March 12, 2025 • 21 mins
Hey Mama!
Today, we’re diving into the pitfalls to avoid when building God-centered confidence. I’ll be sharing my personal story with you and walking through what to steer clear of on this journey to biblical confidence. And don’t worry—I’ll also share practical steps you can take instead to help you grow in true, God-centered confidence.
Key Takeaways:
1. Don't rely on compliment.
2 Don't get attached to your looks.
3. Don't focus on perfection.
4. Don't seek to take control of everything.
Let's dive in!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Have you ever tried to remainconfident in hard seasons but
find yourself filled with doubtand fear?
You're wondering what you'redoing wrong and every thought
just feels incrediblyoverwhelming.
In this episode, we're talkingabout what not to do when
building God centeredconfidence.
Let's get into it.
(00:24):
Hey mama, you're in the rightplace if you're ready to get God
centered confidence.
Having unshakable confidencecomes from an unshakable God.
So let's get to know himtogether, my friend.
My name is Caroline Tao, I'myour host for The Restored Mind,
and I'm also a BiblicalConfidence Coach where I teach
you how to get confidencethrough scripture.
(00:47):
Let's start building thatframework for you so that you
can begin to thrive.
Are you ready?
Grab your Bible, break out thatjournal, and get something to
write with.
Let's go! Let's go! When youjoin my insiders list, you get a
weekly newsletter that is filledwith tips on how you can build
(01:10):
God centered confidence.
You'll be the first to knowabout any upcoming events.
It's like we're hanging outsideof the podcast and Inside your
inbox.
The best part is that if youever have a question You can
simply click on the reply buttonand it'll come directly to my
inbox How cool is that?
(01:30):
It's free to join my friends.
So what are you waiting for?
To become a restored mind VIP,go to bit.
ly forward slash restored mindinsider.
That's B I T dot L Y forwardslash restored mind insider.
I'll see you inside your inbox,mama.
(01:51):
When I think back on my journeywith building confidence, I see
that there are two verydifferent mindsets that I had
when it comes to havingconfidence.
The one before Christ, as I liketo call it, was very reliant on
myself.
It was based on my looks, theimage that I wanted to portray
to others, and the skills andtalents that I had.
(02:13):
I thought If I kept doing thisthing that was working for me,
the confidence level wouldcontinue to increase.
But when I went through a majorlife changing event my
confidence actually shook and Iwould have thoughts of failing.
It would actually scare me tothe point where I wouldn't want
(02:34):
to pursue the thing because Ididn't want to fail.
I also went around and around incircles within my own mind
thinking about a million what ifscenarios.
And let's be honest, it wasincredibly stressful and also
very frustrating.
I couldn't figure out why myconfidence level would come and
go in waves.
(02:54):
The other mindset, the one thatI've labeled as with Christ, it
actually created a calmer,version of me because Even
though I had doubts and wouldbecome worried about failing,
the panic alarm that used to setoff inside me when I was in the
before Christ mindset, itdoesn't ring as loud as it used
(03:14):
to.
So yes, it's still uncomfortablestarting something new because I
don't know what the outcomewould look like, but the
discernment, the peace and theconfidence that I have, it is
completely different the relianton self versus god has changed
my perspective, my peace andinner calm, in so many ways that
(03:36):
I could probably talk aboutforever, but I'm not going to
because we're about to diveright in.
And we have a long list ofthings to talk about today.
There's some things that I wantyou to keep in mind on what not
to do when doing this.
So the first One is to not relyon compliments because
compliments.
Yes.
They make you feel good.
(03:57):
They make me feel good I thinkeverybody can say that they like
compliments because it's so goodto hear and it's comforting
Especially if it's coming fromsomeone that you care about now,
don't hear what I am not sayingI'm not saying that you should
not accept compliments becauseYes, I do believe that you
should humbly take a complimentwhen it's given to you.
(04:19):
But what I don't want you to dois I don't want you to draw your
confidence from complimentsalone.
I don't want you waiting for thenext compliment to make you feel
bad.
And the reason why I don't wantyou to rely on compliments is
because it can begin to shiftyour focus onto external
validation.
Compliments themselves are verytemporary and they vary
(04:43):
depending on the mood or theopinion of someone that is
talking to you.
But, God centered confidence isrooted in your identity in
Christ, who, by the way, isunchanging.
So the best practice to movewith this is to move with
wisdom.
And how do you get that?
Through knowing who God is byreading his word.
(05:04):
Wisdom is given by God.
when you read his word and youunderstand most importantly who
he is because then you build arelationship, you build trust
and that is where you draw yourconfidence from instead of just
waiting on the compliments thatare given to you.
While these compliments may makeyou feel good.
(05:26):
They're not going to be whatsustains you long term the
second point I want to make isto not get attached to your
looks.
I've shared this story before,but I used to think that after I
had my first son, I was justgoing to bounce back into my pre
pregnancy body, specificallythinking about my stomach.
I thought that my stomach wouldactually shrink back to look
(05:47):
like how it did before I gotpregnant.
But I was in for a rudeawakening when I realized it
looks much more like a deflatedballoon instead.
And so the truth is just thatyour body is going to change.
There are so many more factorsthat play a role in how your
body changes over time.
But when you get attached toyour looks, it's going to do a
(06:08):
few things.
One is going to make it hard foryou to let go of what was which
then brings you into a panic ofhow you can go back to that time
frame.
Your mind just wants to staythere.
And when that happens, you missthe opportunity to embrace the
present version of yourself.
You miss the opportunity to getto know the new version of you.
And it's harder for you to moveforward whenever.
(06:31):
It's time to make certainnecessary changes that you might
be wanting to make you canhonestly waste time chasing the
thing of the past When your bodychanges, your value does not
change, your worth does notchange.
When building God centeredconfidence, keep in mind that
God looks past your physicalappearance.
Yes, it is a temple for the HolySpirit.
(06:52):
There is absolutely nothingwrong with you trying to
physically become healthier.
It is so incredibly awesome thatyou would want to take care of
your body physically, just knowthat any imperfections that you
may be finding on your body, itis not there by mistake.
God knows every Part of yourbody for he knitted you when you
(07:15):
were in the womb He sees youeven now So how you can learn to
be present and embrace what isthe current version of yourself
is to thank God for your bodythat is able.
I mean, if you really thinkabout it, when you're not being
the kindest to yourself, whenyour body has fallen ill, it
does its absolute best to tryand survive.
(07:36):
Which is great because there aresome days where mentally we give
up on ourselves But our body isstill fighting for us for the
best chance of survival and thatjust blows my mind whenever I
think about it Also what I meantby kindness earlier is the
negative self talk and theycontinue bashing of what your
body looks like or What youwould change what you don't like
(07:58):
about yourself.
There's all of these things thatcome to mind.
I know for me, I used to reallybe obsessed over getting breast
augmentations because I was soinsecure with my chest and now
here I am insecure with mymidsection, which I've actually
talked about in earlier episodeswith The Restored Mind, but it
just seems that no matter whatwe fix about ourselves, I think
(08:19):
we'll find a way to nitpick atsomething else.
So you really truly have tolearn to embrace your body that
is able in order to appreciatethe beautiful creation that God
has made.
Because mama, you are God'smasterpiece and you have the
opportunity to pick your hard atany point because it is so hard
(08:40):
to stay in the mindset ofthinking that you need to change
certain things about yourself ornot feeling enough because you
don't hold up to what thecurrent standard of beauty is,
but it's also hard for you toroll up your sleeve, get into
the nitty gritty and startworking towards the mindset that
is going to teach you how tolearn to embrace yourself and to
(09:02):
make corrections and moveforward without feeling the
resentment of having your bodychange over the years or
anything like that because it ishard.
The third thing that you don'twant to do is to seek to take
control of everything.
And you might be askingyourself, well, how does this
relate to confidence?
Well, my friend, Confidence isnot just in looks, but it might
(09:23):
be in your ability, your talentsand your skills to do something.
So for those of you who don'tstruggle with your looks, you
might be struggling with yourtalents, with your skill sets
and the things that you're ableto do.
In order for you to have theconfidence that you want, you
might think that you have tohave control of everything
because then you have possessionof it.
You get to control the outcome,so to speak, right?
(09:46):
But wanting to be in control ofeverything is a false reality
because you simply can't controleverything.
What you can learn to do insteadinstead is to adapt, adapting
with grace.
To be more specific, it givesyou the peace that you want
despite whatever has happenedand it helps you clear your mind
(10:07):
to think about what your nextsteps would be.
See, God tells us that his waysand his thoughts are higher than
ours.
And so we can't possibly knowthe outcome of something when we
started.
I think about how God answersJob and chapters 38 through 41
don't worry, I'm not going toread it with you today.
It is incredibly long, but Ialso highly recommend that you
(10:29):
would go and visit thosechapters because God asks a lot
of amazing questions to Job Iwill read one verse for you
though.
It's from chapter 38 and it'sverse four where God says, where
were you when I laid thefoundation of the earth?
Tell me if you haveunderstanding and I don't know
(10:49):
about you but that particularverse it gives me chills because
often times I can take mytalents and the skills that I
Think that I have and make itabout myself Right make it about
the fact that I did this whenreally it was a gift given to me
by God.
The gift, the skill talents thatI have was given to me by my
(11:12):
father who created me when I wasin my mother's womb.
And I think that as someone whostill sometimes want to have
control over everything.
This is a huge reality checkbecause I was nowhere when God
laid the foundation of theearth, I just think that that's
so incredibly awesome And so themore that you are trying to
(11:34):
build godly confidence I wouldencourage you to Take a look at
what you can control and work onthat.
You want to work towardsprogress.
because progress is going to bewhat takes you from being just
okay to good to great to beingreally, really awesome at
(11:55):
something.
And it takes time.
So the more that you let go ofbeing in control, the more
focused that you can become onadapting with grace, which means
that you're just going to adjustwith God in mind first.
So that means with kindness,with patience and love, I want
you to think about the fruit ofthe spirit and the fourth point
(12:16):
I want to make is to not focuson perfection.
This is for all of my mamasoperating from a perfectionist
mindset.
This one is for you and also forme because recently I had to
pull myself out of the mindsetof trying to be perfect because
I was spiraling out of controland running around in circles in
my own thoughts.
Doesn't it sound like it is aheavy thing to go through?
(12:39):
it's almost like a dark cloudjust looms over you what I mean
by focusing on perfection isthat you get stuck because you
hyper fix your intention andyour thoughts on making sure
that there are no flaws andwhatever it is that you're
doing.
The reason why I don't want youto focus on perfection is
because no one is perfect, firstof all, and you're bound to mess
(13:02):
up at some point.
You and I, we get distracted wedon't always get it right?
And right now my mind isactually going to a song called
Christ is Mine Forevermore byCity of Lights.
And I really like these last fewverses.
I was running and I waslistening to the song the other
day.
It was hitting me at the mostpivotal time in my run because I
(13:22):
was thinking about how theselast few weeks I've been wrapped
up in my own perfectionistmindset.
But the lyrics read, Mine aredays that God has numbered.
I was made to walk with him, yetI look for worldly treasure and
forsake the king of kings.
And that just goes to show thatwhile our intentions are good,
sometimes we get distracted andwe don't always get it right.
(13:43):
But the important thing toremember are the key takeaways,
especially when you take amoment, you take a step back and
you start to reevaluate whereyour mind is at and what's
happened, right?
You're starting to pay attentionto you, to your actions.
And you ask the questions likewhat did you learn from this and
how are you going to apply andadapt it moving forward?
(14:05):
Because you obviously want adifferent outcome, right?
I want you to think about whatwent well in that time and what
didn't.
Because mama, when you'rebuilding God centered
confidence, it does not meanthat you strive for perfection.
It means that you're going tolearn to let him fill in the
gaps where you fall short.
And then the last point that Iwant to make on what not to do
(14:27):
when building God centeredconfidence is to ignore your
weaknesses.
How many of you are just gentlysweeping the weakness under the
rug, trying to smooth it out sothat it doesn't really show all
the lumps and bumps underneaththat rug?
we just finished talking abouthow we aren't perfect people,
which means that we have toadmit that we have weaknesses,
(14:47):
right?
Now for all of my mamas who areoperating from the perfectionist
mindset, I'm willing to bet thatyou're probably busy trying to
find a solution to fix theweakness because you don't want
the flaws to be showing.
Does that sound right?
Now I know that I can't be theonly one that does this, right?
There's absolutely no way thatI'm the only one out here alone,
(15:08):
or maybe I am.
Who knows?
But the reason why I don't wantyou to ignore your weakness is
because one, it doesn't make itgo away.
And two, as you build God, sucha confidence by going to God
first and the more that youstart reading, you'll realize
that.
God's goodness, His power justcompletely magnifies in your
(15:28):
weakness.
So as Paul goes to God and toCorinthians and asks God to
remove the thorn that's at hisside, God responds essentially
with a no, but reminds him thatHis power, God's power is made
perfect in weakness.
I'm gonna be reading verse 9through 10 which reads But he
said to me my grace issufficient for you for my power
(15:51):
is made perfect in weaknessTherefore I will boast All the
more gladly of my weaknesses sothat the power of Christ may
rest upon me for the sake ofChrist.
Then I am content withweaknesses, insults, hardships,
persecutions, and calamities.
For when I am weak, then I amstrong.
(16:12):
I know that I've beenreferencing this verse more
frequently in most recentepisodes, but it truly does
speak into how as a mom who issearching for confidence, you
wish for all of the things thatbothers you, so the thorn or
thorns that are at your side,you want them to be removed
because you're just searchingfor this incredible rest and
peace that gives you this worryfree feeling that you're not
(16:35):
anxious about anything.
You're not worried aboutanything You don't wish that you
had to fix anything you're justthinking of incredible peace
that you would get that nothingwould bother you and then you
would be okay.
I Think it's an incrediblereminder also That it is through
God's grace that is sufficientfor you.
So even with the thorn at yourside, you don't have to walk in
(16:59):
anxiety.
You don't have to always beworried about what you're doing
next or how you're going to gainmore confidence in other areas
of your life.
Because the more that you go tohim and the more that you rest
in him, you'll realize that hisgrace truly is sufficient for
you.
And that his power magnifies.
in your weakness, whichessentially makes you stronger
(17:21):
because it is only by the graceof God that you would be able to
get through whatever hardseasons you're in right now.
We actually talked about theword sufficient two weeks ago in
my free community.
The link to join is in the shownotes.
I would highly recommend jumpinginto that community so that you
can learn and grow with us asyou build God Centered
Confidence.
Such an awesome resource foryou, Mama.
(17:43):
But yes, His grace and powermagnifies even more when you are
weak.
So today's conversation probablyfelt like I covered a lot,
right?
And I did.
So to recap really quickly onwhat not to do when building God
centered confidence is to notrely on compliments.
Yes, they feel good, but itvaries and many people have
(18:04):
their own opinion.
Instead, what you can do islearn who God is, know your
identity in Him by reading HisTrue and trustworthy word, which
is the Bible.
Secondly, you don't want to getattached to your looks.
Your looks are going to bechanging over time.
It comes with age, injury, andfrom having babies., when you
get fixated on your looks, youget stuck in the past, which
(18:27):
makes it hard for you to embraceand get to know the version of
you that is here today.
A great way to embrace your bodyis to truly be grateful and
thank God for what your body isable to do.
Practice thanking God that yourbody can move, that it is well,
and remember that your bodyfights for the best chance of
survival, even when it's sick,right?
(18:48):
So that should tell yousomething.
And then don't focus onperfection.
This is when you hyperfix yourattention and thoughts on making
sure that there are no flaws inwhat you're doing.
Just remember that we are allbound to mess up at some point.
It is not the end of ourjourney, right?
We can still get up and goagain.
Remember that when you arebuilding God centered
confidence, it does not meanthat you strive for perfection.
(19:10):
It just means that you're goingto learn to let him fill the
gaps.
where you fall short.
and then don't seek to takecontrol of everything.
This is when you feel like youhave to touch everything because
you want control of it, right?
You have to have all eyes on it,you have to touch it and know
that it is going well becauseyou are wanting to perfect or
progress in your craft, which isunderstandable, but just know
(19:32):
that at some point you're boundto mess up, which is okay.
Adapting with grace, right?
Going to God first and thinkingabout the fruit of the spirit is
going to be the perfect way foryou to start.
Working yourself out of seekingto take control of everything.
And then the last one is to notfocus on perfection.
This is where you hyperfix yourattention and thoughts on making
(19:52):
sure that there are no flaws inwhat you're doing.
But just know that again, you'rebound to mess up at some point,
which is okay.
Building God centered confidencedoes not mean that you strive
for perfection.
It just means that you're goingto learn to let him fill the
gaps where you fall short.
And I just have to say, I am soincredibly proud of you for
working on building God centeredconfidence because my friend, it
(20:14):
is not easy and I know that itcan be hard, but you can do hard
things.
Thank you so much for hangingout with me today.
I had such a wonderful time.
I cannot wait to meet you againnext Wednesday.
Right here on this podcast.
(20:34):
Mamma.
I hope that as you are inspiredand uplifted, that you would
show up at all the spaces andplaces ready to serve with a
joyful heart.
And yes, with confidence.
Please take a moment to leave areview on apple podcasts.
It would bring me so much joyhearing from you on top of that.
If you want to connect evenmore, join the insider's list.
(20:55):
I would love to continue helpingyou as you journey on in getting
God centered confidence.
The link to join the insider'slist is going to be posted in
the show notes..
All right, my friend, this iswhere we part ways.
I hope you have a wonderful day.
Go in peace.
Have you ever tried to remainconfident in hard seasons but
find yourself filled with doubtand fear?
You're wondering what you'redoing wrong and every thought
just feels incrediblyoverwhelming.
In this episode, we're talkingabout what not to do when
building God centeredconfidence.
Let's get into it.
(00:24):
Hey mama, you're in the rightplace if you're ready to get God
centered confidence.
Having unshakable confidencecomes from an unshakable God.
So let's get to know himtogether, my friend.
My name is Caroline Tao, I'myour host for The Restored Mind,
and I'm also a BiblicalConfidence Coach where I teach
you how to get confidencethrough scripture.
(00:47):
Let's start building thatframework for you so that you
can begin to thrive.
Are you ready?
Grab your Bible, break out thatjournal, and get something to
write with.
Let's go! Let's go! When youjoin my insiders list, you get a
weekly newsletter that is filledwith tips on how you can build
(01:10):
God centered confidence.
You'll be the first to knowabout any upcoming events.
It's like we're hanging outsideof the podcast and Inside your
inbox.
The best part is that if youever have a question You can
simply click on the reply buttonand it'll come directly to my
inbox How cool is that?
(01:30):
It's free to join my friends.
So what are you waiting for?
To become a restored mind VIP,go to bit.
ly forward slash restored mindinsider.
That's B I T dot L Y forwardslash restored mind insider.
I'll see you inside your inbox,mama.
(01:51):
When I think back on my journeywith building confidence, I see
that there are two verydifferent mindsets that I had
when it comes to havingconfidence.
The one before Christ, as I liketo call it, was very reliant on
myself.
It was based on my looks, theimage that I wanted to portray
to others, and the skills andtalents that I had.
(02:13):
I thought If I kept doing thisthing that was working for me,
the confidence level wouldcontinue to increase.
But when I went through a majorlife changing event my
confidence actually shook and Iwould have thoughts of failing.
It would actually scare me tothe point where I wouldn't want
(02:34):
to pursue the thing because Ididn't want to fail.
I also went around and around incircles within my own mind
thinking about a million what ifscenarios.
And let's be honest, it wasincredibly stressful and also
very frustrating.
I couldn't figure out why myconfidence level would come and
go in waves.
(02:54):
The other mindset, the one thatI've labeled as with Christ, it
actually created a calmer,version of me because Even
though I had doubts and wouldbecome worried about failing,
the panic alarm that used to setoff inside me when I was in the
before Christ mindset, itdoesn't ring as loud as it used
(03:14):
to.
So yes, it's still uncomfortablestarting something new because I
don't know what the outcomewould look like, but the
discernment, the peace and theconfidence that I have, it is
completely different the relianton self versus god has changed
my perspective, my peace andinner calm, in so many ways that
(03:36):
I could probably talk aboutforever, but I'm not going to
because we're about to diveright in.
And we have a long list ofthings to talk about today.
There's some things that I wantyou to keep in mind on what not
to do when doing this.
So the first One is to not relyon compliments because
compliments.
Yes.
They make you feel good.
(03:57):
They make me feel good I thinkeverybody can say that they like
compliments because it's so goodto hear and it's comforting
Especially if it's coming fromsomeone that you care about now,
don't hear what I am not sayingI'm not saying that you should
not accept compliments becauseYes, I do believe that you
should humbly take a complimentwhen it's given to you.
(04:19):
But what I don't want you to dois I don't want you to draw your
confidence from complimentsalone.
I don't want you waiting for thenext compliment to make you feel
bad.
And the reason why I don't wantyou to rely on compliments is
because it can begin to shiftyour focus onto external
validation.
Compliments themselves are verytemporary and they vary
(04:43):
depending on the mood or theopinion of someone that is
talking to you.
But, God centered confidence isrooted in your identity in
Christ, who, by the way, isunchanging.
So the best practice to movewith this is to move with
wisdom.
And how do you get that?
Through knowing who God is byreading his word.
(05:04):
Wisdom is given by God.
when you read his word and youunderstand most importantly who
he is because then you build arelationship, you build trust
and that is where you draw yourconfidence from instead of just
waiting on the compliments thatare given to you.
While these compliments may makeyou feel good.
(05:26):
They're not going to be whatsustains you long term the
second point I want to make isto not get attached to your
looks.
I've shared this story before,but I used to think that after I
had my first son, I was justgoing to bounce back into my pre
pregnancy body, specificallythinking about my stomach.
I thought that my stomach wouldactually shrink back to look
(05:47):
like how it did before I gotpregnant.
But I was in for a rudeawakening when I realized it
looks much more like a deflatedballoon instead.
And so the truth is just thatyour body is going to change.
There are so many more factorsthat play a role in how your
body changes over time.
But when you get attached toyour looks, it's going to do a
(06:08):
few things.
One is going to make it hard foryou to let go of what was which
then brings you into a panic ofhow you can go back to that time
frame.
Your mind just wants to staythere.
And when that happens, you missthe opportunity to embrace the
present version of yourself.
You miss the opportunity to getto know the new version of you.
And it's harder for you to moveforward whenever.
(06:31):
It's time to make certainnecessary changes that you might
be wanting to make you canhonestly waste time chasing the
thing of the past When your bodychanges, your value does not
change, your worth does notchange.
When building God centeredconfidence, keep in mind that
God looks past your physicalappearance.
Yes, it is a temple for the HolySpirit.
(06:52):
There is absolutely nothingwrong with you trying to
physically become healthier.
It is so incredibly awesome thatyou would want to take care of
your body physically, just knowthat any imperfections that you
may be finding on your body, itis not there by mistake.
God knows every Part of yourbody for he knitted you when you
(07:15):
were in the womb He sees youeven now So how you can learn to
be present and embrace what isthe current version of yourself
is to thank God for your bodythat is able.
I mean, if you really thinkabout it, when you're not being
the kindest to yourself, whenyour body has fallen ill, it
does its absolute best to tryand survive.
(07:36):
Which is great because there aresome days where mentally we give
up on ourselves But our body isstill fighting for us for the
best chance of survival and thatjust blows my mind whenever I
think about it Also what I meantby kindness earlier is the
negative self talk and theycontinue bashing of what your
body looks like or What youwould change what you don't like
(07:58):
about yourself.
There's all of these things thatcome to mind.
I know for me, I used to reallybe obsessed over getting breast
augmentations because I was soinsecure with my chest and now
here I am insecure with mymidsection, which I've actually
talked about in earlier episodeswith The Restored Mind, but it
just seems that no matter whatwe fix about ourselves, I think
(08:19):
we'll find a way to nitpick atsomething else.
So you really truly have tolearn to embrace your body that
is able in order to appreciatethe beautiful creation that God
has made.
Because mama, you are God'smasterpiece and you have the
opportunity to pick your hard atany point because it is so hard
(08:40):
to stay in the mindset ofthinking that you need to change
certain things about yourself ornot feeling enough because you
don't hold up to what thecurrent standard of beauty is,
but it's also hard for you toroll up your sleeve, get into
the nitty gritty and startworking towards the mindset that
is going to teach you how tolearn to embrace yourself and to
(09:02):
make corrections and moveforward without feeling the
resentment of having your bodychange over the years or
anything like that because it ishard.
The third thing that you don'twant to do is to seek to take
control of everything.
And you might be askingyourself, well, how does this
relate to confidence?
Well, my friend, Confidence isnot just in looks, but it might
(09:23):
be in your ability, your talentsand your skills to do something.
So for those of you who don'tstruggle with your looks, you
might be struggling with yourtalents, with your skill sets
and the things that you're ableto do.
In order for you to have theconfidence that you want, you
might think that you have tohave control of everything
because then you have possessionof it.
You get to control the outcome,so to speak, right?
(09:46):
But wanting to be in control ofeverything is a false reality
because you simply can't controleverything.
What you can learn to do insteadinstead is to adapt, adapting
with grace.
To be more specific, it givesyou the peace that you want
despite whatever has happenedand it helps you clear your mind
(10:07):
to think about what your nextsteps would be.
See, God tells us that his waysand his thoughts are higher than
ours.
And so we can't possibly knowthe outcome of something when we
started.
I think about how God answersJob and chapters 38 through 41
don't worry, I'm not going toread it with you today.
It is incredibly long, but Ialso highly recommend that you
(10:29):
would go and visit thosechapters because God asks a lot
of amazing questions to Job Iwill read one verse for you
though.
It's from chapter 38 and it'sverse four where God says, where
were you when I laid thefoundation of the earth?
Tell me if you haveunderstanding and I don't know
(10:49):
about you but that particularverse it gives me chills because
often times I can take mytalents and the skills that I
Think that I have and make itabout myself Right make it about
the fact that I did this whenreally it was a gift given to me
by God.
The gift, the skill talents thatI have was given to me by my
(11:12):
father who created me when I wasin my mother's womb.
And I think that as someone whostill sometimes want to have
control over everything.
This is a huge reality checkbecause I was nowhere when God
laid the foundation of theearth, I just think that that's
so incredibly awesome And so themore that you are trying to
(11:34):
build godly confidence I wouldencourage you to Take a look at
what you can control and work onthat.
You want to work towardsprogress.
because progress is going to bewhat takes you from being just
okay to good to great to beingreally, really awesome at
(11:55):
something.
And it takes time.
So the more that you let go ofbeing in control, the more
focused that you can become onadapting with grace, which means
that you're just going to adjustwith God in mind first.
So that means with kindness,with patience and love, I want
you to think about the fruit ofthe spirit and the fourth point
(12:16):
I want to make is to not focuson perfection.
This is for all of my mamasoperating from a perfectionist
mindset.
This one is for you and also forme because recently I had to
pull myself out of the mindsetof trying to be perfect because
I was spiraling out of controland running around in circles in
my own thoughts.
Doesn't it sound like it is aheavy thing to go through?
(12:39):
it's almost like a dark cloudjust looms over you what I mean
by focusing on perfection isthat you get stuck because you
hyper fix your intention andyour thoughts on making sure
that there are no flaws andwhatever it is that you're
doing.
The reason why I don't want youto focus on perfection is
because no one is perfect, firstof all, and you're bound to mess
(13:02):
up at some point.
You and I, we get distracted wedon't always get it right?
And right now my mind isactually going to a song called
Christ is Mine Forevermore byCity of Lights.
And I really like these last fewverses.
I was running and I waslistening to the song the other
day.
It was hitting me at the mostpivotal time in my run because I
(13:22):
was thinking about how theselast few weeks I've been wrapped
up in my own perfectionistmindset.
But the lyrics read, Mine aredays that God has numbered.
I was made to walk with him, yetI look for worldly treasure and
forsake the king of kings.
And that just goes to show thatwhile our intentions are good,
sometimes we get distracted andwe don't always get it right.
(13:43):
But the important thing toremember are the key takeaways,
especially when you take amoment, you take a step back and
you start to reevaluate whereyour mind is at and what's
happened, right?
You're starting to pay attentionto you, to your actions.
And you ask the questions likewhat did you learn from this and
how are you going to apply andadapt it moving forward?
(14:05):
Because you obviously want adifferent outcome, right?
I want you to think about whatwent well in that time and what
didn't.
Because mama, when you'rebuilding God centered
confidence, it does not meanthat you strive for perfection.
It means that you're going tolearn to let him fill in the
gaps where you fall short.
And then the last point that Iwant to make on what not to do
(14:27):
when building God centeredconfidence is to ignore your
weaknesses.
How many of you are just gentlysweeping the weakness under the
rug, trying to smooth it out sothat it doesn't really show all
the lumps and bumps underneaththat rug?
we just finished talking abouthow we aren't perfect people,
which means that we have toadmit that we have weaknesses,
(14:47):
right?
Now for all of my mamas who areoperating from the perfectionist
mindset, I'm willing to bet thatyou're probably busy trying to
find a solution to fix theweakness because you don't want
the flaws to be showing.
Does that sound right?
Now I know that I can't be theonly one that does this, right?
There's absolutely no way thatI'm the only one out here alone,
(15:08):
or maybe I am.
Who knows?
But the reason why I don't wantyou to ignore your weakness is
because one, it doesn't make itgo away.
And two, as you build God, sucha confidence by going to God
first and the more that youstart reading, you'll realize
that.
God's goodness, His power justcompletely magnifies in your
(15:28):
weakness.
So as Paul goes to God and toCorinthians and asks God to
remove the thorn that's at hisside, God responds essentially
with a no, but reminds him thatHis power, God's power is made
perfect in weakness.
I'm gonna be reading verse 9through 10 which reads But he
said to me my grace issufficient for you for my power
(15:51):
is made perfect in weaknessTherefore I will boast All the
more gladly of my weaknesses sothat the power of Christ may
rest upon me for the sake ofChrist.
Then I am content withweaknesses, insults, hardships,
persecutions, and calamities.
For when I am weak, then I amstrong.
(16:12):
I know that I've beenreferencing this verse more
frequently in most recentepisodes, but it truly does
speak into how as a mom who issearching for confidence, you
wish for all of the things thatbothers you, so the thorn or
thorns that are at your side,you want them to be removed
because you're just searchingfor this incredible rest and
peace that gives you this worryfree feeling that you're not
(16:35):
anxious about anything.
You're not worried aboutanything You don't wish that you
had to fix anything you're justthinking of incredible peace
that you would get that nothingwould bother you and then you
would be okay.
I Think it's an incrediblereminder also That it is through
God's grace that is sufficientfor you.
So even with the thorn at yourside, you don't have to walk in
(16:59):
anxiety.
You don't have to always beworried about what you're doing
next or how you're going to gainmore confidence in other areas
of your life.
Because the more that you go tohim and the more that you rest
in him, you'll realize that hisgrace truly is sufficient for
you.
And that his power magnifies.
in your weakness, whichessentially makes you stronger
(17:21):
because it is only by the graceof God that you would be able to
get through whatever hardseasons you're in right now.
We actually talked about theword sufficient two weeks ago in
my free community.
The link to join is in the shownotes.
I would highly recommend jumpinginto that community so that you
can learn and grow with us asyou build God Centered
Confidence.
Such an awesome resource foryou, Mama.
(17:43):
But yes, His grace and powermagnifies even more when you are
weak.
So today's conversation probablyfelt like I covered a lot,
right?
And I did.
So to recap really quickly onwhat not to do when building God
centered confidence is to notrely on compliments.
Yes, they feel good, but itvaries and many people have
(18:04):
their own opinion.
Instead, what you can do islearn who God is, know your
identity in Him by reading HisTrue and trustworthy word, which
is the Bible.
Secondly, you don't want to getattached to your looks.
Your looks are going to bechanging over time.
It comes with age, injury, andfrom having babies., when you
get fixated on your looks, youget stuck in the past, which
(18:27):
makes it hard for you to embraceand get to know the version of
you that is here today.
A great way to embrace your bodyis to truly be grateful and
thank God for what your body isable to do.
Practice thanking God that yourbody can move, that it is well,
and remember that your bodyfights for the best chance of
survival, even when it's sick,right?
(18:48):
So that should tell yousomething.
And then don't focus onperfection.
This is when you hyperfix yourattention and thoughts on making
sure that there are no flaws inwhat you're doing.
Just remember that we are allbound to mess up at some point.
It is not the end of ourjourney, right?
We can still get up and goagain.
Remember that when you arebuilding God centered
confidence, it does not meanthat you strive for perfection.
(19:10):
It just means that you're goingto learn to let him fill the
gaps.
where you fall short.
and then don't seek to takecontrol of everything.
This is when you feel like youhave to touch everything because
you want control of it, right?
You have to have all eyes on it,you have to touch it and know
that it is going well becauseyou are wanting to perfect or
progress in your craft, which isunderstandable, but just know
(19:32):
that at some point you're boundto mess up, which is okay.
Adapting with grace, right?
Going to God first and thinkingabout the fruit of the spirit is
going to be the perfect way foryou to start.
Working yourself out of seekingto take control of everything.
And then the last one is to notfocus on perfection.
This is where you hyperfix yourattention and thoughts on making
(19:52):
sure that there are no flaws inwhat you're doing.
But just know that again, you'rebound to mess up at some point,
which is okay.
Building God centered confidencedoes not mean that you strive
for perfection.
It just means that you're goingto learn to let him fill the
gaps where you fall short.
And I just have to say, I am soincredibly proud of you for
working on building God centeredconfidence because my friend, it
(20:14):
is not easy and I know that itcan be hard, but you can do hard
things.
Thank you so much for hangingout with me today.
I had such a wonderful time.
I cannot wait to meet you againnext Wednesday.
Right here on this podcast.
(20:34):
Mamma.
I hope that as you are inspiredand uplifted, that you would
show up at all the spaces andplaces ready to serve with a
joyful heart.
And yes, with confidence.
Please take a moment to leave areview on apple podcasts.
It would bring me so much joyhearing from you on top of that.
If you want to connect evenmore, join the insider's list.
(20:55):
I would love to continue helpingyou as you journey on in getting
God centered confidence.
The link to join the insider'slist is going to be posted in
the show notes..
All right, my friend, this iswhere we part ways.
I hope you have a wonderful day.
Go in peace.
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