November 19, 2024 • 54 mins
In this powerful episode of The Q-Chat, we sit down with fashion designer and activist Marie Antoinette, whose latest athletic wear collection takes a stand against domestic violence and sexual assault. Through bold symbols and slogans, Marie uses her designs to call out abusers and challenge victim-blaming narratives. Marie also shares the inspiration behind her coffee table book, Melanin, which delves into the complex stories of Black women and the impact of colorism from women of all shades. Based in Atlanta and originally from Tampa, Marie has successfully merged fashion and activism to create meaningful change and spread awareness on social justice issues. Tune in as we explore Marie's journey, her mission to empower through fashion, and the legacy she’s building by using her platform to speak out on topics that matter. Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe for more empowering conversations! Record Date: [Oct 18] Release Date: [Nov 19] www.geauxqueen.com #DomesticViolenceAwarenessMonth #EndDomesticViolence #SpeakOutAgainstAbuse #SurvivorStories #StopAbuse #FashionForACause #ActivismThroughFashion #EmpowermentThroughDesign #MarieAntoinetteFashion #BoldFashionStatements #TheQChat #GeauxQueen #GeauxBold #GeauxEmpowered #GeauxStrong #ColorismInBlackCommunities #SocialJusticeAdvocacy #EmpowerWomen #BlackExcellence #SupportSurvivors
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Episode Transcript
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(00:01):
You can have the life that you want right now.
So I know they sound kind of corny, like here we go with
someone with another self help inspirational video, but it's
really true. And I'm speaking from
experience. If you're in a position right
now where there may be anything in the world that you're ready
to work on, whether it should wait, whether it's your
relationships, whether it's yourfinances, whatever that thing is
(00:25):
that you want to have some improvement and don't feel
discouraged. You, I can make a change right
now. Today I am speaking from
personal experience. Your life can shift at any
moment. You just have to work on your
mindset. Put God first.
And I promise you, everything that you want, it's already
yours. You just have to claim it.
(00:45):
And once you have that peace, once you work on your mindset,
that plan starts working. It just starts working out in
ways that feel supernatural. But I guarantee you, whatever it
is that you want right now, whatever faucet of part of of
your life right now that you want to see a difference, that
you want to see a change, you can make it happen.
(01:06):
It can happen right now. Life can shift in a matter of
minutes, hours, days, and weeks.No matter what, you can see a
shift in your life so quickly sometimes that your knees will
buckle. You won't believe that these
things are happening for you, but don't feel discouraged.
You may be in a situation right now where you're like, you know
what? I really want some things to
(01:27):
change, but I just don't see howit's going to happen.
I don't think it can happen for me.
I see it happening for everybodyelse.
Get out of that mindset. It can happen for you.
It's already yours. You just have to believe in
yourself. Have faith and work on your
mindset, shift your way of thinking, even if you have to.
Change your company, change the way that you speak, change the
(01:48):
things that you absorb. You can make a change in your
life and you don't have to wait.There is no delay.
You can have the things that youwant in your life right now.
You can have better, you can have bigger, you can go further.
Just believe in yourself. Have faith you can have those
things right now. Grab your print or digital copy
(02:13):
of Go Queen Magazine today. Stay inspired by the incredible
stories and features inside. Visit our website to grab your
copy now. Welcome back to the Q Chat,
where we celebrate incredible women who are making their mark
and spreading a powerful messageof self love, empowerment, and
resilience. Today we have a very special
(02:35):
guest, Marie Antoinette, a fierce fashion designer from
Tampa. Now based in Atlanta, GA, Marie
is not only a trailblazer in thefashion world but also an
outspoken advocate against domestic violence and sexual
assault. Through her latest athletic wear
collection, she's using powerfulsymbols and slogans to call out
abusers and shift the conversation around victim
(02:56):
blaming. In addition to her incredible
fashion designs, Marie recently released her coffee table book
Melanin, which explores the stories of black women and the
impact of colorism across all shades.
This multi talented creator is making waves by blending
activism and artistry in a way that inspires and empowers
(03:18):
working hard on a mission. So thank you for joining another
(03:50):
episode of the Q Chat today. My very special guest is Miss
Marie Antoinette, and Marie wears a lot of busy hats.
She's a creative director, a designer, and she's an advocate
for something that's really close to my heart, domestic
violence and also sexual assaultawareness.
So we're going to chop it up about her activewear line, and
she has something great going onwith her activewear where she
(04:13):
advocates against domestic violence.
So we're going to talk about that on how she incorporates
that her line and she also has another platform where she talks
about colorism. So we're going to have a good
conversation today. How you doing today?
Good. How are you?
I'm feeling good. I'm so excited to talk with you.
And like I said in the intro, there's a lot that we're going
(04:34):
to get down to that I'm really excited about.
And I don't even know where to start first.
But I'm going to actually let you start off by just giving us
a bit of your background becauseI know just through my research,
you're from Tampa, you currentlylive in Atlanta.
And like I said, you were a lot of hats with the fashion line
and everything. So can you tell us about your
background and how did you startwith the fashion line first?
(04:56):
OK, so my background is in healthcare.
I went to school for nursing andthen I went back to school for
anesthesia. So that was that's currently
still like my main job. But I've always had this deep
passion for fashion in the arts and just things of beauty and
just opening my eyes to different stuff.
And so although I love to dress and love to look cute and all
(05:19):
that stuff, I used to, I, I don't know if it's because of my
upbringing or just being in the hospital and seeing people deal
with illnesses. I always kind of felt a little
guilt, like, OK, you cute now what?
Like what it, what it So what? Like it's so superficial when
there's so much other things going on in the world.
And that's not to be like a slight to anyone else, but in my
(05:42):
mind, it's like if I'm just worried about the outer
appearance, OK, You know, I justwanted to connect it with
something else. As much as I love it, like I
love me a good look. And so I felt like what helped
me is to merge that. So bringing awareness to socio
economic issues, bringing awareness of things that I've
(06:04):
experienced personally and changing the narrative by tying
it into the art in the fashion. Wow, that's something else.
And I know like, just like I said, I did a lot of research on
you. You have like so many other
different things going on. I know like you have the Melanin
coffee book and you also have a documentary that you made and
you also have another thing withthe sapphires.
(06:25):
So what are some of the other things that you kind of dive
into? Because I know like you said,
you started in healthcare, you have the fashion line, but you
also are a voice for women. So what made you?
Cuz like you said, it's one thing to do the fashion line,
but you have a message behind itso.
(06:47):
Yeah, absolutely. So I had done a couple of
fashion shows before 1 was called Driving You Wild, which I
did right in my driveway. And that was just about like
African inspired prints and hairstyles and stuff like that.
And then I did a fashion show called Legend, which was for men
like it actually it was inspiredby Tina Turner, Mad Max, that
(07:08):
movie she did. And so it was a lot of Leathers
and stuff like that. And after I did that fashion
show, and those weren't necessarily tied to anything in
my mind, like I like, I just wanted to do the art.
But like I said, I feel like something was missing.
Like I'm putting in all this work and stuff, but it does it's
(07:30):
I'm not feeling it. Even though people enjoyed the
show, I didn't feel it. So Sapphire Diamonds was my
third fashion show and I named it Sapphire Diamonds because my
birthday is September and my birthstone is sapphire.
And so that was the first fashion show that I connected
with the socio economic issue ofgiving back.
(07:52):
And so that fashion show I gave back to an organization called
Sig Rep Sick Kids. And so they find funding for
kids who've exhausted all of their insurance.
All you know, their parents are having financial issue.
So that was the first time. And then when I did the second
Sapphire Diamond, it was Sapphire Diamond street wear
(08:15):
which paid attention to victims of sexual assault and sexual
harassment. And so that was my street where
graffiti and that had such a huge impact.
And I know in my mind, I know somany people have been affected
by it. But this time I was able to sit
back and see like in action and everybody telling their stories
(08:36):
and talk about it. So I kept rolling with that,
that part of it. So the active wear line, now
that I have this that is inspired by the street wear
fashion show, it's active wear that has some graffiti print and
stuff like that. And I chose graffiti for that
because in my mind we see graffiti as art, like it's
(08:59):
beautiful, but technically it's a violation.
You're not supposed to be drawing on stuff.
And so I was, I was thinking, OK, how can, how can I twist
something so dark, something that people have experienced
that's so dark? And I think in my mind, the
beauty would be if we can actually talk about it, because
it's so much gain, it's so much shame and guilt associated with
(09:23):
it. So, and even though you were
violated, your boundaries were crossed as people actually doing
graffiti, it's becomes beautifulwhen it's all together.
And I felt like your story can be beautiful when you can use
your voice and possibly help somebody else or, you know,
share resources. And so that that's what
(09:45):
Sapphire. Diamond is so sapphire, diamond
is steel, clothes, fashion and all that, and it just turned to
that. So yeah.
So I wanted to go deeper becauseof course with your active wear,
you have a message behind it, aswe mentioned, with branding,
with domestic violence and sexual assault, and you have
slogans and symbols that call out abusers and also stop victim
(10:10):
blaming. And like I said, I have a
background, unfortunately, dealing with domestic violence,
so I know how hard it is when you have to explain yourself.
Basically, people judge you like, why did you get in that
relationship? You should have known better.
I mean, it gets really deep where you're made to feel bad.
And then once you're out of thatsituation, you have other scars
(10:33):
that people can't see, emotionalscars that you're trying to work
through. You know, like it's so complex
when you're violated, like you said, because it's a violation
physically, emotionally, mentally, and it's not easy.
And I don't think what people understand is when you've gone
through domestic violence, you think that people have a lot of
support. They really don't, you know,
(10:54):
like it's, it's a slippery slopebecause it's hard sometimes when
you're, and I don't like to use the term victim, but you get
victimized sometimes just needing help, you know, or just
expecting empathy. So tell us more about how you
have the symbols and the slogansthat call out abusers and also
can put a stop to victim blamingtoo.
(11:15):
Yeah, so quick little story and I've shared this before.
I remember talking. I can't even say we were dating
because I had met him one time. But then we were talking on the
phone for like a month, just talking.
I hadn't seen him again since the first time I had seen him in
this lounge that I went to. I was about 21.
So I'm at the mall one day and he he calls me because he called
(11:38):
he talk everyday. It's three O clock in the
afternoon and he's like, you know, come over and see me,
right? I live right by the mall.
I knew he had a roommate. I could hear the roommate and
the girlfriend in the background.
So OK, like that's not booty call hours to me, you know what
I mean? So I'm like alright, this seems
safe. I go over there and I had
(11:59):
recently got a tattoo on my backand he kept trying to see the
tattoo because the Saran wrap was showing under my shirt but I
didn't want to pull my shirt up to show him.
And so I was like oh he getting a little aggressive with his
hands let me get up out of here.So as I went to go to the door I
was telling him bye and the roommate and the girlfriend had
gone in the room. At this point, he's standing
(12:21):
behind me and as I opened the door, he shut the door behind
above my head because he's behind me and he's like, yeah,
we going to be on the news tonight.
And he scooped me up, put me on his shoulder and he's going to
the back. I feel that to say the first
thing in my mind was my Mama going to kill me because I felt
she would have thought, well, what you was doing over there or
(12:43):
what you what you was wearing, which I and I that went through
my mind too, like I'm not wearing nothing revealing like I
didn't I don't feel like I've showed him that I wanted to do
something more. And so as I was doing this
project, I dug deep with that and I can remember being young
and just hand oh, hello fast self and this that and the 3rd
(13:04):
and which almost made it seem like it was your fault if
something happened to you because you should have known
better instead of holding the abuser accountable, especially
if he's a grown man and she's a child.
So I put things on the clothes like why did you wear that?
Because that, you know, someone,the first thing people say what
you had on, why you had that on instead of, you know, holding
(13:29):
the person accountable. One thing that was told to me at
a podcast one time, this guy kept saying give me a kiss, give
me a hug, like come in. So I put things like that on the
clothes I don't want you, which which is one of my documentaries
that I did about this. That was the title.
Like that's just it. Because sometimes people think,
(13:50):
well, if you're acting a certainway and you dress in a certain
way, this must be what you want.And I say consent matters.
So maybe she, even if the girl is acting that way or whoever is
acting, whatever way you feel like she wants it, maybe she
don't want it from you. Maybe she wanted from somebody
(14:11):
else. And she don't need to take it
from me, Right. So I put slogans like that on
the clothes. The symbols were just the
scales. Yeah.
So one of the symbols is the melanin chemical structure.
Because just be just because I support all women, but I'm a
black woman at the end of the day.
And it ties in into my other project.
(14:33):
But just that So because I feel like a lot of people don't
always step for us, you know? So I incorporated the melanin
chemical structure in there. I put the word sapphire diamond,
which that's the fashion show that it came from.
Yeah, just symbols like that andjust created a graffiti piece.
(14:54):
Wow. And I appreciate that you're
speaking up because like you said, for so many reasons and
like you also mentioned how justfor women of color, like
sometimes people don't write forus, unfortunately.
So I love it this that you took these experiences and you're
speaking out because so many people unfortunately have
similar stories and you know, ithurts too much to share it or as
(15:17):
you said, they don't know what anybody will think if they'll
get judged. You know, it gets way deep.
So I definitely appreciate what you're doing.
What has been the response with the active wear line and the
things that you're doing towardsdomestic violence?
So overall, the response has been great.
Like people like once they find out what it's about, like they
(15:38):
want to buy more of it because they're like, oh wow, because
it's such a subtle way because Imade sure it was very stylish.
So they like it because it looksnice.
But then when they see like whatit means, they didn't like it
more. It's only been one time that I
can think of when I was doing like the casting call for the
Fashion Show 1 model. Found out what the inspiration
(16:02):
behind it was and she wasn't comfortable with that and from
her own experience. And like, I respect that 100%.
You know, everybody's not ready to even talk about that or even
relive that trauma. It's a it's a journey of
healing, you know, So, but overall, and I wouldn't even say
that's a negative thing. It's just open my eyes to see
(16:26):
just how sensitive this is because people may not want to
talk about it, but people might be just so off.
It might be so off put and like,I don't want to go there.
But overall, it's been really good.
That's great. And you know, it is very
sensitive too. And you're right, it's a journey
of healing because I know like even early this year, and it's
(16:47):
been a long time since I've beenin this particular situation,
but I was at a domestic violenceevent speaking and I couldn't
talk about it without getting emotional.
Like I had to literally hold. Like I knew I was about to stop
crying and it was just, so it was interesting because I was
relaying an incident that took place when I was pregnant.
(17:08):
One of my children, that child is currently 20 years old.
So we're talking about a 20 yearold incident.
And it was just so fresh, like it had just happened.
So I definitely can understand how feeling is a very complex
thing. You know, there's different
layers to it. Like, you know, you may be able
to handle something differently than you would have handled it
(17:28):
five years ago, but it's still there, you know, So I definitely
can understand that one. And I definitely commend you for
just speaking up about that topic because it's something
that we should have more conversations about.
Now, something else that I really, really like about your
platform that you're doing is the whole coffee table book
about melanin in the documentary.
(17:49):
I watched some of the the the clips and everything and I was
just like, wow, this is amazing.And man, I definitely have so
much to actually about because you hit so many topics just
about colorism, which is something that's another subject
that we should have more conversations about.
I think some people are in denial, but they don't believe
(18:09):
that colorism takes place and itdoes.
It takes place, as you mentioned, in a lot of things I
saw that you said within the family, workplace, everything.
So can you tell us this from thebeginning on what inspired you
to do the coffee table book and also the documentary?
So the coffee table book came upbut I was planning my Sapphire
(18:32):
Diamonds fashion show. It was like during COVID when
people was heavily wearing theirmasks and I went in the fabric
store and the chocolate lady. Sometimes I forget that part of
the story because it just is mind blowing, a chocolate woman
said to me. Because I had my mask down.
(18:53):
And so she said he's so pretty to be dark.
And I remember initially thinking how you know what I
look like because I forgot my mask was down anyway.
But I was just like, what? And then then my mom was like,
what? Then I'm like you chocolate.
Like, are you saying this like it?
So much stuff was going in my mind.
I don't even know at what point did I say thank you?
(19:14):
Because my brain was just because I know she meant well.
And at the end of the day is nota compliment, but I know she
meant well. So I was just so thrown off by
that. I just was like, I'm going to do
a project on this. So I have like a creative book
and I start writing stuff down. And so I figure I'm going to do
(19:34):
a call. I want something visual that can
sit in front of like because we're so visual, we see stuff in
passing. That's how our brain get
programmed. The whole, to me, colorism
starts from, you know, slavery and stuff and then getting
programmed to believe European look features, hair texture is
(19:56):
what's better because they put it in our mind over and over
again, this is beauty, this is beauty, this is beauty.
So I wanted to create something beautiful that is reprogramming.
This is beauty, this is beauty, this is beauty.
So that's why I put all different shade women.
And here's the cover of the book, all different shades of
women on the cover of a chocolate book.
(20:17):
And so to just start. Reprogramming the minds, like I
feel like it would be eye-catching and then even with
kids, so we're not like showing a light skinned baby doll or a
white baby doll or you know, because I feel like it starts
there too. If a child is running past
seeing something like this as they grow up, they're not
(20:38):
getting programmed to believe one look is better than the
other. And so I in my mind, because I'm
so big on fashion, you know how fashion houses do coffee table
books, you have a Chanel book, Tom Ford books.
So this this was my fashion house book.
I just wanted something with some substance.
(20:59):
Then the documentary came about because I know some people don't
like to read like some people don't, they don't want to read
like the stories are great. But I, I know what world we live
in. And so I wanted to coincide it
like cross promote a visual. I love it.
With the book. And that's how I end up doing
the documentary. Like we did it all at the same
(21:20):
time. I love it.
And you know, it's so funny because I did watch a video
where you were talking about that incident.
And I'm happy you did mention that the person was also
chocolate because it adds more context to the story.
Because when I was watching yourclip earlier, I was like, it's
just so funny that you mention that because I was thinking
(21:42):
about I remember I had a Co worker and she would always say
that you so beautiful for a darkskinned woman and I'm like we're
the same color. So I'm just happy you mentioned
that part because I was like every time she said it, I was
like, what does she see that I'mnot seeing?
Because I'm like we're like the same skin tone.
And I just thought it was like insane that like she was
(22:03):
stressed that and I'm like. They brainwashed.
Right. Brainwashed and I guess I mean
it's insane because it's like itjust shows how a person can
really not see themselves and also what they see when they see
someone else that looks like them.
You know, we have so much internal hatred and ignorance
and just oblivion in her own culture.
(22:27):
So I'm so happy that you added that she was chocolate too,
because. Let me tell.
You it's important to mention that part.
Yes, when I was in when I was younger and would get teased
about my complexion it would be from dark skinned dudes and they
Mama was my color. Like I look like your Mama.
I wanna make it make sense. You got so much self hate.
(22:50):
You're actually darker than me. But see, it's a it's a strike
against you because as speed that's and I talk about this a
lot as female people view femininity as softer, lighter,
like you're more feminine if you're lighter.
They do the same thing to light skinned men.
Don't you think light skinned men are soft?
(23:13):
So you think light skinned womenare softer and more feminine.
And so it's a it's you, you, it's a strike against me to be a
female and darker because, you know, dark skinned men, they,
they had their time with the Morris chestnuts and the Tyrese
and all that. And everybody want them a
chocolate man, you know, And it became a thing of masculinity
(23:34):
and sexy and all of that. And so I talk about that too,
all the time. Like I feel like it's also in
our mind that dark skinned female is not as beautiful which
is completely false because it can equate to masculinity.
I had a conversation with an Indian girl.
(23:55):
We talked about the same thing because colorism is in India.
And she said when she would do her dances, if they had special
dances that she would do within the Indian culture, they always
gave her the male role because she's a darker Indian.
So it is everywhere. And it's like what we, we just,
(24:15):
I don't know if it'll ever go away, but I'm, I'm working on
it. You.
I mean I'm like, look, as a brown skin woman.
God knows I've heard that from men too.
Oh you're beautiful. For a dark skinned girl it's
like that's not a compliment. And like as you said, I never
forget I was dating someone. This is a long time ago.
He was darker than I was, but healways was stressed that he
(24:39):
wouldn't date anybody past my skin tone.
Like I was like the the limit. And I just was like, you know,
your mother is darker than the both of us, is what I was saying
to myself. Like you, this man really has a
lot of issues, you know, becausenumber one, you saying this out
loud and I don't understand the whole concept of you don't love
(25:01):
yourself. You know what I'm saying?
Like it's it's weird. OK, so.
I definitely, I think too many women, brown skin women, we've
gotten these weird compliments and we're supposed to be excited
like yes, because I do need to tell me a guy dated that you.
Oh, I don't date dark skinned girls, but you, you know, I
basically I make an exception for you.
But one dark skinned guy that I talked to, he gave me a
(25:23):
different perspective. Not that I agree, but I
understood. He said he was very dark and he
said he preferred or like lighter women because hopefully
his kids wouldn't be as dark andwouldn't get teased as he did
what he said. And he said, you know, at this
(25:45):
point in his life, you know, he's past that and all that.
And but he could take the brunt,but he would not want his
children to go through what he went through.
But the flip side of that was hedidn't want his son's light
skin. So I get what he was saying but
(26:06):
he preferred his sons darker. But but that's back to what I'm
talking about the lighter skin being softer.
And I'm speaking from and I get that too, only because
ironically, my children are lighter skinned.
And if I had a dollar for as many times I was insulted when I
would go out with my children when they were little.
(26:26):
Or are you their mother? Like, I mean, why would I be?
I don't like kids that much. I mean, guys, Mama, just be
hanging with a bunch of small children, you know, that look
exactly like me. My children, like they have my
100% facial features. They just happen to be lighter.
You know, I would always get insulted to Oh, is their father
White with? No, no.
(26:48):
He's actually not, you know, it's like, but my mom like that
too, too. My disciples are lighter.
Me and my sister, four years older than me, we're darker.
And my mom was lighter. And they, their tone, that would
be like, oh, they don't look like you like it.
It was so crazy. And she's like, what?
Ain't mom like? Yeah.
What are you talking about? And I like how you mentioned
(27:11):
too, like and just other things.I saw how you also mentioned how
lighter skinned people too, how you made a point to include them
because and reason. I know there was an episode of
Blackish a long time ago where they were talking about colorism
and the two lighter skinned characters, the mother and the
son were like same from their perspective too.
(27:31):
Like, you know, like this is insults that I get as well.
And I understand that because I know like my daughter's lighter
skin and she's told me stories of how people like insult her
and have hurt her feelings and stuff.
And it's like really insane, youknow, like we just can't love
ourselves and even love each other.
I think internally we have a lotof self hatred and we also have
(27:52):
a lot of hatred towards each other, you know, for strange
reasons that there should be more conversations like you
mentioned, will it? And I don't know, because if we
look at things media wise, most TV shows, if you know this,
there's like the light skinned wife, you know, she's always,
you know, the dainty person or the sophisticated person.
(28:14):
And like they stereotyped sometimes, not all TV shows, but
we know most of our favorite ones, they'll stereotype the
dark skinned friend. She tends to be a little loud.
She's single. She don't have them.
Again, you know, we joke about it.
You know BDBD, you know, like you know I.
I couldn't articulate it at the time.
When I was younger seeing Aunt Devon, Fresh Prince, I didn't
(28:39):
even know what was going on in my mind, but she was what it is
now. She was the first dark skinned
mom I had ever seen on TV. Like I can't really think of
others. She's the she's the only one
that comes in my mind right awaywhen she end up leaving.
They replaced her with the othermom who was a little bit lighter
or whatever, but I just rememberlike, oh, like I didn't know why
(29:03):
I felt proud because I was so young, like probably in
elementary school or something, but I finally seen somebody that
looked like me, but I didn't know what to call that at the
time. Yes, they do that all the time.
I feel like lighter skin, the way you even speak or your feet.
It goes in the futurism. Texturism is more consumable.
(29:26):
You can consume it. Well, it's a little softer.
It's not so black, right? So they they.
Do something that's more palatable to the audience and
it's just not right. Definitely, I definitely, you're
right. There's definitely featurism,
texturism. That's another thing and correct
the way that we speak as well, which all goes back to we just
(29:49):
need a lot of healing and also education.
It's practically like someone needs to open a book about DNA
too sometimes because I know especially when you mentioned
about colorism within a family, you know, I have a family number
one, I'm from Louisiana. So Louisiana colorism in
Louisiana goes super deep. You know, I mean, if someone, if
(30:10):
someone really got deep with it.So I definitely understand how
colorism works. Just unfortunately, being in the
South Louisiana, it still goes on and definitely within
families and a lot of families Iknow, even mine, everyone has a
whole range of skin tones. And sometimes when you get
older, you kind of look back like, OK, I know that certain
family members kind of are put on a pedestal and you start
(30:33):
trying to like go in the family tree and you realize why.
And it's like, oh, maybe becausethey're on the lighter end,
whatever. You know, so many people,
unfortunately, like I said, theyexperience it within the family,
which is why it's generational. And that's why some people, they
have these, you know, restrictions and all that stuff
when they start dating because they only regurgitating what
(30:53):
they felt within their family, you know, are within.
School and stuff like that. But it's definitely a lot of
healing that needs to take placefor sure.
And they're programmed to believe that white is right.
Also, you know, they are programmed like I've had, I've
known people who may have been darker skinned and then they
have a lighter skinned child andthey'd love to call a child
(31:18):
white girl. That's my white baby.
Like why do you think that's a flex or a compliment or the
reverse of that? Now, some people have told me
don't take this no type of way, but I can't help it.
And and I've talked to so many other chocolate girls and we all
feeling the same way. When someone has a child that
are that's and they're lighter and their child is darker, they
(31:42):
immediately call them chocolate drop.
And I feel like they want to address the color before anybody
else do because what is the reason of even mentioning the
child's complexion? Like, oh, oh, that's my little
chocolate drop. Do you call the other one your
little caramel or whatever? They don't.
Say. That so I feel like you're
(32:04):
already trying to get ahead of what you think the comments are
going to be because it doesn't make any sense in my mind.
So I've had people say, well, you know, should be compared to
chocolate or something that's delectable.
That's a good thing. But if you're going to do that,
do it to all the kids. Like why even why even single
(32:26):
that one out? Why?
Why? Like, don't even say nothing,
right? And it doesn't happen.
It does not happen. I have yet to hear somebody call
their child French vanilla, but if he kind of like that never
happened. They quit, let let them have a
(32:47):
darker bit like wow, I don't understand that part.
And it could be completely innocent and there's no shade to
the mom at all. But I just think it's a way for
them to be ahead of what they think may happen.
Like, you know, like what how people used to do me and my mom
and my sister like, oh, they dognow look, you know, but my mom
(33:11):
never called us a hot little chocolate drops.
She's insane. Right.
But I could say there's a lot ofhealing that needs to take
place. We should have more
conversations. Will it necessarily change?
I don't know. But I think it could have
healing because there have been people that have been in
situations where they really have been mistreated because of
melanin. OK, Then that's all it is that
(33:34):
really have truly been mistreated in so many different
ways. And that's another thing, just
like we mentioned the sensitivity topic with domestic
violence and sexual assault, there's sensitivity involved in
colorism because it goes really deep.
And some people have, like I said, have truly been mistreated
as people within their own family, you know, because of
skin tone or hair texture or featurism, you know, and
(33:58):
especially, like in media, people that work in different
things. I mean, it goes really deep.
For sure so and definitely it's a psychological thing.
I can remember feeling like it. I feel like it added to I'm
already pretty as I get older I'm less shy, but my personality
(34:18):
is pretty shy. It can even be my personality
can be read wrong because I don't want to interact or engage
because I, you know, I just kindof like shy and I don't want to
go. I don't want to be open to
people. But it's not because I have an
issue. But I can remember feel like if
I walk in the room and people are looking at me, they're
looking at me because I'm dark skinned.
(34:39):
And that's could have been the furthest.
It probably was the furthest thing from the truth, but my
mind was so messed up from different stuff in my childhood
or school. It gives you, it gave me this
anxiety like where it got to be something wrong with my skin,
like, you know, because it's been a problem before.
(35:02):
So if people never did, I think they could be looking at me
because they think I'm beautiful.
I didn't think that I thought they were looking at me because
they're like, oh, she too dark, you know.
So it took it's, it plays a psychological role, you know, on
your mental health. Oh, for sure.
Definitely because anything where someone is judging you or
(35:23):
just cause you any type of stress because of a physical
attribute or any type of attribute, it definitely is a
psychological thing, you know, So for sure.
And like I said, a lot of we have so many things that we have
to work through, you know, as women, especially because a lot
of women, we, you know, women ofcolor, because that's what we're
talking about. A lot of us women of color, we
(35:46):
have to, unfortunately, we already got to deal with
protecting ourselves, you know, and watching ourselves.
And then you got to deal with ifyou're in particular circles or
whatever, or they judging me because, you know, the way I
look or, you know, my skin tone or the way I talk.
It's just like, Oh my God, you know, so many different things
that I think women of color, people don't necessarily
(36:06):
understand unless they've been there, you know, as they walked
in those shoes. So it's a lot.
So I definitely want to talk some more too about obviously
with our platform, we do talk about self love.
And I know like with everything that you've done, being a
creative designer, being an advocate, not only have you done
these different things, use yourtalents and created something,
(36:30):
but you also have been a voice. Like I said, we're having a
conversation that people need tohave, but a lot of people don't
have it. You know, they sometimes there's
things that people are struggling with, but they don't
even have. Some people don't have a gift to
express. OK, here's some issues within
(36:50):
our community, let's talk about it.
We take that for granted, but itreally is a gift to bring a
light to some of those things. So I wanted to actually before I
actually get into the self love conversation, how did, how have
you worked on your confidence? Because I know you said like if
correct me if I'm wrong that you're shy in some situations,
but it definitely takes confidence to just be able to do
(37:13):
what you're doing. So like, how do you work on
that? Because I think confidence is
something that is kind of like an exercise like we work on, we
go to the gym. I think we can also there's ways
we work on our confidence. So how do you work on that?
OK, so it's going to be like a two-part answer.
So #1 all of my creativity and talents and stuff, I honestly
(37:34):
feel like a vessel. I feel like it comes from God.
It comes through me and I deliver it.
So a lot of times it's very hardfor me to take credit for
whatever because I, I feel like it's a download, like God be
giving it to me faster than thenI can produce it.
Like I'm, I'm writing it down, getting it out, but it's just
like, I can't imagine my little brain did all of that, you know
(37:55):
what I mean? So I just feel like with that
and so I, I'm not always obedient, but with, you know, I
try to stay obedient if I feel like he's saying, you know, you
need to do this and put this out.
This is, that's what makes me doit, right.
So sometimes even if I'm doing like a photo shoot for a project
and stuff like that, I literallyhave to take a shot of alcohol
(38:18):
because I can't do it. Like it just be like I need
something to take over to do it,to get the shot because I don't
be ready. So as I've done that several
Times Now, I'm getting more comfortable.
So I guess maybe confidence could be showing up.
I'm not sure. But the other part of that is so
(38:39):
crazy. You asked me that because I
literally had like a epiphany, abreakthrough this morning.
Because I, I say all the time, Idon't trust people.
I don't trust anybody. I don't trust nobody.
I just, I just had a therapy session yesterday and I said I
don't trust, don't trust nobody.And because I feel like people
can't deliver and say what they told me they were going to do.
(39:01):
And then this morning I realizedyou don't trust nobody because
you don't trust yourself to vet these people.
Like, so probably it's because Ihave made a decision to let
somebody take it too far. I didn't cut it off early enough
(39:22):
and so I didn't. Now I'm disappointed from a
decision that I made. And so when I just realized that
this morning, I realized that isgoing to help build my
confidence, like to strengthen that spirit of discernment
because then I'm not going to feel like, Oh well, what should
I do about this? Or, you know, Teeta Totter going
(39:43):
back and forth with decisions orjust not confidently making a
decision and not confidently letting somebody go when they
need to be let go. So but it's crazy just asking
that because I I felt like that all went together like me not
trusting and realizing I don't trust myself to make the right
decision which effects my confidence in business.
(40:07):
But you know what I learned to? And mind you, like I said, I've
gone through a lot of trauma in my life.
And me sitting here talking to you, I'm in a different stage in
my life. But just like we said, just like
you mentioned, a young lady, she's just like, you know, it's
too sensitive. Like, just like I said, I was
speaking at a conference earlierthis year, something that took
(40:29):
place 20 years ago, all the emotion came back.
So I know how it is to work through traumas.
I work through imposter syndrome.
I just work through, you know what?
Damn, people have not been therefor me the way I would have
shown up for them. Are you giving, you know, you've
given your confidence. Are you giving somebody a part
of you and they didn't deliver And it hurts, you know what I'm
(40:51):
saying? And you do start to look at
people differently. And I'm, and I'm receiving what
you said because I understand what you're saying.
When you start getting like, youknow what I when you struggle
with trusting people, I think it's because we expect like they
like that. The saying goes, don't expect
you and somebody else, you know,So that's what happens when
(41:14):
you're an impact and when you really truly love people, you
expect that in return. You know, it's like a child, you
know, like when when you meet a child, you've never been around
a baby, you've never known this baby, you never seen it.
The baby reaches out to you. They just because children,
babies, infants have love. So even as adults, you know,
grown women, some of us have love to give, quite frankly.
(41:35):
So when you don't get it back inreturn, whether that's in a
business relationship or a friendship or a romantic
relationship or family or work situation, it hardens you to a
degree. And you just like, wait a
minute, Nope, I'm not doing thisagain.
Especially when, if it's happened more than once, that's
when it's like, hold up like this was the last time.
(41:58):
I, I, I've been stopped expecting me and other people.
What I expect is you to do what you said.
That's it, right? Not even what I asked you to do.
I expect you to do what you toldme.
And so when that don't happen, like I'm already like got my
track shoes on, I'm ready to runup out of there because I can't.
(42:21):
Like I don't have the emotional bandwidth no matter what
relationship it is, I don't havethe emotional investment, none
of that to deal with it. I don't know, I just turned 40
and I don't know if it was like I hit 40 and was like, forget
all of this. Like I'm not doing it.
I don't want to do it. Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope.
(42:43):
It's just, it's hard. But you know, I feel like if I
can trust myself because what happens, the ultimate is to my
point is because I'm shutting everybody out, I can't let the
good in. So if I can strengthen myself to
have a stronger discernment and execute when the cut them off,
(43:06):
don't let them hang around, thenI could reap the benefit of
letting good relationships in and dismissing the ballots.
So you know you can't change nobody else.
But if I can trust myself to make those decisions, then I can
have the best of both worlds. Exactly, you hit the nail on the
head. It's about having that
(43:28):
discernment and really practicing those boundaries
because like you said, and like I said, I get it and I've been
there, done that. I still practice that a lot
where I'm like, oh, my cut off game got really strong and I'm
in my 40s as well. So like once you hit 40, it's
just like, wait a minute, I got,I, I potentially have more days
behind me then ahead of me. So you really start to stick and
(43:50):
move quite differently. But like, like, I like what you
mentioned because it is important because that
discernment, you got to work on it because you don't want to,
you don't want to shut the door so tight that the good can't
come in. And there is still good out
there. There's still good people.
But you know, like I said, it's a trauma response when you're
trying to work through that and you're like, wait a minute,
(44:10):
like, should I let this person in, you know, in the circle that
that you create for yourself? So I truly get it.
And when you, and here's the thing, we don't give ourselves
enough credit, we'll cut off something that should have been
out. Maybe it should have been our
love sooner. But once we still cut out that
situation, instead of celebrating that, hey, this is
(44:33):
over, we'll still feel guilty. Like, you know what?
I had that red flag, that sign, blah, blah, blah.
Like instead of beating ourselves up, we just need to
celebrate what we've gained. You know what I'm saying?
Every situation, every broken relationships, we still gain
knowledge. But I just feel like sometimes
it's just hard for us to just accept that even once we
(44:54):
finally, once we finally know when to cut it off because
again, we just say ourselves, well, oh man, why did I let it
go this long? And that's a natural thought.
Yes, my problem has been and every night again still is, is
that I miss because my brain canbe so strict.
Sometimes I feel like maybe I misunderstood or I misread your
(45:17):
energy, but I didn't. I didn't.
So that's how I have stayed in situations longer than I should
because I'm second guessing myself like, well, maybe that
was all, you know, everybody notgoing to do it how you do it.
Or even with domestic violence, you can't tell somebody how mad
(45:39):
to get about whatever they got mad about.
Like if this offense, and I'm not talking about to the point
of getting physical, but those extreme anger signs up front
that let you know that they willslap you down to the ground.
But my thing used to be, well, you can't tell them how mad to
get, even though it was simple to me that's this may really
(46:01):
have offended you. So you have every right to get
this upset, right? And you do.
But I didn't have to stay there to witness it.
But that's something I had to learn.
Yeah, you can get that, man, butI'm out of here, you know.
So that me trying to get people to benefit of the doubt is what
kept me in situations longer. But I remember one time my
(46:22):
oldest sister said there is no benefit in doubt.
If you got to doubt it, it ain'tbeneficial.
And that I will never forget that.
So as soon as I'm doing that, I'm like, well, she said.
Ain't no benefit in doubt. So, yeah, right.
And like I said, we just got to learn to forgive ourselves and
truly love ourselves. When we love ourselves, we'll we
(46:44):
don't have to get it right all the time.
We don't have to be perfect, youknow what I'm saying?
Long as we move forward and learning when when we cut
something off and like I said, it's human.
It'd be like, oh man, I wish I had a thought that soon or
whatever. If we squash all of that and
just give ourselves grace, we'llhave more peace.
(47:04):
So I want to get to the best part of all these conversations
that I love having with amazing women like yourself is the self
love portion. Self love is the feel for go
Queen. Self love for this platform just
means that to truly love yourself and again, it's a
journey. You don't just wake up on a
(47:25):
Friday and say hey, I love myself, everything is going to
be perfect. Now I'm like, no, self love is a
process, it's a journey. It's basically moving forward
and just appreciate yourself andvaluing yourself so you can be
better than you were in the pastso that you maybe can see things
in a different lens or handle things differently.
And also self love is the field to start that fashion line and
(47:49):
do that documentary is to not just go not be a go queen, but
go be fearless, go be an advocate, go be a creator, go be
a designer, go be an entrepreneur, whatever it is you
have in your heart that you wantto.
Do self love is the key to that?So I want to ask you how do you
define self love and what role has it played in your life?
(48:12):
I define self love as just putting yourself 1st and taking
care of yourself first because Inever used to do that.
Sometimes I still don't Everybody else, I'll be looking
out for it first, But I, I realized you can't take care of
somebody else if you haven't taken care of yourself.
(48:34):
And so, and when I say take careof yourself, I'm not talking
about going to get your nails done and all you heard me just
say I had therapy session, right.
So it's, it's from the inside out.
It's not just the superficial stuff.
You have to get your mind your your, your mind in a good
headspace. Like if you don't love yourself,
(48:55):
how can you love anybody else? So self love is taking care of
your needs first. So then you can function at your
maximum capacity for whom you know, as much as you want to
love and give to somebody else. Cool, take care of you first so
you can do that. So whatever that is, you know, I
(49:15):
journal. That's why I got me a life coach
some years ago. That's how I even started my
fashion line and this whole Marie Antoinette business.
Like I said, I'm in healthcare. And so when I moved to Atlanta
from Tampa, I felt just, I was, it was too much new.
My mom was alive at the time. I was taking care of her.
(49:37):
She'd had a stroke. I'm in a new state.
I got a new job. Everything is just too new.
I have a daughter and I was justlike, like normally I have stuff
together, but it just was overwhelming.
And so I end up getting a life coach and his thing was what
grounds you? And some like clothes, you know,
fashion like I love, I like the sketch.
(49:59):
I love that he's like, OK, so you got by September.
It was like 9 months prior something I want to see your
first fashion show. And so I was able to like pour
that creativity and it did help me.
Like I didn't even know I hadn'tsketched and stuff for so long,
but it just helped me get back to me.
(50:20):
And like that helps show myself love.
Like doing that type of stuff. Creating helps show that's how I
show myself love, taking care ofmy mental health.
That's how I show myself love. Like sitting in quiet, just
reading a book, whatever. That's how I show myself love.
(50:41):
So that's that's it. You got to just put yourself
first. Yes, definitely put yourself
first in any way that you can because as you said, if we don't
love ourselves, we can't function, you know, like it's we
have to love ourselves. This is an amazing conversation.
I appreciate your transparency. I just love what you're doing
(51:04):
and just keep going. Just keep pushing.
Can you tell everybody how they can find you, how they can get
that book, how they can find youonline, get this activewear, how
they can find you on social media.
So tell everybody how they can get in contact with you.
All right, so my website isma929.com so M like Marie A
like antoinette929.com, you can get the book, the activewear
(51:29):
collection, all of that on the website.
You can follow me on Instagram at Marie Antoinette 929 and it's
the same across my TikTok, Facebook, LinkedIn, etcetera.
This book is also, I just want to say this real quick.
This book is also available on Amazon, but it's it's not this
(51:50):
experience of it. It's just a it's a paper copy
and it's it's a cheaper price, but I highly recommend this
version because it's hard back. It's like you get the full
experience of it. This comes with a candle
collection also with different shades of melanin.
(52:11):
You know, one of my canvas is called chocolate enough for
women who are light skinned and they're told they're not black
enough. So I have a candle that's very
light, all the one to one that'svery chocolate and it's called
pretty for a like. Pretty for a dark skinned girl.
So the whole collection and everything is on my website.
Awesome. And before we go, can you leave
(52:33):
us with a positive affirmation? Let me think.
Whatever your gifts or talent isthat if you believe in God, that
you receive from God, you have aduty to share that with the
(52:56):
world. So go be great.
I love it. Go be great.
Thank you so much. This is Miss Marie Antoinette
and Oh my gosh, I don't even know how to wrap up this
conversation because like I said, we discussed so many
different things. But I would say if we had to
pick a guest star for this conversation, it would truly be
(53:16):
healing. And we touched on so many
different things that a lot of us are struggling with and the
crust of everything to be whole,to be healthy, to have peace in
your life mentally, physically, emotionally is to heal.
And one thing to what we discussed, we discussed
colorism. We discussed just things that
(53:37):
can be very hurtful, a lot of things that women are dealing
with. But guess what?
You can still go be great. It doesn't matter what anyone
says to you, what they think about you, you can still go be
great. Because guess what?
If God said it, it's so we have to learn to just be great in
spite of and we owe it to ourselves to heal.
(53:58):
We owe it to ourselves to love ourselves.
And you can start today, right now.
So guys, please go ahead and check out Miss Marie Antoinette.
Go ahead and get that book. Go on YouTube and watch that
documentary, all the amazing clips that she has.
She's just doing it. OK, So again guys, you can go
ahead and be great and you can catch this episode and catch
(54:20):
some amazing other conversationsdot go queen.com make sure you
guys be safe, go be great and golove yourself.
You can have the life that you want right now.
So I know they sound kind of corny, like here we go with
someone with another self help inspirational video, but it's
really true. And I'm speaking from
experience. If you're in a position right
now where there may be anything in the world that you're ready
to work on, whether it should wait, whether it's your
relationships, whether it's yourfinances, whatever that thing is
(00:25):
that you want to have some improvement and don't feel
discouraged. You, I can make a change right
now. Today I am speaking from
personal experience. Your life can shift at any
moment. You just have to work on your
mindset. Put God first.
And I promise you, everything that you want, it's already
yours. You just have to claim it.
(00:45):
And once you have that peace, once you work on your mindset,
that plan starts working. It just starts working out in
ways that feel supernatural. But I guarantee you, whatever it
is that you want right now, whatever faucet of part of of
your life right now that you want to see a difference, that
you want to see a change, you can make it happen.
(01:06):
It can happen right now. Life can shift in a matter of
minutes, hours, days, and weeks.No matter what, you can see a
shift in your life so quickly sometimes that your knees will
buckle. You won't believe that these
things are happening for you, but don't feel discouraged.
You may be in a situation right now where you're like, you know
what? I really want some things to
(01:27):
change, but I just don't see howit's going to happen.
I don't think it can happen for me.
I see it happening for everybodyelse.
Get out of that mindset. It can happen for you.
It's already yours. You just have to believe in
yourself. Have faith and work on your
mindset, shift your way of thinking, even if you have to.
Change your company, change the way that you speak, change the
(01:48):
things that you absorb. You can make a change in your
life and you don't have to wait.There is no delay.
You can have the things that youwant in your life right now.
You can have better, you can have bigger, you can go further.
Just believe in yourself. Have faith you can have those
things right now. Grab your print or digital copy
(02:13):
of Go Queen Magazine today. Stay inspired by the incredible
stories and features inside. Visit our website to grab your
copy now. Welcome back to the Q Chat,
where we celebrate incredible women who are making their mark
and spreading a powerful messageof self love, empowerment, and
resilience. Today we have a very special
(02:35):
guest, Marie Antoinette, a fierce fashion designer from
Tampa. Now based in Atlanta, GA, Marie
is not only a trailblazer in thefashion world but also an
outspoken advocate against domestic violence and sexual
assault. Through her latest athletic wear
collection, she's using powerfulsymbols and slogans to call out
abusers and shift the conversation around victim
(02:56):
blaming. In addition to her incredible
fashion designs, Marie recently released her coffee table book
Melanin, which explores the stories of black women and the
impact of colorism across all shades.
This multi talented creator is making waves by blending
activism and artistry in a way that inspires and empowers
(03:18):
working hard on a mission. So thank you for joining another
(03:50):
episode of the Q Chat today. My very special guest is Miss
Marie Antoinette, and Marie wears a lot of busy hats.
She's a creative director, a designer, and she's an advocate
for something that's really close to my heart, domestic
violence and also sexual assaultawareness.
So we're going to chop it up about her activewear line, and
she has something great going onwith her activewear where she
(04:13):
advocates against domestic violence.
So we're going to talk about that on how she incorporates
that her line and she also has another platform where she talks
about colorism. So we're going to have a good
conversation today. How you doing today?
Good. How are you?
I'm feeling good. I'm so excited to talk with you.
And like I said in the intro, there's a lot that we're going
(04:34):
to get down to that I'm really excited about.
And I don't even know where to start first.
But I'm going to actually let you start off by just giving us
a bit of your background becauseI know just through my research,
you're from Tampa, you currentlylive in Atlanta.
And like I said, you were a lot of hats with the fashion line
and everything. So can you tell us about your
background and how did you startwith the fashion line first?
(04:56):
OK, so my background is in healthcare.
I went to school for nursing andthen I went back to school for
anesthesia. So that was that's currently
still like my main job. But I've always had this deep
passion for fashion in the arts and just things of beauty and
just opening my eyes to different stuff.
And so although I love to dress and love to look cute and all
(05:19):
that stuff, I used to, I, I don't know if it's because of my
upbringing or just being in the hospital and seeing people deal
with illnesses. I always kind of felt a little
guilt, like, OK, you cute now what?
Like what it, what it So what? Like it's so superficial when
there's so much other things going on in the world.
And that's not to be like a slight to anyone else, but in my
(05:42):
mind, it's like if I'm just worried about the outer
appearance, OK, You know, I justwanted to connect it with
something else. As much as I love it, like I
love me a good look. And so I felt like what helped
me is to merge that. So bringing awareness to socio
economic issues, bringing awareness of things that I've
(06:04):
experienced personally and changing the narrative by tying
it into the art in the fashion. Wow, that's something else.
And I know like, just like I said, I did a lot of research on
you. You have like so many other
different things going on. I know like you have the Melanin
coffee book and you also have a documentary that you made and
you also have another thing withthe sapphires.
(06:25):
So what are some of the other things that you kind of dive
into? Because I know like you said,
you started in healthcare, you have the fashion line, but you
also are a voice for women. So what made you?
Cuz like you said, it's one thing to do the fashion line,
but you have a message behind itso.
(06:47):
Yeah, absolutely. So I had done a couple of
fashion shows before 1 was called Driving You Wild, which I
did right in my driveway. And that was just about like
African inspired prints and hairstyles and stuff like that.
And then I did a fashion show called Legend, which was for men
like it actually it was inspiredby Tina Turner, Mad Max, that
(07:08):
movie she did. And so it was a lot of Leathers
and stuff like that. And after I did that fashion
show, and those weren't necessarily tied to anything in
my mind, like I like, I just wanted to do the art.
But like I said, I feel like something was missing.
Like I'm putting in all this work and stuff, but it does it's
(07:30):
I'm not feeling it. Even though people enjoyed the
show, I didn't feel it. So Sapphire Diamonds was my
third fashion show and I named it Sapphire Diamonds because my
birthday is September and my birthstone is sapphire.
And so that was the first fashion show that I connected
with the socio economic issue ofgiving back.
(07:52):
And so that fashion show I gave back to an organization called
Sig Rep Sick Kids. And so they find funding for
kids who've exhausted all of their insurance.
All you know, their parents are having financial issue.
So that was the first time. And then when I did the second
Sapphire Diamond, it was Sapphire Diamond street wear
(08:15):
which paid attention to victims of sexual assault and sexual
harassment. And so that was my street where
graffiti and that had such a huge impact.
And I know in my mind, I know somany people have been affected
by it. But this time I was able to sit
back and see like in action and everybody telling their stories
(08:36):
and talk about it. So I kept rolling with that,
that part of it. So the active wear line, now
that I have this that is inspired by the street wear
fashion show, it's active wear that has some graffiti print and
stuff like that. And I chose graffiti for that
because in my mind we see graffiti as art, like it's
(08:59):
beautiful, but technically it's a violation.
You're not supposed to be drawing on stuff.
And so I was, I was thinking, OK, how can, how can I twist
something so dark, something that people have experienced
that's so dark? And I think in my mind, the
beauty would be if we can actually talk about it, because
it's so much gain, it's so much shame and guilt associated with
(09:23):
it. So, and even though you were
violated, your boundaries were crossed as people actually doing
graffiti, it's becomes beautifulwhen it's all together.
And I felt like your story can be beautiful when you can use
your voice and possibly help somebody else or, you know,
share resources. And so that that's what
(09:45):
Sapphire. Diamond is so sapphire, diamond
is steel, clothes, fashion and all that, and it just turned to
that. So yeah.
So I wanted to go deeper becauseof course with your active wear,
you have a message behind it, aswe mentioned, with branding,
with domestic violence and sexual assault, and you have
slogans and symbols that call out abusers and also stop victim
(10:10):
blaming. And like I said, I have a
background, unfortunately, dealing with domestic violence,
so I know how hard it is when you have to explain yourself.
Basically, people judge you like, why did you get in that
relationship? You should have known better.
I mean, it gets really deep where you're made to feel bad.
And then once you're out of thatsituation, you have other scars
(10:33):
that people can't see, emotionalscars that you're trying to work
through. You know, like it's so complex
when you're violated, like you said, because it's a violation
physically, emotionally, mentally, and it's not easy.
And I don't think what people understand is when you've gone
through domestic violence, you think that people have a lot of
support. They really don't, you know,
(10:54):
like it's, it's a slippery slopebecause it's hard sometimes when
you're, and I don't like to use the term victim, but you get
victimized sometimes just needing help, you know, or just
expecting empathy. So tell us more about how you
have the symbols and the slogansthat call out abusers and also
can put a stop to victim blamingtoo.
(11:15):
Yeah, so quick little story and I've shared this before.
I remember talking. I can't even say we were dating
because I had met him one time. But then we were talking on the
phone for like a month, just talking.
I hadn't seen him again since the first time I had seen him in
this lounge that I went to. I was about 21.
So I'm at the mall one day and he he calls me because he called
(11:38):
he talk everyday. It's three O clock in the
afternoon and he's like, you know, come over and see me,
right? I live right by the mall.
I knew he had a roommate. I could hear the roommate and
the girlfriend in the background.
So OK, like that's not booty call hours to me, you know what
I mean? So I'm like alright, this seems
safe. I go over there and I had
(11:59):
recently got a tattoo on my backand he kept trying to see the
tattoo because the Saran wrap was showing under my shirt but I
didn't want to pull my shirt up to show him.
And so I was like oh he getting a little aggressive with his
hands let me get up out of here.So as I went to go to the door I
was telling him bye and the roommate and the girlfriend had
gone in the room. At this point, he's standing
(12:21):
behind me and as I opened the door, he shut the door behind
above my head because he's behind me and he's like, yeah,
we going to be on the news tonight.
And he scooped me up, put me on his shoulder and he's going to
the back. I feel that to say the first
thing in my mind was my Mama going to kill me because I felt
she would have thought, well, what you was doing over there or
(12:43):
what you what you was wearing, which I and I that went through
my mind too, like I'm not wearing nothing revealing like I
didn't I don't feel like I've showed him that I wanted to do
something more. And so as I was doing this
project, I dug deep with that and I can remember being young
and just hand oh, hello fast self and this that and the 3rd
(13:04):
and which almost made it seem like it was your fault if
something happened to you because you should have known
better instead of holding the abuser accountable, especially
if he's a grown man and she's a child.
So I put things on the clothes like why did you wear that?
Because that, you know, someone,the first thing people say what
you had on, why you had that on instead of, you know, holding
(13:29):
the person accountable. One thing that was told to me at
a podcast one time, this guy kept saying give me a kiss, give
me a hug, like come in. So I put things like that on the
clothes I don't want you, which which is one of my documentaries
that I did about this. That was the title.
Like that's just it. Because sometimes people think,
(13:50):
well, if you're acting a certainway and you dress in a certain
way, this must be what you want.And I say consent matters.
So maybe she, even if the girl is acting that way or whoever is
acting, whatever way you feel like she wants it, maybe she
don't want it from you. Maybe she wanted from somebody
(14:11):
else. And she don't need to take it
from me, Right. So I put slogans like that on
the clothes. The symbols were just the
scales. Yeah.
So one of the symbols is the melanin chemical structure.
Because just be just because I support all women, but I'm a
black woman at the end of the day.
And it ties in into my other project.
(14:33):
But just that So because I feel like a lot of people don't
always step for us, you know? So I incorporated the melanin
chemical structure in there. I put the word sapphire diamond,
which that's the fashion show that it came from.
Yeah, just symbols like that andjust created a graffiti piece.
(14:54):
Wow. And I appreciate that you're
speaking up because like you said, for so many reasons and
like you also mentioned how justfor women of color, like
sometimes people don't write forus, unfortunately.
So I love it this that you took these experiences and you're
speaking out because so many people unfortunately have
similar stories and you know, ithurts too much to share it or as
(15:17):
you said, they don't know what anybody will think if they'll
get judged. You know, it gets way deep.
So I definitely appreciate what you're doing.
What has been the response with the active wear line and the
things that you're doing towardsdomestic violence?
So overall, the response has been great.
Like people like once they find out what it's about, like they
(15:38):
want to buy more of it because they're like, oh wow, because
it's such a subtle way because Imade sure it was very stylish.
So they like it because it looksnice.
But then when they see like whatit means, they didn't like it
more. It's only been one time that I
can think of when I was doing like the casting call for the
Fashion Show 1 model. Found out what the inspiration
(16:02):
behind it was and she wasn't comfortable with that and from
her own experience. And like, I respect that 100%.
You know, everybody's not ready to even talk about that or even
relive that trauma. It's a it's a journey of
healing, you know, So, but overall, and I wouldn't even say
that's a negative thing. It's just open my eyes to see
(16:26):
just how sensitive this is because people may not want to
talk about it, but people might be just so off.
It might be so off put and like,I don't want to go there.
But overall, it's been really good.
That's great. And you know, it is very
sensitive too. And you're right, it's a journey
of healing because I know like even early this year, and it's
(16:47):
been a long time since I've beenin this particular situation,
but I was at a domestic violenceevent speaking and I couldn't
talk about it without getting emotional.
Like I had to literally hold. Like I knew I was about to stop
crying and it was just, so it was interesting because I was
relaying an incident that took place when I was pregnant.
(17:08):
One of my children, that child is currently 20 years old.
So we're talking about a 20 yearold incident.
And it was just so fresh, like it had just happened.
So I definitely can understand how feeling is a very complex
thing. You know, there's different
layers to it. Like, you know, you may be able
to handle something differently than you would have handled it
(17:28):
five years ago, but it's still there, you know, So I definitely
can understand that one. And I definitely commend you for
just speaking up about that topic because it's something
that we should have more conversations about.
Now, something else that I really, really like about your
platform that you're doing is the whole coffee table book
about melanin in the documentary.
(17:49):
I watched some of the the the clips and everything and I was
just like, wow, this is amazing.And man, I definitely have so
much to actually about because you hit so many topics just
about colorism, which is something that's another subject
that we should have more conversations about.
I think some people are in denial, but they don't believe
(18:09):
that colorism takes place and itdoes.
It takes place, as you mentioned, in a lot of things I
saw that you said within the family, workplace, everything.
So can you tell us this from thebeginning on what inspired you
to do the coffee table book and also the documentary?
So the coffee table book came upbut I was planning my Sapphire
(18:32):
Diamonds fashion show. It was like during COVID when
people was heavily wearing theirmasks and I went in the fabric
store and the chocolate lady. Sometimes I forget that part of
the story because it just is mind blowing, a chocolate woman
said to me. Because I had my mask down.
(18:53):
And so she said he's so pretty to be dark.
And I remember initially thinking how you know what I
look like because I forgot my mask was down anyway.
But I was just like, what? And then then my mom was like,
what? Then I'm like you chocolate.
Like, are you saying this like it?
So much stuff was going in my mind.
I don't even know at what point did I say thank you?
(19:14):
Because my brain was just because I know she meant well.
And at the end of the day is nota compliment, but I know she
meant well. So I was just so thrown off by
that. I just was like, I'm going to do
a project on this. So I have like a creative book
and I start writing stuff down. And so I figure I'm going to do
(19:34):
a call. I want something visual that can
sit in front of like because we're so visual, we see stuff in
passing. That's how our brain get
programmed. The whole, to me, colorism
starts from, you know, slavery and stuff and then getting
programmed to believe European look features, hair texture is
(19:56):
what's better because they put it in our mind over and over
again, this is beauty, this is beauty, this is beauty.
So I wanted to create something beautiful that is reprogramming.
This is beauty, this is beauty, this is beauty.
So that's why I put all different shade women.
And here's the cover of the book, all different shades of
women on the cover of a chocolate book.
(20:17):
And so to just start. Reprogramming the minds, like I
feel like it would be eye-catching and then even with
kids, so we're not like showing a light skinned baby doll or a
white baby doll or you know, because I feel like it starts
there too. If a child is running past
seeing something like this as they grow up, they're not
(20:38):
getting programmed to believe one look is better than the
other. And so I in my mind, because I'm
so big on fashion, you know how fashion houses do coffee table
books, you have a Chanel book, Tom Ford books.
So this this was my fashion house book.
I just wanted something with some substance.
(20:59):
Then the documentary came about because I know some people don't
like to read like some people don't, they don't want to read
like the stories are great. But I, I know what world we live
in. And so I wanted to coincide it
like cross promote a visual. I love it.
With the book. And that's how I end up doing
the documentary. Like we did it all at the same
(21:20):
time. I love it.
And you know, it's so funny because I did watch a video
where you were talking about that incident.
And I'm happy you did mention that the person was also
chocolate because it adds more context to the story.
Because when I was watching yourclip earlier, I was like, it's
just so funny that you mention that because I was thinking
(21:42):
about I remember I had a Co worker and she would always say
that you so beautiful for a darkskinned woman and I'm like we're
the same color. So I'm just happy you mentioned
that part because I was like every time she said it, I was
like, what does she see that I'mnot seeing?
Because I'm like we're like the same skin tone.
And I just thought it was like insane that like she was
(22:03):
stressed that and I'm like. They brainwashed.
Right. Brainwashed and I guess I mean
it's insane because it's like itjust shows how a person can
really not see themselves and also what they see when they see
someone else that looks like them.
You know, we have so much internal hatred and ignorance
and just oblivion in her own culture.
(22:27):
So I'm so happy that you added that she was chocolate too,
because. Let me tell.
You it's important to mention that part.
Yes, when I was in when I was younger and would get teased
about my complexion it would be from dark skinned dudes and they
Mama was my color. Like I look like your Mama.
I wanna make it make sense. You got so much self hate.
(22:50):
You're actually darker than me. But see, it's a it's a strike
against you because as speed that's and I talk about this a
lot as female people view femininity as softer, lighter,
like you're more feminine if you're lighter.
They do the same thing to light skinned men.
Don't you think light skinned men are soft?
(23:13):
So you think light skinned womenare softer and more feminine.
And so it's a it's you, you, it's a strike against me to be a
female and darker because, you know, dark skinned men, they,
they had their time with the Morris chestnuts and the Tyrese
and all that. And everybody want them a
chocolate man, you know, And it became a thing of masculinity
(23:34):
and sexy and all of that. And so I talk about that too,
all the time. Like I feel like it's also in
our mind that dark skinned female is not as beautiful which
is completely false because it can equate to masculinity.
I had a conversation with an Indian girl.
(23:55):
We talked about the same thing because colorism is in India.
And she said when she would do her dances, if they had special
dances that she would do within the Indian culture, they always
gave her the male role because she's a darker Indian.
So it is everywhere. And it's like what we, we just,
(24:15):
I don't know if it'll ever go away, but I'm, I'm working on
it. You.
I mean I'm like, look, as a brown skin woman.
God knows I've heard that from men too.
Oh you're beautiful. For a dark skinned girl it's
like that's not a compliment. And like as you said, I never
forget I was dating someone. This is a long time ago.
He was darker than I was, but healways was stressed that he
(24:39):
wouldn't date anybody past my skin tone.
Like I was like the the limit. And I just was like, you know,
your mother is darker than the both of us, is what I was saying
to myself. Like you, this man really has a
lot of issues, you know, becausenumber one, you saying this out
loud and I don't understand the whole concept of you don't love
(25:01):
yourself. You know what I'm saying?
Like it's it's weird. OK, so.
I definitely, I think too many women, brown skin women, we've
gotten these weird compliments and we're supposed to be excited
like yes, because I do need to tell me a guy dated that you.
Oh, I don't date dark skinned girls, but you, you know, I
basically I make an exception for you.
But one dark skinned guy that I talked to, he gave me a
(25:23):
different perspective. Not that I agree, but I
understood. He said he was very dark and he
said he preferred or like lighter women because hopefully
his kids wouldn't be as dark andwouldn't get teased as he did
what he said. And he said, you know, at this
(25:45):
point in his life, you know, he's past that and all that.
And but he could take the brunt,but he would not want his
children to go through what he went through.
But the flip side of that was hedidn't want his son's light
skin. So I get what he was saying but
(26:06):
he preferred his sons darker. But but that's back to what I'm
talking about the lighter skin being softer.
And I'm speaking from and I get that too, only because
ironically, my children are lighter skinned.
And if I had a dollar for as many times I was insulted when I
would go out with my children when they were little.
(26:26):
Or are you their mother? Like, I mean, why would I be?
I don't like kids that much. I mean, guys, Mama, just be
hanging with a bunch of small children, you know, that look
exactly like me. My children, like they have my
100% facial features. They just happen to be lighter.
You know, I would always get insulted to Oh, is their father
White with? No, no.
(26:48):
He's actually not, you know, it's like, but my mom like that
too, too. My disciples are lighter.
Me and my sister, four years older than me, we're darker.
And my mom was lighter. And they, their tone, that would
be like, oh, they don't look like you like it.
It was so crazy. And she's like, what?
Ain't mom like? Yeah.
What are you talking about? And I like how you mentioned
(27:11):
too, like and just other things.I saw how you also mentioned how
lighter skinned people too, how you made a point to include them
because and reason. I know there was an episode of
Blackish a long time ago where they were talking about colorism
and the two lighter skinned characters, the mother and the
son were like same from their perspective too.
(27:31):
Like, you know, like this is insults that I get as well.
And I understand that because I know like my daughter's lighter
skin and she's told me stories of how people like insult her
and have hurt her feelings and stuff.
And it's like really insane, youknow, like we just can't love
ourselves and even love each other.
I think internally we have a lotof self hatred and we also have
(27:52):
a lot of hatred towards each other, you know, for strange
reasons that there should be more conversations like you
mentioned, will it? And I don't know, because if we
look at things media wise, most TV shows, if you know this,
there's like the light skinned wife, you know, she's always,
you know, the dainty person or the sophisticated person.
(28:14):
And like they stereotyped sometimes, not all TV shows, but
we know most of our favorite ones, they'll stereotype the
dark skinned friend. She tends to be a little loud.
She's single. She don't have them.
Again, you know, we joke about it.
You know BDBD, you know, like you know I.
I couldn't articulate it at the time.
When I was younger seeing Aunt Devon, Fresh Prince, I didn't
(28:39):
even know what was going on in my mind, but she was what it is
now. She was the first dark skinned
mom I had ever seen on TV. Like I can't really think of
others. She's the she's the only one
that comes in my mind right awaywhen she end up leaving.
They replaced her with the othermom who was a little bit lighter
or whatever, but I just rememberlike, oh, like I didn't know why
(29:03):
I felt proud because I was so young, like probably in
elementary school or something, but I finally seen somebody that
looked like me, but I didn't know what to call that at the
time. Yes, they do that all the time.
I feel like lighter skin, the way you even speak or your feet.
It goes in the futurism. Texturism is more consumable.
(29:26):
You can consume it. Well, it's a little softer.
It's not so black, right? So they they.
Do something that's more palatable to the audience and
it's just not right. Definitely, I definitely, you're
right. There's definitely featurism,
texturism. That's another thing and correct
the way that we speak as well, which all goes back to we just
(29:49):
need a lot of healing and also education.
It's practically like someone needs to open a book about DNA
too sometimes because I know especially when you mentioned
about colorism within a family, you know, I have a family number
one, I'm from Louisiana. So Louisiana colorism in
Louisiana goes super deep. You know, I mean, if someone, if
(30:10):
someone really got deep with it.So I definitely understand how
colorism works. Just unfortunately, being in the
South Louisiana, it still goes on and definitely within
families and a lot of families Iknow, even mine, everyone has a
whole range of skin tones. And sometimes when you get
older, you kind of look back like, OK, I know that certain
family members kind of are put on a pedestal and you start
(30:33):
trying to like go in the family tree and you realize why.
And it's like, oh, maybe becausethey're on the lighter end,
whatever. You know, so many people,
unfortunately, like I said, theyexperience it within the family,
which is why it's generational. And that's why some people, they
have these, you know, restrictions and all that stuff
when they start dating because they only regurgitating what
(30:53):
they felt within their family, you know, are within.
School and stuff like that. But it's definitely a lot of
healing that needs to take placefor sure.
And they're programmed to believe that white is right.
Also, you know, they are programmed like I've had, I've
known people who may have been darker skinned and then they
have a lighter skinned child andthey'd love to call a child
(31:18):
white girl. That's my white baby.
Like why do you think that's a flex or a compliment or the
reverse of that? Now, some people have told me
don't take this no type of way, but I can't help it.
And and I've talked to so many other chocolate girls and we all
feeling the same way. When someone has a child that
are that's and they're lighter and their child is darker, they
(31:42):
immediately call them chocolate drop.
And I feel like they want to address the color before anybody
else do because what is the reason of even mentioning the
child's complexion? Like, oh, oh, that's my little
chocolate drop. Do you call the other one your
little caramel or whatever? They don't.
Say. That so I feel like you're
(32:04):
already trying to get ahead of what you think the comments are
going to be because it doesn't make any sense in my mind.
So I've had people say, well, you know, should be compared to
chocolate or something that's delectable.
That's a good thing. But if you're going to do that,
do it to all the kids. Like why even why even single
(32:26):
that one out? Why?
Why? Like, don't even say nothing,
right? And it doesn't happen.
It does not happen. I have yet to hear somebody call
their child French vanilla, but if he kind of like that never
happened. They quit, let let them have a
(32:47):
darker bit like wow, I don't understand that part.
And it could be completely innocent and there's no shade to
the mom at all. But I just think it's a way for
them to be ahead of what they think may happen.
Like, you know, like what how people used to do me and my mom
and my sister like, oh, they dognow look, you know, but my mom
(33:11):
never called us a hot little chocolate drops.
She's insane. Right.
But I could say there's a lot ofhealing that needs to take
place. We should have more
conversations. Will it necessarily change?
I don't know. But I think it could have
healing because there have been people that have been in
situations where they really have been mistreated because of
melanin. OK, Then that's all it is that
(33:34):
really have truly been mistreated in so many different
ways. And that's another thing, just
like we mentioned the sensitivity topic with domestic
violence and sexual assault, there's sensitivity involved in
colorism because it goes really deep.
And some people have, like I said, have truly been mistreated
as people within their own family, you know, because of
skin tone or hair texture or featurism, you know, and
(33:58):
especially, like in media, people that work in different
things. I mean, it goes really deep.
For sure so and definitely it's a psychological thing.
I can remember feeling like it. I feel like it added to I'm
already pretty as I get older I'm less shy, but my personality
(34:18):
is pretty shy. It can even be my personality
can be read wrong because I don't want to interact or engage
because I, you know, I just kindof like shy and I don't want to
go. I don't want to be open to
people. But it's not because I have an
issue. But I can remember feel like if
I walk in the room and people are looking at me, they're
looking at me because I'm dark skinned.
(34:39):
And that's could have been the furthest.
It probably was the furthest thing from the truth, but my
mind was so messed up from different stuff in my childhood
or school. It gives you, it gave me this
anxiety like where it got to be something wrong with my skin,
like, you know, because it's been a problem before.
(35:02):
So if people never did, I think they could be looking at me
because they think I'm beautiful.
I didn't think that I thought they were looking at me because
they're like, oh, she too dark, you know.
So it took it's, it plays a psychological role, you know, on
your mental health. Oh, for sure.
Definitely because anything where someone is judging you or
(35:23):
just cause you any type of stress because of a physical
attribute or any type of attribute, it definitely is a
psychological thing, you know, So for sure.
And like I said, a lot of we have so many things that we have
to work through, you know, as women, especially because a lot
of women, we, you know, women ofcolor, because that's what we're
talking about. A lot of us women of color, we
(35:46):
have to, unfortunately, we already got to deal with
protecting ourselves, you know, and watching ourselves.
And then you got to deal with ifyou're in particular circles or
whatever, or they judging me because, you know, the way I
look or, you know, my skin tone or the way I talk.
It's just like, Oh my God, you know, so many different things
that I think women of color, people don't necessarily
(36:06):
understand unless they've been there, you know, as they walked
in those shoes. So it's a lot.
So I definitely want to talk some more too about obviously
with our platform, we do talk about self love.
And I know like with everything that you've done, being a
creative designer, being an advocate, not only have you done
these different things, use yourtalents and created something,
(36:30):
but you also have been a voice. Like I said, we're having a
conversation that people need tohave, but a lot of people don't
have it. You know, they sometimes there's
things that people are struggling with, but they don't
even have. Some people don't have a gift to
express. OK, here's some issues within
(36:50):
our community, let's talk about it.
We take that for granted, but itreally is a gift to bring a
light to some of those things. So I wanted to actually before I
actually get into the self love conversation, how did, how have
you worked on your confidence? Because I know you said like if
correct me if I'm wrong that you're shy in some situations,
but it definitely takes confidence to just be able to do
(37:13):
what you're doing. So like, how do you work on
that? Because I think confidence is
something that is kind of like an exercise like we work on, we
go to the gym. I think we can also there's ways
we work on our confidence. So how do you work on that?
OK, so it's going to be like a two-part answer.
So #1 all of my creativity and talents and stuff, I honestly
(37:34):
feel like a vessel. I feel like it comes from God.
It comes through me and I deliver it.
So a lot of times it's very hardfor me to take credit for
whatever because I, I feel like it's a download, like God be
giving it to me faster than thenI can produce it.
Like I'm, I'm writing it down, getting it out, but it's just
like, I can't imagine my little brain did all of that, you know
(37:55):
what I mean? So I just feel like with that
and so I, I'm not always obedient, but with, you know, I
try to stay obedient if I feel like he's saying, you know, you
need to do this and put this out.
This is, that's what makes me doit, right.
So sometimes even if I'm doing like a photo shoot for a project
and stuff like that, I literallyhave to take a shot of alcohol
(38:18):
because I can't do it. Like it just be like I need
something to take over to do it,to get the shot because I don't
be ready. So as I've done that several
Times Now, I'm getting more comfortable.
So I guess maybe confidence could be showing up.
I'm not sure. But the other part of that is so
(38:39):
crazy. You asked me that because I
literally had like a epiphany, abreakthrough this morning.
Because I, I say all the time, Idon't trust people.
I don't trust anybody. I don't trust nobody.
I just, I just had a therapy session yesterday and I said I
don't trust, don't trust nobody.And because I feel like people
can't deliver and say what they told me they were going to do.
(39:01):
And then this morning I realizedyou don't trust nobody because
you don't trust yourself to vet these people.
Like, so probably it's because Ihave made a decision to let
somebody take it too far. I didn't cut it off early enough
(39:22):
and so I didn't. Now I'm disappointed from a
decision that I made. And so when I just realized that
this morning, I realized that isgoing to help build my
confidence, like to strengthen that spirit of discernment
because then I'm not going to feel like, Oh well, what should
I do about this? Or, you know, Teeta Totter going
(39:43):
back and forth with decisions orjust not confidently making a
decision and not confidently letting somebody go when they
need to be let go. So but it's crazy just asking
that because I I felt like that all went together like me not
trusting and realizing I don't trust myself to make the right
decision which effects my confidence in business.
(40:07):
But you know what I learned to? And mind you, like I said, I've
gone through a lot of trauma in my life.
And me sitting here talking to you, I'm in a different stage in
my life. But just like we said, just like
you mentioned, a young lady, she's just like, you know, it's
too sensitive. Like, just like I said, I was
speaking at a conference earlierthis year, something that took
(40:29):
place 20 years ago, all the emotion came back.
So I know how it is to work through traumas.
I work through imposter syndrome.
I just work through, you know what?
Damn, people have not been therefor me the way I would have
shown up for them. Are you giving, you know, you've
given your confidence. Are you giving somebody a part
of you and they didn't deliver And it hurts, you know what I'm
(40:51):
saying? And you do start to look at
people differently. And I'm, and I'm receiving what
you said because I understand what you're saying.
When you start getting like, youknow what I when you struggle
with trusting people, I think it's because we expect like they
like that. The saying goes, don't expect
you and somebody else, you know,So that's what happens when
(41:14):
you're an impact and when you really truly love people, you
expect that in return. You know, it's like a child, you
know, like when when you meet a child, you've never been around
a baby, you've never known this baby, you never seen it.
The baby reaches out to you. They just because children,
babies, infants have love. So even as adults, you know,
grown women, some of us have love to give, quite frankly.
(41:35):
So when you don't get it back inreturn, whether that's in a
business relationship or a friendship or a romantic
relationship or family or work situation, it hardens you to a
degree. And you just like, wait a
minute, Nope, I'm not doing thisagain.
Especially when, if it's happened more than once, that's
when it's like, hold up like this was the last time.
(41:58):
I, I, I've been stopped expecting me and other people.
What I expect is you to do what you said.
That's it, right? Not even what I asked you to do.
I expect you to do what you toldme.
And so when that don't happen, like I'm already like got my
track shoes on, I'm ready to runup out of there because I can't.
(42:21):
Like I don't have the emotional bandwidth no matter what
relationship it is, I don't havethe emotional investment, none
of that to deal with it. I don't know, I just turned 40
and I don't know if it was like I hit 40 and was like, forget
all of this. Like I'm not doing it.
I don't want to do it. Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope.
(42:43):
It's just, it's hard. But you know, I feel like if I
can trust myself because what happens, the ultimate is to my
point is because I'm shutting everybody out, I can't let the
good in. So if I can strengthen myself to
have a stronger discernment and execute when the cut them off,
(43:06):
don't let them hang around, thenI could reap the benefit of
letting good relationships in and dismissing the ballots.
So you know you can't change nobody else.
But if I can trust myself to make those decisions, then I can
have the best of both worlds. Exactly, you hit the nail on the
head. It's about having that
(43:28):
discernment and really practicing those boundaries
because like you said, and like I said, I get it and I've been
there, done that. I still practice that a lot
where I'm like, oh, my cut off game got really strong and I'm
in my 40s as well. So like once you hit 40, it's
just like, wait a minute, I got,I, I potentially have more days
behind me then ahead of me. So you really start to stick and
(43:50):
move quite differently. But like, like, I like what you
mentioned because it is important because that
discernment, you got to work on it because you don't want to,
you don't want to shut the door so tight that the good can't
come in. And there is still good out
there. There's still good people.
But you know, like I said, it's a trauma response when you're
trying to work through that and you're like, wait a minute,
(44:10):
like, should I let this person in, you know, in the circle that
that you create for yourself? So I truly get it.
And when you, and here's the thing, we don't give ourselves
enough credit, we'll cut off something that should have been
out. Maybe it should have been our
love sooner. But once we still cut out that
situation, instead of celebrating that, hey, this is
(44:33):
over, we'll still feel guilty. Like, you know what?
I had that red flag, that sign, blah, blah, blah.
Like instead of beating ourselves up, we just need to
celebrate what we've gained. You know what I'm saying?
Every situation, every broken relationships, we still gain
knowledge. But I just feel like sometimes
it's just hard for us to just accept that even once we
(44:54):
finally, once we finally know when to cut it off because
again, we just say ourselves, well, oh man, why did I let it
go this long? And that's a natural thought.
Yes, my problem has been and every night again still is, is
that I miss because my brain canbe so strict.
Sometimes I feel like maybe I misunderstood or I misread your
(45:17):
energy, but I didn't. I didn't.
So that's how I have stayed in situations longer than I should
because I'm second guessing myself like, well, maybe that
was all, you know, everybody notgoing to do it how you do it.
Or even with domestic violence, you can't tell somebody how mad
(45:39):
to get about whatever they got mad about.
Like if this offense, and I'm not talking about to the point
of getting physical, but those extreme anger signs up front
that let you know that they willslap you down to the ground.
But my thing used to be, well, you can't tell them how mad to
get, even though it was simple to me that's this may really
(46:01):
have offended you. So you have every right to get
this upset, right? And you do.
But I didn't have to stay there to witness it.
But that's something I had to learn.
Yeah, you can get that, man, butI'm out of here, you know.
So that me trying to get people to benefit of the doubt is what
kept me in situations longer. But I remember one time my
(46:22):
oldest sister said there is no benefit in doubt.
If you got to doubt it, it ain'tbeneficial.
And that I will never forget that.
So as soon as I'm doing that, I'm like, well, she said.
Ain't no benefit in doubt. So, yeah, right.
And like I said, we just got to learn to forgive ourselves and
truly love ourselves. When we love ourselves, we'll we
(46:44):
don't have to get it right all the time.
We don't have to be perfect, youknow what I'm saying?
Long as we move forward and learning when when we cut
something off and like I said, it's human.
It'd be like, oh man, I wish I had a thought that soon or
whatever. If we squash all of that and
just give ourselves grace, we'llhave more peace.
(47:04):
So I want to get to the best part of all these conversations
that I love having with amazing women like yourself is the self
love portion. Self love is the feel for go
Queen. Self love for this platform just
means that to truly love yourself and again, it's a
journey. You don't just wake up on a
(47:25):
Friday and say hey, I love myself, everything is going to
be perfect. Now I'm like, no, self love is a
process, it's a journey. It's basically moving forward
and just appreciate yourself andvaluing yourself so you can be
better than you were in the pastso that you maybe can see things
in a different lens or handle things differently.
And also self love is the field to start that fashion line and
(47:49):
do that documentary is to not just go not be a go queen, but
go be fearless, go be an advocate, go be a creator, go be
a designer, go be an entrepreneur, whatever it is you
have in your heart that you wantto.
Do self love is the key to that?So I want to ask you how do you
define self love and what role has it played in your life?
(48:12):
I define self love as just putting yourself 1st and taking
care of yourself first because Inever used to do that.
Sometimes I still don't Everybody else, I'll be looking
out for it first, But I, I realized you can't take care of
somebody else if you haven't taken care of yourself.
(48:34):
And so, and when I say take careof yourself, I'm not talking
about going to get your nails done and all you heard me just
say I had therapy session, right.
So it's, it's from the inside out.
It's not just the superficial stuff.
You have to get your mind your your, your mind in a good
headspace. Like if you don't love yourself,
(48:55):
how can you love anybody else? So self love is taking care of
your needs first. So then you can function at your
maximum capacity for whom you know, as much as you want to
love and give to somebody else. Cool, take care of you first so
you can do that. So whatever that is, you know, I
(49:15):
journal. That's why I got me a life coach
some years ago. That's how I even started my
fashion line and this whole Marie Antoinette business.
Like I said, I'm in healthcare. And so when I moved to Atlanta
from Tampa, I felt just, I was, it was too much new.
My mom was alive at the time. I was taking care of her.
(49:37):
She'd had a stroke. I'm in a new state.
I got a new job. Everything is just too new.
I have a daughter and I was justlike, like normally I have stuff
together, but it just was overwhelming.
And so I end up getting a life coach and his thing was what
grounds you? And some like clothes, you know,
fashion like I love, I like the sketch.
(49:59):
I love that he's like, OK, so you got by September.
It was like 9 months prior something I want to see your
first fashion show. And so I was able to like pour
that creativity and it did help me.
Like I didn't even know I hadn'tsketched and stuff for so long,
but it just helped me get back to me.
(50:20):
And like that helps show myself love.
Like doing that type of stuff. Creating helps show that's how I
show myself love, taking care ofmy mental health.
That's how I show myself love. Like sitting in quiet, just
reading a book, whatever. That's how I show myself love.
(50:41):
So that's that's it. You got to just put yourself
first. Yes, definitely put yourself
first in any way that you can because as you said, if we don't
love ourselves, we can't function, you know, like it's we
have to love ourselves. This is an amazing conversation.
I appreciate your transparency. I just love what you're doing
(51:04):
and just keep going. Just keep pushing.
Can you tell everybody how they can find you, how they can get
that book, how they can find youonline, get this activewear, how
they can find you on social media.
So tell everybody how they can get in contact with you.
All right, so my website isma929.com so M like Marie A
like antoinette929.com, you can get the book, the activewear
(51:29):
collection, all of that on the website.
You can follow me on Instagram at Marie Antoinette 929 and it's
the same across my TikTok, Facebook, LinkedIn, etcetera.
This book is also, I just want to say this real quick.
This book is also available on Amazon, but it's it's not this
(51:50):
experience of it. It's just a it's a paper copy
and it's it's a cheaper price, but I highly recommend this
version because it's hard back. It's like you get the full
experience of it. This comes with a candle
collection also with different shades of melanin.
(52:11):
You know, one of my canvas is called chocolate enough for
women who are light skinned and they're told they're not black
enough. So I have a candle that's very
light, all the one to one that'svery chocolate and it's called
pretty for a like. Pretty for a dark skinned girl.
So the whole collection and everything is on my website.
Awesome. And before we go, can you leave
(52:33):
us with a positive affirmation? Let me think.
Whatever your gifts or talent isthat if you believe in God, that
you receive from God, you have aduty to share that with the
(52:56):
world. So go be great.
I love it. Go be great.
Thank you so much. This is Miss Marie Antoinette
and Oh my gosh, I don't even know how to wrap up this
conversation because like I said, we discussed so many
different things. But I would say if we had to
pick a guest star for this conversation, it would truly be
(53:16):
healing. And we touched on so many
different things that a lot of us are struggling with and the
crust of everything to be whole,to be healthy, to have peace in
your life mentally, physically, emotionally is to heal.
And one thing to what we discussed, we discussed
colorism. We discussed just things that
(53:37):
can be very hurtful, a lot of things that women are dealing
with. But guess what?
You can still go be great. It doesn't matter what anyone
says to you, what they think about you, you can still go be
great. Because guess what?
If God said it, it's so we have to learn to just be great in
spite of and we owe it to ourselves to heal.
(53:58):
We owe it to ourselves to love ourselves.
And you can start today, right now.
So guys, please go ahead and check out Miss Marie Antoinette.
Go ahead and get that book. Go on YouTube and watch that
documentary, all the amazing clips that she has.
She's just doing it. OK, So again guys, you can go
ahead and be great and you can catch this episode and catch
(54:20):
some amazing other conversationsdot go queen.com make sure you
guys be safe, go be great and golove yourself.
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