Have you ever wondered why so many of us cling to our comfort zones despite knowing that growth lies beyond them? Join me as we embark on a journey to uncover the allure of this safe space and why, especially at midlife, it's crucial to push past its boundaries. With a staggering 98% of people reportedly staying within their comfort zone, we'll explore how the familiar can often become a trap that stifles our true potential. I share my personal reflections and experiences to highlight the transformative power of embracing discomfort and the new opportunities it brings.
Let's reignite the spark of curiosity and passion in our lives. Together, we'll delve into ways of discovering new interests, proving it's never too late for self-discovery and growth. By taking risks and engaging with our curiosities, we not only enrich our lives but also build resilience and adaptability—key skills for navigating life's complexities. We'll discuss how these micro actions of stepping out of comfort zones are not just about personal growth but also about strengthening our ability to cope with change and transitions throughout life.
Confidence and self-image are not static; they evolve as we do. We'll explore how stepping out of our comfort zones can reshape our self-perception and enhance self-confidence. True self-assurance is often forged in the fires of unfamiliar situations, where failure is a stepping stone to success. Envision your future self and embrace small, incremental steps towards transformation. This journey is about empowerment, hope, and the realization that it's never too late to reinvent oneself. Join me in this episode to break free from the confines of comfort and step into a path of continuous evolution and fulfillment.
Follow us on Instagram @thepurposefulcareer.
Learn more about Next Level, our monthly membership at https://www.thepurposefulcareer.com/nextlevel.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the Purposeful Career Podcast with
Carla Hudson, episode number 208.
I'm Carla Hudson, brandstrategist, entrepreneur and
life coach, whether you're onthe corporate or entrepreneur
track, or maybe both.
Decades of experience hastaught me that creating success
(00:20):
happens from the inside out.
It's about having the clarity,self-confidence and unstoppable
belief to go after and geteverything you want.
If you'll come with me, I'llshow you how.
Hello friends, I hope you hadan amazing week.
(00:40):
In this week's episode we'regoing to talk about the comfort
zone.
And listen.
Comfort sounds amazing.
It's familiar, it's cozy, it'scomfortable and, especially at
midlife, when we've been at itfor a while, we've got things in
our life that we're good at.
(01:01):
We've mastered certain things,we're used to certain things.
We're used to certain things.
It's easy to say you know what?
I'm just going to set down mybags here for a while and allow
myself to enjoy it and getcomfortable.
Here's the problem with that.
We definitely like to staycomfortable and as we get older,
(01:23):
it's easy to resist leaving thecomfort zone.
It's harder to be humble enoughto try new things that you
haven't done before and to allowyourself to try things that
maybe you fail at for the firsttime or the second time or the
fifth time, you know, just likeyou did when you were younger.
(01:44):
But for some reason, by thesecond time or the fifth time
you know, just like you did whenyou were younger, but for some
reason, by the time we get tomidlife, that is a little bit
harder to do.
So today we're going to talkabout the seven reasons why it's
a great idea to voluntarilydecide to leave the comfort zone
.
So enjoy the episode.
Today I want to talk about beingcomfortable and the downside of
(02:10):
that, and that might soundillogical, but hang with me for
a minute.
So this is all sparked by astatistic I saw on LinkedIn.
Now, I can't vouch for thestatistic I saw on LinkedIn.
Now, I can't vouch for thestatistic or the study that
uncovered it, but it intriguedme.
And the statistic was that 98%of people live in the comfort
(02:36):
zone and only 2% of us ever pushourselves out of a world in
which we feel comfortable.
And, like I said, I don't knowif that statistic is true or not
, but I will say when I saw itit made me pause and I stepped
back and I thought about my ownlife and my journey that's led
(03:00):
me here to this place at midlife, and even some of the things
that I'm working on now, which Iwould say that I'm in the
middle of pushing into another,next level.
I've been at this place forseveral years.
I will say it's taken me awhile.
I'm a slow burner, I would say,and I always have been.
(03:20):
I go through these long periodsof thinking about it and
working on it and tiny littleactions.
I'm a big fan of micro actionsversus massive action.
I like taking tiny little steps, one at a time, and it
gradually adds up to huge change, and I'll do a whole episode on
(03:42):
that at some other point.
But I want to talk today aboutwhy is it important to put
yourself in a place where youare deciding on purpose to leave
the comfort zone and to enter aperiod or a world that you're
(04:03):
just really uncomfortable with,and why would anyone do that?
So let's talk about thatbecause it's important, and I
want to start with thedefinition of what the comfort
zone is.
I didn't want it to be mydefinition of it, so I looked it
up and the Merriam Dictionarysaid that the comfort zone is
(04:26):
defined as any situation inwhich you feel comfortable and
in which your ability anddetermination are not being
tested.
It's that last part of thesentence, right?
That says it all In which yourability and determination are
not being tested.
(04:46):
Just looking at those words, itsounds great, right.
It sounds like oh, I want to bein the comfort zone, right, I
want to be in a place where I'malways feeling great and I never
have to feel uncomfortable, andI never have to feel like I'm
forced to do things or trythings or deal with things that
(05:08):
maybe I don't have the skills todeal with today.
But I want to challenge thatnotion, as good as it sounds.
The comfort zone is wherepersonal growth and
self-discovery is where personalgrowth and self-discovery and
I'm just going to say it ameaningful life go to die.
(05:34):
I'm not saying we don't liveour lives constantly being in a
state of discomfort, but what Ido want to say is that and this
is something a lot of us forgetwhen we get to midlife.
So when I saw that statistic, itdrew me in, because when we're
younger we're just getting outof college and we're just
starting our journey in lifewe're already uncomfortable,
right, you leave high school andyou go to college.
(05:56):
That's super uncomfortable,it's exciting, but it's
uncomfortable, right.
You're leaving the world.
You've always known the worldof your parents' house and your
family and your friends and allof that.
And now you're pushed into thisnew world where you have to
rediscover who you are and findout all of these new things
about yourself.
And for a lot of us that'strial and error and super
(06:17):
uncomfortable.
It's also fun.
It's tough too.
And then after four short yearsyou're pushed out again into
the real world and that's reallyuncomfortable.
And you had that safe littlecocoon once again of college.
And now here you are and you'renot 100% sure how to even get
(06:39):
started.
And so for young folks juststarting out and I would say
first 10 years of your careerfor sure it's just uncomfortable
.
You settle in, but then, assoon as you do, a lot of those
folks are changing jobs a lot.
They're feeling very ambitiousand they want to see what's
possible for them or what's outthere for them, and so they make
(07:03):
a set of very purposefuldecisions to continually push
themselves out of places wherethey settled in and got
comfortable.
Many of us did that early onand some of us continue to do it
.
For me, I feel like my entirelife has been constantly
(07:24):
deciding to leave the comfortzone, but when you get to
midlife, there's more at stake.
When you're just gettingstarted, you don't have any
choice.
You have to get out there.
You got to make a life foryourself, right, but by the time
you get to midlife, you havemade a life for yourself, and
you've pushed yourself out ofthe comfort zone many times in
(07:47):
order to make the life that youhave now, and so, when you're
there, I get why most people areliving and determined to stay
in their comfort zone.
They want to experience all ofthe blessings that came with all
(08:08):
the sacrifices and all theeffort and all of the struggle
and all of the achievement thatyou pushed yourself through to
bring yourself here, and so I'mnot saying there's no value in
living in that comfort andenjoying that comfort.
It is wonderful, and it's awonderful part of this time of
(08:29):
life, and even if life is astruggle in some areas, most of
us at midlife can look at wherewe are and value all of the
effort that we put in thatbrought us here right, so I'm
not discounting that.
What I am saying, though, isthat when we stay in the comfort
(08:50):
zone too long, it leads tomalaise, and it's where a
meaningful life and an excitinglife and a rewarding and a
(09:11):
rewarding, ever-evolving,interesting life can go to die
honestly, and it's important atmidlife to remember that.
Even though you're very happyin some areas with where you are
, I want to challenge you thateven if life is fantastic right
now, it doesn't have to befalling apart.
Even if your life is amazingright now, it's everything you
ever dreamed of.
(09:31):
It is important to takepurposeful steps outside of the
comfort zone maybe notcompletely blowing, blowing
everything up or leavingeverything behind, but testing
the waters and figuring out howto keep yourself growing,
(09:52):
because it's a slippery slope togo from relishing in the
comfort of where you are rightnow because of all of the
discomfort in your earlier years.
It's so easy to get stuck inthis place where you're afraid
(10:14):
to do anything new or to putyourself out into the world in a
new way, and you stop seeingyourself as someone that's
capable of doing things thatyou've never done before.
That is a unique thing thatmost of us at Midlife can
experience.
So I want to offer you up somereasons to step out of your
(10:39):
comfort zone in some area and ifyou're in a place where you
haven't really pushed yourselfin a while.
Don't focus on blowingeverything up.
Listen to these reasons and Iwant you to look at your own
life and ask yourself in whatways could you enrich your life
(11:00):
more and maybe set your 20 yearsfrom now self up in the way
that maybe your 20 years agoself set you up for where you
are now.
That you might be very gratefulfor.
Your job right now, at midlife,is to do the same thing for the
20 years from now.
(11:20):
You, you don't want to coastfor the rest of it, and we've
talked a lot about that on a lotof my midlife meaning and
midlife crisis episodes.
So if you want to explore thata little bit more about what
happens from zero to 39 and whathappens from 39 forward, you
can go back and listen to thoseepisodes.
(11:41):
But today I want to talk aboutwhy it's good to get
uncomfortable and why steppingout of your comfort zone in
midlife can have a very positiveand profound effect, not only
on your life today but on whoyou become for the rest of it.
So let's go ahead and dive in.
So first is that when you stepout of your comfort zone, it's
(12:06):
about taking a risk.
It's about putting yourself outinto the world in a new way,
even if you're just kind oftiptoeing in, whether it's about
trying a new hobby, or whetherit's about finally moving to the
new city you want to go to, orwhether it's about starting to
take a course in an area thatyou might want to pivot your
(12:28):
career into, or whether it'sabout finally contacting the
attorney to open the LLC for thebusiness you've been thinking
about for five years.
Whatever your thing is, takinga risk promotes self-growth.
It's not easy, and even if youfeel like you have a great life
(12:52):
right now and tons ofself-confidence, if you put
yourself out into the world in anew way, I can promise you that
you're going to build on whatmight already be a great
foundation of feeling actualizedand already self-confident.
It's hard, though, because, ifyou have a good life and you
(13:13):
dream about doing something new,one of the big reasons we avoid
it is we fear failure.
If we're trying to do new andwe're taking a risk to do that,
we feel like if we fail at it,it's a step back, we're losing
something.
But when you put yourself outinto the world in a new way,
(13:33):
it's about self-discovery.
And if you're trying somethingnew, you might might fail.
It's a good chance of it on thefirst try.
But what does failure reallymean?
I find that kind of interesting, because it is a thing for me
too.
But you know, when you reallystep out of it and think about
it, what does it really mean?
(13:53):
It just means that I didn'tknow how to do it on this first
try.
I just need to learn from thatand then take another run at it.
Our whole life leading up tothis point has been a series of
failures.
None of us go through life andget everything right on the
first try.
So taking a risk at midlife canteach you more about yourself
(14:16):
and it gives you a charge.
It gives you that old feelingof inspiration and excitement
that maybe I don't know beingcomfortable doesn't give us.
Being comfortable gives us manythings, but that zap of
excitement, that fire in yourbelly, doesn't really give you
(14:36):
that right.
That's about taking a risk,that's about deciding to take a
step out of the comfort zone andthat is about personal growth
and seeing what you can do anddiscovering more about yourself.
But I just want to acknowledgedeciding to leave the comfort
zone is about risk, and numberone is taking risks promotes
(14:58):
self-growth and failure, eventhough you'll probably
experience.
It can propel you forward andteach you more about who you are
.
And that leads us to number two, because this is a big one, and
I hear this from almosteveryone People who might have a
very successful career.
(15:19):
Many of them most of them willsay I don't know what I want to
do with my life and I stop shortof telling them where you're
already doing it right.
So if you're not liking whatyou're doing, it's your job to
get out there and find out whatyou're passionate about.
That is the key to the wholething.
(15:42):
And when you step out of thecomfort zone at midlife
especially, but anytime youstart to learn things about
yourself.
And some of us feel like, bythe time we get to midlife,
we're just who we are and thatwe're unlikely to find out
anything new.
But when you do what I said innumber one, which is deciding to
(16:03):
step out of the comfort zone totake that risk, you're trying
new things.
And when you try new things,you're going to discover new
things about yourself.
You're going to discover eitheryou don't like that thing or,
more often than not, we discovernew areas that we're passionate
(16:24):
about new passions, passions wedid not know we had.
By trying and learning newthings and mastering new skills,
we become good at new things,and that becomes the breadcrumbs
of a new journey forward.
(16:44):
The breadcrumbs of a new journeyforward.
It's about discovering newthings about yourself so that
your path ahead gets richer.
It doesn't stay the same.
That doesn't mean that you haveto let go of everything you
have.
You don't have to blow up yourlife in order to discover new
passions, and if you discovernew passions, you don't have to
blow up your life.
Those two things can coexist.
But the great thing aboutstepping out of your comfort
(17:07):
zone, trying new things andexploring the things you're
curious about, the things you'recurious about are little
nigglings from the universe thatthere's something in you that
is meant to be discovered andthat you're meant to do
something with.
And more often than not, whenpeople do that, they find
(17:31):
something that they care about.
And why would we want to livewithout that for the rest of our
journey?
So number two is it helps youdiscover new passions and new
things.
It's about not only making thatdiscovery, but it's about what
that discovery can become in thefuture.
It's those breadcrumbs, thatnew discovery, that new passion
(17:55):
will lead you to probably tryingsomething else new, and then
something else new, and thensomething else new, and that
forward momentum enriches yourlife and enlarges your life in a
way that you're never going toexperience if you don't step out
of your comfort zone.
So number two is about whathelps you discover new things
(18:18):
that you're passionate about,because you've allowed yourself
to explore those littlenigglings of curiosity, the
little what ifs, the little oh,I wish kind of things.
Don't wish, don't wonder.
Step outside the comfort zoneand start exploring in small
(18:39):
ways.
It's about micro actions.
It's not about big, scary,blowing all the crap up in your
life.
It's about just trying newsmall things in as big or small
way as you might wish to do.
Number three our lives are muchmore complicated at midlife than
(19:02):
they were in our early life formost of us, and those
complications don't go away.
And if we're lucky enough togrow old, we're going to go
through a lot as we age fromhere, either through the things
that the people around usexperience or the things that we
ourselves experience, and sowhen you step out of the comfort
(19:22):
zone, it helps you learn how tocope with change.
It helps you learn how to beuncomfortable and how to live in
uncertainty when you decide, onpurpose, to take steps out of
the comfort zone in a verypurposeful way, when life serves
you up things that might bedevastating or disrupting or
(19:45):
whatever.
We've built that muscle becausewe've been intentionally
putting ourselves out into theworld in new ways and so that
muscle around dealing withdiscomfort and dealing with
change and dealing withtransitions, it helps navigate
the inevitable highs and lows oflife a little bit better, a
(20:05):
little bit more about who youare, and you have a deeper well
of self-belief to draw from whentimes get tough.
So the step out of the comfortzone builds muscle that, if we
don't put ourselves out into theworld in a new way, if we just
settle for being comfortable,that muscle atrophies, that
(20:28):
muscle that maybe we had in ouryouth leading us to here, to
this life we're grateful fortoday, or maybe the life we want
to change today, whatever it is, you want to keep that muscle
strong, that muscle arounddealing with change and coping
and being okay with change andtransitions and dealing with the
(20:49):
fear that comes along with that.
This is a learned skill andit's something that we have to
work to keep strong, and pushingyourself occasionally, in ways
that are meaningful to you, outof your comfort zone will help
you keep that muscle aroundcoping strong.
That is important as we age atany time in life, but you don't
(21:10):
want to lose that.
You don't want that muscle toatrophy.
So pushing yourself out of thecomfort zone is a great way to
keep it strong.
So that's number three.
Number four you will begin, orbegin again, to find yourself.
Life is a constant journey ofdiscovery of who we are, and to
(21:33):
believe, like many people do,that by the time we get to
midlife that we've uncovered allof who we are, is incorrect.
We have, all of us, manydimensions to who we are and
lots of layers to who we are,and we can't possibly, no matter
(21:54):
what we've been through, haveexplored all of those in 40, 50,
60 years.
There's a lot more to you 40,50, 60 years.
There's a lot more to you, andyou're only going to discover
all of that by stepping out ofthe comfort zone, by following
(22:15):
those things that you havelittle nigglings about, by
pursuing them, you might findit's a thing for you that you
enjoy or not, but when you goafter it, when you try those new
things.
Whatever those new things are,whether it's a solo backpacking
trip through Europe or it's amonth long course at a culinary
(22:38):
institute, or whatever it isthat you want to do, it doesn't
matter.
When you allow yourself to doit, you're going to find out
things about yourself that youdid not know were true, and
those things are going to leadto more discoveries about
(22:59):
yourself.
They're going to open up levelsof you that maybe were
previously untapped, and whenyou do that, you're going to
reach down deeper and find thisdeeper wellspring of possibility
for yourself.
Our job is to discover all ofwho we are.
It's not to just go through theroutines of our life, and it
(23:23):
doesn't have to be big and scary.
It can be a book you read.
It can be a class you take.
It can be a new volunteeringopportunity that you pursue.
It can be a trip that you'vealways dreamed of.
It can be a business you wantedto start.
For all of us it looksdifferent, but it's important to
realize that by the time youget to start, for all of us it
(23:44):
looks different, but it'simportant to realize that by the
time you get to midlife, youdon't know yet all of who you
are, and it's your job tocontinue to discover that, and
the only way you're going to dothat is by pushing yourself out
of the comfort zone and leavingthe comfort zone intentionally,
(24:06):
in intentional ways that areimportant to you over and over
again.
That is how your life opens upand that is how you get in touch
with ever deeper aspects of whoyou are, and that's how life
stays interesting and enrichedand full of possibilities,
(24:28):
instead of just coasting untilthe end, right.
So, number four, you will beginto find yourself again or
rediscover yourself.
It's so important.
Number five we all like to feellike we're in the driver's seat
of our life, and I don't knowabout you, but there have been
(24:48):
times in my life where I feltlike as purposeful as I think my
life can look to others, I'vehad a lot of people say my gosh,
you're like so focused and soyou try to be so productive and
stuff, and it's like I do, but Ifeel like there were long
periods in my life, because ofthings that I was going through
(25:09):
in relationships or whateverwhere I took my hands off the
steering wheel of my life and Iwas not in the driver's seat of
my own life or didn't feel likeI was.
I was just kind of coasting,and it's not a good feeling.
We all want to feel like we arein the driver's seat, we are in
control of where the car goes.
Now, we're never fully incontrol, but we want to have
(25:32):
that feeling of omnipotence inour life.
And when we step out of thecomfort zone, we're deciding on
purpose where we're heading.
We're not just rolling with thethings that life hands to us.
We're saying I want to go dothat, and so, at least with a
portion of our life, that's whatwe're doing right, and we're
(25:54):
making a series of decisions.
And it gives us a feeling inevery area of our life, even if
we're just doing something small, just doing that small thing,
we're making that decision,taking that one class or doing
that small thing or making thatdecision, taking that one class
or doing that one thing orwhatever it is it makes us feel
like in every area of our life,we have more control, we have
(26:15):
more courage, we have moreaudacity, like we feel like we
have hopped in to the driver'sseat of our life.
Put our hands on that steeringwheel and we are driving and
we're steering our life.
So number five is that when youdecide intentionally to step
(26:35):
out of your comfort zone, itputs you back in this feeling of
I'm driving my life, life isnot happening to me, I'm
happening to life, right?
That is a very big differenceand I think it's super important
to have that sense of control.
And then, number six it buildsself-confidence.
(26:58):
You may feel like you're a veryconfident person, but are you
confident even when you feeluncomfortable?
Are you confident even when youtry something you've never
tried before?
That's the kind of confidenceI'm talking about.
We can all feel confident inthe context of a career and a
(27:19):
relationship and a life thatwe're used to, that we're
comfortable in.
But can you still feelconfident when you put yourself
out into the world for the firsttime doing something completely
new?
That is the test.
And most of us won't feelconfident, and that's okay.
(27:42):
It's about learning and mayberemembering that it's all right
to try and fail, and try andfail, and try and fail and try
and fail.
Eventually we're going to findthe way that works for us.
And when we remember that, itbuilds an ever deeper well of
self-confidence, that not onlyis about that thing that we put
(28:06):
ourself out in the world in anew way to try, but about all of
our life.
It enriches our life and itstrengthens our self-image.
So that's number six, and thennumber seven is the last.
One is the last one.
It allows you to see yourself ina new way, and this is about
(28:28):
self-image, and that is thefoundation of my practice and
what I teach.
It's at the very root of who weare, which is how we see
ourselves, and I feel like thatcan be either a product of our
past and our collection ofexperiences that we've had to
(28:48):
date and our interpretations ofthose.
We can even let that be ourself-image, or we can decide to
build a self-image that is fluid, that is ever-changing and that
is always becoming in a veryintentional way.
You don't have to see yourselfas the collection of all of your
(29:14):
life experiences to date.
You can actually choose to seeyourself by who you're deciding
to become.
Choose to see yourself by whoyou're deciding to become.
And when we're at midlife, mostof us forget that because we
think we are just who we are andwe think that this is the way
our life is and this is all thedecisions we made and now we're
(29:37):
here, and so here is what wehave and here is who we are.
I'm here to say that is not whoyou are.
You are who you decide to be,and that can change today.
If you want to see yourself in anew way, if you want to believe
something new about yourself,don't look to the people around
(29:59):
you to reflect that back to you.
That comes from inside of you.
I'm not talking about when Italk about self-image.
I'm not talking about the imagethat you present to the world.
I'm talking about how you seeyourself.
And that is the most importantwork you'll ever do, and that is
(30:20):
why I focus my business there,because your life and your
possibilities of your past ornot looking to others to reflect
(30:47):
back to who you are, how theysee you, that's kind of
irrelevant.
What is relevant is who youchoose to be now and going
forward, and you do that byturning.
And you do that by turning andfacing the future, not the past,
(31:07):
and looking ahead and saying Iwant to be that and so that is
where I'm headed.
And that involves continuouslyleaving the comfort zone and
trying new things and editingyour life and next leveling.
So those are the seven thingsand I hope that gave you some
(31:30):
perspective to look at your ownlife and to think about how
comfortable are you?
And again, nothing wrong withrelishing where life's journey
has brought you, but too many ofus get stuck there, either
because we relish it or, even ifwe don't like where we are,
(31:53):
we're afraid to leave it becausewe think that what we try next
might be worse.
And I'm here to tell you thatis a stuck mindset.
You don't have to live that wayand I would challenge you that
if you do feel stuck and you areafraid to step out of your
comfort zone, even in a verysmall way, I get it, I
(32:17):
understand.
But I want to tell you that itdoesn't have to be scary.
I mean it will be probablyscary, but it doesn't have to be
like you blow up your life.
Everything in your life canstay the same and you can still
choose one thing.
There's magic in the one thing.
Don't change everything.
Pick one thing, whether it's apersonal goal about your
(32:40):
changing something about yourappearance, like your weight or
your fitness or your style, orwhether it's about taking a
course or whatever it is.
Just take one step toward thatthing and then another and then
another.
That's how you leave.
The comfort zone zone is onestep at a time, one tiny micro
(33:04):
step at a time, and in thecourse of a month not much will
have changed, but in the courseof a year or five years, your
life could be completelytransformed from that one tiny
step.
So that is something I wantedto talk about today, because I
want to remind my fellowmidlifers that there's too many
(33:29):
of you out there saying it's toolate, no one's ever going to
hire me for that new job, it'stoo late to start my business,
it's too late for me to becomethat stylish, fit woman that I
used to be, or whatever.
That is not true.
It's just something you'retelling yourself, and I want you
(33:49):
to try to step out of thecomfort zone.
Pick one thing, take one littlestep and don't hop back into
the comfort zone.
Know that you're going to feeluncomfortable, embrace the
discomfort and remember theseseven things.
There's a reward waiting foryou for all of the discomfort
and all of the trial and errorand all of the effort of this
(34:13):
self-discovery journey that youwould go on if you allow
yourself to step out of yourcomfort zone, and I hope that
you do.
Do you have a life coach?
If not, I'd be so honored to beyour coach.
(34:36):
I've created a virtual coachingprogram and monthly membership
called Next Level.
Inside we take the material youhear on this podcast, study it
and then apply it.
Join me at thepurposefulcareercom backslash
next level.
Don't forget thepurposefulcareercom backslash
(35:00):
next level.
Join me and together we'll makeyour career and life everything
you dream of.
We'll see you there.
This is the Purposeful Career Podcast with
Carla Hudson, episode number 208.
I'm Carla Hudson, brandstrategist, entrepreneur and
life coach, whether you're onthe corporate or entrepreneur
track, or maybe both.
Decades of experience hastaught me that creating success
(00:20):
happens from the inside out.
It's about having the clarity,self-confidence and unstoppable
belief to go after and geteverything you want.
If you'll come with me, I'llshow you how.
Hello friends, I hope you hadan amazing week.
(00:40):
In this week's episode we'regoing to talk about the comfort
zone.
And listen.
Comfort sounds amazing.
It's familiar, it's cozy, it'scomfortable and, especially at
midlife, when we've been at itfor a while, we've got things in
our life that we're good at.
(01:01):
We've mastered certain things,we're used to certain things.
We're used to certain things.
It's easy to say you know what?
I'm just going to set down mybags here for a while and allow
myself to enjoy it and getcomfortable.
Here's the problem with that.
We definitely like to staycomfortable and as we get older,
(01:23):
it's easy to resist leaving thecomfort zone.
It's harder to be humble enoughto try new things that you
haven't done before and to allowyourself to try things that
maybe you fail at for the firsttime or the second time or the
fifth time, you know, just likeyou did when you were younger.
(01:44):
But for some reason, by thesecond time or the fifth time
you know, just like you did whenyou were younger, but for some
reason, by the time we get tomidlife, that is a little bit
harder to do.
So today we're going to talkabout the seven reasons why it's
a great idea to voluntarilydecide to leave the comfort zone
.
So enjoy the episode.
Today I want to talk about beingcomfortable and the downside of
(02:10):
that, and that might soundillogical, but hang with me for
a minute.
So this is all sparked by astatistic I saw on LinkedIn.
Now, I can't vouch for thestatistic I saw on LinkedIn.
Now, I can't vouch for thestatistic or the study that
uncovered it, but it intriguedme.
And the statistic was that 98%of people live in the comfort
(02:36):
zone and only 2% of us ever pushourselves out of a world in
which we feel comfortable.
And, like I said, I don't knowif that statistic is true or not
, but I will say when I saw itit made me pause and I stepped
back and I thought about my ownlife and my journey that's led
(03:00):
me here to this place at midlife, and even some of the things
that I'm working on now, which Iwould say that I'm in the
middle of pushing into another,next level.
I've been at this place forseveral years.
I will say it's taken me awhile.
I'm a slow burner, I would say,and I always have been.
(03:20):
I go through these long periodsof thinking about it and
working on it and tiny littleactions.
I'm a big fan of micro actionsversus massive action.
I like taking tiny little steps, one at a time, and it
gradually adds up to huge change, and I'll do a whole episode on
(03:42):
that at some other point.
But I want to talk today aboutwhy is it important to put
yourself in a place where youare deciding on purpose to leave
the comfort zone and to enter aperiod or a world that you're
(04:03):
just really uncomfortable with,and why would anyone do that?
So let's talk about thatbecause it's important, and I
want to start with thedefinition of what the comfort
zone is.
I didn't want it to be mydefinition of it, so I looked it
up and the Merriam Dictionarysaid that the comfort zone is
(04:26):
defined as any situation inwhich you feel comfortable and
in which your ability anddetermination are not being
tested.
It's that last part of thesentence, right?
That says it all In which yourability and determination are
not being tested.
(04:46):
Just looking at those words, itsounds great, right.
It sounds like oh, I want to bein the comfort zone, right, I
want to be in a place where I'malways feeling great and I never
have to feel uncomfortable, andI never have to feel like I'm
forced to do things or trythings or deal with things that
(05:08):
maybe I don't have the skills todeal with today.
But I want to challenge thatnotion, as good as it sounds.
The comfort zone is wherepersonal growth and
self-discovery is where personalgrowth and self-discovery and
I'm just going to say it ameaningful life go to die.
(05:34):
I'm not saying we don't liveour lives constantly being in a
state of discomfort, but what Ido want to say is that and this
is something a lot of us forgetwhen we get to midlife.
So when I saw that statistic, itdrew me in, because when we're
younger we're just getting outof college and we're just
starting our journey in lifewe're already uncomfortable,
right, you leave high school andyou go to college.
(05:56):
That's super uncomfortable,it's exciting, but it's
uncomfortable, right.
You're leaving the world.
You've always known the worldof your parents' house and your
family and your friends and allof that.
And now you're pushed into thisnew world where you have to
rediscover who you are and findout all of these new things
about yourself.
And for a lot of us that'strial and error and super
(06:17):
uncomfortable.
It's also fun.
It's tough too.
And then after four short yearsyou're pushed out again into
the real world and that's reallyuncomfortable.
And you had that safe littlecocoon once again of college.
And now here you are and you'renot 100% sure how to even get
(06:39):
started.
And so for young folks juststarting out and I would say
first 10 years of your careerfor sure it's just uncomfortable
.
You settle in, but then, assoon as you do, a lot of those
folks are changing jobs a lot.
They're feeling very ambitiousand they want to see what's
possible for them or what's outthere for them, and so they make
(07:03):
a set of very purposefuldecisions to continually push
themselves out of places wherethey settled in and got
comfortable.
Many of us did that early onand some of us continue to do it
.
For me, I feel like my entirelife has been constantly
(07:24):
deciding to leave the comfortzone, but when you get to
midlife, there's more at stake.
When you're just gettingstarted, you don't have any
choice.
You have to get out there.
You got to make a life foryourself, right, but by the time
you get to midlife, you havemade a life for yourself, and
you've pushed yourself out ofthe comfort zone many times in
(07:47):
order to make the life that youhave now, and so, when you're
there, I get why most people areliving and determined to stay
in their comfort zone.
They want to experience all ofthe blessings that came with all
(08:08):
the sacrifices and all theeffort and all of the struggle
and all of the achievement thatyou pushed yourself through to
bring yourself here, and so I'mnot saying there's no value in
living in that comfort andenjoying that comfort.
It is wonderful, and it's awonderful part of this time of
(08:29):
life, and even if life is astruggle in some areas, most of
us at midlife can look at wherewe are and value all of the
effort that we put in thatbrought us here right, so I'm
not discounting that.
What I am saying, though, isthat when we stay in the comfort
(08:50):
zone too long, it leads tomalaise, and it's where a
meaningful life and an excitinglife and a rewarding and a
(09:11):
rewarding, ever-evolving,interesting life can go to die
honestly, and it's important atmidlife to remember that.
Even though you're very happyin some areas with where you are
, I want to challenge you thateven if life is fantastic right
now, it doesn't have to befalling apart.
Even if your life is amazingright now, it's everything you
ever dreamed of.
(09:31):
It is important to takepurposeful steps outside of the
comfort zone maybe notcompletely blowing, blowing
everything up or leavingeverything behind, but testing
the waters and figuring out howto keep yourself growing,
(09:52):
because it's a slippery slope togo from relishing in the
comfort of where you are rightnow because of all of the
discomfort in your earlier years.
It's so easy to get stuck inthis place where you're afraid
(10:14):
to do anything new or to putyourself out into the world in a
new way, and you stop seeingyourself as someone that's
capable of doing things thatyou've never done before.
That is a unique thing thatmost of us at Midlife can
experience.
So I want to offer you up somereasons to step out of your
(10:39):
comfort zone in some area and ifyou're in a place where you
haven't really pushed yourselfin a while.
Don't focus on blowingeverything up.
Listen to these reasons and Iwant you to look at your own
life and ask yourself in whatways could you enrich your life
(11:00):
more and maybe set your 20 yearsfrom now self up in the way
that maybe your 20 years agoself set you up for where you
are now.
That you might be very gratefulfor.
Your job right now, at midlife,is to do the same thing for the
20 years from now.
(11:20):
You, you don't want to coastfor the rest of it, and we've
talked a lot about that on a lotof my midlife meaning and
midlife crisis episodes.
So if you want to explore thata little bit more about what
happens from zero to 39 and whathappens from 39 forward, you
can go back and listen to thoseepisodes.
(11:41):
But today I want to talk aboutwhy it's good to get
uncomfortable and why steppingout of your comfort zone in
midlife can have a very positiveand profound effect, not only
on your life today but on whoyou become for the rest of it.
So let's go ahead and dive in.
So first is that when you stepout of your comfort zone, it's
(12:06):
about taking a risk.
It's about putting yourself outinto the world in a new way,
even if you're just kind oftiptoeing in, whether it's about
trying a new hobby, or whetherit's about finally moving to the
new city you want to go to, orwhether it's about starting to
take a course in an area thatyou might want to pivot your
(12:28):
career into, or whether it'sabout finally contacting the
attorney to open the LLC for thebusiness you've been thinking
about for five years.
Whatever your thing is, takinga risk promotes self-growth.
It's not easy, and even if youfeel like you have a great life
(12:52):
right now and tons ofself-confidence, if you put
yourself out into the world in anew way, I can promise you that
you're going to build on whatmight already be a great
foundation of feeling actualizedand already self-confident.
It's hard, though, because, ifyou have a good life and you
(13:13):
dream about doing something new,one of the big reasons we avoid
it is we fear failure.
If we're trying to do new andwe're taking a risk to do that,
we feel like if we fail at it,it's a step back, we're losing
something.
But when you put yourself outinto the world in a new way,
(13:33):
it's about self-discovery.
And if you're trying somethingnew, you might might fail.
It's a good chance of it on thefirst try.
But what does failure reallymean?
I find that kind of interesting, because it is a thing for me
too.
But you know, when you reallystep out of it and think about
it, what does it really mean?
(13:53):
It just means that I didn'tknow how to do it on this first
try.
I just need to learn from thatand then take another run at it.
Our whole life leading up tothis point has been a series of
failures.
None of us go through life andget everything right on the
first try.
So taking a risk at midlife canteach you more about yourself
(14:16):
and it gives you a charge.
It gives you that old feelingof inspiration and excitement
that maybe I don't know beingcomfortable doesn't give us.
Being comfortable gives us manythings, but that zap of
excitement, that fire in yourbelly, doesn't really give you
(14:36):
that right.
That's about taking a risk,that's about deciding to take a
step out of the comfort zone andthat is about personal growth
and seeing what you can do anddiscovering more about yourself.
But I just want to acknowledgedeciding to leave the comfort
zone is about risk, and numberone is taking risks promotes
(14:58):
self-growth and failure, eventhough you'll probably
experience.
It can propel you forward andteach you more about who you are
.
And that leads us to number two, because this is a big one, and
I hear this from almosteveryone People who might have a
very successful career.
(15:19):
Many of them most of them willsay I don't know what I want to
do with my life and I stop shortof telling them where you're
already doing it right.
So if you're not liking whatyou're doing, it's your job to
get out there and find out whatyou're passionate about.
That is the key to the wholething.
(15:42):
And when you step out of thecomfort zone at midlife
especially, but anytime youstart to learn things about
yourself.
And some of us feel like, bythe time we get to midlife,
we're just who we are and thatwe're unlikely to find out
anything new.
But when you do what I said innumber one, which is deciding to
(16:03):
step out of the comfort zone totake that risk, you're trying
new things.
And when you try new things,you're going to discover new
things about yourself.
You're going to discover eitheryou don't like that thing or,
more often than not, we discovernew areas that we're passionate
(16:24):
about new passions, passions wedid not know we had.
By trying and learning newthings and mastering new skills,
we become good at new things,and that becomes the breadcrumbs
of a new journey forward.
(16:44):
The breadcrumbs of a new journeyforward.
It's about discovering newthings about yourself so that
your path ahead gets richer.
It doesn't stay the same.
That doesn't mean that you haveto let go of everything you
have.
You don't have to blow up yourlife in order to discover new
passions, and if you discovernew passions, you don't have to
blow up your life.
Those two things can coexist.
But the great thing aboutstepping out of your comfort
(17:07):
zone, trying new things andexploring the things you're
curious about, the things you'recurious about are little
nigglings from the universe thatthere's something in you that
is meant to be discovered andthat you're meant to do
something with.
And more often than not, whenpeople do that, they find
(17:31):
something that they care about.
And why would we want to livewithout that for the rest of our
journey?
So number two is it helps youdiscover new passions and new
things.
It's about not only making thatdiscovery, but it's about what
that discovery can become in thefuture.
It's those breadcrumbs, thatnew discovery, that new passion
(17:55):
will lead you to probably tryingsomething else new, and then
something else new, and thensomething else new, and that
forward momentum enriches yourlife and enlarges your life in a
way that you're never going toexperience if you don't step out
of your comfort zone.
So number two is about whathelps you discover new things
(18:18):
that you're passionate about,because you've allowed yourself
to explore those littlenigglings of curiosity, the
little what ifs, the little oh,I wish kind of things.
Don't wish, don't wonder.
Step outside the comfort zoneand start exploring in small
(18:39):
ways.
It's about micro actions.
It's not about big, scary,blowing all the crap up in your
life.
It's about just trying newsmall things in as big or small
way as you might wish to do.
Number three our lives are muchmore complicated at midlife than
(19:02):
they were in our early life formost of us, and those
complications don't go away.
And if we're lucky enough togrow old, we're going to go
through a lot as we age fromhere, either through the things
that the people around usexperience or the things that we
ourselves experience, and sowhen you step out of the comfort
(19:22):
zone, it helps you learn how tocope with change.
It helps you learn how to beuncomfortable and how to live in
uncertainty when you decide, onpurpose, to take steps out of
the comfort zone in a verypurposeful way, when life serves
you up things that might bedevastating or disrupting or
(19:45):
whatever.
We've built that muscle becausewe've been intentionally
putting ourselves out into theworld in new ways and so that
muscle around dealing withdiscomfort and dealing with
change and dealing withtransitions, it helps navigate
the inevitable highs and lows oflife a little bit better, a
(20:05):
little bit more about who youare, and you have a deeper well
of self-belief to draw from whentimes get tough.
So the step out of the comfortzone builds muscle that, if we
don't put ourselves out into theworld in a new way, if we just
settle for being comfortable,that muscle atrophies, that
(20:28):
muscle that maybe we had in ouryouth leading us to here, to
this life we're grateful fortoday, or maybe the life we want
to change today, whatever it is, you want to keep that muscle
strong, that muscle arounddealing with change and coping
and being okay with change andtransitions and dealing with the
(20:49):
fear that comes along with that.
This is a learned skill andit's something that we have to
work to keep strong, and pushingyourself occasionally, in ways
that are meaningful to you, outof your comfort zone will help
you keep that muscle aroundcoping strong.
That is important as we age atany time in life, but you don't
(21:10):
want to lose that.
You don't want that muscle toatrophy.
So pushing yourself out of thecomfort zone is a great way to
keep it strong.
So that's number three.
Number four you will begin, orbegin again, to find yourself.
Life is a constant journey ofdiscovery of who we are, and to
(21:33):
believe, like many people do,that by the time we get to
midlife that we've uncovered allof who we are, is incorrect.
We have, all of us, manydimensions to who we are and
lots of layers to who we are,and we can't possibly, no matter
(21:54):
what we've been through, haveexplored all of those in 40, 50,
60 years.
There's a lot more to you 40,50, 60 years.
There's a lot more to you, andyou're only going to discover
all of that by stepping out ofthe comfort zone, by following
(22:15):
those things that you havelittle nigglings about, by
pursuing them, you might findit's a thing for you that you
enjoy or not, but when you goafter it, when you try those new
things.
Whatever those new things are,whether it's a solo backpacking
trip through Europe or it's amonth long course at a culinary
(22:38):
institute, or whatever it isthat you want to do, it doesn't
matter.
When you allow yourself to doit, you're going to find out
things about yourself that youdid not know were true, and
those things are going to leadto more discoveries about
(22:59):
yourself.
They're going to open up levelsof you that maybe were
previously untapped, and whenyou do that, you're going to
reach down deeper and find thisdeeper wellspring of possibility
for yourself.
Our job is to discover all ofwho we are.
It's not to just go through theroutines of our life, and it
(23:23):
doesn't have to be big and scary.
It can be a book you read.
It can be a class you take.
It can be a new volunteeringopportunity that you pursue.
It can be a trip that you'vealways dreamed of.
It can be a business you wantedto start.
For all of us it looksdifferent, but it's important to
realize that by the time youget to start, for all of us it
(23:44):
looks different, but it'simportant to realize that by the
time you get to midlife, youdon't know yet all of who you
are, and it's your job tocontinue to discover that, and
the only way you're going to dothat is by pushing yourself out
of the comfort zone and leavingthe comfort zone intentionally,
(24:06):
in intentional ways that areimportant to you over and over
again.
That is how your life opens upand that is how you get in touch
with ever deeper aspects of whoyou are, and that's how life
stays interesting and enrichedand full of possibilities,
(24:28):
instead of just coasting untilthe end, right.
So, number four, you will beginto find yourself again or
rediscover yourself.
It's so important.
Number five we all like to feellike we're in the driver's seat
of our life, and I don't knowabout you, but there have been
(24:48):
times in my life where I feltlike as purposeful as I think my
life can look to others, I'vehad a lot of people say my gosh,
you're like so focused and soyou try to be so productive and
stuff, and it's like I do, but Ifeel like there were long
periods in my life, because ofthings that I was going through
(25:09):
in relationships or whateverwhere I took my hands off the
steering wheel of my life and Iwas not in the driver's seat of
my own life or didn't feel likeI was.
I was just kind of coasting,and it's not a good feeling.
We all want to feel like we arein the driver's seat, we are in
control of where the car goes.
Now, we're never fully incontrol, but we want to have
(25:32):
that feeling of omnipotence inour life.
And when we step out of thecomfort zone, we're deciding on
purpose where we're heading.
We're not just rolling with thethings that life hands to us.
We're saying I want to go dothat, and so, at least with a
portion of our life, that's whatwe're doing right, and we're
(25:54):
making a series of decisions.
And it gives us a feeling inevery area of our life, even if
we're just doing something small, just doing that small thing,
we're making that decision,taking that one class or doing
that small thing or making thatdecision, taking that one class
or doing that one thing orwhatever it is it makes us feel
like in every area of our life,we have more control, we have
(26:15):
more courage, we have moreaudacity, like we feel like we
have hopped in to the driver'sseat of our life.
Put our hands on that steeringwheel and we are driving and
we're steering our life.
So number five is that when youdecide intentionally to step
(26:35):
out of your comfort zone, itputs you back in this feeling of
I'm driving my life, life isnot happening to me, I'm
happening to life, right?
That is a very big differenceand I think it's super important
to have that sense of control.
And then, number six it buildsself-confidence.
(26:58):
You may feel like you're a veryconfident person, but are you
confident even when you feeluncomfortable?
Are you confident even when youtry something you've never
tried before?
That's the kind of confidenceI'm talking about.
We can all feel confident inthe context of a career and a
(27:19):
relationship and a life thatwe're used to, that we're
comfortable in.
But can you still feelconfident when you put yourself
out into the world for the firsttime doing something completely
new?
That is the test.
And most of us won't feelconfident, and that's okay.
(27:42):
It's about learning and mayberemembering that it's all right
to try and fail, and try andfail, and try and fail and try
and fail.
Eventually we're going to findthe way that works for us.
And when we remember that, itbuilds an ever deeper well of
self-confidence, that not onlyis about that thing that we put
(28:06):
ourself out in the world in anew way to try, but about all of
our life.
It enriches our life and itstrengthens our self-image.
So that's number six, and thennumber seven is the last.
One is the last one.
It allows you to see yourself ina new way, and this is about
(28:28):
self-image, and that is thefoundation of my practice and
what I teach.
It's at the very root of who weare, which is how we see
ourselves, and I feel like thatcan be either a product of our
past and our collection ofexperiences that we've had to
(28:48):
date and our interpretations ofthose.
We can even let that be ourself-image, or we can decide to
build a self-image that is fluid, that is ever-changing and that
is always becoming in a veryintentional way.
You don't have to see yourselfas the collection of all of your
(29:14):
life experiences to date.
You can actually choose to seeyourself by who you're deciding
to become.
Choose to see yourself by whoyou're deciding to become.
And when we're at midlife, mostof us forget that because we
think we are just who we are andwe think that this is the way
our life is and this is all thedecisions we made and now we're
(29:37):
here, and so here is what wehave and here is who we are.
I'm here to say that is not whoyou are.
You are who you decide to be,and that can change today.
If you want to see yourself in anew way, if you want to believe
something new about yourself,don't look to the people around
(29:59):
you to reflect that back to you.
That comes from inside of you.
I'm not talking about when Italk about self-image.
I'm not talking about the imagethat you present to the world.
I'm talking about how you seeyourself.
And that is the most importantwork you'll ever do, and that is
(30:20):
why I focus my business there,because your life and your
possibilities of your past ornot looking to others to reflect
(30:47):
back to who you are, how theysee you, that's kind of
irrelevant.
What is relevant is who youchoose to be now and going
forward, and you do that byturning.
And you do that by turning andfacing the future, not the past,
(31:07):
and looking ahead and saying Iwant to be that and so that is
where I'm headed.
And that involves continuouslyleaving the comfort zone and
trying new things and editingyour life and next leveling.
So those are the seven thingsand I hope that gave you some
(31:30):
perspective to look at your ownlife and to think about how
comfortable are you?
And again, nothing wrong withrelishing where life's journey
has brought you, but too many ofus get stuck there, either
because we relish it or, even ifwe don't like where we are,
(31:53):
we're afraid to leave it becausewe think that what we try next
might be worse.
And I'm here to tell you thatis a stuck mindset.
You don't have to live that wayand I would challenge you that
if you do feel stuck and you areafraid to step out of your
comfort zone, even in a verysmall way, I get it, I
(32:17):
understand.
But I want to tell you that itdoesn't have to be scary.
I mean it will be probablyscary, but it doesn't have to be
like you blow up your life.
Everything in your life canstay the same and you can still
choose one thing.
There's magic in the one thing.
Don't change everything.
Pick one thing, whether it's apersonal goal about your
(32:40):
changing something about yourappearance, like your weight or
your fitness or your style, orwhether it's about taking a
course or whatever it is.
Just take one step toward thatthing and then another and then
another.
That's how you leave.
The comfort zone zone is onestep at a time, one tiny micro
(33:04):
step at a time, and in thecourse of a month not much will
have changed, but in the courseof a year or five years, your
life could be completelytransformed from that one tiny
step.
So that is something I wantedto talk about today, because I
want to remind my fellowmidlifers that there's too many
(33:29):
of you out there saying it's toolate, no one's ever going to
hire me for that new job, it'stoo late to start my business,
it's too late for me to becomethat stylish, fit woman that I
used to be, or whatever.
That is not true.
It's just something you'retelling yourself, and I want you
(33:49):
to try to step out of thecomfort zone.
Pick one thing, take one littlestep and don't hop back into
the comfort zone.
Know that you're going to feeluncomfortable, embrace the
discomfort and remember theseseven things.
There's a reward waiting foryou for all of the discomfort
and all of the trial and errorand all of the effort of this
(34:13):
self-discovery journey that youwould go on if you allow
yourself to step out of yourcomfort zone, and I hope that
you do.
Do you have a life coach?
If not, I'd be so honored to beyour coach.
(34:36):
I've created a virtual coachingprogram and monthly membership
called Next Level.
Inside we take the material youhear on this podcast, study it
and then apply it.
Join me at thepurposefulcareercom backslash
next level.
Don't forget thepurposefulcareercom backslash
(35:00):
next level.
Join me and together we'll makeyour career and life everything
you dream of.
We'll see you there.
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