113 | Feel Like You’re Failing as a Mom? You’re Not—Here’s What You Need to Hear

Hey Mama!!

If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in the cycle of mom guilt, constantly questioning if you’re doing enough or if you’re somehow messing it all up—you’re not alone. The truth is, you’re not failing. You’re learning, growing, and doing far better than you think.

In this episode, we’re unpacking how your mindset plays a powerful role in how you view yourself as a mom—and how God’s truth can shift the weight of guilt and self doubt. It's time you stop believing the lies mom guilt tricks you into thinking what's true about you. If you’re ready to ditch the guilt and embrace growth, this conversation is for you. Let’s invite God into the journey—and step into the freedom He has for you.

Key Takeaways

• The difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset—and why it matters in motherhood
• How negative self-talk feeds mom guilt and how to reframe it with biblical truth
• Practical, grace-filled ways to renew your mind daily and start living with peace and purpose. 

Related Episode(s):

110 | The Number 1 Mistake That's Hurting Your Confidence

101 | The Only Question To Ask When You're Wondering "Am I Good Enough?"

100 | Stop Searing For A Confidence Boost And Rewire Your Thoughts 

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I'm excited to connect with you! Remember, you can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Have you ever considered thatyour mindset might be fueling
your guilt more than your actualmistakes?
We all mess up at some point.
We're moms and it doesn't comewith a manual that tells us
what's right and wrong.
And that can be hard becauseletting go of that mom guilt can
be a lot harder than it seems.

(00:21):
In today's conversation, I'mgoing to be talking about fixed
mindset versus growth mindset.
you might have heard thisbefore, but today I really want
you to ask yourself, which sideam I on today?
Let's dive in.
Hey mama.

(00:41):
Are you tired of the constantmom guilt and wondering if
you're really enough?
You know God has called you formore, but peace feels like it's
just out of reach.
I'm Caroline Thao, host of theRestore Mind, and I'm so glad
you're here.
This is your safe space totrade, overwhelmed for
confidence, guilt for grace, andstep into the freedom God has

(01:02):
for you.
Ready?
Let's do this.
My free community are full ofmamas just like you, who are
working to face the challenge ofmom guilt.
Let's be honest, mom guilt canspiral you out into so many
directions that it creates spacefor you to second guess

(01:24):
yourself.
In my free community, we worktogether to challenge the lies
that come with it.
We're partnering with God in theprocess.
We also give each other biblicalencouragement and there are fun
challenges within this group,and also the conversations in
the group are just so fun andgenuine.
It's a community that trulythrives on the love of God, and

(01:45):
I want to invite you to join us.
The link to join is in the shownotes, and I can't wait to see
you there so that we can beginto walk this journey together.
As a new mom, I made quite a fewmistakes.
Even now, I still make mistakes,but there was this particular
time where my youngest was stilla newborn, and it seemed like no

(02:06):
matter what I did, she wouldalways get this terrible diaper
rash.
It was so bad to the point wherewhenever she would pee, she'd
actually cry out because itwould hurt so much.
I did everything I could to helpfrom changing out diaper brands
to trying new ointments, and itseemed like nothing worked.
Luckily I had a few wins whichwas great because the rash would

(02:29):
begin to go away and she wouldfeel comfortable again, and then
maybe in a week or two she wouldget that rash again.
I even changed her diaper morefrequently, thinking it was
because I was letting her sit insoil diapers for too long.
I stopped using wipes to cleanher and resorted to warm soapy
water just to make sure that thewipe was not rubbing up against

(02:50):
her skin and causing even moreof.
An irritation.
Honestly, it was a hot mess.
I was frustrated because I knewshe was uncomfortable and I felt
so incredibly bad for notknowing how to ease her pain and
her discomfort.
But let me tell you, the momguilt was so heavy at the time

(03:10):
that I was actually crying withher.
There is something soheartbreaking about newborn
cries, especially when they'recrying in agony, and it hurt my
heart to be honest with you.
This led me to actually talknegatively about myself, to
myself, and I didn't know itthen, but the way that I spoke
to myself and what I thought ofmyself was ruining the precious

(03:31):
newborn days with my youngest,and this had a lot to do with my
mindset.
See there are two mindset.
One is fixed and the other oneis growth.
A fixed mindset is when youbelieve who you are, so your
talents, your ability to parent,your patience level is
unchangeable.
And the things that I named arejust a few examples, but it's

(03:52):
really encompassing everything.
You might find yourself sayingthings like, I'm just not a
patient mom.
Or No matter what I do, I alwaysmess up.
Or other moms have it together.
And I don't, does that soundfamiliar to you?
See, when you are in thismindset, you actually
internalize your struggles andyour thoughts.

(04:14):
You might shut down and not takehelpful feedback very well
because you get defensive whensomeone is suggesting a new
approach, which I know Idefinitely did that with my
husband when he was trying tohelp find a solution to our
youngest constant diaper rashes.
It was definitely not myproudest moment.
But getting easily annoyed andfeeling like the effort is

(04:35):
pointless is another way thatyou could be internalizing the
struggle, especially in a fixedmindset.
It is hard, my friend, toactually stay in a fixed mindset
because if you think about it,it continues the cycle of self
sabotage and that brings a lotof stress.
There's low self-esteem that'sinvolved in that, and there's a
lot of negative things that justhappens in this mindset if you

(04:58):
stay in it.
And by things I mean.
Thoughts because you begin tobelieve these thoughts are true.
So how do you make it easier?
Well, we can take a look at theother side of the fixed mindset,
which would be the growthmindset and begin to make
changes along the way.
A growth mindset is when youbelieve that you can learn and

(05:18):
improve, and this mindset isgoing to be where you can begin
to kick mom guilt to the curband everything else that comes
with it.
Like second guessing yourself,doubting yourself, thinking
you're not enough, all of it andso much more.
Do not let it dictate your lifeas a mom, because it is a
precious gift that we get to bemamas to our babies, so let's

(05:42):
not take it for granted.
A growth mindset is challengingin its own way because it
requires you to ask hardquestions and reflect on your
behavior, your thoughts, and youhave to begin to put actionable
steps behind your wants.
for example, you want to stopyelling at your kids That means
that in order for that tohappen.

(06:03):
You have to be mindful of thesituation and ask probing
questions so that you can get abetter understanding of their
actions before you resort toyelling.
And this can be hard to dobecause the habit of yelling has
already been created.
It's become a muscle memory, andwhat you're trying to do is
you're trying to reverse it.
So it's gonna be a hard habit tobreak, and it probably at the

(06:24):
end of the day, doesn't make youfeel good that you're yelling at
your kids.
When things calm down, you'reprobably thinking about what
happened.
And mom guilt begins to creep.
in, and it's adding onto theweight that's already on your
shoulder in a fixed mindset, youwould probably tell yourself
that you're a bad mom foryelling at them.
You probably would say that youhave no patience and that you

(06:46):
don't have any control over youremotions because you're not a
good person.
A growth mindset would help youget into the habit of admitting
where you fall short.
So acknowledging that maybeyelling was not the best
approach to the situation, andthen asking questions like, what
could be better?
How can you improve to become abetter mama?

(07:09):
Where the automatic response isnot yelling, but understanding
this is going to help you.
Take a look at your behavior, atyour actions.
It's going to help youacknowledge them and take
responsibility for them.
And then the the hardest part ismaking changes and allowing
grace to happen.

(07:29):
As you are working through thesethings, it's challenging in a
way that actually requires youto dig deep.
A growth mindset would say, thisis hard, but I can learn from
it.
Or What could I have donedifferent?
How can I be better?
I want to be better.
It's the idea that you aretelling yourself that you can

(07:49):
grow from this.
A great way to apply growthmindset or work towards that
direction is to be remindedabout what Paul says in Romans
12, two.
Do not be conformed to thepattern of the world, but be
transformed by the renewing ofyour mind.
And we're gonna dig a little bitinto the scripture here.
But before I do that, I reallywant to preface this by saying

(08:12):
that Paul wrote this and he wasencouraging that we present our
bodies as a living sacrificethat is holy and acceptable to
God.
And then he tells us that thereason why is because it is a
spiritual worship to God.
And then he says, do not beconformed to the pattern of the
world, but be transformed by therenewing of the mind.

(08:32):
And I think this is important tolook at as a whole, because the
way that we would honor Godspiritually, or have the
spiritual worship to God As aliving sacrifice is to
continually go back to him.
To not be conformed or tofashion ourself that is with the
world, but to be transformed bythe renewing of your mind.
And how would you be able to dothat?

(08:53):
It would be to continuously goback to the word so that you can
be reminded of who you are inChrist.
See mama the lies that mom guiltends up having.
You believe that you're notenough and keeps you in a loop
of self-doubt is not a good wayof renewing and transforming
your mind.
It puts a chain on you to makeyou think that you are failing
or maybe it keeps you secondguessing whether you're doing

(09:15):
the right or wrong thing.
It kind of keeps you in thiscycle of self-doubt and the
longer that mom guilt continuesto stay with you, it will
actually magnify your flaws andit ends up making it all about
you.
Not that you're not loved orspecial to God or your loved
ones, but.
Because of those negativethoughts, you're blinded by only

(09:36):
what the lies are telling you.
However, you are so much morethan your mistakes Mama, or
whatever lies mom guilt has youbelieving.
Jesus tells us, and in Matthew1128, come to me all who labor
in our heavy laden and I willgive you rest and take that as
an invitation for you to startletting go of mom guilt.

(09:58):
Imagine for a moment, mom, guiltnot existing in your world
because you have been sotransformed in your mind that
you go to God's word to findwhat is true.
Instead of allowing your mind torun wild with all of the what
ifs, all of the should haves andcould ofs, what would that look
like for you?
Working on growth mindset thatis centered around transforming

(10:20):
and renewing.
The mind is not an overnightprocess.
It is going to take a lot ofintentional effort for you to
uproot.
What has probably been with youfor quite some time, but you can
start with reorganizing yourmind by going from a fixed
mindset to a growth mindset.
It's in how you're speaking toyourself.
Episode 110, the number onemistake that's hurting your

(10:43):
confidence speaks right intothis.
So I'll link it in the shownotes for you.
All right, so let me wrap upthis conversation by asking you
this.
Are you living in a fixed or agrowth mindset?
Remember, a fixed mindset iswhen you believe who you are is
completely unchangeable.
And yes, it is hard to stay inthis fixed mindset because it

(11:05):
continues the cycle of selfsabotage and that brings stress,
low self-esteem, a lot of othernegative things.
If you decide to stay in thismindset.
A growth mindset is when youbelieve that you can learn and
improve.
You can begin to kick mom guiltto the curb by digging deep and
facing challenges or questionsthat helps you become better.

(11:28):
It's the belief that you cangrow and you can.
Improve.
I said earlier that it was hardto stay in a fixed mindset.
It's also hard to work through agrowth mindset because there are
so many things that goes intothat.
There's accountability, personalchanges that you need to make
internally.
But my friend, I know that youcan do hard things.

(11:55):
Thank you so much for hangingout with me today.
I had such a wonderful time.
I cannot wait to meet you againnext Wednesday.
Right here on this podcast.
Mamma.
I hope that as you are inspiredand uplifted, that you would
show up at all the spaces andplaces ready to serve with a
joyful heart.
And yes, with confidence.
Please take a moment to leave areview on apple podcasts.

(12:19):
It would bring me so much joyhearing from you on top of that.
If you want to connect evenmore, join the insider's list.
I would love to continue helpingyou as you journey on in getting
God centered confidence.
The link to join the insider'slist is going to be posted in
the show notes..
All right, my friend, this iswhere we part ways.
I hope you have a wonderful day.

(12:40):
Go in peace.