Ross Rosenberg created the metaphor of “The Surgeon General’s Warning” to prepare and protect individuals struggling with Self-Love Deficit Disorder (SLDD)—also known as codependency—for the emotional costs of their healing journey. Much like the health warnings on cigarette packaging that alert users to the dangers of smoking, Rosenberg’s metaphor serves as a cautionary message to those embarking on Self-Love Recovery: profound and often painful losses may be part of the process.
As Rosenberg explains, truly committing to recovery—choosing to prioritize self-love, emotional boundaries, and authentic living—often comes at the cost of longstanding relationships. These may include partners, friends, or family members who have been deeply embedded in dysfunctional or imbalanced relational dynamics. As the recovering individual grows stronger, more self-aware, and less willing to tolerate emotional manipulation or neglect, they may find that 50 to 85 percent of the people they once believed loved them either pull away, react negatively, or are no longer compatible with their healthier identity. This reality, if not anticipated, can feel shocking, isolating, and even traumatic.
However, Rosenberg emphasizes that while the losses are real and often deeply painful, they are not without purpose or reward. The void left by these relationships creates space for profound personal growth, deep emotional healing, and the development of new, mutually respectful, and emotionally fulfilling relationships. The transition from self-love deficit to self-love abundance not only empowers individuals to feel whole and worthy from within but also draws healthier people into their lives—those who are attracted to their newfound authenticity and self-respect.
As Rosenberg puts it, “Falling in love with yourself, and having people like you even more because of it, is a healing force.” This force becomes the emotional anchor that helps individuals withstand the painful but necessary losses that come with letting go of toxic relationships. The metaphorical warning is not meant to frighten, but to prepare and empower. It validates the grief that may arise while reinforcing the truth that what is gained—authentic self-love and deeply enriching relationships—is far more powerful than what is lost.
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ABOUT ROSS ROSENBERG
Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and celebrated author. He is also a global thought leader and clinical expert in codependency, trauma, pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and addictions.
Ross's pioneering contributions to codependency have provided sweeping theoretical and practical updates and developed a treatment program that permanently resolves the issue. Ross has been featured on national TV and radio and is a regular radio and podcast guest.
In addition, he has traveled the world, giving his one-of-a-kind keynote presentations and educational workshops. His global impact is best illustrated by his YouTube channel, with 30 million views and 297,000 subscribers, and the sale of 190,000 Human Magnet Syndrome books published in 12 languages. In 2013, Ross created The Self-Love Recovery Institute, a hub for his personal development, workshops, professional training, retreats, other programs, and services.
Learn more at www.SelfLoveRecovery.com.
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