October 7, 2025 • 67 mins
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Are you a successful woman who's conquered the boardroom but lost the spark in your bedroom? You're crushing professional goals while your intimate life crumbles. The modern successful woman faces an impossible paradox: society demands she operate in masculine energy all day (achieving, doing, conquering), then magically shift to feminine energy at home (receiving, flowing, being). But nobody taught us how to make this transition. This disconnect isn't a personal failure—it's a systemic issue affecting high-achieving women everywhere. The result? Depleted libido, sexless marriages, chronic burnout, and a nagging feeling that despite external success, something vital is missing. In this episode, intuitive coach, social worker, and author Avalaura Gaither reveals why the same drive that makes you successful at work is sabotaging your sexual empowerment and intimate relationships.
THIS EPISODE IS ESSENTIAL IF YOU:
- Feel exhausted by the demands of being "everything to everyone"
- Struggle to shift from work mode to intimate connection
- Have achieved external success but feel empty inside
- Experience low libido despite wanting passionate intimacy
- Carry sexual trauma that impacts current relationships
- Want to access your intuition but don't know how
- Are ready to break the cycle of martyrdom and burnout
LINKS & RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE CAN BE FOUND HERE
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Will (01:14):
Willow
intimate life has nothing to dowith techniques or partners, but
everything to do with intuition.
Today's guest works withcelebrities and CEOs to access a
hidden power source that'scompletely transformed their
relationships, and she's aboutto reveal her most controversial
(01:36):
approach that made her latestbook too radical for the
traditional publishers.
Leah (01:42):
tune in, turn on and fall in love with Ava Laura,
A (01:46):
Announcer
shame-free and pleasure forward.
Let's get into the show.
Willo (01:55):
Willow
We are so excited to have youhere.
Leah (01:58):
And we're just gonna jump right into it.
I would love to start withtalking about your book.
Willow (02:04):
Willow
why this book was like, thepublishers were like, mm-hmm.
We're not publishing that
A (02:11):
Avalaura
Life.
Um, it's, it's so interestinghow it provokes a certain
something, right?
Like, so people who get it, theyget it.
They're like, oh my God, girl,yes, I love it.
And then you kind of have likethe church crew, they're like,
oh my God, the language.
Willow (02:32):
Willow
Avalaura (02:32):
like, it's about self love, right?
It's about self care.
It's about saying F everybodyelse, it's finally my time to
take care of me.
And what could be so wrong withthat?
How you know?
Willow (02:43):
Willow
Leah (02:44):
So what is the argument?
I mean, aside from sort of the Fword being spelled differently
in the title.
Avalaura (02:52):
I, you know, I think sadly, um, women owning their
power.
Right.
Women saying That's enoughalready.
Yes, you are important to me.
I have all of these roles.
I'm mother, I'm wife, I'm, youknow, business woman, uh,
caretaker, whatever it is.
(03:12):
I'm finally going to put myselffirst because I am the most
important thing because if Idon't put me first, all these
other things sink.
All these other things fail.
I think sadly now, that's stilla very revolutionary thing for
women to say, I have to takecare of me first.
Willow (03:33):
Willow
And to have the voice to evenexpress, first of all, the
knowing that that needs tohappen.
And then to be able to expressto community, loved ones, family
members, you know that I'mgonna, I'm actually gonna put
you down.
I'm not gonna take care of youfor the next three hours.
I'm gonna go go take care ofmyself.
Le (03:53):
Leah
I mean, for a lot of women, theydon't have the luxury of taking
three hours.
It's like, can I just go to thebathroom by myself and, and not
be needed, wanted grasp on,expected of obligated to, um.
And, and I think because I'mcurious what you would say to
this if this is, if thisresonates with you, if you're
(04:15):
seeing this Avalara, my take isthat women have so much more
responsibility in everyday life.
Not only is it tending to thehome and, and in some cases
having the children and stillwanting to have a happy marriage
in many instances.
But it's also being a provider.
And it's, it's being theresearcher, it's making sure
everyone is.
(04:35):
Getting to do those sports thatthey wanna do or have those
extracurricular curricularactivities and maintaining that
calendar and planning and doingall the research when it comes
to a vacation and cleaning thewhole house and their partner
still wants them to like sex.
I mean, it's like all thesethings and we want those things
for ourselves too.
We also enjoy being veryaccomplished in business and
(04:58):
having a family that we hope arethriving, but we're still
managing all the crisises, so weare worn out.
We are tapped out and it's kindof like, what does the world
expect of us when we are runningthe universe?
Um, and I think that's whyself-care has been such a big
buzzword for the past, I wouldsay.
(05:18):
What you guys 5, 8, 10 years, isit?
Has it been that long?
Willow (05:22):
Willow
Yeah, I
Ava (05:24):
Avalaura
COVID really just, you know,blew up self-care.
But, you know, for, in mycircles in mental health, right,
we've been talking aboutselfcare for years.
Leah (05:36):
Right, Right, Because it's kind of like, you know, the
classic metaphor of being on theairplane and you gotta put the
oxygen on before you put it onsomebody else.
I think we're seeing that ourquality of life and our mood and
our feeling of of enjoying beingalive has been greatly
diminished when we areoverburdened.
(05:56):
And I think if we were to keepthis sort of in the romance
sector, in the sexuality sector,if we set aside all of the
demands of having a family,Where it really affects women by
and large is their ability tofeel juicy.
Is their ability to be attractedto their partner, is their
ability to have orgasms.
It's like when you're tired andstressed out, that cortisol, and
(06:17):
correct me if I'm wrong, Dr.
Willow, that cortisol like robsyou of your libido.
It kind of like suppresses yourdesire and then depression,
anxiety sets in, and then youhave a hard time feeling any
desire for any other part ofyour life.
Wil (06:31):
Willow
And the, the fastest solution isto flood your body with some
oxytocin.
And the quickest way to that isan orgasm.
So it's kind of like a, um, youknow, it can become this sort of
like, um, downward spiral whenwe're in that stressed out.
What, what we're doing reallyfrom a Chinese medicine
(06:51):
perspective is we're, um,running at such a yang state all
the time.
so.
a sympathetic, dominant nervoussystem where we're constantly
like like we can't, even if wehave a moment to relax, we
can't.
Like, we're just too wound up.
So we're depleting our yin,right?
And so our yin is our juiciness.
(07:12):
It's that fluidity, it's thatwatery.
It's.
That relaxation and thatallowing, and one of the things
Lee and I are always saying islike, really epic sexual energy
is born from that yin tide, fromthat deep relaxation.
Avalaura, I'm so curious.
You know, you have been workingwith people who run at yang
(07:32):
dominant nervous systems for awhile, and I'm just so curious,
like what's the biggest hurdlethat you have to kind of get
them through to.
Get them to that yin placewithin.
Av (07:45):
Avalaura
because if you think about womenwho are type A who are high
achievers, they are running onthat yang energy, right?
And they don't know how to dothat in a yin way because we've
never been taught.
Like you don't know how to run acorporation to be a CEO or be
(08:07):
successful in politics or um, incorporate with Yen energy,
right?
Because Yen says, you know, youcan flow, you know, you can be
emotional, you can cry when youneed to, you know, you can take
the space.
It's a safe space, right?
And.
Corporate is not safe.
(08:28):
You know, being a CEO is notsafe.
And so when you're running onthat energy, you know, as a way
of earning money, right?
Um, the majority of your time,if you think about how much time
we spend working, it's very hardto come home and then shift
that.
And so, okay, you know what?
I've been yang all day now I canbe yang.
Willow (08:50):
Willow
Avalaura (08:50):
know how to do that, right.
Because this is what you've beendoing all day.
This is how you have beentrained, this is now, this is
your go-to.
And so even if you actively say,I wanna live that soft life,
right?
I wanna be more feminine, youdon't know how to physically do
it because you haven't been in aposition where you could do it.
Willow (09:13):
Willow
A (09:13):
Avalaura
necessarily have a partner who'sused to supporting you in your
feminine, right?
Because they're still used toyou doing everything.
So,
Willow (09:24):
They're like, go ahead and yong out,
A (09:26):
Avalaura
Willow (09:27):
Willow
Avalaura (09:28):
depends on it, right?
And I don't wanna do the, the,the dishes and I don't wanna do
all this stuff.
And I know that you're good atdoing all of this and planning,
I'm gonna let you do your thing.
But then, like you said, ofcourse, but now you want me to
turn it on and off and, youknow, or turn it off in the
bedroom.
You, you can't have it bothways.
So if you're gonna support me inthis, it has to be in the
(09:48):
household and running things sothat, yes, now I can be what you
want and what you desire, and Ihave the energy to do that
because really what it is, is Idon't have the energy.
Leah (10:01):
Yeah, and I think you're right.
I think there isn't like a lotof language for this.
We're not taught how totransition from one polarity to
the next, you know?
And because we wanna becompetitive in the workforce,
because we also need thatpromotion.
We also want that success.
Here's the model of how you dothat.
Most of us do it from ourmasculine.
You know, having that, bringingthings into form and having
(10:23):
drive and being active and likeconquering and smashing goals, a
lot of that does take, at leastthe model that we have so
Avalaura (10:32):
Avalaura
Leah (10:33):
shows us that the weight is success is by behaving,
acting, and contributing in a,in a specific, usually male
dominated way.
And then we're not, we don'thave a model that says, here's
how you transition into thefeminine.
Because I think even ourpartners, if we're in a
heterosexual relationship, let'ssay, and this may also very
easily be interchangeable andsame sex relationship duet, our
(10:54):
language might change for it, isthat our partners also don't
know.
That the longing that they havehas to do with also wanting our
partner to transition.
You know, we're happy thatthey're also smashing the goals
that they want and are verycompetent and help our world be
better and more efficient.
(11:15):
But there's still a longingthere.
It's like everyone's missingthat yin essence.
Everyone is craving more of thatflow inside of our partner and
we don't know how to inspirethat.
You know, if we can start tomake the bridge that one of the
ways to inspire it is actuallyhelp out.
Avalaura (11:32):
Avalaura
Leah (11:32):
Do the dishes, you know, give the kids the bath, put them
to bed.
You know that we beco, but thatalso requires a more egalitarian
type of partnership, which thensometimes I think can frustrate
a vulva owner who wants theirpartner to stay in their
masculine, right?
Who still wants that polarityand that sexual charge.
(11:54):
If we're both doing both jobs offeminine and masculine, we tend
to neutralize each othersexually.
It's like we lose some of thatsexual charge.
This isn't actually a verycomplex topic, you know?
And.
As I'm sitting here going, I'msure you, uh, like Willow and I
have these kinds ofconversations around masculine
and feminine polarity and how tohave more charge with our
(12:16):
partners, but I think this isactually one of the biggest
issues is how do we polarizeeach other so we can capitalize
on that sexual magnetismintention.
Still run our lives, stillnegotiate all the things that
have to get done.
Um, is this a conversationyou're having, Avalara in your
(12:38):
circles?
Is this, does this arise in yourwork?
Avalaura (12:41):
a lot of it is, is a mental shift.
You know, we talk a lot aboutmindset, right?
I talk a lot about ego versusspirit and you know,
understanding where you'reoperating from so you can come
to that space where you canoperate from your spirit, which
for women is really our feminineself.
You know, our spirit iswhispering to us.
It's not loud, you know, our egois loud and yelling and you
(13:05):
know, telling us what should bedone and all the negative.
And our spirit is, is flow andpower and really soft and
magnetic and the reality is formany of us, we don't, even for
women, we don't know where we'reoperating from.
We think our ego is our spiritand we think our spirit is our
ego.
So we don't even know wherewe're getting our drive and
(13:27):
where we're making our decisionsfrom.
Right.
So there's so many shifts thathave to be made internally.
And so when you were just sayingthat, and I'm thinking about,
you know, my partner, I lovewhen he cooks dinner for me.
I love when he's helping thegirls with their homework.
Oh my God, that's sexy to me.
Leah (13:43):
Leah
Avalaura (13:45):
not, you know, making that is not emasculating him.
So, because now I see that ashim being the leader of his
household, but for some men thatis emasculating and for some
women that is like, Ooh, that'sa little soft.
I should be doing that.
Not for me, baby.
Go ahead on and do it.
I'll sit back here and enjoy.
Willow (14:04):
Willow
L (14:05):
Leah
Yeah.
I think most women are like,huh, nothing sexier than
watching a dad be a good dad,you
Willow (14:12):
Willow
Yeah, exactly.
A little bit of help goes a longway in, in any situation.
Avalaura (14:18):
Avalaura
Willow (14:19):
Willow
Avalaura (14:20):
Avalaura
Willow (14:21):
Willow
Av (14:21):
Avalaura
again, us thinking about thingsdifferently.
Not the way we grew up and notwhat our parents modeled for us
or what we've seen modeled, but,you know, how can I be more
efficient?
So I had a client and I wastalking to her.
She has a very demanding job.
She doesn't have a lot of time.
Sometimes she, you know, herschedule shifts and she doesn't
(14:42):
know when it's gonna shift, andshe's talking about how
difficult it is to come home, dothe laundry, do all this stuff.
And I said, well, why don't youget a laundry service?
Or you know, why don't you havesomebody come, you know, clean
your house, maybe, you know,once or twice a month.
And she said, Avalaura, I nevereven thought of that.
Leah (14:59):
Leah
Yeah.
Willow (15:00):
Yeah, it's this asking for help, you know, that is like
so difficult.
I remember when I sort of brokethrough that, that barrier of
like, oh my God, I get to askfor help.
I was actually on a ayahuascajourney and I needed like
someone to take me to thebathroom, you know?
And I was like, I need help, youknow?
(15:20):
And my voice was like so
Leah (15:23):
Leah
Avalaura (15:23):
Avalaura
Willow (15:24):
and so weak, and so it was just like, it was such a.
Found revolution and whoeverhelped me to the bathroom was so
happy to help me.
You know?
And like the whole rest of thejourney, I was like, oh my God,
I get to ask for help.
I get to have, I, I deserve andI'm worthy.
I'm like, you know, it was justso much of this like new, like
(15:44):
blossoming of confidence cameforward.
And, and I feel like that's areally big piece.
And, and tell me if you'reseeing that, especially in these
high powered women that you workwith, Avalaura is just that,
that it didn't even occur, youknow, to this particular client,
didn't even occur to her.
Is that a big thing that you seea lot where it's like there's a,
(16:06):
a low self worth or a low senseof deserving and then not even a
thought to even ask for help.
Avalaura (16:12):
Avalaura
You know, a lot of the, the,this book, you know, really
talking about self-love andself-care and understanding how
they intertwine.
Right.
And I started looking at thesewomen and, and realizing that a
lot of what they wereexperienced was low self-love.
Like, even though like, yeah,I'm confident and I'm a badass
and I may succeed in businessand all of these things.
(16:35):
Really, when you look at theirself love, it is low on the
totem pole.
And you're absolutely right.
It's, you know what, no, I'm notgonna ask for help.
And or the, all the times thatI've asked for help, nobody
helps me.
So I'm not gonna ask for itanymore.
I just have to do everythingmyself.
So now that, that becomes, I'mnot worthy of help, there must
(16:56):
be something wrong with mebecause nobody is helping me
when I need it yet, I'm there tohelp everybody else when they
need it.
Leah (17:04):
Leah
Willow (17:05):
think there's also a, a block inside of a lot of people
in general, but particularlyvulva owners of, of being able
to receive help.
Right.
It's like they might be askingfor.
It.
And then, you know, they're,they might not be getting it in
the form that they wanted or,you know, um, they just, they
(17:25):
have a, some kind of blockinside to actually receiving.
And I always say the receptivityis the feminines greatest
superpower.
That's what helps us, like bemagnetic and draw things to us,
is to really receive, um, thebounty and the beauty and the,
you know, what is coming to us.
So turning on that receptivedial and turning it up at at
(17:46):
certain times can really dropyou into your femininity so much
quicker.
And um, you know, one of thelittle tricks to the trade for
turning on that receptivity isusing your senses.
'cause receptivity is really asomething that's done in the
present moment, right?
We don't receive what's comingtomorrow and we can't receive
(18:06):
what came yesterday.
It's, it's what's happening now.
And so our eyes, our nose, our,our tongue, you know, our ears,
these sense organs that we haveaccess to help us drop into that
present moment.
I'm sure I have a feeling thatwhen you guide your clients
through that they have likeprofound experiences.
Avalaura (18:29):
literally just had a conversation with a client this
week about that exact thingbecause she's so in her head and
she's already making upscenarios of what could happen
or what will happen instead ofactually just being in the
moment.
And I literally said that.
I said, go outside, take yourshoes off.
(18:51):
Put your feet in the grass andground yourself.
Be in nature.
Look at all the differentcolors.
Right?
See what you're smelling it.
So I literally said the samething and she was like, you know
what?
I'm gonna do that right now atlunch.
Like, because she's so in herhead.
And you're exactly right.
Like the way that you kind ofcome down into your heart space,
(19:15):
into your spirit.
Is to ground yourself and simplyjust be in the moment.
And that's where the magichappens.
Like when you can just bepresent and you can just
intentionally say, this is whatI desire, and then allow it to
come to you instead of being inyour head of, oh my God, this
can go wrong.
That can go wrong, this canhappen, that can happen.
(19:35):
You know, you can make up awhole scenario in your head, but
when you're in that moment andyou're just flowing and you're
just intending, that's where themagic happens.
Leah (19:46):
I think too, what's sort of interesting is like the
shadow side in some of thislike.
Inability oftentimes to receive.
I know for me, it has a lot moreto do with my ego and the
conditioned response of what themartyr gets when I refuse help.
It's like there's a part of methat goes, see, no one can do it
(20:08):
the way I do it.
See all this suffering.
If you were to, if I were toreceive, you'd be taking away my
suffering, and then who would Ibe?
You know, it's like I have towork this hard because no one
else will do it, and I'm theonly one who can do it.
And wo is me, and woe is me.
It's like the story of woe, andI think for a lot of women,
especially like in my family,there is a martyr archetype that
(20:29):
has gotten passed down togeneration to generation
Willow (20:32):
Anybody else have one of those?
Raise your hand.
Le (20:35):
Leah
(22:11):
identification of, well, whowill I be if I'm not the
suffering woman who's refusingthe help?
It's almost like your help isn'tgood enough.
You know, and so then like, whatwill I complain about?
Like what would, who would I be
Avalaura (22:28):
How dare I be happy,
Leah (22:30):
Leah
And then, and then which mightlead us to back to the worth.
Like that's like another layerthat's has to be peeled back to
go, well what does it mean if Idon't know who I am?
Avalaura (22:44):
Avalaura
Outside of
L (22:46):
Leah
one that puts everybody elsefirst.
So it's really kind ofinteresting how many angles.
Avalaura (22:56):
Avalaura
L (22:57):
Leah
how you shifted your work.
You went from social work intobecoming an intuitive coach, and
I'm curious what was lacking inthe social work that that led
you to wanting to help peoplesort of get more in touch with
(23:17):
the spiritualization of all ofthis?
Avalaura (23:20):
Avalaura
You know, I, for me, even thoughwhen I didn't have a name for
it, I was always a healer and soI was acting from that space,
yet I wasn't in spaces thatreally allowed me to do that.
If that
Leah (23:34):
Leah
Avalaura (23:36):
And so when I decided like, this is what I'm gonna do
with my life, you know,'causeyou're, you're supposed to
decide at 18 when you go tocollege.
Right.
What you wanna do with yourlife.
I was like, oh, I'm a major inpsychology.
Right.
And my mom was like, well, youhave to get a PhD.
Okay fine.
And I'm like, you know, I didn'tknow what I was signing up for.
Um.
But then I decided to go intosocial work.
Um, you know, after talking to amentor, he's like, you don't
(23:58):
need a PhD.
You can go into social work.
And I get into social work andI'm like, oh hell, what is this?
Like, you know, realizing that Iwas not gonna be able to make
the impact that I really wantedto make in social work, um, that
the system wasn't really set upto help people heal, but it was
really to set up to help peoplemaintain their dysfunction.
Willow (24:17):
Willow
Leah (24:18):
Leah
Avalaura (24:18):
Avalaura
Willow (24:19):
Willow
Ava (24:19):
Avalaura
Like to the root and to reallyheal from the inside out.
This system does not supportthat.
Willow (24:28):
Willow
It perpetuates it
Avalaura (24:30):
it perpetuates it and it allows people to stay stuck
and in independent on thesystem.
And I'm trying to help people tobe free of the system and
external forces and really tapinto who they are.
Leah (24:46):
Leah
Wil (24:47):
Willow
Like how long were you in socialwork, and then what
Leah (24:52):
Leah
Was there an inflection pointthat
Willow (24:55):
Willow
to Butterfly.
Avalaura (25:00):
Avalaura
Um, it was, it was really just,I got sick and tired of being
sick and tired.
Um, it, it, it's really, therewas no set thing that happened.
It was just a series of thingsthat I kept seeing and it was me
personally declining, notwanting to go to work anymore.
Gaining weight.
Um, realizing that I wasn'thappy.
You know, I'm a person, Iliterally laugh every day at
(25:22):
everything at things that areprobably totally inappropriate.
And I wasn't laughing anymore.
You know, it was just like, whois this person?
Um,
Le (25:33):
Leah
air going, I so relate to that.
I'm gaining weight and I'm notlaughing like that is such
important
Willow (25:42):
and I hate, and I don't like going to work.
It's like sucking my soul.
I actually
Avalaura (25:47):
Avalaura
W (25:48):
Willow
thing and they're, they're,they're also feeling stuck
within the system.
You know, like the system alsokeeps the workers stuck in the
Avalaura (26:00):
Avalaura
And you know, for me, and I was,even though I recognized that, I
was still stuck because I didn'tknow where to go for help, which
is crazy, right?
Because here I am helpingeverybody else.
Willow (26:11):
Willow
Avalaura (26:12):
But I didn't know how to help myself and I didn't
trust the people that I workedwith because it was a very toxic
work environment.
Even though it's supposed to bea healing environment, it was
very toxic.
Um, so who do I go to?
Who do I trust?
And, and, and that was, I wasstuck there for a while and it
just got to the point where Ididn't care anymore.
(26:33):
I was like, listen, I don't, I'mjust gonna talk to somebody
because I, I can't live in thisspace anymore.
And, and I did.
I finally just talked to one ofmy colleagues and, um, she
happened to be having a women'sretreat and she said, Ava Laura,
you, you gotta come.
And if she had said, let's gobungee jumping, at that point, I
would've gone.
I would've done whatever rightat this point.
(26:55):
Whatever she suggested, Iwould've done it.
And this women's retreatliterally changed my life, um,
because it just allowed me to bereflective and have that time to
be self-aware and to really seewhat was going on in my life,
you know, because when we'regoing in the midst of the storm,
we don't really pay attention towhat's happening.
We're just trying to survive.
Leah (27:17):
Leah
Av (27:18):
Avalaura
What is happening to my life?
Who am I?
What's going on here?
And I just had this emotionalbreakthrough where I just found
myself on my hands and kneescrying out to God.
And I was like, you gotta get meoutta here.
Leah (27:32):
Leah
Avala (27:32):
Avalaura
I didn't sign up for this crap.
Get me out.
Willow (27:37):
Willow
Mm-hmm.
Av (27:39):
Avalaura
Like I
Willow (27:41):
Willow
Aval (27:41):
Avalaura
And
Leah (27:43):
how life brings us to our knees sometimes, and it's
exactly what we need.
Avalaura (27:47):
It was exactly what I needed.
I don't, you know, when I thinkabout it, and you know, and I'm
sure you all have seen this, Iwould've stayed, and I can't
even tell you how much longer Iwould've stayed if I didn't have
that moment.
Because I was so concerned aboutmy clients.
I was concerned about mycoworkers, my boss, all these
(28:08):
obligations that I had, like Ihave to take care of these
people.
They were more important thanme.
Willow (28:15):
Willow
Leah (28:16):
Leah
Yeah.
So you had the courage to shift,to pivot.
What was your next step when yougot back from that retreat?
Eight.
Avalaura (28:25):
So let me tell you, I, I can't say that I all had the
courage.
I had the courage to cry out andask for help.
Let that, that's what I had thecourage to do,
Leah (28:32):
Leah
on.
Right on.
Avalaura (28:34):
I get to, I get back to work on Monday and my boss
calls me into his office and hesits me down and he slides this
envelope across the table and hesays, valor, you have been
amazing.
Um, you're, you're a wonderfulperson, but I gotta let you go
Willow (28:49):
Willow
God answered your prayer.
Av (28:53):
Avalaura
And not in the way that Idesired, but clearly it was what
I needed.
And, and
Leah (28:59):
Leah
Avalaura (28:59):
had that moment of ego versus spirit, right?
My ego was pissed.
You know, I had never been firedfrom anything in my life.
I was the classic overachiever.
Recovering perfectionist.
Everything that I did, I did150% so I could not believe that
this man was firing me.
And um, but my spirit kicked inwas like Ava Laura, and
(29:21):
literally Abel, Laura thatwhispered
Willow (29:23):
Willow
Leah (29:24):
Leah
Avalaura (29:26):
So what are you gonna do?
You asked for this.
Leah (29:29):
Leah
Avalaura (29:29):
So this is where I had the courage.
I took what I call my six monthhealing sabbatical.
Leah (29:36):
Leah
Avalaura (29:36):
six months and I did my work.
Who am I?
Why am I here?
Um, counseling.
Started studying life coaching,studied reiki, hypnotherapy,
aromatherapy, like any healingart I could get my hands on.
And I took six months where Ireally just worked on.
Leah (29:57):
Leah
Av (29:57):
Avalaura
opened up my business and reallyjust said I wanna be the guide
that I needed when I was goingthrough, you know, one of the
worst things in my life and Ididn't know what to do.
I need to be that guide forothers because I know that there
are other people out there whoare struggling, who feel like
(30:19):
they've done all of this work onthemselves.
They reached the mountaintop ofsuccess, and they're not happy,
and something is off andsomething is wrong and missing,
and I gotta figure out what thatis because I know that there's
more to life than this.
Wil (30:33):
Willow
working with celebrities?
'cause I think you've, youworked with some of the, um, the
housewives, the, I never watchedthe show or anything, but,
Avalaura (30:45):
Avalaura
Plenty of us do.
Leah (30:47):
Leah
I have to say they're quiteentertaining.
Willow (30:50):
And, and there was some resistance right on, on, on
their side when you came andstarted to guide and, and work
with some of these celebritieswho
Avalaura (30:58):
Avalaura
So it's, it's sort ofinteresting.
So part of the resistance wasme.
I was like, I don't know howthis is gonna look on tv, right?
Because if you watch TheHousewives, I was doing the Real
Housewives of Potomac, but youknow, there's, there can be
fighting going on, there'syelling, screaming.
So I didn't know how receptivethey would be, uh, to my help.
But it was honestly awesome.
(31:19):
I worked with Karen Hugger andher.
Husband, which you all knowKaren now, uh, the whole DUI and
everything that's going on withthat is a whole big controversy.
And actually, I worked with heragain this season even though
they didn't show it.
Um, unfortunately, because nowwe, we see the aftermath of what
happened.
Um, they were wonderful.
(31:40):
I think it was reallyinteresting how.
It was a over two hour session,kind of reduced to two minutes
on the show.
Um, and there was a lot ofvaluable information that was
not shared.
That was right, that was not putout there, you know, but
essentially it was like a lot ofcouples that I work with,
(32:01):
particularly with high achievingwomen, is that they're not
hearing each other, they're,they're not listening to each
other.
You need that intermediary tosay, okay, listen, this is what
she's saying.
This is what he's saying, right?
Because there's like this, thispush and pull, and everybody's
so set in their heads of whatthey're used to that they just
can't get out of it to actuallyhear what the other person is
(32:25):
saying.
Leah (32:26):
Right, which means you're misunderstanding each other and
it's so unsatisfying whensomeone doesn't understand you
because their inability toreally listen and feel you and
then you do it right back tothem.
It can be really painful.
And so I, you know, I'm curioushow you uncover like especially
from an intuitive perspective,uncovered those sexual patterns.
(32:49):
We're taking a look at people'ssex lives.
How are you helping them revealthat to themselves first, and
then of course to their partner?
Avalaura (32:58):
Avalaura
You know, a lot of it is when weget to that point, well, first
of all.
It's really about creating thatsafe space because this is, you
know, sex and money.
Like those are two of the thingspeople do not wanna talk about.
Right?
Like they want it, but theydon't wanna talk about it.
Leah (33:15):
Leah
Avalaura (33:16):
Avalaura
Le (33:16):
Leah
doesn't mean they really wantanyone else poking around in
theirs.
Avalaura (33:22):
Avalaura
So it, it really is a vulnerablespace.
So getting them to that pointwhere they can really be
vulnerable and honest.
'cause a lot of people wannalie, you know, like, they wanna
make things seem better thanthey are.
Oh.
You know, we're
Willow (33:34):
they're lying to them to themselves, so how can they be
honest with their partner
Le (33:39):
Leah
identity.
You know, it's like, I don'twant people to find out that I
feel like I'm a failure at thissector in my life.
I don't want people to knowthat.
I don't even wanna
A (33:51):
Avalaura
Right.
Like that, you know, I'm tootired.
I don't feel like it, I don'twant to what, whatever it is.
And, and, you know, or hedoesn't desire me the way that I
feel he should, or he, you know,the romance is gone.
We don't date anymore.
Like, whatever it is.
Like, I don't wanna say we're ina sexless marriage.
Like yeah, we're married andwe've been married 20 years and
(34:14):
everybody thinks it's perfectand really I'm dying inside.
Willow (34:17):
Willow
Mm-hmm.
Le (34:19):
Leah
to be in, especially because allthose things you just mentioned,
they corrode trust, and how arewe gonna get naked with
somebody?
And bring our bodies togetherwhen we don't even trust each
other, you know?
Or we don't respect each otheranymore because of the obstacles
(34:39):
that we have faced that didn'tgo the way we had hoped or
planned.
And now it's like, here we havethis partnership, but we only
are really good partners in acouple of areas.
And then we have these otherareas that we're kind of
ignoring and you know, we'reembarrassed by them.
And then like trying to fix'emjust gets harder and harder.
So how do you help people havebreakthroughs?
Avalaura (35:00):
Avalaura
You know, the self-awareness
Leah (35:02):
Leah
Avalaura (35:04):
Avalaura
You know, self-awareness is key.
Um, it's like you were talkingabout the martyr syndrome,
right?
Like, you have to know thatabout yourself first before we
can actually deal with theproblem.
So this poor microphone.
Um, so I really have to get themto see themselves, to be
self-aware.
I could not fully, you know,deal with my problem and ask for
help until I realized like,whoa, like this is how bad
(35:27):
things have gotten.
This is where I am.
I hate my job.
I don't like my life anymore.
I'm not happy.
I'm depressed.
So getting people to be veryself-aware, to really see the
gravity of what's going on.
And so you now see what's goingon where you are, and then look
at, but where do you actuallywanna be?
And then start to see the gap
Leah (35:50):
Ding, ding, ding, where do you wanna be?
Who are you right now.
But where, who do you wanna be?
Where are we headed?
Uh, that is such a powerfulpiece of inquiry.
Avalaura (36:01):
Avalaura
And a lot of people, it does notfeel good,
Willow (36:05):
Willow
Right.
Well, because it feels so faraway, it feels like where I
wanna be and where I am.
There's, it's an impossible gap.
Like, there's no way I could getto where I wanna be.
But it's that firstidentification of like, well,
where, where do you feel likeyou're getting now?
(36:25):
You know, in this particularmoment in time, and you find
those little sticky points whereyou're like, ah, I can't get
through this hurdle.
And you just one by one, youstart to break through.
And I feel like, you know, thetransformational process, yes,
it can take time, but it alsocan go really quickly.
It just depends on like how muchresistance there is inside of a
(36:48):
person, right?
How, how attached are we to themartyr archetype or to whatever
archetype?
That we're dealing with, that wecan finally identify how, how,
how much does that bring ussafety?
And how much does that bring uscomfort?
And are we willing to liveoutside of that comfort zone?
You know, are we willing tosurrender through resistance and
(37:11):
find the other side, which isunknown.
It's like I've always been this.
I don't know what it means tonot be this anymore.
It's completely unknown.
So the unknown is scary, right?
As human beings, we want toknow, we want to have a path
laid out before us.
We want that sense of security.
(37:31):
But when you're bringing inwhat, what you're bringing in
valara, this like intuitivesense and the the ability to
feel and.
Follow your heart and listen tospirit as it's guiding you.
Sometimes it's gonna guide youin a direction that you have no
idea what's on the other side ofthat.
Avalaura (37:49):
Avalaura
Willow (37:49):
So there's a deep sense of faith, there's a deep sense
of trust that has to be builtand created.
And I feel like, you know, I'mworking with people a lot who
are, who are like, that soundsnice.
I'd like to have a deep sense offaith and trust.
How do I do that?
What are, give me some tools,give me some steps, you know,
(38:10):
because it's, um, it's notinbred in our culture that we,
that we have faith and that wehave,
Le (38:17):
Leah
kind of bring in.
Uh, the intersection betweenenergy work and intimacy.
Avalaura (38:25):
Avalaura
Le (38:26):
Leah
weave into this.
It's like you have theexperience of, okay, we've,
we've sorted out how to makeourselves safe for ourselves,
and now for our partnership,we've each taken accountability
for our parts and the thingsthat didn't necessarily
contribute to harmony.
And now we can do a pivottowards each other instead of
(38:49):
away from each other.
We're reestablishing a sense oftrust because of personal
accountability and personalresponsibility that can be so
healing.
And now we're starting to getthe vision of, okay, this is
where we're at now.
We've made some shifts.
We are starting to become who wewanna be.
Avalaura (39:06):
Avalaura
Leah (39:07):
work to do and I do think it's interesting as we're
cultivating intimacy andreturning toward towards love
and trust so that we can bereally naked with each other,
physically, emotionally,spiritually, all those things
that make like love so rich whenthey're there.
Like this is where I reallyimagine like the energy work
(39:29):
really starts to come in andstarts to make a foundation for
a little bit of faith and hope.
How do you play with, you know,using reiki to help people, you
know, what, what is Reiki givingthem?
How are you using energy work tobring intimacy to folks?
Avalaura (39:47):
Avalaura
You know, the thing that I loveabout reiki and and energy work
is, you know, I always tell myclients like, listen, I'm the
vessel.
I don't know what yourexperience is gonna be.
These are all the things thatcould happen, but ultimately
what I know to be the case isthat you're going to get the
energy that you need right now,and that energy shifts.
So a session today can becompletely different from a
(40:09):
session tomorrow and the nextday, and the next day it, it
shifts based on what you needmost at this time.
And so one is being veryintentional.
But two is trusting that you'llhave the experience that you
need most and allowing that tohappen.
Not feeling the need to control,right, because
Leah (40:28):
Oh, that's such a big one.
Aval (40:29):
Avalaura
Feeling like you have to be incharge of everything.
But this is a time to be able tolet go and surrender and just
allow things to be what they
Willow (40:39):
Willow
Leah (40:41):
Leah
and being a control artistbecause the control artist knows
when to set that brush down andjust allow the present moment to
give them what they need.
Like you said.
Avalaura (40:58):
Avalaura
And so that's a huge part of theprocess.
And you know, what I love aboutenergy healing is that it gives
you permission to one, be in themoment like we talked about, to
surrender, but also to feelwhatever you feel.
Because a lot of times duringthese sessions, feelings come up
(41:18):
that you didn't even know thatyou were having, that you
couldn't put into words.
And so, you know, we might havea session where we're talking,
but you don't even know thatthis is what's going on with
you.
Until now we're doing reiki andyou're like, whoa, what is this
that's coming up for me now,
Leah (41:35):
Leah
Like a wound from childhood.
Wil (41:38):
Willow
Leah (41:40):
something finally got safe enough inside of you that
you're, you allow somethingthat's been suppressed, that's
caused you to be numb, suddenlyhas a place to be cathart
expressed and then let go of, Imean, that feels miraculous when
those happen.
Willow (41:56):
Willow
Leah (41:57):
Leah
baby.
That's the, that's thetransformation of, of healing
right there.
And
Willow (42:04):
And isn't it so fun to help to guide people through
those moments?
I always call it.
it's like giving someone icecream for the first time,
especially inside of sexuality.
You know, like to give peoplesexual experiences that they've
heard about.
Maybe they've heard about'em,maybe they haven't.
But like for them to experiencetheir bodies in new ways that,
(42:26):
um, you know, are, are soexpansive and, and it shows them
what they're capable of.
And it is, it's just likephenomenal to witness.
L (42:37):
Leah
sexual trauma.
Avalaura (42:43):
Avalaura
L (42:44):
Leah
experience, how much sexualtrauma can really disrupt
intimacy between partners.
That unhealed thing, it, it cancome out in so many different
forms.
Is that something you see overand over?
Avala (43:01):
Avalaura
Um.
You, you know, the, I don't knowof any studies, right?
So I, I, I can't say that thisis, this is true or not, but
there really, I have seen a lotsof type a women have a lot of
sexual trauma, if that
Willow (43:20):
Willow
It makes sense because they'reprotecting themselves on some
level from going into avulnerable state.
Leah (43:28):
Well, Yeah, but also you, you compensate by, if you feel
broken in one area, you getreally good in other areas so
you can compensate this feelingof fucked upness with some
feeling of greatness.
A (43:41):
Avalaura
because nobody else will.
Leah (43:47):
Leah
Avalaura (43:47):
Avalaura
So I have to have my money,right?
I have to have, I have to beindependent because I can't
depend on anybody and that, sothat then is the driving force.
And when you get down to it, youdo learn.
And it might not be, you know,an outward thing, but it might
be a situation where maybe itwas, it was date rape, right?
(44:09):
Like something that's very sortof.
What's the word?
Not cut and dry, you know what Imean?
Where it's kind of ambigu, it isnot black and white, but you
like, you feel like somethingwasn't right.
You know, something was brokenthere, but I can't really
describe it.
And so because it's not blackand white, I don't really know
how to define it for myself.
So I kind of just dismiss it andwrite it off as not being
(44:32):
important.
Right?
Instead of intuitionally
Willow (44:36):
Willow
A (44:37):
Avalaura
Willow (44:40):
Yeah, because they, you know, I think statistically it's
one in three women goes throughrape or sexual trauma in their
life and one in four men Ibelieve.
And um, and, but I don't thinkthese are included.
So I think it's actually morelike two in three, you know,
these, these sort of like grayarea trauma, transgressions,
(45:02):
rapes, whatever you wanna callthem.
Avalaura (45:04):
Yeah, because there's
Le (45:05):
Leah
whatever that Tao, whatever formthat takes.
Willow (45:11):
Willow
Avalaura (45:11):
that, that's a whole nother thing, especially in
these day streets right now.
Um, but, you know, yeah, Ididn't know he was in a
relationship where he wasmarried and, you know, we were
in a whole relationship and Igave myself to him and then to
find out I was the side chick.
I
Leah (45:26):
Leah
Willow (45:27):
Willow
Leah (45:27):
Leah
Right.
I think just feeling used is areally interesting, it sums up
so many of our experiences,whether it was traumatic, I mean
it traumatic in any sense,right?
Big T, little T, that's allsubjective, but I think that's
really a common thread that alamen a lot of women have
experienced in their life.
And so then we're very guardedaround letting that happen to us
(45:50):
again.
And then there comes that themeof receiving.
It's like we're coming fullcircle back on allowing others
to support us in a genuine waythat we can really believe them.
And one of the things will, andI always say is that a lot of
trust issues, we think it'soutside of us.
That it's like, it's because Ineed to trust you.
(46:12):
But really when you take acloser look, it's why don't I
trust in me?
I don't trust that I'm a goodpicker.
I don't trust that I will beloved.
I don't trust that I'm lovable.
I don't trust that I'm worthy.
I don't trust that I'll be ableto not make the same mistake
over and over and over again.
And so, so much of that innerworking is in trust, is like,
(46:34):
how can I heal that I will stillmake mistakes, but I'll trust
I'll be okay.
Avalaura (46:40):
Avalaura
Leah (46:41):
Which kind of just kind of also sums it up.
It's like I can trust I'll beokay no matter what happens.
And that belief offers so muchfucking freedom to be in more in
the present moment, living moreauthentically.
I'm really curious how sexualempowerment translates, it's
(47:03):
like there's something aboutbecoming empowered sexually that
ends up affecting other sectorsof our life.
And it sounds like those tworeally go hand in hand in your
work between women feelingprofessionally successful when
they feel sexually successful,or would you put those words
together?
Avalaura (47:20):
I mean, we're holistic beings, right?
And so we all, they, all thingsoperate together, you know, in
the circle.
And you know, one of the thingsthat I do like when I'm working
with my clients is we identifythe areas that are out of
alignment, right?
Because if any area is out ofalignment, we're out of
alignment, right?
And a lot of times, again, youknow, you'll see the
(47:44):
correlations.
Right?
And if we look at our sexualitywhen we're most vulnerable,
whatever that sexuality lookslike to you, right?
That's, we're in our mostvulnerable state, literally.
So your ability to be vulnerableaffects every other area of your
(48:04):
life.
If you can be vulnerablesexually, if you can ask for
what you want sexually, if youknow how to please yourself
sexually, right?
If you trust yourself to, to benaked and to see yourself fully,
if you can do those things, thenyou're going to show up
differently in your life, in theworkplace, and your
relationships and your families.
(48:27):
You know, it's, it's just likethe woman who has on a
beautiful, um, you know,lingerie set or bra and panties
right underneath her clothes.
And she's the only one who knowsshe has it.
So she shows up differentlybecause she feels sexy on the
inside Right now, you know,people are looking at you like,
yo, something's different.
You know, did you cut your hair?
(48:47):
Like, you know, did you loseweight?
Like, there's something going onwith you.
They feel it, they sense it,even if they don't know what it
is.
'cause you're showing updifferently.
You're
Leah (48:57):
Leah
A (48:59):
Avalaura
before they were, they weredead.
Willow (49:04):
Willow
It's like, it's like openingfrom the, from the root and the
second chakra up, right?
All the other sectors, all theother Chakras of life start to
transform and change.
I always like to say, you know,watching somebody have a sexual
awakening and, and an infusionof that, an integration of that
into their lives.
It's like watching a, a plantthat hasn't been watered in a, a
(49:26):
week and a half start to getwatered and it starts to grow
and it, it's.
Leaves expand and spread andyeah, you can really see a, a
visible difference.
You know, there are certainthings in our life, like when
we're getting, you know, if we,if we're depleted of them, they,
they cause detriment to ourhealth and sexuality, I feel
(49:48):
like is such an important partof our health that is so easy to
sweep under the rug.
Oh, I don't have the energy.
Oh, I don't really have a have apartner, it's fine.
I don't need to self pleasure, Idon't have the time, whatever.
And it's, it's this part of ourhealth that, um, when we do pay
attention to it, we do waterthat plant, it waters us back
Leah (50:09):
Leah
Willow (50:11):
Willow
L (50:12):
Leah
Yeah.
When we do water that part ofour soul, this juiciness, we
have access to the juiciness.
What a surprise.
Well said both of you.
I really, I really love that.
Um, now I know you have a fiveminute practice.
(50:34):
That is really transformativeand it sounds like when your
high achieving clients, youknow, do this practice that they
not only transform their sexlife, but it actually really
transforms their income within afew months of implementing it.
Can you say something about thispractice of yours?
Avalaura (50:52):
Avalaura
You know, a lot of what we, youknow, we talk about, it's so
funny how all these thingsintersect.
I talk a lot aboutmanifestation, right?
And, um, and, and they all worktogether.
So we're talking aboutsexuality.
We're talking about intimacy.
We're talking aboutvulnerability, right?
We're talking about being in themoment.
All of these things too, alsohelp you to manifest, right?
(51:15):
It helps you to be moreintentional.
It helps you to be very clearabout what are the things that
you really want in life?
Not the things that people tellyou you're supposed to want or
not, the things that you've beenworking towards that you think
you're supposed to want, butwhat you actually truly in your
heart, in your body desire,right?
(51:36):
So that level of clarity andthat level intention and that
level of being in the moment andbeing vulnerable now opens you
up to really get the things thatyou want out of life.
So, like I said, I was on thisretreat, I was present in this
moment.
I had this emotionalbreakthrough and immediately
afterwards, literally can't makethis up.
I get fired from my job, I getreleased, right?
(51:58):
So now I have the freedom to beon the path that I really want
to be on.
It
Willow (52:03):
Willow
Leah (52:04):
Leah
Avalaura (52:05):
of those things for it to happen.
Willow (52:07):
Willow
L (52:08):
Leah
What was, I mean, it sounds likeyou got into alignment'cause you
got real and a prayer wasanswered.
And so is there something thatyou give your clients that helps
them reorganize their ownintuitive alignment?
Avalaura (52:25):
Avalaura
A lot of that is when we'redoing the ego versus spirit
work.
How do you identify how egoshows up?
How do you identify how spiritshows up?
How often are you operating inego?
How often are you operating inspirit and really doing that
assessment and then lookingagain, looking at the gap, and
then, okay, what were themoments that something clicked
(52:48):
for you and then you didn'tlisten and what was the
Leah (52:50):
Leah
Willow (52:51):
Willow
Mm-hmm.
Avalaura (52:53):
at that, then we can kind of trace back and look at,
okay, now what if you have thatmoment again, what could the
outcome be if you listen?
Right?
And so
Leah (53:04):
Leah
Aval (53:05):
Avalaura
those moments.
And then people start to seelike, wow.
'cause a lot of us think we'renot intuitive and we really are.
Willo (53:14):
Willow
Aval (53:16):
Avalaura
to really pay attention andhonor our intuition, right?
Like our feelings feel likethere's something that they,
they're nagging us.
Like how many women are like, ohmy God, anger, oh, I shouldn't
feel this way, or I hate feelingsad.
And I'm like, don't you realizeyour feelings are your intuitive
messages?
Willow (53:37):
Willow
A (53:38):
Avalaura
you need.
And if you listen to thatinformation, here's the outcome
that you can have in your life.
But if you continue to dismiss,deny, act like it doesn't exist,
it just reject it.
This is the other pattern that'sgonna continue to happen in your
life.
And so a lot of us, we don'tknow how to handle it and so we
(53:58):
just dismiss it and we thinkit's not important or it's, you
know, it's something that Idon't wanna deal with.
And so we're, again, we'redisempowering ourselves.
We're shrinking ourselves and wedon't know how to get out of it
because we don't want to feel
Wil (54:15):
Willow
Leah (54:17):
Leah
Willow (54:18):
Willow
'cause you know, I, I feel likeLeah and I have been on the path
of following our intuition forso long.
I forget that people don't do itright.
I forget that it's, that so manypeople don't believe that they
have intuitive powers, you know,
Leah (54:34):
Leah
W (54:35):
Willow
and, and, and, and share withpeople, what's possible when you
start to listen to your emotionsrather than override, negate
sweeping them under the rug, youknow, and just, um, spiritually
bypass what's actually reallygoing on.
(54:56):
Like to really feel what is theemotion inside of your body?
Leah (55:00):
Leah
So many people don't know
Avalaura (55:02):
Oh, I was say, we talk about people gaslighting us, but
we, you know, but we gaslight
Willow (55:06):
Willow
Leah (55:07):
Leah
We're probably better atgaslighting ourselves than
anyone
Willow (55:11):
Willow
Yeah,
Leah (55:13):
And I think it's'cause it hasn't been modeled where do you
find inner guidance?
What does it feel like in yourbody?
And then here's the measurement.
When you look at the outcomes.
What happens when you believethe ego?
What happens when you're guidedby, by, um, you know, uh, uh,
alignment.
(55:33):
That inner guidance comes backagain where you're connected to
spirit and soul, and then whatare the outcomes of that?
How do you feel them both inyour body differently so you can
begin to trust from embodimentstandpoint where the sensations
live in your system.
And then the more you observethem, the more you measure them,
the more you trust them.
And we don't have a lot oflanguage for that.
(55:55):
And so I'm sure if you'relistening right now, you could
probably use a session with AvaLaura to help you track
yourself, to have a place to beable to hear yourself, say the
things you need to hear outloud, and then have that
reflected to you so you canstart to sort out your own inner
guidance.
(56:15):
'cause I think the thing that'sreally beautiful about coaching
that is different from therapyis having someone be able to ask
you powerful questions so thatthe answer you're seeking comes
from you.
It's not advice necessarilygiven from a therapist who's
giving you like, here are thenext steps.
It's you're discovering foryourself what those steps are,
(56:37):
and when that comes from theinside, the likelihood of you
following through is like 10times greater.
Willow (56:44):
And I just wanna say, to be fair to therapists, many
therapists also do pull,
Leah (56:49):
Well, a lot of therapists do coaching now.
You know, like there is a bridgethat they're, they also have
Avalaura (56:54):
I work with a lot of therapists and they, and they
are starting to do that.
They're also starting to embraceenergy work as well.
Um,
Willow (57:01):
Willow
Av (57:02):
Avalaura
are therapists or mental health
Willow (57:07):
Willow
Avalaura (57:08):
Which is awesome, but I think it's because they know
they have to, like people arelooking for this and traditional
mental health no longer works.
I don't think it ever did work.
It just, that's what we had andnow we're recognizing we have
these options and we need toutilize them because you know,
if you want someone to really bewhole, you have to operate from
(57:29):
that space of wholeness, notthis one part of ourselves.
Leah (57:34):
Well, every healing, um, program I've done or
certification I've done, halfthe group is therapists.
These are not, you know, mosttherapists are, are asking
themselves really goodquestions.
So it's always in good company.
But I do think it's interestingwhen we take a look at the
things that, that make coachingdifferent from therapy.
(57:54):
It's a lot of times it's thosepowerful questions.
Um, And I think.
And the process.
Yeah.
So I know you have right, right.
Um, and I think it's a greathybrid, both therapy and
coaching coming together.
Um, so I understand you have afree gift for our audience,
(58:14):
which is a self-care audit.
We'll have a link in the shownotes for that.
What, what can you say a littlebit about the self-care audit?
A (58:23):
Avalaura
or lack of awareness, right?
And so sometimes when we'rethinking about we don't
recognize how we're not takingcare of ourselves, right?
Because we have this limitedview of what self-care looks
like, we have a very limitedview of what self-love looks.
Like, so I can have a client,oh, I love myself.
And then we're talking, and allof their actions demonstrate
(58:44):
that they don't love themselves,right?
Or they're not actually takingcare of themselves.
And so this self-care auditallows you to see all the
different ways that self-careshows up.
And you get to answer somequestions, right?
You get to answer some powerfulquestions, right?
And see how you're actuallydoing with your self care.
Leah (59:03):
Leah
Willow (59:04):
Willow
I wanna try it.
I wanna, I wanna see how I'mdoing.
I think I'm doing really good,but maybe there's some shadows
that I don't see.
Leah (59:14):
All, you know, chances are we all got'em.
Um, anything else you would likeour audience to know before we
say goodbye?
Avalaura (59:23):
Avalaura
You know, I love thisconversation.
It was powerful.
We talked about a lot, right?
And so I, I absolutely think youcan watch this and listen to
this again and again and again.
And you know, what I say is Ithink that everything is really
about not just receiving, butthen actually what are you going
to do?
Right?
So don't get overwhelmed by whatyou heard, but whatever
(59:45):
resonated with you, take action,right?
Do something about it.
Take that next step, um, becauseit resonated with you for a
reason.
Um, and, and, and so, you know,I'm all about empowerment and
saying, do something.
Even if it's just one littlething, just do something to take
that next step to where youwanna be.
Willow (01:00:07):
Willow
Great advice.
Such a pleasure to have you, AvaLaura.
I'm so glad we got to.
Meet with you today and shareyour wisdom and beauty with our
audience.
If you all have just beenlistening, I highly recommend
you go to YouTube and look atthis beautiful goddess of a
woman and just behold her, herradiance, because she clearly is
(01:00:30):
walking her talk and, um, youknow, being an embodiment of
what she teaches in the world.
Leah (01:00:37):
Yeah, so you can see Ava Laura on TikTok on Instagram, on
YouTube.
Her website is ava laura.com.
Thanks for being on the show.
For the rest of you, uh, still,you know, tune in, turn on, and
fall in love with more of Leahand Willow because the dish is
coming right up.
Ann (01:00:55):
Announcer
Willow (01:01:00):
What a gorgeous woman.
I just love her presence.
Leah (01:01:04):
Leah
Ava Laura.
Willow (01:01:07):
Willow
Le (01:01:08):
Leah
Willow (01:01:11):
Willow
Leah (01:01:15):
Leah
Yeah, I really, I really love,um, how she brought some of the
concepts that we were discussingand brought it back to like the
soul level.
Brought it back to like, it'snot so much a cookie cutter
process, one size fits all.
This is how you reach success infive steps.
(01:01:36):
It's really about going to thesoul of each individual and
helping them unpack and likeit's like seeing through the
curtain.
Here's all the things youhaven't been seeing clearly that
are an opportunity for you tocourse correct.
Um.
Willow (01:01:53):
Willow
I love that.
Like the population that she'sworking with and also be, I was
saying this to her right when westopped recording, like being on
the east coast and bringing, um,bringing this sort of more, uh
intuitive and kind of what wewould might call woowoo, you
know, reiki and things likethat, to a population that
wouldn't otherwise be awakenedor aware of the potentials that
(01:02:19):
they hold inside of themselves.
Leah (01:02:20):
See, I think that's pretty alive on the east coast.
I think where it's less aliveis, is the center of the
country.
Willow (01:02:26):
Willow
Leah (01:02:27):
your Iowa's, your Idaho's and your Nebraska's and you
know, probably Mississippi andArkansas.
I think it's a little more likecoast to coast,
Willow (01:02:35):
Willow
More progressive, of
Leah (01:02:37):
a little more progressive and DC's very progressive.
Um, so yeah.
Interesting.
Right.
And then we all have ourpockets, even in California.
I was just talking to, Charlesand Christie were here last
night for dinner and Judith wasin town and um, Judith was
asking, so is Sacramento, youknow, pretty conservative.
(01:02:58):
And we're all like, yeah, Ithink so.
I think there might be a fewpockets that are more liberal.
Um.
You know, I just feel likeeverything is such a weird soup
right now because of all thepolitics and it feels like, I
don't know, everything justfeels kinda wonky.
I don't know what to believeanywhere I look.
(01:03:20):
I'll be honest, I don't evenknow what I believe half the
time when I look, that'sprobably the bigger problem
Willow (01:03:31):
Willow
I mean, any, anywhere you go,you're gonna find, you know, the
full spectrum
Leah (01:03:36):
Well, that's why I guess, I think assumptions are
dangerous, you know, because howcan we know if we're not living
there ourselves?
And even then back to my point,what do I know about even
Willow (01:03:47):
Willow
Yeah.
What's, what do I believe?
Yeah,
Leah (01:03:50):
Leah
Willow (01:03:51):
Willow
Yeah.
Um, yeah, you know, her, herwork, I think with, um, with
high level like yang, I wannasay, I keep wanting to say
young, you know, living, livingpeople who are really
Leah (01:04:07):
And I wonder what a good word is other than yang, that
people would recognize.
'cause I often use the wordmasculine to interchange that,
to give people,'cause noteveryone listening
Willow (01:04:16):
Willow
Also then I, then I often willsay
Le (01:04:18):
Leah
because the proper pronunciationis yang.
But most
Willow (01:04:23):
Willow
Lea (01:04:25):
Leah
goes, oh God, does anyone knowwhat that means?
Wi (01:04:29):
Willow
Um, potato.
Potato.
But yeah, I mean, just peoplewho are, who are high achievers,
we'll call it that.
High achievers.
Yeah.
Who, you know, on the outside,on the exterior have it all
together, quote unquote.
(01:04:51):
And then on the inside might be,might be really breaking down
because they're so accustomedto, um, overriding what's going
on on the inside in order toachieve.
And, um, I think that's such animportant, that population has
resource Right.
Has, um, connections has.
(01:05:11):
Has a lot that they could offerthe world if they can, um,
really find inside of themselvesthe, uh, energy, right?
That like the truth and the, um,wow.
If I really come to my truth andI, and I am honest with myself,
it, it really changes the, thewhole world around me, it
(01:05:32):
changes my life.
So if I, you know, if I couldbring that to others, I think
that's one of the cool thingsabout this work is like, when
you find it for yourself, allyou wanna do is, is share it
with others, you know?
'cause it's so
Leah (01:05:45):
Leah
You know, I was interested whenshe was talking about the UM,
housewives.
I was like, oh, I haven't reallygotten into Potomac Pot Potomac,
Potomac.
Willow (01:05:55):
Willow
I don't watch anything.
Leah (01:05:58):
Leah
Jersey.
This is a Bravo show.
There's the Housewives of NewYork, the Housewives of Beverly
Hills, the Housewives of OrangeCounty, Housewives of Miami.
They've done these different,um, now there's the housewives
of of Salt Lake.
And then there's the house wavesof pot, pot Potomac.
Those are two of the cities Ihaven't gotten into because I
(01:06:20):
stopped paying for cable.
And like everybody else, I justdo like, I subscribe to Netflix
and you know, whatever.
And, and Bravo hasn't always hadall their shows on all of those
subscriber networks.
I think they mostly have it on,um.
Hulu anyways, so I haven'twatched it.
So it's like if she had saidthe, the Housewives of New
Jersey, I'd be able to, I knowall the characters, but I dunno
(01:06:43):
the Potomac girls and now Iwanna watch him because I want
the, I want the juice, I wantthe, I want the gossip on.
Okay, what about this girl onthe DUI and everything else?
Willow (01:06:53):
Willow
Hilarious.
Le (01:06:55):
Leah
Wi (01:06:57):
Willow
They really do.
Leah (01:07:02):
Yes, we like the gossip.
Well, um, yeah, I can tell she'sa real deal kind of coach.
So hopefully you will take heraudit and you'll learn something
about yourself that you canreally integrate and utilize and
make some shifts.
Willow (01:07:18):
Willow
More self love for the win.
Leah (01:07:21):
Leah
I know you're traveling today,so have a great trip and, uh,
love, love, love to everyone outthere.
Willow (01:07:27):
Willow
Announcer (01:07:28):
Thanks for tuning in.
This episode was hosted byTantric Sex Master Coach and
positive psychology facilitator,Leah Piper, as well as by
Chinese and Functional Medicinedoctor and Taoist Taxology
teacher, Dr.
Willow Brown.
Don't forget your comments, likesubscribes and suggestions
matter.
Let's realize this new worldtogether.
Willow
intimate life has nothing to dowith techniques or partners, but
everything to do with intuition.
Today's guest works withcelebrities and CEOs to access a
hidden power source that'scompletely transformed their
relationships, and she's aboutto reveal her most controversial
(01:36):
approach that made her latestbook too radical for the
traditional publishers.
Leah (01:42):
tune in, turn on and fall in love with Ava Laura,
A (01:46):
Announcer
shame-free and pleasure forward.
Let's get into the show.
Willo (01:55):
Willow
We are so excited to have youhere.
Leah (01:58):
And we're just gonna jump right into it.
I would love to start withtalking about your book.
Willow (02:04):
Willow
why this book was like, thepublishers were like, mm-hmm.
We're not publishing that
A (02:11):
Avalaura
Life.
Um, it's, it's so interestinghow it provokes a certain
something, right?
Like, so people who get it, theyget it.
They're like, oh my God, girl,yes, I love it.
And then you kind of have likethe church crew, they're like,
oh my God, the language.
Willow (02:32):
Willow
Avalaura (02:32):
like, it's about self love, right?
It's about self care.
It's about saying F everybodyelse, it's finally my time to
take care of me.
And what could be so wrong withthat?
How you know?
Willow (02:43):
Willow
Leah (02:44):
So what is the argument?
I mean, aside from sort of the Fword being spelled differently
in the title.
Avalaura (02:52):
I, you know, I think sadly, um, women owning their
power.
Right.
Women saying That's enoughalready.
Yes, you are important to me.
I have all of these roles.
I'm mother, I'm wife, I'm, youknow, business woman, uh,
caretaker, whatever it is.
(03:12):
I'm finally going to put myselffirst because I am the most
important thing because if Idon't put me first, all these
other things sink.
All these other things fail.
I think sadly now, that's stilla very revolutionary thing for
women to say, I have to takecare of me first.
Willow (03:33):
Willow
And to have the voice to evenexpress, first of all, the
knowing that that needs tohappen.
And then to be able to expressto community, loved ones, family
members, you know that I'mgonna, I'm actually gonna put
you down.
I'm not gonna take care of youfor the next three hours.
I'm gonna go go take care ofmyself.
Le (03:53):
Leah
I mean, for a lot of women, theydon't have the luxury of taking
three hours.
It's like, can I just go to thebathroom by myself and, and not
be needed, wanted grasp on,expected of obligated to, um.
And, and I think because I'mcurious what you would say to
this if this is, if thisresonates with you, if you're
(04:15):
seeing this Avalara, my take isthat women have so much more
responsibility in everyday life.
Not only is it tending to thehome and, and in some cases
having the children and stillwanting to have a happy marriage
in many instances.
But it's also being a provider.
And it's, it's being theresearcher, it's making sure
everyone is.
(04:35):
Getting to do those sports thatthey wanna do or have those
extracurricular curricularactivities and maintaining that
calendar and planning and doingall the research when it comes
to a vacation and cleaning thewhole house and their partner
still wants them to like sex.
I mean, it's like all thesethings and we want those things
for ourselves too.
We also enjoy being veryaccomplished in business and
(04:58):
having a family that we hope arethriving, but we're still
managing all the crisises, so weare worn out.
We are tapped out and it's kindof like, what does the world
expect of us when we are runningthe universe?
Um, and I think that's whyself-care has been such a big
buzzword for the past, I wouldsay.
(05:18):
What you guys 5, 8, 10 years, isit?
Has it been that long?
Willow (05:22):
Willow
Yeah, I
Ava (05:24):
Avalaura
COVID really just, you know,blew up self-care.
But, you know, for, in mycircles in mental health, right,
we've been talking aboutselfcare for years.
Leah (05:36):
Right, Right, Because it's kind of like, you know, the
classic metaphor of being on theairplane and you gotta put the
oxygen on before you put it onsomebody else.
I think we're seeing that ourquality of life and our mood and
our feeling of of enjoying beingalive has been greatly
diminished when we areoverburdened.
(05:56):
And I think if we were to keepthis sort of in the romance
sector, in the sexuality sector,if we set aside all of the
demands of having a family,Where it really affects women by
and large is their ability tofeel juicy.
Is their ability to be attractedto their partner, is their
ability to have orgasms.
It's like when you're tired andstressed out, that cortisol, and
(06:17):
correct me if I'm wrong, Dr.
Willow, that cortisol like robsyou of your libido.
It kind of like suppresses yourdesire and then depression,
anxiety sets in, and then youhave a hard time feeling any
desire for any other part ofyour life.
Wil (06:31):
Willow
And the, the fastest solution isto flood your body with some
oxytocin.
And the quickest way to that isan orgasm.
So it's kind of like a, um, youknow, it can become this sort of
like, um, downward spiral whenwe're in that stressed out.
What, what we're doing reallyfrom a Chinese medicine
(06:51):
perspective is we're, um,running at such a yang state all
the time.
so.
a sympathetic, dominant nervoussystem where we're constantly
like like we can't, even if wehave a moment to relax, we
can't.
Like, we're just too wound up.
So we're depleting our yin,right?
And so our yin is our juiciness.
(07:12):
It's that fluidity, it's thatwatery.
It's.
That relaxation and thatallowing, and one of the things
Lee and I are always saying islike, really epic sexual energy
is born from that yin tide, fromthat deep relaxation.
Avalaura, I'm so curious.
You know, you have been workingwith people who run at yang
(07:32):
dominant nervous systems for awhile, and I'm just so curious,
like what's the biggest hurdlethat you have to kind of get
them through to.
Get them to that yin placewithin.
Av (07:45):
Avalaura
because if you think about womenwho are type A who are high
achievers, they are running onthat yang energy, right?
And they don't know how to dothat in a yin way because we've
never been taught.
Like you don't know how to run acorporation to be a CEO or be
(08:07):
successful in politics or um, incorporate with Yen energy,
right?
Because Yen says, you know, youcan flow, you know, you can be
emotional, you can cry when youneed to, you know, you can take
the space.
It's a safe space, right?
And.
Corporate is not safe.
(08:28):
You know, being a CEO is notsafe.
And so when you're running onthat energy, you know, as a way
of earning money, right?
Um, the majority of your time,if you think about how much time
we spend working, it's very hardto come home and then shift
that.
And so, okay, you know what?
I've been yang all day now I canbe yang.
Willow (08:50):
Willow
Avalaura (08:50):
know how to do that, right.
Because this is what you've beendoing all day.
This is how you have beentrained, this is now, this is
your go-to.
And so even if you actively say,I wanna live that soft life,
right?
I wanna be more feminine, youdon't know how to physically do
it because you haven't been in aposition where you could do it.
Willow (09:13):
Willow
A (09:13):
Avalaura
necessarily have a partner who'sused to supporting you in your
feminine, right?
Because they're still used toyou doing everything.
So,
Willow (09:24):
They're like, go ahead and yong out,
A (09:26):
Avalaura
Willow (09:27):
Willow
Avalaura (09:28):
depends on it, right?
And I don't wanna do the, the,the dishes and I don't wanna do
all this stuff.
And I know that you're good atdoing all of this and planning,
I'm gonna let you do your thing.
But then, like you said, ofcourse, but now you want me to
turn it on and off and, youknow, or turn it off in the
bedroom.
You, you can't have it bothways.
So if you're gonna support me inthis, it has to be in the
(09:48):
household and running things sothat, yes, now I can be what you
want and what you desire, and Ihave the energy to do that
because really what it is, is Idon't have the energy.
Leah (10:01):
Yeah, and I think you're right.
I think there isn't like a lotof language for this.
We're not taught how totransition from one polarity to
the next, you know?
And because we wanna becompetitive in the workforce,
because we also need thatpromotion.
We also want that success.
Here's the model of how you dothat.
Most of us do it from ourmasculine.
You know, having that, bringingthings into form and having
(10:23):
drive and being active and likeconquering and smashing goals, a
lot of that does take, at leastthe model that we have so
Avalaura (10:32):
Avalaura
Leah (10:33):
shows us that the weight is success is by behaving,
acting, and contributing in a,in a specific, usually male
dominated way.
And then we're not, we don'thave a model that says, here's
how you transition into thefeminine.
Because I think even ourpartners, if we're in a
heterosexual relationship, let'ssay, and this may also very
easily be interchangeable andsame sex relationship duet, our
(10:54):
language might change for it, isthat our partners also don't
know.
That the longing that they havehas to do with also wanting our
partner to transition.
You know, we're happy thatthey're also smashing the goals
that they want and are verycompetent and help our world be
better and more efficient.
(11:15):
But there's still a longingthere.
It's like everyone's missingthat yin essence.
Everyone is craving more of thatflow inside of our partner and
we don't know how to inspirethat.
You know, if we can start tomake the bridge that one of the
ways to inspire it is actuallyhelp out.
Avalaura (11:32):
Avalaura
Leah (11:32):
Do the dishes, you know, give the kids the bath, put them
to bed.
You know that we beco, but thatalso requires a more egalitarian
type of partnership, which thensometimes I think can frustrate
a vulva owner who wants theirpartner to stay in their
masculine, right?
Who still wants that polarityand that sexual charge.
(11:54):
If we're both doing both jobs offeminine and masculine, we tend
to neutralize each othersexually.
It's like we lose some of thatsexual charge.
This isn't actually a verycomplex topic, you know?
And.
As I'm sitting here going, I'msure you, uh, like Willow and I
have these kinds ofconversations around masculine
and feminine polarity and how tohave more charge with our
(12:16):
partners, but I think this isactually one of the biggest
issues is how do we polarizeeach other so we can capitalize
on that sexual magnetismintention.
Still run our lives, stillnegotiate all the things that
have to get done.
Um, is this a conversationyou're having, Avalara in your
(12:38):
circles?
Is this, does this arise in yourwork?
Avalaura (12:41):
a lot of it is, is a mental shift.
You know, we talk a lot aboutmindset, right?
I talk a lot about ego versusspirit and you know,
understanding where you'reoperating from so you can come
to that space where you canoperate from your spirit, which
for women is really our feminineself.
You know, our spirit iswhispering to us.
It's not loud, you know, our egois loud and yelling and you
(13:05):
know, telling us what should bedone and all the negative.
And our spirit is, is flow andpower and really soft and
magnetic and the reality is formany of us, we don't, even for
women, we don't know where we'reoperating from.
We think our ego is our spiritand we think our spirit is our
ego.
So we don't even know wherewe're getting our drive and
(13:27):
where we're making our decisionsfrom.
Right.
So there's so many shifts thathave to be made internally.
And so when you were just sayingthat, and I'm thinking about,
you know, my partner, I lovewhen he cooks dinner for me.
I love when he's helping thegirls with their homework.
Oh my God, that's sexy to me.
Leah (13:43):
Leah
Avalaura (13:45):
not, you know, making that is not emasculating him.
So, because now I see that ashim being the leader of his
household, but for some men thatis emasculating and for some
women that is like, Ooh, that'sa little soft.
I should be doing that.
Not for me, baby.
Go ahead on and do it.
I'll sit back here and enjoy.
Willow (14:04):
Willow
L (14:05):
Leah
Yeah.
I think most women are like,huh, nothing sexier than
watching a dad be a good dad,you
Willow (14:12):
Willow
Yeah, exactly.
A little bit of help goes a longway in, in any situation.
Avalaura (14:18):
Avalaura
Willow (14:19):
Willow
Avalaura (14:20):
Avalaura
Willow (14:21):
Willow
Av (14:21):
Avalaura
again, us thinking about thingsdifferently.
Not the way we grew up and notwhat our parents modeled for us
or what we've seen modeled, but,you know, how can I be more
efficient?
So I had a client and I wastalking to her.
She has a very demanding job.
She doesn't have a lot of time.
Sometimes she, you know, herschedule shifts and she doesn't
(14:42):
know when it's gonna shift, andshe's talking about how
difficult it is to come home, dothe laundry, do all this stuff.
And I said, well, why don't youget a laundry service?
Or you know, why don't you havesomebody come, you know, clean
your house, maybe, you know,once or twice a month.
And she said, Avalaura, I nevereven thought of that.
Leah (14:59):
Leah
Yeah.
Willow (15:00):
Yeah, it's this asking for help, you know, that is like
so difficult.
I remember when I sort of brokethrough that, that barrier of
like, oh my God, I get to askfor help.
I was actually on a ayahuascajourney and I needed like
someone to take me to thebathroom, you know?
And I was like, I need help, youknow?
(15:20):
And my voice was like so
Leah (15:23):
Leah
Avalaura (15:23):
Avalaura
Willow (15:24):
and so weak, and so it was just like, it was such a.
Found revolution and whoeverhelped me to the bathroom was so
happy to help me.
You know?
And like the whole rest of thejourney, I was like, oh my God,
I get to ask for help.
I get to have, I, I deserve andI'm worthy.
I'm like, you know, it was justso much of this like new, like
(15:44):
blossoming of confidence cameforward.
And, and I feel like that's areally big piece.
And, and tell me if you'reseeing that, especially in these
high powered women that you workwith, Avalaura is just that,
that it didn't even occur, youknow, to this particular client,
didn't even occur to her.
Is that a big thing that you seea lot where it's like there's a,
(16:06):
a low self worth or a low senseof deserving and then not even a
thought to even ask for help.
Avalaura (16:12):
Avalaura
You know, a lot of the, the,this book, you know, really
talking about self-love andself-care and understanding how
they intertwine.
Right.
And I started looking at thesewomen and, and realizing that a
lot of what they wereexperienced was low self-love.
Like, even though like, yeah,I'm confident and I'm a badass
and I may succeed in businessand all of these things.
(16:35):
Really, when you look at theirself love, it is low on the
totem pole.
And you're absolutely right.
It's, you know what, no, I'm notgonna ask for help.
And or the, all the times thatI've asked for help, nobody
helps me.
So I'm not gonna ask for itanymore.
I just have to do everythingmyself.
So now that, that becomes, I'mnot worthy of help, there must
(16:56):
be something wrong with mebecause nobody is helping me
when I need it yet, I'm there tohelp everybody else when they
need it.
Leah (17:04):
Leah
Willow (17:05):
think there's also a, a block inside of a lot of people
in general, but particularlyvulva owners of, of being able
to receive help.
Right.
It's like they might be askingfor.
It.
And then, you know, they're,they might not be getting it in
the form that they wanted or,you know, um, they just, they
(17:25):
have a, some kind of blockinside to actually receiving.
And I always say the receptivityis the feminines greatest
superpower.
That's what helps us, like bemagnetic and draw things to us,
is to really receive, um, thebounty and the beauty and the,
you know, what is coming to us.
So turning on that receptivedial and turning it up at at
(17:46):
certain times can really dropyou into your femininity so much
quicker.
And um, you know, one of thelittle tricks to the trade for
turning on that receptivity isusing your senses.
'cause receptivity is really asomething that's done in the
present moment, right?
We don't receive what's comingtomorrow and we can't receive
(18:06):
what came yesterday.
It's, it's what's happening now.
And so our eyes, our nose, our,our tongue, you know, our ears,
these sense organs that we haveaccess to help us drop into that
present moment.
I'm sure I have a feeling thatwhen you guide your clients
through that they have likeprofound experiences.
Avalaura (18:29):
literally just had a conversation with a client this
week about that exact thingbecause she's so in her head and
she's already making upscenarios of what could happen
or what will happen instead ofactually just being in the
moment.
And I literally said that.
I said, go outside, take yourshoes off.
(18:51):
Put your feet in the grass andground yourself.
Be in nature.
Look at all the differentcolors.
Right?
See what you're smelling it.
So I literally said the samething and she was like, you know
what?
I'm gonna do that right now atlunch.
Like, because she's so in herhead.
And you're exactly right.
Like the way that you kind ofcome down into your heart space,
(19:15):
into your spirit.
Is to ground yourself and simplyjust be in the moment.
And that's where the magichappens.
Like when you can just bepresent and you can just
intentionally say, this is whatI desire, and then allow it to
come to you instead of being inyour head of, oh my God, this
can go wrong.
That can go wrong, this canhappen, that can happen.
(19:35):
You know, you can make up awhole scenario in your head, but
when you're in that moment andyou're just flowing and you're
just intending, that's where themagic happens.
Leah (19:46):
I think too, what's sort of interesting is like the
shadow side in some of thislike.
Inability oftentimes to receive.
I know for me, it has a lot moreto do with my ego and the
conditioned response of what themartyr gets when I refuse help.
It's like there's a part of methat goes, see, no one can do it
(20:08):
the way I do it.
See all this suffering.
If you were to, if I were toreceive, you'd be taking away my
suffering, and then who would Ibe?
You know, it's like I have towork this hard because no one
else will do it, and I'm theonly one who can do it.
And wo is me, and woe is me.
It's like the story of woe, andI think for a lot of women,
especially like in my family,there is a martyr archetype that
(20:29):
has gotten passed down togeneration to generation
Willow (20:32):
Anybody else have one of those?
Raise your hand.
Le (20:35):
Leah
(22:11):
identification of, well, whowill I be if I'm not the
suffering woman who's refusingthe help?
It's almost like your help isn'tgood enough.
You know, and so then like, whatwill I complain about?
Like what would, who would I be
Avalaura (22:28):
How dare I be happy,
Leah (22:30):
Leah
And then, and then which mightlead us to back to the worth.
Like that's like another layerthat's has to be peeled back to
go, well what does it mean if Idon't know who I am?
Avalaura (22:44):
Avalaura
Outside of
L (22:46):
Leah
one that puts everybody elsefirst.
So it's really kind ofinteresting how many angles.
Avalaura (22:56):
Avalaura
L (22:57):
Leah
how you shifted your work.
You went from social work intobecoming an intuitive coach, and
I'm curious what was lacking inthe social work that that led
you to wanting to help peoplesort of get more in touch with
(23:17):
the spiritualization of all ofthis?
Avalaura (23:20):
Avalaura
You know, I, for me, even thoughwhen I didn't have a name for
it, I was always a healer and soI was acting from that space,
yet I wasn't in spaces thatreally allowed me to do that.
If that
Leah (23:34):
Leah
Avalaura (23:36):
And so when I decided like, this is what I'm gonna do
with my life, you know,'causeyou're, you're supposed to
decide at 18 when you go tocollege.
Right.
What you wanna do with yourlife.
I was like, oh, I'm a major inpsychology.
Right.
And my mom was like, well, youhave to get a PhD.
Okay fine.
And I'm like, you know, I didn'tknow what I was signing up for.
Um.
But then I decided to go intosocial work.
Um, you know, after talking to amentor, he's like, you don't
(23:58):
need a PhD.
You can go into social work.
And I get into social work andI'm like, oh hell, what is this?
Like, you know, realizing that Iwas not gonna be able to make
the impact that I really wantedto make in social work, um, that
the system wasn't really set upto help people heal, but it was
really to set up to help peoplemaintain their dysfunction.
Willow (24:17):
Willow
Leah (24:18):
Leah
Avalaura (24:18):
Avalaura
Willow (24:19):
Willow
Ava (24:19):
Avalaura
Like to the root and to reallyheal from the inside out.
This system does not supportthat.
Willow (24:28):
Willow
It perpetuates it
Avalaura (24:30):
it perpetuates it and it allows people to stay stuck
and in independent on thesystem.
And I'm trying to help people tobe free of the system and
external forces and really tapinto who they are.
Leah (24:46):
Leah
Wil (24:47):
Willow
Like how long were you in socialwork, and then what
Leah (24:52):
Leah
Was there an inflection pointthat
Willow (24:55):
Willow
to Butterfly.
Avalaura (25:00):
Avalaura
Um, it was, it was really just,I got sick and tired of being
sick and tired.
Um, it, it, it's really, therewas no set thing that happened.
It was just a series of thingsthat I kept seeing and it was me
personally declining, notwanting to go to work anymore.
Gaining weight.
Um, realizing that I wasn'thappy.
You know, I'm a person, Iliterally laugh every day at
(25:22):
everything at things that areprobably totally inappropriate.
And I wasn't laughing anymore.
You know, it was just like, whois this person?
Um,
Le (25:33):
Leah
air going, I so relate to that.
I'm gaining weight and I'm notlaughing like that is such
important
Willow (25:42):
and I hate, and I don't like going to work.
It's like sucking my soul.
I actually
Avalaura (25:47):
Avalaura
W (25:48):
Willow
thing and they're, they're,they're also feeling stuck
within the system.
You know, like the system alsokeeps the workers stuck in the
Avalaura (26:00):
Avalaura
And you know, for me, and I was,even though I recognized that, I
was still stuck because I didn'tknow where to go for help, which
is crazy, right?
Because here I am helpingeverybody else.
Willow (26:11):
Willow
Avalaura (26:12):
But I didn't know how to help myself and I didn't
trust the people that I workedwith because it was a very toxic
work environment.
Even though it's supposed to bea healing environment, it was
very toxic.
Um, so who do I go to?
Who do I trust?
And, and, and that was, I wasstuck there for a while and it
just got to the point where Ididn't care anymore.
(26:33):
I was like, listen, I don't, I'mjust gonna talk to somebody
because I, I can't live in thisspace anymore.
And, and I did.
I finally just talked to one ofmy colleagues and, um, she
happened to be having a women'sretreat and she said, Ava Laura,
you, you gotta come.
And if she had said, let's gobungee jumping, at that point, I
would've gone.
I would've done whatever rightat this point.
(26:55):
Whatever she suggested, Iwould've done it.
And this women's retreatliterally changed my life, um,
because it just allowed me to bereflective and have that time to
be self-aware and to really seewhat was going on in my life,
you know, because when we'regoing in the midst of the storm,
we don't really pay attention towhat's happening.
We're just trying to survive.
Leah (27:17):
Leah
Av (27:18):
Avalaura
What is happening to my life?
Who am I?
What's going on here?
And I just had this emotionalbreakthrough where I just found
myself on my hands and kneescrying out to God.
And I was like, you gotta get meoutta here.
Leah (27:32):
Leah
Avala (27:32):
Avalaura
I didn't sign up for this crap.
Get me out.
Willow (27:37):
Willow
Mm-hmm.
Av (27:39):
Avalaura
Like I
Willow (27:41):
Willow
Aval (27:41):
Avalaura
And
Leah (27:43):
how life brings us to our knees sometimes, and it's
exactly what we need.
Avalaura (27:47):
It was exactly what I needed.
I don't, you know, when I thinkabout it, and you know, and I'm
sure you all have seen this, Iwould've stayed, and I can't
even tell you how much longer Iwould've stayed if I didn't have
that moment.
Because I was so concerned aboutmy clients.
I was concerned about mycoworkers, my boss, all these
(28:08):
obligations that I had, like Ihave to take care of these
people.
They were more important thanme.
Willow (28:15):
Willow
Leah (28:16):
Leah
Yeah.
So you had the courage to shift,to pivot.
What was your next step when yougot back from that retreat?
Eight.
Avalaura (28:25):
So let me tell you, I, I can't say that I all had the
courage.
I had the courage to cry out andask for help.
Let that, that's what I had thecourage to do,
Leah (28:32):
Leah
on.
Right on.
Avalaura (28:34):
I get to, I get back to work on Monday and my boss
calls me into his office and hesits me down and he slides this
envelope across the table and hesays, valor, you have been
amazing.
Um, you're, you're a wonderfulperson, but I gotta let you go
Willow (28:49):
Willow
God answered your prayer.
Av (28:53):
Avalaura
And not in the way that Idesired, but clearly it was what
I needed.
And, and
Leah (28:59):
Leah
Avalaura (28:59):
had that moment of ego versus spirit, right?
My ego was pissed.
You know, I had never been firedfrom anything in my life.
I was the classic overachiever.
Recovering perfectionist.
Everything that I did, I did150% so I could not believe that
this man was firing me.
And um, but my spirit kicked inwas like Ava Laura, and
(29:21):
literally Abel, Laura thatwhispered
Willow (29:23):
Willow
Leah (29:24):
Leah
Avalaura (29:26):
So what are you gonna do?
You asked for this.
Leah (29:29):
Leah
Avalaura (29:29):
So this is where I had the courage.
I took what I call my six monthhealing sabbatical.
Leah (29:36):
Leah
Avalaura (29:36):
six months and I did my work.
Who am I?
Why am I here?
Um, counseling.
Started studying life coaching,studied reiki, hypnotherapy,
aromatherapy, like any healingart I could get my hands on.
And I took six months where Ireally just worked on.
Leah (29:57):
Leah
Av (29:57):
Avalaura
opened up my business and reallyjust said I wanna be the guide
that I needed when I was goingthrough, you know, one of the
worst things in my life and Ididn't know what to do.
I need to be that guide forothers because I know that there
are other people out there whoare struggling, who feel like
(30:19):
they've done all of this work onthemselves.
They reached the mountaintop ofsuccess, and they're not happy,
and something is off andsomething is wrong and missing,
and I gotta figure out what thatis because I know that there's
more to life than this.
Wil (30:33):
Willow
working with celebrities?
'cause I think you've, youworked with some of the, um, the
housewives, the, I never watchedthe show or anything, but,
Avalaura (30:45):
Avalaura
Plenty of us do.
Leah (30:47):
Leah
I have to say they're quiteentertaining.
Willow (30:50):
And, and there was some resistance right on, on, on
their side when you came andstarted to guide and, and work
with some of these celebritieswho
Avalaura (30:58):
Avalaura
So it's, it's sort ofinteresting.
So part of the resistance wasme.
I was like, I don't know howthis is gonna look on tv, right?
Because if you watch TheHousewives, I was doing the Real
Housewives of Potomac, but youknow, there's, there can be
fighting going on, there'syelling, screaming.
So I didn't know how receptivethey would be, uh, to my help.
But it was honestly awesome.
(31:19):
I worked with Karen Hugger andher.
Husband, which you all knowKaren now, uh, the whole DUI and
everything that's going on withthat is a whole big controversy.
And actually, I worked with heragain this season even though
they didn't show it.
Um, unfortunately, because nowwe, we see the aftermath of what
happened.
Um, they were wonderful.
(31:40):
I think it was reallyinteresting how.
It was a over two hour session,kind of reduced to two minutes
on the show.
Um, and there was a lot ofvaluable information that was
not shared.
That was right, that was not putout there, you know, but
essentially it was like a lot ofcouples that I work with,
(32:01):
particularly with high achievingwomen, is that they're not
hearing each other, they're,they're not listening to each
other.
You need that intermediary tosay, okay, listen, this is what
she's saying.
This is what he's saying, right?
Because there's like this, thispush and pull, and everybody's
so set in their heads of whatthey're used to that they just
can't get out of it to actuallyhear what the other person is
(32:25):
saying.
Leah (32:26):
Right, which means you're misunderstanding each other and
it's so unsatisfying whensomeone doesn't understand you
because their inability toreally listen and feel you and
then you do it right back tothem.
It can be really painful.
And so I, you know, I'm curioushow you uncover like especially
from an intuitive perspective,uncovered those sexual patterns.
(32:49):
We're taking a look at people'ssex lives.
How are you helping them revealthat to themselves first, and
then of course to their partner?
Avalaura (32:58):
Avalaura
You know, a lot of it is when weget to that point, well, first
of all.
It's really about creating thatsafe space because this is, you
know, sex and money.
Like those are two of the thingspeople do not wanna talk about.
Right?
Like they want it, but theydon't wanna talk about it.
Leah (33:15):
Leah
Avalaura (33:16):
Avalaura
Le (33:16):
Leah
doesn't mean they really wantanyone else poking around in
theirs.
Avalaura (33:22):
Avalaura
So it, it really is a vulnerablespace.
So getting them to that pointwhere they can really be
vulnerable and honest.
'cause a lot of people wannalie, you know, like, they wanna
make things seem better thanthey are.
Oh.
You know, we're
Willow (33:34):
they're lying to them to themselves, so how can they be
honest with their partner
Le (33:39):
Leah
identity.
You know, it's like, I don'twant people to find out that I
feel like I'm a failure at thissector in my life.
I don't want people to knowthat.
I don't even wanna
A (33:51):
Avalaura
Right.
Like that, you know, I'm tootired.
I don't feel like it, I don'twant to what, whatever it is.
And, and, you know, or hedoesn't desire me the way that I
feel he should, or he, you know,the romance is gone.
We don't date anymore.
Like, whatever it is.
Like, I don't wanna say we're ina sexless marriage.
Like yeah, we're married andwe've been married 20 years and
(34:14):
everybody thinks it's perfectand really I'm dying inside.
Willow (34:17):
Willow
Mm-hmm.
Le (34:19):
Leah
to be in, especially because allthose things you just mentioned,
they corrode trust, and how arewe gonna get naked with
somebody?
And bring our bodies togetherwhen we don't even trust each
other, you know?
Or we don't respect each otheranymore because of the obstacles
(34:39):
that we have faced that didn'tgo the way we had hoped or
planned.
And now it's like, here we havethis partnership, but we only
are really good partners in acouple of areas.
And then we have these otherareas that we're kind of
ignoring and you know, we'reembarrassed by them.
And then like trying to fix'emjust gets harder and harder.
So how do you help people havebreakthroughs?
Avalaura (35:00):
Avalaura
You know, the self-awareness
Leah (35:02):
Leah
Avalaura (35:04):
Avalaura
You know, self-awareness is key.
Um, it's like you were talkingabout the martyr syndrome,
right?
Like, you have to know thatabout yourself first before we
can actually deal with theproblem.
So this poor microphone.
Um, so I really have to get themto see themselves, to be
self-aware.
I could not fully, you know,deal with my problem and ask for
help until I realized like,whoa, like this is how bad
(35:27):
things have gotten.
This is where I am.
I hate my job.
I don't like my life anymore.
I'm not happy.
I'm depressed.
So getting people to be veryself-aware, to really see the
gravity of what's going on.
And so you now see what's goingon where you are, and then look
at, but where do you actuallywanna be?
And then start to see the gap
Leah (35:50):
Ding, ding, ding, where do you wanna be?
Who are you right now.
But where, who do you wanna be?
Where are we headed?
Uh, that is such a powerfulpiece of inquiry.
Avalaura (36:01):
Avalaura
And a lot of people, it does notfeel good,
Willow (36:05):
Willow
Right.
Well, because it feels so faraway, it feels like where I
wanna be and where I am.
There's, it's an impossible gap.
Like, there's no way I could getto where I wanna be.
But it's that firstidentification of like, well,
where, where do you feel likeyou're getting now?
(36:25):
You know, in this particularmoment in time, and you find
those little sticky points whereyou're like, ah, I can't get
through this hurdle.
And you just one by one, youstart to break through.
And I feel like, you know, thetransformational process, yes,
it can take time, but it alsocan go really quickly.
It just depends on like how muchresistance there is inside of a
(36:48):
person, right?
How, how attached are we to themartyr archetype or to whatever
archetype?
That we're dealing with, that wecan finally identify how, how,
how much does that bring ussafety?
And how much does that bring uscomfort?
And are we willing to liveoutside of that comfort zone?
You know, are we willing tosurrender through resistance and
(37:11):
find the other side, which isunknown.
It's like I've always been this.
I don't know what it means tonot be this anymore.
It's completely unknown.
So the unknown is scary, right?
As human beings, we want toknow, we want to have a path
laid out before us.
We want that sense of security.
(37:31):
But when you're bringing inwhat, what you're bringing in
valara, this like intuitivesense and the the ability to
feel and.
Follow your heart and listen tospirit as it's guiding you.
Sometimes it's gonna guide youin a direction that you have no
idea what's on the other side ofthat.
Avalaura (37:49):
Avalaura
Willow (37:49):
So there's a deep sense of faith, there's a deep sense
of trust that has to be builtand created.
And I feel like, you know, I'mworking with people a lot who
are, who are like, that soundsnice.
I'd like to have a deep sense offaith and trust.
How do I do that?
What are, give me some tools,give me some steps, you know,
(38:10):
because it's, um, it's notinbred in our culture that we,
that we have faith and that wehave,
Le (38:17):
Leah
kind of bring in.
Uh, the intersection betweenenergy work and intimacy.
Avalaura (38:25):
Avalaura
Le (38:26):
Leah
weave into this.
It's like you have theexperience of, okay, we've,
we've sorted out how to makeourselves safe for ourselves,
and now for our partnership,we've each taken accountability
for our parts and the thingsthat didn't necessarily
contribute to harmony.
And now we can do a pivottowards each other instead of
(38:49):
away from each other.
We're reestablishing a sense oftrust because of personal
accountability and personalresponsibility that can be so
healing.
And now we're starting to getthe vision of, okay, this is
where we're at now.
We've made some shifts.
We are starting to become who wewanna be.
Avalaura (39:06):
Avalaura
Leah (39:07):
work to do and I do think it's interesting as we're
cultivating intimacy andreturning toward towards love
and trust so that we can bereally naked with each other,
physically, emotionally,spiritually, all those things
that make like love so rich whenthey're there.
Like this is where I reallyimagine like the energy work
(39:29):
really starts to come in andstarts to make a foundation for
a little bit of faith and hope.
How do you play with, you know,using reiki to help people, you
know, what, what is Reiki givingthem?
How are you using energy work tobring intimacy to folks?
Avalaura (39:47):
Avalaura
You know, the thing that I loveabout reiki and and energy work
is, you know, I always tell myclients like, listen, I'm the
vessel.
I don't know what yourexperience is gonna be.
These are all the things thatcould happen, but ultimately
what I know to be the case isthat you're going to get the
energy that you need right now,and that energy shifts.
So a session today can becompletely different from a
(40:09):
session tomorrow and the nextday, and the next day it, it
shifts based on what you needmost at this time.
And so one is being veryintentional.
But two is trusting that you'llhave the experience that you
need most and allowing that tohappen.
Not feeling the need to control,right, because
Leah (40:28):
Oh, that's such a big one.
Aval (40:29):
Avalaura
Feeling like you have to be incharge of everything.
But this is a time to be able tolet go and surrender and just
allow things to be what they
Willow (40:39):
Willow
Leah (40:41):
Leah
and being a control artistbecause the control artist knows
when to set that brush down andjust allow the present moment to
give them what they need.
Like you said.
Avalaura (40:58):
Avalaura
And so that's a huge part of theprocess.
And you know, what I love aboutenergy healing is that it gives
you permission to one, be in themoment like we talked about, to
surrender, but also to feelwhatever you feel.
Because a lot of times duringthese sessions, feelings come up
(41:18):
that you didn't even know thatyou were having, that you
couldn't put into words.
And so, you know, we might havea session where we're talking,
but you don't even know thatthis is what's going on with
you.
Until now we're doing reiki andyou're like, whoa, what is this
that's coming up for me now,
Leah (41:35):
Leah
Like a wound from childhood.
Wil (41:38):
Willow
Leah (41:40):
something finally got safe enough inside of you that
you're, you allow somethingthat's been suppressed, that's
caused you to be numb, suddenlyhas a place to be cathart
expressed and then let go of, Imean, that feels miraculous when
those happen.
Willow (41:56):
Willow
Leah (41:57):
Leah
baby.
That's the, that's thetransformation of, of healing
right there.
And
Willow (42:04):
And isn't it so fun to help to guide people through
those moments?
I always call it.
it's like giving someone icecream for the first time,
especially inside of sexuality.
You know, like to give peoplesexual experiences that they've
heard about.
Maybe they've heard about'em,maybe they haven't.
But like for them to experiencetheir bodies in new ways that,
(42:26):
um, you know, are, are soexpansive and, and it shows them
what they're capable of.
And it is, it's just likephenomenal to witness.
L (42:37):
Leah
sexual trauma.
Avalaura (42:43):
Avalaura
L (42:44):
Leah
experience, how much sexualtrauma can really disrupt
intimacy between partners.
That unhealed thing, it, it cancome out in so many different
forms.
Is that something you see overand over?
Avala (43:01):
Avalaura
Um.
You, you know, the, I don't knowof any studies, right?
So I, I, I can't say that thisis, this is true or not, but
there really, I have seen a lotsof type a women have a lot of
sexual trauma, if that
Willow (43:20):
Willow
It makes sense because they'reprotecting themselves on some
level from going into avulnerable state.
Leah (43:28):
Well, Yeah, but also you, you compensate by, if you feel
broken in one area, you getreally good in other areas so
you can compensate this feelingof fucked upness with some
feeling of greatness.
A (43:41):
Avalaura
because nobody else will.
Leah (43:47):
Leah
Avalaura (43:47):
Avalaura
So I have to have my money,right?
I have to have, I have to beindependent because I can't
depend on anybody and that, sothat then is the driving force.
And when you get down to it, youdo learn.
And it might not be, you know,an outward thing, but it might
be a situation where maybe itwas, it was date rape, right?
(44:09):
Like something that's very sortof.
What's the word?
Not cut and dry, you know what Imean?
Where it's kind of ambigu, it isnot black and white, but you
like, you feel like somethingwasn't right.
You know, something was brokenthere, but I can't really
describe it.
And so because it's not blackand white, I don't really know
how to define it for myself.
So I kind of just dismiss it andwrite it off as not being
(44:32):
important.
Right?
Instead of intuitionally
Willow (44:36):
Willow
A (44:37):
Avalaura
Willow (44:40):
Yeah, because they, you know, I think statistically it's
one in three women goes throughrape or sexual trauma in their
life and one in four men Ibelieve.
And um, and, but I don't thinkthese are included.
So I think it's actually morelike two in three, you know,
these, these sort of like grayarea trauma, transgressions,
(45:02):
rapes, whatever you wanna callthem.
Avalaura (45:04):
Yeah, because there's
Le (45:05):
Leah
whatever that Tao, whatever formthat takes.
Willow (45:11):
Willow
Avalaura (45:11):
that, that's a whole nother thing, especially in
these day streets right now.
Um, but, you know, yeah, Ididn't know he was in a
relationship where he wasmarried and, you know, we were
in a whole relationship and Igave myself to him and then to
find out I was the side chick.
I
Leah (45:26):
Leah
Willow (45:27):
Willow
Leah (45:27):
Leah
Right.
I think just feeling used is areally interesting, it sums up
so many of our experiences,whether it was traumatic, I mean
it traumatic in any sense,right?
Big T, little T, that's allsubjective, but I think that's
really a common thread that alamen a lot of women have
experienced in their life.
And so then we're very guardedaround letting that happen to us
(45:50):
again.
And then there comes that themeof receiving.
It's like we're coming fullcircle back on allowing others
to support us in a genuine waythat we can really believe them.
And one of the things will, andI always say is that a lot of
trust issues, we think it'soutside of us.
That it's like, it's because Ineed to trust you.
(46:12):
But really when you take acloser look, it's why don't I
trust in me?
I don't trust that I'm a goodpicker.
I don't trust that I will beloved.
I don't trust that I'm lovable.
I don't trust that I'm worthy.
I don't trust that I'll be ableto not make the same mistake
over and over and over again.
And so, so much of that innerworking is in trust, is like,
(46:34):
how can I heal that I will stillmake mistakes, but I'll trust
I'll be okay.
Avalaura (46:40):
Avalaura
Leah (46:41):
Which kind of just kind of also sums it up.
It's like I can trust I'll beokay no matter what happens.
And that belief offers so muchfucking freedom to be in more in
the present moment, living moreauthentically.
I'm really curious how sexualempowerment translates, it's
(47:03):
like there's something aboutbecoming empowered sexually that
ends up affecting other sectorsof our life.
And it sounds like those tworeally go hand in hand in your
work between women feelingprofessionally successful when
they feel sexually successful,or would you put those words
together?
Avalaura (47:20):
I mean, we're holistic beings, right?
And so we all, they, all thingsoperate together, you know, in
the circle.
And you know, one of the thingsthat I do like when I'm working
with my clients is we identifythe areas that are out of
alignment, right?
Because if any area is out ofalignment, we're out of
alignment, right?
And a lot of times, again, youknow, you'll see the
(47:44):
correlations.
Right?
And if we look at our sexualitywhen we're most vulnerable,
whatever that sexuality lookslike to you, right?
That's, we're in our mostvulnerable state, literally.
So your ability to be vulnerableaffects every other area of your
(48:04):
life.
If you can be vulnerablesexually, if you can ask for
what you want sexually, if youknow how to please yourself
sexually, right?
If you trust yourself to, to benaked and to see yourself fully,
if you can do those things, thenyou're going to show up
differently in your life, in theworkplace, and your
relationships and your families.
(48:27):
You know, it's, it's just likethe woman who has on a
beautiful, um, you know,lingerie set or bra and panties
right underneath her clothes.
And she's the only one who knowsshe has it.
So she shows up differentlybecause she feels sexy on the
inside Right now, you know,people are looking at you like,
yo, something's different.
You know, did you cut your hair?
(48:47):
Like, you know, did you loseweight?
Like, there's something going onwith you.
They feel it, they sense it,even if they don't know what it
is.
'cause you're showing updifferently.
You're
Leah (48:57):
Leah
A (48:59):
Avalaura
before they were, they weredead.
Willow (49:04):
Willow
It's like, it's like openingfrom the, from the root and the
second chakra up, right?
All the other sectors, all theother Chakras of life start to
transform and change.
I always like to say, you know,watching somebody have a sexual
awakening and, and an infusionof that, an integration of that
into their lives.
It's like watching a, a plantthat hasn't been watered in a, a
(49:26):
week and a half start to getwatered and it starts to grow
and it, it's.
Leaves expand and spread andyeah, you can really see a, a
visible difference.
You know, there are certainthings in our life, like when
we're getting, you know, if we,if we're depleted of them, they,
they cause detriment to ourhealth and sexuality, I feel
(49:48):
like is such an important partof our health that is so easy to
sweep under the rug.
Oh, I don't have the energy.
Oh, I don't really have a have apartner, it's fine.
I don't need to self pleasure, Idon't have the time, whatever.
And it's, it's this part of ourhealth that, um, when we do pay
attention to it, we do waterthat plant, it waters us back
Leah (50:09):
Leah
Willow (50:11):
Willow
L (50:12):
Leah
Yeah.
When we do water that part ofour soul, this juiciness, we
have access to the juiciness.
What a surprise.
Well said both of you.
I really, I really love that.
Um, now I know you have a fiveminute practice.
(50:34):
That is really transformativeand it sounds like when your
high achieving clients, youknow, do this practice that they
not only transform their sexlife, but it actually really
transforms their income within afew months of implementing it.
Can you say something about thispractice of yours?
Avalaura (50:52):
Avalaura
You know, a lot of what we, youknow, we talk about, it's so
funny how all these thingsintersect.
I talk a lot aboutmanifestation, right?
And, um, and, and they all worktogether.
So we're talking aboutsexuality.
We're talking about intimacy.
We're talking aboutvulnerability, right?
We're talking about being in themoment.
All of these things too, alsohelp you to manifest, right?
(51:15):
It helps you to be moreintentional.
It helps you to be very clearabout what are the things that
you really want in life?
Not the things that people tellyou you're supposed to want or
not, the things that you've beenworking towards that you think
you're supposed to want, butwhat you actually truly in your
heart, in your body desire,right?
(51:36):
So that level of clarity andthat level intention and that
level of being in the moment andbeing vulnerable now opens you
up to really get the things thatyou want out of life.
So, like I said, I was on thisretreat, I was present in this
moment.
I had this emotionalbreakthrough and immediately
afterwards, literally can't makethis up.
I get fired from my job, I getreleased, right?
(51:58):
So now I have the freedom to beon the path that I really want
to be on.
It
Willow (52:03):
Willow
Leah (52:04):
Leah
Avalaura (52:05):
of those things for it to happen.
Willow (52:07):
Willow
L (52:08):
Leah
What was, I mean, it sounds likeyou got into alignment'cause you
got real and a prayer wasanswered.
And so is there something thatyou give your clients that helps
them reorganize their ownintuitive alignment?
Avalaura (52:25):
Avalaura
A lot of that is when we'redoing the ego versus spirit
work.
How do you identify how egoshows up?
How do you identify how spiritshows up?
How often are you operating inego?
How often are you operating inspirit and really doing that
assessment and then lookingagain, looking at the gap, and
then, okay, what were themoments that something clicked
(52:48):
for you and then you didn'tlisten and what was the
Leah (52:50):
Leah
Willow (52:51):
Willow
Mm-hmm.
Avalaura (52:53):
at that, then we can kind of trace back and look at,
okay, now what if you have thatmoment again, what could the
outcome be if you listen?
Right?
And so
Leah (53:04):
Leah
Aval (53:05):
Avalaura
those moments.
And then people start to seelike, wow.
'cause a lot of us think we'renot intuitive and we really are.
Willo (53:14):
Willow
Aval (53:16):
Avalaura
to really pay attention andhonor our intuition, right?
Like our feelings feel likethere's something that they,
they're nagging us.
Like how many women are like, ohmy God, anger, oh, I shouldn't
feel this way, or I hate feelingsad.
And I'm like, don't you realizeyour feelings are your intuitive
messages?
Willow (53:37):
Willow
A (53:38):
Avalaura
you need.
And if you listen to thatinformation, here's the outcome
that you can have in your life.
But if you continue to dismiss,deny, act like it doesn't exist,
it just reject it.
This is the other pattern that'sgonna continue to happen in your
life.
And so a lot of us, we don'tknow how to handle it and so we
(53:58):
just dismiss it and we thinkit's not important or it's, you
know, it's something that Idon't wanna deal with.
And so we're, again, we'redisempowering ourselves.
We're shrinking ourselves and wedon't know how to get out of it
because we don't want to feel
Wil (54:15):
Willow
Leah (54:17):
Leah
Willow (54:18):
Willow
'cause you know, I, I feel likeLeah and I have been on the path
of following our intuition forso long.
I forget that people don't do itright.
I forget that it's, that so manypeople don't believe that they
have intuitive powers, you know,
Leah (54:34):
Leah
W (54:35):
Willow
and, and, and, and share withpeople, what's possible when you
start to listen to your emotionsrather than override, negate
sweeping them under the rug, youknow, and just, um, spiritually
bypass what's actually reallygoing on.
(54:56):
Like to really feel what is theemotion inside of your body?
Leah (55:00):
Leah
So many people don't know
Avalaura (55:02):
Oh, I was say, we talk about people gaslighting us, but
we, you know, but we gaslight
Willow (55:06):
Willow
Leah (55:07):
Leah
We're probably better atgaslighting ourselves than
anyone
Willow (55:11):
Willow
Yeah,
Leah (55:13):
And I think it's'cause it hasn't been modeled where do you
find inner guidance?
What does it feel like in yourbody?
And then here's the measurement.
When you look at the outcomes.
What happens when you believethe ego?
What happens when you're guidedby, by, um, you know, uh, uh,
alignment.
(55:33):
That inner guidance comes backagain where you're connected to
spirit and soul, and then whatare the outcomes of that?
How do you feel them both inyour body differently so you can
begin to trust from embodimentstandpoint where the sensations
live in your system.
And then the more you observethem, the more you measure them,
the more you trust them.
And we don't have a lot oflanguage for that.
(55:55):
And so I'm sure if you'relistening right now, you could
probably use a session with AvaLaura to help you track
yourself, to have a place to beable to hear yourself, say the
things you need to hear outloud, and then have that
reflected to you so you canstart to sort out your own inner
guidance.
(56:15):
'cause I think the thing that'sreally beautiful about coaching
that is different from therapyis having someone be able to ask
you powerful questions so thatthe answer you're seeking comes
from you.
It's not advice necessarilygiven from a therapist who's
giving you like, here are thenext steps.
It's you're discovering foryourself what those steps are,
(56:37):
and when that comes from theinside, the likelihood of you
following through is like 10times greater.
Willow (56:44):
And I just wanna say, to be fair to therapists, many
therapists also do pull,
Leah (56:49):
Well, a lot of therapists do coaching now.
You know, like there is a bridgethat they're, they also have
Avalaura (56:54):
I work with a lot of therapists and they, and they
are starting to do that.
They're also starting to embraceenergy work as well.
Um,
Willow (57:01):
Willow
Av (57:02):
Avalaura
are therapists or mental health
Willow (57:07):
Willow
Avalaura (57:08):
Which is awesome, but I think it's because they know
they have to, like people arelooking for this and traditional
mental health no longer works.
I don't think it ever did work.
It just, that's what we had andnow we're recognizing we have
these options and we need toutilize them because you know,
if you want someone to really bewhole, you have to operate from
(57:29):
that space of wholeness, notthis one part of ourselves.
Leah (57:34):
Well, every healing, um, program I've done or
certification I've done, halfthe group is therapists.
These are not, you know, mosttherapists are, are asking
themselves really goodquestions.
So it's always in good company.
But I do think it's interestingwhen we take a look at the
things that, that make coachingdifferent from therapy.
(57:54):
It's a lot of times it's thosepowerful questions.
Um, And I think.
And the process.
Yeah.
So I know you have right, right.
Um, and I think it's a greathybrid, both therapy and
coaching coming together.
Um, so I understand you have afree gift for our audience,
(58:14):
which is a self-care audit.
We'll have a link in the shownotes for that.
What, what can you say a littlebit about the self-care audit?
A (58:23):
Avalaura
or lack of awareness, right?
And so sometimes when we'rethinking about we don't
recognize how we're not takingcare of ourselves, right?
Because we have this limitedview of what self-care looks
like, we have a very limitedview of what self-love looks.
Like, so I can have a client,oh, I love myself.
And then we're talking, and allof their actions demonstrate
(58:44):
that they don't love themselves,right?
Or they're not actually takingcare of themselves.
And so this self-care auditallows you to see all the
different ways that self-careshows up.
And you get to answer somequestions, right?
You get to answer some powerfulquestions, right?
And see how you're actuallydoing with your self care.
Leah (59:03):
Leah
Willow (59:04):
Willow
I wanna try it.
I wanna, I wanna see how I'mdoing.
I think I'm doing really good,but maybe there's some shadows
that I don't see.
Leah (59:14):
All, you know, chances are we all got'em.
Um, anything else you would likeour audience to know before we
say goodbye?
Avalaura (59:23):
Avalaura
You know, I love thisconversation.
It was powerful.
We talked about a lot, right?
And so I, I absolutely think youcan watch this and listen to
this again and again and again.
And you know, what I say is Ithink that everything is really
about not just receiving, butthen actually what are you going
to do?
Right?
So don't get overwhelmed by whatyou heard, but whatever
(59:45):
resonated with you, take action,right?
Do something about it.
Take that next step, um, becauseit resonated with you for a
reason.
Um, and, and, and so, you know,I'm all about empowerment and
saying, do something.
Even if it's just one littlething, just do something to take
that next step to where youwanna be.
Willow (01:00:07):
Willow
Great advice.
Such a pleasure to have you, AvaLaura.
I'm so glad we got to.
Meet with you today and shareyour wisdom and beauty with our
audience.
If you all have just beenlistening, I highly recommend
you go to YouTube and look atthis beautiful goddess of a
woman and just behold her, herradiance, because she clearly is
(01:00:30):
walking her talk and, um, youknow, being an embodiment of
what she teaches in the world.
Leah (01:00:37):
Yeah, so you can see Ava Laura on TikTok on Instagram, on
YouTube.
Her website is ava laura.com.
Thanks for being on the show.
For the rest of you, uh, still,you know, tune in, turn on, and
fall in love with more of Leahand Willow because the dish is
coming right up.
Ann (01:00:55):
Announcer
Willow (01:01:00):
What a gorgeous woman.
I just love her presence.
Leah (01:01:04):
Leah
Ava Laura.
Willow (01:01:07):
Willow
Le (01:01:08):
Leah
Willow (01:01:11):
Willow
Leah (01:01:15):
Leah
Yeah, I really, I really love,um, how she brought some of the
concepts that we were discussingand brought it back to like the
soul level.
Brought it back to like, it'snot so much a cookie cutter
process, one size fits all.
This is how you reach success infive steps.
(01:01:36):
It's really about going to thesoul of each individual and
helping them unpack and likeit's like seeing through the
curtain.
Here's all the things youhaven't been seeing clearly that
are an opportunity for you tocourse correct.
Um.
Willow (01:01:53):
Willow
I love that.
Like the population that she'sworking with and also be, I was
saying this to her right when westopped recording, like being on
the east coast and bringing, um,bringing this sort of more, uh
intuitive and kind of what wewould might call woowoo, you
know, reiki and things likethat, to a population that
wouldn't otherwise be awakenedor aware of the potentials that
(01:02:19):
they hold inside of themselves.
Leah (01:02:20):
See, I think that's pretty alive on the east coast.
I think where it's less aliveis, is the center of the
country.
Willow (01:02:26):
Willow
Leah (01:02:27):
your Iowa's, your Idaho's and your Nebraska's and you
know, probably Mississippi andArkansas.
I think it's a little more likecoast to coast,
Willow (01:02:35):
Willow
More progressive, of
Leah (01:02:37):
a little more progressive and DC's very progressive.
Um, so yeah.
Interesting.
Right.
And then we all have ourpockets, even in California.
I was just talking to, Charlesand Christie were here last
night for dinner and Judith wasin town and um, Judith was
asking, so is Sacramento, youknow, pretty conservative.
(01:02:58):
And we're all like, yeah, Ithink so.
I think there might be a fewpockets that are more liberal.
Um.
You know, I just feel likeeverything is such a weird soup
right now because of all thepolitics and it feels like, I
don't know, everything justfeels kinda wonky.
I don't know what to believeanywhere I look.
(01:03:20):
I'll be honest, I don't evenknow what I believe half the
time when I look, that'sprobably the bigger problem
Willow (01:03:31):
Willow
I mean, any, anywhere you go,you're gonna find, you know, the
full spectrum
Leah (01:03:36):
Well, that's why I guess, I think assumptions are
dangerous, you know, because howcan we know if we're not living
there ourselves?
And even then back to my point,what do I know about even
Willow (01:03:47):
Willow
Yeah.
What's, what do I believe?
Yeah,
Leah (01:03:50):
Leah
Willow (01:03:51):
Willow
Yeah.
Um, yeah, you know, her, herwork, I think with, um, with
high level like yang, I wannasay, I keep wanting to say
young, you know, living, livingpeople who are really
Leah (01:04:07):
And I wonder what a good word is other than yang, that
people would recognize.
'cause I often use the wordmasculine to interchange that,
to give people,'cause noteveryone listening
Willow (01:04:16):
Willow
Also then I, then I often willsay
Le (01:04:18):
Leah
because the proper pronunciationis yang.
But most
Willow (01:04:23):
Willow
Lea (01:04:25):
Leah
goes, oh God, does anyone knowwhat that means?
Wi (01:04:29):
Willow
Um, potato.
Potato.
But yeah, I mean, just peoplewho are, who are high achievers,
we'll call it that.
High achievers.
Yeah.
Who, you know, on the outside,on the exterior have it all
together, quote unquote.
(01:04:51):
And then on the inside might be,might be really breaking down
because they're so accustomedto, um, overriding what's going
on on the inside in order toachieve.
And, um, I think that's such animportant, that population has
resource Right.
Has, um, connections has.
(01:05:11):
Has a lot that they could offerthe world if they can, um,
really find inside of themselvesthe, uh, energy, right?
That like the truth and the, um,wow.
If I really come to my truth andI, and I am honest with myself,
it, it really changes the, thewhole world around me, it
(01:05:32):
changes my life.
So if I, you know, if I couldbring that to others, I think
that's one of the cool thingsabout this work is like, when
you find it for yourself, allyou wanna do is, is share it
with others, you know?
'cause it's so
Leah (01:05:45):
Leah
You know, I was interested whenshe was talking about the UM,
housewives.
I was like, oh, I haven't reallygotten into Potomac Pot Potomac,
Potomac.
Willow (01:05:55):
Willow
I don't watch anything.
Leah (01:05:58):
Leah
Jersey.
This is a Bravo show.
There's the Housewives of NewYork, the Housewives of Beverly
Hills, the Housewives of OrangeCounty, Housewives of Miami.
They've done these different,um, now there's the housewives
of of Salt Lake.
And then there's the house wavesof pot, pot Potomac.
Those are two of the cities Ihaven't gotten into because I
(01:06:20):
stopped paying for cable.
And like everybody else, I justdo like, I subscribe to Netflix
and you know, whatever.
And, and Bravo hasn't always hadall their shows on all of those
subscriber networks.
I think they mostly have it on,um.
Hulu anyways, so I haven'twatched it.
So it's like if she had saidthe, the Housewives of New
Jersey, I'd be able to, I knowall the characters, but I dunno
(01:06:43):
the Potomac girls and now Iwanna watch him because I want
the, I want the juice, I wantthe, I want the gossip on.
Okay, what about this girl onthe DUI and everything else?
Willow (01:06:53):
Willow
Hilarious.
Le (01:06:55):
Leah
Wi (01:06:57):
Willow
They really do.
Leah (01:07:02):
Yes, we like the gossip.
Well, um, yeah, I can tell she'sa real deal kind of coach.
So hopefully you will take heraudit and you'll learn something
about yourself that you canreally integrate and utilize and
make some shifts.
Willow (01:07:18):
Willow
More self love for the win.
Leah (01:07:21):
Leah
I know you're traveling today,so have a great trip and, uh,
love, love, love to everyone outthere.
Willow (01:07:27):
Willow
Announcer (01:07:28):
Thanks for tuning in.
This episode was hosted byTantric Sex Master Coach and
positive psychology facilitator,Leah Piper, as well as by
Chinese and Functional Medicinedoctor and Taoist Taxology
teacher, Dr.
Willow Brown.
Don't forget your comments, likesubscribes and suggestions
matter.
Let's realize this new worldtogether.
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