S6E5: Who Am I In All This?

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Nataline (00:00):
Hello everyone.
This is Nataline Ruth Cruz,coming to you from Strawberry
Moon Energetics on anotherepisode of the Sacred Donut
Podcast.
I am here today.
Well, before I say who I'm heretoday with, I want to dedicate
this episode to my prima,bernadette Martinez.

(00:25):
We also called her Bernie andwe'll get to why we're
dedicating this to her today,but shout out to her because
she's one warrior woman for sure, and I always felt good knowing
she had my back, that's forsure.
So, before we get into why, whywe're dedicating it to her, I'm

(00:49):
here today with my podcast crewproducer Tio Teresa Sanchez,
mariah Cruz, naneo Menjivar,tanya Tenorio Rashad, and we
have a special guest here today.
You want to just say your namefor us Beverly Castaneda.

(01:09):
Beverly's here today and we'lllet her give you a longer
introduction here in a moment.
Before we go on, I want to justdo a quick housekeeping.
Please follow us on Instagram,facebook.
What else?
Your personal TikTok?
Oh yeah, my TikTok, my tickytalky that I do, really rough

(01:40):
and raw, apparently.
And also we have a couple ofretreats for 2025.
So check out the website forupcoming events and all that
information.
Okay, let's get to the goodstuff.
Beverly, tell us who you areand what's been going on in your
world.

Beverly (01:54):
Thank you, natalie, and thank you everyone.
I come from these lands, fromthe indigenous nations of the
Arapaho, the Apache, the Dinéand Ute, and what I've been
doing is clearing and healingand balancing and working in the
energies of forgiveness for alllife and all humanity.

(02:17):
But at the beginning, that'snot how it started, so tell me
how it started.

Nataline (02:24):
So tell me how it started.
Tell me your spiritual journey,and I say spiritual journey
because all of our humanexistence is a spiritual journey
.

Beverly (02:42):
So tell me a little bit about your spiritual journey
and how you ended up here atthis table on the sacred donut.
My spiritual journey began whenI first got sober and, to go
into my history, I hadexperienced anorexic bulimia,
domestic violence, domesticviolence, sexual abuse and rape

(03:05):
and severe disassociation, andthose things led to feeling
extreme pain and suffering in mybody and I didn't have anyone
to show me how to process thator what do I do with it.
I seen in my family that therewas addiction and so it was

(03:28):
something that I escaped, and soanorexic bulimia when I first
started purging my food, I feltthe head rush and it was the
first time that I didn't feelpain, so that was the beginning.

Nataline (03:46):
So when I said your spiritual journey, all of your
experiences are your spiritualjourney.
All of your experiences areyour spiritual journey.
We could say your spiritualawakening was after you got
sober, but part of your journeywas a journey through what we
understand to be your darkcities.
Right, okay, so tell me, howdid that?
How did you go from domesticviolence, abuse, anorexia,

(04:07):
addiction, into sobriety, intoawakening?

Beverly (04:16):
It started off with.
I needed help.
I was just about ready to endmy life and there was something
inside of me that said do youwant to live?
And I said yes.
I said I don't know how to livewith all this pain and
suffering and it said I'll teachyou.

(04:37):
And I said why would you wantto teach me?
And it was the beginning of myrelationship, of connecting to
something that I felt that Ineeded to learn how to trust and
have a relationship with andother people have said it was
God.

(04:57):
And for me I didn't want to usethat word because I had
abandoned God and I walked awayfrom God, and at the time it was
the devil.
And I said you both can't haveme.
So for me, when I started tohear this inner guidance, I said
do not hurt me.
I've been through enough painand suffering and if you can

(05:20):
show me how to live my lifewithout pain and suffering, then
I will follow you.
I will listen and do whateverit takes for me not to live in
this path.
And I could see that path beingthe pain and suffering and the
addiction, and then this otherpath.
I had no idea what it was goingto be like.

Nataline (05:41):
And so then, in that moment of trusting this voice or
this presence, then what youknow because I'm thinking as
you're talking, if somebody'slistening, my hope is somebody,
my knowing is someone islistening right now in a similar

(06:01):
situation.
And so how do they go from that, even if they don't hear the
voice, to then becoming whereyou are today?
What's the next step?

Beverly (06:11):
I had a lot of trial and error still in between that
to create a relationship towhere I was still blaming and
shaming myself for certainthings.
So the first time I heard thatinner guidance is when I was in

(06:35):
jail, and it was the first timethat I had to get sober and I
openly admitted to the judgethat I had a methamphetamine
problem.
And he said I've been a judgefor 40 years and not once have I
ever heard anyone say or admitthat they have a problem and I
will help you the best way thatI can.
So that was the beginning ofbeing honest and reaching out.

(06:59):
So then I got sober for sixmonths it was actually supposed
to be for a year and the innerguidance was telling me to do
this, do that.
And every morning I would getup and I would hear go for a
walk.
Then I would go for a walk.
I wouldn't question it becauseI wanted to live and I didn't
know what living looked like.
So every time I would hear asuggestion to go do it, I would

(07:21):
do it.
Just as long as it wasn't theother door that I had been in.
So when the judge told me youknow what it's?
Six months You've been, you'vedid everything that you were
supposed to do.
I'm going to cut your probationin half.
And I said I'm going to gethigh is what I said in my head.
And I heard don't go back togetting high.

(07:43):
I need you to do something.
I said I got this.
Who's talking to me?
You know my big ego.
And I went back to getting highand I suffered in my addiction
for another five years.
Wow, and then when and I kept,and this time I had God with me.
When I was in the space.
This was the first time that Ihad God with me.
When I was using drugs.

(08:04):
It was so different and I waspleading and begging and I would
hear you're not ready, you'renot ready.
And then, when I was ready totake my life again and I was
serious, I heard you're ready.
I said well, what do I have todo?
Remember what you did before.

(08:24):
Every time, something new, anew idea came in your head.
You followed it and you did it,no questions asked.
You just did it.
So I became this yes, person.

Nataline (08:36):
And before that like rebel right, rebel without a
cause.

Beverly (08:40):
Yes, Everything was a no.
And I was in the and I wasfacing pain and suffering.
So I had a chip on my shoulder.
And also, too, when I was injail, I heard my inner guidance
tell me see all these women herein jail.
I said, yep, they all have achip on their shoulder.
I said I don't.
They said, yes, you do, You'rejust like them.
So it was like a rude awakening, and it was also the first time

(09:07):
I couldn't purge my food tobeing in jail for 45 days and it
makes me go like you know, chipon your shoulder.

Nataline (09:15):
Because women, when they become in pain like that,
they it's like a callus, right.
It starts off as a wound andthen a blister and then a callus
, so they become hard right.
When we think about cause, I'mthinking like as wounded as you
were, like how does you have achip on your shoulder?
But it's from.

(09:36):
The pain turns into thehardness.
It's what makes them hard right.

Beverly (09:44):
I feel like it was more because I got a chip on my
shoulder, because I always feltlike I was doing the right thing
Be a good girl, be a goodperson and just deal with it, or
let people run all over you.
Like I just felt like if I didthis, that shows that I'm good,
like always these things that Iwas taught from my family or
that I mimicked that this iswhat a good person is and I

(10:07):
would get taken advantage ofbecause I didn't have any
boundaries and I didn't have asense of self.
So then the chip was like okay,this is enough.
Like I went looking for thepeople that picked on me in high
school and I hurt people and Itake full responsibility and
accountability for that.
And I don't mean like you know,I mean fighting with them.

(10:30):
We're going to physically fightnow.

Nataline (10:32):
So um, but that's what I'm saying.
Like you turn the, so the yesperson, so the the people
pleaser before in the beginning,then becomes the rebel without
a cause, then becomes chip on myshoulder.
You know hard.
When I say hard it's that likewhere you know, I feel often

(10:53):
that we get so wounded that it'slike you can't.
The only way to survive is tobecome hard right.

Beverly (11:02):
So it was severe, the wounding.
It was the mental that I tookfrom all of the abuse and the
abusers that I experienced.
I took it on and made it my own.
So then I became my own abuserin my own head and played that
in my head and there was somepride in that that I would say
I'm not going to allow anybodyto hurt me, but I will be the

(11:24):
first one to hurt me.
Okay, I see.

Nataline (11:27):
So then, um you then, five years struggle, Well, one.
I want to bring light on thatbecause I think that addiction
is one of those things.
Relapse is very common insobriety and I think sometimes
people need to hear that peoplewho have successfully found

(11:48):
sobriety often have relapsedsomewhere along the way, and
sometimes several times.

Beverly (11:54):
Yes, Well, it was a cycle that I would go through.
When I would get sober, I wouldbe on the doctor's drugs.
So it became a battle of I'malways having to be on something
.
Where is me?
Yeah, where where am I at inall of this?

Nataline (12:11):
Wow, yeah, we see that a lot.
That's part of the frustrationwith our systems is how do we
really help people become soberwhen we're not getting to the
root of the pain?
So then, how did you thenbecome sober?
How did you find your tools oryour way from there?

(12:32):
Five years goes by.
You're back and forth.
Then what?

Beverly (12:37):
Well, when I was court ordered first of all, I want to
shout out to Empowerment Program, because they are a
secondary-based trauma unit forwomen and I was court-ordered to
be there and I did what Ineeded to do.
And then, when I got sobermoving forward five years, then
I got sober I went andvolunteered in their program.

(12:58):
I asked can I come andvolunteer?
Like I need help.
So I went to their program andthe first year of my sobriety
they sent us to Black Forest ona retreat and there was a lady
who did a meditation with us onthe land.
It was the first time I was out.
It was actually Ute Ute inChristianity I think there was

(13:18):
two different, but it was Utereservation or the nation was
there because you could seetheir language, their culture
was there.
And when she did that, I feltsomething lift me and I was like
I'm sober, I should not befeeling this, like what's going

(13:38):
on, like there's some aftereffect or like.
And then I closed my eyes againand then I felt it lift me.
I was like there is somethinghere that is getting my
attention and I want to, I wantto explore this more.
So I started meditating andstarted to receive bliss for the

(14:00):
first time.
Nice.

Nataline (14:03):
And how was that a game changer for you?

Beverly (14:10):
I felt like I could ask for forgiveness for the things
that I experienced in my lifeBecause that's what was
happening in the meditations Tosomething that would show me how
to dissolve the pain and thatmeant that I would have to look
at the things that I had donewithout judgment for the first

(14:33):
time and that was so beautifulfor me to experience that.
And I didn't know how toverbalize it before to people,
because people have asked me howdid you get sober, beverly,
from methamphetamines, like how?
And it was the meditation.

Nataline (14:48):
That's beautiful so then, how did you end up at
Strawberry Moon?

Beverly (14:54):
moving forward um eight years I was working at.
I got offered a job at Herbsand Arts because the empowerment
program is just a couple ofblocks down and the empowerment
program seeing that I waschanging and they wanted me to
teach this to the women, so Iwould go and get my supplies at
Herbs and Arts.
And then they asked me if Iwanted a job and Herbs and Arts

(15:15):
is a metaphysical shop in Denver, correct?
Yes it is.
And shout out to all the peoplewho work at Herbs and Arts and
Kay Wynn and John, thank you forthe opportunity.
So I was there and one of yourstudents came in.
Two of your students actuallycame in that same week and said

(15:35):
have you heard of StrawberryMoon?
I said, what's Strawberry Moon?
You need to be there.
And I was like I don't know,like yes, you should go, because
at the time I was in, you know,I'd like to isolate.
It was my jam, like that'swhere I meditate.
And then I heard it the secondtime from another one of your
students and I was like, okay,I've heard it two times, I'm

(15:56):
going to go check this out.
So then that's when I went tosee you, natalie, and I asked,
two people came and talked to meand said that I needed to be
here and that's the beginning ofmy relationship with you and
Strawberry Moon.

Nataline (16:08):
Wow, and how long ago was that?
Do you know?
Because I don't.
To me it's like eternity.

Beverly (16:21):
Well, I've been your student.
I finished the Kapuli, thefour-year Kapuli, and then I
started the Oshlahu OchochZiking, the House of the
Thirteen Eagles, and I thinkthis is our fourth year, or is
that fourth?

Nataline (16:29):
year.

Beverly (16:29):
Yeah, you're about three and a half, I think, so
seven and a half Wow.

Nataline (16:35):
And how has what you've done here?
Has it helped?
Has it, you know, if you werealready walking a path, if you
were already finding your way,but you were isolated, was there
benefit to coming to a placelike this?
Was there what?
What did you get out of it?

Beverly (16:56):
So yes and yes and yes.
Freedom.
It's something that I really Ineeded to be accountable and
take full responsibility for mylife, and that meant looking at
my life in a place where I feltwas sacred and that I could
learn to trust how to processwhat I was feeling, could learn

(17:23):
to trust how to process what Iwas feeling.
So, yes, I was doing meditationbefore and then something
happened and my bliss bubblebursted.
It just did.
And then I connected with myindigenous communities and I
became students of differentteachings.
And then I met you and for me,I felt like I needed to have
room for me and I love ourtraditional medicine with our

(17:46):
indigenous relatives and I amgrateful for the traditional
medicine and I'm you know, andthere's protocol and that's
exactly what I will do when I'min those spaces, because I've
learned the history of myancestors and respect what they
had to sacrifice for thoseteachings to still be here.
And then I started to feel like, okay, well, where am I in all

(18:07):
of this?
And that's what led me to bewith you and I'm really grateful
that I get to explore that andI've bumped my head plenty of
times against my head justkidding.

Nataline (18:25):
No, you're not.
She meant that to me.
Um, what I, what just caught myattention, is that you said
when you were in addictivebehavior, you couldn't find
yourself.
And then, going into yourspiritual life, you couldn't
find yourself.
And then, going into yourspiritual life, you couldn't
find yourself.
And that's the.
That is when you said freedomto me.

(18:46):
That is what my intention, mygoal is for people is when they
find themselves in all of this.
This is what the freedom, thisis how the freedom comes.
You have to be able to findyourself in all the things right
, and so that's where sometimeswe get stuck in religion, in

(19:09):
certain you know, certainstructures, certain.
It's like you do, where am I inthis?
And if you don't find yourself,then you're going to struggle,
whether you're sober or not.
So I think it's like you dowhere am I in this?
And if you don't find yourself,then you're going to struggle,
whether you're sober or not.
So I think it's beautiful foryou.
You know, that is my goal hereis for people to always say,
like I say, no matter what Iteach here, my biggest thing is

(19:32):
know thyself, because if youdon't know yourself, then you
can't find yourself Right, butwhen you know yourself, you find
yourself where.

Beverly (19:46):
When you find yourself, you know how to ask for what
you want and also, too, you'reable well, from my experience,
the taking full accountabilityand responsibility for my life.
It's such a big game changer forme because when you take the
blame and the shame and theguilt out of it, you have to

(20:07):
look at things as they are andthen I get to see how I've been
showing up and the focus of thecenter of that is do I like what
I'm doing?
Can I change that and what areother ways of doing things?
Just for purely love, and forme, because I had such a deep

(20:27):
codependency on things likethat's where my love, rob, has
come into my life and I trulyappreciate and love my babes is
because I get to see myself inthe mere reflection of him so
divinely, and I feel like that'swhy I bumped my head here.
A lot is because I wanted I gotso used to doing protocol that

(20:48):
it was here's the tools and youwould tell me you already know
and I'd be like but I'm askingyou, you already know when she's
going to give me a differentanswer.

Nataline (21:00):
She would come to me and ask me questions, like about
things, and I would say youtell me, sister, and you could
tell.
She would just be like, andthen one day, I think it finally
you came and said I don't needto ask you anyone no, because
there is an inner trust thatgets established and that's
sacred.

Beverly (21:19):
And I really feel like the lessons that I learn in that
space.
It's very simple and that I canmake it very complex when it
gets stuck in my head.
So I have to know, I have toknow myself.
So when an idea comes in, Idon't even get attached to that
idea because I'm acceptingmyself for who I am is one of

(21:40):
the teachings that I'm reallyrealizing now, so that
everything that I do, that Iaccept, because even when I go,
oh, I don't like, when I do that, it changes my vibration and
frequency.
Then the frequency getsconfused wait a minute, like
what?
What's going on here?
And I want that energy to beconsistent.
So that is where theunconditional love comes from.

(22:00):
Is I accept myself, even in mypain and grief.
So that's been a big gamechanger for me as well.

Nataline (22:10):
I hope everyone who's listening can take that as a
piece of advice or aninspiration, that a piece of
advice or an inspiration thatyou know taking, accepting
yourself, even in my pain,because in our pain is where our
bad behavior comes from.
You said in the beginning I wastrying to.

(22:32):
I was in so much pain Icouldn't find myself right.
I was in so much pain I had tomedicate, I had to control,
because that's what you knoweating, controlling your eating,
purging.
It's about control.
I can't control that.
So I can control this.
In my pain I accept myselfbecause our worst behaviors, our

(22:53):
jealousies, our guilt, ourshame, our drama, our craziness
always comes from a place ofpain.
I've had a couple conversationswith women lately who feel very
, you know, we could blamemenopause, maybe we could blame
a lot of things, but theirunderlying thing is they're in

(23:14):
pain and they don't, they're notgetting it resolved and so
they're screaming and yellingand crazy making and drama
because they're in pain.
And what do we do whensomebody's like that?

Speaker 3 (23:29):
Nobody wants to be around them, or you get
aggressive and defensive back,so it's just like knocking heads
constantly.

Nataline (23:36):
Yes, and so that's the problem is, we need to
understand that when people arein pain, when they're in their
addiction, when they're in theirdrama, when they're in the
crazy making, when they're inthat they already feel isolated,
right?
They already feel like I'm inpain and nobody understands me,
and they already don't likethemselves.
And so one outsiders uspractitioners, lightworkers,

(23:59):
healers we need to help go intothat instead of rejecting them.
That's one thing I always hopefor here is when people do have
their moment, Like occasionallywe have someone that has a
tantrum around here.
It's like, if you're in pain,Tio just raised her hand, Just
kidding, We've all thrown atantrum.
That's part of my hope is thatpeople like understand like I

(24:21):
threw the tantrum and yes, maybethat wasn't my best behavior
and yes, maybe it was hurtful,but also I was in pain and I
didn't know how else to expressthat.
And I think community wise,family wise, like I always hope,
like if we let people be intheir pain for a minute but hold
the space for them, give themthat space so that they can get

(24:46):
to a point where they can knowthemselves and then say this is
how I behave when I'm in pain.
Then, when that pain shows upagain.
They can go oh, I know whatthis is and I don't love the way
I act when I'm in this pain,but I can accept that's how I
act.
I'm maybe not like it, butevery time I'm going to try a
little bit.
But I'm going to choose, usedifferent tools or find
different ways to express mypain, to ask for what I need.

(25:08):
I'm in pain.
I need to be left alone.
I'm in pain.
I need a hug.
I'm in pain.
I need you to make sure I don'tdrink.
I'm in pain.
I need a walk in silence.
I don't drink.
I'm in pain.
I need to walk in silence.
I'm in pain.
Can you give me some tacos?
Like, whatever.
But I feel like when we canunderstand that people are in
pain.
The most bad behavior is that'swhat, where it stems from.

(25:38):
My worst behavior is alwaysbecause I'm in pain.
It's either a frustration, a,it's a, it's a, it's a.
I think that for most of us,it's a sense of like where am I
in this?
That's why I love what you'resaying Like, where am I in this?
And so in the pain.
Sometimes we're in the painbecause we can't find ourselves.

Beverly (25:59):
I had severe PTSD and schizophrenia effectiveness.
That's what the doctorsdiagnosed me as and in that
that's when I started to ask,especially in my relationships,
like what happens to Beverlywhen I have an episode and I go
someplace else where I'm in thesuffering and the pain of the

(26:22):
story.
I started to not just look atthe pain but look at what
happens to Beverly, like thesteps in the process, and I was
still being hard on myselfbecause I thought something was
wrong with me.
But in that process my innerself was asking me to look at
how I move from this to that,teaching me look, this happens

(26:46):
and then this happens and thenmaybe sometimes you eat too much
sugar and the sugar isaffecting your brain and your
brain is leaving, you know,making this chemistry in your
brain and it's acting out andviolent as well.

Nataline (26:57):
Yeah, because that's also a drug.
Sugar.
I always say sugar is a gatewaydrug and I don't think people
understand that sugar.
The toxins in our food, thosealso have an effect on our
mental health, on our emotional.
That interferes with ourreceptors, that interferes with
our hormones.
So take someone who's alreadyin pain, give them junk, right.

(27:19):
We call drugs junk, we callfood junk and then see how
they're going to emotionallystabilize or be unstable.
I think that also what you'resaying is where I want, I always
want, to take people.
When I say know thyself, it'sknowing where, always monitoring

(27:41):
or evaluating right.
We always say in around hereand especially in the Mayan
school, that we evaluateourselves right and so when we
evaluate ourselves, then we findourselves and then in that we
know oh, I need to lay off thesugar, I need to regulate.
I need to resolve this feelingI'm having with this person.
I need to lay off the sugar, Ineed to regulate.
I need to resolve this feelingI'm having with this person.

(28:01):
I need to figure out what thisemotional charge is.
I need to process.
That's one thing you saidearlier.
I didn't know how to processwhat I was feeling.

Beverly (28:12):
Well, I knew how to process more pain.
I knew how to repeat the storyover and over and over in my
head and I created that.
And when I was able to look atthat from the Osh-Lahu
Ochoch-Zikin you know how we'reable to go in and look at what
we created I was like, wow, Iwas a mastermind when I created
all of that and takingresponsibility from a space of
power, not of suffering and pain.

Nataline (28:35):
Yeah, I like that because we can say, yeah, it's
my fault, I'm the bad guy.

Speaker 3 (28:41):
I feel like when people say it like that, they're
manipulating you to feel badfor them and not really holding
themselves accountable andthat's the.

Nataline (28:47):
That's the drama.
Yeah yeah, I know it's my fault, I'm the bad guy, I did it.
Yeah yeah, when we really fullytake accountability and this is
like what I love to do when Iwork with couples is go to that
space of like this is my issue,not yours.
This is my pain from mychildhood, not my partner's.
Thank you, partner, for showingme that mirror.

(29:09):
That's still there and thatpain is still there.
Thank you for that poke,because now I got to go take
care of it.
I'm not gonna.
Then domestic violence with youand believe me, I know, I know,
I know that, that you know,because especially in the
intimate relationships, man, youfeel raw at times, because

(29:29):
that's the point of those is toget us to look at what is
unresolved still.

Beverly (29:36):
For my experience when I hit the heightened part of the
PTSD, there's a pause effectthat takes place and it's really
just holding the space, withoutany judgment and knowing that I
don't know how this is going tohappen.
But I know that thispossibility and this opportunity

(29:56):
that is being given to me is toshift it out and be with it,
and I've had to diligently workwith that.
And when they show up, I dotell Rob.
Thank you, rob, I'll be rightback because this is an
opportunity for whatever has anyresidue of pain.
I want to sit with it in adifferent way now.

(30:18):
I'm honoring it and thinkingthat it's okay for me to be
super sensitive, it's okay forme to feel what I need to feel.
And then I'm also learningboundaries when I go into spaces
, on what energy centers toclose so that I'm not fully open
.
And again, I practice to seewhat it's like when I close them

(30:41):
at, you know, maybe 10% or 15,to see.
Well, I left it at 15.
I'm constantly analyzing thingsin that way of how did I feel?
Did I feel like it picked upenergy?
And it's not in a space ofjudgment, it's just of
observation and it's a goodteacher.

Nataline (30:57):
So you recently went to Nepal and when you came,
we'll talk a little bit aboutthat.
But when you came back, youcame back to class, like you
always do, and class was quiteharsh for you.
It was a bigger class than Imean.
We had like I don't know 60people in here I think.
So it was quite crowded and itwas loud and noisy and we were a

(31:18):
little disorganized because itwas a first class of a different
system of what I was doing andit was very.
This is where I say, when youtravel to places like that, when
we do retreat, when we do, whenwe go into sacred places that
are very much in the quiet, thecalm, the solitude, how, when

(31:40):
you settle your energy body,when you calm your nervous
system, and then you come back,what I say, to come back to
planet earth, to the tonalis, tothe Dom Miguel, always goes the
pspsps, like that.
The energies are so erratic andso loud.
Beverly came in and I couldtell right away I was like, oh,

(32:02):
if she makes it through class,I'll be surprised.
And then you said at some pointlike wow, y'all are really loud
.
But it's funny because beforeyou left you were just as loud.
Right, you were just in it andit was normal.
But see how, when you are, whenyou really become a person of

(32:24):
power, how sensitive everythingis and how much also you then
realize.
This is why I say, when peopleget to a certain state of
awakening, it's hard to even gointo places like a bar, like a
club, like you can't.
Energetically, it gets harderand harder to be in such erratic

(32:46):
, loud energy, right?
Do you feel like since yourtrip, which I want you to talk
about, you've settled in alittle bit more Are?
Are you adjusting?

Beverly (32:59):
I am grateful that I have the time right now to still
integrate and I won't have thatanswer for you maybe until
after January Because I took ina lot of energy when I was in
Nepal and experienced so manynew culture, connecting with the

(33:22):
Nepalese, connecting with theTibetan people, the Bhutanese
like they are the same people asthe Diné and the Hopi nation,
and it was so healing for methat it helped me to see why
I've been so committed to myspirituality and that's what

(33:43):
I've been healing is myspirituality, and it gave me the
answer that I needed that herein United States it looks
addictive, it looks like I'mobsessive, but there I found it
being so natural on how they'reso devoted, so dedicated.
They get up first thing in themorning and they're praying with
their malas and the children.

(34:04):
I've seen so many elderlypeople, the grandmothers and the
grandfathers, just going aroundthe stupa with the Hindu and
the Buddhist together.

Nataline (34:13):
I found that so healing to see two different
religions working together soharmoniously Well, and I'm glad
you said that because I, youknow, I've seen and I know
energy like yours and I alsoknow we talk a lot about in the
Mayan cosmology, like we have aspecific time that we're more
aware of being a fanatic, likewe have to really watch that

(34:36):
codependency.
When you come from a codependentbackground and you come into
your spiritual path, we oftensee people will become addicted
to the spiritual path, theybecome codependent on their
spiritual path.
And what I love is that, becauseagain we're coming from the
lens of Western linear thinkingand when we look at that from

(35:03):
the lens of Western linearthinking and when we look at
that from the lens of Mayancosmology or, like you're saying
, in Nepal, coming from adevotion, but I still want to
say we, this is where again youhave to know thyself the
difference between devotion andaddiction.
Again you have to know thyselfthe difference between devotion
and addiction.

(35:24):
But to me I feel like for youthat probably did feel so
natural, because I think that inyour spiritual path what I've
seen is, yes, at moments therewere moments of careful because
this can look addictive, butthen I've also seen you like
course correct and then also bein your.

(35:44):
I always think that as long asyou come back to that sort of
place of like, oh I have morework to do.
As long as we keep coming backto that, oh, I still got a lot
of work to do, then I'm neverworried about somebody in the
addictive behavior ofspirituality.
I have so much work to do I I'mnever worried about somebody in
the addictive behavior ofspirituality.

Beverly (36:02):
I have so much work to do.

Nataline (36:04):
I do, yeah.
And so devotion to me is wheremy not my frustration Sometimes
when people come here and theydo, especially like so when she
says that's the house of 13eagles, that's our school of

(36:26):
Mayan cosmology.
In that, in that container, weare more disciplined, we're a
little bit more, we follow moreprotocol, we're, we're, you know
, more in the ancient sacrednessof the Mayan teachings.
It's less lax, but I also um inthat container, um, when I feel

(36:54):
like you know, sometimes I willhear from the elders in in the
Mayan nation don't push right,don't put.
If they don't respond, if theydon't want to like, don't push.
And I get that and I'm all forthat because I want people to
have free will.
But I also think sometimes, likewhere's the devotion?
Like where, if this is yourpath, why is it only your path

(37:16):
once in a while?
Why isn't it every day?
Why isn't it?
And again, it's their path?
It's not my, it's not myjudgment in my own, in my own
looking at it.
Anytime I go like, wow, I havea lot to do, there's a lot of
work there, or I have a lot.
Well, I have to remind myselfthis is my devotion to my

(37:36):
mission, this is my devotion toGod, to the agreement I made to
come here and help humanity.
So to me, what they do, whatyou saw there, is that same
thing.
They are in devotion to themission that they're here to
help humanity right.

Beverly (37:57):
Yes, because they don't have a sense of self.
Everything that they do is veryselfless.
And because I got to sit withthe monks and the Buddhas in
their prayers, I got to also seemy American manners and I had
to learn to be quiet and just tobe in the space of ingratitude

(38:20):
in being able to be in theirpresence.

Nataline (38:24):
Yeah, as a Westerner, we're quite harsh, like you say
manners, but do you mean?

Beverly (38:28):
mannerisms.
Yes, mannerisms meaning I thinka lot and I want to ask a lot
of questions.
No way, I've never noticed that.
I come from a family of don'ttouch.
You know, outsiders don't touchus.
And then, when I grew into myspirituality, I wanted to hug
everyone because it's a form ofconnection and loving.

(38:49):
And there it's the same thingdo not touch, yeah.
And so how did that feel?
I messed up a lot.
Yeah, it was like and I think Iexplained to you where, because
you know I couldn't connect withthe tobacco there because it's
frowned upon in the area, themonastery where we were at and
this is the Dilgo KingstayRipashay's monastery and around

(39:11):
the stupa there would be fireand there would smoke.
And I seen it for the first timeand I was like smoke.
I'm going over there and I'mall dousing myself Like, oh my
gosh, thank you, you know, goingmy four manifestations and I
look over and everybody's likewhat are you doing?
The lady grabbed the juniperbecause that's what they burn

(39:34):
out there and that's their plantthat they connect with.
She tabbed it and then tappedit on her head, tapped it and
tapped it and very politelytapped it and that was it.
So I feel like, on one hand,there was a moment where they
got to see someone else connectwith the juniper smoke in a
different way and that mighthave a ripple effect on how

(39:57):
they're connecting with it alsotoo.
And at the same time I got tobe in their culture and follow
how they do things.
So it was beautiful andwhenever I would walk by
everyone just kind of like causethey remembered me, but I would
still.

Nataline (40:11):
But isn't this also what I've taught for years, like
what I've said over the yearsis, like, how we go, like okay,
here is a way to use the smoke,but if you go into other
cultures, into other ceremonies,I always say I want people that
come from Strawberry Moon to beable to adapt to, not to be
able to go oh, that's wrong,that's not how we do it.

(40:32):
To go, oh, my bad, that's, thisis how you all do it.
I'll respect that.
But also doesn't it kind ofshow like less, less can be?
I was thinking about this theother day.
I'm a more is more person and,um, I was thinking the other day
how, like I I think I wasdropping some, um, liquid

(40:52):
vitamin D under my tongue andyou know, I was like I want to
do like two vials, right, andit's like you can do like four
drops or something.
And I had to like think, like Ihad to take my consciousness
into the micro and like they,like I got the message like this
tiny little drop has this kindof medicine that goes on such an
atomic level into your body andda, da, da, da, da.

(41:13):
And I'm like it's hard for my,it's hard for me because I'm
cosmic, I want to do everythingbig picture right.
My, my vision is big.
I always have that Elo ball,that panoramic view.
And so I thought one day whenwe were doing something I don't
know what I was doing apresentation or something, and I

(41:34):
could only use a teeny, tinybit of smoke, a little bit of
like.
But I was like all I have to dois just a little stream of
smoke is connecting with thesmoke.
I don't have to smoke up thewhole place where they get.
You know it looks like a fogmachine and they're like Ooh, so
impressed with the lady withall the smoke.
I've gotten yelled at a lot fornot enough smoke.
I know I'm always like moresmoke, more smoke to everybody,

(41:57):
but that just shows how like,like also the magic and medicine
of the plants, of the smoke is.
It's like it's there whetheryou use a lot or a little bit.
That is and I had to learn thisthe hard way because I'm also
when I do healings I rememberover the years people would say
you know, if you're coming, likewhen I go down south, if you're

(42:17):
coming, can like when I go downSouth, if you're coming, can
you do a healing on me and Imean I'd be like packing up all
the things, my 20 bags, mymassage table.
Now I'm literally like put myhand on their head, you're done,
you're blessed, right.
Because we think on such a um,especially from Western linear

(42:40):
thinking, we think more is moreand sometimes it's not.
Now I still believe in the bit,like in the love.
More is more in the bliss, moreis more in the.
In a lot of things I still feelmore is more, like if you're
going to decorate a tree, moreis more.
But I also understand thesimplicity and the magic in the

(43:05):
minute, right In the minuscule,in the tiny, the intention.

Beverly (43:15):
I understand what you're saying and that's
beautiful and I thank you.
What you're saying and that'sbeautiful and I thank you,
natalie, because it's thesurrender in what I have in my
own ideas versus the unknown,the unpredicted, the mystery,
and for that, when I'm beingguided to be in a space where
this is how I'm used to showingup, and then people are looking

(43:37):
at me and then I realize, wait,a minute, I have to adapt to
this space.
It's been really beautiful forme to transition in that space
where I didn't have the tobacco,and it was a real big test to
see where is my relationshipwith the teachings?
Do I have an addiction to it?
Can I still connect to them?
And how am I honoring workingin the oneness?

(44:00):
Because for me I felt like,okay, well, I was taught we can
only walk with one tradition,and that's.
I've heard a lot of people sayonly walk with one tradition and
I, in the Mayan teachings,there was an energy that I was
having a difficult timeconnecting to and I said, okay,
well, my inner guidance told methat this would be the energy
from the Tibetan teachings thatwould help me to connect to it,

(44:23):
the light, you know, connectingto the light.
So how do I become whole andconnect to the oneness with the
teachings?
Well, I have to know that Iseparate it in my own mind when
I say that.
So I stopped separating it andsaying the ahau or the oneness
is everything, and I take alittle bit of that in and I take
a little bit of that in and Itake a little bit of that in the

(44:46):
oneness that I walk in.
So then it helped me to be moregrounded in who I am and to
work with my own inner light andthen bring in the teachings.
That is the medicine.
But there is an inner lightthat I really wanted to connect
to, to see the inner strength ofthat, and that's where that
trust begins.

Nataline (44:58):
And that's why I said earlier, when you said, you know
where am I in it, and I saidonce you found yourself, where
were you?
And it's in the everything.
When you find yourself in thatinner light, then you find
yourself in everything right,instead of the opposite.
When we look around and wecan't find ourselves, that means

(45:20):
you're not in the inner, you'relooking for yourself on the
outside.
But when you find yourself inthe inner, then you see yourself
in everything.
So in every tradition you arethere Because, I agree, I have
the same feeling.
It's hard for me to tell peopleto only pick one path when I've
had an eclectic path, but whatI say is take the nuggets from

(45:45):
those that get you up thatladder and use that to your
benefit.
So then, tell us why you werein Nepal.
What took you there?

Beverly (45:59):
So I want to shout out to my teacher, char Lee.
She is the lineage holder, thelineage mastery holder, for the
Tibetan cranial.
She is the first woman lineageholder and she has been my
Tibetan teacher for five, fiveyears now and this was her last
trip going out there.

(46:20):
And she said, beverly, betterget it together, because this is
my last trip, so that you canmeet the teachers out there.
And it worked out I was able togo and she created the retreat
and she had a routine for us inthe morning when we would get up
and sit in the meditation, andthen she left us alone
afterwards.

(46:40):
And first I left us aloneafterwards and first I got upset
because I was like, wait aminute, this is a retreat.
I thought there was more orderand I tried to book my flight to
come back home.
I was just feeling thesuffering and pain, like I need
some order here.
And then I got the message no,we brought you here so that you
can walk with your own innerleadership.

(47:01):
And I was like, well, what doesthat look like?
So every morning I would get upagain, just like when I got
sober.
I would hear go over here, goover there, go over here and go
over there and I interacted andmet so many people in that
country.
There has been coloncolonization, so they frown upon

(47:22):
against white people becausethere's displaced anger there as
well and I have a lot of loveand compassion for that.
So when I was there, I gottreated like I was a napoles,
like I was tibetan, because Ilook just like them, and, um, it
got me in the doors to a lot ofplaces where they don't let
people come in.
So I say that respectfully andhumbly that yeah, I got to

(47:47):
witness things.

Nataline (47:48):
And so you're here, strawberry moon, learning stuff.
You decide to go into Tibetancranial.
And what was the draw?

Beverly (47:57):
to do that.
When I was working at Herbs andArts, one of the employees was
a student of the teachings andshe had a clinic and she invited
us to go and I received aTibetan cranial and I was like
whoa, something happened to mevery phenomenal that I can't
really describe it because it'shard to describe.
It was just something that wasbeyond familiar.

(48:19):
So then I met the teacher andthe teacher takes your pulse.
You have to have the pulse totake the teachings, because if
you don't have the pulse thenyou can't.
So when she said, you have thepulse, would you be interested
in taking the classes?
And that was the beginning ofthat.

Nataline (48:32):
And explain to people who might not know what Tibetan
cranial is.

Beverly (48:45):
Tibetan cranial is a 5,000 year old teaching that
comes from Tibet.
The Tibetan teachings is wework in the cranial, we work in
the brain, where we're holdingspace, unconditional love for
the medicine, buddha, to comethrough to balance the four
manifestations.
So when it balances the fourmanifestations, we're looking at
the three doshas and explainwhat a dosha is for those who

(49:08):
don't know.
So it's the pulse in the body,it's the vata, pitta and kapha.
So there are specific teachingswhere we do pulse readings and
these are also teachings thatCharli walks with and I became a
practitioner of her teachings.
It took me five years to becomea practitioner and I had a lot
of inner work that I had to lookat and it's really humbling

(49:33):
myself to be able to be astudent.
I walked in thinking that Iknew everything and I didn't
know anything falling on my face, but once I humbled myself and
accepted the fact that I'm hereto learn and not judge how
anyone is holding their medicine, that I was here again hearing
the message that we need you tolearn this because the people
need this medicine.
In the Navajo teachings, theTibetan is called the wind, so

(50:02):
they call it wind.
They work with the wind in thebrain and the body, and I still
haven't actually sat with one ofthe teachers, but I've heard
it's similar.

Nataline (50:14):
Yeah, because the two traditions well, you said the
Tibetans are connected to theDiné, so there's a lot of
similarities in the teachings,right?

Beverly (50:24):
Yes, what drew me to the teachings is the harmony.
There was a divine harmony andunion that was connected to the
bliss that I felt when I firststarted doing the meditations,
when I first healed, and for me,I was able to do this without
feeling like I was addicted toit.
I could really feel connectedin this acceptance, pure love,

(50:50):
and it goes beyond any humanexperience that I've had.
It just holds itself in thatcontainer.
I just have to watch that.
I don't have any judgment whenI'm in this space, so it really
helps me to just be what wewould call the hollow bone.
But it's more of the lunamis,the transparency of that.

Nataline (51:10):
And so then if someone so you do this as a
practitioner, right?
So what does that look like?
If somebody came in to see youfor a healing, like what's the
difference between cranial,tibetan, cranial, sacral, and
like Reiki or like you know wedo, because you also are trained
in limpias and curandissimo andplant, you know what I mean,

(51:31):
you know how to do all the other.
What's the difference here?
For people who don't know whatthis is, we're working with the
pulse of the body.

Beverly (51:40):
Know what this is?
We're working with the pulse ofthe body and for me it's not
having my own, because whenyou're working with energy, you
can move energy.
We talk about that.
This is about not moving theenergy and this is a stillness
that's in the cranial, it's inthe brain, and when I surrender
to that, my hands just startmoving and it's like a dance

(52:00):
that takes place and it'sconnecting to the forehead, it's
connecting to the body.
I'm still learning what thislooks like, but I've noticed
that the medicine is very primowhen I'm in the space of no
judgment and I'm just allowingwhatever needs to take place.
It's very Because we connect inour hearts while we're in this

(52:22):
space.
So, because I've had five yearsof practice in this space, the
reason why it's become moreprimo is because I don't have to
worry about doing anything.
What?

Nataline (52:30):
do you mean by?

Beverly (52:31):
primo, you mean primal.
Well, yeah, well, primal, likeI understand, my part is that
I'm the vessel for this andbecause that's just my part in
the space, I willingly andaccept that.
Well, I'm thinking, primo, likeoh, primal.

Nataline (52:46):
I'm sorry, cousin, but I'm also thinking like you know
, that's like the harmony ofbeing in relationship with, so
that's why I wondered if youwere saying it that way on
purpose.

Beverly (52:59):
Well, maybe Bernie's coming through, I know.

Nataline (53:01):
And that's why I literally just looked at Donya
like I'm like.
So we started this conversationby shouting out to Bernadette
Martinez.
And Bernadette Martinez is mycousin on my paternal side, on
my paternal side.
She is her, without confusingthe audience, without family
tree, you know 5,000 generations.

(53:30):
Her uncle Harold is my uncleHarold, through marriage.
Her mother's brother is myuncle.
He married my dad's aunt, mygrandma's sister.
Let me say that over my grandma, ruth's sister, della, married
her uncle Harold, her mom'sbrother Bernadette.
Then, without knowing this,beverly was here for several

(53:53):
years.
Bernadette passed away.
Beverly was here for severalyears.
Bernadette passed away.
Beverly noticed on Facebookthat I had mentioned condolences
or something that she was mycousin.
Beverly had been friends withher for how many years?

Beverly (54:08):
For seven to eight years.
We met when she was 16.
We stood in contact because shewas with Gilbert and Buddy,
their brothers, and I was withBuddy.

Nataline (54:19):
And so, years before Beverly ever stepped foot into
Strawberry Moon, she was friendswith my cousin, which to me,
just always so.
Then my cousin also my cousin.
So this woman, Bernadette, whohas transitioned, so we honor
her in the season of theancestors.

(54:40):
Her sister is good friends withTanya, who's on our podcast.
Tanya and I have been friendssince high school and you have
been friends with her sister forhow long?

Speaker 4 (54:52):
Well, they're my cousins through marriage too.

Nataline (54:53):
Yeah, and they're cousins through marriage through
marriage too.

Speaker 4 (54:57):
Yeah, and they're cousins through marriage.
So Bernadette and Lonnie's momis my uncle Danny's sister, who
married my dad's sister.
So we were always raised ascousins.
Our families are all buriedtogether at the cemetery.
So when you go see my dad andmy grandparents, the Tenorios,

(55:17):
they're also buried with grandpa, grandma, grandpa Alex, grandpa
Alex, and with Lonnie'sgrandparents and Bernie's
grandparents.
They're all buried togetherbecause the Tenorios and the
Martinez's they're like onefamily.
So we're, we were always raisedas family.
I would never like evenconsider that she's not your

(55:38):
blood.

Nataline (55:38):
Yeah, it is an inch.
So Tanya's here today shows upfor podcast recording.
I'm like, oh, do you knowBeverly?
This is Beverly.
She never met her before fromcommunity.
And then it hits me like, oh myGod, Tanya, I forgot to tell
you Beverly knows.
Bernadette was the besties withBernadette was besties with
Bernadette back in the day andso you know, it's amazing.

Speaker 4 (56:07):
It's such a small world and such a connection.
You know you grew up with thesepeople and you just love them.
And then you meet somebody thathad a different life with them.
While Bernie was, you know, inCalifornia, we were all still in
Walsenburg talking about Iwonder how Bernie is.
And then she comes back toWalsenburg and she's kind of
like the tough person that wealways felt safe around, because

(56:28):
nobody would mess with you aslong as you had Bernie around.
So she just was very a toughperson and she was funny and fun
to be around, and so it'spretty neat.
So I'm going to tell her sisterto listen to this for sure.

Nataline (56:46):
Yeah.
So we'll say shout out toLonnie.
It also just shows the cosmicmovement of how and it makes me
go.
You know how our ancestors onthe other side are also playing.
You know, working in our favorand pushing us towards things.
And for you to end up here andbe so, you know Beverly is um.

(57:11):
You know Beverly in ourcommunity it's um, what's the
word I'm looking for?
You are, I don't want to saywell known, I want to say like
you are here, you are here, youare um, in all the classes, all

(57:32):
the teachings, all the.
You sweep the floor.
Like I always say, you know,the person who sweeps the floor
is, you know, always the mostimportant.
Like you're here, fullyparticipating in this community
and fully helping to move whatwe're doing here along.
And so, um, it's just, it'sjust so fascinating to me that

(57:53):
you would have a connection thatis familial to me and connected
to all of us.
And so Bernadette is definitelyone of those people that you
know when you're talking in thebeginning about a woman, in that
energy of like she was toughbut she also loved big and which

(58:17):
made her even tougher, right,because the bigger you love,
sometimes, the more wounded, thebigger you love, the more pain
you often experience, and thatcan make us even tougher.
But I always said, man, godlove her.
I always when she'd show up ata party or something.
When I was in high school Ialways knew because stuff always
went down.
I lived in a small town.

(58:37):
I'm like, oh, my cousinBernie's here, so I'm good, Like
, nobody's going to mess with me, right?
Those girls in the cornergiving me the side eye, the
hairy eyeball, like my auntalways says, so, yes, so I think
that in your saying, primo, Ithink she's like.
I think that in your saying,Primo, I think she's like don't

(59:00):
forget to mention us that we'reall connected here.
But to find yourself then goingback to your story, to find
yourself then Tibetan cranialpractitioner, an initiate of the
Mayan cosmology, soon to be aMayan spiritual guide, or you,
technically, are already a Mayanspiritual guide.
You also do work blessing the.
Tell us about your.
So when I think of Beverly, Ialways think of the connection

(59:26):
to the earth, because you have aconnection to the earth down to
the microorganisms.

Beverly (59:33):
Tell us about that organisms Tell us about that.
So I've been asked to holdspace in different communities
to do land blessings.
And at first it started becauseYolotel a shout out to Yolotel
she said you're from these landsand that's retribution.
You know that's people givingback reciprocity.

(59:53):
And she seen something in theprayers and at first I was in
real resistance, like no, Icannot do this, like I cannot do
this, and I had to really digdeep inside on why I would want
to do this.
And it was because the healingthat I received from the land
when I first got sober from themethamphetamines.

(01:00:15):
So in that relationship it'screating the authenticity of
what I'm receiving in that space.
Moving forward, now people askme to do land blessings at their
gardens different farmers and Iwork with a scientist and I
work with Zuza, who's also apart of um, natures for Love,

(01:00:38):
and AFCA and Promotores Veresand um.
I originally got started withthem because I got offered uh,
americorps it was a grant and um.
I met a lot of differentfarmers and the work that we do
is rematriation with the buffalo.
And at first again, you know,when I started to work with the

(01:00:58):
scientists, I just listenedbecause I'm like what's my part
in this and then when I wasgiving a voice to be in the
space, it was about the scienceis very masculine, the
indigenous perspective is verygentle, or there's another way
of connecting that connects youto your heart, and that's how it
originally started.
And then the unraveling of myheart of how am I making a

(01:01:22):
deeper connection with thatwhich gives us our food, water
and our shelter, started to lookat that and started to look at
my own body and my ownrelationship with that.
So we have recently been doingbuffalo rematriation where we've
been taking buffalo dung,recently been doing buffalo
rematriation where we've beentaking buffalo dung, because the
buffalo dung has an ecosystem,the biodiversity, to give the

(01:01:43):
soil all the nutrients that itneeds.
And we all know the story ofhow the buffalo have been taken
from these lands.
So we've been reintroducing thebuffalo back into the land when
we have forest patches.
And in that space I ask forforgiveness for all life, in all
humanity, because if we leaveone person out, then it creates
that segregation and separationand I don't.

(01:02:05):
I don't want to do that.
So in that space, when you givesomething back to mother earth,
you take the microorganisms ofthat and put it back in.
Something mystical andbeautiful starts to happen
within your own system and theworld.
so it's like putting things backin order so now we do the hair,

(01:02:27):
now we do the bones.
And we had the first release ofthe native dung beetles with
the mountain state park and Iwant to shout out to Shannon
Dennison, who is the directorshe's the first woman to have
this position and I got invitedto be in the space and they had
the first release of the nativedung beetles and I got to offer

(01:02:49):
the prayer.
This is done nationally.
So, because you know theerasure of the buffalo, so
because you know the erasure ofthe buffalo, erasure of the,
what they call the, they callthem tunnelers and then they
call them the new beetles thatwhere they grab the poop and

(01:03:09):
they take it down, they call thetunnelers.
Those are the dung beetles thatthey returned.
We have the top beetles thatjust kind of like dig holes in
the top of the.
They're just like top feeders.
They're not irrigating, they'renot putting the poop down in
the land and that's what thesebeetles really do.
So there's two differenttraffics that are taking place
with the dung patties and it'sjust beautiful to watch because

(01:03:33):
as above, so below, and there'sso many things that are
happening and I like to see theholistic relationship in that
and the indigenous relationship,and that also reminds me of the
Egyptian teachings of thebeetle, the scarab and the
scarab going underground first.

Nataline (01:03:52):
Right, it goes underground and then comes up as
the sun rises, but it takes thedung underground.
Yeah, don't forget, poop isspiritual too, yeah, it's true.
It's so true like people don'tunderstand how mystical and
intelligent this system isthey're a keystone element to

(01:04:14):
the land.
Yeah, Like so let's just create,okay, so you like, you know the
, the buffalo, um, you know, hasits movement and a beetle is
created to then take thoseorganisms down into the ground
to continue to regenerate, right, whatever's growing net, like

(01:04:37):
it's a, that cycle, and but howfascinating that it doesn't just
fall into the earth like thereis a.
This is why I say everything,even a beetle, has a purpose, a
mission.
Well, that's how the mycelium,yeah.

Beverly (01:04:51):
So, yes, continue.
That's how the mycelium iscreated.
So then it brings thebiodiversity and then it's
creating the nutrients for thesoul, I mean the soil.
Well, it could be the soul,yeah, it could be the soul.
And so then that the irrigationis also taking place and that
their livelihood is protectedfrom the top.
Because, you know, here inunited states or here in in

(01:05:14):
Denver, we clean up everything.
We need to leave the leaves, weneed to lay to rest the plants.
Some people say chop and drop.
I don't say that.
We say lay to rest with theancestors, so that they're
covering their ecosystem, andthey need that.
Yeah.

I say this every fall.
I haven't said it yet this fallbecause it's been 80 degrees.
But like stop, what do you callit?
Raking your leaves?
Stop raking the leaves, like somany people spend all this time
and energy and money to rakeleaves or to clean up their yard
.
Nature knows what it's doing.
It's protecting the groundthrough the winter.

(01:05:53):
It's creating that environmentfor the microorganisms to do
their job.
They can't do that if you, evenwith the dandelions, even with
the polios, when people want tokill the polios, and you know,
and I'm like those arepollinators, you don't want to
kill them, you want to, you know.
Okay, you don't like them inyour house, throw them outside,

(01:06:16):
but don't kill them.
They all have a purpose?

Beverly (01:06:19):
Yeah, so because we've been doing this work, we've been
asked to go to different placesand have the prayer, and one of
the visions that we got is thatwhen you return something back
to its original place, theorganisms of that start speaking
to each other, because theearth is alive, everything has
energy and it's alive.

(01:06:40):
And the message also, too, wasthat that organism would go back
and talk to the buffalo wherethey're at now, to let them know
that they are caged becauseconsciousness all over the world
is wakening and the buffalo now.
They've lost their blueprint totheir DNA because of the
colonization.
They've been traveled over here, traveled over there, and
they're, you know, in GeneseePark.

(01:07:01):
I'm really grateful thatthey're there, but their
blueprint isn't there.
So there's going to be a signalthat goes back to the buffalo
and their consciousness willawaken and they're going to
realize this fence I can pushover and our hope and our prayer
is that the people will protectthem and not put them back in
the cage, because that's theliberation of the animals,

(01:07:23):
that's the liberation of ourconsciousness, and when we're
together, working in that right,something else is being created
and supporting us in a space ofnot having our own ideas or the
attachment of what's going tohappen.

Yeah, they should roam free.

Beverly (01:07:40):
Yes, because without them being here we can't do what
they do.
No, and out of respect for whatthey do for not just the
indigenous people, which I'mreally grateful for the medicine
and the ceremonies and thetraditional medicine, but what
they do for the land and all ofthe habitat that they create,
yeah, that's what people need tounderstand is it's not just for

(01:08:01):
one group of people, it's whatthey do for the whole planet.

Just like the bees, just like the polios, just like
the dandelions.
Everything has a purpose and aseason, a purpose, a reason.
It's in the Bible and so, yeah,we need to stop messing with
nature.
But, you know, thank you forbeing someone who is not only

(01:08:29):
praying for the land I pray forthe land, I do the blessings but
you're also in action ofactually putting things back
into place or helping people toput things back into place, and
that's what I feel like also.
We can pray and I, you knowit's two things.
I know that when we ask forcertain things, when we go into

(01:08:49):
that consciousness ofrecalibrating or re what did I
say earlier about, um, bringingthings back into order we can do
that.
I do that in the consciousness.
You're also doing that in theconsciousness and in the actual,
actual physical, helping thosepeople.

(01:09:12):
The scientist is also.
It's great about you workingwith the scientist because then
it's not just woo-woo stuff.
I think that sometimes we getthe reputation for, like you
know, people are fascinated withthe prayers and they love them.
They're like oh, that wasreally beautiful.
They don't understand themysticism of what goes on.

(01:09:32):
And I feel like also, when wehave a scientist also standing
there saying, yes, these thingshappen, like scientific you know
, I come from scientists theywant to prove stuff.
So, yeah, yeah, you know, okay,yeah, we know, nanny, that you
know stuff, you know, but like,prove it to me.
That's where I go, like I likethat people are coming together,

(01:09:55):
collaborating in a way now thatis like everyone can get on
board, because it's like thisisn't just a woo-woo thing, this
isn't just an indigenous thing,this isn't just a spiritual
thing, this is a humanity, thisis an earth thing.
And so when you can have allthe people at the table,

(01:10:17):
understand and working fromevery direction underground, on
the ground, in the heavens,that's where we're going to make
leaps and bounds in bringingorder and resurrection to the
lands again.

Beverly (01:10:32):
Yes and you don't, for the work that I do, especially
with the land.
I don't have to understand it.
It's again going with what'sbeing asked in the messages that
I receive and the clarity ofthat and the medicine itself.
There's an innocence that comesto just being present and being
vulnerable to channel themedicine.

(01:10:53):
That comes through and thescientist really gives the
science perspective.
I come in with a more softerapproach and that's just.
We work well together in thatspace and I really didn't do a
good description of how he, youknow, talks.
But for me it's about how do weenter mother earth?
We ask for permission before wework with her, because she is

(01:11:16):
alive and that's my part isbecause she's given us
everything.
And then how are we going totreat her?
We're going to be respectfulwhen we're in this space.
So it's gentle, it's nurturing,and my job is to go into the
history for a little bit onlyfor healing, but it's also to
bring the awareness of allindigeneity all over the world
and the prayer has been gettingbigger and bigger and to be

(01:11:39):
present with what's being askedright in the moment.

So Well, when you say you don't need to understand it,
I, yes, I agree I don't need.
There's a lot I do.
I don't need to understand.
My thing is, though, otherpeople often need an
understanding, and I feel likewhere we affect humanity, where
we affect the earth, is when wenot only help people to

(01:12:03):
understand, but to see themystical, the magical, the
beauty of it, not just from awoo-woo spiritual perspective,
but from how intelligentmystical nature is, and when
people understand this, theywant to protect it.
When you go to something likewhat you're doing, even like we

(01:12:26):
have some community members thatplant trees and stuff, and
plant them with the permissionsof the earth, with the sacred
ceremony of it, when weunderstand what these things do
for us, it's like I've been inthe barrier reef, I've been in
the ocean, snorkeling and stuff,where I've seen the reef dying.
When you see it dying, you wantto do something about it rather

(01:12:48):
than just being preached atthat.
We need to save the earth.
I feel that strong, and then,when I saw the great barrier
reef in its beauty, in its prime, oh heck, yeah, we need to save
the planet, but I also what Iwant is for people to not,
because where I hear thepushback is I don't want things
shoved down my throat.
You don't need them to beshoved down your throat.

(01:13:10):
Come and listen to this prayer,come and understand.
Let me tell you the story ofthe beetle that takes the dung
under the ground and startseverything over again.
That's where I want people, ineverything they do, to be like

(01:13:30):
where's the mysticism, where'sthe magic, where's the divine
intelligence?
Because if we catch them inthat space, even if, if they
don't understand it, they'regoing to want to save the beetle
, they're going to want to savethe buffalo right, we forget?
Like everyone wants to save thebuffalo, do we need to save the
beetle too?
So, thank you for doing whatyou do, but also for the

(01:13:55):
listeners.
I want them to reallyunderstand like this isn't.
Everything we do on thispodcast is never to be about
scolding or shoving things downyour throat.
It's to have you understandthere is magic, mysticism and a
divine intelligence ineverything around you.

Beverly (01:14:14):
Intelligence in everything around you and, when
you can, even in your pain seeyourself in that you want to do
something about it and becauseit healed me.
That's me giving back and youknow there are cards that I pull
and they'll say what is yourdesire and tell me your desire.

(01:14:36):
There are Kuan Yin cards and inyour desire, what will you give
me back?
And I always say theauthenticity and the integrity
that I walk with with you andthat has been a pivotal change
in my spirituality and myrelationship to that which gives
me life.
I don't answer to people but yes, I'm in community.
Yes, we show up and we stillhave accountability there.

(01:14:59):
But it's more about when I getup, what am I doing with my
first intention and my firstthought and the first breath
that I breathe?
So I like feeling the closenessand the relationship of that
and that's where my compassionis coming from, because now I
get to see myself in a new light, where I'm not in a rush, I can

(01:15:24):
rest and sleep, but at the sametime I get to deal with me and
I like to be in a space whereI'm not judging myself.
But I had to learn this throughthe plants, the trees, you know
, sitting outside and trustingthat when I hear the voice
that's asking me to do this,that I'm safe, because I already
asked that question in thebeginning.

(01:15:45):
I asked to be safe in thisrelationship that I'm creating
with you, and if you can give methat, then I will continue to
do.
What you asked me to do andthat's one of the most profound
things is to ask for what youwant and need.

Beautiful.
I agree, I concur.
Any questions from anybody.
Questions, comments.

Speaker 3 (01:16:08):
I just want to say that I appreciate Beverly always
being so open about her pastand like what she's went through
to get to this point, because Ithink a lot of people need to
realize like you could have hada dark past and still be a
bright light, and I appreciateher.
So thank you, beverly, foralways sharing that.

Yeah, that's um super important, because that's's one
thing I want the listeners toalways know is like it's never
too late.
It's never too late to getsober.
It's never too late to findyour mission.
It's never too late to figureout what your soul's purpose is,
how to contribute, how to knowyou are important, to know you
are sacred, to know that youhave worth.

(01:16:54):
Like you, you know, I feelstrongly like here we really
honor our elders and um, beverlyis an elder, but I mean she's a
young elder, um, but I feellike part of why I mean, there's
many reasons why I honor theelders, but one of them also is

(01:17:14):
because I want people to theyoung people to go like oh I, I
don't feel like my life's overat 30.
I've made so many mistakes Idon't know how to fix it Right.
We've talked about, like Mariahin her story of like the dark
ages and thinking like youwasted all this time and like,
but no, what I wanted to makeclear wasted all this time and

(01:17:37):
like, but no.
What I wanted to make clear andI said this earlier is your
spiritual path started the dayyou were conceived and we say
your awakening might've beenwhen you got sober but your walk
started.
You walked in the dark, in thedepths, in the hard realities,
so that you could help guidepeople Like the, like the, the

(01:18:03):
stories in the Mayan cosmologyof the twins.
You know they walk, they wentin the darkness and found a way
out, and that's how you guidehumanity.
You can't guide humanity in adirection you've never, from a
place you've never been, and soyou're.
So anyone listening and I saythis to Beverly like your past

(01:18:24):
is nothing to be ashamed of orfeel like it was a waste of time
or too late or no.
It is what you it is.
It was your schooling to bringyou to the place you are now, so
that you could master right.
That was your undergrad.
Now this is how you master andto be able to go like the you

(01:18:47):
from that time period.
What would she say about theyou now?
Would she be surprised that youare a Mayan spiritual guide?
Slash Tibetan cranialpractitioner.
Slash land curandera.

Beverly (01:19:09):
You're asking me to look at when I was using and
then I would have laughed atmyself.
I would have laughed andthought never.
And then I would have laughedat myself.
I would have laughed andthought never.
And one of the things that Iwant to shout out to my mom I
want to shout out to my mom andmy dad, who is crossed over, and
Rob and my children.
I just want to shout out to myfamily because they've been

(01:19:32):
supportive in my spirituality,in my work, and I just want them
to know that I love them and Ihave to be able and willing to
accept everything that I wentthrough to be who I am today.
And I know that's been hard onmy kids because I abandoned my
kids.
You know, when I was in my druguse, and one of the most

(01:19:53):
profound shifts in my life iswhen I came to the crossroad,
where I heard my inner guidancesay and one of the most profound
shifts in my life is when Icame to the crossroad where I
heard my inner guidance say youwant your children to forgive
you, then you have to forgiveyour father.
And um, I was like at the time,like how me forgive my dad
after all the harm that hecaused me and I said yes, and I

(01:20:14):
didn't understand that untilafter he passed away and he came
to see me.
And well, I held his hand whilehe took his last breath and I
said that I forgave him.
But I knew that I still hadinner work to do.
And when I started to look atthe inner work of forgiving my
dad and understanding thatsomething also had happened to
him, and started to look at thelineage and start to see the

(01:20:37):
behaviors of our family, I waslike, oh so then, when you are
presented with seeing that ithas to start with you, because
that's a seer that I don't knowhow it's going to work, I don't
know how it's going to unravelfor my children, but I know that
I have to forgive my fatherfirst.
So I'm going to go into thatspace and trust again the inner
guidance to show me how to dothat.

(01:20:57):
And that's meaning seeing whereI'm blocked, seeing where I'm
still holding grudges, and tojust let it go and to know that
I have been forgiven for what Ihave done in my part, in my
relationship with my dad also,and it frees me up in the space
where I could talk about it asmedicine now, so that it's
inspiring where the people needit.

(01:21:18):
But it also gave me anopportunity to leave the door
open for my children, who nowforgive me and they come in and
out of my life, which I'm reallygrateful, but they forgive me.
I didn't know how it was goingto affect my children, but I
heard the inner guidance tell methat it would, and so my job is
to keep the door open for whenthey want to see me, when they
want to visit, and not give thema hard time when they don't or

(01:21:40):
when they cancel on me, becausethat's the openness of
forgiveness, that is theopenness of loving
unconditionally, and that'ssomething I had to learn.
It wasn't something that wastaught my mom, on the other hand
now she's badass, my mom.
I was just telling her todaythank you, mama, for being the
first person in your family tolove your kids unconditionally.

(01:22:02):
She definitely changed thehistory in our lineage and I
love her for that and I thankher for that.

Wow, well, we thank her for you.
Yeah, so shout out to Beverly'smama what's her name?
Nancy, nancy.
Shout out, nancy.
Good job, anything else?

Speaker 4 (01:22:23):
No, so many relatable things.
It was very inspiring, so thankyou for everything.
It was great.

Yeah, and Tanya has not ever really been around
Beverly, so this is a freshstory for her.

Speaker 4 (01:22:39):
Wait till you see what I put on the altar.
It just all kind of is weird.

Yeah, yeah, we'll have to look yeah.

Beverly (01:22:47):
May I say one thing else to the listeners, so to
people who are struggling inthings that it's been difficult
for you to face.
I want to share with you one ofthe most magical points in my
life is to understand that weare everything and nothing at
the same time.
And when I say this, when I saythat we are everything, most

(01:23:10):
people want to go into the spaceof the harm and the pain and
the suffering.
I want you to go into the mostmagical place that you can
create in your thoughts, in yourheart, and create the magic
from that space.
Because when we have theopenness and the flexibility and
adaptability to see that we areeverything, the hope and the
inspiration changes.
That is where the divine cancome in and say, oh, you're

(01:23:34):
opening up to this possibility.
Let me show you, because that'swhen the transition and the
brain starts to change on how itresponds and how it reacts, and
you can take a pause for asecond and not be so afraid or
be in your fear to say, oh, thatit's the worst thing if I'm
everything, it's accepting thatwe're everything and that I get
to choose what I want to bringinto my life through that

(01:23:57):
creative imagination.
That's where the innerconnection to me and the
intimate relationship is createdand I just want to inspire and
hope that people can go intothat space or, if they want to
come and see me for a session,they're more welcome.
You know, I welcome you to comeand have a session with me.

Yes, yes, please seek her out.
We'll post her information inthe description so that you can
go and have a Tibetan cranial,sacral experience.
And I just want to say thankyou, beverly, for coming today
and being on the podcast, beingopen to talk about all the

(01:24:37):
things, and for being anintegral part of the community.
We've come a long way, you andI, and we have a very, I think,
sacred relationship and honorand respect each other and honor

(01:25:01):
and respect each other.
Um, beverly gives me, um, a lotof love and um, I've had to
learn to be a little bit morereceptive because, you know, I,
uh, I'm one of, I'm like thepeople in Nepal, like why do you
want to hug me Anytime peoplewant to hug me?
Why do you want to hug me?
Don't fuss over me.
She has given me, she hassoftened me in the receiving of

(01:25:22):
that love.
So I appreciate you and Iappreciate all you do around
here and what you bring tocommunity.
So we will close with ablessing and, yes, thank you, it

(01:25:45):
was beautiful.
Take a nice deep breath.
God, goddess, all that is, allof our souls, counsel, our
teachers, our guides, our angels, we call upon you today and we
ask to create sacred spacearound and through each
individual person listening.
We ask to create a vortex ofenergy, protection and healing.

(01:26:09):
I ask today to raise thefrequencies of whoever is
listening, to lift the heavy,dense energies, the stresses,
the worries from their being.
I ask today, in this energy ofthe sacred divine connection,

(01:26:29):
that you find and fulfill yourmission, your soul's purpose.
Fulfill your mission, yoursoul's purpose.
I ask today that if you are inyour darkness, in your feeling

(01:26:51):
alone, isolated, you can't findyourself anywhere.
I ask today that this energy godeep into your being, into the
center of your being, that youwill find yourself there in the
quiet, the calm, the stillness,in the sacredness of all that
you are.
And I ask that from that space,you begin to see yourself in
the everything, everywhere andin everyone.

(01:27:12):
I ask today that you be blessedwith self-acceptance,
forgiveness of the self firstand all those who have caused
you harm.
I ask to free and liberate youfrom the traps, from the traps
of death, from the traps ofwoundedness, from the traps of
separation.
I ask that you remember thetruth of who you are, the

(01:27:35):
oneness of all that is, and thatyour heart flower, that your
heart open to theess of whateverit is.
You need clarity, sobriety,abundance, health, wealth, joy.

(01:28:04):
That all that you need be opento you be handed to you, that
you may be blessed and ready tostep upon your path and find
your way out of the dark.
Panteo shahau, panteo shakwa,panteo shana o meteo.
So it is Amen.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Dateline NBC

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}S6E5: Who Am I In All This?

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Dateline NBC

All Episodes

S6E5: Who Am I In All This?

Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang