February 20, 2024 • 61 mins
In this insightful episode, we dive deep with Meleah Manning, a skilled and compassionate trauma-informed dating and relationship coach. Manning focuses on assisting high-powered women to overcome past pain impacting their love life, attract their ideal partners and develop lasting, fulfilling relationships. Her unique approach uses somatic work, embodiment practices, and the power of self-trust.
EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS
- Unpacking Somatic Practices in Relationship Healing
- Discussion on the Dynamics of Femininity and Strength
- Nurturing the ability to Receive
- Understanding and Overcoming internal and external Relationship Patterns
- The Power of Faith and Self-trust in Attracting Love
EPISODE LINKS *some links below may also be affiliate links
- Meleah’s Website
- Meleah’s Free Masterclass: Overcome Relationship Anxiety & Attract Your Ideal Partner
- Mealeah’s Radiant Relationship Academy
- Meleah on Instagram - @meleah_manning
THE VAGINAL ORGASM MASTERCLASS. Discover how to activate the female Gspot, clitoris, & cervical orgasms. Buy Now. Save 20% Coupon: PODCAST 20
LAST 10x LONGER. If you suffer from premature ejaculation, you are not alone, master 5 techniques to cure this stressful & embarrassing issue once and for all. Buy Now. Save 20% Coupon: PODCAST20.
THE MALE GSPOT & PROSTATE MASTERCLASS. This is for you if… You’ve heard of epic anal orgasms, & you wonder if it’s possible for you too. Buy Now. Save 20% Coupon PODCAST20.
SxR Hotline | SxR Website | YouTube | TikTok | Pinterest | Instagram | Dr. Willow's Website | Leah's Website
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Leah (00:05):
Hi there.
This is Leah at Sex Reimagined,your Tantra expert.
Willow (00:09):
And I'm Dr.
Willow Brown, your Taoist experthere at Sex Reimagined.
Today, we dove in with MeleahManning, who is a trauma
informed dating and relationshipcoach for women specifically,
high powered women who thinkthey don't need a man and can do
it all on their own.
Um, her work focuses onsupporting women heal from past
(00:29):
pain that impacts their lovelife, attracting their ideal
partner, and developing theSkills for a lasting and
fulfilling relationship.
We talked all about that in theinterview, you're going to learn
so much.
And she's got an epic trackrecord of assisting hundreds of
women in attracting their idealpartners, and channels the
expertise and knowledge that shehas accumulated through her
(00:51):
signature program, RadiantRelationship Academy, which is a
three month course for women tobegin to overcome the things
that are holding them back intheir love life.
Leah (01:01):
Yes.
And stay with the episode untilthe very end because she's got a
great free gift and you don'twant to miss it.
So you know what to do, friends,tune in, turn on and fall in
love with the beautiful Meleah.
Announcer (01:16):
Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is
shame free and pleasure forward.
Let's get into the show.
Leah (01:25):
Hello.
Yay.
Welcome, Meleah.
Meleah (01:28):
Thanks for having me.
I'm excited.
Willow (01:30):
Yeah, we're so thrilled that you're here and just love
the work that you're doing inthe world, working with women,
helping them to overcome oldpatterns so that they can move
forward in their love lives andin relationship.
It's such a, uh, importantthing, the work that you're
doing and, um, we're so excitedto learn more all about it.
So, why don't you tell us howyou got started in this work?
Meleah (01:52):
Yeah, I would love to.
So it was really my own journeythat led me here to support
women in this and really devotemy career to understanding how
can we actually overcome thesepatterns in a way that Addresses
them at the root and it's notjust sort of playing at the
surface level like I'm gonnahave awareness of this pattern
(02:16):
and I'm gonna talk about it intherapy and then it's somehow
gonna magically disappear, youknow, like, how do we actually
get down into the body to, um,yeah, like I said, get to the
root of it.
So that was my experience is,um, I guess it was 11 years ago
now.
I was 18 years old and I gotmarried.
So super young, um, but really Iwas sold the fairy tale, you
(02:40):
know, like met Yang in highschool and then, um, he went off
to the military and we gotmarried and that relationship
became really abusive and toxicand ended up being really unsafe
for me to stay.
So I eventually left and thenThat's when the real work
started for me.
The impact of that was, I mean,it was so deep in my nervous
(03:04):
system.
Years would pass and I, I would,I would feel like I was through
it.
Like I had healed.
I was, I was over it, but thepatterns repeated and who I was
attracting and how I would showup in relationship.
And so that's what really sentme on my own journey to find.
True healing to find how do weaddress this deeper?
(03:26):
How do we, when therapy doesn'tquite work, what else is there?
Um, and so through my ownreclamation of this and now
being engaged to an incredibleman, and I feel so at peace and
in love and well taken care ofand, you know, first and
foremost, I I'm responsible forcaring for myself, right?
So through that journey, again,I just really inspired me.
(03:50):
And for the past seven years,I've devoted my career to
Sharing that pathway with otherwomen.
Willow (03:57):
I love it.
So, so amazing to, to kind ofwalk your own talk, you know,
and, and do the, um, the Chironpath, you know, the wounded
healer, and really just liketake the, the wisdom that you've
learned from your, what you'veovercome and apply it to, um,
you know, helping others.
Leah (04:18):
Yeah.
So what were some of the toolsand strategies that, you know,
helped you heal?
Meleah (04:24):
Yeah.
So what I found was I needed adeeper approach, right?
So the, the trauma weexperience, a lot of that lives
in the body and different.
Modalities I was trying justreally kept me in my head.
And it was like, think betterthoughts and here's the mindset
and here's, you know, thetherapy and all of those things
really help.
(04:44):
And I think holistically they'reimportant.
Um, and when I started to learnabout somatic work and
embodiment work and gettingactually into the nervous system
to create a whole new baselineof safety, that's when I felt
real change.
That's when I actually felt likeI could re inhabit my body and,
(05:06):
and put down those walls, youknow, and actually be able to
let love in and not feel like I,I'm constantly on edge and I'm
constantly like, oh no, I don'twant to get hurt again.
And I'm constantly like, When'sthe next shoe gonna drop, you
know, it's like I can actuallyrelax into my body and I can
(05:26):
truly connect with with my loverand I can let that love
penetrate me, you know, so itwas really the embodiment work
and the somatic work.
That was the game changer andI've taken that and I've created
a really accessible kind ofdigestible pathway for women to
apply that as well.
(05:46):
And I know for me, what oftenhappens is we swing from one
extreme to the next, you know,so I was really naive and young
getting into that marriage.
And then.
My, my mind was like, well, thatdidn't work.
So now I'm going to be superindependent and no one can mess
with me and no one can get intothis, you know, and I'm not
(06:07):
going to let anyone in.
So then I was, became reallycomfortable in that hyper
independent, I don't need a man,you know, type of, um, it's a
defense mechanism.
Leah (06:17):
Yeah.
Meleah (06:18):
So when we really look at what are these defense
mechanisms that we take on anddo.
Do we, are they actually keepingus safe?
You know, that defense mechanismwas actually keeping the thing I
wanted away.
Willow (06:32):
I'm curious how, um, like, what actual somatic
practices you bring to thetable.
Like, what are, is it, like,Hakome work, or somato emotional
release, or what kind of
Meleah (06:45):
Yeah.
Well, we always start with thebasics.
Um, I run a program calledRadiant Relationship Academy and
the first phase in the, in theprogram, I call it Stabilize.
So it's, it's honestly thebasics of how to regulate your
nervous system, which to me isthe most life changing work I've
ever experienced, you know,actually knowing how to notice
(07:08):
your body is dysregulated.
And then, what do I do fromthere?
Instead of suppressing it,instead of trying to keep myself
busy as a way to manage anxiety,it's like, what would happen if
I could actually be with this?
If I actually understood thestress response my nervous
system is in, and then knew howto meet myself in that moment.
(07:29):
Um Another one of, you know,what I consider the basics is
how to process emotions throughyour body.
So, again, instead of usingthese strategies of let me just
think my way through thisanxiety or through this
heartbreak, what if I were tofeel it?
What if I were to dance to it?
(07:50):
What if I were to sit with it?
What if I were to, um, let it,let myself scream and stomp
around, like, truly embody thatwhich I'm feeling.
Um, and then we get to a placewhere we can more so tap into
that feminine embodiment whereit's very intuitive type of
movement because again, you'vecreated that safety and that
(08:12):
trust and that space in yourbody to, to inhabit that, to, to
experience that.
So,
Willow (08:20):
I love it.
Yeah, I think it's so that everytime that I do some metto
emotional release work withpeople, they actually get the
profound change that they'reseeking in, in the thing that's
holding them back from what theyreally want.
So it is so important to getinto the body and the mind is,
an important part of that too,right?
It's like they're two sides ofthe same coin and we're walking
(08:43):
around in these physical templesthat, um, that are addicted to
certain chemical responses, youknow, like our bodies go into
Anxiety and stress and fight orflight just on their own,
because those chemicals arerunning from the glands in our
bodies up to our brain and theiraddictions, um, physically.
(09:05):
And so, we have to be aware ofthat part of our soma, our
physical body.
So, so great that you'reoffering this to women,
especially the sort of genre ofwomen that you work with.
You know, women who are those.
I can do it all myself and youknow, I don't need a man and I
just, who are kind of running atthat high nervous system, you
(09:28):
know, that fight or flightsympathetic nervous system.
Yeah,
Meleah (09:43):
pleasing at times and, um, being really productive and,
um, over functioningessentially.
And so they use those samestrategies and love and
relationship and then theyeventually find, you know, this
isn't working.
This isn't, you know, getting methe same result that it's gotten
me in my career.
It's not leading to truefulfillment.
(10:04):
They usually attract, uh, theunderfunctioners, you know, the
more passive men.
So they're not feeling takencare of in the relationship.
They're doing the most, youknow, they feel like the mother,
the caretaker, they're wearingthe pants in the relationship
and they're comfortable in thatrole, yet it's not what they
(10:25):
truly desire.
They truly desired a masculineman, you know, someone to, um,
tell him, sit down, I've got it,you know, like, let me take care
of that.
Yet they have a really hard timesurrendering into that.
Leah (10:41):
yeah, I think, uh, that's so spot on.
I was just, um, talking with afriend the other night who's,
um, has a friend who's a reallyhigh powered lawyer, and, you
know, she's got to go to battleevery day.
She's competing with really highpowered men, and so she's got to
hold her own.
And it's, it's a privilege and agift that we are at a place in
(11:03):
our culture where we had thewomen's live movement, and we
got to compete, and utilize ourskills, and experience different
careers, and make more room forourselves in our culture.
Like, we got to break out ofsome boxes.
But what did a disservice, in myopinion, is that we forgot or
got disengaged from a part ofour femininity that is soft,
(11:26):
that is, that can surrender,that loves to be devotional, who
wants to be, um, in the beautyof the everything.
And so she's coming home.
Right?
And so there's an intensity, notknowing how to like turn that
off when you get home.
So you end up barking at yourpartner.
You end up feeling thisresentment because you're still
holding on to everything.
(11:48):
And he finally told her, thisisn't gonna work for me anymore.
You need to go to your bedroom.
You need to transition.
And when you come out, I wantyou to wear a nightie and I want
you to bring me a bourbon.
And then we're going to sit downand we're going to have some
sweet time together, but you'regoing to come and you're going
to be with your man.
And I'm like, Um, that, thatwould make me wet.
I would go into my room, I wouldtransition, and I'm gonna let my
(12:10):
hair down and go home andactually be nurtured and feel
the sweetness of, um, ofpartnership where you don't have
to be so strong all day.
Meleah (12:19):
and I think we haven't quite figured it out yet,
because we look to the past, andwomen were in that housewife
role, and we can look at thatnow, probably us sitting here,
and we can say, that's kind ofhot, you know, like, I'll be the
housewife, and you bring homethe bacon, whatever.
But, you know, we did that foryears and years.
(12:41):
And then there was this, womencame into the workforce and
they're like, no, I want to bestrong and independent and
powerful.
And I don't want to depend on aman.
And there is truth in thatbecause women for many years
would, would really have todepend on their husband for it.
A place to live in money, youknow, if they are home taking
(13:03):
care of the children, they don'tnecessarily have their own
money.
And so maybe that wasn't thebest situation to be in, right?
And there's still women in thosesituations today.
Leah (13:12):
Yeah.
Meleah (13:12):
we have this uprising of the strong, independent woman
who pushes away that.
Masculine that, that genuinelyreally wants to care for her.
So then we have this deepunfulfillment with women.
So I believe there is thisbeautiful middle ground where we
can integrate those differentparts of us as women and men,
(13:34):
you know, of course, we canbring men into the conversation
as well.
Um, but, but I, I found formyself that the hyper
independent space didn't workfor me and what I truly wanted
was to live my, my purpose andmy passion and be of service to,
to what I really believe in andto, in a way, depend on my man.
(13:56):
Like really allow him to be, uh,the leader of the relationship,
you know, and to surrender tohis masculine and to trust his
leadership and to Um, like yousaid, like, yeah, tell me to go
put my, my 90s on and I'll bringyou a sandwich, you know, like,
okay.
So, but if I didn't have thatstrong core within me, that
(14:21):
could feel disrespectful.
And a lot of women still feelthat that's disrespectful.
Leah (14:27):
yeah, it's the misinterpretation of the actual
dynamic.
And I think for the first 20years of my life, I was
misinterpreting a dynamic thatactually has the potential to be
very harmonic where everyoneends up getting their needs met.
We've been so divorced of ourneeds that it's, it's become
complicated.
But I do believe that we're atthis time for a reason and, um,
(14:49):
and this returning to It's likesometimes we have to throw the
baby out with the bathwater toknow what it is that we're
missing in order to createchange.
And we, we had a huge across thecountry, really in so many
places across countries, achange that allowed women to be
more than what they thought.
(15:09):
And now we have to returnbecause we dropped some things
off that we want to bring backhome.
And it is really interesting tohold a perspective that goes,
that's disrespectful.
And then to choose to look at itdifferently and to gain a new
(15:30):
perspective to go, is it really?
And, um, and so I think it'sexciting.
I think it's good.
I think all of it is good.
I think having both points ofview is important.
Willow (15:41):
I'm curious what you think about the, the dynamic,
Meleah, between, you know, menbeing able to hold the space and
being able to be man enough tohold for the feminine, um, in,
in a heterosexual, you know,cisgendered relationship.
And, um, versus women allowingthem, right?
(16:03):
Being able to allow them, beingin their feminine enough that
they can allow uh, their partnerto hold that space for them,
because I know that that's a,that can be a tricky dynamic.
And it is sort of like, um,specific to each relationship,
of course, but I'm curious whatyou've seen in your work with,
with these particular genre ofwomen, like what, um, how much
(16:26):
of it is that they're just notable to be in their feminine
enough and allow that.
And that's what they're learningwith you versus they're not
attracting men who can actuallyhold.
Meleah (16:37):
Yeah.
I mean, it's, That we each haveour own personal responsibility.
And it's so easy to blame theother and say, well, if my
partner would be more masculine,how could I trust him?
If this, this, and this, andthen, and I have a lot of
compassion for men.
I find it so interesting toreally listen to what's going on
(16:57):
for men and what they, uh, findchallenging in dating and
relationships.
And something that I've heardfrom a lot of men is that
they're afraid to.
Make women feel disrespected,like they're afraid to come off
creepy, they're afraid to, um,like try to take a, like, make a
(17:21):
woman feel as though he's tryingto take her power away.
So, You know, so I think it'simportant for both men and women
to understand each other, likereally make that effort to, to
listen to what their partner orthe person they're dating is
saying and expressing what's thedeeper layer, uh, rather than
(17:41):
just pointing the finger.
And what I invite my clients todo is to be the one that goes
first.
Willow (17:47):
Mm hmm.
Meleah (17:49):
Go first.
You know, like, how long are yougonna wait for the man to step
up?
How long are you gonna wait foryour partner to be more
masculine?
Okay, evoke it.
Inspire it.
It's not, it's a very, um victimtype of space to sit in to, to,
(18:09):
okay.
When, when, uh, emotionallyavailable partner comes along,
then I'll be vulnerable.
That will never happen,
Leah (18:15):
Yeah.
No, you won't attract thatperson.
Meleah (18:19):
Yeah.
Leah (18:20):
Yeah.
Yeah.
You absolutely.
Uh, I'd love that.
You go first.
Why wait?
It's your life.
Willow (18:26):
So I'm curious, Meleah, um, how, how long is the journey
that women work with you?
How long do they go through theprocess and what are the stages
and what are the steps and whatdoes it look like?
Meleah (18:37):
Yeah, so, it's a three month program.
And, yeah, the, the journey thatthey go through, I mentioned,
um, a little bit earlier, thatfirst phase is stabilizing.
So, working with This is thenervous system to stabilize your
internal world.
This is where we start to buildself trust, which is what I
believe is the foundation ofattracting the right person for
(19:01):
you.
But then also sustaining thatrelationship and in a way that
feels really good and longlasting and committed and
exciting.
So we start with stabilizingbecause if we're going to go
deeper into these patterns andand the roots of them, and
sometimes that means gettinginto past trauma.
(19:21):
We want to create a really safespace to do that in your own
body, where your body feels likeit's resilient enough to go into
those deeper, sometimes darker,places within you.
So, stabilizing, and then wemove into looking at these
actual patterns, identifyingthem, and um, understanding
what's driving them.
(19:42):
And that's the missing piece fora lot of people, is they can see
this is the thing that'shappening and I don't like it.
You know, I'm attracting thesetypes of men, or my partner's
doing this, and I don't like thething.
But the thing keeps happening.
And that's because something'sdriving it.
That defense mechanism, or thatyour trust issues, or that thing
(20:03):
your mom said to you when youwere three years old, like
there's something you'veinternalized along the way
that's driving that pattern.
So we get into the body to beable to to feel where that's
coming from, and then we canactually create change in our
life.
You know, you can actuallychoose a different pattern,
choose a different way of being,um.
(20:24):
Then we actually start to lookat, okay, who are you
attracting?
Now we're actually getting intoto the external.
All of that was internal.
So the external is, yeah, whoare you attracting and, and
what's working about that?
What's not?
The bigger issue is who you'rechoosing, right?
We choose partners, um, for aspecific reason.
And A lot of times women getreally caught up in, it's the
(20:49):
city I live in, or you know,there's um, just all the good
men are taken, or I don't knowwhy I keep attracting these type
of people.
Willow (20:57):
Oh, you mean those old limiting beliefs?
Meleah (21:00):
Yeah, exactly.
That seems so real.
Willow (21:03):
Santa Cruz is known for it, for sure.
All the single women here arelike, everyone's a Peter Pan in
Santa Cruz.
And there are a lot of men wholike to just play, but there's
also a lot of men who like to bemen.
So, you know, it's your mindsetis pretty big.
So it sounds like that's a bigstage that you work women
through.
Meleah (21:21):
Yeah, and it's, and that's even your relationship to
men, to the masculine.
You know, like, if I'm sayingwith my girlfriends all the
time, Oh, all these men just,you know, they're the, in the
Peter Pan phase, or they justwant one thing, or no one, no
one can go, like, deep enoughwith me.
Well, that's what I believeabout men.
(21:42):
And if I believe that about men,how am I going to experience
men?
And then how are men going tofeel around me?
Willow (21:48):
Right.
Meleah (21:49):
Right?
So
Leah (21:51):
I'd have women come into my women's groups and there
would always be like a couple ofthem like, where are all the
open hearted men?
Where are all the open heartedmen?
And I'm like, I don't know, areyou safe for a man to have his
heart open around?
You know, because if you are,um, aggressive and going after
and being demanding, you have tobe this way.
(22:13):
How is there any space toactually come and unfold into
that authentically?
So it's like you want an openhearted man, all right, be the
lady who's safe for an openheart to spend some time around.
Meleah (22:24):
Oh, that's so good.
It's so good because so, sothat's a big thing.
Women say men are emotionallyunavailable.
Okay.
So when he shares something withyou that feels vulnerable to, to
him, are you meeting that withuh, a little bit of judgment?
Are you saying like, well, thatdoesn't make sense to me, or
like, sort of, uh, invalidatinghis experience rather than
(22:48):
welcoming it and validating itand creating this really
non-judgmental space.
Even if you don't like the thinghe says, you know.
It's, can you be that welcoming,a a, that safe of a space for
him to truly, like, does it haveto be by your conditions?
(23:08):
You know, because is that reallya welcoming space?
And that's when we get to pointthe finger back to ourself in a
loving way and look at, okay, ifthis is what I say I want in a
man, in a relationship, in myexperience in dating, am I
embodying that myself?
Am I actually open to receivingthat?
Leah (23:31):
Yeah,
Meleah (23:32):
Or are these barriers to love pushing it away, pushing it
away, sabotaging it?
So that's really the process,right?
It's becoming the woman that, ofcourse, you have that type of
relationship.
It just makes sense becauseyou're embodying that every step
of the way.
So, yeah, like if you're, um,have this kind of conditions
(23:54):
around what, what can beemotionally available and what
can't, you're gonna attract orchoose a partner who fits into
that.
What I see with a lot of womenwho identify as the ambitious,
um, hyper independent, theyoften choose the, the safe
option.
which they don't consciously saythis, you know, they don't
(24:15):
really see that this ishappening, but they go for that
safe option that's sort of, um,you know, if they leave, that's
fine, because I don't reallycare anyways.
So that they can still try toprotect themselves, but then
what happens, they're totallyunsatisfied because they have
the safe option, you know, andthey're not being challenged or
totally, um, called into theirgreatness.
(24:38):
And that's a terrifyingrelationship to be in.
The relationship with that typeof partner that's going to say,
hey, I see your magnificence andI'm going to give you this
feedback so that you truly stepinto that.
But then what do I have to do?
I have to take self ownershipand I have to say, wow, you're
right.
You know, I was, I was prettysniffy, snippy about that.
(24:59):
And that wasn't fair, you know,or, you know, I see that.
I was projecting that onto you.
Like I have to take that levelof ownership, which is hard to
do.
Willow (25:10):
Mhm.
Leah (25:11):
it's a, it's a relationship strength.
That's a skill that we want tocultivate because that's the,
that's what makes for happierrelationships.
We have to learn how to fightwell,
Meleah (25:23):
Yeah.
Leah (25:23):
that our arguments and our conflicts end up, um, benefiting
us at the end of them.
Willow (25:29):
Meleah, you mentioned um, the word receiving, like are
they able to receive?
And in my work with women, Itake women through a nine month
journey, so it's um, a bigrebirthing process and we got
the three month, three month,three month, you know, I'm
imagining with this three monthjourney that you're taking women
through, it's like reallygetting them um, like initiated
(25:51):
through a certain phase in theirpath.
And, um, receptivity, like, is,I think it's the feminine's
greatest superpower.
And we all have feminine energywithin our bodies, right,
whether, whatever gender weclaim.
And, um, so I think this piecearound being able to receive,
being able to soften, being ableto surrender, it has, you know,
(26:14):
it has, connotations of beingseen as weak, but there's
actually a huge, huge strengthwith it.
It's an incredible superpower.
And part of, you know, with thepattern work that Leah and I are
involved in, which I'm not sureif it's different or similar to
the patterns that you're talkingabout, but there is, um, a deep
(26:36):
surrender to that way ofProtecting yourself to that way
of keeping yourself safe and,and being really conscious about
it is one thing, but also being,um, having your finger on the
pulse of how it's runningthrough you physically through
your Soma.
So, um, I don't know what myquestion is, just that, that
piece around receptivity, justwanted to kind of bring that
(26:57):
more forward and, and highlightthat a little bit more and just
get your two cents on, on whatyou've seen, how you've seen
women, uh, change their lives bystepping into that superpower
more.
Meleah (27:09):
Yeah.
You know, I find that receivingoften feels more vulnerable than
giving.
Leah (27:17):
Oh, only
Meleah (27:18):
so women often, right,
Leah (27:21):
It is so much more vulnerable than giving.
Meleah (27:25):
right.
Yeah, exactly.
And so women will often come,become really comfortable in
giving.
And what is that?
Another defense mechanism?
You know, so they're giving,giving, giving, giving, giving.
But they don't see that in doingthat it blocks them from
receiving, yet they becomeresentful because they feel like
(27:47):
they're giving so much andthey're not getting.
Getting a lot back, but theyfeel deeply when we really get
into it, you know, they feeldeeply uncomfortable with
actually that surrender.
Like you said, that trust, thatopenness, that, um, yeah, for
me, I really feel it as thislike open openness to be able to
(28:11):
receive.
And I think there's this knowingin us that when we receive.
So I see it like we're likeallowing love to penetrate us,
you know, we're allowing love orthose feelings or, uh, that
presence, whatever it is, toactually penetrate us and that's
why it's so vulnerable becausewhen I do that I'm catching
(28:35):
feelings, you know, and so therisk of getting hurt, of
feeling, uh, betrayed, let down,becomes so much bigger.
Right?
So, it does make sense why wewould want to protect ourself
from that, but if we can come toa place where we don't need
(28:56):
these walls up anymore, becauseif I trust myself, I always tell
my clients, you have to be asopen to heartbreak as you are to
love.
It'll always be equivalent.
So if I'm only okay with alittle bit of heartbreak, then
I'm only going to experience alittle bit of love.
But if I want the depth of lovethat life has to offer, then I
(29:16):
have to be okay with having myheart absolutely shattered, and
Love is a risk, isn't it?
Always.
I mean, in every phase of arelationship, there's always the
risk that you could beabsolutely heartbroken.
Willow (29:32):
So how do you, how do you give, what do you give women
to, you know, to, to get them tothe point where they're like,
okay, I'm going to take thatrisk because it is a big risk.
Meleah (29:43):
yeah.
So, how do we manage that?
That's a great question.
How do we navigate that?
Like, why would I want to riskit all?
So, when we go back to thatfirst phase of stabilizing and
processing emotions, I'm nolonger afraid of emotions.
You know, I understand.
It's not that I'm just numb toemotions, but I, I'm able to
(30:04):
hold the bigness of thoseemotions and those experiences
in my body.
And for me, grief was always thescariest emotion.
To me, it was very unknown.
I didn't experience it a lot inmy life until about two and a
half years ago, and in that, inthat, when it came into my
(30:24):
experience, I was like, we'regoing to meet this emotion
because I can't be avoiding thisany longer.
And in that total surrender ofthat emotion, I found such
beauty in it.
It was so tender.
It was so soft.
I mean, it was just, it feltlike it broke me open.
And because, again, I have thatsafety in my body, to be with
(30:47):
that, I can be with that.
And so that's the whole journeyI take my clients through, is if
we want to hold the bigness oflove, great, let's hold it,
let's embody it, but it's aspectrum.
So we also have to be with thebigness of anger, of sadness, of
uh, heartbreak, you know?
And it's not, it's, it's, it isscary, I'm not gonna sit here
(31:08):
and lie, like it's totallyscary.
But it becomes less scary.
I don't feel like I have toavoid it.
I can, I trust myself to be withit.
I trust that I have all thetools to navigate it.
And I want the bigness of love,so let's go.
Leah (31:24):
Yeah, I think what you're describing is self trust.
It's the, it's the journey ofcultivating self trust, because
when you can trust that you geton the other side of those big
emotions, you know you're goingto be okay.
You trust in your resilience andit gives you faith and more
courage and more bravery to takethose emotional risks with
others.
(31:44):
The Sufis have a saying, it's,May my heart be broken open a
thousand times a day.
And it's like, ah, fuck, I'mwilling to break.
I'm willing to break as manytimes as it takes so that I may
know the beauty of life.
You know, which is all theseemotions.
And the bitterness and thesweet.
(32:04):
It's um, it's what life is madeof.
And if we're always afraid ofit, then we're not really
living.
Meleah (32:11):
And that's sort of the feminine.
Right?
Like the messiness of all theemotions and the sad and the
happy and the anger and thewild.
And it's like, yeah, let me liveinto that.
Let me truly feel those emotionsin my body.
And, and then circling back tothe receiving aspect, it's like,
(32:34):
yeah, if I don't have to beafraid of getting hurt, of the
heartbreak, of the what mighthappen, then I can actually
receive.
Life and love and pleasure and,and, and my man, you know, I can
actually let that in because Idon't have to be on guard all
the time.
Leah (32:54):
one of the things that I think about fear, it's not that
we really stop being afraid.
We continue to be afraid, but wejust don't take it that
seriously.
You know, it doesn't become thiscrippling thing.
It just goes, ah, shit, I'mafraid again.
I hate being afraid.
But you, you, you move throughit.
(33:16):
You just, you don't make it as,um, as important.
Meleah (33:23):
Yeah.
I think with fear, fear is sointeresting to me because we'll
say often, Oh, well, I'm afraid.
Okay.
So.
What are you afraid of?
Often that right there getspeople stumped.
They're like, uh, like theyreally have to think about it.
And it's like, great, okay,let's see what's under, like,
what are you afraid of?
They'll list a couple things.
(33:43):
Okay, so what's worst casescenario?
Usually that's he leaves.
You know, that's usually the,that really is like worst case
scenario.
Okay, so he leaves or let's saymaybe you're having a tough
conversation with a lover.
Okay, so he, uh, doesn't agreeor he gets upset or he gets
(34:03):
defensive.
Okay.
So that's our worst casescenario of what could possibly
happen.
That happens, how would yousupport yourself?
What would you do?
How would you navigate it?
Oh, well, I would do this, and Iwould say this, or, you know,
it's like, okay, great, like,now what does it feel like to
move forward?
So if we just work with it alittle bit, and let our body
(34:25):
feel it, and maybe do somesomatic shaking, you know, to
kind of let it process.
Yeah, yeah, we, we have morecapacity, more resilience to
move through it.
Leah (34:36):
Yeah.
Willow (34:36):
are some of the patterns, like some of the
primary, um, patterns that yousee in your work with these with
women?
Meleah (34:44):
Yeah, so we often look at internal patterns and
external patterns.
So internal patterns would behow you feel, the things you
say, how you show up inrelationship, essentially.
So, um, some examples might bein conflict, I, you know, if
something bothers me inrelationship, I'll withhold it.
(35:07):
rather than saying the thing,and then I become, uh, like,
snappy, kind of bitchy a littlebit later because it's coming
out.
Like, we look at, like, yourconflict or communication
patterns.
Um, the external patterns areobviously Essentially, patterns
and the partners you'veattracted up until this point
(35:27):
are your current partner.
So he's emotionally unavailable,he's scared of commitment, he's
really defensive when I bringanything up, he, um, he's, um,
like, not willing to have thesedeeper conversations.
So, of course, the, the, thoseexternal patterns reflect back
(35:49):
to something internal.
But it is interesting andimportant to look at the
external as well.
Um, so a lot of times with myspecific work, it looks like
attracting men who are passive,who aren't really ready to step
up and kind of take the lead inrelationship.
And then internally, it's fearof commitment, fear of intimacy.
(36:13):
And those honestly aren't superobvious to my clients when we
first start working togetherbecause they'll say, I want a
healthy relationship, you know,but when we look at why that's
not happening for them.
It is a fear of commitment.
It is a fear of making the wrongchoice.
It is a fear of intimacy,meaning the vulnerability that's
(36:33):
required to have the intimacythat people, that they really
desire.
Leah (36:39):
Yeah, that makes sense.
Willow (36:41):
So what would you say if a woman was coming to you and
she, um, you know, she has beenvulnerable, put herself out
there, opened her heart andbeen, um, devastated multiple
times over?
I feel like I have a lot ofclients who, you know, they,
they come in every three monthsor every six months, you know,
(37:02):
and it's like, they don't, theydon't do my full program.
I'm always I'm trying toconvince them to but they'll
come in for treatment or foracupuncture or something, you
know, and, um And it's likeanother one bites the dust,
that's kind of the, the mindsetand the mentality and the
feeling and the vibe that comesthrough for them.
And I always, you know, I, Iknow some of these women pretty
(37:25):
well and they do really opentheir hearts.
They really do go deep and getvulnerable and, um, still, you
know, for whatever reason, therelationship doesn't work out.
Meleah (37:40):
Yeah, this is usually more of an issue of choosing the
right partner.
Um, I think in general, it'salso okay if a relationship
doesn't work out.
You know, if a lot of peoplewill say, another failed
relationship.
And what does that mean?
Like, did you love well duringthe relationship?
Then maybe it was successful.
(38:01):
And it's just time for you to goyour opposite ways.
Um, but in general, with thesetypes of women, it's more of a,
an issue of who you're choosingfor partnership.
So a lot of times, women feellike the problem is, Okay, I
need to start identifying thesered flags earlier on.
Well, yeah, that'd be great, butyou know, if a breadcrumb tastes
(38:26):
like the whole bakery, youreally don't have much of an
interest in identifying thesered flags because you're so
focused on the potential of whatthis relationship could be.
Leah (38:36):
Mm.
Meleah (38:36):
So it comes back to yourself and your self worth and
your ability to trust yourselfand your ability to really own
your the bigness of your desire.
Because if you have a desire, weall have different desires.
Some of my clients want to justhave more of a casual
relationship and meet great menor even open relationships and
(38:59):
some desire long term committedlove.
So if that's your desire, whoyou're choosing as a partner
early on in the dating phasereally matters.
And so getting to a place whereyou can say no to people who
meet most of that desire but notall of it, that's, that's not
(39:23):
it.
So we need to say no thank you,it's just not the right fit for
me.
That's the hardest thing forpeople to do.
They want to hold on to lovebecause of the sort of a, um, I
see it as lack, you know, this,I do, yeah, exactly, you know,
if I let this go, when will thenext one come?
(39:45):
Like, maybe this is the bestit's gonna get, maybe, and then
they settle, and then it ends,and then they, they get to
confirm their belief that itnever works out for me.
Leah (39:56):
mm hmm,
Willow (39:57):
Mm hmm.
Leah (39:58):
yeah,
Willow (39:58):
Yeah, that is a pretty strong pattern for many.
Meleah (40:03):
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it's, you know, if we canreally come to that place of it
can be this good and it can, andit can get better, you know, for
me, um, it was about two and ahalf years ago where I, when I
met my fiance who I'm with now,who I feel is, you know, my, my
(40:23):
person.
And, before I was with him,before I even knew him or met
him, I was in a differentrelationship.
And in that relationship, it wasmostly good.
Like, there wasn't any bigproblems.
We weren't fighting.
Uh, we had a fine life together.
But the theme in there was, Iwas sacrificing the bigness of
(40:45):
my desires.
Like, I wasn't feeling this deepconnection.
And I constantly was askingmyself, is this it?
Like, is this it?
Is this really it?
You know?
And so finally I got so honestwith myself and I was like, no,
this is not it.
And no one's going to magicallyjust walk into my life and be
(41:07):
like, here's all of yourdesires.
So I have to be the one to dothat, which means I say goodbye
to this person and I hold thevision for myself.
Literally, I left thatrelationship in the next day.
I met my now fiancé, which Iknow is a quick, it's a quick
turnover.
But it's just kind of beautifulhow the universe will work with
(41:31):
you when you take ownership ofyour own life and say, okay, you
know, I, I'm the only personthat's actually gonna, um, That
my desires are important enoughto go after.
Willow (41:49):
Yeah, absolutely.
I think that that is, that,that's the piece right there is
taking responsibility, you know,really, um, seeing your
relationship as it is.
If it's, if it's not everythingthat you desire and want it to
be, there's so much fear inwalking away from those
relationships.
And yeah, it doesn't alwayshappen the next day.
(42:09):
You know, it's not always thatquick turnaround.
And, and that doesn't mean thatyou don't have clarity and
you're not manifesting well orwhatever, you know.
It just means that like thetiming hasn't come around yet,
but if you trust and you believeand you have that clarity of
what it is that you're reallycalling in, then you can, um,
you know.
Trust in the timing of it.
(42:30):
I think there's also the timingof the other person too.
You know, I'm kind of sittingwith that right now myself and
it's like, well, who knows whatthe timing is for them?
Like what's going on for themright now?
What are they
Leah (42:42):
Yeah, what are they
Willow (42:43):
or going through in order to be ready, in order to
be available?
Meleah (42:48):
Yeah,
Leah (42:49):
too.
I think also like the word faithcomes to mind.
It's remembering that even whenyou might be your most negative
or you might, you might feelreally afraid that it's not
going to happen for you.
Um, whatever that thing is, itjust makes you fucking feel bad
that like another one bites thedust
Willow (43:09):
Yeah.
Leah (43:10):
be able to have faith that, um, you know, It will get
better, and you will meet thelove of your life, and it's not
over for you.
And I think sometimes that'shard to do, but it's pretty
magical when you can return backto faith because it softens, I
think it softens some of thehurt, or the despair, or the
(43:31):
loneliness, whatever the casemay be.
Meleah (43:34):
Yeah, and your only job is to meet that.
You know, because those feelingswill come up of like, Will it
ever happen for me?
What if it doesn't?
Uh, you know, like thosemoments, and it doesn't mean
that.
You're not in the high vibrationand doing it wrong.
It's the opportunity to meetthat as it is, meet yourself as
(43:56):
you are.
And, and that's the true work ofpartnership.
And that's the true work of, um,becoming the woman or becoming
relationship ready, likebecoming the woman who gets to
have this type of partnership,like, can you be so devoted to
that partner now, even beforeyou've even met them?
You know, like, what would thatlook like?
Like, start embodying thepartner you desire now.
(44:19):
Don't wait.
Because it's gonna be reallyhard, like there's a whole new,
whole new initiation to gothrough when you actually meet
the person, you know, so startpracticing that
Willow (44:28):
Yeah.
There's, um, something that I'vebeen in the practice of lately
is like, how would I do what I'mdoing if I had that?
How would I unpack and move intothis new house differently, you
know, how would I, how would Ido everything differently if
that was
Leah (44:47):
how would you nest?
Right, right.
I think, um, there's this woman,a friend of mine turned me on
to, I don't remember her name,she's on Instagram, but the
thing that struck me about whatshe was doing is she, she wrote
a letter every day to her futurehusband.
And just sharing her life withhim and from a journal
(45:07):
perspective, sharing her hopesand her dreams and her sadness
and her anger and like whateveris going on in her life, she was
practicing including him in it.
And I thought that's reallybeautiful.
I really like that idea.
Yeah.
Right.
Meleah (45:24):
like, and that's the thing, like, don't wait until
you find the right person tostart being romantic and letting
yourself tap into thosefeelings, like if you want more
romance, if you want morepleasure, like whatever it is,
you can give that to yourself,you can create, you can take
yourself on the date, you can,you know, do those things, buy
(45:46):
yourself the flowers and feelthose feelings in your body.
One of the things I have myclients do is, uh, to create a
playlist.
So similar to that, you know,similar to writing the letter,
but create a playlist for yourfuture person.
All the love songs, like thevibe, the, uh, connection you'll
(46:08):
share, the songs you want toshare with them.
Make the playlist and then youplay it, you know, every other
day or whenever and feel thosefeelings of the first time that
you meet and your first kiss,like tap into that now.
Leah (46:21):
Yeah, yeah, I really like this idea of like you're
practicing being in thatrelationship, even though
they're not there yet, and totreat yourself the way you want
them to treat you, which isexactly, buy the flowers, you
know, get the expensive perfume,baby.
Meleah (46:35):
Yeah.
Willow (46:36):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Leah (46:38):
Yeah.
Willow (46:38):
And, you know, I think if you're, if you're very
skilled, if you have a good, ifyou really can like be a master
of your emotional body, youknow, if you really can, um, Be
present with those emotions thatyou're feeling and and work
through them as as you've beentalking about Meleah Then you
can even take some of thosereally high experiences that
(47:01):
you've had in past relationshipsand bring them into that feeling
of like oh, it feels like thisexcept way better, you know, it
feels like this except so muchmore solid and secure Yeah,
Meleah (47:15):
Yeah.
Leah (47:15):
I think too, like I'm noticing value in going, okay,
when we can process our emotionsand be with them and like go
deep, be in the deep waters ofall of this.
What we're also setting up in afuture relationship is your
ability to know how to process,your ability to be there during
tough times because you'rewilling to feel those things.
(47:36):
Your skill at beingself-reflective and, and
considering.
How would I do that differently?
I think all of that can bereally important to a
relationship is being able toown your shit in a relationship.
Makes, you get to cut down onconflicts when you can just own
your stuff.
It's so disarming.
I'm married and um, you know,there are times when my husband
(48:00):
is like going off on somethingand I feel the defense come up.
I want to push back.
And I really try to practicejust going, I can find it.
I can find what you're fuckingsaying right now.
I don't like it, but I can seeit.
And it may not be the examplehe's giving me.
Maybe it was an example from 15years ago.
(48:21):
That I was like, oh yeah, I'vebehaved that way.
Oh yeah, I've reacted that way.
And then there's nothing tofight with, because you just
admitted it.
Like, yeah, I can find it.
I see it.
It's like, oh, well, well, good.
And it just, so I think alsowhat we're doing in preparation.
I'm doing this deeper work.
It prepares us for being abetter partner.
(48:43):
If you want a great partner, bea better partner.
Meleah (48:46):
So true.
That is so the amount ofemotional resilience and
capacity it takes to in thatmoment with your partner say,
just to be able to own your.
And, you know, and there's evensometimes, you know, I'll notice
my partner is kind of projectingonto me, you know, but what you,
(49:06):
wouldn't it be useful in thatmoment is saying, hey, you're
projecting on me.
Leah (49:11):
Never works.
Meleah (49:12):
no, it does not work.
So instead, you know, justHolding and listening, and then
I just validate him.
I say, yeah, I understand whyyou would feel that way, because
that's what he needs in thatmoment.
It's his little boy self havinga moment.
And then when we're regulated,we'll come back and we'll say
what we need to say.
But in that moment, I don't needto say, well, actually, this is
(49:35):
your inner child, and this isyour, you know, you're
projecting, it's like, okay,honey, I hear you, and it's okay
to feel that way, and I'm herewith you, and I'm so sorry, you
know, and then he's like, okay,and he softens.
You know.
So there's so many layers thatactually come up in relationship
and that emotional capacity iseverything.
(49:57):
Otherwise, we're going to befighting against each other and
trying to get, you know.
What happens in conflict is my,I'm trying to protect myself and
then, you know, partner istrying to, uh, protect
themselves.
And now we're just fightingagainst each other, trying to
get our defense mechanisms tokeep us safe.
And it's like, what if we.
stood side by side and insteadof fighting each other, we, we
(50:21):
face the problem together.
It's like, okay, this is theissue.
Let's fight the issue.
Let's not fight each other.
Leah (50:28):
Yeah, yeah.
I'm guilty of that one.
I, I have a tendency to fightMatt and he's the one, thank
you, in his wisdom that goes,you know, I'm not the enemy
here.
We're going to tackle this outhere together and to sit side by
side looking at the problem.
That's hard to do.
Well, I should say, it's hardfor me to do.
Um, and it's a valuable thing tolearn for sure.
(50:51):
So I'm curious, Meleah, do youwork with couples or do you
just, just women?
Like, and do you do classes oris it one on one?
Meleah (51:01):
Yeah.
So I I mainly work with womenwithin Radiant Relationship
Academy, which is the mentorshipprogram, the three month
program.
When I do private sessions andone on one, I work with,
honestly, it's mainly women, butI do have, uh, some male clients
and then a handful of, um,couples as well.
(51:22):
So, so I'm, I'm, uh, availableto work with couples and men,
but mainly my work is focusedaround women at this time.
Um, and then I do workshops inperson and retreats in person.
And those are for just women atthis point.
Um.
So yeah, it's, it's absolutelyfascinating and just so
(51:42):
beautiful to watch the unfoldingand the softening and, um, just
what's possible, you know, whenyou prioritize your, your love
life in this way, when youprioritize yourself in this way,
I think it's so different, youknow, some, a lot of women,
again, that I work with, theyhave whatever you're thinking of
(52:03):
from the ending, we're doing itfor you.
Getting thier doctoriate orprioritizing their educaton or
thier career.
And so when they pause and theysay, you know what, I actually
want to prioritize myself andmy, my love life, it is so
powerful.
Because then you see them reallycoming into that feminine space
(52:25):
and then their whole life feelsthe impact of it, you know.
And I think it's also reallyinteresting the impact that when
women do the program RadiantRelationship Academy, some of
them are ready to attract theirperson, some are in a
relationship and they want todeepen it.
So just one person in therelationship choosing to do this
work the impact it can have inthe relationship.
(52:49):
Oh, it's incredible.
Willow (52:51):
So where can our listeners find you?
Meleah (52:54):
Yeah, so Instagram is the best.
I'm very active there.
It's at@Meleah_Manning.
Um, where else?
Uh, my website iswww.SistersThatStray.com.
Um, hopefully all this will bein the, in the show notes, but
yeah, Instagram is the best tojust connect and say hi and get
a little taste of my work.
Leah (53:14):
And I understand you have a free gift.
You've got a master class?
Meleah (53:17):
Yeah.
Yes.
We got a masterclass.
It is like, I think it's just anhour long and it really goes
through the process ofidentifying the patterns, the
process of actually overcomingthem and then what's required
to, like we've been speakingabout, become the woman who gets
to have that relationship.
(53:38):
Um, so it's sort of a taste ofmy work and if you really show
up for that hour, like you'regoing to get so much out of it
that you can start to apply now.
So yeah, just click the link,you'll put in your email, you'll
get it straight to your inbox,and you can watch it at any
point.
Leah (53:53):
Wonderful.
Willow (53:53):
so fun,
Leah (53:55):
Well, thank you so much for being here.
Just a delight.
Meleah (53:58):
Yeah, it was a delight.
Thank you so much, ladies, forhaving me.
Willow (54:01):
thank you Meleah.
Meleah (54:02):
Thank you.
Leah (54:03):
All right.
Love, love, love y'all.
Announcer (54:05):
Now, our favorite part, the dish.
Leah (54:09):
Well, dishing on Meleah Manning.
What a lovely woman.
I really love her pace.
Um, uh, she's clearly done a lotof beautiful embodiment work on
herself.
And, um, you know, it's a smartcookie.
She feels like a sister fromanother mister, frankly.
Willow (54:26):
Yeah, I really, you know, her work is so similar to
mine in that we work with womenon, on coming back home to
loving themselves and reallyfinding their way.
Um, so I think, you know, any,any woman from any walk of life
who is, whether you're in arelationship or you are, um,
looking to co create the, theright ideal relationship in your
(54:48):
life, this practice of self loveand being able to, come back
home and back to your center andback to your own heart and
understand what real sovereigntyis as a practice, as a woman
walking through the world, um,will take you so far in, in um,
(55:09):
In your relationships.
So, um, I just love that she's,you know, she's doing this and
the, the women that she'sfocused on, there's so many of
them, especially, um, you know,on the east coast where she
lives.
So I think it's fantastic to,the more that we have, you know,
women's having had alreadywalked through this, helping
(55:32):
other women who are trying tofind their way through it, I
think, the better.
Leah (55:37):
Yeah, yeah, I agree.
You know, one of the questions Iwish I would have asked her is
what's a book she recommends toher students?
Um, I love that question.
It's always exposes, um, reallygreat books to myself and to the
audience and it's always fun tofind out.
(55:58):
I was
Willow (55:58):
maybe we can ask her an email and pop it in the show
Leah (56:01):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Um, also curious who she studiedwith, you know, because so much
of her content seemed reallyfamiliar, uh, but I think, um, I
think her students must reallyget a lot of, a lot out of her
work because if you can walkaway with a sense of self trust
and being less afraid of youremotions and knowing how to
(56:22):
process them and knowing how toself regulate, I mean, that's
huge.
Um, we should all get thatLearning in school.
I mean, I suppose inkindergarten they give us a few
self regulatory, uh, tips, but,um, I'm sure it's gotten better.
Who knows?
In any event, thank you, uh,sweet Meleah for being on the
(56:43):
show.
And if you have had a journey,dear listeners, of, overcoming
heartache, cultivating selftrust, discovering your own self
regulation tools, finding loveagain, and your own tips and
tricks for that.
Please share them with us and,uh, and tell us what you know.
Willow (57:03):
Yeah, we always love to hear from you and we always love
to learn from each other.
So we're, we're always offeringwhat we know and we love to hear
what you know because it expandsthe entire repertoire for all of
us.
So much love, everyone.
Leah (57:19):
Catch you on the flip side.
Announcer (57:20):
Thanks for tuning in.
This episode was hosted byTantric Sex Master Coach and
Positive Psychology Facilitator,Leah Piper, as well as by
Chinese and Functional MedicineDoctor and Taoist Sexology
Teacher, Dr.
Willow Brown.
Don't forget, your comments,likes, subscribes, and
suggestions matter.
Let's realize this new worldtogether.
Hi there.
This is Leah at Sex Reimagined,your Tantra expert.
Willow (00:09):
And I'm Dr.
Willow Brown, your Taoist experthere at Sex Reimagined.
Today, we dove in with MeleahManning, who is a trauma
informed dating and relationshipcoach for women specifically,
high powered women who thinkthey don't need a man and can do
it all on their own.
Um, her work focuses onsupporting women heal from past
(00:29):
pain that impacts their lovelife, attracting their ideal
partner, and developing theSkills for a lasting and
fulfilling relationship.
We talked all about that in theinterview, you're going to learn
so much.
And she's got an epic trackrecord of assisting hundreds of
women in attracting their idealpartners, and channels the
expertise and knowledge that shehas accumulated through her
(00:51):
signature program, RadiantRelationship Academy, which is a
three month course for women tobegin to overcome the things
that are holding them back intheir love life.
Leah (01:01):
Yes.
And stay with the episode untilthe very end because she's got a
great free gift and you don'twant to miss it.
So you know what to do, friends,tune in, turn on and fall in
love with the beautiful Meleah.
Announcer (01:16):
Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is
shame free and pleasure forward.
Let's get into the show.
Leah (01:25):
Hello.
Yay.
Welcome, Meleah.
Meleah (01:28):
Thanks for having me.
I'm excited.
Willow (01:30):
Yeah, we're so thrilled that you're here and just love
the work that you're doing inthe world, working with women,
helping them to overcome oldpatterns so that they can move
forward in their love lives andin relationship.
It's such a, uh, importantthing, the work that you're
doing and, um, we're so excitedto learn more all about it.
So, why don't you tell us howyou got started in this work?
Meleah (01:52):
Yeah, I would love to.
So it was really my own journeythat led me here to support
women in this and really devotemy career to understanding how
can we actually overcome thesepatterns in a way that Addresses
them at the root and it's notjust sort of playing at the
surface level like I'm gonnahave awareness of this pattern
(02:16):
and I'm gonna talk about it intherapy and then it's somehow
gonna magically disappear, youknow, like, how do we actually
get down into the body to, um,yeah, like I said, get to the
root of it.
So that was my experience is,um, I guess it was 11 years ago
now.
I was 18 years old and I gotmarried.
So super young, um, but really Iwas sold the fairy tale, you
(02:40):
know, like met Yang in highschool and then, um, he went off
to the military and we gotmarried and that relationship
became really abusive and toxicand ended up being really unsafe
for me to stay.
So I eventually left and thenThat's when the real work
started for me.
The impact of that was, I mean,it was so deep in my nervous
(03:04):
system.
Years would pass and I, I would,I would feel like I was through
it.
Like I had healed.
I was, I was over it, but thepatterns repeated and who I was
attracting and how I would showup in relationship.
And so that's what really sentme on my own journey to find.
True healing to find how do weaddress this deeper?
(03:26):
How do we, when therapy doesn'tquite work, what else is there?
Um, and so through my ownreclamation of this and now
being engaged to an incredibleman, and I feel so at peace and
in love and well taken care ofand, you know, first and
foremost, I I'm responsible forcaring for myself, right?
So through that journey, again,I just really inspired me.
(03:50):
And for the past seven years,I've devoted my career to
Sharing that pathway with otherwomen.
Willow (03:57):
I love it.
So, so amazing to, to kind ofwalk your own talk, you know,
and, and do the, um, the Chironpath, you know, the wounded
healer, and really just liketake the, the wisdom that you've
learned from your, what you'veovercome and apply it to, um,
you know, helping others.
Leah (04:18):
Yeah.
So what were some of the toolsand strategies that, you know,
helped you heal?
Meleah (04:24):
Yeah.
So what I found was I needed adeeper approach, right?
So the, the trauma weexperience, a lot of that lives
in the body and different.
Modalities I was trying justreally kept me in my head.
And it was like, think betterthoughts and here's the mindset
and here's, you know, thetherapy and all of those things
really help.
(04:44):
And I think holistically they'reimportant.
Um, and when I started to learnabout somatic work and
embodiment work and gettingactually into the nervous system
to create a whole new baselineof safety, that's when I felt
real change.
That's when I actually felt likeI could re inhabit my body and,
(05:06):
and put down those walls, youknow, and actually be able to
let love in and not feel like I,I'm constantly on edge and I'm
constantly like, oh no, I don'twant to get hurt again.
And I'm constantly like, When'sthe next shoe gonna drop, you
know, it's like I can actuallyrelax into my body and I can
(05:26):
truly connect with with my loverand I can let that love
penetrate me, you know, so itwas really the embodiment work
and the somatic work.
That was the game changer andI've taken that and I've created
a really accessible kind ofdigestible pathway for women to
apply that as well.
(05:46):
And I know for me, what oftenhappens is we swing from one
extreme to the next, you know,so I was really naive and young
getting into that marriage.
And then.
My, my mind was like, well, thatdidn't work.
So now I'm going to be superindependent and no one can mess
with me and no one can get intothis, you know, and I'm not
(06:07):
going to let anyone in.
So then I was, became reallycomfortable in that hyper
independent, I don't need a man,you know, type of, um, it's a
defense mechanism.
Leah (06:17):
Yeah.
Meleah (06:18):
So when we really look at what are these defense
mechanisms that we take on anddo.
Do we, are they actually keepingus safe?
You know, that defense mechanismwas actually keeping the thing I
wanted away.
Willow (06:32):
I'm curious how, um, like, what actual somatic
practices you bring to thetable.
Like, what are, is it, like,Hakome work, or somato emotional
release, or what kind of
Meleah (06:45):
Yeah.
Well, we always start with thebasics.
Um, I run a program calledRadiant Relationship Academy and
the first phase in the, in theprogram, I call it Stabilize.
So it's, it's honestly thebasics of how to regulate your
nervous system, which to me isthe most life changing work I've
ever experienced, you know,actually knowing how to notice
(07:08):
your body is dysregulated.
And then, what do I do fromthere?
Instead of suppressing it,instead of trying to keep myself
busy as a way to manage anxiety,it's like, what would happen if
I could actually be with this?
If I actually understood thestress response my nervous
system is in, and then knew howto meet myself in that moment.
(07:29):
Um Another one of, you know,what I consider the basics is
how to process emotions throughyour body.
So, again, instead of usingthese strategies of let me just
think my way through thisanxiety or through this
heartbreak, what if I were tofeel it?
What if I were to dance to it?
(07:50):
What if I were to sit with it?
What if I were to, um, let it,let myself scream and stomp
around, like, truly embody thatwhich I'm feeling.
Um, and then we get to a placewhere we can more so tap into
that feminine embodiment whereit's very intuitive type of
movement because again, you'vecreated that safety and that
(08:12):
trust and that space in yourbody to, to inhabit that, to, to
experience that.
So,
Willow (08:20):
I love it.
Yeah, I think it's so that everytime that I do some metto
emotional release work withpeople, they actually get the
profound change that they'reseeking in, in the thing that's
holding them back from what theyreally want.
So it is so important to getinto the body and the mind is,
an important part of that too,right?
It's like they're two sides ofthe same coin and we're walking
(08:43):
around in these physical templesthat, um, that are addicted to
certain chemical responses, youknow, like our bodies go into
Anxiety and stress and fight orflight just on their own,
because those chemicals arerunning from the glands in our
bodies up to our brain and theiraddictions, um, physically.
(09:05):
And so, we have to be aware ofthat part of our soma, our
physical body.
So, so great that you'reoffering this to women,
especially the sort of genre ofwomen that you work with.
You know, women who are those.
I can do it all myself and youknow, I don't need a man and I
just, who are kind of running atthat high nervous system, you
(09:28):
know, that fight or flightsympathetic nervous system.
Yeah,
Meleah (09:43):
pleasing at times and, um, being really productive and,
um, over functioningessentially.
And so they use those samestrategies and love and
relationship and then theyeventually find, you know, this
isn't working.
This isn't, you know, getting methe same result that it's gotten
me in my career.
It's not leading to truefulfillment.
(10:04):
They usually attract, uh, theunderfunctioners, you know, the
more passive men.
So they're not feeling takencare of in the relationship.
They're doing the most, youknow, they feel like the mother,
the caretaker, they're wearingthe pants in the relationship
and they're comfortable in thatrole, yet it's not what they
(10:25):
truly desire.
They truly desired a masculineman, you know, someone to, um,
tell him, sit down, I've got it,you know, like, let me take care
of that.
Yet they have a really hard timesurrendering into that.
Leah (10:41):
yeah, I think, uh, that's so spot on.
I was just, um, talking with afriend the other night who's,
um, has a friend who's a reallyhigh powered lawyer, and, you
know, she's got to go to battleevery day.
She's competing with really highpowered men, and so she's got to
hold her own.
And it's, it's a privilege and agift that we are at a place in
(11:03):
our culture where we had thewomen's live movement, and we
got to compete, and utilize ourskills, and experience different
careers, and make more room forourselves in our culture.
Like, we got to break out ofsome boxes.
But what did a disservice, in myopinion, is that we forgot or
got disengaged from a part ofour femininity that is soft,
(11:26):
that is, that can surrender,that loves to be devotional, who
wants to be, um, in the beautyof the everything.
And so she's coming home.
Right?
And so there's an intensity, notknowing how to like turn that
off when you get home.
So you end up barking at yourpartner.
You end up feeling thisresentment because you're still
holding on to everything.
(11:48):
And he finally told her, thisisn't gonna work for me anymore.
You need to go to your bedroom.
You need to transition.
And when you come out, I wantyou to wear a nightie and I want
you to bring me a bourbon.
And then we're going to sit downand we're going to have some
sweet time together, but you'regoing to come and you're going
to be with your man.
And I'm like, Um, that, thatwould make me wet.
I would go into my room, I wouldtransition, and I'm gonna let my
(12:10):
hair down and go home andactually be nurtured and feel
the sweetness of, um, ofpartnership where you don't have
to be so strong all day.
Meleah (12:19):
and I think we haven't quite figured it out yet,
because we look to the past, andwomen were in that housewife
role, and we can look at thatnow, probably us sitting here,
and we can say, that's kind ofhot, you know, like, I'll be the
housewife, and you bring homethe bacon, whatever.
But, you know, we did that foryears and years.
(12:41):
And then there was this, womencame into the workforce and
they're like, no, I want to bestrong and independent and
powerful.
And I don't want to depend on aman.
And there is truth in thatbecause women for many years
would, would really have todepend on their husband for it.
A place to live in money, youknow, if they are home taking
(13:03):
care of the children, they don'tnecessarily have their own
money.
And so maybe that wasn't thebest situation to be in, right?
And there's still women in thosesituations today.
Leah (13:12):
Yeah.
Meleah (13:12):
we have this uprising of the strong, independent woman
who pushes away that.
Masculine that, that genuinelyreally wants to care for her.
So then we have this deepunfulfillment with women.
So I believe there is thisbeautiful middle ground where we
can integrate those differentparts of us as women and men,
(13:34):
you know, of course, we canbring men into the conversation
as well.
Um, but, but I, I found formyself that the hyper
independent space didn't workfor me and what I truly wanted
was to live my, my purpose andmy passion and be of service to,
to what I really believe in andto, in a way, depend on my man.
(13:56):
Like really allow him to be, uh,the leader of the relationship,
you know, and to surrender tohis masculine and to trust his
leadership and to Um, like yousaid, like, yeah, tell me to go
put my, my 90s on and I'll bringyou a sandwich, you know, like,
okay.
So, but if I didn't have thatstrong core within me, that
(14:21):
could feel disrespectful.
And a lot of women still feelthat that's disrespectful.
Leah (14:27):
yeah, it's the misinterpretation of the actual
dynamic.
And I think for the first 20years of my life, I was
misinterpreting a dynamic thatactually has the potential to be
very harmonic where everyoneends up getting their needs met.
We've been so divorced of ourneeds that it's, it's become
complicated.
But I do believe that we're atthis time for a reason and, um,
(14:49):
and this returning to It's likesometimes we have to throw the
baby out with the bathwater toknow what it is that we're
missing in order to createchange.
And we, we had a huge across thecountry, really in so many
places across countries, achange that allowed women to be
more than what they thought.
(15:09):
And now we have to returnbecause we dropped some things
off that we want to bring backhome.
And it is really interesting tohold a perspective that goes,
that's disrespectful.
And then to choose to look at itdifferently and to gain a new
(15:30):
perspective to go, is it really?
And, um, and so I think it'sexciting.
I think it's good.
I think all of it is good.
I think having both points ofview is important.
Willow (15:41):
I'm curious what you think about the, the dynamic,
Meleah, between, you know, menbeing able to hold the space and
being able to be man enough tohold for the feminine, um, in,
in a heterosexual, you know,cisgendered relationship.
And, um, versus women allowingthem, right?
(16:03):
Being able to allow them, beingin their feminine enough that
they can allow uh, their partnerto hold that space for them,
because I know that that's a,that can be a tricky dynamic.
And it is sort of like, um,specific to each relationship,
of course, but I'm curious whatyou've seen in your work with,
with these particular genre ofwomen, like what, um, how much
(16:26):
of it is that they're just notable to be in their feminine
enough and allow that.
And that's what they're learningwith you versus they're not
attracting men who can actuallyhold.
Meleah (16:37):
Yeah.
I mean, it's, That we each haveour own personal responsibility.
And it's so easy to blame theother and say, well, if my
partner would be more masculine,how could I trust him?
If this, this, and this, andthen, and I have a lot of
compassion for men.
I find it so interesting toreally listen to what's going on
(16:57):
for men and what they, uh, findchallenging in dating and
relationships.
And something that I've heardfrom a lot of men is that
they're afraid to.
Make women feel disrespected,like they're afraid to come off
creepy, they're afraid to, um,like try to take a, like, make a
(17:21):
woman feel as though he's tryingto take her power away.
So, You know, so I think it'simportant for both men and women
to understand each other, likereally make that effort to, to
listen to what their partner orthe person they're dating is
saying and expressing what's thedeeper layer, uh, rather than
(17:41):
just pointing the finger.
And what I invite my clients todo is to be the one that goes
first.
Willow (17:47):
Mm hmm.
Meleah (17:49):
Go first.
You know, like, how long are yougonna wait for the man to step
up?
How long are you gonna wait foryour partner to be more
masculine?
Okay, evoke it.
Inspire it.
It's not, it's a very, um victimtype of space to sit in to, to,
(18:09):
okay.
When, when, uh, emotionallyavailable partner comes along,
then I'll be vulnerable.
That will never happen,
Leah (18:15):
Yeah.
No, you won't attract thatperson.
Meleah (18:19):
Yeah.
Leah (18:20):
Yeah.
Yeah.
You absolutely.
Uh, I'd love that.
You go first.
Why wait?
It's your life.
Willow (18:26):
So I'm curious, Meleah, um, how, how long is the journey
that women work with you?
How long do they go through theprocess and what are the stages
and what are the steps and whatdoes it look like?
Meleah (18:37):
Yeah, so, it's a three month program.
And, yeah, the, the journey thatthey go through, I mentioned,
um, a little bit earlier, thatfirst phase is stabilizing.
So, working with This is thenervous system to stabilize your
internal world.
This is where we start to buildself trust, which is what I
believe is the foundation ofattracting the right person for
(19:01):
you.
But then also sustaining thatrelationship and in a way that
feels really good and longlasting and committed and
exciting.
So we start with stabilizingbecause if we're going to go
deeper into these patterns andand the roots of them, and
sometimes that means gettinginto past trauma.
(19:21):
We want to create a really safespace to do that in your own
body, where your body feels likeit's resilient enough to go into
those deeper, sometimes darker,places within you.
So, stabilizing, and then wemove into looking at these
actual patterns, identifyingthem, and um, understanding
what's driving them.
(19:42):
And that's the missing piece fora lot of people, is they can see
this is the thing that'shappening and I don't like it.
You know, I'm attracting thesetypes of men, or my partner's
doing this, and I don't like thething.
But the thing keeps happening.
And that's because something'sdriving it.
That defense mechanism, or thatyour trust issues, or that thing
(20:03):
your mom said to you when youwere three years old, like
there's something you'veinternalized along the way
that's driving that pattern.
So we get into the body to beable to to feel where that's
coming from, and then we canactually create change in our
life.
You know, you can actuallychoose a different pattern,
choose a different way of being,um.
(20:24):
Then we actually start to lookat, okay, who are you
attracting?
Now we're actually getting intoto the external.
All of that was internal.
So the external is, yeah, whoare you attracting and, and
what's working about that?
What's not?
The bigger issue is who you'rechoosing, right?
We choose partners, um, for aspecific reason.
And A lot of times women getreally caught up in, it's the
(20:49):
city I live in, or you know,there's um, just all the good
men are taken, or I don't knowwhy I keep attracting these type
of people.
Willow (20:57):
Oh, you mean those old limiting beliefs?
Meleah (21:00):
Yeah, exactly.
That seems so real.
Willow (21:03):
Santa Cruz is known for it, for sure.
All the single women here arelike, everyone's a Peter Pan in
Santa Cruz.
And there are a lot of men wholike to just play, but there's
also a lot of men who like to bemen.
So, you know, it's your mindsetis pretty big.
So it sounds like that's a bigstage that you work women
through.
Meleah (21:21):
Yeah, and it's, and that's even your relationship to
men, to the masculine.
You know, like, if I'm sayingwith my girlfriends all the
time, Oh, all these men just,you know, they're the, in the
Peter Pan phase, or they justwant one thing, or no one, no
one can go, like, deep enoughwith me.
Well, that's what I believeabout men.
(21:42):
And if I believe that about men,how am I going to experience
men?
And then how are men going tofeel around me?
Willow (21:48):
Right.
Meleah (21:49):
Right?
So
Leah (21:51):
I'd have women come into my women's groups and there
would always be like a couple ofthem like, where are all the
open hearted men?
Where are all the open heartedmen?
And I'm like, I don't know, areyou safe for a man to have his
heart open around?
You know, because if you are,um, aggressive and going after
and being demanding, you have tobe this way.
(22:13):
How is there any space toactually come and unfold into
that authentically?
So it's like you want an openhearted man, all right, be the
lady who's safe for an openheart to spend some time around.
Meleah (22:24):
Oh, that's so good.
It's so good because so, sothat's a big thing.
Women say men are emotionallyunavailable.
Okay.
So when he shares something withyou that feels vulnerable to, to
him, are you meeting that withuh, a little bit of judgment?
Are you saying like, well, thatdoesn't make sense to me, or
like, sort of, uh, invalidatinghis experience rather than
(22:48):
welcoming it and validating itand creating this really
non-judgmental space.
Even if you don't like the thinghe says, you know.
It's, can you be that welcoming,a a, that safe of a space for
him to truly, like, does it haveto be by your conditions?
(23:08):
You know, because is that reallya welcoming space?
And that's when we get to pointthe finger back to ourself in a
loving way and look at, okay, ifthis is what I say I want in a
man, in a relationship, in myexperience in dating, am I
embodying that myself?
Am I actually open to receivingthat?
Leah (23:31):
Yeah,
Meleah (23:32):
Or are these barriers to love pushing it away, pushing it
away, sabotaging it?
So that's really the process,right?
It's becoming the woman that, ofcourse, you have that type of
relationship.
It just makes sense becauseyou're embodying that every step
of the way.
So, yeah, like if you're, um,have this kind of conditions
(23:54):
around what, what can beemotionally available and what
can't, you're gonna attract orchoose a partner who fits into
that.
What I see with a lot of womenwho identify as the ambitious,
um, hyper independent, theyoften choose the, the safe
option.
which they don't consciously saythis, you know, they don't
(24:15):
really see that this ishappening, but they go for that
safe option that's sort of, um,you know, if they leave, that's
fine, because I don't reallycare anyways.
So that they can still try toprotect themselves, but then
what happens, they're totallyunsatisfied because they have
the safe option, you know, andthey're not being challenged or
totally, um, called into theirgreatness.
(24:38):
And that's a terrifyingrelationship to be in.
The relationship with that typeof partner that's going to say,
hey, I see your magnificence andI'm going to give you this
feedback so that you truly stepinto that.
But then what do I have to do?
I have to take self ownershipand I have to say, wow, you're
right.
You know, I was, I was prettysniffy, snippy about that.
(24:59):
And that wasn't fair, you know,or, you know, I see that.
I was projecting that onto you.
Like I have to take that levelof ownership, which is hard to
do.
Willow (25:10):
Mhm.
Leah (25:11):
it's a, it's a relationship strength.
That's a skill that we want tocultivate because that's the,
that's what makes for happierrelationships.
We have to learn how to fightwell,
Meleah (25:23):
Yeah.
Leah (25:23):
that our arguments and our conflicts end up, um, benefiting
us at the end of them.
Willow (25:29):
Meleah, you mentioned um, the word receiving, like are
they able to receive?
And in my work with women, Itake women through a nine month
journey, so it's um, a bigrebirthing process and we got
the three month, three month,three month, you know, I'm
imagining with this three monthjourney that you're taking women
through, it's like reallygetting them um, like initiated
(25:51):
through a certain phase in theirpath.
And, um, receptivity, like, is,I think it's the feminine's
greatest superpower.
And we all have feminine energywithin our bodies, right,
whether, whatever gender weclaim.
And, um, so I think this piecearound being able to receive,
being able to soften, being ableto surrender, it has, you know,
(26:14):
it has, connotations of beingseen as weak, but there's
actually a huge, huge strengthwith it.
It's an incredible superpower.
And part of, you know, with thepattern work that Leah and I are
involved in, which I'm not sureif it's different or similar to
the patterns that you're talkingabout, but there is, um, a deep
(26:36):
surrender to that way ofProtecting yourself to that way
of keeping yourself safe and,and being really conscious about
it is one thing, but also being,um, having your finger on the
pulse of how it's runningthrough you physically through
your Soma.
So, um, I don't know what myquestion is, just that, that
piece around receptivity, justwanted to kind of bring that
(26:57):
more forward and, and highlightthat a little bit more and just
get your two cents on, on whatyou've seen, how you've seen
women, uh, change their lives bystepping into that superpower
more.
Meleah (27:09):
Yeah.
You know, I find that receivingoften feels more vulnerable than
giving.
Leah (27:17):
Oh, only
Meleah (27:18):
so women often, right,
Leah (27:21):
It is so much more vulnerable than giving.
Meleah (27:25):
right.
Yeah, exactly.
And so women will often come,become really comfortable in
giving.
And what is that?
Another defense mechanism?
You know, so they're giving,giving, giving, giving, giving.
But they don't see that in doingthat it blocks them from
receiving, yet they becomeresentful because they feel like
(27:47):
they're giving so much andthey're not getting.
Getting a lot back, but theyfeel deeply when we really get
into it, you know, they feeldeeply uncomfortable with
actually that surrender.
Like you said, that trust, thatopenness, that, um, yeah, for
me, I really feel it as thislike open openness to be able to
(28:11):
receive.
And I think there's this knowingin us that when we receive.
So I see it like we're likeallowing love to penetrate us,
you know, we're allowing love orthose feelings or, uh, that
presence, whatever it is, toactually penetrate us and that's
why it's so vulnerable becausewhen I do that I'm catching
(28:35):
feelings, you know, and so therisk of getting hurt, of
feeling, uh, betrayed, let down,becomes so much bigger.
Right?
So, it does make sense why wewould want to protect ourself
from that, but if we can come toa place where we don't need
(28:56):
these walls up anymore, becauseif I trust myself, I always tell
my clients, you have to be asopen to heartbreak as you are to
love.
It'll always be equivalent.
So if I'm only okay with alittle bit of heartbreak, then
I'm only going to experience alittle bit of love.
But if I want the depth of lovethat life has to offer, then I
(29:16):
have to be okay with having myheart absolutely shattered, and
Love is a risk, isn't it?
Always.
I mean, in every phase of arelationship, there's always the
risk that you could beabsolutely heartbroken.
Willow (29:32):
So how do you, how do you give, what do you give women
to, you know, to, to get them tothe point where they're like,
okay, I'm going to take thatrisk because it is a big risk.
Meleah (29:43):
yeah.
So, how do we manage that?
That's a great question.
How do we navigate that?
Like, why would I want to riskit all?
So, when we go back to thatfirst phase of stabilizing and
processing emotions, I'm nolonger afraid of emotions.
You know, I understand.
It's not that I'm just numb toemotions, but I, I'm able to
(30:04):
hold the bigness of thoseemotions and those experiences
in my body.
And for me, grief was always thescariest emotion.
To me, it was very unknown.
I didn't experience it a lot inmy life until about two and a
half years ago, and in that, inthat, when it came into my
(30:24):
experience, I was like, we'regoing to meet this emotion
because I can't be avoiding thisany longer.
And in that total surrender ofthat emotion, I found such
beauty in it.
It was so tender.
It was so soft.
I mean, it was just, it feltlike it broke me open.
And because, again, I have thatsafety in my body, to be with
(30:47):
that, I can be with that.
And so that's the whole journeyI take my clients through, is if
we want to hold the bigness oflove, great, let's hold it,
let's embody it, but it's aspectrum.
So we also have to be with thebigness of anger, of sadness, of
uh, heartbreak, you know?
And it's not, it's, it's, it isscary, I'm not gonna sit here
(31:08):
and lie, like it's totallyscary.
But it becomes less scary.
I don't feel like I have toavoid it.
I can, I trust myself to be withit.
I trust that I have all thetools to navigate it.
And I want the bigness of love,so let's go.
Leah (31:24):
Yeah, I think what you're describing is self trust.
It's the, it's the journey ofcultivating self trust, because
when you can trust that you geton the other side of those big
emotions, you know you're goingto be okay.
You trust in your resilience andit gives you faith and more
courage and more bravery to takethose emotional risks with
others.
(31:44):
The Sufis have a saying, it's,May my heart be broken open a
thousand times a day.
And it's like, ah, fuck, I'mwilling to break.
I'm willing to break as manytimes as it takes so that I may
know the beauty of life.
You know, which is all theseemotions.
And the bitterness and thesweet.
(32:04):
It's um, it's what life is madeof.
And if we're always afraid ofit, then we're not really
living.
Meleah (32:11):
And that's sort of the feminine.
Right?
Like the messiness of all theemotions and the sad and the
happy and the anger and thewild.
And it's like, yeah, let me liveinto that.
Let me truly feel those emotionsin my body.
And, and then circling back tothe receiving aspect, it's like,
(32:34):
yeah, if I don't have to beafraid of getting hurt, of the
heartbreak, of the what mighthappen, then I can actually
receive.
Life and love and pleasure and,and, and my man, you know, I can
actually let that in because Idon't have to be on guard all
the time.
Leah (32:54):
one of the things that I think about fear, it's not that
we really stop being afraid.
We continue to be afraid, but wejust don't take it that
seriously.
You know, it doesn't become thiscrippling thing.
It just goes, ah, shit, I'mafraid again.
I hate being afraid.
But you, you, you move throughit.
(33:16):
You just, you don't make it as,um, as important.
Meleah (33:23):
Yeah.
I think with fear, fear is sointeresting to me because we'll
say often, Oh, well, I'm afraid.
Okay.
So.
What are you afraid of?
Often that right there getspeople stumped.
They're like, uh, like theyreally have to think about it.
And it's like, great, okay,let's see what's under, like,
what are you afraid of?
They'll list a couple things.
(33:43):
Okay, so what's worst casescenario?
Usually that's he leaves.
You know, that's usually the,that really is like worst case
scenario.
Okay, so he leaves or let's saymaybe you're having a tough
conversation with a lover.
Okay, so he, uh, doesn't agreeor he gets upset or he gets
(34:03):
defensive.
Okay.
So that's our worst casescenario of what could possibly
happen.
That happens, how would yousupport yourself?
What would you do?
How would you navigate it?
Oh, well, I would do this, and Iwould say this, or, you know,
it's like, okay, great, like,now what does it feel like to
move forward?
So if we just work with it alittle bit, and let our body
(34:25):
feel it, and maybe do somesomatic shaking, you know, to
kind of let it process.
Yeah, yeah, we, we have morecapacity, more resilience to
move through it.
Leah (34:36):
Yeah.
Willow (34:36):
are some of the patterns, like some of the
primary, um, patterns that yousee in your work with these with
women?
Meleah (34:44):
Yeah, so we often look at internal patterns and
external patterns.
So internal patterns would behow you feel, the things you
say, how you show up inrelationship, essentially.
So, um, some examples might bein conflict, I, you know, if
something bothers me inrelationship, I'll withhold it.
(35:07):
rather than saying the thing,and then I become, uh, like,
snappy, kind of bitchy a littlebit later because it's coming
out.
Like, we look at, like, yourconflict or communication
patterns.
Um, the external patterns areobviously Essentially, patterns
and the partners you'veattracted up until this point
(35:27):
are your current partner.
So he's emotionally unavailable,he's scared of commitment, he's
really defensive when I bringanything up, he, um, he's, um,
like, not willing to have thesedeeper conversations.
So, of course, the, the, thoseexternal patterns reflect back
(35:49):
to something internal.
But it is interesting andimportant to look at the
external as well.
Um, so a lot of times with myspecific work, it looks like
attracting men who are passive,who aren't really ready to step
up and kind of take the lead inrelationship.
And then internally, it's fearof commitment, fear of intimacy.
(36:13):
And those honestly aren't superobvious to my clients when we
first start working togetherbecause they'll say, I want a
healthy relationship, you know,but when we look at why that's
not happening for them.
It is a fear of commitment.
It is a fear of making the wrongchoice.
It is a fear of intimacy,meaning the vulnerability that's
(36:33):
required to have the intimacythat people, that they really
desire.
Leah (36:39):
Yeah, that makes sense.
Willow (36:41):
So what would you say if a woman was coming to you and
she, um, you know, she has beenvulnerable, put herself out
there, opened her heart andbeen, um, devastated multiple
times over?
I feel like I have a lot ofclients who, you know, they,
they come in every three monthsor every six months, you know,
(37:02):
and it's like, they don't, theydon't do my full program.
I'm always I'm trying toconvince them to but they'll
come in for treatment or foracupuncture or something, you
know, and, um And it's likeanother one bites the dust,
that's kind of the, the mindsetand the mentality and the
feeling and the vibe that comesthrough for them.
And I always, you know, I, Iknow some of these women pretty
(37:25):
well and they do really opentheir hearts.
They really do go deep and getvulnerable and, um, still, you
know, for whatever reason, therelationship doesn't work out.
Meleah (37:40):
Yeah, this is usually more of an issue of choosing the
right partner.
Um, I think in general, it'salso okay if a relationship
doesn't work out.
You know, if a lot of peoplewill say, another failed
relationship.
And what does that mean?
Like, did you love well duringthe relationship?
Then maybe it was successful.
(38:01):
And it's just time for you to goyour opposite ways.
Um, but in general, with thesetypes of women, it's more of a,
an issue of who you're choosingfor partnership.
So a lot of times, women feellike the problem is, Okay, I
need to start identifying thesered flags earlier on.
Well, yeah, that'd be great, butyou know, if a breadcrumb tastes
(38:26):
like the whole bakery, youreally don't have much of an
interest in identifying thesered flags because you're so
focused on the potential of whatthis relationship could be.
Leah (38:36):
Mm.
Meleah (38:36):
So it comes back to yourself and your self worth and
your ability to trust yourselfand your ability to really own
your the bigness of your desire.
Because if you have a desire, weall have different desires.
Some of my clients want to justhave more of a casual
relationship and meet great menor even open relationships and
(38:59):
some desire long term committedlove.
So if that's your desire, whoyou're choosing as a partner
early on in the dating phasereally matters.
And so getting to a place whereyou can say no to people who
meet most of that desire but notall of it, that's, that's not
(39:23):
it.
So we need to say no thank you,it's just not the right fit for
me.
That's the hardest thing forpeople to do.
They want to hold on to lovebecause of the sort of a, um, I
see it as lack, you know, this,I do, yeah, exactly, you know,
if I let this go, when will thenext one come?
(39:45):
Like, maybe this is the bestit's gonna get, maybe, and then
they settle, and then it ends,and then they, they get to
confirm their belief that itnever works out for me.
Leah (39:56):
mm hmm,
Willow (39:57):
Mm hmm.
Leah (39:58):
yeah,
Willow (39:58):
Yeah, that is a pretty strong pattern for many.
Meleah (40:03):
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it's, you know, if we canreally come to that place of it
can be this good and it can, andit can get better, you know, for
me, um, it was about two and ahalf years ago where I, when I
met my fiance who I'm with now,who I feel is, you know, my, my
(40:23):
person.
And, before I was with him,before I even knew him or met
him, I was in a differentrelationship.
And in that relationship, it wasmostly good.
Like, there wasn't any bigproblems.
We weren't fighting.
Uh, we had a fine life together.
But the theme in there was, Iwas sacrificing the bigness of
(40:45):
my desires.
Like, I wasn't feeling this deepconnection.
And I constantly was askingmyself, is this it?
Like, is this it?
Is this really it?
You know?
And so finally I got so honestwith myself and I was like, no,
this is not it.
And no one's going to magicallyjust walk into my life and be
(41:07):
like, here's all of yourdesires.
So I have to be the one to dothat, which means I say goodbye
to this person and I hold thevision for myself.
Literally, I left thatrelationship in the next day.
I met my now fiancé, which Iknow is a quick, it's a quick
turnover.
But it's just kind of beautifulhow the universe will work with
(41:31):
you when you take ownership ofyour own life and say, okay, you
know, I, I'm the only personthat's actually gonna, um, That
my desires are important enoughto go after.
Willow (41:49):
Yeah, absolutely.
I think that that is, that,that's the piece right there is
taking responsibility, you know,really, um, seeing your
relationship as it is.
If it's, if it's not everythingthat you desire and want it to
be, there's so much fear inwalking away from those
relationships.
And yeah, it doesn't alwayshappen the next day.
(42:09):
You know, it's not always thatquick turnaround.
And, and that doesn't mean thatyou don't have clarity and
you're not manifesting well orwhatever, you know.
It just means that like thetiming hasn't come around yet,
but if you trust and you believeand you have that clarity of
what it is that you're reallycalling in, then you can, um,
you know.
Trust in the timing of it.
(42:30):
I think there's also the timingof the other person too.
You know, I'm kind of sittingwith that right now myself and
it's like, well, who knows whatthe timing is for them?
Like what's going on for themright now?
What are they
Leah (42:42):
Yeah, what are they
Willow (42:43):
or going through in order to be ready, in order to
be available?
Meleah (42:48):
Yeah,
Leah (42:49):
too.
I think also like the word faithcomes to mind.
It's remembering that even whenyou might be your most negative
or you might, you might feelreally afraid that it's not
going to happen for you.
Um, whatever that thing is, itjust makes you fucking feel bad
that like another one bites thedust
Willow (43:09):
Yeah.
Leah (43:10):
be able to have faith that, um, you know, It will get
better, and you will meet thelove of your life, and it's not
over for you.
And I think sometimes that'shard to do, but it's pretty
magical when you can return backto faith because it softens, I
think it softens some of thehurt, or the despair, or the
(43:31):
loneliness, whatever the casemay be.
Meleah (43:34):
Yeah, and your only job is to meet that.
You know, because those feelingswill come up of like, Will it
ever happen for me?
What if it doesn't?
Uh, you know, like thosemoments, and it doesn't mean
that.
You're not in the high vibrationand doing it wrong.
It's the opportunity to meetthat as it is, meet yourself as
(43:56):
you are.
And, and that's the true work ofpartnership.
And that's the true work of, um,becoming the woman or becoming
relationship ready, likebecoming the woman who gets to
have this type of partnership,like, can you be so devoted to
that partner now, even beforeyou've even met them?
You know, like, what would thatlook like?
Like, start embodying thepartner you desire now.
(44:19):
Don't wait.
Because it's gonna be reallyhard, like there's a whole new,
whole new initiation to gothrough when you actually meet
the person, you know, so startpracticing that
Willow (44:28):
Yeah.
There's, um, something that I'vebeen in the practice of lately
is like, how would I do what I'mdoing if I had that?
How would I unpack and move intothis new house differently, you
know, how would I, how would Ido everything differently if
that was
Leah (44:47):
how would you nest?
Right, right.
I think, um, there's this woman,a friend of mine turned me on
to, I don't remember her name,she's on Instagram, but the
thing that struck me about whatshe was doing is she, she wrote
a letter every day to her futurehusband.
And just sharing her life withhim and from a journal
(45:07):
perspective, sharing her hopesand her dreams and her sadness
and her anger and like whateveris going on in her life, she was
practicing including him in it.
And I thought that's reallybeautiful.
I really like that idea.
Yeah.
Right.
Meleah (45:24):
like, and that's the thing, like, don't wait until
you find the right person tostart being romantic and letting
yourself tap into thosefeelings, like if you want more
romance, if you want morepleasure, like whatever it is,
you can give that to yourself,you can create, you can take
yourself on the date, you can,you know, do those things, buy
(45:46):
yourself the flowers and feelthose feelings in your body.
One of the things I have myclients do is, uh, to create a
playlist.
So similar to that, you know,similar to writing the letter,
but create a playlist for yourfuture person.
All the love songs, like thevibe, the, uh, connection you'll
(46:08):
share, the songs you want toshare with them.
Make the playlist and then youplay it, you know, every other
day or whenever and feel thosefeelings of the first time that
you meet and your first kiss,like tap into that now.
Leah (46:21):
Yeah, yeah, I really like this idea of like you're
practicing being in thatrelationship, even though
they're not there yet, and totreat yourself the way you want
them to treat you, which isexactly, buy the flowers, you
know, get the expensive perfume,baby.
Meleah (46:35):
Yeah.
Willow (46:36):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Leah (46:38):
Yeah.
Willow (46:38):
And, you know, I think if you're, if you're very
skilled, if you have a good, ifyou really can like be a master
of your emotional body, youknow, if you really can, um, Be
present with those emotions thatyou're feeling and and work
through them as as you've beentalking about Meleah Then you
can even take some of thosereally high experiences that
(47:01):
you've had in past relationshipsand bring them into that feeling
of like oh, it feels like thisexcept way better, you know, it
feels like this except so muchmore solid and secure Yeah,
Meleah (47:15):
Yeah.
Leah (47:15):
I think too, like I'm noticing value in going, okay,
when we can process our emotionsand be with them and like go
deep, be in the deep waters ofall of this.
What we're also setting up in afuture relationship is your
ability to know how to process,your ability to be there during
tough times because you'rewilling to feel those things.
(47:36):
Your skill at beingself-reflective and, and
considering.
How would I do that differently?
I think all of that can bereally important to a
relationship is being able toown your shit in a relationship.
Makes, you get to cut down onconflicts when you can just own
your stuff.
It's so disarming.
I'm married and um, you know,there are times when my husband
(48:00):
is like going off on somethingand I feel the defense come up.
I want to push back.
And I really try to practicejust going, I can find it.
I can find what you're fuckingsaying right now.
I don't like it, but I can seeit.
And it may not be the examplehe's giving me.
Maybe it was an example from 15years ago.
(48:21):
That I was like, oh yeah, I'vebehaved that way.
Oh yeah, I've reacted that way.
And then there's nothing tofight with, because you just
admitted it.
Like, yeah, I can find it.
I see it.
It's like, oh, well, well, good.
And it just, so I think alsowhat we're doing in preparation.
I'm doing this deeper work.
It prepares us for being abetter partner.
(48:43):
If you want a great partner, bea better partner.
Meleah (48:46):
So true.
That is so the amount ofemotional resilience and
capacity it takes to in thatmoment with your partner say,
just to be able to own your.
And, you know, and there's evensometimes, you know, I'll notice
my partner is kind of projectingonto me, you know, but what you,
(49:06):
wouldn't it be useful in thatmoment is saying, hey, you're
projecting on me.
Leah (49:11):
Never works.
Meleah (49:12):
no, it does not work.
So instead, you know, justHolding and listening, and then
I just validate him.
I say, yeah, I understand whyyou would feel that way, because
that's what he needs in thatmoment.
It's his little boy self havinga moment.
And then when we're regulated,we'll come back and we'll say
what we need to say.
But in that moment, I don't needto say, well, actually, this is
(49:35):
your inner child, and this isyour, you know, you're
projecting, it's like, okay,honey, I hear you, and it's okay
to feel that way, and I'm herewith you, and I'm so sorry, you
know, and then he's like, okay,and he softens.
You know.
So there's so many layers thatactually come up in relationship
and that emotional capacity iseverything.
(49:57):
Otherwise, we're going to befighting against each other and
trying to get, you know.
What happens in conflict is my,I'm trying to protect myself and
then, you know, partner istrying to, uh, protect
themselves.
And now we're just fightingagainst each other, trying to
get our defense mechanisms tokeep us safe.
And it's like, what if we.
stood side by side and insteadof fighting each other, we, we
(50:21):
face the problem together.
It's like, okay, this is theissue.
Let's fight the issue.
Let's not fight each other.
Leah (50:28):
Yeah, yeah.
I'm guilty of that one.
I, I have a tendency to fightMatt and he's the one, thank
you, in his wisdom that goes,you know, I'm not the enemy
here.
We're going to tackle this outhere together and to sit side by
side looking at the problem.
That's hard to do.
Well, I should say, it's hardfor me to do.
Um, and it's a valuable thing tolearn for sure.
(50:51):
So I'm curious, Meleah, do youwork with couples or do you
just, just women?
Like, and do you do classes oris it one on one?
Meleah (51:01):
Yeah.
So I I mainly work with womenwithin Radiant Relationship
Academy, which is the mentorshipprogram, the three month
program.
When I do private sessions andone on one, I work with,
honestly, it's mainly women, butI do have, uh, some male clients
and then a handful of, um,couples as well.
(51:22):
So, so I'm, I'm, uh, availableto work with couples and men,
but mainly my work is focusedaround women at this time.
Um, and then I do workshops inperson and retreats in person.
And those are for just women atthis point.
Um.
So yeah, it's, it's absolutelyfascinating and just so
(51:42):
beautiful to watch the unfoldingand the softening and, um, just
what's possible, you know, whenyou prioritize your, your love
life in this way, when youprioritize yourself in this way,
I think it's so different, youknow, some, a lot of women,
again, that I work with, theyhave whatever you're thinking of
(52:03):
from the ending, we're doing itfor you.
Getting thier doctoriate orprioritizing their educaton or
thier career.
And so when they pause and theysay, you know what, I actually
want to prioritize myself andmy, my love life, it is so
powerful.
Because then you see them reallycoming into that feminine space
(52:25):
and then their whole life feelsthe impact of it, you know.
And I think it's also reallyinteresting the impact that when
women do the program RadiantRelationship Academy, some of
them are ready to attract theirperson, some are in a
relationship and they want todeepen it.
So just one person in therelationship choosing to do this
work the impact it can have inthe relationship.
(52:49):
Oh, it's incredible.
Willow (52:51):
So where can our listeners find you?
Meleah (52:54):
Yeah, so Instagram is the best.
I'm very active there.
It's at@Meleah_Manning.
Um, where else?
Uh, my website iswww.SistersThatStray.com.
Um, hopefully all this will bein the, in the show notes, but
yeah, Instagram is the best tojust connect and say hi and get
a little taste of my work.
Leah (53:14):
And I understand you have a free gift.
You've got a master class?
Meleah (53:17):
Yeah.
Yes.
We got a masterclass.
It is like, I think it's just anhour long and it really goes
through the process ofidentifying the patterns, the
process of actually overcomingthem and then what's required
to, like we've been speakingabout, become the woman who gets
to have that relationship.
(53:38):
Um, so it's sort of a taste ofmy work and if you really show
up for that hour, like you'regoing to get so much out of it
that you can start to apply now.
So yeah, just click the link,you'll put in your email, you'll
get it straight to your inbox,and you can watch it at any
point.
Leah (53:53):
Wonderful.
Willow (53:53):
so fun,
Leah (53:55):
Well, thank you so much for being here.
Just a delight.
Meleah (53:58):
Yeah, it was a delight.
Thank you so much, ladies, forhaving me.
Willow (54:01):
thank you Meleah.
Meleah (54:02):
Thank you.
Leah (54:03):
All right.
Love, love, love y'all.
Announcer (54:05):
Now, our favorite part, the dish.
Leah (54:09):
Well, dishing on Meleah Manning.
What a lovely woman.
I really love her pace.
Um, uh, she's clearly done a lotof beautiful embodiment work on
herself.
And, um, you know, it's a smartcookie.
She feels like a sister fromanother mister, frankly.
Willow (54:26):
Yeah, I really, you know, her work is so similar to
mine in that we work with womenon, on coming back home to
loving themselves and reallyfinding their way.
Um, so I think, you know, any,any woman from any walk of life
who is, whether you're in arelationship or you are, um,
looking to co create the, theright ideal relationship in your
(54:48):
life, this practice of self loveand being able to, come back
home and back to your center andback to your own heart and
understand what real sovereigntyis as a practice, as a woman
walking through the world, um,will take you so far in, in um,
(55:09):
In your relationships.
So, um, I just love that she's,you know, she's doing this and
the, the women that she'sfocused on, there's so many of
them, especially, um, you know,on the east coast where she
lives.
So I think it's fantastic to,the more that we have, you know,
women's having had alreadywalked through this, helping
(55:32):
other women who are trying tofind their way through it, I
think, the better.
Leah (55:37):
Yeah, yeah, I agree.
You know, one of the questions Iwish I would have asked her is
what's a book she recommends toher students?
Um, I love that question.
It's always exposes, um, reallygreat books to myself and to the
audience and it's always fun tofind out.
(55:58):
I was
Willow (55:58):
maybe we can ask her an email and pop it in the show
Leah (56:01):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Um, also curious who she studiedwith, you know, because so much
of her content seemed reallyfamiliar, uh, but I think, um, I
think her students must reallyget a lot of, a lot out of her
work because if you can walkaway with a sense of self trust
and being less afraid of youremotions and knowing how to
(56:22):
process them and knowing how toself regulate, I mean, that's
huge.
Um, we should all get thatLearning in school.
I mean, I suppose inkindergarten they give us a few
self regulatory, uh, tips, but,um, I'm sure it's gotten better.
Who knows?
In any event, thank you, uh,sweet Meleah for being on the
(56:43):
show.
And if you have had a journey,dear listeners, of, overcoming
heartache, cultivating selftrust, discovering your own self
regulation tools, finding loveagain, and your own tips and
tricks for that.
Please share them with us and,uh, and tell us what you know.
Willow (57:03):
Yeah, we always love to hear from you and we always love
to learn from each other.
So we're, we're always offeringwhat we know and we love to hear
what you know because it expandsthe entire repertoire for all of
us.
So much love, everyone.
Leah (57:19):
Catch you on the flip side.
Announcer (57:20):
Thanks for tuning in.
This episode was hosted byTantric Sex Master Coach and
Positive Psychology Facilitator,Leah Piper, as well as by
Chinese and Functional MedicineDoctor and Taoist Sexology
Teacher, Dr.
Willow Brown.
Don't forget, your comments,likes, subscribes, and
suggestions matter.
Let's realize this new worldtogether.
Popular Podcasts
1. Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
2. The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
3. Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.