Episode Transcript
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Sheila (00:01):
The women I serve are
some of the most powerful
leaders I know, and so many ofthem are hitting the same
inflection point right now.
They're ready for a level ofsuccess that doesn't cost them
their creativity, theirwell-being, or their
relationships.
And in today's episode, I'mgonna walk you through the first
layer of what that actuallylooks like in real life.
(00:21):
Because if you can picture theversion of you who leads with
clarity and precision whilestill holding softness, then you
already know the pain ofstaying in an identity that no
longer fits.
And that's exactly where webegin today.
Hi, welcome to the podcast.
(00:46):
I'm Sheila Botelho, and Ibelieve true success is built
from the inside out.
I have been settling into a newrhythm lately, and it has been
changing the way I look ateverything.
And if you've been followingalong, I just recently moved and
I've found that my weekdays nowhave this really grounded, cozy
(01:07):
flow happening.
Early mornings at the gym, I'mworking out with my bestie, and
we're doing a new weightliftingprogram, which is really great.
We're so excited about what theresults are already.
And then having a quiet showerand taking my time getting
ready, doing a bit ofjournaling, and then letting
myself move into my day withoutrushing.
(01:27):
And my weekends, well, theyhave been full in the best way.
Getting to know my newcommunity here at the lake,
meeting beautiful people,settling into this new creative
space, beach walks, even in thecold, and of course, the sparkle
of Christmas with my loves.
The twinkling lights, the softglow in the evenings.
(01:48):
It is balm for my soul.
And through all of this,something has been moving in me.
And it's a shift that Ipersonally can feel in my bones,
and one that I'm also seeing inso many of the women that I
coach.
And that's what today's solochat is all about.
It's about that shift, reallyjust the first layer of it,
(02:11):
because there is so much beneaththat first layer that we'll get
into another time.
Because then next week onDecember 10th, we're going
somewhere much deeper together.
But today, I want to speak towhat's rising collectively and
why it matters for the womanthat you're becoming in 2026.
(02:34):
There is something that I don'tthink we talk about enough as
high-achieving women.
And that is that we can outgrowour old identity long before
we've fully stepped into the newone.
And that in-between space canlook a variety of ways.
(02:55):
It can look like you have oldhabits that are loosening, new
desires surfacing.
Things that used to feel normaland ordinary and acceptable
suddenly feel off.
You have a hunger for morecreativity, maybe a pull towards
softness and slowness, at leastin some seasons of your life.
(03:18):
And a little whisper insidethat says, I can't keep leading
in the way that I've beenleading.
And if you've been feelingthat, I have too for a little
while, actually.
There's this moment that Icaught myself operating from an
old pattern.
This pattern that had me movinginto overfunctioning mode.
(03:42):
And this is something that Iactually have realized was a
pattern in my past.
And what brought up theoverfunctioning piece was when I
became a mother.
I realized it had been verysubtle previously in the other
areas of my life, but it startedto become more clear when I
(04:03):
became a mother.
And fortunately, I was able toaddress that as I parented.
But what I didn't realize isthat it was so beneath the
surface, like just underneaththe surface, that it would
sometimes rear its head attimes.
And sometimes it would looklike really taking
(04:26):
responsibility for how lovedones were feeling.
Taking responsibility for thesuccess a client may have been
having.
And they they want to have thisbreakthrough, and I really want
them to have this breakthrough.
And so I would actuallyinternalize some of that and
think, how can I really helpthem move forward?
(04:47):
And of course, as a coach, thatis that's the role, is helping
them move forward.
However, predominantly, my roleis to be a mirror and a
sounding board and a safe spaceto be able to work through and
advance in your life andbusiness.
And so not taking it on as myown personal project.
(05:12):
So that I noticed was coming upbecause I had not been giving
myself enough space to really gowithin, to shake it all off, to
recalibrate.
I found myself getting very,very busy and I had my hands in
a lot of people's businesses.
And this is the part that isactually quite vulnerable to
(05:33):
talk about because I am someonewho can hold a lot.
I'm someone who has held a lothistorically, my family, my
business, my clients, mymarriage, my private world, my
emotional world, a whole lot oflosses and making sure like
people are thriving throughthose losses.
And I've always been the personwho can handle it.
(05:55):
But this year, when I look backover 2025, my body asked me to
lead differently.
I had no choice.
And now I am listening.
So here is what I'm seeing inso many other women right now.
And I'm speaking specificallyto the women.
I know I have some wonderfulmale listeners.
This is about the ladies rightnow, but I'm so glad that you're
(06:19):
here.
If you are a man and you'relistening to this, you have
women in your life.
I really would love for you tokeep your ears open because this
is going to be helpful for youto understand as well, to know
what is really going on forthese women who appear to have
it all together and they do haveit all together, but maybe how
(06:39):
they perhaps are feeling on theinside.
They're tired of being thecapable one.
They're tired of running onadrenaline.
They're tired of buildingbusinesses that leave no room
for their soul.
And they're remembering piecesof themselves that they've
tucked away.
The artist, the dreamer, thewriter, the musician, the
(07:05):
intuitive, the one who used toplay, the one who didn't need
permission to feel joy.
And there's a reason why thisis happening now, and we're
going to explore it more deeplyon December 10th.
But here is the tiny scratch ofthe surface for you.
Your soul is calling you backto the part of you that existed
(07:29):
before the world told you who tobe.
And for so many women, I'm sograteful for this, that voice is
getting louder.
Before we go deeper, I want towalk you through a few questions
that I've been sitting withmyself.
And these are really tender.
(07:49):
These get into the real storybeneath the story.
And they've opened somethingreally big for me personally.
It doesn't matter how far alongyou are on your journey, how
many years you've owned abusiness, how many multiple six
figures, seven figures, eightfigures your business is, these
will get you right where you'reat.
They'll meet you where you are.
(08:10):
So the first one, firstquestion.
Ask yourself this question.
Where did I learn to dim themost creative part of myself?
When I think about myself as achild, like I've always been a
singer.
Before singing lessons, beforeart school, before performances,
(08:32):
before recording studios,before bands, and all of the
performance performance thingsthat I did, I loved to sing.
The music would be on in myhouse.
My father would have it blaringon his amazing stereo.
He had, he, he's what we wouldcall an audiophile.
He had so many albums.
And I would sing along RobertaFlack, Peebo Bryson.
(08:54):
I'd sing along, obviously, toWhitney Houston, but some of the
old jazz artists as well.
And I just loved it.
Music has always been a way forme to express myself, for me to
give myself hope, for me tomourn losses, for me to work
(09:15):
through emotions, and for meeven to deal with my next levels
of leadership.
It really fuels me.
Music has been such anincredible creative thing.
So what part of you have youbeen afraid to bring into your
business?
Well, when I answer thatquestion, I realized for many
(09:36):
years I've kept those thingsseparate.
I've kept my music separatefrom my business.
But my music was always a partof every other area of my life.
Friendships, family, my daily,my daily life.
If you've looked at my website,I love kitchen karaoke.
Like there's always music on.
So what is it for you?
Because guess what?
(09:58):
That's the essence of who youare, whatever it might be.
And it could be the thing thatis missing in your business in
order to give you joy to keepmoving forward.
The next question would bewhere did I learn to dim, oh,
(10:18):
that actually, sorry, that wasthe first question.
Where did I learn to dim thefirst, that most creative part
of yourself?
Okay, that was the firstquestion.
The second question was, whatpart of you have you been afraid
to bring it into your business?
Okay, so I just answered thatone.
So think about where did youlearn that dimming it was the
way to be?
I will tell you for myself.
The way I learned to, and whereI learned to dim the most
(10:43):
creative part of myself was whenI stepped into the business
arena.
Because prior to that time, Iwas teaching English as a second
language in Europe and EasternEurope.
And I would sing and we woulddo musical things, and I would,
it was mixed into everything.
It was just part of my life.
And then when I stepped intothe marketing space, I learned
(11:05):
to put on a power suit withshoulder pads with my big hair
and big earrings.
Like these are not so big, butthey're, you know, not as big as
they were back then in the 90s.
And like I learned this is theway business goes.
It was like you have yourpersonal life and then you have
business, and they're completelyseparate.
They don't, they don't creepin.
(11:27):
There's no scope creep.
So ask yourself that question.
So number one was where did Ilearn to dim the most creative
part of myself?
Number two, what part of youhave you been afraid to bring
into your business?
Number three, what identityhave you outgrown and what is
replacing it?
Okay, now this is an excitingquestion.
(11:51):
Because if you're like me, ifyou are approaching or if you're
past midlife, I'm 53, you maybe feeling like I'm quite happy
to outgrow some old identities.
And there's a whole lot ofself-permission involved.
(12:12):
There's so many ways people sayit these days as well that are
super fun.
For me, as much as I love to beknown as being very capable,
highly effective, I'm done and Ihave outgrown the identity of
being the capable one.
I think that doesn't mean I'mnot capable.
(12:35):
It means I'm capable, but nobeing known as the capable one,
the one who will always pick upall the pieces, the one who will
always be there, the one whowill sacrifice her own energy,
time, emotions at the behest ofeveryone and everything else.
No.
So what is replacing it andwhat has replaced it?
And I will say this hashappened over the last five
(12:56):
years.
The person who has replaced thecapable one for me has been the
centered, expressed, intuitiveleader.
And yeah, I've always been thatperson too in my adult life, at
least the last 15 years, I'dsay, really is when I stepped
into that.
But that is my identity now.
It's not just something that Ido and something that may be a
title of some kind.
(13:17):
It's something I do.
So what is that for you?
What identity have you outgrownand what is replacing it?
Such a powerful question.
Fourth question What have Ibeen carrying that's no longer
mine to carry?
For me, again, about well,frankly, I would say about 12
(13:39):
years ago, this really, reallystarted for me.
But I can only really identifyand connect the dots backwards
now, and really for the pastcouple of years have been able
to.
I was carrying a lot of otherpeople's emotional layer labor,
a lot of other people'sexpectations.
(13:59):
I was carrying a lot ofpressure, a lot of proving
energy.
Like, oh, let me show you howmuch I care.
Let me show you how capable Iam.
And emotional labor issomething that is unseen.
And yet, so many women fullyunderstand what that is when you
break it down.
And that is making sureeveryone's okay, making sure
(14:24):
that the emotions are taken careof and all of the details are
taken care of.
And it's not all women do this,by the way.
This is an overfunctioningcharacteristic.
And I will say, I realizedabout five years ago that was
something that I had beencarrying, overfunctioning.
And so I'm so passionate abouthelping other women release that
(14:46):
because we do not need to dothat.
We can take care of, as TerryCole, one of my therapist
mentors, says, we can take careof our side of the street and
let other people take care oftheir side of the street.
And we can still care aboutthem and we can still be
involved in each other's lives,but we're not needing to
constantly, laboriously manageeveryone's emotions.
(15:08):
Our own emotions are enough tocarry.
So that's my, that was myanswer to this question.
What is yours?
What have I been carrying thatis no longer mine to carry?
Could it be someone else'sopinion of you?
Like holding yourself back,possibly from doing that thing
you really, really are led to dobecause some aunt of yours has
(15:32):
some thought about you and youdon't even see them anymore, but
they have these thoughts aboutyou.
Could it be that?
These questions are deep.
I really hope you'll sit withthem.
The fifth question is who am Ibecoming in 2026?
And what does she need from meright now?
(15:53):
This is an exciting questionbecause it's who you want to be.
Who do you get to be?
You get to be whoever you want.
And knowing who you want to beis one thing.
But then deciding anddetermining what does that
version of you need from youright now, that takes a little
(16:14):
strategy.
For me, who am I becoming in2026?
You know, more of the embodied,discerning thought leader, the
more artistic version of me,that's who I would say I'm
becoming.
And it's really number fivehere, who am I becoming in 2026?
(16:35):
It's like the essence of theanswers to one to four that we
just did.
It's exciting.
You get to be who you want tobe.
Who is that?
And so what does that versionof you need from you right now?
Possibly some intentionality,some time and space to really
figure out what does that looklike for you?
(16:57):
And what do you need to let goof?
And I think questions one tofour really answer that.
What I know for sure is this.
This is a time where we'removing into a brand new year,
and there's always so so muchemotional charge and probably a
(17:18):
lot of promotional chargearound, oh, it's the end of one
year and the beginning ofanother.
And I am really passionateabout this very conversation
right now because you will neversee however old you are right
now.
Like I'm 53, I'll never see 53again.
I'm moving into 54 by thesummer at least.
(17:40):
So 2026 is another new year.
And asking yourself thequestion, how long do I want to
wait before I really get to bewho I really want to be?
And before I get to have thelife that I really want to have.
This is this is the essence.
(18:01):
And I want you to really listento this.
I'm probably going to say ittwice.
You can't vision your nextlevel from an identity you've
already outgrown.
Let me say it again.
You can't vision your nextlevel from an identity you've
already outgrown.
You can't plan 2026 from theversion of you that is
(18:23):
exhausted.
And you cannot call inexpansion from a nervous system
that doesn't feel safe toexpand.
These are things we need to doahead of time.
And that is exactly why Icreated the 2020 visioning
experience, December 10th at 1p.m.
Eastern Time.
And it's not a workshop or aplanning session, it's an
(18:45):
embodied recalibration.
It's where we're going toreturn you to the woman you were
before the world told you whoto be.
And then vision forward fromthat place.
If today's conversation stirredsomething in you, you're
absolutely meant to be there.
More details are coming.
(19:06):
You can see them in the shownotes, but mark your calendar.
This one matters.
Thank you so much for beinghere today.
I am walking this path withyou, and I hope to see you
there.