November 17, 2024 • 37 mins
Are you ready to redefine how you view midlife? Join me as I challenge the conventional wisdom that often limits our aspirations after 40.
Imagine midlife as a game where you have the freedom to choose what truly excites you. We'll explore why it's crucial to embrace both successes and challenges, using my journey as a Kansas City Chiefs fan to illustrate how the anticipation and the journey can be just as rewarding as the destination. This episode promises to shift your perspective on life's highs and lows and inspire you to stay engaged with life's dynamic nature.
We'll unlock six powerful perspectives to help you master the inevitable peaks and valleys of life. Learn how to separate emotions from events and how your perspective can dramatically shape your feelings. Discover how wise decisions made during low points can pave the way for future triumphs, and why being present in both highs and lows adds meaning to our lives. This conversation is packed with practical insights aimed at helping you build resilience and appreciate every season of life, even the unexpected setbacks.
Embrace midlife not as a time to slow down but as a period ripe with potential for growth and renewal. We’ll challenge societal norms and encourage you to set aside limiting beliefs. Whether it's starting a new business, pursuing a hobby, or learning new skills, staying curious and ambitious can keep you vibrant and excited about the potential peaks you can reach. Together, we'll reflect on the importance of being present in both the highs and lows, understanding each adds significance to the other, and how you can continue to pursue new dreams despite inevitable failures.
Follow us on Instagram @thepurposefulcareer.
Learn more about Next Level, our monthly membership at https://www.thepurposefulcareer.com/nextlevel.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the Purposeful Career Podcast with
Carla Hudson, episode number 206.
I'm Carla Hudson, brandstrategist, entrepreneur and
life coach, whether you're onthe corporate or entrepreneur
track, or maybe both.
Decades of experience hastaught me that creating success
(00:20):
happens from the inside out.
It's about having the clarity,self-confidence and unstoppable
belief to go after and geteverything you want.
If you'll come with me, I'llshow you how Well.
Hello friends, I hope you hadan amazing week.
(00:42):
In this week's episode, we'regoing to be talking about
something that, by the time weall get to midlife, we know very
well, and that is there aregoing to be peaks and there are
going to be valleys, and how doyou learn to appreciate both and
how do you learn to make thebest use of both?
(01:04):
I think it's a great episode,it's a great perspective and
it's something that I know, evenfor me.
Occasionally I find myself justwishing why can't it just all
be a never ending and everprogressing and ever elevating
peak?
And the answer is becausethat's not how life works and
(01:28):
it's, by design, right.
There's a reason why we haveboth the peaks and the valleys.
The art of making the most ofit is learning how to make the
most of both of those things thehighs and the lows.
So enjoy this episode on peaksand valleys the highs and the
lows.
So enjoy this episode on peaksand valleys.
Today I want to talk aboutsomething that by the time you
(01:51):
get to midlife and you know thatis what we focus on here at the
Purposeful Career by the timewe get to midlife we are all
very familiar with the peaks andthe valleys that we're
inevitably going to experienceas we move through our life.
But I believe, being firmlycentered in midlife myself, that
(02:15):
at midlife there's morerobustness to the peaks and the
valleys.
I think it's a time ofturbulence for a lot of people
and we've talked about a lot ofthe whys on that on this podcast
, so I'm not going to gonecessarily into that.
I think we all know what a peakand a valley is.
But I want to kind of talkabout it, maybe in a different
(02:38):
way, and I want to give you sixthings to think about when it
comes to managing through thepeaks and the valleys that we're
all inevitably going toexperience.
Because you know, one of thethings we all love, I know I
think about this all the time.
I think, well, why can't I just,you know, make the best
(03:00):
decisions and then justexperience a never-ending series
of peaks, and the reason forthat is because that would be
called a plateau.
It would be a life that's veryone-dimensional and it's all a
win and everything is amazingand it's all daisies and
(03:23):
butterflies and you know, just anonstop series of winning, and
that sounds fantastic.
I mean, if you're a sports teamor whatever, we all love to win
.
We all have those moments inour lives, whether it's personal
or professional, and we havethose moments that we look back
on and we think what an amazingfeeling it was to do.
(03:46):
Whatever the thing is, it doesfeel good, but the human
experience is inevitably a mixof good and bad.
For a reason.
I think that without the valley,the peak has less meaning.
If it's all upside, if it's allgood, how do you know that it's
(04:06):
actually good?
And I know it's easy to sloughthat off and think you would
know, but I don't think so.
I think it is part of thedesign of our life, part of the
purpose of our life is toexperience both, and so it's
really important to understandif we're going to experience a
(04:27):
mix of ups and downs and highsand lows and wins and losses.
It is important to build themuscle of how do we manage
through both, because even thepeaks can bring a challenge.
You know I was on a clientprivate coaching call the other
day and we were talking aboutthe client's life and you know,
(04:50):
like everyone's, there's a lotof things going well and there's
a few things.
That maybe is in a little bitmore of a challenge, challenging
season.
And what was interesting was alot of the conversation for a
while in that session reallycentered on, you know, what do
you do when you're at the peakand how do you get the most
(05:13):
meaning from it.
And it's kind of like my Chiefsfans friends are going to hate
me for saying this, but it'skind of like how I feel now
about my Kansas City Chiefs.
Like there's a lot of fans nowbecause they've won a couple of
Super Bowls and you know we havea great quarterback and you
know it's a fun time to be a fan.
(05:36):
But for me this time is a lotdifferent, post winning that
first Super Bowl, like four orfive years ago, whatever it was
then, the 35 years before thatthat I was a fan since I was a
kid right and you know I used totell people I was a cheese fan
and they would be like why?
(05:57):
They were truly confused.
They were like I don'tunderstand, like why don't you
pick a team that actually wins?
And I don't know, I just was afan.
I grew up in the Midwest formost of my life the St Louis
didn't have a football team.
They don't have one now.
They've had a couple over theyears, but so I just always
attached to the Chiefs andthey've just been my team.
(06:28):
And I will say like it was verysweet in those years the longing
for the goal, the longing towin the Super Bowl, the promise
of what that would feel like,what that would be like.
And I will say like the lead upto when we actually I'll never
forget it, you know, in 2019 orwhatever, when we actually, you
know, got to that place where wewon the AFC and we were headed
(06:51):
to the Super Bowl.
It was this very surreal out ofbody experience for me and it
was really exciting.
And then, when we won, that wasvery exciting.
But right after that, I don'tknow, it was like the next
season, it wasn't that, itwasn't exciting and everyone was
talking about like running itback and doing it again.
(07:11):
But for me I'm not going to sayit was a letdown, it wasn't.
It was super exciting, it wasamazing.
But when we experience somethingthat we've longed for, that we
have worked so hard for, andthen we get it, I think there's
this inevitable moment of now,what?
What do I long for?
(07:32):
Now, there's a part of thehuman experience that loves the
longing and loves the strivingand loves the dream.
And when we imagine that, whenwe get the thing, it's just
going to be this amazing lifethat we're fulfilled every day.
And the truth of the matter isthat a lot of times, just on the
(07:56):
other side of the peak, there'sa valley that can be created by
just the mindset and theemotional shift of what it means
to actually now have the thingand to be realizing that that
thing didn't actually changeanything.
(08:17):
It was fun to get it, it wasreally fun to long for it, but
now that it's happened wasreally fun to long for it.
But now that it's happened, nowwhat?
And it can kind of send youinto another, you know, a valley
just on the other side of thatpeak, right, because of how you
feel about it and how you'redealing with it and all that
stuff.
And I know it can sound a littlecrazy, but if you look at your
(08:37):
own life, I think you canprobably find instances where
you relate.
You know, just after you getthe big promotion, a month or
two into it, the afterglowstarts to wear off.
Now what are you left with?
Right, just after you, you know, you plan the wedding and you
plan the wedding, and you planthe wedding, and then the
wedding happens, and just on theother side of it, you're
(09:00):
dealing with real life, andthat's a little less romantic,
it's a little less glamorous,right, it's, it's all of it.
And I've never had children,but I would imagine that's the
same right, the nine months andthe 10 months, and like getting
the nursery ready and the, youknow it's all exciting, and then
they hand you the baby, I'msure, and you're, I know I would
be like are you coming homewith me Cause I'm not sure what
(09:23):
to do now, right?
So I'm sure, you know it's justlike we get the thing, and then
it's like now what?
And reality sets in and it cansend us into a bit of a valley,
and I just think that's part ofthe human experience.
So I want to talk today aboutpeaks and valleys and six
perspectives that I think youmight find helpful, no matter
(09:46):
what season you're in in life.
So let's go ahead and dive intothe six things.
So the first thing is that howyou feel really depends on how
you view the situations that areserved up to you.
So how you feel every daywhether that's good or bad is
really about your response tothe thing that's happening.
(10:09):
So our perspective on thingsare what determine how well we
do in our life and how well wemanage through the things that
happen to us, and so it'simportant, if you're in a valley
especially, it's important toseparate the thing that's going
(10:30):
on from you and your individualworth and all of that.
Because a lot of times andwe'll talk more about this in a
minute, but sometimes thevalleys we find ourselves in are
sort of of our own making.
We'll talk more about that in aminute.
But even if it is of your ownmaking, even if you made a
(10:52):
decision that just didn't turnout the way you wanted or
whatever, if you're in a bit ofa valley right now, how well and
how quickly you manage throughthat is going to depend on what
you decide to think about it.
You have to separate youremotions from the thing that's
happening, and the way you dothat is by changing your
(11:15):
perspective of how you thinkabout the thing that just
happened.
So, if it's a layoff, if it's adivorce, if it's something
that's happening with a familymember's health or a child's
making a decision that you don'tlike or whatever's going on at
work and there's millions ofthings that that could take the
shape of Whatever is going onthat has you in a little bit of
(11:39):
a funk it's important to allowthat circumstance to be and to
decide on purpose what you wantto think about it in a way
that's going to serve you.
If you make it mean somethingabout you, if you make it mean
something about your worth, ifyou make it mean something about
(11:59):
your constant, never-endingstream of bad luck, like,
whatever your thought pattern is, you're going to stay in the
valley longer and you don't wantto be in the valley any longer
than you have to be.
So it's important to decide onpurpose how you choose to think
about that thing, and that willget you through it faster and
(12:20):
it'll make the valley moretolerable and it'll also set you
up to learn the best lessonsfrom being in the valley.
How did you get in the valley?
What led to the valley, whatcan you learn from being in the
valley, and that makes,hopefully, the next valley even
(12:40):
more tolerable.
So it's kind of a muscle we canbuild as we go through life if
we're really purposeful abouthow we decide to work through
our peaks and valleys.
So that's number one is how youfeel every day when you're in a
peak or a valley is really abouthow you choose to look at that
situation.
I think that's especiallyimportant to know if you're in a
(13:02):
down cycle or a low value cycleor a valley to choose your way
to refer to it.
I'm going to call it a valleyin this episode.
So that is number one.
Number two and I think this issuper helpful to know because I
think it's just the way theworld works and I think it was
(13:23):
designed this way for a reasonand while we wish maybe it was a
little different and that wecould stay at a peak all the
time, then I would argue thatit's not a peak, it's just a
plateau and it's a low grade hum, and I think we wouldn't
appreciate life as much.
So the truth of the matter is,though, that peaks and valleys
(13:44):
are connected.
They're not separate, and Ithink a lot of times we think
they are so, and here's what Imean by that.
So you have this win.
Let's say, you're coming off ofa high, you're coming off of a
win.
The truth of the matter is thata lot of times not always, you
(14:06):
know sometimes things willhappen that we just have zero
control over.
You know, like we get a hugepromotion maybe, and then
there's some sort of merger thattakes place that changes
everything, or your boss leaves,or there's some big
reorganization or whatever.
You don't have any control overthat, and it can move you very
quickly from the highest ofhighs in a peak after a recent
promotion, down, plummeting tothe depths where you're even
(14:28):
worried about keeping your job.
That happens every day, andthat's just out of your control,
but a lot of times and I thinkmost times, if we're honest with
ourself and we look at our lifein every facet, the peaks and
the valleys are actuallyconnected by a thread, and what
I mean by this is mistakessometimes that we make while
(14:53):
we're in the good times.
So while we're in a peak, canbecome the challenge that we
deal with tomorrow in the valleyand, conversely, the wise
things that you do today whenyou're in the valley.
So back to number one, likechoosing how you want to think
about it, deciding on purposewhat you want to learn from it,
(15:17):
what you want to do next time,can become the pathway to
tomorrow's peak, tomorrow's goodtimes.
A lot of what we experiencetomorrow is going to come from
what we decide to do today,whether we're in a peak or
valley.
So that's not to say that ifyou're in a valley it's all your
(15:40):
fault.
We all make mistakes.
We're humans and we can examinea situation from every angle
and make what we think is abulletproof decision, only to
find ourself really in a placewhere you know, even if you went
back with all the data that youhad, you'd make the same
decision.
It turns into something shortof maybe nothing short of a
(16:02):
disaster, like I've had many ofthose in my life where it's like
wow, and then you go back andyou think what would I have
changed or what could I havechanged, and the truth is that,
with all the data that I had,there was no other decision to
make.
There's other times in my lifethat when I'm honest and I look
back, it's like oh yeah, I justchose to ignore those three,
those three data points, and Ionly focused on the things I
(16:25):
wanted to see.
Right.
That leads to a valley.
It doesn't mean I'm bad.
It doesn't mean I make baddecisions.
It doesn't mean I'm doomed.
It doesn't mean any of that.
What it means is that I made aset of decisions that led me
here, and I think the veryimportant thing about being
intentional and what we think isthat, instead of blaming
(16:46):
ourself, instead of makingourselves wrong or bad or doomed
, that instead we just say youknow what you're right.
I just chose to ignore thesethree things, or I didn't see
them at all, or I didn't ask theright questions, I didn't pay
attention, I didn't.
Whatever it is, look at whathappened that led you here and
look for your role in it.
(17:07):
You may or may not have one,but it's helpful to look at it
and to see, because that givesyou more awareness and tools in
your arsenal to make the future,your future, look better.
Your peaks and your valleys, sojust know that they're
(17:30):
connected.
They're not these separatethings that happen Sometimes.
They are.
Sometimes it's a hundredpercent out of your control and
now you just have to respond toit.
But a lot of times, if we lookback on our life in every
dimension work, health,relationships, money, whatever
if we're really honest withourselves, the things that we
decide today lead to the thingsthat we deal with tomorrow, and
(17:53):
that's just the way it is.
So it's just important toalways pay attention and to
learn the lessons and to be asintentional or as purposeful as
you can be every day.
None of us are perfect.
You're going to make mistakes,but peaks and valleys are
usually connected in some way.
So number three during the peaks, we tend to, as humans, really
(18:20):
relish in what we have, butsometimes we don't allow
ourselves to really see it orexperience it.
Sometimes we dismiss it, callit luck, we don't really own it,
we don't feel like we earned it, or we can get there and just
feel empty, sort of like what Iwas saying about my chiefs.
I'm not saying I feel empty.
(18:40):
It's fun.
I still am in the footballseason, I enjoy it, but it isn't
the same.
There was something for meabout the longing and the oh
gosh.
Are they going to do it thistime and now?
It's like now that theyactually could do it.
You know, almost every season,I don't know, it's like I miss
(19:01):
the longing, you know, and Iknow I'm going to hear about
this from some of my cheese fans.
But it's just a thing, and soyou may or may not be the same,
maybe relate to it in some ways,maybe not.
But you know, learn toappreciate the peaks.
Allow yourself the moment youknow.
Appreciate the peaks.
Allow yourself the moment youknow.
Get into that glow.
You know.
Enjoy it, relish it, bathe inthat beautiful experience and
(19:28):
enjoy it, because it isn't goingto last.
And a lot of us don't allowourself to really appreciate the
good stuff.
We feel guilty.
Sometimes we can feel a littleembarrassed, we're embarrassed.
Sometimes we try to hide oursuccess or our peaks.
I just want you to really ownit.
We don't get a nonstop numberof them and when you really have
(19:50):
one, enjoy it Because you knowthere's a valley coming.
It may not be a deep valley,but it's not going to stay at
that level.
So enjoy the high and look backover your life and allow
yourself to be proud of yourself.
Allow yourself to experiencethat win and own it.
Super, super important.
(20:10):
Conversely, during the valleys,if during the peaks, we need to
appreciate what we have duringthe valleys, it's very normal
for us to long for the goodtimes.
We pine over what's missingfrom our life.
We miss the peak and we canlook back on it and feel like
maybe we're going to be in thevalley forever.
(20:31):
Here's what I want to say.
If we're not super careful, wecan really diminish our peaks,
like dumb down our peaks, and wecan take our valleys to an ever
deeper depth of despair.
Don't mix the two.
(20:52):
Don't turn a peak into a valleyand don't turn a valley into a
peak and here's what I mean bythe valley into a peak.
You have to learn how to be inthe valley just as much as you
need to learn how to celebratethe peak, because it's in the
valley and it sounds like acliche, but it is 100% true.
(21:15):
I'm sure you'll see it.
If you take a moment to look atyour own life During the worst
times of my career, myrelationships, my life, you know
, just losing my parents, bothof them in the course of a year
there is a lot to be learnedabout who you are in the valley
(21:38):
even more so than the peak.
The peak, to me is just the bigpayoff of all of the grit and
the determination and the effort, and that it's a beautiful
place to be.
But on the peak itself there'snot a ton to be learned.
Maybe you can learn how to behumble, how to stay humble and
how to be grateful and how toenjoy it, but the true lessons
(22:03):
in life come from the slide downinto the valley, the being in
the valley and the climb out ofthe valley.
So I'm not saying that thevalleys are more important, but
I believe that, you know, we alllook at life, especially at
midlife, and we look back andthink what's the point of all of
this turbulence?
(22:24):
And the truth is it's the upsand the downs that really are
the fabric of our life.
And if we did not have all ofthe down, the up wouldn't matter
as much, it wouldn't be asbeautiful, it would just be this
low, steady hum of goodness,which sounds amazing.
(22:45):
But I think it would lack allmeaning if we didn't
counterbalance it with thedownside, the dark side, the
shadow.
There's so many ways to referto it, but I'll call it a valley
here.
Don't mix the two.
Don't turn a peak into a valley.
Don't turn a valley into a peak.
Be where you are, relish inwhere you are and, yes, even if
(23:06):
you're in a valley, relish itMeaning.
What did you learn?
How did you get here?
What did you learn on the slidedown?
What does it feel like to behere?
What are the lessons learnedfrom being here and how are you
getting yourself out?
And what are you going to learnfrom that?
(23:26):
There is a ton to learn,character to be built, muscle to
be strengthened in the valley.
So peaks and valleys areimportant.
Be where you are, regardless ofwhich one you're in right now,
and know that one makes theother more beautiful.
It's the having the both thatmatters.
(23:48):
Number four we all know this,but it bears repeating we are
not in control of everythingthat happens, and so a lot of
times, if we find ourselves in avalley, we can really heap on
the blame.
We can do a number on ourselvesand tell ourselves that we're
bad and that it's all our faultand that we wouldn't be here if
(24:11):
we hadn't done X, y, z and youknow what.
Maybe you did contribute towhat led you there.
But I will say many times inlife, especially in our career,
a lot of what happens is 100%out of our control and you can't
always prevent it.
And so there's really only twothings to do when something's
(24:32):
going on in your life that youcan't control.
Number one you can eitherchange what's happening, or
number two, you can change whatyou think, and therefore feel
about what's happening.
So you can either look at thecircumstance that was served up
to you that you weren't incontrol of, and you can say I'm
(24:53):
out, here's what I'm going to godo now.
I'm going to change mycircumstance, which may or may
not lead you to a better place,but it puts you in control.
Deciding that puts you ahundred percent in control, and
I've managed a lot of my careerin that way.
I'm like you know what I'm outand I've managed a lot of my
career in that way.
I'm like you know what I'm out.
This doesn't serve me, I don'thave time for it.
It's a lot of crap, and here'sa new opportunity that's been
(25:15):
presented to me.
I'm doing that, I choose that,and that's perfectly fine.
Now, that may or may not workout either, but you certainly
did take control and just decideto change what was served to
you.
So that's one way to do it.
The other way to do it is tosay you know what.
This too shall pass, and thepassing of it might happen
(25:39):
quicker and it'll certainly be alot more pleasant if I just
decide on purpose what I chooseto think about it Like.
It might be a lot of BS, itmight be unnecessary drama, it
might be a ton of corporatepolitics, that don't matter.
It could be Machiavellian crapplaying out like there's all
kinds of stuff that could behappening.
But you can still be in controlof what you choose to think
(26:03):
about it.
And when you decide to do thatin a way that serves you, it
makes the getting through iteasier, quicker.
It takes less of a toll on therest of your life.
You're not doing all kinds ofother things like overeating and
over drinking and over spendingand over all the stuff we do
with consumption behaviors, totry to make ourselves feel
better Like, just don't do thatstuff, just change, just look at
(26:27):
the situation and just decidewhat's the best way to look at
this.
What's the thing I could thinkthat would put me in the best
place emotionally so I can justget through this and move on.
So you're not in control ofeverything that happens.
But there are two ways to takecontrol right Change the
situation you can do that orchange how you think about the
(26:48):
situation.
So that's number four.
Number five we've kind of hiton this, but I just want to hit
it again Valleys are inevitable.
We cannot stay at the peak,unfortunately.
Maybe we can prolong the peak,we can certainly relish the peak
, but we can't stay there.
The valley's coming, eitherthrough a decision you make or a
(27:12):
decision someone else makes.
The valley will come and howyou choose to manage through the
valley will determine howquickly you get to the next peak
.
Very important to know andremember, and I think it's
empowering, right.
When we're in a valley,sometimes we don't feel very
empowered.
We feel like a victim, right.
We feel like we're doomed andit's easy to get lost there.
(27:35):
But I think it's superempowering to say you know what,
whether I did something to getme here or whether it was
somebody else's thing, I have apoint of control here and it is
I'm going to choose to figureout how to get to the next peak.
What is the next peak and howdo I get there as fast as I can.
That's going to move youthrough it in a much more
(27:56):
productive and less painful way.
So that is number five.
Know that the values areinevitable.
You can't stay at the high, buthow you choose to manage
through it will determineusually how fast you get to the
next peak.
So that is number five.
And number six is and I thinkthis is especially at midlife
(28:17):
something a lot of us forget.
When we're young we, I think,can be much more goal-oriented.
Our life is 100% ahead of usand I feel like by the time we
get to mid life, we start tolook at our life as closing down
and just the things that happento us.
We're getting towards the peak,maybe on the downward slope of
(28:41):
our career.
Maybe, like me, you've lost oneor both parents, or maybe you
know heaven forbid a partner orwhatever.
There's just a lot of thingsthat get served to us at midlife
that make you realize, oh, thisisn't going to go on forever,
right, and so the naturalfallout of that is that we start
(29:01):
thinking, oh gosh, I'm justgonna, I guess, ride this out
Like I just going to take lifeas it comes, or I'm just going
to kind of settle in to my lifeand try to hang on to the things
that I built, and I just wantto tell you that that is not the
key to the most meaningful life.
I 100% believe that the musclewe all need to build at midlife
(29:25):
and one of the reasons I'vestarted this business is midlife
is a time of renewal or not.
You have to decide are yougoing to shut down and just ride
it out Because you can do that,or do you want to see what's
possible for yourself for therest of the journey?
And that is something thatsociety, especially American
(29:47):
society, does not teach us.
It's a youth-centered societythat we live in and I feel like
it's embracing more older people.
But maybe I feel that waybecause I'm older, I don't know.
But I'm just saying I do thinkthat we're not taught to think
about our entire life as aseries of building, even though
(30:10):
we know it's going to end.
I believe that let's justpretend.
Let's just pretend for a minutethat we all live to 100, that
that's just what the human lifeis, and at 100, on day 100, we
all die.
Let's just pretend that for aminute.
It's like I believe that youcan live and the best way to
(30:30):
live is that from 50 to 100,even on day where you're 99
years old and 364 days.
You have one day left in myscenario of made up life where
we all live to be 100 years oldand then we die, I believe, on
that last day.
What do you want to do withthat day?
That is a different way tothink about it than I think we
(30:52):
think about it today.
Most of us, most of us coast,we let our dreams go, we stop
figuring out like what we wantto do now and we just kind of
start hanging on to what we have.
And I think it feels reallygraspy and it feels really sad
(31:18):
and it feels meaningless to notknow what speaks to you.
And if that's you right now, Ijust want to say it's normal,
like we talked on previousepisodes, did a lot at, like you
know, finding meaning in lifeand stuff.
I believe there's this societalchecklist that we all have.
No one gives it to us, but youknow, it's like all the things
that we do from age zero, fromthe time we're born until the
(31:41):
time we're like 40 ish, 3940,where you know we're born, we
learn to walk, talk, we educateourselves, we choose our career
path.
We we're born, we learn to walk, talk, we educate ourselves, we
choose our career path, wechoose our partner, we choose
our house, we have kids or wedon't have kids, and we make all
the decisions where we want tolive and all that kind of stuff.
And now here we are.
We're usually 39, 40 at thatpoint, and we look at the rest
(32:04):
of it and we just don't know,like now, what.
That is where the midlife crisiscomes from, a hundred percent,
and I feel like more of us thannot stay there, and I guess
there's some natural next things, like if you have children,
then hopefully you probablydream of becoming a grandparent
I don't even have that one andthen what?
(32:24):
We retire and and then what?
Like off, like I don't know,travel a little bit and then die
.
It's like the rest of it, from40 to 100, isn't filled out and
so it's waiting.
I mean, I think life has alwaysbeen waiting for us to choose
(32:45):
it, but, for whatever reason, Ifeel like we're more actively
choosing life from zero to 40.
We are not as actively choosinglife from 40 onward, or we're
doing it in a way that's verylimited.
And so the last thing I want toleave you with is you know,
number six is get clear on whatyou want.
(33:05):
Forget all the shoulds, Forgetall the I'm too old, forget all
the crap that your brain's goingto want to serve up because of
how old you are and how littlemoney you have or what people
are going to think about you orwhatever your thing is, and just
set it all aside and treat itlike a game.
This is your life.
Treat it like a game.
(33:26):
What do you want?
This is your life.
Treat it like a game.
What do you want?
Write it down.
Allow yourself to dream a littlebit.
Allow yourself to I don't knowfeel the struggle that maybe you
felt when you were 22 and youwondered, when you got out of
college, like, can I actually dothis?
Am I going to be successful?
Allow yourself to experiencethe wonder of that, because, I
(33:46):
have to say, going aftersomething new again at midlife,
I think it's even sweeter.
I really do, like there's somany things I'm starting to spin
up and it's exciting.
And if you don't have that, ifyou're just shutting down, or if
you're just coasting, or ifyou're telling yourself a whole
bunch of things that, by the way, just aren't true, it doesn't
(34:08):
matter.
I might choose to start a newbusiness when I'm 87 years old,
I'm just going to do whatever Iwant to do when I want to do it,
because it's meaningful to me.
And you can do the same thing,whatever that is, and it doesn't
matter.
Start collecting cars, startflipping houses.
(34:29):
Like, do whatever you want todo.
Go back to school and become aninterior decorator.
Go back to school and become atherapist.
Like, do what you want.
I know people at my age who'vejust gotten their pilot's
license.
You know, I think that's socool.
Like, do whatever you want todo.
I think it keeps you younger.
So cool.
Like, do whatever you want todo.
I think it keeps you younger.
I think it keeps you excited.
(34:56):
And I think, imagine the peaksto come right.
Yes, there'll be valleys.
Yes, you're going to do thingsthat you fail at.
You know.
Fine, try again.
It's no big deal.
So that's the thing is getclear on what you want and
imagine the you that you'llbecome from here because you
went after it, even if you neverreally achieve it fully, even
(35:19):
if you only get part of the waythere.
Imagine how different you areand how you feel about yourself
because you actually did it.
So that's some perspectives onthe peaks and the valleys that
are so inevitable at midlife.
I know that you can relate tothis Everyone can.
It's part of the humanexperience.
But what I wanted to do todaywas offer you up some
(35:41):
perspectives that can help youmanage through both the peaks
and the valleys and toexperience your life and your
career in the most meaningfulway for you, and that's what I
wish for you.
So thank you so much forlistening today and until next
time, make it a great week.
(36:02):
My friends, do you have a lifecoach?
If not, I'd be so honored to beyour coach.
I've created a virtual coachingprogram and monthly membership
(36:23):
called Next Level.
Inside, we take the materialyou hear on this podcast, study
it and then apply it.
Join me at thepurposefulcareercom backslash
next level.
Don't forget the thepurposefulcareercom backslash
next level.
Join me and together we'll makeyour career and life everything
(36:47):
you dream of.
We'll see you there.
This is the Purposeful Career Podcast with
Carla Hudson, episode number 206.
I'm Carla Hudson, brandstrategist, entrepreneur and
life coach, whether you're onthe corporate or entrepreneur
track, or maybe both.
Decades of experience hastaught me that creating success
(00:20):
happens from the inside out.
It's about having the clarity,self-confidence and unstoppable
belief to go after and geteverything you want.
If you'll come with me, I'llshow you how Well.
Hello friends, I hope you hadan amazing week.
(00:42):
In this week's episode, we'regoing to be talking about
something that, by the time weall get to midlife, we know very
well, and that is there aregoing to be peaks and there are
going to be valleys, and how doyou learn to appreciate both and
how do you learn to make thebest use of both?
(01:04):
I think it's a great episode,it's a great perspective and
it's something that I know, evenfor me.
Occasionally I find myself justwishing why can't it just all
be a never ending and everprogressing and ever elevating
peak?
And the answer is becausethat's not how life works and
(01:28):
it's, by design, right.
There's a reason why we haveboth the peaks and the valleys.
The art of making the most ofit is learning how to make the
most of both of those things thehighs and the lows.
So enjoy this episode on peaksand valleys the highs and the
lows.
So enjoy this episode on peaksand valleys.
Today I want to talk aboutsomething that by the time you
(01:51):
get to midlife and you know thatis what we focus on here at the
Purposeful Career by the timewe get to midlife we are all
very familiar with the peaks andthe valleys that we're
inevitably going to experienceas we move through our life.
But I believe, being firmlycentered in midlife myself, that
(02:15):
at midlife there's morerobustness to the peaks and the
valleys.
I think it's a time ofturbulence for a lot of people
and we've talked about a lot ofthe whys on that on this podcast
, so I'm not going to gonecessarily into that.
I think we all know what a peakand a valley is.
But I want to kind of talkabout it, maybe in a different
(02:38):
way, and I want to give you sixthings to think about when it
comes to managing through thepeaks and the valleys that we're
all inevitably going toexperience.
Because you know, one of thethings we all love, I know I
think about this all the time.
I think, well, why can't I just,you know, make the best
(03:00):
decisions and then justexperience a never-ending series
of peaks, and the reason forthat is because that would be
called a plateau.
It would be a life that's veryone-dimensional and it's all a
win and everything is amazingand it's all daisies and
(03:23):
butterflies and you know, just anonstop series of winning, and
that sounds fantastic.
I mean, if you're a sports teamor whatever, we all love to win
.
We all have those moments inour lives, whether it's personal
or professional, and we havethose moments that we look back
on and we think what an amazingfeeling it was to do.
(03:46):
Whatever the thing is, it doesfeel good, but the human
experience is inevitably a mixof good and bad.
For a reason.
I think that without the valley,the peak has less meaning.
If it's all upside, if it's allgood, how do you know that it's
(04:06):
actually good?
And I know it's easy to sloughthat off and think you would
know, but I don't think so.
I think it is part of thedesign of our life, part of the
purpose of our life is toexperience both, and so it's
really important to understandif we're going to experience a
(04:27):
mix of ups and downs and highsand lows and wins and losses.
It is important to build themuscle of how do we manage
through both, because even thepeaks can bring a challenge.
You know I was on a clientprivate coaching call the other
day and we were talking aboutthe client's life and you know,
(04:50):
like everyone's, there's a lotof things going well and there's
a few things.
That maybe is in a little bitmore of a challenge, challenging
season.
And what was interesting was alot of the conversation for a
while in that session reallycentered on, you know, what do
you do when you're at the peakand how do you get the most
(05:13):
meaning from it.
And it's kind of like my Chiefsfans friends are going to hate
me for saying this, but it'skind of like how I feel now
about my Kansas City Chiefs.
Like there's a lot of fans nowbecause they've won a couple of
Super Bowls and you know we havea great quarterback and you
know it's a fun time to be a fan.
(05:36):
But for me this time is a lotdifferent, post winning that
first Super Bowl, like four orfive years ago, whatever it was
then, the 35 years before thatthat I was a fan since I was a
kid right and you know I used totell people I was a cheese fan
and they would be like why?
(05:57):
They were truly confused.
They were like I don'tunderstand, like why don't you
pick a team that actually wins?
And I don't know, I just was afan.
I grew up in the Midwest formost of my life the St Louis
didn't have a football team.
They don't have one now.
They've had a couple over theyears, but so I just always
attached to the Chiefs andthey've just been my team.
(06:28):
And I will say like it was verysweet in those years the longing
for the goal, the longing towin the Super Bowl, the promise
of what that would feel like,what that would be like.
And I will say like the lead upto when we actually I'll never
forget it, you know, in 2019 orwhatever, when we actually, you
know, got to that place where wewon the AFC and we were headed
(06:51):
to the Super Bowl.
It was this very surreal out ofbody experience for me and it
was really exciting.
And then, when we won, that wasvery exciting.
But right after that, I don'tknow, it was like the next
season, it wasn't that, itwasn't exciting and everyone was
talking about like running itback and doing it again.
(07:11):
But for me I'm not going to sayit was a letdown, it wasn't.
It was super exciting, it wasamazing.
But when we experience somethingthat we've longed for, that we
have worked so hard for, andthen we get it, I think there's
this inevitable moment of now,what?
What do I long for?
(07:32):
Now, there's a part of thehuman experience that loves the
longing and loves the strivingand loves the dream.
And when we imagine that, whenwe get the thing, it's just
going to be this amazing lifethat we're fulfilled every day.
And the truth of the matter isthat a lot of times, just on the
(07:56):
other side of the peak, there'sa valley that can be created by
just the mindset and theemotional shift of what it means
to actually now have the thingand to be realizing that that
thing didn't actually changeanything.
(08:17):
It was fun to get it, it wasreally fun to long for it, but
now that it's happened wasreally fun to long for it.
But now that it's happened, nowwhat?
And it can kind of send youinto another, you know, a valley
just on the other side of thatpeak, right, because of how you
feel about it and how you'redealing with it and all that
stuff.
And I know it can sound a littlecrazy, but if you look at your
(08:37):
own life, I think you canprobably find instances where
you relate.
You know, just after you getthe big promotion, a month or
two into it, the afterglowstarts to wear off.
Now what are you left with?
Right, just after you, you know, you plan the wedding and you
plan the wedding, and you planthe wedding, and then the
wedding happens, and just on theother side of it, you're
(09:00):
dealing with real life, andthat's a little less romantic,
it's a little less glamorous,right, it's, it's all of it.
And I've never had children,but I would imagine that's the
same right, the nine months andthe 10 months, and like getting
the nursery ready and the, youknow it's all exciting, and then
they hand you the baby, I'msure, and you're, I know I would
be like are you coming homewith me Cause I'm not sure what
(09:23):
to do now, right?
So I'm sure, you know it's justlike we get the thing, and then
it's like now what?
And reality sets in and it cansend us into a bit of a valley,
and I just think that's part ofthe human experience.
So I want to talk today aboutpeaks and valleys and six
perspectives that I think youmight find helpful, no matter
(09:46):
what season you're in in life.
So let's go ahead and dive intothe six things.
So the first thing is that howyou feel really depends on how
you view the situations that areserved up to you.
So how you feel every daywhether that's good or bad is
really about your response tothe thing that's happening.
(10:09):
So our perspective on thingsare what determine how well we
do in our life and how well wemanage through the things that
happen to us, and so it'simportant, if you're in a valley
especially, it's important toseparate the thing that's going
(10:30):
on from you and your individualworth and all of that.
Because a lot of times andwe'll talk more about this in a
minute, but sometimes thevalleys we find ourselves in are
sort of of our own making.
We'll talk more about that in aminute.
But even if it is of your ownmaking, even if you made a
(10:52):
decision that just didn't turnout the way you wanted or
whatever, if you're in a bit ofa valley right now, how well and
how quickly you manage throughthat is going to depend on what
you decide to think about it.
You have to separate youremotions from the thing that's
happening, and the way you dothat is by changing your
(11:15):
perspective of how you thinkabout the thing that just
happened.
So, if it's a layoff, if it's adivorce, if it's something
that's happening with a familymember's health or a child's
making a decision that you don'tlike or whatever's going on at
work and there's millions ofthings that that could take the
shape of Whatever is going onthat has you in a little bit of
(11:39):
a funk it's important to allowthat circumstance to be and to
decide on purpose what you wantto think about it in a way
that's going to serve you.
If you make it mean somethingabout you, if you make it mean
something about your worth, ifyou make it mean something about
(11:59):
your constant, never-endingstream of bad luck, like,
whatever your thought pattern is, you're going to stay in the
valley longer and you don't wantto be in the valley any longer
than you have to be.
So it's important to decide onpurpose how you choose to think
about that thing, and that willget you through it faster and
(12:20):
it'll make the valley moretolerable and it'll also set you
up to learn the best lessonsfrom being in the valley.
How did you get in the valley?
What led to the valley, whatcan you learn from being in the
valley, and that makes,hopefully, the next valley even
(12:40):
more tolerable.
So it's kind of a muscle we canbuild as we go through life if
we're really purposeful abouthow we decide to work through
our peaks and valleys.
So that's number one is how youfeel every day when you're in a
peak or a valley is really abouthow you choose to look at that
situation.
I think that's especiallyimportant to know if you're in a
(13:02):
down cycle or a low value cycleor a valley to choose your way
to refer to it.
I'm going to call it a valleyin this episode.
So that is number one.
Number two and I think this issuper helpful to know because I
think it's just the way theworld works and I think it was
(13:23):
designed this way for a reasonand while we wish maybe it was a
little different and that wecould stay at a peak all the
time, then I would argue thatit's not a peak, it's just a
plateau and it's a low grade hum, and I think we wouldn't
appreciate life as much.
So the truth of the matter is,though, that peaks and valleys
(13:44):
are connected.
They're not separate, and Ithink a lot of times we think
they are so, and here's what Imean by that.
So you have this win.
Let's say, you're coming off ofa high, you're coming off of a
win.
The truth of the matter is thata lot of times not always, you
(14:06):
know sometimes things willhappen that we just have zero
control over.
You know, like we get a hugepromotion maybe, and then
there's some sort of merger thattakes place that changes
everything, or your boss leaves,or there's some big
reorganization or whatever.
You don't have any control overthat, and it can move you very
quickly from the highest ofhighs in a peak after a recent
promotion, down, plummeting tothe depths where you're even
(14:28):
worried about keeping your job.
That happens every day, andthat's just out of your control,
but a lot of times and I thinkmost times, if we're honest with
ourself and we look at our lifein every facet, the peaks and
the valleys are actuallyconnected by a thread, and what
I mean by this is mistakessometimes that we make while
(14:53):
we're in the good times.
So while we're in a peak, canbecome the challenge that we
deal with tomorrow in the valleyand, conversely, the wise
things that you do today whenyou're in the valley.
So back to number one, likechoosing how you want to think
about it, deciding on purposewhat you want to learn from it,
(15:17):
what you want to do next time,can become the pathway to
tomorrow's peak, tomorrow's goodtimes.
A lot of what we experiencetomorrow is going to come from
what we decide to do today,whether we're in a peak or
valley.
So that's not to say that ifyou're in a valley it's all your
(15:40):
fault.
We all make mistakes.
We're humans and we can examinea situation from every angle
and make what we think is abulletproof decision, only to
find ourself really in a placewhere you know, even if you went
back with all the data that youhad, you'd make the same
decision.
It turns into something shortof maybe nothing short of a
(16:02):
disaster, like I've had many ofthose in my life where it's like
wow, and then you go back andyou think what would I have
changed or what could I havechanged, and the truth is that,
with all the data that I had,there was no other decision to
make.
There's other times in my lifethat when I'm honest and I look
back, it's like oh yeah, I justchose to ignore those three,
those three data points, and Ionly focused on the things I
(16:25):
wanted to see.
Right.
That leads to a valley.
It doesn't mean I'm bad.
It doesn't mean I make baddecisions.
It doesn't mean I'm doomed.
It doesn't mean any of that.
What it means is that I made aset of decisions that led me
here, and I think the veryimportant thing about being
intentional and what we think isthat, instead of blaming
(16:46):
ourself, instead of makingourselves wrong or bad or doomed
, that instead we just say youknow what you're right.
I just chose to ignore thesethree things, or I didn't see
them at all, or I didn't ask theright questions, I didn't pay
attention, I didn't.
Whatever it is, look at whathappened that led you here and
look for your role in it.
(17:07):
You may or may not have one,but it's helpful to look at it
and to see, because that givesyou more awareness and tools in
your arsenal to make the future,your future, look better.
Your peaks and your valleys, sojust know that they're
(17:30):
connected.
They're not these separatethings that happen Sometimes.
They are.
Sometimes it's a hundredpercent out of your control and
now you just have to respond toit.
But a lot of times, if we lookback on our life in every
dimension work, health,relationships, money, whatever
if we're really honest withourselves, the things that we
decide today lead to the thingsthat we deal with tomorrow, and
(17:53):
that's just the way it is.
So it's just important toalways pay attention and to
learn the lessons and to be asintentional or as purposeful as
you can be every day.
None of us are perfect.
You're going to make mistakes,but peaks and valleys are
usually connected in some way.
So number three during the peaks, we tend to, as humans, really
(18:20):
relish in what we have, butsometimes we don't allow
ourselves to really see it orexperience it.
Sometimes we dismiss it, callit luck, we don't really own it,
we don't feel like we earned it, or we can get there and just
feel empty, sort of like what Iwas saying about my chiefs.
I'm not saying I feel empty.
(18:40):
It's fun.
I still am in the footballseason, I enjoy it, but it isn't
the same.
There was something for meabout the longing and the oh
gosh.
Are they going to do it thistime and now?
It's like now that theyactually could do it.
You know, almost every season,I don't know, it's like I miss
(19:01):
the longing, you know, and Iknow I'm going to hear about
this from some of my cheese fans.
But it's just a thing, and soyou may or may not be the same,
maybe relate to it in some ways,maybe not.
But you know, learn toappreciate the peaks.
Allow yourself the moment youknow.
Appreciate the peaks.
Allow yourself the moment youknow.
Get into that glow.
You know.
Enjoy it, relish it, bathe inthat beautiful experience and
(19:28):
enjoy it, because it isn't goingto last.
And a lot of us don't allowourself to really appreciate the
good stuff.
We feel guilty.
Sometimes we can feel a littleembarrassed, we're embarrassed.
Sometimes we try to hide oursuccess or our peaks.
I just want you to really ownit.
We don't get a nonstop numberof them and when you really have
(19:50):
one, enjoy it Because you knowthere's a valley coming.
It may not be a deep valley,but it's not going to stay at
that level.
So enjoy the high and look backover your life and allow
yourself to be proud of yourself.
Allow yourself to experiencethat win and own it.
Super, super important.
(20:10):
Conversely, during the valleys,if during the peaks, we need to
appreciate what we have duringthe valleys, it's very normal
for us to long for the goodtimes.
We pine over what's missingfrom our life.
We miss the peak and we canlook back on it and feel like
maybe we're going to be in thevalley forever.
(20:31):
Here's what I want to say.
If we're not super careful, wecan really diminish our peaks,
like dumb down our peaks, and wecan take our valleys to an ever
deeper depth of despair.
Don't mix the two.
(20:52):
Don't turn a peak into a valleyand don't turn a valley into a
peak and here's what I mean bythe valley into a peak.
You have to learn how to be inthe valley just as much as you
need to learn how to celebratethe peak, because it's in the
valley and it sounds like acliche, but it is 100% true.
(21:15):
I'm sure you'll see it.
If you take a moment to look atyour own life During the worst
times of my career, myrelationships, my life, you know
, just losing my parents, bothof them in the course of a year
there is a lot to be learnedabout who you are in the valley
(21:38):
even more so than the peak.
The peak, to me is just the bigpayoff of all of the grit and
the determination and the effort, and that it's a beautiful
place to be.
But on the peak itself there'snot a ton to be learned.
Maybe you can learn how to behumble, how to stay humble and
how to be grateful and how toenjoy it, but the true lessons
(22:03):
in life come from the slide downinto the valley, the being in
the valley and the climb out ofthe valley.
So I'm not saying that thevalleys are more important, but
I believe that, you know, we alllook at life, especially at
midlife, and we look back andthink what's the point of all of
this turbulence?
(22:24):
And the truth is it's the upsand the downs that really are
the fabric of our life.
And if we did not have all ofthe down, the up wouldn't matter
as much, it wouldn't be asbeautiful, it would just be this
low, steady hum of goodness,which sounds amazing.
(22:45):
But I think it would lack allmeaning if we didn't
counterbalance it with thedownside, the dark side, the
shadow.
There's so many ways to referto it, but I'll call it a valley
here.
Don't mix the two.
Don't turn a peak into a valley.
Don't turn a valley into a peak.
Be where you are, relish inwhere you are and, yes, even if
(23:06):
you're in a valley, relish itMeaning.
What did you learn?
How did you get here?
What did you learn on the slidedown?
What does it feel like to behere?
What are the lessons learnedfrom being here and how are you
getting yourself out?
And what are you going to learnfrom that?
(23:26):
There is a ton to learn,character to be built, muscle to
be strengthened in the valley.
So peaks and valleys areimportant.
Be where you are, regardless ofwhich one you're in right now,
and know that one makes theother more beautiful.
It's the having the both thatmatters.
(23:48):
Number four we all know this,but it bears repeating we are
not in control of everythingthat happens, and so a lot of
times, if we find ourselves in avalley, we can really heap on
the blame.
We can do a number on ourselvesand tell ourselves that we're
bad and that it's all our faultand that we wouldn't be here if
(24:11):
we hadn't done X, y, z and youknow what.
Maybe you did contribute towhat led you there.
But I will say many times inlife, especially in our career,
a lot of what happens is 100%out of our control and you can't
always prevent it.
And so there's really only twothings to do when something's
(24:32):
going on in your life that youcan't control.
Number one you can eitherchange what's happening, or
number two, you can change whatyou think, and therefore feel
about what's happening.
So you can either look at thecircumstance that was served up
to you that you weren't incontrol of, and you can say I'm
(24:53):
out, here's what I'm going to godo now.
I'm going to change mycircumstance, which may or may
not lead you to a better place,but it puts you in control.
Deciding that puts you ahundred percent in control, and
I've managed a lot of my careerin that way.
I'm like you know what I'm outand I've managed a lot of my
career in that way.
I'm like you know what I'm out.
This doesn't serve me, I don'thave time for it.
It's a lot of crap, and here'sa new opportunity that's been
(25:15):
presented to me.
I'm doing that, I choose that,and that's perfectly fine.
Now, that may or may not workout either, but you certainly
did take control and just decideto change what was served to
you.
So that's one way to do it.
The other way to do it is tosay you know what.
This too shall pass, and thepassing of it might happen
(25:39):
quicker and it'll certainly be alot more pleasant if I just
decide on purpose what I chooseto think about it Like.
It might be a lot of BS, itmight be unnecessary drama, it
might be a ton of corporatepolitics, that don't matter.
It could be Machiavellian crapplaying out like there's all
kinds of stuff that could behappening.
But you can still be in controlof what you choose to think
(26:03):
about it.
And when you decide to do thatin a way that serves you, it
makes the getting through iteasier, quicker.
It takes less of a toll on therest of your life.
You're not doing all kinds ofother things like overeating and
over drinking and over spendingand over all the stuff we do
with consumption behaviors, totry to make ourselves feel
better Like, just don't do thatstuff, just change, just look at
(26:27):
the situation and just decidewhat's the best way to look at
this.
What's the thing I could thinkthat would put me in the best
place emotionally so I can justget through this and move on.
So you're not in control ofeverything that happens.
But there are two ways to takecontrol right Change the
situation you can do that orchange how you think about the
(26:48):
situation.
So that's number four.
Number five we've kind of hiton this, but I just want to hit
it again Valleys are inevitable.
We cannot stay at the peak,unfortunately.
Maybe we can prolong the peak,we can certainly relish the peak
, but we can't stay there.
The valley's coming, eitherthrough a decision you make or a
(27:12):
decision someone else makes.
The valley will come and howyou choose to manage through the
valley will determine howquickly you get to the next peak
.
Very important to know andremember, and I think it's
empowering, right.
When we're in a valley,sometimes we don't feel very
empowered.
We feel like a victim, right.
We feel like we're doomed andit's easy to get lost there.
(27:35):
But I think it's superempowering to say you know what,
whether I did something to getme here or whether it was
somebody else's thing, I have apoint of control here and it is
I'm going to choose to figureout how to get to the next peak.
What is the next peak and howdo I get there as fast as I can.
That's going to move youthrough it in a much more
(27:56):
productive and less painful way.
So that is number five.
Know that the values areinevitable.
You can't stay at the high, buthow you choose to manage
through it will determineusually how fast you get to the
next peak.
So that is number five.
And number six is and I thinkthis is especially at midlife
(28:17):
something a lot of us forget.
When we're young we, I think,can be much more goal-oriented.
Our life is 100% ahead of usand I feel like by the time we
get to mid life, we start tolook at our life as closing down
and just the things that happento us.
We're getting towards the peak,maybe on the downward slope of
(28:41):
our career.
Maybe, like me, you've lost oneor both parents, or maybe you
know heaven forbid a partner orwhatever.
There's just a lot of thingsthat get served to us at midlife
that make you realize, oh, thisisn't going to go on forever,
right, and so the naturalfallout of that is that we start
(29:01):
thinking, oh gosh, I'm justgonna, I guess, ride this out
Like I just going to take lifeas it comes, or I'm just going
to kind of settle in to my lifeand try to hang on to the things
that I built, and I just wantto tell you that that is not the
key to the most meaningful life.
I 100% believe that the musclewe all need to build at midlife
(29:25):
and one of the reasons I'vestarted this business is midlife
is a time of renewal or not.
You have to decide are yougoing to shut down and just ride
it out Because you can do that,or do you want to see what's
possible for yourself for therest of the journey?
And that is something thatsociety, especially American
(29:47):
society, does not teach us.
It's a youth-centered societythat we live in and I feel like
it's embracing more older people.
But maybe I feel that waybecause I'm older, I don't know.
But I'm just saying I do thinkthat we're not taught to think
about our entire life as aseries of building, even though
(30:10):
we know it's going to end.
I believe that let's justpretend.
Let's just pretend for a minutethat we all live to 100, that
that's just what the human lifeis, and at 100, on day 100, we
all die.
Let's just pretend that for aminute.
It's like I believe that youcan live and the best way to
(30:30):
live is that from 50 to 100,even on day where you're 99
years old and 364 days.
You have one day left in myscenario of made up life where
we all live to be 100 years oldand then we die, I believe, on
that last day.
What do you want to do withthat day?
That is a different way tothink about it than I think we
(30:52):
think about it today.
Most of us, most of us coast,we let our dreams go, we stop
figuring out like what we wantto do now and we just kind of
start hanging on to what we have.
And I think it feels reallygraspy and it feels really sad
(31:18):
and it feels meaningless to notknow what speaks to you.
And if that's you right now, Ijust want to say it's normal,
like we talked on previousepisodes, did a lot at, like you
know, finding meaning in lifeand stuff.
I believe there's this societalchecklist that we all have.
No one gives it to us, but youknow, it's like all the things
that we do from age zero, fromthe time we're born until the
(31:41):
time we're like 40 ish, 3940,where you know we're born, we
learn to walk, talk, we educateourselves, we choose our career
path.
We we're born, we learn to walk, talk, we educate ourselves, we
choose our career path, wechoose our partner, we choose
our house, we have kids or wedon't have kids, and we make all
the decisions where we want tolive and all that kind of stuff.
And now here we are.
We're usually 39, 40 at thatpoint, and we look at the rest
(32:04):
of it and we just don't know,like now, what.
That is where the midlife crisiscomes from, a hundred percent,
and I feel like more of us thannot stay there, and I guess
there's some natural next things, like if you have children,
then hopefully you probablydream of becoming a grandparent
I don't even have that one andthen what?
(32:24):
We retire and and then what?
Like off, like I don't know,travel a little bit and then die
.
It's like the rest of it, from40 to 100, isn't filled out and
so it's waiting.
I mean, I think life has alwaysbeen waiting for us to choose
(32:45):
it, but, for whatever reason, Ifeel like we're more actively
choosing life from zero to 40.
We are not as actively choosinglife from 40 onward, or we're
doing it in a way that's verylimited.
And so the last thing I want toleave you with is you know,
number six is get clear on whatyou want.
(33:05):
Forget all the shoulds, Forgetall the I'm too old, forget all
the crap that your brain's goingto want to serve up because of
how old you are and how littlemoney you have or what people
are going to think about you orwhatever your thing is, and just
set it all aside and treat itlike a game.
This is your life.
Treat it like a game.
(33:26):
What do you want?
This is your life.
Treat it like a game.
What do you want?
Write it down.
Allow yourself to dream a littlebit.
Allow yourself to I don't knowfeel the struggle that maybe you
felt when you were 22 and youwondered, when you got out of
college, like, can I actually dothis?
Am I going to be successful?
Allow yourself to experiencethe wonder of that, because, I
(33:46):
have to say, going aftersomething new again at midlife,
I think it's even sweeter.
I really do, like there's somany things I'm starting to spin
up and it's exciting.
And if you don't have that, ifyou're just shutting down, or if
you're just coasting, or ifyou're telling yourself a whole
bunch of things that, by the way, just aren't true, it doesn't
(34:08):
matter.
I might choose to start a newbusiness when I'm 87 years old,
I'm just going to do whatever Iwant to do when I want to do it,
because it's meaningful to me.
And you can do the same thing,whatever that is, and it doesn't
matter.
Start collecting cars, startflipping houses.
(34:29):
Like, do whatever you want todo.
Go back to school and become aninterior decorator.
Go back to school and become atherapist.
Like, do what you want.
I know people at my age who'vejust gotten their pilot's
license.
You know, I think that's socool.
Like, do whatever you want todo.
I think it keeps you younger.
So cool.
Like, do whatever you want todo.
I think it keeps you younger.
I think it keeps you excited.
(34:56):
And I think, imagine the peaksto come right.
Yes, there'll be valleys.
Yes, you're going to do thingsthat you fail at.
You know.
Fine, try again.
It's no big deal.
So that's the thing is getclear on what you want and
imagine the you that you'llbecome from here because you
went after it, even if you neverreally achieve it fully, even
(35:19):
if you only get part of the waythere.
Imagine how different you areand how you feel about yourself
because you actually did it.
So that's some perspectives onthe peaks and the valleys that
are so inevitable at midlife.
I know that you can relate tothis Everyone can.
It's part of the humanexperience.
But what I wanted to do todaywas offer you up some
(35:41):
perspectives that can help youmanage through both the peaks
and the valleys and toexperience your life and your
career in the most meaningfulway for you, and that's what I
wish for you.
So thank you so much forlistening today and until next
time, make it a great week.
(36:02):
My friends, do you have a lifecoach?
If not, I'd be so honored to beyour coach.
I've created a virtual coachingprogram and monthly membership
(36:23):
called Next Level.
Inside, we take the materialyou hear on this podcast, study
it and then apply it.
Join me at thepurposefulcareercom backslash
next level.
Don't forget the thepurposefulcareercom backslash
next level.
Join me and together we'll makeyour career and life everything
(36:47):
you dream of.
We'll see you there.
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