September 30, 2025 • 50 mins
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While everyone's rushing toward orgasm, they're missing the real magic happening along the way. In this episode, Leah and Willow break down why slow sex isn't just about better physical pleasure—it's about rewiring how you connect as human beings. Research shows that couples practicing slow sex techniques report significantly higher relationship satisfaction. Mindful intimacy practices reduce sexual anxiety and create space for authentic connection. Whether you're healing from trauma, stuck in routine, or just curious about deeper intimacy, this episode offers practical tools you can use tonight. Listen now and discover the specific techniques, breathing exercises, and communication strategies that can revolutionize your intimate life.
EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS
- Why "jackhammer sex" misses the point entirely
- The microwave vs. crockpot analogy for different arousal styles
- How expanding your definition of sex beyond penetration opens new possibilities
- Using your five senses as doorways to the present moment
- Why music and rhythm help you find your way back to your body
- How to stay connected when performance anxiety kicks in
LINKS & RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE CAN BE FOUND ON THE WEBSITE
LAST 10x LONGER. If you suffer from premature ejaculation, you are not alone, master 5 techniques to cure this stressful & embarrassing issue once and for all. Save 20% Coupon: PODCAST20.
THE VAGINAL ORGASM MASTERCLASS. Discover how to activate the female Gspot, clitoris, & cervical orgasms. Save 20% Coupon: PODCAST 20
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Will (01:13):
Willow
could actually speed up yourlife in connection, in pleasure,
and in presence.
On today's episode of SexReimagine, we're diving deep
into the art of slow sex.
Why taking your time isn't justsensual, it's transformational.
(01:33):
From rewiring your nervoussystem to unlocking deeper
intimacy, slowing down doesn'tjust change your sex life.
It changes how you move throughthe world.
So get ready to savor everymoment, every sensation, and
every heartbeat.
Leah (01:48):
Tune in a turn on and fall in love with your girls, Leah
and Willow.
A (01:53):
Announcer
shame-free and pleasure forward.
Let's get into the show.
Leah (02:01):
Leah
really important, which has todo with a myriad of things.
But if we were to startsomeplace, I think I'd like to
start around slow sex.
The importance of shifting ourmindset when it comes to how we
look at sex and how we play withsex, and even how we identify
(02:25):
like what is sex and how is sexdifferent from foreplay.
Willo (02:29):
Willow
I mean, that's the whole pointof our podcast.
Sex could be so many differentthings, but I mean, we all think
about sex as penetrative, youknow, sex, um, bumping and
grinding, and there's just somuch more to it.
And, and Tantra always really issuch a huge proponent of slowing
things down so that you canactually feel them more.
(02:52):
I feel like a lot of times why,um, women don't enjoy sex is
it's like they're just beingpounded.
Like they're being used as amasturbation tool basically.
And they just, it doesn't, theycan't, they can't feel anything.
And so slowing things down,foreplay, proper building of
arousal of the vulva before youeven penetrate is all so crucial
(03:16):
and super duper pleasurable.
In the giving you receive somuch when you know how to give
Lea (03:24):
Leah
the best sex.
It's actually some of the worstsex I've ever had, especially
when it is applied way too earlyin the arousal process.
It just ends up being like, areyou trying to compete with a
porn star right now?
That sex, watching that on Pornisn't even that arousing for at
(03:44):
least this estrogen mindedbrain.
Um, maybe that's hot for dudes,but I, I know very few women who
want jackhammer sex unlessthey're at a peak point of
arousal.
And it's like you're in the realthroes of something, but that
requires a ton of buildup.
So interesting how, like, Ithink sometimes what men think
of as hot and what women thinkof as hot is so different in
(04:08):
terms of how they wanna befucked.
and that makes me kind of sad.
I wish we were like in bettersync, so.
Willow (04:15):
Well, part of the reason we're, I think, so outta sync is
because of pornography and, um,that being the, the main source
of education, you know, for, formen primarily, but also women.
Um, and it's, it really is abouteducating yourself and not just
you know, listening to ourpodcast though, keep doing that
and share it with your friends,but also experiencing what we're
(04:38):
talking about, that's the besteducation.
That's always, my body hasalways been my best teacher and
I learned the most throughexperiencing things like
exploring and playing withdifferent things that I've never
done before.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.
That was hot.
That turned me on.
Or, uh, I could leave that, youknow, that wasn't really my jam.
(04:59):
Not at this point in my journeyanyway.
Leah (05:01):
Leah
Um, yeah, so to slow thingsdown, one of the things I've
heard Esther Perel say, which isreally has me noodling, is, um,
you know, fore place starts andwe, oh, 25 to half hour, at
least for women.
But it, it goes way beyond that,fore place starts after the last
orgasm,
Willow (05:22):
Willow
For the next round of sex.
Leah (05:25):
When you think of it like that, it puts you into a mindset
shift that makes you wannaromance the beloved in a whole
new way.
That it is it is a journey, youknow, sex isn't something that
we do.
Something.
Sex is somewhere we go.
And so when you think about,wow, foreplay starts at the end
(05:49):
of the last orgasm.
And when I think about the endof an orgasm, there's usually
like we're catching our breathand may, and we're turning
towards each other face to facefrom,'cause God knows what body
position we were just in forthat last orgasm.
Willow (06:04):
Willow
Le (06:06):
Leah
in my case, some kind ofgratitude like, wow, that was
amazing.
Or whoa, that was so cool.
Or, wow, oh my gosh, I gotta getmy sea legs, time to go pee.
You
Willow (06:17):
Willow
Lea (06:18):
Leah
There's some sort of transition.
Willow (06:22):
A lot of times there's laughter too, right after an
orgasm.
You know, this like just joythat cannot be contained and it
just comes out through yourlaughter and you're just
laughing together and, and thenyeah, just the afterglow of it
all and rolling around andcuddling and kissing and
touching and being in, inintimacy.
Leah (06:43):
Leah
And I think when we think about,you know, there's this old
adage, old metaphor that, youknow, women's sexualities like
microwaves or crockpot and aman's, um, no, a man's sexual
energy is like a microwave and awoman's sexual energy is like a
crockpot.
And so I think so much of oursex and what we understand about
(07:05):
sex has been informed throughthe lens of male sexuality.
And there's, there hasn't beenenough curiosity about what the
lens of female sexuality lookslike, and I think this is where
this desire for slowness, if youwant your female partner to be
fucking hot and ready, you are,you gotta get more curious about
a different approach.
Willow (07:23):
Willow
Lea (07:24):
Leah
having friction.
It is something way morenuanced.
And when we start to payattention to nuance in sex, sex
becomes a creative, artistic,curiosity filled way and
approach of going, how can Ilight up my partner system?
(07:44):
How can I take my partner on aride?
And I really love this idea ofgoing on a ride so that it's not
just like we're climbing a peakand then we're, we're rushing
down.
So then it's over.
It's, it's an ever ascendingjourney, um, that's got a lot of
peaks and valleys and, and whenwe look at it from that place,
then orgasm doesn't have to belike the number one goal.
(08:08):
Because when orgasm is the onlygoal, again, we drop nuance like
it's, and then we startcreating.
We're either passing or we'refailing.
Did everyone come?
If it's all about, I just gottacome, I just gotta come.
I just gotta come.
Then we're like, we're missingall this amazing connection.
We're leaving so much connectionon the table instead of really.
Wi (08:30):
Willow
insects.
It's like we, we miss everythingoutside of the tiny little thing
that we're looking for.
And, um, you know, one of, oneof the most amazing, hot,
spiritual, incrediblepenetrative experiences I ever
had, probably lasted about fourto five minutes from the point
(08:55):
of like the tip of the glands toall the way into it was like a
five minute entry.
It was so slow.
But I think what, um,
Leah (09:03):
penetration, you're saying from from penis to vagina.
W (09:06):
Willow
It took, it took that long, fourto five minutes.
It was long.
It was, and it was like, and wewere so present, staring into
the eyes the entire time andjust like, just right there.
And it was, what was also reallyhot about it was we hadn't done
it before.
Right.
So there was that, and it waslike, are we gonna do this?
Yeah, we're doing it Okay here.
(09:27):
You know, it was just like theslow and the heat and the
buildup, it was yum.
But what I wanna say about thatis I feel like.
A lot of men, um, can't stayhard.
They feel like they need to getin and they need to start
jackhammering in order to
Leah (09:43):
Leah
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like they need the friction,otherwise they're gonna lose
their erection, which createsanxiety, which robs it of being
playful and makes it urgent.
And then we have pass fail.
Willow (09:54):
Willow
Yeah.
Leah (09:55):
Leah
Willow (09:57):
get out of that model?
Leah (09:58):
I think what's happening is one becomes so hyper-focused
on failing
Willow (10:03):
Willow
Leah (10:03):
Leah
they need it or want it to be.
And then that would result inembarrassment or disappointment,
that it becomes hyper-focused.
Instead of like relaxing,learning how to trust your cock,
learning that you're who you areas a lover is, is your cock, is
(10:26):
your, you're so much more thanthe performance of your cock,
number one.
So like remembering that if youcan be present, because that's
(12:04):
what happens when you becomehyper-focused on the performance
of your cock and you're gonnapass your fail, you're not
present anymore.
Willow (12:10):
Willow
Leah (12:11):
And, and really the, the key, the element to being a
masterful lover.
Starts and ends with yourability to be present and in the
moment and right there creatinga sense of attunement with your
lover.
And so how do your hands feelwhen you are caressing her head
and you've got maybe a fist ofher hair and near her skull and
(12:35):
you've got another handcaressing the side of her.
Face or maybe your got or jawand you're bringing her in and
you're kissing her passionately,you know, let that be your
focus.
And trust me, your cock is gonnarespond even if it's being
still, because it can feel thesexual tension that is starting
to build between your bodies.
And that's what your cock wants.
(12:56):
That's what your cock is gonnarespond to.
It's not gonna respond to yourfear that things are going too
slow.
Willow (13:02):
Willow
Leah (13:03):
If you're in the present moment, you're building sexual
tension.
And so that's a tricky thing toget back to though when your
mind's already hijacked you.
Willow (13:13):
Yeah, it definitely can be.
My, my, um, trick for that thatI am always helping people with
is to go to your senses.
Exactly what you were justdescribing.
It's like your senses.
Each one of your physicalsenses, smell, taste, touch,
sight, sound.
Each one of them is a doorway tothe present moment.
So, which one is an easy doorwayfor you to stand in?
(13:34):
You know, which one is it?
Sound.
Can you listen to the sound ofher breath?
Can you bring that sense to theforefront of your mind so that
you can really find an access?
And if your cock gets soft inthat moment, trust the process
and be okay with, like, find away to be okay with it in that
(13:56):
moment and stay connected tosound.
Stay connected to the sound ofher breath.
Bring your awareness to smell.
Smell the scent.
Leah (14:04):
before we go to smell, I'd like to add something around
sound.
I love having rhythmic music onbecause when I lose presence, I,
and I think sex has so much todo with rhythm.
Rhythm and tempo and likefinding your way back in.
So when there's music and Iwanna find myself again, like I
(14:27):
wanna find the breath, I'll findthe breath in the music.
And because I wanna be in mybody, there's something that my
body knows around tempo and thepulse and the rhythm that, and
it doesn't matter what kind ofmusic it is, then I'll just
start to slightly sway and moveand I'll find my body back
there.
And now I'm back in my body andnow I'm back in the present
(14:47):
moment.
So if, if you think that mighthelp start thinking about what's
the music.
And, and I fortunately, becauseI have a private practice and
I'm working with bodies on theTI all the time, I am attuned to
the music to help me with mytiming.
How much time do I have for thatappointment?
You know, when are thingsstarting to roll?
When do I need to calm theenergy down, versus when do I
(15:08):
wanna add more beats to it?
And then helping someone elseorient to the music so they can
tune my instrument, my body.
So when two people can start tofind a rhythm together, you
don't have to manufacture that.
If someone else's breath doesn'thelp you find their rhythm, both
of you tune into the musictogether and find your rhythm
(15:29):
together
Wi (15:30):
Willow
music.
Like, I really can't remember.
It's probably been years.
It's probably been like seven oreight years.
Leah (15:39):
Leah
Willow (15:40):
I don't know how I ha, I know that I have had sex without
music
Leah (15:44):
Leah
Willow (15:44):
and it wasn't as hot as it is now.
Leah (15:47):
Well, music probably makes our sex hotter because we have a
rhythm that our body can respondto.
It has pitch, it's gotfrequency, it's got vibration.
All of those things resonate tothe frequency of sexual energy.
Willow (16:00):
And not only that, but you know, the heart is the one
organ in the body that makes asound.
So there's this like connectionthat we have to our hearts with
sound.
It's like I love the sound of mydog eating his dinner.
Like I just love the sound.
My heart opens up.
Yeah, it's weird.
Like people love the sound oftheir kids.
(16:22):
Yeah, well there you go.
There's a little willow wisdomfor you.
I love the sound.
You know, people love the soundof their kids' voices.
We love the sound of our lovers'voices.
We love the sound of certainmusic.
We love the sound of certainbirds and things like that, and
it like, it opens up our heartwhen we're, when we're paying
attention to sound.
So that's another nuanced.
(16:44):
Way to get into the presentmoment.
Let's say you're listening toyour lover's breath and you're
really just tuned into that onesense organ notice then how that
opens your heart.
And guess what guys?
When your heart starts to open,your cock gets hard.
Leah (16:59):
I notice like the type of music that does not turn you on,
Willow (17:02):
Willow
Leah (17:03):
Leah
Like it's really interesting toowhen you can connect to the
music that works, how you canfind yourself over and over
again.
And the minute the wrong songcomes on, it's like, oh B,
that's not it.
And you have to react.
Willow (17:15):
Willow
Yeah.
And like change it.
Leah (17:17):
Leah
So what I will do is I will addtwo Spotify playlists, um, that
I tend to use in sensualexperiences, and you guys can
try that on.
Maybe, uh, it'll, it'll opensomething inside of you and if
it doesn't, that's okay.
There's a playlist out therethat will.
Willow (17:36):
Willow
Yeah.
And really, you know, I, for me,sound is one of my primary S
sense organs, so it is good topractice on your own and just
kind of be like, well, what's, Idon't know.
I don't even know what myprimary S sense organ Spend five
minutes, one minute per scentorgan, and just notice like if I
just really focus on smellingfor an entire minute.
(17:56):
How does that bring me intopresence versus if I just really
focus on listening for an entireminute, how does that bring me
into presence?
For me, vision is is one of theones that takes me most out of
presence because then I startthinking, I start labeling like,
oh, that's a tree, that's athing.
And then my mind's, oh yeah, Ilike tree.
Oh, it's good to know abouttrees.
(18:16):
I don't know.
I'm giving you an example, butmen are very visual, you know,
generally speaking.
And so.
So for, for you guys out there,like, check it out.
How is it for you to just lookat something for an entire
minute?
Does it bring you into presenceversus smelling or tasting, or
listening
L (18:36):
Leah
wasn't really ever somethingthat I connected to either o
other than in meditation.
I like guided visualizations.
There's a, there's a beautifulkaleidoscope that can take me
deeper into an experience whenthere's, um.
Uh, a visionary element to it.
(18:58):
So like, when I wanna relax intoa sexual experience and I wanna
come out of my mind, I like touse my imagination to like bring
me into my Chakras and I canvisualize my Chakras.
I like to visualize roots, likegrounding me to the earth so I
can really relax my nervoussystem so I can like, get
comfortable receiving.
'cause receiving hasn't alwaysbeen easy for me.
(19:19):
Um.
To get me out of my head.
I use sight to get me into mybody through visualization, and
I often need that in thebeginning of a sexual
experience, especially becauseif I've been like on the
computer for five hours and nowit's time to have a Tantric
date, I struggle with thattransition.
So I have a set of guidedvisualizations that ground me
(19:42):
into my body and I use sort of,not that I'm looking outside,
I'm looking inside.
So I use a visionary thing thatgoes in versus out, but you're
right, if I had to look outside,I would be naming thing cobweb
in the corner.
Um, you know, like that would bevery distracting.
But now, like when you thinkabout, and this came to me when
(20:06):
I started to study the eroticblueprints and I was looking at
the sexual, um, blueprintarchetype because that was the
one that I was least connectedto.
Like porn has really never doneit for me.
Um, but when I started toimagine if porn could do it for
me.
Willow (20:27):
Willow
Leah (20:27):
What would that be like?
And looking at sexuality throughthe lens of the sexual
archetype, where it's more aboutfriction, visual stuff.
Something got turned on in meand I was able to go, oh, I
wanna know how that half lives.
Can I make a bridge?
And I've been able to make abridge.
So oftentimes I do think of likethe teenager boy and like all
(20:50):
the penetrative shit that theycan imagine that would get them
hot.
And if I'm the object of theirdesire.
Willow (20:56):
Willow
Leah (20:57):
Leah
Now
Willow (20:59):
Willow
Leah (21:00):
now I have a massive turn on.
I have adopted the sexualblueprint
Willow (21:04):
Willow
Leah (21:05):
I just had to put myself as the, uh, the object of their
desire.
Yeah.
And I had to heal my judgmentaround being objectified.
Now I'm like, I fucking lovebeing objectified.
Willow (21:18):
I think that is a, that if, if we're talking slow sex
and developing your sexualityand being on a sexual
exploratory journey, I thinkthat's a big one for a lot of
women is to learn, is to find aplace inside of you that gets
turned on by being objectifiedbecause it's always been such a
(21:39):
bad
Leah (21:40):
Right, and it's felt bad when it's been unconsensual.
It is felt bad as a teenager whodoesn't understand the whole
operation of what's going on inher body.
And all of a sudden people arelooking at you differently and
some people are being very rudeabout it, and you don't have a
cor set of boundaries and you'reafraid you're gonna get in
(22:00):
trouble left and right.
Like there's a reason why beingobjectified has felt traumatic.
Willow (22:05):
Willow
Leah (22:06):
But for me in reclaiming something around all of that,
it's um.
get to be a choice regarding myobjectification.
I get to ask for it, name it,discover where the corners are
inside of me, that that could behot, and I think I could've only
gotten there through age.
And maybe it's because as onegets older, there's a story that
(22:28):
says you're less desirable.
So there's something about beingobjectified at this age that
turns up my feeling of beingdesired.
So now, like where I would neverhave wanted it as a younger
person.
Now as an older person, I'mlike, give it all to me.
Don't
Will (22:44):
Willow
Leah (22:46):
Leah
You know?
And um, but consent is aninteresting player in that.
Um, and so, and to bring it backto slow sex, it's like to slowly
lift up my dress and reveal alittle, some more slowly, more
slowly, every inch of my thighs,right?
(23:07):
And then like a, a, the a, alook at the panties that I'm
wearing and, you know, to thenhave those panties just curled
underneath, you know, and thenyou're getting a quick little
flash of something forbidden.
You know, and then like to havea cock get closer and closer and
closer to my vulva.
And so close that they're like,you gotta beg for it, baby.
(23:28):
You know?
So like, wave your cock at me,but you're not gonna touch it
yet.
This all builds sexual tension.
And because you're doing itslowly and you're teasing me
with it, and it's like, you'remaking me want it where when sex
is fast, you're like jamming ittowards me.
I don't even have enoughpresence, enough time to wanna
crave it.
(23:49):
I'm just expected to receivesomething and my desire is
supposed to be right there.
It's not right there.
Like, stoke that fire, make meyearn.
Make me beg.
W (23:58):
Willow
I mean, this is one of thethings that we're always, always
teaching men is to slow down andto become more magnetic.
Make her come to you.
Don't be coming at her with yourfingertips and your cock tip and
your tongue and you're,everything.
Leah (24:15):
Leah
So
Willow (24:16):
Willow
And she is like, ah, it's toomuch to found.
For generally, for most women,you know, and so you know what
you're talking about though,with the lifting of the dress
and the slow boy is turning meon.
But it's like you're, you'remixing several of the, of the
blueprints there.
The energetic, the sensualfeeling, the dress coming up
(24:37):
your thighs, right?
And the heat building in youryoni as like someone's just
looking,
Leah (24:43):
Leah
Someone's craving.
Yeah.
Crave me.
Will (24:47):
Willow
the sexual, you know, of like
Le (24:52):
Leah
be friction and there's gonna bepenetration.
And you just describing likethat slow penetration.
It's like when it is so microslow, um, when you're not
counting the size and inches,but the size and centimeters
'cause you got a lot morecentimeters than you got inches.
(25:12):
Let me tell you, like, let mefeel every single one
Willow (25:16):
Willow
Leah (25:16):
Leah
Then it's.
And then it's like there's abuildup and there's a pulse,
right?
And then you're really feelingthe pulsation versus everything
coming in as a rush.
And I'm not saying that fast sexdoesn't have a really awesome
place.
There are times when you've gotlike five minutes, man, let's
run to the bathroom and likejust bend over the sink and
Willow (25:35):
we're not saying do away with quickies, we're just saying
try something else too.
Yeah.
Leah (25:40):
Leah
It's all, it's an and.
And, um, and, and what you'realso just illustrated as you
sort of mapped out some of theblueprints is all of that is all
the touch senses feeling therise of the skirt against the
thighs, feeling the peeling backof the panties, feeling if you
bend someone over the sink orthe couch or the chair or
(26:02):
whatever the laundry, um, thingyou, and you're flipping and
W (26:07):
Willow
something?
L (26:11):
Leah
Okay.
If, if those walls could talk.
Willow (26:17):
knew laundry rooms could be so sexy.
Leah (26:19):
Leah
So, um, so really payingattention of the sensation of
your skin.
Your skin.
Sometimes you hear us say, infact, probably all the time you
hear us say, that's that thebrain is a big sex organ.
Not true actually, the skin isthe biggest sex organ.
Willow (26:35):
Willow
Leah (26:36):
And for us to realize that it's not just the genitals that
are on your own.
Your entire body, your everyinch of your skin is erogenous.
And so when we're talking aboutforeplay, how you hold
somebody's hand, how justplaying with somebody's hair.
Um, and, and one of the thingsthat I think is important for,
(26:57):
because a lot of people who needslow sex are people who've had
sexual trauma.
And they have overridden a partof what they need.
They oftentimes haven't becausethey weren't allowed a voice in
the first place due to much oftheir sexual trauma.
Um, they have a hard timetalking about sex.
They just know how to put on thebrakes, but they've never really
discovered their accelerator.
Willow (27:19):
Willow
Leah (27:20):
And so slow sex can be so it's the key to having healing
sex.
Willow (27:24):
Willow
Yeah.
Lea (27:26):
Leah
your relationship right now thatis feeling fractured, that you
feel like you're not having asmuch sex as you want in your
relationship.
You may need to help yourpartner go here you, you put my
hand where you want me to touch.
I'll just stay right there andthen you can move my hand when
(27:46):
you want me to go somewhereelse.
You know, to allow your partnerto discover where do they want
your hands may really delightand surprise them.
W (27:56):
Willow
receptive, you know, to to taketheir hand and say, stay in your
receptivity.
Stay connected to your breath.
Stay connected to your inhale.
Stay connected to the sensationof the skin in the palm of your
hand while I take the palm ofyour hand and bring it to my
nipple or my clit, Or the, backof my
Leah (28:17):
Leah
Willow (28:18):
Willow
Leah (28:20):
boob, or against my lower
Willow (28:22):
Willow
Yeah.
Leah (28:24):
thigh, like, um, and then it's sort sometimes people, it's
kind of like driving the driver.
Willow (28:32):
Willow
Lea (28:33):
Leah
is, that needs to be a reallyslow, but it can be such a
deeply healing process.
And it's a, it's a practice thatcultivates trust.
And many of us, if not all ofus, have been wounded on the
path to love
Willow (28:49):
Willow
Le (28:50):
Leah
And sometimes we've been woundedon that path to love with the
person who still sleeps in ourbed every night.
Willow (28:57):
Willow
So true.
Leah (28:59):
And we have to, we don't have to like throw the baby out
the bath water, but we have tolearn how to turn towards each
other
Willow (29:05):
Willow
Lea (29:05):
Leah
And um, and this is what I justsee so much in couples therapy
that it's just so painful and weget so stuck.
But we have to change ourmindset again and to be curious
and to go slower and to bepatient And, um, and, and so
let's talk about like thatpatience.
(29:26):
Let's talk about like thepartner who feels pretty shut
down, who's feeling trustissues, who can't just jump into
sex anymore.
They need to go slower.
And you're that partner that'slike, yeah, but I'm hungry.
I've been starving for years,and you want me
Willow (29:42):
Willow
Leah (29:43):
I feel like all we do is take things off the table.
We've been taking shit off thetable for years.
I'm so tired of taking shit offthe table.
I just want my dick wet, or Ijust want my pussy filled.
Um, like whatever the case maybe.
And it's like, so what if.
Even if you're not havingpenetrative sex, you're getting
(30:05):
yourself off and your partner istaking you in, in your pleasure.
Who says that you have to gounsatisfied?
You know, can you support eachother experiencing your get off?
Even if you're not in, you'restill participating, but maybe
you're not having penetrativesex right now, but you can still
be there and practice attunementand practice going slow, you
(30:27):
know, all those things.
It's, it's like we're, we're soall or nothing.
Willow (30:30):
Willow
Rather than like going off andmasturbating on your
Leah (30:33):
Leah
Yeah.
Right.
W (30:35):
Willow
buried in secrecy and, and theshame, it's, it's an opportunity
to get curious, get playful, gooutside of your comfort zone.
Look, we all grow the most whenwe're outside of our comfort
zone.
Is it comfortable?
No, that's the point.
(30:56):
Like we need to push ourselves alittle bit to explore so that we
can expand and grow.
Leah (31:02):
Yeah, and I think this is what, like I've really been sort
of meditating on, if sex isn'tsomething that you do, but it's
somewhere you go.
Then it's like, it's a turningtowards each other and going on
a journey.
It's not about doing it andgetting the job done.
It's not about like, okay, it'sa goal.
It's kind of like, oh, we'retaking a vacation.
(31:24):
We're taking a siesta.
Even though it sounds like anap, it's really like, yeah,
but, but we're, we'retransitioning.
Yeah.
A fiesta.
That's better.
Fiesta Fiesta.
We're gonna enjoy
Will (31:34):
Willow
Leah (31:37):
Leah
That is Fiesta.
I mean, well, what?
I can't think of anything betterto do.
Um.
Willow (31:42):
Willow
Leah (31:44):
Yeah, and, and I think it goes so well with this idea of
foreplay begins after that lastorgasm because it changes how
you text each other.
It changes how you caress eachother when you're passing in the
hallway.
It changes how you serve eachother a meal.
It changes how you sit with eachother on the couch.
(32:04):
It changes how you hold handswhen you're taking a walk.
It changes the conversationsthat you have and it changes
where you have thoseconversations.
And so the other thing I've beenreally thinking about lately is
we, as couples tend to go intobig routines that get stagnant
and boring.
That's why we complain about oursex life is'cause we get stuck
into a routine and we're gettingbored and it's not exciting.
(32:26):
And then we had that sameconversation about how stressed
out we feel about our boring sexlife.
And we have that conversation onthe same couch
Willow (32:35):
Willow
L (32:35):
Leah
Willow (32:37):
Willow
Le (32:38):
Leah
you're having the goddamnconversation because then maybe
your conversation might change.
Maybe you'll have morecuriosity.
Maybe something inspirationalcan come.
Maybe there'll be moregratitude, like maybe have that
conversation out in nature.
Maybe sit at a park bench,because you're not gonna get in
(32:59):
a fight on the public bench whenthere's people walking by.
Maybe have it in the club.
Where there's music and you'vegot a cocktail and your
Willow (33:11):
Maybe not with alcohol,
Leah (33:13):
Leah
Willow (33:14):
Willow
Depends on you
Le (33:16):
Leah
may, that might not work foryou, but maybe it would.
I
Willow (33:20):
Willow
Yeah,
Leah (33:21):
Leah
Willow (33:22):
Willow
Leah (33:22):
Leah
Willow (33:23):
Willow
Leah (33:23):
cocktail might loosen me up a little
Willow (33:25):
Oh, It definitely would.
Leah Piper, little miss.
She likes her cocktails.
She gets loosey goosey.
You guys should see Leah drunk.
Leah drunk is just
Leah (33:35):
Leah
Willo (33:37):
Willow
Le (33:38):
Leah
Sometimes if Leah drunk willprovide you with a grumpy stump,
other times it'll provide
Willow (33:45):
Willow
Leah (33:47):
Leah
Willow (33:47):
Willow
Leah (33:48):
a happy tree or a grumpy
Willow (33:49):
Willow
Leah (33:50):
Leah
Willow (33:51):
Willow
Yeah, Um, okay.
Back to back to you guys.
We,
Lea (33:56):
Leah
Willow (33:59):
Willow
Leah (34:00):
Leah
Willow (34:01):
Changing where you have it and also how you have it.
Like instead of just diving intoyour grievances and what's not
working, like set up more, trysetting up more of like a ritual
ritualistic, just like we do inTantra.
Like sit down, maybe go to thepark.
Have a little food, a littlepicnic, whatever, and then light
(34:22):
some candles, light, bring acandle, even if it's the middle
of the day, light the candle.
And just by lighting thatcandle, you're symbolizing to
you and your partner.
Okay.
We're stepping into a more, um,
Leah (34:34):
Leah
Willow (34:34):
Intentional space here and then share your intention.
My intention for thisconversation that we're about to
have is to get closer to you, isto open things up, is to shift
what we've been doing for solong and stop having these same
arguments over and over again sothat we can find our way to
deeper, more lasting into.
(34:55):
You know, and your partnershares their, their intention,
and you can even do your BFDs,your big fucking deals, which
are your boundaries, fears, anddesires.
My boundaries are, I'm notwilling to have a, a fight in
this park.
You know, this, my, my fear isthat this conversation might not
take us anywhere and keep usspinning in the old pattern that
(35:17):
we're always spinning in, but mydesire is to get, is to end in a
cuddle.
Here on the grass, you know?
Le (35:25):
Leah
Um, I think too, like changinglocation where you are actually
having sex.
Try your closet.
Willow (35:34):
Willow
Le (35:35):
Leah
Or your laundry room.
Yeah.
Like try the bathroom.
Try any
Willow (35:41):
Willow
Leah (35:42):
Leah
Try the guest bedroom.
Try your kids fucking bedroom.
They won't know you.
You're in charge of washing thesheets.
What the fuck?
Like they're at school,
Willow (35:51):
Willow
Leah (35:52):
you know, like for crying out loud.
Do it outside under a blanket.
Feel how naughty it is.
You know, like we need, women inparticular need a little more
taboo with our sex.
We need a little bit of danger.
Willow (36:08):
Willow
L (36:09):
Leah
caught right now?
We need a little bit of put yourhand up my skirt underneath the
table at a full table.
You know, doesn't mean you'regonna actually finger us, but at
least give us the threat thatyou might, you know, like there
are things like women needengagement when it comes to
their erotic mind, because wearen't as visual about sex as
(36:32):
teenage boys are, and thatusually carries men well into
their old age.
we need to feel some of thatstatic around sexual energy.
And so your hunger can besomething that we really need,
especially if we haven't feltyour hunger in a long time.
Now there's other women who alsoare like, I am so sick of his
(36:52):
hungry ass.
You know, like I need him tolike get his hunger off of me.
That's a different problem.
Willow (36:58):
Willow
Leah (36:59):
I can tell you though, for a woman who is irritated by his
hunger, going slower, willchange that irritation.
Usually it's because his hungeris too fast.
It's too engulfing.
Slow it down again, build morethan anticipation.
And the same is true when weswitch genders.
(37:22):
Because there are lots of, um,men who find that their
partner's sexual hunger isengulfing and too much and is
and is wanted all the time, andthey're not connected to their
own hunger to wanna keepproviding it, and they find
their partners hungerburdensome.
Willow (37:43):
Now we've talked about the value of slow sex.
Like let's tell you a little bitabout what you can do, how you
can actually implement it.
Leah (37:51):
Leah
So how does one have slow sex?
You know, we've already talkedabout, um.
Sex can start if we stopthinking about sex as
penetration Only sex can bethose text messages.
Sex can be how you hold hands.
Sex can be how you sit next toeach other on the couch, how you
hold each other.
(38:12):
Sex can be putting your head inyour partner's lap.
And looking up at them.
Sex can be how you rub yourpartner's feet and then crawl to
their ankles and then up theircalves and then up to their
knees and then their innerthighs.
Um, sex can be, you're watchinga movie, it's getting kind of
bored.
One of you gets down on theirknees.
(38:33):
Opens their thighs and then laystheir head against one thigh and
just waits and feels the tensionof someone's head being very
close to someone else's crotch.
And then you just wait and seehow your partner's hips start to
tilt.
And move what happens to theirhands as they start to thread
(38:55):
them through your hair to theback of your neck?
You know, like this is sort of,these are the things that come
to my mind when I think abouthow would I seduce someone by
going slower.
Wi (39:04):
Willow
and it, it's so funny'cause inso many places in our life,
anticipation can drive usfucking crazy.
Right?
But then in sex, it can drive usfucking crazy.
And so it's like, oh, theanticipation of it, the, the,
the, the threat of it, thetickle of it, the tease of it
(39:25):
is, is a huge part of, of thesex itself.
And so start to drink thosemoments in as sex, start to view
those moments as sex rather thanthis is just, you know, a little
bit of foreplay to get to sex.
Leah (39:44):
Another thing that I like that slows things down is to,
um, both people to get naked andthen to rub each other down,
like by starting with someone ontheir belly, so all their front
bits, you're not tempted to gostraight to tits and genitals.
Instead, they're laying on theirbelly, and so you caress their
back and you take the tensionoutta their shoulders, and you
(40:06):
slowly caress along the sides oftheir ribs and down their waist
and down their hips.
One of the ways that you cantake a massage from being like a
therapeutic massage and make itinto a sensual massage is all
about long, slow conformingtouch.
And when I mean conformingtouch, what I mean by that is
you use the fullness of yourhand fingertips, fingers, palm
(40:29):
heel, everything, and you allowit to take the shape of
somebody's body.
So when you're rubbing someone,you're just not rubbing them
with the heel of your hand.
Um, you're, it's a full handedcaress and it's really slow and
you use your hands to reallytrace the shape of the body
part, and then you lengthen thattouch.
So you go maybe from theshoulder down the sides of the
(40:51):
waist, down the hip, down theouter thigh, down by pass knee
past the calf, all the way downto the foot.
So, however you can stretch andelongate that caress, you make
it as long and as slow aspossible.
That's what makes massagesensual, and there's lots of
people who do not touchsensually.
(41:13):
It's like, they're like, whereare you?
You're just squeezing.
Squeezing isn't sensual.
Willow (41:20):
Willow
Leah (41:21):
Leah
Willow (41:22):
Willow
Yeah.
And the other thing too, whenyou're doing sensual massages,
you want to think about yourforearm as an extension of your
hand.
You wanna think about your upperarm as an extension of your
hand.
You wanna think about yourbreasts as an
Leah (41:36):
Leah
Willow (41:37):
Like yeah, your pecs as an extension of your hand.
Like I like to think when doingcentral massage, I like to think
about paintbrushes.
You know, and so what, what am Igonna dip into the paint, which
is the oil and, and what am Igoing to paint?
You know?
So I'll use my nipples as apaintbrush.
I'll use my palm of my hand ormy fingertips.
(41:57):
I'll use, sometimes my ear I'll
Leah (42:00):
Leah
Willow (42:01):
foot as a paintbrush on someone's booty.
And that feels really good, youknow?
Yeah.
Your hair dripping acrosssomebody.
I mean, there's so many.
And then if you wanna takesensual massage into more fun
and more play, think about whatkind of implements you might
wanna use, like feathers,pearls, um, pinwheels.
(42:22):
What else do we like to use?
Le (42:24):
Leah
and drape that over someone'sbody and just with micro
movements, slowly drag it acrosstheir skin and even just lay
your whole body on somebody'sback and just move and rye and
just, you know, feel the littlearches and angles and, and tilts
(42:44):
and, um pivots andmicromovements, you can do with
all these other angles in yourbody pressing up against their
angles of their body.
But it's really lovely to justlet somebody without having to
give back.
It's just their turn to receive.
You have them on their tummy andyou just, you touch every inch
of the backside of their body.
And when you get close to likethe crack of the ass or you
(43:06):
tickle the back of thetesticles, or you tickle the
back of the vulva, that's justbringing a little more sparks.
But then you take that likepaint, like Willow said, and
then you paint those sparks toanother part of the body, like
maybe the calves.
Wherever there's a flexiblejoint, there's a lot of
sensation, so we've got extranerve endings in our joints, so
think wrists, elbows, knees,ankles, sides of the waist,
(43:29):
behind the ears, sides of theneck.
Um, curves of the breast,
Willow (43:33):
Chakras also have a lot of sensitivity to them.
So all those, all those bendsthat Leah's pointing to as well,
elbows and wrists, flexiblejoints, those are, there's a
bunch of, um, acupuncture pointsin each one of those flexible
joints.
And so that's one of thereasons.
That it is so sensitive and sotender.
(43:55):
Like you could try sucking onsomebody's inner epicondyle,
which relates to heart three.
Uh, a really
Lea (44:03):
Leah
Will (44:05):
Willow
Like you could suck on it, youcould bite it, you could nibble
it, you could
Leah (44:11):
Leah
Willow (44:12):
Willow
lick it, whatever, rub yournipple on it.
Like just get creative and seewhat happens to that person
who's receiving, when somebody'sjust receiving, it allows them
to access something about theirsexuality that they can't
otherwise access, becauseotherwise they're busy trying to
(44:34):
reciprocate, they're busy tryingto give back.
So there's this place that theygo in their brain that we all
get to go in our brain whenwe're in receiving, where we get
to just really, I feel like ahuge part of it is experience
our self-worth.
You know, just like, wow,someone's just giving to me just
(44:54):
because they want to, or justbecause that's the organization
of what we're doing right now.
And it, and it really allowssomebody to experience their
full, authentic essence and thedeep sense of worthiness that
they carry inside of them justby existing.
That they don't have to giveback, that they don't have to
reciprocate in order to beworshiped.
Leah (45:16):
Leah
And then I think too, like onceyou've spent, I don't know, 15,
20 minutes on someone's back,then maybe it's your turn to
receive on your back and thenyou flip, and then you do each
other's fronts and you justallow the process to be a little
bit slower.
You awaken the whole body.
I know some of you're thinking,Jesus Christ, I don't have that
long to have sex.
My life is bananas.
(45:36):
We got kids.
I don't need them walking in thedoor.
You know, there are moreimportant ways to restore
yourself than just sleep.
And what you prioritize showswhat you value.
You know, we say we love eachother, but then we don't really
make time for each other and wejust, we just expect that we
won't grow apart.
Look, you can look at thedivorce rates.
(45:58):
It's pretty easy to grow apart,um, because we make other things
way more important than stayingconnected.
And so if you want the kind ofrelationship that I think most
of us dream of when we'relooking for a relationship, we
are dreaming a dream.
And then 10 years later we'vegot it and we have completely
lost touch with that dream.
Willow (46:19):
Willow
Leah (46:19):
Everything about survival becomes more important, and we
forget that actually part of oursurvival is connected to this
person too.
Willow (46:26):
Willow
Leah (46:27):
And it's, and it's a way that we get to thrive.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's, let's go beyond survivingplease and let's see where we
can go and when we're thrivingand, um.
Willow (46:37):
Willow
Mm-hmm.
Leah (46:56):
Leah
What if foreplay starts at theend of the last orgasm?
Wi (47:01):
Willow
You know, one thing that Iwanna, I wanna add before we
kind of wrap things up is, um, Iwas driving the other day and I
was like, boy, that person isconfused.
They were going very slow andthey were like this lane, that
lane, they couldn't figure outmiddle of an intersection.
Everyone behind them was honkingand putting pressure on them to
(47:22):
hurry the fuck up and figure itout.
And they were just so clearlylike confused, right?
And so in my mind I was like,okay, when we're confused, we
should all slow down.
We should all go slower.
Whether we're talking about, I'mconfused about if I wanna be in
this relationship or not.
Okay, good, good time to slowdown, or I'm confused about if I
(47:44):
like this or not.
If I like this sexually, if thisis turning me on or not, that's
a good time to slow down aswell.
If you're in traffic, it's agood time to slow down, you
know?
And there's just all theseopportunities to, to be confused
in our world right now becausewe have so much choice.
We have so much differentthings, directions we could go,
so many opportunities and um,and a lot of it's at our
(48:07):
fingertips.
And so it's, it's a really goodpractice to slow down in your
sexuality and you'll notice thatit slows you down in every other
sector of your life and allowsyou to, to actually live a more
Tantric life where you'reactually in presence and in
union with everything thatyou're doing.
(48:27):
You know, whether you're in theline at the grocery store, or
you know, having sex with yourpartner.
Like it's all an opportunity tobe in union, and it does require
attunement and that attunementoften, especially if you're not
well practiced at being attunedwith yourself and other takes
slowing down.
Leah (48:48):
Yeah, you can't get there without slowing down because
you're paying attention tosensation inside of you.
And then you're also readingwhat's happening empathetically
in your partner, how are theybreathing?
You know, where are theyclosing?
Where are they opening?
Are they laughing?
Are they complaining?
You know, we've got all theselike overt cues, but also
(49:11):
non-verbal cues that we arebroadcasting all the time,
giving people information onwhat's going on with us.
And I also wanna bring this asmaybe a closing message is that
when we make the goal of sexorgasm, we are often missing the
boat to orgasm.
If we make sex about love.
(49:33):
And that doesn't mean thatperson, you have to be in love
with them, but you have lovingintentions for them.
You want to have a lovingexperience, you know, with
someone, it, it doesn't have tobe all in love, but when you
make the experience about havinglike a loving hot ravishing
experience, whatever it takes,if the element of love is in
(49:56):
there, all the orgasms follow.
And you can kind of put, you canstop stressing out on everyone
coming if you just are in thespirit of having a delicious,
loving experience.
So I always say, make it aboutlove and the orgasms will
follow.
Willow (50:13):
Willow
All right, haw.
See you soon.
Share, like, and subscribe.
Leah (50:20):
please ding, ding, ding, love.
Announcer (50:25):
Thanks for tuning in.
This episode was hosted byTantric Sex Master Coach and
positive psychology facilitator,Leah Piper, as well as by
Chinese and Functional Medicinedoctor and Taoist Taxology
teacher, Dr.
Willow Brown.
Don't forget your comments, likesubscribes and suggestions
matter.
Let's realize this new worldtogether.
Willow
could actually speed up yourlife in connection, in pleasure,
and in presence.
On today's episode of SexReimagine, we're diving deep
into the art of slow sex.
Why taking your time isn't justsensual, it's transformational.
(01:33):
From rewiring your nervoussystem to unlocking deeper
intimacy, slowing down doesn'tjust change your sex life.
It changes how you move throughthe world.
So get ready to savor everymoment, every sensation, and
every heartbeat.
Leah (01:48):
Tune in a turn on and fall in love with your girls, Leah
and Willow.
A (01:53):
Announcer
shame-free and pleasure forward.
Let's get into the show.
Leah (02:01):
Leah
really important, which has todo with a myriad of things.
But if we were to startsomeplace, I think I'd like to
start around slow sex.
The importance of shifting ourmindset when it comes to how we
look at sex and how we play withsex, and even how we identify
(02:25):
like what is sex and how is sexdifferent from foreplay.
Willo (02:29):
Willow
I mean, that's the whole pointof our podcast.
Sex could be so many differentthings, but I mean, we all think
about sex as penetrative, youknow, sex, um, bumping and
grinding, and there's just somuch more to it.
And, and Tantra always really issuch a huge proponent of slowing
things down so that you canactually feel them more.
(02:52):
I feel like a lot of times why,um, women don't enjoy sex is
it's like they're just beingpounded.
Like they're being used as amasturbation tool basically.
And they just, it doesn't, theycan't, they can't feel anything.
And so slowing things down,foreplay, proper building of
arousal of the vulva before youeven penetrate is all so crucial
(03:16):
and super duper pleasurable.
In the giving you receive somuch when you know how to give
Lea (03:24):
Leah
the best sex.
It's actually some of the worstsex I've ever had, especially
when it is applied way too earlyin the arousal process.
It just ends up being like, areyou trying to compete with a
porn star right now?
That sex, watching that on Pornisn't even that arousing for at
(03:44):
least this estrogen mindedbrain.
Um, maybe that's hot for dudes,but I, I know very few women who
want jackhammer sex unlessthey're at a peak point of
arousal.
And it's like you're in the realthroes of something, but that
requires a ton of buildup.
So interesting how, like, Ithink sometimes what men think
of as hot and what women thinkof as hot is so different in
(04:08):
terms of how they wanna befucked.
and that makes me kind of sad.
I wish we were like in bettersync, so.
Willow (04:15):
Well, part of the reason we're, I think, so outta sync is
because of pornography and, um,that being the, the main source
of education, you know, for, formen primarily, but also women.
Um, and it's, it really is abouteducating yourself and not just
you know, listening to ourpodcast though, keep doing that
and share it with your friends,but also experiencing what we're
(04:38):
talking about, that's the besteducation.
That's always, my body hasalways been my best teacher and
I learned the most throughexperiencing things like
exploring and playing withdifferent things that I've never
done before.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.
That was hot.
That turned me on.
Or, uh, I could leave that, youknow, that wasn't really my jam.
(04:59):
Not at this point in my journeyanyway.
Leah (05:01):
Leah
Um, yeah, so to slow thingsdown, one of the things I've
heard Esther Perel say, which isreally has me noodling, is, um,
you know, fore place starts andwe, oh, 25 to half hour, at
least for women.
But it, it goes way beyond that,fore place starts after the last
orgasm,
Willow (05:22):
Willow
For the next round of sex.
Leah (05:25):
When you think of it like that, it puts you into a mindset
shift that makes you wannaromance the beloved in a whole
new way.
That it is it is a journey, youknow, sex isn't something that
we do.
Something.
Sex is somewhere we go.
And so when you think about,wow, foreplay starts at the end
(05:49):
of the last orgasm.
And when I think about the endof an orgasm, there's usually
like we're catching our breathand may, and we're turning
towards each other face to facefrom,'cause God knows what body
position we were just in forthat last orgasm.
Willow (06:04):
Willow
Le (06:06):
Leah
in my case, some kind ofgratitude like, wow, that was
amazing.
Or whoa, that was so cool.
Or, wow, oh my gosh, I gotta getmy sea legs, time to go pee.
You
Willow (06:17):
Willow
Lea (06:18):
Leah
There's some sort of transition.
Willow (06:22):
A lot of times there's laughter too, right after an
orgasm.
You know, this like just joythat cannot be contained and it
just comes out through yourlaughter and you're just
laughing together and, and thenyeah, just the afterglow of it
all and rolling around andcuddling and kissing and
touching and being in, inintimacy.
Leah (06:43):
Leah
And I think when we think about,you know, there's this old
adage, old metaphor that, youknow, women's sexualities like
microwaves or crockpot and aman's, um, no, a man's sexual
energy is like a microwave and awoman's sexual energy is like a
crockpot.
And so I think so much of oursex and what we understand about
(07:05):
sex has been informed throughthe lens of male sexuality.
And there's, there hasn't beenenough curiosity about what the
lens of female sexuality lookslike, and I think this is where
this desire for slowness, if youwant your female partner to be
fucking hot and ready, you are,you gotta get more curious about
a different approach.
Willow (07:23):
Willow
Lea (07:24):
Leah
having friction.
It is something way morenuanced.
And when we start to payattention to nuance in sex, sex
becomes a creative, artistic,curiosity filled way and
approach of going, how can Ilight up my partner system?
(07:44):
How can I take my partner on aride?
And I really love this idea ofgoing on a ride so that it's not
just like we're climbing a peakand then we're, we're rushing
down.
So then it's over.
It's, it's an ever ascendingjourney, um, that's got a lot of
peaks and valleys and, and whenwe look at it from that place,
then orgasm doesn't have to belike the number one goal.
(08:08):
Because when orgasm is the onlygoal, again, we drop nuance like
it's, and then we startcreating.
We're either passing or we'refailing.
Did everyone come?
If it's all about, I just gottacome, I just gotta come.
I just gotta come.
Then we're like, we're missingall this amazing connection.
We're leaving so much connectionon the table instead of really.
Wi (08:30):
Willow
insects.
It's like we, we miss everythingoutside of the tiny little thing
that we're looking for.
And, um, you know, one of, oneof the most amazing, hot,
spiritual, incrediblepenetrative experiences I ever
had, probably lasted about fourto five minutes from the point
(08:55):
of like the tip of the glands toall the way into it was like a
five minute entry.
It was so slow.
But I think what, um,
Leah (09:03):
penetration, you're saying from from penis to vagina.
W (09:06):
Willow
It took, it took that long, fourto five minutes.
It was long.
It was, and it was like, and wewere so present, staring into
the eyes the entire time andjust like, just right there.
And it was, what was also reallyhot about it was we hadn't done
it before.
Right.
So there was that, and it waslike, are we gonna do this?
Yeah, we're doing it Okay here.
(09:27):
You know, it was just like theslow and the heat and the
buildup, it was yum.
But what I wanna say about thatis I feel like.
A lot of men, um, can't stayhard.
They feel like they need to getin and they need to start
jackhammering in order to
Leah (09:43):
Leah
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like they need the friction,otherwise they're gonna lose
their erection, which createsanxiety, which robs it of being
playful and makes it urgent.
And then we have pass fail.
Willow (09:54):
Willow
Yeah.
Leah (09:55):
Leah
Willow (09:57):
get out of that model?
Leah (09:58):
I think what's happening is one becomes so hyper-focused
on failing
Willow (10:03):
Willow
Leah (10:03):
Leah
they need it or want it to be.
And then that would result inembarrassment or disappointment,
that it becomes hyper-focused.
Instead of like relaxing,learning how to trust your cock,
learning that you're who you areas a lover is, is your cock, is
(10:26):
your, you're so much more thanthe performance of your cock,
number one.
So like remembering that if youcan be present, because that's
(12:04):
what happens when you becomehyper-focused on the performance
of your cock and you're gonnapass your fail, you're not
present anymore.
Willow (12:10):
Willow
Leah (12:11):
And, and really the, the key, the element to being a
masterful lover.
Starts and ends with yourability to be present and in the
moment and right there creatinga sense of attunement with your
lover.
And so how do your hands feelwhen you are caressing her head
and you've got maybe a fist ofher hair and near her skull and
(12:35):
you've got another handcaressing the side of her.
Face or maybe your got or jawand you're bringing her in and
you're kissing her passionately,you know, let that be your
focus.
And trust me, your cock is gonnarespond even if it's being
still, because it can feel thesexual tension that is starting
to build between your bodies.
And that's what your cock wants.
(12:56):
That's what your cock is gonnarespond to.
It's not gonna respond to yourfear that things are going too
slow.
Willow (13:02):
Willow
Leah (13:03):
If you're in the present moment, you're building sexual
tension.
And so that's a tricky thing toget back to though when your
mind's already hijacked you.
Willow (13:13):
Yeah, it definitely can be.
My, my, um, trick for that thatI am always helping people with
is to go to your senses.
Exactly what you were justdescribing.
It's like your senses.
Each one of your physicalsenses, smell, taste, touch,
sight, sound.
Each one of them is a doorway tothe present moment.
So, which one is an easy doorwayfor you to stand in?
(13:34):
You know, which one is it?
Sound.
Can you listen to the sound ofher breath?
Can you bring that sense to theforefront of your mind so that
you can really find an access?
And if your cock gets soft inthat moment, trust the process
and be okay with, like, find away to be okay with it in that
(13:56):
moment and stay connected tosound.
Stay connected to the sound ofher breath.
Bring your awareness to smell.
Smell the scent.
Leah (14:04):
before we go to smell, I'd like to add something around
sound.
I love having rhythmic music onbecause when I lose presence, I,
and I think sex has so much todo with rhythm.
Rhythm and tempo and likefinding your way back in.
So when there's music and Iwanna find myself again, like I
(14:27):
wanna find the breath, I'll findthe breath in the music.
And because I wanna be in mybody, there's something that my
body knows around tempo and thepulse and the rhythm that, and
it doesn't matter what kind ofmusic it is, then I'll just
start to slightly sway and moveand I'll find my body back
there.
And now I'm back in my body andnow I'm back in the present
(14:47):
moment.
So if, if you think that mighthelp start thinking about what's
the music.
And, and I fortunately, becauseI have a private practice and
I'm working with bodies on theTI all the time, I am attuned to
the music to help me with mytiming.
How much time do I have for thatappointment?
You know, when are thingsstarting to roll?
When do I need to calm theenergy down, versus when do I
(15:08):
wanna add more beats to it?
And then helping someone elseorient to the music so they can
tune my instrument, my body.
So when two people can start tofind a rhythm together, you
don't have to manufacture that.
If someone else's breath doesn'thelp you find their rhythm, both
of you tune into the musictogether and find your rhythm
(15:29):
together
Wi (15:30):
Willow
music.
Like, I really can't remember.
It's probably been years.
It's probably been like seven oreight years.
Leah (15:39):
Leah
Willow (15:40):
I don't know how I ha, I know that I have had sex without
music
Leah (15:44):
Leah
Willow (15:44):
and it wasn't as hot as it is now.
Leah (15:47):
Well, music probably makes our sex hotter because we have a
rhythm that our body can respondto.
It has pitch, it's gotfrequency, it's got vibration.
All of those things resonate tothe frequency of sexual energy.
Willow (16:00):
And not only that, but you know, the heart is the one
organ in the body that makes asound.
So there's this like connectionthat we have to our hearts with
sound.
It's like I love the sound of mydog eating his dinner.
Like I just love the sound.
My heart opens up.
Yeah, it's weird.
Like people love the sound oftheir kids.
(16:22):
Yeah, well there you go.
There's a little willow wisdomfor you.
I love the sound.
You know, people love the soundof their kids' voices.
We love the sound of our lovers'voices.
We love the sound of certainmusic.
We love the sound of certainbirds and things like that, and
it like, it opens up our heartwhen we're, when we're paying
attention to sound.
So that's another nuanced.
(16:44):
Way to get into the presentmoment.
Let's say you're listening toyour lover's breath and you're
really just tuned into that onesense organ notice then how that
opens your heart.
And guess what guys?
When your heart starts to open,your cock gets hard.
Leah (16:59):
I notice like the type of music that does not turn you on,
Willow (17:02):
Willow
Leah (17:03):
Leah
Like it's really interesting toowhen you can connect to the
music that works, how you canfind yourself over and over
again.
And the minute the wrong songcomes on, it's like, oh B,
that's not it.
And you have to react.
Willow (17:15):
Willow
Yeah.
And like change it.
Leah (17:17):
Leah
So what I will do is I will addtwo Spotify playlists, um, that
I tend to use in sensualexperiences, and you guys can
try that on.
Maybe, uh, it'll, it'll opensomething inside of you and if
it doesn't, that's okay.
There's a playlist out therethat will.
Willow (17:36):
Willow
Yeah.
And really, you know, I, for me,sound is one of my primary S
sense organs, so it is good topractice on your own and just
kind of be like, well, what's, Idon't know.
I don't even know what myprimary S sense organ Spend five
minutes, one minute per scentorgan, and just notice like if I
just really focus on smellingfor an entire minute.
(17:56):
How does that bring me intopresence versus if I just really
focus on listening for an entireminute, how does that bring me
into presence?
For me, vision is is one of theones that takes me most out of
presence because then I startthinking, I start labeling like,
oh, that's a tree, that's athing.
And then my mind's, oh yeah, Ilike tree.
Oh, it's good to know abouttrees.
(18:16):
I don't know.
I'm giving you an example, butmen are very visual, you know,
generally speaking.
And so.
So for, for you guys out there,like, check it out.
How is it for you to just lookat something for an entire
minute?
Does it bring you into presenceversus smelling or tasting, or
listening
L (18:36):
Leah
wasn't really ever somethingthat I connected to either o
other than in meditation.
I like guided visualizations.
There's a, there's a beautifulkaleidoscope that can take me
deeper into an experience whenthere's, um.
Uh, a visionary element to it.
(18:58):
So like, when I wanna relax intoa sexual experience and I wanna
come out of my mind, I like touse my imagination to like bring
me into my Chakras and I canvisualize my Chakras.
I like to visualize roots, likegrounding me to the earth so I
can really relax my nervoussystem so I can like, get
comfortable receiving.
'cause receiving hasn't alwaysbeen easy for me.
(19:19):
Um.
To get me out of my head.
I use sight to get me into mybody through visualization, and
I often need that in thebeginning of a sexual
experience, especially becauseif I've been like on the
computer for five hours and nowit's time to have a Tantric
date, I struggle with thattransition.
So I have a set of guidedvisualizations that ground me
(19:42):
into my body and I use sort of,not that I'm looking outside,
I'm looking inside.
So I use a visionary thing thatgoes in versus out, but you're
right, if I had to look outside,I would be naming thing cobweb
in the corner.
Um, you know, like that would bevery distracting.
But now, like when you thinkabout, and this came to me when
(20:06):
I started to study the eroticblueprints and I was looking at
the sexual, um, blueprintarchetype because that was the
one that I was least connectedto.
Like porn has really never doneit for me.
Um, but when I started toimagine if porn could do it for
me.
Willow (20:27):
Willow
Leah (20:27):
What would that be like?
And looking at sexuality throughthe lens of the sexual
archetype, where it's more aboutfriction, visual stuff.
Something got turned on in meand I was able to go, oh, I
wanna know how that half lives.
Can I make a bridge?
And I've been able to make abridge.
So oftentimes I do think of likethe teenager boy and like all
(20:50):
the penetrative shit that theycan imagine that would get them
hot.
And if I'm the object of theirdesire.
Willow (20:56):
Willow
Leah (20:57):
Leah
Now
Willow (20:59):
Willow
Leah (21:00):
now I have a massive turn on.
I have adopted the sexualblueprint
Willow (21:04):
Willow
Leah (21:05):
I just had to put myself as the, uh, the object of their
desire.
Yeah.
And I had to heal my judgmentaround being objectified.
Now I'm like, I fucking lovebeing objectified.
Willow (21:18):
I think that is a, that if, if we're talking slow sex
and developing your sexualityand being on a sexual
exploratory journey, I thinkthat's a big one for a lot of
women is to learn, is to find aplace inside of you that gets
turned on by being objectifiedbecause it's always been such a
(21:39):
bad
Leah (21:40):
Right, and it's felt bad when it's been unconsensual.
It is felt bad as a teenager whodoesn't understand the whole
operation of what's going on inher body.
And all of a sudden people arelooking at you differently and
some people are being very rudeabout it, and you don't have a
cor set of boundaries and you'reafraid you're gonna get in
(22:00):
trouble left and right.
Like there's a reason why beingobjectified has felt traumatic.
Willow (22:05):
Willow
Leah (22:06):
But for me in reclaiming something around all of that,
it's um.
get to be a choice regarding myobjectification.
I get to ask for it, name it,discover where the corners are
inside of me, that that could behot, and I think I could've only
gotten there through age.
And maybe it's because as onegets older, there's a story that
(22:28):
says you're less desirable.
So there's something about beingobjectified at this age that
turns up my feeling of beingdesired.
So now, like where I would neverhave wanted it as a younger
person.
Now as an older person, I'mlike, give it all to me.
Don't
Will (22:44):
Willow
Leah (22:46):
Leah
You know?
And um, but consent is aninteresting player in that.
Um, and so, and to bring it backto slow sex, it's like to slowly
lift up my dress and reveal alittle, some more slowly, more
slowly, every inch of my thighs,right?
(23:07):
And then like a, a, the a, alook at the panties that I'm
wearing and, you know, to thenhave those panties just curled
underneath, you know, and thenyou're getting a quick little
flash of something forbidden.
You know, and then like to havea cock get closer and closer and
closer to my vulva.
And so close that they're like,you gotta beg for it, baby.
(23:28):
You know?
So like, wave your cock at me,but you're not gonna touch it
yet.
This all builds sexual tension.
And because you're doing itslowly and you're teasing me
with it, and it's like, you'remaking me want it where when sex
is fast, you're like jamming ittowards me.
I don't even have enoughpresence, enough time to wanna
crave it.
(23:49):
I'm just expected to receivesomething and my desire is
supposed to be right there.
It's not right there.
Like, stoke that fire, make meyearn.
Make me beg.
W (23:58):
Willow
I mean, this is one of thethings that we're always, always
teaching men is to slow down andto become more magnetic.
Make her come to you.
Don't be coming at her with yourfingertips and your cock tip and
your tongue and you're,everything.
Leah (24:15):
Leah
So
Willow (24:16):
Willow
And she is like, ah, it's toomuch to found.
For generally, for most women,you know, and so you know what
you're talking about though,with the lifting of the dress
and the slow boy is turning meon.
But it's like you're, you'remixing several of the, of the
blueprints there.
The energetic, the sensualfeeling, the dress coming up
(24:37):
your thighs, right?
And the heat building in youryoni as like someone's just
looking,
Leah (24:43):
Leah
Someone's craving.
Yeah.
Crave me.
Will (24:47):
Willow
the sexual, you know, of like
Le (24:52):
Leah
be friction and there's gonna bepenetration.
And you just describing likethat slow penetration.
It's like when it is so microslow, um, when you're not
counting the size and inches,but the size and centimeters
'cause you got a lot morecentimeters than you got inches.
(25:12):
Let me tell you, like, let mefeel every single one
Willow (25:16):
Willow
Leah (25:16):
Leah
Then it's.
And then it's like there's abuildup and there's a pulse,
right?
And then you're really feelingthe pulsation versus everything
coming in as a rush.
And I'm not saying that fast sexdoesn't have a really awesome
place.
There are times when you've gotlike five minutes, man, let's
run to the bathroom and likejust bend over the sink and
Willow (25:35):
we're not saying do away with quickies, we're just saying
try something else too.
Yeah.
Leah (25:40):
Leah
It's all, it's an and.
And, um, and, and what you'realso just illustrated as you
sort of mapped out some of theblueprints is all of that is all
the touch senses feeling therise of the skirt against the
thighs, feeling the peeling backof the panties, feeling if you
bend someone over the sink orthe couch or the chair or
(26:02):
whatever the laundry, um, thingyou, and you're flipping and
W (26:07):
Willow
something?
L (26:11):
Leah
Okay.
If, if those walls could talk.
Willow (26:17):
knew laundry rooms could be so sexy.
Leah (26:19):
Leah
So, um, so really payingattention of the sensation of
your skin.
Your skin.
Sometimes you hear us say, infact, probably all the time you
hear us say, that's that thebrain is a big sex organ.
Not true actually, the skin isthe biggest sex organ.
Willow (26:35):
Willow
Leah (26:36):
And for us to realize that it's not just the genitals that
are on your own.
Your entire body, your everyinch of your skin is erogenous.
And so when we're talking aboutforeplay, how you hold
somebody's hand, how justplaying with somebody's hair.
Um, and, and one of the thingsthat I think is important for,
(26:57):
because a lot of people who needslow sex are people who've had
sexual trauma.
And they have overridden a partof what they need.
They oftentimes haven't becausethey weren't allowed a voice in
the first place due to much oftheir sexual trauma.
Um, they have a hard timetalking about sex.
They just know how to put on thebrakes, but they've never really
discovered their accelerator.
Willow (27:19):
Willow
Leah (27:20):
And so slow sex can be so it's the key to having healing
sex.
Willow (27:24):
Willow
Yeah.
Lea (27:26):
Leah
your relationship right now thatis feeling fractured, that you
feel like you're not having asmuch sex as you want in your
relationship.
You may need to help yourpartner go here you, you put my
hand where you want me to touch.
I'll just stay right there andthen you can move my hand when
(27:46):
you want me to go somewhereelse.
You know, to allow your partnerto discover where do they want
your hands may really delightand surprise them.
W (27:56):
Willow
receptive, you know, to to taketheir hand and say, stay in your
receptivity.
Stay connected to your breath.
Stay connected to your inhale.
Stay connected to the sensationof the skin in the palm of your
hand while I take the palm ofyour hand and bring it to my
nipple or my clit, Or the, backof my
Leah (28:17):
Leah
Willow (28:18):
Willow
Leah (28:20):
boob, or against my lower
Willow (28:22):
Willow
Yeah.
Leah (28:24):
thigh, like, um, and then it's sort sometimes people, it's
kind of like driving the driver.
Willow (28:32):
Willow
Lea (28:33):
Leah
is, that needs to be a reallyslow, but it can be such a
deeply healing process.
And it's a, it's a practice thatcultivates trust.
And many of us, if not all ofus, have been wounded on the
path to love
Willow (28:49):
Willow
Le (28:50):
Leah
And sometimes we've been woundedon that path to love with the
person who still sleeps in ourbed every night.
Willow (28:57):
Willow
So true.
Leah (28:59):
And we have to, we don't have to like throw the baby out
the bath water, but we have tolearn how to turn towards each
other
Willow (29:05):
Willow
Lea (29:05):
Leah
And um, and this is what I justsee so much in couples therapy
that it's just so painful and weget so stuck.
But we have to change ourmindset again and to be curious
and to go slower and to bepatient And, um, and, and so
let's talk about like thatpatience.
(29:26):
Let's talk about like thepartner who feels pretty shut
down, who's feeling trustissues, who can't just jump into
sex anymore.
They need to go slower.
And you're that partner that'slike, yeah, but I'm hungry.
I've been starving for years,and you want me
Willow (29:42):
Willow
Leah (29:43):
I feel like all we do is take things off the table.
We've been taking shit off thetable for years.
I'm so tired of taking shit offthe table.
I just want my dick wet, or Ijust want my pussy filled.
Um, like whatever the case maybe.
And it's like, so what if.
Even if you're not havingpenetrative sex, you're getting
(30:05):
yourself off and your partner istaking you in, in your pleasure.
Who says that you have to gounsatisfied?
You know, can you support eachother experiencing your get off?
Even if you're not in, you'restill participating, but maybe
you're not having penetrativesex right now, but you can still
be there and practice attunementand practice going slow, you
(30:27):
know, all those things.
It's, it's like we're, we're soall or nothing.
Willow (30:30):
Willow
Rather than like going off andmasturbating on your
Leah (30:33):
Leah
Yeah.
Right.
W (30:35):
Willow
buried in secrecy and, and theshame, it's, it's an opportunity
to get curious, get playful, gooutside of your comfort zone.
Look, we all grow the most whenwe're outside of our comfort
zone.
Is it comfortable?
No, that's the point.
(30:56):
Like we need to push ourselves alittle bit to explore so that we
can expand and grow.
Leah (31:02):
Yeah, and I think this is what, like I've really been sort
of meditating on, if sex isn'tsomething that you do, but it's
somewhere you go.
Then it's like, it's a turningtowards each other and going on
a journey.
It's not about doing it andgetting the job done.
It's not about like, okay, it'sa goal.
It's kind of like, oh, we'retaking a vacation.
(31:24):
We're taking a siesta.
Even though it sounds like anap, it's really like, yeah,
but, but we're, we'retransitioning.
Yeah.
A fiesta.
That's better.
Fiesta Fiesta.
We're gonna enjoy
Will (31:34):
Willow
Leah (31:37):
Leah
That is Fiesta.
I mean, well, what?
I can't think of anything betterto do.
Um.
Willow (31:42):
Willow
Leah (31:44):
Yeah, and, and I think it goes so well with this idea of
foreplay begins after that lastorgasm because it changes how
you text each other.
It changes how you caress eachother when you're passing in the
hallway.
It changes how you serve eachother a meal.
It changes how you sit with eachother on the couch.
(32:04):
It changes how you hold handswhen you're taking a walk.
It changes the conversationsthat you have and it changes
where you have thoseconversations.
And so the other thing I've beenreally thinking about lately is
we, as couples tend to go intobig routines that get stagnant
and boring.
That's why we complain about oursex life is'cause we get stuck
into a routine and we're gettingbored and it's not exciting.
(32:26):
And then we had that sameconversation about how stressed
out we feel about our boring sexlife.
And we have that conversation onthe same couch
Willow (32:35):
Willow
L (32:35):
Leah
Willow (32:37):
Willow
Le (32:38):
Leah
you're having the goddamnconversation because then maybe
your conversation might change.
Maybe you'll have morecuriosity.
Maybe something inspirationalcan come.
Maybe there'll be moregratitude, like maybe have that
conversation out in nature.
Maybe sit at a park bench,because you're not gonna get in
(32:59):
a fight on the public bench whenthere's people walking by.
Maybe have it in the club.
Where there's music and you'vegot a cocktail and your
Willow (33:11):
Maybe not with alcohol,
Leah (33:13):
Leah
Willow (33:14):
Willow
Depends on you
Le (33:16):
Leah
may, that might not work foryou, but maybe it would.
I
Willow (33:20):
Willow
Yeah,
Leah (33:21):
Leah
Willow (33:22):
Willow
Leah (33:22):
Leah
Willow (33:23):
Willow
Leah (33:23):
cocktail might loosen me up a little
Willow (33:25):
Oh, It definitely would.
Leah Piper, little miss.
She likes her cocktails.
She gets loosey goosey.
You guys should see Leah drunk.
Leah drunk is just
Leah (33:35):
Leah
Willo (33:37):
Willow
Le (33:38):
Leah
Sometimes if Leah drunk willprovide you with a grumpy stump,
other times it'll provide
Willow (33:45):
Willow
Leah (33:47):
Leah
Willow (33:47):
Willow
Leah (33:48):
a happy tree or a grumpy
Willow (33:49):
Willow
Leah (33:50):
Leah
Willow (33:51):
Willow
Yeah, Um, okay.
Back to back to you guys.
We,
Lea (33:56):
Leah
Willow (33:59):
Willow
Leah (34:00):
Leah
Willow (34:01):
Changing where you have it and also how you have it.
Like instead of just diving intoyour grievances and what's not
working, like set up more, trysetting up more of like a ritual
ritualistic, just like we do inTantra.
Like sit down, maybe go to thepark.
Have a little food, a littlepicnic, whatever, and then light
(34:22):
some candles, light, bring acandle, even if it's the middle
of the day, light the candle.
And just by lighting thatcandle, you're symbolizing to
you and your partner.
Okay.
We're stepping into a more, um,
Leah (34:34):
Leah
Willow (34:34):
Intentional space here and then share your intention.
My intention for thisconversation that we're about to
have is to get closer to you, isto open things up, is to shift
what we've been doing for solong and stop having these same
arguments over and over again sothat we can find our way to
deeper, more lasting into.
(34:55):
You know, and your partnershares their, their intention,
and you can even do your BFDs,your big fucking deals, which
are your boundaries, fears, anddesires.
My boundaries are, I'm notwilling to have a, a fight in
this park.
You know, this, my, my fear isthat this conversation might not
take us anywhere and keep usspinning in the old pattern that
(35:17):
we're always spinning in, but mydesire is to get, is to end in a
cuddle.
Here on the grass, you know?
Le (35:25):
Leah
Um, I think too, like changinglocation where you are actually
having sex.
Try your closet.
Willow (35:34):
Willow
Le (35:35):
Leah
Or your laundry room.
Yeah.
Like try the bathroom.
Try any
Willow (35:41):
Willow
Leah (35:42):
Leah
Try the guest bedroom.
Try your kids fucking bedroom.
They won't know you.
You're in charge of washing thesheets.
What the fuck?
Like they're at school,
Willow (35:51):
Willow
Leah (35:52):
you know, like for crying out loud.
Do it outside under a blanket.
Feel how naughty it is.
You know, like we need, women inparticular need a little more
taboo with our sex.
We need a little bit of danger.
Willow (36:08):
Willow
L (36:09):
Leah
caught right now?
We need a little bit of put yourhand up my skirt underneath the
table at a full table.
You know, doesn't mean you'regonna actually finger us, but at
least give us the threat thatyou might, you know, like there
are things like women needengagement when it comes to
their erotic mind, because wearen't as visual about sex as
(36:32):
teenage boys are, and thatusually carries men well into
their old age.
we need to feel some of thatstatic around sexual energy.
And so your hunger can besomething that we really need,
especially if we haven't feltyour hunger in a long time.
Now there's other women who alsoare like, I am so sick of his
(36:52):
hungry ass.
You know, like I need him tolike get his hunger off of me.
That's a different problem.
Willow (36:58):
Willow
Leah (36:59):
I can tell you though, for a woman who is irritated by his
hunger, going slower, willchange that irritation.
Usually it's because his hungeris too fast.
It's too engulfing.
Slow it down again, build morethan anticipation.
And the same is true when weswitch genders.
(37:22):
Because there are lots of, um,men who find that their
partner's sexual hunger isengulfing and too much and is
and is wanted all the time, andthey're not connected to their
own hunger to wanna keepproviding it, and they find
their partners hungerburdensome.
Willow (37:43):
Now we've talked about the value of slow sex.
Like let's tell you a little bitabout what you can do, how you
can actually implement it.
Leah (37:51):
Leah
So how does one have slow sex?
You know, we've already talkedabout, um.
Sex can start if we stopthinking about sex as
penetration Only sex can bethose text messages.
Sex can be how you hold hands.
Sex can be how you sit next toeach other on the couch, how you
hold each other.
(38:12):
Sex can be putting your head inyour partner's lap.
And looking up at them.
Sex can be how you rub yourpartner's feet and then crawl to
their ankles and then up theircalves and then up to their
knees and then their innerthighs.
Um, sex can be, you're watchinga movie, it's getting kind of
bored.
One of you gets down on theirknees.
(38:33):
Opens their thighs and then laystheir head against one thigh and
just waits and feels the tensionof someone's head being very
close to someone else's crotch.
And then you just wait and seehow your partner's hips start to
tilt.
And move what happens to theirhands as they start to thread
(38:55):
them through your hair to theback of your neck?
You know, like this is sort of,these are the things that come
to my mind when I think abouthow would I seduce someone by
going slower.
Wi (39:04):
Willow
and it, it's so funny'cause inso many places in our life,
anticipation can drive usfucking crazy.
Right?
But then in sex, it can drive usfucking crazy.
And so it's like, oh, theanticipation of it, the, the,
the, the threat of it, thetickle of it, the tease of it
(39:25):
is, is a huge part of, of thesex itself.
And so start to drink thosemoments in as sex, start to view
those moments as sex rather thanthis is just, you know, a little
bit of foreplay to get to sex.
Leah (39:44):
Another thing that I like that slows things down is to,
um, both people to get naked andthen to rub each other down,
like by starting with someone ontheir belly, so all their front
bits, you're not tempted to gostraight to tits and genitals.
Instead, they're laying on theirbelly, and so you caress their
back and you take the tensionoutta their shoulders, and you
(40:06):
slowly caress along the sides oftheir ribs and down their waist
and down their hips.
One of the ways that you cantake a massage from being like a
therapeutic massage and make itinto a sensual massage is all
about long, slow conformingtouch.
And when I mean conformingtouch, what I mean by that is
you use the fullness of yourhand fingertips, fingers, palm
(40:29):
heel, everything, and you allowit to take the shape of
somebody's body.
So when you're rubbing someone,you're just not rubbing them
with the heel of your hand.
Um, you're, it's a full handedcaress and it's really slow and
you use your hands to reallytrace the shape of the body
part, and then you lengthen thattouch.
So you go maybe from theshoulder down the sides of the
(40:51):
waist, down the hip, down theouter thigh, down by pass knee
past the calf, all the way downto the foot.
So, however you can stretch andelongate that caress, you make
it as long and as slow aspossible.
That's what makes massagesensual, and there's lots of
people who do not touchsensually.
(41:13):
It's like, they're like, whereare you?
You're just squeezing.
Squeezing isn't sensual.
Willow (41:20):
Willow
Leah (41:21):
Leah
Willow (41:22):
Willow
Yeah.
And the other thing too, whenyou're doing sensual massages,
you want to think about yourforearm as an extension of your
hand.
You wanna think about your upperarm as an extension of your
hand.
You wanna think about yourbreasts as an
Leah (41:36):
Leah
Willow (41:37):
Like yeah, your pecs as an extension of your hand.
Like I like to think when doingcentral massage, I like to think
about paintbrushes.
You know, and so what, what am Igonna dip into the paint, which
is the oil and, and what am Igoing to paint?
You know?
So I'll use my nipples as apaintbrush.
I'll use my palm of my hand ormy fingertips.
(41:57):
I'll use, sometimes my ear I'll
Leah (42:00):
Leah
Willow (42:01):
foot as a paintbrush on someone's booty.
And that feels really good, youknow?
Yeah.
Your hair dripping acrosssomebody.
I mean, there's so many.
And then if you wanna takesensual massage into more fun
and more play, think about whatkind of implements you might
wanna use, like feathers,pearls, um, pinwheels.
(42:22):
What else do we like to use?
Le (42:24):
Leah
and drape that over someone'sbody and just with micro
movements, slowly drag it acrosstheir skin and even just lay
your whole body on somebody'sback and just move and rye and
just, you know, feel the littlearches and angles and, and tilts
(42:44):
and, um pivots andmicromovements, you can do with
all these other angles in yourbody pressing up against their
angles of their body.
But it's really lovely to justlet somebody without having to
give back.
It's just their turn to receive.
You have them on their tummy andyou just, you touch every inch
of the backside of their body.
And when you get close to likethe crack of the ass or you
(43:06):
tickle the back of thetesticles, or you tickle the
back of the vulva, that's justbringing a little more sparks.
But then you take that likepaint, like Willow said, and
then you paint those sparks toanother part of the body, like
maybe the calves.
Wherever there's a flexiblejoint, there's a lot of
sensation, so we've got extranerve endings in our joints, so
think wrists, elbows, knees,ankles, sides of the waist,
(43:29):
behind the ears, sides of theneck.
Um, curves of the breast,
Willow (43:33):
Chakras also have a lot of sensitivity to them.
So all those, all those bendsthat Leah's pointing to as well,
elbows and wrists, flexiblejoints, those are, there's a
bunch of, um, acupuncture pointsin each one of those flexible
joints.
And so that's one of thereasons.
That it is so sensitive and sotender.
(43:55):
Like you could try sucking onsomebody's inner epicondyle,
which relates to heart three.
Uh, a really
Lea (44:03):
Leah
Will (44:05):
Willow
Like you could suck on it, youcould bite it, you could nibble
it, you could
Leah (44:11):
Leah
Willow (44:12):
Willow
lick it, whatever, rub yournipple on it.
Like just get creative and seewhat happens to that person
who's receiving, when somebody'sjust receiving, it allows them
to access something about theirsexuality that they can't
otherwise access, becauseotherwise they're busy trying to
(44:34):
reciprocate, they're busy tryingto give back.
So there's this place that theygo in their brain that we all
get to go in our brain whenwe're in receiving, where we get
to just really, I feel like ahuge part of it is experience
our self-worth.
You know, just like, wow,someone's just giving to me just
(44:54):
because they want to, or justbecause that's the organization
of what we're doing right now.
And it, and it really allowssomebody to experience their
full, authentic essence and thedeep sense of worthiness that
they carry inside of them justby existing.
That they don't have to giveback, that they don't have to
reciprocate in order to beworshiped.
Leah (45:16):
Leah
And then I think too, like onceyou've spent, I don't know, 15,
20 minutes on someone's back,then maybe it's your turn to
receive on your back and thenyou flip, and then you do each
other's fronts and you justallow the process to be a little
bit slower.
You awaken the whole body.
I know some of you're thinking,Jesus Christ, I don't have that
long to have sex.
My life is bananas.
(45:36):
We got kids.
I don't need them walking in thedoor.
You know, there are moreimportant ways to restore
yourself than just sleep.
And what you prioritize showswhat you value.
You know, we say we love eachother, but then we don't really
make time for each other and wejust, we just expect that we
won't grow apart.
Look, you can look at thedivorce rates.
(45:58):
It's pretty easy to grow apart,um, because we make other things
way more important than stayingconnected.
And so if you want the kind ofrelationship that I think most
of us dream of when we'relooking for a relationship, we
are dreaming a dream.
And then 10 years later we'vegot it and we have completely
lost touch with that dream.
Willow (46:19):
Willow
Leah (46:19):
Everything about survival becomes more important, and we
forget that actually part of oursurvival is connected to this
person too.
Willow (46:26):
Willow
Leah (46:27):
And it's, and it's a way that we get to thrive.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's, let's go beyond survivingplease and let's see where we
can go and when we're thrivingand, um.
Willow (46:37):
Willow
Mm-hmm.
Leah (46:56):
Leah
What if foreplay starts at theend of the last orgasm?
Wi (47:01):
Willow
You know, one thing that Iwanna, I wanna add before we
kind of wrap things up is, um, Iwas driving the other day and I
was like, boy, that person isconfused.
They were going very slow andthey were like this lane, that
lane, they couldn't figure outmiddle of an intersection.
Everyone behind them was honkingand putting pressure on them to
(47:22):
hurry the fuck up and figure itout.
And they were just so clearlylike confused, right?
And so in my mind I was like,okay, when we're confused, we
should all slow down.
We should all go slower.
Whether we're talking about, I'mconfused about if I wanna be in
this relationship or not.
Okay, good, good time to slowdown, or I'm confused about if I
(47:44):
like this or not.
If I like this sexually, if thisis turning me on or not, that's
a good time to slow down aswell.
If you're in traffic, it's agood time to slow down, you
know?
And there's just all theseopportunities to, to be confused
in our world right now becausewe have so much choice.
We have so much differentthings, directions we could go,
so many opportunities and um,and a lot of it's at our
(48:07):
fingertips.
And so it's, it's a really goodpractice to slow down in your
sexuality and you'll notice thatit slows you down in every other
sector of your life and allowsyou to, to actually live a more
Tantric life where you'reactually in presence and in
union with everything thatyou're doing.
(48:27):
You know, whether you're in theline at the grocery store, or
you know, having sex with yourpartner.
Like it's all an opportunity tobe in union, and it does require
attunement and that attunementoften, especially if you're not
well practiced at being attunedwith yourself and other takes
slowing down.
Leah (48:48):
Yeah, you can't get there without slowing down because
you're paying attention tosensation inside of you.
And then you're also readingwhat's happening empathetically
in your partner, how are theybreathing?
You know, where are theyclosing?
Where are they opening?
Are they laughing?
Are they complaining?
You know, we've got all theselike overt cues, but also
(49:11):
non-verbal cues that we arebroadcasting all the time,
giving people information onwhat's going on with us.
And I also wanna bring this asmaybe a closing message is that
when we make the goal of sexorgasm, we are often missing the
boat to orgasm.
If we make sex about love.
(49:33):
And that doesn't mean thatperson, you have to be in love
with them, but you have lovingintentions for them.
You want to have a lovingexperience, you know, with
someone, it, it doesn't have tobe all in love, but when you
make the experience about havinglike a loving hot ravishing
experience, whatever it takes,if the element of love is in
(49:56):
there, all the orgasms follow.
And you can kind of put, you canstop stressing out on everyone
coming if you just are in thespirit of having a delicious,
loving experience.
So I always say, make it aboutlove and the orgasms will
follow.
Willow (50:13):
Willow
All right, haw.
See you soon.
Share, like, and subscribe.
Leah (50:20):
please ding, ding, ding, love.
Announcer (50:25):
Thanks for tuning in.
This episode was hosted byTantric Sex Master Coach and
positive psychology facilitator,Leah Piper, as well as by
Chinese and Functional Medicinedoctor and Taoist Taxology
teacher, Dr.
Willow Brown.
Don't forget your comments, likesubscribes and suggestions
matter.
Let's realize this new worldtogether.
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