The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast
Gary McFarlane helps you understand Sex, Porn & Love Addiction. This podcast dives into the neuroscience behind these issues, guiding you on the path to recovery. For more resources, visit: www.kairos-centre.com. Helping you better understand the neuroscience of the brain and sharing what we now better understand about the brain's involvement, from childhood development. To help you effect change; find the real authentic you (whose truth self went off at a tangent in childhood); so that as you discover and become re-acquainted with the real you, having learnt to like yourself, you are equipped to be the best that you can be. Maximise the living of an increased quality of life; and on the journey, achieve recovery and sobriety from Sex, Porn & Love Addiction using The Kairos Centre Changement Recovery Online Webinar programme; bringing colour back to life - without shame.What may be the world's first fully comprehensive Video-on-Demand Webinar Programme to help you gain sobriety and Recover from Sex, Porn, Love Addiction patterns of behaviour. First address the unresolved past uncomfortable events and then go after the Compulsive/Addiction activities.
Episodes
- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
Split agendas and contrary motives - that are hidden from each other. Is that you?
Jake & Jasmine on the seesaw of life, illustrates it. There are appearances, but below the surface of the relationship may be there is entrenched Emotional Disengagement. Couples engage in a dance for years, re-acting and counter re-acting to each others action...
- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
Let's continue our look at 'Repairing the damaged couples relationship, post Sex Addiction'.
Does that image of the mules describe your relationship? of course not you, but your partner!
Each trying to get their needs met. Those Core Emotional Needs. Remember that Core Emotional Needs are not negotiable. They want to be met and Fig...
- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
Building new foundations for the couple: Take a look at the Different Relationship Images document attached to this Podcast. I try to bypass language as much as possible. Feelings do not always tell the truth. We can be very English. Very British!
Question: "How are you today". Answer: "I'm fine thank you".
Observation aft...
- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
Couples counselling is not necessarily about keeping a couple together at all. All about exploring options. Also to help you both gain insight and understanding about self and how you do life, as an individual.
Whether a Partnership or a marriage, these things are true: “Marriage is not the coming together of two people. It’s a clash of two cult...
- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
Shaped by circumstances from birth
Picture the new born baby which starts life with innocence and a brain with few impressions. It starts to experience life and living and soon the brain has some impressions and templates being carved out. Good and not so good experiences and impressions. A distorted image develops.
The individual distorted imag...
- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
Highs and lows of the Couples relationship is a given. What impacts you, may not impact a partner and vice versa. Childhood development personality and characteristic sharping experiences, play a significant part in that process.
Sex Addicts need to take their shoes off and step into the shoes of a partner in order to see the relationship from th...
- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
We fall in love with 'Differenceness' and 'Sameness'. Over the years, we can become dissatisfied with the unconscious differences of a partner, that is now in the conscious. So we set about trying to change them to be more like us, since those visible and conscious differences are no longer seemingly acceptable or wanted.
We ...
- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
Early relationships (often with our parents) has a very powerful impact on the blueprint of partner choice. They are unconsciously looked at as being able to repair those childhood wounds. We often seek a blueprint that “fits” ours.
When we meet a potential partner, we have an opportunity to re-Attach to a loved person, just like (or better than)...
- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
At the beginning of the couples therapy session, I like to ask a first question - 'How did you guys meet?' Telling the story will reveal the greater truth about where the couple are at in the conflict. Has the loving got snuffed out or is there a glimmer of light that may still be turned up.
Is there a split agenda? Are there ulterior ...
- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
Client, choose your Therapist carefully. It makes a big difference to outcomes.
In 2024 the British Association for Counsellors and Psychotherapy (BACP) released an Ethical framework for working with Addictions and also a set of 'Addictions competence framework' for counsellors working with or intending to work with Compulsions and Addi...
- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
When there is conflict in the couples relationship, sex and intimacy becomes the first casualty which fly out the window. It is very difficult (sometimes feels impossible) to physically touch the person with whom you are in conflict.
Yet, touch is exactly what you need to do to begin to break down the walls set in place by conflict. Touch is then...
- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
Unresolved issues; unprocessed childhood issues, loose canons, unpotted snooker balls - are some of the terms that I use, for the process of work that I do multiple times every day with clients - using EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing).
Another analogy that I use (but please don't tell my EMDR colleagues that I described it to...
- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
Have you heard the Joke about the bride who learned her script for what she had to remember on the wedding day - as: 1) Aisle 2) Altar 3) Hymn
What has shaped you to be doing life how you are doing life? So often, it is about those childhood development years and what got set up as templates, to create those hamster wheel patters of repeat be...
- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
Over 90% of couples that The Kairos Centre counsel, are in conflict because Core Emotional Needs are not being met. Some of those Core Emotional Needs are such things as lack of Security, Respect, Comfort, Affection, Respect.
They are not negotiable human needs. They want to be met and we will fight/flight/freeze to get them met. We do an interes...
- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
Testosterone in males is at its height in their late teens to early 20's. Women's sex drive does not reach its peak until their late 20's to early 30's. Therefore, a mismatch is going on between the sexes.
Aged 15 to 25 years old males have a 4 times higher likelihood of death from various events. Their brains are not yet full...
- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
Men's brains are configured very differently when it comes to a response to sex. There are 3 areas to know about - which are over twice the capacity of the female:
The Medial Pre-optic Area (MPOA): Is an area of the Hypothalamus that regulates various physiological and behavioural processes. The MPOA is packed with twice as many neurones and...
- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
Alcohol consumption raises women's testosterone levels. Same for men, but with excess, men's levels start to decrease. Not so for women.
Women are not use to the effects of such higher levels of testosterone and so a young woman can become a very different sexual being, because of the effects on her sex drive. That is enhanced if she is...
- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
In all your getting, get understanding: Men see female promiscuity as a deal breaker. If a man finds that a woman is not sexually active, he will intuitively feel that she is more likely to be faithful. Sexual integrity and sexual loyalty, is the most valued traits in a women, when a man is considering asking her to marry him.
"Female Choice...
- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
The younger the age that a female experiences sexual arousal, the higher the socio-sexual index she is going to have. (Socio-sexual index is the amount of casual/'promiscuity' sex that a person has).
The higher the promiscuity at a younger age, the more open the female will be to all sexual things. In the USA the average age of young fe...
- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
Gen A and their siblings, listen up. Hear this bit of neurobiology. At puberty, males Androgen levels explode at puberty and between aged 13 to 15. It is 10 to 30 times higher at puberty, than pre-puberty.
In females, Androgen levels (such as Testosterone - and yep males, females also have levels of Testosterone!) - their's only double and s...
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