November 19, 2025 • 22 mins
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Hey Mama!
Feeling like everyone else's holiday season looks more magical than yours? You're not alone, mama. As a Christian mom, it's easy to fall into the comparison trapwhen scrolling through perfectly decorated homes and picture-perfect family moments. But here's the truth: comparison steals your joy and fuels mom guilt.
Key Takeaways:
- How to notice your comparison triggers before they spiral into guilt
- The power of a boundary phrase to anchor your family's values and keep things simple
- Biblical encouragement to fix your eyes on what God has given your family this season
You'll learn practical ways to embrace peace over pressure and create meaningful memories without the weight of unrealistic expectations.
Ready to break free from holiday comparison? Press play and let's choose joy together.
More FREE Resources:
Take The Quiz: Discover Your Mom Guilt Type
FREE Community: Break Free From Mom Guilt
Become a Restored Mind Family Member: Sign Up Here
Email: Hello@restoredmindllc.com
Ways You Can Give Back:
Leave A Review On Apple Podcast
It's time to become to the mom you want to be. Remember, you can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Scrolling through those pictureperfect holiday homes and
suddenly feeling like you're notdoing enough comparison is
stealing your joy before theseason even starts.
And today I'm sharing two simpleways to catch those thoughts and
choose presence so you can enjoythis season with your family.
(00:24):
Hey Mama.
Overwhelmed by Mom Guilt.
I'm Caroline Tao, helpingChristian moms trade
perfectionism for freedom andrest.
Welcome to the Restored Mind,where Biblical wisdom meets
practical strategies forbecoming the mom You've always
wanted to be ready.
Let's do this.
(00:51):
As a gift to you in celebrationof the Restored Minds third
birthday.
I am so excited to share withyou the Discover Your Mom Guilt
Quiz.
This is such a powerful tool tohelp you understand your
specific mom guilt type.
You'll finally know exactlywhat's triggering those mom
(01:13):
guilt moments and how to respondin a way that will work for you.
It's like having a roadmap tobreak free from the cycle.
The link is in the show notes.
And mama, I cannot wait for youto discover the freedom that
lies ahead.
So go and take that quiz today.
(01:38):
All right, so as we are startingthis episode, I want to say
thank you for being a part ofthe Restored Mind family.
I really do not say that enough,but I especially wanted to say
thank you because the RestoredMind is celebrating.
Its.
Third birthday this month, and Ihave taken the time to really
(01:58):
reflect on its journey as awhole, and it has been truly
beautiful, not only on the backend, but also being able to
serve you and help you along inyour journey.
So thank you for being here anda happy birthday to the restored
mind.
I'm so excited to see what liesahead, and I am forever grateful
for having gone through thethings that I've gone through so
(02:21):
that I can help at least.
Point you back in a biblicaldirection that will help anchor
you as you break free from mom.
Guilt.
The holidays are quicklyapproaching.
I mean, Thanksgiving isliterally right around the
corner and then I just believethat time is going to amp up and
(02:41):
it is going to be Christmasbefore we know it.
With these biweekly episodesthat has been happening with the
restored mind, it was created togive time back to my family to
be present Because just likeyou, I'm pretty sure that we are
all fighting throughout the yearto be able to have more time
(03:03):
with our family.
And so these biweekly episodesthat are happening from here
through the end of December wasreally for that reason, Now,
along with that extra time,sometimes admittingly, I can get
stuck in doom scrolling, and Ithink you might know what that
means.
It's when you're on social mediaand you are just scrolling
(03:24):
through all of the posts thatpeople may be making or watching
these really short videos onInstagram, and it keeps you
stuck in that moment and beforeyou know it, you've been on your
phone for more than an hour.
Giggling and laughing, likingand sharing.
And so that was me a coupleyears back.
(03:46):
Especially around the holidaysbecause I love fall decor And
especially around Christmas timewith all of the hollies, the
bells and the bows, and it'sjust was something that really
would draw up even moreanticipation for me around the
holidays.
So doom scrolling was my enemybecause I would start thinking
(04:08):
that I needed.
Other things from looking atthese random influencers who
would decorate their tree to beperfect, and they would include
links, which by the way, I didcheck out just to see how much
something would cost and wherethey got this thing from.
(04:28):
So as I was doom scrolling, Ithought that it was something
that was harmless, that I wasjust trying to pass time waiting
for something to bake in theoven, or waiting for my kids to
wake up.
And I didn't realize it, that Iwas slowly creeping myself into
this comparison mindset.
I thought maybe I was doing itwrong, that I needed more
(04:51):
tinsels and more garlands.
But what I realized over theyears is that this comparison
mindset was.
Stealing my joy before theholidays even began.
Because if you notice all ofthese reels on Instagram, these
pictures and advertisements,they start coming out right at
the end of October and earlyNovember.
(05:12):
So it would just hype you upmentally to get yourself ready
for the holidays.
And of course, they want you toshop their link, right?
It's a means for them to make aliving.
Not that I'm against that, butas someone who was not consumer.
Um, conscious, I realized that Iwas just falling into every trap
that there was out there, and sowhen I realized that comparison
(05:35):
was stealing my joy before theholidays even began, I also
realized that I was not enjoyingwhat I already had.
I was comparing the way I wascelebrating and the decorations
that I already had againstsomeone else's best captured.
Moments that was on socialmedia.
(05:56):
And so mama, if you've ever feltthat way too, like your holiday
isn't festive enough, or you arenot doing enough.
Just know that you are notalone.
And this is the perfectopportunity for you to turn from
scrolling to the savior.
And I'm only talking about doomscrolling here, but you replace
(06:16):
whatever that is that looks likedistraction.
For you when you get into thecomparison mindset.
much like Peter in the storm.
The moment our eyes shift to thewind of not enough, we end up
sinking.
So we look back to Jesus andchoose presence.
I'll talk more about that injust a little bit.
(06:37):
But one practical way to do thatwould be to notice the trigger.
So I want you to start payingattention to the exact moments
comparison shows up in yourmind.
This is going to take somemental note taking and
self-auditing.
So start thinking, is it whenI'm scrolling on social media or
when I'm in casual conversationswith my friends?
(06:59):
what does it look like whencomparison shows up?
And then I want you to alsothink, what does my mind say to
myself in the middle of thesethings?
if you're saying, man, I shouldbe doing more, or I should be
more like her.
Those would be thoughts ofcomparison.
Start paying attention to thesetriggers because they matter.
(07:22):
It matters because comparison isstealing the joy that comes when
you are present in the momentwith your family for the
holidays.
It's gonna keep you distractedand busy instead of actually
enjoying the time with them.
And so when you get in the habitof doom scrolling or you're too
busy keeping tabs on what thisperson is doing or what that
(07:44):
person is doing, it keeps youstuck in a cycle where your mood
and your thoughts continue torise and fall.
And at the end of the day,you're gonna be the one that
feels like you are simply notenough.
So for me, I started feeling a.
Like bits and pieces of me werebeing taken away when I started
(08:06):
living in this comparisonmindset.
It's like I was really excitedfor the holidays and then bit by
bit that excitement.
Just diminished slowly because Istarted thinking that I needed
to do more, whether it be to addmore decor, to be more festive
in some way.
I started thinking, well, whatif my kids don't have these
(08:27):
memories because I'm not doingenough?
You know?
And so I don't want that foryou, and that's why this episode
is launching at the time that itis, because it is right before
the hustle and bustle of theholidays.
So anyway, got a little bit offtopic there, But I really just
wanna say, don't likecomparison.
Keep your eyes locked on whatsomeone else is doing.
(08:50):
Instead, bring your eyes back onover to God.
And so I mentioned Peter A.
Little bit earlier on in thisepisode in Matthew, chapter 14.
You can see that the discipleswere out on the waters in a
boat.
It was really dark, and they sawJesus walking on water.
But they were also afraidbecause they weren't sure who
(09:11):
that is.
And Peter who's very bold, says,Lord, if it is you, Call me and
I will come over to you.
Now, I am paraphrasing thishere, but I want you to go back
to Matthew chapter 14 and readit for yourself'cause it's so
powerful.
I want you to take your time asyou read that passage to be more
(09:34):
specific.
This is Matthew chapter 14, andit starts at verse 22, and it
ends at verse 33.
So Peter gets on the waterbecause Jesus says, come so he
gets out of the boat, walks onthe water, and the moment that
he pays attention to the wind,he sinks in.
(09:55):
But we also see something herethat is so beautiful where it's
in that moment where he fallsinto the water.
He calls out to Jesus, he says,Lord, save me.
Those three words, Lord, saveme, is such a testament to how
often we need to say that to ourLord.
(10:18):
We need to call out to him andsay, Lord, save me.
I'm in this comparison mindsetand I can't get out of it.
Or, I'm having a hard timetrying to be present with my
families.
Lord, save me.
And help me remember who youare, you know Jesus immediately
reaches out his hand and he tookhold of Peter saying to him, oh,
(10:40):
you of little faith.
Why did you doubt?
And this story right here, thispassage in the Bible is always
going to be one that I lovereferring back to because while
the wind, the storm is really astorm here, we can replace that
with anything that is hard inour life that keeps us
distracted and keeps us awayfrom Jesus.
(11:03):
So maybe this season it's all ofthe holiday decor.
It's the doom scrolling thatI've been talking about all
episode long, but it could besomething else too.
Maybe you are comparing thisyear's holiday to last year's
holiday.
Maybe you feel like there wasmore abundance last year than
this year, and so this year justfeels, you know, a little bit
(11:25):
empty.
And so whatever that looks like,I want to encourage you to keep
your eyes on Jesus and beencouraged that.
The faith that you have to evencall out to him is going to be
the faith that pulls you out ofthe water.
Now, it might not beimmediately, but it is going to
(11:46):
be one that continues to keepyou at peace and continues to
keep that joy that you want tohave in your family, especially
around the holidays Because thetruth is comparison is going to
steal your presence before youeven realize it.
And it keeps your mood risingand falling.
(12:07):
And.
You know, if you're looking atsomeone's best moments that
they've took the time to curatefor any social media presence of
whatever capacity, then it'sgoing to make you think that
you're not doing enough.
And so bring your eyes back overto God and what he's given your
family this season, because ifyou don't, you will miss out.
(12:28):
And I don't want you to miss outbecause like I said earlier, We
fight all year long to be withour family, to have more time
with our family.
So let's not get distracted.
And so here's some practicalways that you can break free.
So the first one is just.
Start paying attention to whereyour mind goes.
I talked about this a little bitearlier on, but really what I
(12:48):
want you to do is start askingyourself, what is it I'm
thinking in the moment that Istarted comparing?
that would be such a greatquestion for you to ask as you
are internally auditingyourself.
And of course, Do a mental quickcheck-in with yourself.
Notice what your moods are andwhat your emotions are, and if
it helps, you can always typethat into your phone very
(13:10):
quickly.
It doesn't have to be any longparagraphs.
The main point of this mentalcheck-in is not so that you can
judge yourself for having thesereactions.
It's simply to become aware ofthem.
And the thing is, you cannotchange what you don't notice.
So practice catching yourself inthose comparison moments before
(13:31):
they take over your whole day.
And when you notice the trigger,you can choose to respond
differently instead of lettingcomparison keep you in this
cycle of overwhelm.
Essentially what I'm trying tosay is you can rewire your mind
to let go of that comparisonmindset so that you can be fully
(13:51):
present and enjoy the time withyour family.
Once you notice the trigger, Idon't want you to debate it.
I don't want you to think, well,is this it?
Is this comparison?
No, you are not going to try tojustify the comparison, but you
are going to redirected.
This is going to be your cue tospeak your boundary phrase and
fix your eyes on what God hasgiven your family this season.
(14:15):
It is such a great way for youto honor him with gratitude a
boundary phrase is going to bewhat you say as a reminder to
yourself when comparison startsto creep in, it acts like a
circuit breaker between whenthings trigger you and your
thoughts.
What if the comparison is thatyou are in conversation with
(14:36):
your friend in their holidayactivities.
And it seems like they're doingso much like going the Polar
Express train and going to themountains or the cabins for the
Christmas, break and They'retaking all of the presents there
because they're gonna be openingtheir gifts in this beautiful
log cabin in the mountains whereit's snowing.
(14:56):
I'm setting this image upbecause that's something that
I've always wanted to do anyway.
it can make you feel like, wow,you know, I'm just gonna be home
this year and it can make youfeel like, oh my gosh, my kids
are missing out because theydon't get to experience this,
but.
This is why your boundary phraseis incredibly important.
It brings you back to what istrue this season for you and the
(15:20):
values that you want tohighlight this season with your
family.
It also helps you rememberwhatever this season's limits
might be, and let's be real.
With every season there's goingto be a limit, whether it be
with budget time or justsomething else, and it gives you
an opportunity to become veryreal about what these boundaries
(15:44):
are.
An example phrase would be wekeeping it simple.
And that's something that myhusband and I actually do every
year.
We try to keep it simple.
So I want you to, in thatmoment, think about what the
boundary phrase actually means.
What were the left and rightlimits of these phrases?
Without this phrase, you'llcontinue to stay stuck in the
(16:06):
cycle of comparison, or youwon't know what to do anymore
after you've already pointed outthe triggers for yourself.
And so this is going to give youthat action that you need to
take so that you don't spiralinto the cycle of comparison,
which by the way, can quicklyspiral into mom guilt when you
think that you aren't meetingcertain expectations that you've
(16:28):
set for yourself the boundaryphrase reminds you that life is
not a ruler.
It's not a measuring stick forwho is doing better than who.
It removes the worries and thepressure, and honestly, it
replaces those unwanted feelingswith peace and joy, knowing that
you are sticking to your phrasesand moving in a direction that
(16:50):
helps you complete whatevergoals you may have.
To drive home.
This example of we're keeping itsimple.
We usually do that because we'veplanned past the holidays.
What big vacations do we wannatake over the summer?
Or what big thing do we wanna donext year?
And so when we say we're keepingit simple, it means that yes,
(17:13):
there's gonna be some financialboundaries.
There's going to be sometraveling boundaries.
And there might be even somegifting boundaries.
So there's a reason for all ofthat.
It's because we want to also beable to travel, uh, during the
summer and go on vacations andlet our life grow from there and
(17:34):
not.
Have everything poured into justthis one time.
So with all of that being said,how would you pick your boundary
phrase?
I want you to pick a phrase thatfeels doable and realistic for
you.
And then define what your phrasemeans.
Think about what will you do,what will you not do?
(17:56):
And what exceptions, if thereare any, are there.
So, for example, our family is,let's keep it simple this year,
or we're keeping it simple.
Something like that.
The word simplicity isdefinitely in there.
And so it means that we are notgoing to be traveling far
distances.
We will not host dinners.
(18:16):
Our menus will be kept simplebecause it honestly is just us,
and we'll have more at homeactivities instead of going out
to entertain ourselves, likegoing to the arcades, for
example, because my kids lovegoing to the arcades.
And for family five, it can getreally expensive.
(18:36):
So the exceptions might be thatif we have family coming over to
visit us, or if we want todesignate one day to host
friends, then we'll keep theinvite to just a few people so
that we can focus on catching upwith them and building our
relationship with them.
But if we decide to host them aswell, we also know that we won't
(18:59):
be doing it on the day of.
It'll be a couple of daysbefore.
So that way we can reserve theactual holidays to simplicity,
which is what we wanted.
Once you define what your phrasemeans, I want you to write it
down in your journal or type itout on your phone.
The main goal of this is to putit somewhere that you can see as
(19:20):
a reminder.
You could even write down aBible verse to help support your
focus and help you keep youreyes on God, And also continue
to have this conversation withyour husband so that you can
check in with him as well tomake sure both of you are on the
same page.
And then finally, I want you touse it when you need it.
(19:41):
It is really easy to do theother work to think about the
phrase you wanna use, to figureout what your limitations are,
and then to write it down.
But it's not going to be helpfulif you don't.
Put it into practice.
So yes, use it when you need it.
Read it out loud, continue tovisit it, and challenge yourself
(20:02):
to invite God into this spacedaily so that this boundary
phrase continues to stayanchored in your actions.
This is going to be the mostpowerful way for you to move
past the comparison mindset.
Especially around the holidaysall right, mama, let's bring it
home.
We are nearing the end of thisepisode and I want you to
(20:23):
remember, and I want, that was ahard work to say.
Let's start again, and I wantyou to remember that when
comparison starts creeping inthis holiday season, There are
these two ways that you can stopit in its tracks.
The first one is to notice thetrigger.
Catch those moments when you'rescrolling or comparing yourself
(20:43):
to someone else.
And then secondly, choose yourboundary phrase.
And define what it actuallymeans for you and your family.
Also, add a Bible verse and keepyour eyes on Jesus, the goal is
to have more peace and lesspressure over the holidays and
comparison will very quicklysteal that from you.
(21:05):
If you let that cycle continueto control you.
I can only imagine the kind ofpeace and calm Peter felt when
he was walking on water andlooking at Jesus.
And I strive to have that kindof peace in my life and as a
holidays approach.
I want that for you too, so thatyou can break free from mom
(21:25):
guilt, stop the comparison cycleand become the mom you've always
wanted to be.
Now, I know that it can be hardat times, but you can do hard
things.
Thanks for hanging out with metoday, mama.
(21:47):
If this episode helped you inany way, would you do me a favor
and please share it with afellow mom that could also
benefit from this episode.
Until then, I'll see you nextWednesday, right here on this
podcast.
Go in peace.
Scrolling through those pictureperfect holiday homes and
suddenly feeling like you're notdoing enough comparison is
stealing your joy before theseason even starts.
And today I'm sharing two simpleways to catch those thoughts and
choose presence so you can enjoythis season with your family.
(00:24):
Hey Mama.
Overwhelmed by Mom Guilt.
I'm Caroline Tao, helpingChristian moms trade
perfectionism for freedom andrest.
Welcome to the Restored Mind,where Biblical wisdom meets
practical strategies forbecoming the mom You've always
wanted to be ready.
Let's do this.
(00:51):
As a gift to you in celebrationof the Restored Minds third
birthday.
I am so excited to share withyou the Discover Your Mom Guilt
Quiz.
This is such a powerful tool tohelp you understand your
specific mom guilt type.
You'll finally know exactlywhat's triggering those mom
(01:13):
guilt moments and how to respondin a way that will work for you.
It's like having a roadmap tobreak free from the cycle.
The link is in the show notes.
And mama, I cannot wait for youto discover the freedom that
lies ahead.
So go and take that quiz today.
(01:38):
All right, so as we are startingthis episode, I want to say
thank you for being a part ofthe Restored Mind family.
I really do not say that enough,but I especially wanted to say
thank you because the RestoredMind is celebrating.
Its.
Third birthday this month, and Ihave taken the time to really
(01:58):
reflect on its journey as awhole, and it has been truly
beautiful, not only on the backend, but also being able to
serve you and help you along inyour journey.
So thank you for being here anda happy birthday to the restored
mind.
I'm so excited to see what liesahead, and I am forever grateful
for having gone through thethings that I've gone through so
(02:21):
that I can help at least.
Point you back in a biblicaldirection that will help anchor
you as you break free from mom.
Guilt.
The holidays are quicklyapproaching.
I mean, Thanksgiving isliterally right around the
corner and then I just believethat time is going to amp up and
(02:41):
it is going to be Christmasbefore we know it.
With these biweekly episodesthat has been happening with the
restored mind, it was created togive time back to my family to
be present Because just likeyou, I'm pretty sure that we are
all fighting throughout the yearto be able to have more time
(03:03):
with our family.
And so these biweekly episodesthat are happening from here
through the end of December wasreally for that reason, Now,
along with that extra time,sometimes admittingly, I can get
stuck in doom scrolling, and Ithink you might know what that
means.
It's when you're on social mediaand you are just scrolling
(03:24):
through all of the posts thatpeople may be making or watching
these really short videos onInstagram, and it keeps you
stuck in that moment and beforeyou know it, you've been on your
phone for more than an hour.
Giggling and laughing, likingand sharing.
And so that was me a coupleyears back.
(03:46):
Especially around the holidaysbecause I love fall decor And
especially around Christmas timewith all of the hollies, the
bells and the bows, and it'sjust was something that really
would draw up even moreanticipation for me around the
holidays.
So doom scrolling was my enemybecause I would start thinking
(04:08):
that I needed.
Other things from looking atthese random influencers who
would decorate their tree to beperfect, and they would include
links, which by the way, I didcheck out just to see how much
something would cost and wherethey got this thing from.
(04:28):
So as I was doom scrolling, Ithought that it was something
that was harmless, that I wasjust trying to pass time waiting
for something to bake in theoven, or waiting for my kids to
wake up.
And I didn't realize it, that Iwas slowly creeping myself into
this comparison mindset.
I thought maybe I was doing itwrong, that I needed more
(04:51):
tinsels and more garlands.
But what I realized over theyears is that this comparison
mindset was.
Stealing my joy before theholidays even began.
Because if you notice all ofthese reels on Instagram, these
pictures and advertisements,they start coming out right at
the end of October and earlyNovember.
(05:12):
So it would just hype you upmentally to get yourself ready
for the holidays.
And of course, they want you toshop their link, right?
It's a means for them to make aliving.
Not that I'm against that, butas someone who was not consumer.
Um, conscious, I realized that Iwas just falling into every trap
that there was out there, and sowhen I realized that comparison
(05:35):
was stealing my joy before theholidays even began, I also
realized that I was not enjoyingwhat I already had.
I was comparing the way I wascelebrating and the decorations
that I already had againstsomeone else's best captured.
Moments that was on socialmedia.
(05:56):
And so mama, if you've ever feltthat way too, like your holiday
isn't festive enough, or you arenot doing enough.
Just know that you are notalone.
And this is the perfectopportunity for you to turn from
scrolling to the savior.
And I'm only talking about doomscrolling here, but you replace
(06:16):
whatever that is that looks likedistraction.
For you when you get into thecomparison mindset.
much like Peter in the storm.
The moment our eyes shift to thewind of not enough, we end up
sinking.
So we look back to Jesus andchoose presence.
I'll talk more about that injust a little bit.
(06:37):
But one practical way to do thatwould be to notice the trigger.
So I want you to start payingattention to the exact moments
comparison shows up in yourmind.
This is going to take somemental note taking and
self-auditing.
So start thinking, is it whenI'm scrolling on social media or
when I'm in casual conversationswith my friends?
(06:59):
what does it look like whencomparison shows up?
And then I want you to alsothink, what does my mind say to
myself in the middle of thesethings?
if you're saying, man, I shouldbe doing more, or I should be
more like her.
Those would be thoughts ofcomparison.
Start paying attention to thesetriggers because they matter.
(07:22):
It matters because comparison isstealing the joy that comes when
you are present in the momentwith your family for the
holidays.
It's gonna keep you distractedand busy instead of actually
enjoying the time with them.
And so when you get in the habitof doom scrolling or you're too
busy keeping tabs on what thisperson is doing or what that
(07:44):
person is doing, it keeps youstuck in a cycle where your mood
and your thoughts continue torise and fall.
And at the end of the day,you're gonna be the one that
feels like you are simply notenough.
So for me, I started feeling a.
Like bits and pieces of me werebeing taken away when I started
(08:06):
living in this comparisonmindset.
It's like I was really excitedfor the holidays and then bit by
bit that excitement.
Just diminished slowly because Istarted thinking that I needed
to do more, whether it be to addmore decor, to be more festive
in some way.
I started thinking, well, whatif my kids don't have these
(08:27):
memories because I'm not doingenough?
You know?
And so I don't want that foryou, and that's why this episode
is launching at the time that itis, because it is right before
the hustle and bustle of theholidays.
So anyway, got a little bit offtopic there, But I really just
wanna say, don't likecomparison.
Keep your eyes locked on whatsomeone else is doing.
(08:50):
Instead, bring your eyes back onover to God.
And so I mentioned Peter A.
Little bit earlier on in thisepisode in Matthew, chapter 14.
You can see that the discipleswere out on the waters in a
boat.
It was really dark, and they sawJesus walking on water.
But they were also afraidbecause they weren't sure who
(09:11):
that is.
And Peter who's very bold, says,Lord, if it is you, Call me and
I will come over to you.
Now, I am paraphrasing thishere, but I want you to go back
to Matthew chapter 14 and readit for yourself'cause it's so
powerful.
I want you to take your time asyou read that passage to be more
(09:34):
specific.
This is Matthew chapter 14, andit starts at verse 22, and it
ends at verse 33.
So Peter gets on the waterbecause Jesus says, come so he
gets out of the boat, walks onthe water, and the moment that
he pays attention to the wind,he sinks in.
(09:55):
But we also see something herethat is so beautiful where it's
in that moment where he fallsinto the water.
He calls out to Jesus, he says,Lord, save me.
Those three words, Lord, saveme, is such a testament to how
often we need to say that to ourLord.
(10:18):
We need to call out to him andsay, Lord, save me.
I'm in this comparison mindsetand I can't get out of it.
Or, I'm having a hard timetrying to be present with my
families.
Lord, save me.
And help me remember who youare, you know Jesus immediately
reaches out his hand and he tookhold of Peter saying to him, oh,
(10:40):
you of little faith.
Why did you doubt?
And this story right here, thispassage in the Bible is always
going to be one that I lovereferring back to because while
the wind, the storm is really astorm here, we can replace that
with anything that is hard inour life that keeps us
distracted and keeps us awayfrom Jesus.
(11:03):
So maybe this season it's all ofthe holiday decor.
It's the doom scrolling thatI've been talking about all
episode long, but it could besomething else too.
Maybe you are comparing thisyear's holiday to last year's
holiday.
Maybe you feel like there wasmore abundance last year than
this year, and so this year justfeels, you know, a little bit
(11:25):
empty.
And so whatever that looks like,I want to encourage you to keep
your eyes on Jesus and beencouraged that.
The faith that you have to evencall out to him is going to be
the faith that pulls you out ofthe water.
Now, it might not beimmediately, but it is going to
(11:46):
be one that continues to keepyou at peace and continues to
keep that joy that you want tohave in your family, especially
around the holidays Because thetruth is comparison is going to
steal your presence before youeven realize it.
And it keeps your mood risingand falling.
(12:07):
And.
You know, if you're looking atsomeone's best moments that
they've took the time to curatefor any social media presence of
whatever capacity, then it'sgoing to make you think that
you're not doing enough.
And so bring your eyes back overto God and what he's given your
family this season, because ifyou don't, you will miss out.
(12:28):
And I don't want you to miss outbecause like I said earlier, We
fight all year long to be withour family, to have more time
with our family.
So let's not get distracted.
And so here's some practicalways that you can break free.
So the first one is just.
Start paying attention to whereyour mind goes.
I talked about this a little bitearlier on, but really what I
(12:48):
want you to do is start askingyourself, what is it I'm
thinking in the moment that Istarted comparing?
that would be such a greatquestion for you to ask as you
are internally auditingyourself.
And of course, Do a mental quickcheck-in with yourself.
Notice what your moods are andwhat your emotions are, and if
it helps, you can always typethat into your phone very
(13:10):
quickly.
It doesn't have to be any longparagraphs.
The main point of this mentalcheck-in is not so that you can
judge yourself for having thesereactions.
It's simply to become aware ofthem.
And the thing is, you cannotchange what you don't notice.
So practice catching yourself inthose comparison moments before
(13:31):
they take over your whole day.
And when you notice the trigger,you can choose to respond
differently instead of lettingcomparison keep you in this
cycle of overwhelm.
Essentially what I'm trying tosay is you can rewire your mind
to let go of that comparisonmindset so that you can be fully
(13:51):
present and enjoy the time withyour family.
Once you notice the trigger, Idon't want you to debate it.
I don't want you to think, well,is this it?
Is this comparison?
No, you are not going to try tojustify the comparison, but you
are going to redirected.
This is going to be your cue tospeak your boundary phrase and
fix your eyes on what God hasgiven your family this season.
(14:15):
It is such a great way for youto honor him with gratitude a
boundary phrase is going to bewhat you say as a reminder to
yourself when comparison startsto creep in, it acts like a
circuit breaker between whenthings trigger you and your
thoughts.
What if the comparison is thatyou are in conversation with
(14:36):
your friend in their holidayactivities.
And it seems like they're doingso much like going the Polar
Express train and going to themountains or the cabins for the
Christmas, break and They'retaking all of the presents there
because they're gonna be openingtheir gifts in this beautiful
log cabin in the mountains whereit's snowing.
(14:56):
I'm setting this image upbecause that's something that
I've always wanted to do anyway.
it can make you feel like, wow,you know, I'm just gonna be home
this year and it can make youfeel like, oh my gosh, my kids
are missing out because theydon't get to experience this,
but.
This is why your boundary phraseis incredibly important.
It brings you back to what istrue this season for you and the
(15:20):
values that you want tohighlight this season with your
family.
It also helps you rememberwhatever this season's limits
might be, and let's be real.
With every season there's goingto be a limit, whether it be
with budget time or justsomething else, and it gives you
an opportunity to become veryreal about what these boundaries
(15:44):
are.
An example phrase would be wekeeping it simple.
And that's something that myhusband and I actually do every
year.
We try to keep it simple.
So I want you to, in thatmoment, think about what the
boundary phrase actually means.
What were the left and rightlimits of these phrases?
Without this phrase, you'llcontinue to stay stuck in the
(16:06):
cycle of comparison, or youwon't know what to do anymore
after you've already pointed outthe triggers for yourself.
And so this is going to give youthat action that you need to
take so that you don't spiralinto the cycle of comparison,
which by the way, can quicklyspiral into mom guilt when you
think that you aren't meetingcertain expectations that you've
(16:28):
set for yourself the boundaryphrase reminds you that life is
not a ruler.
It's not a measuring stick forwho is doing better than who.
It removes the worries and thepressure, and honestly, it
replaces those unwanted feelingswith peace and joy, knowing that
you are sticking to your phrasesand moving in a direction that
(16:50):
helps you complete whatevergoals you may have.
To drive home.
This example of we're keeping itsimple.
We usually do that because we'veplanned past the holidays.
What big vacations do we wannatake over the summer?
Or what big thing do we wanna donext year?
And so when we say we're keepingit simple, it means that yes,
(17:13):
there's gonna be some financialboundaries.
There's going to be sometraveling boundaries.
And there might be even somegifting boundaries.
So there's a reason for all ofthat.
It's because we want to also beable to travel, uh, during the
summer and go on vacations andlet our life grow from there and
(17:34):
not.
Have everything poured into justthis one time.
So with all of that being said,how would you pick your boundary
phrase?
I want you to pick a phrase thatfeels doable and realistic for
you.
And then define what your phrasemeans.
Think about what will you do,what will you not do?
(17:56):
And what exceptions, if thereare any, are there.
So, for example, our family is,let's keep it simple this year,
or we're keeping it simple.
Something like that.
The word simplicity isdefinitely in there.
And so it means that we are notgoing to be traveling far
distances.
We will not host dinners.
(18:16):
Our menus will be kept simplebecause it honestly is just us,
and we'll have more at homeactivities instead of going out
to entertain ourselves, likegoing to the arcades, for
example, because my kids lovegoing to the arcades.
And for family five, it can getreally expensive.
(18:36):
So the exceptions might be thatif we have family coming over to
visit us, or if we want todesignate one day to host
friends, then we'll keep theinvite to just a few people so
that we can focus on catching upwith them and building our
relationship with them.
But if we decide to host them aswell, we also know that we won't
(18:59):
be doing it on the day of.
It'll be a couple of daysbefore.
So that way we can reserve theactual holidays to simplicity,
which is what we wanted.
Once you define what your phrasemeans, I want you to write it
down in your journal or type itout on your phone.
The main goal of this is to putit somewhere that you can see as
(19:20):
a reminder.
You could even write down aBible verse to help support your
focus and help you keep youreyes on God, And also continue
to have this conversation withyour husband so that you can
check in with him as well tomake sure both of you are on the
same page.
And then finally, I want you touse it when you need it.
(19:41):
It is really easy to do theother work to think about the
phrase you wanna use, to figureout what your limitations are,
and then to write it down.
But it's not going to be helpfulif you don't.
Put it into practice.
So yes, use it when you need it.
Read it out loud, continue tovisit it, and challenge yourself
(20:02):
to invite God into this spacedaily so that this boundary
phrase continues to stayanchored in your actions.
This is going to be the mostpowerful way for you to move
past the comparison mindset.
Especially around the holidaysall right, mama, let's bring it
home.
We are nearing the end of thisepisode and I want you to
(20:23):
remember, and I want, that was ahard work to say.
Let's start again, and I wantyou to remember that when
comparison starts creeping inthis holiday season, There are
these two ways that you can stopit in its tracks.
The first one is to notice thetrigger.
Catch those moments when you'rescrolling or comparing yourself
(20:43):
to someone else.
And then secondly, choose yourboundary phrase.
And define what it actuallymeans for you and your family.
Also, add a Bible verse and keepyour eyes on Jesus, the goal is
to have more peace and lesspressure over the holidays and
comparison will very quicklysteal that from you.
(21:05):
If you let that cycle continueto control you.
I can only imagine the kind ofpeace and calm Peter felt when
he was walking on water andlooking at Jesus.
And I strive to have that kindof peace in my life and as a
holidays approach.
I want that for you too, so thatyou can break free from mom
(21:25):
guilt, stop the comparison cycleand become the mom you've always
wanted to be.
Now, I know that it can be hardat times, but you can do hard
things.
Thanks for hanging out with metoday, mama.
(21:47):
If this episode helped you inany way, would you do me a favor
and please share it with afellow mom that could also
benefit from this episode.
Until then, I'll see you nextWednesday, right here on this
podcast.
Go in peace.
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