March 16, 2025 • 45 mins
Have you ever achieved something incredible, only to feel like you don't deserve it? That gnawing sense that you're a fraud who's just moments away from being "found out" has a name – imposter syndrome – and it affects a staggering 75% of high-performing women executives.
For more than two decades of my career, I thought I was the only one suffering from this torturous internal conflict. Despite regular promotions and expanding responsibilities, a voice inside constantly whispered that I was a fraud. It wasn't until attending a writers' conference in 2015 that I discovered this condition had a name, and that millions of others – particularly women – experience it too.
What makes imposter syndrome so destructive is the cognitive dissonance it creates: you're ambitious and capable enough to achieve great things, yet simultaneously convinced you don't deserve them. This disconnect between your capabilities and self-perception creates a pattern of self-sabotage that can manifest as workaholic tendencies, avoiding opportunities, and numbing behaviors like overeating, overdrinking, or excessive screen time.
Drawing from both personal experience and professional expertise, I share the origins of imposter syndrome in early childhood programming, gender stereotypes, and family dynamics. More importantly, I offer two powerful solutions: the "Three C's" technique for immediate relief from impostery thoughts (Catch, Cancel, Correct), and the deeper work of evolving your self-concept to permanently eliminate the root cause.
Ready to stop feeling like a fraud and start owning your success? Listen now, and discover how to transform your relationship with yourself at any age. Your future self will thank you for not spending decades in self-doubt like I did.
Follow us on Instagram @thepurposefulcareer.
Learn more about Next Level, our monthly membership at https://www.thepurposefulcareer.com/nextlevel.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the Purposeful Career Podcast,
episode number 223.
I'm Carla Hudson, brandstrategist, entrepreneur and
life coach.
Whether you're on the corporateor entrepreneur track, or maybe
both, decades of experience hastaught me that creating success
happens from the inside out.
(00:21):
It's about having the clarity,self-confidence and unstoppable
belief to go after and geteverything you want.
If you'll come with me, I'llshow you how.
Hello friend, I hope you had anamazing week.
Today we're going to talk aboutimposter syndrome.
(00:44):
An amazing week.
Today we're going to talk aboutimposter syndrome.
This is a very important topic,particularly for women.
It does impact some men, but itdefinitely is
disproportionately somethingthat women deal with.
In the episode I'm going toshare all the reasons for that.
But this is also verypersonally important to me.
It has been the mostsignificant issue or challenge
(01:11):
in my career.
Certainly, for the first twodecades of my career, I didn't
even really know what it wasbefore 2015 when I first got
exposed to it, and I'll sharemore in the podcast about how I
got exposed to and things likethat.
But suffice it to say like Iwill never forget that day or
(01:34):
that moment when I heard thisperson on stage talking about it
.
It was like an out of bodyexperience.
I was like I don't know what'shappening.
I thought I was the only personup until that point who dealt
with that, who had thoughts likethat, who struggled with those
(01:57):
feelings and who spent theircareer avoiding chasing the big
opportunities but avoiding thespotlight.
It was this very weird pushpull that I had for the first
two decades of my career, and soit's so important to me, and I
would say the last eight yearshave been nine years.
(02:17):
I've been really working on thelong term fix of that, which
we'll talk about in the podcast,but I wanted to share this with
you today because I don't wantanyone else to spend two decades
of their life dealing withsomething that is so easily
(02:39):
addressed.
I'm not going to say that it'ssimple to overcome.
I'm not going to say that youcan solve it in an instant.
This is deep, deep work,because the reason you have
imposter syndrome if it'ssomething that you struggle with
is that in your family oforigin and those early formative
years, a combination of thingshappened things people said to
(03:01):
you, things that you observed,things people said to you things
that you observed, things thatyou experienced, and you made
all that mean things about youand your self-worth.
That has imprinted on you, andso it takes a while to evolve
(03:23):
that, but it can be done at anyage.
So I'm super passionate aboutthis topic and I hope that if
this is something that youstruggle with, that you get a
lot out of this episode.
I'm going to share both a inthe moment tool and technique
you can use on the job toovercome the impostery feelings
in the moment.
But, like I said, I'm going toalso share the longer term fix,
(03:44):
which is what my business reallyfocuses on.
So I hope you enjoy it.
If you know a friend who'sstruggling with this, please
forward the episode to thembecause there is help out there
for people who are and itliterally is, was for me torture
(04:04):
.
You just torture yourselfbecause you've got this driving
ambition but at the same time,you've got this deeply rooted
feelings of self doubt, and mymission is to help women resolve
that.
So enjoy this episode onimposter syndrome.
So enjoy this episode onimposter syndrome.
(04:25):
Today we're going to talk aboutimposter syndrome.
That is a meaty topic and onethat is very relevant to most
women.
According to a study by KPMG,75% of high-performing executive
women have reportedexperiencing imposter syndrome.
(04:47):
55% of young women reportfeeling they're not good enough
at their job at least once ortwice in the past week, and 62%
of women have said that theyrarely have felt confident in
their career.
This is an issue.
(05:08):
It is an issue for more womenthan men, although some men do
experience it.
I've coached a few verysuccessful, high-performing men
in very senior roles whosometimes have feelings of
imposter syndrome.
If you've ever felt this way inyour career, you're not alone.
(05:31):
This episode is for you.
I got through about 22 years ofmy career before I'd even heard
of imposter syndrome.
Until that day and it is a dayI will never forget I believe
that I was the only person whofelt like I didn't know what I
was doing, even though Iregularly got promoted, my roles
(05:54):
were always expanded and Iloved what I did.
I just had this continualtorturous voice inside my head
that sometimes whispered andsometimes screamed, telling me
that I was a fraud and that inabout two seconds, people were
going to find out.
(06:14):
But it wasn't until I attendeda writer's convention in San
Diego in 2015 that I heard aboutit for the first time.
By that point, I was 22 yearsinto my career and I had been
suffering with this for so longand I was at a writer's
(06:36):
convention in San Diego.
Writing is one of my hobbies andin my spare time I like to
write romantic comedies.
It's a nice relief from mybusiness and corporate career,
but of course you wouldn't knowthat because I published them
under a pen name.
If you ever needed proof thatI've got imposter syndrome,
(06:57):
there is a major symptom of it.
That is a big deal, because ittakes a really long time to
write a book from developing thecharacters to developing the
sense of place, to developingthe plot, to getting the pacing
right, the dialogue, the pointsof view.
There's a lot of craft in astory and it takes a long time
(07:19):
to write it.
And most people don't evenfinish a book.
But when you do unless you're abestseller, you don't make that
much money off of it.
So it's a labor of love.
You toil and you sweat and youput all this effort into it and
then put it out into the cruelworld of Amazon and the other
publishing platforms.
You'll have some people who arekind, but there are others who
(07:42):
will.
Just it doesn't help with thewhole imposter syndrome thing.
So I did all of this work andpublished it under a pen name.
Total imposter moment.
I was at this convention andthere were thousands of authors
there.
They had a guest speaker, asthey usually do at conventions.
There was a keynote and, likeany other convention, you walk
(08:04):
into this huge ballroom andthere were thousands of people
sitting in groups of 10 aroundthese round tables waiting for
lunch to be served.
When I'm in a situation likethat, where I don't know anyone,
I tend to be a taduncomfortable and get very
chatty in those moments.
So I was sitting at this tabletalking to these other nine
(08:28):
writers that I didn't know.
In a situation like that, Idon't always pay attention to
the guest speaker.
It's almost like backgroundnoise.
So when this woman wasintroduced, I vaguely registered
her name as Dr Valerie Young.
She walked onto stage and,vaguely aware, she started to
talk and enough of what she wassaying seeped into my
(08:53):
consciousness, even though I wastalking and listening.
That I'll never forget it.
I stopped talking to the peoplesitting near me and I turned my
chair.
I was just fixated like a laserbeam on the stage.
I remember the room had gottenreally quiet.
Writers notoriously agonize overtheir craft.
(09:14):
They never believe they're goodenough.
She was the perfect person tospeak to a group of thousands of
mostly female writers at thisconvention.
I remember sitting there and,as she was talking, until the
moment she walked off the stage,I was just transfixed.
My mouth was probably open.
I remember thinking holy crap,what is happening?
(09:39):
Every single word that came outof this woman's mouth was me.
It was like seeing a 100%accurate diagnosis or
description of a condition froma person you've never met and
that you've never even toldabout your convention.
That they just sort ofmagically knew what was wrong
(10:01):
with you.
It was insane.
Knew what was wrong with you.
It was insane.
So I, of course, immediatelyleft the lunch, went up to my
room and ordered the book onAmazon, and I remember pouring
over it on the plane right backon my Kindle.
And then, just a year later,after seeing her and immersing
(10:23):
myself in her work and readingevery other book I could find on
the subject, I was introducedto this cognitive-based coaching
approach that I got certifiedin in 2016.
And that is all about gainingawareness into your patterns of
thought and shifting those thatdon't serve you.
Cognitive behavioral therapy isa perfect technique for someone
(10:44):
dealing with imposter syndrome.
Since I have spent the lastnine years working on gaining
awareness into andsystematically undoing those
patterns of thought andreplacing them with new, more
empowering and less imposterythoughts.
Empowering and less imposterythoughts.
(11:10):
I consider this work to be themost important self-development
of my life.
Imposter syndrome will take anenormous toll If it goes
unchecked.
It did for me For 22 years ofmy career.
Every rung up the ladder, theimposter syndrome got worse.
It will steal the joy from yourlife completely.
It will minimize every successand keep you from fully living
(11:34):
your life.
The ripple effects of impostersyndrome will impact every part
of your life, not just yourcareer, but all of it
relationships, self-care, youname it.
So it's hard to think of atopic that would be more
important than this.
It affects so many of us womenand its impact is so profound on
(12:00):
our life.
I actually thought initiallythat when I started this
coaching business, I would focusmy business there.
I did it for just a minute andthen I decided, no, I don't want
to focus there because impostersyndrome has a root cause, and
I've decided to go deeper.
I wanted my business to befixated on helping people build
(12:23):
a strong self-concept, one thatis about where they want to go,
not where they've been, and notabout the mistakes they've made
or the things other people havesaid to them, but a self-concept
that is aligned with wherethey're going right.
So the best way to think aboutit is a self-concept should
never be fixed.
(12:44):
Way to think about it is aself-concept should never be
fixed.
It should always be evolving inthe direction that you decide
to go.
We are not taught this and veryfew of us ever do it right.
The problem with impostersyndrome is that there's a
cognitive dissonance.
Typically, imposter syndromeaffects high achievers.
When you're a high achiever,you've got something driving you
(13:07):
forward.
There's part of you that isconfident enough to go after
those big things that you'redreaming of and to push yourself
through the discomfort that youinevitably encounter.
But at the same time, there'sanother part of yourself, a
deeper part, that is about yourdefault self-concept, the one
(13:28):
that was shaped by your familyof origin, by your early
schooling years, by the thingsthat have happened to you, that
is telling you that you can't doit.
As someone who's lived with itfor most of their career, I can
tell you that it is torture tohave big dreams and to achieve
(13:51):
many of them, only to have thisvoice inside of you telling you
that whatever you've actuallyachieved is a fluke and that
you're a fake and a fraud.
In about two seconds, everyoneelse is going to know it.
Imposter syndrome steals yourjoy, it holds you back.
(14:11):
You say no to things that youshould say yes to, and if you do
say yes to a big newopportunity, but you fail at it,
as we all will from time totime that voice will absolutely
torture you.
And if you say yes but succeed,it'll tell you that it was all
(14:34):
just luck, it was just a fluke,right?
If there was an impostersyndrome spectrum of zero to a
hundred, I would say that at thebeginning of my career, for the
first eight years, I wasprobably a 20.
I think we all feel a little,you know, or most of us when
we're doing something new.
It can feel a littleintimidating.
(14:55):
We think, oh, I don't know, amI going to be able to do this?
But it didn't really bother me,it wasn't strong enough.
But as my career really startedto pick up steam and I climbed
the ladder and got more and moresuccessful, the imposter
syndrome intensified to where,by the time I was sitting, you
(15:15):
know 22 years, maybe 23 yearsinto my career.
By the time I was sitting andlistening to that woman, dr
Valerie Young, at that writer'sconvention, I don't know.
I would say I was a 90 out of ahundred, and not just in the
writing area.
Actually, in the writing area Iwas so new I didn't even know
(15:40):
to be afraid at that point In mycorporate career.
It was like a raging monster.
So let's talk about how impostersyndrome shows up and kind of
what it feels like.
Imposter syndrome is.
In the simplest of terms, it'sa voice of self-doubt and
criticism.
It's a voice that can tell youthings like you're a fake or a
(16:02):
phony, or you got here by luck.
It tells you things likeeverything you do has to be
perfect or it's not good enough.
Interestingly, this happens tosome of the most successful
people, people who appear and insome ways are very confident in
(16:22):
themselves and in theirskillset and in what they do,
but inside, even though they doknow, intellectually speaking,
that they're good at what theydo, they have this old narrative
playing on repeat.
That's what happened to me.
I had more and more success, butbecause I didn't do the work on
(16:47):
changing my inner narrative andquieting my inner critic
because I hadn't evolved myself-concept.
I didn't even really know whatthat was or that you could
evolve it.
I thought it was just who I was.
I felt more and more exposedthe higher up I went.
So from the outside in at workpeople around me, my boss, my
(17:14):
peers, the people who reportedto me they viewed me in one way
and I would say there's onelevel of myself that viewed me
in that same way.
So I got that I was good atstuff, but from the inside out I
viewed myself in a differentway.
There was this push pull and itwas very confusing and it will
(17:37):
totally mess with your head.
On the one hand, I wasconfident in the job and I
looked for and craved thoseopportunities that came my way,
and when a door would even crackopen, I ran through it.
So it didn't stop me from doingit, it just tortured me every
second of the day.
In some of the roles I'vemanaged budgets as large as 250
(18:01):
million.
I've had teams as large as 26,with another 50 or 60 that I was
managing at outside agenciesand dozens, if not hundreds, of
people that I would work withcross-functionally inside some
of these larger corporationswhere I was selling in my ideas
to people from the C-suite ondown.
I would do those things, but Iconstantly tortured myself while
(18:25):
I was doing them.
I had zero questions about myability to make the right
decisions and to lead thosebrand marketing efforts that I
was responsible for and to leadthe teams.
I knew I could do it and I wassuccessful at that.
There was just something offwith my internal hard drive,
with my brain, and sometimes theimposter syndrome would quiet
(18:50):
down, but then an event wouldhappen that triggered it.
We would be off to the raceswith the push pull.
The triggering events for mewere if I was asked to speak in
front of a large crowd, even ifI had a great case study to
share or a big success, I wouldturn down the opportunity
because I would think who am Ito speak to this room full of
(19:12):
experts?
They've all done more importantthings.
But the truth is the thoughtsthat I was thinking who am I to
speak to these people?
They've all done more importantthings.
That was just my innernarrative.
Were the people in the audienceaccomplished?
Yes, and did they know?
A lot of things, many of whichI don't know?
Yes, but did I have things toshare that might've helped them?
(19:37):
Yes, but I didn't believe that,and so there was literally no
way that I was going to putmyself on that stage, in that
situation, to make that speech.
And there were times a few ofthem where maybe it was a
smaller group, maybe at anetworking event or something
(20:02):
like that, where I would beasked to speak If I really liked
the person that asked me orknew them well.
Sometimes I would say, oh, youknow, let me look at my calendar
.
But then every single time thenarrative would kick in and
convince me that this was a hugemistake, that I don't need to
put myself into that situation.
So you might be listening tothis and thinking if you're a
(20:28):
high achiever setting big goalsand achieving them, where does
this imposter syndrome come from?
According to Dr Valerie Youngand many other books on the
topic, it comes from earlychildhood topic.
It comes from early childhoodexperience.
Some things that can impact itinclude gender stereotypes, for
(20:48):
women most struggle withimposter syndrome, especially
for Gen X and boomer women,maybe even some millennials.
I hope this is lessening forGen Z and Gen Alpha.
I hope women won't struggle somuch, but think about that for a
minute.
Women in the workforce is kindof new, even for older boomers.
(21:10):
There was a lot of traditionalroles for women in the
generational spectrum and youknow it's just been a few
decades now that it's become thenorm call it a handful of
decades that you know women inthe workforce are there.
So it's kind of wired still,especially for Gen Xers and
(21:30):
younger boomers, into our psyche.
We've got this push pullbetween a traditional gender
stereotype and maybe where ouraspirations took us, and for
those on the older end of Gen X,like I am, there aren't a lot
of path pavers ahead of us Forme and my family of origin.
(21:51):
I was a first generationcollege graduate and a high
flying corporate career was justnot something my parents
instilled into me.
That ambition came from me andsome of the people I got exposed
to and the things that I sawand the things that I just
decided I wanted to do.
I went and did it but I didn'thave any role models or anyone
(22:13):
who could help me and it madethe journey a little
overwhelming at times.
I don't know if you can relateMaybe you've had a similar
experience but some other thingsthat can trigger beyond gender
stereotypes are cultural, ethnicand religious origins.
So these not all, but some ofthem can be part of instilling
(22:37):
things into us at an early ageabout the role of a woman in
what our role in society shouldbe.
It can make you feel that you'redoing something wrong if you
want to pursue a career outsidethe home or be a woman business
owner.
For some cultures, ethnicitiesor religious backgrounds that
(22:57):
can be a challenge right.
Family expectations can alsoplay a role.
If you have parents who mighthave incredibly high standards,
be hyper overachievers, you canget imposter syndrome.
You might've had very goodmodels for what's possible, but
maybe for them nothing's evergood enough.
Maybe their standard is so highyou feel like you can't ever
(23:22):
hit the mark.
Standard is so high you feellike you can't ever hit the mark
.
Having parents who are veryprotective, who don't ever
really let you put yourself outthere and make your own
decisions, can cause you to feellike you're just not smart
enough to be able to do that.
So that's where the origins forimposter syndrome come from.
It's hardwired in at a veryearly age through familial
(23:44):
expectations, the environmentsyou're in, things people have
said to you, things you'veobserved all of it gets
hardwired into your brain and itbecomes the not very helpful
way you have of looking atyourself, whether it's through
the lens of what it means to bea woman in a corporate setting,
or what it means to be yourethnic or cultural or religious
(24:07):
origin in a corporate setting,or what it means in my case to
be the third of four kids.
Birth order can sometimes playinto it.
I was the classic middle child,the second daughter, third of
four.
You can go one of two ways youcan be a ne'er-do-well black
sheep who's getting into trouble, or you can be like me, who is
(24:29):
constantly trying to achieve,probably to prove your worth.
So while on the one hand, youare very confident and know that
you're capable of doing thethings you want to do, your
unhelpful recurring patterns ofthought are either holding you
back or stealing your joy if youdo push through the discomfort
(24:53):
and have success.
According to Dr Valerie Young,some of the symptoms of imposter
syndrome are a fear of failure.
So if you're somebody thatyou're just not sure if you can
do it, how often do you findyourself afraid to put yourself
out there or not doing somethingbecause you're afraid that you
(25:15):
might fail at it?
That is a symptom denial ofyour ability or pulling the rug
out from under yourself becauseyou're so afraid of what it
would mean if you failed right?
Deflecting praise is anothersymptom.
So do people praise you andinstead of thanking them, you
say, oh, it was nothing.
I used to do that all the time.
Oh, it was just luck, or oh, Iwas just at the right place at
(25:39):
the right time.
Meanwhile, it was actuallyyears of study and years of hard
work that built the skills thatdelivered that achievement.
Another symptom is fear or guiltabout success.
So the more you achieve, themore you feel weird about the
achievement.
While you believed you could doit and you did do it, your
(26:02):
self-concept hasn't kept pacewith your upward climb.
You still see yourself in theold way.
You don't see yourself as thewoman who's accomplished all the
things.
My self-concept did not keeppace at all with the things that
I achieved, so for me it wasjust torture and I got triggered
(26:24):
a lot.
So let's talk about the triggers, because they are a very real
thing.
Let's talk about what happensin our brain when we get
triggered into imposterythoughts.
According to Dr Valerie Young,there are things that trigger
these thoughts.
Typically Dr Valerie Young.
(26:45):
There are things that triggerthese thoughts.
Typically it's around newsituations.
So new professional settings,the big promotion, the new title
, the new level, a new academicsetting, a new boss, new social
situations, a spotlightsituation where all the lights
are shining on you Like.
For me it was public speaking.
It was just like it's so deeplyfearful inside of me.
(27:08):
Any and all of the above cantrigger feelings of not
enoughness.
You're afraid you're not goodenough, but something inside
keeps driving you to ever higherlevels of achievement.
So these patterns, it'simportant to know, aren't what's
causing the imposter syndrome.
The patterns are actuallyneutral.
(27:32):
The problem is what you'retelling yourself or what you're
thinking about the situation.
So it wasn't really the publicspeaking opportunity that caused
my imposter syndrome.
It was what I was thinkingabout.
The public speaking opportunity, right, that's the problem.
The problem is that we thinkthoughts I'm a fraud.
(27:56):
They're going to find out thatI really don't know what I'm
doing.
Everyone else knows whatthey're doing except me.
I'm not qualified.
I didn't deserve this promotion.
I don't deserve all theseaccolades.
I can't do it.
I'm not good enough.
I don't have anything smart tosay.
I'm not going to speak up atthe meeting they're going to
find out that I don't belonghere or that I'm not as good as
(28:19):
they are when we are sufferingfrom imposter syndrome and say
things like that to ourselves.
The reason the imposter syndromefeels like torture is because
it causes us to feel an emotionthat's on the more negative side
of the spectrum, so it canrange from sadness to fear, to
panic, to anxiety.
(28:39):
And the hardest part ofimposter syndrome is that
there's this battle going on inyour head.
You've got this constant tug ofwar between your ambitions that
are driving you forward and thetortured thoughts and feelings
about what it will mean to befound out or exposed for the
(29:00):
fraud that you believe that youare.
And when you're feeling all ofthese feelings of fear, anxiety,
panic, stress, overthinking,really, the big way it shows up
is that most of us, a lot of us,will say no to opportunities,
like for me.
I said no to every speakingengagement.
It was just like I invented newways to say no to those things.
(29:23):
But a lot of times, like me,you will say yes and you'll just
push yourself hard through thediscomfort.
You're living with thatconstant state of agitation and
self-torture because you'redoing it and you're compelled to
(29:43):
do it but you're tellingyourself the whole time that you
can't do it.
And then, even when you're done, if you fail at it, you torture
yourself because you failed, orif you succeed, you dismiss the
success.
So there's just zero way to winin the imposter syndrome world.
(30:04):
And the higher up you climb,the more exposed you feel,
because your profile is raisedinside the company and the more
anxiety you have.
That starts to bleed into everyother part of your life, like
for me.
One way it showed up is that Iwouldn't take vacations like
(30:24):
ever.
I had no work-life balance forat least a couple of decades.
I would work before that allthe time.
I remember one vacation.
It was a few decades ago.
It was right when my career wasfirst starting to take off.
My ex-husband and I we did notget divorced because of my
(30:46):
imposter syndrome or chronicoverworking, but I don't think
it helped.
He won a thing and there wassome big award ceremony and we
were in Orlando at Disney World.
There was a part of DisneyWorld called Animal Kingdom
which was cool.
Like I really liked all theanimals in their habitats.
It was cool.
Like I really liked all theanimals in their habitats.
It was cool, but anyway, Iremember walking through the
(31:06):
park, conference call afterconference call Granted, at that
time I was in a very intensestartup environment and the
wireless space I'm not sayingthat I was just inventing
reasons to work.
It was really legitimately toughto disconnect.
Inventing reasons to work, itwas really legitimately tough to
disconnect, but it was insane.
When I think about it now, I'msure people were walking by me
(31:29):
going what is she doing, myex-husband?
I didn't say anything about it,but how rude, right?
Conference call afterconference call, I just never
stopped working.
I wanted to make sure that Imaintained that high level of
contribution so that I couldprove to myself that I had
earned my spot, that I deservedit.
(31:52):
That lack of balance takes ahuge toll on your life and I
would isolate in other ways too.
I would put off returning calls, I would cancel vacations.
There was just no room for fun.
It was all work for a long time.
It isn't anymore, but it wasfor a long time.
(32:13):
Some people overeat, some peopleover drink, some people over
shop, some people over Netflix.
Imposter syndrome and trying toescape those torturous feelings
is where all thoseoverconsumption behaviors come
from in your personal life.
Because those thoughts are sotorturous and make us feel such
(32:36):
bad emotions like sadness,anxiety, panic, self-doubt, fear
that instead of lettingyourself feel all those bad
emotions, we stuff them down andnumb them with food and drink
and shopping and TV.
This is why you have all thesebehaviors that sometimes can
(32:56):
confound you.
You cheat on the diet even whenyou don't want to.
You watch TV instead offinishing the report.
You overdrink the night beforethe big meeting.
You watch the full season ofSelling Sunset instead of going
to the gym.
Anything that you'reover-consuming doesn't serve you
(33:17):
, Not only because it's maskingthe emotion that you really need
to feel and process so that youcan move through it, but it
doesn't serve you because itcreates all these other problems
in your life, like overspendingcauses financial issues,
over-reading causes weightissues, and over-drinking can
cause health issues andrelationship issues.
(33:37):
If you're still not sure thatyou have imposter thoughts, sure
that you have imposter thoughtsa good way to diagnose this is
to get in touch with how you'refeeling.
If you're getting ready to bein or have just been in a
situation where your profile israised, a big meeting.
(33:58):
When you're asked to speak infront of a crowd.
If you've just been promoted,if you've got a big presentation
coming up, if you're getting anew job, going back to grad
school, whatever it is, anythingbig where you feel visible, you
might feel like you've beenthrust into the spotlight,
(34:19):
anything big that's come up.
Ask yourself how are youfeeling?
If that makes you feel anythingon the more negative side of
the emotion spectrum, like fear,self-doubt, anxiety, panic,
depression, you might haveimposter syndrome thoughts in
your head.
(34:39):
You might be telling yourselfsome version of I'm not good
enough.
There are many differentversions of that thought, but
that is at the root of impostersyndrome.
I'm not good enough to do this.
And so what you want to do?
(34:59):
If you feel like this is anissue for you and that you've
got these recurring patterns ofthought, it's important to know
that the triggers we talkedabout the new job, the new
academic situation, all thosehigh profile moments are not the
cause of the imposter syndrome.
The triggering event isn't theproblem.
(35:20):
It's what you're thinking aboutthe event, because that is the
root of it all in your brain andthat is also your point of
power.
That is where you can change it.
So if you feel trapped in thecycle of imposter syndrome,
there are two things I want youto do.
One is short-term, or in themoment, and another is the
(35:46):
longer term.
So, for the short term, whenyou find yourself in a
triggering situation in yourdaily job, I want you to
practice something that we callthe three C's Number one.
We call the three C's Numberone catch the thought.
(36:09):
When you're in a triggeringevent and you feel that negative
emotion start to rise, pauseand catch that thought.
Just reflect for a second.
You'll get better at this asyou practice it.
Why do you feel triggered?
Try to get in touch with athought that flared up.
Let's say, your thought issomething like what if I fail?
Maybe your boss is hinting thatshe thinks you're ready for a
promotion, and while you feelexcited about that, you feel
(36:29):
anxiety well up, and behind thatanxiety is probably a thought
like what if I fail?
Right, so that's catching thethought.
The second thing I want you todo is cancel the thought.
Canceling is about neutralizingit.
It's about putting water on thefire and making the fire go out
(36:50):
.
So if you wanted to neutralizeyour failure thought, you might
choose something to replace it,like I choose not to focus on
negative outcomes, right?
So that's just saying we mightsucceed, I might fail.
I'm not going to focus on thenegative potential of this right
.
Find a way to take thatfear-based thought and just
(37:13):
neutralize it.
That's number two.
Cancel it.
And number three correct it.
Find a new, more empoweredthought to replace it.
Like I'm the girl who alwaysfigures things out, or this is a
great opportunity to learnsomething new.
So the three C's catch thethought, cancel the thought and
(37:35):
correct the thought.
That is a great tool.
Now, it does require a lot ofthought discipline and it can be
tough the first couple of times.
You try to do it in the moment.
But that is a great tool to useon the job.
You have to be in touch with ifyou've been triggered, so you
need to connect with thatemotion and then quickly back
into okay, I'm feeling likeanxious why?
(37:57):
And then let that thought come.
It'll be something you can getto in the moment.
I can catch my thoughtsinstantly now, but it takes a
minute to be able to do it.
It's something you can practiceand that three C's thing is
great.
You could use it in a meeting,interaction with a peer or your
boss, but it does take severaltries so you can become aware of
(38:19):
when you're feeling thatnegative emotion and the thought
behind it and then pick athought that'll cancel it and
pick a thought that corrects itor empowers you.
So the three C's are great forin the moment kind of
recalibration.
It keeps you calm and focusedso you don't spiral or say no to
(38:41):
something that you want to sayyes to just because you're
panicked or feeling a littlefear.
But longer term it's going totake more than that to undo a
lifetime of imposter syndrometype thoughts that are recurring
.
You've got to go deeper and youneed to create a new
self-concept.
Now.
That would have been totallyforeign to me even just a
(39:03):
handful of years ago.
I have always thought that howwe think about ourselves is just
the truth of us.
But it's not true.
How you think about yourself,in a default sort of way, is
really just a combination ofthings people have said to you,
things you've observed, thingsyou've experienced and what
you've made.
All of that mean it's allstored away in that hard drive
(39:26):
of a brain.
But it isn't just the truth ofyou.
The truth is that we have freewill, we have agency over our
life and we can decide who wewant to be what we want to think
about ourselves.
That is a choice.
You need to gain an awarenessinto how you think about
(39:47):
yourself today and then decidewhere you want to go and who you
have to be in order to be thatperson who has that thing.
Look for the Delta between whereyou are and where you want to
go.
That self-concept evolution isthe work.
That's what happened to me inmy upward climb.
(40:10):
I had all these things that Iused to believe about myself.
I had all these things thatI've achieved and accomplished
through grit and hard work, butthere was a ginormous Delta in
between those two things.
And so that's the work thatI've had to do is to evolve
where I want to actually go andmaking sure that my self concept
(40:32):
catches up to that, so thatthere is no room for imposter
syndrome to live in thatscenario.
Right, it gets hardwired inearly childhood programming and
it doesn't matter if you're 22,42, 62, 82, you can evolve your
(40:53):
self-concept at any age.
The human experience is onewhere I think we're always
supposed to be growing andevolving, and that means that
our self-concept can't be astatic thing.
It has to always be growing andevolving too, and that takes
work, that takes discipline,that takes awareness.
You don't want to be the persongritting it out for the rest of
(41:16):
your career and drivingyourself forward with incredible
tenacity, because the impostersyndrome will only get worse.
It lives and thrives in thatDelta between the way you used
to see yourself when you wereyounger and who you've become
and who you want to be in thefuture.
There's a lot of room forimposter syndrome to get louder
(41:39):
and louder and it will disruptevery part of your life.
Take it from someone who knowsthere's a duality.
That can happen.
There's enough confidence anddesire and belief to drive you
forward, but if you don't shiftinto a new way to think about
yourself, you're going to sufferfrom imposter syndrome and it
(42:01):
will only grow louder and impactmore parts of your life.
It can impact relationships,your health, all kinds of things
.
That is self-concept work.
That is the key and that's whyI decided not to focus my
business just on impostersyndrome.
It's almost the symptom of afaulty self-concept.
(42:21):
I want to focus on the rootcause of imposter syndrome,
which is a problematicself-concept, and how do you
evolve that?
So this impacts so many of usand that's why I wanted to talk
about it today.
I wanted to share with you alittle bit about what it is
where imposter syndrome comesfrom, the types of triggers that
(42:44):
precipitate an event, thethoughts we have about the
triggers, which are actually thereal problem, and the things
that those triggering eventsmake us feel and what we do as a
result.
That is a cycle that you canstop by doing the self-concept
work the next time.
(43:05):
You can try the three seats.
In the moment, you need a toolthat can help you manage through
things quickly on the job, butif you want to work on solving
the problem for good, join me inmy monthly membership.
Go to the purposefulcareercomforward slash next level and
(43:25):
check it out.
This is where we will do thework that will change your life.
It will change yourself-concept and it will impact
every part of your life in apositive way.
So if you enjoyed this episode,I would really appreciate if
you would give me a rating and areview on your favorite podcast
(43:45):
platform.
That helps me reach more peoplewho are looking for a way to
up-level their career life, andthat's what my business is all
about.
I appreciate each and every oneof you for taking the time to
listen every week until nexttime.
Make it a great week.
My friend, do you have a lifecoach?
(44:22):
If not, I'd be so honored to beyour coach.
I've created a virtual coachingprogram and monthly membership
called Next Level.
Inside we take the material youhear on this podcast, study it
and then apply it.
Join me at thepurposefulcareercom backslash
next level Don't forget thepurposefulcareercom backslash
(44:43):
next level.
Join me and together we'll makeyour career in life everything
you dream of.
We'll see you there, thank you.
This is the Purposeful Career Podcast,
episode number 223.
I'm Carla Hudson, brandstrategist, entrepreneur and
life coach.
Whether you're on the corporateor entrepreneur track, or maybe
both, decades of experience hastaught me that creating success
happens from the inside out.
(00:21):
It's about having the clarity,self-confidence and unstoppable
belief to go after and geteverything you want.
If you'll come with me, I'llshow you how.
Hello friend, I hope you had anamazing week.
Today we're going to talk aboutimposter syndrome.
(00:44):
An amazing week.
Today we're going to talk aboutimposter syndrome.
This is a very important topic,particularly for women.
It does impact some men, but itdefinitely is
disproportionately somethingthat women deal with.
In the episode I'm going toshare all the reasons for that.
But this is also verypersonally important to me.
It has been the mostsignificant issue or challenge
(01:11):
in my career.
Certainly, for the first twodecades of my career, I didn't
even really know what it wasbefore 2015 when I first got
exposed to it, and I'll sharemore in the podcast about how I
got exposed to and things likethat.
But suffice it to say like Iwill never forget that day or
(01:34):
that moment when I heard thisperson on stage talking about it
.
It was like an out of bodyexperience.
I was like I don't know what'shappening.
I thought I was the only personup until that point who dealt
with that, who had thoughts likethat, who struggled with those
(01:57):
feelings and who spent theircareer avoiding chasing the big
opportunities but avoiding thespotlight.
It was this very weird pushpull that I had for the first
two decades of my career, and soit's so important to me, and I
would say the last eight yearshave been nine years.
(02:17):
I've been really working on thelong term fix of that, which
we'll talk about in the podcast,but I wanted to share this with
you today because I don't wantanyone else to spend two decades
of their life dealing withsomething that is so easily
(02:39):
addressed.
I'm not going to say that it'ssimple to overcome.
I'm not going to say that youcan solve it in an instant.
This is deep, deep work,because the reason you have
imposter syndrome if it'ssomething that you struggle with
is that in your family oforigin and those early formative
years, a combination of thingshappened things people said to
(03:01):
you, things that you observed,things people said to you things
that you observed, things thatyou experienced, and you made
all that mean things about youand your self-worth.
That has imprinted on you, andso it takes a while to evolve
(03:23):
that, but it can be done at anyage.
So I'm super passionate aboutthis topic and I hope that if
this is something that youstruggle with, that you get a
lot out of this episode.
I'm going to share both a inthe moment tool and technique
you can use on the job toovercome the impostery feelings
in the moment.
But, like I said, I'm going toalso share the longer term fix,
(03:44):
which is what my business reallyfocuses on.
So I hope you enjoy it.
If you know a friend who'sstruggling with this, please
forward the episode to thembecause there is help out there
for people who are and itliterally is, was for me torture
(04:04):
.
You just torture yourselfbecause you've got this driving
ambition but at the same time,you've got this deeply rooted
feelings of self doubt, and mymission is to help women resolve
that.
So enjoy this episode onimposter syndrome.
So enjoy this episode onimposter syndrome.
(04:25):
Today we're going to talk aboutimposter syndrome.
That is a meaty topic and onethat is very relevant to most
women.
According to a study by KPMG,75% of high-performing executive
women have reportedexperiencing imposter syndrome.
(04:47):
55% of young women reportfeeling they're not good enough
at their job at least once ortwice in the past week, and 62%
of women have said that theyrarely have felt confident in
their career.
This is an issue.
(05:08):
It is an issue for more womenthan men, although some men do
experience it.
I've coached a few verysuccessful, high-performing men
in very senior roles whosometimes have feelings of
imposter syndrome.
If you've ever felt this way inyour career, you're not alone.
(05:31):
This episode is for you.
I got through about 22 years ofmy career before I'd even heard
of imposter syndrome.
Until that day and it is a dayI will never forget I believe
that I was the only person whofelt like I didn't know what I
was doing, even though Iregularly got promoted, my roles
(05:54):
were always expanded and Iloved what I did.
I just had this continualtorturous voice inside my head
that sometimes whispered andsometimes screamed, telling me
that I was a fraud and that inabout two seconds, people were
going to find out.
(06:14):
But it wasn't until I attendeda writer's convention in San
Diego in 2015 that I heard aboutit for the first time.
By that point, I was 22 yearsinto my career and I had been
suffering with this for so longand I was at a writer's
(06:36):
convention in San Diego.
Writing is one of my hobbies andin my spare time I like to
write romantic comedies.
It's a nice relief from mybusiness and corporate career,
but of course you wouldn't knowthat because I published them
under a pen name.
If you ever needed proof thatI've got imposter syndrome,
(06:57):
there is a major symptom of it.
That is a big deal, because ittakes a really long time to
write a book from developing thecharacters to developing the
sense of place, to developingthe plot, to getting the pacing
right, the dialogue, the pointsof view.
There's a lot of craft in astory and it takes a long time
(07:19):
to write it.
And most people don't evenfinish a book.
But when you do unless you're abestseller, you don't make that
much money off of it.
So it's a labor of love.
You toil and you sweat and youput all this effort into it and
then put it out into the cruelworld of Amazon and the other
publishing platforms.
You'll have some people who arekind, but there are others who
(07:42):
will.
Just it doesn't help with thewhole imposter syndrome thing.
So I did all of this work andpublished it under a pen name.
Total imposter moment.
I was at this convention andthere were thousands of authors
there.
They had a guest speaker, asthey usually do at conventions.
There was a keynote and, likeany other convention, you walk
(08:04):
into this huge ballroom andthere were thousands of people
sitting in groups of 10 aroundthese round tables waiting for
lunch to be served.
When I'm in a situation likethat, where I don't know anyone,
I tend to be a taduncomfortable and get very
chatty in those moments.
So I was sitting at this tabletalking to these other nine
(08:28):
writers that I didn't know.
In a situation like that, Idon't always pay attention to
the guest speaker.
It's almost like backgroundnoise.
So when this woman wasintroduced, I vaguely registered
her name as Dr Valerie Young.
She walked onto stage and,vaguely aware, she started to
talk and enough of what she wassaying seeped into my
(08:53):
consciousness, even though I wastalking and listening.
That I'll never forget it.
I stopped talking to the peoplesitting near me and I turned my
chair.
I was just fixated like a laserbeam on the stage.
I remember the room had gottenreally quiet.
Writers notoriously agonize overtheir craft.
(09:14):
They never believe they're goodenough.
She was the perfect person tospeak to a group of thousands of
mostly female writers at thisconvention.
I remember sitting there and,as she was talking, until the
moment she walked off the stage,I was just transfixed.
My mouth was probably open.
I remember thinking holy crap,what is happening?
(09:39):
Every single word that came outof this woman's mouth was me.
It was like seeing a 100%accurate diagnosis or
description of a condition froma person you've never met and
that you've never even toldabout your convention.
That they just sort ofmagically knew what was wrong
(10:01):
with you.
It was insane.
Knew what was wrong with you.
It was insane.
So I, of course, immediatelyleft the lunch, went up to my
room and ordered the book onAmazon, and I remember pouring
over it on the plane right backon my Kindle.
And then, just a year later,after seeing her and immersing
(10:23):
myself in her work and readingevery other book I could find on
the subject, I was introducedto this cognitive-based coaching
approach that I got certifiedin in 2016.
And that is all about gainingawareness into your patterns of
thought and shifting those thatdon't serve you.
Cognitive behavioral therapy isa perfect technique for someone
(10:44):
dealing with imposter syndrome.
Since I have spent the lastnine years working on gaining
awareness into andsystematically undoing those
patterns of thought andreplacing them with new, more
empowering and less imposterythoughts.
Empowering and less imposterythoughts.
(11:10):
I consider this work to be themost important self-development
of my life.
Imposter syndrome will take anenormous toll If it goes
unchecked.
It did for me For 22 years ofmy career.
Every rung up the ladder, theimposter syndrome got worse.
It will steal the joy from yourlife completely.
It will minimize every successand keep you from fully living
(11:34):
your life.
The ripple effects of impostersyndrome will impact every part
of your life, not just yourcareer, but all of it
relationships, self-care, youname it.
So it's hard to think of atopic that would be more
important than this.
It affects so many of us womenand its impact is so profound on
(12:00):
our life.
I actually thought initiallythat when I started this
coaching business, I would focusmy business there.
I did it for just a minute andthen I decided, no, I don't want
to focus there because impostersyndrome has a root cause, and
I've decided to go deeper.
I wanted my business to befixated on helping people build
(12:23):
a strong self-concept, one thatis about where they want to go,
not where they've been, and notabout the mistakes they've made
or the things other people havesaid to them, but a self-concept
that is aligned with wherethey're going right.
So the best way to think aboutit is a self-concept should
never be fixed.
(12:44):
Way to think about it is aself-concept should never be
fixed.
It should always be evolving inthe direction that you decide
to go.
We are not taught this and veryfew of us ever do it right.
The problem with impostersyndrome is that there's a
cognitive dissonance.
Typically, imposter syndromeaffects high achievers.
When you're a high achiever,you've got something driving you
(13:07):
forward.
There's part of you that isconfident enough to go after
those big things that you'redreaming of and to push yourself
through the discomfort that youinevitably encounter.
But at the same time, there'sanother part of yourself, a
deeper part, that is about yourdefault self-concept, the one
(13:28):
that was shaped by your familyof origin, by your early
schooling years, by the thingsthat have happened to you, that
is telling you that you can't doit.
As someone who's lived with itfor most of their career, I can
tell you that it is torture tohave big dreams and to achieve
(13:51):
many of them, only to have thisvoice inside of you telling you
that whatever you've actuallyachieved is a fluke and that
you're a fake and a fraud.
In about two seconds, everyoneelse is going to know it.
Imposter syndrome steals yourjoy, it holds you back.
(14:11):
You say no to things that youshould say yes to, and if you do
say yes to a big newopportunity, but you fail at it,
as we all will from time totime that voice will absolutely
torture you.
And if you say yes but succeed,it'll tell you that it was all
(14:34):
just luck, it was just a fluke,right?
If there was an impostersyndrome spectrum of zero to a
hundred, I would say that at thebeginning of my career, for the
first eight years, I wasprobably a 20.
I think we all feel a little,you know, or most of us when
we're doing something new.
It can feel a littleintimidating.
(14:55):
We think, oh, I don't know, amI going to be able to do this?
But it didn't really bother me,it wasn't strong enough.
But as my career really startedto pick up steam and I climbed
the ladder and got more and moresuccessful, the imposter
syndrome intensified to where,by the time I was sitting, you
(15:15):
know 22 years, maybe 23 yearsinto my career.
By the time I was sitting andlistening to that woman, dr
Valerie Young, at that writer'sconvention, I don't know.
I would say I was a 90 out of ahundred, and not just in the
writing area.
Actually, in the writing area Iwas so new I didn't even know
(15:40):
to be afraid at that point In mycorporate career.
It was like a raging monster.
So let's talk about how impostersyndrome shows up and kind of
what it feels like.
Imposter syndrome is.
In the simplest of terms, it'sa voice of self-doubt and
criticism.
It's a voice that can tell youthings like you're a fake or a
(16:02):
phony, or you got here by luck.
It tells you things likeeverything you do has to be
perfect or it's not good enough.
Interestingly, this happens tosome of the most successful
people, people who appear and insome ways are very confident in
(16:22):
themselves and in theirskillset and in what they do,
but inside, even though they doknow, intellectually speaking,
that they're good at what theydo, they have this old narrative
playing on repeat.
That's what happened to me.
I had more and more success, butbecause I didn't do the work on
(16:47):
changing my inner narrative andquieting my inner critic
because I hadn't evolved myself-concept.
I didn't even really know whatthat was or that you could
evolve it.
I thought it was just who I was.
I felt more and more exposedthe higher up I went.
So from the outside in at workpeople around me, my boss, my
(17:14):
peers, the people who reportedto me they viewed me in one way
and I would say there's onelevel of myself that viewed me
in that same way.
So I got that I was good atstuff, but from the inside out I
viewed myself in a differentway.
There was this push pull and itwas very confusing and it will
(17:37):
totally mess with your head.
On the one hand, I wasconfident in the job and I
looked for and craved thoseopportunities that came my way,
and when a door would even crackopen, I ran through it.
So it didn't stop me from doingit, it just tortured me every
second of the day.
In some of the roles I'vemanaged budgets as large as 250
(18:01):
million.
I've had teams as large as 26,with another 50 or 60 that I was
managing at outside agenciesand dozens, if not hundreds, of
people that I would work withcross-functionally inside some
of these larger corporationswhere I was selling in my ideas
to people from the C-suite ondown.
I would do those things, but Iconstantly tortured myself while
(18:25):
I was doing them.
I had zero questions about myability to make the right
decisions and to lead thosebrand marketing efforts that I
was responsible for and to leadthe teams.
I knew I could do it and I wassuccessful at that.
There was just something offwith my internal hard drive,
with my brain, and sometimes theimposter syndrome would quiet
(18:50):
down, but then an event wouldhappen that triggered it.
We would be off to the raceswith the push pull.
The triggering events for mewere if I was asked to speak in
front of a large crowd, even ifI had a great case study to
share or a big success, I wouldturn down the opportunity
because I would think who am Ito speak to this room full of
(19:12):
experts?
They've all done more importantthings.
But the truth is the thoughtsthat I was thinking who am I to
speak to these people?
They've all done more importantthings.
That was just my innernarrative.
Were the people in the audienceaccomplished?
Yes, and did they know?
A lot of things, many of whichI don't know?
Yes, but did I have things toshare that might've helped them?
(19:37):
Yes, but I didn't believe that,and so there was literally no
way that I was going to putmyself on that stage, in that
situation, to make that speech.
And there were times a few ofthem where maybe it was a
smaller group, maybe at anetworking event or something
(20:02):
like that, where I would beasked to speak If I really liked
the person that asked me orknew them well.
Sometimes I would say, oh, youknow, let me look at my calendar
.
But then every single time thenarrative would kick in and
convince me that this was a hugemistake, that I don't need to
put myself into that situation.
So you might be listening tothis and thinking if you're a
(20:28):
high achiever setting big goalsand achieving them, where does
this imposter syndrome come from?
According to Dr Valerie Youngand many other books on the
topic, it comes from earlychildhood topic.
It comes from early childhoodexperience.
Some things that can impact itinclude gender stereotypes, for
(20:48):
women most struggle withimposter syndrome, especially
for Gen X and boomer women,maybe even some millennials.
I hope this is lessening forGen Z and Gen Alpha.
I hope women won't struggle somuch, but think about that for a
minute.
Women in the workforce is kindof new, even for older boomers.
(21:10):
There was a lot of traditionalroles for women in the
generational spectrum and youknow it's just been a few
decades now that it's become thenorm call it a handful of
decades that you know women inthe workforce are there.
So it's kind of wired still,especially for Gen Xers and
(21:30):
younger boomers, into our psyche.
We've got this push pullbetween a traditional gender
stereotype and maybe where ouraspirations took us, and for
those on the older end of Gen X,like I am, there aren't a lot
of path pavers ahead of us Forme and my family of origin.
(21:51):
I was a first generationcollege graduate and a high
flying corporate career was justnot something my parents
instilled into me.
That ambition came from me andsome of the people I got exposed
to and the things that I sawand the things that I just
decided I wanted to do.
I went and did it but I didn'thave any role models or anyone
(22:13):
who could help me and it madethe journey a little
overwhelming at times.
I don't know if you can relateMaybe you've had a similar
experience but some other thingsthat can trigger beyond gender
stereotypes are cultural, ethnicand religious origins.
So these not all, but some ofthem can be part of instilling
(22:37):
things into us at an early ageabout the role of a woman in
what our role in society shouldbe.
It can make you feel that you'redoing something wrong if you
want to pursue a career outsidethe home or be a woman business
owner.
For some cultures, ethnicitiesor religious backgrounds that
(22:57):
can be a challenge right.
Family expectations can alsoplay a role.
If you have parents who mighthave incredibly high standards,
be hyper overachievers, you canget imposter syndrome.
You might've had very goodmodels for what's possible, but
maybe for them nothing's evergood enough.
Maybe their standard is so highyou feel like you can't ever
(23:22):
hit the mark.
Standard is so high you feellike you can't ever hit the mark
.
Having parents who are veryprotective, who don't ever
really let you put yourself outthere and make your own
decisions, can cause you to feellike you're just not smart
enough to be able to do that.
So that's where the origins forimposter syndrome come from.
It's hardwired in at a veryearly age through familial
(23:44):
expectations, the environmentsyou're in, things people have
said to you, things you'veobserved all of it gets
hardwired into your brain and itbecomes the not very helpful
way you have of looking atyourself, whether it's through
the lens of what it means to bea woman in a corporate setting,
or what it means to be yourethnic or cultural or religious
(24:07):
origin in a corporate setting,or what it means in my case to
be the third of four kids.
Birth order can sometimes playinto it.
I was the classic middle child,the second daughter, third of
four.
You can go one of two ways youcan be a ne'er-do-well black
sheep who's getting into trouble, or you can be like me, who is
(24:29):
constantly trying to achieve,probably to prove your worth.
So while on the one hand, youare very confident and know that
you're capable of doing thethings you want to do, your
unhelpful recurring patterns ofthought are either holding you
back or stealing your joy if youdo push through the discomfort
(24:53):
and have success.
According to Dr Valerie Young,some of the symptoms of imposter
syndrome are a fear of failure.
So if you're somebody thatyou're just not sure if you can
do it, how often do you findyourself afraid to put yourself
out there or not doing somethingbecause you're afraid that you
(25:15):
might fail at it?
That is a symptom denial ofyour ability or pulling the rug
out from under yourself becauseyou're so afraid of what it
would mean if you failed right?
Deflecting praise is anothersymptom.
So do people praise you andinstead of thanking them, you
say, oh, it was nothing.
I used to do that all the time.
Oh, it was just luck, or oh, Iwas just at the right place at
(25:39):
the right time.
Meanwhile, it was actuallyyears of study and years of hard
work that built the skills thatdelivered that achievement.
Another symptom is fear or guiltabout success.
So the more you achieve, themore you feel weird about the
achievement.
While you believed you could doit and you did do it, your
(26:02):
self-concept hasn't kept pacewith your upward climb.
You still see yourself in theold way.
You don't see yourself as thewoman who's accomplished all the
things.
My self-concept did not keeppace at all with the things that
I achieved, so for me it wasjust torture and I got triggered
(26:24):
a lot.
So let's talk about the triggers, because they are a very real
thing.
Let's talk about what happensin our brain when we get
triggered into imposterythoughts.
According to Dr Valerie Young,there are things that trigger
these thoughts.
Typically Dr Valerie Young.
(26:45):
There are things that triggerthese thoughts.
Typically it's around newsituations.
So new professional settings,the big promotion, the new title
, the new level, a new academicsetting, a new boss, new social
situations, a spotlightsituation where all the lights
are shining on you Like.
For me it was public speaking.
It was just like it's so deeplyfearful inside of me.
(27:08):
Any and all of the above cantrigger feelings of not
enoughness.
You're afraid you're not goodenough, but something inside
keeps driving you to ever higherlevels of achievement.
So these patterns, it'simportant to know, aren't what's
causing the imposter syndrome.
The patterns are actuallyneutral.
(27:32):
The problem is what you'retelling yourself or what you're
thinking about the situation.
So it wasn't really the publicspeaking opportunity that caused
my imposter syndrome.
It was what I was thinkingabout.
The public speaking opportunity, right, that's the problem.
The problem is that we thinkthoughts I'm a fraud.
(27:56):
They're going to find out thatI really don't know what I'm
doing.
Everyone else knows whatthey're doing except me.
I'm not qualified.
I didn't deserve this promotion.
I don't deserve all theseaccolades.
I can't do it.
I'm not good enough.
I don't have anything smart tosay.
I'm not going to speak up atthe meeting they're going to
find out that I don't belonghere or that I'm not as good as
(28:19):
they are when we are sufferingfrom imposter syndrome and say
things like that to ourselves.
The reason the imposter syndromefeels like torture is because
it causes us to feel an emotionthat's on the more negative side
of the spectrum, so it canrange from sadness to fear, to
panic, to anxiety.
(28:39):
And the hardest part ofimposter syndrome is that
there's this battle going on inyour head.
You've got this constant tug ofwar between your ambitions that
are driving you forward and thetortured thoughts and feelings
about what it will mean to befound out or exposed for the
(29:00):
fraud that you believe that youare.
And when you're feeling all ofthese feelings of fear, anxiety,
panic, stress, overthinking,really, the big way it shows up
is that most of us, a lot of us,will say no to opportunities,
like for me.
I said no to every speakingengagement.
It was just like I invented newways to say no to those things.
(29:23):
But a lot of times, like me,you will say yes and you'll just
push yourself hard through thediscomfort.
You're living with thatconstant state of agitation and
self-torture because you'redoing it and you're compelled to
(29:43):
do it but you're tellingyourself the whole time that you
can't do it.
And then, even when you're done, if you fail at it, you torture
yourself because you failed, orif you succeed, you dismiss the
success.
So there's just zero way to winin the imposter syndrome world.
(30:04):
And the higher up you climb,the more exposed you feel,
because your profile is raisedinside the company and the more
anxiety you have.
That starts to bleed into everyother part of your life, like
for me.
One way it showed up is that Iwouldn't take vacations like
(30:24):
ever.
I had no work-life balance forat least a couple of decades.
I would work before that allthe time.
I remember one vacation.
It was a few decades ago.
It was right when my career wasfirst starting to take off.
My ex-husband and I we did notget divorced because of my
(30:46):
imposter syndrome or chronicoverworking, but I don't think
it helped.
He won a thing and there wassome big award ceremony and we
were in Orlando at Disney World.
There was a part of DisneyWorld called Animal Kingdom
which was cool.
Like I really liked all theanimals in their habitats.
It was cool.
Like I really liked all theanimals in their habitats.
It was cool, but anyway, Iremember walking through the
(31:06):
park, conference call afterconference call Granted, at that
time I was in a very intensestartup environment and the
wireless space I'm not sayingthat I was just inventing
reasons to work.
It was really legitimately toughto disconnect.
Inventing reasons to work, itwas really legitimately tough to
disconnect, but it was insane.
When I think about it now, I'msure people were walking by me
(31:29):
going what is she doing, myex-husband?
I didn't say anything about it,but how rude, right?
Conference call afterconference call, I just never
stopped working.
I wanted to make sure that Imaintained that high level of
contribution so that I couldprove to myself that I had
earned my spot, that I deservedit.
(31:52):
That lack of balance takes ahuge toll on your life and I
would isolate in other ways too.
I would put off returning calls, I would cancel vacations.
There was just no room for fun.
It was all work for a long time.
It isn't anymore, but it wasfor a long time.
(32:13):
Some people overeat, some peopleover drink, some people over
shop, some people over Netflix.
Imposter syndrome and trying toescape those torturous feelings
is where all thoseoverconsumption behaviors come
from in your personal life.
Because those thoughts are sotorturous and make us feel such
(32:36):
bad emotions like sadness,anxiety, panic, self-doubt, fear
that instead of lettingyourself feel all those bad
emotions, we stuff them down andnumb them with food and drink
and shopping and TV.
This is why you have all thesebehaviors that sometimes can
(32:56):
confound you.
You cheat on the diet even whenyou don't want to.
You watch TV instead offinishing the report.
You overdrink the night beforethe big meeting.
You watch the full season ofSelling Sunset instead of going
to the gym.
Anything that you'reover-consuming doesn't serve you
(33:17):
, Not only because it's maskingthe emotion that you really need
to feel and process so that youcan move through it, but it
doesn't serve you because itcreates all these other problems
in your life, like overspendingcauses financial issues,
over-reading causes weightissues, and over-drinking can
cause health issues andrelationship issues.
(33:37):
If you're still not sure thatyou have imposter thoughts, sure
that you have imposter thoughtsa good way to diagnose this is
to get in touch with how you'refeeling.
If you're getting ready to bein or have just been in a
situation where your profile israised, a big meeting.
(33:58):
When you're asked to speak infront of a crowd.
If you've just been promoted,if you've got a big presentation
coming up, if you're getting anew job, going back to grad
school, whatever it is, anythingbig where you feel visible, you
might feel like you've beenthrust into the spotlight,
(34:19):
anything big that's come up.
Ask yourself how are youfeeling?
If that makes you feel anythingon the more negative side of
the emotion spectrum, like fear,self-doubt, anxiety, panic,
depression, you might haveimposter syndrome thoughts in
your head.
(34:39):
You might be telling yourselfsome version of I'm not good
enough.
There are many differentversions of that thought, but
that is at the root of impostersyndrome.
I'm not good enough to do this.
And so what you want to do?
(34:59):
If you feel like this is anissue for you and that you've
got these recurring patterns ofthought, it's important to know
that the triggers we talkedabout the new job, the new
academic situation, all thosehigh profile moments are not the
cause of the imposter syndrome.
The triggering event isn't theproblem.
(35:20):
It's what you're thinking aboutthe event, because that is the
root of it all in your brain andthat is also your point of
power.
That is where you can change it.
So if you feel trapped in thecycle of imposter syndrome,
there are two things I want youto do.
One is short-term, or in themoment, and another is the
(35:46):
longer term.
So, for the short term, whenyou find yourself in a
triggering situation in yourdaily job, I want you to
practice something that we callthe three C's Number one.
We call the three C's Numberone catch the thought.
(36:09):
When you're in a triggeringevent and you feel that negative
emotion start to rise, pauseand catch that thought.
Just reflect for a second.
You'll get better at this asyou practice it.
Why do you feel triggered?
Try to get in touch with athought that flared up.
Let's say, your thought issomething like what if I fail?
Maybe your boss is hinting thatshe thinks you're ready for a
promotion, and while you feelexcited about that, you feel
(36:29):
anxiety well up, and behind thatanxiety is probably a thought
like what if I fail?
Right, so that's catching thethought.
The second thing I want you todo is cancel the thought.
Canceling is about neutralizingit.
It's about putting water on thefire and making the fire go out
(36:50):
.
So if you wanted to neutralizeyour failure thought, you might
choose something to replace it,like I choose not to focus on
negative outcomes, right?
So that's just saying we mightsucceed, I might fail.
I'm not going to focus on thenegative potential of this right
.
Find a way to take thatfear-based thought and just
(37:13):
neutralize it.
That's number two.
Cancel it.
And number three correct it.
Find a new, more empoweredthought to replace it.
Like I'm the girl who alwaysfigures things out, or this is a
great opportunity to learnsomething new.
So the three C's catch thethought, cancel the thought and
(37:35):
correct the thought.
That is a great tool.
Now, it does require a lot ofthought discipline and it can be
tough the first couple of times.
You try to do it in the moment.
But that is a great tool to useon the job.
You have to be in touch with ifyou've been triggered, so you
need to connect with thatemotion and then quickly back
into okay, I'm feeling likeanxious why?
(37:57):
And then let that thought come.
It'll be something you can getto in the moment.
I can catch my thoughtsinstantly now, but it takes a
minute to be able to do it.
It's something you can practiceand that three C's thing is
great.
You could use it in a meeting,interaction with a peer or your
boss, but it does take severaltries so you can become aware of
(38:19):
when you're feeling thatnegative emotion and the thought
behind it and then pick athought that'll cancel it and
pick a thought that corrects itor empowers you.
So the three C's are great forin the moment kind of
recalibration.
It keeps you calm and focusedso you don't spiral or say no to
(38:41):
something that you want to sayyes to just because you're
panicked or feeling a littlefear.
But longer term it's going totake more than that to undo a
lifetime of imposter syndrometype thoughts that are recurring
.
You've got to go deeper and youneed to create a new
self-concept.
Now.
That would have been totallyforeign to me even just a
(39:03):
handful of years ago.
I have always thought that howwe think about ourselves is just
the truth of us.
But it's not true.
How you think about yourself,in a default sort of way, is
really just a combination ofthings people have said to you,
things you've observed, thingsyou've experienced and what
you've made.
All of that mean it's allstored away in that hard drive
(39:26):
of a brain.
But it isn't just the truth ofyou.
The truth is that we have freewill, we have agency over our
life and we can decide who wewant to be what we want to think
about ourselves.
That is a choice.
You need to gain an awarenessinto how you think about
(39:47):
yourself today and then decidewhere you want to go and who you
have to be in order to be thatperson who has that thing.
Look for the Delta between whereyou are and where you want to
go.
That self-concept evolution isthe work.
That's what happened to me inmy upward climb.
(40:10):
I had all these things that Iused to believe about myself.
I had all these things thatI've achieved and accomplished
through grit and hard work, butthere was a ginormous Delta in
between those two things.
And so that's the work thatI've had to do is to evolve
where I want to actually go andmaking sure that my self concept
(40:32):
catches up to that, so thatthere is no room for imposter
syndrome to live in thatscenario.
Right, it gets hardwired inearly childhood programming and
it doesn't matter if you're 22,42, 62, 82, you can evolve your
(40:53):
self-concept at any age.
The human experience is onewhere I think we're always
supposed to be growing andevolving, and that means that
our self-concept can't be astatic thing.
It has to always be growing andevolving too, and that takes
work, that takes discipline,that takes awareness.
You don't want to be the persongritting it out for the rest of
(41:16):
your career and drivingyourself forward with incredible
tenacity, because the impostersyndrome will only get worse.
It lives and thrives in thatDelta between the way you used
to see yourself when you wereyounger and who you've become
and who you want to be in thefuture.
There's a lot of room forimposter syndrome to get louder
(41:39):
and louder and it will disruptevery part of your life.
Take it from someone who knowsthere's a duality.
That can happen.
There's enough confidence anddesire and belief to drive you
forward, but if you don't shiftinto a new way to think about
yourself, you're going to sufferfrom imposter syndrome and it
(42:01):
will only grow louder and impactmore parts of your life.
It can impact relationships,your health, all kinds of things
.
That is self-concept work.
That is the key and that's whyI decided not to focus my
business just on impostersyndrome.
It's almost the symptom of afaulty self-concept.
(42:21):
I want to focus on the rootcause of imposter syndrome,
which is a problematicself-concept, and how do you
evolve that?
So this impacts so many of usand that's why I wanted to talk
about it today.
I wanted to share with you alittle bit about what it is
where imposter syndrome comesfrom, the types of triggers that
(42:44):
precipitate an event, thethoughts we have about the
triggers, which are actually thereal problem, and the things
that those triggering eventsmake us feel and what we do as a
result.
That is a cycle that you canstop by doing the self-concept
work the next time.
(43:05):
You can try the three seats.
In the moment, you need a toolthat can help you manage through
things quickly on the job, butif you want to work on solving
the problem for good, join me inmy monthly membership.
Go to the purposefulcareercomforward slash next level and
(43:25):
check it out.
This is where we will do thework that will change your life.
It will change yourself-concept and it will impact
every part of your life in apositive way.
So if you enjoyed this episode,I would really appreciate if
you would give me a rating and areview on your favorite podcast
(43:45):
platform.
That helps me reach more peoplewho are looking for a way to
up-level their career life, andthat's what my business is all
about.
I appreciate each and every oneof you for taking the time to
listen every week until nexttime.
Make it a great week.
My friend, do you have a lifecoach?
(44:22):
If not, I'd be so honored to beyour coach.
I've created a virtual coachingprogram and monthly membership
called Next Level.
Inside we take the material youhear on this podcast, study it
and then apply it.
Join me at thepurposefulcareercom backslash
next level Don't forget thepurposefulcareercom backslash
(44:43):
next level.
Join me and together we'll makeyour career in life everything
you dream of.
We'll see you there, thank you.
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