November 17, 2024 • 39 mins
Key Topics Covered:
- The Journey of Self-Discovery:
Lillian recounts her path of recognizing her HSP and empath traits, her transformative "aha moments" and how these realizations empowered her to embrace who she is without apology. - What it Means to Be an HSP and Empath:
Traits associated with being an HSP, including sensitivity to sound, light, and others' emotions. The importance of setting boundaries as an empath, learning to "observe, not absorb." - Challenges in Childhood and the Role of Support:
Reflecting on her childhood, Lillian talks about how she struggled to fit in and how she now helps children embrace their sensitivity. Both Serena and Lillian agree on the need for support systems in schools to help sensitive children feel validated and understood. - Tools for Thriving as a Sensitive Person:
Practical strategies for managing sensitivity in the workplace, such as preparing thoughts ahead of time and finding comfortable ways to engage with colleagues. - Breaking the Cycle in Parenting:
Serena and Lillian touch on the power of self-awareness in breaking generational cycles of trauma and building resilience in children, and the importance of giving children—and their parents—the knowledge to understand and embrace sensitivity.
Notable Quotes:
- "Observe, don’t absorb." – Lillian Powell
- "It’s important to look past labels and embrace our evolving identities." – Lillian Powell
Resources Mentioned:
- Generativity Coaching Website
- Dr. Elaine Aron’s books on HSP, including The Highly Sensitive Person
Connect with Us:
- Follow Lillian Powell on Instagram and LinkedIn
- Subscribe, rate, and share The Quiet Warrior Podcast
This episode was edited by Aura House Productions
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi, I'm Serena Loh.
If you're used to hearing thatintroverts are shy, anxious,
antisocial and lack goodcommunication and leadership
skills, then this podcast is foryou.
You're about to fall in lovewith the calm, introspective and
profound person that you are.
Discover what's fun, unique andpowerful about being an
(00:22):
introvert, and how to make theelegant transition from quiet
achiever to quiet warrior inyour life and work anytime you
want, in more ways than youimagined possible.
Welcome, welcome to anotherepisode of the Quiet Warrior
podcast.
Today, we delve into the topicof what it means to be a highly
(00:44):
sensitive person, and it's alsowhat it means to be an empath
and an ambivert, and I'm verypleased that I've met one person
who embodies all these threequalities.
Her name is Lillian Powell fromGenerativity Coaching.
Thank you, lillian, for joiningme today.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Oh, my pleasure, Serena.
Thank you for having me,lillian.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
I would love for you to share a little bit about your
background story, of how youcame to do the work that you do
and why you think this workmatters.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Well, when I was growing up in the 60s, there
wasn't a whole lot known abouthighly sensitives, empaths,
introverts.
The labels that I was given atthat time were shyness, you're
too shy, you need to get outthere, you need what's wrong
with you, and I didn't have anyunderstanding as a child either,
(01:36):
and there weren't people aroundme, like there are now, such as
you and myself, that can helpthese people understand and
become more self-aware and theneventually to embrace it.
So, having lived my life,raised children, I got to a
point where I started workingwith kids in the schools as a
school-based counselor and Istarted learning more about
(01:59):
behavior human behavior, whichI've always been a student of
anyway.
But things started clicking forme as I'm starting to learn
more about this HSP thing.
Elaine Aron had this book thatcame out and I started reading
it and it just started firingfor me.
So naturally, I've got to godown that path to figure this
(02:21):
all out, and so many aha momentscame out.
This is why I've gotten towhere I am.
This is who I am.
This is why I struggled as achild, making friends or being
more outgoing, because that'swhat I was told to do, but it
wasn't natural for me.
It didn't feel right.
So better late than never.
(02:42):
I started learning more aboutempaths and introverts and I
always thought I was, or I triedto be, an extrovert because
that was what was expected of usway back when.
But then I started honoring itand I started seeing that there
was nothing wrong with me at all.
It's just who I was.
And then it made me startthinking about people that have
(03:07):
this trait and know nothingabout it and that struggle in
life.
So fast forward.
Working into the schools as aschool-based counselor, I had
this information, I had thisknowledge that I could go in
there and I could start to learnwho might have this trait,
especially as kids.
They don't know, they're notdeveloped enough, their
(03:27):
developmental adolescence is oneof the toughest times to go
through and that's where HSPintrovert, empath really can hit
.
So working with these kids thatwould come to me who wouldn't
participate in class or gotreally emotional or were bullied
or were bullying I got to workwith these kids and find out
(03:52):
what made them tick, and justfinding out are some of these
HSPs I have.
Actually, my middlegranddaughter is what I would
consider an HSP and, blessed ofall, her parents are amazing.
They've gotten the knowledgeabout her trait, they've worked
(04:12):
with her on it and it's justamazing how she's starting to
blossom now.
And then I look back and Ithink where was that person when
I was growing up?
But what I can do now is I cantake that knowledge and help
these young people understand it, become aware of it, embrace it
and then look at it as asuperpower.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
I love how you know, in a very full circle kind of
way, you found a way to be thatperson that you didn't have when
you were growing up.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Yes, yes, and unapologetically.
Once, I think, once you get toknow what the trade is and how
it affects you, becauseeverybody's different,
everybody's unique in theirlevels of HSP, in how they want
to approach it and how they wantto deal with it.
So in coaching, that's what Ido with clients is I just let
(05:09):
them unfold it, I support themin unfolding it and then seeing
where they want to go with it.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Are you able to backtrack a little bit and
explain for the benefit oflisteners who are not familiar
with HSP?
What does that look like?
What does that?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
mean Serena, it, like I said, it can be a wide
spectrum of things for differentpeople.
Um, for me, I I realized all ofa sudden I was always startled
really easily by sounds, by loudsounds or by sudden sounds.
Somebody can come up behind meand I know they're there, but
(05:42):
they could just do this and Iwould jump three feet.
So the sensitivity to sounds Inever liked crowds and whenever
we would go somewhere as a childI would be kind of dragged
along, you know, not feelingcomfortable but not
understanding why.
It could be lights, it could bebright lights, the sun I've
(06:05):
always worn sunglasses, brightlights.
But it also is being in tune topeople's energies and other
people's emotions.
We could cross over into empaththere too, because that's very
similar for an empath, but justthis sensitivity to everything,
to the way people talk, and justobserving and always being
interested in that.
Why do people do what they do?
(06:25):
And then, just side note, as akid I used to struggle with my
parents because it was alwayswell, just do what I say.
It doesn't matter what thereason is, just do what I say.
And I would take that as achild and I would analyze it and
analyze it and think but itdoesn't make sense.
Well, at that time, you know, Ididn't have the skills to to
(06:47):
dispute anything.
So sensitivity to a lot ofthings in your environment and
the need maybe for me anyway towant to process all of that, so
for me that's what sensitivityis highly sensitive, um, but I
found it to be something thatI've embraced and I respect now
(07:11):
and I also am I'm happy to be anHSP because it gives you
insight into other people sothat you can deal with them
maybe more effectively, or youcan embrace them and you can
give them that safe space, likein coaching, to share and to be
comfortable in doing so, tocoming into their selves and
(07:32):
their identity.
You can help them develop that.
So it's a good thing For me itis anyway.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
For me.
You've reminded me that when Iwas a child, I loved Nancy Drew
and the Hardy Boys, and maybepart of that was about being the
detective, finding out whythings are solving mysteries,
and this was a part of that,although at the time I probably
didn't have the words for it.
But I was always curious abouthuman behavior, why I think this
(08:02):
way, why somebody else thinks adifferent way, what does that
mean?
Why do people say the thingsthey do and behave the way they
do?
And I was really curious aboutthat.
So I think that is something weboth share.
You know that sensitivity whichalso makes us noticers and
observers and curious yes, verycurious.
(08:23):
Yes, very curious.
But I noticed that the wordsensitive, at least when I was
growing up, there was anotherside to it and you know, when an
adult said you were sensitive,what they really meant for me
was that they wanted me to havea thicker skin.
They were saying that I was toothin-skinned, I was too
sensitive, as in you know,startle easily.
You know cry easily, getemotional easily, get upset
(08:46):
easily, and they wanted me to betougher, to be somehow perhaps
more resilient.
What are your thoughts on that?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Absolutely Misinformation.
Yes, over-generalization, andyeah, here too, over
generalization, and yeah, heretoo, and what that did to me was
cause me to dampen down myemotions and to lose touch with
my emotions, because I was seenas being weak and you had to
toughen up, like you said.
(09:15):
Well, how do you do that when Ihave all these feelings coming
at me and all these these thingsthat I have to process, know in
my environment on a constantbasis?
But now I try to look forwardnow to all the knowledge that we
have now, the wisdom, theinformation, the neuropsychology
(09:37):
of the trait.
That's really gettinginteresting out there.
So I agree with you, though,and I think that that can still
happen now, and I think thatthat's where my work with the
kids in the schools, thestudents in the schools, can be
very beneficial, because theycould be sent mixed messages,
and that's where we need to getthat to say no, it's okay, and
(10:00):
accept them and validate them,and then brings a little bit of
understanding here and there,whatever they're developmentally
able to comprehend, but justmaking it okay to be sensitive
and to have those emotions.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
I wish I'd had someone like you when I was at
school and feeling all thosesorts of feelings of being
somehow not fitting in or notquite the same as other people.
I really wanted to be likeother people and, you know, just
have an easier time of it, getalong more easily with people,
have less you know thosedifficulties or difficult
(10:34):
emotions and feel like I fit in,like I belonged.
And ultimately I think that iswhat all children want and all
adults as well.
We just want to fit in and beaccepted as who we are and to be
able to get along witheverybody.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Yes, and sometimes that acceptance has to come from
within your self-acceptance,your self-compassion, that
connection with yourself and theconnection with others.
And the more you know about thetrait, the easier it is, I feel
is to seek out like-mindedpeople where you make that
deeper connection, maybe withanother HSP or an introvert or
(11:11):
an empath.
But yeah, starting in theschools and our school system
unfortunately isn't reallygeared towards, you know, our
highly sensitive children yet,but it's getting there.
It's getting there.
The teachers, a lot of teachers, especially in the younger
grades, are starting to becomemore aware of it and able to
help those kids within theclassroom to speak up or to
(11:33):
participate more, which enrichestheir lives.
So it's coming.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
It may take a while, but it's coming, and I'm so glad
that you and I get toparticipate and contribute to
that as well.
And I'm thinking you know, whenyou said self-acceptance and
that it has to come from within.
I'm looking at that picture ofthe tree with the deep roots in
your background and I'm remindedthat each of us is like that
tree.
We have to put down our ownroots, we have to find a way to
(12:04):
blossom and thrive where we are,and that includes, you know,
reaching out, like those roots,reaching out and making
connections with others.
Like you said, you know otherkindred spirits, people who
share those values, share thoseaspirations, and then we can be
stronger collectively.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Yes, great insight.
I agree completely.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
So tell me more about being an empath.
How is that different frombeing a HSP?
Speaker 2 (12:33):
You know that they overlap, as you know, quite a
bit, and so, being an empath,I've had to learn to create
boundaries and to protect myself, Observe, don't absorb and when
I found that, I thought well,that's common sense right there.
That makes a whole bunch ofsense.
(12:54):
That makes a whole bunch ofsense, but it's not always easy,
because if you start looking atthe neuropsychology of empaths,
there's this thing calledmirrored neurons and all this
good stuff that I'm juststarting to delve into, so I
(13:14):
don't have a whole lot ofprotect my energy, maybe moving
away from people.
That might not be the mostpositive for me.
I know that I can't watch TVshows where people get hurt,
especially animals, elderlychildren, that type of thing.
Too much feeling going on forme there, even telling myself
(13:37):
that this is Hollywood.
You know, there's a camerabehind this.
Right now, it still affects me,but I'm learning, and that's
the beauty of this is I'mlearning what to move towards
and what to move away from.
So the other thing about empaths, though, is that we can be
quite the nurturers.
Empaths so is that we can bequite the nurturers, and in our
(14:02):
work in coaching, we canunderstand people where they're
at and help guide them to, maybe, where they want to go.
So that's the beauty of it.
There's that drawback of theextreme.
You know the negativity, the,the hurt, the sorrow, the
sadness and that type of thing.
But once you become aware of ityou start to kind of I don't
know if protection would be theright word but I think you find
(14:26):
ways to handle it and, like Isaid, you become more discerning
with where you put your timeand your efforts and your energy
.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
So that's where I'm at right now, and still learning
new ways, new knowledge comingout, and that's the beautiful
thing that there is always newknowledge, new wisdom that we
discover, and so the learning isnever done, which means there's
always something to lookforward to.
But at the same time, based onwhere we are now and what we've
(14:57):
learned so far, we can do somuch for ourselves and others.
And I love the work you'redoing with children because
that's where it all begins.
Every time I talk to a clientand we try and trace the root
cause of what's caused them tobe the way they are, where they
feel stuck and frustrated orheld back.
(15:17):
So many times it starts fromchildhood, from something
someone said and from a storythey made up about something
that happened to them, or evenwhere the thing that really
happened to them wassufficiently serious.
It also depends on theindividual child, because
everyone processes differently,like you say, and some people,
(15:39):
you know, it doesn't even leavea mark on them, it's almost like
it never happened, but withsome others they can see it as
something that changes thempermanently.
That was the point where youknow they started to develop a
different way of thinking, adifferent kind of behavior, an
adaptive response to survive atthat time, and so I find that
curious and, you know,fascinating, and that there's
(16:00):
always something to explore whenwe really seek to understand
why we are the way we are.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Absolutely, and what I'm hearing from what you're
saying too, I think of the wordresilience.
You know, building thatresilience, especially in
children, that they can carrythat into adulthood, where it's
going to really help them a lot,especially in our world today.
So, you know, just giving themthat respect, listening to them,
(16:32):
validating their feelings andmaybe incorporating some tools
within that, some skills thatthey can develop, moving forward
, that they can carry with themlifelong, and then hoping that
they become lifelong learners,like you and I are.
You know to keep learning andto keep improving and to keep
feeling better about ourselvesand our identities.
(16:55):
So, yeah, very much.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
To people that work with HSP children, youth, adults
.
What would you say to them arethe strengths of a highly
sensitive person.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
I think a lot of highly sensitive people who have
kind of done the work, so tospeak, about learning about the
trait and how it affects them.
I think there's a whole lot ofself-awareness that comes
through and at my age you know,I'm in the third of life right
now I guess you might want tocall it and hoping to give back
(17:35):
some of that learning that I'veencountered, but I think it's
just, it's knowledge, it's learn, learn, learn, learn, learn all
you can about it and thenconnect with like-minded people.
I follow you on Instagram.
I get an amazing amount ofknowledge from you, things that
I haven't even heard of.
So naturally, I'm veeringtowards you more and more, but
(18:00):
that information is out thereand it can be found.
So I think, just getting thatself-awareness, learning about
it and I think once you startlearning about it, you start
having these moments where itstarts clicking and that
self-compassion comes through.
When you know better, you dobetter.
There's a saying, and I thinkthat anything in the past that I
(18:23):
might have missed out onbecause of my introversion or my
empathic nature or HSP, has tobe in the past and now moving
forward, like in coaching.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Now I can start addressing that and maybe bring
it back into my life, if that'ssomething that I'm interested in
now so what you're saying isnow that we have the knowledge
and the wisdom, we have options,we have choices, we can decide
what to do from here on yes,thank you very much so.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
But I think that how do you get these young people so
?
They're adolescents, they'renot fully developed yet.
You know, the prefrontal isn'tquite all there yet, up until
about they're 25.
So I think that it would dowell for the schools to bring in
some of this knowledge, thesocial emotional learning pieces
, and I know a lot of schools dothe social emotional learning
(19:20):
pieces and I know a lot ofschools do.
I'm up in a rural area up herein Montana and it's not as
prevalent up here.
So what I'm trying to do istrying to bring that into the
schools here so that we can giveaccess to people that may not
have that access, you know,typically to help them.
So I think, just getting themore education, serena, that's a
(19:40):
tough one, that's a tough one.
How do you get people to evenacknowledge that this could be
something, that first step?
I guess that's what I'm tryingto say.
How do you promote that firststep into the curiosity of okay,
what is this?
Maybe this is who I am?
I think that we would do wellin trying to find that first.
(20:04):
How do we get it out there?
Speaker 1 (20:07):
more.
You could be planting the seedsof a collaboration of some kind
here, Lillian, because this issomething that requires a whole
village.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Yes, it does.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
It does require school leadership to be on board
with that, to be sufficientlycurious and to think it's even
beyond the KPIs that they haveto meet that this is actually.
You then bring it into thechildren's lives in a way that
it becomes very natural to talkabout differences and how we are
different.
Maybe you know through booksthat are written for children,
especially introducing the ideaof you know that this is a kind
(20:51):
of power, a superpower as well,that know this kind of
difference is actually reallypositive, that there are
different ways to contribute tothe classroom or to friendships.
There are different kinds ofpeople, and you know how to look
out for each other more.
And also getting the parents onboard, because you know a lot
of parents would be busysurviving, dealing with cost of
(21:15):
living crises.
Not all parents have thecapacity to be sitting down and
having those sorts ofconversations with, and you know
, even in the same family,children can be so different.
And then how do you cater tothe different needs of each
child and help them understand,on top of the mental load that
(21:36):
the parents are going through,you know, with work and starting
businesses and all the otherthings that parents do.
So I think this really requiresa village pulling together.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
Yeah, serena, that's a really good point.
And going into the parents, hspand, like I said, I'm not
really versed on genetics, hspand, like I said, I'm not really
versed on genetics, but I'mgoing to say it can be
(22:07):
hereditary.
And so a lot of times in mywork with youth and students in
the school, when I've metparents, parents have said oh,
oh, that's me or that's myhusband, and so once you bring
that knowledge into the home andto the parents or the
caregivers, it opens up, it justkind of explodes from there.
(22:27):
Hopefully, if they're open andthey have, like you said, they
have the resources, they havethe time, the bandwidth to get
this going.
But once that seed is planted, Ithink it grows.
It may grow a little slower forsome families, but it does tend
to grow.
So that's a really good point.
Yeah, getting the parentsinvolved, and I think at that
(22:49):
point too is important for theparent to also understand
self-regulation, because I thinkas children are growing up,
especially in the toddler, themeltdowns you know, the being
overly stimulated I think it'simportant for the parent to be
able to self-regulate at thatpoint too, because a lot, you
know, it might be a triggerwhere the parent explodes, and
(23:12):
that has repercussions for thechild, so I think that that's a
good point too, as far asfamilies and parents go.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
That's one of the topics that I love exploring,
actually the effect of earlychildhood trauma on how adults
grow up to be, and when weremember that every person is a
by-product of their times andthe different contexts that
affect how somebody'spersonality develops, and then
we realize that at every pointwe are meeting someone who is in
(23:46):
their own process of healing,if they are even aware that they
need healing.
And if they are not aware, thenthey are continually
unconsciously perpetuating andprojecting whatever they have
been through.
So it becomes intergenerational, doesn't it?
And in that sense it becomeshereditary as well, because
whatever they have absorbed intothemselves in their minds and
(24:07):
bodies, they are recreating thatwith the children.
So if we are not self-regulatedas you pointed out so wisely, as
you pointed out so wisely ifI'm not well regulated and I'm
not aware that I am repeating apattern and I just lash out at
my child because maybe I've gotlow blood sugar, or I'm feeling
(24:28):
particularly fatigued today, orI've had a really bad night's
sleep, or something that has, orsomebody said something that
triggered a childhood memorythat was not a positive memory,
and all those things could befactors that cause me to lash
out.
And if I'm not aware and I'mnot doing my own healing and
clearing, then I'm passing thaton to my child.
(24:48):
So it's made me very, veryconscious, as a parent with two
daughters, one of whom is a HSPas well, that I need to be the
cycle breaker for my generationso that I'm not perpetuating the
trauma.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Yes, yes, absolutely, and that's where so much work
can be done too for generationsto come.
And that's what's so excitingGenerativity is giving back to
the generations that are comingup.
And so that's really excitingfor me too is knowing that it's
(25:24):
kind of a top-down effect toofor kids, and, I got to tell you
, most of the parents that I'veworked with have been very
receptive, were not aware of it.
Once they became aware of it,life got a little better because
they were able to do theirlearning on it and therefore
have different approaches totheir child.
(25:45):
So, um, elaine Aaron has thehighly sensitive what is it now?
The highly sensitive parent?
She has that book out, um, and,yeah, a treasure trove of
wisdom for parents who suspectthat their children might be
highly sensitive.
And on that same note, I thinkit's worth mentioning that you
(26:07):
know, parents should alsopossibly seek help should they
feel the need to do that withtheir children.
So just throwing that out there.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Yes, we don't have to do it alone, we don't have to
feel that we need to have allthe answers or we need to know
everything, because the world isa lot more complex now than
when we were growing up.
For instance, I knew that afterthe lockdowns, or even during
the lockdowns, one of mychildren had needed to see a
psychologist.
And you know, it was her owncomment, her own self-awareness,
(26:40):
that she needed help, sheneeded professional help.
And so we got that organizedand I was just so glad that we
have the resources and that wehave a system that supports
mental health for young people,for adults, and so there is that
ability for her to be seen, toexpress whatever concerns she
(27:00):
has.
And you're right To ask forthat.
Help takes courage as well, ittakes self-awareness and it
takes a system that supports it.
So, again, on many fronts, youknow there has to be all those
things in place and so, yes, Iagree with you.
I would encourage parents, youknow, for themselves or for
their children, if they feelthat they need that extra help,
(27:24):
that professional help, thatnon-judgmental space where
someone will listen to them andmirror back to them and validate
their concerns and just hearthem out, you know, so that we
feel.
I think it's so important forevery person to feel heard.
When we're able to articulateyou know what's on our hearts,
it really takes away so much ofthe stress Be able to form those
(27:45):
words and have someone sitthere and not judge you, but
actually listen and empathizeand show compassion.
I think that is essential.
That is what health andwell-being needs to look like
for each person.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Yes, and that's, you know, that keeps me going, that
motivates me going in my workwith people is to see that, you
know, to see people benefit fromthat.
A lot of people come in sounaware that this can even
happen, and that's reallyfulfilling, you know, when you
bring that to them.
And now they have thisawareness that I can be
(28:20):
respected, I can be understood,I can be listened to and then
supported in finding my own waythrough these things.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
So what would your advice be?
For, you know, when we'reworking with colleagues who
might be highly sensitive orintroverted.
What do you advise you know inthe workplace, how do we look
after our colleagues better whenwe see that they are quieter,
(28:51):
more reserved, don't really wantto talk much in meetings and we
see that they are quieter, morereserved, don't really want to
talk much in meetings.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Well, I can speak to that because I was in the
corporate world for many decadesand it just wasn't a good fit
and I couldn't figure it out.
I did well enough, but it justit wasn't a good fit, and only
until I got out of thatenvironment and started to kind
of have to reinvent myself andthen got into substitute
teaching, got into the schools,got into the school based
counseling and then went in this, this new path for me, and
(29:26):
found this to be much morefulfilling because it spoke to
my own growing up and beingmisunderstood and all that.
But I think in the workplace Ideal with some clients who have
trouble being more visible and Ithink in the corporate world
that's a key ingredient.
(29:47):
To do well in the corporateworld is to be more visible.
But there's lots of ways to dothat that are more comfortable
for HSPs and I think one of theways is to prepare ahead of time
.
Or like, say, for instance, inmeetings a lot of people
hesitate to speak up becausethey don't want to be seen as
wrong, or maybe they've beentalked over in the past.
(30:10):
There's lots of reasons why wedon't want to offer that, but
there's ways to, maybe, afterthe meeting, sending an email
and saying you know, on thatpoint, abc.
Here's a couple more thoughtsthat I had become more
(30:30):
comfortable in the corporateworld and as far as colleagues,
I think colleagues need to havethat self-awareness to begin
with, and I think if you're anHSP then, yes, you can see that,
and what I would do is I wouldreach out to that person, you
know.
But I think there needs to bemore awareness for people that
(30:52):
are non-HSPs to maybe, you know,in dealing with HSPs, yeah,
that's kind of a tricky one.
I think that we're just kind ofjust starting to figure that
out too.
Because of our society, thesqueaky wheel gets the grease.
The extroverts are rewarded,you know, for speaking up and
(31:14):
for tooting their own horn inmeetings and things like that.
But that's in the past, though,serena.
It's starting to be different,because HSP employees bring a
lot of insight, bring a lot ofawareness.
I think they can be verycreative, very detail-oriented,
because they're aware of theirsurroundings and they process
(31:36):
things.
It might take them a little bitmore to process things, but I
think you can learn to respectthat and find ways to still do
that and present it.
So yeah, it's a different world, I think, for HSPs in the
corporate world.
I almost wish I could try itagain, knowing what I know now,
(31:58):
but I'm on the path I need to beon now, so I'll work with HSPs
in the corporate world instead.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Yes, that is interesting and fascinating to
ask.
If we could turn back time,knowing what we know now, and we
went back and repeated thecorporate experience, how
different would that be for usand for other people?
I imagine we would be much moreproactive knowing what we know
now and feeling that these aresuperpowers and strengths rather
than liabilities, and then wewould carry ourselves
(32:28):
differently.
And because our energy isdifferent, other people might
react differently to us too.
And perhaps, who knows, in amultiverse.
Perhaps we will find out,perhaps, yeah.
So I remember you mentionedalso in your LinkedIn profile
about being an ambivert.
Could you quickly explain whatthat means to those of us who
(32:50):
are not familiar with that word?
Speaker 2 (32:52):
I used to think I was an introvert.
I used to think, you know, justgive me a book, leave me alone,
I'll live in a cave, you knowthe rest of my life and I'll be
fine.
But I need some connection withpeople, and so I've learned
that I can be extroverted incertain situations.
So if I'm with family say it'sa holiday and I'm with family, I
can be very extroverted.
(33:13):
I can be talking to people andjust as comfortable as can be,
or an environment where I'mfamiliar with, like say, in the
schools as a substitute teacher.
At first it was hard for me,but now I've become comfortable
with it.
So I think understanding yoursurroundings, becoming
comfortable with yoursurroundings, is a game changer
(33:36):
for me.
I can be extroverted in theclassroom if it's a class that
I've been with maybe once ortwice already, and I would
encourage people to also try tobecome a little more comfortable
in environments.
(33:56):
Push yourself, grow, coming hereto talk to you.
I was like this and I'm doingbreathing exercises, right,
because this isn't comfortable,but I push myself to do this.
I feel like I've grown.
I've gotten amazing insightfrom you and information and
(34:16):
wisdom.
So I pulled out my extroverthere and it has served me very
well.
So yeah, I think it's just aninterchangeable type of thing.
I think age also helps me.
As I get older, the smallthings get smaller and the
people's perception, theperceptions of me, my inner
critic, they all kind of startto quiet down.
(34:38):
You know really, what was I soworried about?
So yeah, you could have bothsides.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
I love the wisdom of what you just shared there,
lillian, and the idea ofadapting to the environment.
Therefore, that requires us tobe sensitive, to be observant,
to be reading the room, to bescanning the environment for
clues, to see what's the bestway I can respond and be in this
(35:07):
moment, based on the peoplethat are here and the energy
that is here, and so that callsus to bring out our best to
every situation, which issomething we are already good at
doing by being very present, bybeing in there in the moment
and being alert to those cuesthat other people are putting
out, but they may not be soaware, and so that is our
(35:29):
superpower at work of being aHSP.
Yes, it is Wow, thank you forthe reminder.
Thank you for articulating andbringing that to light so
beautifully.
So what is one last thing youwould like the listeners today
to take away from thisconversation?
Speaker 2 (35:50):
I think, to be careful that you don't just tend
to focus on your HSP traitempath or introvert.
I think that we're all made upof so many different variables
and I think that you have tokeep that in mind and that
things change as you get older,they change with knowledge and
(36:11):
just always be open to thatchange and to your shifting
identity.
So, yeah, labels labels arekind of tricky sometimes, you
know you have to be open to thefact that they still can change
and you have the power to changethat.
You have the choices, serena,as you said earlier.
So use those choices, get outthere and get that knowledge,
(36:33):
learn, learn, learn, learn andthen, if you knowledge, learn,
learn, learn, learn and then ifyou're able to help others to
learn so beautifully summarized.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
And how can people find you and connect with you?
Generativitycoachingcom, and onInstagram, LinkedIn.
I'm there, but I do tend tokind of.
I don't put out a whole lot ofenergy into social media.
It's more for me to just passon things that I think may be
beneficial to other people.
So, but my website is whereyou'll get a good idea of who I
(37:08):
am and the clients that I workwith.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
So Beautiful.
That's fantastic.
So we'll make sure to put yourwebsite link in the show notes
for everyone.
And I think also you mentioneddr elaine aaron and her books,
so I think we would put somelinks there too for the benefit
of those who are interested inlooking more into the hsb side
of things, just for themselvesand for their children.
And I think you are right, youknow, every time we gain some
(37:31):
new knowledge that can add, addto that storehouse of wisdom
that we can then turn to like alibrary whenever we need to.
You know, for ourselves, forour children, for our co-workers
, and just alerting us andopening our eyes to the
different personalities,different iterations, different
behaviors.
(37:52):
You know the variety on thespectrum and how amazing it is
that you know we all inhabitthis one little planet with all
these variations ofpersonalities and we're all
existing at the same time andalso different and yet also
similar in some ways.
Thank you for that reminder tolook past the label as well.
(38:14):
I know that sometimes, you know, we can get very attached to
our labels.
It becomes part of our identity, it gives us certainty.
But also we don't want to beconstrained by the label because
, like you say, we're constantlyevolving, constantly changing,
and we can make choices healthychoices about who we are and who
we want to be.
So thank you so much, lillian,for joining me today and for
(38:35):
this inspiring conversation.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
Thank you, serena, I appreciate being here.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
And that was another episode of the Quiet Warrior
podcast.
If you have enjoyed today'sconversation with Lillian Powell
, make sure to look at herwebsite Link is in the show
notes for you and also to likethis episode and to give it a
five-star rating.
Subscribe to it, recommend itto your friends and your fellow
workers.
Thank you so much for joiningus and I'll see you on the next
(39:02):
episode of the Quiet Warriorpodcast.
I'm so grateful that you'rehere today.
If you found this contentvaluable, please share it on
your social media channels andsubscribe to the show on your
favorite listening platform.
Together, we can help moreintroverts thrive.
To receive more upliftingcontent like this, connect with
(39:24):
me on Instagram at Serena LoQuiet Warrior Coach.
Thank you for sharing your timeand your energy with me.
See you on the next episode.
Hi, I'm Serena Loh.
If you're used to hearing thatintroverts are shy, anxious,
antisocial and lack goodcommunication and leadership
skills, then this podcast is foryou.
You're about to fall in lovewith the calm, introspective and
profound person that you are.
Discover what's fun, unique andpowerful about being an
(00:22):
introvert, and how to make theelegant transition from quiet
achiever to quiet warrior inyour life and work anytime you
want, in more ways than youimagined possible.
Welcome, welcome to anotherepisode of the Quiet Warrior
podcast.
Today, we delve into the topicof what it means to be a highly
(00:44):
sensitive person, and it's alsowhat it means to be an empath
and an ambivert, and I'm verypleased that I've met one person
who embodies all these threequalities.
Her name is Lillian Powell fromGenerativity Coaching.
Thank you, lillian, for joiningme today.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Oh, my pleasure, Serena.
Thank you for having me,lillian.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
I would love for you to share a little bit about your
background story, of how youcame to do the work that you do
and why you think this workmatters.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Well, when I was growing up in the 60s, there
wasn't a whole lot known abouthighly sensitives, empaths,
introverts.
The labels that I was given atthat time were shyness, you're
too shy, you need to get outthere, you need what's wrong
with you, and I didn't have anyunderstanding as a child either,
(01:36):
and there weren't people aroundme, like there are now, such as
you and myself, that can helpthese people understand and
become more self-aware and theneventually to embrace it.
So, having lived my life,raised children, I got to a
point where I started workingwith kids in the schools as a
school-based counselor and Istarted learning more about
(01:59):
behavior human behavior, whichI've always been a student of
anyway.
But things started clicking forme as I'm starting to learn
more about this HSP thing.
Elaine Aron had this book thatcame out and I started reading
it and it just started firingfor me.
So naturally, I've got to godown that path to figure this
(02:21):
all out, and so many aha momentscame out.
This is why I've gotten towhere I am.
This is who I am.
This is why I struggled as achild, making friends or being
more outgoing, because that'swhat I was told to do, but it
wasn't natural for me.
It didn't feel right.
So better late than never.
(02:42):
I started learning more aboutempaths and introverts and I
always thought I was, or I triedto be, an extrovert because
that was what was expected of usway back when.
But then I started honoring itand I started seeing that there
was nothing wrong with me at all.
It's just who I was.
And then it made me startthinking about people that have
(03:07):
this trait and know nothingabout it and that struggle in
life.
So fast forward.
Working into the schools as aschool-based counselor, I had
this information, I had thisknowledge that I could go in
there and I could start to learnwho might have this trait,
especially as kids.
They don't know, they're notdeveloped enough, their
(03:27):
developmental adolescence is oneof the toughest times to go
through and that's where HSPintrovert, empath really can hit
.
So working with these kids thatwould come to me who wouldn't
participate in class or gotreally emotional or were bullied
or were bullying I got to workwith these kids and find out
(03:52):
what made them tick, and justfinding out are some of these
HSPs I have.
Actually, my middlegranddaughter is what I would
consider an HSP and, blessed ofall, her parents are amazing.
They've gotten the knowledgeabout her trait, they've worked
(04:12):
with her on it and it's justamazing how she's starting to
blossom now.
And then I look back and Ithink where was that person when
I was growing up?
But what I can do now is I cantake that knowledge and help
these young people understand it, become aware of it, embrace it
and then look at it as asuperpower.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
I love how you know, in a very full circle kind of
way, you found a way to be thatperson that you didn't have when
you were growing up.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Yes, yes, and unapologetically.
Once, I think, once you get toknow what the trade is and how
it affects you, becauseeverybody's different,
everybody's unique in theirlevels of HSP, in how they want
to approach it and how they wantto deal with it.
So in coaching, that's what Ido with clients is I just let
(05:09):
them unfold it, I support themin unfolding it and then seeing
where they want to go with it.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Are you able to backtrack a little bit and
explain for the benefit oflisteners who are not familiar
with HSP?
What does that look like?
What does that?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
mean Serena, it, like I said, it can be a wide
spectrum of things for differentpeople.
Um, for me, I I realized all ofa sudden I was always startled
really easily by sounds, by loudsounds or by sudden sounds.
Somebody can come up behind meand I know they're there, but
(05:42):
they could just do this and Iwould jump three feet.
So the sensitivity to sounds Inever liked crowds and whenever
we would go somewhere as a childI would be kind of dragged
along, you know, not feelingcomfortable but not
understanding why.
It could be lights, it could bebright lights, the sun I've
(06:05):
always worn sunglasses, brightlights.
But it also is being in tune topeople's energies and other
people's emotions.
We could cross over into empaththere too, because that's very
similar for an empath, but justthis sensitivity to everything,
to the way people talk, and justobserving and always being
interested in that.
Why do people do what they do?
(06:25):
And then, just side note, as akid I used to struggle with my
parents because it was alwayswell, just do what I say.
It doesn't matter what thereason is, just do what I say.
And I would take that as achild and I would analyze it and
analyze it and think but itdoesn't make sense.
Well, at that time, you know, Ididn't have the skills to to
(06:47):
dispute anything.
So sensitivity to a lot ofthings in your environment and
the need maybe for me anyway towant to process all of that, so
for me that's what sensitivityis highly sensitive, um, but I
found it to be something thatI've embraced and I respect now
(07:11):
and I also am I'm happy to be anHSP because it gives you
insight into other people sothat you can deal with them
maybe more effectively, or youcan embrace them and you can
give them that safe space, likein coaching, to share and to be
comfortable in doing so, tocoming into their selves and
(07:32):
their identity.
You can help them develop that.
So it's a good thing For me itis anyway.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
For me.
You've reminded me that when Iwas a child, I loved Nancy Drew
and the Hardy Boys, and maybepart of that was about being the
detective, finding out whythings are solving mysteries,
and this was a part of that,although at the time I probably
didn't have the words for it.
But I was always curious abouthuman behavior, why I think this
(08:02):
way, why somebody else thinks adifferent way, what does that
mean?
Why do people say the thingsthey do and behave the way they
do?
And I was really curious aboutthat.
So I think that is something weboth share.
You know that sensitivity whichalso makes us noticers and
observers and curious yes, verycurious.
(08:23):
Yes, very curious.
But I noticed that the wordsensitive, at least when I was
growing up, there was anotherside to it and you know, when an
adult said you were sensitive,what they really meant for me
was that they wanted me to havea thicker skin.
They were saying that I was toothin-skinned, I was too
sensitive, as in you know,startle easily.
You know cry easily, getemotional easily, get upset
(08:46):
easily, and they wanted me to betougher, to be somehow perhaps
more resilient.
What are your thoughts on that?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Absolutely Misinformation.
Yes, over-generalization, andyeah, here too, over
generalization, and yeah, heretoo, and what that did to me was
cause me to dampen down myemotions and to lose touch with
my emotions, because I was seenas being weak and you had to
toughen up, like you said.
(09:15):
Well, how do you do that when Ihave all these feelings coming
at me and all these these thingsthat I have to process, know in
my environment on a constantbasis?
But now I try to look forwardnow to all the knowledge that we
have now, the wisdom, theinformation, the neuropsychology
(09:37):
of the trait.
That's really gettinginteresting out there.
So I agree with you, though,and I think that that can still
happen now, and I think thatthat's where my work with the
kids in the schools, thestudents in the schools, can be
very beneficial, because theycould be sent mixed messages,
and that's where we need to getthat to say no, it's okay, and
(10:00):
accept them and validate them,and then brings a little bit of
understanding here and there,whatever they're developmentally
able to comprehend, but justmaking it okay to be sensitive
and to have those emotions.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
I wish I'd had someone like you when I was at
school and feeling all thosesorts of feelings of being
somehow not fitting in or notquite the same as other people.
I really wanted to be likeother people and, you know, just
have an easier time of it, getalong more easily with people,
have less you know thosedifficulties or difficult
(10:34):
emotions and feel like I fit in,like I belonged.
And ultimately I think that iswhat all children want and all
adults as well.
We just want to fit in and beaccepted as who we are and to be
able to get along witheverybody.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Yes, and sometimes that acceptance has to come from
within your self-acceptance,your self-compassion, that
connection with yourself and theconnection with others.
And the more you know about thetrait, the easier it is, I feel
is to seek out like-mindedpeople where you make that
deeper connection, maybe withanother HSP or an introvert or
(11:11):
an empath.
But yeah, starting in theschools and our school system
unfortunately isn't reallygeared towards, you know, our
highly sensitive children yet,but it's getting there.
It's getting there.
The teachers, a lot of teachers, especially in the younger
grades, are starting to becomemore aware of it and able to
help those kids within theclassroom to speak up or to
(11:33):
participate more, which enrichestheir lives.
So it's coming.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
It may take a while, but it's coming, and I'm so glad
that you and I get toparticipate and contribute to
that as well.
And I'm thinking you know, whenyou said self-acceptance and
that it has to come from within.
I'm looking at that picture ofthe tree with the deep roots in
your background and I'm remindedthat each of us is like that
tree.
We have to put down our ownroots, we have to find a way to
(12:04):
blossom and thrive where we are,and that includes, you know,
reaching out, like those roots,reaching out and making
connections with others.
Like you said, you know otherkindred spirits, people who
share those values, share thoseaspirations, and then we can be
stronger collectively.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Yes, great insight.
I agree completely.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
So tell me more about being an empath.
How is that different frombeing a HSP?
Speaker 2 (12:33):
You know that they overlap, as you know, quite a
bit, and so, being an empath,I've had to learn to create
boundaries and to protect myself, Observe, don't absorb and when
I found that, I thought well,that's common sense right there.
That makes a whole bunch ofsense.
(12:54):
That makes a whole bunch ofsense, but it's not always easy,
because if you start looking atthe neuropsychology of empaths,
there's this thing calledmirrored neurons and all this
good stuff that I'm juststarting to delve into, so I
(13:14):
don't have a whole lot ofprotect my energy, maybe moving
away from people.
That might not be the mostpositive for me.
I know that I can't watch TVshows where people get hurt,
especially animals, elderlychildren, that type of thing.
Too much feeling going on forme there, even telling myself
(13:37):
that this is Hollywood.
You know, there's a camerabehind this.
Right now, it still affects me,but I'm learning, and that's
the beauty of this is I'mlearning what to move towards
and what to move away from.
So the other thing about empaths, though, is that we can be
quite the nurturers.
Empaths so is that we can bequite the nurturers, and in our
(14:02):
work in coaching, we canunderstand people where they're
at and help guide them to, maybe, where they want to go.
So that's the beauty of it.
There's that drawback of theextreme.
You know the negativity, the,the hurt, the sorrow, the
sadness and that type of thing.
But once you become aware of ityou start to kind of I don't
know if protection would be theright word but I think you find
(14:26):
ways to handle it and, like Isaid, you become more discerning
with where you put your timeand your efforts and your energy
.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
So that's where I'm at right now, and still learning
new ways, new knowledge comingout, and that's the beautiful
thing that there is always newknowledge, new wisdom that we
discover, and so the learning isnever done, which means there's
always something to lookforward to.
But at the same time, based onwhere we are now and what we've
(14:57):
learned so far, we can do somuch for ourselves and others.
And I love the work you'redoing with children because
that's where it all begins.
Every time I talk to a clientand we try and trace the root
cause of what's caused them tobe the way they are, where they
feel stuck and frustrated orheld back.
(15:17):
So many times it starts fromchildhood, from something
someone said and from a storythey made up about something
that happened to them, or evenwhere the thing that really
happened to them wassufficiently serious.
It also depends on theindividual child, because
everyone processes differently,like you say, and some people,
(15:39):
you know, it doesn't even leavea mark on them, it's almost like
it never happened, but withsome others they can see it as
something that changes thempermanently.
That was the point where youknow they started to develop a
different way of thinking, adifferent kind of behavior, an
adaptive response to survive atthat time, and so I find that
curious and, you know,fascinating, and that there's
(16:00):
always something to explore whenwe really seek to understand
why we are the way we are.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Absolutely, and what I'm hearing from what you're
saying too, I think of the wordresilience.
You know, building thatresilience, especially in
children, that they can carrythat into adulthood, where it's
going to really help them a lot,especially in our world today.
So, you know, just giving themthat respect, listening to them,
(16:32):
validating their feelings andmaybe incorporating some tools
within that, some skills thatthey can develop, moving forward
, that they can carry with themlifelong, and then hoping that
they become lifelong learners,like you and I are.
You know to keep learning andto keep improving and to keep
feeling better about ourselvesand our identities.
(16:55):
So, yeah, very much.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
To people that work with HSP children, youth, adults
.
What would you say to them arethe strengths of a highly
sensitive person.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
I think a lot of highly sensitive people who have
kind of done the work, so tospeak, about learning about the
trait and how it affects them.
I think there's a whole lot ofself-awareness that comes
through and at my age you know,I'm in the third of life right
now I guess you might want tocall it and hoping to give back
(17:35):
some of that learning that I'veencountered, but I think it's
just, it's knowledge, it's learn, learn, learn, learn, learn all
you can about it and thenconnect with like-minded people.
I follow you on Instagram.
I get an amazing amount ofknowledge from you, things that
I haven't even heard of.
So naturally, I'm veeringtowards you more and more, but
(18:00):
that information is out thereand it can be found.
So I think, just getting thatself-awareness, learning about
it and I think once you startlearning about it, you start
having these moments where itstarts clicking and that
self-compassion comes through.
When you know better, you dobetter.
There's a saying, and I thinkthat anything in the past that I
(18:23):
might have missed out onbecause of my introversion or my
empathic nature or HSP, has tobe in the past and now moving
forward, like in coaching.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Now I can start addressing that and maybe bring
it back into my life, if that'ssomething that I'm interested in
now so what you're saying isnow that we have the knowledge
and the wisdom, we have options,we have choices, we can decide
what to do from here on yes,thank you very much so.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
But I think that how do you get these young people so
?
They're adolescents, they'renot fully developed yet.
You know, the prefrontal isn'tquite all there yet, up until
about they're 25.
So I think that it would dowell for the schools to bring in
some of this knowledge, thesocial emotional learning pieces
, and I know a lot of schools dothe social emotional learning
(19:20):
pieces and I know a lot ofschools do.
I'm up in a rural area up herein Montana and it's not as
prevalent up here.
So what I'm trying to do istrying to bring that into the
schools here so that we can giveaccess to people that may not
have that access, you know,typically to help them.
So I think, just getting themore education, serena, that's a
(19:40):
tough one, that's a tough one.
How do you get people to evenacknowledge that this could be
something, that first step?
I guess that's what I'm tryingto say.
How do you promote that firststep into the curiosity of okay,
what is this?
Maybe this is who I am?
I think that we would do wellin trying to find that first.
(20:04):
How do we get it out there?
Speaker 1 (20:07):
more.
You could be planting the seedsof a collaboration of some kind
here, Lillian, because this issomething that requires a whole
village.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Yes, it does.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
It does require school leadership to be on board
with that, to be sufficientlycurious and to think it's even
beyond the KPIs that they haveto meet that this is actually.
You then bring it into thechildren's lives in a way that
it becomes very natural to talkabout differences and how we are
different.
Maybe you know through booksthat are written for children,
especially introducing the ideaof you know that this is a kind
(20:51):
of power, a superpower as well,that know this kind of
difference is actually reallypositive, that there are
different ways to contribute tothe classroom or to friendships.
There are different kinds ofpeople, and you know how to look
out for each other more.
And also getting the parents onboard, because you know a lot
of parents would be busysurviving, dealing with cost of
(21:15):
living crises.
Not all parents have thecapacity to be sitting down and
having those sorts ofconversations with, and you know
, even in the same family,children can be so different.
And then how do you cater tothe different needs of each
child and help them understand,on top of the mental load that
(21:36):
the parents are going through,you know, with work and starting
businesses and all the otherthings that parents do.
So I think this really requiresa village pulling together.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
Yeah, serena, that's a really good point.
And going into the parents, hspand, like I said, I'm not
really versed on genetics, hspand, like I said, I'm not really
versed on genetics, but I'mgoing to say it can be
(22:07):
hereditary.
And so a lot of times in mywork with youth and students in
the school, when I've metparents, parents have said oh,
oh, that's me or that's myhusband, and so once you bring
that knowledge into the home andto the parents or the
caregivers, it opens up, it justkind of explodes from there.
(22:27):
Hopefully, if they're open andthey have, like you said, they
have the resources, they havethe time, the bandwidth to get
this going.
But once that seed is planted, Ithink it grows.
It may grow a little slower forsome families, but it does tend
to grow.
So that's a really good point.
Yeah, getting the parentsinvolved, and I think at that
(22:49):
point too is important for theparent to also understand
self-regulation, because I thinkas children are growing up,
especially in the toddler, themeltdowns you know, the being
overly stimulated I think it'simportant for the parent to be
able to self-regulate at thatpoint too, because a lot, you
know, it might be a triggerwhere the parent explodes, and
(23:12):
that has repercussions for thechild, so I think that that's a
good point too, as far asfamilies and parents go.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
That's one of the topics that I love exploring,
actually the effect of earlychildhood trauma on how adults
grow up to be, and when weremember that every person is a
by-product of their times andthe different contexts that
affect how somebody'spersonality develops, and then
we realize that at every pointwe are meeting someone who is in
(23:46):
their own process of healing,if they are even aware that they
need healing.
And if they are not aware, thenthey are continually
unconsciously perpetuating andprojecting whatever they have
been through.
So it becomes intergenerational, doesn't it?
And in that sense it becomeshereditary as well, because
whatever they have absorbed intothemselves in their minds and
(24:07):
bodies, they are recreating thatwith the children.
So if we are not self-regulatedas you pointed out so wisely, as
you pointed out so wisely ifI'm not well regulated and I'm
not aware that I am repeating apattern and I just lash out at
my child because maybe I've gotlow blood sugar, or I'm feeling
(24:28):
particularly fatigued today, orI've had a really bad night's
sleep, or something that has, orsomebody said something that
triggered a childhood memorythat was not a positive memory,
and all those things could befactors that cause me to lash
out.
And if I'm not aware and I'mnot doing my own healing and
clearing, then I'm passing thaton to my child.
(24:48):
So it's made me very, veryconscious, as a parent with two
daughters, one of whom is a HSPas well, that I need to be the
cycle breaker for my generationso that I'm not perpetuating the
trauma.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Yes, yes, absolutely, and that's where so much work
can be done too for generationsto come.
And that's what's so excitingGenerativity is giving back to
the generations that are comingup.
And so that's really excitingfor me too is knowing that it's
(25:24):
kind of a top-down effect toofor kids, and, I got to tell you
, most of the parents that I'veworked with have been very
receptive, were not aware of it.
Once they became aware of it,life got a little better because
they were able to do theirlearning on it and therefore
have different approaches totheir child.
(25:45):
So, um, elaine Aaron has thehighly sensitive what is it now?
The highly sensitive parent?
She has that book out, um, and,yeah, a treasure trove of
wisdom for parents who suspectthat their children might be
highly sensitive.
And on that same note, I thinkit's worth mentioning that you
(26:07):
know, parents should alsopossibly seek help should they
feel the need to do that withtheir children.
So just throwing that out there.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Yes, we don't have to do it alone, we don't have to
feel that we need to have allthe answers or we need to know
everything, because the world isa lot more complex now than
when we were growing up.
For instance, I knew that afterthe lockdowns, or even during
the lockdowns, one of mychildren had needed to see a
psychologist.
And you know, it was her owncomment, her own self-awareness,
(26:40):
that she needed help, sheneeded professional help.
And so we got that organizedand I was just so glad that we
have the resources and that wehave a system that supports
mental health for young people,for adults, and so there is that
ability for her to be seen, toexpress whatever concerns she
(27:00):
has.
And you're right To ask forthat.
Help takes courage as well, ittakes self-awareness and it
takes a system that supports it.
So, again, on many fronts, youknow there has to be all those
things in place and so, yes, Iagree with you.
I would encourage parents, youknow, for themselves or for
their children, if they feelthat they need that extra help,
(27:24):
that professional help, thatnon-judgmental space where
someone will listen to them andmirror back to them and validate
their concerns and just hearthem out, you know, so that we
feel.
I think it's so important forevery person to feel heard.
When we're able to articulateyou know what's on our hearts,
it really takes away so much ofthe stress Be able to form those
(27:45):
words and have someone sitthere and not judge you, but
actually listen and empathizeand show compassion.
I think that is essential.
That is what health andwell-being needs to look like
for each person.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Yes, and that's, you know, that keeps me going, that
motivates me going in my workwith people is to see that, you
know, to see people benefit fromthat.
A lot of people come in sounaware that this can even
happen, and that's reallyfulfilling, you know, when you
bring that to them.
And now they have thisawareness that I can be
(28:20):
respected, I can be understood,I can be listened to and then
supported in finding my own waythrough these things.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
So what would your advice be?
For, you know, when we'reworking with colleagues who
might be highly sensitive orintroverted.
What do you advise you know inthe workplace, how do we look
after our colleagues better whenwe see that they are quieter,
(28:51):
more reserved, don't really wantto talk much in meetings and we
see that they are quieter, morereserved, don't really want to
talk much in meetings.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Well, I can speak to that because I was in the
corporate world for many decadesand it just wasn't a good fit
and I couldn't figure it out.
I did well enough, but it justit wasn't a good fit, and only
until I got out of thatenvironment and started to kind
of have to reinvent myself andthen got into substitute
teaching, got into the schools,got into the school based
counseling and then went in this, this new path for me, and
(29:26):
found this to be much morefulfilling because it spoke to
my own growing up and beingmisunderstood and all that.
But I think in the workplace Ideal with some clients who have
trouble being more visible and Ithink in the corporate world
that's a key ingredient.
(29:47):
To do well in the corporateworld is to be more visible.
But there's lots of ways to dothat that are more comfortable
for HSPs and I think one of theways is to prepare ahead of time
.
Or like, say, for instance, inmeetings a lot of people
hesitate to speak up becausethey don't want to be seen as
wrong, or maybe they've beentalked over in the past.
(30:10):
There's lots of reasons why wedon't want to offer that, but
there's ways to, maybe, afterthe meeting, sending an email
and saying you know, on thatpoint, abc.
Here's a couple more thoughtsthat I had become more
(30:30):
comfortable in the corporateworld and as far as colleagues,
I think colleagues need to havethat self-awareness to begin
with, and I think if you're anHSP then, yes, you can see that,
and what I would do is I wouldreach out to that person, you
know.
But I think there needs to bemore awareness for people that
(30:52):
are non-HSPs to maybe, you know,in dealing with HSPs, yeah,
that's kind of a tricky one.
I think that we're just kind ofjust starting to figure that
out too.
Because of our society, thesqueaky wheel gets the grease.
The extroverts are rewarded,you know, for speaking up and
(31:14):
for tooting their own horn inmeetings and things like that.
But that's in the past, though,serena.
It's starting to be different,because HSP employees bring a
lot of insight, bring a lot ofawareness.
I think they can be verycreative, very detail-oriented,
because they're aware of theirsurroundings and they process
(31:36):
things.
It might take them a little bitmore to process things, but I
think you can learn to respectthat and find ways to still do
that and present it.
So yeah, it's a different world, I think, for HSPs in the
corporate world.
I almost wish I could try itagain, knowing what I know now,
(31:58):
but I'm on the path I need to beon now, so I'll work with HSPs
in the corporate world instead.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Yes, that is interesting and fascinating to
ask.
If we could turn back time,knowing what we know now, and we
went back and repeated thecorporate experience, how
different would that be for usand for other people?
I imagine we would be much moreproactive knowing what we know
now and feeling that these aresuperpowers and strengths rather
than liabilities, and then wewould carry ourselves
(32:28):
differently.
And because our energy isdifferent, other people might
react differently to us too.
And perhaps, who knows, in amultiverse.
Perhaps we will find out,perhaps, yeah.
So I remember you mentionedalso in your LinkedIn profile
about being an ambivert.
Could you quickly explain whatthat means to those of us who
(32:50):
are not familiar with that word?
Speaker 2 (32:52):
I used to think I was an introvert.
I used to think, you know, justgive me a book, leave me alone,
I'll live in a cave, you knowthe rest of my life and I'll be
fine.
But I need some connection withpeople, and so I've learned
that I can be extroverted incertain situations.
So if I'm with family say it'sa holiday and I'm with family, I
can be very extroverted.
(33:13):
I can be talking to people andjust as comfortable as can be,
or an environment where I'mfamiliar with, like say, in the
schools as a substitute teacher.
At first it was hard for me,but now I've become comfortable
with it.
So I think understanding yoursurroundings, becoming
comfortable with yoursurroundings, is a game changer
(33:36):
for me.
I can be extroverted in theclassroom if it's a class that
I've been with maybe once ortwice already, and I would
encourage people to also try tobecome a little more comfortable
in environments.
(33:56):
Push yourself, grow, coming hereto talk to you.
I was like this and I'm doingbreathing exercises, right,
because this isn't comfortable,but I push myself to do this.
I feel like I've grown.
I've gotten amazing insightfrom you and information and
(34:16):
wisdom.
So I pulled out my extroverthere and it has served me very
well.
So yeah, I think it's just aninterchangeable type of thing.
I think age also helps me.
As I get older, the smallthings get smaller and the
people's perception, theperceptions of me, my inner
critic, they all kind of startto quiet down.
(34:38):
You know really, what was I soworried about?
So yeah, you could have bothsides.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
I love the wisdom of what you just shared there,
lillian, and the idea ofadapting to the environment.
Therefore, that requires us tobe sensitive, to be observant,
to be reading the room, to bescanning the environment for
clues, to see what's the bestway I can respond and be in this
(35:07):
moment, based on the peoplethat are here and the energy
that is here, and so that callsus to bring out our best to
every situation, which issomething we are already good at
doing by being very present, bybeing in there in the moment
and being alert to those cuesthat other people are putting
out, but they may not be soaware, and so that is our
(35:29):
superpower at work of being aHSP.
Yes, it is Wow, thank you forthe reminder.
Thank you for articulating andbringing that to light so
beautifully.
So what is one last thing youwould like the listeners today
to take away from thisconversation?
Speaker 2 (35:50):
I think, to be careful that you don't just tend
to focus on your HSP traitempath or introvert.
I think that we're all made upof so many different variables
and I think that you have tokeep that in mind and that
things change as you get older,they change with knowledge and
(36:11):
just always be open to thatchange and to your shifting
identity.
So, yeah, labels labels arekind of tricky sometimes, you
know you have to be open to thefact that they still can change
and you have the power to changethat.
You have the choices, serena,as you said earlier.
So use those choices, get outthere and get that knowledge,
(36:33):
learn, learn, learn, learn andthen, if you knowledge, learn,
learn, learn, learn and then ifyou're able to help others to
learn so beautifully summarized.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
And how can people find you and connect with you?
Generativitycoachingcom, and onInstagram, LinkedIn.
I'm there, but I do tend tokind of.
I don't put out a whole lot ofenergy into social media.
It's more for me to just passon things that I think may be
beneficial to other people.
So, but my website is whereyou'll get a good idea of who I
(37:08):
am and the clients that I workwith.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
So Beautiful.
That's fantastic.
So we'll make sure to put yourwebsite link in the show notes
for everyone.
And I think also you mentioneddr elaine aaron and her books,
so I think we would put somelinks there too for the benefit
of those who are interested inlooking more into the hsb side
of things, just for themselvesand for their children.
And I think you are right, youknow, every time we gain some
(37:31):
new knowledge that can add, addto that storehouse of wisdom
that we can then turn to like alibrary whenever we need to.
You know, for ourselves, forour children, for our co-workers
, and just alerting us andopening our eyes to the
different personalities,different iterations, different
behaviors.
(37:52):
You know the variety on thespectrum and how amazing it is
that you know we all inhabitthis one little planet with all
these variations ofpersonalities and we're all
existing at the same time andalso different and yet also
similar in some ways.
Thank you for that reminder tolook past the label as well.
(38:14):
I know that sometimes, you know, we can get very attached to
our labels.
It becomes part of our identity, it gives us certainty.
But also we don't want to beconstrained by the label because
, like you say, we're constantlyevolving, constantly changing,
and we can make choices healthychoices about who we are and who
we want to be.
So thank you so much, lillian,for joining me today and for
(38:35):
this inspiring conversation.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
Thank you, serena, I appreciate being here.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
And that was another episode of the Quiet Warrior
podcast.
If you have enjoyed today'sconversation with Lillian Powell
, make sure to look at herwebsite Link is in the show
notes for you and also to likethis episode and to give it a
five-star rating.
Subscribe to it, recommend itto your friends and your fellow
workers.
Thank you so much for joiningus and I'll see you on the next
(39:02):
episode of the Quiet Warriorpodcast.
I'm so grateful that you'rehere today.
If you found this contentvaluable, please share it on
your social media channels andsubscribe to the show on your
favorite listening platform.
Together, we can help moreintroverts thrive.
To receive more upliftingcontent like this, connect with
(39:24):
me on Instagram at Serena LoQuiet Warrior Coach.
Thank you for sharing your timeand your energy with me.
See you on the next episode.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Ridiculous History
History is beautiful, brutal and, often, ridiculous. Join Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown as they dive into some of the weirdest stories from across the span of human civilization in Ridiculous History, a podcast by iHeartRadio.