June 2, 2024 • 24 mins
i know you've heard it- we are our own toughest critic, and sometimes we don't even realize just how much we negatively affirm ourselves. we're subconsciously unkind or outright mean.
most of what we say to ourselves, we would never say to a friend or someone we care about, so really- why would we say it to ourselves?
in this episode, we'll go into 3 different ways you can correct this subconscious thinking and affirm yourself in kinder, more loving ways- as you deserve.
grab "buy yourself the f*cking lilies" by tara schuster here
connect with julia on instagram @beautybyjulia + tik tok @juliasalvia
unlock more archive content on instagram @theselflovearchive + tik tok @theselflovearchives
sign up for the self-love archives newsletter: www.theselflovearchives.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Julia Salvia (00:00):
Why are you so mean to yourself?
I know we do it.
I know we have thosemoments of you're so stupid.
Why did you do that?
Why did you say that?
Why did you think that way?
I had a moment the other day.
I was at Costco.
Love Costco.
(00:20):
And I do this a lot.
I'm a very I'm a very honestperson and sometimes it's like
a double edged sword, right?
I'm, I'm honest.
I don't lie.
I feel like if you're gonna askme a question or you're gonna
say something to me or have aconversation with me, I'm gonna
be so brutally honest sometimesthat I'm getting like the other
(00:44):
side of the sword, you know?
But then sometimes, youknow, I'm the person you
want to come to because I'mgoing to tell you whether or
not that outfit looks good.
And of course, it alwayscomes just from my
opinion, but I'm honest.
Something I always used to sayin dating too is that don't
(01:05):
ask me a question you don'twant the honest answer to.
And that's that.
But I'm in Costco, I was kindof in my feels, mind you, cause
it's Mother's Day weekend andI was, I was just in my feels.
As I'm leaving, the woman saysto me, Happy Mother's Day.
And I look at her, you knowthe, you know the person
(01:26):
that crosses off all thestuff on your receipt to make
sure you got all the itemsand then you leave Costco?
If you're a Costcomember, you know.
And she says to me,Happy Mother's Day.
And I look at her.
Not like rudely, I justlook at her and I'm like,
do I, do I look like a mom?
She's like, I don'tknow, you could be.
And I was like, Icould be, but I'm not.
(01:46):
She was like, well,then, you know.
Are you at, doyou have any pets?
And this conversation waslike a quick 30 seconds
I'm not even joking, butit felt like forever.
I go, no, I wish I had a dogShe goes, well then happy
Mother's Day to your motherand I go, well, I don't know
And I just in that moment.
(02:07):
She just looks at me.
She goes, I'm sorry andAnd I'm like, it's okay.
And we just go, I go about myday, she goes about her day.
And I relay thisto my boyfriend.
And like, I'm like,I'm awkwardly laughing.
Because while this isfunny, it's not funny.
(02:30):
And it's the truth, butit's also, why couldn't
you just say And in thismoment I'm relaying this
to my, to my boyfriend.
I'm like, why thefuck did I say that?
Why?
Like you're, like just,just say thank you and
go on with your day.
You're such an idiot.
(02:50):
And I realize that I havethese moments a lot where
I just talk a little bittoo much or communicate
a little bit too much.
And I catch myself sayinglike, shut the fuck up.
Why do you keep talking?
Just like you don't needto make buddy buddy or have
conversations with everyperson you come across.
(03:12):
But that brings me to anotherquestion, like why, why are
you so mean to yourself?
That's who you are I'm justsomeone who likes to talk.
I'm, I'm an honest person toa fault, and I like to create
conversation with people.
Now, of course, it doesn'talways happen in that dark
(03:34):
humored kind of way, Ilove to talk to people.
I love to understand people.
I love, I mean, why do youthink I have a podcast?
I know I talk tomyself most times, but.
If that is who I am, whyam I so mean about it?
Why are we so mean to ourselves?
(03:55):
Why are we so unkind?
Why are we so judgmental?
Hello, hello.
Welcome back to the SelfLove Archives podcast.
My name is Julia Salvia.
I am your host, your bestfriend, your big sister, your
(04:15):
self love guide, all the above.
And I'm here to kind ofset you straight today.
And really ask you, why areyou so mean to yourself?
Stop being so mean to yourself.
Let me ask you this.
Would you say, the things thatyou say to yourself, and I
think we subconsciously saythese things to ourselves and
(04:35):
we don't even realize thatwe're being so unkind or mean
or judgmental to ourselves,but let's say you catch yourself
and you're more aware of thefact that maybe you don't
speak so nicely and maybe,maybe you say things like,
oh that was so stupid of me.
(04:57):
That was so silly of me.
Ugh, I look like shit today.
Maybe those things areso subconsciously done.
You know, when you wake upin the morning or you're
going to do something or youjust talk a little bit too
much, like me, and you don'teven realize that you're
being so unkind to yourself.
(05:17):
The way that you talk toyourself, though, subconsciously
or not, whether you're awareof it or not, would you
ever say that to someone?
To a stranger?
To a friend of yours Toa sister to me Would you
ever say those things?
(05:38):
That you say about yourselfthe things the unkind things
that you say about yourself.
Would you ever say those?
things to someonethat you care about?
I wouldd hope that your answeris no So if we wouldn't say
these unkind things to peoplethat we care about Why would
we say them to ourselves?
(06:02):
When we wake up in themorning and look at ourselves
in the mirror, and we'relike, ugh, You look so tired
You look so horrible Oryou try something on and
you say, oh, I look so fat.
I look so ugly today Or youtalk a little bit too much.
Why do you talk so much?
(06:24):
Why are you so stupid?
I don't think that werealize when we are saying
these things to ourselvesthe impact that it can have
on who we are as a person.
On how we feel aboutourselves in certain moments
or throughout the day.
(06:45):
It's a super tough thing tocorrect something that we might
not be aware of or somethingthat we might subconciously be
doing and not even realizing it.
like that moment in themirror when you wake up in the
morning and it's just you'rehalf asleep and you're like,
oh I look so fucking shot.
I look so tired.
You might not even realize it.
(07:07):
But I want you to stop andthink for a moment and really
go throughout the next weekand see where, catch
yourself, be more aware.
ConsciouslySee all of or hear all of
the things that you sayto yourself whether you're
saying it out loud Or you'resaying it in your head Be
(07:27):
more consciously aware Of howyou're speaking to yourself
I have this reallyamazing book next to me.
It's called by yourselfthe fucking lilies by tara
schuster and I started readingthis book the beginning of
it and You I never actuallyended up finishing it and now
(07:51):
I'm finally getting back tofinishing this book, but this
book inspired today's episode.
I think there are so many thingsin my own self love journey
that I have started to do thatI haven't even realized are
Things that I've already movedpast, or things that I don't
(08:12):
even realize that I'm doing.
Like speaking morekindly to myself.
I've done a much better job,I'll give myself a little
bit of credit, give creditwhere it's due, where most
of the times where I usedto speak really horribly to
myself is when I would lookat myself in the mirror.
(08:32):
And usually it was that momentwhere you're switching out
from whatever clothes you'rewearing for the day into
your pjs or into an outfitthat you're going out in.
And I would speak so unkindly tomyself directly in the mirror.
I would say things like,you look so fat, I wish I
(08:53):
could change this, um, why,why did you let yourself
go, fix this, do that.
I was never kind to mybody in, in the moment.
And I started to become a lotmore aware of that, especially
when I would be filming avideo trying on a bunch of
(09:16):
different dresses or outfits.
And I would.
in the moment.
Look at myself in the mirrorand I would say out loud in
the video, you know, like,this does not look good on me.
I hate this.
This is horrible.
Like, I don't, like,it doesn't flatter me,
it doesn't look good.
Like I would be kindof mean to myself.
And I would put that videotogether, edit it, and, and post
(09:39):
it and share it with you guys.
And I would look back at thevideo as I'm editing it and.
say to myself, because I'mseeing myself from a different
perspective, and I would lookat it and I'm like, you actually
look, you look really good.
What are you talking about?
Like, almost like metalking to myself through,
(10:01):
through the camera, right?
And the comments would floodin and everyone would agree.
On the positive end forthe most part saying, you
know, you look so good inthat dress What do you mean?
You don't like that dressor what do you mean?
You like this one better thanthat one I think this one looks
amazing on you and it wouldGive me a little boost to my
(10:23):
confidence number one, butnumber two it made me Reflect
on how I speak to myself Iwanted these videos of me trying
on dresses and whatnot to bereally raw moments of just
what's going on in my head.
I'm usually someone thatspeaks out loud anyways.
about how I feelabout something.
(10:45):
I, there's so much that goeson in my brain, but most
of it just gets spewed out.
Like I just talk it out.
I talk to myself.
I talk to others.
So as I'm trying these dresseson, I'm just saying everything
that's going through my head.
And most of the time, alot of those things are
just so negative or meanor judgmental or unkind.
(11:09):
They're truly picking.
myself apart.
I'm picking myself apart andthen I'm editing and throwing
that video together and sharingit with the world and showing
you how me as just another,another girl here doing her
best to love herself more isalso picking herself apart.
(11:33):
When I realized this and Irealized all those moments
in the mirror I was speakingso unkindly to myself.
I did my best to Not do thatanymore, and it's not it's
not an it's not an easy thing.
It's not an easy thing tobe so used to mindlessly
(11:54):
subconsciously Speakingthis way to yourself because
to be honest with you.
It's kind of It's kind of inour nature as humans a bit
to Be so hard on ourselves tobe so judgmental of ourselves
I mean the only person we'rereally ever in competition
with is ourselves, right?
(12:14):
so to stop for a moment andto Not only be aware of how
i'm speaking to myself, butto be More to actionably Speak
more kindly to myself in themirror, especially in those
moments where i'm just raw Like,things are just raw and naked.
(12:39):
Everything's out there, rightin front of me, in the mirror.
And there's a lot ofmirrors in my house.
It, it changed my perspective onthe way that I look at my body.
Most especially, the waythat I look at my body.
But this book, Buy Yourselfa Fucking Lily's, really
(13:01):
goes into and talks aboutHow you deserve so much.
You deserve to begrateful for the little
things, the big things.
The things that maybedidn't go the way that
you intended them to go.
And for the things that did gothe way you intended them to go.
(13:25):
To do something foryourself every single day.
because you deserve that.
To speak more kindly to yourselfbecause you deserve that.
To create spaces for yourselfthat are yours, that are
comfortable, that you lovebecause you deserve that.
(13:48):
In the same way that we deserveto be treated kindly by other
people, we also deserve to betreated kindly by ourselves.
And the one that we truly,at the end of the day,
only have control over ishow we treat ourselves.
(14:09):
I like to re, redo the,the sentence a little bit.
I like to reframe howI speak to myself in a
couple of different ways.
Instead of saying, I'm going tospeak more kindly to myself, you
can say things like, I deserveto speak more kindly to myself.
(14:33):
I have the opportunity.
to speak more kindly to myself.
Because those thingsare also very true.
Very much true.
You always hearabout affirmations.
And actually saying affirmationsto yourself, writing
these affirmations down.
(14:55):
While affirmations are usuallyinherently positive, Looking
at ourself in the mirror orspeaking to ourself in this
negative way could be anaffirmation that we aren't
deserving of that kindness.
And that is not, thatis beyond not true.
(15:16):
You deserve that kindness notonly from others, but most
especially from yourself.
You are the mostimportant person.
That kindness.
Should come fromBecause if we can't treat
ourselves with kindnesswhat's going to make ourself
(15:39):
Believe what's gonna makeour brain believe that we
deserve that from others.
It's almost like this walkingcontradiction in a way
because we would neverspeak that way To someone
we love or a strangeror someone we care about
Here are three differentways that you can incorporate
(16:01):
more positive Affirmationsinto your day so much so
that they will at some pointbecome such a subconscious
task in the same way thatthese negative affirmations.
And in the same way thatyou being mean to yourself
has become so subconscious.
(16:27):
Number one, every time you seeyourself in a mirror, yes, every
time I'm talking, when you walkinto the bathroom at work, when
you wake up in the morning,whenever you look at your
phone screen and you seeyourself in there, say
something kind about yourself.
(16:47):
Even if you believe deep downthat you are lying to yourself.
Tell yourself thatyou are beautiful.
That you are deservingof this compliment.
That you have the opportunityto give yourself these
positive affirmations.
(17:08):
I think this isthe most important
way to provide yourselfwith an affirmation.
It's the most important timingto speak kindly to yourself,
because you're literallylooking at yourself in the
face and telling yourselfhow much you love them, how
(17:32):
beautiful you are, how amazingyou are, how beautiful you are.
Stunning you are, how good youlook in that dress, how happy
you are today, whatever itis, whatever you want to say.
Every time, especially firstthing in the morning, look
(17:52):
at yourself, look yourselfin the eyes, directly in
the eyes, in the mirror, andtell yourself, say something
to yourself that is kind.
Number two.
I personally do thisevery single morning.
I know writing is notnecessarily for everyone But
(18:14):
I journal every single morningI find that it really gets a
lot of my thoughts out of myhead and onto paper and if
I'm answering a question, ajournal prompt, or Just writing
down what I'm grateful for.
I always find that the onething that I'm missing in
(18:34):
in any sort of journalingsession in the morning is
an affirmation to myself.
So taking a moment, whetherthat is in the morning or at any
part of your day, to write downthings that you are grateful for
or, things that you love aboutyourself or an affirmation,
(18:56):
a true affirmation of who youare can be so enlightening,
can be so aligning, and canreally just turn your day
around in such a small way.
And number three, if youcan, catch yourself the
(19:20):
next time that you arefeeling some sort of way.
Like.
You're not happy with the waythat you look today, you're not
happy with something that youhad said, or you catch yourself
simply being unkind to yourself.
If you can catch yourself,acknowledge that that may
(19:42):
be how you feel right now,but note and remind yourself
that that is not trueLet's say that you are trying on
a dress and you say to yourself,I look so ugly If you can catch
yourself in that moment andFollow this unkind Statement
(20:03):
to yourself with an I'm sorryI acknowledge that I don't feel
good about myself in this dress.
But it doesn't makeme any less than.
It doesn't make me anyless beautiful than I am.
(20:24):
Clothes are supposed to fitme, not the other way around.
So following up this unkindcomment to yourself with
gratitude and recognitionand acknowledgement for
how you're feeling in thismoment about your body, about
yourself, Whatever it may be.
(20:45):
And then providing yourselfwith a positive affirmation.
This week, commit to two things.
I was going to say for me,but commit to two things
for yourself this week.
The first thing is committo providing yourself with
(21:07):
affirmations every single day.
And these affirmationscould look like.
anything that you wantthem to look like.
My affirmations usually rangefrom whatever comes to my head
first and most times I havepretty much the same adjectives
to just to describe myself thatI like to remind myself of, that
I'm strong, I'm beautiful, I'mworthy, I'm deserving of love.
(21:35):
And other days I providemyself with affirmations
of the person, my higherself, that I am wanting to
become or that I believethat I am in this moment.
Like, that I am a successfulCEO of a self love brand.
(21:58):
I am a healthy and fit woman.
I am a beautiful person.
I have a kind heart.
Anything that is reallyrepresentative of the
person that you want to be.
(22:20):
An affirmation that helps youtruly believe that that is
who you are in this moment.
And the second thingthat I would love for you
to commit to this week.
Be more aware.
of how you speak to yourself.
Reflect on when you speakto yourself in this mean or
(22:40):
unkind or judgmental way.
And see if you can catchyourself before you say
something unkind or seeif you can rephrase what
you're saying or acknowledgewhat you're saying.
And correct yourself withsomething that is kind.
(23:03):
I love this book so much.
I am going to put it inthe show notes below.
It is definitely a very easyread and it is a wonderfully
inspiring read, so I definitelyrecommend you checking it out.
But besides this book, bekinder to yourself this week.
(23:26):
And watch how easy it is.
If you can commit to beingkinder to yourself this
week, watch how easy it isto continuously be kinder to
yourself as you move throughlife and move throughout
your self love journey.
Thank you guys so muchfor tuning into the Self
Love Archives podcast.
I appreciate you tothe moon and back.
(23:49):
As I said, be kinderto yourself this week.
Please.
I love you a ton, and I'llsee you in the next episode.
Bye.
Why are you so mean to yourself?
I know we do it.
I know we have thosemoments of you're so stupid.
Why did you do that?
Why did you say that?
Why did you think that way?
I had a moment the other day.
I was at Costco.
Love Costco.
(00:20):
And I do this a lot.
I'm a very I'm a very honestperson and sometimes it's like
a double edged sword, right?
I'm, I'm honest.
I don't lie.
I feel like if you're gonna askme a question or you're gonna
say something to me or have aconversation with me, I'm gonna
be so brutally honest sometimesthat I'm getting like the other
(00:44):
side of the sword, you know?
But then sometimes, youknow, I'm the person you
want to come to because I'mgoing to tell you whether or
not that outfit looks good.
And of course, it alwayscomes just from my
opinion, but I'm honest.
Something I always used to sayin dating too is that don't
(01:05):
ask me a question you don'twant the honest answer to.
And that's that.
But I'm in Costco, I was kindof in my feels, mind you, cause
it's Mother's Day weekend andI was, I was just in my feels.
As I'm leaving, the woman saysto me, Happy Mother's Day.
And I look at her, you knowthe, you know the person
(01:26):
that crosses off all thestuff on your receipt to make
sure you got all the itemsand then you leave Costco?
If you're a Costcomember, you know.
And she says to me,Happy Mother's Day.
And I look at her.
Not like rudely, I justlook at her and I'm like,
do I, do I look like a mom?
She's like, I don'tknow, you could be.
And I was like, Icould be, but I'm not.
(01:46):
She was like, well,then, you know.
Are you at, doyou have any pets?
And this conversation waslike a quick 30 seconds
I'm not even joking, butit felt like forever.
I go, no, I wish I had a dogShe goes, well then happy
Mother's Day to your motherand I go, well, I don't know
And I just in that moment.
(02:07):
She just looks at me.
She goes, I'm sorry andAnd I'm like, it's okay.
And we just go, I go about myday, she goes about her day.
And I relay thisto my boyfriend.
And like, I'm like,I'm awkwardly laughing.
Because while this isfunny, it's not funny.
(02:30):
And it's the truth, butit's also, why couldn't
you just say And in thismoment I'm relaying this
to my, to my boyfriend.
I'm like, why thefuck did I say that?
Why?
Like you're, like just,just say thank you and
go on with your day.
You're such an idiot.
(02:50):
And I realize that I havethese moments a lot where
I just talk a little bittoo much or communicate
a little bit too much.
And I catch myself sayinglike, shut the fuck up.
Why do you keep talking?
Just like you don't needto make buddy buddy or have
conversations with everyperson you come across.
(03:12):
But that brings me to anotherquestion, like why, why are
you so mean to yourself?
That's who you are I'm justsomeone who likes to talk.
I'm, I'm an honest person toa fault, and I like to create
conversation with people.
Now, of course, it doesn'talways happen in that dark
(03:34):
humored kind of way, Ilove to talk to people.
I love to understand people.
I love, I mean, why do youthink I have a podcast?
I know I talk tomyself most times, but.
If that is who I am, whyam I so mean about it?
Why are we so mean to ourselves?
(03:55):
Why are we so unkind?
Why are we so judgmental?
Hello, hello.
Welcome back to the SelfLove Archives podcast.
My name is Julia Salvia.
I am your host, your bestfriend, your big sister, your
(04:15):
self love guide, all the above.
And I'm here to kind ofset you straight today.
And really ask you, why areyou so mean to yourself?
Stop being so mean to yourself.
Let me ask you this.
Would you say, the things thatyou say to yourself, and I
think we subconsciously saythese things to ourselves and
(04:35):
we don't even realize thatwe're being so unkind or mean
or judgmental to ourselves,but let's say you catch yourself
and you're more aware of thefact that maybe you don't
speak so nicely and maybe,maybe you say things like,
oh that was so stupid of me.
(04:57):
That was so silly of me.
Ugh, I look like shit today.
Maybe those things areso subconsciously done.
You know, when you wake upin the morning or you're
going to do something or youjust talk a little bit too
much, like me, and you don'teven realize that you're
being so unkind to yourself.
(05:17):
The way that you talk toyourself, though, subconsciously
or not, whether you're awareof it or not, would you
ever say that to someone?
To a stranger?
To a friend of yours Toa sister to me Would you
ever say those things?
(05:38):
That you say about yourselfthe things the unkind things
that you say about yourself.
Would you ever say those?
things to someonethat you care about?
I wouldd hope that your answeris no So if we wouldn't say
these unkind things to peoplethat we care about Why would
we say them to ourselves?
(06:02):
When we wake up in themorning and look at ourselves
in the mirror, and we'relike, ugh, You look so tired
You look so horrible Oryou try something on and
you say, oh, I look so fat.
I look so ugly today Or youtalk a little bit too much.
Why do you talk so much?
(06:24):
Why are you so stupid?
I don't think that werealize when we are saying
these things to ourselvesthe impact that it can have
on who we are as a person.
On how we feel aboutourselves in certain moments
or throughout the day.
(06:45):
It's a super tough thing tocorrect something that we might
not be aware of or somethingthat we might subconciously be
doing and not even realizing it.
like that moment in themirror when you wake up in the
morning and it's just you'rehalf asleep and you're like,
oh I look so fucking shot.
I look so tired.
You might not even realize it.
(07:07):
But I want you to stop andthink for a moment and really
go throughout the next weekand see where, catch
yourself, be more aware.
ConsciouslySee all of or hear all of
the things that you sayto yourself whether you're
saying it out loud Or you'resaying it in your head Be
(07:27):
more consciously aware Of howyou're speaking to yourself
I have this reallyamazing book next to me.
It's called by yourselfthe fucking lilies by tara
schuster and I started readingthis book the beginning of
it and You I never actuallyended up finishing it and now
(07:51):
I'm finally getting back tofinishing this book, but this
book inspired today's episode.
I think there are so many thingsin my own self love journey
that I have started to do thatI haven't even realized are
Things that I've already movedpast, or things that I don't
(08:12):
even realize that I'm doing.
Like speaking morekindly to myself.
I've done a much better job,I'll give myself a little
bit of credit, give creditwhere it's due, where most
of the times where I usedto speak really horribly to
myself is when I would lookat myself in the mirror.
(08:32):
And usually it was that momentwhere you're switching out
from whatever clothes you'rewearing for the day into
your pjs or into an outfitthat you're going out in.
And I would speak so unkindly tomyself directly in the mirror.
I would say things like,you look so fat, I wish I
(08:53):
could change this, um, why,why did you let yourself
go, fix this, do that.
I was never kind to mybody in, in the moment.
And I started to become a lotmore aware of that, especially
when I would be filming avideo trying on a bunch of
(09:16):
different dresses or outfits.
And I would.
in the moment.
Look at myself in the mirrorand I would say out loud in
the video, you know, like,this does not look good on me.
I hate this.
This is horrible.
Like, I don't, like,it doesn't flatter me,
it doesn't look good.
Like I would be kindof mean to myself.
And I would put that videotogether, edit it, and, and post
(09:39):
it and share it with you guys.
And I would look back at thevideo as I'm editing it and.
say to myself, because I'mseeing myself from a different
perspective, and I would lookat it and I'm like, you actually
look, you look really good.
What are you talking about?
Like, almost like metalking to myself through,
(10:01):
through the camera, right?
And the comments would floodin and everyone would agree.
On the positive end forthe most part saying, you
know, you look so good inthat dress What do you mean?
You don't like that dressor what do you mean?
You like this one better thanthat one I think this one looks
amazing on you and it wouldGive me a little boost to my
(10:23):
confidence number one, butnumber two it made me Reflect
on how I speak to myself Iwanted these videos of me trying
on dresses and whatnot to bereally raw moments of just
what's going on in my head.
I'm usually someone thatspeaks out loud anyways.
about how I feelabout something.
(10:45):
I, there's so much that goeson in my brain, but most
of it just gets spewed out.
Like I just talk it out.
I talk to myself.
I talk to others.
So as I'm trying these dresseson, I'm just saying everything
that's going through my head.
And most of the time, alot of those things are
just so negative or meanor judgmental or unkind.
(11:09):
They're truly picking.
myself apart.
I'm picking myself apart andthen I'm editing and throwing
that video together and sharingit with the world and showing
you how me as just another,another girl here doing her
best to love herself more isalso picking herself apart.
(11:33):
When I realized this and Irealized all those moments
in the mirror I was speakingso unkindly to myself.
I did my best to Not do thatanymore, and it's not it's
not an it's not an easy thing.
It's not an easy thing tobe so used to mindlessly
(11:54):
subconsciously Speakingthis way to yourself because
to be honest with you.
It's kind of It's kind of inour nature as humans a bit
to Be so hard on ourselves tobe so judgmental of ourselves
I mean the only person we'rereally ever in competition
with is ourselves, right?
(12:14):
so to stop for a moment andto Not only be aware of how
i'm speaking to myself, butto be More to actionably Speak
more kindly to myself in themirror, especially in those
moments where i'm just raw Like,things are just raw and naked.
(12:39):
Everything's out there, rightin front of me, in the mirror.
And there's a lot ofmirrors in my house.
It, it changed my perspective onthe way that I look at my body.
Most especially, the waythat I look at my body.
But this book, Buy Yourselfa Fucking Lily's, really
(13:01):
goes into and talks aboutHow you deserve so much.
You deserve to begrateful for the little
things, the big things.
The things that maybedidn't go the way that
you intended them to go.
And for the things that did gothe way you intended them to go.
(13:25):
To do something foryourself every single day.
because you deserve that.
To speak more kindly to yourselfbecause you deserve that.
To create spaces for yourselfthat are yours, that are
comfortable, that you lovebecause you deserve that.
(13:48):
In the same way that we deserveto be treated kindly by other
people, we also deserve to betreated kindly by ourselves.
And the one that we truly,at the end of the day,
only have control over ishow we treat ourselves.
(14:09):
I like to re, redo the,the sentence a little bit.
I like to reframe howI speak to myself in a
couple of different ways.
Instead of saying, I'm going tospeak more kindly to myself, you
can say things like, I deserveto speak more kindly to myself.
(14:33):
I have the opportunity.
to speak more kindly to myself.
Because those thingsare also very true.
Very much true.
You always hearabout affirmations.
And actually saying affirmationsto yourself, writing
these affirmations down.
(14:55):
While affirmations are usuallyinherently positive, Looking
at ourself in the mirror orspeaking to ourself in this
negative way could be anaffirmation that we aren't
deserving of that kindness.
And that is not, thatis beyond not true.
(15:16):
You deserve that kindness notonly from others, but most
especially from yourself.
You are the mostimportant person.
That kindness.
Should come fromBecause if we can't treat
ourselves with kindnesswhat's going to make ourself
(15:39):
Believe what's gonna makeour brain believe that we
deserve that from others.
It's almost like this walkingcontradiction in a way
because we would neverspeak that way To someone
we love or a strangeror someone we care about
Here are three differentways that you can incorporate
(16:01):
more positive Affirmationsinto your day so much so
that they will at some pointbecome such a subconscious
task in the same way thatthese negative affirmations.
And in the same way thatyou being mean to yourself
has become so subconscious.
(16:27):
Number one, every time you seeyourself in a mirror, yes, every
time I'm talking, when you walkinto the bathroom at work, when
you wake up in the morning,whenever you look at your
phone screen and you seeyourself in there, say
something kind about yourself.
(16:47):
Even if you believe deep downthat you are lying to yourself.
Tell yourself thatyou are beautiful.
That you are deservingof this compliment.
That you have the opportunityto give yourself these
positive affirmations.
(17:08):
I think this isthe most important
way to provide yourselfwith an affirmation.
It's the most important timingto speak kindly to yourself,
because you're literallylooking at yourself in the
face and telling yourselfhow much you love them, how
(17:32):
beautiful you are, how amazingyou are, how beautiful you are.
Stunning you are, how good youlook in that dress, how happy
you are today, whatever itis, whatever you want to say.
Every time, especially firstthing in the morning, look
(17:52):
at yourself, look yourselfin the eyes, directly in
the eyes, in the mirror, andtell yourself, say something
to yourself that is kind.
Number two.
I personally do thisevery single morning.
I know writing is notnecessarily for everyone But
(18:14):
I journal every single morningI find that it really gets a
lot of my thoughts out of myhead and onto paper and if
I'm answering a question, ajournal prompt, or Just writing
down what I'm grateful for.
I always find that the onething that I'm missing in
(18:34):
in any sort of journalingsession in the morning is
an affirmation to myself.
So taking a moment, whetherthat is in the morning or at any
part of your day, to write downthings that you are grateful for
or, things that you love aboutyourself or an affirmation,
(18:56):
a true affirmation of who youare can be so enlightening,
can be so aligning, and canreally just turn your day
around in such a small way.
And number three, if youcan, catch yourself the
(19:20):
next time that you arefeeling some sort of way.
Like.
You're not happy with the waythat you look today, you're not
happy with something that youhad said, or you catch yourself
simply being unkind to yourself.
If you can catch yourself,acknowledge that that may
(19:42):
be how you feel right now,but note and remind yourself
that that is not trueLet's say that you are trying on
a dress and you say to yourself,I look so ugly If you can catch
yourself in that moment andFollow this unkind Statement
(20:03):
to yourself with an I'm sorryI acknowledge that I don't feel
good about myself in this dress.
But it doesn't makeme any less than.
It doesn't make me anyless beautiful than I am.
(20:24):
Clothes are supposed to fitme, not the other way around.
So following up this unkindcomment to yourself with
gratitude and recognitionand acknowledgement for
how you're feeling in thismoment about your body, about
yourself, Whatever it may be.
(20:45):
And then providing yourselfwith a positive affirmation.
This week, commit to two things.
I was going to say for me,but commit to two things
for yourself this week.
The first thing is committo providing yourself with
(21:07):
affirmations every single day.
And these affirmationscould look like.
anything that you wantthem to look like.
My affirmations usually rangefrom whatever comes to my head
first and most times I havepretty much the same adjectives
to just to describe myself thatI like to remind myself of, that
I'm strong, I'm beautiful, I'mworthy, I'm deserving of love.
(21:35):
And other days I providemyself with affirmations
of the person, my higherself, that I am wanting to
become or that I believethat I am in this moment.
Like, that I am a successfulCEO of a self love brand.
(21:58):
I am a healthy and fit woman.
I am a beautiful person.
I have a kind heart.
Anything that is reallyrepresentative of the
person that you want to be.
(22:20):
An affirmation that helps youtruly believe that that is
who you are in this moment.
And the second thingthat I would love for you
to commit to this week.
Be more aware.
of how you speak to yourself.
Reflect on when you speakto yourself in this mean or
(22:40):
unkind or judgmental way.
And see if you can catchyourself before you say
something unkind or seeif you can rephrase what
you're saying or acknowledgewhat you're saying.
And correct yourself withsomething that is kind.
(23:03):
I love this book so much.
I am going to put it inthe show notes below.
It is definitely a very easyread and it is a wonderfully
inspiring read, so I definitelyrecommend you checking it out.
But besides this book, bekinder to yourself this week.
(23:26):
And watch how easy it is.
If you can commit to beingkinder to yourself this
week, watch how easy it isto continuously be kinder to
yourself as you move throughlife and move throughout
your self love journey.
Thank you guys so muchfor tuning into the Self
Love Archives podcast.
I appreciate you tothe moon and back.
(23:49):
As I said, be kinderto yourself this week.
Please.
I love you a ton, and I'llsee you in the next episode.
Bye.
Popular Podcasts
United States of Kennedy
United States of Kennedy is a podcast about our cultural fascination with the Kennedy dynasty. Every week, hosts Lyra Smith and George Civeris go into one aspect of the Kennedy story.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com