April 29, 2025 • 63 mins
In Episode 212 of The Q-Chat Podcast, host Shronda Armstrong sits down with HIV/AIDS advocate and two-time cancer survivor Kecia J for a transparent, powerful conversation about what it means to finally put down the “Superwoman” cape and begin healing from the inside out.
Together, they explore how trauma impacts identity, why survival is not the same as healing, and how Black women can give themselves permission to rest, be soft, and speak truth without guilt. Kecia shares her journey of advocacy, survival, and self-love—and reminds us that our stories are not our shame—they are our strength.
This episode is for every woman who’s tired of performing strength and is ready to step into her healing.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Grab your print or digital copy of Go Queen magazine today.
Stay inspired by the incredible stories and features inside.
Visit our website to grab your copy now.
There has never been anyone thathas gone out of their way to
hurt me or harm me that had a happy ending, that didn't
(00:21):
receive their karma. So this is just for people who
have made may have gone through the humiliation rituals or who
may have ever been shoved out orcast it aside in any situation
where there's your job, your family.
Some of us who unfortunately have the displeasure of being
with the narcissist, we know howthat goes with the smear
(00:43):
campaigns and all the other BS that they do to hurt you.
But if you've ever been in any situation, or even if it's a
friend that's betrayed you, if you've ever been in any
situation where someone has truly gone out their way to hurt
you, just, Oh my God, hold your head high.
Just rest assured they're not sleeping easy at night.
You can't harm a person and think that you're gonna fare
(01:04):
well afterwards. And if you really think about
it, if someone really sat there,it took time to deliberately go
out of their way to hurt you or to harm you.
Do you think they're honestly sleeping well at night?
That's an unhappy, miserable person 'cause you have to be
truly miserable and unhappy to go out of your way to hurt,
(01:27):
harm, humiliate or belittle somebody.
I especially for the people that's gone out there where it's
the plot and plan and do some dark signature ish to hurt
somebody. Do you honestly think that
person sleeps well? You have to be a miserable
person to go out of your way to hurt somebody.
(01:47):
Is that the point where it's literally laughable?
So have you ever been on this receiving end of that, of those
people that maybe that family member that just does everything
they can to push your buttons orjust somebody that just really
goes out of their way to hurt, harm or humiliate you.
This is your sign or this is your video to hold your head
(02:12):
high and you really sometimes have to think on another
person's perspective. And I know that's scary cause
who? Cause who wants to go down at
their level but. You got to be.
Miserable to go out your way to hurt somebody like that.
So again, hold your head high because fly above that mess.
People that go out their way to hurt somebody, they're literally
on the boomerang effect. Everything that they sent out to
(02:34):
you is going to come back to them.
So just remember that when they go low, you kneel, get down on
your knees and pray about it andpray God that He protects you
and covers you. And I promise you, you're gonna
come out on top. But you gonna look back one day
or you might hear some stuff through the Grapevine or
(02:54):
something on that person that went out.
They were to harm you back in the day.
You gonna find out they're not doing that great.
Things aren't going too well forthem.
That stuff backfired on them. So it's all good.
Just kind of everything, all joy.
And again to if they have to go out their way to do a smear
campaign against you or a. Plot and plan.
Or do that family humiliation orthe the exes or the friends that
(03:17):
betrayed you or that job, you got to have something special
inside of you 'cause you stirredtheir spirit, you triggered them
and so they had to really go super hard to hurt you.
So just again, hold your head high.
It's all good you. That means you got it.
There's something about you. You got something really special
that really, really, really sparks somebody to go so far to
(03:39):
try and belittle you or diminishyour humiliate you.
So you do have something really special.
So just hold on to that light and just remember what they do
to you is always going to come back to them.
Welcome back to the Key Chat, the podcast where Queens come to
speak boldly, love loudly and reign unapologetically.
(04:01):
I'm your host, Ronda Armstrong. Today's episode isn't just a
discussion. It's a heart centered exchange
with someone who has turned survival and to power and
purpose. Keisha Jay is a dynamic voice,
an HIV AIDS advocate and a two time cancer survivor.
But beyond the titles, she's a woman who has removed the
(04:21):
Superwoman Cape and chosen softness, healing and truth.
Together, we'll explore what it means to release perfection,
reclaim your story, and rememberthat you are not your trauma.
So whether you're pushing through your own healing or
learning to sit within your own emotions, this conversation will
remind you your softness is yourstrength and your story is
(04:46):
sacred. Working hard on a mission, head
high purpose driven crown on never.
Tilted go quick. She's a queen about a business,
(05:11):
working hard on a mission, had high purpose, driven crown on,
never tilted go queen go. Queen, go Queen.
So thank you guys for joining another episode of the Cue Chat
(05:33):
today. My guest is a very special
person. She's been on the platform
several times. She's also graced the cover of
our magazine as well. That is Miss Keisha J She's
amazing. She is a survivor, she's an
advocate and we're going to justhave a great conversation.
Of course, she wrote this excellent book, Cancer could
(05:53):
never. So we're just going to have a
great conversation today. We want to touch on just
different things. She's also so trauma survivor
like myself. So we're going to touch on we're
not our trauma and we also don'thave to hold the weight of being
the superwoman. We're going to take those capes
off and just explore on how we can heal, but we don't have to
always be strong in our healing journey.
(06:15):
So we're going to get started with Miss Keisha J.
How are you doing today? I am doing amazing.
You know, whatever you reach outto me, I'm like whatever you,
whatever you need me to do, I'm going to do it.
That is true. You're not lying.
That is true. You just want inbox a text away
at e-mail that is that's a 100% true.
(06:35):
So that's that's not we're not doing this for the cameras.
That is true. Like you are out.
There I love the brain and I love what you stand for.
So anytime I see somebody amazing doing their thing and
and still being able to be quoteUN quote Superwoman, I'm so in
the 1000% of support of that. And I feel the same way about
(06:56):
you and actually your cover. I don't know if I should say
this. It's actually one of my
favorites because it just means so much to me.
Like I still like refer to it a lot even in branding.
Like it's just one of my favorite covers and it just
meant so much to me. And it's funny, like even on
that cover, like just some of the topics that and I was like 2
(07:19):
years ago, but it's still relevant and it's still like one
of my absolute favorites. I just recently got printing of
all the covers and like these huge posters and I'm just, this
is such a blessing to that. You were there from the
beginning and where we're at now.
So, you know, you're like a special person for this platform
(07:40):
with everything, but I definitely want to get started.
I just, I don't even know where to start in a sense, because
every time I talk to you, I'm always in awe of all the
different things that you have going on.
And then all the things that youcontinue to overcome all the
time. And then through the things you
overcome, your life never changes.
(08:02):
It's it's always the same. No, it can't.
One of one of the DJ's actually here, while I'm here in Houston
visiting, I started my advocacy here in Houston and one of the
DJ's that I first reached out totell my story, JJ, we went out
to lunch probably like 2 years ago and she was like, what do
(08:25):
you get your tenacity from? Like how do you like?
How do you keep going? And I couldn't even really
answer the question. And to me, that's all.
To me, that's been a problem forme, right?
Which is kind of when I, whenever I feel like I can't
answer that question, that meansI have to take a break and I
need to go on a spiritual journey and I need to get closer
(08:48):
to God because I should be able to answer that question on where
I get my tenacity from after allthese years.
So that but and that's a part ofthe healing journey that we're
here to talk about. Yeah, but you know what, I think
it's also part of fan posture syndrome that comes you do have
a lot of weight. You know, like they said, oil is
(09:09):
not cheap, oil is heavy. So when some of us are assigned
these different battles and assigned these different
platforms and assigned these different testimonies, it's
definitely not easy. It looks, it looks somewhat easy
to people if they go by the highlight reel, which I like to
call social media. You know, they see that post,
(09:31):
somebody saying, oh, you know, overcame this or they see that
celebration, but they don't see what where you were before the
celebration came. They don't see where you were
before the book, before the podcast, before the magazine,
you know, before the speaking engagement.
They don't see that pain, that part, or they don't see what
happens once you start recording, you know, once you
(09:54):
put that book away, they don't see that part.
So you have you're holding on tothat.
Then you have people revereing what you've gone through and
it's like you don't know how to accept it sometimes, you know
so. Yeah, that even though even and
I tell people I just got back from Africa and so people see
the pictures but they have no idea that the truth to Africa
(10:17):
have was in preparation for almost 2 years and I could not
my health kept stopping me from going like I kept getting sick,
then my daughter got sick, then it was something else and then
it was my body. Then I tested positive for
tuberculosis and then I it was afalse positive.
(10:38):
It was so many things that happened in between the little
pictures that y'all saw that youhave no idea that was a God trip
because that trip got cancelled so many times due to I ended up
getting my cancer came back lastyear.
So then the trip just went off the table.
(10:58):
So it was just so many things that I had to pick myself back
up again and be like, you know what, I'm still going to do what
it is that I'm I'm assigned to do.
I'm still going to navigate my plan the way that I'm supposed
to. And that's tough to do, you
know, and it takes for you to shut everybody out.
It takes for it takes for you todo that.
(11:20):
I think you and I had a conversation in the DM.
You posted something changing your number is self-care.
And if anybody knows me, I will change your number.
I don't care if you got my new number.
That means you coming with me. If you don't have it, it's not
meant for you to come, right. And so when you put that, I
(11:41):
said, Oh my goodness, that's healing.
And and people used to always belike, well, you can't change
your number says who, what? Why can't I change my number?
That is healing and I think that's kind of what has helped
me get through things that otherpeople or society feels like I
(12:02):
should not have gone through. And it's because I understand
that I know how to shut everything out and and go to the
root of issues so I can rebuild,restore, revitalize, whatever
you want to call it. I know that's what it takes to
(12:23):
be able to get to the next level.
You're right and we definitely had that conversation recently
and cuz last year, as I shared with you, and this is something
that I didn't broadcast because I'm just past just I know like
people think I've heard people say that when you're trying to
build a platform, you know, you should share all, all your
(12:45):
journey should share everything.And I'm like, I got to have
something from me. You know, you look at my social
media now, I don't post picturesof my children anymore.
I don't, I just feel like I haveto have something for me.
Last year was it. Last year was an interesting
year, let me put it that way. I am vocal to a degree about
(13:08):
some of the family estrangement I deal with, with some of the
dysfunction. I'm breaking some personal
generational curses. But several people in my family
had passed in like a very short amount of time.
We're talking within weeks. So that was a lot.
Just I don't deal with death well.
And then at that same time, I'vealways known I've had a cyst in
(13:31):
my breast since my very first mammogram.
And for anybody that's gotten that call back after the
mammogram, you like what you said I got to come back for
what? So that had already, that had
been being monitored for quite some time, but I would just have
this constant pain, you know, Long story short.
So I switched doctors and I'm thinking in my mind, oh, why
(13:53):
can't y'all just take this out? You know, I'm thinking it's like
it's nothing, oh y'all can just take it out right now, just move
on my life, right? So I go get everything I get
done and I don't just get a mammogram, I got to get
ultrasound, all that stuff. This has just always been
typical life for me, you know, with this issue with my breath.
So they're like, Oh well you know, we want to go ahead with
(14:13):
that biopsy. I don't know why my mind I'm
thinking biopsy like I don't know, like it's just it's
different. Hearing.
Biopsy. So they did the biopsy and I
just had such AI can't describe how I felt and by the time I got
the phone call saying that the biopsy was fine, I literally
didn't want to hear nothing else.
(14:35):
The woman had to sound on. I just had to, I just needed to
mentally shut down because even the thing that the biopsy just
made me like it was different. Because for anybody that's
experiences, when they tell you they're scheduling A biopsy,
they also tell you, Oh, we need you need, you got to pick a
surgeon. They give me all these cancer
booklets and I'm like, huh, So hey, it was just like, what is
(14:58):
going on? So it was just a lot for me
mentally. It's supposed to be in a single
mother to three kids and I changed my number.
I'm not going to lie, I was justlike, I'm just, I need, I need
it mentally just to be away. I'm still on this mental
vacation. Like I can't even bring myself
to just, I just, I needed to be away.
(15:19):
And I don't think people understand that.
And mind you, it wasn't just thebiopsy.
I'm, I still deal with anemia. I had my hysterectomy a year
before. I still have issues with my
incision. My, and my, my stomach was cut
from my belly button down to my,my Tulip.
You know, like I had this huge decision.
I, I mean, I just was like, I really need a break.
(15:40):
I don't need people texting me in the morning about a magazine
cover. I just, I just needed a mental
break. And as I said, I'm still on that
mental vacation. I'm on a personal spiritual
journey. And I know people probably get
sick of hearing, oh Lord, here go another person sounding real
super soul Sunday ish talking about healing.
(16:01):
But you know, that's just why, honestly.
That's that's the real, that's the real healing, right.
So we have a lot of, I call themtick tock healers, social media
healers. The real healing is from behind
the camera and that's what people don't understand, you
(16:24):
know, And that's wonderful that you want to take people on
journeys and show them what to do if you want to heal, but yet
you have not yet mastered what to do to heal, right?
So, and when you really do that true, genuine healing, you don't
want to show the world because it's a personal space.
(16:44):
It's a part, it's a personal moment that you have with God,
not me. You got in and them.
That's not how it goes. And so that's why I had to learn
that everything is not for everybody.
Don't get me wrong, I'm here to empower people and I'm here to
be the empower maven. But in order for me to do that
for you, my cup has to full, be filled over.
(17:08):
And if it's not, the buck stops.That's just where it is.
And I had a problem saying no. I had a problem saying I don't
have the capacity because I feltlike that meant that I can't do
or that I'm a failure. And that was neither of the two.
It just meant Keisha needs to berestored and needs to be
(17:30):
refilled right now. And so once I learned to do that
via cancer, cancer forced me to do that.
I realized that the spiritual journey and when you connect
with God the way he's supposed to, that's the real healing.
(17:56):
It really is that that you just said a word.
And that's, and that's the thingwhen you're faced with, it's
just when you're faced with anything pertaining to cancer or
just something that reminds you that the we know it's borrowed
time. We know this, we know there's a
(18:17):
set timeline. We don't know the end date.
That's something that the power stairs know that he he hasn't
shared with us. But when little things happen in
your life, whether it's dealing with a bunch of deaths in your
family, whether it's having thatdoctor tell you, oh, well, you
know, we need to test this or something, It puts you just in a
different mind frame. And it's something like you said
(18:38):
that you cannot explain to anybody.
It's something that is very personal and you're right about
that spiritual connection. Once you start realizing, once
you get another reminder, just something just blaring in your
face that this time is limited or it may be shorter than what
you anticipated. It's something you can't, you
(18:58):
can't go back. You just, you cannot go back.
It's just, it's just something that just doesn't change.
You cannot go back. And again, like you said, now we
do live in that social media age, but same thing.
I was a formal people pleaser even in my business and my
branding. I just, I extended myself too
(19:19):
much. Especially when it's very
slippy, when it's something withwomen.
Because I think as women we're also gas lit that we have to be
there for everybody and women will meet somebody.
We've known them for a few moments.
They start referring to each other as a BFSI.
Don't friend is something that means a lot to me.
(19:39):
I don't talk that around lightlyeither, you know.
So again, it's just kind of hardeven to articulate.
This is like you said, it's something just straight up
between you and God. And it's like, I can't bring a
follower with me. I can't bring an acquaintance
with me on the situation. I can't bring somebody who only
(19:59):
reaches out to me when they needinformation.
I can't bring these individuals.I also.
I can't even bring people who and it's not even it's not even
a personal thing. It's not even like, Oh, I don't
care for this person. It's just that once you get just
something that reminds you like,wait a minute, I could be out of
here sooner than I anticipated or sooner than I need to be out
(20:22):
of here for my children. You know, it's you.
It's you cannot mentally go backto who you were before then.
And again, it's not even anything to explain to
everybody. And when you, I think God does
give some of us healing qualities, empathic qualities
where people do gravitate towards you, that's even more
(20:44):
reasons why you have to even be more careful, cautious.
You know, you have to you got toprotect that oil.
And like you said, in order to empower, I have to be empowered.
And sometimes that that's isolation.
Yes, very, very much so. I'm very much, I love the world,
(21:05):
I love everybody. No matter what background you
come from, I love you. Yes, yes, yes.
Until you know, God was like, girl, no, no, no.
You cannot be around everybody and their stuff because
sometimes their stuff then becomes your stuff.
And so now you're dealing with your stuff, their stuff, they
(21:27):
stuff, his stuff. And it was becoming too much for
me to where I had to understand the power of isolation and
understanding that being alone is a blessing.
Lonely is a spirit, right? I feel like I for me, you know,
(21:48):
being lonely is when you can make a poor decision, pick the
wrong partner because you're acting out of being lonely
versus doing the work to learn about the person or about the
circumstance or whatever it is that you're navigating.
Being alone can be a blessing because it allows you to learn
about yourself. It allows you to dig deeper and
(22:12):
get to the roots of things that you probably would have never
had you been in a crowded place or been with somebody else.
So I had to learn the blessing and being alone and me being
alone showed me how codependent I was on certain situation ships
I married, you know, like it showed me a lot about myself the
(22:37):
deeper I dug and started diggingup those roots.
So all of that, all of that is healing.
And The thing is when you reallyI'm trying to and this is just a
nugget for people who really think I got a whole bunch of
friends, hundreds of friends. You ain't did your route wrote
route work, because the more route work you do, the smaller
(23:00):
that circle becomes. And and that and I don't care
who you think you are with millions of friends, it don't
work like that when you really do the work.
OK, I'm just saying. And if and if I'm wrong, hey,
everybody has their own experience.
But the tallies that I've taken anybody who really doing that
(23:23):
work is Rhonda, you let me know when you really do that work.
That's that circle does not get bigger.
It gets smaller and becomes a dot.
Listen, tell me it becomes that that little flea sized dot.
And you're right when you said roots come on, when you like you
said, when you stop pulling those roots, when you really
(23:46):
truly on healing and healing, itjust becomes something that
people just toss around and oh, you know, people need to heal.
No, what healing are you doing? Because number one, if you're
really on a healing journey, youdon't need those subliminal
notes and polls. You know how many people I have
muted on IG because I can't tolerate like the subliminal
passive aggressiveness like thisis not healing, you know, and
(24:10):
you have to like do these different things.
And also when you said pulling those roots, you start to
realize this parts of ourselves because none of us are perfect,
especially we've dealt with situation ships.
I know I have, like you said. So we start realizing those
broken parts of us and the things we were doing to filling
those cracks. The situation ships, the
(24:31):
codependency, the need for validation, the friendships that
really didn't have any type of glue to them, something, you
know, just, Oh my God, just a dysfunction that a lot of us
thought was normal to fill in those gaps and cracks and that
broken vessel. Come on.
And like you said, once you start shaking that root and you
(24:52):
start healing, your circle does get very smaller.
I always question people. That's like I said, a friend
that everyone is a friend of no one.
I mean, you're friends with everybody.
Like how's that possible? Like you don't object to
anything like there's not some spirits that you, you can't be
around. I, I, I truly, it's not just
(25:13):
you. I can't comprehend that like
you, you're spiritually promiscuous, you know, just like
a person could be socially promiscuous.
You're spiritually promiscuous because you live with everybody,
everybody, your friend, you know, everybody touch you.
You know, I can't do it. Like I really can't.
And once I my eyes open wider, Ican't relate to everything.
(25:36):
I can't attach myself to everything worldly.
It just, it doesn't. It doesn't.
I'm allergic, you know. That's when you are.
And that's what I once you really do the work you do become
allergic, I'm telling you, because you become more
sensitive to the fake. I've always been a girl who can
(25:59):
kisses the foolery in the fakery, you know, and I put my
church finger up and I exit stage left.
You know, I don't have to cause no scene and be like, yeah,
girl, I don't like you. I just be like, OK, girl, this
is not for me. And I could just exit stage left
because once it's not once it's it just doesn't.
(26:20):
My spirit is just don't sit withit.
I can't, I can't kick it. I can't even fake like I'm cool
with you. I can't.
So I would rather just separate myself, you know, and wish you
the best from afar, you know? But that also came with work
(26:40):
because normally I all of the red flags could just tap dance
in front of me, you know, as a friend, lover, partner, and I'll
just be like, Oh, it's a red flag.
That's it's all good. I love them.
Yes, how they are just how you is.
And then as soon as how that person is affects me, then I'm
looking like, well, where did I go wrong?
(27:02):
Not understanding that they showed me who they were in the
beginning. So at that point then you have
to stop and do this self work and say, why is it that I keep
ignoring red flags, yield signs?Why is it that I keep doing
that? What, what trauma or
generational trauma is within methat I keep allowing this
(27:26):
behavior or these scenarios to keep happening?
You know, and sometimes people don't even want to step in that
accountability because then it'salmost like you look at it as a
failure and it's not, it's a lesson.
Lessons make you more powerful. Lessons make you greater.
(27:47):
And I think that's that's reallywhat healing is about.
Because healing is ugly. Healing is stank.
Healing is stupid. Healing doesn't look good.
Some days healing will have you in the corner, slide down the
wall crying. Like healing for real has you on
that level. You ain't lying.
(28:08):
Healing is not attractive. Healing is not bad.
Something that's going to walk by you and catch your attention.
It's it's so unattractive, it's ugly, it's disgusting.
You know, healing hurts. It it it it's painful.
Healing is not this, you know, sugar coated thing that people
toss around, you know, and they want to like get upset with
(28:30):
somebody that wouldn't allow them to cross that.
Battery not to cut you off, but I got to wait a nice healing yes
and and and not to cut you off. I just got to say healing is not
a two day healing retreat in Tulum, Mexico.
That is not healing and that is not going to save the day.
(28:52):
OK, those are great excursions, but that is not healing.
OK, shout out to those having those retreats.
I'm quite sure they're amazing, but there's deeper work that has
to be done and it does not cost a dime.
(29:13):
You know, feeling is it'll just,it'll just cost you your old
life. That's it.
That's what it'll cost you, yourold life and who you used to be.
It's going to cost you your old life.
It's going to cost you your old friends.
It will cost you relationships, even with your own family,
because you'll start looking at things that you were told is
(29:34):
normal or things that you were forced to suck it up or let it
go. You know, like dysfunctional
families. That's they, they, oh, just that
it happened a long time ago. Just leave it alone.
Just some of the friendships that you have that you realize
are like, what type of mind do Ihave with this person?
Is this a trauma bond or a gossip bond?
Like is this somebody I really truly want to call when I'm
(29:57):
going through something or it's really going to be there?
Like if you lose everything, it cost you everything because
everything that you thought was OK, you start to realize like,
wait a minute, I got to let somethings go.
And you're like, wait, this is what I got to do in order to
move forward, I have to let thisgo.
(30:20):
It cost you everything. And some people don't comprehend
that, but it cost you everything.
It's just, I can't even stress it enough.
It will cost you everything. If you're really truly trying to
heal, it's going to cost you so many things.
It's going to make you look backat things that you did like,
wow, who was I? It's going to cost who you
(30:43):
thought you were because you're going to realize I'm not that
person anymore. So that's when all the other
people that were used to that cracked person or the person
that had all these different gaps that you were feeling there
with insecurity and things like that are anxiety.
Now you're stepping away from that and they're like, wait a
minute, this is not that same little pushover or this is not
(31:06):
the same person that accepted everything or just in general,
like you don't find these thingsinteresting or funny anymore.
What what happened to you? It cost you everything.
Yeah, it and and it does. But you have to know that that
other side, that the, the rewardfrom that is so much greater the
(31:30):
the freedom that I have, the person that I am today, the
mother that I am today, the business woman that I am today.
Like it is just so different. It's so different.
It's different than a year ago, two years ago, Like it's just so
different. But I had to do that ugly work,
(31:51):
still doing it right, but I had to do the ugly work in order to
get to this place. And and here's another thing
too, what people don't understand, everybody wants to
be an entrepreneur, Everybody wants to be an Entreprenegro.
Everybody wants to be a boss baby to this.
(32:13):
But I'm telling you, you're not gonna ever maximize in your
business and be covered the way that you need to if your
personal route work is not whereit needs to be.
It's just not. You can't fake it is you can
now. It's a lot of that.
You can fake it. You can have $1,000,000 worth of
(32:33):
sales. You can.
You can do all of that. However, I'm talking about
having your business covered, having purposeful business
relationships and networks that can help you create generational
wealth. I'm talking about that.
That's not going to happen untilyou do the root work because
there are some people who are onwho are billionaires and
(32:55):
millionaires who don't want to do business with Phil.
And also, if you're sitting and have not done your root work,
how can you be blessed with more?
And you can't even do what you need to do with the hundreds and
thousands. I had to learn that.
I had to. I wanted more.
And I'm like, God, I need you toexpand.
(33:15):
Like sis, you can't even I give you something.
You want to buy a pair of lubricants?
I need you to sit your tail down.
I need you to figure something else out.
I need you to really digest whatyou doing with your money.
I had to and that I had to realize I had a horrible
relationship with money, you know, but that was all
accountability and rude work. You know, that all that was all
(33:38):
that rude work that I had to do.So sometimes that mean I had to
sit my tail down and learn from someone else who's better at
money than me and say that doesn't mean I failed.
That just means there are thingsthat I need to get stronger in
when it comes to the financial side.
And so if we take the word failure out of our mind and
(34:00):
understand that there are thingsthat we need to tighten up in
our journey of healing, our business is going to flourish.
Anything that we touch will flourish.
And you touched on some good things because financially
you're right. If you haven't healed and you're
trying to run a business, it also leads to desperation.
(34:21):
If you're offering your businessand desperation, same thing as
we said, you can't let everybodyin your circle.
Also business wise, if you're a true entrepreneur, you also
can't focus on being liked by absolutely everyone.
And I know there's the KLT model, no, like trust, yes, we
know that, but don't let that make you think you got a link up
(34:42):
with every person that comes across your path.
So they got too many people withopportunities.
Those opportunities don't have acheck at the end of it.
So you have to be really carefuland how you build relationships
with people because some people,like they want a relationship
with you. Yeah, they want a relationship
with you business wise because they see that you have something
(35:02):
on you. They feel it.
Trust me. People see when you have that,
like you have that glow and you're sitting on $1,000,000
idea, they know that they want apiece of it, but they want to
see exactly how much they can get out of you for free or with
the least amount possible. So again, if you're not healed,
sometimes you don't have that confidence if you're not healed
to say, well, you know what, no,like I'm not going to deal with
(35:26):
this person currently or this isjust not what I want to align
with. And that's a hard thing for
people too. And they're entrepreneurs
because if you're, when you're doing that route work, and if
you're not at the certain level you should be in your route
work, you undervalue yourself. You'll have that imposter
syndrome even in business and think, well, you know what,
(35:50):
maybe I'm not as good as this person or maybe, you know, they,
they know someone. So, so no, like you have to also
have that healing and how you handle your entrepreneurship
too. You know, it's like you said,
everybody want to be a boss. And again, too, knowing your
finances manifestation, when it comes to money, you have to
(36:10):
really get yourself in like a money mindset, but you also have
to get yourself in a billionairemindset.
And what I mean by that is how am I going to take this money
and do what God has given me this, these funds to do?
You know what I'm saying? How do I want this to multiply?
How do I want this to be consistent?
How do I want to monetize this vision?
(36:32):
And you got to really think hardand deep on that and incorporate
that healing and look at, like you said, learning to talk to
somebody. Some people don't like to even,
they're too proud to just even listen or learn from somebody
who has done it. And then on the flip side, too,
sometimes you know, people who have achieved certain things,
they may not be very welcoming, you know, to people.
(36:55):
But on the flip side, if one person isn't welcoming, go find
the next one. Somebody on talk to you.
You're going to find somebody that you'll be able, you know,
to get mentorship from. But don't don't be too cocky or
prideful to that you're above learning from somebody, but also
approach them in the right way too.
(37:16):
Don't make it seem like you're just being another vulture
that's trying to take from them.Show that you're valuable.
Show hey, this is where I'm at now and I need help on this.
There's a way you can approach people too, you know, and it
also goes and try healing, learning how we address
somebody, how we talk to them. And sometimes also have that
confidence, but also be knowledgeable.
(37:38):
Like there's a fine line between, you know, just being
humble, but also being confidenttoo.
So I know that's like a very complicated will, but your
healing does flow into your entrepreneurship for sure and
your professionalism. So I definitely agree with that.
And also when you mention about money, we'll talk ourselves into
(38:01):
scarcity. When we like have built less of
ourselves, we can put ourselves in that scarcity mindset too.
And if you have a scarcity mindset, you become desperate
and it's just not a good way just to operate in life when it
comes to just learning our finances, learning our value,
how to save money, or just not even going to need to also
(38:22):
validate ourselves also through material things.
That's such a a very complicatedwill.
Yes, that that that, that that material things was my issue.
It would definitely my issue andconsistency, right?
(38:43):
I had to get to what my issue with consistency was because I
would start something and not finish it or I would start
something, get in my head, stop it and be like and overthink it.
And then it will call for whatever great grand project
(39:04):
that had momentum to stop. And the problem with that was,
you know, God was like, you wantto be consistent over here and
you're not consistent with me. You know, you not even
consistent in your foundation. So you over here doing campaigns
and you're doing this and you'redoing that.
You have yet consulted with me. You got you don't put this
person a part of it. That person ain't even meant to
(39:25):
be a part of it. Like that's why it's not
consistent because you're doing,you're putting the pieces of the
puzzle together all wrong. You're not, you're not even
consulting me about anything. So yeah, you're definitely not
going to be consistent because I'm going to pull the plug on
it. And so that's genuinely what was
happening on and on and on untilI said, and I want to say this
(39:50):
was probably maybe even 2-3 years ago.
I was like, OK, I'm still not a good judge again, character guy
and I just shut something else down because of.
Intertwining individuals that weren't supposed to be a part of
it. So let me just throw my heads up
and you just tell me where to go.
(40:10):
You know, so all of that is a part of being, you know, a good
still work for being a good business person and being and
going on your assignment becauseconsistency is key.
You know, that's how you you know that that's how you could
actually see your blessings come.
It's just being consistent in the assignment.
(40:34):
But in the same time, if if you still are overthinking and
feeling less about yourself or attached to the wrong
individuals and I'm tired, everything we just talked about,
it stops the consistency. It's it stops it because your
ship is sinking. Somebody's either making a ship,
you making it sink. Like, you know, it's just so
(40:56):
many things that can just stop your consistency and that's even
consistency on your healing journey.
You know, we have so many thingsand so many entities around us
that can stop us. We can't even stop ourselves
from doing the work that needs to be done because we can be our
own worst enemies and then we'lladd people to the pot and it'll
(41:18):
make it no better, right? So we have to have all these, we
have to have our foundation in order to have all the things
that we talked about flow. We have to, we have to know when
to say no. We have to understand the our
yeses, right? You know, we have to understand
(41:40):
our capacity. We have to understand what
we're, you know, some are called, some are chosen.
You know, we have to understand our assignment.
Some people don't understand theassignment, and that's OK,
right? But when we start operating
outside of that, that's when things go all over the place.
So I've learned that all of those things tie together
(42:03):
whether we want to believe they do or not.
You'll eventually see that they do.
And I just feel like, like you said, not everybody's going to
understand that assignment. And that's just something you
also have to accept. It just goes back to when you're
working on your healing, when you're on a real true healing
journey, validation goes out thewindow because you don't need
(42:27):
validation from certain corners,certain circles.
It means it really is meaningless.
So once you have that outside ofyour mind, it again brings you
to a different level. And it also again, and as we
said, the circle gets small, some of those business
relationships air quote changes because it's like, OK, do I
(42:49):
really want to be in line with that?
So a lot changes, you know, likeyou said, just the way you view
things, just the way you view air connections are it's just
different, like it holds different values.
So I also want to just talk about as well as we talked about
healing a lot, you and I, we've definitely dealt with trauma
(43:10):
too. And that's part of just the
healing, just letting go of justpast things.
You know, it's just with the pockets you have what what the
trauma like just coming to terms, I would say with trauma
of our past and realizing that we don't have to wear that
trauma. How has it been for you just
(43:33):
releasing trauma in order to find personal value, personal
worthiness? How has that been on your
healing journey to release the trauma and move past the trauma?
Because again, it's something that doesn't happen overnight
and it's something that's alwaysa work in progress.
It's something that I feel like trauma survivors, it's like a
reset thing or people who are consistent with going to the
(43:56):
gym. Like it's like you have to still
exercise on a regular basis to release it.
So how has that process been foryou?
People tell you this, and I've been talking to a lot of people
about it in the past. So cancer, really, when I got
diagnosed with cancer August 6thof 2020, I didn't know that that
(44:19):
journey was going to take me on such a crazy, crazy ride.
Being in the hospital being burned to the second degree, you
know, losing 126 lbs. Just like everything that could
go wrong or the side effects that could go wrong happened to
me, right? And in that hospital room,
(44:43):
because I was in being treated during COVID, I couldn't have
any visitors. I was isolated due to my
compromised immune system with AIDS, so I was literally by
myself day in, day out, day in, day out.
And in that time I think I was just in tears every day from the
pain. But BI, so many traumas were
(45:07):
coming to me from the past on top of me being in the hospital
that it was crazy. It, it was almost like that time
that I had to sit down in the hospital and then when they sent
me home for palliative care because after palliative care is
Hospice. So my, it was my last chance
(45:29):
with palliative care at home in the hospital bed.
I literally was like at night talking to God like, OK, so why
is this bothering me? And I'm dealing with I'm in
2020. Why is something from 2003
pissing me off? Like it was crazy how I was
coming in. It was such a crazy spiritual
(45:51):
journey that I ended up, I wanted to do treatment in
California, ended up doing treatment in Wisconsin because
the whole country was on the lockdown and Wisconsin was no
longer approving my medical care.
And I had this horrible relationship with Texas, with
Houston. I never wanted to be in Houston.
(46:12):
Houston irritated me and it was crazy because I was forced to do
the rest of my cancer treatment here in Houston at MD Anderson.
I couldn't walk. I was on a Walker, couldn't
move, and it was crazy. Some of the trauma that had me
in a dark place and Houston, I couldn't move.
(46:35):
But here's here's how that healing works.
It had to put me back in a placethat was a part of my trauma in
order for me to heal so I could face it.
And I ended up getting a therapist.
And this was in 2021. I ended up getting a therapist
and she walked me through everything.
(46:56):
I she was dissecting daddy issues, mommy issues, pattern
issues. She was just breaking it down.
And I was like, I didn't realizeI had that much trauma.
I did not, and it was because all of the vanity had been
broken down. I couldn't dress it up with
(47:17):
hair, I couldn't dress it up with makeup.
I couldn't dress it up with my figure and wearing the best
clothes. I couldn't dress it up because
cancer had my body was deteriorated at that point.
So I literally had to face everything head on looking ugly,
feeling sick and the place that pissed me off whenever I was
(47:38):
flying into town. So it was like I had to go into
the trenches and really get to my healing.
And so that for me showed me that trauma can be so built up
over time that because we just put it in the back of our mind,
(48:02):
we will learn how to operate in dysfunction in the trauma.
And then we not even talking about the generational trauma.
We ain't even talked about that.We're just talking about the
trauma from just living the years that you've, you know, so
it's, it was really an eye opening experience navigating
(48:23):
that trauma. And I will tell people I really
just dealt with the bulk of my trauma within the last 4 1/2
years. And I literally am a new person
just from before cancer. And it was literally because I
was forced to deal with my trauma and too, because I'm a
mother now, you know, I don't. I didn't want to operate and
(48:47):
raise my daughter out of a placeof trauma because I had not done
my work. So now I'm spewing all of my
trauma onto her. That's not fair to her.
So that's really kind of what made me say, OK, let's go back
to the drawing board and fix this.
Let's go back to the drawing board and do that.
(49:08):
Let let's let's, let's look. Why does this look like this?
Why am I speaking like that? Why does this bother me?
Why does the landing in Houston to come and visit my mother and
my grandmother and my family bother me?
Why does, what did the city do to you?
I had to break all of that caution tape, red tape.
I had to in order for me to get to the place to where I am now
(49:29):
at a pace of peace that is priceless.
Peace is priceless and wow, that's just something else.
And I like how you mentioned when you're forced to deal with
your trauma, it doesn't feel good.
But as you said, like you're a different person now.
And that's the that's the thing that just makes it all
(49:53):
worthwhile in spite of the things that we have to lose to
become something new. It's like a transformation.
It's so it's just necessary and it hurts.
It hurts to also go through yourpast and especially things we've
gone through as children in trauma or adolescents or even
our early part of womanhood too,when we didn't know any better
(50:17):
and we experienced trauma in those days or held even after
early womanhood when you still are holding on a certain
baggage. So you still are looking through
a lens of dysfunction. That's the language that you
speak is the actions that you gothrough life when you just look
through it and it's like, oh man, when you get to that
(50:37):
breaking point and it's like, wow, it is priceless.
The peace that comes with it. But there is a morning that
comes. I think that morning doesn't go
away sometimes because you startto think sometimes, damn, you
know, I wish I hadn't known those things back then.
If only are it's just a morning.I feel that comes along with it.
(51:01):
But the piece that you gain fromjust breaking down these
barriers, it is priceless. But that pain, that trauma will
be tied to a city or a state, you know, or just certain
activities where it's like, man,it's like, it's hard for me to
do this. I can't be in these spaces or
places, you know, like sometimespeople don't understand that
(51:24):
too. But your trauma definitely will
live in like a city or a state or something, you know, or just
even in like certain family members, it's hard to like be
around just certain functions that in the past, you know, it
was all good, but now it's like,oh, you know, then you want to
get to the root of why. And that's when it's like, oh
(51:45):
gosh, that's when the work comesin.
And I had no, I had no choice. I, I had no choice but to deal
with mine. I had to deal with, you know,
trauma that I was from where I'mfrom, Milwaukee, I in the house
that I grew up in, I was battling cancer in that same
house in the same exact spot that my grandfather passed away
(52:08):
from cancer in. So it was just so much going on
and I was I felt like I was justfighting an elbow fit every
which away and I was just like, OK, so I have to deal with this
now. I had to go to Houston and face
this stuff head on and to the points where now when I flew in
this time to visit, it was a different level of peace I had
(52:30):
this time when I came cuz normally I'm like, yeah, I got
to run in and I got to run out. And at the bottom line is it's
not the city, it's the trauma that you that you've attached to
it that you have to navigate andyou have to break down and you
have to figure out what that route is.
And you have to make peace with whatever those things are,
(52:53):
whatever that is, whoever that is, you got to make peace with
that so you can move forward. You're right, making peace with,
and I like how you mentioned that it's not the city, but it's
the trauma that's in that city or it's the trauma that's in
that house or it's just a traumafrom a past memory that's
(53:15):
associated with that thing, you know, that space, place or
person. It's the trauma.
And it's like you got to get in a boxing match with that trauma
to move past it because you deserve to move past it is the
thing, you know, and I feel liketo sometimes trauma makes things
(53:35):
easy, you know, like when you haven't faced it, it's easy to
be a victim. It's easy to be OK.
Well, I'm going to blame this, this behavior on that trauma
where, you know, this happened to me a year, a 10 or 20 years
ago. So this is going to excuse why I
do these things. Or I could just use that trauma
as an excuse to get by, you know, so just not wanting to
(53:58):
deal with your trauma, it does make stuff easy because it's
like, OK, you don't have to do the healing work.
You can save that coin and not get a therapist.
Because it's like, you know what, I'm gonna just sit in this
trauma. Like I just use this trauma as a
reason and not. Go visit.
Yeah, yeah. But I but I've noticed those
that do do. And I'm not, you know, talking
(54:19):
about anyone specifically, but it'll be family, family members
who will equate I'm over this orI'm healed from something due to
the accolades that they have. So I have these degrees, I drive
this car, I have this house, so I'm good.
But when you sit and you have a conversation with them and, and
(54:40):
you can see just by how they treat people that they have
healing to do just in the conversations that they have,
you know, you can't even have a conversation without being
snappy, stank, you know, judgy. You know, when you really aren't
in a place of healing, you don'tspeak from a place of judgement.
You don't speak from a place of of conflict because you're just
(55:05):
on a different level of peace. You didn't, you just.
Are, you know, so I had to understand that my healing is
not tied to things, you know, because I, if I had nothing, I
would still have this level of peace, you know, and I would
(55:26):
still, I would still think the utmost of myself like I always
have. But now I think the utmost of
myself in the most highest of healing way ever.
That's the difference. And it is not tied to things
because I can't take things withme, can't even take the money
with me. So I have to make sure that I,
(55:48):
I'm, I'm, I'm OK with, with selfand what I stand for and how I
treat people and how I operate outside of all that love stuff.
But you know what? You can't take these things with
you. But we can leave this earth by
leaving that peace through our children, you know, through our
(56:09):
relationships. That's how you break that
generational curse where you canleave the peace that you gain
when you can leave it through your, your, your legacy.
And that's the part that's like,Oh my God, like it's, it's, it's
just, it's worth everything thatyou've gone through because you
can leave peace through your legacy.
(56:30):
You can leave your authenticity through that legacy.
You can leave all the rewards that you've gotten through the
work of healing three-year legacy once we're going and
that's one thing that's like it's the ultimate reward.
But this has been, again, a beautiful reconnection, just a
(56:50):
beautiful, just an awakening forpeople that are going to tune in
and listen or watch just to let them know, like healing is ugly,
like we said, but it is worth it.
You deserve this. So I do want to.
Leave this to you before we go to just leave us with something,
(57:12):
whether it's an affirmation or Ido these calls now we've been
doing this for about two months called Pink Rain.
We do these empowerment calls and one of the best parts of the
call is we'll use an action word.
Everyone goes around and they'llsay an action word and say how
to apply that action word to theself love in their lives.
(57:33):
So even if you, I would like to send that to you, if you want to
just pick an action word and that action word could be how
you're winning or how you're rising anything.
Just an action word that you would think of through this
journey of healing to get to this audience and how they can
apply it in their lives. Because a lot of people just
(57:55):
don't realize you deserve that peace.
And I know it's not easy. I know it's not.
And I'm not even I don't even want to make this seem like it's
so easy to do or like make it a light hearted thing again,
because as we said, healing is work.
So if you want to just leave theaudience, but just an action
(58:17):
word and how they can apply it to just get that peace with
healing. Absolutely.
My, my action word is going to be off the top.
Surrender. You have to surrender to your
reality. You have to surrender to what he
is. You have to surrender to your
assignment. You have to surrender to even
(58:40):
your trauma, you know, because even when you go to God and say,
I don't want you to increase howI want you to this, I want you
to, you know, and not that he's Santa Claus, right?
But when you go to him and, and you're saying that you're
thankful for all these things and, and you're going to him,
you know, kind of with, Hey, lead me, guide me.
(59:03):
You got to surrender because youhave to take your hands off of
it. You have to do the same thing in
the physical. So a lot of things you got to
take your hands off of so it could do its thing, you know,
and we, we get into anxiety, we get into depression, we get into
all these other things because are are the right we feel to
(59:24):
control everything. And once you learn to sit back
and surrender it, you'll be surprised the doors that open
up, and you'll be surprised thatthe you that opens up when it's
time to receive all those blessings, girl.
(59:46):
And I love that surrender. Just Oh my God, surrender and
just let God do the work. I love that surrender.
Again, this has been a beautifulconversation and amazing
connection. Thank you again, just for always
supporting this platform, supporting me like it means a
lot to me. Like you're like what I call
(01:00:08):
like one of the, the Ogs, like you've been here from the
beginning. So I, I truly, it means a lot to
me. And again, I know personally I
have been on this isolation. Journey it's just for my mental
peace, but I know I can reach out to you at any time though,
and I I don't take that lightly.I truly, truly appreciate you
(01:00:31):
everything you do do do just whoyou are, and I truly appreciate
you. Before we do end everything,
though, please tell everybody how they can follow you, how
they can be a part of this journey, because you just, I
said you just have, if put yourself out there.
And I know, like we discussed, like it's, it's a slippery slope
(01:00:53):
because you know, when you're giving yourself, you got to
protect yourself too. But what from what you do share,
though, it can change lives. It, it, it inspires people.
And I can't just I just admire everything that you do.
So please let everybody know howthey can follow you on social
media, how they can connect withyou.
(01:01:13):
Yes, please. At I Am Keisha J.
It's on everything, whether that's TikTok, Twitter,
Instagram, but you can also follow the I Am Keisha J
Foundation, which is launching in two countries, launching here
in Atlanta. Well, not here but in the states
in Atlanta, GA, June 27th and inAccra, Ghana World AIDS Day
(01:01:36):
December 1st. This year we decide to switch it
to World Aid. They to make it a bigger and
more grand event because they really need our attention over
in Africa. So follow me in all those
platforms and you'll get to knoweverything that's going on with
me. I love it.
Thank you again for just being who you are, and I hope that for
(01:02:01):
anyone that listens or watches this episode that it does bless
you and whoever tunes in right now.
I wanted to tell you right now, I congratulate you because if
you listen to this, I know that you're on the timeline of
healing. You may not be as far as you
want to be, are you? Whatever part of that timeline
(01:02:23):
of healing that you are on, I still want to commend whoever
tunes and whoever listens. This is for you.
I want to commend you because I know it's not easy.
I know it's not easy. We, the two women that you just
listen to, it took time to even discuss what we discussed today.
And we're still learning and we're still working and we're
(01:02:45):
still growing. So I commend you and you got
this. You deserve that piece that
comes with healing even when it hurts.
You deserve the peace even when you lose people, what you're
going to gain is so much bigger.So again, you deserve everything
(01:03:06):
that your heart desires, but youdeserve that peace from healing.
So thank you, thank you, thank you for tuning into this
episode. You can catch this episode and
more www.goqueen.com. Make sure again you be safe and
please, please, please go. Love yourself as much as
possible. You deserve it.
(01:03:28):
Thank you again for tuning into the Q chat and thank you again
Miss Keisha J. You guys are all phenomenal and
again, this conversation was foryou.
So guys, please take care.
Grab your print or digital copy of Go Queen magazine today.
Stay inspired by the incredible stories and features inside.
Visit our website to grab your copy now.
There has never been anyone thathas gone out of their way to
hurt me or harm me that had a happy ending, that didn't
(00:21):
receive their karma. So this is just for people who
have made may have gone through the humiliation rituals or who
may have ever been shoved out orcast it aside in any situation
where there's your job, your family.
Some of us who unfortunately have the displeasure of being
with the narcissist, we know howthat goes with the smear
(00:43):
campaigns and all the other BS that they do to hurt you.
But if you've ever been in any situation, or even if it's a
friend that's betrayed you, if you've ever been in any
situation where someone has truly gone out their way to hurt
you, just, Oh my God, hold your head high.
Just rest assured they're not sleeping easy at night.
You can't harm a person and think that you're gonna fare
(01:04):
well afterwards. And if you really think about
it, if someone really sat there,it took time to deliberately go
out of their way to hurt you or to harm you.
Do you think they're honestly sleeping well at night?
That's an unhappy, miserable person 'cause you have to be
truly miserable and unhappy to go out of your way to hurt,
(01:27):
harm, humiliate or belittle somebody.
I especially for the people that's gone out there where it's
the plot and plan and do some dark signature ish to hurt
somebody. Do you honestly think that
person sleeps well? You have to be a miserable
person to go out of your way to hurt somebody.
(01:47):
Is that the point where it's literally laughable?
So have you ever been on this receiving end of that, of those
people that maybe that family member that just does everything
they can to push your buttons orjust somebody that just really
goes out of their way to hurt, harm or humiliate you.
This is your sign or this is your video to hold your head
(02:12):
high and you really sometimes have to think on another
person's perspective. And I know that's scary cause
who? Cause who wants to go down at
their level but. You got to be.
Miserable to go out your way to hurt somebody like that.
So again, hold your head high because fly above that mess.
People that go out their way to hurt somebody, they're literally
on the boomerang effect. Everything that they sent out to
(02:34):
you is going to come back to them.
So just remember that when they go low, you kneel, get down on
your knees and pray about it andpray God that He protects you
and covers you. And I promise you, you're gonna
come out on top. But you gonna look back one day
or you might hear some stuff through the Grapevine or
(02:54):
something on that person that went out.
They were to harm you back in the day.
You gonna find out they're not doing that great.
Things aren't going too well forthem.
That stuff backfired on them. So it's all good.
Just kind of everything, all joy.
And again to if they have to go out their way to do a smear
campaign against you or a. Plot and plan.
Or do that family humiliation orthe the exes or the friends that
(03:17):
betrayed you or that job, you got to have something special
inside of you 'cause you stirredtheir spirit, you triggered them
and so they had to really go super hard to hurt you.
So just again, hold your head high.
It's all good you. That means you got it.
There's something about you. You got something really special
that really, really, really sparks somebody to go so far to
(03:39):
try and belittle you or diminishyour humiliate you.
So you do have something really special.
So just hold on to that light and just remember what they do
to you is always going to come back to them.
Welcome back to the Key Chat, the podcast where Queens come to
speak boldly, love loudly and reign unapologetically.
(04:01):
I'm your host, Ronda Armstrong. Today's episode isn't just a
discussion. It's a heart centered exchange
with someone who has turned survival and to power and
purpose. Keisha Jay is a dynamic voice,
an HIV AIDS advocate and a two time cancer survivor.
But beyond the titles, she's a woman who has removed the
(04:21):
Superwoman Cape and chosen softness, healing and truth.
Together, we'll explore what it means to release perfection,
reclaim your story, and rememberthat you are not your trauma.
So whether you're pushing through your own healing or
learning to sit within your own emotions, this conversation will
remind you your softness is yourstrength and your story is
(04:46):
sacred. Working hard on a mission, head
high purpose driven crown on never.
Tilted go quick. She's a queen about a business,
(05:11):
working hard on a mission, had high purpose, driven crown on,
never tilted go queen go. Queen, go Queen.
So thank you guys for joining another episode of the Cue Chat
(05:33):
today. My guest is a very special
person. She's been on the platform
several times. She's also graced the cover of
our magazine as well. That is Miss Keisha J She's
amazing. She is a survivor, she's an
advocate and we're going to justhave a great conversation.
Of course, she wrote this excellent book, Cancer could
(05:53):
never. So we're just going to have a
great conversation today. We want to touch on just
different things. She's also so trauma survivor
like myself. So we're going to touch on we're
not our trauma and we also don'thave to hold the weight of being
the superwoman. We're going to take those capes
off and just explore on how we can heal, but we don't have to
always be strong in our healing journey.
(06:15):
So we're going to get started with Miss Keisha J.
How are you doing today? I am doing amazing.
You know, whatever you reach outto me, I'm like whatever you,
whatever you need me to do, I'm going to do it.
That is true. You're not lying.
That is true. You just want inbox a text away
at e-mail that is that's a 100% true.
(06:35):
So that's that's not we're not doing this for the cameras.
That is true. Like you are out.
There I love the brain and I love what you stand for.
So anytime I see somebody amazing doing their thing and
and still being able to be quoteUN quote Superwoman, I'm so in
the 1000% of support of that. And I feel the same way about
(06:56):
you and actually your cover. I don't know if I should say
this. It's actually one of my
favorites because it just means so much to me.
Like I still like refer to it a lot even in branding.
Like it's just one of my favorite covers and it just
meant so much to me. And it's funny, like even on
that cover, like just some of the topics that and I was like 2
(07:19):
years ago, but it's still relevant and it's still like one
of my absolute favorites. I just recently got printing of
all the covers and like these huge posters and I'm just, this
is such a blessing to that. You were there from the
beginning and where we're at now.
So, you know, you're like a special person for this platform
(07:40):
with everything, but I definitely want to get started.
I just, I don't even know where to start in a sense, because
every time I talk to you, I'm always in awe of all the
different things that you have going on.
And then all the things that youcontinue to overcome all the
time. And then through the things you
overcome, your life never changes.
(08:02):
It's it's always the same. No, it can't.
One of one of the DJ's actually here, while I'm here in Houston
visiting, I started my advocacy here in Houston and one of the
DJ's that I first reached out totell my story, JJ, we went out
to lunch probably like 2 years ago and she was like, what do
(08:25):
you get your tenacity from? Like how do you like?
How do you keep going? And I couldn't even really
answer the question. And to me, that's all.
To me, that's been a problem forme, right?
Which is kind of when I, whenever I feel like I can't
answer that question, that meansI have to take a break and I
need to go on a spiritual journey and I need to get closer
(08:48):
to God because I should be able to answer that question on where
I get my tenacity from after allthese years.
So that but and that's a part ofthe healing journey that we're
here to talk about. Yeah, but you know what, I think
it's also part of fan posture syndrome that comes you do have
a lot of weight. You know, like they said, oil is
(09:09):
not cheap, oil is heavy. So when some of us are assigned
these different battles and assigned these different
platforms and assigned these different testimonies, it's
definitely not easy. It looks, it looks somewhat easy
to people if they go by the highlight reel, which I like to
call social media. You know, they see that post,
(09:31):
somebody saying, oh, you know, overcame this or they see that
celebration, but they don't see what where you were before the
celebration came. They don't see where you were
before the book, before the podcast, before the magazine,
you know, before the speaking engagement.
They don't see that pain, that part, or they don't see what
happens once you start recording, you know, once you
(09:54):
put that book away, they don't see that part.
So you have you're holding on tothat.
Then you have people revereing what you've gone through and
it's like you don't know how to accept it sometimes, you know
so. Yeah, that even though even and
I tell people I just got back from Africa and so people see
the pictures but they have no idea that the truth to Africa
(10:17):
have was in preparation for almost 2 years and I could not
my health kept stopping me from going like I kept getting sick,
then my daughter got sick, then it was something else and then
it was my body. Then I tested positive for
tuberculosis and then I it was afalse positive.
(10:38):
It was so many things that happened in between the little
pictures that y'all saw that youhave no idea that was a God trip
because that trip got cancelled so many times due to I ended up
getting my cancer came back lastyear.
So then the trip just went off the table.
(10:58):
So it was just so many things that I had to pick myself back
up again and be like, you know what, I'm still going to do what
it is that I'm I'm assigned to do.
I'm still going to navigate my plan the way that I'm supposed
to. And that's tough to do, you
know, and it takes for you to shut everybody out.
It takes for it takes for you todo that.
(11:20):
I think you and I had a conversation in the DM.
You posted something changing your number is self-care.
And if anybody knows me, I will change your number.
I don't care if you got my new number.
That means you coming with me. If you don't have it, it's not
meant for you to come, right. And so when you put that, I
(11:41):
said, Oh my goodness, that's healing.
And and people used to always belike, well, you can't change
your number says who, what? Why can't I change my number?
That is healing and I think that's kind of what has helped
me get through things that otherpeople or society feels like I
(12:02):
should not have gone through. And it's because I understand
that I know how to shut everything out and and go to the
root of issues so I can rebuild,restore, revitalize, whatever
you want to call it. I know that's what it takes to
(12:23):
be able to get to the next level.
You're right and we definitely had that conversation recently
and cuz last year, as I shared with you, and this is something
that I didn't broadcast because I'm just past just I know like
people think I've heard people say that when you're trying to
build a platform, you know, you should share all, all your
(12:45):
journey should share everything.And I'm like, I got to have
something from me. You know, you look at my social
media now, I don't post picturesof my children anymore.
I don't, I just feel like I haveto have something for me.
Last year was it. Last year was an interesting
year, let me put it that way. I am vocal to a degree about
(13:08):
some of the family estrangement I deal with, with some of the
dysfunction. I'm breaking some personal
generational curses. But several people in my family
had passed in like a very short amount of time.
We're talking within weeks. So that was a lot.
Just I don't deal with death well.
And then at that same time, I'vealways known I've had a cyst in
(13:31):
my breast since my very first mammogram.
And for anybody that's gotten that call back after the
mammogram, you like what you said I got to come back for
what? So that had already, that had
been being monitored for quite some time, but I would just have
this constant pain, you know, Long story short.
So I switched doctors and I'm thinking in my mind, oh, why
(13:53):
can't y'all just take this out? You know, I'm thinking it's like
it's nothing, oh y'all can just take it out right now, just move
on my life, right? So I go get everything I get
done and I don't just get a mammogram, I got to get
ultrasound, all that stuff. This has just always been
typical life for me, you know, with this issue with my breath.
So they're like, Oh well you know, we want to go ahead with
(14:13):
that biopsy. I don't know why my mind I'm
thinking biopsy like I don't know, like it's just it's
different. Hearing.
Biopsy. So they did the biopsy and I
just had such AI can't describe how I felt and by the time I got
the phone call saying that the biopsy was fine, I literally
didn't want to hear nothing else.
(14:35):
The woman had to sound on. I just had to, I just needed to
mentally shut down because even the thing that the biopsy just
made me like it was different. Because for anybody that's
experiences, when they tell you they're scheduling A biopsy,
they also tell you, Oh, we need you need, you got to pick a
surgeon. They give me all these cancer
booklets and I'm like, huh, So hey, it was just like, what is
(14:58):
going on? So it was just a lot for me
mentally. It's supposed to be in a single
mother to three kids and I changed my number.
I'm not going to lie, I was justlike, I'm just, I need, I need
it mentally just to be away. I'm still on this mental
vacation. Like I can't even bring myself
to just, I just, I needed to be away.
(15:19):
And I don't think people understand that.
And mind you, it wasn't just thebiopsy.
I'm, I still deal with anemia. I had my hysterectomy a year
before. I still have issues with my
incision. My, and my, my stomach was cut
from my belly button down to my,my Tulip.
You know, like I had this huge decision.
I, I mean, I just was like, I really need a break.
(15:40):
I don't need people texting me in the morning about a magazine
cover. I just, I just needed a mental
break. And as I said, I'm still on that
mental vacation. I'm on a personal spiritual
journey. And I know people probably get
sick of hearing, oh Lord, here go another person sounding real
super soul Sunday ish talking about healing.
(16:01):
But you know, that's just why, honestly.
That's that's the real, that's the real healing, right.
So we have a lot of, I call themtick tock healers, social media
healers. The real healing is from behind
the camera and that's what people don't understand, you
(16:24):
know, And that's wonderful that you want to take people on
journeys and show them what to do if you want to heal, but yet
you have not yet mastered what to do to heal, right?
So, and when you really do that true, genuine healing, you don't
want to show the world because it's a personal space.
(16:44):
It's a part, it's a personal moment that you have with God,
not me. You got in and them.
That's not how it goes. And so that's why I had to learn
that everything is not for everybody.
Don't get me wrong, I'm here to empower people and I'm here to
be the empower maven. But in order for me to do that
for you, my cup has to full, be filled over.
(17:08):
And if it's not, the buck stops.That's just where it is.
And I had a problem saying no. I had a problem saying I don't
have the capacity because I feltlike that meant that I can't do
or that I'm a failure. And that was neither of the two.
It just meant Keisha needs to berestored and needs to be
(17:30):
refilled right now. And so once I learned to do that
via cancer, cancer forced me to do that.
I realized that the spiritual journey and when you connect
with God the way he's supposed to, that's the real healing.
(17:56):
It really is that that you just said a word.
And that's, and that's the thingwhen you're faced with, it's
just when you're faced with anything pertaining to cancer or
just something that reminds you that the we know it's borrowed
time. We know this, we know there's a
(18:17):
set timeline. We don't know the end date.
That's something that the power stairs know that he he hasn't
shared with us. But when little things happen in
your life, whether it's dealing with a bunch of deaths in your
family, whether it's having thatdoctor tell you, oh, well, you
know, we need to test this or something, It puts you just in a
different mind frame. And it's something like you said
(18:38):
that you cannot explain to anybody.
It's something that is very personal and you're right about
that spiritual connection. Once you start realizing, once
you get another reminder, just something just blaring in your
face that this time is limited or it may be shorter than what
you anticipated. It's something you can't, you
(18:58):
can't go back. You just, you cannot go back.
It's just, it's just something that just doesn't change.
You cannot go back. And again, like you said, now we
do live in that social media age, but same thing.
I was a formal people pleaser even in my business and my
branding. I just, I extended myself too
(19:19):
much. Especially when it's very
slippy, when it's something withwomen.
Because I think as women we're also gas lit that we have to be
there for everybody and women will meet somebody.
We've known them for a few moments.
They start referring to each other as a BFSI.
Don't friend is something that means a lot to me.
(19:39):
I don't talk that around lightlyeither, you know.
So again, it's just kind of hardeven to articulate.
This is like you said, it's something just straight up
between you and God. And it's like, I can't bring a
follower with me. I can't bring an acquaintance
with me on the situation. I can't bring somebody who only
(19:59):
reaches out to me when they needinformation.
I can't bring these individuals.I also.
I can't even bring people who and it's not even it's not even
a personal thing. It's not even like, Oh, I don't
care for this person. It's just that once you get just
something that reminds you like,wait a minute, I could be out of
here sooner than I anticipated or sooner than I need to be out
(20:22):
of here for my children. You know, it's you.
It's you cannot mentally go backto who you were before then.
And again, it's not even anything to explain to
everybody. And when you, I think God does
give some of us healing qualities, empathic qualities
where people do gravitate towards you, that's even more
(20:44):
reasons why you have to even be more careful, cautious.
You know, you have to you got toprotect that oil.
And like you said, in order to empower, I have to be empowered.
And sometimes that that's isolation.
Yes, very, very much so. I'm very much, I love the world,
(21:05):
I love everybody. No matter what background you
come from, I love you. Yes, yes, yes.
Until you know, God was like, girl, no, no, no.
You cannot be around everybody and their stuff because
sometimes their stuff then becomes your stuff.
And so now you're dealing with your stuff, their stuff, they
(21:27):
stuff, his stuff. And it was becoming too much for
me to where I had to understand the power of isolation and
understanding that being alone is a blessing.
Lonely is a spirit, right? I feel like I for me, you know,
(21:48):
being lonely is when you can make a poor decision, pick the
wrong partner because you're acting out of being lonely
versus doing the work to learn about the person or about the
circumstance or whatever it is that you're navigating.
Being alone can be a blessing because it allows you to learn
about yourself. It allows you to dig deeper and
(22:12):
get to the roots of things that you probably would have never
had you been in a crowded place or been with somebody else.
So I had to learn the blessing and being alone and me being
alone showed me how codependent I was on certain situation ships
I married, you know, like it showed me a lot about myself the
(22:37):
deeper I dug and started diggingup those roots.
So all of that, all of that is healing.
And The thing is when you reallyI'm trying to and this is just a
nugget for people who really think I got a whole bunch of
friends, hundreds of friends. You ain't did your route wrote
route work, because the more route work you do, the smaller
(23:00):
that circle becomes. And and that and I don't care
who you think you are with millions of friends, it don't
work like that when you really do the work.
OK, I'm just saying. And if and if I'm wrong, hey,
everybody has their own experience.
But the tallies that I've taken anybody who really doing that
(23:23):
work is Rhonda, you let me know when you really do that work.
That's that circle does not get bigger.
It gets smaller and becomes a dot.
Listen, tell me it becomes that that little flea sized dot.
And you're right when you said roots come on, when you like you
said, when you stop pulling those roots, when you really
(23:46):
truly on healing and healing, itjust becomes something that
people just toss around and oh, you know, people need to heal.
No, what healing are you doing? Because number one, if you're
really on a healing journey, youdon't need those subliminal
notes and polls. You know how many people I have
muted on IG because I can't tolerate like the subliminal
passive aggressiveness like thisis not healing, you know, and
(24:10):
you have to like do these different things.
And also when you said pulling those roots, you start to
realize this parts of ourselves because none of us are perfect,
especially we've dealt with situation ships.
I know I have, like you said. So we start realizing those
broken parts of us and the things we were doing to filling
those cracks. The situation ships, the
(24:31):
codependency, the need for validation, the friendships that
really didn't have any type of glue to them, something, you
know, just, Oh my God, just a dysfunction that a lot of us
thought was normal to fill in those gaps and cracks and that
broken vessel. Come on.
And like you said, once you start shaking that root and you
(24:52):
start healing, your circle does get very smaller.
I always question people. That's like I said, a friend
that everyone is a friend of no one.
I mean, you're friends with everybody.
Like how's that possible? Like you don't object to
anything like there's not some spirits that you, you can't be
around. I, I, I truly, it's not just
(25:13):
you. I can't comprehend that like
you, you're spiritually promiscuous, you know, just like
a person could be socially promiscuous.
You're spiritually promiscuous because you live with everybody,
everybody, your friend, you know, everybody touch you.
You know, I can't do it. Like I really can't.
And once I my eyes open wider, Ican't relate to everything.
(25:36):
I can't attach myself to everything worldly.
It just, it doesn't. It doesn't.
I'm allergic, you know. That's when you are.
And that's what I once you really do the work you do become
allergic, I'm telling you, because you become more
sensitive to the fake. I've always been a girl who can
(25:59):
kisses the foolery in the fakery, you know, and I put my
church finger up and I exit stage left.
You know, I don't have to cause no scene and be like, yeah,
girl, I don't like you. I just be like, OK, girl, this
is not for me. And I could just exit stage left
because once it's not once it's it just doesn't.
(26:20):
My spirit is just don't sit withit.
I can't, I can't kick it. I can't even fake like I'm cool
with you. I can't.
So I would rather just separate myself, you know, and wish you
the best from afar, you know? But that also came with work
(26:40):
because normally I all of the red flags could just tap dance
in front of me, you know, as a friend, lover, partner, and I'll
just be like, Oh, it's a red flag.
That's it's all good. I love them.
Yes, how they are just how you is.
And then as soon as how that person is affects me, then I'm
looking like, well, where did I go wrong?
(27:02):
Not understanding that they showed me who they were in the
beginning. So at that point then you have
to stop and do this self work and say, why is it that I keep
ignoring red flags, yield signs?Why is it that I keep doing
that? What, what trauma or
generational trauma is within methat I keep allowing this
(27:26):
behavior or these scenarios to keep happening?
You know, and sometimes people don't even want to step in that
accountability because then it'salmost like you look at it as a
failure and it's not, it's a lesson.
Lessons make you more powerful. Lessons make you greater.
(27:47):
And I think that's that's reallywhat healing is about.
Because healing is ugly. Healing is stank.
Healing is stupid. Healing doesn't look good.
Some days healing will have you in the corner, slide down the
wall crying. Like healing for real has you on
that level. You ain't lying.
(28:08):
Healing is not attractive. Healing is not bad.
Something that's going to walk by you and catch your attention.
It's it's so unattractive, it's ugly, it's disgusting.
You know, healing hurts. It it it it's painful.
Healing is not this, you know, sugar coated thing that people
toss around, you know, and they want to like get upset with
(28:30):
somebody that wouldn't allow them to cross that.
Battery not to cut you off, but I got to wait a nice healing yes
and and and not to cut you off. I just got to say healing is not
a two day healing retreat in Tulum, Mexico.
That is not healing and that is not going to save the day.
(28:52):
OK, those are great excursions, but that is not healing.
OK, shout out to those having those retreats.
I'm quite sure they're amazing, but there's deeper work that has
to be done and it does not cost a dime.
(29:13):
You know, feeling is it'll just,it'll just cost you your old
life. That's it.
That's what it'll cost you, yourold life and who you used to be.
It's going to cost you your old life.
It's going to cost you your old friends.
It will cost you relationships, even with your own family,
because you'll start looking at things that you were told is
(29:34):
normal or things that you were forced to suck it up or let it
go. You know, like dysfunctional
families. That's they, they, oh, just that
it happened a long time ago. Just leave it alone.
Just some of the friendships that you have that you realize
are like, what type of mind do Ihave with this person?
Is this a trauma bond or a gossip bond?
Like is this somebody I really truly want to call when I'm
(29:57):
going through something or it's really going to be there?
Like if you lose everything, it cost you everything because
everything that you thought was OK, you start to realize like,
wait a minute, I got to let somethings go.
And you're like, wait, this is what I got to do in order to
move forward, I have to let thisgo.
(30:20):
It cost you everything. And some people don't comprehend
that, but it cost you everything.
It's just, I can't even stress it enough.
It will cost you everything. If you're really truly trying to
heal, it's going to cost you so many things.
It's going to make you look backat things that you did like,
wow, who was I? It's going to cost who you
(30:43):
thought you were because you're going to realize I'm not that
person anymore. So that's when all the other
people that were used to that cracked person or the person
that had all these different gaps that you were feeling there
with insecurity and things like that are anxiety.
Now you're stepping away from that and they're like, wait a
minute, this is not that same little pushover or this is not
(31:06):
the same person that accepted everything or just in general,
like you don't find these thingsinteresting or funny anymore.
What what happened to you? It cost you everything.
Yeah, it and and it does. But you have to know that that
other side, that the, the rewardfrom that is so much greater the
(31:30):
the freedom that I have, the person that I am today, the
mother that I am today, the business woman that I am today.
Like it is just so different. It's so different.
It's different than a year ago, two years ago, Like it's just so
different. But I had to do that ugly work,
(31:51):
still doing it right, but I had to do the ugly work in order to
get to this place. And and here's another thing
too, what people don't understand, everybody wants to
be an entrepreneur, Everybody wants to be an Entreprenegro.
Everybody wants to be a boss baby to this.
(32:13):
But I'm telling you, you're not gonna ever maximize in your
business and be covered the way that you need to if your
personal route work is not whereit needs to be.
It's just not. You can't fake it is you can
now. It's a lot of that.
You can fake it. You can have $1,000,000 worth of
(32:33):
sales. You can.
You can do all of that. However, I'm talking about
having your business covered, having purposeful business
relationships and networks that can help you create generational
wealth. I'm talking about that.
That's not going to happen untilyou do the root work because
there are some people who are onwho are billionaires and
(32:55):
millionaires who don't want to do business with Phil.
And also, if you're sitting and have not done your root work,
how can you be blessed with more?
And you can't even do what you need to do with the hundreds and
thousands. I had to learn that.
I had to. I wanted more.
And I'm like, God, I need you toexpand.
(33:15):
Like sis, you can't even I give you something.
You want to buy a pair of lubricants?
I need you to sit your tail down.
I need you to figure something else out.
I need you to really digest whatyou doing with your money.
I had to and that I had to realize I had a horrible
relationship with money, you know, but that was all
accountability and rude work. You know, that all that was all
(33:38):
that rude work that I had to do.So sometimes that mean I had to
sit my tail down and learn from someone else who's better at
money than me and say that doesn't mean I failed.
That just means there are thingsthat I need to get stronger in
when it comes to the financial side.
And so if we take the word failure out of our mind and
(34:00):
understand that there are thingsthat we need to tighten up in
our journey of healing, our business is going to flourish.
Anything that we touch will flourish.
And you touched on some good things because financially
you're right. If you haven't healed and you're
trying to run a business, it also leads to desperation.
(34:21):
If you're offering your businessand desperation, same thing as
we said, you can't let everybodyin your circle.
Also business wise, if you're a true entrepreneur, you also
can't focus on being liked by absolutely everyone.
And I know there's the KLT model, no, like trust, yes, we
know that, but don't let that make you think you got a link up
(34:42):
with every person that comes across your path.
So they got too many people withopportunities.
Those opportunities don't have acheck at the end of it.
So you have to be really carefuland how you build relationships
with people because some people,like they want a relationship
with you. Yeah, they want a relationship
with you business wise because they see that you have something
(35:02):
on you. They feel it.
Trust me. People see when you have that,
like you have that glow and you're sitting on $1,000,000
idea, they know that they want apiece of it, but they want to
see exactly how much they can get out of you for free or with
the least amount possible. So again, if you're not healed,
sometimes you don't have that confidence if you're not healed
to say, well, you know what, no,like I'm not going to deal with
(35:26):
this person currently or this isjust not what I want to align
with. And that's a hard thing for
people too. And they're entrepreneurs
because if you're, when you're doing that route work, and if
you're not at the certain level you should be in your route
work, you undervalue yourself. You'll have that imposter
syndrome even in business and think, well, you know what,
(35:50):
maybe I'm not as good as this person or maybe, you know, they,
they know someone. So, so no, like you have to also
have that healing and how you handle your entrepreneurship
too. You know, it's like you said,
everybody want to be a boss. And again, too, knowing your
finances manifestation, when it comes to money, you have to
(36:10):
really get yourself in like a money mindset, but you also have
to get yourself in a billionairemindset.
And what I mean by that is how am I going to take this money
and do what God has given me this, these funds to do?
You know what I'm saying? How do I want this to multiply?
How do I want this to be consistent?
How do I want to monetize this vision?
(36:32):
And you got to really think hardand deep on that and incorporate
that healing and look at, like you said, learning to talk to
somebody. Some people don't like to even,
they're too proud to just even listen or learn from somebody
who has done it. And then on the flip side, too,
sometimes you know, people who have achieved certain things,
they may not be very welcoming, you know, to people.
(36:55):
But on the flip side, if one person isn't welcoming, go find
the next one. Somebody on talk to you.
You're going to find somebody that you'll be able, you know,
to get mentorship from. But don't don't be too cocky or
prideful to that you're above learning from somebody, but also
approach them in the right way too.
(37:16):
Don't make it seem like you're just being another vulture
that's trying to take from them.Show that you're valuable.
Show hey, this is where I'm at now and I need help on this.
There's a way you can approach people too, you know, and it
also goes and try healing, learning how we address
somebody, how we talk to them. And sometimes also have that
confidence, but also be knowledgeable.
(37:38):
Like there's a fine line between, you know, just being
humble, but also being confidenttoo.
So I know that's like a very complicated will, but your
healing does flow into your entrepreneurship for sure and
your professionalism. So I definitely agree with that.
And also when you mention about money, we'll talk ourselves into
(38:01):
scarcity. When we like have built less of
ourselves, we can put ourselves in that scarcity mindset too.
And if you have a scarcity mindset, you become desperate
and it's just not a good way just to operate in life when it
comes to just learning our finances, learning our value,
how to save money, or just not even going to need to also
(38:22):
validate ourselves also through material things.
That's such a a very complicatedwill.
Yes, that that that, that that material things was my issue.
It would definitely my issue andconsistency, right?
(38:43):
I had to get to what my issue with consistency was because I
would start something and not finish it or I would start
something, get in my head, stop it and be like and overthink it.
And then it will call for whatever great grand project
(39:04):
that had momentum to stop. And the problem with that was,
you know, God was like, you wantto be consistent over here and
you're not consistent with me. You know, you not even
consistent in your foundation. So you over here doing campaigns
and you're doing this and you'redoing that.
You have yet consulted with me. You got you don't put this
person a part of it. That person ain't even meant to
(39:25):
be a part of it. Like that's why it's not
consistent because you're doing,you're putting the pieces of the
puzzle together all wrong. You're not, you're not even
consulting me about anything. So yeah, you're definitely not
going to be consistent because I'm going to pull the plug on
it. And so that's genuinely what was
happening on and on and on untilI said, and I want to say this
(39:50):
was probably maybe even 2-3 years ago.
I was like, OK, I'm still not a good judge again, character guy
and I just shut something else down because of.
Intertwining individuals that weren't supposed to be a part of
it. So let me just throw my heads up
and you just tell me where to go.
(40:10):
You know, so all of that is a part of being, you know, a good
still work for being a good business person and being and
going on your assignment becauseconsistency is key.
You know, that's how you you know that that's how you could
actually see your blessings come.
It's just being consistent in the assignment.
(40:34):
But in the same time, if if you still are overthinking and
feeling less about yourself or attached to the wrong
individuals and I'm tired, everything we just talked about,
it stops the consistency. It's it stops it because your
ship is sinking. Somebody's either making a ship,
you making it sink. Like, you know, it's just so
(40:56):
many things that can just stop your consistency and that's even
consistency on your healing journey.
You know, we have so many thingsand so many entities around us
that can stop us. We can't even stop ourselves
from doing the work that needs to be done because we can be our
own worst enemies and then we'lladd people to the pot and it'll
(41:18):
make it no better, right? So we have to have all these, we
have to have our foundation in order to have all the things
that we talked about flow. We have to, we have to know when
to say no. We have to understand the our
yeses, right? You know, we have to understand
(41:40):
our capacity. We have to understand what
we're, you know, some are called, some are chosen.
You know, we have to understand our assignment.
Some people don't understand theassignment, and that's OK,
right? But when we start operating
outside of that, that's when things go all over the place.
So I've learned that all of those things tie together
(42:03):
whether we want to believe they do or not.
You'll eventually see that they do.
And I just feel like, like you said, not everybody's going to
understand that assignment. And that's just something you
also have to accept. It just goes back to when you're
working on your healing, when you're on a real true healing
journey, validation goes out thewindow because you don't need
(42:27):
validation from certain corners,certain circles.
It means it really is meaningless.
So once you have that outside ofyour mind, it again brings you
to a different level. And it also again, and as we
said, the circle gets small, some of those business
relationships air quote changes because it's like, OK, do I
(42:49):
really want to be in line with that?
So a lot changes, you know, likeyou said, just the way you view
things, just the way you view air connections are it's just
different, like it holds different values.
So I also want to just talk about as well as we talked about
healing a lot, you and I, we've definitely dealt with trauma
(43:10):
too. And that's part of just the
healing, just letting go of justpast things.
You know, it's just with the pockets you have what what the
trauma like just coming to terms, I would say with trauma
of our past and realizing that we don't have to wear that
trauma. How has it been for you just
(43:33):
releasing trauma in order to find personal value, personal
worthiness? How has that been on your
healing journey to release the trauma and move past the trauma?
Because again, it's something that doesn't happen overnight
and it's something that's alwaysa work in progress.
It's something that I feel like trauma survivors, it's like a
reset thing or people who are consistent with going to the
(43:56):
gym. Like it's like you have to still
exercise on a regular basis to release it.
So how has that process been foryou?
People tell you this, and I've been talking to a lot of people
about it in the past. So cancer, really, when I got
diagnosed with cancer August 6thof 2020, I didn't know that that
(44:19):
journey was going to take me on such a crazy, crazy ride.
Being in the hospital being burned to the second degree, you
know, losing 126 lbs. Just like everything that could
go wrong or the side effects that could go wrong happened to
me, right? And in that hospital room,
(44:43):
because I was in being treated during COVID, I couldn't have
any visitors. I was isolated due to my
compromised immune system with AIDS, so I was literally by
myself day in, day out, day in, day out.
And in that time I think I was just in tears every day from the
pain. But BI, so many traumas were
(45:07):
coming to me from the past on top of me being in the hospital
that it was crazy. It, it was almost like that time
that I had to sit down in the hospital and then when they sent
me home for palliative care because after palliative care is
Hospice. So my, it was my last chance
(45:29):
with palliative care at home in the hospital bed.
I literally was like at night talking to God like, OK, so why
is this bothering me? And I'm dealing with I'm in
2020. Why is something from 2003
pissing me off? Like it was crazy how I was
coming in. It was such a crazy spiritual
(45:51):
journey that I ended up, I wanted to do treatment in
California, ended up doing treatment in Wisconsin because
the whole country was on the lockdown and Wisconsin was no
longer approving my medical care.
And I had this horrible relationship with Texas, with
Houston. I never wanted to be in Houston.
(46:12):
Houston irritated me and it was crazy because I was forced to do
the rest of my cancer treatment here in Houston at MD Anderson.
I couldn't walk. I was on a Walker, couldn't
move, and it was crazy. Some of the trauma that had me
in a dark place and Houston, I couldn't move.
(46:35):
But here's here's how that healing works.
It had to put me back in a placethat was a part of my trauma in
order for me to heal so I could face it.
And I ended up getting a therapist.
And this was in 2021. I ended up getting a therapist
and she walked me through everything.
(46:56):
I she was dissecting daddy issues, mommy issues, pattern
issues. She was just breaking it down.
And I was like, I didn't realizeI had that much trauma.
I did not, and it was because all of the vanity had been
broken down. I couldn't dress it up with
(47:17):
hair, I couldn't dress it up with makeup.
I couldn't dress it up with my figure and wearing the best
clothes. I couldn't dress it up because
cancer had my body was deteriorated at that point.
So I literally had to face everything head on looking ugly,
feeling sick and the place that pissed me off whenever I was
(47:38):
flying into town. So it was like I had to go into
the trenches and really get to my healing.
And so that for me showed me that trauma can be so built up
over time that because we just put it in the back of our mind,
(48:02):
we will learn how to operate in dysfunction in the trauma.
And then we not even talking about the generational trauma.
We ain't even talked about that.We're just talking about the
trauma from just living the years that you've, you know, so
it's, it was really an eye opening experience navigating
(48:23):
that trauma. And I will tell people I really
just dealt with the bulk of my trauma within the last 4 1/2
years. And I literally am a new person
just from before cancer. And it was literally because I
was forced to deal with my trauma and too, because I'm a
mother now, you know, I don't. I didn't want to operate and
(48:47):
raise my daughter out of a placeof trauma because I had not done
my work. So now I'm spewing all of my
trauma onto her. That's not fair to her.
So that's really kind of what made me say, OK, let's go back
to the drawing board and fix this.
Let's go back to the drawing board and do that.
(49:08):
Let let's let's, let's look. Why does this look like this?
Why am I speaking like that? Why does this bother me?
Why does the landing in Houston to come and visit my mother and
my grandmother and my family bother me?
Why does, what did the city do to you?
I had to break all of that caution tape, red tape.
I had to in order for me to get to the place to where I am now
(49:29):
at a pace of peace that is priceless.
Peace is priceless and wow, that's just something else.
And I like how you mentioned when you're forced to deal with
your trauma, it doesn't feel good.
But as you said, like you're a different person now.
And that's the that's the thing that just makes it all
(49:53):
worthwhile in spite of the things that we have to lose to
become something new. It's like a transformation.
It's so it's just necessary and it hurts.
It hurts to also go through yourpast and especially things we've
gone through as children in trauma or adolescents or even
our early part of womanhood too,when we didn't know any better
(50:17):
and we experienced trauma in those days or held even after
early womanhood when you still are holding on a certain
baggage. So you still are looking through
a lens of dysfunction. That's the language that you
speak is the actions that you gothrough life when you just look
through it and it's like, oh man, when you get to that
(50:37):
breaking point and it's like, wow, it is priceless.
The peace that comes with it. But there is a morning that
comes. I think that morning doesn't go
away sometimes because you startto think sometimes, damn, you
know, I wish I hadn't known those things back then.
If only are it's just a morning.I feel that comes along with it.
(51:01):
But the piece that you gain fromjust breaking down these
barriers, it is priceless. But that pain, that trauma will
be tied to a city or a state, you know, or just certain
activities where it's like, man,it's like, it's hard for me to
do this. I can't be in these spaces or
places, you know, like sometimespeople don't understand that
(51:24):
too. But your trauma definitely will
live in like a city or a state or something, you know, or just
even in like certain family members, it's hard to like be
around just certain functions that in the past, you know, it
was all good, but now it's like,oh, you know, then you want to
get to the root of why. And that's when it's like, oh
(51:45):
gosh, that's when the work comesin.
And I had no, I had no choice. I, I had no choice but to deal
with mine. I had to deal with, you know,
trauma that I was from where I'mfrom, Milwaukee, I in the house
that I grew up in, I was battling cancer in that same
house in the same exact spot that my grandfather passed away
(52:08):
from cancer in. So it was just so much going on
and I was I felt like I was justfighting an elbow fit every
which away and I was just like, OK, so I have to deal with this
now. I had to go to Houston and face
this stuff head on and to the points where now when I flew in
this time to visit, it was a different level of peace I had
(52:30):
this time when I came cuz normally I'm like, yeah, I got
to run in and I got to run out. And at the bottom line is it's
not the city, it's the trauma that you that you've attached to
it that you have to navigate andyou have to break down and you
have to figure out what that route is.
And you have to make peace with whatever those things are,
(52:53):
whatever that is, whoever that is, you got to make peace with
that so you can move forward. You're right, making peace with,
and I like how you mentioned that it's not the city, but it's
the trauma that's in that city or it's the trauma that's in
that house or it's just a traumafrom a past memory that's
(53:15):
associated with that thing, you know, that space, place or
person. It's the trauma.
And it's like you got to get in a boxing match with that trauma
to move past it because you deserve to move past it is the
thing, you know, and I feel liketo sometimes trauma makes things
(53:35):
easy, you know, like when you haven't faced it, it's easy to
be a victim. It's easy to be OK.
Well, I'm going to blame this, this behavior on that trauma
where, you know, this happened to me a year, a 10 or 20 years
ago. So this is going to excuse why I
do these things. Or I could just use that trauma
as an excuse to get by, you know, so just not wanting to
(53:58):
deal with your trauma, it does make stuff easy because it's
like, OK, you don't have to do the healing work.
You can save that coin and not get a therapist.
Because it's like, you know what, I'm gonna just sit in this
trauma. Like I just use this trauma as a
reason and not. Go visit.
Yeah, yeah. But I but I've noticed those
that do do. And I'm not, you know, talking
(54:19):
about anyone specifically, but it'll be family, family members
who will equate I'm over this orI'm healed from something due to
the accolades that they have. So I have these degrees, I drive
this car, I have this house, so I'm good.
But when you sit and you have a conversation with them and, and
(54:40):
you can see just by how they treat people that they have
healing to do just in the conversations that they have,
you know, you can't even have a conversation without being
snappy, stank, you know, judgy. You know, when you really aren't
in a place of healing, you don'tspeak from a place of judgement.
You don't speak from a place of of conflict because you're just
(55:05):
on a different level of peace. You didn't, you just.
Are, you know, so I had to understand that my healing is
not tied to things, you know, because I, if I had nothing, I
would still have this level of peace, you know, and I would
(55:26):
still, I would still think the utmost of myself like I always
have. But now I think the utmost of
myself in the most highest of healing way ever.
That's the difference. And it is not tied to things
because I can't take things withme, can't even take the money
with me. So I have to make sure that I,
(55:48):
I'm, I'm, I'm OK with, with selfand what I stand for and how I
treat people and how I operate outside of all that love stuff.
But you know what? You can't take these things with
you. But we can leave this earth by
leaving that peace through our children, you know, through our
(56:09):
relationships. That's how you break that
generational curse where you canleave the peace that you gain
when you can leave it through your, your, your legacy.
And that's the part that's like,Oh my God, like it's, it's, it's
just, it's worth everything thatyou've gone through because you
can leave peace through your legacy.
(56:30):
You can leave your authenticity through that legacy.
You can leave all the rewards that you've gotten through the
work of healing three-year legacy once we're going and
that's one thing that's like it's the ultimate reward.
But this has been, again, a beautiful reconnection, just a
(56:50):
beautiful, just an awakening forpeople that are going to tune in
and listen or watch just to let them know, like healing is ugly,
like we said, but it is worth it.
You deserve this. So I do want to.
Leave this to you before we go to just leave us with something,
(57:12):
whether it's an affirmation or Ido these calls now we've been
doing this for about two months called Pink Rain.
We do these empowerment calls and one of the best parts of the
call is we'll use an action word.
Everyone goes around and they'llsay an action word and say how
to apply that action word to theself love in their lives.
(57:33):
So even if you, I would like to send that to you, if you want to
just pick an action word and that action word could be how
you're winning or how you're rising anything.
Just an action word that you would think of through this
journey of healing to get to this audience and how they can
apply it in their lives. Because a lot of people just
(57:55):
don't realize you deserve that peace.
And I know it's not easy. I know it's not.
And I'm not even I don't even want to make this seem like it's
so easy to do or like make it a light hearted thing again,
because as we said, healing is work.
So if you want to just leave theaudience, but just an action
(58:17):
word and how they can apply it to just get that peace with
healing. Absolutely.
My, my action word is going to be off the top.
Surrender. You have to surrender to your
reality. You have to surrender to what he
is. You have to surrender to your
assignment. You have to surrender to even
(58:40):
your trauma, you know, because even when you go to God and say,
I don't want you to increase howI want you to this, I want you
to, you know, and not that he's Santa Claus, right?
But when you go to him and, and you're saying that you're
thankful for all these things and, and you're going to him,
you know, kind of with, Hey, lead me, guide me.
(59:03):
You got to surrender because youhave to take your hands off of
it. You have to do the same thing in
the physical. So a lot of things you got to
take your hands off of so it could do its thing, you know,
and we, we get into anxiety, we get into depression, we get into
all these other things because are are the right we feel to
(59:24):
control everything. And once you learn to sit back
and surrender it, you'll be surprised the doors that open
up, and you'll be surprised thatthe you that opens up when it's
time to receive all those blessings, girl.
(59:46):
And I love that surrender. Just Oh my God, surrender and
just let God do the work. I love that surrender.
Again, this has been a beautifulconversation and amazing
connection. Thank you again, just for always
supporting this platform, supporting me like it means a
lot to me. Like you're like what I call
(01:00:08):
like one of the, the Ogs, like you've been here from the
beginning. So I, I truly, it means a lot to
me. And again, I know personally I
have been on this isolation. Journey it's just for my mental
peace, but I know I can reach out to you at any time though,
and I I don't take that lightly.I truly, truly appreciate you
(01:00:31):
everything you do do do just whoyou are, and I truly appreciate
you. Before we do end everything,
though, please tell everybody how they can follow you, how
they can be a part of this journey, because you just, I
said you just have, if put yourself out there.
And I know, like we discussed, like it's, it's a slippery slope
(01:00:53):
because you know, when you're giving yourself, you got to
protect yourself too. But what from what you do share,
though, it can change lives. It, it, it inspires people.
And I can't just I just admire everything that you do.
So please let everybody know howthey can follow you on social
media, how they can connect withyou.
(01:01:13):
Yes, please. At I Am Keisha J.
It's on everything, whether that's TikTok, Twitter,
Instagram, but you can also follow the I Am Keisha J
Foundation, which is launching in two countries, launching here
in Atlanta. Well, not here but in the states
in Atlanta, GA, June 27th and inAccra, Ghana World AIDS Day
(01:01:36):
December 1st. This year we decide to switch it
to World Aid. They to make it a bigger and
more grand event because they really need our attention over
in Africa. So follow me in all those
platforms and you'll get to knoweverything that's going on with
me. I love it.
Thank you again for just being who you are, and I hope that for
(01:02:01):
anyone that listens or watches this episode that it does bless
you and whoever tunes in right now.
I wanted to tell you right now, I congratulate you because if
you listen to this, I know that you're on the timeline of
healing. You may not be as far as you
want to be, are you? Whatever part of that timeline
(01:02:23):
of healing that you are on, I still want to commend whoever
tunes and whoever listens. This is for you.
I want to commend you because I know it's not easy.
I know it's not easy. We, the two women that you just
listen to, it took time to even discuss what we discussed today.
And we're still learning and we're still working and we're
(01:02:45):
still growing. So I commend you and you got
this. You deserve that piece that
comes with healing even when it hurts.
You deserve the peace even when you lose people, what you're
going to gain is so much bigger.So again, you deserve everything
(01:03:06):
that your heart desires, but youdeserve that peace from healing.
So thank you, thank you, thank you for tuning into this
episode. You can catch this episode and
more www.goqueen.com. Make sure again you be safe and
please, please, please go. Love yourself as much as
possible. You deserve it.
(01:03:28):
Thank you again for tuning into the Q chat and thank you again
Miss Keisha J. You guys are all phenomenal and
again, this conversation was foryou.
So guys, please take care.
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