Britton & Carolee Beckham: She Burned Her Wedding Dress - The Ritual That Transformed Our Sexless Marriage | #155 - The Sex Reimagined Podcast

Episode Transcript
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Willow (00:04):
What happens when infidelity transforms from
relationship destruction into aspiritual awakening?
Today's guests turned theirdarkest moment into a radical
path of healing that'schallenging everything we
thought we knew about betrayaland connection.
I'm Dr.
Willow Brown.
I'm here with my incredibleco-host, Leah Piper of the Sex

(00:25):
Reimagined podcast.
We are so grateful for all ofyour likes, shares, and
subscribes.
Please keep them coming.
And today we are going to betalking with Britton and Carolee
relationship alchemists andcreators of the magical story of
us.
And I'm so excited for thisconversation.
It's gonna be powerful.

Leah (00:47):
That's right.
So it is time to tune in, turnon, and fall in love with, Brit
Carolee.
And

Announcer (00:54):
Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is
shame-free and pleasure forward.
Let's get into the show.

Leah (01:02):
welcome to the show.

Carolee (01:04):
Thanks.
Thank you.

Willow (01:11):
So you guys have been on quite a journey, both raised
Mormon and following that pathin your earlier years, which did
not lead you in the directionyou wanted to be going to the
direction of joy and happiness.
Um, and then you had like, itsounds like a big eruption and,
and major way to, through a lotof healing and I'm sure through

(01:33):
a lot of portals of, ofchallenge and growth that led
you to being in a verybeautiful, blissful relationship
all of this while raising fourkids.
So, I mean, tell us all.

Leah (01:46):
Where does your story begin?

Brit (01:49):
Well, it, it begins, um, it begins with when we, when we
first got married, like, um,after the first year there was,
um.

Leah (01:58):
old were you when you got married, and where did you meet?

Carolee (02:02):
Yeah, it began at church actually.
There we go.
We met at church.
We met, um, at a ward, uh, or acongregation that was for
singles within the Mormon faith.
Um, and that was 2009, 2008?
Yeah, 2008.
I was 25 and he was 26.
Um, those ages are actually alittle bit old for traditional

(02:24):
like Mormon culture.
Um, normal, normal Mormons getmarried at like 21, mid 22, mid
early twenties.
Um, so we were a little bitolder.
But yeah, we met at a, at acongregation that was
specifically aimed to helpsingle Mormons meet each other
so that there could be marriagesproduced from, from that.
'cause there's a lot of culturalpush to, to get married.

(02:47):
Um, we, we got pregnant and thenmiscarried, but within like,
kind of the first year of ourrelationship, uh, of our
marriage, um, we married a yearafter a meeting.
And, um, infidelity and somethreads of that kind of started
early on, like with in alignmentwith like that the first

(03:10):
pregnancy that actually took,um, our oldest is now 13.
So we, we stayed in the churchup until 2019 is when we stopped
attending for good.
Um, that was immediatelyfollowing, um, a plant medicine

(03:30):
journey.
And, um, that's, there's,there's so many, I mean, you can
just tell me what parts youwanna like dive more into, but
that's.

Leah (03:37):
so many

Willow (03:38):
Dive into all of them.
Like, don't hold back.
Yeah.
Give us the

Leah (03:42):
I'm kind of

brit & carolee | interview (03:43):
One of the things that, oh, sorry.
Go ahead.

Leah (03:45):
Yeah.
Um, one of the things I'mcurious about is, is infidelity
more common in Mormonrelationships than most of us
would assume?

Carolee (03:56):
Ooh, that's a good question.
I

brit & carolee | intervie (03:57):
would think so.
I, I don't know, I don't have adefinite answer on that, but I
would think so because mostpeople are gonna think, most
people are going to assume thatMormons are very, uh, committed
to their faith.
And so they, they don't makemistakes like that, you know,
quote unquote mistakes.
So, um, but yeah, we found in,in our process of healing, we
found a lot of couples dealingwith this,

Leah (04:18):
Mm-hmm.

Willow (04:19):
Okay.

I'll say.
That like, you know, early on wedidn't actually know how to
approach healing this.
We, we actually went through themechanisms that the church
provided.
When you have a significant sin,um, they want you to go through
certain kind of actions.
And we did all of that.
Um, but that is around likearound 2017.

(04:43):
We had a moment where it waskind of this make or break,
we're gonna need to get intotherapy or we're done kind of
direction.
And, um, it was through.
Therapy that we actually beganto see where the church didn't
hold any emotional intelligence,didn't hold any true healing for
what we had been through.

(05:04):
And the clinic that I found inu, we were living in Utah at the
time.
Um, it's a great clinic.
It's called ato, and it, their,their emphasis, their specialty
is betrayal trauma.
It's, um, uh, so there's a lotof women.
I did a, a trauma informed yogacont like class there, um, a
therapy group.

(05:24):
And it was all women who hadbeen betrayed in various levels
between like whether it waspornography, um, use, um,
sexting or like full fledgedaffairs.
Um, it was pretty prolificbecause there's so much control
and shame and like suppressionthat even like, like.
The culture that we came from.

(05:45):
We didn't actually know how toset healthy boundaries.
We didn't actually know how tomake relational agreements.
There's a lot of mechanisms ofcontrol and how you're supposed
to be and role division and allof that to where betrayal can be
sneaky and it can come in in somany ways.
So I would say that because ofthe lack of that emotional

(06:06):
intelligence foundation thatcame from the culture that um,
to the extent of like how manyaffairs are there, I can't
really go that far, but in thesense of the threads of betrayal
in relationship and being woven,it's, it's high, I would guess.
Well, they have, like thestatistics that the church has
on males that are addicted topornography are struggling with

(06:29):
pornography is, is around 70% ofthe active male population.
So it's a huge percentage thatare dealing with it.
And they have no, the church hasno idea how to how to handle it
or how to approach it.
Like it's just more of like theguilt shame story.
Like stop looking at it, youknow, like your blessings go

(06:49):
away if you continue this likeso, yeah.

Willow (06:52):
if you do this, which furthers and perpetuates the
desire and the need to do itbecause it's a, it's a
distraction from the shame thatyou're feeling, right?
It's like, oh my God, I'mfeeling good.
I'm having an orgasm.
I'm finally feeling good, youknow, feeling.
And it's like, yeah, I wanna gotoward that.
I don't wanna like, go towardbeing more ashamed.
I feel like, gosh, all, allreligions can put so much

(07:13):
pressure on us that really, um,can, can drive us toward these,
uh, things like porn and sugarand, you know, things that make
us feel good in the moment.

Leah (07:24):
Yeah, I am curious, uh, Bri, what's the messaging, uh,
from your upbringing and youtoo, Carol Lee, regarding
Mormonism and Sex?
What's the messaging about, likewhat's okay, what's not Okay?
Both Willow and I grew upCatholic.
I also spent 10 years inPentecostal church.
So there's some, like, someclear messaging about what's
okay and what's not okay.

(07:45):
And also like the rules areslightly different.
It always felt like to me,between boys and girls, I'm
curious what it was like for youguys growing up.

Yeah, so for, for young men, um, you
know, it was like nomasturbation and then no dating
till 16 and no being aloneessentially.
No.
Like, um, being horizontal with,with a girl.
That was kind of like a, sort ofa dogmatic teaching.
Um, and then it was justcelibacy before marriage.

(08:15):
And then, you know, and onceyou're in, once you're married,
it was like, so we always saythe no, no, no.
And then once you're married,go, go, go.
But they don't have, there's nodoctrinal teaching around it.
They say stuff like.
You know, um, sex and marriageis, is like how you connect with
God.
It's, it's like how we becomelike, and this is a very

(08:35):
universal concept right across,across the planet, but there is
nothing besides like that sortof trite statement that, um,
that offers anybody anything tounderstand about sex.
So it's just this, no, no, noshame stuff.
And then when you are, and thenwhen you're married, it's like
anything's okay as long asyou're both comfortable with it.

(08:55):
So that's kind of what we walkedinto.
I knew I wanted to have, yeah, Iknew I wanted to have like, um,
I knew I wanted to have oralsex.
I knew I wanted to do a lot ofdifferent things with her that
I'd actually already doneoutside of marriage.
I'd broken the rules many timesactually.
Um.
I was the rebel.
Yeah.
I, so I found myself in the, inthe Mormon bishop's office quite

(09:18):
a bit because I was repenting ofmy sins of connecting with,
women and girls.
I was even in teenage yearshaving that, that issue.
So for, yeah.
And then for, for girls, it'slike, uh, even a little bit
different.
Yeah.
For, I mean, again, that no, no,no kind of concept of you can't
do anything and then you'remarried.

(09:38):
We, we have friends that we knowwho literally didn't even kiss
their spouse until the day oftheir wedding.
Um, and that was like two,that's extreme.
Yeah.
That was extreme, but it waslike a real accomplishment, you
know, like, I'm really honoringthis.
Yeah.
Um,

Willow (09:51):
Oh yeah.

Leah (09:53):
Yeah.

Willow (09:54):
right?
What a different perspective onlife that is.
Yeah.

so different.
Um, some other things though isthere was a lot of, uh, purity
culture that like came throughso, and, and the, the
importance, the person that wassupposed to hold it often was
like the woman right in, in herdress.
So there was deep programmingfrom my childhood of like, I

(10:20):
couldn't cover, I couldn't showmy shoulders, um, I couldn't
dress in a certain way.
Um, because Mormons, yeah,modesty is so important.
Um, and if I dress in a certainway and a man has a problem,
then it's my responsibility.
Yeah.

(10:40):
So there's some of thatactually, there's a, a lot of
that.
Um, and, and I'll say I wentinto our marriage.

Willow (10:46):
biology.
It's just, it's so

it's so hard it, I went into our
marriage actually stillbelieving to a great extent that
women do need to dress properlyso that they aren't activating
men.
Like that's, it was deepprogramming, so, they kind of
tell women in, like classroomsettings or whatever, and
meetings where they're like, youneed to dress better so the, so
that the guys will honor you andthat sort of thing.

Leah (11:12):
your male sexual desires, your fault and your
responsibility.

Carolee (11:19):
Yeah.

Leah (11:19):
so in order to keep the men in line, it's your
responsibility to help controltheir desires basically by not
being sexy.

Willow (11:27):
So rooted in the oppression of the feminine
that's been going on for so manyeons.
Um, okay.
So tell us, tell us whathappened.
Like, when, when was the turningpoint?
What was the inflection point oflike, okay, we gotta do
something different, or thisisn't gonna work

Leah (11:46):
Yeah, it

Willow (11:47):
when did you

Leah (11:47):
was like the affair, right?
And then you guys did therapyand it sounds like that was a
big pattern interrupt, you foundgood therapists?

Yeah.

Leah (11:56):
okay

She found a pretty good therapist.
And then we went to couple, wealso did couples as at the same
time, and that lasted, um, for alittle while.
We, it wasn't super effective.
I didn't feel like it was forme.
And then I went and had my owntherapist and, and I had some
breakthroughs as well in, inthat.
But what, what we could say isthat, you know, like she said,

(12:19):
there was like the full fledgedaffair in 2017.
And then we went through thischurch process in 2017 to 2018
and after we came through the,out, out, the exit of that, it
was like clear that it was just.
The church wasn't really capableof doing much in the way of
helping, and it was justoffering us a bypass, a

(12:39):
spiritual bypass pathway oflike, change your environment,
don't talk to these people.
You know, like it was basicallyall of the chest moves that, the
chest moves that, uh, wouldprotect you.
But it's actually, there's nointernal change because I still
feel tempted, I still felt theattraction to other women.
I still wanted more from her,but she, she wasn't embodied in,

(13:01):
in a way to offer that.
So there was still this thing,but we were actually in, we were
healing in a way that we werereconnecting and allowing
ourselves to like feel more intoeach other again, that we had
sort of blocked off and all ofthat heartache and heart wall
had built up.
But it was in the end of 20, um.

(13:22):
Towards the end of 2019 whenshe, you know, she mentioned we
did a, a mushroom, the, amushroom ceremony.
And the reason why we got intothat is we had sort, sort of
dabbled in alcohol and wine,which is, you know, a non, not a
Mormon thing.
You don't, you kind of abstainfrom that.
Um, not kind of, you do, you doand yeah.

Willow (13:40):
up Don't drink.

Leah (13:41):
Yeah.

brit & carolee | interv (13:42):
stayed.
Yeah.
My mother did cry when I toldher that we were drinking
alcohol.
Yeah.
That was a hard moment for her.

Willow (13:50):
followed by many more hard moments it sounds like.

Just all those kids.
Exactly.
And she's, she's still learningall about our journey right now,
so.

Willow (13:59):
gonna learn a lot more as your podcast starts to
launch.
My mom doesn't listen to mypodcast.
I tell her not to.
So you might wanna do the same.

Leah (14:07):
I don't think anyone in my family listens either.
I think my youngest sisterslisten to a few episodes.
Um, okay.
So please continue,

Willow (14:15):
go on.

Yeah.
Uh, so at the, so what happenedwas we sort of dabbled in that,
and that kind of was like atherapy in a bottle and open.
It was the gateway intoexploring with other things.
And my brother, who was alreadysort of out of the church for a
long time, um, you know, kind ofwas key in kind of introducing
to us more of like, likecannabis.
And then he, one day he came byand he, we were all like hanging

(14:39):
out and smoking some weed and,you know, we were sort of less
active in the Mormon church.
We weren't fully active.
We were sort of like notinterested as much, but we were
definitely still in it.
Um, but then, uh, he droppedthis bag of mushrooms on my
counter and was like, bro, yougotta check this out.
And I was like, oh my God, mybrother's a junkie.
I gotta get away from this.
It was like, so scary.

(14:59):
And so I was like, yeah.

Willow (15:02):
That could be an episode for you guys.

Um, and so I was like, I was like, I
don't know about that man.
And he was like, well, youshould just read this book.
And he introduced the book, um,how To Change Your Mind with
Michael Poland.
And, um, and so I was like,okay.
And I, somebody else actuallyrecommended it like a, a week
later, you know?
And so like the cro, the cosmicbreadcrumbs dropped and, and so
I listened to it.
I do audio books.

(15:27):
And then, um, after, duringthat, it like totally opened my
mind to like, trying it and tolike seeing this from a
spiritual perspective.
And so I was like, Carollee, yougotta like listen to this book
and if you want, let's do aceremony together.
And so we did.
And that happened in the end of2019.
Um, and so we did the ceremonytogether and it was really

(15:48):
beautiful.
Yeah, it was.
And had a huge process aroundit.
And, um, the next day we went tochurch and it was a, uh.
It was a, it was like, um, a,like a program for kids to come
up and like, participate.
And basically we were still inthe afterglow of the mushrooms
and we had high perception andum, and we saw the

(16:09):
indoctrination so clearly ofwhat was going on with these
young children.
And it was like, we just sort oflike looked at each other.
We were like, we're out, we'redone.
We're outta here.
This is it.

Willow (16:21):
Ooh, I got chills all over my whole body.
Yes.

Leah (16:24):
Wow.

So that was the last time we went.

Willow (16:26):
Thank you.
Mushroom friends.
Yeah.
For the awakening.
That's so powerful.
That's so deep.
Now, did you continue to do, um,those journeys with each other
after, after that initial one,or did you take like a long
integration period?

So I was really excited about what
happened with the mushrooms andI was feeling a call and to, to
another session.
So like a month later, um, wehad an opportunity where we were
up in Park City, Utah, and ummm-hmm.
And so we did another one up inPark City at a resort.
And during that session.

(17:06):
I had, uh, I mean, it was anincredibly, incredibly powerful
session for us.
It was like, um, every spiritualpiece of,'cause we had just left
the church, and so we were like,you know, in a way free falling
in in our spirituality.
We were like, well, what is thisall about?
And we were asking for, youknow, we were asking for more
insight for sure.
But, um, we had a very sacredexperience and I had a kundalini

(17:33):
awakening.
And in that awakening, Iexperienced my total worth and
my, my true identity and, um, mynature, my eternal nature.
And that was like so mindexpanding for me that I realized
the number one thing I walkedaway from that was I realized my
heart had been closed my wholelife basically.

(17:54):
And so I was able to walk awaywith that and say.
Well, one, I know magic's realnow.
And two, my heart is the key tolistening to my spirit, my
emotions, right?
And so I, I decided from thattime forward that I was going to
let my heart lead the way.
And I had an actual, like,commitment and I was like, Hey,

(18:15):
left brain, you've got me tothis place that I'm at.
Which hasn't always, that hasn'treally been good.
You've kept me in fear.
You've, you've tried to lead me,but it's never really been the
thing that's brought me joy.
And so I'm gonna let my heartlead.
I'm gonna let the right brainlead now.
And, and that was a big changein my, my spiritual awakening

(18:36):
journey.

Leah (18:38):
Wow.

Willow (18:38):
was this second one that you guys did in Park City?
Was it just the two of you orwere you being guided by a
facilitator?

So the first one was guided and
then this, this one in Park Citywas, was just us.
We felt pro at that time, youknow?
Yeah.

Willow (18:52):
we can, we got this.
We're, we're

We kind of guide each other, you
know?
Yeah.
Um, that second one, ouryoungest daughter, who is now
four, she was not born yet, andshe actually came.
Um, and her energy was verypresent during that ceremony as
well.
So we, um, went back home and,um, within two months actually

(19:16):
had conceived her.
Um, and so there was anotherperiod, even though the, the
pregnancies had been the hardestpart of our marriage.
Yeah.
The pregnancies alwayscorrelated with, um, like, I
guess you could say a relapseinto, uh, infidelity.
The infidelity always cameabout, so we had been saying.

(19:38):
In Mormonism, having a lot ofkids is very common and people
ask all the time, when are youhaving more threes?
Not very many.
Four is a pretty, okay, numberfive, six.
Better kind of, you know, atleast in, in our upbringings, we
both come from families of sixchildren.
And so, um, Britain had beenasked, we had been asked by

(19:59):
people, um, when are you, areyou having another?
And he had been saying for yearsprior to all of this, God
himself will have to tell methat we're having another.
Um, and what everybody elsedidn't understand is I, I had
like zero desire.
My desire, it wasn't just zero,it was like in the negative.

(20:19):
And I've identified now that alot of that actually had it was
generational.
Um, sexual desire, right, sexualdesire, like I was, you know, it
was a generational pattern.
And women in my family line thatwe didn't actually, we came in
with, with this sort of, I'm notallowed to have desire program.
And my purpose is as a wife anda mother, my purpose in life

(20:43):
isn't, um, to be a lover.
So I was really good at likechecking the boxes of mothering,
um, and of mothering him,mothering my children and taking
care of my home.
But I, I personally reallylacked the lover and the
self-love and the embodimentpiece for myself.
And pregnancy.
I'm short.

(21:04):
I have a very short torso.
Um, my body expands in ways thatI would be, get very
uncomfortable in my skin, andthat would further intensify my
lack of initiation, my lack ofdesire, the lack of connection,
which would it was sort of thislike cauldron of problems.
You know, we both wanted thesechildren and we wanted this

(21:26):
family and we wanted this life,but there was this big
disconnect in our, in our loverelationship.

Leah (21:37):
libidos, mismatched desire.
Then all of that stuff from justgeneration to generation.
The epigenetics of the burdenthat oftentimes women carry in
very religious institutionsaround, um, you know, sex not
being okay.
Pleasure isn't for you, it's forthe partner.

(21:57):
Um, your job is to carry thefamily.
And what people don'tunderstand, people think
mothering, right?
It's like, oh, it's the greatestfeminine, right?
It's like we really apply thefeminine to mothering, but
actually the work of the motheris very masculine.
It's not actually totallyconnected to the essence of the
feminine.
It's connected more to the

Brit (22:17):
So that's a good point.

Leah (22:19):
And so I think that that is also a part of like where
polarity gets switched off.
And also there's all the energy,all the creativity that comes,
especially in those earlyyounger years with babies.
You are pouring the sexualenergy into the child so that
the child can thrive and surviveand um, and do well in the

(22:41):
world.
It needs you at that time, in away, at no other age.
And so you're pouring all thislife force into the children.
And then what's left, you'relucky if you get a scrap for
yourself.
And then of course, it seemslike the, the spouse is feeling
neglected and, um, and, and onthe outside in some ways.

(23:02):
Is that how it felt for, for youalso, Bri?

It was actually that way from the
beginning, and I had severalconversations with her, you
know, one before our marriageactually.
It was like, Hey, I'm reallyinterested in sex.
I'm really wanting to do thesethings.
And then, um, and then just manytimes in marriage where, you
know, like, I'm struggling withthese emotional connections that
I'm making on my phone, and liketrying to activate her energy.

(23:29):
Like, Hey, why don't youinitiate what, what's wrong?
Do you not desire me?
Am I just not attractive?
Like, I was curious as to whatwas really going on with her
because I desired so much tohave that deeper sexual
connection.
It was something that, you know,just as innate in me, like my,
you know, my blueprint, right?

Willow (23:48):
I'm so curious, Carollee, like what was your
journey to finding your way todesire and to awakening, uh, the
divine feminine within you?
Because as you sit before ustoday, you seem like a very
embodied woman who, who knows,you know, how to, not only her
desire, but how to express it.

(24:09):
And so I'm

Leah (24:10):
Yeah.
Is your libido changed?

Willow (24:12):
what your journey's been

my God.

Willow (24:15):
night and day.

it is, I feel I call that life my
past life.

Willow (24:21):
Mm-hmm.

It's my past life in this life.
there is a com.
It's a completely different me.
so yeah, like there's so manythings that I can say about to,
to answer this question.
Earlier on in our marriage, Ihad this intuition that was kind
of bubbling up inside of methat, you know, birth control

(24:46):
did some really bad things to mybody.
And the lack of desire that wasrooted in epigenetics and
generational all the things, um,was also compounded by childhood
sexual trauma.
So.
I didn't actually have properhealing for that trauma.
Um, in my family of origin,there was some abuse that, um, a

(25:13):
family member cousin had hadexperienced, and then he
perpetuated that.
And so there was this, this bigfamily secret, this shame.
And I, unfortunately,fortunately, I mean it's all
just part of the story was, waspart of that.
And so I remember early on whilewe were still Mormon, in fact,
I, I have a vivid memory.

(25:34):
I can like see it in my mindstill very real of being in bed
with him and love making andlike trying to tell him while
we're making love.
I think my childhood abuse isblocking me from my connection
with you.

Willow (25:50):
Hallelujah.

That, but at that point he was like,
no, it probably isn't.
Like we had, we didn't have, Ididn't even, I didn't know
exactly that.
Well, it, we didn't even knowwhat the word codependence
meant.
And I was in completelycodependent, right.
Like, so there was zero realembodied emotional intelligence.
And so, um, I think part of mefelt like if, if I acknowledged

(26:17):
that, that then maybe she wasbroken and I didn't wanna be
married to a sexually brokenwife.
So there, there was blockagethere that I was not open.

Leah (26:27):
Well, and no one knows what to do in those situations.
Having also gone through thatCarol Lee, um, you know, a,
there's so much shame.
And then you start to realize,oh my gosh, this is probably
filtering into why I feel soblocked.
And then in the moment when it'shappening in the moment,
partners are never told what todo and how to hold space for

(26:48):
that.
We don't even know how to holdspace for that.
This isn't a part of our, Imean, we get, not only do we not
really get a sex education,whatever sex education we get is
bad sex education.
So I mean, and the fact that oneout of three women have had some
kind of sexual trauma in theirlife, that means most men are
dating people who haveencountered some sort of sexual

(27:09):
trauma and it's

Willow (27:10):
many who have not healed or dealt

Leah (27:13):
And how to deal with that sort of thing.
So, all right.
So there was some awareness thatthat was in the way.

Okay.
Yeah.
So I had that sort of awarenesscome to me, but I didn't
actually know what to do withit.
Um, at that time I evenapproached my parents again and
I kind of, you know, boohooedand cried at them.
How come you didn't get me theright therapy?
I don't know what to do.
I feel like it's affecting myrelationship, my life, um, my
self love.
And so my parents, bless theirhearts, good parents.

(27:42):
They actually paid for me tohave a therapist, like to go to
a therapy session that was anlds ld S'S Latterday Saints, the
Church of Jesus Christ, latterDay Saints, right?
So it's a Mormon therapist.
And so I sat down with thisMormon therapist and I kind of,
it was a very vulnerable momentfor me.
Hey, I, I, I have had thisrealization, I have this, I had
this abuse in my childhood.
It's affecting me, I think inthis way.

(28:04):
And I left that appointmentnever wanting to make an
appointment again with this,the, like, I was like, that was
so pointless.
It was so not helpful at all.
And that was all before we hadsort of this low, like breaking
point in 2017 where um, therewas an even bigger kind of
moment of infidelity, um, afterthe birth of our third child.

(28:28):
And so at that point, you know,I had had sort of these
intuitive hits that said,there's things here for you to
look at.
I didn't have the tools to knowhow to look at them.
And then we went the route inthat disclosure of infidelity in
2017, like Britain mentioned, weactually went the route the
church says to go to heal theseexact things, which looks a

(28:53):
little bit like this.
You come together, you talk tothe bishop who's the leader of
the congregation, like thepriest of this area that you go
to church in and you confess tothe bishop, this is what I did,
blah, blah, blah.
Then.
The severity of the sin, um, canmean that you might need to go
before a council of 12 men thatare this presidency for the

(29:14):
area, and then you confess againto a room of 12 men who then
determine what actions you'regonna have to refrain from, you
know, what your penance is andthe duration of that penance,
right?
So he kind of is, I mean,

Leah (29:31):
no women.
There's no women involved.

Willow (29:33):
That's terrible.
There's no, not healing.
There's no healing in

There's no healing.
So we sat there and I remember,um.
Yeah, I remember sitting in thisroom and he's confessing and all
of these men are like noddingtheir heads, and by this point I
had just barely found thattrauma-informed yoga group that
I was meeting in.
There were women, so many women,and I, I remember sitting there.

(29:58):
Really kind of holding my ownjudgements of like, I wonder how
many of these men struggle withthese exact themes and they're
silent about it, and yet they'regonna judge my husband.
This is, I was simultaneouslybothered and fascinated and
judgmental at the same time, butI also felt like, we're gonna do

(30:18):
it.
We're gonna do it the right way.
He's confessing, he's gonna makethese changes and it's gonna be
better.
Um, so they came back and theysaid, okay, this is your
penance.
You have to be disfellowshippedfor an entire year.
And that means no prayingpublicly.
Like there was a list of thingshe couldn't do at church for

(30:40):
that year.
And we went home and we took aPolaroid in the backyard, um,
and which is on our website.

Willow (30:48):
you gotta go to their website and check that out.
Their website by the, by theway, y'all, it's called, um,
what's it called?
The,

Carolee (30:56):
magical story of us.com.

Willow (30:59):
of Us.
It is so beautiful.
Their website's gorgeous.
Go check it out.

So there's a picture there, and in
that picture you can see howdepressed and like, oh, he, his
energy is so heavy and I, I havethis little like, hope kind of,
that you can kind of feel for methat I'm like, oh, we're doing
this right.
Um, and that catapulted us intoa year of his disfellowship.

(31:23):
And in that year I witnessedabsolutely zero support for
myself from the church, from theorganization, from the men.
I was so alone.
I was living with so much shame.
I couldn't tell anybody what Iwas really going through because
I was afraid of their judgments.
was afraid of my own judgments

Willow (31:43):
That have been a hard year.
So isolating and like just noexpression, no, no support.

Doing it the church way actually was
really important because Irealized, oh, that by the years
end, the trauma was worse in mybody.
Like I was traumatized now, notjust by my marriage, but by the
way the church held me throughit and not any closer to Jesus
or to like healing.
And, um, that was a bigeyeopener to me.

(32:13):
And I realized through thatjourney and that difficulty and
that isolation that, um, Iabsolutely needed to heal.
Um, and that with or withouthim, whether or not we made it
through everything we were goingthrough that I had.
Things within me that weregenerational, that were showing

(32:36):
up, that were lack, that thatblocked me.
So I made a commitment to myselfat that point in time that I was
gonna prioritize my healing nomatter what.
I didn't know what that lookedlike, whether or not he'd stick
around or I'd stick around withhim as we did this journey.
But when we gathered backtogether with that same group of

(32:57):
men a year later, and they werelike so proud.
Good job, brother and SisterBeckham.
That's what Mormons call eachother.
You know, you've done it.
We are here a year.
We're ready to reinstate you tofull membership in the church.
How do you feel?
And they turned and looked at meand um, I basically told them

(33:18):
off.
I said, you've missed the mark.
There's no support for women.
I don't think you know whatyou're doing.
Like it was a moment of standingup to the patriarchy that their
eyes were so big, they weren'texpecting me to tell them how
ineffective that year was for meas a woman, that they shouldn't
be patting themselves on theback.

Willow (33:39):
I wonder if they received that.
Do you, do you have any, any

Leah (33:44):
you know if they took any of that to heart?

Willow (33:45):
about what has, what came from that moment of you
standing up for yourself and forwomen and for the whole lineage
of women in your, religioushistory?

it's, it, the Mormonism is so
contained and from like, fromthe patriarchal perspective that
I think if it was received,there's no way that it would've
gotten back to like.
The headquarters in Salt Lake.
Oh, this woman said this, right.
But through me telling the storynow it might, you know, like it
really might like facilitatethat change that I would really

(34:18):
love to see, um, in regards totrue healing.
Um, but in that moment I couldtell that what I was saying was
impacting the men listeningbecause of the looks on their
faces and the way that they weresurprised.
Um, but more than anything, morethan how it affected the out
exterior world.
It was a moment of my interiorworld that said, this is you

(34:44):
reclaiming you.
This is just one piece of thatpuzzle.
Like standing your truth.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It really was.

Leah (34:50):
That's amazing.
Well, that's a, that's agorgeous, amazing, uplifting,
inspiring moment of truth thatyou just shared with our whole
audience.
Thank you for that, and just, Icelebrate that moment.

Willow (35:01):
Mm-hmm.

Leah (35:02):
you and with

Carolee (35:03):
Thank you.
Yeah.

Leah (35:04):
you know, we had Dr.
Mike Frazier on the show early,uh, when we started the podcast
a couple years ago.
And I'm curious what you thinkof this and if this resonates
with what you also observed withwithin the congregation, with
friends, with families.
Um, and one of the things thathe does with in the cor the
Mormon faith is he's a therapistto Mormon men who are finding

(35:25):
themselves in their marriageswith very unhappy partners.
Where there isn't a lot of sexgoing on, and, and they can't
believe it.
.These, these husbands can'tbelieve it because they were
promised, you get married, yousacrifice so much, and then the
day you get married and now youget to have all the sex you've

(35:46):
ever dreamed of, all the sex youdidn't allow yourself to have.
Here's your chance.
And, and so they just think thatthis is their right.
Their partners aren't having thesex that they want.
And so eventually the partners,the spouses are like, I'm not
interested in sex with you.
I don't like sex with you.

(36:07):
I'm not gonna have a lot of sexwith you.
This isn't, and there's no,because there's no one to go to
to try to correct that therebecomes this rub.
So on the one hand he goes, Alot of the guys that I work with
think it's their right.
They've been told their wholelife that sex is their right and
that sex is for them.
Meanwhile, they have no idea howto communicate with their

(36:29):
partners, how to bring intimacyand connection to their
partners, how to have sex in away that their partners want to
have sex.
And so then they just findthemselves in sexless marriages.
And he's trying to help themlisten to their partners in
different ways.
He's teaching them intimacyskills and how to approach their
spouse in a way that feelsloving, connecting intimacy

(36:51):
filled, how to have sexdifferently.
And he is got all sorts oftestimonials with the wives
coming onto the website andsaying, wow, I feel like I'm
with a totally different man.
And our relationship has beenbeen healed to a degree.
Does that paint an accuratepicture from your experience?

brit & carolee | int (37:11):
Everything I know about Mormonism and the
marriages and the relationships,it's totally accurate.
It's totally accurate becausethere's no education.
It's also suppression.
And, um, and then they try tolike, yeah, they try to like
have, uh, this relationship thatthey've had in their mind about
what it should look like, and itjust never, it, uh, you know,

(37:34):
there's, there's crazy stories,crazy stories in Mormonism
because of the sexualrepression, like so.
Yes, totally.

Leah (37:42):
Well, there's

Well, and I.

Leah (37:43):
a woman's body more.
If I think my body is obligatedto you, it's gonna be really
hard to get turned on.

Carolee (37:53):
Yeah,

there's a lot of truth to that.
Um, I, I'm reminded of a momentthat was really, really crucial
in my own healing, right?
So like, we had had theseruptures and we were trying to
heal and we were doing a lot ofthings.
We dove deeply into seekinghealing and calling that in.
And so much magic was happeningin our life.
Um, and there was a lot ofreclamation for myself as a

(38:16):
woman, uh, as a woman of magicand embodiment and connected to
the divine feminine.
And so I was deepening in all ofthat.
And I had this moment ofrealization, um, in April of 22
that kind of goes along withwhat you just said of the
mindset of the women in thisculture.
I identified that I was attachedto like my dreams of my

(38:39):
childhood.
My Little girl, Carollee, whatdid she dream of when she grew
up?
It wasn't what career I wouldhave.
Um, it wasn't any of that.
It was like, oh, I'm gonna getmarried and I'm gonna have this
husband and I'm gonna have thisfamily, and I'm gonna be this
wife and this mother and, um, bein this relationship.

(39:00):
And I realized that, we hadsome, we kept choosing into
being together and healing as apartnership.
And there was a lot of PTSD andbetrayal trauma that I was
navigating in my somatic likesystem, right?
but I realized one of my blockswere all of my dreams from my

(39:22):
childhood that my dreams werethis idea.
I was attached to this idea ofwhat marriage and partnership
was supposed to be like.
And then when I really got realabout it, I realized, are there
any women in my life, in thiscommunity who I say they've
nailed it, the way in which thispartnership enlivens them.

(39:45):
And no, I couldn't, I couldn'thonestly connect to anybody.
I was like, no, we all gettogether and we kind of bitch
and moan and

Willow (39:52):
mm

about our husbands.
And so I realized that somewhereback in my childhood, the
program that had been implantedabout what my husband and my
marriage was supposed to belike, was a false story, a false
narrative that perpetuated thepatriarchal imbalance and didn't
actually give me my sovereignty.

(40:15):
And so made me beholden to likeservice, right?
This overarching theme of like,here, I'm here to serve him.
Instead of like, I'm here toreceive and serve and give and
you know, like this dance.
And so, um.
I actually, sometimes I can bereally dramatic.
And, um, I took the dress that Iwore when we got married in the

(40:38):
Mormon temple and I ripped it toshreds.
Um,

Willow (40:43):
liberating

Leah (40:45):
How cathartic.

then I also, he had written a poem
for me that said it was calledthe my Little Number one.
Um, and he, he had gold embossedon black paper and we had framed
it with pictures of our weddingday.
Nice.
It was really nice, but it wastriggering to me because I
didn't wanna be a number, Ididn't wanna be a number in the
sense of like, oh, there's othernumbers, you know, so I, I took

(41:09):
my dress and I took the poem andI gathered with three other
women and I held a witchy griefcircle under the full moon.
And I, for the first time, I hadbeen so scared to tell people
what I was really living throughthat.
So I hadn't admitted to anybody.

(41:29):
I was keeping, you know, thiswas 22.
We had been going throughinfidelity since 2011, off and
on, right?
So that's a shit ton of timewhere I'm holding

Willow (41:39):
Yes.

of it in myself and I spoke it out
to these women.
I said what we were goingthrough, and I burned my dress
in the fire and I burned thepoem in the fire.
And I said, I am saying goodbye.
I know it's so dramatic to allmy.

Leah (41:57):
Yeah.
Well, I would, I would reframethat.
I

Willow (41:59):
Yeah.
Not

Leah (42:01):
I think it's an inflection point that of change of like,
this is a symbol of what I'mbecoming, what I'm changing.
It's like an chemical exampleof, of, you know, because we
have trauma, trauma has agravitational pull to it.
It, it's an inflection pointtoo.
It says, here's this thing thatwas so difficult.

(42:22):
It's changed me forever.
Trauma alters our life forever.
But when you have a ritual, atrauma is a, is something of
great power.
A ritual is also of great power,but it's something that is so
positive, that is sotransformative that it also
alters you into the futureforevermore

Carolee (42:41):
Exactly.
Yeah.

Leah (42:42):
The power from a positive ritual can also shake up the
trauma from the past.
It's like a earthquake and it,and it shakes up the residue of
that trauma to start todestabilize the trauma of the
past.
So I think having rituals ofgreat power that includes
something like the full moon anda fire ceremony and cutting
something up and using adestructive element for change

(43:05):
is kind of so symbolic to allthe things you're talking about
that are, that are, um,beautiful.
So I would say, yeah, maybedrama, but really power

Yeah.
It really actually, it, it feltso that,'cause it was like I
have to let go of these hopesand dreams because they were
founded on untruth, untruthsuntrue principles.
Um, and I was willing to openmyself up to allowing myself to
be guided into what a newpartnership that would really

(43:37):
serve me, could look like.
But I had to let go of the past.
I had to let go of all of thebeliefs I had to surrender them.
Um,

Leah (43:45):
you know, in order to embody a new

Willow (43:47):
Yeah.
You have to clear out those oldlimiting beliefs and those old
indoctrinations and patterns.
I'm curious Britton, how thatwas for you, like did you, when
she came back from that fullmoon with you ritual, like what,
what was alive and what wasinspired with in you?
I mean, she burned your poemthat she gave you with the

(44:08):
wedding pictures.
I mean, that's a hugereclamation for her.

Leah (44:12):
What was that emotional process for you?

Um, the poem hurt a little bit, but
it was actually like, I wasactually in Denver at the time
and I was at a Joe Dispenzaretreat and I was, I'm doing the
work, right?
Like I'm, I'm in deep reclaiminga new life and, um, letting go
of the past and doing what she'sdoing too.

(44:37):
And, um, but what's interestingis, you know, two months before
in February, um, after we hadanother beautiful initiatory
mushroom experience.
Yeah.
And the day after that traumareset again, it was like, you
know, when you go up, when youdo mushrooms or when you do

(44:57):
medicine in spiritual contextand ceremony where you actually
have strong intention and youhave a, a purpose behind it,
there is so much more power thatcan come to you.
So we did another one inFebruary of 22.
And the next day, like I'mtalking to this friend and, um,
I, Carleigh and I are laying inbed and she's texting me and I'm

(45:19):
texting in her back and shesends me a text and it says
something about sex.
And it was like what she'snavigating in her life, right?
It wasn't like there was sexualanything going on between us,
but she saw it and she was like,mega triggered, right?
And it was like, that was likethe drop from the beautiful
mushroom ceremony, not even 24hours before into back indoor
trauma.

(45:39):
And so, you know, we did, sofrom February until like May of,
of 20 that year, 2022, it wasdeep work.
But what I did was I was like,um, I, I basically said goodbye
to our marriage as well.
Not in a divorce way.
We weren't even near that.
We were excited about thepotential of the future in a

(46:00):
huge way.
I took our marriage certificateand I burned it.
And, and so I had.
Goodbye to that marriage,goodbye, to the order under the
church, goodbye to thepatriarchy.
All of that was like, poof.
And I posted it on my Instagram.
I'm sure people were like, WTF,like, what's going on?

Leah (46:19):
Wow.

But it was super powerful and um, I
felt so good about it.
'cause I was like, oh, now weget to build it on our terms.
And the truth is, is after CarolLee did her clearing, then we
could,'cause we had both saidgoodbye to the past, and by, by
May we had planned and executedon a blood moon, a com, a new

(46:41):
union ceremony, and we remarriedourselves in our room.

Willow (46:45):
Nice.

Leah (46:46):
really, that's such a, a beautiful, uplifting, hope
filled'cause I think, you know,when you get married and you go
through the whole process andthen you add kids to the
equation and now all yourfinances are merged, you know,
there's so much trauma just froma breakup of like feeling like
failures and I think so.
I don't think we have a lot ofgood systems.

(47:08):
Available to us in our modernage.
Um, a for breaking upconsciously, right?
How to have divorce and remainfriends, you know, and not give
all of our money to divorcelawyers.
And two, how to actuallyreinvent who we are now,
especially when we meet eachother and we're so much younger,

(47:29):
and it's like in, in 10, 15, 20years we have, we have rebuilt
our cells every seven years.
We have an in completely newbody.
We replace all the cells in oursystem.
So how are we also not changedemotionally, spiritually,
energetically?
And how can we grow togetherwhen we might be growing at
different speeds and indifferent seasons?

(47:51):
So I'm really yeah, impressedwith

Willow (47:52):
I'm impressed with how, um, quickly you guys started the
process because let's go back tothis initiatory mushroom journey
was in 2019, right?
So you guys were going throughall of this massive
transformation that was not verylong ago during COD, right?
While the entire earth is

We got pregnant one month before
the COVID craze.

Leah (48:15):
Right.
And then you're pregnant again.
So now are you worried about allthe, the, how was this pregnancy
compared to the last three?
Now that you've done a littlebit of work, is it still, I
mean, I'm sure it still isdifficult with your body

can I answer that?
Yeah, go over.
Um, so what's interesting is,you know, like the church had
shown us this path of healing,which wasn't really any healing
at all.
It was a path of what theywanted to see is behavioral
adaptation.
They wanted to see how would we,stop ourselves from doing a
thing?

(48:48):
That's really it, and you justhave to like, pray more and go
to church more and blah, blah,blah, blah, blah.
And it's not useful.
Um, but all of it was basicallyspiritual bypassing, you know,
it doesn't really get to thecore of, it doesn't under, you
don't confront your energy.
You don't confront the reasonswhy you're doing whatever you're

(49:08):
doing.
And I knew that the fourthpregnancy.
This is why I said that unlessGod came down himself and told
me to have another child, Iwould not, because I knew it
would end us.
And it did.
It did end us.
Because what happened in thatfourth pregnancy was I got into
another emotional connectionwith someone, and this was the

(49:29):
final catalyst.
This was the great thing, neededto finally say to myself, okay,
I'm here again.
Why am I fucking here again?
And I had to really get inwardin a way that I hadn't yet about
this particular problem.
Because we had started ourhealing journey.
We'd started our emotional stuffand, and emotional rein

(49:50):
intelligence.
She was doing a certificationand bringing it home and
teaching me.
And it was really powerful.
So we were getting the tools,but now we needed the actual
catalyst to reignite all of itone more time so that we could
transcend it.
And this is where, this is whereI, we really believe in the
commitment to, this isn't justabout healing.

(50:10):
This is about awakening.
Okay.
Because what we realized wasthis pathway was the pathway
that we had chosen to awakenthis catalyst of the church and
the suppression of sexual energyand the sexual abuse we both
experienced in our childhood.
And, um, the infidelity pattern,all of the, all of those things

(50:31):
created this scenario where,where we were in 2020 basically.
And, and so it was like thismoment, I had been given this
beautiful kundalini awakening.
I had seen things and feltthings that were beyond anything
that I could comprehend.
And then I'm back in it again.
And I'm like, what the fuck?
So it was like a really big.

(50:52):
A moment for me to step into myhealing in a, in a real
conscious way.
And through that, this is whereher, the reason why we went
through so much in 2021 and then2022 was like, I mean, just in
four months we changed our wholelife over.
Um, but it was because, um, weneeded to finally actually heal

(51:14):
this, not just bypass it.
So it was, it was another lowpoint for sure.
You know?
Um, it was really hard.
And in 2021 we had to, we got tothis point where we're like,
we're both in our healing.
We're both trying to heal.
We got a little Eva, she's likeone years old, um, not even one.
And, uh, and we're like, can weactually heal together?

(51:37):
Do, am I just triggering you toomuch?
I know that you need to heal.
She knows.
Mm-hmm.
And so, you know, with the kidsand the nine to five, and we're
trying to, we're basicallytrying to get our healing in
from like 9:00 PM to midnightevery night.
It was really difficult.
Um, so, so we did that for alot, for all of 2021 and then,

Willow (51:56):
you guys, so inspiring.

Leah (51:59):
where did, where does traveling the world come in at
this point?
Are you

Carolee (52:03):
Where does the what?
Oh,

okay.
Well, so I just wanted to sayMDMA came in here, and this is
where MDMA shifted things for usin a big way.
Uhhuh.
So we are able to do an MDMAceremony in August of that year,
and that was like where wereconnected.
It wasn't, we were actuallygonna talk about how do we
separate, how do we consciouslyuncouple maybe.
And actually what happened waswe just started making love for
three hours and, and it was likethis beautiful deep reconnected

(52:29):
moment and in our relationshipwhere we were like recharged and
re-energized around how we couldheal.
And that there is stillpotential here.

Leah (52:37):
God.
MDMA will do that for a hearts,minds body Souls.
It just kind of opens all thoseconnected sensory experiences
and kind of go, you get to go tosome really divine places on
that medicine when our bodiesare connected.

Willow (52:51):
So where are you guys at now on your journey and where do
you, where would you, where areyou heading?
Tell us current.

Leah (52:59):
Wait, wait, wait.
Before we get to there, and Iknow we we're get running outta
time, but I wanna know aboutthis traveling the world thing
with four kids and you know, Idon't wanna miss that part
because then you get this biggerretreat center in.
Colorado afterwards, so it'slike epic chapters.

So, um, so I wanna add just real
quick, you know, right afterthat first mushroom journey, the
very next week, we had some biggifts come from the universe to
support us in this new path thatwe were forging.
We went to a sound healing forthe first time and he felt
really called to, to thatmodality.

(53:34):
Um, in fact, within a few monthshe sold all of his guns and used
the money to actually buycrystal balls.
So there was like this massiveshift from this very masculine
into this feminine withinhimself that was like receiving
and my heart and emotions, whichwas so cool for me to see.
What came to me was, um, youknow, I had in that med medicine

(53:56):
journey, this ties into thechildren.
My first medicine journey wasall about, I like literally
watched my life like it was amovie and what points in my life
I was witnessing were all of themoments of my children's births.
I had had all our kids at homenaturally, and I went back and I
was able to reintegrate and see,and I made all these connections

(54:18):
about my energy and their energyand things that now I know to be
true because people talk aboutit.
But in my world, at that time,it was so fundamentally
different than how I'd beenraised to view this connected
energy.
And that propelled me into allof 2020.
I was part of a school ofemotional healing.

(54:38):
It's called the, the Instituteof Healing Arts.
It's in Linden, Utah.
And, um, in that 2020 while alsopregnant, I actually was able to
heal through this integrativeprocessing technique, those
pieces of myself thatdisassociated from my childhood
during the abuse.
So full circle back to likehealing the trauma for my

(54:59):
childhood and healing traumalike we had really effective
healing modalities that came andsupported that reintegration.
So we had this like foundationof this full new way to see
emotional health and emotionalintelligence with his sound
healing.
And that supported us, um, therepeat pattern of infidelity.

(55:19):
After our fourth child almostbroke me.
Like it was so significant.
The, the woman that had been,that was involved had been
somebody who I had let into myhome and my heart.
And, um, I had actually confidedin her the truth of our story,
not knowing she was alsoparticipating in it in that way.

(55:40):
And so like that wounds ofbetrayal struck me in a way that
almost shattered me.
But, um, he held strong throughthat.
I held strong through that andwe continued to do the work to
heal that.
And that propelled us into, uh,2021 was kind of a blur.
2022.
At the beginning of 2022, hewent to a men's retreat and came

(56:03):
home saying, we need to do thisthing that I've learned called
the full Fuck Yes.
Like living this full Fuck yes.
What does that look like for us?
And so we made these lists ofthings we wanted to accomplish
that year that we hadn't beengiving ourselves permission, our
entire lives together and apart.
We just started saying Yes, yes,to our hearts, yes to these

(56:26):
opportunities.
Yes.
And that led us to the pointwhere in June of 22, we attended
a week long retreat, also herein Colorado.
Colorado's had an important partof our story, um, that brought a
sexual reeducation, um, ISTA.
So yeah, we did, if you've heardof Ista.
Yeah.
So we did.

Leah (56:46):
Uh, School of International Temple Arts.

So we attended that and that was
revolutionary for ourselves,that reeducation,

Leah (56:54):
who were your teachers at that one?
Who

um, Triambika.,

Willow (56:57):
Yeah, we

brit & carolee | inte (56:58):
Triambika and Juan.
And Stacy.
Yeah, yeah Triambika, Juan andStacy were the ones who
facilitated and that wasamazing.
Like, we left that and they sayafter Ista, don't do anything
big, just like let this energysettle.

Leah (57:14):
Big

Yeah.
Yeah.
So we took the advice,obviously, we went home and put
our house on the market.

Willow (57:19):
Nice.
You're like, we're outta here.
We gotta go somewhere wherewe're, where we can be
surrounded and supported.

Yeah.
So we sold our house, we soldbasically every piece of
furniture that we owned insidethe house.
Like we let it all go.
And by October of 2022, we wereliving in Bali with our four
kids.
Um, so caution, if you end upsaying, I'm gonna live the full,

(57:46):
fuck Yes.
Your life's gonna go wild reallyquickly.

Leah (57:50):
My husband would love to do that.
Let's sell a house andeverything in it, and I'm like,
mm.

it, was actually so good.
So yeah, we lived in Bali forfive months and then that
evolved into a deeplyspiritually guided soul level
pilgrimage world schoolingadventure with our kids, which
took us to Vietnam and then, um,France, England, Ireland,

(58:15):
Scotland, and Egypt.
Um, and there are so manystories to say about the magic,
literal magic that happened inall of these places as we stood
on sacred land and hadremembrance after re remembrance
come forth about who we are andlike the love that we have as

(58:36):
individuals and as apartnership.
Um, and ultimately through moremagic we were guided here to
Colorado.
Where we're now, um, in thisbeautiful home on 46 acres.

Leah (58:51):
It's a retreat center, right?

We're turning it into that.
That's what our intention is.

Leah (58:55):
where where are you at with that

So we're trying, we're right now,
we're in the process.
'cause I was out of work forthree years.
I, I, she mentioned failed tomention I left my career in the
end of 21, so that was anothersole step.
But, uh, we've been outta workfor three years, so there's no
consistent income.
So we, you know, we're, we'rebasically acquiring this
property and we have a site mapand a plan, and we're gonna turn
this into a really awesomecommunity facilitating space for

(59:18):
healing and for couples work andfor embodiment and, and
astrology and magic.
So it's gonna be this really,we're calling it Ana Hotta
Mystery

Willow (59:27):
when, uh, when it's all set up and we'll come run some
retreats there with you guys.

Carolee (59:31):
Yes.
Oh, great.

brit & carolee | intervi (59:32):
That'd be awesome.

Leah (59:33):
Uh, so are you guys working with individuals and
couples or

that is our intention.
So we have, um, we have coachingset up, so we'd love to, to
offer this wisdom, this embodiedpath that we've walked to
others.
And we've built this programcalled Reframing Infidelity.
You can check it out atreframinginfidelity.love And,
um, this is a really beautifulprogram that we guide other
couples through, recapturingtheir power, getting out of

(01:00:00):
victim mentality, findingforgiveness, reestablishing
trust and truth in therelationship, all of those
necessary things.
And then moving into, um, deeperconnection within the union.

Willow (01:00:11):
Is this just for couples or can people who have decided
to step away from the couple andare still healing from
infidelity utilize this as well?

brit & carolee | interview (01:00:20):
Um, it's for singles and couples.
So, yeah, like, I mean, I, weboth know and made a commitment
in our own journey that with orwithout each other, whether or
not we stayed as a partnership,that we needed our self-healing.
And so the program that we'vecreated specifically for
infidelity actually is, is that.

(01:00:41):
It's like this is first andforemost for the individual.
These are the actual.
Very effective tools that wediscovered as we gave everything
to healing this, that actuallywhat helped move the energy,
clear the energy and start new.
Um, and so if, if there arecouples that have been through
this same story and they'rereally struggling to like put

(01:01:04):
the pieces back together andcreate the union that they've
always wanted, it's ideal forthat scenario when two people
can come to it together.
But also like it's fundamentalprinciples for for anybody.
So yeah, it goes for both.

Leah (01:01:18):
Well, I have to say in closing, two things.
One is, uh, you've got a lot ofgreat content for your podcast,
which is launching, so what's,what's the

brit & carolee | intervie (01:01:28):
Well, it's all branded under the
magical story of us.
So we have our, our podcast,which is called The Magical
Story of Us.
You can find it on Spotifyalready.
We soft launched it, but it's,it's coming out.
We're gonna be talking about itreal soon.
Um, and we've actually beenrecording the Magical Journey
overview, so that's kind ofwhat's on there right now.
We're authoring two books.
One of my story, my version, myHealing Journey, and then hers

(01:01:49):
and how they intertwine andweave.
And that's called The MagicalStory of Us.
You can just follow us from themagical story of us.com and join
into our mailing list and followour socials.
This is where we're gonna be,offering all of our services
from.
So, yeah, very excited

Leah (01:02:03):
Yeah, and so I just wanna say, you know, you guys have
been a really beautiful examplefor our show and community of
reimagining sex and intimacy inrelationships.
So congratulations.
We look forward to watching yourjourney unfold as the future
chapters are

brit & carolee | intervie (01:02:19):
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
You too.
Thanks Willow.

Willow (01:02:23):
Pleasure to have you both.

Leah (01:02:24):
Alright, y'all, well, the show's not over.
Please stay tuned for the Dishwith myself and Dr.
Willow.

Announcer (01:02:30):
Now our favorite part, the dish.

Willow (01:02:34):
What a fun interview.
I love hearing people's storiesand their story really is
magical.
I mean, there are so manyinflection points along their
journey, and I'm so impressedthat they've done the healing
that they've done together.
It is, uh, an extra addedelement to do this deep level of
healing work while inpartnership, especially in a

(01:02:55):
partnership that you've been,um, betrayed by

Leah (01:02:59):
Oh my God.
We've got religious trauma,we've got sexual trauma, we've
got infidelity trauma, we've gotholy smokes.
It is like so set up to fail,and

Willow (01:03:11):
Carol Lee is my new shero.

Leah (01:03:14):
Yeah.

Willow (01:03:14):
She has been doing some good deep work on herself, and I
love how Britain just likecontinues to rise up within
himself so that he can be, youknow, the, the partner that he
probably has always wanted to beand uncondition that old
conditioning pattern stuff sothat he can find it.
His true self and his new wayforward.

(01:03:35):
And I also have to say that Ireally love that plant medicine
and MDMA have been a part oftheir awakening because it is
one of those things that canreally change the trajectory of
your life in a great way.

Leah (01:03:48):
Totally.
We'll have him back on the show.
One of the things we spoke aboutbackstage after the interview
was we didn't have time.
There were so many elements.
To their story.
We'd even have time to talkabout what their sexual life is
like now and how much that istransformed.
I mean, they hinted at it withtalking about some of the
medicine journeys that they wereon, but it sounds like Carolee

(01:04:09):
had a real full sexual awakeningwithin her own body access, I
imagine, to more pleasure.
Be fun to really hear about whatthat looked like.
You know, just spending time onthe erotic portion of their
story.
I feel like there's a whole lotmore to pour into and, uh, and
my experiences that that plantmedicine does really open up one

(01:04:31):
system, one's body really cancontribute powerfully to the
sexual awakening that can happenin someone's system.
And brings a sacred spiritualelement to what that sexual
capacity is.
I think in particular to thefeminine.
It has a dramatic shift Thatgives us access to things that
are truly unbelievable andreally feel miraculous.

Willow (01:04:55):
Absolutely.
I feel like, you know, I've beendoing it, uh, these medicines
since I was probably like 13 or14 years old, so, such, such a
long time that I forget howmiraculous they can be when you
start them later in life.
So it's really fun for me.
To be, be working now with, withbaby boomers and people, you

(01:05:17):
know, in, in different ageranges.
And I mean, I think these guysare younger than us, but still
them coming to it at a latertime in their life.
You know, it's like so cool towitness the, the power and the
magnificent transformation thatis possible when doing that
work.
And when you couple it withsacred sexual work.

(01:05:37):
Not maybe at the same time ifyou're facilitating, but as a
partnership.
Yeah, as a partnership.
I think it's just so powerful.
It's so, game changing.

Leah (01:05:49):
Yeah, I'm really happy for them, proud of them, celebrate
with them.
It's really uplifting, to watchLove Conquer so many obstacles,
so many reasons to break up, toturn away from each other.
They had so many things upagainst them.
It's, it's amazing.

Willow (01:06:09):
Their story is magical for

Leah (01:06:11):
mean, many of us will do some of that with three or four
relationships, you know, andjust getting, getting, anchoring
some of that healing, you know,in different chapters with
different people.
It's remarkable that they wereable to do that with each other.
It'll be really fun to see whatthey create.

Willow (01:06:27):
And beautiful where they're heading.
Yeah.
Excited to see what they, um, doin Colorado.

Leah (01:06:32):
Yeah,

Willow (01:06:34):
All

Leah (01:06:34):
well everybody have a beautiful night, day or morning.
We love you.

Willow (01:06:37):
love.

Announcer (01:06:38):
Thanks for tuning in.
This episode was hosted byTantric Sex Master Coach and
positive psychology facilitator,Leah Piper, as well as by
Chinese and Functional Medicinedoctor and Taoist Taxology
teacher, Dr.
Willow Brown.
Don't forget your comments, likesubscribes and suggestions
matter.
Let's realize this new worldtogether.

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Britton & Carolee Beckham: She Burned Her Wedding Dress - The Ritual That Transformed Our Sexless Marriage | #155

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Britton & Carolee Beckham: She Burned Her Wedding Dress - The Ritual That Transformed Our Sexless Marriage | #155