August 26, 2025 • 53 mins
In this powerful solo episode of The Q-Chat, Shronda Armstrong gets raw and unfiltered about the reality of modern “empowerment groups” and the challenges of building authentic friendships as women. While some spaces are genuine and life-giving, others can feel performative or rooted in unhealed wounds.
Shronda shares her personal experiences creating authentic community through Pink Reign, while also diving into the pressures women face to connect, please, and call everyone a “friend.” This episode is a deep reflection on boundaries, discernment, and the role of self-love in choosing the right relationships.
Episode Chapters:
00:00 – Empowerment and Authentic Connections
05:54 – Navigating Friendships and Boundaries
11:58 – The Impact of Unhealed Wounds
18:04 – The Pressure of Female Friendships
24:01 – Understanding Boundaries in Empowerment Groups
30:09 – The Importance of Self-Love and Discernment
Listen now to discover:
Why some “empowerment” spaces fall short of their promise
How unhealed wounds shape women’s friendships
Why setting and respecting boundaries is essential
The pressure women face to be “friends with everyone”
How self-love fuels authentic connections and helps you discern what spaces and people are right for you
Connect with Shronda at www.geauxqueen.com for podcast episodes, magazine features, Pink Reign calls, and in-person empowerment events in Dallas.
And remember—self-love is the fuel to be a good friend, a vessel for others, and to know when it’s time to step away. Geaux Love Ya'self!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Hey Queens, and welcome to the Qchat, the official podcast of go
Queen, where we have real conversations to inspire
healing, growth and purpose. I'm your host Ronda Armstrong,
founder of Go Queen magazine, through my.
Work I help women develop. Purpose driven brands that align
with their truth, their voice. And their vision.
(00:23):
Whether it's through media, branding or storytelling, I'm
all about helping Queens shine unapologetically.
Medically here on the Q. Chat We talk about all things
self love, mental health, entrepreneurship and what it
means to walk. Boldly in your purpose.
Thanks again for. Tuning in and I'm always.
Here to remind you. To go love yourself, working
(00:53):
hard on a mission. She's a queen.
About a business working hard ona mission.
(01:14):
Had high purpose driven crown onnavratility go queen go queen go
queen go. Thank you for joining another
(01:41):
episode of the Q chat. So today I am running solo.
Again, it's been such a blessingto do these.
Solo episodes. It's such a.
Relief because I'm going back tothe original format when I.
First started this podcast. And doing some episodes alone.
(02:02):
This is a. Way to just be more intimate
actually, to just talk to you and.
We are covering topics that a lot of us.
Are feeling, are experiencing and we need to bring to the.
Forefront so today's. Topic is something that I'm.
Very excited to discuss and I know that this will resonate.
(02:26):
With a lot of women. Who have just.
Experienced some similarities sotoday I want to talk.
About just the truth. Behind some of these
empowerment. Groups and also touch a bit.
On just friendships and just women connecting with one
another, sometimes we have the blessing to be connected to
(02:51):
authentic spaces. However, a lot of us can
definitely say we have also. Been in inauthentic circles as
well. So we're just going to have a
raw and real conversation about that.
So I'll start off with just a little bit about just the whole.
Background behind go clean. So I did.
(03:12):
Again, start this in 20. 19 currently.
We have a group called Pink RainSo.
Pink rain is a very. Intimate group.
We have biweekly phone calls. This was started in.
February of this year and when Isay this.
Group has turned into something that I would have never even
(03:33):
imagined it would take off to this level of connection and
authenticity. That we have created.
We have shed tears on some of these calls now.
Again, now there is a balance. So it's not a trauma dumping
experience. So I would put that out there,
(03:55):
but. It's a space where it's safe or
we. Can basically open up and of all
the women that's on the. Calls with the.
Exception of one, we don't live in the same state and I think
there's one other. Person I know there's one other.
Person I do live in the same state with her but I've never
(04:19):
met her in person and the only reason we live in the same state
is because I just happened to move and this was after I met
her. So again, it all leads to none
of us have. Met in person we don't have.
Have other relationships? You know we don't have.
Relationships with each other outside of the 'cause as far as
(04:39):
like. Oh, we hang out.
We went to school together. We worked together with the.
Church. No, none of that.
We just happened to connect and align just two different things,
and we've just. Met and they were all open when
I had the idea of the call. And here we are.
So let me get. To the real.
(05:00):
Rawness of this so when I. Did have the idea to do Pink
Rain. Do not get me wrong, I was left
on read by a lot of women and. A lot of these women, some of
them do label themselves as empowerment coaches.
This whole, you know. Women support women, you know,
(05:21):
all this passive aggressive stuff that we're used to seeing.
I'm just being honest. But a lot of them.
Kept me on read. It wasn't even a matter of
responding or saying anything. So let me just open this.
Little this box. Crack it.
Open crack open this door when we're gonna get real and raw in
(05:42):
this conversation some women their.
Whole platform are. I guess their stance on wanting
connect with wanting to connect with other women.
Sometimes it really. Does not go past social media
there, I said it and it's not tooffend anyone, but it's to be
(06:05):
honest and it's just from what I've personally seen.
They have this, these, these. Platforms, you know, these
missions on social media about connecting with other women,
empowerment, other women. And you know, the word
empowerment has just taken off to a point where I've actually
removed it from a few of my branding monikers because I just
(06:27):
think that unfortunately a lot of us have had experiences where
we're like, OK, this is an empowering, this is about, you
know, just another click or again, a social media image.
And I'm being real and raw in this.
So all that to say is. Again, and this is.
Just from my personal experience.
(06:47):
I know I've spoken to other people that can't agree with me
some women's empowerment. It's just, it doesn't extend.
Past, you know, their social media posts are just the whole
social media image overall, and I'm not saying that that.
This is the case for. Everyone.
So this is definitely not to ragon everyone, but there are some
(07:11):
people. Again, it does not go past
social media. It is what it is, so I feel like
This is why. Sometimes, you know, as women.
We get a little apprehensive. A.
Little, you know, paranoid. And it's like, OK, sometimes we
like, you know, I don't know if I want.
To involve myself in this group because it just may not be.
(07:35):
Authentic, and that's a. Fair argument at the end of the
day, no one really. Wants to be a part of.
Something that isn't genuine or if you or you feel you know,
maybe that there's people in there that maybe they're not
going to really receive you or just.
Just be. Fake.
I mean, hey. Let's just let's put out that F.
(07:55):
Word. You know, no one wants to be
around fake people. In particular, fake women.
A woman does not a woman. Who walks in her purpose?
Let me go there. A woman who's really walking in.
Her purpose is authentic and it's not really sticking and
moving on this whole vanity thing or just trying to just
(08:18):
gather people to because it looks good.
Women like us. We really.
Don't want to be around certain circles so they are put it out
there and I've had. Conversations with people, deep
conversations where it's like they.
Want to connect with people? But they have had bad
experiences, so it leaves us. Staying a scar.
(08:41):
Unfortunately, it's just. Like coming out of a bad.
Romantic relationship. Same thing with friends or just
being around other women. So a lot of us walk around just
on edge. Sometimes when other women
gather because we don't know if it's authentic or not.
(09:01):
And again, that's a fair assessment.
It's, you know, it's normal to. Feel that way?
Let's. Put it that way, there's.
Also. An interesting post matter of.
Fact, which I would. Love to touch on that.
That was posted in our pink rain.
Facebook group. So let me do a little scrolling
(09:23):
and read this out loud because we had a lot of interesting
comments. So this post.
Was done by Tanisha, who's another Pink Rain member and she
posted in What? Ways.
Have you noticed yourself holding other women to unfair
standards or experience others holding you to them?
(09:46):
And we had a lot of activity andcomments and engagement on that
post because a lot. Of us have been there and it's
so. Funny when you just think about
connecting with different women because.
Of course there's. Children, as we well know.
That was the whole. Main thing, right, You know,
being in school or just in different social activities in
(10:08):
different settings is making friends.
That's something that's shoved. Down little kids throats from
day one the minute. They step into a school,
daycare, whatever it's. All you know, making friends.
So it's so. Interesting to see.
How the whole activity the? Act of making friends.
(10:31):
How this extends even into your?Adult life who would have.
Thought as a child you know the stressors of making friends are
being like would be something that moves on to adulthood.
I mean, come on. So.
This post was really. Interesting, we had some amazing
(10:52):
comments and I actually want to read a few before I extend this.
So the error commented, she saidlooking for me to.
Be the scapegoat, healer. And real and readily available.
I've learned no is a complete sentence in any given situation.
Boundaries are a perk in every situation.
(11:14):
And the keyword in a lot of the responses we had were
boundaries. And one thing I have come to
terms with and making friends with other women.
If you are around another individual who has unhealed
(11:34):
relationships, let's say you're around a woman who may have that
mother wound. And Oh my God, that's a long
episode that I can do in the future.
But let's say you run a woman that has a mother wound or has
in my case a sister wound or hasjust a wound of women in their
families because. Unfortunately, a lot of women
(11:56):
your first. Bullies were in your family.
So let's put that out there. Let's say that do you have a
woman who that's her first? Unhealed wound, unfortunately
sometimes. When you become friends with
people who. Unfortunately are.
Dealing with this as their friend, sometimes you get
(12:19):
delegated. Certain tasks or duties or
responsibilities in this friendship.
That is a. Bit lopsided and is unfair.
And of course, I'm not necessarily saying for someone,
let's say you've been. Friends for such a long time.
Hey, you got yours. You have your friendship rules.
(12:41):
OK, I get it. However, let's put it out there
with. Boundaries.
Emotional boundaries. Some.
People that you meet. They have no concept of how
boundaries work. So you'll have all these things
in your mind that you want to hold your.
Friend up to these standards that you want them to live up to
(13:03):
you want them. To be your emotional support.
System the. Cheerleader.
The therapist, the counselor, the trauma healer, you want them
to fill your time. You want them to be on standby.
And I just, it's not realistic. I do have to put it.
Out there, it's not. Realistic, especially when
(13:24):
sometimes we. As women have been in situations
where it's even people we haven't even known.
For quite some time that want you to fill these enormous shoes
and again it all stems into just.
Being dealing with brokenness, unfortunately, when you're
(13:48):
dealing with that. Brokenness.
It spills. Into everything and I know.
We talk a lot about how. Broken wounds.
Unhealed wounds, How it seeps. Over into romantic
relationships, but I. Do feel that?
The conversation regarding how this effects friendships is not
(14:08):
discussed enough. We don't take it there.
We don't break it down enough onhow that brokenness doesn't
just. Affect your relationships with
romantic. Partners, but it definitely
steps. In and causes some issues.
In your friendships and how? You deal with people and how you
(14:32):
receive people. Even in your level of offense
and one thing I've. Realized is how sometimes if
you're dealing with someone, maybe their level.
Maturity is just not quite. There they don't understand
boundaries. They just cannot comprehend
(14:54):
them. They cannot comprehend when you
tell. Them no, they can't comprehend
when you're not readily available.
They take it where all that person's being, and here goes
the word. That I personally cannot.
Stand Oh, that person is. Being mean.
There are so many grown women walking around making posts all
(15:17):
the times about oh mean girl energy.
I really want someone to explainto me what do you define as mean
girl energy? Is that a person that told you
no? Is that mean girl?
Somebody who had a boundary. Is that mean girl someone?
That did not want to engage withyou when you were tearing down
(15:40):
somebody else. I just didn't want to engage.
And some women, hey, have bonds of gossip, bonds of just
speaking on other people. Some people don't live in that
energy. Was that person being mean?
Is that the? Person you labeled as mean or is
the person that you labeled mean?
(16:01):
Someone that did not want to be a bank for you to help your
finances. Or how about is that a mean
girl? Because she didn't want to share
every personal aspect of her life with you.
Because she didn't want to be that over sharer.
Because she does move and privacy.
(16:22):
Is that the mean? Girl you have labeled and who
you're talking about. I know from my experience only.
Children label adults that have generally told them no as me.
So each is on but for. Me whenever I hear another.
(16:43):
Adult refer to. Another adult as mean I actually
question the person who is saying this.
I don't look. At the person that they've.
Called me in any type of way I look at the person.
Who has said it? Because I got.
I got to get a. Background you can't just tell
me another grown ass person is me.
A lot of times people misinterpret someone holding
(17:08):
their peace are exercising A boundary.
They love to label them as mean.Everyone on this.
Earth has a right to. Hold on to their peace, to not
open the door to drama, to things that drain them.
We don't. Know what a person is.
(17:28):
Walking around with every. Day what they're holding on
with, what they're struggling. With what they're trying to
heal. From some friendships are
really. Toxic and they're draining and.
No one is entitled to have to take.
The brunt of anything that's draining, you don't.
(17:51):
You're not, you're not entitled to have that part of me.
That's going to deplete me and Ireally think we need to have
more conversations because people are so quick to say.
Somebody is mean, and especially.
Women. I notice with women.
And here's the thing. Still had male relationships
(18:16):
and. Female relationships are
completely different. I feel like if a man says you
know what? I had a a business dealing with
so and so or I just didn't. Really rock with them.
I, you know, I just, I don't really mess with so and so no
one. Questions a man and so.
You know mean man. Energy.
Have you ever seen that? I've never once seen another man
(18:40):
post. Anything about mean men mean?
Boys, it doesn't happen. But women, again, we're forced
to like everybody. We have to.
Be friends with everybody. We have to connect with every
single person that comes into our path.
We're. Literally conditioned to be
people pleasers and part of people pleasing is being
(19:04):
pressured to be friends with everyone that you meet.
That's insane. I never hear this when it comes.
To men only women. And if you disagree?
With me. Please comment message me.
Let's have a debate on it. I'm totally open.
But I don't feel men have that same.
(19:25):
Pressure, I feel like. It's only women, not.
Everyone has the same vibe or the same energy so I just think
it's just something else where. Women are being made to feel
like you have to be friends withevery person that you meet.
That is so spiritually dangerous.
(19:47):
I'm sorry you're not aligned with every person that you come
in in contact with, just like you wouldn't.
Sexually sleep with every personthat you meet.
So why in the world would I makemyself?
Friends with every single personthat I meet.
It's just not logical, and it doesn't even mean that there's
something wrong with that person.
(20:08):
Maybe people just don't mix. Sometimes it's OK to just not be
friends with everyone. But again, if you're dealing
with someone who may be unhealed.
Or they. Just have that that rejection
experience that they've gone through, you know, with bad
things that have happened in their.
Life they look. At it in a negative way.
(20:32):
Sometimes people are just not meant to connect.
That's a part of. Life, however, I do.
Feel that women have this sad. Pressure where it's like if.
They don't get along with somebody or they just something
just maybe off in their spirit with that person They're it's
just made into. Something negative.
(20:54):
Hey Queen, if you're loving thisconversation.
Don't forget to subscribe. Leave a review.
Or leave a comment. And make sure you share this
episode with another queen who needs to hear it.
And don't forget, if you're ready to build a purpose driven
brand or if you want to get featured in Go Queen magazine,
(21:14):
head over to. Www.goqueen.
Dot com and let's connect now let's get back to this episode
and I. Just don't think that should be
a thing personally. There's nothing wrong with just
saying, hey, you know I. Just I don't necessarily.
Rock with that person you. Can't invite everyone at your
(21:35):
house, and I'm not talking in the literal sense, you cannot.
Invite everyone into your world.Into your spirit realm.
You cannot invite everyone. Into your house so as.
Women, we need to break. Free from this whole.
Labeling another person as mean it's.
(21:56):
Ridiculous. So another great.
Comment we had on that question was, and this is by someone else
in our group, she said. Women hold themselves.
To. Unrealistic expectations are
here's that word we did, we touched on again.
Unhealed versions of themselves expect you to operate in the
(22:20):
same energy. Examples include but are not
limited to your lack of planningis not my emergency.
I am not and will. Not always be available.
When a person wants me to be. And she also proceeded to say in
her comment, they don't respect your time because they don't
respect theirs. I have a low tolerance.
(22:41):
For all these things, life happens, but pattern behavior is
different again. Now this member, she hit the
nail on their head and it goes. Back to what we touched.
On unhealed, it's not very easy to form a relationship, a
friendship with someone who has certain unhealed elements that
(23:02):
may dominate their personality or just how they deal with
people. And again, it does not.
Make them a bad person. But we're not obligated to be
walking therapists and healers for our friends.
And I'm not saying. You shouldn't.
Be there for a friend. That's not what I'm saying,
(23:23):
however, we need to understand that.
What a person. Gives you in a friendship.
Is a privilege you're just not entitled to.
Certain things. Because we all have our.
Own crosses severe. It's the only thing.
I just think sometimes some people don't consider that.
(23:44):
And sometimes people don't realize that they may be.
A trauma dumper or they. Just may be holding that friend
to just certain standards that are unrealistic.
So I just, I just feel like a lot of people have.
Been dealing with similar things, so I'll even throw out
(24:05):
the comment that I wrote in response.
To that that post so I said I can say in my experience I've
come across. Meeting women that.
Expected me to be their. Friend after knowing their firm
only a short period of time, I also have met women.
Who don't comprehend boundaries and they instantly.
(24:26):
Think that it's being mean. To hold on to your.
Peace I also think sometimes if we as if we as women operate
under unhealed relationships with the women in our lives,
such as our mothers, our. Siblings we unintentionally
allow that to spill over in the expectations we.
(24:46):
Have with the women we meet holding them to fill those
voids, which is unfair. So let's get to it.
How about have you ever? Experienced meeting someone, you
have not known them for a very long amount of time.
We're talking you may have met them once or twice and they
start with that. Hey friend and I don't want to
(25:10):
come off as this over thinker but I just think overall some
people. Throw around the term friend too
loosely. If I just met you, I don't know
you, you're not. I wouldn't.
I wouldn't. Necessarily label.
You my friend, I think sometimes.
(25:31):
People, this is the flip. Side someone that they've barely
known, they just met them. And let's not go go into the
social media thing. And they're labeling that person
as their friend. And sometimes when they label
you a. Friend a little too quickly.
You have to be a little aware ofthis.
Thing it's I mean. Some of us really need to get.
(25:54):
Into aligning ourselves, even opening and I don't want to get
too deep in this but. That third eye where?
You can see things better, see things beyond the surface, so
you can get your discernment up.And I'm not.
Saying this is for isn't. For me to say that everyone's a
bad person because they aren't but you.
Have to really get your. Discernment up the word friend
(26:17):
is tossed around, too. Loosely.
One of the big mistakes I feel Mark Zuckerberg did.
When he started that, Facebook was.
Labeling the connections we makeon social media add a friend.
So I really think that's where the downfall started and just
how we be friendships, how we think somebody that we just met
(26:39):
as a friend. How y'all labeling your
coworkers as your? Friend like these are not.
Your. Friends, I just feel that.
The word friend, it's, it's a serious thing, You know, being
someone's friend is an honor, isa privilege.
It's an alignment. And there's different levels to
friendship, obviously. You may have that best friend
(27:02):
that you've known quite some time, or you just they get it.
You feel like that's your mirror, that's your ace.
That's your ride or die. You know, whatever you want to
get into that. And then there may be a friend
who, you know, it's just maybe this is the.
Friend that you have that. If you need some.
Encouragement. Y'all don't even talk that
often, but you know that particular person is going to
spell a. Word into you we.
(27:25):
It's OK to have different. I guess you could say.
Different category you can categorize.
Your friends. There's nothing wrong with that.
However. Again, I feel that ever since
good old Mark, good old Marky Mark Zuckerberg started labeling
the connections we have on social media as friends, that's
(27:45):
when a lot of things did go downhill because we start
labeling the wrong people as ourfriend.
So again. All of that to say, it's just
really. Important to be very mindful.
On who you call a. Friend and again.
(28:05):
Let's say you just met someone, right?
This all. Goes back into the whole mean.
Thing some women call someone will call another woman mean
that she just. Met just simply because hey.
That woman just wants to. Be more comfortable around you,
you know, or just in general. Maybe she's just a.
Private reserve person. I think sometimes people again,
(28:27):
if you move and if you stick andmove under the energy of
unhealed energy. You have these unrealistic
expectations. At the end of the day, to the
people. That you have met.
And again, am I saying that makes you a bad person?
Of course. Not because it doesn't make you
(28:47):
a bad person by no means, but sometimes we miss out on good
people because we put so much pressure on them initially from
the jump that you miss out on someone that really could be a
blessing to your life, that really can be a good connection.
All good things take time. So I think even as women over.
(29:12):
30 + 40 + 50 plus there's always.
Room to make a new friend, to behonest.
Meeting a new. Friend is a great feeling.
There's nothing like meeting somebody fresh and brand new and
realizing that you have some alignment with them.
It is a great. Feeling and I will never.
(29:35):
Ever take it lightly? It's a wonderful feeling.
Making new friends and I do. Feel you should always be open
to that. I I'm not one of those no new
friends type of people. I really actually don't believe
in that. You should always have.
Room to just receive people. There's some good people out
there and I know this world is dark, it's ugly, There's fake
(29:58):
people out there, there's peopleyou can't trust.
This has been going. On since day one, this isn't
anything new ugly people actually, however, good people
they haven't gone anywhere either.
So I know because of the world we live in, it's easy to just
have this feeling like, oh, you know, I just don't.
(30:20):
I don't trust folks and I get. It but there are some good.
People out there for sure. So all that to say is.
Not everybody that you meet. Is out to get you.
It's just so many slippery slopes.
You know when it comes to meeting people because you can
(30:41):
be in a situation. Where?
Because of past. Trauma that you've experienced
of this, bad friendships, you may just have this thing in your
mind where you may. Question some people who really,
truly. Are genuinely nice you're like,
oh, you know, what's their motive?
What are? They trying to get out of me.
(31:02):
He puts you on. Edge 'cause you're.
Like I don't know why this person being so nice.
I think some of us have experienced that as well.
Well, you're just not sure. You're like, OK, this person.
They're a little too nice. And you know, the sad part is
it's really. Really, really a sad thing in a
(31:24):
sense, to feel that way, you know, to feel that you have to
be on edge when you meet a nice person.
But again, that's the world speaking because unfortunately.
Some people aren't good folks. You know and.
(31:45):
Like I said, that's the world speaking.
We get desensitized to a. Lot of different things, but
again, just to say not everyone's a bad person.
For sure there are some good people out there.
There's some women who really they.
Talk the talk. And they walk the walk.
When they say they're trying to connect with women, they mean
(32:05):
that when they. Say they are trying to.
Build and really build communitythey mean.
It. So again, it all goes to just.
Having that discernment to know you got no one to hold and no
one to fold, we put that discernment in.
It helps to guide us and also let me put this out there.
(32:29):
When it comes to just friendships too, it's.
OK to open your heart and make friends with.
Someone in a later stage in lifeand then sometimes.
Realize well, hey, you know what?
This may not necessarily be a friendship.
I want to build on it. Doesn't mean that your
discernment. Was off.
(32:52):
It just means that your discernment is actually still
working. It's OK.
You don't have to beat yourself up over a friendship that you
also realize. May not be where you need to be
in your life. It may not be something that you
need to include in your life right now.
That is OK too. Again, I just feel that as
(33:15):
women, the pressure that we have.
To make friends, it's just something else.
It really gets to something thatis just I.
I can't even. Describe it.
We just are. Placed in too many situations
(33:36):
where we have to be the nice girl, we have to please
everyone. I just feel that it's something
that women deal a lot with. And to be honest, as I'm even
talking, I would actually love to have this.
Conversation with a man to ask them have they ever felt any
people pleasing pressure? Have they felt it when it comes
(33:59):
to making friends? Have they felt to just send
their lives? Overall, because as much as I
look at things, I feel like. Sometimes and not.
You know, and I. Hate to generalize, I just know
that my experience as a woman, Ithink it just it's something
that's embedded in US. As.
Children where as little girls. Where we have to please.
(34:21):
Everyone and we have to come offas making everyone happy and we
have to come off as not really expressing our feelings and not
being able to walk away from certain things without it being
disrespectful or being mean. It all ties back to how I said.
Grown adult women referring to other adult women as being mean
(34:47):
when maybe you don't get your way, or maybe if they just don't
receive certain things in a way that you wanted them to receive
some. Friendships have a lot of
controlling energy in it too. We want to control the people in
our lives sometimes and that is not fair also.
(35:11):
So just back to also what I wanted to say just.
About the truth about empowerment.
Groups, again, I do and this is from my experience and this is
from someone that has started a brand for women since 20. 19 You
know how many? Times I've had in.
My mind where I'm like, I don't know if this is really working
(35:32):
because I've definitely been in situations where I was really,
really. Hard to be received by.
Other women and my. Brand is for women of.
Color, it's been a it's definitely been an uphill
battle. I've definitely.
Have got into situations where other women of color and they
(35:55):
made it absolutely hard as hell to connect with them.
It wasn't easy, it was ugly. There's a lot of women that I've
definitely tried to connect withthat I had to step away from,
and there's some that. Stepped away from me because I
wasn't giving them what they. Wanted.
(36:16):
So there's a lot of layers with just.
Forming anything that involves. Women, and it is unfortunate.
But it's definitely not an easy experience.
You will come across people thatdon't like you.
You will come across people sometimes who.
(36:37):
They are. They do live in a an energy of
negativity, so it doesn't matterwhat you're trying to.
Say some women are labeled as fake simply because they're not
as negative as the next person, or they may speak the language.
Of positivity. If you speak the language of
positivity, you will come acrosssome people who speak the
(37:01):
language. Of negativity, so when you're
trying to be positive. They don't comprehend that they
don't get down with someone that's trying to be positive, so
they don't like it. And not only do they not like
it, they're going to question, why are you being positive?
Oh, she must be fake. She's not negative or bitter or
(37:24):
miserable like I am, so. Something's off about her.
Are they misinterpret speaking positivity by saying Oh well,
you know, they're trying to be positive, so they're fake.
They must they they want to act as if.
Their life is perfect. And this all goes to show if you
have a negative mindset, if you live in miserable and being a
(37:47):
miserable person, if you live inmisery, you're going to see
things through the crack lens. You know how they say it's
seeing things through rose colored glasses?
Well, you're gonna see things through the.
Crack lens if you walk into that, if you're a person walking
in negative energy. You can't comprehend that some
(38:08):
people. Even when life knocks them down,
they don't want to give ownership.
To that they want to still speakjoy no matter what.
That doesn't make a person fake,it's just fake to.
You. So again, these are all the
different layers that. Comes when you are trying to
(38:30):
build friendships or if you're awoman you know who may be tuning
in now you're trying to, or you have an empowerment brand.
These are just some of the things you come across, you
know, it's just part of the gameare you have people they.
They connect with you and they may in their.
Minds secretly don't care. For you, then I'll.
Let you know this, but they still see the.
(38:51):
Value in being near you. And that causes problems.
So I'm just saying I get it. OK, I I get it.
There is some pros and cons withjust trying to build anything
with women unfortunately. Doesn't mean you should give up
(39:12):
on it. Nope, I wouldn't say that.
I know. Personally, when I started Go
Clean, I always have these moments sometimes where I'm
like, you know, I have. To reassess where this is.
Going. But whenever I have those
moments where I'm reassessing where it's going, it's usually
(39:32):
after I've had a negative experience with someone.
So that is when I also have to redirect myself to focus on the
positive interactions I have hadwith.
People. The people who?
Have reached out to me after an episode or an article or
something that actually touched them.
(39:53):
I have to set my sights on thosewomen and how I've built
something that has spoken out tothem.
So with anything, you know, if you're one of those.
People like I said, who's? Tuning in, maybe you're a
speaker, you have an empowermentbrand, or just anything.
You're trying to be an influencer of positivity.
I'll encourage you to just. Look at the positive
(40:16):
interactions. The negative ones are just part
of the game, just as we've had negative things happen in our
lives. Is just part of the game.
Is part of. The script of life.
That we have to go through. It's just another chapter in
life when we have something thatmay not be the positive
interaction that we were hoping for.
(40:38):
It is what it is. So again, just.
Building those friendships. It's a lot, so another.
Thing. That I do feel that we should
talk about more. I feel and just friendships and
building. Is again boundaries, and I know
(41:03):
I touched on it a bit in this conversation, but I want to
just. Really.
Harp again on boundaries. You have to have.
Boundaries in your relationshipsand your friendships.
You even have to have boundarieswhen you.
Form these empowerment brands. My level of.
Speaking or healing may. Be at a different.
(41:24):
Stage than Sharon's. Level of healing are different
than Antoinette's level of healing, so you have to.
Have boundaries. Another thing that I feel has
given and I will say this something that I feel has.
Given empowerment space is a badrap is.
(41:46):
Every. Person that has an empowerment
space, they're entitled to theirboundaries.
I feel like some. Of you women get offended when
people have empowerment spaces and you question them as being
fake again because. That person still has
boundaries, having an empowerment.
Space is actually not an invitation to be a personal
(42:07):
friend to every single person that wants to be involved in
that space. There has to be boundaries and I
think people can't comprehend that because they're like.
Oh well, you know this person doing an empowerment.
Group to have women join. But they still seem a little
fake, you know, they don't tell all their business.
(42:27):
Why do we measure friendships? Based.
On the amount of personal thingsa person shares.
With people I just we really ought to back away.
From that and I. Feel that that is a.
Reason why some empowerment groups do get a bad rap,
actually. Because you're so.
Focused on the person who started it and how much you know
about their life. You want to call them fake?
(42:51):
We don't know anything about theperson next to us.
We don't even know everything about our own friends, the
people that we're really close with.
Not everyone is a walking open book that doesn't.
Make them fake it. Just means that they're
exercising unnecessary boundary.Again, a lot of times we miss
(43:14):
out on good people because we expect too much of them.
And not only do we expect too much, we sometimes again, we
walk around feeling like, oh, we're entitled to receive all
this from a person and it is unfair.
So again, boundaries are important, but I want to just
(43:36):
put this. Out there for people.
Who are listening the next time you may.
Feel the spirit of. Offense building up or feel the
spirit of rejection with the person.
Sometimes I want you to just think.
Sometimes a step. Away from that feeling like.
Step outside of it and look at that situation was that person.
(43:58):
Really rejecting you or being? Mean.
Or were they just simply exercising a healthy boundary?
Please think of this sometimes when.
You maybe? Feel that a person.
Is giving you a energy. Where they rejected you or.
You think they don't like? You sometimes that's not the
(44:19):
case. And I'm not saying that it's
that way all the time, but thereare some situations where.
That person may. Have just been exercising a
healthy boundary and you misinterpreted through your lens
of hurt and unhealed energy. Sometimes we have missed out on
(44:45):
good people because we misinterpreted them exercising a
healthy boundary. Maybe they couldn't talk to you
that particular day because theywere dealing with something
personal, or they needed a day of rest, or they just were not
available. Not all things are meant to harm
(45:10):
you. Not.
All people are. Walking in this mean energy.
It's OK for a person to exercisehealthy.
Boundaries and their friendshipsand their relationships and
their empowerment Brands in their spaces it's.
OK to exercise healthy. Bondage for people.
(45:31):
No one deserves express service from another person, SO.
Again, I just wanted to just putthat out there.
That. Not all empowerment groups are
bad. Trust me, they really aren't.
And let's say you're in an empowerment group and you may
have had an experience with someone else.
(45:53):
Another. Member of it.
Should you toss out the whole group as a whole?
Not necessarily. So again, just wear that
discernment. And also sometimes with
discernment, it just lets you know how to.
Deal with people sometimes. Maybe Marie is a person who
(46:15):
maybe you guys are in a group. Together but Marie.
Is just not that one to share anything with.
Maybe Marie is not the person. Who When?
You know when. You go to this event.
Maybe you just don't need to deal with Marie, you know, but
you have Susan, Michelle, Nicole, that's.
Also at the event that you know they you.
(46:37):
Know those are people that you want to be around.
They got it going on. They got that energy.
They put that that joy in you when you near them.
Don't miss out. On hang out with them because of
somebody else. So again, just let's let's
really unpack our relationships with women and let's also think
(47:03):
about. When we look at our friends
right, what would we want? How would we want to be?
Received sometimes and not everyone, but sometimes people
love receiving, but they. Forget how to give meaning
sometimes you may have that friend that always pours some
(47:25):
joy into you all the time, so you just.
Take in and take. In and take in that love that
she pours out. We have to look at people like
that. Too and say, hey, what can I do
to pour into her? She always pours into me.
She always has a word for me. Don't be too.
(47:46):
Greedy with people like this because I promise you.
They need love. Too a giver cannot give all the
time. Give something to that girl too.
Reach out to her as well. Say hey.
How you doing? I just say, you know what, you
always point into me. I wanted to just shout you out
today. I wanted to reach out to you,
(48:07):
remind you how. You.
What you do to me, what what youput into my life.
Give people their flowers too, because sometimes we're selfish
in our friendships. We love, love, love to receive,
but we. Forget to give back to.
Those people as well. So I hope, I hope.
(48:30):
That I gave you guys, you know, just something to think about
today. You know, I've been wanting.
To talk about this for quite. Some time and it's just based
off my experiences as well. Just.
Having this empowerment brand and also having.
Instances where there's people that I have definitely met that
I'm like, you know what I said, not somebody.
I really choose to be a friend with and same thing.
(48:53):
I know a lot of people really don't care to hear me talk about
being positive or self love. Not everyone wants to hear that,
and it is what it. Is, but I also just.
Wanted just to have. This episode to have this.
Conversation just about friendship and just women and
just how we view one another, how we interact with one
(49:15):
another. There's a lot of.
Things that we can do. So that this whole walk doesn't
have to be that hard. So again, I hope that this
message reached you in a good space.
I hope that you received. This in an open mindset and
(49:37):
maybe hey, you thought about, you know what, maybe there's
something I could do a little differently and some of my
friendships are I hope this alsomaybe gave you some peace today
about a friendship. That you had, that you decided
to walk away from again, I think.
It's a good thing to have conversations like this.
(50:00):
Course, that is what Go Queen Pink Rain is about.
Having these conversations, talking about these different
subjects sometimes. That we may be dealing with that
we don't necessarily get the platform or the stage or even
the listening. Ear to discuss it with.
So again, thank you guys for joining.
(50:21):
I have definitely enjoyed havingyet another.
Solo episode thank God I. Didn't even feel any.
Issues with the asthma today talking and talking and talking
today. So thank God, I pray that
wherever you're at listening to this, that you have.
Received this and of course. You can reach out to me.
Anytime I'm one e-mail or DM away.
(50:43):
That's hello at Go Queen. Dot com and we know.
It's GEAU. X That's a nod to Louisiana, but
you can. Reach out to me at.
Any time you can also comment when this.
Episode is posted and go ahead, let's join that conversation.
If and also if you want to learnmore about Pink Rain.
Go ahead to. Www.goqueen.com You can click
(51:07):
the link to join the Pink Rain Face group or just find me on
Facebook. Come on, let's go.
Let's go ahead and show. People that women can gather and
be fruitful and positive and pour into one another.
Let's let's go ahead and break those misconceptions.
(51:29):
Let's go. Ahead and do that today.
Y'all but thank. You again and just remember.
Self love is the field. You have to love yourself.
You have to give yourself those flowers.
Self love is just a. Feel to be a good.
Friend, it's the feel to be. A vessel to somebody else.
(51:51):
Self love is also the feel to also know when maybe hey.
This ain't the friendship for me, this isn't the group for me,
'cause I love myself. I know myself enough to where I
need to be and where I don't need to be.
So again, thank you guys for joining the Key Chat.
You can catch this episode and more.
Www.go queen dot. Com you can also catch some past
(52:13):
episodes, the video episodes on YouTube that is go queen TV.
Go ahead and follow on Instagram.
I have my own page which is I amunder score go queen.
The Q Chat podcast also has an IG.
Page and the Go Queen. Magazine also has an IG page
which is still under construction, but bear with us
(52:35):
as we grow. But thank you again for just.
Being a. Part of this space I.
Just really, truly appreciate you guys and you.
Guys, have a good one, make sureyou be safe.
And as. Always go love yourself.
Me. She's quiet about a business,
working hard on a mission.
Hey Queens, and welcome to the Qchat, the official podcast of go
Queen, where we have real conversations to inspire
healing, growth and purpose. I'm your host Ronda Armstrong,
founder of Go Queen magazine, through my.
Work I help women develop. Purpose driven brands that align
with their truth, their voice. And their vision.
(00:23):
Whether it's through media, branding or storytelling, I'm
all about helping Queens shine unapologetically.
Medically here on the Q. Chat We talk about all things
self love, mental health, entrepreneurship and what it
means to walk. Boldly in your purpose.
Thanks again for. Tuning in and I'm always.
Here to remind you. To go love yourself, working
(00:53):
hard on a mission. She's a queen.
About a business working hard ona mission.
(01:14):
Had high purpose driven crown onnavratility go queen go queen go
queen go. Thank you for joining another
(01:41):
episode of the Q chat. So today I am running solo.
Again, it's been such a blessingto do these.
Solo episodes. It's such a.
Relief because I'm going back tothe original format when I.
First started this podcast. And doing some episodes alone.
(02:02):
This is a. Way to just be more intimate
actually, to just talk to you and.
We are covering topics that a lot of us.
Are feeling, are experiencing and we need to bring to the.
Forefront so today's. Topic is something that I'm.
Very excited to discuss and I know that this will resonate.
(02:26):
With a lot of women. Who have just.
Experienced some similarities sotoday I want to talk.
About just the truth. Behind some of these
empowerment. Groups and also touch a bit.
On just friendships and just women connecting with one
another, sometimes we have the blessing to be connected to
(02:51):
authentic spaces. However, a lot of us can
definitely say we have also. Been in inauthentic circles as
well. So we're just going to have a
raw and real conversation about that.
So I'll start off with just a little bit about just the whole.
Background behind go clean. So I did.
(03:12):
Again, start this in 20. 19 currently.
We have a group called Pink RainSo.
Pink rain is a very. Intimate group.
We have biweekly phone calls. This was started in.
February of this year and when Isay this.
Group has turned into something that I would have never even
(03:33):
imagined it would take off to this level of connection and
authenticity. That we have created.
We have shed tears on some of these calls now.
Again, now there is a balance. So it's not a trauma dumping
experience. So I would put that out there,
(03:55):
but. It's a space where it's safe or
we. Can basically open up and of all
the women that's on the. Calls with the.
Exception of one, we don't live in the same state and I think
there's one other. Person I know there's one other.
Person I do live in the same state with her but I've never
(04:19):
met her in person and the only reason we live in the same state
is because I just happened to move and this was after I met
her. So again, it all leads to none
of us have. Met in person we don't have.
Have other relationships? You know we don't have.
Relationships with each other outside of the 'cause as far as
(04:39):
like. Oh, we hang out.
We went to school together. We worked together with the.
Church. No, none of that.
We just happened to connect and align just two different things,
and we've just. Met and they were all open when
I had the idea of the call. And here we are.
So let me get. To the real.
(05:00):
Rawness of this so when I. Did have the idea to do Pink
Rain. Do not get me wrong, I was left
on read by a lot of women and. A lot of these women, some of
them do label themselves as empowerment coaches.
This whole, you know. Women support women, you know,
(05:21):
all this passive aggressive stuff that we're used to seeing.
I'm just being honest. But a lot of them.
Kept me on read. It wasn't even a matter of
responding or saying anything. So let me just open this.
Little this box. Crack it.
Open crack open this door when we're gonna get real and raw in
(05:42):
this conversation some women their.
Whole platform are. I guess their stance on wanting
connect with wanting to connect with other women.
Sometimes it really. Does not go past social media
there, I said it and it's not tooffend anyone, but it's to be
(06:05):
honest and it's just from what I've personally seen.
They have this, these, these. Platforms, you know, these
missions on social media about connecting with other women,
empowerment, other women. And you know, the word
empowerment has just taken off to a point where I've actually
removed it from a few of my branding monikers because I just
(06:27):
think that unfortunately a lot of us have had experiences where
we're like, OK, this is an empowering, this is about, you
know, just another click or again, a social media image.
And I'm being real and raw in this.
So all that to say is. Again, and this is.
Just from my personal experience.
(06:47):
I know I've spoken to other people that can't agree with me
some women's empowerment. It's just, it doesn't extend.
Past, you know, their social media posts are just the whole
social media image overall, and I'm not saying that that.
This is the case for. Everyone.
So this is definitely not to ragon everyone, but there are some
(07:11):
people. Again, it does not go past
social media. It is what it is, so I feel like
This is why. Sometimes, you know, as women.
We get a little apprehensive. A.
Little, you know, paranoid. And it's like, OK, sometimes we
like, you know, I don't know if I want.
To involve myself in this group because it just may not be.
(07:35):
Authentic, and that's a. Fair argument at the end of the
day, no one really. Wants to be a part of.
Something that isn't genuine or if you or you feel you know,
maybe that there's people in there that maybe they're not
going to really receive you or just.
Just be. Fake.
I mean, hey. Let's just let's put out that F.
(07:55):
Word. You know, no one wants to be
around fake people. In particular, fake women.
A woman does not a woman. Who walks in her purpose?
Let me go there. A woman who's really walking in.
Her purpose is authentic and it's not really sticking and
moving on this whole vanity thing or just trying to just
(08:18):
gather people to because it looks good.
Women like us. We really.
Don't want to be around certain circles so they are put it out
there and I've had. Conversations with people, deep
conversations where it's like they.
Want to connect with people? But they have had bad
experiences, so it leaves us. Staying a scar.
(08:41):
Unfortunately, it's just. Like coming out of a bad.
Romantic relationship. Same thing with friends or just
being around other women. So a lot of us walk around just
on edge. Sometimes when other women
gather because we don't know if it's authentic or not.
(09:01):
And again, that's a fair assessment.
It's, you know, it's normal to. Feel that way?
Let's. Put it that way, there's.
Also. An interesting post matter of.
Fact, which I would. Love to touch on that.
That was posted in our pink rain.
Facebook group. So let me do a little scrolling
(09:23):
and read this out loud because we had a lot of interesting
comments. So this post.
Was done by Tanisha, who's another Pink Rain member and she
posted in What? Ways.
Have you noticed yourself holding other women to unfair
standards or experience others holding you to them?
(09:46):
And we had a lot of activity andcomments and engagement on that
post because a lot. Of us have been there and it's
so. Funny when you just think about
connecting with different women because.
Of course there's. Children, as we well know.
That was the whole. Main thing, right, You know,
being in school or just in different social activities in
(10:08):
different settings is making friends.
That's something that's shoved. Down little kids throats from
day one the minute. They step into a school,
daycare, whatever it's. All you know, making friends.
So it's so. Interesting to see.
How the whole activity the? Act of making friends.
(10:31):
How this extends even into your?Adult life who would have.
Thought as a child you know the stressors of making friends are
being like would be something that moves on to adulthood.
I mean, come on. So.
This post was really. Interesting, we had some amazing
(10:52):
comments and I actually want to read a few before I extend this.
So the error commented, she saidlooking for me to.
Be the scapegoat, healer. And real and readily available.
I've learned no is a complete sentence in any given situation.
Boundaries are a perk in every situation.
(11:14):
And the keyword in a lot of the responses we had were
boundaries. And one thing I have come to
terms with and making friends with other women.
If you are around another individual who has unhealed
(11:34):
relationships, let's say you're around a woman who may have that
mother wound. And Oh my God, that's a long
episode that I can do in the future.
But let's say you run a woman that has a mother wound or has
in my case a sister wound or hasjust a wound of women in their
families because. Unfortunately, a lot of women
(11:56):
your first. Bullies were in your family.
So let's put that out there. Let's say that do you have a
woman who that's her first? Unhealed wound, unfortunately
sometimes. When you become friends with
people who. Unfortunately are.
Dealing with this as their friend, sometimes you get
(12:19):
delegated. Certain tasks or duties or
responsibilities in this friendship.
That is a. Bit lopsided and is unfair.
And of course, I'm not necessarily saying for someone,
let's say you've been. Friends for such a long time.
Hey, you got yours. You have your friendship rules.
(12:41):
OK, I get it. However, let's put it out there
with. Boundaries.
Emotional boundaries. Some.
People that you meet. They have no concept of how
boundaries work. So you'll have all these things
in your mind that you want to hold your.
Friend up to these standards that you want them to live up to
(13:03):
you want them. To be your emotional support.
System the. Cheerleader.
The therapist, the counselor, the trauma healer, you want them
to fill your time. You want them to be on standby.
And I just, it's not realistic. I do have to put it.
Out there, it's not. Realistic, especially when
(13:24):
sometimes we. As women have been in situations
where it's even people we haven't even known.
For quite some time that want you to fill these enormous shoes
and again it all stems into just.
Being dealing with brokenness, unfortunately, when you're
(13:48):
dealing with that. Brokenness.
It spills. Into everything and I know.
We talk a lot about how. Broken wounds.
Unhealed wounds, How it seeps. Over into romantic
relationships, but I. Do feel that?
The conversation regarding how this effects friendships is not
(14:08):
discussed enough. We don't take it there.
We don't break it down enough onhow that brokenness doesn't
just. Affect your relationships with
romantic. Partners, but it definitely
steps. In and causes some issues.
In your friendships and how? You deal with people and how you
(14:32):
receive people. Even in your level of offense
and one thing I've. Realized is how sometimes if
you're dealing with someone, maybe their level.
Maturity is just not quite. There they don't understand
boundaries. They just cannot comprehend
(14:54):
them. They cannot comprehend when you
tell. Them no, they can't comprehend
when you're not readily available.
They take it where all that person's being, and here goes
the word. That I personally cannot.
Stand Oh, that person is. Being mean.
There are so many grown women walking around making posts all
(15:17):
the times about oh mean girl energy.
I really want someone to explainto me what do you define as mean
girl energy? Is that a person that told you
no? Is that mean girl?
Somebody who had a boundary. Is that mean girl someone?
That did not want to engage withyou when you were tearing down
(15:40):
somebody else. I just didn't want to engage.
And some women, hey, have bonds of gossip, bonds of just
speaking on other people. Some people don't live in that
energy. Was that person being mean?
Is that the? Person you labeled as mean or is
the person that you labeled mean?
(16:01):
Someone that did not want to be a bank for you to help your
finances. Or how about is that a mean
girl? Because she didn't want to share
every personal aspect of her life with you.
Because she didn't want to be that over sharer.
Because she does move and privacy.
(16:22):
Is that the mean? Girl you have labeled and who
you're talking about. I know from my experience only.
Children label adults that have generally told them no as me.
So each is on but for. Me whenever I hear another.
(16:43):
Adult refer to. Another adult as mean I actually
question the person who is saying this.
I don't look. At the person that they've.
Called me in any type of way I look at the person.
Who has said it? Because I got.
I got to get a. Background you can't just tell
me another grown ass person is me.
A lot of times people misinterpret someone holding
(17:08):
their peace are exercising A boundary.
They love to label them as mean.Everyone on this.
Earth has a right to. Hold on to their peace, to not
open the door to drama, to things that drain them.
We don't. Know what a person is.
(17:28):
Walking around with every. Day what they're holding on
with, what they're struggling. With what they're trying to
heal. From some friendships are
really. Toxic and they're draining and.
No one is entitled to have to take.
The brunt of anything that's draining, you don't.
(17:51):
You're not, you're not entitled to have that part of me.
That's going to deplete me and Ireally think we need to have
more conversations because people are so quick to say.
Somebody is mean, and especially.
Women. I notice with women.
And here's the thing. Still had male relationships
(18:16):
and. Female relationships are
completely different. I feel like if a man says you
know what? I had a a business dealing with
so and so or I just didn't. Really rock with them.
I, you know, I just, I don't really mess with so and so no
one. Questions a man and so.
You know mean man. Energy.
Have you ever seen that? I've never once seen another man
(18:40):
post. Anything about mean men mean?
Boys, it doesn't happen. But women, again, we're forced
to like everybody. We have to.
Be friends with everybody. We have to connect with every
single person that comes into our path.
We're. Literally conditioned to be
people pleasers and part of people pleasing is being
(19:04):
pressured to be friends with everyone that you meet.
That's insane. I never hear this when it comes.
To men only women. And if you disagree?
With me. Please comment message me.
Let's have a debate on it. I'm totally open.
But I don't feel men have that same.
(19:25):
Pressure, I feel like. It's only women, not.
Everyone has the same vibe or the same energy so I just think
it's just something else where. Women are being made to feel
like you have to be friends withevery person that you meet.
That is so spiritually dangerous.
(19:47):
I'm sorry you're not aligned with every person that you come
in in contact with, just like you wouldn't.
Sexually sleep with every personthat you meet.
So why in the world would I makemyself?
Friends with every single personthat I meet.
It's just not logical, and it doesn't even mean that there's
something wrong with that person.
(20:08):
Maybe people just don't mix. Sometimes it's OK to just not be
friends with everyone. But again, if you're dealing
with someone who may be unhealed.
Or they. Just have that that rejection
experience that they've gone through, you know, with bad
things that have happened in their.
Life they look. At it in a negative way.
(20:32):
Sometimes people are just not meant to connect.
That's a part of. Life, however, I do.
Feel that women have this sad. Pressure where it's like if.
They don't get along with somebody or they just something
just maybe off in their spirit with that person They're it's
just made into. Something negative.
(20:54):
Hey Queen, if you're loving thisconversation.
Don't forget to subscribe. Leave a review.
Or leave a comment. And make sure you share this
episode with another queen who needs to hear it.
And don't forget, if you're ready to build a purpose driven
brand or if you want to get featured in Go Queen magazine,
(21:14):
head over to. Www.goqueen.
Dot com and let's connect now let's get back to this episode
and I. Just don't think that should be
a thing personally. There's nothing wrong with just
saying, hey, you know I. Just I don't necessarily.
Rock with that person you. Can't invite everyone at your
(21:35):
house, and I'm not talking in the literal sense, you cannot.
Invite everyone into your world.Into your spirit realm.
You cannot invite everyone. Into your house so as.
Women, we need to break. Free from this whole.
Labeling another person as mean it's.
(21:56):
Ridiculous. So another great.
Comment we had on that question was, and this is by someone else
in our group, she said. Women hold themselves.
To. Unrealistic expectations are
here's that word we did, we touched on again.
Unhealed versions of themselves expect you to operate in the
(22:20):
same energy. Examples include but are not
limited to your lack of planningis not my emergency.
I am not and will. Not always be available.
When a person wants me to be. And she also proceeded to say in
her comment, they don't respect your time because they don't
respect theirs. I have a low tolerance.
(22:41):
For all these things, life happens, but pattern behavior is
different again. Now this member, she hit the
nail on their head and it goes. Back to what we touched.
On unhealed, it's not very easy to form a relationship, a
friendship with someone who has certain unhealed elements that
(23:02):
may dominate their personality or just how they deal with
people. And again, it does not.
Make them a bad person. But we're not obligated to be
walking therapists and healers for our friends.
And I'm not saying. You shouldn't.
Be there for a friend. That's not what I'm saying,
(23:23):
however, we need to understand that.
What a person. Gives you in a friendship.
Is a privilege you're just not entitled to.
Certain things. Because we all have our.
Own crosses severe. It's the only thing.
I just think sometimes some people don't consider that.
(23:44):
And sometimes people don't realize that they may be.
A trauma dumper or they. Just may be holding that friend
to just certain standards that are unrealistic.
So I just, I just feel like a lot of people have.
Been dealing with similar things, so I'll even throw out
(24:05):
the comment that I wrote in response.
To that that post so I said I can say in my experience I've
come across. Meeting women that.
Expected me to be their. Friend after knowing their firm
only a short period of time, I also have met women.
Who don't comprehend boundaries and they instantly.
(24:26):
Think that it's being mean. To hold on to your.
Peace I also think sometimes if we as if we as women operate
under unhealed relationships with the women in our lives,
such as our mothers, our. Siblings we unintentionally
allow that to spill over in the expectations we.
(24:46):
Have with the women we meet holding them to fill those
voids, which is unfair. So let's get to it.
How about have you ever? Experienced meeting someone, you
have not known them for a very long amount of time.
We're talking you may have met them once or twice and they
start with that. Hey friend and I don't want to
(25:10):
come off as this over thinker but I just think overall some
people. Throw around the term friend too
loosely. If I just met you, I don't know
you, you're not. I wouldn't.
I wouldn't. Necessarily label.
You my friend, I think sometimes.
(25:31):
People, this is the flip. Side someone that they've barely
known, they just met them. And let's not go go into the
social media thing. And they're labeling that person
as their friend. And sometimes when they label
you a. Friend a little too quickly.
You have to be a little aware ofthis.
Thing it's I mean. Some of us really need to get.
(25:54):
Into aligning ourselves, even opening and I don't want to get
too deep in this but. That third eye where?
You can see things better, see things beyond the surface, so
you can get your discernment up.And I'm not.
Saying this is for isn't. For me to say that everyone's a
bad person because they aren't but you.
Have to really get your. Discernment up the word friend
(26:17):
is tossed around, too. Loosely.
One of the big mistakes I feel Mark Zuckerberg did.
When he started that, Facebook was.
Labeling the connections we makeon social media add a friend.
So I really think that's where the downfall started and just
how we be friendships, how we think somebody that we just met
(26:39):
as a friend. How y'all labeling your
coworkers as your? Friend like these are not.
Your. Friends, I just feel that.
The word friend, it's, it's a serious thing, You know, being
someone's friend is an honor, isa privilege.
It's an alignment. And there's different levels to
friendship, obviously. You may have that best friend
(27:02):
that you've known quite some time, or you just they get it.
You feel like that's your mirror, that's your ace.
That's your ride or die. You know, whatever you want to
get into that. And then there may be a friend
who, you know, it's just maybe this is the.
Friend that you have that. If you need some.
Encouragement. Y'all don't even talk that
often, but you know that particular person is going to
spell a. Word into you we.
(27:25):
It's OK to have different. I guess you could say.
Different category you can categorize.
Your friends. There's nothing wrong with that.
However. Again, I feel that ever since
good old Mark, good old Marky Mark Zuckerberg started labeling
the connections we have on social media as friends, that's
(27:45):
when a lot of things did go downhill because we start
labeling the wrong people as ourfriend.
So again. All of that to say, it's just
really. Important to be very mindful.
On who you call a. Friend and again.
(28:05):
Let's say you just met someone, right?
This all. Goes back into the whole mean.
Thing some women call someone will call another woman mean
that she just. Met just simply because hey.
That woman just wants to. Be more comfortable around you,
you know, or just in general. Maybe she's just a.
Private reserve person. I think sometimes people again,
(28:27):
if you move and if you stick andmove under the energy of
unhealed energy. You have these unrealistic
expectations. At the end of the day, to the
people. That you have met.
And again, am I saying that makes you a bad person?
Of course. Not because it doesn't make you
(28:47):
a bad person by no means, but sometimes we miss out on good
people because we put so much pressure on them initially from
the jump that you miss out on someone that really could be a
blessing to your life, that really can be a good connection.
All good things take time. So I think even as women over.
(29:12):
30 + 40 + 50 plus there's always.
Room to make a new friend, to behonest.
Meeting a new. Friend is a great feeling.
There's nothing like meeting somebody fresh and brand new and
realizing that you have some alignment with them.
It is a great. Feeling and I will never.
(29:35):
Ever take it lightly? It's a wonderful feeling.
Making new friends and I do. Feel you should always be open
to that. I I'm not one of those no new
friends type of people. I really actually don't believe
in that. You should always have.
Room to just receive people. There's some good people out
there and I know this world is dark, it's ugly, There's fake
(29:58):
people out there, there's peopleyou can't trust.
This has been going. On since day one, this isn't
anything new ugly people actually, however, good people
they haven't gone anywhere either.
So I know because of the world we live in, it's easy to just
have this feeling like, oh, you know, I just don't.
(30:20):
I don't trust folks and I get. It but there are some good.
People out there for sure. So all that to say is.
Not everybody that you meet. Is out to get you.
It's just so many slippery slopes.
You know when it comes to meeting people because you can
(30:41):
be in a situation. Where?
Because of past. Trauma that you've experienced
of this, bad friendships, you may just have this thing in your
mind where you may. Question some people who really,
truly. Are genuinely nice you're like,
oh, you know, what's their motive?
What are? They trying to get out of me.
(31:02):
He puts you on. Edge 'cause you're.
Like I don't know why this person being so nice.
I think some of us have experienced that as well.
Well, you're just not sure. You're like, OK, this person.
They're a little too nice. And you know, the sad part is
it's really. Really, really a sad thing in a
(31:24):
sense, to feel that way, you know, to feel that you have to
be on edge when you meet a nice person.
But again, that's the world speaking because unfortunately.
Some people aren't good folks. You know and.
(31:45):
Like I said, that's the world speaking.
We get desensitized to a. Lot of different things, but
again, just to say not everyone's a bad person.
For sure there are some good people out there.
There's some women who really they.
Talk the talk. And they walk the walk.
When they say they're trying to connect with women, they mean
(32:05):
that when they. Say they are trying to.
Build and really build communitythey mean.
It. So again, it all goes to just.
Having that discernment to know you got no one to hold and no
one to fold, we put that discernment in.
It helps to guide us and also let me put this out there.
(32:29):
When it comes to just friendships too, it's.
OK to open your heart and make friends with.
Someone in a later stage in lifeand then sometimes.
Realize well, hey, you know what?
This may not necessarily be a friendship.
I want to build on it. Doesn't mean that your
discernment. Was off.
(32:52):
It just means that your discernment is actually still
working. It's OK.
You don't have to beat yourself up over a friendship that you
also realize. May not be where you need to be
in your life. It may not be something that you
need to include in your life right now.
That is OK too. Again, I just feel that as
(33:15):
women, the pressure that we have.
To make friends, it's just something else.
It really gets to something thatis just I.
I can't even. Describe it.
We just are. Placed in too many situations
(33:36):
where we have to be the nice girl, we have to please
everyone. I just feel that it's something
that women deal a lot with. And to be honest, as I'm even
talking, I would actually love to have this.
Conversation with a man to ask them have they ever felt any
people pleasing pressure? Have they felt it when it comes
(33:59):
to making friends? Have they felt to just send
their lives? Overall, because as much as I
look at things, I feel like. Sometimes and not.
You know, and I. Hate to generalize, I just know
that my experience as a woman, Ithink it just it's something
that's embedded in US. As.
Children where as little girls. Where we have to please.
(34:21):
Everyone and we have to come offas making everyone happy and we
have to come off as not really expressing our feelings and not
being able to walk away from certain things without it being
disrespectful or being mean. It all ties back to how I said.
Grown adult women referring to other adult women as being mean
(34:47):
when maybe you don't get your way, or maybe if they just don't
receive certain things in a way that you wanted them to receive
some. Friendships have a lot of
controlling energy in it too. We want to control the people in
our lives sometimes and that is not fair also.
(35:11):
So just back to also what I wanted to say just.
About the truth about empowerment.
Groups, again, I do and this is from my experience and this is
from someone that has started a brand for women since 20. 19 You
know how many? Times I've had in.
My mind where I'm like, I don't know if this is really working
(35:32):
because I've definitely been in situations where I was really,
really. Hard to be received by.
Other women and my. Brand is for women of.
Color, it's been a it's definitely been an uphill
battle. I've definitely.
Have got into situations where other women of color and they
(35:55):
made it absolutely hard as hell to connect with them.
It wasn't easy, it was ugly. There's a lot of women that I've
definitely tried to connect withthat I had to step away from,
and there's some that. Stepped away from me because I
wasn't giving them what they. Wanted.
(36:16):
So there's a lot of layers with just.
Forming anything that involves. Women, and it is unfortunate.
But it's definitely not an easy experience.
You will come across people thatdon't like you.
You will come across people sometimes who.
(36:37):
They are. They do live in a an energy of
negativity, so it doesn't matterwhat you're trying to.
Say some women are labeled as fake simply because they're not
as negative as the next person, or they may speak the language.
Of positivity. If you speak the language of
positivity, you will come acrosssome people who speak the
(37:01):
language. Of negativity, so when you're
trying to be positive. They don't comprehend that they
don't get down with someone that's trying to be positive, so
they don't like it. And not only do they not like
it, they're going to question, why are you being positive?
Oh, she must be fake. She's not negative or bitter or
(37:24):
miserable like I am, so. Something's off about her.
Are they misinterpret speaking positivity by saying Oh well,
you know, they're trying to be positive, so they're fake.
They must they they want to act as if.
Their life is perfect. And this all goes to show if you
have a negative mindset, if you live in miserable and being a
(37:47):
miserable person, if you live inmisery, you're going to see
things through the crack lens. You know how they say it's
seeing things through rose colored glasses?
Well, you're gonna see things through the.
Crack lens if you walk into that, if you're a person walking
in negative energy. You can't comprehend that some
(38:08):
people. Even when life knocks them down,
they don't want to give ownership.
To that they want to still speakjoy no matter what.
That doesn't make a person fake,it's just fake to.
You. So again, these are all the
different layers that. Comes when you are trying to
(38:30):
build friendships or if you're awoman you know who may be tuning
in now you're trying to, or you have an empowerment brand.
These are just some of the things you come across, you
know, it's just part of the gameare you have people they.
They connect with you and they may in their.
Minds secretly don't care. For you, then I'll.
Let you know this, but they still see the.
(38:51):
Value in being near you. And that causes problems.
So I'm just saying I get it. OK, I I get it.
There is some pros and cons withjust trying to build anything
with women unfortunately. Doesn't mean you should give up
(39:12):
on it. Nope, I wouldn't say that.
I know. Personally, when I started Go
Clean, I always have these moments sometimes where I'm
like, you know, I have. To reassess where this is.
Going. But whenever I have those
moments where I'm reassessing where it's going, it's usually
(39:32):
after I've had a negative experience with someone.
So that is when I also have to redirect myself to focus on the
positive interactions I have hadwith.
People. The people who?
Have reached out to me after an episode or an article or
something that actually touched them.
(39:53):
I have to set my sights on thosewomen and how I've built
something that has spoken out tothem.
So with anything, you know, if you're one of those.
People like I said, who's? Tuning in, maybe you're a
speaker, you have an empowermentbrand, or just anything.
You're trying to be an influencer of positivity.
I'll encourage you to just. Look at the positive
(40:16):
interactions. The negative ones are just part
of the game, just as we've had negative things happen in our
lives. Is just part of the game.
Is part of. The script of life.
That we have to go through. It's just another chapter in
life when we have something thatmay not be the positive
interaction that we were hoping for.
(40:38):
It is what it is. So again, just.
Building those friendships. It's a lot, so another.
Thing. That I do feel that we should
talk about more. I feel and just friendships and
building. Is again boundaries, and I know
(41:03):
I touched on it a bit in this conversation, but I want to
just. Really.
Harp again on boundaries. You have to have.
Boundaries in your relationshipsand your friendships.
You even have to have boundarieswhen you.
Form these empowerment brands. My level of.
Speaking or healing may. Be at a different.
(41:24):
Stage than Sharon's. Level of healing are different
than Antoinette's level of healing, so you have to.
Have boundaries. Another thing that I feel has
given and I will say this something that I feel has.
Given empowerment space is a badrap is.
(41:46):
Every. Person that has an empowerment
space, they're entitled to theirboundaries.
I feel like some. Of you women get offended when
people have empowerment spaces and you question them as being
fake again because. That person still has
boundaries, having an empowerment.
Space is actually not an invitation to be a personal
(42:07):
friend to every single person that wants to be involved in
that space. There has to be boundaries and I
think people can't comprehend that because they're like.
Oh well, you know this person doing an empowerment.
Group to have women join. But they still seem a little
fake, you know, they don't tell all their business.
(42:27):
Why do we measure friendships? Based.
On the amount of personal thingsa person shares.
With people I just we really ought to back away.
From that and I. Feel that that is a.
Reason why some empowerment groups do get a bad rap,
actually. Because you're so.
Focused on the person who started it and how much you know
about their life. You want to call them fake?
(42:51):
We don't know anything about theperson next to us.
We don't even know everything about our own friends, the
people that we're really close with.
Not everyone is a walking open book that doesn't.
Make them fake it. Just means that they're
exercising unnecessary boundary.Again, a lot of times we miss
(43:14):
out on good people because we expect too much of them.
And not only do we expect too much, we sometimes again, we
walk around feeling like, oh, we're entitled to receive all
this from a person and it is unfair.
So again, boundaries are important, but I want to just
(43:36):
put this. Out there for people.
Who are listening the next time you may.
Feel the spirit of. Offense building up or feel the
spirit of rejection with the person.
Sometimes I want you to just think.
Sometimes a step. Away from that feeling like.
Step outside of it and look at that situation was that person.
(43:58):
Really rejecting you or being? Mean.
Or were they just simply exercising a healthy boundary?
Please think of this sometimes when.
You maybe? Feel that a person.
Is giving you a energy. Where they rejected you or.
You think they don't like? You sometimes that's not the
(44:19):
case. And I'm not saying that it's
that way all the time, but thereare some situations where.
That person may. Have just been exercising a
healthy boundary and you misinterpreted through your lens
of hurt and unhealed energy. Sometimes we have missed out on
(44:45):
good people because we misinterpreted them exercising a
healthy boundary. Maybe they couldn't talk to you
that particular day because theywere dealing with something
personal, or they needed a day of rest, or they just were not
available. Not all things are meant to harm
(45:10):
you. Not.
All people are. Walking in this mean energy.
It's OK for a person to exercisehealthy.
Boundaries and their friendshipsand their relationships and
their empowerment Brands in their spaces it's.
OK to exercise healthy. Bondage for people.
(45:31):
No one deserves express service from another person, SO.
Again, I just wanted to just putthat out there.
That. Not all empowerment groups are
bad. Trust me, they really aren't.
And let's say you're in an empowerment group and you may
have had an experience with someone else.
(45:53):
Another. Member of it.
Should you toss out the whole group as a whole?
Not necessarily. So again, just wear that
discernment. And also sometimes with
discernment, it just lets you know how to.
Deal with people sometimes. Maybe Marie is a person who
(46:15):
maybe you guys are in a group. Together but Marie.
Is just not that one to share anything with.
Maybe Marie is not the person. Who When?
You know when. You go to this event.
Maybe you just don't need to deal with Marie, you know, but
you have Susan, Michelle, Nicole, that's.
Also at the event that you know they you.
(46:37):
Know those are people that you want to be around.
They got it going on. They got that energy.
They put that that joy in you when you near them.
Don't miss out. On hang out with them because of
somebody else. So again, just let's let's
really unpack our relationships with women and let's also think
(47:03):
about. When we look at our friends
right, what would we want? How would we want to be?
Received sometimes and not everyone, but sometimes people
love receiving, but they. Forget how to give meaning
sometimes you may have that friend that always pours some
(47:25):
joy into you all the time, so you just.
Take in and take. In and take in that love that
she pours out. We have to look at people like
that. Too and say, hey, what can I do
to pour into her? She always pours into me.
She always has a word for me. Don't be too.
(47:46):
Greedy with people like this because I promise you.
They need love. Too a giver cannot give all the
time. Give something to that girl too.
Reach out to her as well. Say hey.
How you doing? I just say, you know what, you
always point into me. I wanted to just shout you out
today. I wanted to reach out to you,
(48:07):
remind you how. You.
What you do to me, what what youput into my life.
Give people their flowers too, because sometimes we're selfish
in our friendships. We love, love, love to receive,
but we. Forget to give back to.
Those people as well. So I hope, I hope.
(48:30):
That I gave you guys, you know, just something to think about
today. You know, I've been wanting.
To talk about this for quite. Some time and it's just based
off my experiences as well. Just.
Having this empowerment brand and also having.
Instances where there's people that I have definitely met that
I'm like, you know what I said, not somebody.
I really choose to be a friend with and same thing.
(48:53):
I know a lot of people really don't care to hear me talk about
being positive or self love. Not everyone wants to hear that,
and it is what it. Is, but I also just.
Wanted just to have. This episode to have this.
Conversation just about friendship and just women and
just how we view one another, how we interact with one
(49:15):
another. There's a lot of.
Things that we can do. So that this whole walk doesn't
have to be that hard. So again, I hope that this
message reached you in a good space.
I hope that you received. This in an open mindset and
(49:37):
maybe hey, you thought about, you know what, maybe there's
something I could do a little differently and some of my
friendships are I hope this alsomaybe gave you some peace today
about a friendship. That you had, that you decided
to walk away from again, I think.
It's a good thing to have conversations like this.
(50:00):
Course, that is what Go Queen Pink Rain is about.
Having these conversations, talking about these different
subjects sometimes. That we may be dealing with that
we don't necessarily get the platform or the stage or even
the listening. Ear to discuss it with.
So again, thank you guys for joining.
(50:21):
I have definitely enjoyed havingyet another.
Solo episode thank God I. Didn't even feel any.
Issues with the asthma today talking and talking and talking
today. So thank God, I pray that
wherever you're at listening to this, that you have.
Received this and of course. You can reach out to me.
Anytime I'm one e-mail or DM away.
(50:43):
That's hello at Go Queen. Dot com and we know.
It's GEAU. X That's a nod to Louisiana, but
you can. Reach out to me at.
Any time you can also comment when this.
Episode is posted and go ahead, let's join that conversation.
If and also if you want to learnmore about Pink Rain.
Go ahead to. Www.goqueen.com You can click
(51:07):
the link to join the Pink Rain Face group or just find me on
Facebook. Come on, let's go.
Let's go ahead and show. People that women can gather and
be fruitful and positive and pour into one another.
Let's let's go ahead and break those misconceptions.
(51:29):
Let's go. Ahead and do that today.
Y'all but thank. You again and just remember.
Self love is the field. You have to love yourself.
You have to give yourself those flowers.
Self love is just a. Feel to be a good.
Friend, it's the feel to be. A vessel to somebody else.
(51:51):
Self love is also the feel to also know when maybe hey.
This ain't the friendship for me, this isn't the group for me,
'cause I love myself. I know myself enough to where I
need to be and where I don't need to be.
So again, thank you guys for joining the Key Chat.
You can catch this episode and more.
Www.go queen dot. Com you can also catch some past
(52:13):
episodes, the video episodes on YouTube that is go queen TV.
Go ahead and follow on Instagram.
I have my own page which is I amunder score go queen.
The Q Chat podcast also has an IG.
Page and the Go Queen. Magazine also has an IG page
which is still under construction, but bear with us
(52:35):
as we grow. But thank you again for just.
Being a. Part of this space I.
Just really, truly appreciate you guys and you.
Guys, have a good one, make sureyou be safe.
And as. Always go love yourself.
Me. She's quiet about a business,
working hard on a mission.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Herd with Colin Cowherd
The Herd with Colin Cowherd is a thought-provoking, opinionated, and topic-driven journey through the top sports stories of the day.