July 1, 2025 • 47 mins
In this deeply personal solo episode of The Q-Chat, Shronda Armstrong returns with a powerful message about the strength, clarity, and healing found in letting go. From toxic family dynamics to broken friendships and the pressure to forgive too soon, she explores why setting boundaries—and even cutting ties—isn't cruel, it's self-love.
Shronda reflects on the emotional labor of being the family scapegoat, the pain of people-pleasing, and the silent weight of unspoken trauma. She challenges the idea that forgiveness must be immediate, confronts cut-off culture, and reminds listeners that preserving your peace is not up for debate.
This episode is for anyone who's ever walked away and wrestled with guilt—or is still finding the courage to do so.
“There is good in goodbye. There's peace on the other side. And you are worthy of that peace.”
We're covering:
The truth about cutting people off
People-pleasing as a trauma response
Family scapegoating and generational shame
The real cost of ignoring red flags
Forgiving on your timeline
Reclaiming your peace, power, and purpose
Connect with Shronda at www.geauxqueen.com for podcast episodes, magazine features, Pink Reign calls, and in-person empowerment events in Dallas. And remember:
You don’t need their permission to protect your peace. Geaux let go.
Follow for weekly conversations on self-love, healing, and empowerment.
Visit: www.geauxqueen.com IG: @iam_geauxqueen | @theqchat_podcast
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
There's a plate about a businessman working hard on a
finished head, high purpose chinand bed crown on it with tilted
Go clean, go clean. She's a queen.
(00:29):
About a business day working hard on the business show Head
high purpose truth crown on never tilted go queen.
She's a queen. About a business working hard on
a mission. Head high purpose truth, crown
(00:49):
on never tilted, Go queen. Thank you guys again for joining
another episode of the Queue Chat.
(01:11):
Thank you, thank you, thank you.Thank you guys for everything.
Thank you for your energy. Thank you for tuning in today.
Thank you for joining this spaceand just simply listening and
receiving these self love messages.
I had such a great response to the past episode that I did
since most since I was finally able to get through a solo
(01:33):
episode alone. As I mentioned, it's just
something that has been on my heart for quite some time to
offer you guys solo episodes andI'm just going to push through.
So I wanted to talk again. It's just about more topics that
I'm pertinent of what a lot of us are going through, especially
women, and just as we navigate to get through this thing called
(01:56):
life. I want to definitely just take
some time to reflect and just offer some nice conversations,
some thoughts on things that I know like you guys are going
through as well. So I just think it's important
for us to gather and have these circles, but we can connect and
just talk about things that are pertinent and mean something to
(02:17):
us. So today I wanted to talk about
the good and goodbye. So I want to say that again.
I want to talk about and reflecton the good and goodbye.
So I know right now we live and cut off culture.
(02:38):
And I'm not talking about cancelculture.
I'm talking about cut off culture.
We're we're all in seasons. I feel like where we kind of cut
people off or we cut certain habits off.
But mainly we cut people off right now.
It's something that has been an exercise that I feel a lot of
people are doing right now. I don't know about you, but I
(03:00):
know for me, I think this becamevery heavy after COVID.
And we know we all lived throughit.
We all lived through this, the craziness of COVID, the
uncertainty. A lot of us were faced with
mortality right in front of us in ways that we had never
(03:21):
experienced before. So I know during that time
period, a lot of people were reflecting and making a lot of
changes in their lives. They were cutting off people.
They were ending relationships. They were leaving jobs that were
draining them and that were toxic.
(03:41):
They were walking away from quite a bit.
They weren't just doing the six feet away.
They were making sure they were pushing a lot of people out that
weren't serving. Basically.
A lot of us saw that. You know what, tomorrow truly
isn't promised. Now, of course, we all know that
in the back of our minds, but there was nothing like that
(04:03):
feeling during COVID where it was like, OK, this isn't a pop
quiz. This is the final exam.
Like we really can be out of here like that.
So I think because of the certain energy that was going on
at the time, a lot of people really started looking at, hey,
you know, I got some people in my life that if I'm going to be
(04:24):
in my final season, do I really want to deal with this person?
Or if I'm in my final season, doI really want to be stuck at
this job right now? So I think that's when the art
of cutting people off kind of really, you know, got perfected.
So I'm going to just go deep into the good though, and
(04:48):
goodbye. So currently right now, I
definitely still that a lot of people are practicing the art of
cutting people off or just cutting things that just do not
serve them off or cutting thingsthat just bringing negative
energy into their lives off is important.
But I want to talk about the good in it.
(05:10):
There is good and goodbye. There is a greatness in saying
goodbye and closing the door. So I know it gets a little
tricky when we talk about cutting people off because of
course, there's the big elephantin the room and that is
forgiveness. So I know for me, forgiveness is
(05:31):
very complex because there's people that say, hey, you know,
when you're cutting people off, you're boring or not forgiving
people. So of course, that's a big
debate in this world on what youshould forgive, who you should
forgive, how you should forgive if it's wrong, if you don't
forgive somebody, does it bring negative energy into your life
(05:53):
when you don't forgive someone? Or how to forgive even how do I
go about forgiving somebody? So my perspective on forgiveness
is very complex. So I currently, I'm living in
this a period of my life right now.
Well, I have cut off a lot of people.
(06:16):
Now, I know I've read in a lot of different things that cutting
off people is in fact a trauma response.
So my reaction to that is duh. I mean, I personally going
through a lot of trauma. So a lot of action that I know I
personally make. I don't think it's a secret that
(06:37):
is a trauma response and I accept that fully.
However, our trauma responses air quote, it's a protection
mechanism. It's just something that we do
to protect ourselves. And I don't necessarily see
anything wrong with that. So here's the thing, a lot of
people who practice cutting off now and correct me if I'm wrong,
(07:02):
if if you disagree with this, feel free to e-mail me.
I'll disconnect and talk to me about this.
I feel like a lot of people who experience cutting people off a
lot at one point in time, you more than likely suffer from
people pleasing itis. You were more than likely a
people pleaser. You were more than likely one of
(07:24):
those people who, you know, you were in certain situations where
you just kind of brushed things off to the side.
You knew some stuff didn't smellright.
You knew them. Those people were, you know,
playing games or they just, you were around people who you
wanted to see the best in them basically.
So you brushed a lot to the side.
Are you put up with a lot of things.
(07:47):
There may have even been situations where you didn't
speak up in ways that you once you once you reflected on
certain situations later you like wait, you know what I wish
I I wish I had spoken up. I wish I had said something.
So if you have operated and thatenergy in the past of just being
(08:07):
the people pleaser, being the bigger person, being the one who
puts up with certain things to keep the peace, you may now be
in a situation where you may even be experienced some
resentfulness. You may be like, you know what,
man, I wish I had not, you know,done this.
I wish I had not let these people walk over me or I wish
(08:29):
there were times where I was being quiet to keep the peace.
But you look back on it, you reflect on it now and you like
keeping the peace didn't really benefit much.
It didn't benefit me much. Like it like, you know, they
make you think keeping the peacedoes or being that bigger
person. And you start to get slightly
resentful because you'll see certain people who abused your
(08:53):
lack of boundaries. It did nothing.
They they took it and they ran with it.
They now feel entitled. There's some people that they
feel entitled to treat you any old way, they feel entitled to
talk to you any kind of way to mishandle you because they're
accustomed to you not having boundaries.
(09:13):
And trust me, these people who have benefited from you not
having boundaries, don't think for one second that they're not
aware of the benefits they are receiving from your lack of
boundaries. So you've looked back on this,
you reflected it and you've you've reflected on this and
you've realized, you know what, man, I cannot believe I let some
(09:37):
of these despicable people get the best of me.
So you start to get slightly resentful.
So this is where the art of cutting people off may have
intensified in your life becausenow you want peace.
Now you've just realized a lot of the times where you had these
heavy burdens of just having a lack of boundaries, the
(09:59):
repercussions of that. So now you want to have peace.
You want to correct that, you want to get past these
situations, so it may have caused you some slight
resentment. However, I just want to say that
people pleasing is such a toxic thing.
Having a lack of boundaries is so dangerous for so many
(10:23):
reasons. Having a lack of boundaries, it
threatens your peace, It threatens your longevity, it
just threatens your Peace of Mind because having a lack of
boundaries, you're just allowingso many bad things to come into
(10:43):
your life and it's very scary. So again, a lot of people have
gone through people pleasing, they've gone through trying to
be that big a person and this has cost them a lot.
It's cost you being on the receiving end of being abused in
(11:04):
a lot of situations, whether that lack of boundaries was with
your family or maybe in some of these relationships that you've
had in the past that weren't quite right for you, or maybe in
some of the friendships that you've had, you had no
boundaries so people took advantage of you.
So here we are now we're in a stage where you've realized,
(11:28):
hey, this was not worth it. This was not where I needed to
be at. So now you're on the move where
you say, hey, I gotta cut these people off.
But let me tell you something. There's nothing wrong with
cutting people off. Now I know, hey, I'm no
therapist. So I know like you may come
across some people that'll say it's not good to cut people off,
(11:51):
it's not right, you should confront them, you should talk
to them, blah blah blah. Again, self love will offend a
lot of people. If you were that people pleaser,
if you were that family member, the family scapegoat where they
(12:12):
just always treated you in the worst way, they wanted you to
tolerate things that they wouldn't expect that are the
cousin or their other sibling orthat other biological connection
to tolerate. But they thought you would do it
because they knew that you're the quiet one, you're the sweet
one. You're the one that always shows
up. So it's easier for them to abuse
(12:34):
you because you're in closer proximity.
But you finally got some enlightenment and you said, hey,
you know what? I'm cutting these people off.
They're not benefiting me. Sometimes you need to cut people
off without an explanation. And again, when you do these
things, it will offend people. You'll be the pariah.
(12:56):
You will definitely be the family member that they're going
to talk about and drag because they're like, wait a minute, the
scapegoat has finally gotten free.
They're off living their life and being happy.
And I'm still this miserable family member that has nothing
else going on but to just sit there and play games and be
childish and immature. They're gonna be upset with you.
(13:21):
Of course, if you had friends that took advantage of the fact
that you had no boundaries and you just let them play over you,
you let them do things to you that they would not do to the
other person in the friend groupor the friend circle.
And now you've bossed up. You put on your big girl panties
and you say, you know what? I'm not playing this anymore.
(13:42):
You're gonna be disliked now, obviously, baby, you're gonna be
talked about. They gonna put you in that group
chat and with the screenshots and be like, who does she think
she is? This is all a part of what
happens when you grow and you move on.
We've all heard that saying so many times.
They all cannot go with you. So yes, once you start
(14:05):
exercising those boundaries and if those boundaries leads you to
cut people off, do not think it's going to be a clean break
again. You will be talked about.
They don't look at you funny. They'll be upset.
(14:26):
They'll be 100% offended that they don't have access to a good
person anymore. They don't have access to that.
Good thing they don't have access to a weak person.
And that's not to call you weak,but I'm telling you that's how
it's viewed from people who havethese ugly mentalities that feel
that they're entitled to treat people any way they want to.
(14:50):
They know that they can get overon you.
So once you start exercising those boundaries and moving on,
they are going to be very upset.However, this is part of the
game. This is the next chapter in your
life. That's what you're going to have
to accept and still move on. There is indeed good and saying
(15:14):
goodbye and closing the door andmoving to the next chapter and
not looking back. Do you know what looking back
will cost you? It can cost you everything.
Looking back will cost you your life.
Having a lack of boundaries can cost you your life.
(15:35):
Being a people pleaser can cost you your life.
Being aligned with the wrong people can cost you your life.
Not using discernment will cost you your life.
You'll be so stressed out. You'll be continuing to deal
with anxiety. You'll be continuing to deal
(15:57):
with emotional abuse. These things lead to so many
things in your life that can endit and shorten it early.
Believe me, there is a good and goodbye.
You can walk away from toxic people.
You're allowed to walk away fromthat toxic family.
(16:17):
It doesn't matter what they think about you, what they're
gonna say, because look at it. Look at who you are and look at
who they are. Does their opinion really
matter? It really shouldn't.
You have to really value yourself and apply that self
love and keep remembering you are a big deal.
(16:38):
You are valuable, you're a good person, you're an empath, you
think of others, you value otherpeople.
There's been times where you've put yourself last to help
somebody. You always try to look out for
(17:01):
other people. There's been times you've gone
out of your way for somebody andyou haven't expected anything in
return. The problem with that is when
you do have a good heart, sometimes there are people who
do not value you and they're going to use and abuse your
(17:24):
heart. This is a time where you have to
really, really, really look and say, hey, is, are these things
worth it? Is it worth me to keep giving
myself if I'm not going to get have reciprocity in return?
And yes, I do know there's time.So yes, you do have to help
people and not necessarily say, hey, I expect them to give
(17:47):
something back to me. I get that.
But if you evaluate every singletime you've done these things,
sometimes you have to really assess who should I be pouring
into like this though? Sometimes we give and we give
and we give to people who are not worthy of what you have to
(18:07):
give. And that does not make you a bad
person. When you come to this
realization and realize that I really need to step back, I may
have to cut this person off. It's OK to cut off negative ties
in your life. It's OK to step back.
(18:27):
Sometimes you have to bless and block them.
I wish you the best. I really don't want to see
anything bad happen to this person.
But guess what? I can't talk to them anymore.
Do you know that when you talk to people, the people that you
have in your life, who you engage with, it's a transfer of
energy. So let's say for example, you
(18:50):
may have somebody in your life, this could be a friend or it
could be a family member or an associate.
And every single time that you talk to them or interact with
them, they just have this negative toxic energy.
Have you ever had a situation like that where after you've
spoken to someone, you felt physically drained or you just
(19:11):
felt something was off? Have you ever been in a
situation where you were physically tired afterwards just
after dealing with them just after in exchange with them, you
felt physically off? I'm telling you, when you
interact with people, you are literally transferring energy.
(19:34):
Have you ever been around somebody that say, hey, I love
your energy, I love being aroundyou, or they just compliment
your energy, I really love your energy.
It's because they felt somethingpositive being around you, so
Can you imagine how it is when you're around someone that has
the the opposite effect to that and the damage it can do to you?
(19:58):
We cannot afford to keep leasingourselves to toxic entities.
It is OK to scale back. Personally, I know I'm going
through a season where I've had to cut a lot of people up.
Over the past few years, especially since COVID, as I've
mentioned, I do have asthma, I've dealt with anemia, things
(20:20):
like that. If you're already physically
drained, you have to really, really, really be mindful of who
you allow in your life. These energy transfers can make
or break you. After COVID, I know that I just
had a lot of thoughts going on in my mind and I just want to be
really mindful of who's in my life.
(20:41):
I still practice it to this day.I'm at the point now in my life
and I have no shame in saying this.
If the most littlest things sometimes start to feel off, I
I'd start evaluating just my connection with certain people.
Is this worth it? I know there's been a lot of
(21:01):
times I know, and I don't know if you've experienced this, but
there's been a lot of times where I disrespected my
discernment. My discernment was tingling.
My Spidey senses were tingling early on with certain people,
but I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt.
I wanted to be air quote, the nice guy.
(21:24):
I didn't want a person to dislike me or think, oh, you
know what? She's being mean, she's being
cold. So I gave them continual chances
and I paid the price for that because all it did was lead to
even worse Interactions with these people are just situations
where I'm like, man, I just gavemyself my energy, my friendship,
(21:46):
my connection with someone for alonger period of time where I
should have caught on from the very beginning.
That red, that red flag that wasup there from the beginning.
I just didn't want to listen to it.
Or I thought I was tripping. I thought I was in the wrong.
I think I thought I was just judging people too early on or
(22:07):
even personal personally things.In my family I have been the
proud black sheep for quite sometime for the past few years.
So during COVID, I had a situation and I don't want to
ramble, but I was in a situationin my family where I've always
realized I was just tolerating too many things.
(22:30):
I was always a scapegoat. I am the youngest of my family
and being the youngest, I know Isee a lot of things on social
media that's always like, you know what, pray for the oldest
daughter, the oldest daughter, this, blah blah blah.
But guess what? The babies are the family.
We get no love. People do not realize it is hell
being the youngest of your family.
(22:52):
The youngest is never looked at.As an adult, it does not matter.
I'm sorry. The youngest is always looked
at, has the baby, baby sister, baby this.
It doesn't matter what we do, weget put in these situations
where we don't get the same level of respect as the other
siblings. And I will argue you down on
(23:13):
this again. If someone disagrees with me or
they have a different perspective, please feel free to
reach out to me. We can definitely discuss it.
But from my perspective, the baby gets no love.
So I was always a family member.I was a scapegoat and I always
felt the responsibility because there was an age gap between me
and my siblings and the other two siblings were all doing
(23:35):
their things. They weren't really interacting
too much with the family becausethey had their own families.
And I get that even though I hadmine as well.
I was looked at as the person that's always supposed to be
there. And I began getting very
resentful of these things. Right before COVID, I had one
sibling that had not visited in almost a decade.
(23:57):
I have another sibling who is they're very, they're religious,
they're pious, they're, you know, involved in it, all these
different things in church. They're just one of these just
overbearing religious people. And I'm just being honest where
it gets really uncomfortable being around them.
So they weren't interacting withthe family based up their air
court religious beliefs, which is cool.
(24:18):
That's fine and dandy. So there was just me left and I
just felt completely burdened bythese things at one point
because I was dealing with my own things, being a single mom.
I was the only single mother andI'm like you know what?
I have my own things going on and I feel very overwhelmed with
these things. And then there was 1 sibling in
particular that didn't have the best relationship with my
(24:42):
mother. So I was also the person that
had to hear all these different things and put in the middle of
their situation. All that to say is once COVID
hit, my mother, who was in her late 70s, was afflicted with the
virus. We did not think she was going
to make it. It's nothing but the grace of
God that she did make it. As we know how.
(25:03):
That virus was very vicious, taking people of all ages.
So it was not very common for someone pushing 80 years old to
actually survive that virus. However, what happened with me
is, as I mentioned repeatedly, Ihave asthma.
I was actually asked to go aheadand we need you to go ahead and,
(25:24):
you know, help with my mom. So at the time this was a very
very, very hard crossroads I wasin because I had to choose if
I'm going to value my life at the time where people was
getting that virus terribly. I used 2 inhalers plus different
meds with my asthma and I'm likeI really truly cannot go over
(25:48):
there. I'm a single parent, 3 school
age kids. I have older siblings who are
full-fledged adults, even grandparents with spouses.
That was a situation I'm like I really can't step in.
So again, I made a decision to persevere my life to consider my
family 1st and as something to this day I do not regret.
(26:11):
However, to this day I've been the family pariah because it
came off well. She doesn't want to help with
her mother. While my mom was in the
hospital, I was not even given information on whether she was
going to make it. I wasn't getting updated or
anything because that's the way my family chose to treat me and
it is what it is. So all that to say is if you're
(26:34):
the family scapegoat, you have to embrace the good and goodbye
sometimes, even though it may hurt you, sometimes you have to
step away and walk away even from your own family.
For me, that situation with COVID kind of taught me that my
family doesn't even value my life.
Now, mind you, as I said, I knowwe live in a, you know, if
(26:57):
anybody watch the movie Soulful,you know, we're supposed to
Revere Big Mama. I get it.
Black mothers, a lot of times we're in situations where we're
supposed to cater to our Black mothers.
We're supposed to revolve our whole lives around the
relationships with our mothers. And I get that.
However, for some of us, as we've gotten older, for Black
(27:20):
women, we've gotten to some situations where we had to
really think about our self preservation over the
relationship with our own mothers or with our family in
general. So that was a trig example for
me where I had to choose whetherI'm going to focus on keeping
myself healthy and safe or am I going to put my life, risk my
(27:40):
life for my mother. And I really, truly could not.
And I know that's controversial.And who knows, maybe it's
something I was like, OK, well, maybe, you know, you looked at
that wrong. But again, when we're in toxic
situations, even with our own family, Ioffer that example just
(28:02):
to show you how when we have a lack of boundaries, how it can
truly cost us our life. Now let's say I had a win over
there and caught that virus. Being an asthmatic, what do you
think would have been the chances of me surviving at that
time with severe anemia and asthma, all for a family who
(28:23):
doesn't even respect me to beginwith?
These are things that I've experienced with my family for
quite some time. Being the scapegoat, Being in a
situation now where I see my family revering a certain person
who I've been very vocal about that crossed the line with me a
long time ago, they're still friends with this particular
individual. Again, all this to say is even
(28:47):
when it comes to our family, I know it may hurt but we have to
make decisions sometimes based on how can I keep myself alive.
We have to even look at it. Along those lines.
If I go ahead and continue to lock boundaries, will this even
cost me my life, myself preservation, my mental health,
(29:09):
my peace? Some of these things are just
not worth it. So again, embrace the good and
goodbye. I know that cutting people off
is a controversial act. A lot of people don't agree with
it. They look at it like, hey, you
don't forgive. If you don't forgive people,
you're blocking your blessings. However, we do know that you can
(29:31):
forgive somebody and let go, butshe'll still choose not to
reconnect with them, and that doesn't make you a bad guy.
And I'll throw out something even more controversial.
Forgiveness is something that should happen in your timeline,
not theirs. So let's say you are a person
who's listening right now, and let's say maybe you're
(29:52):
struggling with forgiving. You don't understand the concept
of forgiveness. You've seen and experienced
somebody hurt you, and you're sitting back like, you know
what? I haven't really seen that
person experience any repercussions of how they've
treated me. They haven't apologized.
They haven't even seen what they've done as wrong.
(30:16):
And you may be struggling because of that because society
is pressuring you to forgive them instead of society focusing
on what they did to hurt you arethe qualities and the traits
that have made them an abuser orjust someone who's manipulative
or just someone who has just this doesn't care.
(30:38):
Society hasn't focused on them. They focused on you.
They've told you, well, you knowwhat?
You need to forgive them. You need to be the bigger
person. Don't let them block your
blessings. They focus solely on you and how
you should react to them. So I want to give someone peace
(30:59):
who may be struggling with forgiveness.
They're like, you know what? I got somebody in my family
that's done me dirty. No one in the family wants to
address it. A lot of families have bullies.
A lot of your first bullies werein your bloodline were your
family members. So again, I want to offer this
for someone who may be tuning in.
That's like, you know what? I got somebody in my family
(31:21):
that's done me dirty. No one wants to address them.
They all telling me I need to bethe bigger person.
I let's say you've gone through a bad relationship and you're
like, man, this person really hurt me.
There's been no apologies, no nothing.
And it's causing me so much stress.
I'm upset, I'm hurt. Sometimes even people are going
(31:45):
through situations where you've been hurt by someone and instead
of them taking accountability what they've done, they flip the
script to make themselves look like the victim.
And so now they've made themselves look like the victim.
And you have all these people that have catered to them
because now they're the victim and you're the bad guy because
you will not allow yourself to be controlled by them and you
(32:08):
were not. You will not forgive them in the
way that they have dictated you should forgive them.
I want you to reflect on that for a second.
Someone has hurt you, but they want to be able to determine how
you react and how you forgive them.
Now, is that fair? Is that even balanced?
(32:31):
Of course not. So I want to offer some peace to
someone who's tuning in and they're like, well, you know
what? I'm struggling with forgiveness.
I don't know how to forgive. They're pressuring me to forgive
them. They're telling me I'm wrong
because I don't want to forgive them.
So again, I want to offer peace to someone who's struggling with
(32:54):
that. Just to let you know that you
can forgive them on your own timeline.
That means that forgiveness may not come this year.
Maybe that pain, that incident that happened, that infraction,
that abuse, that abusive incident, it could have been
even 10 years ago. It could have been 20 years ago.
(33:16):
It could have been several decades.
That pain is still fresh. You're still hurt by it, and
you're struggling. You're like, OK, I'm trying to
get past this. I don't know how to forgive
these people. I'm being made out to be the bad
guy. I'm the pariah because I don't
want to come to these family events.
I'm the pariah because I ended that friendship.
(33:38):
I'm the pariah because I walked away from that marriage or that
relationship. Even though we had history, we
got children together that walked away.
They did treat you like a pariahbecause you walked away and
you're struggling on man. I went through all these
different things and now I got to deal with this other, this
other part where they're pressuring me to forgive them
(34:00):
and they want to make me do it fast.
They want me to, they want me tolet it go.
They want me to be friends with that person.
No one gets the right to tell you what you need to do to make
yourself whole, to have peace, to be able to sleep at night.
It's OK to let go if you're really struggling.
(34:22):
Yeah, get some professional help.
Talk to that therapist so you can get that pain out of your
body. You can get that anxiety out of
your body. But as far as the timeline of
forgiveness, if that's what you choose to do, don't let anybody
pressure you on how soon you need to forgive them, and don't
let anyone else dictate how you should forgive them.
(34:46):
One thing I know what toxic families in particular, their
definition of forgiveness is a praying about it, letting it go
and just continuing to be aroundthese people at the family
reunions, you know, Sunday dinner, blah, blah, blah.
They want you to still be with that person.
That is their definition of forgiveness.
(35:07):
Again, you do not have to allow anyone to dictate how you
forgive someone else that has hurt you.
You're the one that's experienced that pain, not them.
So they don't get the right or the authority to tell you how
you should forgive them so that you have peace, so that you're
(35:28):
able to sleep at night, so that you're able to be whole.
That is solely your decision. And I'll throw something else
out there, which I know some people don't agree with.
You're not obligated to forgive everybody.
Now, I know from religious standpoints, we are told we are
supposed to forgive everybody, and I do understand that.
(35:50):
However, if you are struggling to forgive somebody and let's
just say someone has done something so despicable to you
that you just cannot find it in your heart to forgive him, I
will not label you as a pariah. I won't label you as being a bad
person. Some of us have been through
(36:11):
some unspeakable things that still harness to this day that
we're still struggling with thathas robbed us of a lot of peace.
I don't think it's fair to put an extra burden on that person
by telling them what they shoulddo with that pain.
(36:33):
Some people, they're actually functioning because they had to
just simply walk away and not put too much energy on OK, how
should I forgive them? How should I talk to the to them
again? How should I reconnect?
How should I figure out how to navigate in this toxic family?
Some people are able to have peace because they walked away.
(36:55):
There is a good and goodbye. Sometimes you have to walk away
to have that peace, to be able to breathe again.
There is a good and goodbye. Is it an easy clean break?
No, it's not a easy clean break for everybody.
It really, truly is not. But again, there is a good and
(37:17):
goodbye. Because on the other side of the
rainbow, there is peace, There'sjoy, there's freedom, there's
alignment with the things that you need to have in your life to
have a beautiful life. Once you've said goodbye to
(37:39):
those toxic family members, to those toxic friends, to some of
those bad relationship patterns that you've had, if you feel
like you keep meeting the same men, sometimes it's because it's
that brokenness. You're trying to fill in the
brokenness. Let's say you have a broken
base. There's shards in it, there's
(38:01):
holes, there's cracks in that base.
You're feeling that broken base with sand.
What is happening? The sand is seeping out of that
base. This is what happens when you
operate and navigate with brokenness and your
relationships. So maybe that's why you realize
sometimes, hey, I keep meeting the same guy or maybe sometimes
(38:24):
I keep running to the same things even with this particular
friendship or even that toxic family member who I've tried and
I tried and I tried and these same things keep happening.
It's because you're moving and brokenness.
So again, once you do cut peopleoff, and I'm talking about the
people who have heard you, the people who do not value you, the
(38:46):
people who have robbed you of your joy, once you've removed
yourself from them, there is good and goodbye.
On the other side of that goodbye is peace.
There's wholeness, there's positive energy, there's good
energy. You're you are aligning yourself
with the good things. Once you say goodbye to them,
(39:12):
there's longevity, there's self preservation.
There's no more premature death,no more premature blockings.
There is a good and goodbye. You're glowing since you said
goodbye to some of these people.Certain blessings are just
(39:35):
coming to you. Once you said goodbye to these
people, you're meeting new friends who value you.
Once you said goodbye to those people, you're seeing new things
within yourself that you didn't know existed.
Once you said goodbye to those people, you see yourself in a
(39:57):
whole different light. Once you said goodbye to those
people. You're accomplishing things that
you didn't even think were possible once you said goodbye
to those people. There is a good in goodbye.
(40:17):
There was a good in walking away.
There was a good in cutting those ties that were doing
nothing but pulling you back andweighing you down and cutting
off your circulation. That's how tight some of those
bonds were. Those ties, they were causing
blisters on your life. You were bleeding because of
(40:40):
some of those ties and you had to cut them off.
You had to set yourself free. There is a good and goodbye and
it is OK to miss people. You, you have a heart, you're an
empath, you love people. So of course it's OK to miss
people. Because again, I don't think
(41:02):
there's anything wrong with wanting to see the best in
people. There's nothing wrong with just
wanting to see the goodness of somebody and wanting to see a
relationship work and wanting tosalvage a friendship and heck,
and and when we want when we want to talk about family, come
on, who wants to have a negativerelationship with their family?
(41:25):
Who wants to be casted out from their own family?
Of course we want good relationships with people.
We want to spread love. We want to share that so that
it's OK to miss somebody, but it's also OK to move forward.
It's OK to say goodbye. There is peace and goodbye.
(41:47):
There is a good and goodbye, andI know that a lot of you do not
deserve to continue to be hurt. You don't continue to hold on
and carry the weight of pain andshame and abuse.
You deserve to have the right alignment in your life, whether
(42:12):
that's with family, friends, your work situation, whatever it
is. You need to be aligned with
greatness. You need to be aligned with
goodness. You have to be aligned with the
right things in your life. There is absolutely nothing
wrong with that. So embrace the good and goodbye.
(42:35):
Stop beating yourself up becausethat relationship didn't work
out and you just had to step away.
Don't feel bad if you're the black sheep.
You're also the goat. You're also the one who hasn't
carried on those generational curses.
(42:56):
You're the one that broke the generational curse.
Celebrate that. Embrace the good and goodbye.
There's always something better on the other side.
And don't look back and forgive them in the way that works best
(43:18):
for you. Forgive them in the way that
gives you peace. Embrace the good and goodbye.
Put in that self love and realize hey, I am worthy.
I'm valuable. I deserve the right people in my
life. I deserve peace, I'm worthy of
(43:42):
love, I'm capable of loving others.
I deserve to be valued in my connections.
I deserve to be valued in my relationships.
I deserve to be embraced by people.
(44:03):
I deserve peace. If you can remember these things
and apply them into all your relationships, you will be able
to embrace the good and goodbye.You will no longer tolerate
anything less in your life. Please, please please embrace
(44:26):
the good and goodbye. Thank you guys for tuning in and
just listening to me. I appreciate you guys for just
being the audience members of the Key chat again.
We deserve the best. Apply that self love in your
life. So thank you again for tuning in
(44:47):
to this episode. You can hear this episode and
more. Just go and head over to
www.goqueen.com and just check out some of the things that are
happening with Go Queen. Of course, we have the magazine,
we have this podcast, we have our Pink Rain empowerment group.
Pink Rain is a private empowerment group.
(45:09):
You can join us bi weekly on Saturday mornings at 9:00 AM
Central Standard Time. It is absolutely free to hop on
those calls. We embrace one another, we
celebrate one another. We build community.
If you are in the Dallas area, Ijust relocated to Dallas, TX.
(45:29):
I have been doing these new events.
We just had a Crown and Connected event on June 27th.
I have another one that I'm coming up with.
I will be having in person events every month.
Come on and hang out with me. We're just going to embrace
life. We're going to get through this
thing called life together. So thank you guys again for
(45:52):
joining the key chat. I pray that you just take these
words, live your life. Please cut them off if you have
to. Make sure you guys be safe.
Go be unstoppable and go love yourself.
She's a queen about a business working hard.
(46:14):
On a mission. Head high purpose driven crown
on. Never tilted go queen.
She's a queen about a business working hard on a mission.
(46:37):
Head high purpose driven crown on go queen go queen go queen go
queen go queen go queen go queengo queen go queen go queen go
(47:14):
queen go queen go queen go queengo queen.
She's a queen without this working hard on me.
Head hop upstream. Go queen, go queen.
(47:47):
Go queen, go queen.
There's a plate about a businessman working hard on a
finished head, high purpose chinand bed crown on it with tilted
Go clean, go clean. She's a queen.
(00:29):
About a business day working hard on the business show Head
high purpose truth crown on never tilted go queen.
She's a queen. About a business working hard on
a mission. Head high purpose truth, crown
(00:49):
on never tilted, Go queen. Thank you guys again for joining
another episode of the Queue Chat.
(01:11):
Thank you, thank you, thank you.Thank you guys for everything.
Thank you for your energy. Thank you for tuning in today.
Thank you for joining this spaceand just simply listening and
receiving these self love messages.
I had such a great response to the past episode that I did
since most since I was finally able to get through a solo
(01:33):
episode alone. As I mentioned, it's just
something that has been on my heart for quite some time to
offer you guys solo episodes andI'm just going to push through.
So I wanted to talk again. It's just about more topics that
I'm pertinent of what a lot of us are going through, especially
women, and just as we navigate to get through this thing called
(01:56):
life. I want to definitely just take
some time to reflect and just offer some nice conversations,
some thoughts on things that I know like you guys are going
through as well. So I just think it's important
for us to gather and have these circles, but we can connect and
just talk about things that are pertinent and mean something to
(02:17):
us. So today I wanted to talk about
the good and goodbye. So I want to say that again.
I want to talk about and reflecton the good and goodbye.
So I know right now we live and cut off culture.
(02:38):
And I'm not talking about cancelculture.
I'm talking about cut off culture.
We're we're all in seasons. I feel like where we kind of cut
people off or we cut certain habits off.
But mainly we cut people off right now.
It's something that has been an exercise that I feel a lot of
people are doing right now. I don't know about you, but I
(03:00):
know for me, I think this becamevery heavy after COVID.
And we know we all lived throughit.
We all lived through this, the craziness of COVID, the
uncertainty. A lot of us were faced with
mortality right in front of us in ways that we had never
(03:21):
experienced before. So I know during that time
period, a lot of people were reflecting and making a lot of
changes in their lives. They were cutting off people.
They were ending relationships. They were leaving jobs that were
draining them and that were toxic.
(03:41):
They were walking away from quite a bit.
They weren't just doing the six feet away.
They were making sure they were pushing a lot of people out that
weren't serving. Basically.
A lot of us saw that. You know what, tomorrow truly
isn't promised. Now, of course, we all know that
in the back of our minds, but there was nothing like that
(04:03):
feeling during COVID where it was like, OK, this isn't a pop
quiz. This is the final exam.
Like we really can be out of here like that.
So I think because of the certain energy that was going on
at the time, a lot of people really started looking at, hey,
you know, I got some people in my life that if I'm going to be
(04:24):
in my final season, do I really want to deal with this person?
Or if I'm in my final season, doI really want to be stuck at
this job right now? So I think that's when the art
of cutting people off kind of really, you know, got perfected.
So I'm going to just go deep into the good though, and
(04:48):
goodbye. So currently right now, I
definitely still that a lot of people are practicing the art of
cutting people off or just cutting things that just do not
serve them off or cutting thingsthat just bringing negative
energy into their lives off is important.
But I want to talk about the good in it.
(05:10):
There is good and goodbye. There is a greatness in saying
goodbye and closing the door. So I know it gets a little
tricky when we talk about cutting people off because of
course, there's the big elephantin the room and that is
forgiveness. So I know for me, forgiveness is
(05:31):
very complex because there's people that say, hey, you know,
when you're cutting people off, you're boring or not forgiving
people. So of course, that's a big
debate in this world on what youshould forgive, who you should
forgive, how you should forgive if it's wrong, if you don't
forgive somebody, does it bring negative energy into your life
(05:53):
when you don't forgive someone? Or how to forgive even how do I
go about forgiving somebody? So my perspective on forgiveness
is very complex. So I currently, I'm living in
this a period of my life right now.
Well, I have cut off a lot of people.
(06:16):
Now, I know I've read in a lot of different things that cutting
off people is in fact a trauma response.
So my reaction to that is duh. I mean, I personally going
through a lot of trauma. So a lot of action that I know I
personally make. I don't think it's a secret that
(06:37):
is a trauma response and I accept that fully.
However, our trauma responses air quote, it's a protection
mechanism. It's just something that we do
to protect ourselves. And I don't necessarily see
anything wrong with that. So here's the thing, a lot of
people who practice cutting off now and correct me if I'm wrong,
(07:02):
if if you disagree with this, feel free to e-mail me.
I'll disconnect and talk to me about this.
I feel like a lot of people who experience cutting people off a
lot at one point in time, you more than likely suffer from
people pleasing itis. You were more than likely a
people pleaser. You were more than likely one of
(07:24):
those people who, you know, you were in certain situations where
you just kind of brushed things off to the side.
You knew some stuff didn't smellright.
You knew them. Those people were, you know,
playing games or they just, you were around people who you
wanted to see the best in them basically.
So you brushed a lot to the side.
Are you put up with a lot of things.
(07:47):
There may have even been situations where you didn't
speak up in ways that you once you once you reflected on
certain situations later you like wait, you know what I wish
I I wish I had spoken up. I wish I had said something.
So if you have operated and thatenergy in the past of just being
(08:07):
the people pleaser, being the bigger person, being the one who
puts up with certain things to keep the peace, you may now be
in a situation where you may even be experienced some
resentfulness. You may be like, you know what,
man, I wish I had not, you know,done this.
I wish I had not let these people walk over me or I wish
(08:29):
there were times where I was being quiet to keep the peace.
But you look back on it, you reflect on it now and you like
keeping the peace didn't really benefit much.
It didn't benefit me much. Like it like, you know, they
make you think keeping the peacedoes or being that bigger
person. And you start to get slightly
resentful because you'll see certain people who abused your
(08:53):
lack of boundaries. It did nothing.
They they took it and they ran with it.
They now feel entitled. There's some people that they
feel entitled to treat you any old way, they feel entitled to
talk to you any kind of way to mishandle you because they're
accustomed to you not having boundaries.
(09:13):
And trust me, these people who have benefited from you not
having boundaries, don't think for one second that they're not
aware of the benefits they are receiving from your lack of
boundaries. So you've looked back on this,
you reflected it and you've you've reflected on this and
you've realized, you know what, man, I cannot believe I let some
(09:37):
of these despicable people get the best of me.
So you start to get slightly resentful.
So this is where the art of cutting people off may have
intensified in your life becausenow you want peace.
Now you've just realized a lot of the times where you had these
heavy burdens of just having a lack of boundaries, the
(09:59):
repercussions of that. So now you want to have peace.
You want to correct that, you want to get past these
situations, so it may have caused you some slight
resentment. However, I just want to say that
people pleasing is such a toxic thing.
Having a lack of boundaries is so dangerous for so many
(10:23):
reasons. Having a lack of boundaries, it
threatens your peace, It threatens your longevity, it
just threatens your Peace of Mind because having a lack of
boundaries, you're just allowingso many bad things to come into
(10:43):
your life and it's very scary. So again, a lot of people have
gone through people pleasing, they've gone through trying to
be that big a person and this has cost them a lot.
It's cost you being on the receiving end of being abused in
(11:04):
a lot of situations, whether that lack of boundaries was with
your family or maybe in some of these relationships that you've
had in the past that weren't quite right for you, or maybe in
some of the friendships that you've had, you had no
boundaries so people took advantage of you.
So here we are now we're in a stage where you've realized,
(11:28):
hey, this was not worth it. This was not where I needed to
be at. So now you're on the move where
you say, hey, I gotta cut these people off.
But let me tell you something. There's nothing wrong with
cutting people off. Now I know, hey, I'm no
therapist. So I know like you may come
across some people that'll say it's not good to cut people off,
(11:51):
it's not right, you should confront them, you should talk
to them, blah blah blah. Again, self love will offend a
lot of people. If you were that people pleaser,
if you were that family member, the family scapegoat where they
(12:12):
just always treated you in the worst way, they wanted you to
tolerate things that they wouldn't expect that are the
cousin or their other sibling orthat other biological connection
to tolerate. But they thought you would do it
because they knew that you're the quiet one, you're the sweet
one. You're the one that always shows
up. So it's easier for them to abuse
(12:34):
you because you're in closer proximity.
But you finally got some enlightenment and you said, hey,
you know what? I'm cutting these people off.
They're not benefiting me. Sometimes you need to cut people
off without an explanation. And again, when you do these
things, it will offend people. You'll be the pariah.
(12:56):
You will definitely be the family member that they're going
to talk about and drag because they're like, wait a minute, the
scapegoat has finally gotten free.
They're off living their life and being happy.
And I'm still this miserable family member that has nothing
else going on but to just sit there and play games and be
childish and immature. They're gonna be upset with you.
(13:21):
Of course, if you had friends that took advantage of the fact
that you had no boundaries and you just let them play over you,
you let them do things to you that they would not do to the
other person in the friend groupor the friend circle.
And now you've bossed up. You put on your big girl panties
and you say, you know what? I'm not playing this anymore.
(13:42):
You're gonna be disliked now, obviously, baby, you're gonna be
talked about. They gonna put you in that group
chat and with the screenshots and be like, who does she think
she is? This is all a part of what
happens when you grow and you move on.
We've all heard that saying so many times.
They all cannot go with you. So yes, once you start
(14:05):
exercising those boundaries and if those boundaries leads you to
cut people off, do not think it's going to be a clean break
again. You will be talked about.
They don't look at you funny. They'll be upset.
(14:26):
They'll be 100% offended that they don't have access to a good
person anymore. They don't have access to that.
Good thing they don't have access to a weak person.
And that's not to call you weak,but I'm telling you that's how
it's viewed from people who havethese ugly mentalities that feel
that they're entitled to treat people any way they want to.
(14:50):
They know that they can get overon you.
So once you start exercising those boundaries and moving on,
they are going to be very upset.However, this is part of the
game. This is the next chapter in your
life. That's what you're going to have
to accept and still move on. There is indeed good and saying
(15:14):
goodbye and closing the door andmoving to the next chapter and
not looking back. Do you know what looking back
will cost you? It can cost you everything.
Looking back will cost you your life.
Having a lack of boundaries can cost you your life.
(15:35):
Being a people pleaser can cost you your life.
Being aligned with the wrong people can cost you your life.
Not using discernment will cost you your life.
You'll be so stressed out. You'll be continuing to deal
with anxiety. You'll be continuing to deal
(15:57):
with emotional abuse. These things lead to so many
things in your life that can endit and shorten it early.
Believe me, there is a good and goodbye.
You can walk away from toxic people.
You're allowed to walk away fromthat toxic family.
(16:17):
It doesn't matter what they think about you, what they're
gonna say, because look at it. Look at who you are and look at
who they are. Does their opinion really
matter? It really shouldn't.
You have to really value yourself and apply that self
love and keep remembering you are a big deal.
(16:38):
You are valuable, you're a good person, you're an empath, you
think of others, you value otherpeople.
There's been times where you've put yourself last to help
somebody. You always try to look out for
(17:01):
other people. There's been times you've gone
out of your way for somebody andyou haven't expected anything in
return. The problem with that is when
you do have a good heart, sometimes there are people who
do not value you and they're going to use and abuse your
(17:24):
heart. This is a time where you have to
really, really, really look and say, hey, is, are these things
worth it? Is it worth me to keep giving
myself if I'm not going to get have reciprocity in return?
And yes, I do know there's time.So yes, you do have to help
people and not necessarily say, hey, I expect them to give
(17:47):
something back to me. I get that.
But if you evaluate every singletime you've done these things,
sometimes you have to really assess who should I be pouring
into like this though? Sometimes we give and we give
and we give to people who are not worthy of what you have to
(18:07):
give. And that does not make you a bad
person. When you come to this
realization and realize that I really need to step back, I may
have to cut this person off. It's OK to cut off negative ties
in your life. It's OK to step back.
(18:27):
Sometimes you have to bless and block them.
I wish you the best. I really don't want to see
anything bad happen to this person.
But guess what? I can't talk to them anymore.
Do you know that when you talk to people, the people that you
have in your life, who you engage with, it's a transfer of
energy. So let's say for example, you
(18:50):
may have somebody in your life, this could be a friend or it
could be a family member or an associate.
And every single time that you talk to them or interact with
them, they just have this negative toxic energy.
Have you ever had a situation like that where after you've
spoken to someone, you felt physically drained or you just
(19:11):
felt something was off? Have you ever been in a
situation where you were physically tired afterwards just
after dealing with them just after in exchange with them, you
felt physically off? I'm telling you, when you
interact with people, you are literally transferring energy.
(19:34):
Have you ever been around somebody that say, hey, I love
your energy, I love being aroundyou, or they just compliment
your energy, I really love your energy.
It's because they felt somethingpositive being around you, so
Can you imagine how it is when you're around someone that has
the the opposite effect to that and the damage it can do to you?
(19:58):
We cannot afford to keep leasingourselves to toxic entities.
It is OK to scale back. Personally, I know I'm going
through a season where I've had to cut a lot of people up.
Over the past few years, especially since COVID, as I've
mentioned, I do have asthma, I've dealt with anemia, things
(20:20):
like that. If you're already physically
drained, you have to really, really, really be mindful of who
you allow in your life. These energy transfers can make
or break you. After COVID, I know that I just
had a lot of thoughts going on in my mind and I just want to be
really mindful of who's in my life.
(20:41):
I still practice it to this day.I'm at the point now in my life
and I have no shame in saying this.
If the most littlest things sometimes start to feel off, I
I'd start evaluating just my connection with certain people.
Is this worth it? I know there's been a lot of
(21:01):
times I know, and I don't know if you've experienced this, but
there's been a lot of times where I disrespected my
discernment. My discernment was tingling.
My Spidey senses were tingling early on with certain people,
but I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt.
I wanted to be air quote, the nice guy.
(21:24):
I didn't want a person to dislike me or think, oh, you
know what? She's being mean, she's being
cold. So I gave them continual chances
and I paid the price for that because all it did was lead to
even worse Interactions with these people are just situations
where I'm like, man, I just gavemyself my energy, my friendship,
(21:46):
my connection with someone for alonger period of time where I
should have caught on from the very beginning.
That red, that red flag that wasup there from the beginning.
I just didn't want to listen to it.
Or I thought I was tripping. I thought I was in the wrong.
I think I thought I was just judging people too early on or
(22:07):
even personal personally things.In my family I have been the
proud black sheep for quite sometime for the past few years.
So during COVID, I had a situation and I don't want to
ramble, but I was in a situationin my family where I've always
realized I was just tolerating too many things.
(22:30):
I was always a scapegoat. I am the youngest of my family
and being the youngest, I know Isee a lot of things on social
media that's always like, you know what, pray for the oldest
daughter, the oldest daughter, this, blah blah blah.
But guess what? The babies are the family.
We get no love. People do not realize it is hell
being the youngest of your family.
(22:52):
The youngest is never looked at.As an adult, it does not matter.
I'm sorry. The youngest is always looked
at, has the baby, baby sister, baby this.
It doesn't matter what we do, weget put in these situations
where we don't get the same level of respect as the other
siblings. And I will argue you down on
(23:13):
this again. If someone disagrees with me or
they have a different perspective, please feel free to
reach out to me. We can definitely discuss it.
But from my perspective, the baby gets no love.
So I was always a family member.I was a scapegoat and I always
felt the responsibility because there was an age gap between me
and my siblings and the other two siblings were all doing
(23:35):
their things. They weren't really interacting
too much with the family becausethey had their own families.
And I get that even though I hadmine as well.
I was looked at as the person that's always supposed to be
there. And I began getting very
resentful of these things. Right before COVID, I had one
sibling that had not visited in almost a decade.
(23:57):
I have another sibling who is they're very, they're religious,
they're pious, they're, you know, involved in it, all these
different things in church. They're just one of these just
overbearing religious people. And I'm just being honest where
it gets really uncomfortable being around them.
So they weren't interacting withthe family based up their air
court religious beliefs, which is cool.
(24:18):
That's fine and dandy. So there was just me left and I
just felt completely burdened bythese things at one point
because I was dealing with my own things, being a single mom.
I was the only single mother andI'm like you know what?
I have my own things going on and I feel very overwhelmed with
these things. And then there was 1 sibling in
particular that didn't have the best relationship with my
(24:42):
mother. So I was also the person that
had to hear all these different things and put in the middle of
their situation. All that to say is once COVID
hit, my mother, who was in her late 70s, was afflicted with the
virus. We did not think she was going
to make it. It's nothing but the grace of
God that she did make it. As we know how.
(25:03):
That virus was very vicious, taking people of all ages.
So it was not very common for someone pushing 80 years old to
actually survive that virus. However, what happened with me
is, as I mentioned repeatedly, Ihave asthma.
I was actually asked to go aheadand we need you to go ahead and,
(25:24):
you know, help with my mom. So at the time this was a very
very, very hard crossroads I wasin because I had to choose if
I'm going to value my life at the time where people was
getting that virus terribly. I used 2 inhalers plus different
meds with my asthma and I'm likeI really truly cannot go over
(25:48):
there. I'm a single parent, 3 school
age kids. I have older siblings who are
full-fledged adults, even grandparents with spouses.
That was a situation I'm like I really can't step in.
So again, I made a decision to persevere my life to consider my
family 1st and as something to this day I do not regret.
(26:11):
However, to this day I've been the family pariah because it
came off well. She doesn't want to help with
her mother. While my mom was in the
hospital, I was not even given information on whether she was
going to make it. I wasn't getting updated or
anything because that's the way my family chose to treat me and
it is what it is. So all that to say is if you're
(26:34):
the family scapegoat, you have to embrace the good and goodbye
sometimes, even though it may hurt you, sometimes you have to
step away and walk away even from your own family.
For me, that situation with COVID kind of taught me that my
family doesn't even value my life.
Now, mind you, as I said, I knowwe live in a, you know, if
(26:57):
anybody watch the movie Soulful,you know, we're supposed to
Revere Big Mama. I get it.
Black mothers, a lot of times we're in situations where we're
supposed to cater to our Black mothers.
We're supposed to revolve our whole lives around the
relationships with our mothers. And I get that.
However, for some of us, as we've gotten older, for Black
(27:20):
women, we've gotten to some situations where we had to
really think about our self preservation over the
relationship with our own mothers or with our family in
general. So that was a trig example for
me where I had to choose whetherI'm going to focus on keeping
myself healthy and safe or am I going to put my life, risk my
(27:40):
life for my mother. And I really, truly could not.
And I know that's controversial.And who knows, maybe it's
something I was like, OK, well, maybe, you know, you looked at
that wrong. But again, when we're in toxic
situations, even with our own family, Ioffer that example just
(28:02):
to show you how when we have a lack of boundaries, how it can
truly cost us our life. Now let's say I had a win over
there and caught that virus. Being an asthmatic, what do you
think would have been the chances of me surviving at that
time with severe anemia and asthma, all for a family who
(28:23):
doesn't even respect me to beginwith?
These are things that I've experienced with my family for
quite some time. Being the scapegoat, Being in a
situation now where I see my family revering a certain person
who I've been very vocal about that crossed the line with me a
long time ago, they're still friends with this particular
individual. Again, all this to say is even
(28:47):
when it comes to our family, I know it may hurt but we have to
make decisions sometimes based on how can I keep myself alive.
We have to even look at it. Along those lines.
If I go ahead and continue to lock boundaries, will this even
cost me my life, myself preservation, my mental health,
(29:09):
my peace? Some of these things are just
not worth it. So again, embrace the good and
goodbye. I know that cutting people off
is a controversial act. A lot of people don't agree with
it. They look at it like, hey, you
don't forgive. If you don't forgive people,
you're blocking your blessings. However, we do know that you can
(29:31):
forgive somebody and let go, butshe'll still choose not to
reconnect with them, and that doesn't make you a bad guy.
And I'll throw out something even more controversial.
Forgiveness is something that should happen in your timeline,
not theirs. So let's say you are a person
who's listening right now, and let's say maybe you're
(29:52):
struggling with forgiving. You don't understand the concept
of forgiveness. You've seen and experienced
somebody hurt you, and you're sitting back like, you know
what? I haven't really seen that
person experience any repercussions of how they've
treated me. They haven't apologized.
They haven't even seen what they've done as wrong.
(30:16):
And you may be struggling because of that because society
is pressuring you to forgive them instead of society focusing
on what they did to hurt you arethe qualities and the traits
that have made them an abuser orjust someone who's manipulative
or just someone who has just this doesn't care.
(30:38):
Society hasn't focused on them. They focused on you.
They've told you, well, you knowwhat?
You need to forgive them. You need to be the bigger
person. Don't let them block your
blessings. They focus solely on you and how
you should react to them. So I want to give someone peace
(30:59):
who may be struggling with forgiveness.
They're like, you know what? I got somebody in my family
that's done me dirty. No one in the family wants to
address it. A lot of families have bullies.
A lot of your first bullies werein your bloodline were your
family members. So again, I want to offer this
for someone who may be tuning in.
That's like, you know what? I got somebody in my family
(31:21):
that's done me dirty. No one wants to address them.
They all telling me I need to bethe bigger person.
I let's say you've gone through a bad relationship and you're
like, man, this person really hurt me.
There's been no apologies, no nothing.
And it's causing me so much stress.
I'm upset, I'm hurt. Sometimes even people are going
(31:45):
through situations where you've been hurt by someone and instead
of them taking accountability what they've done, they flip the
script to make themselves look like the victim.
And so now they've made themselves look like the victim.
And you have all these people that have catered to them
because now they're the victim and you're the bad guy because
you will not allow yourself to be controlled by them and you
(32:08):
were not. You will not forgive them in the
way that they have dictated you should forgive them.
I want you to reflect on that for a second.
Someone has hurt you, but they want to be able to determine how
you react and how you forgive them.
Now, is that fair? Is that even balanced?
(32:31):
Of course not. So I want to offer some peace to
someone who's tuning in and they're like, well, you know
what? I'm struggling with forgiveness.
I don't know how to forgive. They're pressuring me to forgive
them. They're telling me I'm wrong
because I don't want to forgive them.
So again, I want to offer peace to someone who's struggling with
(32:54):
that. Just to let you know that you
can forgive them on your own timeline.
That means that forgiveness may not come this year.
Maybe that pain, that incident that happened, that infraction,
that abuse, that abusive incident, it could have been
even 10 years ago. It could have been 20 years ago.
(33:16):
It could have been several decades.
That pain is still fresh. You're still hurt by it, and
you're struggling. You're like, OK, I'm trying to
get past this. I don't know how to forgive
these people. I'm being made out to be the bad
guy. I'm the pariah because I don't
want to come to these family events.
I'm the pariah because I ended that friendship.
(33:38):
I'm the pariah because I walked away from that marriage or that
relationship. Even though we had history, we
got children together that walked away.
They did treat you like a pariahbecause you walked away and
you're struggling on man. I went through all these
different things and now I got to deal with this other, this
other part where they're pressuring me to forgive them
(34:00):
and they want to make me do it fast.
They want me to, they want me tolet it go.
They want me to be friends with that person.
No one gets the right to tell you what you need to do to make
yourself whole, to have peace, to be able to sleep at night.
It's OK to let go if you're really struggling.
(34:22):
Yeah, get some professional help.
Talk to that therapist so you can get that pain out of your
body. You can get that anxiety out of
your body. But as far as the timeline of
forgiveness, if that's what you choose to do, don't let anybody
pressure you on how soon you need to forgive them, and don't
let anyone else dictate how you should forgive them.
(34:46):
One thing I know what toxic families in particular, their
definition of forgiveness is a praying about it, letting it go
and just continuing to be aroundthese people at the family
reunions, you know, Sunday dinner, blah, blah, blah.
They want you to still be with that person.
That is their definition of forgiveness.
(35:07):
Again, you do not have to allow anyone to dictate how you
forgive someone else that has hurt you.
You're the one that's experienced that pain, not them.
So they don't get the right or the authority to tell you how
you should forgive them so that you have peace, so that you're
(35:28):
able to sleep at night, so that you're able to be whole.
That is solely your decision. And I'll throw something else
out there, which I know some people don't agree with.
You're not obligated to forgive everybody.
Now, I know from religious standpoints, we are told we are
supposed to forgive everybody, and I do understand that.
(35:50):
However, if you are struggling to forgive somebody and let's
just say someone has done something so despicable to you
that you just cannot find it in your heart to forgive him, I
will not label you as a pariah. I won't label you as being a bad
person. Some of us have been through
(36:11):
some unspeakable things that still harness to this day that
we're still struggling with thathas robbed us of a lot of peace.
I don't think it's fair to put an extra burden on that person
by telling them what they shoulddo with that pain.
(36:33):
Some people, they're actually functioning because they had to
just simply walk away and not put too much energy on OK, how
should I forgive them? How should I talk to the to them
again? How should I reconnect?
How should I figure out how to navigate in this toxic family?
Some people are able to have peace because they walked away.
(36:55):
There is a good and goodbye. Sometimes you have to walk away
to have that peace, to be able to breathe again.
There is a good and goodbye. Is it an easy clean break?
No, it's not a easy clean break for everybody.
It really, truly is not. But again, there is a good and
(37:17):
goodbye. Because on the other side of the
rainbow, there is peace, There'sjoy, there's freedom, there's
alignment with the things that you need to have in your life to
have a beautiful life. Once you've said goodbye to
(37:39):
those toxic family members, to those toxic friends, to some of
those bad relationship patterns that you've had, if you feel
like you keep meeting the same men, sometimes it's because it's
that brokenness. You're trying to fill in the
brokenness. Let's say you have a broken
base. There's shards in it, there's
(38:01):
holes, there's cracks in that base.
You're feeling that broken base with sand.
What is happening? The sand is seeping out of that
base. This is what happens when you
operate and navigate with brokenness and your
relationships. So maybe that's why you realize
sometimes, hey, I keep meeting the same guy or maybe sometimes
(38:24):
I keep running to the same things even with this particular
friendship or even that toxic family member who I've tried and
I tried and I tried and these same things keep happening.
It's because you're moving and brokenness.
So again, once you do cut peopleoff, and I'm talking about the
people who have heard you, the people who do not value you, the
(38:46):
people who have robbed you of your joy, once you've removed
yourself from them, there is good and goodbye.
On the other side of that goodbye is peace.
There's wholeness, there's positive energy, there's good
energy. You're you are aligning yourself
with the good things. Once you say goodbye to them,
(39:12):
there's longevity, there's self preservation.
There's no more premature death,no more premature blockings.
There is a good and goodbye. You're glowing since you said
goodbye to some of these people.Certain blessings are just
(39:35):
coming to you. Once you said goodbye to these
people, you're meeting new friends who value you.
Once you said goodbye to those people, you're seeing new things
within yourself that you didn't know existed.
Once you said goodbye to those people, you see yourself in a
(39:57):
whole different light. Once you said goodbye to those
people. You're accomplishing things that
you didn't even think were possible once you said goodbye
to those people. There is a good in goodbye.
(40:17):
There was a good in walking away.
There was a good in cutting those ties that were doing
nothing but pulling you back andweighing you down and cutting
off your circulation. That's how tight some of those
bonds were. Those ties, they were causing
blisters on your life. You were bleeding because of
(40:40):
some of those ties and you had to cut them off.
You had to set yourself free. There is a good and goodbye and
it is OK to miss people. You, you have a heart, you're an
empath, you love people. So of course it's OK to miss
people. Because again, I don't think
(41:02):
there's anything wrong with wanting to see the best in
people. There's nothing wrong with just
wanting to see the goodness of somebody and wanting to see a
relationship work and wanting tosalvage a friendship and heck,
and and when we want when we want to talk about family, come
on, who wants to have a negativerelationship with their family?
(41:25):
Who wants to be casted out from their own family?
Of course we want good relationships with people.
We want to spread love. We want to share that so that
it's OK to miss somebody, but it's also OK to move forward.
It's OK to say goodbye. There is peace and goodbye.
(41:47):
There is a good and goodbye, andI know that a lot of you do not
deserve to continue to be hurt. You don't continue to hold on
and carry the weight of pain andshame and abuse.
You deserve to have the right alignment in your life, whether
(42:12):
that's with family, friends, your work situation, whatever it
is. You need to be aligned with
greatness. You need to be aligned with
goodness. You have to be aligned with the
right things in your life. There is absolutely nothing
wrong with that. So embrace the good and goodbye.
(42:35):
Stop beating yourself up becausethat relationship didn't work
out and you just had to step away.
Don't feel bad if you're the black sheep.
You're also the goat. You're also the one who hasn't
carried on those generational curses.
(42:56):
You're the one that broke the generational curse.
Celebrate that. Embrace the good and goodbye.
There's always something better on the other side.
And don't look back and forgive them in the way that works best
(43:18):
for you. Forgive them in the way that
gives you peace. Embrace the good and goodbye.
Put in that self love and realize hey, I am worthy.
I'm valuable. I deserve the right people in my
life. I deserve peace, I'm worthy of
(43:42):
love, I'm capable of loving others.
I deserve to be valued in my connections.
I deserve to be valued in my relationships.
I deserve to be embraced by people.
(44:03):
I deserve peace. If you can remember these things
and apply them into all your relationships, you will be able
to embrace the good and goodbye.You will no longer tolerate
anything less in your life. Please, please please embrace
(44:26):
the good and goodbye. Thank you guys for tuning in and
just listening to me. I appreciate you guys for just
being the audience members of the Key chat again.
We deserve the best. Apply that self love in your
life. So thank you again for tuning in
(44:47):
to this episode. You can hear this episode and
more. Just go and head over to
www.goqueen.com and just check out some of the things that are
happening with Go Queen. Of course, we have the magazine,
we have this podcast, we have our Pink Rain empowerment group.
Pink Rain is a private empowerment group.
(45:09):
You can join us bi weekly on Saturday mornings at 9:00 AM
Central Standard Time. It is absolutely free to hop on
those calls. We embrace one another, we
celebrate one another. We build community.
If you are in the Dallas area, Ijust relocated to Dallas, TX.
(45:29):
I have been doing these new events.
We just had a Crown and Connected event on June 27th.
I have another one that I'm coming up with.
I will be having in person events every month.
Come on and hang out with me. We're just going to embrace
life. We're going to get through this
thing called life together. So thank you guys again for
(45:52):
joining the key chat. I pray that you just take these
words, live your life. Please cut them off if you have
to. Make sure you guys be safe.
Go be unstoppable and go love yourself.
She's a queen about a business working hard.
(46:14):
On a mission. Head high purpose driven crown
on. Never tilted go queen.
She's a queen about a business working hard on a mission.
(46:37):
Head high purpose driven crown on go queen go queen go queen go
queen go queen go queen go queengo queen go queen go queen go
(47:14):
queen go queen go queen go queengo queen.
She's a queen without this working hard on me.
Head hop upstream. Go queen, go queen.
(47:47):
Go queen, go queen.
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