Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Do you ever find yourselfsnapping at your husband and
your kids sighing and thinking,why am I the only one who sees
this mess?
You serve, you give and give,and underneath it all you're
frustrated.
Maybe even angry.
And then comes the guilt.
Today we're talking about thequiet struggle with constant
complaining and the simplemindset shifts to make that lead
(00:23):
to more peaceful, more joy andreal freedom.
If you're tired of resenting thework, you are not alone.
Let's dive in.
Hey mama.
Are you tired of the constantmom guilt and wondering if
you're really enough?
You know God has called you formore, but peace feels like it's
(00:46):
just out of reach.
I'm Caroline Thao, host of theRestore Mind, and I'm so glad
you're here.
This is your safe space totrade, overwhelmed for
confidence, guilt for grace, andstep into the freedom God has
for you.
Ready?
Let's do this.
(01:07):
What if you didn't have towrestle with mom guilt alone?
Imagine a space where you can bereal, grow deeper in your faith,
laugh at the chaos of mom lifeand feel totally supported by
other mamas who get it.
Good news.
You don't have to imagine it.
It's already happening inside myfree community.
We're talking realconversations, fun challenges,
(01:30):
lots of encouragement, and thekind of sisterhood that reminds
you.
You're never alone on thisjourney.
These mamas are incredible andthey're linking arms with God
and other to walk in freedom,and there's a spot just for you.
The link is waiting for you inthe show notes.
Come on.
What are you waiting for?
Grab your coffee or your coldleftover coffee.
(01:53):
Trust me.
No judgment here and come joinus, Before we dive into this
episode, I want to take a quicksecond to wish all of you mamas
listening, a happy Mother's Day.
I know it's only Wednesday andMother's Day is a couple of days
away, but I want to remind youright now that you are such an
incredible mama and the lovesacrifice and grace you pour out
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over your family every singleday does not go unnoticed by
your family or by God, even ifit feels like it does.
Now, I've shared this before onmy podcast, but it feels
especially fitting to say today,I never actually wanted to be a
mom.
I know if you're new here, it'sprobably a shock to you, but
it's true.
(02:38):
I never thought of myself as amom growing up but thank
goodness God doesn't always giveus what we think we need because
his way and his gifts.
Far better than what we couldever imagine for ourselves, even
when it doesn't feel like it atthe time.
See, motherhood has truly beenone of the greatest gifts God
has ever given me.
But I'll be honest, I mean fullytransparent.
(03:00):
I didn't always see it that way.
I used to view my role as a wifeand mom through such a negative
lens, and looking back, I findit a little ironic.
Because as a little girl Idreamt about one day being
married.
You remember those days right,where you had your dollies or
your stuffies lined up andeveryone was present to this
grand wedding that you hadimagined?
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Well, when that finally happenedfor me, I had no idea how to
sacrifice lovingly that mindsetfollowed me into motherhood, and
I complained a lot.
At first, it was just internal,but eventually I got bolder and
not in a good way.
I began voicing my frustrationsabout cooking, about laundry,
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cleaning, and really everythingin between.
And let me tell you, complainingdidn't make the workload any
lighter.
It made it heavier.
Those honestly were not my bestmoments.
But maybe you've been there too.
Maybe you're in that space rightnow where the workload never
ends and gratitude feels faraway.
(04:06):
You're tired and you'rewondering if anyone really sees
all that you do.
If that's you, I want you toknow I see you.
Most importantly, God sees you.
Let's talk about what happenswhen we let that complaining
spirit take over, and how we cangently shift out of it and into
something far more life giving.
(04:27):
When I was in a complainingmindset, everything felt heavier
and the task became longer.
At first, it felt like arelease, like I was venting out
my frustrations and anger.
But here's a couple of things itactually did.
It made me.
Resentful and bitter about whatI was doing.
It created tension in thehousehold because I wasn't
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showing up with love or joy, andwith the willingness to serve
and nurture my family, I wasshowing up in frustration that
made nobody in my house want tobe around me.
It was hard for my family totalk to me, and my kids would
get nervous when they actuallyneeded something from me.
Imagine the feeling that washesover you.
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When you look at your kids andyou know that they want
something and when you ask themwhat it is that they're
searching for, they're afraid totell you because they're afraid
they might make you upset.
For me, that didn't feel good.
I mean, being angry andcomplaining all the time didn't
feel good, but then noticingthat my family was nervous
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around me or.
Scared to talk to me.
That didn't feel good either.
It actually made me feelincredibly bad and magnify the
voice of mom guilt.
It was hard.
Complaining is a habit, and ifyou aren't mindful of where your
thoughts go, when met with atask that you don't necessarily
want to do, it can become ahabit that repeats itself until
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it becomes a natural reaction.
It will affect the atmosphere ofyour home, A complaining mindset
will also start to trick youinto thinking that you're the
victim in your own life.
And yes, that happens too.
It's happened to me.
It makes you think that you area prisoner, chained to all of
the chores, and you end uptelling yourself something like,
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this is it.
This is all I'm meant to do.
And I don't have time for myselffor anything ever.
That probably sounds reallyfamiliar to you, and it leaves
you feeling like you're beingtaken for granted or that you're
trapped in whatever it is thatyou're feeling stuck in.
So I challenge you to thinkabout where your mindset is at
when it comes to your dailytasks of motherhood.
(06:34):
Think about where your thoughtsgo when you're working on your
chores, serving your family andmanaging the home.
Really think about all of it.
If you are a stay at home mom, awork from home mom, or a working
mom.
'cause all of that plays a rolein your heart posture and in
your mind, which we'll talkabout in just a second, because
believe it or not, the way thatyou approach these tasks are
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going to set the tone and thepace for the entire household.
So start paying attention toyour internal dialogue, the
things that you're really sayingto yourself as you're met with
these different tasks.
Remember that God is in themidst of this messy moment.
So go to him with gratitude.
Be thankful that you get to dothese things, even in the
mundane tasks of your chores.
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See, complaining isn't justabout dishes or endless laundry.
It's a heart and mind issue.
the attitude you have towardsthe work matters.
When I was reflecting on myattitude towards my chores and
duties as a wife and mom, Irealized I wasn't seeing these
gifts the way that God intended.
I saw them as a burden, and yetI knew I wouldn't trade them for
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anything.
Isn't that crazy?
It's a little ironic, right?
We love the gifts that we have,and yet we find ways to complain
about them.
And that's when it hit me.
I was not taking into account myduties as a form of worship in a
way to honor God, but as aburden.
I saw work as punishment, andwork was not meant to feel like
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a punishment.
But that's how I felt when I wasin a complaining mindset.
If we go back to the beginningof the Bible, Adam was given
work to do.
In Genesis two 15, it says, theLord God took the man and put
him in the Garden of Eden towork it and keep it.
Now Let's take a moment toreflect on what work and keep
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means, because they play a rolein how you and I as mamas can
make this shift a more joyfilled life in the duties that
we have.
Work as God intended is meantfor us to prepare or tend to a
task.
Whereas keep means that we areto guard the work that has been
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assigned to us.
So we are in charge of thesethings right in charge of the
home that's been gifted to us nomatter how big or small.
So the question is, how well areyou preparing or attending to
the tasks in your home and howwell are you guarding it?
How are you guarding it?
I think a great way to do thatwould be to not only.
(09:04):
Pray over your family in yourhome, but to remember the task
and to remember the Lord, and todo it in a more grateful
attitude and fixing our heartposture and our mind towards the
things that we do.
it's in how we manage ourroutines and even our outlook on
what we're doing.
A great way to begin making theshift is by rethinking the way
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you view these mundane tasksthat seems to never be finished.
Think of them as an opportunity.
If you're preparing dinner, forexample, it is an opportunity
for you to invite your childrento come and help where
conversations can spark and turninto a learning moment for them
and for you.
And instead of saying, I have todo this with a complaining
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mindset, replace that with an Iget to do this attitude.
We don't think about this oftenas mamas because we're bombarded
with all of the things that weneed to do, but this season of
busyness won't last.
And truth be told, you and I aregoing to miss it.
Time is fleeting, so you canchoose to spend that time stuck
(10:11):
in frustration, complaining andgrunting.
Or you can begin to build habitsthat will imprint lasting
positive and loving memories onyour kids.
The impact you make matters.
Once you begin to make thatshift, it's going to change
everything and don't hear whatI'm not saying.
(10:32):
I'm not saying that you have tohold everything together and
that you're not allowed toexpress how you're feeling or
that you have to aim forperfection.
Because that's not the answereither, mama.
What I am suggesting is that youtake a moment to reflect on how
you can make changes and how youcan begin to react that is going
to create a more peaceful andwelcoming atmosphere and
(10:56):
environment for your familybecause there is absolutely a
way that you can express howyou're feeling without the
tension and you can still beheard as well.
once my heart posture andmindset changed, everything else
began to shift.
now the work didn't disappear,but the burden did, that feeling
(11:16):
of being burdened by theworkload absolutely disappeared.
I was no longer wondering howmuch longer would I have to do
these?
Mundane, boring, never endingthings.
Instead, they simply became workthat I was gladly doing because
I knew it was serving my family.
Now, did that make me want toalways do the things?
(11:37):
Absolutely not.
I'm human too, and there aredays where I just simply don't
feel like starting a load oflaundry or simply don't feel
like cooking.
Of course, those things stillhappen, but that looming.
Heavy feeling that comes withthe complaining mind when you
don't want to do something thatis not there anymore.
So once you make the shift, theimpact is going to help you see
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that you still have these tasks.
They're not going to disappear,but it is going to feel a lot
lighter.
once you make that shift, theimpact is going to help you see
that you are no longer beingruled by overwhelm, anger,
bitterness, or resentment.
The grip that it has on you isgoing to loosen because you have
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invited God into the process bylooking at your tasks as a gift
from God.
And like I mentioned earlier,gifts from God do not always
come wrapped up in prettypackages, and that's okay
because it's not about gettingit all done, but about doing it
with the willingness, comfort,and peace that the things you do
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provides for your family in away that brings them comfort.
A peaceful mindset.
Leads to a more peaceful home.
The atmosphere and tone withinthe family changes.
And while it won't ever beperfect, you'll be glad you made
the shift.
You'll be more present with yourfamily and more intentional in
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the moments that truly matter.
And if we're being honest witheach other, at the end of the
day, that's truly all that wewant.
Now, I know I talked about a lottoday.
So to recap really quickly asyou began to work on shifting
that mindset, remember that thecomplaining spirit is only going
to bring resentment andbitterness.
We also talked about the shiftthat needs to happen in order
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for you to truly embrace themessy and mundane daily tasks.
And then finally, we touched onhow this would be such an
incredible impact for you andyour family.
so this Mother's Day, if you'refinding yourself constantly
frustrated, and resentfultowards your tasks, I hope this
episode gave you new perspectivethat you can begin implementing
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into your life.
It's hard to be positive all thetime or to show up joyfully.
Trust me, I get it.
But.
That doesn't mean that you can'tbe grateful and you are a
wonderful mom who is absolutelydoing her best.
Your family might not always saythank you for the little things,
but trust me, you are making abig difference in their life.
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So don't give up because you cando hard things.
Thank you so much for hangingout with me today.
I had such a wonderful time.
I cannot wait to meet you againnext Wednesday.
Right here on this podcast.
Mamma.
I hope that as you are inspiredand uplifted, that you would
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show up at all the spaces andplaces ready to serve with a
joyful heart.
And yes, with confidence.
Please take a moment to leave areview on apple podcasts.
It would bring me so much joyhearing from you on top of that.
If you want to connect evenmore, join the insider's list.
I would love to continue helpingyou as you journey on The link
(14:55):
to join the insider's list isgoing to be posted in the show
notes..
All right, my friend, this iswhere we part ways.
I hope you have a wonderful day.
Go in peace.