A near death experience & Discovering Your WHY as a DAD with Gary Sanchez

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Ever wondered how to navigate the emotional journey from a bustling household to an empty nest? Join us on the Quarterback Dadcast as we welcome Gary Sanchez, the ingenious mind behind the WHY Institute and host of the Beyond Your Why podcast. Gary shares his heartfelt experiences of fatherhood, highlighting meaningful moments with his daughters and the poignant send-off as they embarked on their college adventures. Our conversation touches on the importance of maintaining strong family bonds and a positive outlook, even as life transitions challenge us to adapt and grow.

Understanding the diverse identities of our children can be a game-changer in guiding them toward informed decisions. Gary candidly reflects on his personal journey of self-discovery, contrasting it with his daughters’ unique paths—one marked by uncertainty and the other by confident purpose. We explore how these differing experiences have shaped their development and decision-making processes, emphasizing the critical role of nurturing individuality and curiosity. The insights offered in this discussion extend beyond fatherhood, offering valuable lessons for personal and professional relationships alike.

Gary’s transformative journey from dentistry to founding the WHY Institute is nothing short of inspiring. A life-threatening health scare became the catalyst for him to reassess his priorities and pursue his true passion. He shares how discovering his "why" revolutionized his career and impacted countless lives. With humor and introspection, we wrap up with a rapid-fire round, exchanging laughter and personal insights. This episode promises to leave you contemplating your own life's purpose and the legacy you wish to create.

Gary has graciously offered a discount code so you can find your WHY!  Please visit Whyinstitute.com and enter code PODCAST50 for 50% off!

Please don't forget to leave us a review wherever you consume your podcasts! Please help us get more dads to listen weekly and become the ultimate leader of their homes!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 2 (00:03):
Hi, I'm Riley and I'm Ryder and this is my dad show.
Hey everybody, it's CaseyJaycox with the quarterback dad
cast.
Welcome to season six, and Icould not be more excited to
have you join me for anotheryear of fantastic episodes and
conversations really unscriptedand raw and authentic

(00:25):
conversations with dads.
If you're new to this podcast,really it's simple.
It's a podcast where weinterview dads, we learn about
how they were raised, we learnabout the life lessons that were
important to them, we learnabout the values that are
important to them and really welearn about how we can work hard
to become a better quarterbackor leader of our home.
So let's sit back, relax andlisten to today's episode on the
Quarterback Dadcast.

(00:45):
Well, hey, everybody, it'sCasey Jaycox here with the
Quarterback Dadcast.
We are in season six, whichfeels fantastic to say, because
that means we've interviewedover 280-something dads
everybody and we are notstopping.
We got many more to go.
This year I was lucky enough tobe on our next guest podcast and
his name is Gary Sanchez.
He's the founder of the YInstitute.
He might've spent some timewith the one and only Simon

(01:07):
Sinek.
We're gonna learn about that.
He also is the host of Beyondyour Y podcast, where I was a
guest on his show and it was sofun and you'll learn all about
that.
He also is a USC, trojan.
I wonder if he knows WillFerrell.
We'll see if Carol will findout.
But he's a speaker, he's anauthor, he's a dentist I don't
think this might be the firstdentist I've had on.
He's a world championshipracquetball player.
Everybody.

(01:28):
That's a first for thequarterback to have cast Turned
squash player.
I think he's got some golf gametoo.
But with all that said, that'sgreat.
But the reason why we're havingGary on today, because we're
going to talk about Gary, theand continually works hard to
become the ultimate quarterbackor leader of his home.
So, without further ado, mrSanchez, welcome to the
Quarterback Dadcast.

Speaker 3 (01:47):
Awesome, casey.
Thank you, I appreciate it.
This is going to be fun.

Speaker 2 (01:51):
It's going to be a lot of fun, so we always start
out each episode with gratitudeon the show.
So tell me, what are you mostgrateful for as a dad today?

Speaker 3 (01:58):
I would say I'm grateful for the time that I got
to spend with my kids over theholiday and I have two daughters
now, one's 30 and one's 26.
And that they, you know, I'mjust proud of the women that
they became or have become, andwe got to spend a lot of time
together and that they stillwant to spend time with us,
right, and it's and it's fun.

(02:19):
So I would say definitelygrateful that I got to be with
them.
We were up in Denver and onejust got engaged and the other
is finding her new kind of founda new boyfriend that I think is
going to be somebody special toher.
So a lot of good stuff in theirworld.
Nothing makes you more happy atleast it makes me happier than

(02:43):
seeing my kids happy I could nothave said it better, man.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
That's spot on and it's that's kind of speaks to my
heart, because I uh, actually alinkedin post a few days ago.
We're actually recordingeverybody in january, january
8th this will be up, so we'llcome out in a month or so and,
uh, I just had to send my sonback to college.
Uh, his this week was this isfirst year, and he and he went
back and then he was home for amonth and so we got that awesome

(03:08):
great time.
And then we went back and wejust flashback, remember how sad
we were.
So Sunday was a tough day,monday was easier, tuesday's
better, and now we're kind ofback in the swing of things.
But I'm going to say I'mgrateful for the same thing.
I was grateful for the time wegot with him, um, and I'm also
grateful for, uh, you know,sometimes life throws us these

(03:29):
little, these curveballssometimes and you know there's
all there's, you know firstworld problems, there's third
world problems, everybody's.
Probably it's it's your ownproblem and sometimes, when you
go through little bumps in theroad, um, it's fun to just be
grateful for how you like, thekind of, all the skills you have
in life, that kind of helpprepare you to be able to like
just kind of take a deep breathemotionally, go through them,

(03:50):
search for answers, search forthe to your word, search for the
why.
And it sometimes is when youkind of talk through things it
just makes life a lot moreeasier from the relationships
you build and you have in yourlife and versus just bottling it
up and keeping it andpretending it's going to go away
, because that never is it goingto be a good answer or a good
solution for sure.

(04:12):
I totally agree with you.
Um, okay, so we got.
So you are an empty nester?
Yes, correct?
Um, I love it how you do.
So what was the before?
I dive into some other stufflike what was the hardest part
about that and then what's beenmaybe the best part about that
journey.

Speaker 3 (04:31):
Well, you hit it right there with what you just
said.
I remember dropping my firstdaughter off at college and man
cried all the way home.
Oh man, she was not in the bestdorm that we wanted her to be
in.
Her roommate isn't the one shewanted.
It was just nothing about whatwe thought it was going to be
for her is what she got and wecouldn't change it.

(04:52):
And here we are driving away,leaving her in a spot we didn't
anticipate, and we're thinkingwhat the heck did we just do?
And it all turned out fine.
It always will, but it was notpleasant at that time and you
know, things will never be thesame.
We'll never have her inside ofour home like we did before.

(05:14):
So those were the lots of.
And then the same thinghappened in the second one.
So we have two kids and thenwhen the second one we dropped
her off, then we were completelyempty nested.
And then when the second one wedropped her off, then we were
completely empty nested.
And then, you know, we had tolook at each other and say, do I
even like this person anymore?
You know, like what the heck?
We've had our whole life inraising these two daughters and

(05:35):
now we don't have that.
And I think it was harder on mywife because she was a stay at
home mom and so for me, I gotback busy with what I was doing,
with my work.
She had to go home and spendall of her time, you know, not
having that person or those twoto take care of, and so that was

(05:57):
harder on her, which made itharder on me, which I would like
to you know.
For those of you that are goingto be going through that, like
you, it does get better.
In fact, it gets to the pointwhere I was so happy they
weren't home, because now we hadour life back and we could do
whatever we wanted, whenever wewanted.

(06:18):
Everything wasn't based on theirschedule, their calendar, what
events we had to go to, whatgames we had to see, all that.
We got to be selfish again, andthere's something to be said
for that as well.
Right, when you're a dad, youkind of disappear to a certain
extent and everything gets basedon your kids and what they want

(06:41):
to do and what they got goingon and where you got to drop
them off and all that stuff.
So are you kind of experiencingthat?
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 (06:48):
I can't even imagine, I mean that feeling what you
described is so far out of luck.
I mean it's like I can't evenimagine being able to do what I
want to do when I want to do it.
I mean we have flexibility andI get I play golf still, which
is great, and it's like kind of.
But if I, if I went to my wifehey, let's, let's go to San

(07:10):
Diego, like now, yeah, let's gofly, why not?
Let's go see if there's anyflights available Like to be
able to do, that would beamazing.
Um, but, uh, I I just I reallytry to focus on being present.
Uh, I think having this podcastand interviewing, talking to so
many dads, it's like I alwaysjoke with you what I mean.
True, it's almost free therapyfor me, because I helps me
remind me what's most importantthings, helps me keep my you
know my part of my French keepmy shit intact and and focus on

(07:31):
balance and looking for wayswhere I can always be better
version of me and no one's evergoing to be that person, but if
I can work on being that person,it's a it helps.

Speaker 3 (07:43):
So Well, let's add a little bit more to that.
When, at least in my house, mydaughters got to the age of a
senior in high school.
They change again, and maybeit's their junior to senior year
, but for us they changed againand went from wanting to spread

(08:06):
their wings and you know thewhole curfew thing and the
however you run your house, they, they don't want to follow what
you want and their life becomesmore important to them than the
family life.
And they're they're ready tomove on.
And when they're ready to moveon, uh, it scares us.

(08:27):
It scared us, but it was sogreat because we were ready at
that time for them to get out ofthe house because of the way
they were acting.
So it worked out.
Timing wise in the moment seemedlike a bad thing.
When you look back on it,you're like, yeah, they were
ready, they were ready, we wereready, they went off to college,

(08:48):
um, and the timing seemed likeit was the way it was supposed
to be.
So if you have a kid now that'sin their last semester of high
school and they're not being theway they were from two years
ago, it's okay.
It's okay, man, they're goingto go off, they're going to do
their thing and they're going tocome back and our relationship

(09:09):
now with our kids is so muchcloser than it ever was, kind of
like maybe back to when theywere 10 years old and you were
still important to them.
Right now, they text us everyday.
We talk to them every day.
There were times where wedidn't even talk to our one

(09:29):
daughter for months.
She didn't want to talk to us.
Right, that's painful.

Speaker 2 (09:36):
Oh, I can.
Yeah, it is, it is.

Speaker 3 (09:39):
And now she's back to every day and the other one
calls us every day and you know,so it's um.
Things get better and betterand better they get.
You know they're great.
Then they're not so good, thenthey're really not good.
Then they start getting better,then they get better, and now
they're.
Now they're like, they're ourbuddies, our friends.
We love to do everything.
You know lots of stuff withthem where there was a time when

(10:01):
they didn't want to haveanything to do with us.
So you may not experience that.

Speaker 2 (10:05):
No, we will, I bet yeah, we will.
I mean, I'm already seeing my,like my son.
He's already.
He's only been in college nowfor four months.
The level of maturity from thesummer until now is mind blowing
for me.
Um, like at times he's actuallybeen giving us some wisdom.
I'm like who's?
Oh wait, you're our kid, weactually made you.

(10:29):
We we get to take some creditfor some of that stuff.
But like it's so fun to see umlike one dad on the show.
He actually was an empty nester.
He actually got me on Snapchat,which I thought I'd never do,
but I talked to my son onSnapchat every day.
We have like 140 days streak.
It's like I've learned what'scalled a snap streak.
It's like, but it's fun, it'slike that's connection and so

(10:51):
just like anything, it's like Ieither can be stuck in my ways
and oh, I'm going to do this, orjust be open-minded and curious
, which I think is one of thethemes that kind of drives my
life is be curious to learn andbe curious to find.
Meet your kids where they areand try to like get something,
and I find when I do that more,sometimes through
self-deprecating humor, theyopen up more to me.
Yes.
One question I can ask you isso, if you look back what both

(11:13):
your daughters are doing now,based on when they left either
high school or college, are theydoing exactly what you thought
they'd be doing or they'd bedoing something totally
different than what you thought?

Speaker 3 (11:21):
they'd be doing.
So that's a great question andthat kind of leads us into this
whole concept of why Right?
So, for those of you listening,I, my company, is called the Y
Institute and I develop thesoftware that takes people
through, figuring out why theydo what they do, how they bring
their why to life and whatpeople can count on from them.

(11:42):
So it gives them the words totell the world exactly who they
are right.
People don't know what theywant because they don't know who
they are.
Help them figure out who theyare and it becomes infinitely
easier to help them figure outwhat they want.
So your kids have no idea whatthey want most.
Most of the time, most of them,and most of the time they don't

(12:03):
have a clue what they want.
I, most of the time, most ofthem, and most of the time they
don't have a clue what they want.
I remember back into highschool, casey, and the worst
question my parents friendscould ask me was so what do you
want to be when you grow up?
I hated that question.
I don't know if you liked it,but I hated it because I didn't
know how am I supposed to know.

(12:25):
But I hated it because I didn'tknow how am I supposed to know
and how am I supposed to figureit out?
Oh, find your passion, casey.
Go live your passion.
Well, thanks, mom, thanks, dad,that's wonderful.
How do I do that?
Well, I don't know, but just gofind it.
Oh, thanks, that's very helpful.
And so I went off to collegewith no idea what I wanted to do
Major of undeclared, kept thatas long as I could, picked a

(12:50):
major that I was getting a goodgrade and went to dental school
because it was what my dad didand I knew the lifestyle, but it
wasn't like my lifelong passion.
Now, my kids, I have onedaughter who went through high
school and college, not knowingher why, because hadn't figured
it out yet and she had struggles.
She didn't change her majormultiple times, took six years,

(13:14):
took a year off, didn't knowwhat she wanted to do, barely
graduated.
Her experience was more aboutpartying and getting through.
Not being wasn't an amazingexperience for her.
The other one was very clear onher why, how and what, from the

(13:34):
time she was, you know, in highschool, knew, helped, figure
out exactly what she wanted todo.
Figure out exactly what shewanted to do, went on that exact
path, had an awesome time incollege, was involved in all

(13:55):
kinds of stuff in college and isliving her dream job now.
And I think they both areliving their dream jobs now.
But it took one of them a longtime to get there and the other
one knew from way back in highschool exactly what she wanted
to do direct path to it.
So that's one of the keys Forthose of you that are listening
if you can help your kids figureout who they are at the

(14:18):
youngest possible age age, theirrunway to live that will be
that much longer.
Their basis for makingdecisions will be so much easier
for them.
The conversations you can havewith them are completely

(14:39):
different when you know who theyare, because what we typically
do is tell them what you would,what I would do here.
Well, here's what I would do,here's what I think.
This is what I would do in myday.
Well, they don't care what youwould do.
Right, they care what theywould do.
But if you don't know who theyare, all you can do is tell them
what you would do.

(15:00):
So that those are the bigdifferences I had with one
daughter and the other.
The first daughter that didn'tknow our conversations were as
little as she could talk to usbecause she didn't want us to
ask her questions about anything, right, she wanted to just be
left alone when.
The other one, who we knew whoshe was and she knew we knew who
she was and she knew who shewas, were very profound and very

(15:27):
deep, and she comes to us withany kind of decision because she
knows we can help her and weunderstand her at that level.
So all the way along she askedus questions.
One didn't ask us anything,didn't really want to talk to us
at all, and one wanted to askus about everything.
Do you think?

Speaker 2 (15:43):
that's how they were wired or do you think that's how
they were wired or do you thinkthat's something you guys did
differently?

Speaker 3 (15:48):
I think it was something that they had
differently.
The first one had no idea whoshe was.
So the first one was like thequeen bee in her class.
When they were young, when theywere in elementary school, she

(16:11):
was the leader of the pack.
She was the girl that everybodyran out to carry her books.
You know, everybody wanted tobe around.
She was a very quiet leader.
She didn't want attention, butfor whatever reason she got
attention.
And then, when we got to middleschool, all the drama started

(16:31):
and instead of trying to be theleader and squash it or control
it or be a part of it, shedidn't want to have anything to
do with it and a lot of thegirls turned on her and so it
wasn't a pleasant time middleschool and the beginning of high

(16:52):
school for her, and so shedidn't know who she was.
She kind of lost herself andthat was.
Those were some challengingtimes.
The other one and I thoughtthat was going to be the
daughter that was going to bevery easy.
She was a rule follower, shedid things by the book.
She was easy.
In fact, our first, our firstdaughter, was so easy that we

(17:15):
thought we were God's gift toparenting.
Oh yeah, you other people justdon't know what you're doing.
Right, we put her down, shegoes to sleep, she stays in her
bed till we wake up and come intogether.
I mean, it was just so easy.
And we're like, yeah, you guysjust must not know how to do
this.
And then we had the second one.
Then we had the second one andrealized we had no idea what we

(17:37):
were doing.
We were just lucky with thatfirst one.
The second one was, you know,colic got spallom, meningitis,
almost.
I mean, just so many crazythings happened to the second
one.
We realized we had nothing todo with this.
And so the um, as as we weregoing along the the first one,

(17:58):
her name's bella, you know, shehad her struggles and um
eventually overcame them.
Second one's name is Jacqueline, and we thought she was going
to be the terror and she turnedout to be very easy.
So the one that was supposed tobe easy was not, the one that
was supposed to be hard was not.

(18:19):
But the difference was one wasclear on who she was or is and
the other was not clear and wastrying to find herself.
First one knew.

Speaker 1 (18:32):
The second one was looking so.

Speaker 2 (18:35):
I don't know if that was helpful, but that's what we
experienced.
Yeah, that's a deep thought,because I think everybody's
different.
Even though it takes some like,some can find it really, really
easy.
And even though you think youfound it, that could change or
it might take a little bit, butall those journeys of when you
find it, I would bet it'd beinteresting to see people who

(18:58):
find it right away versus peoplewho struggle a little bit and
they find it Like what's morevaluable.
Is it more valuable because Ihad to fight for for it, so I
developed some grit andresilience, or is it?
Is it better because it waseasy and I knew what I wanted to
do since day one and I knew mywhy, and this is what serves me,
gets me out of bed and fires meup.
So it'd be.

Speaker 3 (19:15):
I don't know that might be for another well, the
earlier they are, that they findit, the better decisions
they're going to make, thefurther they're going to get.
Faster Makes sense.
I've seen it over and over andover.
When you know you figuring outwhat you want, that's one of

(19:37):
life's most challengingquestions.
Casey, what do I want?
You have an unlimited menu andyou got to go pick one thing.
Yeah, like, what do you want todo out of the unlimited choices
here?
Which one do you want?
I don't know how the hell, howam I supposed to know that If

(20:02):
you know who you are?
Okay?
So here here's a really criticalthing.
If what you or your childrenchoose to do with their life is
in line with their why, how andwhat why they do what they do,
how they bring their why to lifeand what people can count on
from them they will have passionfor what they do, they will

(20:24):
love what they do, and passionis the fuel that gives you the
energy to pursue your dreams.
Without passion, you give up.
With passion, you persevere.
So the earlier you can findthat, the longer the runway that
you have to live, that the moreimpact you can make, and that's

(20:50):
why it's so critical to helpthem figure out who they are.
I have one way to do it findingtheir why.
There are other ways, but again, the younger they are, that you
help them find it, thedifferent kinds of conversations
that you can have with them.

(21:10):
Does that make sense Totally?

Speaker 2 (21:13):
I mean I want to make sure I get to something that I
always ask my guests.
It always kind of brings itback.
But I might come back to whatyou said because like that spoke
to me big time, because like,um, I was my, why, my passion,
like I knew I wanted to be ourstarting quarterback in high
school.
More than anything.
Why did you want to be that?

Speaker 3 (21:35):
I don't know, I just because I love football, yeah,
can we talk about you for aminute.

Speaker 2 (21:40):
Sure, but I want to make sure this is about you, but
we'll do it briefly.
But, yeah, we can do this.

Speaker 3 (21:44):
So for me, I think it was good.
Well, let me talk.
Let me so your audience knowsyou, and let's talk about your
why, how and what, so that theycan see you from that
perspective.
They know what you've done andthey know your podcast and they
know a lot about your life.
But when we went through andfigured out your why, why does
Casey do what he does?
Casey's why is to createrelationships based upon trust,

(22:07):
right?
Trust a big deal to you, right?

Speaker 2 (22:10):
Trust, humility, vulnerability and curiosity.

Speaker 3 (22:13):
Yeah, not much more important than trust, though,
right.
If I can't trust you and youcan't trust me, not much going
to happen, right?

Speaker 2 (22:20):
It's going to be tough, I'd say it's fair.

Speaker 3 (22:26):
If I break your trust , does that just kind?

Speaker 2 (22:28):
of annoy you, or is that?

Speaker 3 (22:29):
like a knife in the gut.
Knife in the gut, yeah, it's adeal breaker.
And then how you do.
What you do, though, is bydiving, create a looking for
mastery, diving in really deep.
You know a lot about a lot.
You don't do things at asurface level.
You dive in real deep, rightThen.
Ultimately, though, what youbring is a way to contribute,
add value, have an impact onother people's lives.

(22:51):
You want to be that pebble thatstarts the ripple effect that
goes on and on in the lives ofothers, so being that trusted
source, being that one thatothers can count on, is that
important to you Big time.
Who's the quarterback?
What does the quarterback do onthe team?

Speaker 2 (23:09):
Yeah, there we go, yeah I.
It's like they the the feelingI get when people look me in the
eye and an accountant on me and, uh, knowing I got their back,
they got my back and we're goingto compete.
Um, like that, that field up,that jacks me up you're the guy
I gotta trust you.

Speaker 3 (23:28):
You gotta trust me or there's nothing gonna happen.

Speaker 1 (23:30):
Yeah and you've probably been that everywhere
along the way.

Speaker 3 (23:35):
That's what the position you want to be.

Speaker 2 (23:38):
I still remember my last, my senior year in college.
I got so how many offensivelinemen play in a game on
average Four, Five, Four Five.

Speaker 1 (23:49):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (23:50):
Five.

Speaker 2 (23:51):
Tackle guard, center guard, tackle for five.
Guess how many all-leagueoffensive linemen I had my
senior year in college.
How many, what First, how manyall-conference honors did I have
?
So first team, second team arehonorable mention Of those five,
how many did I have?

Speaker 3 (24:09):
All five, six.

Speaker 2 (24:11):
Six.
So one of the backups even gotall conference.
So I was so blessed and so atthe end of my college career, my
, the guy that would alwaysinterview me, interview me after
the games.
He, he didn't know that and somy mind was why are you
interviewing me after the games?
Why don't we interview inalignment like this is something
that's ever happened before.
So, as you're thinking, I mean,that story triggered my head
Like I was serving them back at22, 23 years old.

(24:33):
I was more about making themhappy.
And then, as a coach now aleadership sales coach I tell
people I'm done beyond stages,like being, if I won, sales
memory or whatever.
I want to help you do that now,and that fills my tank.
Same thing as back tofatherhood.
I want to help my kids learnfrom my failures.
Same thing as back tofatherhood.
I want to help my kids learnfrom my failures.
If you want to, I'll share themall, and if you can learn to go

(24:57):
down the same path for me, thenthe world's a better spot.
You win, I win, you know.
But if I don't know, youtriggered that thought that I
want to share.

Speaker 3 (25:06):
So what we were talking about as well is if we
put you in a place let's say Iwas coaching you or you were my
kid, or whatever and we put youin a place where people don't
trust you it's very surfacelevel and you're not having an
impact.
How's that going to work outfor you?

Speaker 2 (25:26):
Probably not.
I'm probably going to get firedbecause I'll be too sarcastic
and I'll be like this guy's gota screw loose, get him out of
here.

Speaker 3 (25:33):
Yeah, yeah.
But if we put you in a placewhere you get to be that trusted
source, where people arecounting on you, where you get
to dive in deep and look for thenuances, the little things that
make the big difference, andyou get to help others have a
bigger impact, how are you goingto feel about that?
You're going to have unlimitedenergy for that right.
So when you know that aboutyour child, you know that about

(25:56):
somebody you're working with,the conversations that you and I
can have now that I know thatare so different than me trying
to look at what you've done andfigure it out.
Try to help you and tell youwhat I would do.
Here's what I would do.
I'm your parent.
This is what I would do.
Well, you don't care what Iwould do, right?
You want to do what you want todo, and so it allows us to have

(26:21):
different conversations.
It allows me to guide you in away that will lead you to
something you're really going toenjoy doing.
Figure out what to say yes to,what to say no to Figure.
Figure out what to say yes to,what to say no to.
Figure who to hang out with.
There's so many things thatyou'll learn when you can help
somebody figure that out.

Speaker 2 (26:40):
No, I love that.
I mean, as someone who teachescuriosity, who was obsessed with
curiosity, that like definitelyspeaks to me with what you said
.
I love how you kind of paintedthe parallel and brought me back
to like I mean I, that's why,yeah, I mean I funny you said
painted the parallel and broughtme back to like I mean I'd say,
yeah, I mean I, I funny.
You said I've actually saidthis to people.
I feel like I still playquarterback, but my state, the
stages you get to speak topeople or your company, your,

(27:02):
your training, you do it's.
It's just a smaller huddle or Idon't have my helmet on.
You know jockstrap right nowthough We'll leave that visual

(27:22):
out.
Right, yeah, we're just.
This is a head and abovepodcast, so I want to.
I want to pivot real quick.
I want to learn.
I want to go back in time tolearn about what was life like
for you growing up and and howdid your parents shape you into
the into the dad you are today.

Speaker 3 (27:38):
Yeah, so growing up, um, I had two parents at home.
My dad was a dentist, my motherum stayed at home and there was
five of us um older brother,older sister, younger brother,
younger sister.
Four of us were kind of clumpedtogether and then one came
about eight years later.
So she kind of grew up as anonly child basically.

(27:59):
But my parents were ateverything for us and they were
very encouraging.
Yet they had high expectations.
It wasn't whether you were goingto go to college, it was where
are you going to go to college?
Whatever you do, you wereexpected to do.
Well, it wasn't.
You know, sports was a big dealfor my family and myself, and

(28:22):
so we were involved in all kindsof sports from the time we were
very young.
I got a lot of attention frommy dad for sports that I played.
Basketball was my sport for thelongest time and I was one of

(28:45):
the better players in our area.
But I didn't grow, and I infact I was so short by the time
I was like 12 or 13 that theytook me to the doctor to get
growth hormone shots to try toget me to grow.
So the idea of being abasketball player kind of faded
just as racquetball came on thescene and my dad was a handball

(29:05):
player and he owned the.
He was one of the owners of thelarge, first mega gym in
Albuquerque, which you know,which had 20 racquetball courts,
basketball, swimming pools,restaurant, bar, all that kind
of stuff in it.
So I started working there andI would sweep the courts and
clean the toilets and all thatstuff, and then I moved my way

(29:26):
up to the snack bar and Ifinally graduated to the front
desk where I would schedulecourts and stuff, but I play.
That's where I was introducedto racquetball, where it didn't
matter how tall you were.
So my biggest challenge was Ididn't grow Turned into my
biggest win, which was switchingto a sport where it didn't
matter, and then I progressedreal quickly and I was the best

(29:50):
one in my area for all that time.
But you know, my parents werealways there for us, always
encouraging.
My mom had five only children,right, so she treated each of us
like an only child and just, uhwas very, very encouraging.
So, um, you know, did they havea perfect marriage?

(30:14):
No, did they have theirchallenges, like most every
couple?
Yeah, they were, you know, hadtheir.
Um, I guess they were not close.
I mean, they did everythingtogether but they bickered a lot
.
Let me just put it that way.
They were kind of a bickeringparents.

(30:35):
So my dad was not very good onemotion.
He was more about achievement.
My mom was on achievement andthe emotional part as well, so I
feel blessed in that way.
My dad was a dentist, so we hadopportunities to do things.

(30:57):
We weren't wealthy by anystretch of the imagination.
He had five kids that he paidto go to private school.
Education was a big deal, paidfor all of us to go to college,
most of us to go to medical ordental school.
You know, four out of the fiveof us were physicians or

(31:23):
dentists.
So it was education number one.
Education number one, sportsnumber two, but education number
one.
So I got recognition for when Ifound better ways to do things
like if I could find somethingthat was better than what was
currently out there, or aninnovation, or my dad would
notice it, and so I was alwayslooking for better ways to do

(31:45):
things, which is my why, by theway, is to find a better way and
share it.
So again, sports, and as I gotbetter and better in racquetball
and I started traveling aroundgoing to tournaments and I went
off to college and I played incollege and I would play

(32:06):
tournaments around the country.
They would follow me, theywould go with me.
They were very supportive.
You know they they love to bepart of that and I loved having
them as part of it.

Speaker 2 (32:18):
So cool.

Speaker 3 (32:18):
So our mom and dad still with us?
No, no, surprisingly, my mom was, you know, like the queen bee
of queen bees.
She was the leader of the.
Anything she did, she was very,very good at it.
Everybody loved her.

(32:39):
I never once heard her say anegative thing about anybody,
not one time in my life.
She was so positive.
At age 60, she got into realestate, became the number one
salesperson in Albuquerque atage 60.
She started a little clothingline out of our house and she
was the number one in the nation.
She was just very driven andvery good at it because she made

(33:03):
other people feel good.
That was her gift making otherpeople feel special.
And then my dad but she was in acar wreck very minor one, very
minor bumped her head and shegot trauma-induced dementia,
which I didn't even know existedat like age 74, and she passed

(33:25):
away in her late 70s.
So it was painful to watch hergo through what I saw as one of
my heroes to well.
You know what happens indementia to where she couldn't
swallow, couldn't breathe,didn't know us.
Didn't you know any of that?
And then my dad, you know, wascloser to her in her illness

(33:46):
than he was to her in her healthand he took care of her when
she got dementia, until it tookhim down and he ended up getting
blood clots in his lungs andthen they went to his brain and
and he had a stroke and anywayshe ended up passing away at 88.
So he let, he made it to 88.

(34:06):
, she made it to probably 78.
Good run for him.
Good run for him.
So that's kind of my storyabout parents.
I had you know, is there such athing as perfect parents?

Speaker 2 (34:32):
No, but I had two good ones and they were with us
at part of our life, you know,for a long time, and so I know
what it's like to lose a parentwith dementia.
My dad passed away December 29,2021, of dementia Well, that
was one of the many things, butI and my wife and I helped take
care of him from like age 24through 46.
He died at 46?
I mean, no, he died at 79.

(34:53):
Oh, but my dad was in and outof assisted living facilities,
psych wards, uh, every healththing you can imagine.
So I me and my wife dealt withsomething that most people deal
with and they're like theirfifties managing their parents.
We did it, we dealt with it atage 23.
Wow, brutal.
But just like the optimist in me.
I said I mean, there was timesI was like bitter and at one

(35:17):
point I searched caregiverburnout.
I had like nine of the symptoms.
Uh I.
But I kept telling myself I, Idon't have a spiritual side of
me, I don't like I'm not, Idon't go to church every sunday,
but I, I kept telling myself,man, god, I know I can handle
this, I know I.
And I just kept telling myselfthat you wouldn't ask me to do
this.
I didn't handle it, couldn'thandle it.
And you know the vows ofmarriage and you're to death the

(35:39):
apart.
Like my wife signed up for thatand, man, she stepped up big
time.
So I know what it's like tolose a parent.
So sorry I had to go throughthat.
I had to go through it too.
So tough yeah.

Speaker 3 (35:50):
Painful, painful.
And then the other scary thingis that now you're next in line,
you know both of mine are gone.
I'm next in line.
I don't like that.
I don't like thinking aboutthat.
It's there's nobody between meand there's no grandparent,
there's no parent, there's meand off to heaven.
So it's a it's a weird place tobe.

(36:13):
There's nobody there that wasyour protector, that was your
person to go to for thosechallenging questions.
There's no one to keep the restof the family together.
My mom was the glue.
She's gone and we just kind ofhaven't been the same ever since
, and so it's just the naturalpart of life.

(36:39):
And I remember when we weregoing through all of that, why,
kept crossing my mind, why is mymom going through this?
What is the purpose of this?
This is excruciating for her.
She doesn't know it, but it is.
I mean, that was one of herfears.
Never let me go through this,never, if this ever happens to

(37:00):
me, put me out of my misery, waswhat she would say.
Well, now she gets it and wecan't do anything.
And those were some painfullast four years, five years, and
that's a long time to watchsomeone go through that as you.
You are.
You know I'm preaching to thechoir there, but it um.

(37:21):
I always wondered why did I haveto go through this?
And then as a dentist.
So I was a dentist for 32 yearsand as a dentist after my mom
passed away, a lot of mypatients would come to me and
ask me what to do now thatthey're going through the same

(37:43):
thing, and that's when it dawnedon me.
That's why I went through thisso that I could help somebody
else that's coming along afterme.
And you learn a lot aboutyourself when you're going
through something like that withyour parents.
You don't want to learn it, butyou're forced to learn it, and

(38:06):
I was able then to mentor andwork with many of my patients
who were struggling with thesame things that I struggled
with when my mom was goingthrough it.
Like you know, when do I gethelp?
What does it say about me if Iask for help?
What does it say about me if Ihave my mom goes into a facility

(38:28):
versus in one of our houses?
You know all those questionsthat creep into your mind you
get to help somebody with.
Like you would be awesome tohelp someone else that went
through what you went through,right.

Speaker 2 (38:44):
Power of vulnerability Going.
I mean not being afraid toshare this, sharing our journeys
.
It's like that's someone'sgoing through it and if you help
one person, that's kind of likemy view on.
Like, I mean relating it backto like LinkedIn or social media
.
Like, if I post something I'mnot like, okay, how many likes
did I get?
What were my impressions?
I can get two shits about that,gary.
My thought is, if I impact oneperson and he or she says, oh

(39:07):
God, I'm so glad I read that,like this past Sunday, when my
son went back to college, I waslike I gotta write.
I was like I want to just seeif I can get some of this
emotion out of me.
And I wrote, just like to allmy LinkedIn connections, those
that are dealing with um sendingoff to sending the kid off to
college.
I'm sad with you too, and Ijust want it was like
self-therapy for me, but like itgenerated shit, tons of

(39:29):
comments.
It generated shit, tons ofinteraction and that was shit,
tons of interaction.
And that was not the goal.
The goal was help one person,but then I actually felt.
I felt good because I was, ooh,I'm helping people.
And then it brought connectionwith me and people I didn't, I
kind of knew and didn't know,but like that's to me, that gets
, that's that's my why, thatfills my tank.
Like creating these moments ofconnection, commonality,

(39:51):
developing rapport, likebuilding relationships, it's
just fun.

Speaker 1 (39:57):
Hello everybody.
My name is Craig Coe and I'mthe Senior Vice President of
Relationship Management forBeeline.
For more than 20 years, we'vebeen helping Fortune 1000
companies drive a competitiveadvantage with their external
workforce.
In fact, beeline's history offirst-to-market innovations has
become today's industrystandards.
I get asked all the time whatdid Casey do for your

(40:19):
organization?
And I say this it's simple.
The guy flat out gets it.
Relationships matter.
His down-to-earth presentation,his real-world experience apply
to every area of our business.
In fact, his book Win theRelationship and Not the Deal
has become required reading forall new members of the global
relationship management team.

(40:40):
If you'd like to know moreabout me or about Beeline,
please reach out to me onLinkedIn.
And if you don't know CaseyJaycox, go to CaseyJaycoxcom and
learn more about how he canhelp your organization.

Speaker 2 (40:57):
Now let's get back to today's episode.
So 32 years as a dentist.
Yes, dad, you know the stressof life.
Tell me what takes you down thepath of like I'm out, I'm going
to go start at the Y Instituteand get the pot.

Speaker 3 (41:13):
I mean, how does that happen?
Yeah, so I graduated from USCI'll take you back a little bit
and when I graduated from, Iwent to USC dental school the
gurus of that time.
Their advice was build a greatproduct and people will come Go
out and do the best job you can.
People will naturallymysteriously find out about you
and they'll come see you.
So I spent 20 years doing that,reaching the highest levels you

(41:36):
could go to in dentistry,studying with the best mentors,
building a beautiful practice,buying all the technology,
training a great team.
And my practice wasn't growinglike I thought it would.
I didn't stand out like Ithought I should for the amount
of effort and energy and moneythat I had put into this.
Where most dentists take 20hours of CE a year, I was taking
250 hours.

(41:56):
I was flying in whoever was thebest in the world at what I
wanted to learn and they wouldwork in my office.
They'd watch me, stand behindme and watch me work and we
built an amazing practice.
But I blended in with everybodyelse who said, yeah, I'm a
dentist too.
It drove me crazy, and that'swhen I saw Simon Sinek's TED

(42:17):
Talk on Start With why that wasin 2009.
And I was like man, that's whatI'm missing.
I have a great what, but Idon't know my why.
So I became obsessed with thiswhy thing and so I called Simon.
I said hey, simon, I need youto help me discover my why.
There was no really way to doit, so he and I spent about

(42:38):
eight months together going backthrough my life, looking for
clues, trying to figure it out.
And when I finally figured outthat my why is to find a better
way and then share it, that'swhen my life really started to
make sense to me.
I have a lot of patents andproducts and inventions that are
better ways of doing things,and then I share them with the
world.
And so in my practice, westopped talking about what we do
crowns, bridges, fillings, allthat fun stuff.

(42:59):
We started talking about why wedo what we do, what we believe.
We believe that life is betterwhen you have great teeth.
In fact, you can't have a goodlife with bad teeth.
And as we kept talking aboutwhy we do what we do and what we
believe, that's when mypractice really took off.
And as my practice took off, Istarted getting calls from other
dentists and said, hey, can youhelp me do what you did?

(43:19):
So I went back and figured outa better way to help people
figure out their why than whatSimon knew what to do.
So, instead of taking six oreight or 10 months, I could sit
down with you, casey, in aboutan hour and help you figure out
your why and then build yourmessaging, marketing and
branding right in the spot.
And so I started doing this foranybody that would let me.
I did it for thousands ofpeople for free over the next

(43:45):
seven years all over the worldon stages, on Skype.
I'd bring somebody out of theaudience on stage with me,
discover their why in front ofthe audience and then build all
their stuff right there on thestage.
And as I did this over and overand over, I started to notice
patterns and trends andsimilarities and I figured out
that there's only nine differentwhys.
That was the most importantthing I figured out, because
once I saw that, then I couldhelp you figure out your why in

(44:07):
about 15 minutes.
Then I could gather more data.
Then I could eventually developthe software in 2016 called the
Y Discovery that just foundyour why and I gave it away to
hundreds of thousands of peoplefor free to test it.
And then, in 2021, I launchedthe YOS Discovery that finds
your why, your how and your whatand then build your message

(44:29):
your message for you and ittakes about eight minutes.
Now I had done more whydiscoveries than anybody in the
world, but I was only about 70%accurate.
30% of the time I got it wrong.
So if everything in your lifeis based on your why, it's
pretty important to get it right.
My software is a hundredpercent accurate.
It gets it right every time.
Okay, so that's how I got tothe why and the why developing

(44:52):
all this, and so I've beenworking on this for about 16
years and at the same time, Iwas trying to be a dentist, so
I'm trying to bring this whything to the world.
At the same time, I'm trying tobe a very high level dentist
and do all this intricate.
You know exquisite dentistryand eventually you get to the
point where you're not doingthat great at either of them.
All right, you can't beeverything to everybody, so I

(45:13):
bow one foot in each thing.
Well, about four and a halfyears ago, I went to maybe five
years ago, I went to this eventin Santa Fe called Zazobra.
Zazobra is like a Burning mantype thing, but it's just a one
night more of a show.
Last one night was for abuddy's 45th birthday party.
It was like 20,000 people thereand of course we ate and drank

(45:38):
a little bit too much and I wakeup the next day with a headache
, right.
So I take a couple Advil, goback to bed.
One of the Advil didn'tdissolve and it lodged in my GI
tract and it burnt a hole rightwhere there was an artery and I
started to bleed internally andI didn't know it.
So I'm just not feeling goodand I drive all the way back
from Albuquerque to Santa Fe,which is about an hour, and I
even go to the gym and work out.

(45:59):
I think I'm going to work thisoff, Just feeling crappy.
I get home and I just startthrowing up blood.
Blood's coming out everywhere,and so I go to the hospital.
It was a busy weekend.
They made me wait 11 hours thehospital.
It was a busy weekend.
They made me wait 11 hours.
By the time I finally gotadmitted my blood pressure was

(46:21):
60 over 30.
I'd lost half of my blood and Iwasn't in a private room
because it was so busy.
So I get up to go to therestroom and I locked the door
behind me.
As soon as I locked the door Ipass out, I hit my face on the
sink and I'm out on the floor.
And luckily I woke up, becauseI would have just bled to death.
And when I wake up there'sblood everywhere.
So I pushed the door open and Ipass out.

(46:44):
The next thing I know I wake upin this bed and they've cut all
my clothes off.
I have the two pads on me.
They revive me, take me off tosurgery to try to get to that
bleed.
And me, they revive me, take meoff to surgery to try to get to
that bleed.
And they couldn't get to itwhere it was okay to.
They couldn't get to it withoutcutting me open, and so they
just waited.
And then they did a CAT scan tosee if I'd stopped bleeding.
So they pump all this dye intomy arm and they blow out my arm.

(47:07):
My arm starts filling up withblood clots.
So now they have to do anultrasound and they see the
blood clots are getting close tomy lungs.
So the doctor comes in and hesays Gary, we got to stop those
blood clots because if they getinto your lungs you're going to
die.
But if we try to stop thoseblood clots, we can't get to the
bleed in your GI tract andyou're going to die.

(47:28):
I said well, what are we goingto do?
He says I don't know.
Luckily, right then my phonerings and it's a buddy of mine
who's a cardiologist in thehospital.
He said hey, gary, I didn'teven know you were in here.
He says I don't like whatthey're going to do.
He says so I'm going to takeover.
So I was in the ICU for ninedays.
A lot of crazy stuff happens toyou in the ICU.

(47:51):
If you've ever been in it as apatient, you know there are no.
I learned this.
There are no bath, there are noshowers in the rooms of the
people on the ICU floor becausemost people don't get out.
And now I'm in there.
I'm like what the heck?
So eventually what happens is Ihave to go to bed with an IV of

(48:15):
heparin to stop the blood clotsand hope that I don't bleed,
and luckily I didn't.
And then they could treateverything with blood thinners
and eventually I could get out.
So I get out and I go back to mypractice and one of my patients
who's in his mid eight80s takesme aside and he said hey, gary,
you know you got a secondchance on life here.

(48:36):
He says when you get to be myage and you look back on your
time here, are you going to beglad that you stayed a dentist
or are you going to wish you'dtaken this Y thing to the world?
I said I'm going to wish thatI'd taken this Y thing to the
world.
He says well then, you knowwhat you need to do.
And so that's when I walkedaway.
I practiced at that point was onfire.
I was working three days a week, making a lot of money, four

(49:05):
day weekends every week.
Could have just wrote it out,but I walked away and I started
bringing the Y Institute to theworld.
I didn't know what I was doing,no idea what I was doing.
What does a dentist know aboutspeaking on stages or building
software or any of this?
None, I made a lot of mistakes.
So discovering your YOS can itmake your life easier?

(49:26):
For sure.
Can it make it more challenging?
For sure, but it makes it somuch more fulfilling.
What I'm doing now pales incomparison.
I mean, it's so much more thanwhat I ever thought it could be.
It's what I should be doing,it's where I should be spending

(49:46):
my time, and it's so much morefulfilling.
So that's probably way morethan you wanted to know.

Speaker 2 (49:52):
No, I love it, man, it's fricking.
I love so glad you shared itwith me.
How did this journey, how didthat experience and then the
journey on.
You know, how did that changeyour?
How did it change you as a dad,or maybe your outlook as a dad?

Speaker 3 (50:07):
You know, when I was told I was going to die my kids,
I was wondering should I getthem in here?
They were both off in college.
Should they come in to town?
I mean, it makes you thinkabout what's important and where
you want to spend your time.
Right, and I don't know ifyou've ever been in a place

(50:29):
where you had thousands ofpeople praying for you.
I never have.
I never experienced that untilthen.
And so my daughter started thiswhole prayer group and so there
were thousands, and my wife did,and so there was thousands of
people praying for me, and it'sreally humbling.

(50:49):
And it's really humbling toexperience that because it's
like you can't fail them.
It's really weird.
It's a weird space to be in.
It's not just about me Not me,but me surviving.
It's like what about all theseother people that are praying
for you?
And it changed things quite abit.

(51:12):
So it really does make youthink about what's important and
where you want to spend yourtime, and how much time do you
have left and what are you goingto do with it, right?
Am I going to keep doing what Iwas doing?
And at that point I'd alreadybeen a dentist.
You know, 30 years.
Is the next patient, the nextfilling, the next, this, the
next?
That going to be going to lightmy fire to you know?

(51:35):
Or is helping people figure outwho they are?
I always felt like I was playingsmall.
So for you listeners, maybeyou're at a place where you feel
like you're not, you've mutedyourself, you're not playing to
the level you know you can,playing to the level you know

(52:00):
you can.
I can tell you when you takethat step and you actually step
out and start playing evenbigger man, is it motivating?
Man, is it exciting?
It just brings that fire backand that passion back and I
could talk YOS, talk what we'retalking about 24-7.
Like you know, I just got donewith an eight-hour conference

(52:25):
and I could still talk this forthe next five hours if you want,
because it's what I'm supposedto be doing.
When you find your calling,it's so different than a job, so
different than a career.
A career is different than acalling and you'll find your
calling right.
You'll find your calling whenyou know who you are.
Otherwise, you're just relyingon hope.

(52:48):
I hope this is exciting.
I hope I like this.
I hope I hope.

Speaker 2 (52:53):
It's funny you say that we're calling Gary.
I've actually been.
People said how did you, how'dyou know you want to get into,
like coaching and speaking?
I'm like I didn't happen onaccident.
I didn't mean to do this.
I didn't.
When I left corporate, I knew Iwanted to write a book and start
a podcast.
That's all I knew I wanted todo.
And then this, this happenedserendipitously.
But now I'm like it is athousand percent what I'm

(53:14):
supposed to do.
Yes, a thousand percent whatI'm supposed to do.
And the the belief I have inmyself not arrogance, confidence
, because I know what I'mtalking about works through and
I have years of failure to tellpeople if they want them, if
they want to know and the numberof people I've said no to
because I'm like I'm not goingto try to convince you to hire
me.
That's not going to.

(53:35):
That's both of us are going tolose.
No, thank you.
Find someone else.
I wish you the best.
I can even try to help you findsomebody, but, like to your
point, you say that calling them.
I don't feel like I work a dayin my life right now.

Speaker 3 (53:45):
Love it.
You know, again, if what you'redoing is in line with your why,
how and what you'll find yourcalling because you'll love,
you'll have that passion that'sunstoppable.

Speaker 2 (54:03):
Who for?
For people listening and Iguess I, there's two things.
I hope they got one, I hopetheir, their jaws are that close
now and not jaw dropped, likemine almost was.
But I hope they haveinspiration to say if I'm in a
job that sucks, then get out ofit and help, and Gary's work
will help you find it.
He's got stories for days, he'sgot clients for days.
It's there's so it.
Life's too short to just say,well, this is my path.

(54:23):
I guess I gotta be a you know.
No, you don't.
I don't believe that.
I do not believe that.
And so for those listening areis there, is there a certain
type of demographic or person orjob, or that you kind of
finally help, or is it maybe allover the board?

Speaker 3 (54:43):
that that we help work with well, anybody who's.
Really.
What we help with isuncertainty, you know, if you're
uncertain about who you are, ifyou're uncertain about what
direction you want to go, ifyou're uncertain about how to
make a decision, if you'reuncertain about what direction
you want to go, if you'reuncertain about how to make a
decision, if you're uncertainabout finding your passion and
your purpose and your fit andyour direction, it doesn't mean

(55:06):
you have to take action rightaway, but just knowing where you
want to go next will light yourfire to get you there.
If you don't know and you'rejust stuck, that's not a good
place to be right.

(55:27):
Maybe you're there right nowand that's okay, because I was
too.
Dentistry luckily afforded me agood lifestyle, but it wasn't
necessarily what I should havebeen doing.
But I didn't know what else I.
It takes a lot of pain and alot of.

(55:47):
Look what I had to go through.
I can tell you, casey, I don'tknow if I would have made this
decision had I not gone throughwhat I went through.
I was comfortable.
I had invested a lot into beinga premier dentist, not a little
, I mean a lot, many millions ofdollars In courses, in

(56:16):
equipment, and I mean on and onand on.
So to walk away from that is.
I don't know if I would havemade that choice had I not
experienced what I went through.
You know, have you ever?
Do you remember back to thatone TV commercial with I think
it was T-Mobile, where the guy'swalking and he's like, can you

(56:38):
hear me now?
And then he'd go a little canyou hear me now?
Well, I kind of felt like thatwas God talking to me along this
journey.
You know my I, I, uh, I tore myrotator cuff on my right arm,
you know, and racket sports wasmy thing and I couldn't use my
right arm for years and I waslike all right, gary, I'm going

(57:02):
to slow you down.
Can you hear me now?
No man.

Speaker 1 (57:05):
I can't hear you.

Speaker 3 (57:06):
I got this, I got this.
Okay, all right.
All right, you got this.
And then, you know, I went tothat event and I woke up with a
headache.
Can you hear me now?
No, I can't.
I got a bleed in my internal.
Can you hear me now?
No, I got this, I got it.
I can hear.
I can't hear.
I don't need you.
All right, how about I blow outyour arm?
Can you hear me now?
No, no, I got this.
How about we're going to tellyou you're going to die?

(57:29):
Or are you loud and clear?
Loud and clear.
No, I don't got this, I don'tgot this.
And sometimes it takes thatgetting your butt kicked to say,
okay, maybe this isn't theright path for me.

(57:50):
Maybe I need to evaluate this,because I don't know that I
would have made it otherwise.
What made you make the decisionto switch the voice in my head?
What was the voice saying?

Speaker 2 (58:07):
There's bigger things for you to do.
And I didn't know.
I kept coming up and then Ithen, all of a sudden, I had
clients tell me.
He said there's one.
One client specifically saidCasey, when I talk to you this
is really hard for me to say,but this is what she said she
goes case, when I talk to youit's different when I talk to
everybody else your company it'snot the same way to go out and
change the world.
And I'm like what are youtalking about?

(58:27):
And then on my birthday shewrote she's a.
She was a head of design at amassive company in America and
she wrote she designed a t-shirtfor me which I won't wear out
in public because it'd make melook like a massive egomaniac,
but I still kept.
I kept it and it says reallypretty design.
It says navigating enterprise,written by Casey Jaycox.
I go what's this?
She goes that's the book I wantyou to write.

(58:47):
You taught me more aboutcorporate America, how to
navigate my own company.
You know more about thiscompany than I do.
I don't know how the hell youdid it, but you do.
And go help people, go changepeople.
And I'm just like and then Ithen I came across a couple of
books that serendipitously camethrough my life.
I'm like, and it kept happening, it kept happening and all of a
sudden I was like, and thenfinally one day I told my wife

(59:10):
I'm like I can't do it anymore,I'm burnt out.
And then I remember going to mymy boss at the time and I'm
like I want to stay, I want tofind some dirt, but I think the
path I'm on and basically whatyou guys want me to do doesn't
line up with what I want to do.
And so we agreed, we had thislike really nice exit and next
thing, you know, I just tooksome time off, wrote the book,
started the podcast, and thenthis found me and this is what

(59:31):
I'm supposed to do and it is.
I don't look back and people arelike did you walked away from
so much?
I'm like no, I didn't, I don't,I don't.
That's maybe one perspective.
I walked to an amazingopportunity.
Yeah, I'm not making as muchmoney as I once did, I don't
care, but I'm so fulfilled I'mjust.
I mean, I feel like I make an.

(59:51):
I make enough to be happy ofserving and the currency of like
impacting lives is, freaking,the best currency I've ever
touched smell so what's thecommon denominator between our
stories?

Speaker 3 (01:00:07):
that other person, that mentor that lead, that
person that said what we neededto hear yeah, yeah, the 88 year
old, and shout out to Andrea.
Yeah, and so you never knowwhen your words have an impact.
I don't even remember who itwas, I just remember that

(01:00:30):
conversation.
It's so weird, I can't rememberwho said it to me, but I just
remember he was this older manin my practice and I can't tell
you now even who it was.

Speaker 2 (01:00:42):
You'll come to your bed.
It's funny you said that I havea ninth grade when I was like I
was five, nine.
I didn't grow.
I was five, nine, a buck 40,skinny quarterback, not a good
arm, not athletic, and I waslike I don't know if I'm gonna
play quarterback anymore.
To my buddy's dad, chuckLundowski you're listening and
Chuck's goes what do you mean?

(01:01:03):
You're not playing quarterbackcase?
He's like I don't know.
He's like you're playingquarterback next year.
I'm not letting you quit.
I'm like why am I quitting?
I still don't want to playanymore.
It's like why not?
He's like because you're goodand you're gonna be a good
quarterback.
Nice, when you and you're goingto keep playing.

Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
I'm like eh.

Speaker 2 (01:01:15):
I don't know, I don't think you're hearing me Case,
you're playing quarterback.
I'm like okay, chuck, sorry,why is your dad getting so
pissed at me?
I mean, if I didn't listen tohim I wouldn't have had a chance
to play in college.
You know, like all these like,and I love looking for, like
these moments, and so if I hopeyou have a page of notes, like I

(01:01:43):
do, because there's a lot ofwhen you slow down to have these
types of conversations andwhat's silly about having a
podcast you don't need a podcastto have these conversations.
You need a phone number and aphone and a little curiosity, a
little patience.
And call your buddy, call yourson, call your daughter, call
your friend, call your dad, callsomebody.
Just hey, tell me how yourday's going.
I was thinking about you Askmore questions than you want to
talk and watch what happens next.
You know 40 minutes you'regoing to be talking to somebody,
like I saw my mom recently andI said hey, mom, why don't you

(01:02:05):
exercise?
So, oh, no, I'm just kind ofbusy with this and I go.
You don't have 30 minutes totake a walk.
Well, I guess I could.
I go, let's do it, take a walk,let's take a walk with me.
I want to go take a walk, oh,okay, I get home next day.
She, hey, thanks for motivationNow.
She's taking walks now everyday.
She's 76 years old, 75.

(01:02:31):
It's like I didn't realize thatwas going to motivate her, but
it did.
Now I feel better about myself,yeah.
So I think, relating this allback to this we kind of get
ready to wrap here, gary as wethink about this as fatherhood
like this is the impact that weas dads can have on our families
.
You know, this is the impact wecan have on so many people our
teams, our marriages, ourcommunity, wherever.

Speaker 3 (01:02:50):
So I love Can I leave one last thing with everybody,
please?
One of the things?
I have some new dads around methat work with us and they asked
me different questions abouthow our kids got to where they
are now.
And I said one of the things wedid when we were young is we

(01:03:13):
always said we had our sayings.
Like you probably do as well,you have your sayings, but one
of the real valuable ones waswell, there's two.
One of them was I would alwayssay everything you do you're
going to be.
I used to say everything you doyou're going to be good at, and

(01:03:35):
I'd say do you know why?
And they would say why?
And I say because that's justthe way it is.
And then it got to the pointwhere I would say everything you
do you're going to be what?
And they would say good at it.
And I'd say, how come?
And they would say becausethat's just the way it is.
And they experienced that overand over and over.
And now they say it.

(01:04:01):
And then the other one was wecreated Team Sanchez.
Right, my last name is Sanchez,so we had Team Sanchez, and
that's even our name on our textas a family, team Sanchez.
So they know they're part of ateam and those little things,
all the corny things that wesaid growing up or that I said
to them growing up, I hear themsaying them now.
So, whatever you can implant intheir head like this

(01:04:25):
85-year-old did to me and likeyour friend did to you, you
remember.
So be strategic about what yousay over and over to your kids,

(01:04:46):
because they remember it andthey hear it and it makes them
feel part of something.
They're part of Team Sanchez.
Now there's a certain way weact, there's a certain way we do
things, there's a certainresponsibility in being part of
Team Sanchez, and so it's alittle thing.
I know it's probably, you know,just something small, but it
can add up.

Speaker 2 (01:05:05):
I sweat the little things because the little things
become big things.
I love my thing and when youfocus on those little things,
those little habits, thefundamentals of what you're
building, they become big things.

Speaker 3 (01:05:16):
What do you think they'll now do with their kids?
Right, Goes on, goes on, goeson.
I say the things my dad said.

Speaker 2 (01:05:25):
I try not to say anything.
My dad said my dad was reallygood at saying God damn it,
casey, shut it up.
He could drop the best GD bombsat me and I would start
laughing.
As a kid I love it.
I've not been that to my kidsyet.
But pop, shout out to Mike, ifyou're up there listening, hope
you're hoping to make a laugh inheaven.
Um, if you had to summarize ina few actionable nuggets that

(01:05:50):
dads can take from ourconversation to become that
better or ultimate quarterbackof their home, gary, tell me
what comes to mind.

Speaker 3 (01:05:56):
Be careful what you say.
Make sure that what you say youknow.
They're going to tattoo it intotheir brain.
Make sure you say you know.
I guess number one is help yourkids figure out who they are,
because then the conversationsyou can have with them can be
even more impactful, because youcan guide them to be who they

(01:06:20):
were meant to be, and that'swhat they really want.
They want to know their path,not your path, and if you don't
know who they are, it's hard tobe able to know how to guide
them.
I think that would be the mostimportant thing Help them figure
out who they are, whatever wayyou use, whatever that is, and
they know it when they can sayit.

(01:06:41):
If they can't say it, theydon't know it.
That's the one thing that willbe.
The big benefit of knowingtheir YOS is it'll give them the
words to say it, and thenyou've got a place to build from
it, and then you got a place tobuild from.

(01:07:01):
So when they know it, they cansay it.
When they can say it, they canbe it and you can help them do
it.
So hopefully that was helpful.

Speaker 2 (01:07:07):
Super helpful.
I got a page full of notes here, sir.
I'm sure we've intrigued manypeople.
I want to make it really,really easy for people to learn
about Gary and the work you andyour team are doing.
Tell us what's the best way,where we can find you.
How can I make sure people knowhow to get in touch with you?

Speaker 3 (01:07:24):
Yeah, you can go to why institute, why institute dot
com and I'll tell you what I'mgoing to do for your audience as
well.
If you want to discover yourYOS, I'm going to give you a
code where you can do it forhalf price.

(01:07:45):
It's not expensive anyways,it's only $97, but I'm going to
give you a code podcast 50.
If you put in podcast 50, it'llgive it to you for half price.
So just put in podcast 50,it'll cost you 50 bucks For your
whole family.
You could do for not that much,but, man, the conversations
you're going to have and theclarity you're going to gain
from that will be priceless.
So you can find me on LinkedInunder Gary Sanchez or Y

(01:08:06):
Institute.
Hopefully, our conversationtoday sparked some thinking on
how to connect with your kids ina way that leaves that lasting
legacy that you're going to bepart of forever.
There'll be a reflection of you.

Speaker 2 (01:08:23):
Love it.
I will make sure all this istagged in the show notes, gary,
before I let you go.
Now it's, though, it's time togo into the lightning round,
which I go completely, which Igo completely random on you.
I'm going to show you thenegative.
The negative hits have takentoo many hits college football
hits, not bong hits in collegeCT.
Yeah, your job is to answerthese questions as quickly as
you can.

(01:08:44):
My job is to make you laugh.
Okay, okay, true or false?
You are considered the AndreAgassi of racquetball, false.
Okay, true or false?
When you play squash, you weara singlet False.
I almost giggled up my own joke.
If I went, if I went into yourphone, what would be the one

(01:09:06):
song that would surprise yourdaughters that you listen to?

Speaker 3 (01:09:09):
Sheesh, they wouldn't be a surprise to them because
we like the same music, but itwould be Daft Punk.
Yeah, any of the Daft Punksongs.
They're the ones that turn meon to it, let me think what's
your go-to exercise right now?

Speaker 2 (01:09:26):
Pick a ball.
Okay, ooh, pick a ball.
That's Achilles waiting for meto blow out.
I'm not jinxing you.
I got to watch out for those,yes exactly.

Speaker 1 (01:09:35):
I'm not a competitor like you.

Speaker 3 (01:09:42):
Tell I got to watch out for those.
Yes, such a competitor like you.
Tell me the last book you readthat impacted you the AI Driven
Leader.

Speaker 2 (01:09:50):
Okay, because it teaches me how valuable, where
the world is going and how to bepart of it.
Ai Driven Leader.
I'm going to write that down.
It's really good.
Okay, I'm writing that down.
Hopefully you guys are to hishome.
Um, if you were to go onvacation right now, just you and
your wife, tell me where we'regoing.
Uh, portugal, it sounds fun.
If I flew down to us, you're inSanta Fe, right, albuquerque,

(01:10:13):
albuquerque.
So if I came down toAlbuquerque tonight, what are we
going to have for dinner?

Speaker 3 (01:10:17):
Red chili, for sure.
I mean we.
I mean that's carne adobada andred chili.
Carne adobada is pork marinatedin red chili, that's baked and
real tender, and then you put itin a burrito with red chili on
top of it, and man, is that good.
I eat spicy food 90% of thetime.

Speaker 2 (01:10:39):
Rarely do I not eat something spicy?
See, I get fearful of johnnycash in the morning.

Speaker 3 (01:10:41):
I gotta watch out for the old ring of fire.
Yeah, so well.
There's a whole story behindthat.
What you don't want to do ishave red chili and then go to
the balloon fiesta the next day.
The balloon fiesta there's ahalf a million people there, and
so you'll be in the middle of ahalf a million people and all
of a sudden, you'll it'll cross,cross your mind.
I better find a restroom.

Speaker 2 (01:11:01):
Hopefully not airborne.
I could be.

Speaker 3 (01:11:03):
Oh, and then you got to run Airborne's even worse.

Speaker 2 (01:11:06):
I'd be a thunderstorm on everybody If there was to be
a book written about your life.
Tell me the title.

Speaker 3 (01:11:14):
Gosh, there's gotta be a better way.
Okay, so, gary, there's to be abetter way, okay.

Speaker 2 (01:11:20):
So, gary, there's got to be a better way, believe it
or not.
I believe it because getting toknow you a little bit is is
absolutely crushing it.
Every bookstore sold out.
They can't find on amazon,can't find in barnes and noble,
it's not in any airports.
So netflix has found out aboutit.
They're going to make a movieabout this book and they need
and.
But you are now the castingdirector and I need to know
who's going to star gary sanchez, this new critically hit

(01:11:40):
fantastic movie on netflix oh ummatt damon, I thought you might
go, robert redford oh, maybe gorobert redford.
Yeah, it'd be a good one too thenatural, okay, yeah a little
robert redford in you, I can seeit there we go, we go.

Speaker 3 (01:11:58):
Yeah, it could be Robert Redford.
I hadn't thought of that one.

Speaker 2 (01:12:00):
But Matt Damon's a good one too.
I like Matty D.
Okay, and then last questionTell me two words that would
describe your wife.
I would say Tina Turner.
Thunderdome.

Speaker 3 (01:12:16):
Yeah, she has the why of challenge.
Yeah, she has the why ofchallenge.
So I was gonna say fire,fireball, because she's so full
of life and energy and big smileand, um, not scared of nothing
and ready to uh, to just uh, youknow, challenge the world and
uh.
So maybe we'll go with fireball.
That'd be even better.
But at one point she used tohave that tina turn Turner hair

(01:12:38):
way back in the day and mybrother would always call her
Tina Turner.
So but I'll go with Fireball.

Speaker 2 (01:12:44):
There we go, love it All right, lightning round's
over.
We both giggled.
This has been a fantasticepisode.
I know that we're a little bitlonger than normal everybody but
it was too good to keep to end.
And this is just the power ofnot having a script and the
power of just listening andasking questions and building
off each other and Gary, thishas been what a great way to end
my day.
It's been such a funconversation.

(01:13:05):
I hope that I know that we willimpact many, many dads through
this conversation.
Maybe a mom or grandma, if youlisten to, I'll make sure
everything's linked in the shownotes and I want to say thanks
to everybody who continues tolisten.
I know this episode impactedyou.
So please do me a favor, find afew friends and text them the
episode and ask them to listen.

(01:13:26):
I don't make money on thepodcast or everybody.
This podcast I do for free.
It's free therapy for me.
We've had sponsors before we've, so we are looking for a maybe
a new sponsor in 2025, but somany times great people think,
oh you, you make money as apodcast.
I'm like, no, I don't.
I actually spend money on thepodcast, but it's so fun, it's
so rewarding and I'm here toserve you all dads, and so all I

(01:13:46):
would ask is just take time toleave us a review or take time
to share an episode, becausewe're here to serve you and help
you become a better father, abetter leader in your own home.

Speaker 3 (01:13:58):
But, gary, thanks so much for your time, brother, and
I really really appreciate youspending time with me today.
Thanks, casey.