Kathy O'Connell opens up about her journey navigating dating while living with cerebral palsy, revealing how vulnerability and self-acceptance transformed her personal life and launched her mission to help others. As founder of Radiant Abilities, she's developed a framework that guides people with disabilities through the often challenging world of dating and relationships.
Her story is both touching and inspiring – after years of painful dating experiences, Kathy learned that openly acknowledging her disability while confidently highlighting her strengths as a partner was the breakthrough she needed. This approach led to meeting her husband of 16 years, who initially struggled with his own discomfort but was drawn to her authentic confidence.
Through her virtual program "Dating Made Easier," Kathy coaches individuals to identify where they are in their dating journey and provides targeted support through workshops and community connections. Unlike traditional matchmaking services, she empowers participants to become their own best matchmakers, developing the self-awareness and confidence to attract compatible partners.
The conversation explores how self-acceptance is the foundation for successful relationships, not just for people with disabilities but for everyone seeking meaningful connection. As Kathy beautifully explains, "When you are living to be your happiest self, people are drawn to the light." This radiance becomes the natural magnet that attracts the right people into your life.
Looking to transform your dating experience through greater self-acceptance and confidence? Visit radiantabilities.com to download free resources on building self-esteem and discover how Kathy's coaching program can help you navigate relationships with authenticity and purpose.
Episode Transcript
The SJ Child Show is Backford's 13th season.
Join Sarah Bradford and the SJChild Show team as they explore
the world of autism and sharestories of hope and inspiration.
This season we're excited tobring you more autism summits
featuring experts and advocatesfrom around the world.
(00:20):
Go to sjchildsorg to donate andto get more information.
Congratulations on 2024's20,000 downloads and 300
episodes.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Hello, we are back.
Welcome to the SJ Child Show.
Today we have a wonderful guest, ms Kathy O'Connell, with
Radiant Abilities.
I'm so happy to have you heretoday, kathy.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Oh, thank you.
I'm delighted to be here, Sarah.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
It's such a pleasure to have you here and I'm excited
to learn more about you andlearn about Radiant Abilities.
Introduce yourself.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Tell us a little bit about yourself today, helping
people of all differentdisabilities to date, and to
make meaningful connections.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
So special and so important.
Everyone is looking to make aconnection and you know, even in
my old parenting episodes fromseason four or something it
feels like years ago, one thingI always say is that kids are
(01:54):
looking for connections, notattention, they're looking for
connection.
And it's so important that wesee that in people, that people
that we surround ourselves with,we're out in public with people
want to make connections.
Just sometimes we just don'tknow how, or we don't know how
to support those who you knoware unsure of that.
(02:18):
And for people in the datingscene.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
It can feel really scary.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
Inside you make those connections.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Isn't that the truth?
What made you decide to start?
Tell us about Radiant Abilitiesand what that means and kind of
how that started for you.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Well, Radiant Abilities was the name of what
used to be just my privatemental health practice.
However, I also providedtraining and making engagements.
(03:08):
I wrote a book.
So as I began doing more in mybusiness, we had to come up with
a good name.
And because I myself was bornwith cerebral palsy and have
(03:44):
that lived experience of tryingto get people to see my
abilities versus my disability,I, with a couple of friends,
came up with the name RadiantAbilities, to focus on shining.
That did sound too corny, Iknow it does, but shining your
abilities and what you can doand what your strengths are.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
I love that and you are, you know, living experience
of that you're going through onyour own.
Tell us about that.
Tell the listeners about yourlived experience and I think
it's so special and we can gainso much empathy, knowledge and
(04:34):
compassion for our communities,you know, by having wonderful
radiant ability speakers likeyourself come in and share.
So, yeah, tell us about that.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
So I'll share my biggest story, which is my own
dating journey and why I do whatI do.
Yes, and I hear over and overfrom people who came to me I
(05:26):
would love to have a partner andthey were all to be, but I have
a disability, so I can't seethat for me.
So I can't see that for me, andat the same time, I was single
(05:50):
and trying to figure out datingfor myself, and I have always
been a kind of person that I amdriven by my dreams and driven
by the life I see for myself,and that has always been able to
(06:20):
get me the life I wanted,whether it's learning to drive a
car, going away to college,getting a job, whatever.
However, I had a heck of a timefiguring out things, because I
(06:41):
have an obvious disability andback then we didn't really talk
about people with disabilitiesdating or having a brother.
So I got working on it.
(07:01):
I would go to my office everyweek and work with my counselor
and, through many trials anderrors, I finally got to the
point in my day career that forme, I knew at the first date I
(07:25):
had to bring up the issue or Iwould never hear from them again
.
So, on this particular firstdate, I finally worked up the
courage to say so how are youdoing with me having a
(07:47):
disability and big tears welledup my insides rolled down his
face and he whispered I'm souncomfortable and I thought, oh,
you know what I'm done.
(08:10):
This is not me.
It won't happen to me this isway too painful for her.
But because I did all the workon myself, I knew that there
was't a good option today.
So I took a breath and I saidwell, I have this disability
(08:40):
that I will have for life andhere are some things that make
me a good partner for someone.
And that's the way I reallytook it and I would like to get
to know you.
But if you can't handle that,that's okay.
(09:05):
And we parted that night, it'sokay.
And we parted that night and Idid not know if I would come in
again.
But the next night he emailed meand said I really don't know if
(09:30):
I can take someone with adisability, but you're so
confident in who you are, I needto get to know you.
So we began to date and for thefirst, like three months, at
the end of every date I wouldput on my counselor hat and say
(09:51):
so, how are you doing now withme and the disability?
And he would go, oh, I'm notsure.
And then the next breath, sayso, what are you doing next
weekend?
Brett says so, what are youdoing next weekend?
(10:13):
And he says this year we willhave a merry 16 years.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Oh my goodness, congratulations.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
Yeah, thank you.
And one of the most obvious itchanged my personal life, but it
also changed my career, becauseI then had the answer for how
(10:46):
to date with a disability.
And it really is about cominginto your own acceptance of
claiming who you are, disabilityand all, and doing the hard
(11:08):
thing of facing rejection anddoing it anyway.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
I love that.
And you know we have a greatsaying rejection is protection.
So that was never for you andyou are better because of it and
I think it really it feelsbetter, it really does, it feels
better.
I think it really it feelsbetter, it really does, it feels
(11:39):
better.
You think, yeah, that's, that'strue.
Yeah, I love that, that'swonderful.
Oh, my gosh, that's a wonderfulstory.
And you know the informationthat we get from these types of
trials and errors, to be able toput it for, you know, other
individuals, to help themthrough that work is so
important because nobody knowswhere to start unless they do so
(12:03):
I think it's great to have somelearning, some like first steps
to take.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
Right, exactly, and I am a great dating and
relationship nurse and I havecome up with a framework of
stages that one progressesthrough with day beginning, with
(12:34):
seven to the confidence workingup, to putting oneself out
there, working up to max degreesin relationships.
We often think of staying asthe result or the outcome you're
(13:01):
going to get, rather than thejourney.
Yeah, journey, yeah, and it canbe quite a journey of
self-discovery of your strengths, your skills and becoming more
(13:24):
of the person you were meant tobecome.
And that's what I tend to helppeople with the person you were
meant to become.
And that's what identity helpspeople with.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
I love that and I love what you said before about
you know your ownself-acceptance, because how
hard is that?
That is so hard for every humanI don't know, maybe not every
human.
I look at my daughter and I seethis like person who knows
(13:58):
herself so well and I'm like, soadmire her for that.
Maybe that's because that's whoI wanted her to be able to be.
You know, she doesn't have toquestion her value or question
her worth.
She just is the perfect personshe was here to be, and so I
like to remind her of that and Ihope that others hearing that
can get that idea to maybe givetheir kiddos, because I have
(14:21):
teenagers and they're going todate someday and I'm going to
need to have these things inplace for them to be able to
coach them correctly throughthese ideas.
And I love the self-acceptancepart.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
It's so powerful because when we have that, how
others react to it ultimatelydoesn't really matter, because
we are secure in who we are.
That alone can be so helpful indoing it.
(15:00):
If I knew that in my 20s, my20s would have been a lot easier
than they were.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Isn't that the truth?
Right Hindsight, oh boy.
We can change the world withhindsight.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
So in my program that I run, dating Made Easier,
which is all virtual.
On Dating Made Easier, which isall virtual I love it when I
have people doing who are intheir 20s and just getting into
(15:43):
dating so that we can reallywork on their acceptance and how
they define themselves.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Absolutely.
And do you do like datingwhat's the word?
You know where they go, theycome in and do the fast, fast
little dating things like that.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
I do no matchmaking.
Okay, and that's the principleof mine.
My belief is that I don't wantto be your matchmaker.
I want you to be your own bestmatchmaker, because no one knows
(16:28):
you like you do.
Yep.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
I love that and that's really powerful for
people to learn how to do that,because they're probably going
to find that these tools aregoing to help them in the dating
, but they're probably going touse them for more than just that
in their life moving forward.
Like you said, you found thatyou were taking these things and
(16:54):
dating and learning from them,but then you realize my career
is also going to take you knowsome of these skills and I can
use them for that as well.
I love that.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
Right, right, right.
So to answer your question, inmy program we do more coaching,
we do workshops every month anddating together.
We do networking so otherpeople can get to know other
(17:29):
people and support each other.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
And it's virtual so anyone can join.
Love that, yeah, oh, I lovethat.
I'm going to put the website upfor anybody who's watching and
those who are listening, so thatyou know where to go to check
this out is radiantabilitiescomR-A-D-I-A-N-T-A-B-I-L-I-T-E-Scom
(18:02):
radiantabilitiescom, so thatyou can go and check out Kathy's
work that she's doing.
And if you are dating or knowsomeone who is going to be
dating and would like some ofthese coaching tips or learn how
to even start dating, I thinkthis is a wonderful place to
(18:23):
start.
I highly recommend please goingto check it out.
What is what's coming up foryou?
Anything new that you might begoing to work on or just
coaching?
You know clients coming in.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Well, right now we get to the program.
It's been relatively new.
We only got around for twoyears.
Okay, they're very focused Ongrowing the program To really
Simplify the process when peoplethe program.
To really solidify the processwhen people get into the program
(19:04):
so that they can identify wherethey're at in their day and
journey and give them a roadmapabout okay, you're here, this is
what might be helpful to you.
Give them a roadmap about okay,you're here, this is what might
be helpful to you.
(19:25):
So that's what we're focusingon right now.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
I love that.
And who doesn't need a roadmap?
You know, whether you'retypical or atypical, there is
always an ease that you can getfrom having kind of an outline
to follow or, like you said,this roadmap or this framework
(19:48):
of ideas.
And the greatest thing is thatthis has already excuse me, this
has already come from trial anderror.
She's giving you the error part, people, so that you can just
get on with the good dating part.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
Yeah, I always know and be well.
It took me 20 years, but itdoesn't need to take you 20
years to figure it out.
And I will often say, eventhough I specialize in working
with people with disabilities,the program is someone to anyone
(20:32):
who feels that they need thatsupport and encouragement.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
I love that.
It's important too, and I thinkthat it's so special that you
are offering this for thedisability community and it's
lovely and it's part of ourlives.
It's a part of our lives thatisn't maybe touched on or spoken
(21:01):
about as openly as it could beand to get support, people think
they have to just go in and dothis alone, like about so many
things.
But you don't have to go in anddo it alone, like about so many
things.
But you don't have to go in anddo it alone.
You can reach out to peoplelike Kathy at Radiant Abilities,
where you can learn to numberone, have more self-acceptance
(21:27):
and really lead from the rightfoot.
It sounds like.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
Yes, and actually it's surprising, but today there
are so many dating apps, somany choices.
However, people are feelingmore alone than ever in dating
(21:53):
because it can be overwhelmingthe choices.
Because it can be overwhelmingthe choices and because some
people have so many choices.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
They easily wipe away possibility, and that's too bad
, isn't it?
You know, I was really lucky tomeet my husband in person, you
know, not through any type ofvirtual anything.
I met him at his kitchen tableand we had coffee together for
eight months before we starteddating, so it was a great
(22:37):
experience.
Now we're going on 21 years ina couple of weeks.
Yeah, it's been fantastic.
My best friend, I just can'twait to see him every single day
.
Um, and I really did.
Our, our relationship reallygrew out of honesty, out of
truth, out of acceptance for oneanother and really, to be
(23:01):
honest, he accepted so much moreof me than I had accepted of
myself, and he's taught me howto be more accepting of myself
in this two decades that we'vebeen together, and I thank him.
It's such a blessing.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
Right, and Sarah, when you say all that hasn't
being married, having yourperson, improve your quality of
life so much.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
One thousand million, trillion percent, absolutely,
like, absolutely.
I grew up as an only child ofdivorced parents with the idea
that loneliness was my life'sgift.
Right, and I was.
(23:55):
It was sad and lonely and itwas isolating and I was also
autistic and didn't know it andyou know I had a physical
difference that kept me apartfrom people.
That made that was hard, um,and so, yeah, finding that
relationship that finally likeclicked, was it changed
(24:20):
everything?
Speaker 3 (24:21):
my I was able to come into who I really am supposed
to, professionals in thedisability community, and what I
(24:42):
teach to them is looking at theimportance of supporting people
today and have a relationship,because that will probably be
the most influential factor inimproving their quality of life,
(25:06):
which, essentially, is whatorganizations want to be about.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Absolutely Right.
That's what we want and we allwant to find these steps to help
us, and that's why things likethings that Kathy with Radiant
Abilities are doing, these typesof things, are going to help
our society, help ourcommunities, help our special
disability communities that needall that should get all of this
(25:38):
wonderful support and really,like you said, help identify
those stalling problems orlittle things that you're going
to be able to help yourself getthrough, and then you're going
to feel great about yourselfbecause you're working and
improving on yourself.
And the great thing about thatis that when you're working on
(26:01):
yourself and improving yourself,others can see the shine, they
see the radiance, they see thebrightness.
You summed it up perfectly thelight shines so much brighter
when you are living to be yourhappiest self brighter when you
are living to be your happiestself, and people are drawn to
(26:23):
the light.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
so you attract your people.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Yes, exactly, oh, this is so wonderful.
I just love that we've beenable to get together today like
this and so grateful fortechnology and, you know, like
you said otherwise, like howcould we have ever met, you know
, in upstate New York and SaltLake City?
So this is just such such anhonor to be able to have guests
(26:52):
like you come and share for theultimate goal of improving the
lives of all of the peoplearound us.
I think that it's a beautifulcause and I just I wish you all
the best in you know, in thecompany and in your own life and
everything.
It's just it's so nice to getto know you.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
Oh, thank you, Sarah.
I can't tell you before we getto the point.
I think you have a great show.
I love the diversity in all theguests that you bring on Thank
you.
You're showing how diverse thedisabled community is.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
Yeah, yeah, and it's so lovely, it's just so lovely.
Everywhere you look there issomething more beautiful to look
at, someone with value to addand friends to be had.
Right, exactly, yeah, I lovethat.
Well, if you are looking tomake better connections in your
(28:12):
dating life Right, exactly yeahout for you that you can put a
little bit more pizzazz andflair into and just really learn
how to shine your abilities sobrightly.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
Thank you so much for your time today you're welcome,
sarah, and I'm gonna offer alittle gift to you.
Yes, thank you and get adownload of our app information
to help build confidence andself-esteem.
(28:46):
So we'll give you that so thatyou can buy it and show it.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
I love that.
Thank you so much and please dotake advantage of that.
Listeners that.
Thank you so much and please dotake advantage of that.
Listeners.
Please, you know, go and checkout this website and download
the information so that you canbe a super dater and have some
success and find that rightconnection.
Thank you for having me on it'sbeen a pleasure and I'm happy
(29:18):
to have you.
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