What if autism isn't a modern condition but an ancient, essential thread in human evolution? Dr. Kristen Williamson, a professional counselor diagnosed with autism at 39, takes us on a journey that challenges everything we think we know about neurodiversity.
"I feel like an alien wearing a matching skin suit of a human," Dr. Williamson confesses, describing the exhausting process of studying and mimicking neurotypical behaviors just to fit in. Her late diagnosis mirrors the experience of countless women and girls whose autism goes unrecognized behind masks of anxiety, depression, and learned social behaviors.
We explore how limited media representations—from Rain Man to The Big Bang Theory's Sheldon Cooper—have shaped public perception, while recent research suggesting autistic traits in Neanderthals offers a revolutionary perspective: autism isn't a disorder but a natural variation that has contributed to human advancement throughout our evolutionary history. "We do not have to prove to you who we are. We are undeniable."
For parents raising neurodivergent children, Dr. Williamson offers a liberating approach: "Don't try to change the child you have. Try to know and accept the child for who they are." Drawing from her experience parenting two neurodivergent children while navigating her own diagnoses, she shares practical wisdom about honoring sensory needs, setting boundaries, and replacing shame-inducing "shoulds" with self-compassion.
Whether you're autistic, love someone who is, or simply curious about different ways of experiencing the world, this conversation invites you to embrace neurodiversity as the spice of life. Connect with Dr. Williamson on social media or explore her workbooks and resources on Amazon to continue your journey toward understanding and celebrating all kinds of minds.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The SJ Child Show is Bradford's 13th season.
Join Sarah Bradford and the SJChild Show team as they explore
the world of autism and sharestories of hope and inspiration.
This season we're excited tobring you more autism summits
featuring experts and advocatesfrom around the world.
(00:20):
Go to sjchildsorg to donate andto get more information.
Congratulations on 2024's20,000 downloads and 300
episodes.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Woo, we are back.
Hello, so excited to have youhere today with me.
Ms Dr Kristen Williamson, howare you?
Speaker 3 (00:45):
today I'm good.
Please just call me Kristen.
Doctor is really useful when Iwant to get a cool hotel room,
but other than that I love it.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
That's so great.
It's so great to have you heretoday.
We've already started out in awonderful energy.
Our conversation is alreadybubbly and exciting.
I'm just thrilled to get intothis with you today.
Before we get started, pleaseintroduce yourself.
Tell us a little bit aboutyourself and what brought you
here to me.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Oh my gosh, Thank you so much.
I love this.
I try to have a rehearsedscript in my brain because my
brain likes scripts, but it'sfunny because I tend to deviate
every time.
My name's Kristen Dr KristenWilliamson.
I am a professional counselorby trade.
I have my doctorate inbehavioral health management.
I did not get diagnosed withautism until I was 39.
(01:39):
Same with ADHD.
I have tiny humans.
I guess they're not so tinyanymore.
I have a 13 and a 15 year old.
My 13 year old girl ADHD, my 15year old boy ADHD and autism.
Are we matching families?
What I tell you, what I tellyou what it is?
And of course, my, my kiddos,got diagnosed well before I did.
(02:02):
Funny enough, my boy not somuch my girl.
She didn't get diagnosed until12 because females tend to get
missed, and so that's a rabbithole.
I'll go down an entirelydifferent time, but because I
got diagnosed, I want to comemake everything cool and
normalized and see that ourbrains are kind of superpowers,
(02:22):
even if the superpowers don'talways make us feel great in the
moment.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Yeah, isn't that the truth?
Oh, I love that, I love that.
Well, you just like clicked ourwhole family box.
We got a hubby and me and myhusband got we're late diagnosed
in our forties.
He was 30.
He was in his thirties still, Iwas I'm a little older, so you
know cougar mom.
But then he, my, but my son wasdiagnosed at 16 months.
(02:48):
Oh, our daughter at eight yearsold.
So, like you said, there's thathuge lap.
But there was also a bigdifference in severity.
And you could tell thisspinning, flapping, humming
child that it, you know, noteven two years old, that
obviously could not communicatewith the world, was very.
(03:11):
But then we had this brillianttwo year old who, with a gestalt
, learning, processing, you know, spoke in these entirely huge
phrases to speak with us.
And you were like, are you aprofessor phases to speak with
us.
And you were like are you aprofessor?
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Oh my gosh, that's exactly.
That's exactly right you are.
You are totally spot on withthe different level of support
needs on a day by day basis.
Like you know, he didn't my myoldest.
He didn't get diagnosed untilhe was eight, but I had a
pediatrician when he wasprobably around 18 months, say
he's autistic, and that justtotally kicked my world into a
(03:47):
tailspin.
But because we were a militaryfamily moving bases, things get
missed.
And for the longest time, untilwe had moved into the Texas area
.
There wasn't a continuity ofcare and so he really didn't get
seen until preschool, when hewas hiding under the desk, when
I was on a name by name basiswith every one of his teachers
(04:10):
and principals and viceprincipals and the okay, and I
always wanted to be that parent.
That's like okay, teachers, I'mnot saying this is on you, I'm
saying this is please tell mewhat's happening.
Because I want to help try towork on this at home to help
make life easier for everybody,Because when we're learning, I
don't want to say simultaneouslythat's not the right one.
(04:31):
When everything's kind of fluidand flowing together, it makes
learning easier.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Yeah, absolutely, and it's really when you're at that
stage, you know.
We have a quote that we say alittle bit of knowledge turns
fear into understanding.
And isn't that the case, like,as soon as you get that little
bit of knowledge, that keyfactor that you can give support
to, everything can change andit can make a world of
difference.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
Oh my gosh, With that little bit of knowledge.
I love that phrase I try tolive my life with is lean in
with curiosity.
I love that.
I love that Curiosity.
Easier said than done.
Easier said than done.
I I'm still as a parent.
I've never had a pair, I'venever been a parent to a 15,
(05:17):
almost 16 year old before.
So we are learning together andthings that I think, oh well,
did that preconceived bias ofthis is what a 15 year old does
is what a boy does.
I've never been a boy.
I can't tell you and I'm likewell, you're just stinky, You're
just this, You're just that.
Actually it turned out to besensory issues.
(05:38):
It tend to be other things, andso it's the giving myself grace
and compassion to make mistakesand knowing that, okay, we're
parents.
What parent doesn't feel likethey're making mistakes on at
least a semi basis?
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Yes, absolutely.
If you don't, then you're nottrying.
I feel like somebody else israising your kids.
But yeah, it's not the truth.
But yeah, it's so true.
And I think that I love whatyou said, because same thing I
have.
Well, I have a 25 year old, soI've raised an adult already.
She's my stepdaughter, so I dohave that little bit of you know
(06:14):
, extra know what's going tohappen, but that's for one
person.
They're also individuals,Everybody's thing happens twice.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Oh my gosh, Isn't that the truth?
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Yeah, Um, and but it also was.
You know, she was very um, shewas she's not diagnosed, um,
which is still a problem.
It's hard in itself, yeah, andreally struggles.
But in with her growing up itwas always that, oh, she's so
far behind like her social groupand things, and it was so hard
(06:50):
to figure that out.
And it was we had bought a bookwhen she was like nine years
old, like how to raise a nineyear old, and we were going
through this book and we werelike all of these things are,
and it also kind of talked aboutlike when they're seven and
when they're eight they'll begoing through this and that and
we're like we're years behindhere.
She's not as a nine-year-oldyet.
(07:11):
It kind of gave us thisbeautiful template of what
normal things to look at whichof course didn't fit anyways,
but whatever.
But you know, it gave us alittle bit of an outline to see
that this is a little bitbackwards.
So yeah, it's crazy.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
You know it's actually really interesting.
You say that I'm having a bookcome out next year and it's
about females with autism and itgoes from puberty through
menopause.
Because I couldn't find booksfor being neurodivergent, for
being female, I had just beensearching for this information
and not finding it all.
So I've got like 200 researchjournals and you're just coming
(07:50):
in there and it just it lookslike what puberty looks, like
what coping skills we had thendoes not show up later on in
life.
I've had to relearn that one andno, this is not working out and
it's just one.
Being a female is hard I atleast I can say that again.
(08:11):
Being female, being female ishard, but then we like with your
stepdaughter not beingdiagnosed, I had a very long
time in life feeling I stillfeel like an alien, an alien
who's wearing the matching skinsuit of a human, exactly, and
it's walking around.
(08:31):
And I did this a lot as a kid,not knowing, and as an adult, I
study, I study people, I studyhuman actions and TV shows.
I remember watching friendsgrowing up and, oh, this
character got a laugh.
She raised her eyebrow likethis, her voice, inflection, did
this and trying to mimic thatto say this is how I make
(08:53):
friends.
We don't always talk about ourlove of cats or dinosaurs.
Exactly, do this or this.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Yeah, and it's.
It is so individual and now youknow this outpouring.
We're in this beautiful era, inthis beautiful time where
autism has never been more knownand more widely spoken about
than now.
And how good that we have thisopportunity to come to the
(09:24):
forefront and say, yes,everyone's listening, like,
let's hear the right things,let's teach you the right things
, let's get on board and buythem together so that we can
create this new perception ofall of autism, not just that one
, you know, that one boy thatwas Rain man, or that one oh,
(09:46):
you are speaking my language.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
You are just so spot on.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Oh, you listeners you have like.
This is my sister from Texas,by the way.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
I'm just feeling this , this online connection, which,
for me, I love because eyecontact is hard and so we're
doing great.
I is hard and so we're doinggreat.
I think so, I think we're doinggreat.
Oh, you were just feeding intomy hyper fixation of autism.
I tell you what I learned thatRain man was really the first
(10:18):
view of what autism was, andthat came out in the eighties
and so that's what a lot ofpeople in in in hollywood was
portraying.
And then we still see it nowand this drives me bananas and
just absolutely frustrated.
Big bang theory sheldon cooperabsolutely autistic, but they
didn't write that in there, theywrote him as my mom tested me.
(10:39):
I'm not crazy, I'm just weird,or he's just a jerk and he
misses social things and it'sreally funny.
There is a tv show called boneswhere the main characters, uh,
temperance brennan.
She's a forensic anthropologistand she has a hard time with
social cues, but she's soincredibly smart but she's flat
affect and you know people pickon her for it, but but she's
(11:02):
still not autistic.
She's just really smart andit's straight.
We're taking out, it's gettingbetter and I'm seeing that and
just as you said, we are comingout with I'm autistic, I'm ADHD,
I'm this, I'm this, and look athow cool my life is.
(11:22):
Yeah, I might struggle in theseareas, but you know what?
I make friends with animals atparties really easily.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
I know every dog that walks by the house.
I don't know their owner's name, nope.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
Nope, I have created stories of these animals that
walk by, the birds that sit bymy window.
I have entire, just outlines ofwhat their life looks like
Exactly, and it's funny becauseI can do that.
I still have a doctorate, Ihave a job.
I do not cook very well at alland I understand that is a
(11:56):
struggle that I will always have.
I don't enjoy cooking.
I like eating, yeah, and eating.
Have you ever had chicken thattastes too much like chicken or
you can't have it the next daybecause the texture is different
.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
It's coming in and learning.
That's where my brain is and Ididn't have any idea that this
was a normal thing, that thiswas an allowable thing.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
It is a normal thing and it is allowable.
You know, my husband came upwith this quote.
He's my, he's my greatest quote, sage, I'll tell you what he
did the other one, the knowledgeone.
And then he wrote this theother day come on, sarah, get it
right.
We do not have to prove to youwho we are.
We are undeniable.
I argue about who we are to you.
(12:46):
We're undeniable.
We, like.
You know, just last week Ishared a story on my facebook
page that there was someresearch that found and I'm not
a scientist, let me just facethis, that I'm not a historian.
However, I'm a brilliant,brilliant person and in my, in
this reading, I saw that it wasbased on that they had found
(13:10):
autistic traits in Neanderthalsand that it just took us back
down to, you know, hunter,gatherer time, the autistic
traits.
Yes, thank you, thank you.
We are undeniable.
We are of evolution.
We are.
This is who we are.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Let's add more to that.
Oh my gosh, we are just kindredspirits, because I talk about
this in the hunter gatherers theADHD brain versus the autism
brain.
The hunters were the ADHD brain, they could go hyper fixate for
days.
They don't have to eat, theydon't have to do these things.
We are getting to that animalto bring in food and sustenance
(13:51):
for our family.
We're the autism brain.
Let's gather, let's justcollect all of these specific
things to eat and hoard andharvest and do, and just the
rhythmic, repetitive things thatmake our brain feel tickled and
good yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
Isn't that fascinating.
I love it and I think that weneed to share this and we need
to keep talking about this andwe need to put it into people's
faces.
Like autism was not somethingthat was just, you know, made up
last week, like this issomething in our evolution, of
our entire lifetimes, ofgenerations of people.
(14:27):
And, yes, it's great thattechnology and these, this
glimpse or this preview, isbeing done and we're able to see
more.
But let's also remember thatevery individual, before we even
had this knowledge, was a humanand all came with the same
(14:48):
human needs, desires, like wewant to be loved, we want to be
um seen, we want to belong tosomewhere to belong.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Yeah, I think.
I think there's actuallythere's.
There's such an amount of powerin even those who don't come in
and get a diagnosis, because,being an American and an adult,
it is very expensive to get adiagnosis.
And so I think one of the verysmall, tiny benefits I can say
(15:18):
about the COVID era is, when theworld shut down, we went online
and we shared our stories.
Yeah, and in sharing thosestories we learned we are not
alone.
We have that connection.
And oh my gosh, you have a hardtime brushing your teeth.
I have a hard time brushing myteeth.
Oh, for you it feels like 17tasks to take a shower that's me
(15:42):
too.
And just kind of learning.
Hey, visual chaos on thecounter is a thing that gives
you anxiety Me too and they'rejust learning about their brains
and they're coming in andthey're able to advocate and
maybe not with necessarily adiagnosis, but to say I have a
really hard time with noise.
I have a lot of anxiety thatcomes in shopping at a grocery
(16:04):
store when the for me, likeCostco and Sands, when the
ceilings are so high up there,that it gives me.
I also have a hard time goinginto Home Depot and Lowe's
because the ceilings are so high, and I never realized that made
me feel stressed out until Istarted paying attention to it.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Yeah, and then you can honor that.
So much.
And how about that?
Like, let's talk aboutself-care and honoring your own
self, especially as an autisticfemale.
Oh man, what a big like.
You have to actually scheduletime for yourself.
I have to make myself do thething.
(16:42):
You have to take time foryourself.
If you know you're in menses,you have got to take.
You cannot push through.
It is not the time to pushthrough.
It's the time to take a stepback, time to reflect, time to
rest, time to you know, and Ilove and all totally, totally
truly believe in the moon andthe moon cycle and the chemicals
(17:04):
that we get from the energiesand all, and I have my chart
that tells me.
You know that's amazing.
Ciclamine is the energy or thechemical that shoots in your
brain when it's a new moon, soit's exciting and active and you
want to create.
And then dopamine you know thatshoots in your brain when it's
a new moon, so it's exciting andactive and you want to create.
And then you know, is in yourbrain on a full moon and you
just want to sleep and be lazyand not do the thing.
(17:27):
So honor those cycles foryourself, learn about those
cycles and honor those and howyou can also get so much
productivity done in those in.
In knowing those things as well, you know you can kind of
schedule all your products oryou know, projects for the for
the new moon era, when you haveall this exciting acyclamine, I
(17:48):
think that's fantastic.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
She told me her husband calls it her morning
zoomies.
Oh, and she, like I neverrealized it, but I do have
morning zoomies.
I am more productive in thesetimes and, just as you're saying
, coming in and honoring thatand saying I don't have to
schedule nine tasks for theevening when I don't have the
(18:11):
energy, let me do these things,take more bandwidth.
My phrase is I I eat the uglyfrog first and I'm going to do
the heavy thing when I have thatenergy to do it, because doing
the fun things later on is areward for me, where some people
want to have that reward firstin order to get that dopamine
(18:31):
activated to do the harderthings, and neither one of those
are wrong.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Yeah, and isn't it nice that we can now kind of
find this balance where maybethe word normal and typical
might be done away with.
Let's just do crazy words right, Because the fact that none of
us ever have been the same havebeen the same.
(19:01):
It's kind of a big idea that wedon't need to have these cookie
cutter normalized ideas thatanything really goes that
direction.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
It's life living in the shoulds.
I should do this.
I should do this.
Let me tell you about the shamethat comes with the shoulds.
Don't should on me, thank youvery much.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
The shoulds?
Yeah, don't should on me.
Thank you very much.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Don't should on me, don't should on yourself.
Exactly no, there is no timeand space for shoulds.
I have switched it out, for Ican do this.
I get to do this.
I would like to do this.
Ooh, I wish I did do this.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Yeah, exactly, and there's still so much more.
You know people think thatthere's this kind of they have
to do these things, or you knowthey only have so much time.
You can recreate yourself, nomatter what your age is what
you're doing.
Oh my gosh, yes, recreate, likeI have lived.
It feels like I've lived ahundred lives and I'm only 49.
(19:59):
I just turned 49.
Bless my heart.
So, halfway through my life,here's my halfway point.
I don't know if I'm going tomake it to a hundred, I'm just
saying that, but halfway, youknow, and I've lived so many
lives, there's so much more tocome.
There is so much more to comebecause the better it gets, the
better it gets.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
I love that you can start over anytime with ADHD.
I heard this on a podcast Icould not tell you which one,
but I loved it so much.
We have a 100% failure ratingfor habits and hobbies and we'll
get into it and it's going tobe great.
And I'm taking my medicine atthis time every day until that
one day I forget and then theentire habit's gone.
(20:39):
Yep, but that doesn't mean wecan't start over.
Yeah, and that's the beautifulthing is, even if we misstep,
even if we go in a differentpathway, okay, we can start over
.
It's being brave enough to suckat something new.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
It's being brave enough to suck at something new.
Yeah, and bravery is somethingthat you know.
I don't know that eachindividual person has it.
I don't know where it comesfrom, if it's learned, if it's
just, you know, innate, if youjust have it within you.
But I think that resilience,obviously that you know being
resilient, got to go throughthings to sometimes get that
(21:16):
resilience.
Being resilient got to gothrough things to sometimes get
that resilience.
But what about when you are aparent and you are having this
struggle with your kiddo at homeand you don't know where to
look for help?
What do you first off?
Where do you send people to?
Speaker 3 (21:34):
you know, Such a good question.
That's such a good question andI wish I had an easy answer to
give you for that Because, justas I said earlier, we are not a
one stop shop in human behavior,in parenting, and every kiddo
is different.
I think in parents oneparenting kids in general, think
(21:59):
in parents one parenting kidsin general.
It's a walk through jurassicpark.
It's not an easy park with afun slide.
It's jurassic park with all thedinosaurs again, dinosaurs, um.
But it's for me, with my kiddo,when he, when I learned he was
on the spectrum, it opened up awhole bunch of different
pathways and then I couldresearch and find support groups
and parents who had been thesame thing with my daughter with
(22:21):
ADHD.
Before even ADHD, she gotdiagnosed with anxiety, with all
of these things, because girlsget diagnosed with a plethora of
things before they ever hitneurodiversity.
All of the depressions, yes, allof the personality anxiety,
panic attack, all of thepersonality anxiety, panic
attack, all of the things.
Okay, but it's.
It's finding support groupswith whatever you look for
(22:43):
raising boys, raising girls,raising twins, triplets, being a
single kid household yeah, andit's finding these support
groups, a lot of them.
You can find it in somethingfacebook groups, reddit groups,
meetup and parenting groups nearyou, and it's you try it out
and you say, hey, this reallyfits for me, or that was not
(23:05):
anything that I would like to doagain, but now you know, now
you know, and it's not.
There's going to be a one bookthat gives you all the answers.
There's not going to be a onepodcast or TV show.
And with all the research I didfor my book, I learned there is
(23:26):
an inherent holistic mindset inthe parenting blogs and books
and things that no spicy parentsmiss out on, getting that
mentality of oh well, this isjust an inherent thing that you
know.
No, I don't have the gutinstinct of, oh, I know why my
(23:47):
kid's crying.
I'm going through my rolodex,which is going to age me, um, my
rolodex of all the behaviorsI've read in books and learned
and to see what was going on andlike crossing off my list.
Nothing came easy.
It wasn't a well, you know youshould.
You should just love this againwith the shoulds.
I didn't.
I did not love being pregnant.
(24:09):
It was awful, it was hard andhot I loved it.
See, you can have differentperspectives and still like,
yeah, and it does not makeeither of us less of a parent.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
No, a hundred percent .
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely,yeah, isn't that so fascinating?
And, oh man, my first, I'lltell you, 42 weeks pregnant,
tell you 42 weeks pregnant, 65hours of labor, yeah, finally
had a c-section.
On that, holy mackerel, I knowkind of used to joke and tease
(24:42):
that I worked, um, I was amassage therapist and I worked
at a gym and I, um, so I wasalways around all the trainers
and they were always, you know,training people and so, very
quickly in his life he lovedmath and numbers and I always
used to joke that it was becauseall the people 12345678.
Like that's all he has allthese people working out all the
(25:07):
time and everything.
So it's pretty funny, but, yeah, it's.
It's so fascinating the, youknow, fascinating the world of
autism and, like I said earlier,in 2012 or 2011, when our son
was diagnosed, there was nothing, there were no blogs, there
were hardly any books.
(25:29):
Love Temple Grandin Thank Godshe put out any information
about it.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
Love.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Temple Grandin, all we had, you know.
I also love that now we canhave a little bit broader
perspective than just that aswell, because it encapsulates so
much more than just one personcan help you understand.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
You are so spot on actually with Temple Grandin
because I love her so vehementlymuch, I will do a comparison.
Like Temple Grandin and you puther next to me.
I look very different.
I come across and maskdifferent and even when I'm
recovering people they're tryingnot to mask.
(26:15):
It's very hard, but justputting her next to me.
We're both autistic.
We both have support needs.
Her needs look different thanmine, my needs look different
than my sons, than my daughters,than yours.
But that's still nope.
I've got a spicy brain and Icall it narrow spicy because I
(26:36):
fully believe we have the spiceof life, whether it's an intense
spice or not.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
I love that.
I think so too, and you know,and it's great because I love a
lot of people and I've heardthis a lot.
In fact, my last podcast I justput out yesterday.
The book the woman wrote iscalled the Alien Savant.
So if you haven't read that,here's one for you, yes, yeah,
and she talks all about herbrother's experience and how he
(27:04):
was just like this alien in theworld.
And not only did he feel likethat, but was also during that
time period which was like 60s,70, 70s and 80s, he was very
isolated as well from him, youknow, and alienated him and just
as fascinating, um, really kindof a view of of what it was
(27:26):
like, and I think it's importantthat we look at that, because
there are just things that weneed to.
We cannot have moving forwardlike, like, we cannot.
Instead of the shoulds, like thecannot haves, they have to be
there, they, you know, we, weneed to be able to really access
(27:47):
people's um, human dignitylevels and I think it's really
hard and, and you know, maybefor me coming, my husband had a
sister with down syndrome andwhen I met him and came into his
family, he already had thisspecial heart and this beautiful
care for someone who was soloving and, you know, just was
(28:14):
just a ball of love, like that'sall you can describe them.
Um, and so it was.
It's like this, this ease of ofgetting into learning how to be
with other people, but I thinkthat it gave this edge to him
and and he gave to me thisability to just see how delicate
(28:37):
and how fragile every humanbeing is.
Oh, my goodness, you know, frommy two-year-old neighbor to my
85-year-old neighbor who yellsat the dog, like everybody, they
all have these delicate humanitdignified like.
(28:58):
They all have these delicatehuman dignified like they need
support.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
So, yeah, there's people in general, we all have
value and worth and for me, it'sthe leaning in with curiosity
and okay, did this person make amean gesture at me while
driving, you know?
Are they struggling withsomething?
Am I driving in both lanes?
Did I not pay attention?
It's kind of a checking withmyself versus leaning into.
(29:25):
Oh wow, that was a really uglymove on their part.
It's that we're responding tosome things.
Some people have morecompassion than others.
Yeah, and it's okay.
I I'm going to work as as hardas I can to be as compassionate
(29:45):
and understanding, but evenstill understanding that I'm
human and fallible.
Yeah, and not leaning into theshames of the shoulds.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
Oh, that is so true and no shame.
I think that our society isreally, I feel like in the last
20, 30 years has moved a lotfurther away from shame and
judgment than ever before inallowing, you know, just people
to express themselves in the waythat is feels good to them and
(30:18):
is pleasing and desirable.
And I think it's so nice thatwe're letting our children do
that more and kind of seeingthat expression of who they want
to be.
And I, you know, and I want toimpress upon parents like, don't
try to change the child.
You have tried to know andaccept the child for who they
(30:41):
are.
And that's the kind of playingfield of love that they need.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
They need that support on the level that
they're at, not where you wishthey would be you know and I
wholeheartedly agree with you,and let me tell you how hard
that is sometimes too For me,having a raising a kid on the
spectrum and not knowing he wason the spectrum for a long time.
(31:08):
There was a whole lot of whatam I doing wrong?
Doing wrong what?
And just feeling as a failingas a parent and I'm not doing
what my kid needs.
But it's the whole once youknow better do better.
Yeah, and okay he has.
He had a lot of sensory issueswith food, but he didn't ever
(31:29):
like anything wet.
So soups or condiments oryogurts, and it's okay.
You can have hamburgers withoutketchup on it, you're still
eating.
Fed is best, yeah, and itdoesn't have to be.
Oh well, that's not a tastything.
I don't know how his taste budsare.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're spot on withmeeting them where they're at
(31:53):
and then doing what you can helpthem grow.
He thankfully likes condimentssomewhat now, like he's willing
to try, but it also took many,many years of the.
Do you want to try this?
No, okay, but still offering itand not what's wrong with you.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
Yes, yes, exactly, yeah.
I think that we're in a reallygreat era that we can really
empower these parents to helpsee the child for the person
they are, even if they havestruggles I mean, who doesn't
have struggles?
And really just offer kind of aplate of dignity, right, and
(32:38):
just to show it's okay tostruggle.
Like I took this last year wehomeschooled my daughter's, also
13, and she was experiencing alot of physical bullying threats
at school and she's a reallybeautiful girl.
I think that they're I'm justgonna say it like that sometimes
(33:00):
you can have problems whenpeople look at you and think
that your life is great becauseyou have an, a nice appearance,
like oh my gosh, yes, see, yes,crazy, but it happens to her a
lot.
Like I literally see thishappening and I took her out of
school and I'll tell you whatand I'm sorry teachers and
(33:22):
educators that might get mad atme for this sentence I did not
focus on academics as much as Ifocus on inner knowing, on
emotional well-being, onemotional intelligence.
We talked about how to putboundaries down, how to have
your own expression of when youwant to say no, how to say no,
(33:47):
how to say yes, how to ask forthings.
I literally spent this wholeyear teaching her how to be
herself, helping her learn howto be herself.
I didn't teach her Let me takethat back Helping her learn how
to be herself, because I justfollowed and guided, and guided,
followed and that was the best,best thing I could have ever
(34:09):
done for her.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
My favorite thing I've ever taught my kids, and my
daughter uses this against me,which sucks, because the no is a
full sentence.
And so I'm like, no, I want totake a picture.
And she's like no.
And I'm like, but, but, but,that's a full sentence.
And I'm like, ah, yeah, I lovethat.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
That's so great, that's powerful.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
It is especially for anyone who grew up in the people
pleasingpleasing mentality.
Yeah, no is a sentence all byitself.
You don't have to explain.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
That is so great.
Well, I want to have you backon, because I know that you have
things you have to get to today, and I've just been such a
pleasure to talk to you.
So, please, please, please,tell me you'll come back.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
Thank you so much for having me come back.
Thank you so much for having mebefore we do close up for today
.
But I want to be able to leteveryone go um and visit you on
social medias.
Come to your website, tell me,tell me all the good stuff so
that I can share.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
Oh my gosh, thank you so much.
I try to put out videosmultiple times a week on social
media and Tik and Instagram andYouTube and LinkedIn.
If you look up Dr KristenWilliamson, you'll find this
blonde haired, multicolored blueor red, whatever dye I have in
my hair at that time.
If you look me up on Amazon, drKristen Williamson, I've got
(35:31):
workbooks out there for whatlife is like being neuro spicy
and I've got journals andworkbooks and I have a coloring
book that's not awesomely puttogether was my first one, but
it's all about being an alienand all of the coloring pages
are being alien and autistic.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
Oh, I love that.
That's great and I think a lotof people relate to that.
I always used to say that I wasthe unicorn in the horse
pasture.
That I was, you know, and I wasjust like literally unicorn and
everybody was just like thisgal over here.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
I love that because unicorns are sparkly in my mind
and so that makes it better andI think you're going to love
this.
Speaker 2 (36:13):
One of the best compliments I've ever received
in my life was in the last twoor three weeks.
And somebody said I don't thinkI've ever met somebody with
such an out there brain.
And I went yeah, oh, I lovethat.
Yes, I do too.
And you know and when I was akid or I might have taken that
the wrong way at some point inmy life, but guess what?
(36:35):
It is true Like I can come.
Might have taken that the wrongway at some point in my life,
but guess what?
It is true Like I can come upwith ideas that the world has
not come up with yet and that'spowerful and magical and special
and super powery, just like yousaid.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
Thank you so much for having me.
This was amazing.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
It really was.
Thank you so much.
And everybody, please go followDr Kristen Williamson all the
social medias TikTok, ig,facebook, linkedin and go to
Amazon.
Also check out Dr KristenWilliamson, go see her all her
writings and, yeah, learn abouthow you can support all of the
(37:13):
autistics in your life, whetheryou are a parent, an educator, a
neighbor, a friend, an aunt, a,you know, a great uncle,
whatever you are, please step inand let's help bring this
community together, together.
So love it.
Okay, thank you so much forbeing here today.
Oh, I'm just I'm so excited tokeep this connection going with
(37:36):
you and I just can't wait tostay in touch.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
Thank you so much.
Y'all have a good day.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Too.
Speaker 4 (37:56):
In the heart of the city.
She's shining bright.
Oh yeah, stories of love andcourage.
All throughout the night, hervoice resonating an anthem for
all.
Through the trials and thetrials, she answers the call.
A mother and a fighter,breaking barriers and strife.
(38:28):
Thank you.
In a journey we all belong,followers gather like stars in
the night.
So bright 44,000 voices sharingin the light.
She stands for family,advocates for more Movement of
(38:49):
compassion.
Ways we'll soar.
Podcasts together symphony ofsupport In life changing rapport
.
Podcast together symphony onsupport.
Life changing rapport changingthe world for you.
With a heart that's fierce andstrong, empathy's a melody, a
journey we all belong to.
(39:11):
Her eye, a vision clear.
Together we ride, sheddingfears and every heart she plants
to see, to understand and lovethe dearly need.
She changed the world for you,thank you.
The SJ Child Show is Bradford's 13th season.
Join Sarah Bradford and the SJChild Show team as they explore
the world of autism and sharestories of hope and inspiration.
This season we're excited tobring you more autism summits
featuring experts and advocatesfrom around the world.
(00:20):
Go to sjchildsorg to donate andto get more information.
Congratulations on 2024's20,000 downloads and 300
episodes.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Woo, we are back.
Hello, so excited to have youhere today with me.
Ms Dr Kristen Williamson, howare you?
Speaker 3 (00:45):
today I'm good.
Please just call me Kristen.
Doctor is really useful when Iwant to get a cool hotel room,
but other than that I love it.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
That's so great.
It's so great to have you heretoday.
We've already started out in awonderful energy.
Our conversation is alreadybubbly and exciting.
I'm just thrilled to get intothis with you today.
Before we get started, pleaseintroduce yourself.
Tell us a little bit aboutyourself and what brought you
here to me.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Oh my gosh, Thank you so much.
I love this.
I try to have a rehearsedscript in my brain because my
brain likes scripts, but it'sfunny because I tend to deviate
every time.
My name's Kristen Dr KristenWilliamson.
I am a professional counselorby trade.
I have my doctorate inbehavioral health management.
I did not get diagnosed withautism until I was 39.
(01:39):
Same with ADHD.
I have tiny humans.
I guess they're not so tinyanymore.
I have a 13 and a 15 year old.
My 13 year old girl ADHD, my 15year old boy ADHD and autism.
Are we matching families?
What I tell you, what I tellyou what it is?
And of course, my, my kiddos,got diagnosed well before I did.
(02:02):
Funny enough, my boy not somuch my girl.
She didn't get diagnosed until12 because females tend to get
missed, and so that's a rabbithole.
I'll go down an entirelydifferent time, but because I
got diagnosed, I want to comemake everything cool and
normalized and see that ourbrains are kind of superpowers,
(02:22):
even if the superpowers don'talways make us feel great in the
moment.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Yeah, isn't that the truth?
Oh, I love that, I love that.
Well, you just like clicked ourwhole family box.
We got a hubby and me and myhusband got we're late diagnosed
in our forties.
He was 30.
He was in his thirties still, Iwas I'm a little older, so you
know cougar mom.
But then he, my, but my son wasdiagnosed at 16 months.
(02:48):
Oh, our daughter at eight yearsold.
So, like you said, there's thathuge lap.
But there was also a bigdifference in severity.
And you could tell thisspinning, flapping, humming
child that it, you know, noteven two years old, that
obviously could not communicatewith the world, was very.
(03:11):
But then we had this brillianttwo year old who, with a gestalt
, learning, processing, you know, spoke in these entirely huge
phrases to speak with us.
And you were like, are you aprofessor phases to speak with
us.
And you were like are you aprofessor?
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Oh my gosh, that's exactly.
That's exactly right you are.
You are totally spot on withthe different level of support
needs on a day by day basis.
Like you know, he didn't my myoldest.
He didn't get diagnosed untilhe was eight, but I had a
pediatrician when he wasprobably around 18 months, say
he's autistic, and that justtotally kicked my world into a
(03:47):
tailspin.
But because we were a militaryfamily moving bases, things get
missed.
And for the longest time, untilwe had moved into the Texas area
.
There wasn't a continuity ofcare and so he really didn't get
seen until preschool, when hewas hiding under the desk, when
I was on a name by name basiswith every one of his teachers
(04:10):
and principals and viceprincipals and the okay, and I
always wanted to be that parent.
That's like okay, teachers, I'mnot saying this is on you, I'm
saying this is please tell mewhat's happening.
Because I want to help try towork on this at home to help
make life easier for everybody,Because when we're learning, I
don't want to say simultaneouslythat's not the right one.
(04:31):
When everything's kind of fluidand flowing together, it makes
learning easier.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Yeah, absolutely, and it's really when you're at that
stage, you know.
We have a quote that we say alittle bit of knowledge turns
fear into understanding.
And isn't that the case, like,as soon as you get that little
bit of knowledge, that keyfactor that you can give support
to, everything can change andit can make a world of
difference.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
Oh my gosh, With that little bit of knowledge.
I love that phrase I try tolive my life with is lean in
with curiosity.
I love that.
I love that Curiosity.
Easier said than done.
Easier said than done.
I I'm still as a parent.
I've never had a pair, I'venever been a parent to a 15,
(05:17):
almost 16 year old before.
So we are learning together andthings that I think, oh well,
did that preconceived bias ofthis is what a 15 year old does
is what a boy does.
I've never been a boy.
I can't tell you and I'm likewell, you're just stinky, You're
just this, You're just that.
Actually it turned out to besensory issues.
(05:38):
It tend to be other things, andso it's the giving myself grace
and compassion to make mistakesand knowing that, okay, we're
parents.
What parent doesn't feel likethey're making mistakes on at
least a semi basis?
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Yes, absolutely.
If you don't, then you're nottrying.
I feel like somebody else israising your kids.
But yeah, it's not the truth.
But yeah, it's so true.
And I think that I love whatyou said, because same thing I
have.
Well, I have a 25 year old, soI've raised an adult already.
She's my stepdaughter, so I dohave that little bit of you know
(06:14):
, extra know what's going tohappen, but that's for one
person.
They're also individuals,Everybody's thing happens twice.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Oh my gosh, Isn't that the truth?
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Yeah, Um, and but it also was.
You know, she was very um, shewas she's not diagnosed, um,
which is still a problem.
It's hard in itself, yeah, andreally struggles.
But in with her growing up itwas always that, oh, she's so
far behind like her social groupand things, and it was so hard
(06:50):
to figure that out.
And it was we had bought a bookwhen she was like nine years
old, like how to raise a nineyear old, and we were going
through this book and we werelike all of these things are,
and it also kind of talked aboutlike when they're seven and
when they're eight they'll begoing through this and that and
we're like we're years behindhere.
She's not as a nine-year-oldyet.
(07:11):
It kind of gave us thisbeautiful template of what
normal things to look at whichof course didn't fit anyways,
but whatever.
But you know, it gave us alittle bit of an outline to see
that this is a little bitbackwards.
So yeah, it's crazy.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
You know it's actually really interesting.
You say that I'm having a bookcome out next year and it's
about females with autism and itgoes from puberty through
menopause.
Because I couldn't find booksfor being neurodivergent, for
being female, I had just beensearching for this information
and not finding it all.
So I've got like 200 researchjournals and you're just coming
(07:50):
in there and it just it lookslike what puberty looks, like
what coping skills we had thendoes not show up later on in
life.
I've had to relearn that one andno, this is not working out and
it's just one.
Being a female is hard I atleast I can say that again.
(08:11):
Being female, being female ishard, but then we like with your
stepdaughter not beingdiagnosed, I had a very long
time in life feeling I stillfeel like an alien, an alien
who's wearing the matching skinsuit of a human, exactly, and
it's walking around.
(08:31):
And I did this a lot as a kid,not knowing, and as an adult, I
study, I study people, I studyhuman actions and TV shows.
I remember watching friendsgrowing up and, oh, this
character got a laugh.
She raised her eyebrow likethis, her voice, inflection, did
this and trying to mimic thatto say this is how I make
(08:53):
friends.
We don't always talk about ourlove of cats or dinosaurs.
Exactly, do this or this.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Yeah, and it's.
It is so individual and now youknow this outpouring.
We're in this beautiful era, inthis beautiful time where
autism has never been more knownand more widely spoken about
than now.
And how good that we have thisopportunity to come to the
(09:24):
forefront and say, yes,everyone's listening, like,
let's hear the right things,let's teach you the right things
, let's get on board and buythem together so that we can
create this new perception ofall of autism, not just that one
, you know, that one boy thatwas Rain man, or that one oh,
(09:46):
you are speaking my language.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
You are just so spot on.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Oh, you listeners you have like.
This is my sister from Texas,by the way.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
I'm just feeling this , this online connection, which,
for me, I love because eyecontact is hard and so we're
doing great.
I is hard and so we're doinggreat.
I think so, I think we're doinggreat.
Oh, you were just feeding intomy hyper fixation of autism.
I tell you what I learned thatRain man was really the first
(10:18):
view of what autism was, andthat came out in the eighties
and so that's what a lot ofpeople in in in hollywood was
portraying.
And then we still see it nowand this drives me bananas and
just absolutely frustrated.
Big bang theory sheldon cooperabsolutely autistic, but they
didn't write that in there, theywrote him as my mom tested me.
(10:39):
I'm not crazy, I'm just weird,or he's just a jerk and he
misses social things and it'sreally funny.
There is a tv show called boneswhere the main characters, uh,
temperance brennan.
She's a forensic anthropologistand she has a hard time with
social cues, but she's soincredibly smart but she's flat
affect and you know people pickon her for it, but but she's
(11:02):
still not autistic.
She's just really smart andit's straight.
We're taking out, it's gettingbetter and I'm seeing that and
just as you said, we are comingout with I'm autistic, I'm ADHD,
I'm this, I'm this, and look athow cool my life is.
(11:22):
Yeah, I might struggle in theseareas, but you know what?
I make friends with animals atparties really easily.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
I know every dog that walks by the house.
I don't know their owner's name, nope.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
Nope, I have created stories of these animals that
walk by, the birds that sit bymy window.
I have entire, just outlines ofwhat their life looks like
Exactly, and it's funny becauseI can do that.
I still have a doctorate, Ihave a job.
I do not cook very well at alland I understand that is a
(11:56):
struggle that I will always have.
I don't enjoy cooking.
I like eating, yeah, and eating.
Have you ever had chicken thattastes too much like chicken or
you can't have it the next daybecause the texture is different
.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
It's coming in and learning.
That's where my brain is and Ididn't have any idea that this
was a normal thing, that thiswas an allowable thing.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
It is a normal thing and it is allowable.
You know, my husband came upwith this quote.
He's my, he's my greatest quote, sage, I'll tell you what he
did the other one, the knowledgeone.
And then he wrote this theother day come on, sarah, get it
right.
We do not have to prove to youwho we are.
We are undeniable.
I argue about who we are to you.
(12:46):
We're undeniable.
We, like.
You know, just last week Ishared a story on my facebook
page that there was someresearch that found and I'm not
a scientist, let me just facethis, that I'm not a historian.
However, I'm a brilliant,brilliant person and in my, in
this reading, I saw that it wasbased on that they had found
(13:10):
autistic traits in Neanderthalsand that it just took us back
down to, you know, hunter,gatherer time, the autistic
traits.
Yes, thank you, thank you.
We are undeniable.
We are of evolution.
We are.
This is who we are.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Let's add more to that.
Oh my gosh, we are just kindredspirits, because I talk about
this in the hunter gatherers theADHD brain versus the autism
brain.
The hunters were the ADHD brain, they could go hyper fixate for
days.
They don't have to eat, theydon't have to do these things.
We are getting to that animalto bring in food and sustenance
(13:51):
for our family.
We're the autism brain.
Let's gather, let's justcollect all of these specific
things to eat and hoard andharvest and do, and just the
rhythmic, repetitive things thatmake our brain feel tickled and
good yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
Isn't that fascinating.
I love it and I think that weneed to share this and we need
to keep talking about this andwe need to put it into people's
faces.
Like autism was not somethingthat was just, you know, made up
last week, like this issomething in our evolution, of
our entire lifetimes, ofgenerations of people.
(14:27):
And, yes, it's great thattechnology and these, this
glimpse or this preview, isbeing done and we're able to see
more.
But let's also remember thatevery individual, before we even
had this knowledge, was a humanand all came with the same
(14:48):
human needs, desires, like wewant to be loved, we want to be
um seen, we want to belong tosomewhere to belong.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Yeah, I think.
I think there's actuallythere's.
There's such an amount of powerin even those who don't come in
and get a diagnosis, because,being an American and an adult,
it is very expensive to get adiagnosis.
And so I think one of the verysmall, tiny benefits I can say
(15:18):
about the COVID era is, when theworld shut down, we went online
and we shared our stories.
Yeah, and in sharing thosestories we learned we are not
alone.
We have that connection.
And oh my gosh, you have a hardtime brushing your teeth.
I have a hard time brushing myteeth.
Oh, for you it feels like 17tasks to take a shower that's me
(15:42):
too.
And just kind of learning.
Hey, visual chaos on thecounter is a thing that gives
you anxiety Me too and they'rejust learning about their brains
and they're coming in andthey're able to advocate and
maybe not with necessarily adiagnosis, but to say I have a
really hard time with noise.
I have a lot of anxiety thatcomes in shopping at a grocery
(16:04):
store when the for me, likeCostco and Sands, when the
ceilings are so high up there,that it gives me.
I also have a hard time goinginto Home Depot and Lowe's
because the ceilings are so high, and I never realized that made
me feel stressed out until Istarted paying attention to it.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Yeah, and then you can honor that.
So much.
And how about that?
Like, let's talk aboutself-care and honoring your own
self, especially as an autisticfemale.
Oh man, what a big like.
You have to actually scheduletime for yourself.
I have to make myself do thething.
(16:42):
You have to take time foryourself.
If you know you're in menses,you have got to take.
You cannot push through.
It is not the time to pushthrough.
It's the time to take a stepback, time to reflect, time to
rest, time to you know, and Ilove and all totally, totally
truly believe in the moon andthe moon cycle and the chemicals
(17:04):
that we get from the energiesand all, and I have my chart
that tells me.
You know that's amazing.
Ciclamine is the energy or thechemical that shoots in your
brain when it's a new moon, soit's exciting and active and you
want to create.
And then dopamine you know thatshoots in your brain when it's
a new moon, so it's exciting andactive and you want to create.
And then you know, is in yourbrain on a full moon and you
just want to sleep and be lazyand not do the thing.
(17:27):
So honor those cycles foryourself, learn about those
cycles and honor those and howyou can also get so much
productivity done in those in.
In knowing those things as well, you know you can kind of
schedule all your products oryou know, projects for the for
the new moon era, when you haveall this exciting acyclamine, I
(17:48):
think that's fantastic.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
She told me her husband calls it her morning
zoomies.
Oh, and she, like I neverrealized it, but I do have
morning zoomies.
I am more productive in thesetimes and, just as you're saying
, coming in and honoring thatand saying I don't have to
schedule nine tasks for theevening when I don't have the
(18:11):
energy, let me do these things,take more bandwidth.
My phrase is I I eat the uglyfrog first and I'm going to do
the heavy thing when I have thatenergy to do it, because doing
the fun things later on is areward for me, where some people
want to have that reward firstin order to get that dopamine
(18:31):
activated to do the harderthings, and neither one of those
are wrong.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Yeah, and isn't it nice that we can now kind of
find this balance where maybethe word normal and typical
might be done away with.
Let's just do crazy words right, Because the fact that none of
us ever have been the same havebeen the same.
(19:01):
It's kind of a big idea that wedon't need to have these cookie
cutter normalized ideas thatanything really goes that
direction.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
It's life living in the shoulds.
I should do this.
I should do this.
Let me tell you about the shamethat comes with the shoulds.
Don't should on me, thank youvery much.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
The shoulds?
Yeah, don't should on me.
Thank you very much.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Don't should on me, don't should on yourself.
Exactly no, there is no timeand space for shoulds.
I have switched it out, for Ican do this.
I get to do this.
I would like to do this.
Ooh, I wish I did do this.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Yeah, exactly, and there's still so much more.
You know people think thatthere's this kind of they have
to do these things, or you knowthey only have so much time.
You can recreate yourself, nomatter what your age is what
you're doing.
Oh my gosh, yes, recreate, likeI have lived.
It feels like I've lived ahundred lives and I'm only 49.
(19:59):
I just turned 49.
Bless my heart.
So, halfway through my life,here's my halfway point.
I don't know if I'm going tomake it to a hundred, I'm just
saying that, but halfway, youknow, and I've lived so many
lives, there's so much more tocome.
There is so much more to comebecause the better it gets, the
better it gets.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
I love that you can start over anytime with ADHD.
I heard this on a podcast Icould not tell you which one,
but I loved it so much.
We have a 100% failure ratingfor habits and hobbies and we'll
get into it and it's going tobe great.
And I'm taking my medicine atthis time every day until that
one day I forget and then theentire habit's gone.
(20:39):
Yep, but that doesn't mean wecan't start over.
Yeah, and that's the beautifulthing is, even if we misstep,
even if we go in a differentpathway, okay, we can start over
.
It's being brave enough to suckat something new.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
It's being brave enough to suck at something new.
Yeah, and bravery is somethingthat you know.
I don't know that eachindividual person has it.
I don't know where it comesfrom, if it's learned, if it's
just, you know, innate, if youjust have it within you.
But I think that resilience,obviously that you know being
resilient, got to go throughthings to sometimes get that
(21:16):
resilience.
Being resilient got to gothrough things to sometimes get
that resilience.
But what about when you are aparent and you are having this
struggle with your kiddo at homeand you don't know where to
look for help?
What do you first off?
Where do you send people to?
Speaker 3 (21:34):
you know, Such a good question.
That's such a good question andI wish I had an easy answer to
give you for that Because, justas I said earlier, we are not a
one stop shop in human behavior,in parenting, and every kiddo
is different.
I think in parents oneparenting kids in general, think
(21:59):
in parents one parenting kidsin general.
It's a walk through jurassicpark.
It's not an easy park with afun slide.
It's jurassic park with all thedinosaurs again, dinosaurs, um.
But it's for me, with my kiddo,when he, when I learned he was
on the spectrum, it opened up awhole bunch of different
pathways and then I couldresearch and find support groups
and parents who had been thesame thing with my daughter with
(22:21):
ADHD.
Before even ADHD, she gotdiagnosed with anxiety, with all
of these things, because girlsget diagnosed with a plethora of
things before they ever hitneurodiversity.
All of the depressions, yes, allof the personality anxiety,
panic attack, all of thepersonality anxiety, panic
attack, all of the things.
Okay, but it's.
It's finding support groupswith whatever you look for
(22:43):
raising boys, raising girls,raising twins, triplets, being a
single kid household yeah, andit's finding these support
groups, a lot of them.
You can find it in somethingfacebook groups, reddit groups,
meetup and parenting groups nearyou, and it's you try it out
and you say, hey, this reallyfits for me, or that was not
(23:05):
anything that I would like to doagain, but now you know, now
you know, and it's not.
There's going to be a one bookthat gives you all the answers.
There's not going to be a onepodcast or TV show.
And with all the research I didfor my book, I learned there is
(23:26):
an inherent holistic mindset inthe parenting blogs and books
and things that no spicy parentsmiss out on, getting that
mentality of oh well, this isjust an inherent thing that you
know.
No, I don't have the gutinstinct of, oh, I know why my
(23:47):
kid's crying.
I'm going through my rolodex,which is going to age me, um, my
rolodex of all the behaviorsI've read in books and learned
and to see what was going on andlike crossing off my list.
Nothing came easy.
It wasn't a well, you know youshould.
You should just love this againwith the shoulds.
I didn't.
I did not love being pregnant.
(24:09):
It was awful, it was hard andhot I loved it.
See, you can have differentperspectives and still like,
yeah, and it does not makeeither of us less of a parent.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
No, a hundred percent .
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely,yeah, isn't that so fascinating?
And, oh man, my first, I'lltell you, 42 weeks pregnant,
tell you 42 weeks pregnant, 65hours of labor, yeah, finally
had a c-section.
On that, holy mackerel, I knowkind of used to joke and tease
(24:42):
that I worked, um, I was amassage therapist and I worked
at a gym and I, um, so I wasalways around all the trainers
and they were always, you know,training people and so, very
quickly in his life he lovedmath and numbers and I always
used to joke that it was becauseall the people 12345678.
Like that's all he has allthese people working out all the
(25:07):
time and everything.
So it's pretty funny, but, yeah, it's.
It's so fascinating the, youknow, fascinating the world of
autism and, like I said earlier,in 2012 or 2011, when our son
was diagnosed, there was nothing, there were no blogs, there
were hardly any books.
(25:29):
Love Temple Grandin Thank Godshe put out any information
about it.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
Love.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Temple Grandin, all we had, you know.
I also love that now we canhave a little bit broader
perspective than just that aswell, because it encapsulates so
much more than just one personcan help you understand.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
You are so spot on actually with Temple Grandin
because I love her so vehementlymuch, I will do a comparison.
Like Temple Grandin and you puther next to me.
I look very different.
I come across and maskdifferent and even when I'm
recovering people they're tryingnot to mask.
(26:15):
It's very hard, but justputting her next to me.
We're both autistic.
We both have support needs.
Her needs look different thanmine, my needs look different
than my sons, than my daughters,than yours.
But that's still nope.
I've got a spicy brain and Icall it narrow spicy because I
(26:36):
fully believe we have the spiceof life, whether it's an intense
spice or not.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
I love that.
I think so too, and you know,and it's great because I love a
lot of people and I've heardthis a lot.
In fact, my last podcast I justput out yesterday.
The book the woman wrote iscalled the Alien Savant.
So if you haven't read that,here's one for you, yes, yeah,
and she talks all about herbrother's experience and how he
(27:04):
was just like this alien in theworld.
And not only did he feel likethat, but was also during that
time period which was like 60s,70, 70s and 80s, he was very
isolated as well from him, youknow, and alienated him and just
as fascinating, um, really kindof a view of of what it was
(27:26):
like, and I think it's importantthat we look at that, because
there are just things that weneed to.
We cannot have moving forwardlike, like, we cannot.
Instead of the shoulds, like thecannot haves, they have to be
there, they, you know, we, weneed to be able to really access
(27:47):
people's um, human dignitylevels and I think it's really
hard and, and you know, maybefor me coming, my husband had a
sister with down syndrome andwhen I met him and came into his
family, he already had thisspecial heart and this beautiful
care for someone who was soloving and, you know, just was
(28:14):
just a ball of love, like that'sall you can describe them.
Um, and so it was.
It's like this, this ease of ofgetting into learning how to be
with other people, but I thinkthat it gave this edge to him
and and he gave to me thisability to just see how delicate
(28:37):
and how fragile every humanbeing is.
Oh, my goodness, you know, frommy two-year-old neighbor to my
85-year-old neighbor who yellsat the dog, like everybody, they
all have these delicate humanitdignified like.
(28:58):
They all have these delicatehuman dignified like they need
support.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
So, yeah, there's people in general, we all have
value and worth and for me, it'sthe leaning in with curiosity
and okay, did this person make amean gesture at me while
driving, you know?
Are they struggling withsomething?
Am I driving in both lanes?
Did I not pay attention?
It's kind of a checking withmyself versus leaning into.
(29:25):
Oh wow, that was a really uglymove on their part.
It's that we're responding tosome things.
Some people have morecompassion than others.
Yeah, and it's okay.
I I'm going to work as as hardas I can to be as compassionate
(29:45):
and understanding, but evenstill understanding that I'm
human and fallible.
Yeah, and not leaning into theshames of the shoulds.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
Oh, that is so true and no shame.
I think that our society isreally, I feel like in the last
20, 30 years has moved a lotfurther away from shame and
judgment than ever before inallowing, you know, just people
to express themselves in the waythat is feels good to them and
(30:18):
is pleasing and desirable.
And I think it's so nice thatwe're letting our children do
that more and kind of seeingthat expression of who they want
to be.
And I, you know, and I want toimpress upon parents like, don't
try to change the child.
You have tried to know andaccept the child for who they
(30:41):
are.
And that's the kind of playingfield of love that they need.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
They need that support on the level that
they're at, not where you wishthey would be you know and I
wholeheartedly agree with you,and let me tell you how hard
that is sometimes too For me,having a raising a kid on the
spectrum and not knowing he wason the spectrum for a long time.
(31:08):
There was a whole lot of whatam I doing wrong?
Doing wrong what?
And just feeling as a failingas a parent and I'm not doing
what my kid needs.
But it's the whole once youknow better do better.
Yeah, and okay he has.
He had a lot of sensory issueswith food, but he didn't ever
(31:29):
like anything wet.
So soups or condiments oryogurts, and it's okay.
You can have hamburgers withoutketchup on it, you're still
eating.
Fed is best, yeah, and itdoesn't have to be.
Oh well, that's not a tastything.
I don't know how his taste budsare.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're spot on withmeeting them where they're at
(31:53):
and then doing what you can helpthem grow.
He thankfully likes condimentssomewhat now, like he's willing
to try, but it also took many,many years of the.
Do you want to try this?
No, okay, but still offering itand not what's wrong with you.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
Yes, yes, exactly, yeah.
I think that we're in a reallygreat era that we can really
empower these parents to helpsee the child for the person
they are, even if they havestruggles I mean, who doesn't
have struggles?
And really just offer kind of aplate of dignity, right, and
(32:38):
just to show it's okay tostruggle.
Like I took this last year wehomeschooled my daughter's, also
13, and she was experiencing alot of physical bullying threats
at school and she's a reallybeautiful girl.
I think that they're I'm justgonna say it like that sometimes
(33:00):
you can have problems whenpeople look at you and think
that your life is great becauseyou have an, a nice appearance,
like oh my gosh, yes, see, yes,crazy, but it happens to her a
lot.
Like I literally see thishappening and I took her out of
school and I'll tell you whatand I'm sorry teachers and
(33:22):
educators that might get mad atme for this sentence I did not
focus on academics as much as Ifocus on inner knowing, on
emotional well-being, onemotional intelligence.
We talked about how to putboundaries down, how to have
your own expression of when youwant to say no, how to say no,
(33:47):
how to say yes, how to ask forthings.
I literally spent this wholeyear teaching her how to be
herself, helping her learn howto be herself.
I didn't teach her Let me takethat back Helping her learn how
to be herself, because I justfollowed and guided, and guided,
followed and that was the best,best thing I could have ever
(34:09):
done for her.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
My favorite thing I've ever taught my kids, and my
daughter uses this against me,which sucks, because the no is a
full sentence.
And so I'm like, no, I want totake a picture.
And she's like no.
And I'm like, but, but, but,that's a full sentence.
And I'm like, ah, yeah, I lovethat.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
That's so great, that's powerful.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
It is especially for anyone who grew up in the people
pleasingpleasing mentality.
Yeah, no is a sentence all byitself.
You don't have to explain.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
That is so great.
Well, I want to have you backon, because I know that you have
things you have to get to today, and I've just been such a
pleasure to talk to you.
So, please, please, please,tell me you'll come back.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
Thank you so much for having me come back.
Thank you so much for having mebefore we do close up for today
.
But I want to be able to leteveryone go um and visit you on
social medias.
Come to your website, tell me,tell me all the good stuff so
that I can share.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
Oh my gosh, thank you so much.
I try to put out videosmultiple times a week on social
media and Tik and Instagram andYouTube and LinkedIn.
If you look up Dr KristenWilliamson, you'll find this
blonde haired, multicolored blueor red, whatever dye I have in
my hair at that time.
If you look me up on Amazon, drKristen Williamson, I've got
(35:31):
workbooks out there for whatlife is like being neuro spicy
and I've got journals andworkbooks and I have a coloring
book that's not awesomely puttogether was my first one, but
it's all about being an alienand all of the coloring pages
are being alien and autistic.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
Oh, I love that.
That's great and I think a lotof people relate to that.
I always used to say that I wasthe unicorn in the horse
pasture.
That I was, you know, and I wasjust like literally unicorn and
everybody was just like thisgal over here.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
I love that because unicorns are sparkly in my mind
and so that makes it better andI think you're going to love
this.
Speaker 2 (36:13):
One of the best compliments I've ever received
in my life was in the last twoor three weeks.
And somebody said I don't thinkI've ever met somebody with
such an out there brain.
And I went yeah, oh, I lovethat.
Yes, I do too.
And you know and when I was akid or I might have taken that
the wrong way at some point inmy life, but guess what?
(36:35):
It is true Like I can come.
Might have taken that the wrongway at some point in my life,
but guess what?
It is true Like I can come upwith ideas that the world has
not come up with yet and that'spowerful and magical and special
and super powery, just like yousaid.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
Thank you so much for having me.
This was amazing.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
It really was.
Thank you so much.
And everybody, please go followDr Kristen Williamson all the
social medias TikTok, ig,facebook, linkedin and go to
Amazon.
Also check out Dr KristenWilliamson, go see her all her
writings and, yeah, learn abouthow you can support all of the
(37:13):
autistics in your life, whetheryou are a parent, an educator, a
neighbor, a friend, an aunt, a,you know, a great uncle,
whatever you are, please step inand let's help bring this
community together, together.
So love it.
Okay, thank you so much forbeing here today.
Oh, I'm just I'm so excited tokeep this connection going with
(37:36):
you and I just can't wait tostay in touch.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
Thank you so much.
Y'all have a good day.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Too.
Speaker 4 (37:56):
In the heart of the city.
She's shining bright.
Oh yeah, stories of love andcourage.
All throughout the night, hervoice resonating an anthem for
all.
Through the trials and thetrials, she answers the call.
A mother and a fighter,breaking barriers and strife.
(38:28):
Thank you.
In a journey we all belong,followers gather like stars in
the night.
So bright 44,000 voices sharingin the light.
She stands for family,advocates for more Movement of
(38:49):
compassion.
Ways we'll soar.
Podcasts together symphony ofsupport In life changing rapport
.
Podcast together symphony onsupport.
Life changing rapport changingthe world for you.
With a heart that's fierce andstrong, empathy's a melody, a
journey we all belong to.
(39:11):
Her eye, a vision clear.
Together we ride, sheddingfears and every heart she plants
to see, to understand and lovethe dearly need.
She changed the world for you,thank you.
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