Ep 141: The Shame Was Never Yours: Healing from Vicarious Shame After Abuse

Even though you’ve left the relationship, do you still feel embarrassed when you remember the way your ex treated others? Do you find yourself cringing at memories of their public outbursts, apologizing for their past behavior, or worrying that others judge you because of them?

This lingering sense of responsibility is called vicarious shame—when you feel embarrassed on behalf of someone else’s actions, even though you weren’t the one who did anything wrong.

In this episode, we explore:
✔️ Why vicarious shame lingers long after leaving an abuser
✔️ How abusers used it to manipulate and control you
✔️ The emotional toll of feeling responsible for someone else’s behavior
✔️ Steps to stop carrying their shame and fully step into your own healing

Vicarious shame is a tool abusers rely on to keep you second-guessing yourself, isolating from support, and feeling like you need to "fix" things that were never your fault. But the truth is: You are not responsible for their actions—then or now.

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