Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Ever catch yourself wrestlingwith what ifs about your kids?
Like, what if they struggle?
What if they make the wrongchoice?
As moms, we want to walk everystep with them, but eventually
we have to take a step back andtrust the one who loves them
even more than we do, and thatis what we are unpacking in
(00:22):
today's episode.
If you're ready to find freedomfrom Mom, guilt and walk in
peace, come join us inside theBreak Free from Mom Guilt
Community.
The link to join is in the shownotes.
I'll see you there.
(00:46):
Hey Mama.
Overwhelmed by Mom Guilt.
I'm Caroline Tao, helpingChristian moms trade
perfectionism for freedom andrest.
Welcome to the Restored Mind,where Biblical wisdom meets
practical strategies forbecoming the mom You've always
wanted to be ready.
Let's do this.
(01:12):
Welcome back to the RestoredMind.
I'm so excited to dive intotoday's episode because it might
stir something deep in you, andthat is going to be on purpose.
We are talking about how tightlywe hold onto our kids and what
it looks like to loosen thatgrip in faith.
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Because as I brought up earlier,how many of you are stuck in the
what ifs?
What if.
Something happens to your kids,like, what if they struggle?
Right?
That's something that we don'twant as moms for our kids and
for me, this started when my sonwas just two years old.
I remember lying awake onenight.
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Already panicking about the daythat he would start school.
I mean, my mind ran wild withit.
I was thinking, what if kids aremean to him, or what if he got
hurt in class and I wasn'tthere?
Or what if he just felt alonebecause he had a hard time
making friends?
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I know it probably sounds reallydramatic because he was only two
at the time, and I had no ideawhat the future would look like,
But I will tell you that worryfelt so real and then it
happened again when my daughterreached kindergarten.
All of that worry came rushingback.
Only this time it was stronger.
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The weight of realizing that Icouldn't always be with them.
Honestly scared me.
There was one summer I stayed uplate scrolling through their
baby photos, and it was not outof joy, but out of worry.
I mean, that time was slippingaway with my kids.
I was worried that I wouldn't beable to protect them forever or
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that.
They wouldn't be with meforever, and I tried explaining
it to my husband one nightduring that summer as I was
crying, and he just looked at melike, what is wrong with you?
Honestly, I couldn't even putinto words what was wrong with
me.
I just knew that it wasn't aboutthis one moment of me having
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this worry over my kids.
It was the ache of motherhooditself, of eventually having to
let them go.
Then just the other day when Idropped my kids off at school,
those same emotions came rushingback.
At their school, there is thisred line that's been painted on
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the sidewalk where parents haveto stop and say goodbye to their
kids.
We are not allowed to cross thisred line.
I mean, they really.
Make it a big deal if you crossthis red line.
So I stood there just behindthat red line and I watched them
walk the rest of the way totheir classrooms and it hit me
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that this is motherhood.
'cause as I stood there, mydaughters would turn around and
wave goodbye multiple times.
But my son, he never looked backonce.
I mean, he just said hisgoodbyes before he went to his
classroom, And so I wasthinking, oh my gosh, this, this
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right here is motherhood.
There are red lines that we allface.
Moments where we can only watchfrom behind as our kids take
another step towardsindependence, and that's where
the quote unquote what ifs startpopping up again.
What if they get hurt?
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What if I'm not there when theyneed me?
What if I failed to prepare themenough?
But right there, standing onthat sidewalk, I felt reminded.
God hasn't called me to live inthe what ifs.
He's called me to rest in thewhat is and what is true is that
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my kids are loved so much more.
By him even more than I do.
And what is true is that theHoly Spirit goes with them into
every classroom, and everymoment that I can't be in, And
when I remember that, it helpsme, first of all, calm down.
(05:31):
My mind comes to rest.
And I can trade worry for peace.
So today I wanna talk about howwe actually do that.
How do we trade our what ifs forwhat is, and this is gonna be so
incredibly awesome, especiallyif you find yourself worrying as
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a mom.
So trading your what ifs forwhat is means.
Noticing the worries that pullyou into spirals of worries and
consciously shifting your focusto the truth that exists in the
present moment.
God's presence, his promises,and the reality of your
children's lives right now.
And that's where it starts.
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It starts with the noticingwhere your mind is at.
That's always going to be thestarting line because if you
don't notice it, how can you fixit or how can you make it
better?
See, as moms, we naturally havethis dream for our kids.
When they're little, we picturewho they'll become, how their
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teachers will treat them, whatkind of friends they'll make?
Those dreams are honestly rootedin love because our hearts are
so connected to theirs.
I mean, they were in the wombfor nine months and even after
that you were still holding themwhen they were infants and
toddlers.
And then eventually they justget to an age where the snuggles
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are far and few in between.
But the reality is that thesedreams that we dream up for our
kids are only that this pictureperfect idea of what we would
like for our kids, but lifedoesn't stay inside those
picture perfect moments that wecreate.
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The reality is they're gonna getbumps and bruises.
They're gonna discover that noteveryone is kind, unfortunately
and face moments that are goingto break our hearts as much as
it breaks theirs.
And yet those moments are notoutside of God's plans at all.
Psalms 1 27 reminds us childrenare a heritage from the Lord.
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The fruit of the womb is areward.
Now, I want to linger on thisfirst and talk about children,
heritage and reward because it'simportant that we understand the
root words and how it applies tous today.
So let's start with heritage.
We'll circle back around tochildren at the end.
Now, the original word used for.
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Heritage is koala.
And like I've said in previousepisodes, I probably butcher up
the Greek and Huby pronunciationof these words, but I just like
to include them So this wordinheritance in Hebrew means.
A portion or a portion given andin scripture often refers to
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God's promised inheritance forhis people.
When children are called aninheritance, it reminds us that
they are a sacred gift from GodeNTRUSTED to us by God to love
guide and steward them well.
They are not ours to control orkeep forever.
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And as moms, that's where weoften struggle.
I'm gonna be honest with youbecause.
That's where I struggled too.
And you know, there's still bitsand pieces that I'm still
growing through and it's amazingto be able to witness that
through the lens of faith andunderstand how life is just so
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interesting and filled withGod's beautiful gifts.
So anyway, I'm off on a tangentthere, but let's go back to the
word, because when we worryabout our kids, we try to
control everything around themso that they don't have to face
challenges.
As a mom, I don't want my kidsto ever struggle, and so if I
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force.
See something coming that maypotentially challenge them.
I'm gonna try my best to removethat.
And I know that that's probablynot the best way for my kids to
learn because if they don't everface challenges, how would they
ever face adversity?
And my husband often reminds meof this.
He often says, you just have tolet them struggle and let them
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figure it out.
And I, I, I don't like that'cause it's not comforting.
But he also makes a lot ofsense, especially when it comes
to trusting God with.
My kids because it speaks intohow God loves them so much more
than I do.
I mean, if I believe that Godloves me, then I have to also
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believe that God loves my kidsway more than I could ever love
them.
And so as moms, we oftenstruggle with that, with letting
them go and letting themstruggle.
But even the challenges thatthey face are part of their
journey.
Part of how God shapes theirfaith, and even ours, witnessing
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them go through life with God isjust such a beautiful testament
to who he is.
So now what we're gonna do istake a look at the next phrase.
The fruit of the womb is hisreward.
The word reward and Hebrew issaka.
And it doesn't mean somethingearned like a paycheck, for
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example.
It really means a graciousblessing, a gift that is freely
given.
And so the very presence of ourchildren in our lives is evident
of God's goodness andgenerosity., even through
sleepless nights when they'reyoung and the tantrums and the
hard seasons.
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The teenage years, which I'm notquite there yet, but I'm inching
up in that season.
I'm not sure I'm ready for it,to be completely honest with
you.
It scares me a little bit, but Ijust have to trust that the
leading of the Holy Spirit isgoing to guide me as a mom and
also my kids as they grow intheir faith.
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And so we can look at these.
Different scenarios that I justnamed, the sleepless nights, the
tantrums, the hard season.
And remember what a gift it isto be a mom.
I've said this before on thepodcast that I never saw myself
as a mom, nor did I ever want tobe one, but now I can't imagine
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my life without them because.
I would do it all over again ifI could, even knowing the
struggles that I went through.
The reward isn't just in raisingthem, it's in knowing them, it
is in seeing the world throughtheir lens, the lessons that
they end up teaching us.
I mean, think about how quicklythey forgive and how freely they
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trust and how easily they lovetheir innocence is such a
reflection of God's heart.
I mean, it's incredible.
Think about how quickly theyforgive and how hard it is for
us as adults to do that.
It's like they set the examplefor us to remind us of our
creator.
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And that brings us back fullcircle because even though
children are a heritage and ourreward, they ultimately belong
to him.
When Jesus says let the littlechildren come to me, he's not
only inviting kids into hispresence, he's inviting us as
moms to release that worry over,to loosen up that tight grip and
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to trust him with who we lovemost.
children are truly God'sheritage, his portion, and part
of our role is to love themdeeply, to guide them
faithfully, and then trust thathe loves them even more than we
do.
And he is going to do the rest'cause we can't do everything.
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Okay.
So.
How do we actually do this?
How do we trade those?
Anxious?
What if thoughts for peace whenour hearts want to jump 10 steps
ahead?
Let's break this down into threesteps.
The first step is to catch thewhat if before it spirals.
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That's the first step.
It's awareness, and I touched onthis earlier on in this episode,
but now we are going to divejust a little bit deeper'cause
most of our worry happensautomatically.
When we're folding laundry ordriving them to their
extracurricular activities, andsuddenly our minds shift into
what feels like a millionquestions.
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We start thinking, what if shestruggles to make friends?
What if I'm not guiding them theright way when it comes to.
Leading them towards God.
What if they grow up and driftaway from their faith?
Then what?
When that happens, I want you topause and name it out loud.
Say something like, Lord, I'mworrying about fill in the
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blank, and the reason why thisis.
Such a helpful way in catchingthe what ifs before it spirals
is because It's going to pauseyou and help you see that there
is something that needs to beaddressed.
And simply naming the worryjust.
Brings it out of the darknessand into the light, and that's
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where Philippians chapter four,verse six to seven comes into
mind.
It says, do not be anxious aboutanything, but in everything by
prayer and supplication withthanksgiving, let your requests
be made known to God and thepeace of God, which surpasses
all understanding, will guardyour hearts and your minds in
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Christ Jesus.
When you catch the worry, turnit into prayer, instead of
letting it fester in your mind,Hand that over to God, catch it
before it spirals, and the onlyway to do that is to stop it and
bring it to light.
And the second step I want youto do is to ground yourself in
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what is true.
So after you hand it over toGod, remind yourself of what is
real right now in the moment.
What is true in this moment?
Maybe your child is laughingwith their sibling.
Maybe you are realizing thattheir interests have changed,
and so this opens up the perfectopportunity for you to now get
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to know them and who they arebecoming and their new interests
or whatever it may be.
Maybe they're struggling, Butlearning something through it,
which is amazing.
And above all what is true isthat God is still good and he is
still near.
When I was struggling to let mykids go, I remember asking
myself, if God showed me theirlife, if I could see into the
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future and know everything.
That's would happen.
Would I worry less?
The honest answer was no.
I would still worry'cause Iwould see the struggles that
they're going to go through.
And that moment helped me laythat struggle to rest and
surrender it all to God becauseit allowed me to be more present
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with my kids and the what isinstead of the what ifs.
And so maybe that's theinvitation for you today, mama,
is to ask yourself, if Godshowed you your child's future,
would you really worry less?
And if the answer is no.
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Then begin to surrender it overto him because you are going to
miss out on the present moment,worried about whatever is
happening in the future that youcan't even see.
And I think that.
That sort of ignorance of notknowing what's in the future is
actually a good thing because ifyou knew, you would just
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anticipate all of these thingshappening and it would just give
you more things to worry about.
So from my experience, notknowing.
Is such a beautiful gift aswell.
And then the third step that Iwant you to do is to practice
releasing what you cannotcontrol.
Now, this one is hard becausecontrol, being in control gives
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us this illusion of safety.
Motherhood is full of red linemoments, places that we have to
stop and just let our kids walkahead of us.
So I want you to ask yourself.
Is this something that I canguide, like teaching,
encouraging or even helping themset boundaries?
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Or is this something that I needto give because it is out of my
hands?
So if you can guide, then do itwith love and patience.
And if you need to give it up,then release it with prayer and
trust that God is going to carryyour kids so much further than
you could ever imagine thatyou'd do for them.
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Something as simple as taking adeep breath and saying, Lord,
I'm stepping back so that youcan step in.
It's going to be so powerful.
Or even asking the Lord and, andthe Holy Spirit to give you the
strength to trust God, to let goso that he may have his way with
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his children.
That is a tough one too, but itis such a way for you to refocus
your mind onto God and keep youreyes on him because while we
love our children so much, wecan get caught up in all of the
worries and you know, sayingsomething like this, we're
praying something like this, it.
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A daily rhythm.
Sometimes it is moment bymoment, especially for me in
that summer when I struggled.
It was a moment by moment thing,but honestly, that is how you
begin to live with peace insteadof worry, because bit by bit,
when you learn to release this,you're gonna have this
overwhelming amount of peacethat you probably can't even put
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into words, but it's going toreplace the worry that feels so
heavy over you right now.
And so we're coming up on theend of this episode, and I just
want to remind you that worryingabout your kids is absolutely
normal.
Okay?
I do that even now.
But mama, you do not have tostay stuck in it.
Bring those worries into thelight so they don't build up Mom
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guilt.
All right.
We don't need any more of that.
We are trying to break free frommom guilt.
So ground yourself in what istrue.
Remembering that God is near andpractice releasing what you
cannot control.
It is going to feel so good asyou begin to break free from mom
guilt and become the mom you'vealways wanted to be because you
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can do hard things.
Thanks for hanging out with metoday, mama.
If this episode helped you inany way, would you do me a favor
and please share it with afellow mom that could also
benefit from this episode.
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Until then, I'll see you nextWednesday, right here on this
podcast.
Go in peace.