US Army Veteran - Kenny Claytor -Vulnerability and Strength: A Dad’s Journey

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In this enlightening episode of the Quarterback Dadcast, Casey Jacox sits down with Kenny Claytor, a devoted father and US Army veteran, to explore the depths of fatherhood.  Kenny and I met at the amazing company where he works, Tier 4 Staffing and Consulting.

Kenny shares his journey as a father, discusses the values learned from his upbringing, and how those lessons guide him in parenting today. With heartfelt anecdotes, he emphasizes the significance of gratitude in the parent-child relationship and how open communication forms the foundation for resilience in his three children.

Throughout their conversation, Kenny reflects on a challenge his daughter faced with mental health, illustrating how sharing hardships can create strong bonds and inspire others. As they navigate the complexities of balancing work and family life, they highlight the evolving roles of parents in raising children with emotional intelligence and strong communication skills. His daughter, Kaci, would use this challenge to use her amazing singing talent, which is linked here.

The episode reminds us that vulnerability is a strength, encouraging fathers everywhere to share their experiences and learn from each other. It's a heartfelt dialogue between two dads, aiming to redefine what it means to lead a family and inspire listeners to become better versions of themselves. Join us as we delve deep into the essence of fatherhood, tackle important issues, and encourage dads to embrace their roles with authenticity. 

Additionally, we covered the following:

- Kenny’s background: from army veteran to family leader
- Discussing gratitude for family relationships
- Learning through struggles and parenting challenges
- Emphasizing the role of emotional intelligence in parenting
- Sharing his daughter’s inspirational journey through music
- The importance of open conversations about difficult topics
- Balancing traditional roles in parenting
- Encouraging fathers to be vulnerable and supportive
- A call to action for men to lead authentically and intentionally

If this episode resonates with you and your journey, be sure to share, subscribe, and leave a review!

Please don't forget to leave us a review wherever you consume your podcasts! Please help us get more dads to listen weekly and become the ultimate leader of their homes!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi, I'm Riley and I'm Ryder, and this is my dad show.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
Hey everybody, it's Casey Jaycox with the
quarterback dad cast.
Welcome to season six, and Icould not be more excited to
have you join me for anotheryear of fantastic episodes and
conversations really unscriptedand raw and authentic
conversations with dads.
If you're new to this podcast,really it's simple.
It's a podcast where weinterview dads, we learn about
how they were raised, we learnabout the life lessons that were

(00:34):
important to them, we learnabout the values that are
important to them and really welearn about how we can work hard
to become a better quarterbackor leader of our home.
So let's sit back, relax andlisten to today's episode on the
Quarterback Dadcast.
Well, hey, everybody, it'sCasey Jaycox with the
Quarterback Dadcast.
Welcome to season six.
Welcome to me celebrating one ofmy favorite people I've met

(00:55):
along this journey ofentrepreneurship.
It's the one and only KennyClaytor, and we're going to
celebrate Black History Month byhaving one of my favorite
brothers on, even though thisepisode is going to come out
March 6th, we are recording inFebruary, so that's why we're
still going to celebrate thattogether.
But I met Kenny through thejourney of entrepreneurship, as

(01:16):
I spoke at his company, at agreat, fantastic place called
Tier 4, led by the one and onlyBetsy Robinson.
But Kenny is not only a US Armyveteran proud veteran, thank
you, sir.
He's also a client servicesdirector at Tier 4, providing
staffing and consulting servicesto many companies across
America.
But with all that said, that'snot why we're having Kenny on.

(01:36):
We're having Kenny on becausewe're going to learn how he's
working hard to become thatultimate quarterback or leader
of his household.
So, without further ado, mrClaytor, welcome to the
Quarterback Datcast.

Speaker 1 (01:45):
Thank leader of his household.
So without further ado, mrClaytor, welcome to the
Quarterback Dadcast.
Thank you, sir, I appreciate it.
Case, look, that's a hell of anintro.
Thank you, man.
Thank you First.
Take too, yeah, first take.
I love it.
I love it.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
Well, we always start out each episode with gratitude
, so tell me, what are you mostgrateful for as a dad today?

Speaker 1 (02:11):
man, my wife, and being able to look at my three
beautiful children, knowing that, uh, with everything that's
going on in the world and withthe turmoil and everything
that's going on right now, to beable to say that, okay, I did
something.
I felt like I did somethingright.
You know, of course, you'regonna have your good days and
bad days, but to know that I canlook at them and say, damn, we
got it right.

Speaker 3 (02:27):
With a lot of help, with a lot of help.

Speaker 2 (02:28):
It really does take a village.
Amen to that one.
I mean amen to that one.

Speaker 1 (02:35):
It really does.

Speaker 2 (02:37):
What I'm grateful for today is I'm grateful for
actually both my kids haveboyfriends and girlfriends,
which I never I mean, that hitme, that came up fast and they
both I could say they both,these, both kids are in love,
like, and it is pretty cool tosee like my son is um, he's done
obviously in college.
Dayton is fantastic young woman, charlie, shout out to you and,

(02:58):
um, just Just it's cool to seeyour kids meet a boyfriend.
Obviously, girlfriend for myson, boyfriend for my daughter,
riley.
And today is my, my daughter'sboyfriend's birthday, and I
never thought I'd be texting mydaughter's boyfriend birthday,
happy birthday.
I say happy birthday I did, yeah, and I'm just grateful for I

(03:19):
mean, and it makes them happy.
And I think sometimes it's easyto focus on all the things that
are not Well.
They're important, but not asimportant as like kind of mental
health and you know whetherit's how many points you score.
What did you stop?
This did you?
How'd you play golf?
What's your grades?
It's like, yeah, that'simportant, but like sometimes
just being happy, and so I'mvery grateful.

Speaker 1 (03:36):
So many aspects of being a dad casey, so many
aspects, man I'm like, andthere's no book.
You know you, you learn as yougo.

Speaker 2 (03:43):
You know you like you learn as you go.
Man, they don't give manuals atthe hospital when you leave.

Speaker 1 (03:50):
No, they show it down .
Yeah, they show it down.

Speaker 2 (03:54):
Look speaking of dating.

Speaker 1 (03:55):
My oldest is dating and she's been dating this one
young man.
We love him to death.
They grew up together.
Funny enough, when we were backin Maryland, we all his family
and our family we all knew eachother.
We used to babysit him and fastforward.
Years later they stayed in incontact through social media.

(04:16):
One thing led to another andnow here they're dating and
talking about the possibility oftaking a net.
I'm like whoa, wait a minute.
I'm like time has flown overhere.
I'm like hold on.
But it's good to see that you'veinstilled the right things,
especially your girls, and whatto look for in a man, so that's

(04:38):
a blessing in itself, man.

Speaker 2 (04:40):
Yep, well, bring me inside the Claytor huddle.
You're going to playquarterback.
We'll give your wife a nod as ageneral manager.
Yeah, sure, but tell me alittle bit about how you both
met and then tell me about eachof your children what they're up
to.

Speaker 1 (04:55):
Well, that's a funny story, K, because I really don't
think you even know this story.
So my wife and I met on a blinddate.
Okay, so my wife and I met on ablind date, so we are eight
years apart and so, needless tosay, I was a little bit older
when I met her.
She was turning 20 when I mether, and she and my dad used to

(05:16):
work together dad's law firmdowntown DC.
And he called me one day and hesaid hey, I think I have
somebody that you might beinterested in.
And I'm thinking, okay, well,hey, your taste and my taste is
completely different.
No pun intended, I see mystepmom, you know.
So, hey, I'm good, I think Ican find my own.

(05:37):
And he said, no, call her.
So again, remember this priorto social media, there's no
looking nobody up trying tofigure out what he or she looks
like.
No, no, stalking, none of that.
So he gave me the number and sheevidently told him hey, tell
him to reach out to me.
So it took me about three weeksto call.
So I finally called Case andit's one of those scenarios

(06:00):
where she sounded really good onthe phone.
I'm like man, she sounds reallygood on the phone.
I'm like man, she sounds reallygood on the phone.
And then I'm thinking like,okay, where does she live?
She's got to live way out.
And, of course, me, coming fromthe city, I was living in DC.
She was living way out in thesuburbs in Silver Spring of
Maryland and I drove out themeter.
Ignorance on my part, I'm goingto own that.

(06:24):
So all the Jamaicans that I knewcoming up were dark-skinned
Jamaicans.
There were no light-skinned,fair-skinned, white Jamaicans.
Didn't know of that.
Get to her house, house full ofJamaicans.
Whole family is there, casey,whole family is there.
I open the door and I'm like,so why do you look so different?
And you say I thought she wasLatin.

(06:45):
To be honest, I thought she wasLatin American and had no idea
that her dad was a white man,jewish and Jamaican.
And I'm like, wow.
So we hit it off.
One thing led to another, fastforward, you know, I told her
what, uh, I think that thirdnight when we went out, I said
you know, I told her what.
I think that third night whenwe went out, I said you know

(07:07):
you're going to marry me and shesaid yeah, whatever.
I said no, you, you aremarrying me.
She said I'm too young for you,this is just fun for you.
I'm like, okay, I'll show you.
So we wound up getting married.
You know, we wound up gettingmarried three beautiful kids my

(07:28):
oldest daughter, kennedy.
She's 24.
And she's named.
Of course the name Kennedycomes from me, I'm Kenny, so
she's Kennedy, and that's mybaby girl, oldest one, but my
baby girl, Special place in theheart with her.
We went through a lot when shewas first born and she was in
the hospital for a long time.
Her lungs were oversized andshe had to be in the bubble and

(07:51):
we couldn't touch her.
It was.
It was a lot going on, but,through the grace of God,
everything, she's fine, noissues, good to go.
Then comes my son, which we hadplanned.
Everything was planned, wetried to do everything, like
this plan, and son comes along.
I'm like, ok, I'm good, now Igot a girl and a boy.
I'm like boom.

(08:12):
So she said I wanted him to be ajunior and the wife was like no
, no, no, we're not, you're notgetting the best, you're not
getting both.
So we gave him Spencer, whichthe S stands for Sophia.
So he got the S for her and I'mlike, OK, that's fair, I can do
that.
12 months later, 12 monthslater, 12 months, three days

(08:39):
later, my youngest one comes.
I call her my that's mydeployment miracle baby because,
secondly, the doctors have saidthat my wife wasn't going to be
able to have kids after our son, or if she did, it would be
very dangerous and difficulttime trying to get pregnant so
fast forward.
I guess it was God's plan andshe came out.
She is the youngest but she isthe scrappiest of the three and

(09:03):
she is on her, she's at lsuright now and she wants to be
completely different from thesisters and the brother and she
doesn't want to be classified asthe little sister of.
She wants to make her own name.
So it's been great seeing thejourney, man, and understanding
what having a partner and beingequally yoked is, and watching

(09:25):
that and just being.
We have these misconceptions ofwhat we think a spiritual
leader of a household issupposed to be.
You know, we think most of thetime, it's about submitting,
submitting, submitting.
But as a man, if you don't giveyour woman anything to submit
to, how's that going to work?
To submit to, how's that goingto work, you know?
So I don't believe in 50-50.

(09:46):
It's got to be 100-100 acrossthe board in order for it to
work.
So I think God just blessed mewith the right woman, and of
course my dad does not let melive that down that he was the
one that made that intro.

Speaker 3 (10:00):
So it's been a hell of a journey.

Speaker 1 (10:01):
Yeah, it's been a hell of a journey, so what?

Speaker 2 (10:04):
is your youngest name .

Speaker 1 (10:05):
My youngest is Cassidy.
So all the girls got Ks.
Yeah, all the girls got Ks.
Yep, so it's Cassidy with a K,so it's K-A-S-S-I-D-Y Okay.

Speaker 2 (10:14):
And how old is Spencer and Cassidy.

Speaker 1 (10:16):
Spencer just turned 21.
Actually, Sunday he just turned21.
Sunday Cassidy is 19 and she'llbe 20 on March 12th.

Speaker 2 (10:28):
March 12th, that's my birthday.

Speaker 1 (10:32):
Yeah, there you have it, that's why we get along.

Speaker 2 (10:34):
There we go.
I like that, okay.
And what does your wife do now?
What's she up to?
And what does your wife do now?

Speaker 1 (10:43):
What's she up to?
She's a senior director over atLinux International.
So she is a I marry Will that'smy brain child, that's my brain
child, so she's really good atwhat she does at L&D.
So she's been at Linux nowprobably almost two years I
think it's almost two yearswhich she loves it.

(11:04):
She loves her team, she loveswhat she does.
That's something that she hasthe passion for.
So it's good to be doingsomething that you really like
and you enjoy.
Very cool.
She loves teaching man.
Anything that she can do toteach, she loves it.

Speaker 2 (11:19):
Very cool, all right, man.
Well, this is where we go backin time and we're going to have
you reflect time and we're gonnahave you reflect.
We're gonna have you reflect onum what was life like growing
up for you and um.
Talk a little bit about thatand then talk about.
Tell me about mom and dad andthe impact they had on you now
that you're a dad so growing upfor me man is completely

(11:41):
different than how my kids weregrowing up.

Speaker 1 (11:44):
So I think, living in Texas and being out and you
always want better for your kidsand I'm not saying that my mom
and dad didn't do a good job butwhen you look at DC, so I grew
up in the nation's capital,living in DC and then living in
Maryland, which that's all right.

(12:04):
There is all adjacent, so youcan let's say you can be in a
million or three million dollarhouse.
You're going to be put adjacentno matter.
No matter where you are, so youcan go around the corner down
the street and make the wrongturn and like, oops, I'm not
supposed to be in thisneighborhood.
Out here you literally have toget in the car and drive your

(12:25):
kids to a really badneighborhood because Texas is so
big.
But I think I'm my only child.
My mom couldn't have any morekids after me, unfortunately, so
all that gray hair that she has, that comes from me.
It comes from me.
I will own that, that is all mebut I think, um, I must say, man
, I had a great childhood.

(12:46):
Um, I did everything that youcould think of that was
dangerous.
I used to race, uh, amateurmotocross.
Um, the first race that my momcame to, you know, I flew off
the handlebars and broke my armand got back, got back on the
bike, got back on the bike,though.
Got back on the bike though.
Got back on the bike, playedfootball, ran track.

(13:08):
I used to box, so I was heavyinto boxing and I think my
grandfather was like thematriarch of the family and he
was the one that, like I said, Ilove my dad just from a
different way.
And he was the one that, like Isaid, I love my dad just from a
different way.
But watching my grandfather athis age, being able to do what

(13:31):
he did and then to have thatspiritual piece of it come from
him, and going down in thebasement on Sundays, you know,
helping him cook and helping himprepare and him showing me what
to do and add this and do this.
So my nickname from him but heused to call me Bub and that was
my, that was my nickname and Imiss him to death man and my dad

(14:02):
and I.
My dad was the one that wantedto make sure that, hey, you
don't have any sisters andbrothers, so you need to be a
little tougher than anybody else, you need to have that grit and
fight a little bit harder.
And my mom was the one.
Hey, you use this fork for this, you use this glass for this.
She was the prim and proper oneand my dad was like, look,
that's great, but you need to beable to do this, this, this and
this.
So it was a very good balanceSitting back as a parent now.

(14:24):
Now, it's a great balance to beable to see that and then be
able to roll that.
How some of your baggage rollsinto your own, you know, as you
get older you know good or badgood or bad and I think, um,
from that man, I think it.
It made me growing up how wegrew up, um, seeing some of the

(14:44):
things I saw.
Some of it I probably shouldn'thave seen, but I think it makes
you a better person and itshows you that life isn't just
in this little square box whereyou live.
There's a lot of things goingon in the world that your
parents shield you from and alot of things I didn't even get
a chance, I wasn't privy of, andback then, you know, nobody
believed in going to you know,hey, hush, this stays in the

(15:08):
family, you don't talk aboutthis, this stays right here.
So I didn't learn about a lotof different things until I got,
probably late teenage age,teenage stage, and I started I'm
like, oh, that's what thatmeant, stage.
And I started I'm like, oh,that's what that meant.

(15:29):
So it was different being ableto see that, and it's just
certain things you're going tosee growing up in DC that my
kids won't be able to.
They just won't see.

Speaker 2 (15:36):
What did mom and dad do for work?

Speaker 1 (15:39):
My dad used to be a police officer.
He worked for a company calledwell private investigator used
to be a police officer.
He worked for a company calledwell private investigator, a
company called Wackenhut.
So he did private security likeexecutive security, funny
enough.
You know, I wonder how Istumbled into it.
And then my mom worked forSenator Kennedy at the White

(16:00):
House.
So she was a confidentialist.
Actually, let me back that up.
Before she worked for SenatorKennedy she worked for Admiral
Yost of the White House.
So she was a confidentialist.
Actually, let me back that up.
Before she worked for SenatorKennedy she worked for Admiral
Yost of the Coast Guard.
So if you look him up, admiralYost was the one that did that
big oil spill back in the day.
I think that was late 80s andhe was in charge the Valdez one.
I think that may be the one.
That may be the one, but I hada chance to meet him and it was

(16:26):
great seeing going downtown DC,seeing her do her thing and
Hobnosh and then bringing herson down and I got pictures with
Admiral Yost, I got pictureswith Senator Kennedy.
So it was pretty good seeingthose things growing up man and
then not knowing at the time howbig it really was until I got
older and I'm like, damn, Ireally I really was talking to

(16:48):
admiral yost.
I'm like I really was talkingto senator, senator kennedy.
So it was pretty cool.

Speaker 2 (16:53):
Yeah, it was pretty cool now our mom and dad still
with us yes, they have gonetheir separate ways, though.

Speaker 1 (17:00):
Um they were married 20 plus years, maybe 20, 23
years, something like that.
And then just didn't work out.
Just didn't work out.
My mom lives in Vegas now.
She and my stepdad are in Vegas, and my dad still lives in DC.

Speaker 3 (17:21):
He's in.

Speaker 1 (17:21):
Maryland.
He's in Maryland with mystepmom.
They both got remarried.
So it's been great man, havingnever thought seeing my mom with
another guy how that would makeme feel.
Because as a man you're like,okay, dad is going to be okay,
dad is going to be dad.
But then it's a different lovebetween a son and a mother and I

(17:44):
must say my stepdad is sorespectful man.
When I met him and he wastalking about moving to Vegas
with my mom, he pulled me to theside.
He said hey, I know you andyour mom are really close.
How do you feel?
First, casey, just for him evendoing that?
I'm like, dude, I already knowwhere you're going with this.

(18:05):
You got kudos, but for him toeven ask my opinion.
You know, hey, how does it makeyou feel?
You know, with me taking yourmom to Vegas, I was like man,
the fact that you even asked andyou gave me that much respect.
As long as you take care of mymom, you won't have to worry
about me.
I said, that's all.
I want to see my mom happy andif you make my mom happy, I'll

(18:27):
be happy.
You won't have no issues withme, nothing whatsoever, and we
love my kids to death.
Man, when he calls my kids, hisgrandchildren, I talk to him
probably every day.
You know, when I call my mom,he gets on the phone.
I talk to him.
I still talk to my dad everyday.
When I call my mom, he gets onthe phone.
I still talk to my dad everyday.
It's good trying to.

(18:48):
In the beginning, casey washard, trying to balance
everybody's emotions andfeelings.
I'm like, okay, do I talk to mydad?
Do I talk to my stepdad?
It's difficult when thefamily's coming together for the
first time, when something likethat happens for a big event
and they came to Texas.

Speaker 2 (19:07):
Ooh, that was awkward .

Speaker 1 (19:08):
That was really awkward.

Speaker 2 (19:10):
And tell me so.
It sounds like your grandpa wasa big influence on you too.
Huge man.

Speaker 1 (19:15):
So my son's middle name is Louis, so Louis comes
from my grandfather's first name, louis Reynolds.
So 37 years.
Um, military, um, he was WorldWar II vet, uh, a chef on.
I forgot the name of the ship.
I got the, I got the write-upin my room and then, but he was

(19:37):
a chef on the ship.
So all the cooking and thehunting and learning how to, to,
to cut it up and kill it andcook it the right way, I learned
from him.

Speaker 2 (19:47):
Yeah, I learned from him hence your barbecue pictures
and videos.

Speaker 1 (19:50):
Yeah, yeah, man, yeah , so it's funny, he never.
So I've never seen a personthat could cook a steak on the
stove and you would swear thatthe steak came off the grill.
Casey, because he used a bigskillet for everything that he
cooked and to this day I havenot mastered that.
Now, grilling it oh, I got you,but to cook it in that skillet

(20:15):
and make it taste like it cameoff that grill, I still to this
day, man, I do not know how hedid that.
Wow, and I mean my granddad hadwhat him and my grandmother had
been married 40 years, I think35 or 40, a long time, long time
.
But three kids.
My mom is the oldest.
I used to call them the BradyBunch.

(20:36):
Three boys, three girls.
So my mom is the oldest.
Two of my uncles passed away,but everybody else is still
around and still kicking.
But everybody else is stillaround and still kicking.

Speaker 3 (20:52):
Okay, between your grandpa rest in peace and your
mom and dad what were like.

Speaker 2 (20:55):
tell me maybe we'll call it two or three like core
values, that these were likemust-haves that your parents
pounded at India.
You must learn these values,and then, of those values, have
you passed those down to yourkids?

Speaker 1 (21:13):
Yes.
So let me start with my dadfirst.
So my dad's biggest thing wasmy dad and my mom, with me being
a only child.
My mom really wanted to makesure.
She said listen, what I wantyou to do as a man, I don't want
you to be like my brothers.
You need to know how to cook,you need to know how to clean.
So I started cooking andcleaning.

(21:33):
Probably I think I cooked myfirst breakfast.
I was seven or eight years old.
I mean a complete fullbreakfast bacon, eggs, you know,
so-called pancakes, you know,and everything I cooked.
My first breakfast then and thatwas a big thing for my mom is
knowing how to wash and separateclothes, knowing how to do the
small things that her brothersdidn't do, because my

(21:56):
grandmother was there and woulddo it for them.
And my dad's biggest thing ishe said, hey, as a man, you need
to always know how to take careof your family.
And I'm like, well, what doesthat look like?
So in my mind back then Case Ithought just being just this
physical presence from asecurity standpoint.
But there's so much more totaking care of your family from

(22:18):
just that.
And he said, no, he said whatyou need to understand.
When you're with your woman, youwalk against the traffic, you
put her on the inside, no matterif y'all having an argument or
not.
You always protect her.
You always open the door.
You never let nobody on theoutside see what's going on on
the inside.

(22:38):
Y'all could just have anargument, but if you're going
somewhere, nobody should knowthat.
Y'all just had that argumentuntil you get back home, until
you get back home, I'm like okay, so I've kind of instilled
those same things in my girls,right?
So I'm like, when you're lookingat young men, don't hold this
against them, but it's certainqualities and it's again, I

(22:59):
think it's a difference when mengrow up with other men around
them to kind of guide them andshow them different things,
versus a female, because somefemales don't know that it's not
a big deal for them to.
Hey, you walk on this side ofthe street and I walk on this
side of the street.
So I taught my girls that and Ialso taught them and my son.
I'm like look, you need to knowhow to cook.

(23:20):
That's a big thing, Becausenobody you're not.
What if you don't have anybodyaround?
What if mom and I die?
You need to know how to takecare of yourself.
You need to know how to makesure you, especially with
siblings, look out for eachother and you need to make sure
that you can fix a meal for yourfriend or a wife or husband
whom to be.

Speaker 2 (23:39):
Yeah, that's important.
It's like I think like in thisday and age, sometimes those
skills don't get taught quickenough.
Age, sometimes those skillsdon't get taught quick enough.
I know, like in my family wewere so busy like going left and
right and you know my corporatejob and our kids in sports, and
then when it was an eye-openerI was like, wait a minute, we're
doing too much for our kids.
Yeah, so then that time we usethat time to like turn our kids

(24:03):
into straight up like shortorder cooks.
So now it's like because they,you, it's so easy as parents
just to, oh, I'll just do itbecause it's faster.
We got to get going right, butthey don't learn.

Speaker 1 (24:12):
But they don't learn yep, they don't learn and and
it's hard man there there's a,there's this balance, and
sometimes you have the husband,and the husband and or the wife
has to say, hey, step back, letthem go ahead and do it, yep.
And sometimes, like you said,you want to jump in, like, look,
let me show you real quick,come with me and I'll show you

(24:33):
how to grill, and you wind updoing all the grilling versus
letting your son or your girlsdo it Right.
So it's huge man.
Like I said again, it's no bookand being able to watch it and
sit back and kind of see it allkind of play out and, as you,
especially now, like mine, are24, 21, and 19, and seeing them

(24:57):
be productive, Because a lot oftimes you think that damn, I
should have did more.
I'm not this and I'm not thiskind of dad.
Maybe I should have been adifferent kind of dad.
But when you look at themyou're like I didn't do too damn
bad, especially when you haveother people tell you.
That's when you know you didsomething right.
When other people look at yourkids and say, hey, y'all did a

(25:22):
really good job.
You know, I think my dad, mydad and some folks on my side of
the family, especially my aunts, they say, hey, I want to let
you and Sophie know I don't carewhat nobody say, everybody has
issues, but y'all did afantastic job with your children
.
That right there case.
I'm like okay, I'm like man thatfeels good.

Speaker 2 (25:41):
I'm like that feels really good, it's winning in
life, yeah Well.
So I want to dig deeper.
So cooking, cleaning, takingcare, that's like I'll call that
self-care.
What about, like, from an EQ,emotional intelligence
perspective?
What values like?
Call it resilience.
Or your dad said you got to betough, like.
What about, like how did heteach you hard work?

(26:02):
Or how do they teach you hardwork?
Or how do they teach youempathy?

Speaker 1 (26:11):
they teach you empathy or um, because I know
well for me the hard work part.
I always saw the men work hardand I used to have I used to
have this warp mentality thatwhen I got married, you know my
wife is not going to workbecause my grandmother never
worked.
You know my mom worked becauseshe chose to work and I was like
, well, I want to be in positionand I want to be like my
granddad.
That's what the man should do.
And I married a verystrong-willed Jamaican woman

(26:34):
that, regardless, even if Ididn't want her to work, she's
going to work regardless.
It just is what it is.
Yeah, that part is just goingto happen.
But I think some of the keythings I mean Some of the key
things, I mean seeing men doreal things, case.
I mean, like my dad's biggestthing is, hey, if the car needs
to be serviced, you take care ofthat.

(26:56):
That's your job, to make surethat it's Now.
Some people may think that's asmall thing, but that's a big
thing.
That was a huge value that hethought was important for me and
my kids have been able to seethat my wife probably couldn't
even tell you how to take hercar to the car dealership and
get a service.
That's just something that Ilike to do.

(27:18):
I love being able to take careof and protect.
And then seeing my granddad manand how he worked because he
will work a full-time job andhow he worked because he would
work a full-time job, worked atthe Navy Yard, then he had his
own, he was a plumber and thenhe had a painting business.
To see him come home, changeclothes like this and just

(27:38):
change gears and go right backinto and my grandmother never
wanted the kids, never wanted usas grandchildren.
I was the oldest grandchild for15 years, so to see that and
see how that played out in lifegave me the drive I'm like, okay
, well, no, if he can work threeand four jobs.

(28:02):
I can work three or four jobs,or I can work one.
now I can work one really goodto make what he was making off
that one.
But he it also showed me likemy dad's thing was hey, always
have more than one thing on theiron.
Because what if?
Because nothing's promised wesaw that with Luca the other
night.
We saw that with Luca the othernight Nothing is promised.

(28:25):
And he said whatever you do inlife, my dad's biggest thing was
give it 100 percent.
He said, because if, if you'regiven some, if you have multiple
irons on the fire, that's great, but make sure you can maintain
the fire at each one at thesame level.
So that's how I kind of gothrough life, where anything
that I do, if I'm going to beinvolved in it, and if I'm going

(28:47):
to do it, and if I'm and if I'mgoing to show my son and show
my girls how it should look,they're going to see me giving
100 percent all the time.

Speaker 2 (28:56):
Yeah, yeah, more is more is taught by them, watching
them, by what we tell them.

Speaker 1 (29:03):
Yeah because they mean they emulate.
I mean we're like a walking DVRto them.
They definitely emulate.

Speaker 3 (29:11):
I'm like where'd you get that from?

Speaker 1 (29:13):
I'm like I saw you do it.

Speaker 3 (29:14):
I'm like that was years ago.

Speaker 1 (29:16):
I'm like, yeah, they recorded it.

Speaker 2 (29:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (29:20):
So it is.
That's that mental DVR thatgoes on up there.
Right Um so and you said yourwife's name is Sophie.
Yeah, yeah, sophia, but yeah,but we call her Sophie, yeah.

Speaker 2 (29:32):
OK, raising your kids what, what were, what were
things that were reallyimportant to you both with your
kids, like how would you want,like how you wanted them
described versus how how they'rethey came out, like what was
important to you both.

Speaker 1 (29:50):
So it's funny you say that.
So the one thing that we have,she and I both have made sure
that we've taught our oldest andnow we're teaching the other
two not so much my son, cause Idon't think he's ready for that
part yet.
The girls yes, we're teachingthem certain things, but when
you're dating and you have thatspecial someone, most people

(30:13):
only touch the surface, thefeel-good stuff, what makes them
feel good in a relationship.
But what happens when feel-good?
If you base your relationshipall on feel-good stuff, what's
going to happen when stuffdoesn't feel good?
How are you going to react toit?
So we teach them to have thosehard conversations.
Hey, my oldest daughter'sboyfriend.

(30:36):
His name is Peyton, so I saidKennedy ask him.
I said what does he see?
What is he like?
As far as parenting, mom and Ididn't have that conversation.
We just had y'all and then justfigured it out as we went along
.
Nobody knew parenting styles andmy wife believed that kids
aren't supposed to get aspanking.
You're not supposed to raiseyour voice.

(30:57):
You know at your children.
They're little people.
You're supposed to have aconversation with them.
I'm like, if I keep telling youto do the same thing over and
over and over, I'm going tospank your butt.
And then if, if you get olderand you're doing stuff and I got
to keep telling you the samething over and over and over, I
am going to raise my voice.

(31:26):
And just knowing those parentingstyles and how you want to
parent is very important in thebeginning stages of your
relationship because those maybe deal breakers for you.
So ask those questions when youget involved in a relationship.
And I think that's the onething that she and I have done
really well from educating themon that part and then also
educating them because theschool system has not done it.
Your kids can graduate atMagnum Cum Laude and do not know

(31:46):
how to balance a financialsheet.
So we've made sure that we'veeducated them, too, on finance
and what you should do Alwayscheck your credit, what your
credit score should be, how youshould pay your bills, how you
should look for, how you shouldbe in between that 30% window
and what does that mean and whyis your credit score so

(32:06):
important?
So nobody taught us that.
We learned that as we got olderand through trial and error, so
we took some of the things thatwe didn't learn, and no fault
to our parents, but they didwhat they did based on what they
had at that time, and now thatwe've evolved, now it's time for
us to teach them hey, these arethe things that you're going to

(32:27):
run into.
Be prepared, you know, do this,this and this.
Start your checklist now.
You know it's good that youwant that, you want to play and
you want to have some fun.

Speaker 2 (32:41):
But set some money aside at the same time.
Yeah, saving is really, reallyimportant.
My wife is really good at that.
She was a.
I mean I think we talked alittle bit when I was growing up
about my wife.
That was like her superpowershe brought to our marriage and
that we've.
She's done a fantastic job.
Teaching my kids that aboutjust you know understanding what
a budget is Understanding.
You know here's your money forthis month.

(33:02):
When it's gone, don't come askfor more.

Speaker 1 (33:04):
It's gone.

Speaker 2 (33:05):
Yep more.

Speaker 1 (33:11):
It's gone, yep, and.
And you have to put yourselfbecause, um, our kids hear us
say, hey, um, babe, here's yourallowance.
And sophia say, well, babe,here's your allowance.
Sometimes I go over on myallowance because my wife tells
me she said wait a minute, youhave too many damn hobbies.
She said you like cigars, youlike cognac, you like car stuff,
do you like guns?
I'm like, wait a minute, yougot to pick one and all your
stuff costs and I'm OK.
So you do have to find a finemedium.

(33:33):
And once you find that and Ithink it's good for your kids to
see you and your wife havethose conversations, because no
marriage is perfect, right, andthat's why so many families,
when, when the parents do windup getting a divorce, the kids
are like I never knew anythingwas wrong.
So we let them know like, hey,there are going to be days where

(33:55):
mom doesn't like me and I don'tlike her, but that's still my
home girl and I'm still her homeboy.
The love is still there.
There's a difference because,again, people get married, I
think, for the blitz and theglitz and glam behind it and
they forget about the for better, for worse part.
You know everybody, when stuffis good, just like in our

(34:18):
industry case, when stuff isgood and everybody's making
money and there's recs on theboard, everybody's happy.
What happens when recs slow downand GP is low?
I'm like wait a minute.
I'm like hold on.
It's the same thing in yourmarriage If you're not always
going to have good days.
And I think your kids granted,you don't need to go into full

(34:41):
detail about everything that youmay be dealing with, but I
think it's healthy for them tosee how you deal with conflict
in a loving way and in abiblical way, and not that I'm
trying to go down the wholebiblical piece of it, but that's
very important to us and ourmarriage and what we've

(35:01):
developed as relationship andwhat parenting is and what our
kids see.
Because in order for me to bethe spiritual leader of my
household, that means I have tobelieve in my Lord and Savior,
jesus Christ, in order to be thespiritual leader of my
household.
And am I perfect?
No there's only one person.
That was perfect.
I am progressive sanctificationand I just have been given the

(35:23):
right woman to help me alongthis thing called life.
To do it together.

Speaker 3 (35:30):
Hello everybody.
My name is Craig Coe and I'mthe Senior Vice President of
Relationship Management forBeeline.
For more than 20 years, we'vebeen helping Fortune 1000
companies drive a competitiveadvantage with their external
workforce.
In fact, Beeline For more than20 years, we've been helping
Fortune 1000 companies drive acompetitive advantage with their
external workforce.
In fact, beeline's history offirst to market innovations has
become today's industrystandards.
I get asked all the time whatdid Casey do for your

(35:53):
organization?
And I say this it's simple.
The guy flat out gets it.
Relationships matter.
His down toto-earthpresentation, his real-world
experience apply to every areaof our business.
In fact, his book Win theRelationship and Not the Deal
has become required reading forall new members of the global
relationship management team.

(36:13):
If you'd like to know moreabout me or about Beeline,
please reach out to me onLinkedIn.
And if you don't know CaseyJaycox, go to caseyjaycoxcom and
learn more about how he canhelp your organization.
Now let's get back to today'sepisode.

Speaker 2 (36:30):
Now, as I've got to know over this past year, we
like to sing and dance in theClaytor family.

Speaker 1 (36:37):
Yes, we do.

Speaker 3 (36:38):
Just a tangent, yeah, that has always been like that
man.

Speaker 1 (36:41):
That is always.
That is our pastime.

Speaker 2 (36:45):
So I need to hear like, for maybe there's a mom or
dad that's at home, that maybethey have a talented son or
daughter that has that specialvoice that can you know light up
a stage, Like you've beenthrough that, If you want, maybe
you want to tell a story abouthow you guys made it on.
You might've made it on TV oneday.

Speaker 1 (37:03):
Yeah, so it's funny you say that.
So we didn't even know Kennedycould sing like that.
So we went fifth grade.
It was fifth grade, she wasdoing a play and she picked the
Whitney Houston song and when itgot to her to sing, they
couldn't get it to play for somereason.

(37:24):
And so Kennedy took the mic andshe said I can sing it, I can
sing an acapella.
And me and my wife looked ateach other like can she do this?
Have you heard her?
I'm like no, have you heard her?
So we're like, oh God, likewhat is this going to do?
She killed it, killed it.
And I'm not one of thoseparents that'll blow smoke and
be like, oh, that's my kid, shekilled.

(37:44):
No, if she sucked, I'm going totell her she sucked.
She did phenomenal, dude.
She did phenomenal.
And then one thing led toanother and then she started
singing in school and then shesang all through high school.
Then she was in choir.
Funny enough, she got a vocalscholarship to go to OU.

(38:06):
She originally started outgoing to OU and let me back up
before we even get to OU.
So there was a.
We had a viral video that justtook off.
She was in the kitchen one dayand she picked up a seasoning

(38:26):
I've got to say salt and pepperjust for it, right.
She picked up the salt andpepper and she started singing
an old school song and my wifewas recording it and my wife
uploaded it and it got millionsof views.
Then, all of a sudden, we gotan email one day from this
casting department and I'm likethis is not real.

(38:48):
So while my wife was talking, Iwas Googling the guy and the
information and it was.
He was from Showtime at theApollo and I'm like I thought
they canceled that show.
I didn't even know that showstill was on.
So, yeah, they were bringing itback and Steve Harvey was the
host and they flew us out toChicago Not Chicago To New York

(39:12):
and she got there.
This was when she was 17.
I think she was 17.
And before we even got outthere, fox 5 News came to the
house and they interviewed herand her biggest thing was
because they heard little clipsand they said it was so amazing.

(39:33):
She said that I'm not singingjust because I want to win.
I'm singing because I want toleave an impact on young women
who have struggled withdepression and anxiety.
And I was like, oh my God, myheart was so full to hear her
say that and it's funny how Godcan use something that you think

(39:54):
that you want to keep a deepsecret, and what I mean by that.
So my oldest daughter attemptedsuicide when she was 13.
And a lot of people willprobably say why would he say
that on the podcast?
Well, there's so many youngkids that are going through that
same thing and if you don'ttalk about it and let people
know that you can work throughit and sometimes you can be.

(40:17):
Most of the times people think,casey, that if you're going to
have something that tragichappen in your household, oh
well, there's abuse going on,mom and dad aren't together and
all this other stuff.
That's the first thing mydaughter clarified.
She said my mom and dad loveeach other.
We go to church, we're a lovingfamily.

(40:37):
Do we have our issues?
Yes, but some of the stuff thatshe was dealing with I didn't
even know that she was dealingwith.
As a young girl going into thoseteenage stages, teenagers can
be vicious to each other,especially the girls, especially
the girls.
Yeah, but she took a negativeand turned it into a positive
man and then got on a positiveman and then got on.

(41:04):
Um.
So if I'm going into too muchdetail, I'll just say all those
shows are for entertainment.
Let me just say that I, I justI'll just keep it that way.
But if you google her and pullher up, she goes by.
Her stage name is casey clay,so it's k-a-c-i, which are her
initials kennedy alexandraclader.
So so that's where we got thename Casey Clay from.
So you'll see the interview ofFox coming here talking to her.

(41:27):
Then you'll see her performingand I must say, man, it is to be
a parent and see her up on thatstage and walk out on that
stage and, as she sang, in case,to see your child get a
standing ovation before the songis even over.
I mean, because New York ishard anyway.

(41:48):
Showtime at the Apollo isprobably one of the hardest
places to perform.
So my heart is racing.
I'm almost having an anxietyattack.
My wife is over there, and thenI forgot the girl's name, but
she's.
She used to be one of the oneof the cheetah girls.
She came over and sheinterviewed us and asked how was
it?
We were like, I mean, I'myelling, I'm screaming at you.

(42:10):
You thought I won the Superbowl, you know, proud dad moment.
But, like she said her, herthing was to be able to use her
voice to be able to show otheryoung men and young women that
are dealing with the same thingthat it's okay, yep, and she
touched so many people.

Speaker 3 (42:28):
Now, she didn't win.

Speaker 1 (42:30):
But social media went crazy.
Social media went crazy aftershe didn't win because, you know
, at Showtime at the Apollo youget called back out and then
they put the kind of hands overyou and the crowd yells for this
person, that person.
So everybody started yellingwhere is she, where is she,
where is she.
So that's why I said I'll justleave it, I'll leave it there.
You can.

(42:50):
You can look up the rest foryourself.
But the fact that she did it,man, and to see her do that,
that was a phenomenal feeling asa dad case phenomenal feeling
well, I can't imagine.

Speaker 2 (43:02):
Well, I mean on a much smaller scale.
I mean seeing.
I've seen my kids like, excelin like the sport they've chose,
and just seeing them work hard,put in the effort, go through
the grind, go through the ups,the downs, and then see
something positive happen.
That's just like it's no betterfeeling in the world to see
them, because they appreciate it, because they know how hard
they worked because they knowhow hard I mean and it is so I I

(43:23):
go even further.

Speaker 1 (43:24):
So when she auditioned at um, at ou we're,
ou, we're in the lobby, theycall her in.
I asked her.
I said hey, are you nervous?
She said no.
She said because it's.
She said it's not about winning.
She said I know.
She said I know god.
So my daughter's voice isliterally a gift because none of
us can sing.

(43:46):
Nobody in the family can reallysing.
If my mother, if mymother-in-law, was on here, she
would say the voice came fromher side of the family.
But nobody really can singRight More or less.
Nobody really can sing rightMore or less.
And Kennedy has the kind ofvoice where most people go
through courses to be able to dothe notes that she can hit and

(44:06):
she can automatically hit it.
So when she did her auditionfor OU, they said hey, what
genre of music do you want tosing?
And she said, well, what do youwant me to sing?
And they said, well, do youhave anything particularly that
you like?
She said I like country, I likehip hop, I like R&B, you know,
I like gospel.
So they gave her a coupledifferent selections.

Speaker 3 (44:29):
They wouldn't let us stay in.

Speaker 1 (44:30):
We were sitting in the hallway but I could hear it
and she did this one countrysong.
I'm like damn, I don't evenknow what that is.
My wife knew what it was.
But to hear her do that andthen to watch her sing opera in
Italian, and then it wasphenomenal.
The only reason she left OU isbecause, I think, the path that

(44:54):
they wanted to keep her on, theywanted her to only do classical
music and she wanted a widevariety of music to she wanted
to do.
She wanted a wide variety ofmusic to be able to do, not just
classical music.
But I'm very well, dude, I'mvery well that that is all the
way.
Yeah, that, that is all the wife.
I'm just along for the ride,man.

Speaker 2 (45:13):
What Um?
That's awesome and I'll makesure that's linked in the show
notes so people can check outyour daughter's amazing voice.
I've seen her.
I'm glad you shared that withme.
I didn't know that when wefirst met, but I know you shared
that recently and so it's likeI was like and when I watched I
was like man, she's got somepipes, she can sing?

Speaker 1 (45:25):
yeah, she can, she's gifted man and it's um, don't
know how and and like to thisday, like if you ask her, she
still loves to sing.
But I think from that piece ofthe entertainment part of it
that killed it.
Because she said if I sing now,I sing because God has called
me to sing.
She said I'm not singing forentertainment, I'm not singing

(45:47):
to get rich.
She said I know I have a gift,so if I want to do something
with it, the gift is still there.
The gift hasn't been taken awayfrom her.
I'm like, okay, no pressurefrom me, no pressure, I'll
support you, whichever way youwant to go.

Speaker 2 (46:02):
Well, I appreciate you sharing.
I mean, obviously that was atough time.
We don't need to get into it,but like there's people that
deal with anxiety and depressionevery day I mean I've had it in
my family I think it's one ofthose things.
If you don't, if you haven'texperienced it, it's kind of

(46:25):
hard to have empathy again.
Curiosity you know somethingthat's super important to me.
You know asking questions,trying to really instruct how
people are doing.

Speaker 1 (46:28):
Don't take it surface level ask those second and
third follow-up questions likeare you sure tell me exactly,
tell me more you don't tell memore, or why did?

Speaker 2 (46:31):
this happen yeah, why did this happen and I think and
I think re using curiositywithout judgment so people,
people feel safe to like, wantto communicate, and I hope that
there's.
You know if there's someone outthere listening today that's
going through a tough time, knowthat there there is positivity
that can come from thesedifficult times and there's,
obviously there's.

(46:51):
There's well, it's therapy,there's help.
There's you, there's groupspeople can get in touch with.

Speaker 1 (46:57):
We'll make sure I got to tell you real quick so I
won't forget the when you talkabout how something like this
can impact other people.
So I'm gonna try to tell thestory without getting upset, but
it's so.
Blue Cross, Blue Shield,Louisiana, used to be a client
of mine and we're all reallygood friends.
They're down in Baton Rouge sothey keep an eye out for my

(47:19):
youngest daughter now.
But when Kennedy was on TV, oneof my client's daughters
watched her and didn't realizethat that was my daughter until
the mom saw me on TV and said ohthat's Kenny, I know him.
That's his daughter.

(47:40):
So she said you think you cancall him and I could meet his
daughter.
So she called me and said, hey,my daughter would be honored if
Kennedy would talk to her.
So they talked, they had aconversation.
So she knew her as Casey, notKennedy, she knew her as Casey.
So her daughter was goingthrough a very difficult time at

(48:03):
the moment.
And having the conversation withmy daughter and how the things
that she went through and thehelp that she got and having
loving parents and being able totalk through certain situations
and knowing that it's okay tocome and talk situations and
knowing that it's okay to comeand talk, that meant to see that

(48:25):
little girl and to hear mydaughter talk to her and know
that you can make a differencewith one, with one.
I don't mind I was, my heartwas full.
I mean, even to this day, likeeven when I, when I talk, when I
talked to Bridget and we havethis conversation.
It is the.
It's a touching moment, man.
It is a very touching moment toknow that you can make an
impact on somebody when youdon't even realize that you're

(48:48):
making an impact.

Speaker 2 (48:50):
Yeah, man, I mean, that's why I started this thing
six years ago.
I don't know who listens.
Every episodes I get some morepeople listen to, some some
don't.
I don't know why, what, whathappens.
And you know I, I people thinkI'm joking, but I maybe a little
bit but also serious.
Like I, I do this for selfish,free therapy, so I can
constantly be working on to bethe best dad I can be, um to get

(49:11):
men to open up and talk, whichyou've done a great job today.
It's you know the more that we,that's the hardest thing to do,
too, to get men to open up.
It is and it's like, but oncepeople realize that
vulnerability is a strength, youdon't have to be perfect.
You can ask for help, um, butwhen you try to do it all by
yourself and let your ego standin front of you, that's when
you're not.
No one's gonna be their best,because it's false confidence.

Speaker 1 (49:34):
False, false and case not.
And I will say this.
Some people probably will getmad at me for saying it, but I'm
going to be honest and you knowme, I'll take it on the chin.
But most black householdsthat's taboo.
You don't talk about your stuff, that goes on in your family.
You know, because I got a lotof pushback, a lot of pushback

(49:56):
when I talked about Kennedy'ssituation and when I talked
about other, when I talked tosmall groups and when I got on a
platform and talked about it.
You know, at church I got a lotof pushback from folks saying
you keep that.
I'm like no, why, why, why keepit?
I mean, and I think in Blackculture and Black American

(50:16):
culture I mean going to see atherapist or even having a
counselor or being able to havethese conversations like this.
You haven't been taught thatand you have to untrain those
things that you learned as youwere coming up if you're going
to be a better dad and I thinkfor me, untraining some of those

(50:39):
learned behaviors because it'snot a taught behavior, it's a
learn behavior and once youuntrain yourself with some of
those things and open up becauseman, we're all human and we all
hurt, we all have pains and thebiggest thing is not sharing.

Speaker 2 (50:57):
Tell me where do you think you got the strength to do
that.
What To be able to share orJust be able to communicate more
and not like kind of fall intothat trap you've described.

Speaker 1 (51:08):
Man, well, a lot.
It's sort of funny, though mywife would probably say, because
I've always had that I don'tgive a F type of attitude, you
know, because I always say whatyou eat, don't make me go to the
bathroom, so you're going tojudge.

Speaker 3 (51:25):
If you're going to judge me.

Speaker 1 (51:26):
You're going to judge me regardless.
You know it doesn't make adifference.
And my thing is I look at itlike I needed help and when I
did need the help and didn'treally realize that I needed the
help, when I did need the helpand didn't really realize that I
needed the help, I had a womanand a mom and people around me
that were praying for me.
They was like listen, it's OKand we're going to go with you

(51:52):
and we're going to walk youthrough the process.
So I went through fourcounselors before I got to the
right one for and my guys,phenomenal.
I mean I still go to him tothis day, you know.
And was that post, postmilitary?

Speaker 2 (52:02):
And my guy's phenomenal I mean I still go to
him to this day Was thatpost-military Yep?

Speaker 1 (52:05):
Yep, and then it turned in you go to him for
military stuff and then it turnsinto parenting.
Then it turns into your ownpersonal baggage.
Then it turns into well, why doyou have so much stuff on the
inside of you?
Because we all bring baggage.
Most people think you don't.
Yes, why do you have so muchstuff on the inside of you?

(52:27):
Because we all bring baggage.
Most people think you don't.
Yes, you do.
You just need to know.
Once you start unpacking it,you'll be like, oh crap, I got a
whole lot of baggage in here.
And once you realize that youdo have that baggage, that helps
your marriage and it helps yourrelationship.
Once you know how to unpackthat and I think that is the
saving grace, that having thekind of woman that I had, that
pushed me that was like listen,I'm with you, I'm going to back

(52:48):
you.
There's nothing to be ashamedof.
And the guys that I had aroundme at the time, they didn't.
It wasn't a ego thing.
They didn't say hey, you'resoft, you're weak.
Hell, they go now.
They go now I mean because I'veshown them that it's okay not
to be okay as long as you're onyour way to being okay.

Speaker 2 (53:08):
There's a Jelly Roll song about that.

Speaker 1 (53:10):
It is, it is, it is.

Speaker 3 (53:13):
I mean, and it makes a difference Case.

Speaker 1 (53:15):
I mean, like I said, the biggest thing is realizing
that you're broken and I don'tmean necessarily in a bad way.
Right, we all are broken and youhave to be honest enough with
yourself to be like, hey, I'mstruggling and most people only
see somebody or talk about anissue when it's too late.

(53:36):
So, versus being reactive,let's try to be proactive, Just
like you teach us.
The reason you and I met isbecause let's try to be
proactive, Just like you teachus.
The reason the reason you and Imet is because you're teaching
us to be proactive versusreactive.
So you need to do your life thesame way you're trying to do
your your business.

Speaker 2 (53:51):
Yep, yep, they run.

Speaker 1 (53:54):
They run hand in hand .
They run hand in hand.

Speaker 2 (53:57):
Um, all right, dude, as we get ready to wrap up here,
how well one I'm going to saythank you for your service,
thank you I appreciate that,guys.
We're not going to go into thebecause you've got triple secret
clearance.
We can't even I'm not evengoing to touch those waters, I'm
not even going to even testify.

Speaker 3 (54:16):
Just leave it as thank you for your service.

Speaker 2 (54:19):
I appreciate it.
All the people that serve.
It's a blessing for those thathave not and I'm very grateful.
I have a buddy that spent timeoverseas, multiple Iraq trips.
I'm actually my wife and I arewatching the show called Lioness
right now on Paramount.
Great show, really good Greatshow, great show, yeah.
So it's like I can't evenimagine that.

(54:40):
But people that make thosesacrifices, so I'm very grateful
for our veterans.
Okay, so actually, before I gointo tier four, make sure people
know how to connect with you.
If you had to say one area ofyour dad game that, as you kind
of reflect back, maybe even now,that maybe is not quite where
you want it or not quite waswhere where it was, that you

(55:01):
were always working hard or youcontinue to work hard to be that
kind of better as the ultimatequarterback leader, your home,
that might connect you evenfurther with a dad's lesson from
home.
Tell me what, what comes tomind of an area your dad game
that you can improve oncommunication and patience two,
two key things.

Speaker 1 (55:20):
And not getting frustrated because what my
counselor used to tell me.
He said hey, your examples thatyou give your children are
great, he said, but you alsohave to understand that they
can't live their lives throughthe window of what you did,
because they can't relate to howyou grew up or the stuff that

(55:40):
you saw, so to them it's juststories.
It goes in one ear and out theother, he said.
So you can't put an expectationon them.
You need to be able to listenand be patient and nurture,
which is hard, because I'mthinking, as a dad oh, I've
given you this, this and this,and I'm telling you to do this.
How come you're doing it thisway?

(56:01):
So, being able to, you know, setthat part aside, because that's
that's part of ego too.
That's part of ego too, youknow, and I think we all, as
dads, you do have, we do have,we do have some expectations of
our kids, most dads that areinvolved.

(56:26):
If they tell you that theydon't, they're lying, because we
all have expectations, you know, of our kids and what we want
them to do and how we want themto be and how we want people to
look at them, but being able toset that aside and listen to
them and be there regardless.
Yep.

Speaker 2 (56:35):
That's good.
Yeah, patience is something Iwork on all the time too, and I
think expectations that's a goodtopic Because I think that's
you know we've talked about.
In the business world, you'vegot to have agreements with the
expectations or the expectationsare falsely set.
But I think the expectationsthat we have can have our kids
that are healthy, are honest, bea good worker, be a nice person

(56:56):
, bring energy to the room,treat people the way you want to
be treated.
I think you know.
Think sometimes where I seepeople get in trouble is having
these expectations like, hey, Iwant my son to go beat LeBron.
Well, he's 5'11".
He's not going to go beatLeBron.
He's not going to beat LeBron.

Speaker 1 (57:09):
I'm like no.
He might be spud, but he won'tbeat LeBron.
I'm like no.

Speaker 2 (57:18):
Okay, so if people want to learn more about Kenny,
they want to connect with you.
How can they learn more aboutyou and the work you're doing at
Tier 4?

Speaker 1 (57:26):
If you want to connect with me at Tier 4, feel
free to take a look at ourwebsite, tier4groupcom.
Or if you want to email mepersonally, you can email me at
Kenny at Tier4Groupcom, and I'mon LinkedIn, and if you look me
up by my name full name, kennethClaytor connect to me.

Speaker 2 (57:49):
I'll connect to you on LinkedIn and we can
communicate that way as well.
Whatever works for you Cool, Iwill make sure people are can
find you.
Um, I'm hopeful that we touchedon a lot of really, really good
topics that I think will, um,hopefully, hit home for people
and get people talking, andthat's that's.
What I always remind people isthat you don't need a podcast to
have conversations like these.
It just requires a littlepatience and little curiosity

(58:09):
and empathy, and you know Iappreciate you giving me an hour
today, brother, and learningmore about you, thank you Case.

Speaker 1 (58:15):
I appreciate it, cause sometimes, like I said,
you never get a chance to to beraw.

(58:43):
Most of the things that we donowadays.
You have to be scripted and youcan't say this and you can't
say that, and you have to makesure that you say the right, you
don't offend this person.
But I think the way you'redoing it, man, I think for man
to man.
I think men need to be peoplein general, but I think men too,
dads need to see other dadsthat are being dads, not fathers
.

Speaker 2 (58:55):
Anybody can be a father.

Speaker 1 (58:55):
Yeah, everybody can't be a dad, it's real easy to be
a father, but when that dadkicks in there, you know it's a
whole lot to being a dad man.

Speaker 2 (59:01):
It's a whole lot to come.
It's a gift and a blessing.
Yeah, it is.
It really is All right.
Now, my man, we go into what'scalled the lightning round.
This is where I'm going to showyou the effects of taking too
many hits not bong hits, butfootball hits in college.
Your job is to answer them asquickly as you can and, I hope,
to get a giggle out of you.

Speaker 1 (59:21):
Okay, I'm going to see what I got, what we got.
We got the game face on.
I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready.
I'm thinking, let me, let me,let me.

Speaker 2 (59:26):
Okay, I'm ready I'm I'm locked in.
I'm locked in, okay, uh, trueor false?
After watching the moviestripes, you enrolled in the us
army.
Negative, I just laughed atthat one.
Okay, um, tell me the the onesong in your phone or the one
genre of music in your phonethat might shock your team at

(59:48):
tier four, that you listen tohardcore hip-hop.
Hardcore hip-hop.
I don't.
I don't think they'd be.
David, you got some hip-hop inyou.
You think that would surprisethem it might not surprise.

Speaker 1 (01:00:01):
Well, cause they know blaze.
They know blaze, yeah, theyknow blaze, yeah.
So it might not surprise them.
But what you know, what wouldsurprise them?
Some of the my gospelselections that I have in there.

Speaker 2 (01:00:12):
Okay, all right, okay , um uh.
Favorite movie, favorite movieof all time is Godfather.
Okay, if you and Sophia weretaking a vacation right now no
kids, just you and her where areyou going?

Speaker 1 (01:00:27):
Vacation right now, I'm thinking about this too.
I would say Turks and Caicos,or Barbados.

Speaker 2 (01:00:35):
Sounds nice.
If I came to your house tonightfor dinner, what would we have?
Leftover spaghetti tonight?
That sounds good, Leftoverspaghetti.
If there was to be a bookwritten about your life, tell me
the title Death by TemptationOkay, Now Death by Temptation,
Kenny.
It's selling out everywhere.

(01:00:55):
Every airport I travel to, Ican't get my hands on it.
It's gone, everybody's readingthis thing, but so now Hollywood
has found out about it.
They're going to make a movieabout death by temptation.
You are now the castingdirector and need to know who's
going to star you, and thiscould critically acclaimed hit
new movie, my son will play me.

Speaker 1 (01:01:15):
That's that.
That that's my, that's my.
Yeah, that is my definitelylookalike.
That's my mini me.

Speaker 2 (01:01:21):
Okay, I like it.
And then, last and mostimportant question Tell me two
words that would describe Sophia.

Speaker 1 (01:01:27):
Words, only two.
Phenomenal woman, yeah,phenomenal woman.
Yep.

Speaker 2 (01:01:34):
There we go, lighting round's over.
I laughed at my own joke, whichmeans I lose.
You get the dub Kenny.
Congratulations, brother.
It's been a blast getting toknow you and your family.
I love learning abouteverything.
And again, thank you for yourservice, thank you for the hard
work you do at Tier 4.
You have an amazing team.
Grateful, our lives havecrossed our paths.

(01:01:56):
I mean our lives.
Yeah, paths have crossed andI'll make sure everybody you
have links in the show notes sopeople can find you.
Yeah.
I just want to say thanks toeverybody who continues to
listen, Thank you for oursponsors, Thank you for you know
, those that continue to leavecomments on all the social
platforms.
Thank you for sharing anepisode.
If this episode spoke to you oryou think it could speak to
someone else, please share it.
That really is the goal here,everybody.
We're just trying to increasethe power of vulnerability,

(01:02:25):
humility and curiosity insidethe home so dads can become
better leaders, become big,better versions of themselves
and inspire other men to do thesame.

Speaker 1 (01:02:28):
So, kenny man, appreciate you.
Thank you so much.
I appreciate it.
I'm honored to do.
Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 (01:02:31):
You bet bud.
All right, take it easy, Allright.