September 28, 2025 • 37 mins
In this episode of The Quiet Warrior Podcast, Serena speaks with Emily Erstad—speech language pathologist, hospice executive director, and author of It’s Not That Deep: Navigating Leadership Through the Lens of Emotional Intelligence.
Drawing from her experiences in rehabilitation and Hospice care, Emily shares how emotional intelligence shapes effective leadership, especially in high-pressure environments. As an introvert, she opens up about navigating vulnerability, protecting peace, and finding courage to lead authentically without sacrificing one’s core nature.
This conversation is full of practical wisdom for introverts, quiet achievers, and leaders seeking to build psychologically safe, resilient, and emotionally intelligent teams.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
- The Journey to Leadership – How Emily’s career in speech pathology evolved into leadership and authorship.
- Emotional Intelligence at Work – Why self-awareness, vulnerability, and honesty are the foundation of strong leadership.
- Introversion as Strength – How introverts can leverage observation, reflection, and stillness to lead effectively.
- Vulnerability and Trust – Why choosing the right people to open up to builds trust, fosters growth, and helps you feel seen.
- Protecting Your Peace – Practical ways introverts can manage energy, create boundaries, have hard conversations, and build intentional clarity in leadership.
- The Equalizer Effect – How introverts bring stillness, calm, and psychological safety to teams and families.
- From Book to Movement – Why Emily wrote It’s Not That Deep and her upcoming project In Too Deep for introverts.
Connect with Emily
It’s Not That Deep – Find it on Amazon
Instagram: @itsnotthatdeep_author
LinkedIn: Emily Erstad
Introvert Resources:
For more resources to support your Quiet Warrior journey, join The Visible Introvert newsletter at serenalow.com.au.
This episode was edited by Aura House Productions
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
Hi, I'm Serena Lowe.
If you're used to hearing thatintroverts are shy, anxious,
antisocial, and lack goodcommunication and leadership
skills, then this podcast is foryou.
You're about to fall in lovewith a calm, introspective, and
profound person that you are.
Discover what's fun, unique, andpowerful about being an
(00:21):
introvert and how to make theelegant transition from quiet
achiever to quiet warrior inyour life and work, anytime you
want, in more ways than youimagined possible.
Welcome.
Our guest today is EmilyAristad, a speech language
pathologist, executive directorof a hospice, and published
(00:44):
author of It's Not That DeepNavigating Leadership Through
the Lens of EmotionalIntelligence.
Managing the chaoticenvironments of rehabilitation
and hospice has given Emily theexperience to master emotional
intelligence as a leadershipskill.
And she's passionate aboutbridging the gap between
emotional intelligence andleadership to build a profitable
(01:08):
and passionate healthcare team.
Welcome Emily to the QuietWarrior Podcast.
It's so good to have you here.
Thank you so much.
I'm glad to be here.
Emily, would you like to tell usa bit about how you come to do
what you do?
What's the story behind it?
SPEAKER_00 (01:24):
Sure.
Um so I initially became aspeech language pathologist,
just really passionate aboutmeeting people where they were
at, you know, in a in a harshtime of their lives and being
able to partner with them inhealing.
And uh essentially I wentbecause I didn't think I wanted
to get into management.
I went in thinking I'm gonna dotherapy so that I can still have
(01:48):
this benefit of building peopleup without the chaos of
management and uh how wrong Iwas because everywhere I went, I
kept finding myself in theseopportunities uh for managerial
roles and really started lovingit.
It was a part of myself that Ifeel like I maybe neglected,
right?
Um, and so as I started goingthrough this managerial role, I
(02:09):
realized how similar it was totherapy and partnering and
growing leaders and you know,having the self-awareness that
you need to go on thesejourneys, uh, which kind of
prompted me to write my book,It's Not That Deep.
Uh and, you know, when I wrotethat book, it was truly just the
intention of these are mythoughts.
I want to remember thesethoughts.
I'm gonna publish thisself-published author to
(02:31):
remember this by.
And maybe somebody will connectwith this, right?
And so I've been sharing it withemployees, friends, and really
getting a lot of positivefeedback, which has just really
shaped who I am as a leader andhas really started paving the
path to get on podcasts likethese and really connect with
people and share my story.
SPEAKER_01 (02:50):
That's wonderful.
And we'll make sure to have alink to your book in the show
notes as well so people cancheck out your book.
I'm curious to know though, doyou identify as an introvert?
And has that changed at all overthe years?
SPEAKER_00 (03:03):
Yeah, um, I would say as a child, I was definitely
an introvert.
Um I'm someone that loves timein nature, loves time in my own
head, loves time.
Um I just feel so rechargedlistening, you know, reading a
good book or listening to musicon a on the side of a hill,
whatever that is, where I'm justalone with my thoughts.
Um, I never really get sick ofthose moments in time.
(03:23):
But as I grew up, I I notedaround me like extroverts,
people that maybe seemedextroverted, I should say, um,
really got a lot of attentionand opportunity that I craved.
And so it was a learned skillthat I became to love, right?
That I come to love is to startinteracting with people and
(03:44):
gaining so much from that andloving those interactions, but
also feeling very drained when Ididn't take the breaks that I
needed.
Um, I'm not someone thatrecharges from conversation.
I'm someone that needs a momentto reflect and gather my
thoughts.
Um, so I definitely have thisreally bubbly outgoing
personality that I've developedover time.
But I would say to my core, Ireally enjoy my peace and my
(04:06):
solstice.
SPEAKER_01 (04:07):
So beautiful.
And what does it take for anintrovert to express our
emotions?
Because, you know, as we as weknow, introverts, quiet
achievers, we have a tendencytowards overthinking,
overanalyzing.
It is when we are in solitude byourselves, reflecting, that is
(04:27):
our best, you know, that's ourbest time, that's the best space
to be in.
But as a leader and as theleader of a team, how do you
then navigate that?
Because you have to deal withpeople, you have to manage them,
you have to lead them.
And at the same time, how do youalso process your own uh
emotions and the need toreflect?
SPEAKER_00 (04:50):
I think introverts bring a very unique strength to
the table is that we have aphenomenal sense of
self-awareness.
We know ourselves so wholly, andthat knowledge is a great
foundation to meet people wherethey're at, uh, which is a
crucial skill for any leader.
You know, when you when youbuild a team, you have all
different types of people andall different types of walks of
(05:10):
life, right?
And it takes you being able toget out of your own way and
meeting them where they're at tokind of form a bond, right?
And how do we form that bond?
Well, it's being vulnerable.
Uh, and I think a lot of peoplethat are introverted, I'm
speaking for myself, but I'msure a lot could relate.
Vulnerability is not ourfavorite place to be.
We're vulnerable with ourselves,but we don't share that with the
(05:31):
world.
Uh, we have these deep thoughtsthat it takes a lot of energy
just to get people on the samepage as us.
And I think that's where we kindof we have so much genius that
we keep inside, um, out of fear,maybe, or maybe out of lack of
energy.
Maybe I think there's a lot ofreasons.
Uh, but I think, you know, thatself-awareness that you develop
(05:53):
as an introvert through yourentire life, there's so many
lessons to be learned and wisdomto be gained and knowledge to
share, that we're reallyshooting ourselves in the foot,
for lack of a better term, notgetting out there and sharing,
sharing those, those thoughts,those ideas.
You know, we're observant peoplethat gain a lot of knowledge
from our environments.
And that's a skill that a lot ofleaders need, you know.
(06:15):
So I think my intention insharing this story is to to kind
of put a call to action out tothese introverts that I know has
so much to offer, uh, but can'tget out of our own way because
we're stuck in our own heads.
SPEAKER_01 (06:29):
You did mention fear, and I think that's a huge
one for introverts and the quietachievers, because if I want to
be vulnerable, if I want todisclose things about myself
that make me feel less powerfulor a little bit weak, or you
know, show some sign ofweakness, that makes me feel
somehow diminished.
So how would I how would I getaround that?
(06:53):
How would I feel safe to bevulnerable with the people that
I work with and interact with?
SPEAKER_00 (07:00):
I think you have to choose those people carefully.
Not everyone deserves thatenergy from you.
Uh, and I think it takes time,you know.
I talk about this in my book,like the spectrum between
transparency and vulnerability.
And I think we're verytransparent people when we allow
that to happen.
It it requires building a senseof confidence in yourself.
That you're so sure of who youare.
(07:20):
And I think we are, but it'sokay to let people see you, you
know.
Vulnerability is when we starttying those emotions and those
deep thoughts to thattransparency.
Vulnerability is essentialbecause that's where trust is
built.
And when you start building thattrust, you can be more
vulnerable.
And I think it's crucial to havethose people in your life where
you have the opportunity forfeedback or they really see your
(07:42):
core, right?
And when those relationshipsstart building and you find your
tribe, your people, it feedsinto your confidence to be more
transparent.
But I won't lie, you've you'vegot to burn yourself a couple of
times with the wrong people tofind the right people.
And it is a fearful experience.
And how do we do that?
I think it's different for eachperson.
(08:03):
Um, for me, it was moving acrossthe country uh and really just
confronting some of my largestfears and deciding who I wanted
to be and where I wanted to go.
Uh, some of the tools, you know,journaling, journaling has
always been something.
It's one thing to think things,it's another to read them.
It's another to read those samethoughts three months later and
learn a new lesson from those.
(08:23):
And if you're learning thoselessons, why are you keeping
that from other people?
It's kind of selfish in a way,if you think about it.
And that doesn't mean to exploityourself.
Uh, it means offer theopportunity to a select few and
piecemeal it.
Start just little by little.
You don't have to, you know,jump into managing a whole team.
It might be you, and thenbecause of your skills of
(08:45):
identifying a strong person,they counterbalance you.
And then in that team, you you,in that partnership you develop,
you build this beautiful teamthat accomplishes great goals.
Uh, but I think it's crucial toknow your weaknesses, know your
strengths, and then buildsystems and environments that
exacerbate your strengths andminimize your weaknesses.
SPEAKER_01 (09:06):
What I heard you say is the importance of
self-awareness.
So we need to know ourselves sowell that we know what we're
good at, what we're not so goodat, be very honest about that,
be transparent about that, andbuild a team around that.
Because I also heard you say theyou know, it's uh it's to do
with something bigger thanourselves.
(09:27):
There's a spirit of servicethat's underlying what you're
talking about, a sense of we'reall here together for a common
purpose.
Let's help each other.
If I'm not good at this, but youare, then you take the lead in
this particular aspect.
And if I'm good at somethingelse, then I will be the one to
step up in that.
And so that way we complementeach other and we're working as
a team, really in the goodsense, very holistic sense of
(09:50):
working together.
SPEAKER_00 (09:52):
Yeah, I would agree.
And I think um it is a biggerpicture than just us.
And I think that can feeldiminishing at times if you have
an ego.
But if you see the biggerpicture, you're so thankful
because it's not all about you.
And that is so relieving, right?
Like if it was all about you allthe time, wouldn't that be a lot
of weight to bear?
Uh, and I think that's a gift,and it's a gift that you don't
(10:14):
know at all.
It's a gift that you can bringsomething to the table that
someone else might not have.
Um, and I think if you can seeit in that lens, it really takes
the fear out of it, right?
Because you're just bringingsomething to the table and
offering it without any stringsattached.
And if it's not the right fit,you move on, right?
(10:37):
You move on.
You didn't lose, you didn'tgain.
But when you find that rightfit, it multiplies that effect
times 10, 20, 30, whatever thatis.
And you find your purpose.
And isn't that worth it to feelfulfilled and be inspired and
find your purpose and have amomentum that's so great that
it's bigger than you and biggerthan your team and bigger
whatever than whatever it mightbe.
(10:58):
Um, I think we get so caught upin the details, we miss the big
picture sometimes.
And I think that's introverts'biggest fault.
Fault is, you know, we get socaught up on the what ifs that
we we would have and could haveand should have all day that we
never tried.
And I don't know about you, butI'm not really interested in
living a life where I regret itbecause I never got over my own
(11:18):
thoughts and my own fears.
And I think that's the point Ihad to come to is I can either
fear this and stay inside myhead that my whole life, or I
can get over it and adapt andbuild skills and find things
that I'm good at to communicatemy message, right?
Did I think that was going to bewriting a book?
Did I think that was going to beleading a hospice team?
(11:40):
Oh no, no, no, no.
But here I am and I wouldn'ttake it back.
I mean, it's definitely probablysome of the hardest, most
vulnerable things I've everdone.
Um, but I'm also so grateful forthe opportunity because it's
made me a better person.
SPEAKER_01 (11:58):
So what you're saying also is being vulnerable
is actually the opposite of uhego.
And I think the problem for alot of us, even those of us that
are trying our best and verywell-meaning and coming at it
with good intentions, we stillplace too much emphasis on
ourselves.
So we allow the label torestrict us, we allow the label
(12:21):
to stop us trying things, weallow the fear of somebody
else's opinion to keep us small.
And I think what you're sayingis particularly uh true in the
context of the work that you doin hospice, because uh isn't it
also true that you know the thetop regret of people on their
deathbeds is the things thatthey didn't get to do, they
(12:44):
didn't the things they didn'ttry.
And I think that fear needs tobe put side by side with that
possible regret because youdon't get that chance to go back
in time and do somethingdifferent.
So I think when I think of itlike that, then it it gives me a
bit more courage than the fear.
And so in that moment I canchoose differently.
SPEAKER_00 (13:06):
Yeah, and I I mean I think the beauty of this is you
get to choose, right?
And I think our cultures, life,whatever, the world, how we work
is we we don't so desperatelywant to understand things, we're
quick to label and put it in abox.
Uh, two things can be true atthe same time, right?
You can be an introverted personthat acts as an extrovert.
You can be someone that'sfearful, that takes takes risks.
(13:29):
Um, you don't have to be one orthe other.
And I think you can take piecesand slide along that spectrum to
meet the needs of yourenvironment, your goals, your
family, your personal interests,whatever that might be.
Um, but how freeing that noteverything has to be black and
white.
And I think when you can get outof the fear, are are you fearing
(13:50):
something or is it somethingmore?
Is there a root issue that'sgoing on here?
Is it anxiety or is a lack ofunderstanding?
Like, what really is it?
There's a lot of value incompletely acknowledging what
that fear is.
Like for myself, I have anintense drive, always have.
I write books, I'm a therapist,I'm a this, I'm a that.
(14:11):
And um it's because I have afear that I'm not gonna achieve
my highest potential, you know,and I I don't know why I have
this fear, because if you lookedat me from the outside, you'd be
like, well, she's accomplishedmore than most people at her
age.
Like, what's the deal?
But I just know in my heart thatit's not enough.
And you could look at me as, oh,she's not grateful.
No, it's just that my drive andmy purpose is so much bigger
(14:34):
than me.
And I think when you start tothink in that context and you
get kind of zoom out and getover yourself in that aspect.
And I keep saying get overyourself, but it truly is that.
Like you're stuck in your ownhead for something that if you
just talk to the person next toyou, they might relate to you
and you could help each other,right?
And and it's not that simple,always, right?
(14:56):
Like we've all been burned.
There's a reason we stay inside.
You don't want people's opinionson your peace, you don't want
people's opinions on yourthoughts, you don't want people
to judge you.
I get it.
But if you could model curiosityover judgment and peace over
fear, how else are we gonnachange the world?
How else are we gonna coexist?
How else, if not you, then who?
Right.
(15:17):
And I think that's whereintroverts, and I think it's an
interesting term, even.
I even hate using the termintrovert, but it's what we
have, and that's how weunderstand it.
But you just you appreciatethings in such a way that is so
valuable in such a fast-pacedculture that's it's never
enough.
And so if you can find thatbalance and you can help balance
that scale, well, howphenomenal, and what a great
(15:40):
opportunity.
And I think we do need to stepup and and share that insight.
SPEAKER_01 (15:44):
And I think that's very aligned with uh the purpose
of this podcast, which is tohelp introverts and quiet
achievers, to elevate into quietwarriors, because like you say,
there is a purpose that's biggerthan ourselves.
And so we can't just look at thelabel and say, I'm an introvert,
I can't do public speaking, orI'm shy, or I can't do
(16:06):
networking, or I can't do sales.
Because sometimes it's not aboutus, sometimes it's about other
people, sometimes there'ssomething bigger at stake, and
sometimes we are the only personwho is qualified or present or
able to step up and so step upwe must.
So the question then is steppingup makes us the introvert feel
visible, and visibility brings asense of vulnerability.
(16:29):
So you mentioned about peace.
So, how how do you protect yourpeace when you're out there
leading?
SPEAKER_00 (16:36):
Some days are better than others.
It's trial and error.
I don't have it all figured out.
I can tell you strategies I'veused.
Um, writing this book for somereason was a strategy that
worked for me because I feltlike if I'm so authentic to my
core and I just put that outthere, it is what it is, right?
People can take it or leave it.
And there's a there's a freedomin that because it's in writing.
(17:00):
There's also an opinionassociated with that that can
hurt.
Um, so I think it's it'shonestly just being real with
yourself and that nobody likeseveryone, and that's okay.
But when you find people thatalign with you, when you find
communities that see your value,when you find people that you
can truly be yourself in, youwin and they win.
(17:22):
And would you rather depriveyourself of that or take the
risk and find that and feelfulfilled?
Because I think being anintrovert can be very isolating,
can feel very lonely, can bevery nostalgic, can be very, it
can be like a tortured soulcomplex when you're out there by
yourself.
And you know, some of us kind ofenjoy that.
(17:43):
I'm one of those.
I love a long drive with a sadplay music, like playlists and
music.
Like I love those moments, but Ialso feel like because I've had
those moments, I can alsoappreciate the highs of the
inspiration and the impact I'vebeen able to have.
And so if you're asking how toprotect your peace, you chase
inspiration, you chase thethings that light your soul on
fire, and you find people thatpartner with you that get you
(18:04):
there.
And sometimes those people areforever people, sometimes those
people are there for a season.
But if you're doing what youlove and you constantly pursue
love with the intention of doinggood and being better, there's
no loss there.
There's lessons learned, there'spain, but you're not losing,
you're gaining.
And I think that's an abundantmindset.
And I think when you sit in yourown thoughts, it's easy to be
(18:28):
scarce because there's only you,right?
That's a scarcity mindset.
Whereas if you get to the pointthat you see that other people
have similar thoughts andsimilar walks of life, and and
we can relate and heal throughthis process.
Well, thank God, right?
I mean, thankfully, that is anopportunity.
And so I think we're reallydiminishing ourselves by not
(18:50):
offering ourselves thatopportunity.
So if you're gonna fearsomething, fear loss of
something that's so greatbecause you couldn't get over
yourself, fear that.
Don't fear putting yourself outthere because I promise you,
someone's gonna res, it's gonnaresonate with someone you might
not even know.
You know, they talk about actsof kindness and that carries
through.
This is the same concept, guys.
(19:11):
Why take that opportunity fromyourself or someone around you?
SPEAKER_01 (19:17):
I think this ties again to that element of the
moral obligation and the servicethat tiny as we are in the
bigger, bigger scheme of things,we still have a role to play.
And there is a reason why we'rehere with our own very unique
set of traits.
And that quietness that, as yousay, in a very rushed and
chaotic world is a bound tosomeone else's soul.
(19:40):
Just the way you speak, just theway I speak, and you know, some
the way someone else receives bylistening to our tone and our
calmness and our watching ourdemeanor, I think that's uh a
blessing to someone else.
So you're right.
So who are we to deprive someoneelse of that blessing?
Because we too have receivedsomeone else's blessings and
support, even if we never metthem.
(20:00):
So, as a leader, as acommunicator, do you find that
you have to put on a persona atwork?
How does that work?
SPEAKER_00 (20:08):
Um yes and no.
I think it's not a persona in mymind.
I think initially it was.
I put a face on to go to work.
Uh, that wasn't effective,right?
I if you if you're putting moreenergy into masking, then you
are genuinely being who you areto be the best version of
yourself to for others, youknow, that's kind of a waste of
your time and a waste of yourresources because they are
(20:30):
limited, especially when you'rean introvert.
Um, so I think I just had toradically approach situations
with just honest, honest.
And I've always been a veryhonest person, but honest
feedback, honest intention,clear goals.
And I think that clarity allowedme and that consistency allowed
me to take a step back whennecessary to be the visionary
that I am.
(20:51):
Um, so that consistency, thatroutine, and just people call me
and they know what they're gonnaget.
I'm not spending timere-identifying myself with
someone every time they call me.
And I think when you can stopdoing that, it really conserves
that energy that us introvertsput out there because I think we
do have this perception of,well, I have to be this person
(21:13):
in this group and this person inthat group.
No, you don't.
You can still be you.
You might have to say a littlebit more than you're used to,
but put the energy towardssaying a little bit more.
Don't put that energy towardsbeing somebody you're not.
And that comes with a lot ofself-reflection and a lot of
understanding what you like andwhat you don't about yourself,
you know?
(21:33):
And and there's things I don'tlove about like we we all have
those pieces.
We work on them, we change them.
Some things are justnon-negotiables.
That's just who you are, and youhave to keep it that way, and
that's okay too.
Um, but I think just beingconsistent in who I was gave me
the energy and the bandwidth tolevel up in other areas that I
wouldn't have normally done.
(21:53):
So, you know, likeconfrontation, for example.
Obviously in the workplace, andI don't, I don't even know if I
like the word confrontation, butyou know, you you have hard
conversations at work all thetime.
But if you're approaching themwith the intention of
understanding and saying, okay,you know, I know who you are,
I've seen your work ethic.
This is the expectation and thisis what you're doing.
(22:16):
Make that make sense.
Tell me the story, what's goingon?
That makes a conversation a loteasier and a lot less stressful
for an introvert instead ofcoming at them like, I'm your
boss, tell me why you're doingthis.
You're not doing what I said todo, you're fired, whatever,
right?
I think when you have thisintentional clarity through day
one of your relationships, um,it offers a foundation to have
(22:41):
these conversations that don'thave to be so emotionally
charged.
Because isn't the goal not to dothe highs and the lows?
The goal is to kind of stay inthe middle.
And I think that's whereintroverts thrive.
And there is, we kind of talkedabout the season of stillness
that we offer.
Use that as the piece and thefoundation to build these teams
so that we don't have reactivepeople in confrontation, be a
(23:02):
proactive versus a reactiveleader.
And you won't have these maskingscenarios or being someone
you're not because you have sucha strong foundation in the
stillness that you can create.
And that's honestly a lessonI've been learning recently.
SPEAKER_01 (23:17):
I think when you talk about the strong foundation
and creating that kind of umatmosphere for people, you're
also referring to psychologicalsafety, how creating that.
SPEAKER_00 (23:27):
Yeah.
And I think um we're really goodat creating that for ourselves,
introverts.
You know, we're daydreamers, westay in our head, we have a gift
to be able to create really safespaces.
So, how can we build a frameworkto do that for others that maybe
don't have that insight, youknow?
And I think consistency, cleanprocesses at the workplace, but
(23:47):
also can generalize to yourhome, right?
Um, but knowing what you getwhen you walk into stressful
situations takes thatemotionality and that energy out
of it that I think stresses usintroverts out so much.
I think it's we feel things sodeeply and so harshly, it's like
hard to even understand how youwould feel somebody else's pain
(24:08):
too.
And it's like, well, how can we,how can we kind of even the
playing field so that we canhave these conversations in the
safe space and problem solvereal time without having to do
all that other piece, you know,um, the highs and the lows, the
emotion, the anger, whatever itmight be.
Um, we have a real gift to be amediator of sorts, an equalizer.
(24:30):
And we need more of that in intoday's day, you know, and and I
think it's easier to do it forourselves, but start with your
family, start with your spouse,start with your friend, start
somewhere and build out fromthat because you that skill set
we have is so necessary in a ina world that we live in now.
SPEAKER_01 (24:51):
I like what you call the equalizer effect.
So I agree also that thebuilding out has to start from
within because it's when we areable to regulate ourselves, our
own emotions, our own thoughts,that we can then let it ripple
out into our relationships, ouryou know, family, our work
relationships, and create thatkind of safety in the middle
(25:16):
without those highs and lows yourefer to, because we are good at
holding space in the middle,we're good at uh protecting,
including, facilitating, helpingothers feel that uh it's okay
you're safe here, it's okay tospeak your mind, you know, to
express yourself, to beyourself.
(25:37):
And you're right, that is veryrare.
Because with everything that ishappening, there is a sense of
an emotionally chargedatmosphere that people are
walking through constantly withtheir senses and feeling
assaulted all the time.
And there is this contagiouseffect that we talked about
before the interview, too.
(25:58):
That other people's negativity,other people's fears, other
people's anxiety, they overlapwith ours, so they intersect and
we affect each other.
So if we can be the ones thattake care of ourselves first and
then also create that kind ofspace and safety for other
people, then we are effectivelyexpanding that safety bubble for
(26:21):
more people, the ones that wecross paths with.
SPEAKER_00 (26:24):
Yeah, it's kind of like a force field, you know,
it's kind of cool if you thinkabout it.
It's like you are choosing todictate the energy of that
environment because you do havethe power to do that, you know,
with your words, your actions.
And I kind of want to speakabout too, you know, we talk
about servant leadership a lot.
And I think it's a very valuableskill, and a lot of introverts
do that, but I think where we gowrong is we're so focused on
(26:46):
everyone else, we forget aboutourselves and we're just it's
like that pouring from a cupwith a hole in the bottom,
right?
Like, how are you supposed topour if you have a give people,
give away energy when you havenone, right?
And so, you know, it has tostart with you first.
You have to find a way toprotect your peace.
And it's gonna take practice andit's gonna take duck dipping
(27:08):
your toe into an uncomfortablesituation and working on your
resilience.
It's gonna work on, it's gonnabe being journaling and having
really radical honesty withyourself of what your goals are
and where you want to be.
It's gonna take sharing some ofthese deep thoughts with someone
you trust, despite howuncomfortable it is.
You know, I there's been recentfriendships in my life that I,
(27:29):
gosh, I thought I was an openbook.
I thought I told people thingsabout myself.
And man, no, I didn't.
No, I didn't.
And to really show myself topeople, um, I'm a very guarded
person.
And uh my calling right now isto show people who I am.
And I love it and I hate it, youknow, because you're you're
(27:50):
offering opportunity for peopleto comment on your thoughts,
your actions, your your clothes,your, you know, whatever.
It's like as soon as you openthat gate, feedback comes.
We are really good at that.
Um, and that's a great quality,you know, and it's good to
accept feedback.
I just would caution you aswell, introverts, when you start
opening yourself up to that kindof feedback.
(28:11):
Only take advice from people youwant to be like.
Only take feedback from peopleyou trust.
Don't go on the internet andstart asking people questions.
You're not gonna like what youhear, you know.
I think be intentional with whoyou're talking to and who you're
vulnerable with.
Don't make the mistakes I did ofhalf-hazard vulnerability with
people that didn't deserve myenergy.
(28:31):
It caused me to be sointroverted and so guarded that
I didn't even know who I was.
I wouldn't even let myself seeme because I was so scared of
what I would see.
And that's not a good place tobe either.
And I think we can be ourbiggest enemies, trapping
ourselves in our own thoughtsand the fear of who we are.
What do you have to fear?
It's you.
Nobody has to live with you butyou.
So what's the big deal?
(28:53):
You know, and if there'ssomething that is so fearful
that you don't like aboutyourself, and that's why you
can't show people, get someperspective.
Because, you know, you'd besurprised at how many people can
relate to some of the craziestthings you've ever thought
because they've lived it too.
Stop demonizing yourself intofeeling like you're alone.
You're not alone.
And I think that's where, youknow, I always felt like this
(29:17):
torn of I'm an extrovert and Iwant to be this outgoing person
because I love the connection ina way until I don't.
And then I'm like, I wish Ihadn't done that.
I wish I hadn't said that.
I wish I hadn't.
And I think introverts do that alot when we're testing the
waters.
And then we go home.
I always was talking to youabout this.
You sit on your couch at nightand like reprocess every
conversation you had that dayand think, I shouldn't have said
(29:38):
this.
Oh gosh, I was too vulnerablehere.
Oh gosh, what did they thinkabout that?
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm proud of you.
You should be proud of you foreven having the courage to open
up.
And that's that reframing thathas to happen consciously.
And when your thoughts startracing like that, because they
will write them down and thentell yourself why they're not
true.
(29:58):
Call that friend up and say,This is what I'm thinking.
Am I nuts?
Like they're going to tell youno, because they know your soul
and they know who you are andthey know your intention.
So give people that opportunityso that you can grow.
SPEAKER_01 (30:11):
I think you're so right because you know, at the
at the start of our interview,you talked about how introverts
often feel isolated and we thinkwe are the only ones with this
problem.
But as soon as we open up, werealize how many people actually
resonate with the things weshare about.
And I particularly notice thatthe more I'm able to be
vulnerable about some really rawstuff, messy stuff, the more
(30:33):
people actually open up andshare that they too are going
through something similar.
Or it's been so helpful.
Thank you for talking aboutthat.
Thank you for bringing somelight to that.
You know, at least I know I'mnot alone.
And that is the truth.
You know, we we have this ideathat everything we're suffering
is we are the only ones that aresuffering it.
We're the we're the only onesthat are enduring this, or we
are the weird ones.
(30:54):
But actually, a lot of us walkaround with this kind of uh
feeling that we are we somehowdon't belong.
And so the importance of youknow, the supportive network you
talked about, having acommunity, having even a few
people that uh understand you sowell, you don't have to explain
yourself and as you call it,re-identify yourself every time.
They get you, you don't have tokeep putting words to it.
(31:16):
They know you better than youknow yourself.
And so, you know, having thesepeople to go to when you are
doubtful, when you're shaky,when you're not feeling, you
know, the ground underneath is alittle bit wobbly.
It's so precious, so important,so vital for our health and for
the health of other people too,because they need to feel that
they are useful too.
(31:36):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (31:37):
Well, and I yeah, I think that's been really
interesting for me.
I didn't really find thesepeople till later in life.
Like I didn't have these peoplein high school, didn't have
these people in college, Ididn't have these people when I
was in grad school, you know,and I was very isolated in a
very not good headspace.
And um to this day, you know,you you make friends and you
think they're forever people,and then life changes and they
and they fade.
(31:57):
And that can make you feel like,oh man, I built all this, you
know, this relationship and Iput all this work into it, and
now they're gone.
Mm-mm.
Try not to look at it that way.
Look at it as I had this personfor a moment in time, I
unconditionally gave myself tothem, I gained perspective, and
now I'm gonna find the nextperson that I can that I can
invest in, and they can investin me.
(32:18):
You know, the the job I'm in nowhas brought me to some of the
people that have probably seenmy core in ways that I've not
never seen been seen before.
And it's been very anxietyprovoking, but also so freeing
to be seen because I feel like Ispent a lot of my life trying to
get people to figure out who Iwas, and I spent more time
getting people to figure out whoI was before I found out who I
(32:41):
was, right?
And I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm soworried about what you think.
I don't even know what I think.
So it's really cool when youfind someone that sees you and
you don't even have to justifyit because you really get to do
a deeper look into yourself andthink, huh, maybe I am a little
guarded here.
Huh, maybe I am a little jadedhere, huh?
Maybe I've exacerbated this abit, you know, whatever it is.
(33:01):
Or maybe I'm just fine and Ijust need to get over it, you
know, whatever that is.
How cool to be able to do thatwith someone else and validate
yourself and grow togetherthrough that.
Um, it's it's a very beautifulexperience.
And I think it can come in verymany shapes and forms.
And it's a it's a spiritualthing, you know, it really is.
It's it's it's bigger than youand I.
And there's a lot of ways toidentify it, but there's no
(33:24):
denying that it's there.
And so, however you access that,no judgment, but you're kind of
naive to pretend it's not there,right?
Because we're we're all livingit.
And I think that's theconversation that has to have,
be had.
And I think that's where that'swhy I write the books that I do.
I'm like introverts, where areyou at?
I know you read because you youcan't talk to people, so you
(33:45):
have to read about it.
I'm kidding, you totally cantalk to people, but I got a
joke.
But I mean, I'm like, you guys,we we have so much to offer.
And I've had this dichotomy mywhole life, you know, of I want
to be this person, but I'm thisperson, and the grass is greener
here and there.
No, it's not.
No, it's not.
Get out of your head, you know,live live life authentically and
(34:06):
fearlessly in a way that makessense to you.
And that's not gonna be sayingthe same thing for me that it is
for you.
Um, but I can tell you on theother side, it is it's hard
work.
It's I'm not gonna sugarcoat it,but it's a freedom and a
challenge and um an inspirationyou won't find anywhere else.
SPEAKER_01 (34:26):
So, on that inspiring note, what I heard you
say was we are fine as we are.
There's nothing broken about us.
We don't need fixing.
We just need to find people likeourselves, people who are
aligned with our thinking,people who are supportive.
And most importantly, I thinkit's to know ourselves because I
heard that theme ofself-knowledge, self-awareness
(34:47):
all through this conversation,that the more important thing is
to know myself well first beforeI even think about what do you
think of me.
And I think that's powerful.
That's powerful because that'sputting ourselves up there,
which is which kind of goesagainst what we are taught to
believe that we should puteverybody else first and
ourselves last.
And I think when we putourselves on the same level as
(35:10):
other people, as the peoplewe're trying to take care of or
trying to lead or trying tomanage or parent.
I think it gives a beautifulbalance that that is the way it
should be, that you are just asimportant as I am, I'm just as
important as you are, because weare each valuable.
None of us is more or lessvaluable than somebody else.
(35:31):
We each have our own part toplay.
So let's play our part.
Let's enjoy the ride while wehave, you know, we have these
moments and seize theopportunities that are before
us, do as much good as we can,live authentically, express
ourselves in the best way weknow how, and do as much good as
we can.
So what is um what is the bestway for people to connect with
(35:53):
you, Emily?
SPEAKER_00 (35:55):
Yeah, um, so I'm on Instagram, it's at it's not that
deep underscore author.
Um, I also have an email.
If you want to shoot me anemail, we can chat.
It's epublications lc atgmail.com.
And then I'm also on LinkedIn,Emily Erstad.
All three of those are great.
Um, if you like what I'mhearing, you're hearing.
(36:17):
Um, not what I'm hearing.
Oh boy.
Uh, you can pick up a copy of mybook, It's Not That Deep.
I am currently working on mynext book for introverts called
In Too Deep, um, that I'll bereleasing soon.
So if any of that interests you,I also have a website, which is
on my Instagram.
So I'll throw you one one placeto go.
Um, but if you're looking forthe book, it's on Amazon.
(36:38):
And if you just search it's notthat deep, it'll pop right up.
SPEAKER_01 (36:41):
Beautiful.
We'll make sure to have all thelinks in the show notes so that
people can reach out to you.
So thank you so much, Emily, forsharing your time and your
energy and your wisdom with ustoday.
Thanks for having me.
If you enjoyed today's episode,be sure to leave a five-star
rating and review to help theQuiet Warrior Podcast reach more
introverts and quiet achieversaround the world.
(37:03):
I've also put together a freeresource for you called the
Introvert Toolkit, full ofvaluable tips for introverts and
leaders working with introvertsand parents of introverted
children.
The link to download it is inthe show notes as well, so make
sure you look out for it.
See you on the next episode.
I'm so grateful that you're heretoday.
(37:23):
If you found this contentvaluable, please share it on
your social media channels andsubscribe to the show on your
favorite listening platform.
Together we can help moreintroverts thrive.
To receive more upliftingcontent like this, connect with
me on Instagram at SerenaloQuiet Warrior Coach.
Thank you for sharing your timeand your energy with me.
(37:45):
See you on the next episode.
Hi, I'm Serena Lowe.
If you're used to hearing thatintroverts are shy, anxious,
antisocial, and lack goodcommunication and leadership
skills, then this podcast is foryou.
You're about to fall in lovewith a calm, introspective, and
profound person that you are.
Discover what's fun, unique, andpowerful about being an
(00:21):
introvert and how to make theelegant transition from quiet
achiever to quiet warrior inyour life and work, anytime you
want, in more ways than youimagined possible.
Welcome.
Our guest today is EmilyAristad, a speech language
pathologist, executive directorof a hospice, and published
(00:44):
author of It's Not That DeepNavigating Leadership Through
the Lens of EmotionalIntelligence.
Managing the chaoticenvironments of rehabilitation
and hospice has given Emily theexperience to master emotional
intelligence as a leadershipskill.
And she's passionate aboutbridging the gap between
emotional intelligence andleadership to build a profitable
(01:08):
and passionate healthcare team.
Welcome Emily to the QuietWarrior Podcast.
It's so good to have you here.
Thank you so much.
I'm glad to be here.
Emily, would you like to tell usa bit about how you come to do
what you do?
What's the story behind it?
SPEAKER_00 (01:24):
Sure.
Um so I initially became aspeech language pathologist,
just really passionate aboutmeeting people where they were
at, you know, in a in a harshtime of their lives and being
able to partner with them inhealing.
And uh essentially I wentbecause I didn't think I wanted
to get into management.
I went in thinking I'm gonna dotherapy so that I can still have
(01:48):
this benefit of building peopleup without the chaos of
management and uh how wrong Iwas because everywhere I went, I
kept finding myself in theseopportunities uh for managerial
roles and really started lovingit.
It was a part of myself that Ifeel like I maybe neglected,
right?
Um, and so as I started goingthrough this managerial role, I
(02:09):
realized how similar it was totherapy and partnering and
growing leaders and you know,having the self-awareness that
you need to go on thesejourneys, uh, which kind of
prompted me to write my book,It's Not That Deep.
Uh and, you know, when I wrotethat book, it was truly just the
intention of these are mythoughts.
I want to remember thesethoughts.
I'm gonna publish thisself-published author to
(02:31):
remember this by.
And maybe somebody will connectwith this, right?
And so I've been sharing it withemployees, friends, and really
getting a lot of positivefeedback, which has just really
shaped who I am as a leader andhas really started paving the
path to get on podcasts likethese and really connect with
people and share my story.
SPEAKER_01 (02:50):
That's wonderful.
And we'll make sure to have alink to your book in the show
notes as well so people cancheck out your book.
I'm curious to know though, doyou identify as an introvert?
And has that changed at all overthe years?
SPEAKER_00 (03:03):
Yeah, um, I would say as a child, I was definitely
an introvert.
Um I'm someone that loves timein nature, loves time in my own
head, loves time.
Um I just feel so rechargedlistening, you know, reading a
good book or listening to musicon a on the side of a hill,
whatever that is, where I'm justalone with my thoughts.
Um, I never really get sick ofthose moments in time.
(03:23):
But as I grew up, I I notedaround me like extroverts,
people that maybe seemedextroverted, I should say, um,
really got a lot of attentionand opportunity that I craved.
And so it was a learned skillthat I became to love, right?
That I come to love is to startinteracting with people and
(03:44):
gaining so much from that andloving those interactions, but
also feeling very drained when Ididn't take the breaks that I
needed.
Um, I'm not someone thatrecharges from conversation.
I'm someone that needs a momentto reflect and gather my
thoughts.
Um, so I definitely have thisreally bubbly outgoing
personality that I've developedover time.
But I would say to my core, Ireally enjoy my peace and my
(04:06):
solstice.
SPEAKER_01 (04:07):
So beautiful.
And what does it take for anintrovert to express our
emotions?
Because, you know, as we as weknow, introverts, quiet
achievers, we have a tendencytowards overthinking,
overanalyzing.
It is when we are in solitude byourselves, reflecting, that is
(04:27):
our best, you know, that's ourbest time, that's the best space
to be in.
But as a leader and as theleader of a team, how do you
then navigate that?
Because you have to deal withpeople, you have to manage them,
you have to lead them.
And at the same time, how do youalso process your own uh
emotions and the need toreflect?
SPEAKER_00 (04:50):
I think introverts bring a very unique strength to
the table is that we have aphenomenal sense of
self-awareness.
We know ourselves so wholly, andthat knowledge is a great
foundation to meet people wherethey're at, uh, which is a
crucial skill for any leader.
You know, when you when youbuild a team, you have all
different types of people andall different types of walks of
(05:10):
life, right?
And it takes you being able toget out of your own way and
meeting them where they're at tokind of form a bond, right?
And how do we form that bond?
Well, it's being vulnerable.
Uh, and I think a lot of peoplethat are introverted, I'm
speaking for myself, but I'msure a lot could relate.
Vulnerability is not ourfavorite place to be.
We're vulnerable with ourselves,but we don't share that with the
(05:31):
world.
Uh, we have these deep thoughtsthat it takes a lot of energy
just to get people on the samepage as us.
And I think that's where we kindof we have so much genius that
we keep inside, um, out of fear,maybe, or maybe out of lack of
energy.
Maybe I think there's a lot ofreasons.
Uh, but I think, you know, thatself-awareness that you develop
(05:53):
as an introvert through yourentire life, there's so many
lessons to be learned and wisdomto be gained and knowledge to
share, that we're reallyshooting ourselves in the foot,
for lack of a better term, notgetting out there and sharing,
sharing those, those thoughts,those ideas.
You know, we're observant peoplethat gain a lot of knowledge
from our environments.
And that's a skill that a lot ofleaders need, you know.
(06:15):
So I think my intention insharing this story is to to kind
of put a call to action out tothese introverts that I know has
so much to offer, uh, but can'tget out of our own way because
we're stuck in our own heads.
SPEAKER_01 (06:29):
You did mention fear, and I think that's a huge
one for introverts and the quietachievers, because if I want to
be vulnerable, if I want todisclose things about myself
that make me feel less powerfulor a little bit weak, or you
know, show some sign ofweakness, that makes me feel
somehow diminished.
So how would I how would I getaround that?
(06:53):
How would I feel safe to bevulnerable with the people that
I work with and interact with?
SPEAKER_00 (07:00):
I think you have to choose those people carefully.
Not everyone deserves thatenergy from you.
Uh, and I think it takes time,you know.
I talk about this in my book,like the spectrum between
transparency and vulnerability.
And I think we're verytransparent people when we allow
that to happen.
It it requires building a senseof confidence in yourself.
That you're so sure of who youare.
(07:20):
And I think we are, but it'sokay to let people see you, you
know.
Vulnerability is when we starttying those emotions and those
deep thoughts to thattransparency.
Vulnerability is essentialbecause that's where trust is
built.
And when you start building thattrust, you can be more
vulnerable.
And I think it's crucial to havethose people in your life where
you have the opportunity forfeedback or they really see your
(07:42):
core, right?
And when those relationshipsstart building and you find your
tribe, your people, it feedsinto your confidence to be more
transparent.
But I won't lie, you've you'vegot to burn yourself a couple of
times with the wrong people tofind the right people.
And it is a fearful experience.
And how do we do that?
I think it's different for eachperson.
(08:03):
Um, for me, it was moving acrossthe country uh and really just
confronting some of my largestfears and deciding who I wanted
to be and where I wanted to go.
Uh, some of the tools, you know,journaling, journaling has
always been something.
It's one thing to think things,it's another to read them.
It's another to read those samethoughts three months later and
learn a new lesson from those.
(08:23):
And if you're learning thoselessons, why are you keeping
that from other people?
It's kind of selfish in a way,if you think about it.
And that doesn't mean to exploityourself.
Uh, it means offer theopportunity to a select few and
piecemeal it.
Start just little by little.
You don't have to, you know,jump into managing a whole team.
It might be you, and thenbecause of your skills of
(08:45):
identifying a strong person,they counterbalance you.
And then in that team, you you,in that partnership you develop,
you build this beautiful teamthat accomplishes great goals.
Uh, but I think it's crucial toknow your weaknesses, know your
strengths, and then buildsystems and environments that
exacerbate your strengths andminimize your weaknesses.
SPEAKER_01 (09:06):
What I heard you say is the importance of
self-awareness.
So we need to know ourselves sowell that we know what we're
good at, what we're not so goodat, be very honest about that,
be transparent about that, andbuild a team around that.
Because I also heard you say theyou know, it's uh it's to do
with something bigger thanourselves.
(09:27):
There's a spirit of servicethat's underlying what you're
talking about, a sense of we'reall here together for a common
purpose.
Let's help each other.
If I'm not good at this, but youare, then you take the lead in
this particular aspect.
And if I'm good at somethingelse, then I will be the one to
step up in that.
And so that way we complementeach other and we're working as
a team, really in the goodsense, very holistic sense of
(09:50):
working together.
SPEAKER_00 (09:52):
Yeah, I would agree.
And I think um it is a biggerpicture than just us.
And I think that can feeldiminishing at times if you have
an ego.
But if you see the biggerpicture, you're so thankful
because it's not all about you.
And that is so relieving, right?
Like if it was all about you allthe time, wouldn't that be a lot
of weight to bear?
Uh, and I think that's a gift,and it's a gift that you don't
(10:14):
know at all.
It's a gift that you can bringsomething to the table that
someone else might not have.
Um, and I think if you can seeit in that lens, it really takes
the fear out of it, right?
Because you're just bringingsomething to the table and
offering it without any stringsattached.
And if it's not the right fit,you move on, right?
(10:37):
You move on.
You didn't lose, you didn'tgain.
But when you find that rightfit, it multiplies that effect
times 10, 20, 30, whatever thatis.
And you find your purpose.
And isn't that worth it to feelfulfilled and be inspired and
find your purpose and have amomentum that's so great that
it's bigger than you and biggerthan your team and bigger
whatever than whatever it mightbe.
(10:58):
Um, I think we get so caught upin the details, we miss the big
picture sometimes.
And I think that's introverts'biggest fault.
Fault is, you know, we get socaught up on the what ifs that
we we would have and could haveand should have all day that we
never tried.
And I don't know about you, butI'm not really interested in
living a life where I regret itbecause I never got over my own
(11:18):
thoughts and my own fears.
And I think that's the point Ihad to come to is I can either
fear this and stay inside myhead that my whole life, or I
can get over it and adapt andbuild skills and find things
that I'm good at to communicatemy message, right?
Did I think that was going to bewriting a book?
Did I think that was going to beleading a hospice team?
(11:40):
Oh no, no, no, no.
But here I am and I wouldn'ttake it back.
I mean, it's definitely probablysome of the hardest, most
vulnerable things I've everdone.
Um, but I'm also so grateful forthe opportunity because it's
made me a better person.
SPEAKER_01 (11:58):
So what you're saying also is being vulnerable
is actually the opposite of uhego.
And I think the problem for alot of us, even those of us that
are trying our best and verywell-meaning and coming at it
with good intentions, we stillplace too much emphasis on
ourselves.
So we allow the label torestrict us, we allow the label
(12:21):
to stop us trying things, weallow the fear of somebody
else's opinion to keep us small.
And I think what you're sayingis particularly uh true in the
context of the work that you doin hospice, because uh isn't it
also true that you know the thetop regret of people on their
deathbeds is the things thatthey didn't get to do, they
(12:44):
didn't the things they didn'ttry.
And I think that fear needs tobe put side by side with that
possible regret because youdon't get that chance to go back
in time and do somethingdifferent.
So I think when I think of itlike that, then it it gives me a
bit more courage than the fear.
And so in that moment I canchoose differently.
SPEAKER_00 (13:06):
Yeah, and I I mean I think the beauty of this is you
get to choose, right?
And I think our cultures, life,whatever, the world, how we work
is we we don't so desperatelywant to understand things, we're
quick to label and put it in abox.
Uh, two things can be true atthe same time, right?
You can be an introverted personthat acts as an extrovert.
You can be someone that'sfearful, that takes takes risks.
(13:29):
Um, you don't have to be one orthe other.
And I think you can take piecesand slide along that spectrum to
meet the needs of yourenvironment, your goals, your
family, your personal interests,whatever that might be.
Um, but how freeing that noteverything has to be black and
white.
And I think when you can get outof the fear, are are you fearing
(13:50):
something or is it somethingmore?
Is there a root issue that'sgoing on here?
Is it anxiety or is a lack ofunderstanding?
Like, what really is it?
There's a lot of value incompletely acknowledging what
that fear is.
Like for myself, I have anintense drive, always have.
I write books, I'm a therapist,I'm a this, I'm a that.
(14:11):
And um it's because I have afear that I'm not gonna achieve
my highest potential, you know,and I I don't know why I have
this fear, because if you lookedat me from the outside, you'd be
like, well, she's accomplishedmore than most people at her
age.
Like, what's the deal?
But I just know in my heart thatit's not enough.
And you could look at me as, oh,she's not grateful.
No, it's just that my drive andmy purpose is so much bigger
(14:34):
than me.
And I think when you start tothink in that context and you
get kind of zoom out and getover yourself in that aspect.
And I keep saying get overyourself, but it truly is that.
Like you're stuck in your ownhead for something that if you
just talk to the person next toyou, they might relate to you
and you could help each other,right?
And and it's not that simple,always, right?
(14:56):
Like we've all been burned.
There's a reason we stay inside.
You don't want people's opinionson your peace, you don't want
people's opinions on yourthoughts, you don't want people
to judge you.
I get it.
But if you could model curiosityover judgment and peace over
fear, how else are we gonnachange the world?
How else are we gonna coexist?
How else, if not you, then who?
Right.
(15:17):
And I think that's whereintroverts, and I think it's an
interesting term, even.
I even hate using the termintrovert, but it's what we
have, and that's how weunderstand it.
But you just you appreciatethings in such a way that is so
valuable in such a fast-pacedculture that's it's never
enough.
And so if you can find thatbalance and you can help balance
that scale, well, howphenomenal, and what a great
(15:40):
opportunity.
And I think we do need to stepup and and share that insight.
SPEAKER_01 (15:44):
And I think that's very aligned with uh the purpose
of this podcast, which is tohelp introverts and quiet
achievers, to elevate into quietwarriors, because like you say,
there is a purpose that's biggerthan ourselves.
And so we can't just look at thelabel and say, I'm an introvert,
I can't do public speaking, orI'm shy, or I can't do
(16:06):
networking, or I can't do sales.
Because sometimes it's not aboutus, sometimes it's about other
people, sometimes there'ssomething bigger at stake, and
sometimes we are the only personwho is qualified or present or
able to step up and so step upwe must.
So the question then is steppingup makes us the introvert feel
visible, and visibility brings asense of vulnerability.
(16:29):
So you mentioned about peace.
So, how how do you protect yourpeace when you're out there
leading?
SPEAKER_00 (16:36):
Some days are better than others.
It's trial and error.
I don't have it all figured out.
I can tell you strategies I'veused.
Um, writing this book for somereason was a strategy that
worked for me because I feltlike if I'm so authentic to my
core and I just put that outthere, it is what it is, right?
People can take it or leave it.
And there's a there's a freedomin that because it's in writing.
(17:00):
There's also an opinionassociated with that that can
hurt.
Um, so I think it's it'shonestly just being real with
yourself and that nobody likeseveryone, and that's okay.
But when you find people thatalign with you, when you find
communities that see your value,when you find people that you
can truly be yourself in, youwin and they win.
(17:22):
And would you rather depriveyourself of that or take the
risk and find that and feelfulfilled?
Because I think being anintrovert can be very isolating,
can feel very lonely, can bevery nostalgic, can be very, it
can be like a tortured soulcomplex when you're out there by
yourself.
And you know, some of us kind ofenjoy that.
(17:43):
I'm one of those.
I love a long drive with a sadplay music, like playlists and
music.
Like I love those moments, but Ialso feel like because I've had
those moments, I can alsoappreciate the highs of the
inspiration and the impact I'vebeen able to have.
And so if you're asking how toprotect your peace, you chase
inspiration, you chase thethings that light your soul on
fire, and you find people thatpartner with you that get you
(18:04):
there.
And sometimes those people areforever people, sometimes those
people are there for a season.
But if you're doing what youlove and you constantly pursue
love with the intention of doinggood and being better, there's
no loss there.
There's lessons learned, there'spain, but you're not losing,
you're gaining.
And I think that's an abundantmindset.
And I think when you sit in yourown thoughts, it's easy to be
(18:28):
scarce because there's only you,right?
That's a scarcity mindset.
Whereas if you get to the pointthat you see that other people
have similar thoughts andsimilar walks of life, and and
we can relate and heal throughthis process.
Well, thank God, right?
I mean, thankfully, that is anopportunity.
And so I think we're reallydiminishing ourselves by not
(18:50):
offering ourselves thatopportunity.
So if you're gonna fearsomething, fear loss of
something that's so greatbecause you couldn't get over
yourself, fear that.
Don't fear putting yourself outthere because I promise you,
someone's gonna res, it's gonnaresonate with someone you might
not even know.
You know, they talk about actsof kindness and that carries
through.
This is the same concept, guys.
(19:11):
Why take that opportunity fromyourself or someone around you?
SPEAKER_01 (19:17):
I think this ties again to that element of the
moral obligation and the servicethat tiny as we are in the
bigger, bigger scheme of things,we still have a role to play.
And there is a reason why we'rehere with our own very unique
set of traits.
And that quietness that, as yousay, in a very rushed and
chaotic world is a bound tosomeone else's soul.
(19:40):
Just the way you speak, just theway I speak, and you know, some
the way someone else receives bylistening to our tone and our
calmness and our watching ourdemeanor, I think that's uh a
blessing to someone else.
So you're right.
So who are we to deprive someoneelse of that blessing?
Because we too have receivedsomeone else's blessings and
support, even if we never metthem.
(20:00):
So, as a leader, as acommunicator, do you find that
you have to put on a persona atwork?
How does that work?
SPEAKER_00 (20:08):
Um yes and no.
I think it's not a persona in mymind.
I think initially it was.
I put a face on to go to work.
Uh, that wasn't effective,right?
I if you if you're putting moreenergy into masking, then you
are genuinely being who you areto be the best version of
yourself to for others, youknow, that's kind of a waste of
your time and a waste of yourresources because they are
(20:30):
limited, especially when you'rean introvert.
Um, so I think I just had toradically approach situations
with just honest, honest.
And I've always been a veryhonest person, but honest
feedback, honest intention,clear goals.
And I think that clarity allowedme and that consistency allowed
me to take a step back whennecessary to be the visionary
that I am.
(20:51):
Um, so that consistency, thatroutine, and just people call me
and they know what they're gonnaget.
I'm not spending timere-identifying myself with
someone every time they call me.
And I think when you can stopdoing that, it really conserves
that energy that us introvertsput out there because I think we
do have this perception of,well, I have to be this person
(21:13):
in this group and this person inthat group.
No, you don't.
You can still be you.
You might have to say a littlebit more than you're used to,
but put the energy towardssaying a little bit more.
Don't put that energy towardsbeing somebody you're not.
And that comes with a lot ofself-reflection and a lot of
understanding what you like andwhat you don't about yourself,
you know?
(21:33):
And and there's things I don'tlove about like we we all have
those pieces.
We work on them, we change them.
Some things are justnon-negotiables.
That's just who you are, and youhave to keep it that way, and
that's okay too.
Um, but I think just beingconsistent in who I was gave me
the energy and the bandwidth tolevel up in other areas that I
wouldn't have normally done.
(21:53):
So, you know, likeconfrontation, for example.
Obviously in the workplace, andI don't, I don't even know if I
like the word confrontation, butyou know, you you have hard
conversations at work all thetime.
But if you're approaching themwith the intention of
understanding and saying, okay,you know, I know who you are,
I've seen your work ethic.
This is the expectation and thisis what you're doing.
(22:16):
Make that make sense.
Tell me the story, what's goingon?
That makes a conversation a loteasier and a lot less stressful
for an introvert instead ofcoming at them like, I'm your
boss, tell me why you're doingthis.
You're not doing what I said todo, you're fired, whatever,
right?
I think when you have thisintentional clarity through day
one of your relationships, um,it offers a foundation to have
(22:41):
these conversations that don'thave to be so emotionally
charged.
Because isn't the goal not to dothe highs and the lows?
The goal is to kind of stay inthe middle.
And I think that's whereintroverts thrive.
And there is, we kind of talkedabout the season of stillness
that we offer.
Use that as the piece and thefoundation to build these teams
so that we don't have reactivepeople in confrontation, be a
(23:02):
proactive versus a reactiveleader.
And you won't have these maskingscenarios or being someone
you're not because you have sucha strong foundation in the
stillness that you can create.
And that's honestly a lessonI've been learning recently.
SPEAKER_01 (23:17):
I think when you talk about the strong foundation
and creating that kind of umatmosphere for people, you're
also referring to psychologicalsafety, how creating that.
SPEAKER_00 (23:27):
Yeah.
And I think um we're really goodat creating that for ourselves,
introverts.
You know, we're daydreamers, westay in our head, we have a gift
to be able to create really safespaces.
So, how can we build a frameworkto do that for others that maybe
don't have that insight, youknow?
And I think consistency, cleanprocesses at the workplace, but
(23:47):
also can generalize to yourhome, right?
Um, but knowing what you getwhen you walk into stressful
situations takes thatemotionality and that energy out
of it that I think stresses usintroverts out so much.
I think it's we feel things sodeeply and so harshly, it's like
hard to even understand how youwould feel somebody else's pain
(24:08):
too.
And it's like, well, how can we,how can we kind of even the
playing field so that we canhave these conversations in the
safe space and problem solvereal time without having to do
all that other piece, you know,um, the highs and the lows, the
emotion, the anger, whatever itmight be.
Um, we have a real gift to be amediator of sorts, an equalizer.
(24:30):
And we need more of that in intoday's day, you know, and and I
think it's easier to do it forourselves, but start with your
family, start with your spouse,start with your friend, start
somewhere and build out fromthat because you that skill set
we have is so necessary in a ina world that we live in now.
SPEAKER_01 (24:51):
I like what you call the equalizer effect.
So I agree also that thebuilding out has to start from
within because it's when we areable to regulate ourselves, our
own emotions, our own thoughts,that we can then let it ripple
out into our relationships, ouryou know, family, our work
relationships, and create thatkind of safety in the middle
(25:16):
without those highs and lows yourefer to, because we are good at
holding space in the middle,we're good at uh protecting,
including, facilitating, helpingothers feel that uh it's okay
you're safe here, it's okay tospeak your mind, you know, to
express yourself, to beyourself.
(25:37):
And you're right, that is veryrare.
Because with everything that ishappening, there is a sense of
an emotionally chargedatmosphere that people are
walking through constantly withtheir senses and feeling
assaulted all the time.
And there is this contagiouseffect that we talked about
before the interview, too.
(25:58):
That other people's negativity,other people's fears, other
people's anxiety, they overlapwith ours, so they intersect and
we affect each other.
So if we can be the ones thattake care of ourselves first and
then also create that kind ofspace and safety for other
people, then we are effectivelyexpanding that safety bubble for
(26:21):
more people, the ones that wecross paths with.
SPEAKER_00 (26:24):
Yeah, it's kind of like a force field, you know,
it's kind of cool if you thinkabout it.
It's like you are choosing todictate the energy of that
environment because you do havethe power to do that, you know,
with your words, your actions.
And I kind of want to speakabout too, you know, we talk
about servant leadership a lot.
And I think it's a very valuableskill, and a lot of introverts
do that, but I think where we gowrong is we're so focused on
(26:46):
everyone else, we forget aboutourselves and we're just it's
like that pouring from a cupwith a hole in the bottom,
right?
Like, how are you supposed topour if you have a give people,
give away energy when you havenone, right?
And so, you know, it has tostart with you first.
You have to find a way toprotect your peace.
And it's gonna take practice andit's gonna take duck dipping
(27:08):
your toe into an uncomfortablesituation and working on your
resilience.
It's gonna work on, it's gonnabe being journaling and having
really radical honesty withyourself of what your goals are
and where you want to be.
It's gonna take sharing some ofthese deep thoughts with someone
you trust, despite howuncomfortable it is.
You know, I there's been recentfriendships in my life that I,
(27:29):
gosh, I thought I was an openbook.
I thought I told people thingsabout myself.
And man, no, I didn't.
No, I didn't.
And to really show myself topeople, um, I'm a very guarded
person.
And uh my calling right now isto show people who I am.
And I love it and I hate it, youknow, because you're you're
(27:50):
offering opportunity for peopleto comment on your thoughts,
your actions, your your clothes,your, you know, whatever.
It's like as soon as you openthat gate, feedback comes.
We are really good at that.
Um, and that's a great quality,you know, and it's good to
accept feedback.
I just would caution you aswell, introverts, when you start
opening yourself up to that kindof feedback.
(28:11):
Only take advice from people youwant to be like.
Only take feedback from peopleyou trust.
Don't go on the internet andstart asking people questions.
You're not gonna like what youhear, you know.
I think be intentional with whoyou're talking to and who you're
vulnerable with.
Don't make the mistakes I did ofhalf-hazard vulnerability with
people that didn't deserve myenergy.
(28:31):
It caused me to be sointroverted and so guarded that
I didn't even know who I was.
I wouldn't even let myself seeme because I was so scared of
what I would see.
And that's not a good place tobe either.
And I think we can be ourbiggest enemies, trapping
ourselves in our own thoughtsand the fear of who we are.
What do you have to fear?
It's you.
Nobody has to live with you butyou.
So what's the big deal?
(28:53):
You know, and if there'ssomething that is so fearful
that you don't like aboutyourself, and that's why you
can't show people, get someperspective.
Because, you know, you'd besurprised at how many people can
relate to some of the craziestthings you've ever thought
because they've lived it too.
Stop demonizing yourself intofeeling like you're alone.
You're not alone.
And I think that's where, youknow, I always felt like this
(29:17):
torn of I'm an extrovert and Iwant to be this outgoing person
because I love the connection ina way until I don't.
And then I'm like, I wish Ihadn't done that.
I wish I hadn't said that.
I wish I hadn't.
And I think introverts do that alot when we're testing the
waters.
And then we go home.
I always was talking to youabout this.
You sit on your couch at nightand like reprocess every
conversation you had that dayand think, I shouldn't have said
(29:38):
this.
Oh gosh, I was too vulnerablehere.
Oh gosh, what did they thinkabout that?
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm proud of you.
You should be proud of you foreven having the courage to open
up.
And that's that reframing thathas to happen consciously.
And when your thoughts startracing like that, because they
will write them down and thentell yourself why they're not
true.
(29:58):
Call that friend up and say,This is what I'm thinking.
Am I nuts?
Like they're going to tell youno, because they know your soul
and they know who you are andthey know your intention.
So give people that opportunityso that you can grow.
SPEAKER_01 (30:11):
I think you're so right because you know, at the
at the start of our interview,you talked about how introverts
often feel isolated and we thinkwe are the only ones with this
problem.
But as soon as we open up, werealize how many people actually
resonate with the things weshare about.
And I particularly notice thatthe more I'm able to be
vulnerable about some really rawstuff, messy stuff, the more
(30:33):
people actually open up andshare that they too are going
through something similar.
Or it's been so helpful.
Thank you for talking aboutthat.
Thank you for bringing somelight to that.
You know, at least I know I'mnot alone.
And that is the truth.
You know, we we have this ideathat everything we're suffering
is we are the only ones that aresuffering it.
We're the we're the only onesthat are enduring this, or we
are the weird ones.
(30:54):
But actually, a lot of us walkaround with this kind of uh
feeling that we are we somehowdon't belong.
And so the importance of youknow, the supportive network you
talked about, having acommunity, having even a few
people that uh understand you sowell, you don't have to explain
yourself and as you call it,re-identify yourself every time.
They get you, you don't have tokeep putting words to it.
(31:16):
They know you better than youknow yourself.
And so, you know, having thesepeople to go to when you are
doubtful, when you're shaky,when you're not feeling, you
know, the ground underneath is alittle bit wobbly.
It's so precious, so important,so vital for our health and for
the health of other people too,because they need to feel that
they are useful too.
(31:36):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (31:37):
Well, and I yeah, I think that's been really
interesting for me.
I didn't really find thesepeople till later in life.
Like I didn't have these peoplein high school, didn't have
these people in college, Ididn't have these people when I
was in grad school, you know,and I was very isolated in a
very not good headspace.
And um to this day, you know,you you make friends and you
think they're forever people,and then life changes and they
and they fade.
(31:57):
And that can make you feel like,oh man, I built all this, you
know, this relationship and Iput all this work into it, and
now they're gone.
Mm-mm.
Try not to look at it that way.
Look at it as I had this personfor a moment in time, I
unconditionally gave myself tothem, I gained perspective, and
now I'm gonna find the nextperson that I can that I can
invest in, and they can investin me.
(32:18):
You know, the the job I'm in nowhas brought me to some of the
people that have probably seenmy core in ways that I've not
never seen been seen before.
And it's been very anxietyprovoking, but also so freeing
to be seen because I feel like Ispent a lot of my life trying to
get people to figure out who Iwas, and I spent more time
getting people to figure out whoI was before I found out who I
(32:41):
was, right?
And I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm soworried about what you think.
I don't even know what I think.
So it's really cool when youfind someone that sees you and
you don't even have to justifyit because you really get to do
a deeper look into yourself andthink, huh, maybe I am a little
guarded here.
Huh, maybe I am a little jadedhere, huh?
Maybe I've exacerbated this abit, you know, whatever it is.
(33:01):
Or maybe I'm just fine and Ijust need to get over it, you
know, whatever that is.
How cool to be able to do thatwith someone else and validate
yourself and grow togetherthrough that.
Um, it's it's a very beautifulexperience.
And I think it can come in verymany shapes and forms.
And it's a it's a spiritualthing, you know, it really is.
It's it's it's bigger than youand I.
And there's a lot of ways toidentify it, but there's no
(33:24):
denying that it's there.
And so, however you access that,no judgment, but you're kind of
naive to pretend it's not there,right?
Because we're we're all livingit.
And I think that's theconversation that has to have,
be had.
And I think that's where that'swhy I write the books that I do.
I'm like introverts, where areyou at?
I know you read because you youcan't talk to people, so you
(33:45):
have to read about it.
I'm kidding, you totally cantalk to people, but I got a
joke.
But I mean, I'm like, you guys,we we have so much to offer.
And I've had this dichotomy mywhole life, you know, of I want
to be this person, but I'm thisperson, and the grass is greener
here and there.
No, it's not.
No, it's not.
Get out of your head, you know,live live life authentically and
(34:06):
fearlessly in a way that makessense to you.
And that's not gonna be sayingthe same thing for me that it is
for you.
Um, but I can tell you on theother side, it is it's hard
work.
It's I'm not gonna sugarcoat it,but it's a freedom and a
challenge and um an inspirationyou won't find anywhere else.
SPEAKER_01 (34:26):
So, on that inspiring note, what I heard you
say was we are fine as we are.
There's nothing broken about us.
We don't need fixing.
We just need to find people likeourselves, people who are
aligned with our thinking,people who are supportive.
And most importantly, I thinkit's to know ourselves because I
heard that theme ofself-knowledge, self-awareness
(34:47):
all through this conversation,that the more important thing is
to know myself well first beforeI even think about what do you
think of me.
And I think that's powerful.
That's powerful because that'sputting ourselves up there,
which is which kind of goesagainst what we are taught to
believe that we should puteverybody else first and
ourselves last.
And I think when we putourselves on the same level as
(35:10):
other people, as the peoplewe're trying to take care of or
trying to lead or trying tomanage or parent.
I think it gives a beautifulbalance that that is the way it
should be, that you are just asimportant as I am, I'm just as
important as you are, because weare each valuable.
None of us is more or lessvaluable than somebody else.
(35:31):
We each have our own part toplay.
So let's play our part.
Let's enjoy the ride while wehave, you know, we have these
moments and seize theopportunities that are before
us, do as much good as we can,live authentically, express
ourselves in the best way weknow how, and do as much good as
we can.
So what is um what is the bestway for people to connect with
(35:53):
you, Emily?
SPEAKER_00 (35:55):
Yeah, um, so I'm on Instagram, it's at it's not that
deep underscore author.
Um, I also have an email.
If you want to shoot me anemail, we can chat.
It's epublications lc atgmail.com.
And then I'm also on LinkedIn,Emily Erstad.
All three of those are great.
Um, if you like what I'mhearing, you're hearing.
(36:17):
Um, not what I'm hearing.
Oh boy.
Uh, you can pick up a copy of mybook, It's Not That Deep.
I am currently working on mynext book for introverts called
In Too Deep, um, that I'll bereleasing soon.
So if any of that interests you,I also have a website, which is
on my Instagram.
So I'll throw you one one placeto go.
Um, but if you're looking forthe book, it's on Amazon.
(36:38):
And if you just search it's notthat deep, it'll pop right up.
SPEAKER_01 (36:41):
Beautiful.
We'll make sure to have all thelinks in the show notes so that
people can reach out to you.
So thank you so much, Emily, forsharing your time and your
energy and your wisdom with ustoday.
Thanks for having me.
If you enjoyed today's episode,be sure to leave a five-star
rating and review to help theQuiet Warrior Podcast reach more
introverts and quiet achieversaround the world.
(37:03):
I've also put together a freeresource for you called the
Introvert Toolkit, full ofvaluable tips for introverts and
leaders working with introvertsand parents of introverted
children.
The link to download it is inthe show notes as well, so make
sure you look out for it.
See you on the next episode.
I'm so grateful that you're heretoday.
(37:23):
If you found this contentvaluable, please share it on
your social media channels andsubscribe to the show on your
favorite listening platform.
Together we can help moreintroverts thrive.
To receive more upliftingcontent like this, connect with
me on Instagram at SerenaloQuiet Warrior Coach.
Thank you for sharing your timeand your energy with me.
(37:45):
See you on the next episode.
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Cardiac Cowboys
The heart was always off-limits to surgeons. Cutting into it spelled instant death for the patient. That is, until a ragtag group of doctors scattered across the Midwest and Texas decided to throw out the rule book. Working in makeshift laboratories and home garages, using medical devices made from scavenged machine parts and beer tubes, these men and women invented the field of open heart surgery. Odds are, someone you know is alive because of them. So why has history left them behind? Presented by Chris Pine, CARDIAC COWBOYS tells the gripping true story behind the birth of heart surgery, and the young, Greatest Generation doctors who made it happen. For years, they competed and feuded, racing to be the first, the best, and the most prolific. Some appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, operated on kings and advised presidents. Others ended up disgraced, penniless, and convicted of felonies. Together, they ignited a revolution in medicine, and changed the world.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.