Resting Without Guilt

Taking a break. It sounds great! By why is it so filled with guilt?

By the end of this episode, you're going to reclaim your right to rest.

Feeling guilty about resting? Caught up in the grind of endless productivity? Our capitalist society has us believing that our worth equates to how much we're doing, but it's time we debunked this myth. This episode explores the importance of taking breaks without guilt and letting go of the pressure to make rest another form of self-improvement. Through a raw discussion of my personal struggles with overworking, we question the hustle culture and remind you that your value is not determined by productivity. So, take a breathe, relax, and remember rest is about simply being.

I'm looking forward to my own rest now as we close out the year. And I look forward to spending time with you in the new year!

Thank you for supporting the mission through your monthly contribution and by inviting your friends.

Remember, your value does not come from what you do or how much you do. Your value comes from who you are.

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Episode Transcript

Coach Alex Ray (00:00):
Hello, my unicorns, welcome back.
In today's episode, we're goingto talk about resting without
guilt, or taking a break.
And look, I know that restingor taking a break is hard.
In our Capitalistic Society,we're taught to think of time as

(00:21):
money at least, at least thoseof us that are not on the top
and we're also left with moneybeing a main source of security.
So time off or time resting isless secure and leads to us
having more worry and moreanxiety Sounds like the opposite

(00:46):
of confidence to me.
How about you?
So I and many of my clientshave had a really hard time
taking a break, and I'm going toguess that this is probably
your experience too.
One of the things that I oftenhear with breaks is the worry

(01:09):
about doing it right.
That rest has to somehow be theright kind of rest.
Rest, like if you're notreading or doing yoga or
journaling, something that'slike self-development,

(01:31):
self-improvement related, thenit's not a good enough rest, and
I just want to let you knowthat that is fucking bullshit
that is programmed into us.
That is the productivity goblinmonster.
Whatever A break or a rest isnot about being perfect or doing

(01:53):
it right.
That's not rest, that's morework.
So we need to drop that, myfriend.
We need to drop theexpectations that you have on
yourself to do it right.
A rest is relaxation.
A rest does not have any goalother than to just be.

(02:15):
A rest is just being.
It's existing, it's breathing.
It can be journaling, it can bemeditation or grounding
exercises.
It can also be throwingbarbells around in the gym or
learning to do back flips, orriding your bike or your
unicycle, I don't know.
It can be going for a drivewith no destination in mind.

(02:42):
It can be watching a sunset.
It can be walking the dog.
It can be hanging out with yourbest friend.
It can be listening to musicand letting it just take you on
a journey.
It can be sitting in a nook andcrying because you just can't
keep it all together anymore.
There is no right way, there isno grade, there's no pressure.

(03:11):
Those things aren't.
Rest Now.
Ironically, in preparation fortoday's episode, I kept trying
to think of some kind ofprofound, perfect message that I
could give you, and then Irealized that that's just

(03:33):
another symptom of the problem.
We don't live to work.
We work as a beautiful part oflife.
It gives us a sense of purposeand accomplishment, but it's not
the only thing.
It's time to ask yourself whatdo you make your work or

(03:55):
productivity mean about you?
Why are you so addicted to thehustle?
For me, it was because Ibelieved that I was what I do
like what I do for people.
That gave me value.
Now I know that that's not true.
I know now that it's actuallywho I am that gives me value.

(04:19):
And, my friend, that isabsolutely true of you too.
It is not what you do, it isnot how you do it, it's not how
much you do that makes youvaluable as a person.
No one loves you or adores you,looks up to you or wants to be

(04:42):
your best friend or your loverbecause of what you do.
They want to be in yourglorious, amazing, iconic, one
of a kind delicious.
Give me more presence.
They wanna be around you, theywanna be with you.
They wanna be in your lifebecause of who you are.

(05:02):
I know that you already knowthat's true of other people that
you wanna be around thembecause of who they are, not
necessarily what they can do foryou.
It's time to just flip that onyourself and remind yourself
that the same is absolutely trueof you, too.
Now I'll tell you fromexperience that, even though I

(05:23):
know this, and even though manyof my clients know this and
we're working on it you're stillhuman.
I'm still human, we're stillhuman.
We still forget.
We revert to old ways, and it'sokay, I know.
I revert to my old ways ofrunning myself ragged, and then
I have to pause and I realize,oh shit, why am I so exhausted?

(05:43):
Oh yeah, for the last couple ofweeks I've been trying to write
a book in a month or less.
Hell, no, let's drag it out.
Let's have a little more time.
Doesn't all need to be done?
What is this deadline anyway?
Why did I set this in the firstplace?
Oh yeah, because that soundedlike really productive, and

(06:03):
productive equals valuable.
So, fucked up, let's be donewith that shit.
Huh, let's at least make acommitment to being done with it
, and then, when you realizethat you're doing it again, just
remind yourself oh yeah, it'sthat thing I do and let it go.
So, please, permission for allof us to be imperfect at resting

(06:29):
.
Now, zooming out a bit, I alsobelieve that rest is an
essential ingredient to the lifethat I want.
It's not actually success ifI'm miserable by just working,
working, working all the time, Iwould be absolutely drained,

(06:50):
and that is not the life that Iwant.
This is part of the reason thatI moved to San Diego last year
was because I wanted to be in aculture that would encourage me
to slow down and be present withmy life and enjoy things other
than productivity.
Also, if never resting actuallywas the answer to success, then

(07:13):
I should have been a worldwidecelebrity years ago.
I should have been agazillionaire by now.
I should have been like done,check my whole, I don't know.
Life's mission is just done,yeah, perfect, a plus.
And that's obviously not thegaze.

(07:34):
That's ridiculous and we knowthat.
And yet many of us put thepressure on ourselves to just
produce, produce, produce, do,do, do, busy, busy, busy.
So I'm inviting you to try itout and take an actual break, an
actual rest with me.

(07:54):
And, speaking of my own rest,I'm taking a break from the
podcast for the month ofDecember and I'll be back in the
new year.
The plan next year is torelease the podcast in short
themed seasons.
That way it will have restbuilt in there for me between
the seasons.
Each season will have a focuson a particular part of queer

(08:18):
life and the queer journey and,if you haven't caught on yet, I
am practicing what I preach.
Just like I tell you, I'mtreating this show as a living
art project.
I'm experimenting and havingfun with it.
So thank you for coming alongwith me on this journey.
I'm excited to see you in thenew year for more impactful solo

(08:42):
episodes and meaningfulinterviews with fabulous guests.
If you've been getting a lot outof the show, would you consider
making a monthly pledge of just$3 to keep the project going?
My birthday is in a couple daysand you can make this my
birthday present.
I put a lot of time and moneyinto this podcast because I love

(09:04):
you and I care about thismission of spreading queer
confidence.
If you're benefiting from theshow, I would love your support
so we can continue the mission.
The link to support the show isdown in the show notes and if
it's not in the budget for you,would you make sure to tell one
friend about the show today?
Spreading this message tosupport queers and becoming more

(09:25):
confident is the purpose ofthis show.
Big hugs to all of you, myqueer unicorn family.
Have a fabulous rest of 2023and I'll see you next Tuesday,
in a few Tuesdays.
Bye.