November 30, 2025 • 19 mins
this week we’re getting real about boundaries- the ones you break, the ones you avoid, and the ones you wish you had the courage to set. this episode is your reminder that trusting yourself starts with backing yourself… even when it feels uncomfortable. you deserve relationships, routines, and choices that honor your energy. let's talk about what that looks like in real life.
connect with julia on instagram @beautybyjulia + tik tok @juliasalvia
unlock more archive content on instagram @theselflovearchive + tik tok @theselflovearchives
sign up for the self-love archives newsletter: www.theselflovearchives.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
We've got some rules.
(00:01):
We've got some thingsthat we need to lay down.
We need to lay down thelaw today in this episode
because I need you tostart setting boundaries.
I need you to startpushing yourself.
I need you to holdyourself accountable.
(00:23):
I am not just yourbest friend anymore.
I am your big sisterand best friend.
And I'm here to give yousome big sister advice
today, that advice that youmay not be ready to hear.
But everything that Ihave to say is shit that's
(00:44):
been sitting in your gut.
Like none of this is new.
This is me coming toyou, sitting you down
and telling you, okay,you know, it's coming.
You know that thishas to be said.
You know that it's true.
Deep down in your soulyou know that it's
(01:05):
true and you hate that.
It's true, but I'm your bigsister and I love you to pieces,
and I don't want you to makethe same mistakes that I did,
and I want you to have all ofthe tools in your belt to be
able to thrive, to do and be.
(01:28):
Better than I.
So get yourself anice drinky drink.
Get yourself nice andcomfortable, comfy, wherever
you are in the world.
Get ready for week number12 of the Self-Love 100.
(01:53):
Welcome back to theSelf-Love Archives podcast.
I'm your host and yourofficial big sister and
best friend, Julia Salvia.
Welcome or welcomeback to the podcast.
We are doing a seriescalled The Self-Love 100
until the end of 2025.
I'm giving you all of thetips, tricks, habits, rituals,
(02:17):
routines to take with you.
Beyond 2025, but mostespecially for the next 100
days until the end of 2025.
In the hopes and a promisethat you will love yourself
more by the last day of 2025,you will look back on all of
(02:39):
these episodes, all of thesedays, all of this time that
you spent on you and say.
Be able to say that youhave loved yourself more,
and that's a promise.
So it's week 12, and week12 really does give that big
sister energy because week 12is all about those masculine
(03:05):
terms that we have heardover and over and over again.
Whether it comes downto schoolwork or.
Doing something or beingan adult living life.
Yeah.
You know exactly whatwords I'm talking about.
The words like push yourself,have discipline boundaries.
(03:32):
I know, I know, I know.
I'm really cognizant aboutthe feeling a word gives us.
Right.
There's the.
Official dictionarymeaning of a word, there's
potentially an urbandictionary meaning of a word.
And then there is themeaning and the feeling
(03:53):
that a word gives us.
And sometimes we neglect torealize how just making one
small change, like changingthe wording that we use.
When we talk to ourselves canmake a world of a difference
(04:16):
in how that helps us buildour confidence and our
motivation to push ourselvesto do what we need to do.
To do what we want to do, to dothings that are better for us.
So keeping that in mind, Iwant to rewind to that word,
discipline and boundaries.
(04:40):
And pushing ourselves.
These terminologiesthat can sound so like
authoritarian, so masculine.
And I wanna switch thatup to trusting yourself.
What does it meanto trust yourself?
(05:00):
Does it kind of look likesomething, maybe sort of,
kind of like doing thethings that you need to do?
The thing is, can we get thingsdone and create new routines and
new habits and follow throughif we don't trust ourselves?
(05:24):
Because it's not reallyabout having discipline
or having motivation, it'sabout trusting ourselves.
It's about creating motivation.
It's about taking babysteps, keeping promises
that we make for ourselves.
(05:45):
When we say that we're goingto do something, we do it, and
by continuously saying, I'mgonna do this, I'm gonna say
this, I'm gonna write this down.
I'm gonna wake up at this time,I'm gonna make sure that I eat
that because it know, I know.
It makes me feel good.
I'm gonna make sure I gooutside and go for my daily
(06:07):
walk, even if it might bedrizzling a little bit, because
I know it makes me feel great.
It's doing those things andkeeping our promise to ourselves
and continuously doing thatover and over and over again,
and that's what builds trust.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That, that's also what buildsdiscipline and motivation
(06:30):
and, and that all of thatis what look, it looks
like to push ourselves.
And maybe sometimes we coulduse these words if they
don't have this negativeconnotation or effect, like,
I don't know, discipline.
Like that justsounds like so, ugh.
Like it just soundslike such a icky word.
So.
(06:50):
Why not switch that withtrusting ourselves Because
yeah, kind of inherently theysort of do mean the same thing.
But I even would take it onestep further and say that
trusting ourselves makes thatso much bigger, that aura
around us so much bigger.
(07:14):
That's like givingyourself a pinky promise.
That's like havinga conversation with
your big sister.
Hello and listening andhearing what she has to
say and following throughto make a commitment to
ourselves to do better andto be better for ourselves.
(07:36):
Boundaries, on the otherhand, are kind of like
these little sticks in theroad, rocks in the road.
Here's this littlepath of promises.
And as you go through thispath, you keep the promise by
walking down the path, passingby each of these promises.
(07:59):
You're like, okay, I promisedmyself I would do this.
I'm passing it, I'm doing it.
Then here's the next one.
I'm passing it.
I'm doing it.
The next one, I'mpassing it, I'm doing it.
But sometimes there's alittle rock in the road.
Sometimes there's like a stick.
Sometimes thereis a massive tree.
Right.
There's an obstacle.
(08:20):
There's something that ismaybe like placing a boundary
in your way, and that's whenwe need to take a step back
and ask ourselves, oh, okay.
In order to keep thispromise to myself and
get over the boundary,that's blocking me, what
(08:40):
boundaries do I need to set?
What protection?
Do I need to provide thispath so that the rocks don't
fall onto the road so thatthe sticks don't fall onto
the road so that a treedoesn't fall onto my path?
(09:00):
What boundaries do you need toset in your life with yourself?
Not just boundaries withother people, but to yourself.
To what boundaries do you needto set for yourself in order to
keep your promises so that youcan continue to skip down that
road, go on your merry way downthat path to trusting yourself.
(09:22):
Let me give you an example.
I know that if Igo to sleep early.
I will wake up feeling wellrested, ready to take on the
day, and basically like I wokeup on the right side of the bed.
But in order for me to goto sleep early, I need to
make sure that I'm not doomscrolling, make sure that I am
(09:45):
stopping work at a certain time.
Make sure that I am going up thestairs and starting my skincare
routine and all of those othergood things at a certain time.
I need to set boundarieswith myself to make sure
that I can keep my promiseto myself of going to bed.
(10:06):
Early.
Now, when it comes to settinga boundary for, for and with
other people, let's say thatall of your free time is being
used up because there's awedding there and this person
wants to hang out with youhere and there's a bridal
shower and a bachelorette,and this person wants to hang
(10:29):
out and this person wantsyou to do that, and that
person wants you to do this.
But all of your free time,all of the time that you
would have for yourself isbeing completely eradicated.
What a word is beingtaken up by other people.
(10:52):
Maybe there's a conversationthat has just gone on
and on and on and on.
And maybe it's time to seta boundary with how you're
utilizing your time, howyou are using your time.
If you make a promise toyourself to spend more time with
you, where in your life are yougoing to need to set boundaries
(11:17):
in order to keep that promise?
And when you set thatboundary and you keep that
promise, you're going tostart trusting yourself.
One of the most self-sabotagingthings that you can do
in your self-love journeyis to continuously break
promises to yourself.
(11:39):
You wouldn't do that to afriend, to a significant
other, to a familymember, to a a coworker.
You wouldn't break apromise to other people.
So why would you break apromise to yourself if you say
that you are going to do it?
Do it.
(12:00):
And yes, I totally understand.
As your big sister, I totallyunderstand that things happen,
that sometimes you promisedyourself that you were gonna go
on a walk and something came up.
It happens.
If you have to cancel onyourself, reschedule it.
One of the most importantthings to me is that
(12:22):
if you need to cancel.
It's okay, but youneed to reschedule.
If you are the canceler,you need to also then be the
planner, even if it was plannedby me from the beginning.
If you cancel the date or youcancel the hangout session or
the shopping date, like youneed to be the one to then
(12:46):
reschedule it when it comes to.
Keeping promises with yourself.
If you need to rescheduleor you need to take a
rain check, I want you toprioritize how you feel.
Let's say that you promisedyourself that you were gonna go
on a walk after dinner today,but as the day went on, you
(13:09):
started to just not feel well.
It's okay to prioritize howyou're feeling in that moment.
To listen to your bodyand trust that your body's
saying, okay, maybe not today.
Let's take a rain check.
Let's go for a walk tomorrow.
(13:31):
Reschedule with yourselfin that moment for another
time or another day.
Don't just say, Ugh, didn'thappen today, whatever.
It's fine.
I want you to actuallyreschedule with
yourself in that moment.
Or let's say something came up.
It has nothing to do withhow your body is feeling.
(13:52):
Maybe it's with what,how your mind is feeling.
Maybe it's how your heartis feeling, or maybe today
just didn't work out.
Reschedule withyourself in that moment.
Hold yourself accountablein that moment to the
relationship that you'rebuilding with yourself, and
when you can do that withyourself and for yourself.
(14:16):
You are going to be able totrust yourself in the same way
that you build trust with otherpeople, friends, relationships,
you're going to be able to buildthat same trust with yourself,
and I think it's somethingthat we so easily forget to
do that it's so difficult forus to keep our promises to
(14:41):
ourselves because we're notrescheduling with ourselves.
Because we're not settingappropriate boundaries with
ourselves and with otherpeople around us, we're not
able to keep our promisesbecause we're not holding
ourselves accountable.
And when we can't keepour promises, we are
(15:02):
not trusting ourselves.
So when we want thisnew thing, when we want
to reach certain goals.
When we want to loveourselves more, we don't
trust ourselves to do it.
It starts with one small thing.
If you feel like you're in aplace where you don't believe
(15:23):
in yourself, you don't trustyourself, you don't think
it's going to happen becauseyou just don't think you can
stick to it because you'venever stuck to it before.
I want you to start withsomething really small.
Something like taking yourvitamins every morning
or brushing your teeth.
Make a promise to yourselfthat you are going to brush
(15:46):
your teeth every singlemorning and every single night.
Make a promise that you'regonna call a friend.
Make a promise that you'regonna write in your journal.
Make a promise that you aregoing to sit down for five
minutes and do nothing.
Start small.
When you continuously makethese smaller promises and
(16:07):
keep these smaller promisesto yourself, you are going
to start instilling belief inyourself and start trusting
yourself little by little,and then you're gonna have
the courage and the confidenceto create bigger goals for
yourself or promise yourselfthat you are going to do
what needs to be done toget to these bigger goals.
(16:31):
You're gonna have the courageand the confidence to start
and to walk on this path.
You're gonna have the courageand the confidence to set the
boundaries needed in order towalk the path as smoothly as
possible, and your trust andyour belief in yourself is
just going to continue to grow.
(16:54):
Week 12 is about visualizingthis path that you have created.
For yourself tolove yourself more.
It's about visualizing the pathto the best version of yourself,
and the only person thatcan create that path is you.
(17:17):
So this week I want you to startbuilding trust with yourself.
I want you to hold yourselfaccountable when you say that
you're going to do something.
When you say that you aregoing to write something
down, go somewhere.
I want you to hold yourselfaccountable this week.
(17:39):
If it doesn't work out, whenyou've made a promise for
yourself, don't be mean.
Don't be unkind.
Reschedule with yourself,and then keep that promise
taking everything in fromthe past couple of weeks.
Putting it into action,understanding how each of
(18:02):
these things might make youfeel keeping your promises
to yourself is one of thebiggest and most important
things that you can do.
I want you to make just onesmall promise to yourself
this week, right now, in thisvery moment, think of one
thing that you can promiseyourself, and this week I am
(18:24):
challenging you to stick to it.
To hold yourself accountableto that one thing.
Don't let yourself down.
Keep that promise to yourself,and I hope that by the end
of the week, you start tofeel a little more belief
(18:45):
in yourself, a little bitmore courage in yourself,
and a lot more confidence tocontinuously make promises.
For the most importantperson in your life, you
and as the big sister in me,keep those damn promises.
(19:07):
Trust yourself.
I trust you.
Do you trust you?
You got this.
I will see you backhere for week number 13.
Have the best week ever.
Bye.
We've got some rules.
(00:01):
We've got some thingsthat we need to lay down.
We need to lay down thelaw today in this episode
because I need you tostart setting boundaries.
I need you to startpushing yourself.
I need you to holdyourself accountable.
(00:23):
I am not just yourbest friend anymore.
I am your big sisterand best friend.
And I'm here to give yousome big sister advice
today, that advice that youmay not be ready to hear.
But everything that Ihave to say is shit that's
(00:44):
been sitting in your gut.
Like none of this is new.
This is me coming toyou, sitting you down
and telling you, okay,you know, it's coming.
You know that thishas to be said.
You know that it's true.
Deep down in your soulyou know that it's
(01:05):
true and you hate that.
It's true, but I'm your bigsister and I love you to pieces,
and I don't want you to makethe same mistakes that I did,
and I want you to have all ofthe tools in your belt to be
able to thrive, to do and be.
(01:28):
Better than I.
So get yourself anice drinky drink.
Get yourself nice andcomfortable, comfy, wherever
you are in the world.
Get ready for week number12 of the Self-Love 100.
(01:53):
Welcome back to theSelf-Love Archives podcast.
I'm your host and yourofficial big sister and
best friend, Julia Salvia.
Welcome or welcomeback to the podcast.
We are doing a seriescalled The Self-Love 100
until the end of 2025.
I'm giving you all of thetips, tricks, habits, rituals,
(02:17):
routines to take with you.
Beyond 2025, but mostespecially for the next 100
days until the end of 2025.
In the hopes and a promisethat you will love yourself
more by the last day of 2025,you will look back on all of
(02:39):
these episodes, all of thesedays, all of this time that
you spent on you and say.
Be able to say that youhave loved yourself more,
and that's a promise.
So it's week 12, and week12 really does give that big
sister energy because week 12is all about those masculine
(03:05):
terms that we have heardover and over and over again.
Whether it comes downto schoolwork or.
Doing something or beingan adult living life.
Yeah.
You know exactly whatwords I'm talking about.
The words like push yourself,have discipline boundaries.
(03:32):
I know, I know, I know.
I'm really cognizant aboutthe feeling a word gives us.
Right.
There's the.
Official dictionarymeaning of a word, there's
potentially an urbandictionary meaning of a word.
And then there is themeaning and the feeling
(03:53):
that a word gives us.
And sometimes we neglect torealize how just making one
small change, like changingthe wording that we use.
When we talk to ourselves canmake a world of a difference
(04:16):
in how that helps us buildour confidence and our
motivation to push ourselvesto do what we need to do.
To do what we want to do, to dothings that are better for us.
So keeping that in mind, Iwant to rewind to that word,
discipline and boundaries.
(04:40):
And pushing ourselves.
These terminologiesthat can sound so like
authoritarian, so masculine.
And I wanna switch thatup to trusting yourself.
What does it meanto trust yourself?
(05:00):
Does it kind of look likesomething, maybe sort of,
kind of like doing thethings that you need to do?
The thing is, can we get thingsdone and create new routines and
new habits and follow throughif we don't trust ourselves?
(05:24):
Because it's not reallyabout having discipline
or having motivation, it'sabout trusting ourselves.
It's about creating motivation.
It's about taking babysteps, keeping promises
that we make for ourselves.
(05:45):
When we say that we're goingto do something, we do it, and
by continuously saying, I'mgonna do this, I'm gonna say
this, I'm gonna write this down.
I'm gonna wake up at this time,I'm gonna make sure that I eat
that because it know, I know.
It makes me feel good.
I'm gonna make sure I gooutside and go for my daily
(06:07):
walk, even if it might bedrizzling a little bit, because
I know it makes me feel great.
It's doing those things andkeeping our promise to ourselves
and continuously doing thatover and over and over again,
and that's what builds trust.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That, that's also what buildsdiscipline and motivation
(06:30):
and, and that all of thatis what look, it looks
like to push ourselves.
And maybe sometimes we coulduse these words if they
don't have this negativeconnotation or effect, like,
I don't know, discipline.
Like that justsounds like so, ugh.
Like it just soundslike such a icky word.
So.
(06:50):
Why not switch that withtrusting ourselves Because
yeah, kind of inherently theysort of do mean the same thing.
But I even would take it onestep further and say that
trusting ourselves makes thatso much bigger, that aura
around us so much bigger.
(07:14):
That's like givingyourself a pinky promise.
That's like havinga conversation with
your big sister.
Hello and listening andhearing what she has to
say and following throughto make a commitment to
ourselves to do better andto be better for ourselves.
(07:36):
Boundaries, on the otherhand, are kind of like
these little sticks in theroad, rocks in the road.
Here's this littlepath of promises.
And as you go through thispath, you keep the promise by
walking down the path, passingby each of these promises.
(07:59):
You're like, okay, I promisedmyself I would do this.
I'm passing it, I'm doing it.
Then here's the next one.
I'm passing it.
I'm doing it.
The next one, I'mpassing it, I'm doing it.
But sometimes there's alittle rock in the road.
Sometimes there's like a stick.
Sometimes thereis a massive tree.
Right.
There's an obstacle.
(08:20):
There's something that ismaybe like placing a boundary
in your way, and that's whenwe need to take a step back
and ask ourselves, oh, okay.
In order to keep thispromise to myself and
get over the boundary,that's blocking me, what
(08:40):
boundaries do I need to set?
What protection?
Do I need to provide thispath so that the rocks don't
fall onto the road so thatthe sticks don't fall onto
the road so that a treedoesn't fall onto my path?
(09:00):
What boundaries do you need toset in your life with yourself?
Not just boundaries withother people, but to yourself.
To what boundaries do you needto set for yourself in order to
keep your promises so that youcan continue to skip down that
road, go on your merry way downthat path to trusting yourself.
(09:22):
Let me give you an example.
I know that if Igo to sleep early.
I will wake up feeling wellrested, ready to take on the
day, and basically like I wokeup on the right side of the bed.
But in order for me to goto sleep early, I need to
make sure that I'm not doomscrolling, make sure that I am
(09:45):
stopping work at a certain time.
Make sure that I am going up thestairs and starting my skincare
routine and all of those othergood things at a certain time.
I need to set boundarieswith myself to make sure
that I can keep my promiseto myself of going to bed.
(10:06):
Early.
Now, when it comes to settinga boundary for, for and with
other people, let's say thatall of your free time is being
used up because there's awedding there and this person
wants to hang out with youhere and there's a bridal
shower and a bachelorette,and this person wants to hang
(10:29):
out and this person wantsyou to do that, and that
person wants you to do this.
But all of your free time,all of the time that you
would have for yourself isbeing completely eradicated.
What a word is beingtaken up by other people.
(10:52):
Maybe there's a conversationthat has just gone on
and on and on and on.
And maybe it's time to seta boundary with how you're
utilizing your time, howyou are using your time.
If you make a promise toyourself to spend more time with
you, where in your life are yougoing to need to set boundaries
(11:17):
in order to keep that promise?
And when you set thatboundary and you keep that
promise, you're going tostart trusting yourself.
One of the most self-sabotagingthings that you can do
in your self-love journeyis to continuously break
promises to yourself.
(11:39):
You wouldn't do that to afriend, to a significant
other, to a familymember, to a a coworker.
You wouldn't break apromise to other people.
So why would you break apromise to yourself if you say
that you are going to do it?
Do it.
(12:00):
And yes, I totally understand.
As your big sister, I totallyunderstand that things happen,
that sometimes you promisedyourself that you were gonna go
on a walk and something came up.
It happens.
If you have to cancel onyourself, reschedule it.
One of the most importantthings to me is that
(12:22):
if you need to cancel.
It's okay, but youneed to reschedule.
If you are the canceler,you need to also then be the
planner, even if it was plannedby me from the beginning.
If you cancel the date or youcancel the hangout session or
the shopping date, like youneed to be the one to then
(12:46):
reschedule it when it comes to.
Keeping promises with yourself.
If you need to rescheduleor you need to take a
rain check, I want you toprioritize how you feel.
Let's say that you promisedyourself that you were gonna go
on a walk after dinner today,but as the day went on, you
(13:09):
started to just not feel well.
It's okay to prioritize howyou're feeling in that moment.
To listen to your bodyand trust that your body's
saying, okay, maybe not today.
Let's take a rain check.
Let's go for a walk tomorrow.
(13:31):
Reschedule with yourselfin that moment for another
time or another day.
Don't just say, Ugh, didn'thappen today, whatever.
It's fine.
I want you to actuallyreschedule with
yourself in that moment.
Or let's say something came up.
It has nothing to do withhow your body is feeling.
(13:52):
Maybe it's with what,how your mind is feeling.
Maybe it's how your heartis feeling, or maybe today
just didn't work out.
Reschedule withyourself in that moment.
Hold yourself accountablein that moment to the
relationship that you'rebuilding with yourself, and
when you can do that withyourself and for yourself.
(14:16):
You are going to be able totrust yourself in the same way
that you build trust with otherpeople, friends, relationships,
you're going to be able to buildthat same trust with yourself,
and I think it's somethingthat we so easily forget to
do that it's so difficult forus to keep our promises to
(14:41):
ourselves because we're notrescheduling with ourselves.
Because we're not settingappropriate boundaries with
ourselves and with otherpeople around us, we're not
able to keep our promisesbecause we're not holding
ourselves accountable.
And when we can't keepour promises, we are
(15:02):
not trusting ourselves.
So when we want thisnew thing, when we want
to reach certain goals.
When we want to loveourselves more, we don't
trust ourselves to do it.
It starts with one small thing.
If you feel like you're in aplace where you don't believe
(15:23):
in yourself, you don't trustyourself, you don't think
it's going to happen becauseyou just don't think you can
stick to it because you'venever stuck to it before.
I want you to start withsomething really small.
Something like taking yourvitamins every morning
or brushing your teeth.
Make a promise to yourselfthat you are going to brush
(15:46):
your teeth every singlemorning and every single night.
Make a promise that you'regonna call a friend.
Make a promise that you'regonna write in your journal.
Make a promise that you aregoing to sit down for five
minutes and do nothing.
Start small.
When you continuously makethese smaller promises and
(16:07):
keep these smaller promisesto yourself, you are going
to start instilling belief inyourself and start trusting
yourself little by little,and then you're gonna have
the courage and the confidenceto create bigger goals for
yourself or promise yourselfthat you are going to do
what needs to be done toget to these bigger goals.
(16:31):
You're gonna have the courageand the confidence to start
and to walk on this path.
You're gonna have the courageand the confidence to set the
boundaries needed in order towalk the path as smoothly as
possible, and your trust andyour belief in yourself is
just going to continue to grow.
(16:54):
Week 12 is about visualizingthis path that you have created.
For yourself tolove yourself more.
It's about visualizing the pathto the best version of yourself,
and the only person thatcan create that path is you.
(17:17):
So this week I want you to startbuilding trust with yourself.
I want you to hold yourselfaccountable when you say that
you're going to do something.
When you say that you aregoing to write something
down, go somewhere.
I want you to hold yourselfaccountable this week.
(17:39):
If it doesn't work out, whenyou've made a promise for
yourself, don't be mean.
Don't be unkind.
Reschedule with yourself,and then keep that promise
taking everything in fromthe past couple of weeks.
Putting it into action,understanding how each of
(18:02):
these things might make youfeel keeping your promises
to yourself is one of thebiggest and most important
things that you can do.
I want you to make just onesmall promise to yourself
this week, right now, in thisvery moment, think of one
thing that you can promiseyourself, and this week I am
(18:24):
challenging you to stick to it.
To hold yourself accountableto that one thing.
Don't let yourself down.
Keep that promise to yourself,and I hope that by the end
of the week, you start tofeel a little more belief
(18:45):
in yourself, a little bitmore courage in yourself,
and a lot more confidence tocontinuously make promises.
For the most importantperson in your life, you
and as the big sister in me,keep those damn promises.
(19:07):
Trust yourself.
I trust you.
Do you trust you?
You got this.
I will see you backhere for week number 13.
Have the best week ever.
Bye.
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