August 12, 2025 • 32 mins
Ever felt like your brain works differently than everyone else's? Dr. Albert Bramante invites us to celebrate these differences as superpowers rather than limitations in this enlightening conversation about neurodiversity.
Drawing from his 22 years as a talent agent and his background in psychology, Dr. Bramante shares why he prefers the term "neurodivergent" over "on the spectrum" - it recognizes different processing styles without implying something is wrong. His personal revelation about likely having undiagnosed ADHD illustrates how understanding our unique wiring can be profoundly liberating rather than limiting.
The discussion ventures into territory many of us struggle with - the desire to be liked by everyone. Dr. Bramante offers the refreshing perspective that "we're not meant to be everybody's cup of tea" and encourages focusing on those who celebrate rather than merely tolerate us. This shift in thinking frees us from the exhausting pursuit of universal approval and allows us to embrace our authentic selves.
Perhaps most powerfully, Dr. Bramante challenges us to consider that history's greatest thinkers likely possessed neurodivergent traits that contributed to their exceptional perspectives. This reframing invites us to see conditions like ADHD and autism not as disorders but as different operating systems with unique capabilities that can lead to extraordinary innovation.
The conversation also explores accountability in our responses to life's challenges. While we can't control others' actions, we have complete control over our reactions - a perspective particularly empowering for those navigating a world designed for neurotypical minds. By taking responsibility without self-blame, we reclaim our power to shape our experiences.
Ready to embrace your unique wiring and discover how your differences might actually be your greatest strengths? Listen now and join the conversation about celebrating neurodiversity in all its forms.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The SJ Childs Show is Bradford's 13th season.
Join Sarah Bradford and the SJChilds Show team as they explore
the world of autism and sharestories of hope and inspiration.
This season we're excited tobring you more autism summits
featuring experts and advocatesfrom around the world.
(00:20):
Go to sjchildsorg to donate andto get more information.
Congratulations on 2024's20,000 downloads and 300
episodes.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Woohoo, that's amazing.
Thank you so much.
It's so exciting, right it?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
really is.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Thank you.
Yeah, it started in COVID andit was such a great way for me
to be able to connect and getout of my house, virtually, if
you will, and not feel soisolated, recognizing um the
need for sharing information andsharing, you know, this our our
(01:07):
lifestyles and our experiences,and there's something so
cathartic about being someonebeing able to take something
from your story and help changetheir own lives.
I think that is so special andwonderful.
Thank you so much for beinghere today.
Let's start out with anintroduction.
(01:29):
Please let us know a little bitabout yourself and what brought
you here.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Okay, well, thank you for inviting me.
I'm really honored to be hereand my name is Dr Albert
Bramante.
I work with actors.
I've been doing it for the past22 years as a talent agent and
I also have been workingalongside actors and I have a
(01:54):
PhD in psychology and I workwith all types of people.
There are some people that aretypical and some people that are
neurotypical, or what you mightcall neurodivergent, and that
might mean that they're in adifferent path of functioning.
In a sense, that doesn't meanin a limiting way.
(02:17):
I don't even I like, kind oflike the word neurodivergent
versus on the spectrum when theydescribe people, because that
kind of signifies that somethingis wrong, and I don't view that
way what I view it as.
This person just processesinformation a bit differently,
(02:41):
but they're still gifted,they're still able to do things
and they're still we can learn alot from them and they can
benefit.
You know, you know society canbenefit a lot from them I love
that we just might have to tellour approach to working with
different types of people, andyou know I've been also a
college professor for over 20years, so I've worked with
(03:03):
thousands of students and somethat were already identified as
being, you know, sort ofdifferent able or neurodivergent
.
Others may not even have knownit yet went through the crisis
you know, haven't really facedit.
I'm in my late 40s and I'vejust been coming to the
(03:24):
realization that I probablywould have been diagnosed with
full-blown ADHD if I wasproperly tested.
I haven't, but I can tell you alot of this stuff now makes
perfect sense in my life.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Isn't that?
Speaker 3 (03:41):
interesting, it's actually liberating, you know,
it's like, oh, this makes sensenow, okay.
So I definitely think you know,a lot of times my ADD is in
overdrive.
If you look at my browser tabwindows, I have, like you know,
sometimes up to 80 tabs open,which is, you know, makes other
(04:02):
people, when they look at mybrowser, almost run away Like,
wow, and you know, now can Iwork on that?
Absolutely, I probably couldget down to 40 or 30.
It's, but it's just, it's theway I've always worked.
And for me, you know, because alot of people ask me, you know
(04:24):
I wear a lot of different hats.
I'm a talent agent, I'm acollege professor, I'm an author
.
I'm a coach and now, lookingback at it, people ask how do
you do it all?
I'm like maybe 80-day, I don'tknow.
So I can do a lot of differentthings and I can, you know, put
my hand in a lot of differentareas, put my hand in a lot of
different areas.
So this is where I've alwaysbelieved that we have to look at
(04:52):
people for the true nature ofthem and look at what gifts can
they provide us.
Because even if you look atpeople who have been ADHD or
autistic or any way you want todescribe it autistic or any way
you want to describe it, they alot of times there's other areas
of contribution that they'vehad, and I even would say some
(05:12):
of the greatest thinkers of ourtime you know, einstein, or you
know even a major philosophersof our time might although at
the time you know this is beforemodern science began I would
guarantee that there's probablysome type of neurodivergent
activity within them, becausethat's what helps them, at the
(05:35):
same time, produce.
I was having a discussion withanother group of people that
works with actors, and thoseactors, and I think, sort of
like to be that type ofperformer that can really tap
into different roles and andblend in, you almost have to
have a sort of neurodivergentcapability.
(05:57):
You know, like power in a senseand I use power, I'm not,
that's not an accidental use ofwords.
I do believe that all of thisleads to superpowers rather than
limitations.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Absolutely.
I completely agree with that.
I love what you said.
In fact, I have to tell you,the best compliment I got last
week from someone was a womansaying you are one of the most
out there people I have ever metand you know, back in my
(06:34):
childhood or whatever myadolescence, that might not have
been something I would havebeen proud of to hear out there.
However, now I know it isbecause I think outside the box
and I don't have the parametersthat people have to think in and
those limits they putthemselves in.
I can think further than that.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
I'll even go a step further and say it's more boring
to think outside the box.
Why would you want to justcolor within the lines when you
can just be free?
You know, and so that'sexciting to be.
You know different and I canidentify, because I was
(07:21):
described, even growing up, likeoh, this kid is weird, you know
, referring to me, he's weird,and I remember one time I was in
seventh grade and then thisgirl ahead of me turned to my
home run teacher and pointed tome he's weird.
Now, at that time I was only 12years old.
(07:42):
I was a little insulted by that.
I I had, you know, my feelingshurt.
Now I would have been likethank you, I am weird.
I could have told you thatbefore you even said that.
So I'm proud of the fact thatI'm, you know, might be
considered weird by itself,because the one lesson that I
(08:04):
I've really learned and I wish Iknew when I was back in my
teens and early twenties is that, no matter how, what we do,
we're never going to beeveryone's cup of tea.
There's some people that we'rejust not going to resonate with,
and that's okay.
(08:25):
You know, we're not meant to beeverybody's cup of tea, you
know, but what we can do, andrather than maximizing, trying
to get those outliers what Icall those outliers that may not
necessarily subscribe to ourway of thinking I'd rather focus
on those that do.
Let's focus our energy on thosethat celebrate us.
(08:47):
One of the biggest quotes thatI have, and I've heard from one
of my mentors, is we need to bearound people that celebrate us,
not tolerate us.
And again, I love the quote Ican't I didn't origin, originate
it, but it's something thatreally sticks with me is that,
you know, we need to be withpeople that celebrate us, not
(09:09):
tolerate us.
So, and that might mean it,it's not always easy because we,
you know, I think just ingeneral, you know, especially
when we're young, we wanteveryone to like us.
We want to please everybody.
I mean, I'm a recovering peoplepleaser, you know it's yeah one
of the things I would say Iwanted people like me.
I was like I wanted everyone tolike me because I'm a good
(09:31):
person.
So I'm a good person, but Iknow that is that's an
impossible feat to to, toachieve, so, to achieve.
So I'm going to be me and somepeople may like it, some people
may not.
You know, it's not my controland it's not my concern anymore.
(09:51):
So I think anybody listening tothis I'd say be you, you know,
and be okay with being, you know.
Look, you're not going to beeveryone's cup of tea, but
that's fine.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Yeah, I, you know, my husband kind of came up with
the quote, if you will, theother day when we were talking
and we were talking aboutcreating communities and how we
kind of rally around thosecommunities, and he said, you
know, I want them to know and heis also um, audie HD is as well
(10:30):
as I am and he said, you know,write this down.
So here writing this down.
And he said we are not here toconvince you, we're undeniable,
and I love that it's not isn'tthat great.
Yeah, we're not here to convinceyou that our brains work
(10:51):
differently.
They do you like figure thatout Like we're figuring it out
for ourselves too?
Speaker 3 (10:59):
So Exactly, and you know, even coming from a teacher
standpoint, that's justprobably in my classes I teach,
you know, I teach, like I said,uh, those that are over 18 and
post and secondary,post-secondary who may have come
from teachers that may not haveunderstood or went for an
(11:19):
all-linear type of thinkingwhere all students will learn
the same way, that's not haveunderstood or went for an
all-linear type of thinkingwhere all students must learn
the same length.
That's not true.
Everybody has their uniquestyle and as an educator,
flexibility is important, sothat you have to, you know, kind
of incorporate differentmethods so you can.
(11:39):
Obviously there are people thatlearn in on your fashion, great
, cater to those people, butthen there's also those that
learn a different route andlearn a different way and march
to a different drum, and so youhave to come up with sometimes
thinking outside the box.
Now I think for people that,like us, it's easier to do that
(12:01):
than to think outside the box.
It's always been that type.
And one thing I kind of come toa realization early in my life,
especially in my work life I'mbetter working for myself
because of that.
You know, I work well withteams.
I have great, even with jobsI've had.
I have great relationship withcoworkers and supervisors, but I
(12:22):
also, I think, again from thoselinear types I might have been
threatening because I alwayslike, hey, why do we do it this
way?
And I think if you're the typeof employer that goes with the
status quo, that might not beexactly the best thing to hear
or to do.
And so I think, for for thisreason, why I don't, maybe not,
(12:47):
I'm not the best, I don't wantto say and I'm not saying this
to knock myself I'm not the bestemployee because I'm not going
to go, you know, with the statusquo and I just I am not built
that way.
Yeah, and I'm great, I'm loyal.
You want me to do what you want, but I really have to almost do
(13:08):
it my way.
Yeah, and I'll still respect,of course, everything you want
to do, but it has to be.
It's just ingrained in me.
I have to do it my way andthat's why I kind of like one of
the advantages of being abusiness owner, entrepreneur, is
I get to do that.
I get to do it my way.
You know, am I gonna makemistakes?
(13:30):
Absolutely.
Am I gonna fall on my face?
Absolutely, but it's stillgonna be my own way and you
learn best from those things.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
I think too, when you are able to figure out your own
areas that you made a wrongturn or took you know whatever
is it's it almost, is, I think,better for yourself to identify
those things on your own and beable to correct them for
(13:59):
yourself, and it gives you thosetools in the future yeah, I
mean one of the the statementsI've always kind of went with
there's no such thing as failure, only feedback.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
So so the mistakes that we make, the failure that
we make, is just feedback.
Okay, well, well, that didn'twork.
Okay, we tried this, it didn'twork.
Okay.
So what did I learn from this?
What can I do differently thenext time?
And rather than beating myselfup Now, what's more painful when
(14:37):
it comes to living life is notdoing things, not making
mistakes because of fear orliving in your comfort zone, and
I can back this up with actualscience here.
There's a lot of research that'sfound that most people, when
they're at the end of their lifeand this is going to get a
(14:58):
little deep here for a secondwhen, at the end of their life,
the biggest is going to get alittle deep here for a second.
When, at the end of their life,the biggest source of anguish
and regret is not the mistakesor not the failures that they've
made.
It's the opportunities thatthey didn't take.
It's the things that werepresented to them and they
(15:19):
didn't act on it out of fear,out of the status quo, out of
staying comfortable, and it'stoo late now.
And that is the biggest sourceof anguish and despair, not the
(15:39):
bonehead things you've done orthe foolish things.
Well, that was ridiculous.
It was more of the.
I didn't do this, I didn'twrite that book, I didn't take
all these trips.
I didn't pursue this dreambecause I was too comfortable.
I was too concerned with whatother people might think.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
That's really rough too.
I think that there's a there'sthat's really hard, in fact, you
have no idea even, but lastweek my father-in-law passed,
and so we were literally at thatprecipice with him.
You know, in that it's this isthe, this is it, like we have to
(16:22):
now kind of deal with our livesmoving forward and and you know
, take that, though I love thatyou said that right now, because
that's something that maybe Ineed to take and resonate with
and talk to my husband about,and make sure that we're not
missing out on any opportunitiesor not feeling any of those
(16:44):
regrets yeah, I mean, and that'swhy it's just, it's good to,
you know, live our life on ourown terms in a sense, rather
than worrying about what otherpeople think.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Now, of course, is the easiest, you know, said than
done.
We can talk about this all daylong.
It's harder to actually do it,to actually okay, now let me
implement it.
Because the one thing and thisis where I don't want to say
it's controversial, but I getwhere it can get a little bit
(17:20):
dicey, because a lot of timesthat might mean going against
our family of origin.
You know, our family of originmight and I still believe that
they may have the bestintentions for us, but that
doesn't mean that they're bestfor us or the best actions for
us, because they are a lot oftimes operating under their own,
(17:43):
programming their own, and ifthey have their own trauma or
abuse in life, it's going to gettrans um set, you know, passed
on um, and I'm a, you know, I Istarted studying this recently
and it's kind of like a recentphenomenon, but there's
something called generationaltrauma that I'm starting to
(18:04):
really feel is important.
So even the trauma that ourgrandparents and
great-grandparents experiencecan come into us if we don't
watch or don't take note ofthings.
So this is why sometimes wejust have to maybe not
physically separate, but atleast emotionally and mentally
(18:27):
separate from our family originsometimes, and do things our way
you know, and do things thatserve us, then you know, because
we're not.
A lot of people are living theirlife in the shadow of their
(18:48):
parents or the shadow of theirfamily.
I need to make them happy.
No, you need to make yourselfhappy yeah isn't that the truth?
It's not your concern whetheror not your parents are happy
now, yes, of course, when you'reunder 18, you're living under
the roof.
You follow their, their rulesand their guidelines, of course.
But when you're an adult,that's not your problem.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
You know that's not your concern anymore yeah,
absolutely tell us what you doto kind of help when you have a
client or whatever.
What does that look like tohelp them kind of gain maybe a
new mindset for themselvesrewire what they have.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
You know specifically that they have or what specific
concern that they have, or whatspecific you know patterns that
are running in their mind, andthat's unique from client to
client.
So it's a little bit difficultto kind of like specifically say
yeah, a framework, because,you're right, everybody's
different.
And which is great.
Now, of course, I've studiedpsychology.
I've studied different coachingmethodologies and different
(20:03):
intervention models, and there'sa lot of great stuff in there
and a lot of important stuff.
But the important thing is thatevery person is unique in front
of you, and I think if we'regoing to be coaching or guiding
clients in any way, techniqueagainique again is wonderful,
but what's also more importantis the person in front of you,
(20:26):
because I could be working withsomeone and rattle them off
techniques which may have beenworked over the test of time,
but if it doesn't connect withthe person in front of me, I'm
just running techniques and justbeing almost having serial
stereo instructions.
Like you know what are you?
Speaker 2 (20:47):
talking about.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
I'm just saying stuff now.
I'm saying, you know, I'mcoming across like you know,
saying some really wonderfulthings, but it's not resonating
with you, so it's not helpful.
But the first thing we need todo, I feel, is to dismantle any
limiting beliefs first, and thenstart to gently reframe,
because usually when we'reoperating in a more deficient
(21:13):
set, there's three issues thatwe're running into.
We're either deleting importantinformation you know a good
thing and focusing on thenegative, or we're running into
where we're either we'redeleting important information,
you know like good thing, andfocusing on the negative, or
we're distorting the.
Maybe we got some conservativecriticism or some bad news, or
(21:34):
someone yelled at us orsomething critical, but our
minds kind of blow it out ofproportion and then we
generalize I can't do anythingright.
Oh, you mean anything.
So we have to challenge thosethree things.
And I'll give you case in point.
Let's say you're at work andyou get 20 compliments from
(21:59):
customers and from othercoworkers, but maybe that one
coworker, that one supervisor,comes across and says something
a little bit critical, a littlebit biting, a little bit
unpleasant.
Now, what are most people goingto focus on?
(22:20):
Most people are going to befocusing on that one remark and
they're going to dismiss all ofthe other good things that were
said.
And you're operating from alimiting belief pattern when
you're doing that.
You're not concerned about allthe good things.
(22:43):
Now, not to say that there maynot be a little bit of wisdom in
that that you may not haveliked or wanted to hear.
So let's look at that.
Well, a lot of times when weget maybe insulted or hurt by
something that's critical to us,a lot of times we might
(23:05):
inadvertently blow that out ofproportion.
Well, that means they don'tlike us.
They don't have to like us.
No, they never said that.
They said something about theaction we've done.
So let's take away our personalemotions out of that.
Is there anything else for that?
Okay, now, maybe their methodof delivery may have been not so
(23:28):
good or not so positive, butwhat was the message in that?
So, and then let's you knowthat.
Doesn't we blow that up.
They don't like me.
No, they never said that.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
I love that.
I saw this post recently andthe girl was saying it was
Kaylin Partlow from the Netflixlove on the spectrum.
I just had her on the show toorecently and she said something
great.
She said people need to startlistening to the words that are
said instead of hearing thewords that weren't.
(24:08):
And that's exactly what you'resaying.
Is that exactly thing?
Don't hear the words thatweren't said.
Listen to the words that weresaid.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
Right, because our brains will start to generalize
and distort and then delete allthe good things that just
happened to us, you know, allthe important things.
And so we just say, oh, thatperson doesn't like me or that
person was so upset.
No, oh, that person doesn'tlike me, or that person was so
upset, they don't you know.
No, they never said that.
And then if we take that, sothat's what we mean by kind of
(24:44):
like reframing and kind ofrecalibrating and reprogramming.
It's like okay, what went wronghere?
And then kind of reframe thatand get you, you know, get the
person into thinking in a betterframe of mind, because really
that's the biggest thing we'recoaching controlling our
(25:05):
thoughts and controlling our andreframing our beliefs.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
That perception.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
It's a perception, and you know.
The one thing that coachingwill not do is change other
people in our lives.
That's not going to happen.
You're not going to change theway your parents or your you
know, your friends or yourcoworkers communicate Well, at
certain levels, you can changehow you respond to it and choose
(25:34):
how you respond to it, butyou're not going to change their
behavior.
That's not going to happen.
So how can you control yourstate?
So, and ultimately, I think thebiggest source of empowerment
is to know that you control overyour feelings and you control
how you react.
(25:56):
And a lot of people working onsafety of feelings oh, I was so
late to work and this drivermade me mad.
Hold on, no, they didn't.
You made yourself mad.
Well, the driver cut you off.
Okay, they cut you off.
That we can agree on, but youchose to get angry over that.
(26:22):
That was your choice, and Iknow some people when you first
hear that they're like, they getannoyed.
When they hear that it's soempowering, it's like well, look
, I can choose how to react.
Yeah, I don't have to be beinsulted by something you say.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
And I think that it's a hard for people to take
accountability for those fortheir actions and their thoughts
, and it's really hard for themto recognize that they are the
driving force, the purpose orthe catalyst for all the actions
that take place after theyreact in any way, good or bad.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
Yes, absolutely.
Accountability is really thekey here, and that doesn't mean
blame.
So even in situations whereyou're betrayed or when you're
wronged, it's not about blamingyourself, but you're still
responsible for some derivativeof that interaction.
And even in the situation whereI've been wronged or I've been
(27:29):
betrayed by people close to me,I don't blame myself because
that was again that was theaction of somebody, but I
contributed somehow to thatsituation and that is liberating
.
I'm not blaming myself, I'm nottaking that situation or
playing the victim here.
I don't advocate that at all.
(27:51):
What I'm advocating is takingresponsibility, okay, so even if
somebody wronged you've been inthis relationship or in this
work situation where you'rebeing bullied where did you play
a role into this?
Did you you?
And maybe just allowing that tohappen and not setting
boundaries?
Yep, that's where theaccountability comes in.
Again, not blaming you, I'mtalking about the accountability
(28:14):
here.
Where's that accountability?
And so I think, as coaches,that could be the greatest gift
we can help our clients isdevelop their
self-accountability for thesituations, the circumstances in
their lives, to be accountable.
Yeah, because once you'reaccountable, then you can change
(28:36):
.
Then you can change how yourespond, how you think and how
you, how you behave, and that isthe most liberating thing I
feel possible.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
I love that.
I agree a hundred percent.
What are you working on?
Anything up and coming thatyou're going to be doing?
Tell us about it, oh, great,Thank you.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
Well, I I'm currently , you know, developing my own
podcast.
You know, at the point Ihaven't I'm not ready to launch
it yet or record episodes, butthat should be like either late
summer, early fall, but it'sabout kind of like overcoming a
limitation, developing moreaccountability, like what we're
talking about here, soauthenticity, so that's
(29:19):
something to definitely keep aneye out for.
I'm also writing a second book,which is going to be on
gaslighting and business andpersonal relationships.
It's something that means a lotto me.
I've been involved insituations where I've been
gaslit.
It's not fun, but I'm hoping togive a more empowering stance
(29:42):
on how you can take control ofyour life.
I'm also going to be developinga group and individual coaching
program which is going to beagain taking accountability in
your life, taking bold action inyour life.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
And you have a website people can go to now to
check everything out.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
Sure, it's under construction, so there's going
to be a lot added in the nextcouple months, but you can go to
albertbermontecom.
You can also follow me onsocial if I'm on LinkedIn, where
I post a lot of content,instagram I post a lot of
content there, and you can alsocheck out my first book, which
is called Rise Above the ScriptConfronting Self-Doubt,
(30:23):
mastering Self-Sabotage forPerforming Artists.
Now, yes, the intended audiencewrote the book in mind, but
there's a lot of stuff in therethat you can identify.
But if you're dealing withself-doubt or imposter syndrome
or self-impatience orself-sabotage, I would
definitely check that out onAmazon and it's available as a
(30:47):
paperback, a Kindle and an audiobook.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Rise Above the Script .
Make sure you go and check thatout Again.
That is, uh, albert BramanteA-L-B-E-R-T-B-R-A-M-A-N-T-E For
those of you listening.
Uh, go to check out his websiteand definitely check out the
new book that's coming out aboutgaslighting Super important
(31:12):
topic to understand more about.
Learn how to set correctboundaries, accountability, like
you said, it's freedom.
It's freedom, it's liberating,it's powerful to know you can
set your own life up the way youwant to.
You just need to have the toolsand use the tools that you have
(31:36):
on a regular basis and a dailypractice, if you will, to make
sure that they're built up sothat they work properly.
Love that.
Well, it's so nice to have youhere today.
I'm really glad we get to chat.
Speaker 3 (31:52):
I am too.
I'm really glad that youinvited me, and I really
appreciate it.
This was a wonderfulopportunity.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
Thank you so much.
It's, it's really nice and I'mlooking forward to looking into
the books at the website anddefinitely into the new book
when it comes out and you knowyou're welcome, let's have you
back on to talk about it.
When that does happen, I'd loveto come back.
Yay, invitation sent.
(32:18):
Wonderful, great Well.
Thank you so much for your timetoday.
I look forward to staying intouch.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
Absolutely.
Thank you so much.
The SJ Childs Show is Bradford's 13th season.
Join Sarah Bradford and the SJChilds Show team as they explore
the world of autism and sharestories of hope and inspiration.
This season we're excited tobring you more autism summits
featuring experts and advocatesfrom around the world.
(00:20):
Go to sjchildsorg to donate andto get more information.
Congratulations on 2024's20,000 downloads and 300
episodes.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Woohoo, that's amazing.
Thank you so much.
It's so exciting, right it?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
really is.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Thank you.
Yeah, it started in COVID andit was such a great way for me
to be able to connect and getout of my house, virtually, if
you will, and not feel soisolated, recognizing um the
need for sharing information andsharing, you know, this our our
(01:07):
lifestyles and our experiences,and there's something so
cathartic about being someonebeing able to take something
from your story and help changetheir own lives.
I think that is so special andwonderful.
Thank you so much for beinghere today.
Let's start out with anintroduction.
(01:29):
Please let us know a little bitabout yourself and what brought
you here.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Okay, well, thank you for inviting me.
I'm really honored to be hereand my name is Dr Albert
Bramante.
I work with actors.
I've been doing it for the past22 years as a talent agent and
I also have been workingalongside actors and I have a
(01:54):
PhD in psychology and I workwith all types of people.
There are some people that aretypical and some people that are
neurotypical, or what you mightcall neurodivergent, and that
might mean that they're in adifferent path of functioning.
In a sense, that doesn't meanin a limiting way.
(02:17):
I don't even I like, kind oflike the word neurodivergent
versus on the spectrum when theydescribe people, because that
kind of signifies that somethingis wrong, and I don't view that
way what I view it as.
This person just processesinformation a bit differently,
(02:41):
but they're still gifted,they're still able to do things
and they're still we can learn alot from them and they can
benefit.
You know, you know society canbenefit a lot from them I love
that we just might have to tellour approach to working with
different types of people, andyou know I've been also a
college professor for over 20years, so I've worked with
(03:03):
thousands of students and somethat were already identified as
being, you know, sort ofdifferent able or neurodivergent
.
Others may not even have knownit yet went through the crisis
you know, haven't really facedit.
I'm in my late 40s and I'vejust been coming to the
(03:24):
realization that I probablywould have been diagnosed with
full-blown ADHD if I wasproperly tested.
I haven't, but I can tell you alot of this stuff now makes
perfect sense in my life.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Isn't that?
Speaker 3 (03:41):
interesting, it's actually liberating, you know,
it's like, oh, this makes sensenow, okay.
So I definitely think you know,a lot of times my ADD is in
overdrive.
If you look at my browser tabwindows, I have, like you know,
sometimes up to 80 tabs open,which is, you know, makes other
(04:02):
people, when they look at mybrowser, almost run away Like,
wow, and you know, now can Iwork on that?
Absolutely, I probably couldget down to 40 or 30.
It's, but it's just, it's theway I've always worked.
And for me, you know, because alot of people ask me, you know
(04:24):
I wear a lot of different hats.
I'm a talent agent, I'm acollege professor, I'm an author
.
I'm a coach and now, lookingback at it, people ask how do
you do it all?
I'm like maybe 80-day, I don'tknow.
So I can do a lot of differentthings and I can, you know, put
my hand in a lot of differentareas, put my hand in a lot of
different areas.
So this is where I've alwaysbelieved that we have to look at
(04:52):
people for the true nature ofthem and look at what gifts can
they provide us.
Because even if you look atpeople who have been ADHD or
autistic or any way you want todescribe it autistic or any way
you want to describe it, they alot of times there's other areas
of contribution that they'vehad, and I even would say some
(05:12):
of the greatest thinkers of ourtime you know, einstein, or you
know even a major philosophersof our time might although at
the time you know this is beforemodern science began I would
guarantee that there's probablysome type of neurodivergent
activity within them, becausethat's what helps them, at the
(05:35):
same time, produce.
I was having a discussion withanother group of people that
works with actors, and thoseactors, and I think, sort of
like to be that type ofperformer that can really tap
into different roles and andblend in, you almost have to
have a sort of neurodivergentcapability.
(05:57):
You know, like power in a senseand I use power, I'm not,
that's not an accidental use ofwords.
I do believe that all of thisleads to superpowers rather than
limitations.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Absolutely.
I completely agree with that.
I love what you said.
In fact, I have to tell you,the best compliment I got last
week from someone was a womansaying you are one of the most
out there people I have ever metand you know, back in my
(06:34):
childhood or whatever myadolescence, that might not have
been something I would havebeen proud of to hear out there.
However, now I know it isbecause I think outside the box
and I don't have the parametersthat people have to think in and
those limits they putthemselves in.
I can think further than that.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
I'll even go a step further and say it's more boring
to think outside the box.
Why would you want to justcolor within the lines when you
can just be free?
You know, and so that'sexciting to be.
You know different and I canidentify, because I was
(07:21):
described, even growing up, likeoh, this kid is weird, you know
, referring to me, he's weird,and I remember one time I was in
seventh grade and then thisgirl ahead of me turned to my
home run teacher and pointed tome he's weird.
Now, at that time I was only 12years old.
(07:42):
I was a little insulted by that.
I I had, you know, my feelingshurt.
Now I would have been likethank you, I am weird.
I could have told you thatbefore you even said that.
So I'm proud of the fact thatI'm, you know, might be
considered weird by itself,because the one lesson that I
(08:04):
I've really learned and I wish Iknew when I was back in my
teens and early twenties is that, no matter how, what we do,
we're never going to beeveryone's cup of tea.
There's some people that we'rejust not going to resonate with,
and that's okay.
(08:25):
You know, we're not meant to beeverybody's cup of tea, you
know, but what we can do, andrather than maximizing, trying
to get those outliers what Icall those outliers that may not
necessarily subscribe to ourway of thinking I'd rather focus
on those that do.
Let's focus our energy on thosethat celebrate us.
(08:47):
One of the biggest quotes thatI have, and I've heard from one
of my mentors, is we need to bearound people that celebrate us,
not tolerate us.
And again, I love the quote Ican't I didn't origin, originate
it, but it's something thatreally sticks with me is that,
you know, we need to be withpeople that celebrate us, not
(09:09):
tolerate us.
So, and that might mean it,it's not always easy because we,
you know, I think just ingeneral, you know, especially
when we're young, we wanteveryone to like us.
We want to please everybody.
I mean, I'm a recovering peoplepleaser, you know it's yeah one
of the things I would say Iwanted people like me.
I was like I wanted everyone tolike me because I'm a good
(09:31):
person.
So I'm a good person, but Iknow that is that's an
impossible feat to to, toachieve, so, to achieve.
So I'm going to be me and somepeople may like it, some people
may not.
You know, it's not my controland it's not my concern anymore.
(09:51):
So I think anybody listening tothis I'd say be you, you know,
and be okay with being, you know.
Look, you're not going to beeveryone's cup of tea, but
that's fine.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Yeah, I, you know, my husband kind of came up with
the quote, if you will, theother day when we were talking
and we were talking aboutcreating communities and how we
kind of rally around thosecommunities, and he said, you
know, I want them to know and heis also um, audie HD is as well
(10:30):
as I am and he said, you know,write this down.
So here writing this down.
And he said we are not here toconvince you, we're undeniable,
and I love that it's not isn'tthat great.
Yeah, we're not here to convinceyou that our brains work
(10:51):
differently.
They do you like figure thatout Like we're figuring it out
for ourselves too?
Speaker 3 (10:59):
So Exactly, and you know, even coming from a teacher
standpoint, that's justprobably in my classes I teach,
you know, I teach, like I said,uh, those that are over 18 and
post and secondary,post-secondary who may have come
from teachers that may not haveunderstood or went for an
(11:19):
all-linear type of thinkingwhere all students will learn
the same way, that's not haveunderstood or went for an
all-linear type of thinkingwhere all students must learn
the same length.
That's not true.
Everybody has their uniquestyle and as an educator,
flexibility is important, sothat you have to, you know, kind
of incorporate differentmethods so you can.
(11:39):
Obviously there are people thatlearn in on your fashion, great
, cater to those people, butthen there's also those that
learn a different route andlearn a different way and march
to a different drum, and so youhave to come up with sometimes
thinking outside the box.
Now I think for people that,like us, it's easier to do that
(12:01):
than to think outside the box.
It's always been that type.
And one thing I kind of come toa realization early in my life,
especially in my work life I'mbetter working for myself
because of that.
You know, I work well withteams.
I have great, even with jobsI've had.
I have great relationship withcoworkers and supervisors, but I
(12:22):
also, I think, again from thoselinear types I might have been
threatening because I alwayslike, hey, why do we do it this
way?
And I think if you're the typeof employer that goes with the
status quo, that might not beexactly the best thing to hear
or to do.
And so I think, for for thisreason, why I don't, maybe not,
(12:47):
I'm not the best, I don't wantto say and I'm not saying this
to knock myself I'm not the bestemployee because I'm not going
to go, you know, with the statusquo and I just I am not built
that way.
Yeah, and I'm great, I'm loyal.
You want me to do what you want, but I really have to almost do
(13:08):
it my way.
Yeah, and I'll still respect,of course, everything you want
to do, but it has to be.
It's just ingrained in me.
I have to do it my way andthat's why I kind of like one of
the advantages of being abusiness owner, entrepreneur, is
I get to do that.
I get to do it my way.
You know, am I gonna makemistakes?
(13:30):
Absolutely.
Am I gonna fall on my face?
Absolutely, but it's stillgonna be my own way and you
learn best from those things.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
I think too, when you are able to figure out your own
areas that you made a wrongturn or took you know whatever
is it's it almost, is, I think,better for yourself to identify
those things on your own and beable to correct them for
(13:59):
yourself, and it gives you thosetools in the future yeah, I
mean one of the the statementsI've always kind of went with
there's no such thing as failure, only feedback.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
So so the mistakes that we make, the failure that
we make, is just feedback.
Okay, well, well, that didn'twork.
Okay, we tried this, it didn'twork.
Okay.
So what did I learn from this?
What can I do differently thenext time?
And rather than beating myselfup Now, what's more painful when
(14:37):
it comes to living life is notdoing things, not making
mistakes because of fear orliving in your comfort zone, and
I can back this up with actualscience here.
There's a lot of research that'sfound that most people, when
they're at the end of their lifeand this is going to get a
(14:58):
little deep here for a secondwhen, at the end of their life,
the biggest is going to get alittle deep here for a second.
When, at the end of their life,the biggest source of anguish
and regret is not the mistakesor not the failures that they've
made.
It's the opportunities thatthey didn't take.
It's the things that werepresented to them and they
(15:19):
didn't act on it out of fear,out of the status quo, out of
staying comfortable, and it'stoo late now.
And that is the biggest sourceof anguish and despair, not the
(15:39):
bonehead things you've done orthe foolish things.
Well, that was ridiculous.
It was more of the.
I didn't do this, I didn'twrite that book, I didn't take
all these trips.
I didn't pursue this dreambecause I was too comfortable.
I was too concerned with whatother people might think.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
That's really rough too.
I think that there's a there'sthat's really hard, in fact, you
have no idea even, but lastweek my father-in-law passed,
and so we were literally at thatprecipice with him.
You know, in that it's this isthe, this is it, like we have to
(16:22):
now kind of deal with our livesmoving forward and and you know
, take that, though I love thatyou said that right now, because
that's something that maybe Ineed to take and resonate with
and talk to my husband about,and make sure that we're not
missing out on any opportunitiesor not feeling any of those
(16:44):
regrets yeah, I mean, and that'swhy it's just, it's good to,
you know, live our life on ourown terms in a sense, rather
than worrying about what otherpeople think.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Now, of course, is the easiest, you know, said than
done.
We can talk about this all daylong.
It's harder to actually do it,to actually okay, now let me
implement it.
Because the one thing and thisis where I don't want to say
it's controversial, but I getwhere it can get a little bit
(17:20):
dicey, because a lot of timesthat might mean going against
our family of origin.
You know, our family of originmight and I still believe that
they may have the bestintentions for us, but that
doesn't mean that they're bestfor us or the best actions for
us, because they are a lot oftimes operating under their own,
(17:43):
programming their own, and ifthey have their own trauma or
abuse in life, it's going to gettrans um set, you know, passed
on um, and I'm a, you know, I Istarted studying this recently
and it's kind of like a recentphenomenon, but there's
something called generationaltrauma that I'm starting to
(18:04):
really feel is important.
So even the trauma that ourgrandparents and
great-grandparents experiencecan come into us if we don't
watch or don't take note ofthings.
So this is why sometimes wejust have to maybe not
physically separate, but atleast emotionally and mentally
(18:27):
separate from our family originsometimes, and do things our way
you know, and do things thatserve us, then you know, because
we're not.
A lot of people are living theirlife in the shadow of their
(18:48):
parents or the shadow of theirfamily.
I need to make them happy.
No, you need to make yourselfhappy yeah isn't that the truth?
It's not your concern whetheror not your parents are happy
now, yes, of course, when you'reunder 18, you're living under
the roof.
You follow their, their rulesand their guidelines, of course.
But when you're an adult,that's not your problem.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
You know that's not your concern anymore yeah,
absolutely tell us what you doto kind of help when you have a
client or whatever.
What does that look like tohelp them kind of gain maybe a
new mindset for themselvesrewire what they have.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
You know specifically that they have or what specific
concern that they have, or whatspecific you know patterns that
are running in their mind, andthat's unique from client to
client.
So it's a little bit difficultto kind of like specifically say
yeah, a framework, because,you're right, everybody's
different.
And which is great.
Now, of course, I've studiedpsychology.
I've studied different coachingmethodologies and different
(20:03):
intervention models, and there'sa lot of great stuff in there
and a lot of important stuff.
But the important thing is thatevery person is unique in front
of you, and I think if we'regoing to be coaching or guiding
clients in any way, techniqueagainique again is wonderful,
but what's also more importantis the person in front of you,
(20:26):
because I could be working withsomeone and rattle them off
techniques which may have beenworked over the test of time,
but if it doesn't connect withthe person in front of me, I'm
just running techniques and justbeing almost having serial
stereo instructions.
Like you know what are you?
Speaker 2 (20:47):
talking about.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
I'm just saying stuff now.
I'm saying, you know, I'mcoming across like you know,
saying some really wonderfulthings, but it's not resonating
with you, so it's not helpful.
But the first thing we need todo, I feel, is to dismantle any
limiting beliefs first, and thenstart to gently reframe,
because usually when we'reoperating in a more deficient
(21:13):
set, there's three issues thatwe're running into.
We're either deleting importantinformation you know a good
thing and focusing on thenegative, or we're running into
where we're either we'redeleting important information,
you know like good thing, andfocusing on the negative, or
we're distorting the.
Maybe we got some conservativecriticism or some bad news, or
(21:34):
someone yelled at us orsomething critical, but our
minds kind of blow it out ofproportion and then we
generalize I can't do anythingright.
Oh, you mean anything.
So we have to challenge thosethree things.
And I'll give you case in point.
Let's say you're at work andyou get 20 compliments from
(21:59):
customers and from othercoworkers, but maybe that one
coworker, that one supervisor,comes across and says something
a little bit critical, a littlebit biting, a little bit
unpleasant.
Now, what are most people goingto focus on?
(22:20):
Most people are going to befocusing on that one remark and
they're going to dismiss all ofthe other good things that were
said.
And you're operating from alimiting belief pattern when
you're doing that.
You're not concerned about allthe good things.
(22:43):
Now, not to say that there maynot be a little bit of wisdom in
that that you may not haveliked or wanted to hear.
So let's look at that.
Well, a lot of times when weget maybe insulted or hurt by
something that's critical to us,a lot of times we might
(23:05):
inadvertently blow that out ofproportion.
Well, that means they don'tlike us.
They don't have to like us.
No, they never said that.
They said something about theaction we've done.
So let's take away our personalemotions out of that.
Is there anything else for that?
Okay, now, maybe their methodof delivery may have been not so
(23:28):
good or not so positive, butwhat was the message in that?
So, and then let's you knowthat.
Doesn't we blow that up.
They don't like me.
No, they never said that.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
I love that.
I saw this post recently andthe girl was saying it was
Kaylin Partlow from the Netflixlove on the spectrum.
I just had her on the show toorecently and she said something
great.
She said people need to startlistening to the words that are
said instead of hearing thewords that weren't.
(24:08):
And that's exactly what you'resaying.
Is that exactly thing?
Don't hear the words thatweren't said.
Listen to the words that weresaid.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
Right, because our brains will start to generalize
and distort and then delete allthe good things that just
happened to us, you know, allthe important things.
And so we just say, oh, thatperson doesn't like me or that
person was so upset.
No, oh, that person doesn'tlike me, or that person was so
upset, they don't you know.
No, they never said that.
And then if we take that, sothat's what we mean by kind of
(24:44):
like reframing and kind ofrecalibrating and reprogramming.
It's like okay, what went wronghere?
And then kind of reframe thatand get you, you know, get the
person into thinking in a betterframe of mind, because really
that's the biggest thing we'recoaching controlling our
(25:05):
thoughts and controlling our andreframing our beliefs.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
That perception.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
It's a perception, and you know.
The one thing that coachingwill not do is change other
people in our lives.
That's not going to happen.
You're not going to change theway your parents or your you
know, your friends or yourcoworkers communicate Well, at
certain levels, you can changehow you respond to it and choose
(25:34):
how you respond to it, butyou're not going to change their
behavior.
That's not going to happen.
So how can you control yourstate?
So, and ultimately, I think thebiggest source of empowerment
is to know that you control overyour feelings and you control
how you react.
(25:56):
And a lot of people working onsafety of feelings oh, I was so
late to work and this drivermade me mad.
Hold on, no, they didn't.
You made yourself mad.
Well, the driver cut you off.
Okay, they cut you off.
That we can agree on, but youchose to get angry over that.
(26:22):
That was your choice, and Iknow some people when you first
hear that they're like, they getannoyed.
When they hear that it's soempowering, it's like well, look
, I can choose how to react.
Yeah, I don't have to be beinsulted by something you say.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
And I think that it's a hard for people to take
accountability for those fortheir actions and their thoughts
, and it's really hard for themto recognize that they are the
driving force, the purpose orthe catalyst for all the actions
that take place after theyreact in any way, good or bad.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
Yes, absolutely.
Accountability is really thekey here, and that doesn't mean
blame.
So even in situations whereyou're betrayed or when you're
wronged, it's not about blamingyourself, but you're still
responsible for some derivativeof that interaction.
And even in the situation whereI've been wronged or I've been
(27:29):
betrayed by people close to me,I don't blame myself because
that was again that was theaction of somebody, but I
contributed somehow to thatsituation and that is liberating
.
I'm not blaming myself, I'm nottaking that situation or
playing the victim here.
I don't advocate that at all.
(27:51):
What I'm advocating is takingresponsibility, okay, so even if
somebody wronged you've been inthis relationship or in this
work situation where you'rebeing bullied where did you play
a role into this?
Did you you?
And maybe just allowing that tohappen and not setting
boundaries?
Yep, that's where theaccountability comes in.
Again, not blaming you, I'mtalking about the accountability
(28:14):
here.
Where's that accountability?
And so I think, as coaches,that could be the greatest gift
we can help our clients isdevelop their
self-accountability for thesituations, the circumstances in
their lives, to be accountable.
Yeah, because once you'reaccountable, then you can change
(28:36):
.
Then you can change how yourespond, how you think and how
you, how you behave, and that isthe most liberating thing I
feel possible.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
I love that.
I agree a hundred percent.
What are you working on?
Anything up and coming thatyou're going to be doing?
Tell us about it, oh, great,Thank you.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
Well, I I'm currently , you know, developing my own
podcast.
You know, at the point Ihaven't I'm not ready to launch
it yet or record episodes, butthat should be like either late
summer, early fall, but it'sabout kind of like overcoming a
limitation, developing moreaccountability, like what we're
talking about here, soauthenticity, so that's
(29:19):
something to definitely keep aneye out for.
I'm also writing a second book,which is going to be on
gaslighting and business andpersonal relationships.
It's something that means a lotto me.
I've been involved insituations where I've been
gaslit.
It's not fun, but I'm hoping togive a more empowering stance
(29:42):
on how you can take control ofyour life.
I'm also going to be developinga group and individual coaching
program which is going to beagain taking accountability in
your life, taking bold action inyour life.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
And you have a website people can go to now to
check everything out.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
Sure, it's under construction, so there's going
to be a lot added in the nextcouple months, but you can go to
albertbermontecom.
You can also follow me onsocial if I'm on LinkedIn, where
I post a lot of content,instagram I post a lot of
content there, and you can alsocheck out my first book, which
is called Rise Above the ScriptConfronting Self-Doubt,
(30:23):
mastering Self-Sabotage forPerforming Artists.
Now, yes, the intended audiencewrote the book in mind, but
there's a lot of stuff in therethat you can identify.
But if you're dealing withself-doubt or imposter syndrome
or self-impatience orself-sabotage, I would
definitely check that out onAmazon and it's available as a
(30:47):
paperback, a Kindle and an audiobook.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Rise Above the Script .
Make sure you go and check thatout Again.
That is, uh, albert BramanteA-L-B-E-R-T-B-R-A-M-A-N-T-E For
those of you listening.
Uh, go to check out his websiteand definitely check out the
new book that's coming out aboutgaslighting Super important
(31:12):
topic to understand more about.
Learn how to set correctboundaries, accountability, like
you said, it's freedom.
It's freedom, it's liberating,it's powerful to know you can
set your own life up the way youwant to.
You just need to have the toolsand use the tools that you have
(31:36):
on a regular basis and a dailypractice, if you will, to make
sure that they're built up sothat they work properly.
Love that.
Well, it's so nice to have youhere today.
I'm really glad we get to chat.
Speaker 3 (31:52):
I am too.
I'm really glad that youinvited me, and I really
appreciate it.
This was a wonderfulopportunity.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
Thank you so much.
It's, it's really nice and I'mlooking forward to looking into
the books at the website anddefinitely into the new book
when it comes out and you knowyou're welcome, let's have you
back on to talk about it.
When that does happen, I'd loveto come back.
Yay, invitation sent.
(32:18):
Wonderful, great Well.
Thank you so much for your timetoday.
I look forward to staying intouch.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
Absolutely.
Thank you so much.
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