk with heart, humor and of course some optimism.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com