August 21, 2024 • 51 mins
In this empowering episode of the Geaux Queen podcast, we sit down with Tamika D. Smith, a fierce advocate and survivor who has turned her personal trials into a powerful testimony. Featured on the Tamron Hall Show and celebrated as our Queen of the Month, Tamika shares her journey through the challenging experience of medical gaslighting and how she emerged stronger and more determined than ever.
As a voice for resilience and self-advocacy, she discusses the importance of self-love, mental health, and standing up for yourself in the face of adversity. Tune in to hear Tamika’s inspiring story and her message of hope and empowerment that will resonate with anyone facing their own battles. Record Date: [July 25] Release Date: [Aug 21] www.geauxqueen.com Connect with Geaux Queen: https://linktr.ee/geauxqueen Check out our Magazine: https://publuu.com/flip-book/109160/5... Instagram: www.instagram.com/iam_geauxqueen TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@geaux_queen?_... LinkedIn: / shronda-ann-a-0a7683203 Facebook: / thegeauxqueenbrand #selfimprovement #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthawareness #blackwomenpodcasters #selfimprovement #selflovepodcast www.geauxqueen.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Grab your print or digital copy of Go Queen magazine today.
Stay inspired by the incredible stories and features inside.
Visit our website to grab your copy now.
So I was thinking about just life and death because as you
know, like there's been a lot ofdeaths that's been happening
recently. And there was a while all these
(00:22):
deaths were taking place. Someone in my family had passed
away as well. And this video might be kind of
lengthy. So my aunt had passed away.
My aunt was my mom's best friendand it was her younger sister.
So I just have been, I always analyzed that's when a lot of
people are passing away. And as we know, people do die
every day. But we know when you seeing
(00:42):
people in media passing every single day and then someone in
your bloodline passes away too, you start thinking about things.
So it's just been on my mind andmy mom was not taking it too
well because this was her best friend.
This was her younger sister. So her sister was 76 years old.
And I was just thinking about that in perspective recently.
(01:03):
And I'm like, because I have two, I have three siblings, but
out of the three siblings, I have two sisters and I currently
don't have a relationship with either one of them.
And I was thinking to myself, wow, I know my mom's grieving,
but man, I'm just like, I'm practically envious of her
because I'm like, she had 76 years with a good sister, a
(01:24):
sister who she talked to on the phone every single day, 76 years
of that type of love. And it really touched me, you
know, and I know, like I said, it's sad, but from my
perspective, I'm looking at it from me not having a
relationship with mine and her having someone that she loved
that much and who loved her for 76 years.
(01:48):
And it really struck me and personal FYI, I'm getting a
biopsy this upcoming Thursday. I've known for years since my
very first mammogram that I had a mass on one of my breasts.
So they've been observing this thing for, you know, several
years, which I've never understood why we observing this
instead of getting rid of it. But that's neither here nor
(02:10):
there to my recent mammogram last week.
I have a new Doctor and all thisgood stuff.
So Long story short, they're like, oh, we want to do a
biopsy. OK, Obviously when things like
that happen, you start thinking about life and death.
And in my mind, I this morning, I just was, my mind was just
really heavy and emotional because I'm like, I'm 47 years
(02:32):
old and I'm like, God did not owe me 47 years.
I didn't do anything special forhim to be obligated to give me
47 years. I didn't do anything special
which made me deserve August the5th.
There's nothing I did special yesterday that made me worthy
(02:53):
enough to even be granted the day that I have today.
So it just just made me think about a lot of things just with
life and death that we talk about gratitude sometimes, but
you really truly have to be grateful for every single day
that we have. We think that we're old all this
time and we're not. We've done nothing special where
(03:16):
we we are old time. Every single day is a blessing.
Every single day is a blessing. Every day that you wake up in
the morning, it is a blessing. It's a new chance and it just
like I said, I I could be going on the deep end, but I guess I
always think about when people pass away.
I just think about time and we're not owed anything.
(03:41):
I just always just think about this life and death, you know,
and just how we handle death, how we question that sometimes
how we don't understand that andhow we process it and we think
about our own mortality. But again, at the end of the
day, we're not old tomorrow actually.
And like they said, like, like people say, tomorrow is not
(04:06):
promised and it it is not promised in the most literal
sense. You don't know if you're going
to be here tomorrow. And it really makes you think
when you really think about that, you see all the people
passing away and it's just like,but God keeps giving me another
day, you know, like I said, he didn't owe me these 47 years.
I'm not special. I didn't do anything amazing
(04:27):
that he said, I'm going to give her these 47 years as opposed to
somebody that didn't get 47, they only got 25.
You know, just like making put things in perspective that each
and every one of us are here fora reason.
And the time that we have while we're here, we have to work on
ourselves. We have to do the work on how we
(04:49):
can make the best of that time that we're here.
So all that to say is just to have gratitude because like I
said, every day that we're here is a true blessing, and tomorrow
is truly not promised. Hey, Queen, welcome to another
episode of the Q Chat. Today, our guest is Miss Tamika
(05:09):
D Smith. Tamika is a survivor of medical
gaslighting, and her powerful story has been shared on
national platforms, including the Tamron Hall Show.
Tamika has brought attention to the challenges and injustices
faced by patients, particularly women of color, in the health
care system. Today, Tamika dives deeper into
her experiences and her mission to empower others through her
(05:32):
journey to. The Queen and by the business
working hard on a mission and high purpose driven crown on
never tilted go queen. Go queen, go queen.
(06:07):
Thank you guys for joining another episode of the Key Chat
today. My very special guest is Miss
Tamika D Smith. Tamika is an advocate for
medical gas light and something that unfortunately a lot of us
women of color have experienced.She's also an advocate for lupus
and also endometriosis. We're going to have a
conversation just about some of the things that some of us women
(06:27):
have had to deal with without reproductive issues and just
being heard at the doctor and how to be an advocate for your
health. And also we're going to talk
about, of course, mental health and self love.
How are you doing today? I'm doing great, thanks for
asking. I'm happy that you're able to
join us. I want to start off with, I know
you said just with everything that I've researched about you
(06:50):
and just the conversation we have, I know you do have
endometriosis. I have adenomyosis.
So I know like the similarities,just the it's so many things to
talk about with that topic alone, the heavy periods, how it
drains your iron, the pain of the cramps, so on and so forth.
So I wanted to start off with just the experience you had
(07:11):
first before we leave into everything else is just your
experience and having to deal with the endometriosis before we
get to trying to seek help from the doctor.
My experience, let me start withmy symptoms, OK, Because a lot
of times we can present symptomsand not understand what the heck
is really going on. That was the case for me.
(07:33):
I was working out in the gym five to seven days a week.
I had a very healthy lifestyle. I managed my stressors.
I engaged myself with a lot of self-care, and I just really
took care of me. The first symptom that I started
to notice that was not a symptomthat I would have contributed to
(07:56):
endometriosis was chronic fatigue.
I would be so tired. I don't care how much greens I
ate. I don't care how many times I
worked out. I don't care how much sleep I
got at night. I found myself in a place of
feeling chronically fatigued. There have been moments that I
(08:16):
would literally pull on the sideof the road, like just leaving
my home, maybe like 5 minutes from leaving my home and I would
have this overwhelming feeling of tiredness and I'm like, what
in the heck is that? So I will pull over and I will
actually take a nap on the side of the road.
(08:36):
And I really didn't pay no attention to it.
I was like, well, maybe I'm justtired because I'm working and
I'm working out. I, I really, I really didn't pay
any too much attention to that. I know at the time I was dealing
with anemia, but again, when I was seeing my OB doctor and I
was explaining to her like, I'm just always so tired.
(08:58):
There was no resolve except, oh,yeah, you're a little anemic,
but it's not nothing to be worried about.
You know, you're, you're still healthy.
Fast forward, I would get these excruciating headaches headaches
to the point of not being able to lift my head off of the
pillow. I was a single parent.
(09:19):
I'm still a single parent, but at the time my son was younger.
So I would commute him back and forth to school.
And I found myself in a place where I could not wake up
because the headaches were so debilitating.
They were so incapacitating. And I would be in these, what
(09:39):
they call flares for periods at a time.
Like if the flare will come on, I would be in bed for maybe like
a week. And another thing that I noticed
was chronic Constipation. Chronic Constipation.
I would be prescribed Miralax. And that did not work.
Metamucil, that did not work. It would actually make it worse
(10:01):
for my body. It will make it more complicated
for me to even pass the bow. Then I will go and I will get
X-rays. And as I will get these X-rays,
I can see the bowel infection. Like before the doctor even say
like do you see all of this bowel?
I'm like, what is that? Is that like my bowel?
It'll be all clumped up. So I say all of these symptoms
(10:24):
to say that sometimes we can easily not ignore them, but not
make sense of them. And especially if you're being
seen by a doctor and you're communicating these things and
your doctor that you trust is saying because they have, you
know, the education and the knowledge.
So you trust their instinct, youtrust their judgement.
(10:46):
You trust those panels that you take, those blood panels that
you take, you trust the X-rays, you you trust the vaginal
examinations. You just trust these things
because that's their specialty. Meanwhile, I was literally
battling with endometriosis and deteriorating right before my
own eyes. I'm happy that you mentioned the
(11:10):
symptoms because everything you said been there, done that.
I've had severe anemia since I was a child to the point that I
can never participate in anything that requires standing
up. I couldn't do it.
I mean, I remember one time trying it for the flag team, I
passed out. I couldn't do simple things like
grocery shopping because I wouldbe completely sick.
(11:32):
So I totally understand. Cooking was a troublesome thing
for me because standing up in the kitchen, I would always be
on the verge of passing out. I've passed out a lot prior to,
you know, having the thing solved.
Also, like you mentioned the Constipation, your balls are
literally locked up because for me, I had with the adenomyosis,
(11:52):
I also had an enlarged uterus, fibroids and cysts and my uterus
was retroverted. So it's like it was pressing
down. So just something like you said,
a person went, oh, you know, I'mjust having issues with
Constipation. But it's not just one symptom.
So it's not just a heavy period,it's not just the cramping, it's
(12:13):
the fatigue, it's feeling tired,it's having the headaches, it's
being nauseated, it's not being able to function and the
restroom. And I know with me, when my vows
would lock up, I would be in excruciating pain for days.
Like it wasn't just a simple thing and it's excruciating.
And I'm happy that you, the keyword that you said was
debilitating. And it really is debilitating
(12:36):
because it robs you of just doing simple everyday things
that you know no one else would think twice about.
Like, OK, driving. No one thinks like, hey, I'm too
tired to drive. No one understands that.
No one thinks, oh, when I go to the grocery store, if I try to
go out, I better park as close as I can to the door because you
burnt out just doing simple things.
(12:57):
So I thank you for just breakingdown the symptoms because a lot
of times we think that I think when sometimes if you have a lot
of health issues, sometimes you're so accustomed to it,
you're not sure like, is this normal or, you know, is this
part of just something that should come with my cycle?
Like we shouldn't be in excruciating pain, you know, for
our monthly cycle. So I'm happy that you did break
(13:20):
down that part. So I want to talk about, of
course, you know, medical gas lighting.
And I know you mentioned too with the doctor is extremely
hard sometimes to just explain to your doctor what's happening.
I know one time my my sister captured on my ovary.
But that morning it started off simply.
I'm waking up from work, I can'tuse the restroom.
(13:40):
So I'm like OK, something's wrong, go to the emergency room.
I'm trying to explain to them I'm like, I can't use the
restroom. Like I can't do 1R2.
Like my body has shut down. They totally ignored me until I
finally got rolled to get an ultrasound.
Next thing I know somebody's pulling me up calling a cold
blue because I just like passed out again.
(14:01):
So that's when they're like, OK,I guess they were laughing.
Oh, yeah, I guess we got to admit you now.
Yeah, I guess so. So that night they're doing, you
know, they had me hooked up like, oh, you know, we're like,
we'll see that, you know, your, your ovary has ruptured, is
bleeding, but just surgery the next day.
So all they have to say is middle of the night.
Oh, we got to bring it up to OR now you're bleeding out.
(14:23):
Your, your pressure's dropping. So again, just to say like
something as minor as using the restroom, just be just the
catalyst or something huge, but just that at the doctor, they
brush me off. At first they didn't 'cause they
were like, you can't figure it out.
What do you mean you can't go tothe bathroom?
I don't know how so I can explain it to you, right, Right.
(14:44):
So I want you to just break downjust what was your journey from
dealing with these symptoms to finally getting a doctor?
I know I saw your appearance on the Tamron Hall show and I'm
happy that you were able to get that platform out there, which
is huge. So I know you mentioned having a
laparoscopic, The laparoscopic, I'm just like her.
(15:06):
I know she can. Your laparoscopic were able to
finally get you some answers. So tell us about that part.
So from 2015 to 20/19/2015 is when I said, OK, something is
not right. And just to give a little
insight on 2015, I was working, living my best life and I felt
(15:28):
left sided weakness in my face. I felt the tingling, I felt that
my arm was getting weak, I felt my leg was getting weak.
And my grandmother actually had a stroke.
So I knew some of the symptoms from her.
So that's what prompted me to goto the emergency room because I
it wasn't unlikely for me to experience this, these
(15:48):
particular symptoms. But this time it was just a
little bit different because in my opinion, it was more
alarming. I was at work and I'm not.
I'm trying to write and I'm trying to hold my laptop in the
left hand. And I'm noticing that this
laptop is literally about to fall on the floor.
OK, so I decided to go to the emergency room, and that's when
(16:12):
I had my first hospital admission, my very first
hospital admission, they wanted to monitor me.
And the nurse practitioner who came into the room, she was a
black woman. And I was so happy to see her
because I was like, oh, yes, it's like me and you, we here,
you going to finally get to the bottom of all these little weird
(16:32):
somatic symptoms that I've been presenting all of these years.
You're going to be the answer for me.
And I was so disappointed when she was not the answer.
I was so disappointed when she didn't have answers.
I was so disappointed and hurt and humiliated when I read my
medical records, the notes from the from the nurse practitioner
(16:55):
saying that I mimicked the test when she was doing the
evaluation on my left side, justto kind of see how my
correlation was. She wrote that actually in her
notes. And prior to that, she stated to
me, all of your labs look fine, all of your imaging looks fine.
Or you seeing a psychiatrist That was like, I, I was blown
(17:19):
away because I'm like, wait, I thought we were here now.
We didn't flip from the good bedside manner to you being
attentive to you, listening to you running all of these
different panels. And because you didn't find
anything, that's the first thingyou can go to is, am I seeing a
psychiatrist? As a woman, as a black woman
who's very educated, who have multiple degrees, I would know
(17:42):
if I need to see a psychiatrist.And at that time, I was working
in the capacity with several of my colleagues specializing in
that particular area. So from 2015 to 2019, it was a
lot of medical gas lighting. I have been gas lit from doctors
of my same color. I have been gas lit from
(18:05):
Caucasian women, Caucasian men in regards to my feminine
health. And most of the times I was told
that I was too young, I'm dealing with psychosomatic
issues. Then it just was like one
another doctor that I saw. Just to Fast forward just a tad
(18:27):
bit, she stated to me, call me when you want a hysterectomy.
Now. I felt like that was totally
just disrespectful. It was just disrespectful
because you hadn't even done anytests, any imaging.
You didn't have any, anything togo off of that conclusion except
(18:48):
for the symptoms that I stated to you, the heavy menstrual
bleeding, the fatigue, the pelvic pain, the ovarian pain,
you know, things like that. But you didn't have anything to
really go off of that. How do you know that?
I didn't probably down the line want to have more kids.
Why don't we just jump in directly to call me when you
want to have a hysterectomy? She was supposed to be one of
(19:10):
the top doctors. She came highly recommended.
So I said, well, let me give hera try.
That was my first visit and thatwas the conclusion of our visit.
So when it got to 2019, I was leaving out of the gym
excruciating abdominal pain to the point I could barely stand
at this point. Now it just came out of nowhere.
(19:33):
I didn't know what was taking place.
I was like, well, maybe I might have lifted too heavy.
Maybe I've maybe I've done something that I shouldn't have
done. But it wasn't unusual the type
of workouts that I've done this,that done that particular day.
I made it through one of the meetings that I had at work and
soon after I went to see my OB. Complete runaround, complete
(19:56):
invalidation. The microaggressions, the
invalidation, the dismissiveness, the poor bedside
manner. Downplaying my symptoms, blaming
my symptoms on St. DS and possible St.
DS possible St. is which I didn't have any of them.
Let me be quite clear. Multiple pregnancy tests.
(20:18):
Telling her my history of my mother having endometriosis and
all of the symptoms that she went through, and there's a high
possibility that what I'm experiencing can be
endometriosis, she laughed. She even told my mother because
I started taking my mother to these appointments.
You know, you get to a point sometimes where you can be so
(20:42):
strong, but then you get to a point when you're advocating for
your health and you're already in incapacitating pain for
months and you're not knowing what's going on with you.
You don't even know if you're going to wake up to see the next
day. Those are the type of moments
that I've had. So when my mother will come with
(21:03):
me to these appointments, she became my advocate.
She became my voice. I started to lose my voice in
the healthcare system, the feelings that I felt was
unworthiness. I started to blame myself for my
symptoms. Like maybe it's because I had a
(21:23):
child at at 17. Maybe that's why I'm
experiencing these symptoms. I just thought it blaming
myself. And what's not understood is
that as me being a single motheras well and you being the sole
provider of your household, the clinicians don't understand the
effects, the mental effects thatit can cause on an individual.
(21:46):
And they tell you with these type of symptoms and diagnosis,
not to stress, but they actuallyadd to the stress.
If you don't have a mental health illness like anxiety,
expect to it develop that because that's what happened to
me. And I'm not saying that happens
to everyone, but it's, it's, it's greater is a greater
(22:07):
outcome when you are being gas lit.
So finally in 2019, the multipledoctor's appointments, the
multiple ER visits, the multiplesedations of medications that
was not being effective. I was just feeling like I was
being drugged all the time, sleeping all the time, even more
(22:29):
losing time from work, taking vacation time and and sick time
just to make sense of all of this.
It became exhausting to the point later on down the line I
lost my career of seven years that I worked so hard for.
Everything is saying Sally for me.
(22:50):
It's not shocking though. It's disgusting.
It's definitely disgusting the things that they said to you,
but it just doesn't shock me only because I've been there,
done that. And me personally, I am biased.
I feel like Louisiana #1 the health system is not great #2 as
we know women of color that walkinto the doctor's office, they
(23:11):
automatically, I feel right you off as it is.
So I know one time I want to physically put my hands on a
hematologist once because like Isaid, because of the the
terrible cycles I had, they wereawful.
And I'm like, OK, I can't function.
I have terrible iron that my iron was extremely low.
(23:33):
So they're like OK, go see this hematologist blah blah blah.
So she automatically same thing.She walks in the room.
I'm thinking I'm about to stop getting blood the iron infusion.
I'm all excited and everything. I'm like finally I'm going to
get some relief. He walks and I never spoke to
this lady or anything with this little chart.
And she's like, now mind, I never met her, but she looked at
(23:54):
my records. Well, with these blood results,
you need to have a hysterectomy.There's no point in you getting
infusions now. And I'm like, are you serious?
Like I've been literally waitingfor this appointment for several
weeks. And then I'm like, if you just
said that you looking at my blood levels and they're
extremely low. I said, oh, you think my
doctor's going to give me a hysterectomy this afternoon
because I obviously need help now.
(24:15):
So I can't just schedule a majorsurgery, you know?
And she just was so mean and ugly.
Like I literally want to ring this woman's neck.
I literally have to understand because I was infuriated and I
just was so upset because I thought I was going to get the
iron infusions and it was terrible.
Like I, I remember that day I left and this was in Covington,
(24:36):
if that tells you anything, because we already know they
don't want to hear us. So it's even worse.
They ain't like us in the North Shore.
So it's even worse when you go over there trying to get a
doctor to help you. So I remember I'm driving home
upset on the phone with the primary care physician they
recommended. I said that's why statistically
(24:56):
black women die at the doctor and I'm going awesome, blah blah
blah. So they on the other end like.
Well, I don't know. If that statistic is sure, I'm
like you can Google. And find that out I'm.
Like why would you recommend her?
Like I need help now. So I was infuriated.
So long story, sharks, like I said, we can literally talk
about this all day. So I had finally got another
hematologist and she was like, you know, we're going to help
(25:19):
you. I'm so sorry for that
experience, blah, blah, blah. So I was getting the iron
infusions because you're right, they're quick to suggest
hysterectomies. Now for me, I was already
pushing mid 40s, so it's not like I had desire to have any
other children. So that wasn't it.
But from my standpoint, I was like, if my iron level is this
low, if I can't stand up for 5 minutes, I'm not supposed to
(25:42):
survive a major surgery. That was my argument with them.
I wasn't necessarily like against the hysterectomy, but I
was not getting any information because again, I'm like, I'm a
single parent, 2-3 kids. I'm like I can't have y'all play
games with me on the table and called on me before.
So I just feel like they weren'tgiving me any information to be
(26:03):
confident enough to say yes schedule that hysterectomy let's
do it. I just I didn't have that
confidence. So I was getting 9 infusions for
maybe two years or so. It still wasn't working.
And finally my gynecologist, he kept telling me you need to get
the hysterectomy. But again, I just wasn't getting
information. So I was like OK, I guess I'll
(26:24):
do it. I was still wasn't comfortable.
My hysterectomy was scheduled for January 2022.
The week up I called him. I was like I can't do it.
So I cancelled it mid year. I end up getting COVID.
So COVID on top of me being as on top of me having a little
iron on top of me having these monstrous heavy cycles where I'm
(26:46):
passing like saucer sized blood clots.
I'm like, I can't do it. Like I'll I'll go through it.
I'll I'll do it. So by then it took a while to
get the surgery scheduled. So we're talking I waited a
whole year playing Russian roulette with my wife.
But because not they were explaining anything.
The only reason I went through that surgery on January and
January 2023 is because a nurse,I wish I knew her name.
(27:10):
I didn't know I was even going to have a pre op appointment.
They never explained that. If you have an afraid patient,
wouldn't you explain the full details leading up to the
surgery? No, my doctor didn't do that.
You know like he did my hysterectomy.
But I'm just saying him and his nurse didn't explain that part.
So when I finally had the pre op, this lady, by the grace of
God, I'm explaining to her everything.
Look, I'm nervous. I'm like, I had scheduled this
(27:31):
last year. I canceled it and she broke it
down to me and she's like, we check everything.
We, we, we going to get an EKG. They're going to check
everything. If that EKG is not right,
they're not going to do this. I agree.
And so she just explained everything and put me at ease.
But it had not been that. I know I wouldn't be sitting
here talking to you if I had notgotten it because I was in
terrible condition. Even the Friday my surgery was
(27:54):
scheduled, January the third theon a that was like a Tuesday.
That Friday when my primary carephysician saw my blood test
results, she's calling me like, you need to go to the emergency
now. Get a blood transfusion.
I was like, well, I'm just hold out.
I'm praying I'll make it till Tuesday because I'm like, I
don't want to risk getting a transfusion.
(28:14):
Let's have a bad reaction. They're not going to do the
surgery. So I was just like, because like
I need this uterus done because I'm like I can't function.
Literally I cannot. I live in a two-story town.
I couldn't walk up the steps because my uterus was he.
My doctor said my uterus was like literally pushed up in my
stomach because that's how I said I can't breathe.
He said, I'm not surprised I canbarely reach your uterus trying
(28:38):
to do this manual exam. He said it has to go like.
But all of that to say, because I hate to ramble, is that the
things you have to go through just to get a result?
Who knows? I would have maybe had that
hysterectomy years prior if someone had spoken to me kindly
and explained, hey, this is a life or death situation.
(29:01):
I didn't get that, you know whatI'm saying?
So a lot of us women that look like me and you who walk in
those emergency rooms are walking on doctor's offices that
have legit problems that a skilled Dr. should be able to
diagnose. I just feel like they're not
listening to the point where it's like, OK, well this is
something I can diagnose. A lot of.
(29:21):
Women of color have fibroids, obviously we have adenosis, we
have endometriosis. These are not like these, you
know, mystery illnesses. It's just a good job and listen.
And it's so frustrating. And that's why I get exactly
where you're coming from. It does take a time mentally
because if you can't even function like everybody else,
(29:42):
you can't do simple things. It does weigh on you and it adds
to anxiety. It adds to depression,
especially when first of all, I have a little iron alone.
You're already feeling down in the dumps.
So it's terrible. So I wanted.
To. How are you able to just get
past just building yourself up? I would say with the
(30:04):
gaslighting, because it when when it gaslights you, and
that's in any situation where you're being gaslighted, it
breaks you down. Like it tears you apart as if
you're not worthy, like you don't have a voice.
So how are you able to build yourself up through that gas
lighting, you know, to still be able to get up in the morning
and, you know, take care of yourson and you know what I'm
(30:27):
saying, and still live your life?
How are you able to navigate just that feeling so that you
knew they were wrong and you were valuable?
Healing is a process, and if I can be quite honest with you,
I'm still healing. However, I choose not to sit in
it. I choose to use my voice to be
(30:47):
an advocate for others and that's one thing that actually
keeps me going when I see when Iget messages and and comments
from black women, women in general, but mostly black women
because we are often gas lit. It just it gives me that drive
and that momentum to keep going even on the days when I have
(31:07):
flashbacks of things that has happened to me over the course
of the years in the healthcare system.
I do have a strong support system.
That's very important for me. I have a relationship with God.
I do a lot of praying and you know, just having to write down
these positive affirmations, putting them on the window, you
(31:29):
know, those things matter for me.
It, it really gets me through those times when I'm having
those flashbacks and those intrusive thoughts because now
if I have any type of feeling inmy body that reminds me of the
past, I panic, I panic, I withdraw, I shut down, I go
(31:50):
through depression, I go throughanxiety.
I worry, you know, so I'm, I feel like I'm just like everyone
else, but I'm that person that choose to be vulnerable and
share my story because some people aren't, you know, they
aren't there yet. And also what motivates me and
keeps me going is for the Black women who have lost their lives
(32:13):
prematurely. Jessica Paddleway, cervical
cancer, you know, those things that could have been detected
well on, well on. Now she leaves behind these
beautiful kids and her husband and the beautiful life that she
had and all of the inspiration and motivation and things that
she was doing. I'm sure she did not want to
(32:33):
lose her life at such a young and blissful age.
In time, you know, in time in her life.
So I choose to, you know, I choose to, I choose my battles.
I choose my battles. And, and if I can say the
outcome of everything that has happened to me terrible, I will
(32:57):
have to say that the good outweighed the bad because I'm
here today and I can be the mom that, you know, I need to be.
My son is 21 years old now. So now I, I put myself in that
mindset, like I can see him, youknow, dating and get to know
women and asking me these questions from a mother's
perspective. And that means everything to me.
(33:18):
Motherhood, parenting means everything to me because that's
something that never ends. I'm happy you mentioned Jessica
Pettaway because same thing. She was misdiagnosed and by the
time they said that she had cancer, it was too late, which
is very sickening. And there's so many other
Jessica's and Tamika's and Sharonda's who just wasn't
(33:39):
getting help. And it really it's it's
infuriating actually. You know, and you're right.
It takes one person to speak up and then it it creates a
movement. So I definitely commend you for
just because I know it has to behard to still talk about these
things too. So I definitely commend you for
putting that story out there because people, women need to
(34:00):
hear it. And hopefully doctors will tune
into, you know, these episodes and say, OK, maybe I can change
on just my listening skills, number one in my bedside manner
and really, quite frankly, give a damn to help somebody because
these are life saving events, You know, to treat
(34:21):
endometriosis, to treat the severe blood loss that these US
women go through once a month. It can take a life literally,
you know, I mean, it could lead to so many different things,
heart attack, stroke. So like I said, it's just very
unfortunate though to know that the gaslighting is something
that still takes place, unfortunately.
(34:42):
And it's the brush off that it'sterrible, you know, so I
definitely commend you so that you're still here, which is a
blessing and that you're able touse your voice because like I
said, it's terrible. But I want to also talk about
your advocacy work. What are some of what have been
some of the highlights? Because like I said, commend
you. And I know it has some, I would
(35:03):
think have some ups and downs, you know, just to experience
being able to help people. But like you said, you're human,
so you still have to deal with just the past.
I just sometimes maybe having triggers with what you
experienced. So what have been some of the
highs of the advocacy that you've done?
My small beginnings? My small beginnings, sharing my
story, taken to social media, educating, inspiring, letting
(35:27):
people know what endometriosis is, that it's not just a regular
menstrual cycle. It is a whole body disease.
It can affect every organ, everymain organ in one's body.
So my small beginnings for thosewomen who would see my story,
who would comment, who would encourage me, who would even try
to find, you know, give me resources at times, my small
(35:48):
beginnings, because those peopleare the ones that helped me to
reach to where I am today. And even being on the Tamron
Hall show was just I, I'm still really processing that moment
because I'm like, wait, did thisreally happen?
But I remember in 2022, I, I wrote it on the on, I wrote it
(36:09):
down saying that I wanted to be on the Tamron Hall show to tell
my story. And I didn't know that it will
come in 2024. And the way that it came to me,
it was just it, it, it was timing.
It was timely because I don't think in 2022 I would have been
been able to communicate my story without being angry.
(36:30):
I was very angry and I had so much rage towards the healthcare
system and, and many doctors, you know, and I never want to
come across because there are some good doctors out there.
There are some good nurses out there.
There are some good healthcare providers out there.
So I never want to come across giving the message that is
everybody is everyone, you know.And so my small beginnings,
(36:53):
which helped me to reach those high points of being on such a
prominent daytime television show, that means everything to
me. I'm very humbled.
I'm very, you know, grateful. And I'm looking forward to where
where I will go next. Like I said, I'm just happy that
(37:14):
you're able to find a strength to Share your story because it
definitely serves a purpose for sure.
So I know we did touch on mentalhealth.
What are some of the things I know you mentioned, you know,
reading your Bible and you have the joy of motherhood and
everything. Are there any other specific
things that you've done to caterto your mental health to, you
know, just to make sure you knowyou have that Wellness and that
(37:37):
you don't go back to anything because it's natural to have
triggers, obviously, especially I see when you have advocacy.
So you have to discuss certain things a lot.
So are there any particular practices that you do to keep
yourself grounded mentally as a as a?
Christian woman, you know, a lotof times we harp on reading our
Bibles and having that relationship with God.
(37:57):
And I do, and I love to talk about it, right?
But I do feel like there are people for everything.
There's people, professional people out there for everything.
If you need to get your laundry maintained, there's the cleaners
and things like that. If you need to get your clothes
taken in because they're too big, there are seamstress.
So for me, having a, a therapist, having a therapist
(38:22):
that I can talk to once a week just to kind of escape
everything that's going on during the week or some weeks
before or whatever the case may be where I have objectives and
goals that I want to accomplish for myself.
Another thing that I do for myself care and just taking care
of me is rest. I disconnect.
(38:46):
I shut down. And one of the things my
therapist asked me, he was like,wait, explain this shutting down
to me, Explain this. I said, listen, I don't want to
self harm. I'm not thinking about self
harm. I'm not thinking about not
communicating, period. But those moments of being quiet
are so powerful for me. It allows me to be more in tune
(39:07):
with myself and with my needs. And sometimes that's just
solitude. I'm not going to stay in that
moment. But guess what?
I'm going to embrace that momentbecause I need that moment.
And I'm not really into, you know, how some women go shopping
and they have to spend money. That's not really me.
I'm more of a journal. I like to journal, I like to
(39:29):
research. And I also read stories and
articles of other women who's gone through things that I've
gone through because it inspiresme, it motivates me, and it
gives me that voice to want to speak even more.
And in my free time, too, I watch podcasts.
I like to catch up on various podcasts, episodes and things
(39:50):
like that. So yeah, that's what I do for
myself, Care. And I'm happy you mentioned
therapy. I always, you know, preach
therapy because it's it's such afreeing experience and it really
is necessary in order to be on atrue Rd. of healing because.
Prior to therapy, you don't navigate things a particular way
and you can have God and still have therapy.
(40:12):
So I'm very happy that you brokethat down because you know,
there's nothing wrong with goingto therapy at all.
So I want to ask you to self love as you know because you
watch my podcast too. Self love of course, is a big
thing for Go Queen. Just self love really is the
field to just have that confidence to overcome things.
(40:34):
And I always talk about we can overcome anything and not, and I
don't mean it in a lightweight. So I'm always trying to be
careful when I said we can overcome everything because that
doesn't mean like, oh, he's justgoing to overcome something and
just the next day he's just going to wake up.
Everything's fine. You never going to think about
it. It's not going to hurt.
No, but overcoming me, the fact that you're able to use your
(40:56):
voice, like you said, you don't,you don't.
You didn't lay in the things that were hurting you and the
mental aspect of the things thathurt us.
That you can overcome things andlive and navigate and still be
worthy and still be valuable andstill realize that you deserve
the best in life too. So I want to ask you, how do you
(41:16):
define self love and what role has it played in your life?
The way that I define self love is a connection between self,
taking time for self, not comparing yourself to someone
else. That's so important because if
you watch the journey of someoneelse and how they overcame being
(41:40):
medically ghastly, for example, and you feel like you're not
taking that course of direction,you can easily get in that
mindset of I'm not doing it the right way.
I'm taking too long. This person healed in a month's
time and I need to amp it up. It's being graceful with
yourself, having grace with yourself, being patient with
(42:02):
yourself, understanding who you are as a person, understanding
not only your wants and your needs, but it's really your
desires, the desires of one's heart that is very important to
me. And during my course of being
chronically I'll, I finally learned what self-care is all
(42:23):
about. It's not just the physical
things or the OR the shopping sprees or the binging.
It's really coming to terms withwho you are and being in unison
with that and and accepting, accepting who you are and not.
And it doesn't matter what otherpeople may say or think about
(42:47):
you or how you process things orhow you do a thing, or if you
feel the need that shutting downand being silent is best for
you. Don't.
It doesn't matter what other people may say, right?
Right. Right, definitely.
And you're right, it's just selflove to like you said, it really
(43:07):
is about living for yourself butnot being selfish.
And you know, and I know it may sound weird, but you can't live
for yourself and not be selfish.It's just being more in tune
with your needs and when you're into what you're needs and you
have that healing, it means thatit's not about other validation,
outside validation or just outside opinion because you have
(43:28):
to do what's right for yourself.So, you know, just incorporating
that to love yourself. So before we wrap everything, I
want to ask you, do you have just any, I hate to say tips,
but what are some ways that we can advocate for ourselves?
Do you have like any advice on how we can advocate for
ourselves when we have to go to the doctor?
(43:49):
Let's say it's because it's true.
I'm sure somebody's going to tune in and they may be dealing
with a heavy cycle that's reallychanging their lives, but not
for the better. And they may have something that
they've been dealing with that they, we're not sure how to
speak to the doctor about. Alright.
Sometimes people are afraid, especially people of color,
(44:10):
because of so many reasons. Sometimes we're afraid to go to
the doctor. So do you have any advice on
just how you can advocate for yourself in the doctor's office
or in the emergency room, or just when you're speaking with a
doctor in general or nurse? If you have a scheduled
appointment, you're going to seethe doctor like you know this
appointment is coming up. I would say to be prepared, have
(44:34):
a list of your medicines, medications, have a list of your
symptoms, have a list of your triggers.
Have your medical, your actual medical records, not just a
discharge summary. In the medical records you will
see, you will find doctors notes.
Having those medical records areso crucial when it comes down to
(44:56):
being an advocate for oneself. Speaking up, speaking up.
There are times when a doctor feels like they know what's best
for your body. Ask questions, be persistent.
I don't care how much you feel like or they feel like you're
nagging them. You're paying for it.
It's getting paid for one way orthe other.
(45:16):
So ask questions, speak up, be bold, be confident.
Apparel wearing apparel that states something about being
medically gaslit, or I have a chronic health illness or I'm
feeling depressed today, or I need you to listen to me today.
That can even grab gravitate to that doctor's attention and also
(45:39):
operations, operations in the healthcare system, being
familiar with those operations as well as like the the
individuals who answer the telephone, the receptionist, the
nurses, having the communicationand rapport with them as well is
extremely important because sometimes they tell you
information that you should not know, but you should know
(46:00):
because your doctor may not tellyou those things.
So I think those just a few things that I've learned in the
healthcare system that's been quite lucrative for me in
navigation and keeping a binder or a journal with your symptoms,
even down to the foods that you eat or environmental factors
(46:21):
that may be triggering your symptoms or your diagnosis or
whatever the case may be. And I would also add to that to
not be afraid to change doctors if we have to.
You know, like you say, you're paying for it.
And if you're on Medicaid too, don't get it twisted, it's not
free, it's getting paid for. So that doctor is receiving
(46:43):
money regardless. So don't even, you know,
nothing. Sometimes people get afraid of
that too if they have Medicaid, like, oh, they're not listening
to me. You can still get a good doctor
with Medicaid and if you have one that you're uncomfortable
with. So that's another thing too.
Like I know you mentioned being confident, have that confidence
and say, hey, if this isn't working for me, maybe I do need
to get another doctor because that's why a lot of us are here
(47:04):
too, by the grace of God. And also because the right
doctor, you know, so don't be afraid as well because some of
these doctors don't have a bedside manner.
Some of them don't listen. You're not stuck with that one.
Don't feel that you have to let somebody play with you, you
know, play with your life. Getting a another doctor.
Don't ever be afraid to get another doctor.
So I would definitely add to that one as well.
(47:26):
This has been a great conversation.
I just appreciate your transparency.
Before we end everything, tell everybody how they can find you,
how they can reach out to you. And I know you have the T-shirts
too. So tell everybody the products
that you have, how they can purchase, where they can follow
you on social media. So give everybody all your
information. So you can find my website at
(47:47):
www.moensmoneshealthyeats.com. I do have a a small selection of
medical gas lighting T-shirts. I also specialize in all natural
CMOS gel as well. And I'm on Twitter, I'm on
TikTok, I'm on Instagram, TamikaD under Score Smith, as well as
(48:12):
YouTube. And if you need to e-mail me,
it's contact tamika.smith@gmail.com.
And before I let you go, can youleave us with an affirmation for
the audience? No two days are the same.
(48:34):
Give yourself grace, You are worthy.
Thank you so much. I love it.
Thank you again, like I said, for just giving us your time.
And I know that this is a good conversation.
I know it's hard for some because there's so many women
that are dealing with this, they're dealing with fibroids,
they're dealing with these heavycycles and it really those
(48:56):
cycles and they come back-to-back to mine would come
like clockwork. Like I can't never could get a
break every four of me. You know, it.
It really can harm you and it's a lot to deal with on a monthly
basis. And it really does take over
your life in a way that I think people don't realize the average
girl is getting their period between like what?
(49:17):
Some of them getting. Before they get in double digit
aids, imagine getting a cycle orlet's say nine years old.
Some women are getting cycles upuntil their 60s, seventies,
which, I mean, I can do it, but,you know, it's a lot.
So I'm thankful that, you know, we had this conversation, that
you Share your story with us, you know, and I really
(49:38):
appreciate it. And I wish you all the best with
your advocacy. And I know what you're going to
do is going to change lives. And my hope is that the doctors,
more than anybody see it too, sothat they'll look at it and be
like, OK. I'm I'm going to think about.
This, you know, patient also thedoctors that are of color, you
know, like I said, I know how you said it's disappointing
(50:00):
because we're expecting like, OK, I know you'll get it more
than anybody. And it does hurt more, whether
people want to realize it or not, it hurts more when that
doctor is like us and they're not getting it.
So I just hope that like I said,if anything that doctors too
gets it because that would be a true blessing.
So guys, please make sure that you follow Miss Tamika and make
(50:21):
sure you purchase one of her shirts and also look at her
other products that she has withthe CMOS and all those other
things that can help us with that health because good health
is well. And again, I just hope that for
the women that are tuning in, that we were able to make you
guys feel comfortable and realize that you do have a
voice, that you're not alone with the things that you're
(50:41):
dealing with. I know that just having these
monthly cycles alone, it robs you of so much.
And I really, really, really, myheart goes out to people who are
dealing with things like endometriosis or adenomyosis or
fibroids that will iron everything.
Please take care of yourself. Do whatever you can to find the
right doctor that can help treatwhat you're dealing with.
(51:04):
You don't have to suffer every month.
Find someone that you can talk to, talk about different
alternatives that you can do to have a healthier life so that
these things once a month aren'trobbing you like this.
There's so many different thingsthat you can do with the right
doctor that can help you have a better quality of life.
So please, like I said, that is taking what we said, have that
confidence because you're worthyand you're valuable and you
(51:27):
deserve to be here. So thank you guys for tuning in
to the key chat. You can catch this episode and
more www.goclean.com. Make sure you be safe and go
love yourself. She's acquaint about a business
working hard on a mission. Head hyperb driven, crown on,
(51:47):
never tilted. Go queen, go queen.
Grab your print or digital copy of Go Queen magazine today.
Stay inspired by the incredible stories and features inside.
Visit our website to grab your copy now.
So I was thinking about just life and death because as you
know, like there's been a lot ofdeaths that's been happening
recently. And there was a while all these
(00:22):
deaths were taking place. Someone in my family had passed
away as well. And this video might be kind of
lengthy. So my aunt had passed away.
My aunt was my mom's best friendand it was her younger sister.
So I just have been, I always analyzed that's when a lot of
people are passing away. And as we know, people do die
every day. But we know when you seeing
(00:42):
people in media passing every single day and then someone in
your bloodline passes away too, you start thinking about things.
So it's just been on my mind andmy mom was not taking it too
well because this was her best friend.
This was her younger sister. So her sister was 76 years old.
And I was just thinking about that in perspective recently.
(01:03):
And I'm like, because I have two, I have three siblings, but
out of the three siblings, I have two sisters and I currently
don't have a relationship with either one of them.
And I was thinking to myself, wow, I know my mom's grieving,
but man, I'm just like, I'm practically envious of her
because I'm like, she had 76 years with a good sister, a
(01:24):
sister who she talked to on the phone every single day, 76 years
of that type of love. And it really touched me, you
know, and I know, like I said, it's sad, but from my
perspective, I'm looking at it from me not having a
relationship with mine and her having someone that she loved
that much and who loved her for 76 years.
(01:48):
And it really struck me and personal FYI, I'm getting a
biopsy this upcoming Thursday. I've known for years since my
very first mammogram that I had a mass on one of my breasts.
So they've been observing this thing for, you know, several
years, which I've never understood why we observing this
instead of getting rid of it. But that's neither here nor
(02:10):
there to my recent mammogram last week.
I have a new Doctor and all thisgood stuff.
So Long story short, they're like, oh, we want to do a
biopsy. OK, Obviously when things like
that happen, you start thinking about life and death.
And in my mind, I this morning, I just was, my mind was just
really heavy and emotional because I'm like, I'm 47 years
(02:32):
old and I'm like, God did not owe me 47 years.
I didn't do anything special forhim to be obligated to give me
47 years. I didn't do anything special
which made me deserve August the5th.
There's nothing I did special yesterday that made me worthy
(02:53):
enough to even be granted the day that I have today.
So it just just made me think about a lot of things just with
life and death that we talk about gratitude sometimes, but
you really truly have to be grateful for every single day
that we have. We think that we're old all this
time and we're not. We've done nothing special where
(03:16):
we we are old time. Every single day is a blessing.
Every single day is a blessing. Every day that you wake up in
the morning, it is a blessing. It's a new chance and it just
like I said, I I could be going on the deep end, but I guess I
always think about when people pass away.
I just think about time and we're not owed anything.
(03:41):
I just always just think about this life and death, you know,
and just how we handle death, how we question that sometimes
how we don't understand that andhow we process it and we think
about our own mortality. But again, at the end of the
day, we're not old tomorrow actually.
And like they said, like, like people say, tomorrow is not
(04:06):
promised and it it is not promised in the most literal
sense. You don't know if you're going
to be here tomorrow. And it really makes you think
when you really think about that, you see all the people
passing away and it's just like,but God keeps giving me another
day, you know, like I said, he didn't owe me these 47 years.
I'm not special. I didn't do anything amazing
(04:27):
that he said, I'm going to give her these 47 years as opposed to
somebody that didn't get 47, they only got 25.
You know, just like making put things in perspective that each
and every one of us are here fora reason.
And the time that we have while we're here, we have to work on
ourselves. We have to do the work on how we
(04:49):
can make the best of that time that we're here.
So all that to say is just to have gratitude because like I
said, every day that we're here is a true blessing, and tomorrow
is truly not promised. Hey, Queen, welcome to another
episode of the Q Chat. Today, our guest is Miss Tamika
(05:09):
D Smith. Tamika is a survivor of medical
gaslighting, and her powerful story has been shared on
national platforms, including the Tamron Hall Show.
Tamika has brought attention to the challenges and injustices
faced by patients, particularly women of color, in the health
care system. Today, Tamika dives deeper into
her experiences and her mission to empower others through her
(05:32):
journey to. The Queen and by the business
working hard on a mission and high purpose driven crown on
never tilted go queen. Go queen, go queen.
(06:07):
Thank you guys for joining another episode of the Key Chat
today. My very special guest is Miss
Tamika D Smith. Tamika is an advocate for
medical gas light and something that unfortunately a lot of us
women of color have experienced.She's also an advocate for lupus
and also endometriosis. We're going to have a
conversation just about some of the things that some of us women
(06:27):
have had to deal with without reproductive issues and just
being heard at the doctor and how to be an advocate for your
health. And also we're going to talk
about, of course, mental health and self love.
How are you doing today? I'm doing great, thanks for
asking. I'm happy that you're able to
join us. I want to start off with, I know
you said just with everything that I've researched about you
(06:50):
and just the conversation we have, I know you do have
endometriosis. I have adenomyosis.
So I know like the similarities,just the it's so many things to
talk about with that topic alone, the heavy periods, how it
drains your iron, the pain of the cramps, so on and so forth.
So I wanted to start off with just the experience you had
(07:11):
first before we leave into everything else is just your
experience and having to deal with the endometriosis before we
get to trying to seek help from the doctor.
My experience, let me start withmy symptoms, OK, Because a lot
of times we can present symptomsand not understand what the heck
is really going on. That was the case for me.
(07:33):
I was working out in the gym five to seven days a week.
I had a very healthy lifestyle. I managed my stressors.
I engaged myself with a lot of self-care, and I just really
took care of me. The first symptom that I started
to notice that was not a symptomthat I would have contributed to
(07:56):
endometriosis was chronic fatigue.
I would be so tired. I don't care how much greens I
ate. I don't care how many times I
worked out. I don't care how much sleep I
got at night. I found myself in a place of
feeling chronically fatigued. There have been moments that I
(08:16):
would literally pull on the sideof the road, like just leaving
my home, maybe like 5 minutes from leaving my home and I would
have this overwhelming feeling of tiredness and I'm like, what
in the heck is that? So I will pull over and I will
actually take a nap on the side of the road.
(08:36):
And I really didn't pay no attention to it.
I was like, well, maybe I'm justtired because I'm working and
I'm working out. I, I really, I really didn't pay
any too much attention to that. I know at the time I was dealing
with anemia, but again, when I was seeing my OB doctor and I
was explaining to her like, I'm just always so tired.
(08:58):
There was no resolve except, oh,yeah, you're a little anemic,
but it's not nothing to be worried about.
You know, you're, you're still healthy.
Fast forward, I would get these excruciating headaches headaches
to the point of not being able to lift my head off of the
pillow. I was a single parent.
(09:19):
I'm still a single parent, but at the time my son was younger.
So I would commute him back and forth to school.
And I found myself in a place where I could not wake up
because the headaches were so debilitating.
They were so incapacitating. And I would be in these, what
(09:39):
they call flares for periods at a time.
Like if the flare will come on, I would be in bed for maybe like
a week. And another thing that I noticed
was chronic Constipation. Chronic Constipation.
I would be prescribed Miralax. And that did not work.
Metamucil, that did not work. It would actually make it worse
(10:01):
for my body. It will make it more complicated
for me to even pass the bow. Then I will go and I will get
X-rays. And as I will get these X-rays,
I can see the bowel infection. Like before the doctor even say
like do you see all of this bowel?
I'm like, what is that? Is that like my bowel?
It'll be all clumped up. So I say all of these symptoms
(10:24):
to say that sometimes we can easily not ignore them, but not
make sense of them. And especially if you're being
seen by a doctor and you're communicating these things and
your doctor that you trust is saying because they have, you
know, the education and the knowledge.
So you trust their instinct, youtrust their judgement.
(10:46):
You trust those panels that you take, those blood panels that
you take, you trust the X-rays, you you trust the vaginal
examinations. You just trust these things
because that's their specialty. Meanwhile, I was literally
battling with endometriosis and deteriorating right before my
own eyes. I'm happy that you mentioned the
(11:10):
symptoms because everything you said been there, done that.
I've had severe anemia since I was a child to the point that I
can never participate in anything that requires standing
up. I couldn't do it.
I mean, I remember one time trying it for the flag team, I
passed out. I couldn't do simple things like
grocery shopping because I wouldbe completely sick.
(11:32):
So I totally understand. Cooking was a troublesome thing
for me because standing up in the kitchen, I would always be
on the verge of passing out. I've passed out a lot prior to,
you know, having the thing solved.
Also, like you mentioned the Constipation, your balls are
literally locked up because for me, I had with the adenomyosis,
(11:52):
I also had an enlarged uterus, fibroids and cysts and my uterus
was retroverted. So it's like it was pressing
down. So just something like you said,
a person went, oh, you know, I'mjust having issues with
Constipation. But it's not just one symptom.
So it's not just a heavy period,it's not just the cramping, it's
(12:13):
the fatigue, it's feeling tired,it's having the headaches, it's
being nauseated, it's not being able to function and the
restroom. And I know with me, when my vows
would lock up, I would be in excruciating pain for days.
Like it wasn't just a simple thing and it's excruciating.
And I'm happy that you, the keyword that you said was
debilitating. And it really is debilitating
(12:36):
because it robs you of just doing simple everyday things
that you know no one else would think twice about.
Like, OK, driving. No one thinks like, hey, I'm too
tired to drive. No one understands that.
No one thinks, oh, when I go to the grocery store, if I try to
go out, I better park as close as I can to the door because you
burnt out just doing simple things.
(12:57):
So I thank you for just breakingdown the symptoms because a lot
of times we think that I think when sometimes if you have a lot
of health issues, sometimes you're so accustomed to it,
you're not sure like, is this normal or, you know, is this
part of just something that should come with my cycle?
Like we shouldn't be in excruciating pain, you know, for
our monthly cycle. So I'm happy that you did break
(13:20):
down that part. So I want to talk about, of
course, you know, medical gas lighting.
And I know you mentioned too with the doctor is extremely
hard sometimes to just explain to your doctor what's happening.
I know one time my my sister captured on my ovary.
But that morning it started off simply.
I'm waking up from work, I can'tuse the restroom.
(13:40):
So I'm like OK, something's wrong, go to the emergency room.
I'm trying to explain to them I'm like, I can't use the
restroom. Like I can't do 1R2.
Like my body has shut down. They totally ignored me until I
finally got rolled to get an ultrasound.
Next thing I know somebody's pulling me up calling a cold
blue because I just like passed out again.
(14:01):
So that's when they're like, OK,I guess they were laughing.
Oh, yeah, I guess we got to admit you now.
Yeah, I guess so. So that night they're doing, you
know, they had me hooked up like, oh, you know, we're like,
we'll see that, you know, your, your ovary has ruptured, is
bleeding, but just surgery the next day.
So all they have to say is middle of the night.
Oh, we got to bring it up to OR now you're bleeding out.
(14:23):
Your, your pressure's dropping. So again, just to say like
something as minor as using the restroom, just be just the
catalyst or something huge, but just that at the doctor, they
brush me off. At first they didn't 'cause they
were like, you can't figure it out.
What do you mean you can't go tothe bathroom?
I don't know how so I can explain it to you, right, Right.
(14:44):
So I want you to just break downjust what was your journey from
dealing with these symptoms to finally getting a doctor?
I know I saw your appearance on the Tamron Hall show and I'm
happy that you were able to get that platform out there, which
is huge. So I know you mentioned having a
laparoscopic, The laparoscopic, I'm just like her.
(15:06):
I know she can. Your laparoscopic were able to
finally get you some answers. So tell us about that part.
So from 2015 to 20/19/2015 is when I said, OK, something is
not right. And just to give a little
insight on 2015, I was working, living my best life and I felt
(15:28):
left sided weakness in my face. I felt the tingling, I felt that
my arm was getting weak, I felt my leg was getting weak.
And my grandmother actually had a stroke.
So I knew some of the symptoms from her.
So that's what prompted me to goto the emergency room because I
it wasn't unlikely for me to experience this, these
(15:48):
particular symptoms. But this time it was just a
little bit different because in my opinion, it was more
alarming. I was at work and I'm not.
I'm trying to write and I'm trying to hold my laptop in the
left hand. And I'm noticing that this
laptop is literally about to fall on the floor.
OK, so I decided to go to the emergency room, and that's when
(16:12):
I had my first hospital admission, my very first
hospital admission, they wanted to monitor me.
And the nurse practitioner who came into the room, she was a
black woman. And I was so happy to see her
because I was like, oh, yes, it's like me and you, we here,
you going to finally get to the bottom of all these little weird
(16:32):
somatic symptoms that I've been presenting all of these years.
You're going to be the answer for me.
And I was so disappointed when she was not the answer.
I was so disappointed when she didn't have answers.
I was so disappointed and hurt and humiliated when I read my
medical records, the notes from the from the nurse practitioner
(16:55):
saying that I mimicked the test when she was doing the
evaluation on my left side, justto kind of see how my
correlation was. She wrote that actually in her
notes. And prior to that, she stated to
me, all of your labs look fine, all of your imaging looks fine.
Or you seeing a psychiatrist That was like, I, I was blown
(17:19):
away because I'm like, wait, I thought we were here now.
We didn't flip from the good bedside manner to you being
attentive to you, listening to you running all of these
different panels. And because you didn't find
anything, that's the first thingyou can go to is, am I seeing a
psychiatrist? As a woman, as a black woman
who's very educated, who have multiple degrees, I would know
(17:42):
if I need to see a psychiatrist.And at that time, I was working
in the capacity with several of my colleagues specializing in
that particular area. So from 2015 to 2019, it was a
lot of medical gas lighting. I have been gas lit from doctors
of my same color. I have been gas lit from
(18:05):
Caucasian women, Caucasian men in regards to my feminine
health. And most of the times I was told
that I was too young, I'm dealing with psychosomatic
issues. Then it just was like one
another doctor that I saw. Just to Fast forward just a tad
(18:27):
bit, she stated to me, call me when you want a hysterectomy.
Now. I felt like that was totally
just disrespectful. It was just disrespectful
because you hadn't even done anytests, any imaging.
You didn't have any, anything togo off of that conclusion except
(18:48):
for the symptoms that I stated to you, the heavy menstrual
bleeding, the fatigue, the pelvic pain, the ovarian pain,
you know, things like that. But you didn't have anything to
really go off of that. How do you know that?
I didn't probably down the line want to have more kids.
Why don't we just jump in directly to call me when you
want to have a hysterectomy? She was supposed to be one of
(19:10):
the top doctors. She came highly recommended.
So I said, well, let me give hera try.
That was my first visit and thatwas the conclusion of our visit.
So when it got to 2019, I was leaving out of the gym
excruciating abdominal pain to the point I could barely stand
at this point. Now it just came out of nowhere.
(19:33):
I didn't know what was taking place.
I was like, well, maybe I might have lifted too heavy.
Maybe I've maybe I've done something that I shouldn't have
done. But it wasn't unusual the type
of workouts that I've done this,that done that particular day.
I made it through one of the meetings that I had at work and
soon after I went to see my OB. Complete runaround, complete
(19:56):
invalidation. The microaggressions, the
invalidation, the dismissiveness, the poor bedside
manner. Downplaying my symptoms, blaming
my symptoms on St. DS and possible St.
DS possible St. is which I didn't have any of them.
Let me be quite clear. Multiple pregnancy tests.
(20:18):
Telling her my history of my mother having endometriosis and
all of the symptoms that she went through, and there's a high
possibility that what I'm experiencing can be
endometriosis, she laughed. She even told my mother because
I started taking my mother to these appointments.
You know, you get to a point sometimes where you can be so
(20:42):
strong, but then you get to a point when you're advocating for
your health and you're already in incapacitating pain for
months and you're not knowing what's going on with you.
You don't even know if you're going to wake up to see the next
day. Those are the type of moments
that I've had. So when my mother will come with
(21:03):
me to these appointments, she became my advocate.
She became my voice. I started to lose my voice in
the healthcare system, the feelings that I felt was
unworthiness. I started to blame myself for my
symptoms. Like maybe it's because I had a
(21:23):
child at at 17. Maybe that's why I'm
experiencing these symptoms. I just thought it blaming
myself. And what's not understood is
that as me being a single motheras well and you being the sole
provider of your household, the clinicians don't understand the
effects, the mental effects thatit can cause on an individual.
(21:46):
And they tell you with these type of symptoms and diagnosis,
not to stress, but they actuallyadd to the stress.
If you don't have a mental health illness like anxiety,
expect to it develop that because that's what happened to
me. And I'm not saying that happens
to everyone, but it's, it's, it's greater is a greater
(22:07):
outcome when you are being gas lit.
So finally in 2019, the multipledoctor's appointments, the
multiple ER visits, the multiplesedations of medications that
was not being effective. I was just feeling like I was
being drugged all the time, sleeping all the time, even more
(22:29):
losing time from work, taking vacation time and and sick time
just to make sense of all of this.
It became exhausting to the point later on down the line I
lost my career of seven years that I worked so hard for.
Everything is saying Sally for me.
(22:50):
It's not shocking though. It's disgusting.
It's definitely disgusting the things that they said to you,
but it just doesn't shock me only because I've been there,
done that. And me personally, I am biased.
I feel like Louisiana #1 the health system is not great #2 as
we know women of color that walkinto the doctor's office, they
(23:11):
automatically, I feel right you off as it is.
So I know one time I want to physically put my hands on a
hematologist once because like Isaid, because of the the
terrible cycles I had, they wereawful.
And I'm like, OK, I can't function.
I have terrible iron that my iron was extremely low.
(23:33):
So they're like OK, go see this hematologist blah blah blah.
So she automatically same thing.She walks in the room.
I'm thinking I'm about to stop getting blood the iron infusion.
I'm all excited and everything. I'm like finally I'm going to
get some relief. He walks and I never spoke to
this lady or anything with this little chart.
And she's like, now mind, I never met her, but she looked at
(23:54):
my records. Well, with these blood results,
you need to have a hysterectomy.There's no point in you getting
infusions now. And I'm like, are you serious?
Like I've been literally waitingfor this appointment for several
weeks. And then I'm like, if you just
said that you looking at my blood levels and they're
extremely low. I said, oh, you think my
doctor's going to give me a hysterectomy this afternoon
because I obviously need help now.
(24:15):
So I can't just schedule a majorsurgery, you know?
And she just was so mean and ugly.
Like I literally want to ring this woman's neck.
I literally have to understand because I was infuriated and I
just was so upset because I thought I was going to get the
iron infusions and it was terrible.
Like I, I remember that day I left and this was in Covington,
(24:36):
if that tells you anything, because we already know they
don't want to hear us. So it's even worse.
They ain't like us in the North Shore.
So it's even worse when you go over there trying to get a
doctor to help you. So I remember I'm driving home
upset on the phone with the primary care physician they
recommended. I said that's why statistically
(24:56):
black women die at the doctor and I'm going awesome, blah blah
blah. So they on the other end like.
Well, I don't know. If that statistic is sure, I'm
like you can Google. And find that out I'm.
Like why would you recommend her?
Like I need help now. So I was infuriated.
So long story, sharks, like I said, we can literally talk
about this all day. So I had finally got another
hematologist and she was like, you know, we're going to help
(25:19):
you. I'm so sorry for that
experience, blah, blah, blah. So I was getting the iron
infusions because you're right, they're quick to suggest
hysterectomies. Now for me, I was already
pushing mid 40s, so it's not like I had desire to have any
other children. So that wasn't it.
But from my standpoint, I was like, if my iron level is this
low, if I can't stand up for 5 minutes, I'm not supposed to
(25:42):
survive a major surgery. That was my argument with them.
I wasn't necessarily like against the hysterectomy, but I
was not getting any information because again, I'm like, I'm a
single parent, 2-3 kids. I'm like I can't have y'all play
games with me on the table and called on me before.
So I just feel like they weren'tgiving me any information to be
(26:03):
confident enough to say yes schedule that hysterectomy let's
do it. I just I didn't have that
confidence. So I was getting 9 infusions for
maybe two years or so. It still wasn't working.
And finally my gynecologist, he kept telling me you need to get
the hysterectomy. But again, I just wasn't getting
information. So I was like OK, I guess I'll
(26:24):
do it. I was still wasn't comfortable.
My hysterectomy was scheduled for January 2022.
The week up I called him. I was like I can't do it.
So I cancelled it mid year. I end up getting COVID.
So COVID on top of me being as on top of me having a little
iron on top of me having these monstrous heavy cycles where I'm
(26:46):
passing like saucer sized blood clots.
I'm like, I can't do it. Like I'll I'll go through it.
I'll I'll do it. So by then it took a while to
get the surgery scheduled. So we're talking I waited a
whole year playing Russian roulette with my wife.
But because not they were explaining anything.
The only reason I went through that surgery on January and
January 2023 is because a nurse,I wish I knew her name.
(27:10):
I didn't know I was even going to have a pre op appointment.
They never explained that. If you have an afraid patient,
wouldn't you explain the full details leading up to the
surgery? No, my doctor didn't do that.
You know like he did my hysterectomy.
But I'm just saying him and his nurse didn't explain that part.
So when I finally had the pre op, this lady, by the grace of
God, I'm explaining to her everything.
Look, I'm nervous. I'm like, I had scheduled this
(27:31):
last year. I canceled it and she broke it
down to me and she's like, we check everything.
We, we, we going to get an EKG. They're going to check
everything. If that EKG is not right,
they're not going to do this. I agree.
And so she just explained everything and put me at ease.
But it had not been that. I know I wouldn't be sitting
here talking to you if I had notgotten it because I was in
terrible condition. Even the Friday my surgery was
(27:54):
scheduled, January the third theon a that was like a Tuesday.
That Friday when my primary carephysician saw my blood test
results, she's calling me like, you need to go to the emergency
now. Get a blood transfusion.
I was like, well, I'm just hold out.
I'm praying I'll make it till Tuesday because I'm like, I
don't want to risk getting a transfusion.
(28:14):
Let's have a bad reaction. They're not going to do the
surgery. So I was just like, because like
I need this uterus done because I'm like I can't function.
Literally I cannot. I live in a two-story town.
I couldn't walk up the steps because my uterus was he.
My doctor said my uterus was like literally pushed up in my
stomach because that's how I said I can't breathe.
He said, I'm not surprised I canbarely reach your uterus trying
(28:38):
to do this manual exam. He said it has to go like.
But all of that to say, because I hate to ramble, is that the
things you have to go through just to get a result?
Who knows? I would have maybe had that
hysterectomy years prior if someone had spoken to me kindly
and explained, hey, this is a life or death situation.
(29:01):
I didn't get that, you know whatI'm saying?
So a lot of us women that look like me and you who walk in
those emergency rooms are walking on doctor's offices that
have legit problems that a skilled Dr. should be able to
diagnose. I just feel like they're not
listening to the point where it's like, OK, well this is
something I can diagnose. A lot of.
(29:21):
Women of color have fibroids, obviously we have adenosis, we
have endometriosis. These are not like these, you
know, mystery illnesses. It's just a good job and listen.
And it's so frustrating. And that's why I get exactly
where you're coming from. It does take a time mentally
because if you can't even function like everybody else,
(29:42):
you can't do simple things. It does weigh on you and it adds
to anxiety. It adds to depression,
especially when first of all, I have a little iron alone.
You're already feeling down in the dumps.
So it's terrible. So I wanted.
To. How are you able to just get
past just building yourself up? I would say with the
(30:04):
gaslighting, because it when when it gaslights you, and
that's in any situation where you're being gaslighted, it
breaks you down. Like it tears you apart as if
you're not worthy, like you don't have a voice.
So how are you able to build yourself up through that gas
lighting, you know, to still be able to get up in the morning
and, you know, take care of yourson and you know what I'm
(30:27):
saying, and still live your life?
How are you able to navigate just that feeling so that you
knew they were wrong and you were valuable?
Healing is a process, and if I can be quite honest with you,
I'm still healing. However, I choose not to sit in
it. I choose to use my voice to be
(30:47):
an advocate for others and that's one thing that actually
keeps me going when I see when Iget messages and and comments
from black women, women in general, but mostly black women
because we are often gas lit. It just it gives me that drive
and that momentum to keep going even on the days when I have
(31:07):
flashbacks of things that has happened to me over the course
of the years in the healthcare system.
I do have a strong support system.
That's very important for me. I have a relationship with God.
I do a lot of praying and you know, just having to write down
these positive affirmations, putting them on the window, you
(31:29):
know, those things matter for me.
It, it really gets me through those times when I'm having
those flashbacks and those intrusive thoughts because now
if I have any type of feeling inmy body that reminds me of the
past, I panic, I panic, I withdraw, I shut down, I go
(31:50):
through depression, I go throughanxiety.
I worry, you know, so I'm, I feel like I'm just like everyone
else, but I'm that person that choose to be vulnerable and
share my story because some people aren't, you know, they
aren't there yet. And also what motivates me and
keeps me going is for the Black women who have lost their lives
(32:13):
prematurely. Jessica Paddleway, cervical
cancer, you know, those things that could have been detected
well on, well on. Now she leaves behind these
beautiful kids and her husband and the beautiful life that she
had and all of the inspiration and motivation and things that
she was doing. I'm sure she did not want to
(32:33):
lose her life at such a young and blissful age.
In time, you know, in time in her life.
So I choose to, you know, I choose to, I choose my battles.
I choose my battles. And, and if I can say the
outcome of everything that has happened to me terrible, I will
(32:57):
have to say that the good outweighed the bad because I'm
here today and I can be the mom that, you know, I need to be.
My son is 21 years old now. So now I, I put myself in that
mindset, like I can see him, youknow, dating and get to know
women and asking me these questions from a mother's
perspective. And that means everything to me.
(33:18):
Motherhood, parenting means everything to me because that's
something that never ends. I'm happy you mentioned Jessica
Pettaway because same thing. She was misdiagnosed and by the
time they said that she had cancer, it was too late, which
is very sickening. And there's so many other
Jessica's and Tamika's and Sharonda's who just wasn't
(33:39):
getting help. And it really it's it's
infuriating actually. You know, and you're right.
It takes one person to speak up and then it it creates a
movement. So I definitely commend you for
just because I know it has to behard to still talk about these
things too. So I definitely commend you for
putting that story out there because people, women need to
(34:00):
hear it. And hopefully doctors will tune
into, you know, these episodes and say, OK, maybe I can change
on just my listening skills, number one in my bedside manner
and really, quite frankly, give a damn to help somebody because
these are life saving events, You know, to treat
(34:21):
endometriosis, to treat the severe blood loss that these US
women go through once a month. It can take a life literally,
you know, I mean, it could lead to so many different things,
heart attack, stroke. So like I said, it's just very
unfortunate though to know that the gaslighting is something
that still takes place, unfortunately.
(34:42):
And it's the brush off that it'sterrible, you know, so I
definitely commend you so that you're still here, which is a
blessing and that you're able touse your voice because like I
said, it's terrible. But I want to also talk about
your advocacy work. What are some of what have been
some of the highlights? Because like I said, commend
you. And I know it has some, I would
(35:03):
think have some ups and downs, you know, just to experience
being able to help people. But like you said, you're human,
so you still have to deal with just the past.
I just sometimes maybe having triggers with what you
experienced. So what have been some of the
highs of the advocacy that you've done?
My small beginnings? My small beginnings, sharing my
story, taken to social media, educating, inspiring, letting
(35:27):
people know what endometriosis is, that it's not just a regular
menstrual cycle. It is a whole body disease.
It can affect every organ, everymain organ in one's body.
So my small beginnings for thosewomen who would see my story,
who would comment, who would encourage me, who would even try
to find, you know, give me resources at times, my small
(35:48):
beginnings, because those peopleare the ones that helped me to
reach to where I am today. And even being on the Tamron
Hall show was just I, I'm still really processing that moment
because I'm like, wait, did thisreally happen?
But I remember in 2022, I, I wrote it on the on, I wrote it
(36:09):
down saying that I wanted to be on the Tamron Hall show to tell
my story. And I didn't know that it will
come in 2024. And the way that it came to me,
it was just it, it, it was timing.
It was timely because I don't think in 2022 I would have been
been able to communicate my story without being angry.
(36:30):
I was very angry and I had so much rage towards the healthcare
system and, and many doctors, you know, and I never want to
come across because there are some good doctors out there.
There are some good nurses out there.
There are some good healthcare providers out there.
So I never want to come across giving the message that is
everybody is everyone, you know.And so my small beginnings,
(36:53):
which helped me to reach those high points of being on such a
prominent daytime television show, that means everything to
me. I'm very humbled.
I'm very, you know, grateful. And I'm looking forward to where
where I will go next. Like I said, I'm just happy that
(37:14):
you're able to find a strength to Share your story because it
definitely serves a purpose for sure.
So I know we did touch on mentalhealth.
What are some of the things I know you mentioned, you know,
reading your Bible and you have the joy of motherhood and
everything. Are there any other specific
things that you've done to caterto your mental health to, you
know, just to make sure you knowyou have that Wellness and that
(37:37):
you don't go back to anything because it's natural to have
triggers, obviously, especially I see when you have advocacy.
So you have to discuss certain things a lot.
So are there any particular practices that you do to keep
yourself grounded mentally as a as a?
Christian woman, you know, a lotof times we harp on reading our
Bibles and having that relationship with God.
(37:57):
And I do, and I love to talk about it, right?
But I do feel like there are people for everything.
There's people, professional people out there for everything.
If you need to get your laundry maintained, there's the cleaners
and things like that. If you need to get your clothes
taken in because they're too big, there are seamstress.
So for me, having a, a therapist, having a therapist
(38:22):
that I can talk to once a week just to kind of escape
everything that's going on during the week or some weeks
before or whatever the case may be where I have objectives and
goals that I want to accomplish for myself.
Another thing that I do for myself care and just taking care
of me is rest. I disconnect.
(38:46):
I shut down. And one of the things my
therapist asked me, he was like,wait, explain this shutting down
to me, Explain this. I said, listen, I don't want to
self harm. I'm not thinking about self
harm. I'm not thinking about not
communicating, period. But those moments of being quiet
are so powerful for me. It allows me to be more in tune
(39:07):
with myself and with my needs. And sometimes that's just
solitude. I'm not going to stay in that
moment. But guess what?
I'm going to embrace that momentbecause I need that moment.
And I'm not really into, you know, how some women go shopping
and they have to spend money. That's not really me.
I'm more of a journal. I like to journal, I like to
(39:29):
research. And I also read stories and
articles of other women who's gone through things that I've
gone through because it inspiresme, it motivates me, and it
gives me that voice to want to speak even more.
And in my free time, too, I watch podcasts.
I like to catch up on various podcasts, episodes and things
(39:50):
like that. So yeah, that's what I do for
myself, Care. And I'm happy you mentioned
therapy. I always, you know, preach
therapy because it's it's such afreeing experience and it really
is necessary in order to be on atrue Rd. of healing because.
Prior to therapy, you don't navigate things a particular way
and you can have God and still have therapy.
(40:12):
So I'm very happy that you brokethat down because you know,
there's nothing wrong with goingto therapy at all.
So I want to ask you to self love as you know because you
watch my podcast too. Self love of course, is a big
thing for Go Queen. Just self love really is the
field to just have that confidence to overcome things.
(40:34):
And I always talk about we can overcome anything and not, and I
don't mean it in a lightweight. So I'm always trying to be
careful when I said we can overcome everything because that
doesn't mean like, oh, he's justgoing to overcome something and
just the next day he's just going to wake up.
Everything's fine. You never going to think about
it. It's not going to hurt.
No, but overcoming me, the fact that you're able to use your
(40:56):
voice, like you said, you don't,you don't.
You didn't lay in the things that were hurting you and the
mental aspect of the things thathurt us.
That you can overcome things andlive and navigate and still be
worthy and still be valuable andstill realize that you deserve
the best in life too. So I want to ask you, how do you
(41:16):
define self love and what role has it played in your life?
The way that I define self love is a connection between self,
taking time for self, not comparing yourself to someone
else. That's so important because if
you watch the journey of someoneelse and how they overcame being
(41:40):
medically ghastly, for example, and you feel like you're not
taking that course of direction,you can easily get in that
mindset of I'm not doing it the right way.
I'm taking too long. This person healed in a month's
time and I need to amp it up. It's being graceful with
yourself, having grace with yourself, being patient with
(42:02):
yourself, understanding who you are as a person, understanding
not only your wants and your needs, but it's really your
desires, the desires of one's heart that is very important to
me. And during my course of being
chronically I'll, I finally learned what self-care is all
(42:23):
about. It's not just the physical
things or the OR the shopping sprees or the binging.
It's really coming to terms withwho you are and being in unison
with that and and accepting, accepting who you are and not.
And it doesn't matter what otherpeople may say or think about
(42:47):
you or how you process things orhow you do a thing, or if you
feel the need that shutting downand being silent is best for
you. Don't.
It doesn't matter what other people may say, right?
Right. Right, definitely.
And you're right, it's just selflove to like you said, it really
(43:07):
is about living for yourself butnot being selfish.
And you know, and I know it may sound weird, but you can't live
for yourself and not be selfish.It's just being more in tune
with your needs and when you're into what you're needs and you
have that healing, it means thatit's not about other validation,
outside validation or just outside opinion because you have
(43:28):
to do what's right for yourself.So, you know, just incorporating
that to love yourself. So before we wrap everything, I
want to ask you, do you have just any, I hate to say tips,
but what are some ways that we can advocate for ourselves?
Do you have like any advice on how we can advocate for
ourselves when we have to go to the doctor?
(43:49):
Let's say it's because it's true.
I'm sure somebody's going to tune in and they may be dealing
with a heavy cycle that's reallychanging their lives, but not
for the better. And they may have something that
they've been dealing with that they, we're not sure how to
speak to the doctor about. Alright.
Sometimes people are afraid, especially people of color,
(44:10):
because of so many reasons. Sometimes we're afraid to go to
the doctor. So do you have any advice on
just how you can advocate for yourself in the doctor's office
or in the emergency room, or just when you're speaking with a
doctor in general or nurse? If you have a scheduled
appointment, you're going to seethe doctor like you know this
appointment is coming up. I would say to be prepared, have
(44:34):
a list of your medicines, medications, have a list of your
symptoms, have a list of your triggers.
Have your medical, your actual medical records, not just a
discharge summary. In the medical records you will
see, you will find doctors notes.
Having those medical records areso crucial when it comes down to
(44:56):
being an advocate for oneself. Speaking up, speaking up.
There are times when a doctor feels like they know what's best
for your body. Ask questions, be persistent.
I don't care how much you feel like or they feel like you're
nagging them. You're paying for it.
It's getting paid for one way orthe other.
(45:16):
So ask questions, speak up, be bold, be confident.
Apparel wearing apparel that states something about being
medically gaslit, or I have a chronic health illness or I'm
feeling depressed today, or I need you to listen to me today.
That can even grab gravitate to that doctor's attention and also
(45:39):
operations, operations in the healthcare system, being
familiar with those operations as well as like the the
individuals who answer the telephone, the receptionist, the
nurses, having the communicationand rapport with them as well is
extremely important because sometimes they tell you
information that you should not know, but you should know
(46:00):
because your doctor may not tellyou those things.
So I think those just a few things that I've learned in the
healthcare system that's been quite lucrative for me in
navigation and keeping a binder or a journal with your symptoms,
even down to the foods that you eat or environmental factors
(46:21):
that may be triggering your symptoms or your diagnosis or
whatever the case may be. And I would also add to that to
not be afraid to change doctors if we have to.
You know, like you say, you're paying for it.
And if you're on Medicaid too, don't get it twisted, it's not
free, it's getting paid for. So that doctor is receiving
(46:43):
money regardless. So don't even, you know,
nothing. Sometimes people get afraid of
that too if they have Medicaid, like, oh, they're not listening
to me. You can still get a good doctor
with Medicaid and if you have one that you're uncomfortable
with. So that's another thing too.
Like I know you mentioned being confident, have that confidence
and say, hey, if this isn't working for me, maybe I do need
to get another doctor because that's why a lot of us are here
(47:04):
too, by the grace of God. And also because the right
doctor, you know, so don't be afraid as well because some of
these doctors don't have a bedside manner.
Some of them don't listen. You're not stuck with that one.
Don't feel that you have to let somebody play with you, you
know, play with your life. Getting a another doctor.
Don't ever be afraid to get another doctor.
So I would definitely add to that one as well.
(47:26):
This has been a great conversation.
I just appreciate your transparency.
Before we end everything, tell everybody how they can find you,
how they can reach out to you. And I know you have the T-shirts
too. So tell everybody the products
that you have, how they can purchase, where they can follow
you on social media. So give everybody all your
information. So you can find my website at
(47:47):
www.moensmoneshealthyeats.com. I do have a a small selection of
medical gas lighting T-shirts. I also specialize in all natural
CMOS gel as well. And I'm on Twitter, I'm on
TikTok, I'm on Instagram, TamikaD under Score Smith, as well as
(48:12):
YouTube. And if you need to e-mail me,
it's contact tamika.smith@gmail.com.
And before I let you go, can youleave us with an affirmation for
the audience? No two days are the same.
(48:34):
Give yourself grace, You are worthy.
Thank you so much. I love it.
Thank you again, like I said, for just giving us your time.
And I know that this is a good conversation.
I know it's hard for some because there's so many women
that are dealing with this, they're dealing with fibroids,
they're dealing with these heavycycles and it really those
(48:56):
cycles and they come back-to-back to mine would come
like clockwork. Like I can't never could get a
break every four of me. You know, it.
It really can harm you and it's a lot to deal with on a monthly
basis. And it really does take over
your life in a way that I think people don't realize the average
girl is getting their period between like what?
(49:17):
Some of them getting. Before they get in double digit
aids, imagine getting a cycle orlet's say nine years old.
Some women are getting cycles upuntil their 60s, seventies,
which, I mean, I can do it, but,you know, it's a lot.
So I'm thankful that, you know, we had this conversation, that
you Share your story with us, you know, and I really
(49:38):
appreciate it. And I wish you all the best with
your advocacy. And I know what you're going to
do is going to change lives. And my hope is that the doctors,
more than anybody see it too, sothat they'll look at it and be
like, OK. I'm I'm going to think about.
This, you know, patient also thedoctors that are of color, you
know, like I said, I know how you said it's disappointing
(50:00):
because we're expecting like, OK, I know you'll get it more
than anybody. And it does hurt more, whether
people want to realize it or not, it hurts more when that
doctor is like us and they're not getting it.
So I just hope that like I said,if anything that doctors too
gets it because that would be a true blessing.
So guys, please make sure that you follow Miss Tamika and make
(50:21):
sure you purchase one of her shirts and also look at her
other products that she has withthe CMOS and all those other
things that can help us with that health because good health
is well. And again, I just hope that for
the women that are tuning in, that we were able to make you
guys feel comfortable and realize that you do have a
voice, that you're not alone with the things that you're
(50:41):
dealing with. I know that just having these
monthly cycles alone, it robs you of so much.
And I really, really, really, myheart goes out to people who are
dealing with things like endometriosis or adenomyosis or
fibroids that will iron everything.
Please take care of yourself. Do whatever you can to find the
right doctor that can help treatwhat you're dealing with.
(51:04):
You don't have to suffer every month.
Find someone that you can talk to, talk about different
alternatives that you can do to have a healthier life so that
these things once a month aren'trobbing you like this.
There's so many different thingsthat you can do with the right
doctor that can help you have a better quality of life.
So please, like I said, that is taking what we said, have that
confidence because you're worthyand you're valuable and you
(51:27):
deserve to be here. So thank you guys for tuning in
to the key chat. You can catch this episode and
more www.goclean.com. Make sure you be safe and go
love yourself. She's acquaint about a business
working hard on a mission. Head hyperb driven, crown on,
(51:47):
never tilted. Go queen, go queen.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.