Fork In The Road: Choosing Family, Purpose, And Presence - Lon Stroschein - The Quarterback DadCast

Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_01 (00:03):
Hi, I'm Riley, and I'm Renner, and this is my dad's
show.
Hey everybody, it's Casey J.
Cox with the QuarterbackDadcast.
Welcome to season six, and Icannot be more excited to have
you join me for another year offantastic episodes and
conversations, really unscriptedand raw and authentic

(00:24):
conversations with dads.
If you're new to this podcast,it's really it's simple.
It's a podcast where we weinterview dads, we learn about
how they were raised, we learnabout the life lessons that were
important to them, we learnabout the values that are
important to them, and really welearn about how we can work hard
to become a better quarterbackor leader of our home.
So let's sit back, relax, andlisten to today's episode of the
Quarterback Deadcast.

(00:46):
Well hey everybody, it's K CJCox with the Quarterback
Deadcast.
I am beyond excited for our nextguest today because anytime a
guest comes to me throughreferral, uh there's always a
mission behind that message.
And without our our friend SteveGardy, who wrote Great Fruit, uh
today's guest Long Stroke wouldnot happen.

(01:09):
Uh he is an author of a greatbook called The Trade, and the
cover of the book, it looks likea um fork in the road, which
we'll get into.
He's a coach, he's a founder ofNormal 40, we're gonna learn all
about.
He's an executive, he's a pilot,he's a rancher, kind of.
We'll learn about that, and he'sa jackrabbit.
Uh, but more importantly, uh Lonis a dad.
Now we're gonna learn learn moreabout how Lon is working hard to

(01:30):
become that ultimate quarterbackor leader of his household.
So without further ado, Lon,welcome to the quarterback
deadcast.

SPEAKER_03 (01:37):
Oh man, Cassie.
Casey, it's uh great to meetyou, great to be here, and I
can't wait to just see wherethis goes.

SPEAKER_01 (01:43):
Well, you bet.
Well, before I get into how westart each episode, I also
should should warn people thatthat Lon, he's a sailor,
everybody.
So there's gonna be a few F afew F bombs that uh get dropped,
and I might join him.
So if you don't want the F bomb,you do, because it's gonna be
funny.
And I can just I can tell we'rewe're some.

SPEAKER_03 (02:01):
I'm gonna try so hard to be on my best behavior.
And I promise I don't walkaround like Roy can't, but
sometimes when I get going, Ijust can't help myself to drop
the year there.

SPEAKER_01 (02:10):
Yeah, passion, man.
I love it.
Well, I always start out eachepisode with gratitude.
Uh so tell me, what are you mostgrateful for as a dad today?

SPEAKER_03 (02:18):
Health.
I've uh, you know, in in my jobthat I get to do today, I open
up my I open up my calendar topeople who just want to drop in
and and share where they're atin their journey because they
see where I'm at in mine andthey're aspiring to make a trade
similar to the one I've made.
So I get to meet a lot ofpeople, not unlike you, Casey.

(02:39):
And some of the stories I hear,some of the heart most
heart-wrenching stories I hearare people who are calling me
from hospitals or people whohave been shaken into a new
reality in their life because ofum a diagnosis or an overdose or
a car accident, or any trip tothe emergency room where their

(03:02):
world changed immediately andinstantaneously.
And so every morning when I wakeup, not only for my kids, but
for my spouse and my immediatefamily, I just am so thankful
that we just have our health.

SPEAKER_01 (03:17):
It's um I think sometimes the cliches in life
are meant to be cliches, but ifyou take them to heart, kind of
like the slowdown to go fast, orbut like when you don't have
your health and it's uh andyou're off, you look out.
I mean, it just it'sfrustrating, you don't have it,
you ask your questioning things.
So I think it's always afantastic answer to slow down to

(03:40):
just say, Man, I I I'm healthytoday.
When I do my gratitude journalevery morning, the first line I
always say is God, thanks forwaking me up today.

SPEAKER_03 (03:48):
That's it.

SPEAKER_01 (03:49):
You know, when I say that, I smile subconsciously.

SPEAKER_03 (03:52):
Yeah, that's that's exactly it.
So if you ask me what I'mthankful for, it's yes that I
wake up, but that my body isstill I'm still able and my kids
and my wife are still able.
We're in this this um preciousstage of life.
Every stage of life is precious.

(04:13):
But we're also at the age, I'm51, I'm at the age where I won't
always have the physical healththat I that I'm enjoy today.
So to be able to get out andjust do anything, even if it's a
walk, but a walk that leads meto trees and a sunrise and to
flowers and to other people,that's a blessing.

SPEAKER_01 (04:33):
100%.
Well, today what I'm mostgrateful for today is so we're
recording in in October, whichfeels crazy to say.
This episode will come out umsoon.
And uh yesterday I saw my soncompete in a college golf
tournament where he had uhresilience.

(04:53):
The the resilience lessons oflife hit him.
And and as the f as the dadwatching him go through this, it
was like heart rate,heartbreaking and heart
wrenching and getting a papercut and just a slow bleed out,
and then watching him like justtake it head on.
And are you golfer, Lon?

SPEAKER_03 (05:13):
No, but I can relate to everything you are talking
about, but through a differentsport, and I just can't wait to
hear how this ends.

SPEAKER_01 (05:21):
Okay.
So he was in a second round ofhis um golf tournament in
college, and he had a um, solike it was a it was a he
started out great, birdie firstsold a couple pars, had an
unlucky double.
Due to I mean, he was in ballsin a divot, then he had balls on
these two sticks near sticks, hecouldn't move it.
Long story short, he took adouble, which he was okay with.
Bum, but like okay, you bounceback.

(05:43):
And then two holes after that,he he takes a big number.
He took us, he got a seven on apar three, which he never does.

SPEAKER_03 (05:50):
And that's my type of score.

SPEAKER_01 (05:53):
Oh, horrible.
And how how he how it happenedwas just like almost like a
series of like unlucky breaks,but it happened, and that's
golf, and it like loves to kickyou when you're down.
And it was like this choicewhere he literally dug deep.
He has like, I'm gonna eitherquit and mentally lose it.
But I think all the life mindsetwork he and I work on together

(06:14):
and just helping him buildresilience and confidence and
self-talk and you know, nextbeing the next thing up mindset,
like he freaking battled, man.
And for the next like um, so hewas six over after five holes,
four holes, and ended upshooting 74.

(06:37):
Had five birdies.
Uh, it was like I felt like Iwatched Rudy and The Natural and
every other sad sports movie,but my son was the main
character, and I'm like fightingback tears, watching him, and I
was like, probably one of themost proud moments as a dad
because not before what he shot,but just how he had to bounce
back.

(06:57):
I'm like, this is life, bro.
And when you get in business oryou're whatever, life's gonna
throw you a you know, a lefthook that you're not ready for,
and what are you gonna do?
And it was just so cool that heanswered the bell and bow.
So it's like super grateful dayor today.

SPEAKER_03 (07:12):
Oh man, I love it.
It's it's fun to watch your kidshave to negotiate with
themselves for the first time ina very major way.

SPEAKER_02 (07:22):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (07:23):
And you just talked about the negotiation he was
making in real time, probablystep for step as he's walking up
to the ball after shot numberfive and six on the power three.
This this conversation that youknow was going on in his head.
I can give up and turn outfrustrated and check out of

(07:43):
this.
Or I can dig down, erase it, andI can pick up what this has left
me.
And man, I'm telling you, uh, hedid the hard thing.
He did the hard thing.
He did the thing that you hopedhe would do.
Um, and it he did the thing thatmakes a parent really damn

(08:03):
proud.

SPEAKER_01 (08:04):
Yeah, it was so cool.
Well, all right, enough about myDisney story.
Uh, bring me inside uh theStroch, the your the huddle.
Bring me inside the family.
Tell me about maybe how you andyour wife met and uh maybe a
little bit about each member ofthe team.

SPEAKER_03 (08:19):
Yeah, well, my wife and I met like every modern
couple meets in the mall infront of the gap.
I mean, that's that's uh andthat is a true story.
We actually did it, but thestory goes on from there.
We met in the mall in front ofthe gap in the late 1990s, and
um uh actually in the early2000s, geez, I gotta get my

(08:42):
gotta get my years right.
Uh, in the early 2000s, and myroommate and her friend knew
each other.
So the four of us mate in themiddle.
I introduce myself and I'm like,wow, this girl is a knockout.
Uh and I have no idea what shethinks of me, but I'm gonna, you
know, do everything I can do toimpress her in the 38 seconds
we're gonna stand here and talk.

(09:02):
So before we left, we said, Hey,we're gonna go to this this
weekend, we're gonna go out,we're gonna go to this bar.
There's a band playing, youshould show up there.
Three days later, we go thereand she's there.
And I'm like, oh man, I've gotit.
I've got it.
So I stand at the bar, uh, youknow, like you do when you're 27
and whatever, think you'recooler than you really are.

(09:24):
And um, I can see her across thebar, and I'm not going over
there, and she's not coming overto me.
We hadn't made eye contact.
Well, finally, after more timethan I cared to let pass, uh,
she comes over to me.
And she, and we're in thiscircle of friends, this
community of friends, she goes,Hi, my name's Mindy.
I don't think we've met.
I'm like, oh man, here.

(09:44):
I thought she was here for me.
And reality is she didn't evenremember meeting me only a few
days earlier.
So uh I had some recovery to do,but I'll keep a very long,
entertaining story short.
And needless to say, that uhthree and a half years later we
were married, and five yearslater, we had our first child,
Grace.

SPEAKER_01 (10:05):
Love it.

SPEAKER_03 (10:06):
Yeah.
So Grace, uh Grace is ouroldest.
She today is 21.
She uh will probably end uptalking quite a bit about Grace.
She is a rock star human being.
Um, there's a whole bunch ofdifferent scorecards you think
you will have for your kidsbefore you have kids.
And then the moment they'reborn, you realize that's that

(10:26):
was stupid.
Uh, you just kind of let thescorecard you build a new
scorecard for them as they go.
Your scorecard for your son, youjust talked about probably
included him standing, you know,holding a trophy at the end of
the day.
And what you realize now as adad, that that's never the most
important thing.
And and the same is is true forGrace.
And so she was a in high schoolher whole life, she was a

(10:49):
gymnast.
So when you when you told thestory about your son and it was
a mental game that he wascompeting against himself,
gymnastics is the same thing.
When you get on a balance beamand you fall, you've got to
decide right then and there ifyou're gonna forget about that
fall and pick up your routinewhere you left off, or if you're
gonna let it bounce around inyour head and carry it with you

(11:10):
through the rest of the day.
And to watch, as a parent, youcan see the conversation
happening in your head and youhope that they're listening to
the right voice.
And so when they actually do it,it's fantastic.
That translated beautifully intocheer for her.
She uh is a college senior andis a college cheerleader.
Um, but for me, the best part ofwatching her on the cheer team,

(11:33):
honestly, was to watch her gogirl to girl before they
competed and pump up the cheerteam.
While all the other girls atlike the state competition were
just quiet and trying to walkoff their stress.
Grace was going face to face,nose to nose, hand on shoulder,
just calming them down andpumping them up at the same

(11:56):
time.
Just being human.
And I got, yeah, of course Iloved the three minutes that
they were on the floor doingtheir routine, but I was so much
more excited to watch Grace beGrace in the 10 minutes before
they walked in the mat than thanI f actually ever really was
when they were on the mat.
It is just her gift.

(12:17):
And uh, and so that's Grace.
She's got a son.
Uh, I've got a son.
She's got a younger brother, 17months younger.
Uh, his name's Dawson.
He is he is an old soul.
He's the dude from a young agewho would talk to anyone.
He gets into character at agefour.
He would be into character.

(12:38):
I think he spent most of his ageof six as Indiana Jones.
And when I say as Indiana Jones,I mean the hat, the shirt, the
satchel, the whip, the pants,everything.
He was Indiana Jones.
He went to school as indie, hewas went to Halloween as indie.
He was just Indiana Jones.
That's just who he was gonna befor a while.

(12:58):
And he was cool with it.
And, you know, eventually herotated out of that.
Um, but Dawson, very uniquely,is very comfortable and very
clear on who he is being calledto be next.
Not all kids have that, not allhumans.

(13:20):
Look, I coach people.
My job today is to take peoplefrom the C-suite or the ER or
the boardroom, people who are atthe highest end of their
professional career.
And they've checked, they'vethey've spent 20 years getting
to the pinnacle of where theythought they wanted to be.
And they call me because they'renot sure that they want it
anymore.

(13:41):
So it's so inspiring to me thatmy son, who's 19, knows exactly
who he's here to be, exactlywhat he's supposed to be doing
next.
And what he's doing is he'sliving in a small village in
Mexico teaching English to11-year-olds in a small
Christian school.
And here's the here's thekicker, Casey.

(14:02):
Uh he doesn't speak Spanish.
When he applied for the job,it's not because he could speak
Spanish and apply.
He not only doesn't he doesn'tspeak it poorly, he doesn't
speak it, but he just feltcalled to go do this.
And that's what he's doing.
That's where he's at.
And guess what?
He's learning Spanish.
He's figuring out to him,knowing Spanish to teach English

(14:24):
is just a detail.
He'll figure that out along theway, and that's what he's doing.
Um, and then the last of thelast of the tribe is my son
Oliver.
He's 12.
Uh, he's 13, just turned 13.
And um he uh he's a gapper, he'sa little bit over six and a half
years distance between Dawsonand Oliver.

(14:44):
And Oliver is the most curiousmind that you will ever imagine.
I mean, even at age like threeor four, you know, he'd be
asking questions, and prettysoon you just start giving them,
you know, answers that you'rekind of done with the questions.
And he'd be like, no, thatdoesn't make sense.
No, I think I think I think Ineed a little bit more here.
And so he is always the one tobe solving, asking the right

(15:10):
next question and and thenpondering it and looking for the
answer.
So that's that's my crew.

SPEAKER_01 (15:18):
All I your kids sound amazing, but Oliver might
be my favorite because I'mobsessed with curiosity.

SPEAKER_03 (15:24):
Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_01 (15:24):
He really don't ask the second, third, and fourth
level question, which is Ialways say where the gold's at,
specifically in like sales,sales leadership, business
development.
Most people ask one question andthey start they pounce like a
cat after just sniffing catnip.

SPEAKER_02 (15:42):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (15:42):
And when you're patient and you let like you ask
really good questions, peopleare gonna sell themselves,
whether they need you or not.
And I'd rather have someoneclose themselves versus me
trying to close them because ifit's I'm trying to close them,
but that deal is not meant tobe.

SPEAKER_03 (15:56):
Right on.
Totally agree.
I should probably say one morething, and this is really
important.
My wife.
Of course we met.
She she was a teacher when I mether, an elementary school
teacher.
She quit teaching to raise ourkids.
And uh six years ago, she wentback into the school classroom
full-time, and she's akindergarten teacher.

SPEAKER_01 (16:16):
Very cool.
Yeah.
Well, we have that and come.
My wife, after nine years, hungup the cleats, and then she came
out out of retirement and nowshe's working part-time and
loves it.
Loves it.
It's actually it's kind of neatbecause I think sometimes kids,
when they're raised by astay-at-home mom or stay-at-home
parent, sometimes that's that'sthe stereotype or that's the
their label or how they'reviewed.

(16:38):
And I think being a stay-at-homeparent's harder than harder job
than I had in corporate becauseI gotta talk to parents, I could
talk to adults and constantstress.
And um, you know, you go on awork trip, I could have a few
beers.
You can't have a few beers onyou raising kids by yourself.
That's probably mommy I can lookto.

SPEAKER_03 (16:56):
As much as you would need it, it's really not
possible.
No, my my wife uh has had theharder job in our relationship
forever.
Raising kids, much harder thanbeing a public company
executive.
Being a kindergarten teacher,much harder than uh doing
mergers and acquisitions and uhhelping people transition in a

(17:18):
career.
I mean, it's it's orders ofmagnitude harder.
I told her if, look, if they ifif we had to switch roles, you'd
probably have to visit me in thecounty jail because I would do
something on the first day thatwould land me in a bad way with
our judicial system.

SPEAKER_01 (17:35):
Oh, I love it.
Well, Juan, bring me back towhat was life like growing up
for you and talk about theimpact that mom and dad had on
you now that you're a dad.

SPEAKER_03 (17:44):
Yeah.
Well, I grew up as a fourthgeneration, as the fourth
generation on amulti-generational family farm
uh in South Dakota.
Um, my great-grandfatherpurchased, uh he was, we believe
he was the second one to own theland after the homestead.
He didn't homestead it.
He that homesteader wentbankrupt, and my grandpa bought
it.

(18:04):
My grandpa had it for about 15years, and he lost it in 1929
when everybody lost their farm.
My grandpa bought it back in1945, and my dad spent a good
chunk of his life buying it fromhis dad.
So I grew up in that system ofmulti-generational family farm,

(18:24):
and I've got three siblings.
And a weird thing kind ofhappens in multi-generational
farms, typically, and notalways, but there's typically
one of the children who is kindof presents themselves as the
one who's going to take over,take over the operation.
And the others just kind of gofind their way doing something
else.

(18:45):
Usually there's one who can'twait to leave, usually there's
one who stays local but doessomething else, and usually
there's one who just doessomething crazy that you
couldn't have imagined.
And that sums my family upperfectly, all individually
incredibly successful.
But I was gonna be the one whowas gonna get a college degree
and come home and farm.

(19:06):
And that was the plan right upto my senior year of college,
which I'll get to, but I'm gonnacome back to your question.
What was life like growing up?
Life for me growing up wasfantastic.
My closest neighbor and bestbuddy to this day, um, my best
lifetime buddy, I would say, tothis day, even though we talk
once every four or five years,is Anthony, a kid who grew up

(19:30):
two miles from me.
And, you know, I don't need totell you that this was a time
before cell phones.
It was almost, you know, back onthe farm, yes, we had landlines,
but my older siblings rememberthe party vine.
My older siblings remember, youknow, different rings on the
phone.
I don't remember any of that.
But it was before um wirelessphones.

(19:52):
I mean, like when I wanted tocall a buddy, there's two phones
in the house, and I had to geton one and go run into the
closet and close the door andstretch the cord out, you know,
eight feet longer than what itwas supposed to, and sit on a
bunch of coats and have aconversation.
Same was true when I had triedto talk to girls in high school.
You know, it's the same awkwardthing.
Um, but growing up was awesome.

(20:15):
When I was 11, we had a dose ofreality hit us.
And that dose of reality was apretty real farm crisis.
A farm crisis that when my dadwas in his early 40s in growth
mode, like like I think most ofus spend our time in growth
mode, financial growth mode,whether we work for a company or

(20:35):
work for ourselves, that's thetime in our life when you really
get in and grind it.
And he had had years of successand now he was in that place.
And he had borrowed money toexpand.
And in the mid-1980s, interestrates went from about where they
are now to 18 and 19%compounding quarterly.

(20:57):
So on the$100,000 he hadborrowed in two years, the
interest expense of that alonehad ballooned to over$880,000.
And he was he was in a prettybad way.
Me, um, I didn't realize it.
I I mean, I didn't my my parentsjust went about the work of

(21:17):
being parents, and they wentabout the work of running the
business the best they could.
I know that my dad was workinghis ass off, and we all were.
And I know that my dad invitedme to do work that an
11-year-old shouldn't really bedoing.
He invited me to run bigmachinery that 11-year-old
shouldn't have been running.

(21:38):
And for me as an 11-year-old,are you kidding me?
Being in a 100-horsepowertractor, pulling a 70-foot piece
of equipment, that's that was agift.
It was a gift to be able to dothat.
But what I didn't realize isthat it was a lifeline for my
mom and dad because they neededmore help than they had, and

(22:02):
they had more bills than theycould pay.
And so looking back, I knowexactly what it was.
But in the moment, it was justmy opportunity to do the stuff
that I eventually said, like Itold you, I knew this is what I
wanted to do for the rest of mylife anyway.
So it wasn't until um later thatsame year that I'm talking about
that it dawned on me what wasreally going on.

(22:25):
I was standing in the drivewayof our farm, and uh two semis
came down the hill, and that'snot uncommon.
Semis would come and go todeliver and take cattle, to
deliver equipment.
Semis coming and going was justkind of what happened.
But these were different.
These semis were empty and theywere flat and they were white
and they were following oneanother.

(22:46):
And as soon as they drove in theyard, instead of my dad going up
and talking to them, he turnedand walked into the shop and he
shut the door.
And I'm standing in the yard,and my sister is there, my older
sister, she's seven years olderthan me.
So she was, you know, 17.
And she knew what was going on,and she started crying and went
running into the house.

(23:07):
And then the semis pulled in andthey started loading up our
equipment, started loading upparts of our farm.
And that's when it dawned on methat um, oh wait, there is a
problem here and things arethings are changing.
So um, I'm happy to say that thefarm survived that.

(23:28):
Family survived that, myparents' marriage survived that.
Um, they celebrated their 60thanniversary this year, but wow,
I can't imagine what a challengethat must have been for them to
have gone through.
Then I'll say one more thing,and this'll this will resonate
with some people more thanothers.
But I've had a lot ofheart-to-heart talks with my dad

(23:49):
about that moment in his life,about that pressure, that
stress, and to be that farbehind and not be able to work
yourself out of it.
And he had an option, he my momand dad had an option at that
time, but they they had twooptions.
Um one was to file bankruptcy,and that's what most people did,

(24:15):
to file bankruptcy and havetheir debt forgiven and try to
start over at uh at a newbaseline and try to keep what
they've got together andcontinue to grow it.
The other thing you can do isliquidate portions of your
assets and make your debtswhole.

(24:37):
And that's what they decided todo.
And the land that they sold, byand large, was my mother's
inheritance.
So for my dad, the thing that hereally hangs on to, um, like
only an 85-year-old farmer andrancher can do, is the regret of
making decisions that led to theloss of his wife's inheritance.

(24:59):
But I bring all that back tothis that their marriage
survived it, and me as a10-year-old kid was happy that I
could participate in trying to Ididn't realize I was, but I felt
happy and safe to participate init.
So when you ask me how mychildhood was, it was pretty

(25:21):
damn good, Casey.

SPEAKER_01 (25:24):
If you were to think of specific reasons why your
parents uh made it through it,um tell me what comes to mind.

SPEAKER_03 (25:33):
They do what's right.
So I mean, when you say make itthrough it, there's I gotta it
falls into two buckets.
There's the relationship makesit made it through it.
Yeah.
And and there's that wholeelement of teamwork.
And so look, when this was goingon, my mom went from a
stay-at-home mom who was thereto wash clothes and make

(25:55):
breakfast and send us off toschool and have dinner and when
we get home, to a person who hadto contribute financially, had
to have the insurance, had tohave whatever she could make.
Now, thankfully, my mom waseducated and she she had her
teaching certificate and she wasgoing on to get her master's
degree, kind of independent ofall this.

(26:16):
And she was able to land a jobthat she loved doing.
And it provided just this littlebit of relief.
In the grand scheme of a farm,the money she was making could
easily get lost.
But in the bucket of who'scontributing, who's doing what
they can, who's showing up to bea team member, holy shit, man.

(26:40):
She was right there the wholetime.
And they're operating as a teamto try to save their name,
preserve the farm, keep thefamily together, do what's
right, and get back to where itto where they used to be going.
And so um that's that's how Ithink the marriage and the farm

(27:01):
and their mental health survivedall that.

SPEAKER_01 (27:06):
Um how long did it take to I guess if you can what
you can remember, like how longdid it take for the day the
trucks arrived to the day that,okay, this adversity, this
turbulent error is we're gonnaget smooth now.
Like how did you how did theyget from point A to point B or
point A to point D?

(27:26):
Uh I'm just curious, like whatwhat helped them get out of that
mess?

SPEAKER_03 (27:32):
Just a few decades of a lot more work.
Um and and that's literally whatit was.
My dad, there again, you know,you you're you're a product of
your experiences.
And the experience my dad hadwas that when you borrow money,
you lose a part of your soul.

(27:52):
There's a chance you could losea part of your soul.
And so my dad from that point ongot really conservative from a
business standpoint, got reallyum, really conservative.
I mean, there's there's nobetter word.
He was, he was always, he alwaysbelieved that land as it was

(28:12):
going up, which the last timeland really went down was the
mid-1980s.
It's been on an upward trend forthe 40 years since 1985.
But he always kind of thought in88, in 91, in 95, that there'd
be a big correction and thatthat would be his opportunity
then to be ready to go back intothe market.
But it never cracked down likethat.

(28:33):
So he just stayed conservative,which is it is what it is.
You know, you can you can put onone hat and say, boy, you missed
a lot of opportunity to buy andexpand and grow during a better
farming cycle and an upwardswing of land values.
Sure, you can make that argumentthrough the rear view mirror.
It's really easy.
Um, but you can also make theargument of you're you're never

(28:56):
at risk again of losing orputting at stake what you'd
already built again.
And you can sit here through therearview mirror and say, well,
that was pretty smart too.
So, but he did the latter.
And and uh, and so it was just along slog of buying back some of
the land that he sold, a fewquarters he sold to his dad.

(29:17):
And his dad didn't give him anyfood.
My my dad tells me stories aboutmy grandpa, and that as much as
he was there to help and that hedid buy some of the land, he
also sold it back to my dad forthe increased in value that had
happened in the three years fromhe sold it.
So I was like, my grandpa was apretty shrewd businessman,

(29:38):
apparently, even with his ownson.
So look, my dad had to, he stillhad he just to keep what he had,
he still had debt against it topay off.
So it was uh, it was status quoremained hard work, don't risk
it, keep what, keep what you'vegot strong and protective.

SPEAKER_01 (30:01):
Man, I a lot of that speaks.
Um, I mean, that last story yousaid it kind of speaks to me and
my our my journal.
Like I got into the market whenI was like in 23 years old, 20,
I mean younger, 25, whatever.
I remember like our first prettygood chunk of money we me and my
wife put in.
We lost it like in three months.

(30:22):
It was like one of the firstcorrections.
And I was like, what the helljust happened?
And I it it made me go getconservative.
And you know, not I mean, we andI I just because I never wanted
to be that guy that had to youhad to sell something to make a
house payment.
And sometimes even like thefinancial people are like, yeah,
man, you gotta leverage yourdebt.

(30:42):
I'm like, I don't want toleverage my debt.
I want to freaking pay thingsoff so I have no stress.
So if I do my lose my job, Idon't have to worry about it.
I can just go find a differentjob and I have no debt.
And so two different mindsets.
Some people like like the risks,and you know.
I just like, I don't know.
For me, that's where you'reyou're I guess like I I could I
can I can resonate with whatyour dad went through because

(31:05):
it's like when you losesomething quickly, it's like
whoa.
It just it kind of like it'skind of like when your kids get
if like your kid gets sick orconsistently get sick like that,
it takes you back to that likealmost like flashback, like I
don't want to deal with thatagain.

SPEAKER_03 (31:20):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (31:20):
Um well if you're just I mean, those are some
amazing stories, and one I thinkit's a huge testament to your
your mom and dad for gettingthrough it, setting an amazing
example for you and yoursiblings.
Um most families would have gotdivorced, most families would
have quit jobs, most families.
I I think it's a very uncommonthing they did, and they should

(31:41):
be applauded for it.

SPEAKER_00 (31:43):
Hello, everybody.
My name's Craig Coe, and I'm thesenior vice president of
relationship management forBeeline.
For more than 20 years, we'vebeen helping Fortune 1000
companies drive a competitiveadvantage with their external
workforce.
In fact, Beeline's history offirst-to-market innovations has
become today's industrystandards.
I get asked all the time, whatdid Casey do for your

(32:06):
organization?
And I say this, it's simple.
The guy Flat Out gets it,relationships matter.
His down-to-earth presentation,his real world experience apply
to every area of our business.
In fact, his book, Win theRelationship and Not the Deal,
has become required reading forall new members of the Global
Relationship Management Team.

(32:27):
If you'd like to know more aboutme or about Beeline, please
reach out to me on LinkedIn.
And if you don't know CaseyJacks, go to caseyjaycox.com and
learn more about how he can helpyour organization.
Now, let's get back to today'sepisode.

SPEAKER_01 (32:43):
As you think about the values either that you
learned or were taught, uh, andif maybe there's a story that
can kind of further um enforcethose values, tell me what a
couple that come to mind foryou.

SPEAKER_03 (32:56):
I kind of break down life into four buckets.
And in in my book, not that it'sjust where I illustrated it for
the first time, and the thelisteners can picture this.
Imagine a clock with hands, sowith numbers one to 12.
And every three hours or everyhour is seven or eight years of

(33:21):
your life.
So if your life is one 12-hourclock, by the time you get to
about the three o'clock hour,you've lived the first 24 years
of your life.
And I call that phase of yourlife your inheritance.
I mean, everything we've talkedabout to this point, Casey, is
just what I inherited.
I inherited the fact that I wasa farm kid from South Dakota.

(33:42):
I inherited the fact that myparents had a better than
average marriage.
I inherited the fact that therewasn't drugs and alcohol in my
house.
I inherited the fact that wewere Lutherans, but we didn't
attend church all thatregularly.
I inherited the worth ethic.
I inherited all of these things.

(34:02):
I just, because of where I wasborn, I didn't earn it and I
didn't deserve it.
I just inherited it.
And certainly for your first 18years, but even longer than
that, it's just what you get.
And the next phase of life, fromthe three o'clock hour to the
six o'clock hour, this is yourendowment.
This is where you get whatyou've given.

(34:27):
This is where you get return onthe decisions you made.

This is where you decide (34:31):
am I gonna get married or not?
Am I gonna stay in a happymarriage or tolerate a bad
marriage?
Am I gonna do drugs and alcoholor not?
Am I gonna go to church or not?
Am I gonna work my butt off tobeat everyone else to the top of
the corporate ladder or not?
Is my wife, are we gonna havekids or not?

(34:52):
Are we gonna homeschool or not?
Are we all of these things?
These are all decisions that youmake on your own accord based on
your what you have learned fromyour inheritance.
And you now apply to yourendowment.
And then you get to roughly thesix o'clock hour, which is about
age 45, when most people arelike, holy shit, I've got, I
look where I'm at.

(35:13):
I've got everything I set up toget.
I'm doing the thing that I toldpeople I was gonna do 20 years
ago.
I'm making more money than Ithought possible five years ago.
I've checked all the boxes of mylife, I've done all these
things, but I don't feel like Iwish I did.
What the hell is wrong with me?
And I tell everybody, that'swhen you're moving into the best
quarter of your life.
This is what I call the normal40 quarter.

(35:35):
This is where everything kind ofkind of shifts.
And you take everything, yourinheritance and your endowment,
and you figure out how to putthose things together to do
what?
Build the inheritance and theendowment for the people behind
you.
It's a clock, it's a circularmatter.
So you asked me the question,you know, what are what are some
of the things that I inherited?

(35:56):
And if if this wasn't live totape, I would grab a booklet
right behind me.
Because in COVID, when we wereall locked down, long before I
had a podcast, long before Iknew I was going to quit my
corporate job, I bought a littlemicrophone and I podcasted my
parents.
And I podcasted my parentsthrough these four lenses.

(36:17):
And I asked my parentsindividually and together, what
did you inherit from yourparents?
What are the traits that I havebecause you see it in me, you,
and your parents and yourgrandparents?
And at the end of all that, andit took hours.
We I interviewed them for hourswhat they inherited.
And then I talked about theirfirst date and who they dated

(36:37):
before one another.
Is there something they've nevertold one another that they've
always admired or despised?
You know, all of these littlethings that are beautiful and
romantic.
But at the end of it, I createdthis list of things that I
wanted to gift to them.
And it was a list of things thatI believe I inherited from them.

(36:59):
And I don't, I like I said, it'ssitting right behind me.
And I I have to draw from a lotof memory, but it was things
like sense of humor, the abilityto see things through, to know
what it means to be a neighbor,to have a quick wit when it's

(37:21):
required, to know when you'vehad enough.
You know, it's just these thingsto show up when nobody else
will, you know, to see the painand know that it's your job to
go there.
I mean, it's just it's justthese things, and I just
inherited it.
And they're gifts to me in whatI do, but they're things I
inherited through what Iwitnessed.
And so your question, what Iinherited, I inhib I inherited,

(37:45):
I've inherited nothingfinancially, but I've inherited
everything I need to build myown endowment.
And uh, and it's and in that, sonow when I like I said, I'm
entering into the third quarterof my life, and my job is to do
those same things, to endow myown kids with the skill sets of

(38:08):
making the decisions, to havingthe faculties they need, the
mental faculties they're gonnaneed to make good, reasonable
decisions about what they shouldand shouldn't do with the next
year of their life.
So that's the whole premise ofthe circle and why I wanted to
talk about a clock.

SPEAKER_01 (38:27):
No, it was visual as I love visual, and actually I
was writing down and um I couldsee it, I could I've experienced
a lot of that stuff.
And I think it's sometimes it'sgood just to think through.
It's kind of like, you know, umMark Cuban one time, he was
asked, his his kid asked him,Hey dad, are we rich?
He's like, I'm rich, you're not.

(38:47):
But like you're you, yeah, youare born into your circumstance,
but I think to a lot of thesefamilies, it doesn't need to be
your circumstance.
We can that's it can be acrutch, like, oh, this is where
I was raised, but what butdoesn't mean you have to stay
there, it doesn't have to beyou're stuck in that way.
And just because life's great,maybe you're you know, affluent
and you're lucky as a kiddoesn't mean you're gonna be
guaranteed that same life whenmom and dad post 18.

(39:10):
Like what's gonna happen?
So um, if there was one onething that you're most grateful
for that's maybe helped you inyour life as a dad from that's
been passed down from yourparents, what tell me what comes
to mind?

SPEAKER_03 (39:22):
The power and connection from place behind me,
and I know that this is just anaudio podcast, but behind me is
a tree on our family farm that Ireturn to every single time I'm
home, not just to walk past, butto literally be present with the

(39:45):
tree.
And there's I'm fortunate inthat I can still return home to
the farm in South Dakota andhave place.
The same place, by the way, Iwas born on, the same place I've
spent countless hours of mycountless years of my life.
And so I've got place, but it ithas taught me the value of home

(40:11):
for me in that tree and in thefarm, but the value of home for
kids when they leave and want tocome back, and because they just
want their place, they want thepeace of their childhood, even
though they are still childrento us, they want this place
where they can just go back tothat they remember from their

(40:33):
youth and and um hug and sitquietly around or be loud and
party around, but thisincredible value of place.
And so my wife and I may workreally hard to make sure that
our kids know, our kids whodon't live with us anymore, that

(40:55):
this is their place and it willbe whenever they want it, be it
for a day or a week or a month.
We have limits after a month,but uh, but they haven't had to
use it after that.
And so I just think that there'sthere's something beautiful in
being able to trust and preservethis physical space that you can
return to, and uh and it allowsyou to connect with a part of

(41:19):
you you remember.

SPEAKER_01 (41:21):
Yeah, it's um other stories were like you know, my
my parents got divorced and Iwas a second year in college, so
I didn't have to I didn't get togo back to the house.
Um I have great memories of thathouse.
Yeah, great memories of thehouse before the house.
Um I had buddies growing up, andwhen we got to college, they

(41:41):
their parents transition, likeyou know, that they want to
leave their empty nesters,they're gonna move, which you
know, we're about to enter thatlife.
And I I mean we're gonna we haveprobably too much house for just
two people, but then I I whatyou just said is like, well I
know, but like is it worth mehaving too much house?
But also having a place for mykids so they can come home and
bring their kids and friends andfamily, and um it's it's I go

(42:03):
back and forth on that, butmaybe your your story is helping
solidify the uh the the answerfor me, but uh good thing I'll
have to decide today.

SPEAKER_03 (42:11):
But that's you you get to redecide it every day, in
fact.
So uh yes.
You've already decided today.
You're keeping the housetomorrow you'll decide again.

SPEAKER_01 (42:23):
Tell me what would be um uh two or three uh the the
the values that are mostimportant to you and your wife
um that helped you raise orcontinue to raise three great
kids.
Tell me what comes to mind.

SPEAKER_03 (42:38):
You have to position things as a team.
Everybody's gonna want, youknow, especially kids, they're
kids.
They're gonna want to not dothings.
They're gonna want to do whattheir friends do.
They're not gonna be phased byit if uh a husband and wife are
working 50, 60 hours a week andthen putting food on the table

(43:00):
and then cleaning and then doinglaundry and then mowing the yard
and then cleaning the pool andthen going to a meeting for the
for their um gymnastics team ortheir football team or their
soccer club.
They're gonna be unfazed bythat.
Uh so you need to communicatewith them an expectation that we

(43:23):
as the parents, of course, aregonna do that.
But this is a team.
This is a team sport.
Being a family is a team sport,and sometimes it's a full
contact team sport.
And so that when some whenthings get that when things get
to the place where they need toget done, sometimes mom will do
it, sometimes dad'll do it, andsometimes one of our kids will

(43:47):
do it.
And we don't want to always haveto ask because the uh shortstop
doesn't ask the first baseman tocatch the ball when he throws it
to first to throw the guy out.
He just knows or she just knowsthat's where they're supposed to
be.
So it's this element of talkingabout responsibility as a team
sport because it's got to getdone and it's not fair or even

(44:11):
decent for one person to have todo it.
And uh, and I'm thinking aboutthis as we're recording this,
and I had a busy day, and mywife had a busy day.
We were both working, and shegot home, and by the time I got
done with my last call, she'salready making dinner after she
went to the school at seven, shegot home at five.
I got off a call at six, andshe's already making dinner, and

(44:32):
I'm thinking, boy, I reallydidn't pull my.
I was a pretty bad teammatetoday.
So, but I the the key is I'maware of it.
So I'll I'll make I'll be abetter teammate tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01 (44:45):
But that's a real that's a good point, though.
So, like when that happensthough, I think we as dads have
a uh a choice.
Like when those nights happen.
So have you read the book, TheSlight Edge?

SPEAKER_03 (44:54):
I have not.

SPEAKER_01 (44:55):
Great book by a guy named Jeff Olson.
I I read it, it really um when Iwrote my book, one of my cult
former college teammates waspart of my soft launch team, and
he he one of his favorite books,and it kind of like when I saw
your fork in the road and you'reon the Which is the farm, by the
way.

SPEAKER_03 (45:12):
That is that's all our land right there.
That is the farm.
I took that on a morning walk.
That's real fog and a real phototaken with my iPhone when I was
at the farm contemplating do Istay in my corporate job or do I
go do something I can't evendefine yet?
That's that's home.
That tree, if you know where tolook, is it this tree behind me
is actually in that picture.

(45:33):
But anyway.

SPEAKER_01 (45:34):
It's serendipitous right there.
That's why I I stopped using thephrase, oh, it ironic it
randomly happened or ironicallyhappened.
No, it didn't.
It's serendipitous.
I think if you look for meaning,it's always in front of us.
You gotta just slow down to seeit.
And so um, but back to yourstory today, it's like so like I
love the word vulnerability andhumility and curiosity.
So you have a great, I think ifI was if I'm you, like Lon's got

(45:58):
a great opportunity.
He could be like, you leave thiscall with this crazy guy with a
sick mustache.

SPEAKER_03 (46:03):
He's totally sick, dude.

SPEAKER_01 (46:06):
And you go and totally awesome.
Or or it's like maybe you say,Hey honey, you know what?
Sorry, I was you know, sorry,maybe you say this I wasn't the
best teammate today.
Like, some dads don't want to dothat.
Some dads will say, like, youknow what, hey, I'm doing my
part.
And but sometimes I thinkslowing down to really check our
ego as dads.
And like one of the bestquestions I have for me, my

(46:29):
opinion, is that I learned froma guy named Matt Miller on this
journey.
He's he says sometimes you cango to his mom, his wife, or his
kids, and he'll say, Hey guys,tell me how I can be a better
dad this week.
Like, what a great question.
And like, do you really want toknow, or do you just want to ask
the question?
Dads, but like, what if youreally ask that?
Or what if you what if youactually slow down to say, hey

(46:50):
guys, sorry I was not my bestday?
Or that's where I think thepower of like, some people
disagree and they can't.
I don't want to try to convinceanybody, but I think the power
of like saying you're sorry whenyou when you messed up or saying
sorry when, or just beingvulnerable to say, how can I be
better?
How can I be a better teammateto make it have empathy for
someone else?
Like, watch what that watch howmuch that will strengthen a

(47:11):
foundation.
Found so I'm my my hope of notbringing that up to you is my
hope is that someone at home islistening that might be
thinking, like, shit, is hetalking to me?
You know, because I mean I Iinterviewed a buddy of mine, and
we all the episode was likeseason one was about apologizing
when you should.

SPEAKER_03 (47:28):
Man, I tell you what, I don't know what it is
for dudes, and I'm talking aboutme now.
There's something about thatword.
And I I um I see one of my sonshas no problem saying it again
and again, like just owning it.
And the other one would bepetrified to have to, and and

(47:49):
it's not I mean, it it'shardwired.
Yeah, it's learned, sure, it isa learned behavior.
I can't just say that, but Ithink it's also hardwired for
some reason for some of us for acertain personality to just find
it damn near impossible to justsay you know what yeah, I'm

(48:12):
sorry.
That that was a bad move.
It's hard for me.
I mean, I I it's it was easierfor me, and I want you to think
about this, and then here'sconfession time.
It was easier for me to go inand ask my CEO for uh a title

(48:33):
change and a raise.
I did it one time in my life,and that's a horrible
conversation to have to havebecause you just want them to do
it on their own and not have toask.
But um I did.
I went in and asked, that Ideserved it.
And that takes some metal and ittakes some courage and it takes
this.
Go on, easy.
You know, I yeah, and and I hadthe spreadsheet, I knew

(48:54):
whatever, but I did all, youknow, I spent a day preparing
for that conversation.
That conversation, thatconversation with him is
sometimes easier than for me tohave to sit down across the
table, make eye contact, say,hey, look, I'm really sorry
about filling the bike.
And it's something small.
It could, I'm really sorry thatI didn't take time to make

(49:17):
dinner tonight and that that wason you.
For some reason, for dudes likeme, that is wicked ass.

SPEAKER_01 (49:25):
Any idea why you think?

SPEAKER_03 (49:28):
You know, um, I I wish I knew.
I wish I knew.
Um, and I'm sure we can probablydraw some character traits out
of it.
Um but I I don't I don't knowwhy that is.
Yeah but I warned, I weren't,you know, so I'm a coach now, so
I talk to dudes all the time.
And one of the things I makesure before we get working on

(49:50):
anything else is the strength ofa marriage.
What does your team look like?
The same question you asked me.
And one of the here's a questionum that I give to men and women,
but elite performers and alwaysthe provider in their home.
When they're when they're unsureof how their relationship is or
wish it could be better, whichis almost everybody talks to,

(50:12):
their relationships with theirspouse is good, but not great.
And their relationship withtheir kid is barely good because
they're so absent.
And they don't know how even howto, they don't know how to have
this conversation.
So I tell them and I warn them,it's gonna be hard.
It'll be harder than asking fora raise.
It'll be miserably hard.
So prepare yourself.
But then my questions are sitthem down and just say, either

(50:35):
to your spouse or your kids,what do you need more of from
me?
But here's the kicker.
When they answer their firstanswer, you said this earlier.
When you were talking aboutsalespeople, their first answer
is gonna be a joke.
It's gonna be a throwawaycomment because they don't even
know what in the hell you'redoing when you want to sit down
and have this conversation.
So if you're having, you know,with a 17-year-old son, what do

(51:00):
you need more of from me?
Uh, I could use a biggerallowance.
Ha ha ha.
Okay, great.
What do you need more of fromme?
I'd like a later curfew.
All right, we can work on that.
What else?
The thing is that every timethey give you an answer, the
only thing you can reply with iswhat else?
Not engaged, not yeah, I can seewhere you're coming from and try
to buddy them up.
No.

(51:21):
No.
You say, what do you need moreof from me?
They answer, and you say, whatelse?
And you say what else at leastfour times, and then you're
getting to the good stuff,exactly what you said.
And if you can get to six orseven times, you're gonna get
the stuff that matters.
Then you ask a better questionwhen they've exhausted that.
You say, Okay, what do you needless of from me?

(51:45):
Now the pot the the pump isprimed because they've already
answered what else.
They're given gold.
Now you ask the question whatyou really want.
What don't what the what don'tthey like about you?
What do they wish was different?
What is the one thing they couldchange if they could wave a
magic wand?
And now you've given thempermission, you've only asked
what else, and they're gonnagive you something that can
change your life if you open thedoor to it.

(52:07):
What do you need less of fromme?
And I've gotten calls and emailsback after people have done that
and they are blown away with howsimple it is to make a little
change that makes a world ofdifference for the people they
share a roof with.

SPEAKER_01 (52:25):
I love that.
It's I think it's really, reallygood.
Uh when you're saying that, Ithink the one thing that came to
my mind lawn is if someone hasthe courage to ask that and lean
into that, then they really haveto have the courage for that
last question to whatever theylearn and not get defensive and
not not try to justify and nottry to, it's versus just like
take it and say, Great, thankyou.

(52:47):
I mean, I don't know how how youwould operate, but like that's
how when I was hearing you saythat, I'd be like, because it's
it's wasted energy if if someonesays, Well, no, you're just an
idiot and you know what you'retalking about.

SPEAKER_03 (52:56):
Yeah, no, no, for sure.
You you have to that's that'sthe trick.

SPEAKER_01 (53:01):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (53:02):
There's two major tricks.
Three.
One, you gotta ask it.
Two, you have to composeyourself to only say what else.
Because you're gonna want to,even when they're saying stuff
you agree with, you're gonnawant to say, yeah, I can see
that.
I I know I'm gonna work on it.
No, no, no, no, no.
You're not even, you're not,your job isn't to affirm or

(53:24):
deny.
Your job is to get the truth.
And the only way to do that isjust say what else until they're
exhausted.
When they're looking at youlike, there is nothing.
Then you've got what you need.
Then you ask the next questionand you say, what else until
they're exhausted.
And then you just say thank you.
And you take it and you digestit.
And you you if if you dosomething with it, it can

(53:47):
change, it can change therelationship with the child or a
spouse in a week.
And if you do nothing with it,it can damage your relationship
with your child or your spousefor a decade because they don't
trust that you'll hear them.
Yeah.
So you gotta be ready.
You gotta be willing to takewhat you hear and do something

(54:08):
with it.

SPEAKER_01 (54:10):
Love it.
Love it.
Hopefully everybody's takingnotes.
I have two, I'm on my secondpage, everybody.
Um, what would be an area ofyour dad game that if Lon was
coaching Law and you're like,hey man, this is a gap.
We gotta, we gotta get thisthing fixed.
Um, for me, I'll lead, I'll leadmy witness and uh to to humble
the room.

(54:30):
Sometimes my competitive naturegets the best of me.
And uh so patience is somethingI'm always working on.
I think interviewing over 3almost 30 dads, my patience has
100% got better.
Um, but it's still I'm notperfect at it.
Um, but I'm flawed human likemost of us.
But for you, tell me what's anarea dad game that you could

(54:52):
say, man, there's here's an areagame that I I gotta get better
at.

SPEAKER_03 (54:57):
Oh, damn it, Casey.
I'm gonna done without thisquestion.
I was thinking I was pretty gooduntil this.
Um, look, I still have thecritical character flaw of um
I'm pretty busy, son.
I'm pretty busy.
And he'll wanna do stuff that a13-year-old kid wants to do, and

(55:25):
I'm doing stuff that a51-year-old business, former
business executive thinks heshould be doing.
And as much as I've definitelygotten better at it, I'll
reflect back um to moments evenearlier this week where I'm
like, oh dang it, dude, knock itoff.
Just just go be more present.

(55:45):
You quit your job to be morepresent, and I am, but man, it's
still really easy to fall backinto the into how some of us are
hardwired.
You're hardwired to becompetitive.
That's a hard thing to have tomentally calibrate.
It really is.
Um, and for me, I'm hardwired toum just be doing the next thing

(56:11):
for the next person who needsit.
And that is that turns out to beunfortunately unfair in my all
of not just my youngest sons,but all of my kids' lives, where
that's a thing, that's a demon Iconstantly wrestle with.

SPEAKER_01 (56:29):
Yeah.
Man, I love it.
I love the vulnerability, lovethe honesty.
I know it's gonna speak to aparent home.
And the everybody, I alwaysremind my guests and everybody
listening at home that the goalis not to let's let's try to air
some guy out.
It's like let's we all have alot more in common.
And if we can kind of sharestories together, and you don't
need a podcast to have thesetype of stories, you just need a
friend in a phone or a colleaguein a phone, or uh go to a coffee

(56:53):
shop and just ask some of thesequestions that me and Lon have
talked to each other about andwatch what happens.
And maybe use Lon's uh strategyof saying what else?
Maybe not to your kid, but toyour to your buddy, and watch
you learn about yourself, watchlearn about your friend.
And uh I think if if you'refinding yourself listening to
this episode and you're like,maybe I maybe I can be a little
bit more curious.
I would encourage you to lean inhard on that because when we're

(57:18):
curious, when I I love that thiswhat else framework, it's if you
truly mean it, it God, what atalk about digging for gold or
panning for gold.
Um, I don't even know whatrivers go through South Dakota,
so I'd be making one up, butwell, just say the Missouri
River.

SPEAKER_03 (57:36):
It cuts a state in half.
You're gonna you're gonna pleaseeveryone with that one.

SPEAKER_01 (57:41):
Um, okay.
I would love to learn.
Um when did you know the timewas right for you to say, I
gotta go?
Because I know there's maybe adad listening or maybe a mom
listen.
It's like, I gotta, I am so donewith this corporate journey.
Not because it's bad, justbecause something in your voice,
something said it's time to go.
Um what maybe what walk usthrough uh like what triggered

(58:05):
that and then how can peoplefind you?
Because I want to make sure thatpeople can learn more about what
you're doing and what a lifetimeup to something is all about.

SPEAKER_03 (58:13):
For me, the journey to something new started around
the age of 45.
At age 45, I was um a publiccompany executive.
I was a named insider of apublic company leading mergers
and acquisitions.
I had gone further in myprofessional life than I ever
thought I would.
I was making more financiallythan I ever thought I would

(58:34):
make.
I had more responsibility than Iever thought I would have the
opportunity to have.
Um, lived in a greatneighborhood, married to a great
um, to my my great spouse, hadgreat kids, would drive my nice
car to my nice office where Iwould sit at my nice desk.

(58:56):
And I was always the first onethere because I'm a farm kid and
I'd turn on the lights and makethe coffee and read the Wall
Street Journal.
And then I would do a wholebunch of good work and I'd go
home, usually in a grump assmood, tired, exhausted, um,
didn't really have time foranybody.
Uh, and then I would open up mylaptop and I'd get to work
trying to catch up from a day,trying to catch up from a day,

(59:20):
even though I could spend awhole day working.
I was trying to get caught up onemails, and that was just kind
of my rotation for a long periodof time.
Well, like I said, around my46th birthday, I went into my
work.
I drove from my nice house andmy nice car to my nice office
building, went up the elevatorto my nice office, and I sat
there and I sat down and Ilooked around and I thought,

(59:41):
well, is this it?
I mean, the age old question.
I was like, am I gonna keepdoing this?
Am I happy?
Am I real if I'm being honestwith myself, am sitting here, am
I even happy?
And I couldn't answer thatquestion, yes.
So I'm like, okay, well, what'swrong with me?

(01:00:04):
Because I've got everything Iwanted.
Look where I'm sitting.
Look what I have.
Look what I've achieved.
Look who's around me.
There's one person in thisentire company who wouldn't
change jobs with me, and that'sa CEO.
And on a good day, he might evenchange jobs with me.
I'm like, I had everything I hadset out to get.
And so when I got to that placeand I'm like, here I am, and I
can't be happy.

(01:00:26):
What in the hell is wrong withme?
And so what did I do?
I put on the good old fortitudehat of a farmer, and I said,
figure it out, dude.
Show up here again tomorrow andput on a smiley face and push
through.
Push down the feelings and pushthrough.
And that would get me throughanother quarter, maybe two.
And then I'd show up to myoffice.

(01:00:47):
I'd drive from my nice house andmy nice car to my nice office,
sit at my nice desk.
Six months later, I'd be like,is this it?
Am I happy?
And I did this a few differenttimes.
And I started to realize thatthe best work of my life was
still in front of me.
I'm 46.

(01:01:07):
I've been uniquely prepared forsomething incredible.
And I was coming to believe thatthe work I was doing while great
was never going to be able to bethe best work of my life.
The problem I had, Casey, was Ihad no idea what it was.

(01:01:30):
I had no idea what I was goingto do instead of what I was
doing.
So I started doing what I do tothis day.
I just started writing.
I started journaling to myself,doing some things.
And then I went and I thought,well, I'm going to become a
coach because while I don't wantto hire one, and this is this is
not the right move.
Spoiler alert to anybodylistening, I do not recommend

(01:01:52):
this path.
I figured if I can't figuremyself out, maybe I should go
become a coach.
Two reasons.
One, I love grooming up andhelping and uh coaching future
executives.
So I'll just do that inside mycompany.
I'll use, I'll use my skill setthat way.
And two, maybe I'll learnsomething about myself that then
I can figure myself out and whatI want.
Well, I certainly did the prior.
I don't know that I reallyfigured myself out all that

(01:02:14):
much, but I did discover that Ilove coaching.
I love it.
And so now I kind of had thisside hustle.
Although I wasn't charginganybody for it, I was just doing
it inside of my company.
But so when I say side hustle, Imean I just had this thing that
I loved.
And I didn't care if it paid meor not.
I just knew I was good at it.

(01:02:34):
People loved it.
It was creating ripples.
They wanted me for me.
They didn't care that I was Lom,the executive director of a
corporate company.
They didn't care that I was avice president.
They didn't care that I was aninsider.
They cared that I cared.
And so I'm like, okay, wait aminute.
There's something to this.
Um and then something happened.

(01:02:54):
I was the mergers andacquisition guy, and our company
sold.
Um, and obviously, when yourcompany sells and your public
company, all of the executiveteam is very, very busy during
that time.
But I was the mergers andacquisition guy.
Like that was my baby.
And when we sold, um, I'mgetting to your the heart of
your question now of how did Iknow it was time?

(01:03:18):
When we sold, I was wrestling.
I thought I would get cannedbecause I was the sell side MA
guy, and we always get let go.
I had done eight or nine dealsin the last seven years.
I always let the person in myposition go.
It was a synergy.
So age old word.
I mean, it's just so I wasn'tromantic about it.
I wasn't upset about it.
I'm like, this is just how it'sgonna work.
But a weird thing happened.

(01:03:38):
The company that acquired usgave me an offer to stay that
was incredible.
So now I had mentally preparedto be let go.
I was kind of thinking, what amI gonna do instead?
I had started writing onLinkedIn, and now I had a reason
to stay.
It was a raise, it was, I didn'thave to move, it played in my

(01:03:59):
strengths, what they wereoffering me.
And at the same time, anothercompany came and offered me a
position as a president of theircompany in my same hometown.
Okay.
My wife and I, all the while allthis was going on, my wife and I
were going to a concert inMinneapolis, which is about a
four-hour drive from where welived in Sioux Falls.
And on the drive up, we weregoing to a George Strait Chris
Stapleton concert.
Nice.

(01:04:19):
I'm a I'm a country kid.
So it was an all-day affair withfour or five bands, and those
two are the headliners.
So in the drive up, my wifegrabs my arm and she goes, Hey,
I want to talk to you aboutsomething when we when we get
when we get to Minneapolis.
And I'm like, ah crap, thiscan't be good.
No, at no point has she grabbedmy arm and said, Hey, I want to
talk to you about something andit lead to an outcome that I was

(01:04:42):
looking forward to.

SPEAKER_02 (01:04:43):
Right.

SPEAKER_03 (01:04:44):
So I said, Well, do you want to talk about it?
Now she goes, No, we'll talkabout it later.
I'm like, okay, fine.
Kind of let it go.
Went to the concert.
After the concert, we go to thisand we're sitting at the corner
of the bar and we're facing oneanother, just having some small
talk.
And she goes, I want to talk toyou about something.
And I said, Well, is this theconversation?
She said, Yeah.
She said, I know you've beenwrestling.

(01:05:07):
I know that you've beenwondering what you should do.
I know that you've got anopportunity to stay with the
case that's the company that wasthat had acquired us.
And I know you've got anopportunity to go to work for
this other company.
But she said, I've seen youdifferent in the last three
months.
I've seen you coaching people innormal 40, and I see you light

(01:05:31):
up.
I see you impacting people and Isee how it impacts you.
I see you giving your time andenergy to people one at a time
and in small groups, and I seeit mattering.
And she said, When I see you dothat, I see my husband back.
I don't want you to take the Ishould nope, that's not what she
said.
She said, I don't think youshould take the job with case.

(01:05:54):
I don't think your future'sthere.
I don't think you should takethe job with this other company.
I don't think your future'sthere.
She said, Your future's innormal 40, in whatever you want
that to be.
Because keep in mind, normal 40didn't really exist yet.
I didn't know what it was.
She did.
She knew what it was.
And she's the one when I wasstanding at the brink.
Do I stay or do I go?

(01:06:15):
I'm looking over the cliff.
She's the one that says, You'reready.
And she pushed me over the edge.
And in that moment, we talkedabout teamwork.
This was my teammate saying, I'mwith you.
And she continued to say, she'slike, look, if it means we have
to sell the house, we'll sellthe house.

(01:06:36):
If it means that one day we haveto stand in a breadline, I'll be
standing with you.
She literally said these words.
And I'm crying in this barbecause my wife, my teammate, is
giving me permission to go placea bet that we are uncertain how
it's going to be.
It's kind of bet on you.
It's on us.
It's on us.
It's not on me anymore.

(01:06:58):
One of the things that I askpeople, what does your spouse
want for you?
And the answer is always, well,they want me to be happy.
And I'm like, well, that's good,but it's a bullshit answer.
It's not helpful.
Of course they want you to behappy.
What do they want for you?
What when do they see you happy?
You they need to answer a betterquestion.

(01:07:18):
Not what do you want for me tobe happy?
Duh.
What do you see me doing when Iam happy?
Help me connect those dots.
That's a great spouse.
And that's what my spouse did.
I see you happy.
I see the guy I married in thesemoments.
And I think you this is thejourney you should go on.
And I'll go on that journey withyou.
And look, it's uh um, I mean,it's a testament to the

(01:07:42):
incredible individual I'mmarried to.
But um, it was you asked aboutthe moment, it was that moment.
And it was that moment at thatbar through those tears when I
said, Maybe I'm not quitting.
Yeah, maybe my work here is justdone.
I'm finishing.
I'm not quitting, I'm notleaving anybody in lurch.
I'm the MA guy and we sold.
I'm done.

(01:08:03):
I just have to go figure outwhat's next.
That was the moment.

SPEAKER_01 (01:08:07):
Love it.
I know she's betting on us, butshe's also betting on you.
I think what I mean by that islike she says, like, listen, and
I think when uh when wives dothat or spouses do that, it's
like a superpower for dudes.
I think it I've that I'vethere's many stories.
Lon, I've talked to that.
I wrote, I mean, there's agentleman by the name of um
buddy of mine, Casey Bell, hisdad, Steve Bell, battling cancer

(01:08:31):
right now.
Hope he's praying he's doingokay.
They have a company calledBelmont Cabinet.
There's a story, literally, whenhe lost almost everything when
they started the business.
That's a really, reallysuccessful company,
international belt like cabinetcompany, you know, killing it.
But his wife, I remember onetime, like when they when they
were like in the 80s orsomething, he's in the kitchen

(01:08:52):
almost crying.
He is crying, like, I've losteverything.
What am I gonna do?
And his wife just went down tohim, like, she goes, I'm betting
on you.
You're gonna figure it out, andI believe in you.
And she's he's like, it likefreaking lightning hit him.
Like, wait, and and not like youyou didn't have confidence, but
sometimes like when the personyou marry, like you, you know,

(01:09:13):
you trust more than anything,just says gives you that, which
I don't think probably you knewat the time, but like even when
my wife kind of gave me thegreen light to saying, dude, if
you're if you're done, likelet's figure this out.
Like, I know you're gonna figuresomething out and you're gonna
be successful whenever youdecide to do.
I don't know what it is yet.
And I didn't know what I wasgonna, I didn't know I was gonna
get into coaching either.
But it's like this journey foundme, and I just keep surrendering

(01:09:35):
to it.
And um, but I'm uh so how howcan people find out about you?
What's the easiest way I can Ican make sure we link this in
the show notes so people canfind you?

SPEAKER_03 (01:09:44):
It's really pretty easy to find me.
Normal40.com, normal40.com.
Um, that's that's where I meanit's a traditional classic
website.
You can find the things that Ido and the things that I talk
about and how and my coachingstyle.
The other place that you canreally find me as I show up
every single day inconversations just like this is

(01:10:06):
on LinkedIn.
Every single day, I would say350 days a year, anyway.
I post I write something in themorning, post it that morning.
Um, that's just on my mind.
A conver uh on my mind from aconversation I had in the day or
hours before, or something I'vewitnessed.

(01:10:26):
And the following of mynewsletter and the words I put
out has been just incredible.
Um, and they're free.
You can take them or leave them,but I'm doing them with the
intent of creating a ripple andshould giving you a path and
showing you options andreminding all of us that we have

(01:10:50):
there are moments in your lifeand there are periods of your
life that are windows, and theyeventually close.
Every single window in your lifecloses.
And you're in one now.
There's a window that's closing,and before it's closed, and the
window that's closing isprobably what you were feeling

(01:11:11):
when I was feeling in 2022.
Maybe my work here is done.
Is this it?
I'm on the cusp of the best yearof my the best decade of my
life.
I'm not sure that I can live ithere, but I don't know where I'm
supposed to live it.
That that's who I write to, andthat's the guidance I try to
give.
And uh, and you can show upthere and follow me and tag
along and reach out and ask fora free ramble.

(01:11:34):
I still do free rambles multipletimes a week.
I've done more than a thousandof them, and they're still I
learn something from everysingle one of them.

SPEAKER_01 (01:11:44):
So cool.
Please, everybody, follow Lon onLinkedIn.
Go to normal40.com, listen tohis podcast, get his book.
Uh I am so grateful that SteveGarretti introduced us because
um it was meant to be.
Um, I love when I meet peoplethat have that we go through
these similar journeys, andyou're not alone, and there's uh

(01:12:06):
a big following of people,everybody that are following
along.
So don't be bashful.
Go go find him tonight or towherever you listen to this
podcast.
Um if you are a country guy,which I know you are, check out
Adam Hood music.

SPEAKER_03 (01:12:21):
All right.

SPEAKER_01 (01:12:22):
Former guest on the podcast.
I saw him play in Nashville anduh beast of a dude.
Really good, really good.
He's got a couple of really I Ilove his music.
Um, okay, Lon, before I let yougo, it's now time to go on to
what I call the lightning round.
This is where I show you thenegative hits of taking too many
hits in college, not bong hits,but football hits.
Yeah.

(01:12:42):
Uh your job is to answer thesequestions as quickly as you can.
And my job is to try to get agiggle out of you.

SPEAKER_03 (01:12:48):
All right.

SPEAKER_01 (01:12:49):
All right.
Uh true or false, you once threwfor 4,000 yards as a jackrabbit.

SPEAKER_03 (01:12:55):
False.

SPEAKER_01 (01:12:56):
Okay.
Um, true or false, you drive aJohn Deere to work.
False.
Okay.
I almost giggled at my own jokeon that one.

SPEAKER_03 (01:13:04):
I know.
Uh dang it.
I and there was a time when Icould have answered true, but I
not today.

SPEAKER_01 (01:13:09):
Um, true or false, you've climbed that tree on your
ranch.

SPEAKER_03 (01:13:13):
True.

SPEAKER_01 (01:13:13):
Okay.
Um, if I was to go into yourphone right now, what would be
the one genre of music thatmight surprise the people you
coach?

SPEAKER_03 (01:13:22):
Tupac.
Let's go.
And Snoop Dogg, man.
Are you kidding me?

SPEAKER_01 (01:13:27):
Nice.
Well, gin and juice.

SPEAKER_03 (01:13:30):
Yeah, absolutely, baby.
The stuff that I love to listento, but I have to turn off when
my kids get in the car.
Well, not my older ones anymore.
They listen to stuff way worsethan that now.
But yeah, that's stuff.

SPEAKER_01 (01:13:42):
If I came to your house for dinner tonight, what
would we have for dinner?

SPEAKER_03 (01:13:45):
Steak.

SPEAKER_01 (01:13:46):
Okay.
Uh, favorite comedy movie of alltime is Dumb and Dumber.
Tell me there's a chance.

SPEAKER_03 (01:13:53):
I am telling you.

SPEAKER_01 (01:13:54):
There you go.

SPEAKER_03 (01:13:55):
Don't you realize what you've done?

SPEAKER_01 (01:13:58):
Totally redeemed yourself.
Um, if you and your wife aregonna take a vacation, no kids,
tell me where you're taking her.
Hawaii.
Okay.
If there was to be a bookwritten about your life, tell me
the title.

SPEAKER_03 (01:14:11):
A Dude Who Gave a Damn.

SPEAKER_01 (01:14:13):
Dude Who Gave a Damn now.
Lon, you're never gonna believethis, but every airport we're
trying to go to, it's sold out.
Amazon can't print enoughcopies.
Barnes Noble, they're sold out.
Everyone's getting pissed, sothey said we gotta make a movie
out of it.
You're now the casting director,and you can't star yourself.
I need to know which Hollywoodcharacter, which Hollywood actor
is gonna star you in thiscritically acclaimed hit new
movie.

SPEAKER_03 (01:14:34):
Well, uh boy, you stumped the panel on that one.
There's there's no way you cananswer this and either not
appear like some pompous,arrogant, like are you serious?
Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 (01:14:47):
Yeah, yeah, you know, like Jeff you do kind of
look like Jeff Bridges, I think.

SPEAKER_03 (01:14:53):
All right, well, I'll take that.
I'll take that because I I wasgonna say Steve Buscemi, but I'm
like, well, I don't wanna Idon't want to quite ding myself
that hard, but uh you'd besurprised.

SPEAKER_01 (01:15:02):
I've had people say, like, um, you know, the the the
you know the hottest act actorsof all time, though this they're
uh they own it.
I would choose Will Farrell forme.

SPEAKER_03 (01:15:13):
Yeah, I like it.

SPEAKER_01 (01:15:14):
So okay, and last question, the most important
question.
Tell me two words that woulddescribe your wife.

SPEAKER_03 (01:15:20):
Hot mama.

SPEAKER_01 (01:15:22):
Hot mama?

SPEAKER_03 (01:15:23):
Yeah, so good.
She is both of those things.
She's a mama to her family andshe's a mama to her kids.
Uh her students, I mean.
Love it.
And she is beautiful.
Like, I overmarried.
Like, there's there's likeunfair, and then there's like
what in the hell happened here?
I'm the latter.

SPEAKER_01 (01:15:43):
You outkicked your coverage, what you're saying.

SPEAKER_03 (01:15:45):
Oh my gosh.
Not even, I mean, it's likeembarrassing.

SPEAKER_01 (01:15:51):
Well, I uh I outkicked my coverage of my
wife's ability to, she's morehandy handy than I am, so I
definitely kind of lost my mancard with that one, but I'm
completely okay with it becauseI know my strengths.
There you go.
It's a mustache.

SPEAKER_03 (01:16:04):
There you go.

SPEAKER_01 (01:16:05):
I I actually I look handy.
I said I'm not handy.
That's true.

SPEAKER_03 (01:16:08):
You do look very handy.
I didn't I'd assume you'rewearing a tool belt right now.
I don't know.
How do you know I'm not?
Well, I I I have come to decidethat I think maybe your wife is
actually wearing the tool beltright now.

SPEAKER_01 (01:16:20):
Well, no, I have one on.
I just have Crayola and likescissors and markers in there
for my tools.

SPEAKER_03 (01:16:25):
It's your handy manny tool belt of plastic
cartoon characters.

SPEAKER_01 (01:16:29):
Right.
All right, everybody.
Enough for shenanigans.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for your support.
Thank you for um staying withus.
If this episode's touched it,please share it with a friend.
Share it with another dad or momor whoever you think could
benefit from our conversationtoday.
If you have not taken time toleave us a review wherever we
wherever you consume ourpodcast, please do.
That'd be a huge gift you cangive us that would help um reach

(01:16:51):
another dad that might beinspired by some of the
conversations we've had.
Um with that, though,brotherman, I'm grateful Steve
introduced us and I appreciateyour time.
And I can't wait to hopefullyhave a chance to meet you in
person one day.

SPEAKER_03 (01:17:02):
Likewise.
And I'll say just one thing.
I know that doing a podcast is alot of work, dude.
And I know that um you put out alot of incredible podcasts.
So thanks for doing what you'redoing.
It's incredible work.
You'll never get to appreciateall of the ripples you're
creating, but I appreciate thatyou're here doing the work.
It matters, man.

SPEAKER_01 (01:17:21):
Thanks, man.
That means a lot.
Awesome.
Have a good rest of your week.

SPEAKER_03 (01:17:24):
You too, man.

SPEAKER_01 (01:17:25):
Bye.

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Fork In The Road: Choosing Family, Purpose, And Presence - Lon Stroschein

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Fork In The Road: Choosing Family, Purpose, And Presence - Lon Stroschein