Episode Transcript
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Welcome to the second episode ofour transition miniseries.
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I am so excited to talk aboutthis topic today because as
summer ends and school begins,many of us mamas, find ourselves
wondering.
Did we do enough?
Today we're tackling mom guilthead on and discovering how to
celebrate what you didaccomplish while releasing the
weight of what you didn't.
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It's time to move forward withfreedom.
Are you feeling the weight ofmom guilt?
The truth is, there are so manymamas out there, including
myself, that walk this journeyalone, and the worst part is we
think we're alone.
But the good news is that, one,you are not alone.
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And two, because I used tostruggle with this too and was
so desperate for a communitythat combined practical
strategies with faith-basedencouragement.
I created that community myself,and so I want to invite you into
this free online community,break free for Mom Guilt, where
Christian moms celebrate wins nomatter how small, share biblical
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truth and support each otherthrough guilt-free motherhood.
The link to join is in the shownotes and I personally cannot
wait to welcome you Mama.
See you there.
Hey Mama.
Overwhelmed by Mom Guilt.
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I'm Caroline Tao, helpingChristian moms trade
perfectionism for freedom andrest.
Welcome to the Restored Mind,where Biblical wisdom meets
practical strategies forbecoming the mom You've always
wanted to be ready.
Let's do this.
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Do you remember the end ofsummer gathering challenge that
we did last week?
If you're not familiar with it,or if this is your first time
with us at the Restored mind,which by the way, welcome to the
Restored Mind family that.
Summer Challenge was one where Iencouraged you to gather your
family around the dinner tableor the campfire, and share one
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favorite summer memory with eachother.
Well, this challenge is one thatwe do every year right before
school starts, but this was thefirst year my kids also
volunteered information.
Like what they wish they couldhave done more of.
And that one caught me off guardbecause let me tell you, I was
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not ready for that.
It honestly left me wondering ifmaybe we should have planned
more outings or maybe we shouldhave done more.
And then that's when I caughtmyself, that familiar mom guilt
just creeping in and trying tosettle into my mind.
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It was erasing all the goodmemories that we had created.
So what struck me was howquickly I moved from celebrating
our summer highlights toquestioning everything I had
done.
'cause it wasn't like they justgave me their I wishes, for
things that they.
Wanted to do more of.
I mean, we talked about all theawesome things we did over the
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summer as well.
And it just struck me how onesimple comment and suddenly the
beach trips, the water balloonfights.
We had the movie nights, theendless ice cream nights, they
didn't seem like they were quoteunquote enough anymore.
'cause I feel like I fell short.
But then.
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I remembered Romans eight, one.
There is no condemnation forthose in Christ Jesus.
So what if instead of condemningmyself or what didn't happen?
I celebrated what did, what if Isaw my children's wishes, not as
accusations, but as dreams thatwe could talk about for maybe
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next summer.
That's when I realized thispattern of quote unquote, not
enough, doesn't just steal oursummers end and actually steals
our confidence as we enter intoa new season.
And that is exactly what we'retackling today.
But first we're going to explorewhy we focus on what we didn't
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do.
See, as moms, we have a mentallist that seems like it just
gets longer and longer with eachpassing day.
It's filled with things that weneed to do, things we need to
plan out, and it even triggersgaps that we've missed.
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So the transition of summer withBack to School puts your mind in
a mental state of review whereyou categorize what you meant to
do, but didn't get around todoing.
When this happens, mom guiltintensifies and we become
distracted from appreciatingwhat we actually did accomplish
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over the summer, and when yourmind becomes distracted, you're
focusing on the negatives.
It essentially robs you of joyand freedom as you enter into
this new season.
Transition itself is not at alla bad thing, and while it may be
difficult to adjust, it showsthat life is ever changing.
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Focusing on the negativeprevents you from seeing God's
hand all through summer.
It creates anxiety about theupcoming school year, and if
you're expressing it outwardly,it can also reflect how your
little one is taking in this newtransition for them as they
start school.
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So let's not do that to them.
Let's not make it harder for youeither, one way you can begin to
shift your focus is to noticewhen your mind goes to that
quote unquote, not enoughmentality.
Similar to how I felt when mykids expressed what they wish
they could have done more.
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I mean, that was like a shot inthe heart because I really tried
to keep them active and engagedall summer long.
We learned new skills, tookdaily walks.
We worked out daily and had manygame times.
We even joined their dad on arandom day for lunch in his
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office throughout summer, sothat was something they really
enjoyed and looked forward to.
So I actually thought that wewere pretty busy, but I guess
they had other ideas.
Which by the way, it doesn'tmean that they had a horrible
summer by any means.
It just meant that they hadideas that wasn't either
expressed by them or that wejust didn't get to.
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So as you become more mindful ofyour thought pattern, it becomes
easier to pull yourself out ofthat negative mindset.
The mindfulness isn't anothertask to perfect.
It's a pathway to freedom andjust remember, you are not a bad
mom.
You're a mom who is doing herbest with the resources and
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energy you have.
So don't be so hard on yourself,mama.
And then the next step is afternoticing these thought patterns,
it's to challenge them.
Challenge those not enoughthoughts with evidence of what
you did do, and then remindyourself of how that brought joy
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to your kids and what cool andfun things came out of it.
Don't let this not enoughmindset.
Minimize all the awesome thingsyou did over the summer.
And you know what those, I wishcomments from your kids can be
turned into activities that youjot down for later in the year
or next summer, if they aresummer specific by any means.
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Some of the things that my kidsnamed were things that we could
do any time of the year, liketrips to the trampoline park or
going to the beach more often.
We are about 40 minutes to anhour away from the beach.
So it is more accessible to us.
And basically what I'm gettingat by sharing this with you is
that.
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I want you to be encouraged tokeep in mind what your kids are
saying, because those can bepart of a birthday celebration
or on a random Saturday when youall have free time.
And I'll talk more about how todo this in a fun way later on in
this episode.
So now that we've identified whywe tend to focus on what we
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didn't do and how to becomeaware of these thought patterns,
let's explore the powerfulantidote to this negative focus,
which is gratitude.
While awareness is the firststep, gratitude is the practice
that actively shifts ourperspective away from guilt and
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towards freedom, which is wherewe want to go.
Using intentional gratitude is aspiritual discipline to counter
guilt based thinking, and it'snot just about thinking
positively.
It's more than that.
It's acknowledging God'sprovision, knowing that he is in
control, and remembering that heis good.
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So.
If he is good, then even when wehave the worst days, it's still
a good day because God makes allof our days right.
See, intentional gratituderequires consistent practice.
This work does not come easywhen guilt rises up and it
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begins to feel more natural tomaybe even hunker back into old
patterns and behaviors.
So while it's hard, it's notimpossible.
And the reason you want to startpracticing gratitude is because
it's going to help transformyour perspective and align you
with biblical truth.
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Romans eight one reminds us thatthere is, therefore now no
condemnation for those who arein Christ Jesus.
Some Bible verses.
Also expand this with who walk,not according to the flesh, but
according to the spirit, whichbeautifully emphasizes how this
freedom connects to our dailychoices.
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Gratitude pulls you away fromleaning on your own
understanding where you can endup judging yourself harshly or
become confused or even filledwith guilt, and instead it
invites you to walk and trust.
And surrender.
It also creates joy no matterthe circumstances.
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When you practice gratitude, youare being a leader for your
children.
I mean, they get to witness youacknowledging the
disappointment, but stillexuding the peace that would
only come from God.
See, I have to admit that.
There have been times where I'veleaned on myself, my own
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understanding to wrap my mindaround something, and I have
found that I have probablybecome more frazzled, more
frustrated, and even moreconfused, which has led me to
snap at my kids and say thingsthat I didn't mean or to even
behave in a way that I was notproud of, And that was not a
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feel good feeling, but when yourkids get to witness you having
that peace that only comes fromGod, it honestly changes So how
do we practice gratitude whenguilt feels natural to us?
There are so many ways that youcan practice gratitude.
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One of my favorites, is to startout by journaling.
Just one thing that you aregrateful for.
Honestly, this was so extremelyhelpful As someone who was an
incredibly negative person, andI was just honestly trying to
figure out how to not be sooverwhelmed by guilt, so it was
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so simple and it honestly didn'ttake a lot of my time.
What actually made this practicesustainable for me was removing
the pressure to sound spiritual.
I stopped forcing myself towrite down things that sounded
quote unquote.
Christian, like, you know what Imean?
Right.
When you feel like yourgratitude needs to sound super
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spiritual for it to count.
I know that I've done that manytimes, and when I started
removing that pressure, it mademe realize that I can be
grateful for God and still enjoya matcha latte.
Now, eventually I began to saywhy I was grateful for these
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things,.
And then it got to the pointwhere I would write down how
this points me back to God.
But it was gradual and it wasslow.
So don't think that you.
Need to get to that point rightaway.
If you're not already there.
I encourage you if you'restarting out, to just take it
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slow, keep it simple, and enjoythe process., And then do you
remember when we were talkingearlier on in this episode about
the I wish comments that yourkids were making about, Things
they wish they could have donemore this summer.
Well, this is that time becauseother ways that you can practice
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gratitude is by keeping a littlejar of I wishes, where you have
them write down the things theywish they could have done more
of over the summer.
And then when you have a freeweekend, shake it up and draw
from the jar.
Now who gets to draw from thatjar is going to be completely up
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to you if you have more than onekid.
You are gonna wanna get creativewith this.
For me, I have three awesomekids, so I am most likely going
to do rock, paper, scissor.
'cause that's always somethingfun that we do and it honestly
settles a lot.
And then maybe it might be basedoff of.
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Performance that week of maybesomeone who had really good
behavior at school or just didsomething that was out of their
comfort zone and showed a littlebit of initiative So that all is
gonna get factored into it.
And it's really fun.
It's really fun because.
Meant to be an easy way to hypeup an adventure for you and your
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family.
This not only honors theirwishes, but it also transforms
what could be guilt triggersinto opportunities for
gratitude, and it buildsconnection with you and your
family, which is the ultimategoal that we're going for here.
As we wrap up today's secondepisode of the transition
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miniseries, let's remember thesekey truths that will help you
move forward with freedom.
Because truth be told, thisisn't just for back to school
seasons.
These topics go far beyond that.
So as these truths sink in, Iwant to encourage you as you
enter this back to schoolseason, that our minds naturally
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review what we missed ratherthan what we accomplished,
especially during transitions.
This negative focus robs us ofjoy and creates unnecessary
guilt By becoming mindful ofthese not enough thoughts, we
can challenge them with evidenceof what we actually did
accomplish.
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Remember, you are not a bad mom.
You're a mom doing her best withthe resources and energy you
have.
And don't forget to practicegratitude to combat the guilt,
because gratitude is a powerfulspiritual discipline that
transforms our perspective.
So start small with just onegrateful thought daily, and
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don't pressure yourself tosound, quote, unquote spiritual.
Whether it's appreciating asimple matcha latte or turning
your children's quote, I wishstatements into future
opportunities.
Gratitude creates space for joyin any circumstance.
I truly hope this episode helpedyou release that unspoken
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pressure and gets you excitedfor what is ahead.
It's hard to not define yourselfby what you didn't do, but.
I know that you have thestrength to reframe those
thoughts and embrace gratitude.
Instead, if you would like extrahelp, don't forget to join my
free online community that'slinked in the show notes for
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you, and I would be so honoredto walk alongside your journey
with you.
Alright, mamas, it's time toshow up as the mom you want to
be and remember, you can do hardthings.
Thanks for hanging out with metoday, mama.
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If this episode helped you inany way, would you do me a favor
and please share it with afellow mom that could also
benefit from this episode.
Until then, I'll see you nextWednesday, right here on this
podcast.
Go in peace.