Episode Transcript
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Have you ever felt like you'refailing because you can't keep
everything under control?
What if I told you leadershipand motherhood was never about
control to begin with?
In this episode, we're debunkingthe myth that leadership beats
having it all together andshowing you what it really looks
like to lead your family withlove, integrity, and grace.
(00:21):
You're leading more than yourealize.
Mama.
As a stay at home mom, I neversaw myself as a leader until I
was struggling with mom guilt,wanting more, but feeling like I
could never do enough.
I became desperate for communitythat would help me grow my faith
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while raising my children, andthat's why I created the Break
Free from Mom Guilt.
Community where Christian momslive out their faith in
motherhood and embrace theircalling as leaders in their
homes.
Mama, are you ready to seeyourself as the leader you
already are?
Go ahead and click the link inthe show notes to join us.
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See you there.
Hey Mama.
Overwhelmed by Mom Guilt.
I'm Caroline Tao, helpingChristian moms trade
perfectionism for freedom andrest.
Welcome to the Restored Mind,where Biblical wisdom meets
practical strategies forbecoming the mom You've always
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wanted to be ready.
Let's do this.
When I was in college, I workedat a clothing retail store as an
associate, but throughout mytime there I was promoted into
different leadership positions.
And the thing is I was excitedto be looked at as someone who
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is considered trustworthy andresponsible.
There was a sense of pride thatI had that I was so proud that
all of my dedication to showthat I was a team player was
finally paying off.
But as I sat in some of theseroles, there came times where
being a leader was not so fun.
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Like when I would be correctingnew associates based off store
policy, talking to associatesabout attendance and then also
dealing with angry customers.
Those were the absolute.
Worse.
And of course there were manyother things, but those are just
to name a few.
Now, I wish I could say that Iled with grace and humility, but
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I did not do that.
Quite the opposite actually,from my understanding, one of
the newer girls.
That got hired, quit shortlyafter she joined the team.
Because of me now, I don't thinkthat I ever found out what I
said or what I did that causedher to leave.
I just remember someone tellingme, she said she quit because I
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was rude and she didn't like me.
And I remember feeling bad thatI gave off such a horrible first
impression to someone that Ibarely knew.
So years go by and when I becomea mom, that memory came rushing
back, not the working at theretail store, but the feeling
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that I might have led harshly orwithout grace.
I found myself replaying what Imight have said or what I might
have done, trying to make senseof it, but that moment for me,
honestly, was a turning pointbecause I'd realized that I
don't want to lead that wayanymore.
I wanted to lead with love andintegrity, not just with
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authority or with control.
And motherhood showed me thatkind of leadership.
It taught me that leadershipisn't about perfection or having
all of the answers.
It's about influence that'srooted in grace with patience
and practicing humility.
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So let's start by debunking thebiggest myth about leadership.
The idea that it equals controlbecause leadership is not about
control.
Yes, as a mom you do haveresponsibilities, and that
requires you being in control ofsome things.
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But believing that leadershipequals total control, puts
pressure on you to holdeverything together.
And when something goes wrong,as it always will, you start to
believe that you're failing.
And that's where burnout,frustration, and mom guilt
begins.
You try to do everything rightbecause you care deeply about
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your family and rightfully so.
You contend to over prepare, youoverthink, and try to keep
everyone happy.
So that can also be overwhelmingas well.
And there was a time where Iloved to do planned birthday
parties for my kids, but it alsowas a thorn at my side because I
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picked a theme that would bebased off their interest at
that.
Age that they were at.
And then I would stress over thedecorations and especially the
menu because I was so worriedabout who was going to like
what, or ask myself questions.
Well, what if someone doesn'tlike this protein or that dish?
And it was a lot of pressurethat I was putting on myself
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because I really wanted thisbirthday party to be perfect and
I wanted everyone to enjoy theday.
But when small things wentwrong, I actually spent more
time obsessing over theimperfections than actually
enjoying the day.
And guess what?
No one even noticed the detailsthat I stressed over.
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Everyone was too busy laughing,playing, and simply just being
together, and I missed out onthat because I was so worried
about the decorations or thefood, or something else that
might've gone wrong.
Now, it honestly took me acouple birthdays for this to
finally click, but when it did,the pressure was no longer
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there, and what clicked was thatI wasn't failing.
I was just carrying a version ofleadership that I assumed
through worldly thinking that Ineeded to be in control.
So if leadership isn't aboutcontrolling everything, then
what expectations or ideas aboutleading have been weighing you
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down without you even realizing?
So let's talk about whatleadership looks like, because.
It doesn't look like perfection,if you believe that leadership
means having everything justright all the time, you'll
constantly feel like you'refalling short.
You start believing that if youwere a quote unquote better mom,
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your home, your kids or youremotions would all be under
control.
Now, I used to think thatsuccessful parenting meant that
my kids would never have ameltdown.
Silly, right?
This was before I became a mom.
So when my toddler had acomplete meltdown at a pizza
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restaurant, I remember lookingover at these two couples who
looked really annoyed that therewas a toddler screaming and
crying because he was simplyhungry.
And I just remember feeling sobad because I could not control
what was happening in thatmoment.
and I remember.
Being mortified and.
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Embarrassed and feeling like Iwas failing somehow like it was
my fault and I thought maybe Ishould have just brought a
snack.
Maybe I should have fed himsooner.
And it was really a lot of whatifs because I was.
So embarrassed that my son wasthrowing a tantrum in this
restaurant, and the coupleacross from us were really not
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enjoying the moment.
It seems like their date wasruined, I was just so focused on
getting him to stop crying, thatI completely missed what was
actually needed, which was amoment for me to remind myself.
Self that these things that werehappening were out of my
control, but then alsoremembering that I needed to
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respond with patience I feltmyself rushing and running out
of patience for the food thatwas coming out.
My son was going to be crying nomatter what anyway, but see,
real leadership isn't about.
Having perfectly behaved kids ora spotless home, if that is a
thing for you as it is for me.
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I know that I can get prettyuneasy when someone comes over
unannounced because I haven'thad the time to tidy my home and
make it look presentable to themwhen they come over.
Leadership also isn't aboutpretending you're okay when
you're overwhelmed.
Real leadership comes from howyou respond when things go wrong
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with grace and with patience andthe humility to learn as you
continue to grow in thisleadership role.
So, if it doesn't look likeperfection or how we want to
present our image, then whatdoes it actually look like?
What kind of leadership bringspeace instead of pressure?
Let's talk about that becauseyour influence as a mom is not
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based on how perfect your plansare or how spotless your home
is.
It's shaped by who you are,especially in the moments when
things don't go as planned.
Now, even if you don't feel likea leader, the truth is you're
leading every single day.
Your kids are watching not tojudge but to learn.
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They watch how you respond whenyou're frustrated, how you treat
others when you're running onempty, and how you talk about
yourself when something goeswrong, and I have three kids
from the ages of six and 10, andthey're still observing even to
this day.
As a matter of fact, my youngestone, she's so observant and
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inquisitive, she will ask meabout my frustration or my anger
Which can get uncomfortablebecause it not only makes me
pause, but it makes me thinkabout how I reacted, how I led
by example, and then also whatneeds to change.
Real leadership in motherhoodisn't loud or bossy.
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It's quiet and consistent.
It's in the prayers that youwhisper as you are in your quiet
time, that you pray over yourkids before you wake them up.
For a school day, or even withthem during bedtime.
It's also in the hugs that yougive them after hard
conversations or the assurancethat even if you were upset with
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them, you still love themanyway, it's also about the
humility to say I was wrong.
Apologizing when necessary, andthen gathering the courage to
just try again.
See, not so long ago, we plannedthis trip to Great Wolf Lodge
and my kids were counting downthe dates because they were so
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excited.
But on our way, our car brokedown in a Chick-fil-A
drive-through, and yes,literally we were the ones that
stopped traffic that day, whichwas also kind of embarrassing,
but it couldn't be helped.
Anyway, what was supposed to bea fun Monday turn into this long
hot day at an auto shop, and wetried to make the best of it by.
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Going to stores that were nearbyand having lunch.
But that did not stop therepeated questions of how much
longer is it gonna take, and arewe almost done here?
Those were the repeatedquestions that we could not stop
from coming.
But they also got to seesomething else that day they
watched.
My husband and I navigate theunexpected.
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They also witnessed us revisingplans and staying calm under
pressure.
Even when we were disappointedtoo, because it's not like we
wanted to be there, That daydidn't go as we planned it, but
maybe it went exactly how Godplanned because our kids didn't
just get a vacation.
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They got to see real leadershipin action.
Real teamwork with flexibility,grace, patience, and love.
Now that we've redefined whatreal leadership looks like,
let's talk about how you canlive this out in the middle of
your actual everyday life, evenwhen it gets messy because it's
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going to happen.
I have a couple of simple habitsthat you can start today, and
the first one I'm gonna talkabout is to start your day.
With prayer.
It doesn't have to be long oreven fancy.
Just be honest.
In this prayer, you can saysomething like, Lord, thank you
for the rest that I've received.
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Help me lead with love today,and pause after you say that
prayer or any prayer for thatmatter, and think about what
you've said.
Align your heart and your mindto think about what it would be
like, for example, to lead withlove and not love from what you
think love is, but a reflectionof God's love.
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And then the second one on thesimple habits that you can start
today is to check in with Godthroughout the day because mama,
there is no limit to how manytimes a day you can go to God.
Keep returning to him.
As needed.
When you're frustrated or whenyou just feel the need to
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control things that are outtayour control, let him know you
need him in this moment.
I'll say something like, Lord,help me remember the peace that
you give.
And that's it.
I just take a moment, take adeep breath and pause right
there, and think about the peacethat God delivers.
And then you can also take amoment to be present with your
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kids as a way to create thesesimple habits.
It's mainly just watching them,observing them, how they laugh,
how they love on the things thatthey love, and the people around
them.
Sometimes just observing theirjoy resets your heart.
And isn't it funny andinteresting how they end up
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teaching us more than we canteach them.
It's almost like they are God'slittle messengers, right?
Reminding us to be a littlekinder, a little patient to be
in the moment, a little whilelonger than rushing onto the
next thing.
And then the last one I havehere for you today, mama, is to
celebrate one win at the end ofthe day.
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So before bed.
Thank God.
For even one small win thatcould be a kind word that
someone said to you or a prayerthat you said earlier on in the
morning or throughout the dayand it just stuck with you, but
it also gave you some clarityand rest.
Like the weight was just liftedoff your shoulder as you started
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thinking about the peace of God,and then thank him for that.
Or it could just be that you'recelebrating, that you had a
chance to reset your attitudewhen you noticed it was going
downhill that day.
But all of these things pointsus back to God, and it's the
small faith that matters becauseit builds on top of one another.
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So as we wrap up this episodetoday, I hope that you are
thinking about leadership in acompletely different way as you
are in your motherhood journey.
I want you to remember Thatleadership in motherhood is not
about having control overeverything, and it's also not
about being perfect or keepingup with any appearances.
It's about.
Influence, rooted in lovemodeled through integrity.
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And so now that you know whatreal leadership looks like,
here's how you can start livingit out because I challenge you
this week to try just one of thesimple habits that we talked
about today.
Just one, because it's time foryou to show up as the mom you
want to be.
And if you try any of thesesimple habits that I shared with
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you,.
Come and tell me how that wentfor you.
I would love to know.
You can do that by joining thefree online community.
It's gonna be linked in the shownotes for you and mama, remember
that as you're leading yourkids, you're going to make
mistakes, but it's not aboutperfection.
And yes, it can be hard, but youcan hard things.
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Thanks for hanging out with metoday, mama.
If this episode helped you inany way, would you do me a favor
and please share it with afellow mom that could also
benefit from this episode.
Until then, I'll see you nextWednesday, right here on this
podcast.
Go in peace.